Family Is Expecting Us To Pay for Their Vacation
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- Опубліковано 9 січ 2025
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I dunno about anyone else, but if I don't have cash for a vacation, I don't go on vacation.
Credit card.
Same. I can not commit to a budget even using a debit card I gotta withdraw the cash😂
I have cash for vacation and I still don't go. It's not fun if you do it alone lol.
@@miketheyunggod2534 if someone has to use a credit card for a vacation they can't afford it.
@@Primitive_Code solo travel is a lot of fun!
Dave needs to have a special segment where callers give updates on what happened after the call.
I love that idea.
A Where Are They Now series would be brilliant
Yessss. I want to hear from the female caller who called while her boyfriend was there, she was scared and Dave had to call the cops to do a wellness check
@@Mom2jems Wow! I never heard that call in. That must have been compelling as hell.
@@ctcv-to8kq I think it's in one of the most bizarre videos. She wants to sell her home and I think she's sitting in her car and the guy has the child in his hands while trying to open the car or something like that
“No” is a complete sentence.
You usually need a ? Or !!! to make it a complete sentence lol
Exactly!
This is exactly why I don't talk to my family about my income, investment strategy, nor net worth
Always add thank you, it completes the answer politely.
Past gifts were just that - gifts. Have other priorities now. You will see them locally then.
No it ain’t.
Almost.... "No." (with the period 😀) is a complete sentence.
My wealthy nephew invites me to go to the beach each summer with his family. He pays for everything. It is wonderful. I am truly grateful. I love spending time with him, his wife and my great-niece and nephews. BUT if he ever said, "Hey, I just can't afford this any longer," my response would be, "No worries. Thank you for 10 years of wonderful memories."
This is what everyone has to be like. Be grateful, but don't be demanding.
The sibling has chosen a lifestyle that is important to them, stay at home mom, homeschooling 5 children, in a small town. This is how they are choosing to live and raise their children. This lifestyle and financial situation does not include international travel and this is totally fine.
Families that choose that path can't afford international trips lol
Yep. That's the path we've chosen. The tradeoffs are worth it to us, but there ARE tradeoffs. That's just what it is.
My favorite Maya Angelou quote, "When people show you who they are, believe them."
I can’t imagine demanding my brother and his wife to pay for ME , MY HUSBAND, AND MY 5 KIDS! wtf!?!? 🤬 😮
She didn't. The siblings clearly have gotten together and organized this so that they can consistently do reunions. The siblings are frustrated.
@@madisonhruschka3718 yeah but even if all my siblings band together and asked that’s still unacceptable and they’re adults they know about the vacation. They were apart of it and would know this.
I thought at first she was a single college student or something
Most people wouldn’t.
It's called people who have zero clue about boundaries. I was raised in a culture like that. It's toxic.
In some ways, choosing to have a large family and Mom staying at home to homeschool is commendable (my daughter and her husband did this). BUT embrace the ramifications too. Vacation is a trip to the park or ocean with sandwiches. Nothing wrong with that!
Hey, some of my most beautiful childhood memories come from sitting on a windswept caravan site eating sandwiches out of a tupperware box.
I agree, and it's very reassuring for me to read comments like yours and a few that others have left. This issue hits close to home with me because my mom chose not to have a career -ever-, and instead decided to homeschool me and my three siblings. She came from a home where both of the parents worked, pretty much tirelessly, for the entire duration of the career-window in their lives. While my grandparents were not overwhelmingly wealthy, they always had generous amounts of funds available beyond their necessary expenses. For the entirety of my childhood and adolescence, my mom was a bitter, nasty woman who got herself into financially-binding situations that my dad could not cover. She would just allow these situations to escalate until my grandparents finally broke down and would give her the money she needed to dig her out of whatever was going on. I think my dad handled it by hiding his head in the sand, so to speak, because he had no better way to resolve the situation. No matter how stressful our family's financial situation became, my mom refused to get a job. She would basically crazy-make until someone would concede and give her her way or pay for something that she couldn't cover. My dad ended up getting colon cancer and passed away seven years ago after working all of his adult life. She wanted to be the SAH homeschooling mom, but was constantly focusing on how other people weren't aligning with her views, validating her, and would still try to do things that could only be afforded by a two-income household. She is a great example of someone who wanted to have her cake and eat it, too. I won't deny that there were good things that came from me being homeschooled, even while living with such a jealous and childish mother, but I often think about how insane it was for her to have believed she could embark on the journey of trying to swing homeschooling with no job while at the same time resenting people who could do things that we couldn't without help. Sorry for the novel, but this whole topic really sets me on fire because of how many other people's lives are affected by people who demand the same level of privilege when they haven't chosen a life that provided that.
Ps - she's still like this even after my dad's death. She has gone through all of his life insurance money and went even more off the deep end to the point where I don't think she actually CAN secure and maintain a career, much less a job. She lives off of social security in her mid-fifties and whatever money my youngest sister (who just turned 20 and still lives with her) is willing to give. Even though I think it's reasonable to expect my younger sister to pay a small amount in things like rent and food now that she's an adult, my mom contributes nothing except for what she recieves from her ss check. I think my mom will attempt to persuade my younger sister to live with her as long as possible in order to avoid dealing with financial and other types of responsibilities. There is no encouragement in my household for adult children to grow up and develop an adult life. It's treated more like an option (that I think my mom would be ok with if any of us had refused) just so long as she is able to use other people's income to escape surviving and thriving on her own. It's so sad. I have a lot of concern for my younger sister.
@@llan_mi2420 Ugghh she makes a good “bad example”.
@@llan_mi2420 could it be possible at all that your mother has a form of NPD? I'm no expert but maybe something to look into to protect yourself. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.
Listen all families don’t go on vacations, and this is why. Everyone can’t afford it, so go on your vacations by yourselves.
You can still go on vacation. Get a tent. The camping spot is cheap. Your kids can learn to catch lizards like I did. Just because you are poor doesn’t mean you can’t do anything. You just have to do things that are low cost. A international vacation is out of the reach of most people with kids. Insane.
@@joesmith3590 Agreed....people need to be more creative and resourceful to keep costs low while prioritizing time together and just having a nice experience.
@@joesmith3590 I agree. Holidays can be very cheap. But these people want a foreign holiday for 7. For free.
Unfortunately my daughter always needs her cousin when we go on vacation. Her mom is broke so we have to pay 90% of her expenses. She got 10k in income tax but only gave $130 for airline ticket and that was it.
How is going on vacation with all your relatives actually a vacation for anyone involved? It’s my idea of hell. A weekend is fine… but a trip overseas with your in laws? Yikes…sounds awful.
“Gratitude turned into entitlement”. Key observation there. Once that happens, it’s time to do a hard stop and say goodbye if needed.
@jasondueck9130 👍
I have a family of 7. Wife at home and 5 kids and I would never in my life expect my family to pay for me to go on a trip. They would get met with the quick "sorry we can't come because it's out of our budget". If we can't drive to it we won't be there. I can't believe they're just expecting it.
@jbivphotography The reason they're just expecting it, is because apparently this couple has been paying for the other family to go on trips in the past, and so the family that's been paid for is used to that, and is expecting things to stay the same as they've always been. When the family that's been paying finally gets up the guts to say no, it's not understood in the beginning by the paid for family, but the paid for family will soon find out that it's not going to be the way it's always been in the past any longer.
Same
Im sorry for your situation. 5 kids and stay at home wife, what a nightmare and soul sucking life you have
Pleas get a vasectomy, that’s way too many children. At least one will feel neglected and become a diddler. Bad job.
Same here- homeschooling family with 5 kids and I would not change anything about that decision. When we vacation, we drive and plan to budget for it. I know I’ve got years ahead for overseas vacations, but these are not those years and I don’t think our kids are missing out because their lives are full of family and experiences. Sadly lots of ill opinions about larger families in the comments.
Choosing to be a stay at home mom is wonderful but you have to forget about the things a second paycheck would cover
No. These people (and so many others) want to eat their cake, but still have it (the way that saying is supposed to go).
One of my siblings couldn't afford Christmas gifts, so they made my grandchildren homemade cookies. Thekids loved it. We have not raised them to put a price on love.
I remember my Nana (great-grand-mother) hand made a bead necklace for all the kids. I still have it 50 years later. I loved it when I first got it and still live it.
I organize a Gingerbread House Party for the my child, nieces and nephews a week before Christmas. All home-made cookies and each kid decorates their own little house. A lot of fun and no extra toys they don't need cluttering their house. Plus my brother use that time without the kids to buy their Christmas gift.
Regarding Christmas gifts, I suggested several times over the years that I and my siblings families draw names, limit $$, etc., but our MOTHER had a hissy! So, it couldn't be allowed. However, after my family moved away from the "home town area" and all four of us siblings were geographically many miles (states even) apart there wasn't any problem again. We stopped sending gifts to each other. If we wanted to or could afford to the kids got smaller gifts, the family always got a Christmas card, and sometimes an adult or "family food" gift was sent. Too bad we had to move.
These days the ingredients often cost more than the “ready-made. Plus of course that most valuable of ingredients, their time. 😉
They decided to have 5 kids.
They decided to homeschool.
They decided to have a low income (she could work).
You need to kindly tell them no.
This is our family.
I left a lucrative career as an RN to stay home and homeschool.
My husband, after 11 years in his field, makes $57k/year gross.
We don’t take vacations, but we live every day the way we value life.
This caller’s in-laws are all entitled.
@@katiejon17I think you should go back to work. You are suffering for no reason.
@@timm285 “suffering”? LOL - we paid off $145k in debt in 6.5 years, then bought a home with a 15 year mortgage that will be paid off within 5 years - only 2.5 more years to go. And we have a fully funded emergency fund, and 8 fully-funded sinking funds... That’s not “suffering” - that’s being in control of your finances.
Child care expenses would negate working.
How much do you think childcare costs for 5 kids....?
“Adults don’t need to buy adults gifts” PREACH IT JADE
"Need" being the keyword. I WANT to give my friends gifts when they get married or have a baby, and I WANT to buy their dinner if we go out for their birthday.
@@emoney1231 You're free to give as much money away as you please.
I am not sure how many time I have bought an adult a gift that isn’t my wife or girlfriend or a wedding or event. Maybe a gift exchange. I don’t want you to give me any worthless junk either.
@@Netizen_101 I like the way you think.
Yeah, I think spouses should do something for each other on Christmas, it can't only be about the kids, but going into debt to buy random, unwanted crap for brothers in law and cousins? Hell no! Adults can enjoy other holiday traditions like preparing special foods together, watching holiday movies, etc. Not everything has to be so expensive.
Generosity is not a life long commitment. It's on a case by case basis based upon the giver.
“Her, her husband and her FIVE kids”😂😩😂😩
That part was hysterical. They are seven people...rent a van and go camping.
@JustinCase780 Right! They chose to have 5 kids on a low income, so international travel is almost-definitely going to be a no-go, at least until the income goes up. People are ridiculous
Daves face when she says that 😮 lol
That was crazy! The entitlement 🤢
I’m certainly Not against homeschooling & stay at home moms!! But those decisions mean tightening the belt on extravagances! They Should Nit expect other family to pay for them!!
On the other side, is the rest of the family being inconsiderate making said travel plans knowing that the one family cannot possibly afford it?? There may be more going on here . . Jmho
So her husband doesn't have a "big" income and she willingly chooses to stay home and homeschool. Then she complains about not having enough money and everyone else is calling them selfish? Yeah makes total sense.
And keeps having kid after kid.
She never complained. The siblings got upset.
@@madisonhruschka3718 👍
@@madisonhruschka3718 Yeah I think he missed that nuance. The one who's chosen to be poor is probably not entitled. The rest want to be a tight knit family and it's a reasonable expecation to all contribute. Flying 7 people overseas is a whole other level though.
For people who choose to stay home from working a job to “homeschool”, unless their husband makes a lot…then they are trying to live on a champaign budget with a koolaid backup. They should have backed out right away knowing this is above and beyond other vacations they have mooched off other people. Taking kids overseas is a bit privileged.
She said she can't afford the thousands of dollars it will cost her for her "share" of paying for her sister's vacation. That should be enough. If the sister can't afford to pay for it herself, why would a sibling that also can't afford it be expected to pay?
It’s bordering on becoming a “duty” now…a financial obligation that the other families must include in their budgets.😭
Because I doubt she can't afford it for real
@bettersecret1499 There may be some truth to that, but it's really immaterial. It seems as though tradition brought onentitlement. Choices have consequences.
What is really dangerous is what this back door arrangement is teaching their children. This has the potential to spark negative commentary between the younger cousins who are learning life lessons from their own parents making sacrifices throughout the year. Teaching your child that parents take care of your needs, but aunt's and uncles take care of our wants is setting the stage for some hurtful lessons in the not so distant future.
My family is having a family reunion on a cruise this year in July. My crew will not be going (2 adults and 3 kids.) I would never allow my family to pay for me. They offered to take my kids but I also said no thank you. I will be at the next family reunion next year in Texas. 🥰
We will be at the beach for now which is free. 😂
Yes, this is what I don't understand about the husband's family. Why would they put a plan in place that would be this expensive, knowing 7 people would need a free ride. The husband should've said something before the planning started. Family reunions are wonderful but they need to be reasonable.
This is why I love our family reunion. We've had it in the tiny Midwestern town where our family started since right after the war. It does involve traveling for those who've moved to opposite ends of the country but most of us live in the state or right over the state line. Crazily, more people come every year.
I support letting the kids go. Me and my sister went on a few vacations without our parents money since it's just about the kids having fun.
@@sunofabob Nope. Not on a cruise ship which is filled with strangers and thousands of doors/rooms to hide people in. Adults have gone missing, been killed, fell overboard, been assaulted on cruise ships. No child that I was responsible for would be on a cruise ship under my watch let alone without me. Don't care how much I trusted my siblings.
@@meomy29 aww that’s been going on for a while that’s sooo good!!!!! I love family reunions. I think my grandmother started it in the 80’s in Boston MA. Now we rotate Atlanta, Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Massachusetts, Tennessee but now everyone wanted to throw a cruise into the mix 😂😞
I have 3 siblings and I used to think it was weird when other families would have a falling out, and then in my 50s it dawned on me - Dude WE are the weird ones, we get along, we have a minimum of drama, we like and support each other. Weird.
I had a boss who always said “no good deed goes unpunished.” Definitely true with this family!
😂My boss always said the same thing!
The word "No" is a complete sentence. Everyone can kick rocks if they don't like it.
We homeschooled when our children were younger. We did not expect other to pay for things like vacations. We just did without.
My mom homeschooled my three siblings and I also. My grandparents (her parents) paid in full for almost every single vacation I've ever been on in my life. They would pay for everyone in my family to go. I wish my parents had refused to go on those vacations because I think - even though they never said it out loud, at least my dad, who was the sole income earner in my family, had the thought that it took away the blessing of him being able to pay for his family's vacations. People might think it sounds awesome to have a family member who pays for all sorts of things in their lives, but I have to guess that in almost every case, it ends up being a horrible vessel for resentment, shame, and feelings of obligation toward the family member who pays for everything. I think it's a blessing to suffer or gain from your own choices alone.
We made similar sacrifices, and while we didn't go on big vacations, my kids visited most of the museums, park and attraction within 150 miles of our home. They didn't miss out and those big vacations will be more meaningful when they have earned them as adults.
Same here
I’m 62 and I helped my brother and sister in law move across country last year. It was hard physical labor. As we were talking I said I have never had a microwave ever. I get home a few days later and there’s a big box on my porch. My sis in law ordered me a microwave. I guess I did a good job helping them move. LoL
This family that truly cares and appreciates each other.
Love it! That's how families should operate. :)
@@MarisaStone-tb9lq
All my life I’ve been bragging about how strong I am. My brother called my bluff. LoL.
He said the moving co. Quoted him $21k.
We did it counting hotels and restaurants and gas and two rented big trucks for $14k. So he’s happy
Yeah but your old bro
microwaves are very cheap, nowadays there's inflation, but 10, 20 yrs ago you can get a very good quality microwave for $30, or buy a used one at a garage sale(they don't break down easily so ppl sell the old ones when they want to upgrade kitchen appliances) for even cheaper price, if you can afford to go on youtube to watch videos, you can afford to get a microwave. And cross country trips are not cheap, even if you split it with your brother, so I don't believe you couldn't get a microwave because you can not afford it, there must be other reasons
4:38 “B-tchin’ about it” dang Dave. Feeling feisty today. lol
In my family we all have good incomes so we're all difficult to shop for, and no one had kids. We don't exchange gifts at Christmas. We get together, enjoy each other's company, and make larger donations to charity.
Wow great 👍 thank you to you and your family!
"Gratitude turned into entitlement." So incredibly true. It's crazy how people who have been given wonderful gifts lose all their (fake) gratitude the one time someone says 'no'. That's terrible, entitled behaviour.
That family is taking the ole saying, "It takes a village to raise a family", to a whole new level.
Funny AF! 🤣😂🤣
They have a year to save up. If it’s important to them, they’ll get it done.
One of them can get an evening job and save all the money from it
Or they can take out a loan for this one special trip, and then find ways to pay it back gradually. Exactly, this is all do-able; they will just have to put in extra effort for this particular trip.
You are right about that.
About being able to go on family vacations - my family took one "family vacation". My dad was self employed and didn't take time off. We actually went on a driving vacation on one weekend through 2 or 3 states and that was it. No overseas vacation, no disney world. We did stuff like going to the airport and watching planes take off and land. He just chose not to spend his money on vacations. We always had what we needed and never went without. I don't hold that against him at all, it actually gives me a different perspective on things!
That was our family too. We took one vacation a year driving to the nearby Midwestern state to visit my dad's brother, 3 kids crammed into the back seat of a regular car, and would see sights on the way there and back (like a "corn palace", a building made of corn cobs...stuff like that...same stuff every year). After they had a falling out, we instead went once a year to the local fishing hole where you rented a rustic cabin for a week to go fishing. Oh yeah, I think I am the only one in my immediate family (parents + siblings) that has ever had a passport to this day. I don't know if our dads ever "chose" to not spend money on vacations; probably (since, as a kid, we never knew just how much our parents made) it was more like they couldn't afford to. I don't remember getting any gifts for my birthday as a kid...not even one, past a certain age, and certainly not birthday parties. All you got was a cake that they bought from the local grocery store that you were allowed to eat after supper (no gifts or singing "Happy Birthday" either), and if you had anything written on it, it was because the grocery store would write it for free if you asked them. I don't remember getting gifts for Xmas past age 6...my parents would actually wrap empty boxes and lie to people that they were gifts. When it got out they were empty, we were suppose to say they were decorations and we'd get the real presents at Xmas (nope). If people said anything, my parents would say "Oh, we just buy them what they need throughout the year." Life went on...we all survived...we had the basics.
"Now that you're bitching, the gate is closed."
Yep, if they don't appreciate what they get, that means they get nothing at all.
I married into a poorer family. When I bought a new refrigerator because mine broke and they told me I was bragging. They are jealous of everything.
I had a very stingy SIL. Oh, you should have heard her ranting against a luxury such as a dishwasher. Until they had more income. The first thing she bought was .... a dishwasher.
She treated me, for the duration of my marriage, like a dog with mange. All jealousy.
My mother remarried recently and her now husband is from a different country. She decided to marry overseas. I was in the middle of selling my old house buying a new house and moving 3 hrs away from my old house. I had to tell mom we weren't going to be able to go. She was fine with it and so were my two siblings but relatives not so much. "How could you miss your mother's wedding?"... 🙄
Simple, not a good time financially for our family. Unfortunately some cultures are toxic when it comes to boundaries.
Henry Cloud's "Boundaries" was truly a marvelous help to me in my relationship with my mother about 25 years back. Great book. You cannot be responsible for someone else's bad choices (or refusal to make choices), whether they're family or they're a homeless addict downtown.
When we were in our 20s and poor, the family in law expected us to chip in for a washer and dryer as a wedding gift plus be in the wedding and I said no, cuz we didn’t even own a washer and dryer! The wedding costs tapped us out already.
2 get-togethers, one easy and cheap, think camping at a lake. 2nd one is for those who can afford to go. That way at least one everyone could afford.
This sort of thing hits home with a lot of families when there is a large disparity in income between siblings. My sister and her husband got in over their heads on a mortgage they couldn't afford and basically were asking everyone for help that would. Then she would complain whenever any of us would take vacations or dine out. I told her I'd rather live in a modest home and have the flexibility to travel than be weighted down by a huge mortgage. I'd rather have fond memories with my family than a big beautiful home. That's just me, though.
That was the Choice THAT Family made
.It was THEIR Choice .
So it should be THEIR Sacrifice.
NOT Everyone elses.
Yes. Adults make decisions and accept all that comes with it, good or bad. You don't make a decision and expect others to pick up the slack just so you can live on the same financial plane as they do.
I TOTALLY agree with you about drawing names for gifts! Our family started small, so gifts to everyone was okay. As marriages happened and the families grew, it became a financial drain. Much to EVERYONE’S relief, we drew names for the adults but kept Christmas for all the children up to a certain age, gift wise.
Friends and family expecting you to financially support them because you’re well off is so cringe, I have many friends constantly asking me for loans and idk now to start saying no
Pay up then!
Tell them if you gave a loan to everyone that asks, you will be needing a loan. No is a complete sentence.
Certainly. Hope that vacation didn't cost you ninety thousand dollars...
A no to someone else is a yes to yourself.
I don't loan money to friends or family. Full stop. End the conversation there.
My family chose names for years. I bowed out 10 years ago when I was buying gifts for all my retired family members that I never see or talk to. It wasn't worth the anxiety it brought every year.
That's why I cut off financially helping friends, relatives and other people a few years ago. They never paid back any loans and some never bothered to get a job.
Yup. Same here. We had sponges for way too long and always an excuse for not working
Some need loans to begin with, because they are financially irresponsible or can't budget.
The chances are pretty good that they won't be able to repay you. With a family fallout or broken friendship as a result.
Neither a borrower, nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend. - Shakespeare -
Not only no!!!!....but f*** no!!!!
Literally 😂😂
I don’t pay for anyone’s vacation. I saved all my life so my wife and I can travel. We do and we use all our money earned through sweat and tears.
I'm with you Dave...I live in Iowa and was in my 30's before I saw the ocean...to busy working and paying bills ... Good things come to those that wait ...
I got to see the ocean while flying over it to go to Saudi Arabia during Desert Shield.
That's why I was a waiter at Pizza hut.
My mid 20s DD has never seen the ocean. She has, though, driven down Lake Shore Drive and, as a baby, visited her great grandmother in MI & played in Lake Michigan. As an young child, our parents wanted us to see the West. Dipped my toes in the ocean for a few minutes.
I doubt most Americans have been to either coast.
Just tell them. "Law 40 of 48. Despise the free lunch. Anything offered for free is dangerous. It either involves a trick or a hidden obligation."
I hate that i offer to pay for things for friends like them coming to a festival with me and never ask for anything back
@@willleslie2745 those aren’t friends, they’re opportunists.
📠
I WAS that young sibling in my 20's. I didn't have money and family typically had to pay for my meals, trips etc. Now I've made a point of never asking and paying my own way, the first time I picked up a meal check for my older brother he was really impressed. I'm now saving for our family get-together this summer, money for all of my stuff and some to pitch in for others. For the record, I don't have a big income either but I do side hustles if I want extra money for things.
I don't WANT their help now, I want to pay my own way and help out so these people in this example really need to grow up and work for the things they want.
Discussed this in my relationship and we're on the same page: We cannot and will not pay everyone else's bills plus ours.
The issue having more than other family members is that those less wealthy don't believe you budget. They truly think you spend freely (needs to be on them) and have more to give.
Exactly stop counting my money and budgeting based on my money I say NO!!! My favorite word.😅
We have always budgeted, both of us worked, saved and invested biweekly. An older aunt near us, spends beyond her means, never budgets, and expects us to give her cash when she whines about being broke, which is always. I worked while raising my children so we could pay for college, travel, retire comfortably and spend time with our family. Our children budget, save, and are overall happy. The Apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. The aunt believes our money is her’s, she’s a narcissist. My husband and I are ready to say NO! No amount of money can pay for her entitled life🤔
@@lindamaag3541 say no! No!
Some people hate government handleouts but find family handouts "self-sufficient". If anyone helps you out, especially for something non-essential, be grateful. Don't expect it indefinitely.
They could probably have a family get together within their budget but now they expect to receive what other relatives who made different financial and family choices get. The first Yes should've come with expectation of a last Yes, or it should have been a No.
Having 5 kids and staying home and homeschooling them is a beautiful thing but if you're going to do that you have to understand that it means you're choosing the blessing of the five kids over the blessing of frequent international vacation. You have to know going in that these are the sacrifices you may need to make and you need to decide if that's worth it to you.
Dave is right. I didn’t go overseas until I was grown and could afford it. It’s not that serious
She mentioned the in-laws being from another country and unfortunately, many foreigners still hold the false stereotype that America is this great wealthy nation that it once was decades ago...I mean it's obviously still very much a wealthy nation, however, the number of Americans who hold that wealth is far smaller than what it once was.
They see that Americans make higher salaries but they don't realize that American life is much more expensive for housing, food, maybe gas, many other things.
Don't invite them to the vacation if they broke
I don't play that guilt trip nonsense. Pay your own way. Period.
I’d suggest that the next family reunion/trip be in the small town of the moocher family and you all meet at a park for a picnic. I’m assuming they could get there without financial assistance.
My neighbor's family has a relatively expensive family vacation similar to what the caller is talking about. They all stay 6 days in July at the Hotel del Coronado in San Diego. My neighbor's parents and their parents' siblings started the tradition. Now they have several grandchildren and great grandchildren and they need 10 to 12 rooms that go for $700/night. They always have some family members that can't afford it that the rest have to pay for. There's always a couple of people that can't make it for one reason or another, but it's no coincidence that the people that aren't paying for themselves NEVER miss going.
With all due respect, even tho the room cost per night is astronomical ($700/night for San Diego???), the cost of flying a family of 7 (2 parents + 5 kids) overseas and back and all their expenses in between would be quadruple that cost...at least. Your neighbor's San Diego trip sounds like the standard trip every year that this family also supported & paid for the lower income part of the family to go...this overseas trip is a whole different animal as far as costs are concerned, I'm thinking. The lower income family can take on a "special project" to earn money for this "special", more costly vacation. The older kids can get part-time jobs or side hustles, or more importantly, the MOM can, maybe at night, since it's her side of the family that's taking this vacation. They can take out a vacation loan and pay it back slowly, gradually. They have a whole year to do this. It would be perfectly understandable, because this is a special, much more expensive trip.
@@bettywith2girls LOL!!! you're not serious are you??? $700 dollars a night isn't "normal" that's luxury.
@@bettywith2girls First of all that trip is a luxury vacation and unless you all can afford your share then pick somewhere else to go. How about a big barbecue party in a park where everyone brings food and drink. Maybe set up fun activities and games for the everyone. Secondly grandparents should be putting their money toward retirement or long term care when they are old and sick. I wonder if all these people, particularly the non payer's will contribute to the nursing home care. I think their pocket books will be tightly zipped up. Lastly, helping once is not a commitment to a lifetime of paying for other's vacation's. Also, are you all paying for the food, drinks, snacks, souvenir's and how about the vacation clothing ( bathing suits, shorts, tops, dresses etc..) that the non payor's will need to fit into the luxury vibe at the resort?
I dont know who said that " No" is a complete sentence but I wholeheartedly agree!!! The power of the word NO!!!
The husband of the sisters in law has no pride.. no way would my husband or I feel comfortable being such a burden on or friend or family
Right on, but you give people too much credit.
Several of my siblings will take advantage of anyone who doesn't say no. They have no pride.
@@GAFB1122 👍 True...takers gonna take if we let them.
One year my family (mom, dad, my sister, & me) decided to draw names and set a $75 limit. That year we all ended up exchanging $75 gift cards and it was so ridiculous we just stopped any gift giving all together and it is WONDERFUL! I love gifting surprise happies to my mom and sister throughout the year "just because" but there is no pressure or expectation come holiday time and we just really enjoy spending time together.
As a single male in my family I don’t think it’s fair to buy 40 gifts for everyone on Christmas when I only qualify for like 4 in return lol
My family stopped giving gifts. Yes, unfair to you. Time for you to have a family conversation.
Christmas is a dumb and fake holiday. Just for gifts and buying merchandise
My bf and I took my sister on a week-long trip to Hawaii once when she was in a bad spot. We went cheap, camping some of the time, and it was a wonderful trip. She didn't expect or demand it because she's mature.
Splitting the cost for a domestic vacation - sharing a large house for example - is do-able. But splitting the costs for a European vacation or 2 adults and FIVE children is a HUGE expense! A family of 7 would probably need 3 hotel rooms each night plus meals and in country travel expenses.
I have financially assisted all of my3 siblings. One who has died (male), was always respectful and helped me out in ways that he was talented. The other 2, (females), are super sensitive and withdraw when any hint of controversy occurs. My check book is closed, as they have made choices that have left them in the circumstances in which they live.
I thought it was gonna be like like an 18 or 19 year old college student living with parents and she's actually married with 5 kids. So the family wants them to pay for 7 people not just some young female in the family.
My father was a successful man and one of his brothers was lousy with money, he would ask my dad for money then at some point my told him he would send him groceries but no money. They have both since passed on my dad was paying for his brother’s nursing home until he passed and also paid for his funeral expenses.
Try and have "vacations" closer to the sibling who isn't as well off. Problem solved
yeah seems pretty simple to me we cant swing it lets change loction
She said they do that every year. This trip is special as it’s to visit their country of origin. They shouldn’t not go because someone in the family can’t afford it! It’s a year away! You can’t put away enough cash in that time, you don’t go.
They always did that. But now some want a foreign holiday instead.
“I have a quick question.”
Ramsey callers - please stop saying this. None of you have ever been quick.
I did not hear that the sibling who has been helped out is the one who is kicking up a fuss that they don’t want to pay for the vacation this time. It is the other siblings.
Actually - a common situation in larger families. But there is an easy decision. Claim a scheduling conflict. Just no longer participate in this family vacation - and all is resolved. STOP HAVING A LARGE VACATION WITH ALL THE RELATIVES. Just go quietly overseas with your immediate family.
Sister in law needs to just take her Brady Bunch to the local pool and buy them some Dominoes or Little Caesars.
Also, my dad's side of the family was pretty well off and when I was a kid we all would give everyone presents. Man that was a pain in the ass. Shopping for everyone and then wrapping all of the gifts and then cramming all of the gifts into our car each Christmas to take over to the family Christmas party. Then one year someone suggested that we change things up and draw names and limit it to like $25 you could just see the relief on everyone's face.
We quit buying gifts for adults years ago. Like when they became adults!!
Several comments bashing this "female" caller, typical.
It sounds like the husband does NOT want to foot the bill either. Maybe he is tired of having his siblings taking advantage of him. It doesn't sound to me like she is twisting his arm.
But some of you hear what you want based on your bias you bring to the table.
I am a guy and I would not foot the bill.
Dr Henry Cloud’s Boundaries book is a good book
It sucks
I loved it
I love the fact that Dave reads so many books and has read so many books and he takes little kernels of wisdom out of each one and applies them that helps all of us because we don't read every book you have or cannot read every book that you have or are not old enough to have read every book you have but each thing that you say and when you reference a book it makes me and I hopefully others look for the book and try to find a little bit more information about it so thank you Dave engage your Jade I love when you're on with Dave
It is kind of stupid to plan a "Family" overseas trip knowing not everybody can afford to do that. The same with Destination Weddings, I refuse to go to them.
Live within your means.
You aren't obligated to pay for anyone else. Couples need to agree on this decision.
My family recently went from drawing names to doing something "fun" together, like bowling or painting pottery or something memory building. No one misses the hassles of having to buy gifts, and the memories are priceless! (PS - large family, with many brothers, sisters, and cousins).
We did too and this past year the (teen) cousins couldn’t figure out a time to get together and everyone was so bummed to miss out on the activity, but I was secretly so impressed that it was so important to them and they looked forward to it so much.
Um if you can't afford a vacation, you don't go on one. They're the ones being selfish. The siblings can also kick rocks.
“Gratitude turned into entitlement” - love it! Let the other sibs cover if they feel so strongly. 2 adults and 5 kids!!!!
I like that, "Get your own blender". 😅
If we cant afford a big vacation we go camping for like $50. However I have never paid for anyone else's vacation. The most i would pay for is a few people for a day trip if I could at that time or a meal.
My wife's sister is similar. She doesn't have money and wanted my wife and I to pay for her vacation to Mallorca. My wife and I have no plans to go to Mallorca. My wife simply said 'NO'. Set your own goals and plan. I am not funding you for Mallorca. My sister in law pouted. But my wife and I have not changed our stance.
Love their idea of drawing names for christmas presents, this whole must give a lot of gift for everyone in the family during the holiday is just getting out of hand, Jade is so right, adults shouldn't need presents from other adults. Both my husband and I tried to mention no christmas presents for adults in the family chat grp, everyone straight up ignored us. So we chose to not give adults any presents, we don't care, if they can't respect our wishes, then screw them. We weren't being ignored and boycotted by them so that turned out better than I thought
I suggested drawing names when I was a broke college kid. Drawing names is now a Thanksgiving tradition.
I have been offered multiple times (I didn't ask for it and never expected it) to go on vacation with my brother's family ALL EXPENSES PAID FOR, and I decline simply because I don't want to impose on their finances. I repeat, they offered without my prompting. Imagine the gall of this sibling expecting the entire family to pitch in not only for herself but also her spouse and five kids!
Pay for your own vacation
Then don't invite them in the first place.
@jimmymcgill6778 you can invite someone but inviting someone doesn't mean you have to pay for them.
If someone invites me to do something and I can't afford it, I just say thanks for the invite but I can't afford that right now.
I can relate. My wife and I have been floating one of my sister in laws' family for several years now. They just can't afford even weekend beach vacations, so we will rent out a big house and pay for everything. If the vacations start getting into the tens of thousands with plane tickets across the world this would end really quick. There only so much we can afford.
I don't understand how people have 5 kids and making minimum wage or barely making money. That's crazy.
We had a cottage on a lake in Michigan. Had family out for the weekend often. My husband and I never felt taken advantage of. They brought enough food for when they were with us. They insisted on leaving whatever was left. Often we had enough for ourselves the next weekend in the freezer.
We already have so much stuff. I would prefer not to add more "stuff" to the pile. Last year I told everyone in my family that I didn't want any gifts because I'm blessed with having all my needs met. If they really wanted to gift me something, then they could gift me some time: a walk in the park, an afternoon in their company, maybe over tea or coffee, but not required, or something consumable like cookies or chocolate or a jar of jam. I don't need anything more. Since then, I've gotten things like a handwritten recipe for meatball soup from my aunt, some chocolates, candies, a jar of hot pepper sauce my mom's friend made from the peppers in her yard, and it's been great to not worry about figuring out where to put all the gifts, because they now go in my belly, the fridge, the pantry, or my recipe box.
I brought that same thing up one Christmas. It didn't go over that well.
If the "poor family" wants to go they can always do what is necessary to save up for it and not expect others to cover a luxury. If the dad took on a second job for a time he might be able to get it together before they have to put money down.
Or since it's the mom's extended family's idea, the mom can get a part-time job or side hustle in the evening or at night after the kids are in bed while dad is home babysitting. Why should, after a l-o-n-g day working his butt off, should the dad of the family now have to get a 2nd part-time job/side hustle to fund an expensive trip overseas that his wife's family wants to go on?
Not knowing the eldest niece or nephew is you could offer to take one with you- as the eldest in my family I had the privilege to go over to Scotland with my grandmother to see my cousins for the first time. It had a huge positive impact on me far into my adult life. I was 15 and doing good in school. I hope they can work it out
The homeschooling sister could get a job evenings when hubby is home. By 2025, they would likely have the funds to pay for their own trip if it means that much to them. Many teachers of all kinds have "second" jobs.
Exactly. It's her side of the family anyway. She could get a side hustle or part-time job in the evening or at night, when the kids are sleeping and her husband is home to watch them. Or do some remote work during the daytime. Easy peasy.
I just love it when irresponsible, entitled and lazy people say “We are all in this together”.
aka socialism
The real selfishness is not wanting to be financially responsible enough to get your money right so your family can be well taken care for. That's the real selfishness.
We stopped giving because as some parts of the family grew, other people couldn’t afford it. We drew names. It worked until one person spent double than another and the person felt he got screwed. So we said no more gifts at all. Best decision ever.