MONTESSORI AT HOME: When Your Toddler Says No
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- Опубліковано 18 чер 2024
- MONTESSORI AT HOME: When Your Toddler Says No
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#montessori #montessoriathome #montessoritoddler
Very timely 😅 thanks! As an Italian my biggest struggle is when my 2yo says no to eating... it's been a couple of months of saying no to fish, for example... so frustrating
I, too, have kiddos with very “defined” tastes these days, haha! So I can definitely relate! It can be tricky territory, but our response to eating is handled much differently than here. With food, it’s all about providing exposure to a variety of healthy options and allowing your child to decide what they will eat and how much. It takes time and patience, but in the end, your child is the only one who can decide what they will consume. As a parent, our focus should be on guiding our children to listen their own bodies to encourage a healthy attitude and relationship with food. Hang in there! ❤️
@@HapaFamily thanks!
We're Belarusian and Korean here, and eating is an important aspect of our cultures too. My 13 month old has been suddenly protesting some foods here and there and one day I invited her to get a "sneak preview" of the dinner and just offered her a few pieces to try from my hand while I cooked right before she sat down for dinner. Suddenly everything she was protesting was delicious 🤔🙃 Might be just a fluke, but has worked for the past month now. Wasn't a choice, but something about being a bit more involved in the cooking process, even by tasting, seemed to do it for her!
@Maria and Montessori Definitely!
@@MariaandMontessori hahahahaha that's exactly what i did to get her into vegitable stir fry. Somehow after she helped me cook it from picking the veg from the fridge to washing and watching me cut and having a nibble on raw veg and then smelling and even stirring the veg in cooking when it wad on her table she was still 'yeeting' some but mmmmm she had some nice green and red peppers like they were noodles.
I read the other day something that resonated a lot with me: if your kid is saying 'no' a lot, you need to check how often you, as a parent, are saying no to them. Parents often reply with a flat out no and then are taken aback by kids who reply the same way; at the end of the day we also model this behaviour.
Right on!
So true.. I never realized that. Thanks for sharing this. Excellent video, as usual 😍 thank you, Ashley!!
I am a psychologist and this is one of the best videos on parenting that I've seen lately on UA-cam!
Me too I learned soo much from her and started a mom's course for others from the knowckledge and inspiration that I gained here :)
This was magic. I literally used the exact words for my 3 year old resisting bath time. He said no initially when I said he had a few minutes left to play. Then I gave him the choice of brushing his teeth or taking a bath first. He paused for a moment, said he would brush his teeth and actually ran down the hall to do it. 😳
I did this with my daughter since she was a toddler. My daughter is 9 next month and I can honestly say that responding to my daughter this way has made life as a parent enjoyable and easier and my daughter has been raised feeling loved, respected and secure. We've had hardly any tantrums or any misbehaving/seeking attention etc. My sweet daughter treats everyone with the same level of respect and empathy.
I now have a second child who has just turned 18 months and I communicate and respond to her exactly the same way as I did with my eldest. My eldest treats her little sister with respect and empathy and it is the nicest thing to witness.
Once, when my eldest was 2 years old, we had to go visit my aunty in hospital. My daughter did not want to go. My parents were waiting in the car for us.
I remained calm and respectful and told my daughter that I understand she wants to stay at home and play but we have to get in the car to go visit my aunty. She resisted so much that I had to carry her into the car seat and hold her down and buckle her in. The whole time I stayed calm and spoke to her lovingly and with empathy. She calmed and we held hands the whole journey.
My dad said 'I take my hat off to you with how calm you were'
Me and my daughter have such a strong, close bond with love and respect. I just know in my heart that we will stay like this til the end and that I will support her in everything she does with love, empathy and respect.
Since she joined preschool at 3 years of age, her teachers in every school year so far have told me what a kind and positive girl she is and what an amazing mum I am.
I feel like crying when I hear those words because that's all I've ever wanted was to do a good job in raising children without screwing up their minds.
It's all thanks to all these videos and books that have educated me with the best techniques on raiding children.
Off course I'm human and have lost my temper a few times when I've had emotional issues going on, but I've always apologised straight away and made sure my daughter was never to be blamed for my outbursts.
Thank you for all your wisdom and knowledge that you share with us so that we can raise happy children ❤
No can be a very important word as well. I was playing a tickle game with the neighbours little girl and whenever she said (laughing) No or stop or anything like that, I stopped the tickling untill she asked to do it again. I think it is a very important lesson in concent and respect.
3 additional thoughts:
Adults tend to ignore the "no" of a toddler but if we want the toddler to respect and follow our "no" we should model it by taking the toddlers "no" serious.
A sentence that helps me against this feeling of disrespectfulness is "children dont do anything against their parents. They do it just for themselves"
A way of seeing a "no" of a toddler is to find out what they are saying no to. Often they don't say "no I won't brush my teeth" often they just mean "not Here", "Not now", "not with you mum, but with daddy", "not Like this", ... Changing little things often helps toddlers to cooperate.
As a Grandma trying to understand the Montessori way, I find your videos so helpful and I really just want to say thank you!!
Nana here and provide daycare for my 27 mo twin grands. Third one born last week so really getting busy. The NO’s are so tricky ! Good luck
You’re an amazing Grandma for just being open and trying to understand!
I wish my family understood the Montessori way of raising a child. They think I am just ‘too easy’ but that’s not the case. It can be frustrating when someone who has an opinion of something they know nothing about && also choose not to educate themselves on the topic. It would be interesting to see a video on the topic of explaining the Montessori way to family/friends without having to over explain. Thank you for making this video!!🌟
This was very helpful at the moment with my 16 month old who is becoming more&more independent everyday.🤍👍🏼
I sometimes get this from my partner "mummy is a push over" (not said meanly). I reply calmly "mummy is doing her best to make sure J is supported in his development and able to have autonomy appropriate to his age". I don't get much push back when I put it like that haha
@@rubymh1808 I can relate to this a lot, why is it a bad thing to make sure our kids eat the foods that aren’t going to give them inflammation, diabetes, cancer, arthritis, etc.
Especially difficult when my boys’s dad is one of those people. 🙄
@@aylarose6344 And yes! I’m told “kids just hate vegetables“ like it’s dumb for me to even try. And yeah with that attitude!
Two big winners in our household : A timer, to add visual keys to the time they have left on their ongoing task, and a choice given to them that fits the narrative. Example : "Alright, time to go take a bath! Which toys will you bring with you tonight, the car or the blocks?" With this they can choose so they feel empowered by their decision but the ultimate goal we as parents are trying to reach is met more easily!
Love this! 🙌
Mine just still screams "NOOO". Biggest issue I have with "no"s is diaper change. He doesn't want to get changed, because he has very sensitive skin and instantely gets redness. The longer I wait, the worse the rash gets. And then what? I really don't want to strip my screaming child against his will but I also don't want bleeding infected diaper rashs. And they happen fast, like. Pooping while in the car -> all red.
@@Lainlein we have the same kind of kid (had to get rid of cloth diapers because of his sensitivity) and now everytime we need to change the diaper some times we get a hard no. Times like these I ask him "well then what, what do you want to do?" And offer to change it according to his plan (example : "oh you want to go outside? I don't mind changing you in the lobby while you get your shoes, let's go")
Ashley, could you offer any insights on how to handle “bossy behavior” from toddlers?
This!!
I’m a nanny and this video helped me so much. Instilled a lot of the things mentioned today and heard a lot less “no”s and had a lot less tantrums. I have SUCH a huge issue asking questions instead of making statements. The southern in me is constantly asking things like “can we clean up” without remembering toddlers don’t know what a rhetorical question is lol
I give you so much credit as a mother! In my opinion, your channel is the best Montessori help iv found.. I love how you mention it's not magic.. It can be hard with everyone else's opinions, which is complete opposite of this approach. Tour a GREAT mommy!
Being pregnant with my first I seriously cannot say thank you enough for all of your videos and advice! I was definitely not raised at all in a Montessori way, so I thank you so much for helping me learn SO MUCH!!
Oh, I so needed this. I'm constantly having to remind myself of this. Some of the best advice I've gotten is teaching them less harsh ways to say "no," like, "Not right now, Mommy." Or "No, thank you" or "I don't want to." The choices advice did help me too. No magic bullet, but quite helpful.
When I give my daughter the choice to decline, she often surprises me by then making the right choice. I think it's her way of exercising her own independent decision-making xx
I’ve been trying this and Dr. Harvey Karp’s “toddler-eese” strategie to validate emotions and communicate when toddlers are upset and it works! Does it always prevent meltdowns? No (lol). But it helps them end sooner and with everyone feeling heard and loved. Thank you so much for your channel! We just got into a Montessori preschool and are so excited!
I've noticed it to. If you do acknowledge their frustration in a calm and understanding way, more often than not, they become easier to deal with in the moment. There is even this look of being pleasantly surprised on their face when they see that reaction from you versus the more common reaction of parental reactive frustration and bossing them around.
Such a necessary video! This is how I want to raise my kids. When they say "no", which is one of my kids FAVORITE words, then the way I was raised kicks in. I'm trying to stop that.
They gave the right to say no at times.
I appreciate the part of em daily no is not an option.
Well done
You sound like a really awesome and self-aware person and parent. Rock on!
My 20 month old has been having a lot of big emotions lately so this is very timely for us! So hard to do it in the moment and sometimes he still protests but I do feel like giving him choices and making him feel independent is helping him (& us) 🙏🏼
I feel like this method of parenting not only helps my kid, but also helps me manage my own emotions more appropriately in every aspect of my life and communicate with adults better as well. It's completely reframed the way I look at social conflicts.
Wow! This couldn’t have come at a better time. Thank you for the insight!
This couldn’t have come at a better time 🤪 a helpful reminder to get through this phase. Thank you!!
thank you always for the informative videos! super relatable and always pact full of details and examples! I am going through the phase where my 2 year old says No all the time. Always learning a lot from your videos.
Thank you sooo much!!! Your videos are amazing!!! So much gratitude to you🙌
I really appreciate the time you take to plan out these videos! They are super informative, well thought out, and very helpful. I’m definitely signing up for the ecourse! Thank you Ashley, I love your content 💖
Ashley I love your videos simply because I enjoy watching your vlogs and learning the Montessori approach. I was waiting to have kids so I can put it to practice !!! But I just got a job at a preschool and I’m so super excited to implement what you have taught me!!! I’m going to start reading some of the books you recommend! Also this video is great haha I’m a bit anxious since I’ve had no experience but I’m confident I can be a great teacher! Thanks to you! You’re so motivating and inspiring (: just wanted to say thank you!!! ❤️
OMG! This is what I needed just now, my 3yo just started saying NO in everything we ask her, even if it's in her favor like "default No"... It's funny at times and frustrating sometimes. I really wanted to know how to deal with this situation as Positive Parenting is what we follow at home. Thank You! :)
Ashley this video was amazing!!! Thank you so much
Hi Ashley, just realised I’ve been watching your videos for quite a long while and I never left you a comment to say how much I appreciate your videos and how helpful they are (also your course). Your so professional and make everything so simple to understand, explaining everything thoroughly and with great examples. Our daughter’s entire upbringing is derived from your work. So thank you so much 🙏🏻❤️ Also- this video was a great one 👌🏻
I can’t tell you how well timed this video is in its release! Our soon to be 2 year old has been on a NO extravaganza as of late, and trying to help her be independent but also complete different goals is well covered in this video! Thanks so much for this content!
Thank you for the video. I needed the reminder to be kind, gentle and more patient with my kids. It’s the adult mindset that needs to be adjusted :)
Not related to subject, but I just wanted to say thank you for your channel! The way you structure all this information is amazing and so helpful and inspiring. Wishing all the best!
I never remember this great advice in the heat of the moment. 😔
Thanks for this video - i really needed it!
This is a great video for a summary reminder of how to handle it and that it’s all normal! My 3 year old is struggling with big emotions right now and I’m going to watch this video each morning before he wakes up to remind me to calmly power through! Perfect timing!
This is amazing. Great examples and easy to follow!
This could not have come out at a more perfect time! My toddler has just started saying "no" and it's been very challenging. This is by far the best approach I've heard of! Thank you for the examples! I'm a NICU/PICU nurse and am used to giving "choices/options" to the really sick kids, but not so great at giving options at home. I really appreciate this video ❤
Great reminders. I think trying to empathize while following through is a really helpful tip. I have a son with ADHD and we have frequent resistance to directions. I almost always give warnings that transitions are coming up and often options on what step to do next, which socks to put on, etc. but it just often doesn’t cut it. Trying to stay calm while being resisted is the tough piece. Thanks for this Ashley!
I’m loving your videos! I taught preschool for 8 years and some of this i already knew but I know have a granddaughter who is almost a year old and wanted to do more research and how to have positive play and interactions with her. All my years of teaching did not include infants and so much has changed over the years since my child was born. I’m fining your channel very helpful! Keep up the great work!!
Thank you! This was very helpful to hear!
I can't express how helpful your videos have been for us! They give me so much more confidence and help me be a better mom and guide to our girl. Thank you for sharing your incredible wealth of knowledge!!!
You add value to my life. I appreciate you. God will bless you, God has blessed you
Acknowledgement (and not praise) in the childhood create latitude and caring for others in adulthood. I work as a family counsellor here in Denmark🇩🇰and love to see and hear your great advice for families. Keep up the good work👏❤️
Perfectly explain, Gracias!
Thanks for this helpful and free information!
Dear Ashley, thank you for being on UA-cam ❤
I love all of your uploads! I’ve been binge watching all of your videos lol! So informative(: thanks for sharing💖
Thank you so much for this video, iv been asking myself this exact question lately how to handle when my little days no or doesn’t listen to something I say. Thanks for this video!
Thanks so much for sharing this. It's really goig to be a big help.
I love your stories for tips teaching middle school too. Offering them choice, autonomy over their own learning, and calmly affirming their feelings and still having the expectation that they get it done is life changing. I use so many of your tips in the classroom. I’ve gotten to the point where it’s a new school year and I have no worries about classroom management anymore.
Wow thank you so much Ashley for making such an insightful video!! This was genuinely so helpful. I’ve been struggling with my two year old lately not wanting to listen to us.
This was wonderful. Thank you so much
My girl is only 9 months old and I already "hear" her "nos" and they are LOUD. Bracing myself for when she can actually say it! 😆
great video and very useful, thanks!
I'm loving watching your videos as I'm getting us ready for the upcoming school year. Do you have (or could you do) a video about how different ages interact in a montessori environment? I have children about the same age apart as yours and I'd love to see how you teach them to interact and help each other.
This was really helpful, thank you!
Excellent! Thanks!
We haven’t gotten to the NO phase since my son is 15 months and doesn’t talk much yet, but I would LOVE a video on how to set limits with a toddler!!! My daughter I feel like it was so much easier, with my son no amount of redirecting will stop him if he’s determined 🤣 my patience lately haven’t been the best but I strive to give myself a time out so I can calmly respond. I’m in your positive discipline course and read all the positive discipline books but would really appreciate a limits video. I think I struggle with the “kind but firm” I’m either too kind or too firm I can’t seem to find a good middle ground
THANK YOU!🤍
Very timely indeed! What I found difficult sometimes is when there is only one goal I am trying to reach (e.g. get him to sleep), I can't always think on my feet and come up with two options that are both pleasant. Practice makes perfect I guess. It won't be the last 'no' we got lol. In the 'how to talk so little kids would listen' book, it suggests that instead of saying 'but', say 'I understand you want to do xxx, the problem is...', and encourage problem-solving. It doesn't always work though lol. Sometimes if I ask him for a solution, he just looks at me and then ignores me lol. (I know ignoring is also part of their developmental phase)
So informative and right to z point😊👍🏻 thank u❤️😊
This video came at the perfect time! My 16 month old started saying “no” to everything 😩
It’s not a threat like you said it’s a real natural consequence ❤
Great content, as always 🌈 just a little addition: when you use „but“ to start your second phrase that technically negates what you said in the first. You could instead say „I hear you….., and/at the same time we really have to ….“ Love your channel very much 🧡
I never say a "no" to my kids unless i say why and give them a "yes" option
It gave me peace and they almost never say no unless being silly or in a mood
Thanks for this video, it was really helpful!! Really liked how this video came out just when my 2yo nephew started saying his no's! Very coincidental if I do say so myself
Right on time ! My 23 months old says i son't want and no all the time !Thank you so much
Omg this literally couldn’t have come at a better time my 2 yr old just hit the “no” phase like a week n a half ago
Thank you
Thank you for this. My almost 18 month old is already shaking his head purposefully when being presented with something he doesn’t want/like. 🤦🏻♀️
It’s fascinating to see what they really latch onto. I said, “No is the wrong answer!!” ONE time when I was clearly not in a good frame of mind and now they both say it to me 🤦🏻♀️ I’m not sure how to handle it! Maybe have a talk about how I made a mistake when I said that?
I also find that being playful and/or chatty often fosters cooperation. As when I invite my child to take her daily shower so that she can make that crazy dance she loves. Or when I engage in whatever topic she is deeply interested in during dinner - nowadays rainforest animals and what life was like when she was in my belly. Which makes me wonder: what does Maria Montessori say about the space of ludicity and sociability in education? Oh, and many thanks for the wonderful content!
I need this, its been the battle of wills over here as she is getting closer to 3 lol. We are working on it.
Really good video!
I love this!! I was wondering if you had any positive discipline advice on toddlers saying mine?
My DD spent a week with my sisters kids and they taught her all about "mine"
Which has started to cause problems with her interactions with others.
KIDS learn the tricks as they grow .... my 4yrs old has already figured out ALL THESE as I learnt them through preganancy to avoid any negative management to these situations when they happen . Sijce 2yrs of age , she already knew all the tricks .... and she can get around any approach or options and even when am teying to avoid the situation she still gets to realise where things are going and end up to the NO situation
"Helping her" ...gets to SCREAMS that reach out to the end of the city . Explaining about how we wont be able to cuddle and read a story if we are late ... stopped working either .
My daughter has most her belonging at her disposition and at an easy reach and I invlove her in planning the activities for the day
Now here's a topic! And it's gonna happen. (What about when your teenager says it and they are even bigger? LOL.) They need to be allowed to feel their own individuality, yet we need to know they do not suffer from oppositional personality disorder, obstructive behaviors. It is important for them to learn to make choices and learn the consequences and for us not to give them so many options in any one situation that they refuse to do any of them. Yes, and consequences of their behaviors are not the result of threats, but rather the choices they made or the obstacles they presented to progress. This was really good.
Excellent timing and great content! Our almost 2 year old definitely has No diarrhea even with the entire house being a yes space and full-fledged autonomy. Current dilemma is “no sleep, not gunna sleep,” as she barges out of her room dozens of times for naps and bedtime. She can open her door and I don’t think locking it is respectful. So we just put her back in each time explaining she can only open the door when she wakes up, when there’s an emergency, or when she has to use the toilet. This approach takes anywhere from 15mins to an hour each day! I’m not sure if we’re handling this appropriately but totally open to suggestions from anyone.
Thank you for these concise guidelines, Ashley. I remember some of this from your awesome e-courses and they totally work! ❤️
Kylie went through a very similar phase, and we responded the same way. Kindly redirect back to her room and bed, consistency being the focus. She eventually learned and stayed in bed, but it took a few weeks (maybe even months?) of testing first. ;) Have patience, sounds like you’re on the right track! ☺️
@@HapaFamily can I jump on this question and ask a question about children who can’t reach the door. Is it still disrespectful to shut the door? My boys (2&3) are starting to struggle to go to sleep since my youngest moved to a bed and are using their covers to climb up to the door and get out. It’s fast becoming a battle. I worry my youngest wouldn’t be safe if he can get out of the room x
@@emilydowan919 I believe in some of the earlier Hapa Family videos they put a gate in their doorway (though I could be wrong). This would allow them the chance to call for you while also being safely kept in their room.
@@HapaFamily thank you! Lol with our luck it’ll be months!
My biggest "no" struggle right now is with potty training. And it's not something negotiable so every encounter so far has been "gently helping them" and it's a battle every time x_x.
I was about to ask u for a video on this exact same topic! This is literally God sent. And I feel so bad for losing my cool with my daughter. First, stay calm 🧘♀️🧘♀️🧘♀️ Love ur wise words. Continue to do what u r doing! 😍
First wow! Love your videos would love to see an update of your girls’ room! 🤩
Idk, man. After the second "no" I've hit my wall. Get up, get in the tub, dude. Now. I'm a VERY empathetic person...to a fault almost. I have a 3 year old boy and I'm a single mother. I have to have a little strength behind my voice. Boys are different. Lol. I've got a bull on my hands. I don't get nasty. I just won't placate and I won't tolerate a 20 minute "conversation" about what needs to be done. I guess this goes back to the "all kids are different" and I definitely implement these tactics. Just to a point. I'm telling you...this kid would run all over me if I wasn't a little firm. I'd bet the majority of single mothers, particularly of boys, will agree. Even if they won't admit it. Lol. It's OK. I do sound harsher than I am. Haha.
I think being firm is totally fair, kids need to know you’ve got their back and that you’re strong for them and for yourself
Yeah, I agree with a lot of the advice in the video, but this scenario is idealized a bit. My son doesn’t even have the vocabulary to have to conversation she described. I try to be calm and not respond in anger, but Mom has to make it clear that bath time [or whatever the current battle] isn’t optional. I will say, “I know it’s hard” while I’m taking him to bath, but I’m not sure if he evens hears it. The Hapas’ daughters seem to be very advanced in language and social reasoning, so what works for them might need to be adapted to those of us parenting boys who are more likely to pick up a block and run away than argue about it with words.
Agree
Boys have a different level of understanding and maturation ...
@@anpulicious ain't that the truth........mean, too. Hahaha!
Thank you so much for this video! loved and benefited from all your videos. My older one is almost 4, she's a great kid in general. But she seems less obedient on certain issues (ie bedtime) as she gets older. Do I still consider this age a toddler stage and using the same strategy?
Hello ! I really appreciate your videos. They are full of good advices, and very pleasant to watch. I was wondering if you already talked about how to handle lying in preschoolers. I am not talking about big lies but more like fantasy or imagination. Our daughter is sometimes inventing things and she makes stories, and we do not always know how to respond. Maybe that could be a good topic if not yet explored. Wishing you and your lovely family all the best.
Can you make a video with the differences between Montessori and RIE please 🥺. Thank you :)
My son is almost 3 years. This winter he decided he just dont want to wear a sweater or a coat. I can offer options or ask him which one he wants to put and he just don't want to put them at all. He will prefer to be cold. If I say it is time for bath, he will say no bath today or I don't want it (I also tried adding new toys and it works just the 1st time). It is very hard to help him accomplish this task because I feel I am forcing him and at the end is his body...
i think ‘no’ becomes a big part of their vocabulary because we say it so often to them. when they’re learning it’s all ‘yes yes yes’ but then they do things we don’t want, and it’s almost always ‘no no no’. they have a limited repertoire so it’s probably a matter of finding out if they really mean it, do they even understand what no means in the various contexts or is it just a battle of wills to see how much they can push you?
I agree with everything but i think there could be two sides to the way you might handle the bath scenario. I think there are times where if you see the child has worked to return themselves back to a positive state of mind and follow through on the non-preferred task of taking a bath to continue with your example vs playing with toys- i think it can be okay to teach a child that flexibility is possible, that there are times where more specifically time is flexible. There are other times where there really isn't the flexibility if you have to be somewhere at a particular time. This might be things scenarios such as getting ready for school-because this will be a life skill they need to learn, that there are schedules and rules in life we will follow as children and adults. They must learn you can't show up late to certain events like work (where there are potentially negative consequences), or appointments, church or anything of great importance in your home/family. I think your point about prevention is key. You can remind them of the good that can come from doing their non-preferred activity (taking a bath) and compromise to make bath time more fun and less of a chore which may involve sitting with them or playing with suds and bubbles with them. Compromise (gives children have the ability to make choices too and as parents we can respect them as human beings and accept and express that we are not always right and don't always make the right decisions either) and promotion of independence specifically to make not just choices- but good choices is key to encourage the growth of the child's best-self. A good and well rounded person. Teaching them that they have the power to make a good choice. That at any moment they can turn things around , make good choices, or get back up after falling down. Thats what we all need all the time throughout the day, forgiveness. Forgiveness and a second, third, 7th, 100th chance to try again and make the right choice in our own personal downfalls. We have to lead by example if we want our children to not allow their emotion to rule them but to teach them to control those emotions so that we can remain in a state of calmness and clarity for choosing the right choice. Or in the parent's case not just giving our children unthoughtful emotion driven reactions but thoughtful and respectful responses as you said. Remaining peaceful as best as humanly possible because parents are still humans who make mistakes. As parents we are their first teachers. It is a great and powerful gift. Through our choices, repentance, and drive for peace in our inner hearts is how they will learn. Its thinking about the child's or your own long term goals and less about the short term when you respond in challenging times. I think you and maybe some of your viewers would thoroughly enjoy reading a book called "Parenting toward the Kingdom" written by a Father named Philip Mamalakis. Wishing all strength in the journey of parenting.
Hi Ashley. Thank you for this video. I’m currently trying to get cooperation from my 2-year-old daughter to put dishes on the kitchen counter when she’s done with her meal. She went along and did it by herself a couple of times a few months back but she now runs away after meal and says no / gets frustrated when I ask her to put the dishes on the counter. Today, she threw the glass jug on the floor when I asked her to bring it to the kitchen. I’m keen to hear your thought… where do you draw the line between following the child (ie. let her not carry the dishes) and setting expectation on her participation in practical life activities? And what would you say if you’re in my situation? Thank you in advance!
Thank you Ashley, my little guy is in “no” mode at the moment 🤣
I would love a video on how to avoid saying no to your toddler all the time! I’m not at the stage yet but at playgroups and things with older babies I hear “no” being said all the time!x
I don't have a child yet but I would try it like this
If asked a question:
-look into your childs eyes
- think about the question: is there really is anything preventing the wish of the child, maybe you could help the child, stand nearby or something like that
- if you have to say no explain it
I believe most of the no's are automatic because the parents to want to think about the situation more.
However if you child is about to do something were it might get hurt these automatic no's are kind of a quick way to prevent it.
Sometimes you might be able to say: wait!...I will come and help you
(For example if your little child is going up the stairs (and it is not good at that) or climbing something)
You might even say something like: next time you want to climb something come and tell me so I can be there
In the case your child takes somebodys toys I would slowly go to it and say: oh I don't think these are yours. And look how the other kid is responding to their toys missing. So saying something like: have you asked if you can take it. Or I think the other kid was still playing with it. We should give it back.
Of course this could result in your child crying. I would reasure it with words of understanding the situation your child is in.
I just love everything about your videos! They had help me so much since I was raised differently. But how to explain it to my husband, who thinks I'm too soft with the kid by explaining all of that. He doesn't want listen to me and thinks I'm always trying to teach him, can you make a video about it))))
Another excellent video from an excellent teacher! What do you do when your toddler won't listen to you? My 2.5 yr old just flat out ignores us. I can tell she's hearing us and understanding because she'll look you right in the eyes, smile, and keep doing what she's doing. I'm not sure if we're doing something wrong or what. She's got lots of opportunities for independence and loves helping us with stuff but when she decides she's going to do something, that's what she's going to do unless we physically come over and stop her. I find myself running out of patience which of course triggers the mom guilt... Our strategy thus far has been to point out a consequence and then follow through. Like if she's jumping in her tower I tell her if she jumps one more time I'm taking her down from her tower. She smiles at me and jumps. I take her down. Que melt down. Rinse and repeat. Idk what else to do. She's very head strong.
I have twin 3 yr old boys and my best solution so far is to distract them from whatever they're doing (that I've told them not to). Most of the time it prevents a meltdown as well. I.E. say one is demanding to do an activity we don't have time for right then, I ask them if they would like to do something else (with options) that they enjoy that we do have time for, explaining my reasoning for everything is super important to them too. They want to know everything, communication is super important!
I had found the "if you" strategy fails with them at this stage in development. They see it almost as a challenge and want to test if you really mean it. Redirecting and just stopping the behavior before a second time tended to work better. So for the tower, it might look something like "jumping from the tower can hurt your legs. Would you like to come down on your own or need my help?" And then offer a different activity like we can jump on the trampoline or play hopscotch, which would you like? Mind you, I think the offering of coming down may cause some kids to still jump-I'm predicting that to be the case for my daughter. So if I notice that as a pattern, I will switch it to "I'm going to help you down so you don't hurt yourself and then we can jump outside. Do you want the trampoline or hopscotch?" Something like that.
Sounds like your toddler is testing her boundaries. Sometimes meltdowns are just part of that process, and as frustrating as it is, it's ok! Meltdowns don't need to be avoided like the plague. Keep consistently reinforcing boundaries and natural consequences, keep empathizing with her emotions when she melts down. She will eventually learn and grow out of it. Hang in there!
In addition to everyone else's great advice I just wanted to point out that as frustrating as it is now, being that head strong will serve her so well when she's older😊
Great video. Very informative. Thank you for sharing!
I bought a low bed but am battling when the right time to build is. He just turned 12 months. How can you determine when the right time is to switch him out of his crib?
We just transitioned my 18 month old to a low bed and she is doing really great, however, she actually sleeps on the floor the majority of the night lol. Key factors for us in making the decision to swap: there were no other significant developmental events happening at the time (no teeth coming in, no schedule changes, etc) and she displayed to us she was ready. I’m not sure how to elaborate on that second point other than as a parent you know your child and only you can determine what’s best for them. I will also say she has always been a good sleeper so I wasn’t concerned with her sleep being disrupted, although she does decide to stay up and read books to herself and tends to wake up earlier as well. Probably bc she has access to a few books and toys and wants to play.
I always get so much from your videos. Thank you
I could probably use this approach on some adults too.
My 3 yo reverse mastered the "give him/her 2 options that you're OK with."
3 yo: mom, do I want water or chocolate milk?
Me: .... would you like water or chocolate milk?
3 yo: chocolate milk!
😂😂😂
This was so helpful and much needed!
Is it too late to start using the Montessori method with my 2 1/2year old? Not sure where to start
My twins are 2 and are in this phase DEEP! What do you do when say bath was late and natural consequence no time for books. Then when book time comes and no books, how do you deal with that meltdown and get them into bed for bedtime ? This is what I struggle with and end up giving and not following through with these natural consequences.
That’s amazing advice not to give them an option if no isn’t acceptable. Never would have thought of that