Try writing all 4 types and aee what sounds the best is an amazing idea, and something ill try for my next manuscript. As for the one I'm querying: "Smart and feisty Roxie has much to look forward to; romance, college, parties...then she stumbles onto the prophesy of The Uprising."
*** When Allan, an accomplished editor, is inspired by a 'supposed' dream for his own novel, he dabbles in unknown magics and accidently unleashes a long-trapped, horror upon the world. Now, he must become like the many book characters he used to edit and, ironically, walk the heroes journey to clean up his mess before it's too late. *** It's soooo wordy!!! Way harder to write than it was to write the book itself (probably cause I'm new at this. But atleast it's fun).
An accomplished editor unwittingly fools with dark magics and unleashes an ancient terror upon the world. Now he must emulate the characters he once edited to overcome the catastrophe before all hell breaks loose
My hook: Stranded on an alien world, a dying physics teacher must teach his six-year-old students to survive and escape using only their creativity and the power of learning.
I've got a few: 1. There's a looming threat and she's there to learn magic, not start romantic relationships, but love is love and The Dark One's plans will just have to wait. 2. Fate, or maybe The Dark One himself keeps trying to tear them apart. It's time for them to journey home and join their friends to make a stand. 3. They're fated to bring about positive changes to the world, but someone has other plans. Together they must break the curse that holds them back and become who they're meant to be. 4. t's time for her to select a partner and save the world. If only she could remember who she is and reclaim her magic.
An aspiring author writes a fanfic that predicts a lot of her badluck. When she meets her literary romantic ideal in person, she's smitten, but he hates her.
What do you guys think of the following hook...is it perhaps too cryptic? "The fallen frame was told by its savior that five others would one day find themselves in its position. Knowing that, it decided to save what it could... forming a broken but ultimately happy picture." I'm also debating whether to add a little setting/theme segment with- "-that hung from the sky of a cyclical world." -at the end.
Is there such a thing as a form hook? If the form of the story is the most unique aspect? Or do we always stick to the actual content of the story? That would make sense, but just wondering if books with odd formal approaches have been pitched that way before.
This has been very helpful. I was thinking way too hard about it and tried to be as short as possible. Haven't thought of one yet for my current WIP, but thanks to this video, I should be able to come up with one. Edit: Okay, put some thought into it and come up with something like this: Sylvia is a witch who must steal ten pictures throughout Hong Kong in hope to find her missing parents, while deceiving a witch hunter she is in love with.
Which one of these hooks is better for my book?: "A young human and elf fall in love while left over tensions from the previous war threatens to tear them apart again." -or- "Tensions between the humans and elves has society wishing for war, forgetting that it was their united strength that saved them from the Mirror." Both premises apply and feed off of one another, but I'm struggling to put it all into one simple hook. The first is obviously more personal of the main characters, -this brewing war affects their relationship, but the later addresses the stakes of the world, -that they will not be strong enough to fight the Mirror if they are at war with one another.
Maybe start with the second paragraph and add something like "These tensions threaten the budding love of a young human and elf whose example holds the key to saving the future."
Thanks Alyssa - Hook for book 1 of a 3 book Romantasy - 'Whilst fleeing the cataclysmic advance of the Swarm, a young blacksmith is lumbered with a waning witch and her young daughter. Will he ever make it to the relative safety of the Darklands?'
Okay here’s my first attempt at my hook. Eager to make a name for herself, ambitious investigative reporter Emily Carter delves into a world of corruption, power; and luxury, finding herself uncovering not just shadowy financial empires, but the hands that guide them, belonging to people with unnatural abilities and lifespans.
Thank you for this, Alyssa! So helpful. Here's mine below. Would love to hear feedback from others here! Evander, a determined squire living under the weight of a traitorous father, must save the last thing he would want: an enemy who is bridled with ancient secrets of her own. Together, they are forced to abandon all that they know and unite on a journey to fulfill an illusive prophecy that could save the realms from the crippling hands of the Unmade.
Great video, Alyssa, as usual. It sounds like I should be shooting the hook/pitch around as much as I can, but am I worrying too much if a large part of me thinks someone will steal it, write up the idea themselves, and go around pitching it? Is "hook-theft" a thing or am I being too paranoid?
For me, a hook is a tad more elaborate premise. The premise I write for myself so I know what to stick to in my writing. But the hook is where I go into a bit more detail and where I try to convey the right vibe, character development or goal of my story ☺
When Victoria turns 21 she is given her deceased father's Bible containing a note that not only changes her life but forever changes who she thought she was.
I have an epic fantasy hook, but I wonder if it’s too long (58 words, 2 sentences): “A prince cursed from birth to bring about the fall of his kingdom watches helplessly as his father is murdered. Torn between a desire for vengeance and a fear of his destiny, the prince leads his people to war only to learn that his closest counselor plotted the king’s murder and is pushing the prince toward his doom.” Thoughts on length and/or content anyone?
Sounds more like the beginning of a synopsis. Keep in mind that agents want a one sentence pitch. Maybe something like this: Torn between vengeance and destiny, the young prince goes to war to find his fathers' murderer, only to discover he had been mislead.
"a decorated ex soldier with a stalling civilian career finds himself thrust into a supernatural coldwar when he accidentally interrupts the kidnapping of a vampire's familiar."
I'm curious where is Aijina leading her troop to (and troop of what?) for me if you started with Aijina must lead her troop (of?) to (where and possibly why) battling bandits and hunger during a crushing winter.
How important is this since so many “TikTok” and Wattpad books are picked up after self-publishing? If you remove the smut, not all of them are even a good read. There is no plot or character development. So, are we here for the smut or a good, well-developed story?
« A policeman, a man who can cry, shout out, be happy, sad, anxious, meet a woman, a psychopath woman, a private detective, an atrocious human being. Oh God, what Mickaël did to deserve it ? » Here's mine :D
Determined to leave her abusive ex behind a young woman starts over with the help of her best friend but just when she thinks she has found happiness mysterious phone calls, and packages start appearing.
A young man navigates the consequences of his uncontrollable superpowers, and his journey of self-discovery holds choices that will turn the tide of a war between hidden powers.
Here's the hook for my current WIP, Child of Spider Island: "Two detectives find far more than they bargained for, when their investigation of a series of bizarre murders across town leads them to join forces with an Army Colonel & her elite strike team, in order to hunt down & capture a deadly human-spider hybrid that escaped the military."
The hook for my latest query was this: _'How would you catch a serial killer who can possess you, control your dreams, and make you delusional?'_ It's not misleading, but is it too vague?
A traumatised veteran with nothing left, but a difficult promise to a fallen comrade, returns to germany after world war one in the hope of living a normal life, but he can't get the images of war out of his head.
Goblin Princess: A homeless orphan girl must stop a goblin uprising to save the kingdom, and the goblins. Dark Lady: Hired to deal with the dark sorceress who holds a mountain valley under her sway, a traveling swordsman must choose his sides carefully when he learns that the sorceress is his long lost older sister.
It can take months or you might get no reply at all. I recommend a spreadsheet with agents, time queried, and if a response or not. Give it 3 months then look at other queries.
A young woman meets a compelling man and their secret identities and their forbidden relationship may spell the end of archangelic empires and humanity itself.
How about this hook: A young heir, a steadfast Emperor, a loyal brother, a warm mother, a banished journalist, a trio of diplomats from the last democracies, and the many plotters and lovers of the United European Aristocracy in the final year of its regime.
In a future centuries from now: there is a young heir, a steadfast ruler, a loving mother, a banished journalist, a trio of diplomats from the world’s only remaining democracies, and a vast cast of lovers, enemies, and plotters in the United European Aristocracy-all as cracks in the regime’s power begin to form.
Found you on Bluesky! Also, how is this for a book hook? "An unassuming twenty-something is thrust by an experiment disaster into a war-torn universe that knows nothing of humanity."
Your channel is very informative and a great watch. One note I have, though, is it’d be nice if there were more book examples featuring diverse, marginalized authors and writers of color 😊👍🏽
How's this: "Two angels, one outcast and one fallen, find themselves the protectors of a woman who could prove to be a terrible weapon in the war between the forces of light and darkness. But it will be hard to convince her to choose a side when neither of them is sure that they're on the right one."
Uncle Jack was a member of the 'Lost Generation,' but felt he was insulated from the directionless and disillusions other members of his era fell prey to because he was busy expanding his family's business.
Most books have many layers, at least touching each of the four hook types. How do you then decide which story threat to expand upon in your book hook toward an agent? For example, the stormlight archive series from Brandon Sanderson. That has a strong wordbuilding hook: magic returns to a world rich in different cultures and a secret history. It also has a plot hook, character hook and a theme hook. Leaving behind the worldbuilding and magic, it is the characters getting to grips with their personal problems that is a main driver of the story. In that case, which hook to bring forward? Or does the hook differ for agents, publishers and the general audience? For my own novels I also have this. My first novel, heart in winter, has mainly a character hook: Amidst a crushing winter, looming hunger and nearby bandits Aijna has to deal with the pressure and insecurities as she leads her troop. A rough hook yes, but also because I try to capture everything. The bandits, the hunger, the winter. Yes, it is connected but how to decide what should be the focus of the hook? For my second novel, persistent in death, it is easier. A down on his luck mercenary gets trapped in what was once the city of the gods, unable to die he must traverse the city to end the curse trapping him. Yet this way I leave out the character development of the main character dealing with the situation going from a toxic masculinity approach, kill everything, to a positive masculinity approach, aid his friends. Which I would say is also important. So how to choose the elements of your story to add to your book hook when sending it to agents? And yes, the concept of persistent in death is dark souls inspired and the character growth inspired by berserk. Named the main character Grit in honor of that.
@@anncorrigan9370 No problem I have found it. And it’s a fair point, and the hook clearly needs some work as the leading is more about leading on hunts and they do their best to evade the bandits instead of fighting them, as they only expect losses on their end. However, all of those more plot drivers while the character growth of Aijna is the main part, and her connection to other characters. So going back to my original question, if a story hits multiple of the hook types which to focus on? What it is really about, or what sounds exciting? Do you have any insight?
Here is what I have so far (The manuscript is in its first revision): “An awkward young woman seeking acceptance meets an intriguing Olympian while unexpectedly dancing above the clouds.”
My attempt, not at all good as I have no idea how to summarise it in a sentence: A dark satire in which a global nuclear apocalypse leaves New Zealand as the last surviving country on earth but New Zealand society quickly crumbles as a result of stupidity, selfishness and a series of farcical events.
I open my story with the protagonist, a 16 years old sorcerer "fighting" demons while her heart impaled by a spear, as her realm destroyed. I wrote myself into a corner because I made her too strong, forcing me to make the story exclusively slice of life character driven, since not even gods can pose a threat to her.
@@capitalisa the whole story is about the hero changing, but I need to give her challenges for her to grow as a character and it's really tricky because she's too overpowered.
In a war-torn realm shaped by ancient mysteries, a father struggles to balance his relentless pursuit of conquest with the fragile responsibility of raising a son destined to defy him.
Novel 1 hook: in AD106 a Roman scouting party find themselves under attack by a foe deadlier and more ancient than the Dacian barbarians they’re fighting: vampires. Novel 2 hook: a support group for sufferers of extreme Deja vu find they’re victims of the same illicit experiment, which has trapped them in overlapping time loops.
Yes I'd want to read both You could shorten 1 if needed saying ' attack deadlier than expected. . . vampires) it's slightly snappier - try saying it out loud
A young couple moves to a new town because the wife is being haunted by apparitions only to find the spirits have followed them and are conspiring to take her child. (Okay, not the best hook, but I'm still working on it.)
A recently divorced father, living apart from his two young children, is struggling to rebuild from rock bottom. Alyssa, is this ok, or too vague? Happy to receive feedback from others here too, thanks.
@@JustClaude13 Well, I suppose the answer to that is, read the book and find out. My hook is based on advice I read elsewhere that suggested 25 words maximum. Alyssa suggests two sentences is ok but maybe that's too much?
@@squashfan9526 It has to be specific enough to make a reader want to find out. It takes time (and multiple revisions) to write a punchy and intriguing pitch line. I could see something like; "Estranged from his family, a recently divorced father is (doing X) to reconnect with himself and his children."
I print out my manuscripts so they can sit on a physical shelf and not get read. It's a fun office aesthetic.
Still the best writing advice content on YT!
Try writing all 4 types and aee what sounds the best is an amazing idea, and something ill try for my next manuscript.
As for the one I'm querying:
"Smart and feisty Roxie has much to look forward to; romance, college, parties...then she stumbles onto the prophesy of The Uprising."
***
When Allan, an accomplished editor, is inspired by a 'supposed' dream for his own novel, he dabbles in unknown magics and accidently unleashes a long-trapped, horror upon the world. Now, he must become like the many book characters he used to edit and, ironically, walk the heroes journey to clean up his mess before it's too late.
***
It's soooo wordy!!! Way harder to write than it was to write the book itself (probably cause I'm new at this. But atleast it's fun).
Strike "is inspired by a supposed dream for his own novel, he" and the "he" before "dabbles".
That's a start. Leave the details for the plot blurb.
An accomplished editor unwittingly fools with dark magics and unleashes an ancient terror upon the world. Now he must emulate the characters he once edited to overcome the catastrophe before all hell breaks loose
This video was very insightful! Your approach to your content is amazingly structured thank you!
Thank you Alyssa, this is something I am struggling with in my queries.
My hook:
Stranded on an alien world, a dying physics teacher must teach his six-year-old students to survive and escape using only their creativity and the power of learning.
I've got a few:
1. There's a looming threat and she's there to learn magic, not start romantic relationships, but love is love and The Dark One's plans will just have to wait.
2. Fate, or maybe The Dark One himself keeps trying to tear them apart. It's time for them to journey home and join their friends to make a stand.
3. They're fated to bring about positive changes to the world, but someone has other plans. Together they must break the curse that holds them back and become who they're meant to be.
4. t's time for her to select a partner and save the world. If only she could remember who she is and reclaim her magic.
@@montemf7844 I like number 1. It's got spunk and wit.
I think the first is the strongest.
An aspiring author writes a fanfic that predicts a lot of her badluck. When she meets her literary romantic ideal in person, she's smitten, but he hates her.
Exciting!
What do you guys think of the following hook...is it perhaps too cryptic?
"The fallen frame was told by its savior that five others would one day find themselves in its position. Knowing that, it decided to save what it could... forming a broken but ultimately happy picture."
I'm also debating whether to add a little setting/theme segment with-
"-that hung from the sky of a cyclical world."
-at the end.
Is there such a thing as a form hook? If the form of the story is the most unique aspect? Or do we always stick to the actual content of the story? That would make sense, but just wondering if books with odd formal approaches have been pitched that way before.
This has been very helpful. I was thinking way too hard about it and tried to be as short as possible. Haven't thought of one yet for my current WIP, but thanks to this video, I should be able to come up with one.
Edit:
Okay, put some thought into it and come up with something like this: Sylvia is a witch who must steal ten pictures throughout Hong Kong in hope to find her missing parents, while deceiving a witch hunter she is in love with.
Which one of these hooks is better for my book?:
"A young human and elf fall in love while left over tensions from the previous war threatens to tear them apart again."
-or-
"Tensions between the humans and elves has society wishing for war, forgetting that it was their united strength that saved them from the Mirror."
Both premises apply and feed off of one another, but I'm struggling to put it all into one simple hook. The first is obviously more personal of the main characters, -this brewing war affects their relationship, but the later addresses the stakes of the world, -that they will not be strong enough to fight the Mirror if they are at war with one another.
Maybe start with the second paragraph and add something like "These tensions threaten the budding love of a young human and elf whose example holds the key to saving the future."
I like the first pitch the most because it makes me care about the characters and want to know their story.
I agree with The Eccentric Raven. The first has a more personal appeal. I'd work with that one and see what develops.
Great video!
Thanks Alyssa - Hook for book 1 of a 3 book Romantasy - 'Whilst fleeing the cataclysmic advance of the Swarm, a young blacksmith is lumbered with a waning witch and her young daughter. Will he ever make it to the relative safety of the Darklands?'
not sure about "lumbered" :-)
Oh I liked 'lumbered' 🙂 it made me laugh and think that the book would be humourous - I also like the whole pitch, I'd definitely read it
A very old and a new Love. A very old and a new Evil. Mardi Gras Ripper. Tag line. I learned from Bob Cosberg Pitchfest at Century City CA.
Okay here’s my first attempt at my hook.
Eager to make a name for herself, ambitious investigative reporter Emily Carter delves into a world of corruption, power; and luxury, finding herself uncovering not just shadowy financial empires, but the hands that guide them, belonging to people with unnatural abilities and lifespans.
Thank you for this, Alyssa! So helpful. Here's mine below. Would love to hear feedback from others here!
Evander, a determined squire living under the weight of a traitorous father, must save the last thing he would want: an enemy who is bridled with ancient secrets of her own. Together, they are forced to abandon all that they know and unite on a journey to fulfill an illusive prophecy that could save the realms from the crippling hands of the Unmade.
This hook is AMAZING! I already want to read this!
Great video, Alyssa, as usual. It sounds like I should be shooting the hook/pitch around as much as I can, but am I worrying too much if a large part of me thinks someone will steal it, write up the idea themselves, and go around pitching it? Is "hook-theft" a thing or am I being too paranoid?
For me, a hook is a tad more elaborate premise. The premise I write for myself so I know what to stick to in my writing. But the hook is where I go into a bit more detail and where I try to convey the right vibe, character development or goal of my story ☺
When Victoria turns 21 she is given her deceased father's Bible containing a note that not only changes her life but forever changes who she thought she was.
I have an epic fantasy hook, but I wonder if it’s too long (58 words, 2 sentences):
“A prince cursed from birth to bring about the fall of his kingdom watches helplessly as his father is murdered. Torn between a desire for vengeance and a fear of his destiny, the prince leads his people to war only to learn that his closest counselor plotted the king’s murder and is pushing the prince toward his doom.”
Thoughts on length and/or content anyone?
Sounds more like the beginning of a synopsis. Keep in mind that agents want a one sentence pitch.
Maybe something like this: Torn between vengeance and destiny, the young prince goes to war to find his fathers' murderer, only to discover he had been mislead.
@ thank you, this is super helpful!
"a decorated ex soldier with a stalling civilian career finds himself thrust into a supernatural coldwar when he accidentally interrupts the kidnapping of a vampire's familiar."
I'm curious where is Aijina leading her troop to (and troop of what?) for me if you started with Aijina must lead her troop (of?) to (where and possibly why) battling bandits and hunger during a crushing winter.
How important is this since so many “TikTok” and Wattpad books are picked up after self-publishing? If you remove the smut, not all of them are even a good read. There is no plot or character development. So, are we here for the smut or a good, well-developed story?
People still like them though and thats what publshers care about
The hook tells your customers if they want to stop and read the blurb.
« A policeman, a man who can cry, shout out, be happy, sad, anxious, meet a woman, a psychopath woman, a private detective, an atrocious human being. Oh God, what Mickaël did to deserve it ? »
Here's mine :D
Where did you get the pillow with your name on it? Need as a gift for my BF.
Determined to leave her abusive ex behind a young woman starts over with the help of her best friend but just when she thinks she has found happiness mysterious phone calls, and packages start appearing.
A young man navigates the consequences of his uncontrollable superpowers, and his journey of self-discovery holds choices that will turn the tide of a war between hidden powers.
Here's the hook for my current WIP, Child of Spider Island:
"Two detectives find far more than they bargained for, when their investigation of a series of bizarre murders across town leads them to join forces with an Army Colonel & her elite strike team, in order to hunt down & capture a deadly human-spider hybrid that escaped the military."
The hook for my latest query was this: _'How would you catch a serial killer who can possess you, control your dreams, and make you delusional?'_ It's not misleading, but is it too vague?
A traumatised veteran with nothing left, but a difficult promise to a fallen comrade, returns to germany after world war one in the hope of living a normal life, but he can't get the images of war out of his head.
I'm intrigued by the difficult promise - does he complete it? If so I'd shorten the hook and cut it from 'in the hope.....'
Goblin Princess: A homeless orphan girl must stop a goblin uprising to save the kingdom, and the goblins.
Dark Lady: Hired to deal with the dark sorceress who holds a mountain valley under her sway, a traveling swordsman must choose his sides carefully when he learns that the sorceress is his long lost older sister.
I sent queries a few weeks back but still haven’t gotten any replies. Is this normal?
Yes it is.
It can take months or you might get no reply at all. I recommend a spreadsheet with agents, time queried, and if a response or not. Give it 3 months then look at other queries.
People go years without it
A young woman meets a compelling man and their secret identities and their forbidden relationship may spell the end of archangelic empires and humanity itself.
How about this hook:
A young heir, a steadfast Emperor, a loyal brother, a warm mother, a banished journalist, a trio of diplomats from the last democracies, and the many plotters and lovers of the United European Aristocracy in the final year of its regime.
Thoughts?
In a future centuries from now: there is a young heir, a steadfast ruler, a loving mother, a banished journalist, a trio of diplomats from the world’s only remaining democracies, and a vast cast of lovers, enemies, and plotters in the United European Aristocracy-all as cracks in the regime’s power begin to form.
Advice on my hook?
Found you on Bluesky!
Also, how is this for a book hook? "An unassuming twenty-something is thrust by an experiment disaster into a war-torn universe that knows nothing of humanity."
❤
😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
Your channel is very informative and a great watch. One note I have, though, is it’d be nice if there were more book examples featuring diverse, marginalized authors and writers of color 😊👍🏽
How's this:
"Two angels, one outcast and one fallen, find themselves the protectors of a woman who could prove to be a terrible weapon in the war between the forces of light and darkness. But it will be hard to convince her to choose a side when neither of them is sure that they're on the right one."
Uncle Jack was a member of the 'Lost Generation,' but felt he was insulated from the directionless and disillusions other members of his era fell prey to because he was busy expanding his family's business.
This sounds more like backstory than a hook to me.
Most books have many layers, at least touching each of the four hook types. How do you then decide which story threat to expand upon in your book hook toward an agent?
For example, the stormlight archive series from Brandon Sanderson. That has a strong wordbuilding hook: magic returns to a world rich in different cultures and a secret history. It also has a plot hook, character hook and a theme hook. Leaving behind the worldbuilding and magic, it is the characters getting to grips with their personal problems that is a main driver of the story. In that case, which hook to bring forward? Or does the hook differ for agents, publishers and the general audience?
For my own novels I also have this. My first novel, heart in winter, has mainly a character hook: Amidst a crushing winter, looming hunger and nearby bandits Aijna has to deal with the pressure and insecurities as she leads her troop. A rough hook yes, but also because I try to capture everything. The bandits, the hunger, the winter. Yes, it is connected but how to decide what should be the focus of the hook?
For my second novel, persistent in death, it is easier. A down on his luck mercenary gets trapped in what was once the city of the gods, unable to die he must traverse the city to end the curse trapping him.
Yet this way I leave out the character development of the main character dealing with the situation going from a toxic masculinity approach, kill everything, to a positive masculinity approach, aid his friends. Which I would say is also important.
So how to choose the elements of your story to add to your book hook when sending it to agents?
And yes, the concept of persistent in death is dark souls inspired and the character growth inspired by berserk. Named the main character Grit in honor of that.
Oops my reply ended up as it's own comment 😮 hopefully you can find it above
@@anncorrigan9370 No problem I have found it. And it’s a fair point, and the hook clearly needs some work as the leading is more about leading on hunts and they do their best to evade the bandits instead of fighting them, as they only expect losses on their end.
However, all of those more plot drivers while the character growth of Aijna is the main part, and her connection to other characters. So going back to my original question, if a story hits multiple of the hook types which to focus on? What it is really about, or what sounds exciting?
Do you have any insight?
Here is what I have so far (The manuscript is in its first revision):
“An awkward young woman seeking acceptance meets an intriguing Olympian while unexpectedly dancing above the clouds.”
I would read that. I'm intrigued.
@ Thanks for the upvote. The Olympian from Olympus, btw, and not the Olympic Village.
My attempt, not at all good as I have no idea how to summarise it in a sentence:
A dark satire in which a global nuclear apocalypse leaves New Zealand as the last surviving country on earth but New Zealand society quickly crumbles as a result of stupidity, selfishness and a series of farcical events.
Dec 11 @ 8:30 am.
I open my story with the protagonist, a 16 years old sorcerer "fighting" demons while her heart impaled by a spear, as her realm destroyed.
I wrote myself into a corner because I made her too strong, forcing me to make the story exclusively slice of life character driven, since not even gods can pose a threat to her.
If your hero can't change, focus on how hero's existence changes those around the hero. Advice I was once given.
@@capitalisa the whole story is about the hero changing, but I need to give her challenges for her to grow as a character and it's really tricky because she's too overpowered.
In a war-torn realm shaped by ancient mysteries, a father struggles to balance his relentless pursuit of conquest with the fragile responsibility of raising a son destined to defy him.
I think that’s really good
@@silencedogood2.0 Thank you! I may revise the first part of the sentence to make it more specific 🙂
I like this one! It sounds great
@@Celioxa 😄
Novel 1 hook: in AD106 a Roman scouting party find themselves under attack by a foe deadlier and more ancient than the Dacian barbarians they’re fighting: vampires.
Novel 2 hook: a support group for sufferers of extreme Deja vu find they’re victims of the same illicit experiment, which has trapped them in overlapping time loops.
I like #2 personally.
Yes I'd want to read both
You could shorten 1 if needed saying ' attack deadlier than expected. . . vampires) it's slightly snappier - try saying it out loud
A young couple moves to a new town because the wife is being haunted by apparitions only to find the spirits have followed them and are conspiring to take her child. (Okay, not the best hook, but I'm still working on it.)
Worse case of stalking ever.
@murphcallahan5892 😂😂😂
A recently divorced father, living apart from his two young children, is struggling to rebuild from rock bottom.
Alyssa, is this ok, or too vague?
Happy to receive feedback from others here too, thanks.
Too vague. How is he rebuilding?
@@JustClaude13 Well, I suppose the answer to that is, read the book and find out. My hook is based on advice I read elsewhere that suggested 25 words maximum. Alyssa suggests two sentences is ok but maybe that's too much?
@@squashfan9526
It has to be specific enough to make a reader want to find out. It takes time (and multiple revisions) to write a punchy and intriguing pitch line.
I could see something like;
"Estranged from his family, a recently divorced father is (doing X) to reconnect with himself and his children."