this!!!!! I left when my little cousin was 4, she was later married off at 17 and then she left 2 years after and found me. She knew that was an option because I left! She told me that
Also, I feel that by leaving, she spared her sister from what would have likely been a descent into darkness and possibly madness if she'd stayed, and that would have been a much worse and more permanent outcome.
I was not in a cult growing up but, in an abusive household. I also escaped the abuse within the pages of books. I relate to the guests in my own way. Thank y'all so much from Corpus Christi Tx.
I’m curious what you did with your life as an adult you said you escaped within your books 📚! Did you build your expirience into a career? I’m so very immensely sorry the abuse you suffered my lovely boyfriend suffered the same and he escaped into books. 📚 I had childhood bullying and escaped into books 📚, art 🖼️, my stories and my imagination. I hope you’re doing better. I’m hoping you find peace, 🕊️ love and support wherever you are much love ❤! L. 🙋🏻♀️💯 Listening this this channel and crappy childhood fairy 🧚♀️ has helped me in my healing ❤️🩹 journey.
I feel her pain. I was SA'd by my father for many years . I loved the public library and reading and also would have my own pretend life in my mind. Im now 62.
Commenting to tell you how sorry I am this happened in your life. I cant fathom a world where this is excused in anyone's brain. Wonderful that you found an escape of sorts in books. I hope you have been experiencing some healing now on this side of adulthood. Blessings to you. ❤
Your revelation broke my heart. I, too, am 62 years old and my father kept his three daughters safe from all harm. I am so deeply sorry that you had to endure SA. 😢😢😢
I can't imagine teaching a kid that they're born "wicked," wrong by default, and can never make mistakes, and then being surprised that they're compulsively apologizing???
@@goinggreenforlongevity9048 when you had kids, did you know they would lie right to your face? Or steal cookies? Or sneak makeup too early in your opinion? That is all sin. You need to be born again to be forgiven and those normal human sins are cancelled as far as east to west. For life!!!! So you ARE born evil🥰 in my opinion🤗
I hate to tell you, but this is a prime perspective of Christianity across all versions of it, stemming from the Adam and Eve story. It’s called “original sin.” The reason that same perspective is not present in Judaism is because it doesn’t take the story literally. It recognizes that it’s an allegorical story.
I was raised Catholic and suffered severe abuse, and was told I was bad & that it was all my fault. I have learned since that many people who call themselves Christian or Catholic cannot be trusted to help me with my spiritual growth. I also apologized, even to the furniture even if I bumped into it. Jesus and the Holy Spirit make us sinless, I do not hold the church as more important than God.
Sheliseann, What an intelligent and empathetic interviewer you are. And Luci is amazing to have grown into such a wise and inspiring person beyond her severely controlled and limiting upbringing. This episode hurts my heart. But well done, Ladies.
It's okay to cry, crying can help you heal and process your feelings. ❤ I've come to believe that healing is a journey, not an endpoint. I don't know if I'll ever feel "completely healed" and I'm okay with that. I can still be more healed than I was 1, 10, or eventually 50 years ago. My goal now is just to continue healing and moving forward.
and if your trauma has not presented that way and is instead feeling incredibly numb what then? I've been through things that most people can't even imagine yet I've never been able to cry about any of it. I guess I've always been expected to be strong,including from my birth. idk if I will ever heal but I know I want to be.
Truly grateful for this channel. I've always been a true crime lover and it's difficult to find creators that expose and empathise instead of sensationalise. Sending lots of love from South Africa.
44:00 in, talking about how kind the bank teller was... Just goes to show you never know the positive, long lasting impact you can have on people simply by doing the right thing and being kind and nice.
I love her ability to escape.. children are so resilient.. I had two imaginary friends at 3 yrs old.. till I got teased to stop about a year later.. Jonny and Conny, a boy and girl.. the human spirit is amazing, like this story.. thank you for sharing!
This story sounded so familiar.. I cried, I laughed, I feel sharing stories like this .. in a safe space, are beautiful to hear. Good job bringing a voice, to everyone always. Your channel is better then any therapist I have seen in Utah. I love therapy, this channel is good therapy for victims. And your always so nice with your guests, it's beautiful.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I wish I was more qualified as an actual therapist but I barely have any time to shower let alone get a psychology degree 🫠🙏 nonetheless I’m so happy it helps people.
@@CultstoConsciousnessHi Shelise, I'm a recently retired from providing psychotherapy for the last 16 years. I also share a performing arts background and am constructively critical. Having seen so many of your videos, I have not ever felt you lacked the skillset to interview your guests. You are awesome!
When people ask me where I'm from I give them the name of the town I'm currently living in or sometimes the town I last lived in, my childhood details I only share once they get to know me. Usually that's good enough, especially if they're just making conversation. Luci's strength is so admirable. I'm in Michigan now (funny enough I lived in Lancaster County PA for many many years) and I see Amish up north. I am always looking to see if anyone gives any indication of needing help. I just feel like I need to look for it. Also, best "Linda Listen" ever! Books were my escape, too.
I live in very rural central Pennsylvania where we have many Amish and Mennonite all around. Horses and Buggies are a regular sighting. I always wonder when I see them how they are and if they need help...
@@jmercaldo It's hard not to wonder, especially after seeing these videos. I remember seeing a Hasidic family walking around in the Inner Harbor area of Baltimore, this is was several years ago even before I found this channel. I remember thinking to myself how happy the sons and father looked but the wife and daughters (who were trailing behind them by a good distance) looked really downtrodden. I always think about them and wonder how they are.
Lucy of all the guests I've watched your story touched me most. I was like you as a child my imagination and books saved me.I also left a cult just to fall into another, I'm so sorry this happened to you!!!! I'm so proud of you for leaving and being brave enough to share - ur awesome chicka
You help so many of us who are not even Amish in sharing your story. It’s such a familiar story of abuse in the “ English” experience as well. Sending you love.
Shelise, the sweet care you give to your guests is palpable. It can’t be easy for some to come on and yet there is much good that can be done. The victims become heroes. Thanks for your lovely work in this space❤️
@@CultstoConsciousnessit really really shows. You and your team are doing such important work, and just like with the idea of universal design, (the concept of providing a level of reasonable accommodation geared towards the people with greatest need, many many others will also benefit, right along with that first group. Example: wheelchair ramps also benefit young children, our elders, and anyone who has a more temporary, but still painful injury. So, I see your style as applying empathy to the level of greatest need or appropriateness, and it’s perfect for guests who are all different beautiful variations of humans - and that is very very cool, and to be protected at all costs - please remain awesome, and know that you are much appreciated, Shelise, Jonathan, and Team- your guests are engaging, diverse, powerful, courageous, and generous with their willingness to be vulnerable , to help others, through the connection that this builds.
I did not grow up in a cult, but this brave woman immediately stole my heart. The only child of a mentally ill single mother, I taught myself to read by the age of four. Books were my only escape. I’m sure many of us, adult children of abuse and neglect can relate to this story. I was 15 by the time I became a ward of New York State and was placed in a group home run by the JCCA: Jewish childcare agency (I’m not Jewish). It was the first time in my life that I had a Christmas tree, a dentist appointment, and a stable home. The year I lived there was the happiest year of my life. We salute your bravery & your healing journey. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Wow the courage of this woman is remarkable. Her escape is harrowing. So glad she’s doing well now. Your mother and sister observed you in an act of survival and you taking an active role as your own hero in your story. Nothing to be ashamed of. Sending all the love and well wishes for your continued healing and future success. 💖🫶🏻
The description of escaping into books got me. That was my childhood in an abusive LDS home. Dreaming of a world where we were safe was what got me through childhood.
OMG.! I really related to this being taught children were "evil" in the Lutheran. And that justified cruelty to children to them. Bless you for speaking out against that ridiculous and unbiblical concept. I support your wonderful work and your speaking truth.
I live within Lutheran church culture, and at least in my country, children are not considered "evil". However, historically, in all Christianity children were considered "evil". That was because they were considered to be born as tainted with the Original Sin of Adam and Eve. This is also the dark reason behind baptizing babies, because if an unbaptized baby died - it had no chance to go to the Paradise. The only way to get rid of the Original Sin was to become Christian and "wash away your sins" through baptism. And in the past babies died in droves. Imagine loosing your newborn, and then also think it will go straight to Hell (or not be revived when Jesus comes back - whichever you believe). But as soon as they were baptized they were not evil anymore. So I guess it can become a thing in the Baptist Protestant Churches, where only grown-ups are baptized. If they also believe that it is easier to be tempted by the devil if you haven't yet become official part of the church and "washed away your sins".
She is so strong, I’m so glad she was able to escape. I am an over apologiser, people complain about it, but it stems from over correction due to strict upbringing. It’s not easy to undo, you’re doing amazing.
When I was like 13, I did an Amish tour in Tennessee. I remember I had my nose pierced, my hair was dyed bright red, and I got a nose bleed in the middle of the tour. We had to awkwardly ask for a tissue/towel, but they were trying to avoid us. Back then I thought the Amish lifestyle was wild, but I never imagined it being as complex as it is. Love your channel for giving people the platform to share ❤️
Thank you for introducing us to Luci and to Luci for telling her story. Look forward to the next installation of her story and meeting her husband as well and hearing his life story too. Wonderful that Luci was able to escape in reading. That was my tried and true escape throughout my youth even though I was only in a high control, abusive family cult. So impressive the strength and resolve that it takes to claim yourself and get away from such a controlling system. So glad for you that the following part of your life has been better. Childhood can be very rough to get through for many of us. And it's not like we shake that instantly or immediately. It takes years. Happy for you that you have a partner in your husband who can relate to what you've been through. 💗
Different upbringing (isolated on a farm in a family cult) but very much used books to escape. My dad used to hide my books randomly as a punishment. I used to hide books under my shirt tucked into my waistband in order to keep them secret and safe. Thank you for sharing your story Luci ❤️
Thank you so much Lucinda for your willingness to share your story!! This is so important to bring awareness!! I’m sorry for the horrible pain you experienced!! I’m looking forward to hearing part two!!
I have watched your channel from the beginning, it's wonderful to see how much your channel has grown. I just love all the guests strength, while telling their experiences. You do a great job Shelise.
You did not betray anyone. You were facing the impossible and you found a way to face it. People much older and stronger wouldn’t have been strong enough to do what you did.
I thought this interview was immensely compelling. Luci, you are a master narrator... and Sherise Ann, a master interviewer. Very well done. I do not come from an abusive childhood, but a happy one. Yet I grew up to be a writer of novels for kids and teens (mystery, suspense, a little magic--all with happy endings) and the most memorable comments I've had from fans over the years are the ones that said the readers ESCAPED into my books when they could not escape what was going on in their homes. You said the same, Luci, in your podcast, and many of the comments here are also testament to the power of books, of story, of fiction. Finding friends in fictional characters. Scary/creepy adventures that turn out just fine! Models of family life. My books, I hope, offer readers both entertainment and that all-important kernel of hope... showing readers that life holds many paths and possibilities. If the path you're on does not suit you, or is harmful to you, books can bring to life a different model--of family life, of how to be a friend, of what a good marriage looks like. . . and can also teach history, take you traveling the world, shine a light on societal ills and current events, and so much more. All in the guise of a good mystery! I looked at your Facebook page, Luci, and saw photos of your family; I am sure you're a wonderful and inspiring mother to your children, and I'm sure that your home is brimming with books and that getting a library card for each child is one of their earliest memories! I am inspired by your story of strength and resilience. Thank you so much for sharing it. 🥲📚
OMG I have been following this channel for a long time and this story took place in the town next to mine and that just blows my mind. Really hits home and makes this all more real. Luci, you're amazing.
Luci! You are a strong, beautiful brave soul! I cried with you, but I'm celebrating your perseverance in finding your own way! You've set an amazing example for your sister that you CAN make a positive choice. Much love to you!
Luci..... You are such a Beautiful human. Your story is very important, inspiring, and you are very strong!!!!!! This brought me to tears. Thank you to both of you for educating people. I cannot wait for the second part to hear your Husband's story also. Sending you lots of love. 💖💖💖💖
@@kmo8536 Yes, I understand that. I have also met people that left years ago and they have a distinct accent as English is their second language. Speech patterns are set around age 13. Luci mentioned she at the end of this interview she worked hard on her speech in English. That is very impressive. It is much harder than you would think.
Loved this video!!! What a brave and amazing lady! Thank you for sharing your story. Although not Amish, I could identify with your story and the "tears of manipulation" a parent abuser will shed to get their way. So glad you are free and living your best life. The best "Linda Listen" ... "Education is important because it makes you free!' Very true. ❤
Dear Luci, your story is absolutely riveting and there's so much I want to say. You are an inspiration and a testament to the powers of perseverance, inquisitiveness, tenacity, perceptiveness, courage, physical and mental fortitude, and I could go on and on. Every story I've heard so far on Shelise's channel has been extremely moving and impactful, but yours stands out because I feel that we have a somewhat similar way of looking at the world, even with vastly different life experiences. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Big ol' virtual hug 🤗 Did you ever wish that you didn't have doubts, didn't question what you were being taught, and could just "go with the flow" like others in the community? Your curiosity, intelligence, strength, resourcefulness, & self-preservation instincts are such invaluable and somewhat rare attributes, and I just wonder if you considered those things to be more of a curse than a blessing at times. I find it so fascinating yet bittersweet & ironic that the gifts and talents that intensified your suffering and shattered any rose-colored glasses you might have been able to put on are the same qualities that gave you the will and the courage to get away. Hope that makes sense! On a VERY micro scale, I (and probably many others) can relate to many of the feelings and coping mechanisms you described: Escaping through reading, imaginary friends & an alternate fantasy life; living in constant fear and apologizing excessively; seeking approval, validation, and connection; sensing something is "off" and not just dismissing it; keeping things to yourself because you know it wouldn't help your situation to complain; complying outwardly & pretending that your will and spirit had been successfully broken so as to not call too much attention to yourself or arouse suspicion... as a fellow free-thinker and seeker of knowledge, it's hard to fathom what it must have been like to have so little control over what you could take in and experience outside of the insular community that discouraged and suppressed independent thought. Two moments in the video were particularly moving and heartbreaking to me - when you spoke of leaving your little sister behind, and when you described arriving at your brother and SIL's house and how it felt to be cared for by your SIL after having been deprived of such kindnesses for so long. Kind of opposite extremes within the same event. I hope you've been able to forgive yourself for leaving your sis - you did nothing wrong, and from my perspective, she would have lost you permanently if you hadn't escaped. Not necessarily physically, but mentally and emotionally - if you stayed, there would have probably come a time when you disappeared inside yourself, became just a shell, and you spared her from seeing her big sister descend into darkness and despair and who knows what else. Shelise, I'm sure you hear it all the time, but you are such an amazing person, and this is your calling. I just discovered your channel recently and this is the first video I've seen where there is a dog, and I must also humbly request that you give him/her a pet for me ❤
What a lovely, thoughtful and compassionate comment! Thank you for being such a safe space for Luci. Welcome to C2C! Yes, that is my Oscar Meyer weiner and he’s our little studio mascot. Always in recordings with me and sometimes on my lap just below the frame. Only once (our most recent live) did he make a ruckus and I had to calm him down lol
I feel intrigued and validated by your intuitive and thoughtful comment. Thank you! Yes, I often felt that my self preservation attributes were a curse. ❤️
@@lucindacoblentz6699 Thanks for the reply - I was questioning if my comment was too lengthy, but since you enjoy reading, I figured it'd be OK😉 Edit: Looking forward to your book - if you need a proofreader/2nd set of eyes/editor, I'd be happy to volunteer. Writing is my jam (and math and science and music and dogs and bowling).
What a brave, intelligent, loving, pure and everything Luci is. I am sending you so many hugs. ❤❤❤ and Shelise, each interview you do is filled with love, compassion, curiosity, freedom and a great laugh. Keep up the good work
I grew up Molokan and in a lot of ways, though I know it’s not specifically Amish, some things are similar, I can relate to her story. Especially the part about trying to escape condemnation, daydreaming about having normal family and developing scrupulosity 😢 I just want to give her a hug
Luci, Thankyou. You inspire me and you are an amazing survivor. I resonate deeply with parts of your story. Especially the little girl who had a vivid imagination and created whole new realities. I also did that. And I never realized it was an escape from the unhappinesses and loneliness and fear of punishment I was living in.
I grow up Amish in Ohio till I was 18. It amazes me how that even though the communities are different in some ways, they are the same in that abuse is hidden/covered up a lot. 😢 I grow up in with an alcoholic father and abuse as well ( although not as bad as this guests) and it was not ok to a lot of the community that I called 911 and turned him in for abusing my mom.
You are so right: reading widely is so important. Not everything is true or accurate, but if you have the perspectives of many, many people, you begin to understand what is useful and what is not. If someone else chooses your books, you do not gain that perspective and your education is stunted.
What incredible determination and strength you had to escape and to keep going. You are more than your story. I come from an unusual background and you guys are so right it’s complex and something I don’t always want to talk about.
Shelise, it would be amazing if you had an event where you bring all your guests together in the same room. There would be so much beauty inside and outside. You could put together an amazing book by compialing a portrait of each person with their story. It would be breathtaking.
What a traumatic situation. You didn't betray your sister,you saved yourself. I wonder,did you do trauma counseling? Thank you for your courage in sharing.
I have no idea who this beautiful woman is but I’m sending you a big hug and telling you you’re unbelievably brave and courageous!!! I have snot bubbles coming out of my nose from crying. I have no idea if I could’ve done what you did. Hugs from PA!!! I just can’t wrap my head around all this abuse. Thank goodness you’re in a safe place now.
Wow, Lucy you have survived so much & are so brave.Thank you for sharing your life with us,I cried with you many times. I would bet your mother had never been prouder, secretly of you than she was that day she watched you run. I am so proud of you. As always thank you Shelise for this platform
I am amazed at not only the bravery of these women, but the fact that they educate themselves after they get out of their abusive environments. They succeed against all odds. Luci, you are an amazing person and an inspiration. I came from an abusive home and had an entire fantasy life. I thought I was a freak. I have since learned the term is called maladaptive daydreaming. Thank you so much for telling your story.
Being awakened by reading books is also the story of Deborah Feldman, as she wrote in "Unorthodox". (Miniseries is an adaptation, her book is an autobiography) worth reading.
I completely get the idea of finding another world within a book to escape the pain of life. My dad was also chosen by lot, and it weighed heavily upon him. I'm so sorry for your journey. May you find peace. You are not along.
I don't come from a high control group but due to being neurodivergent I also ended up hiding in the school library from my bullies and escaping into books. Books can give a lot more than just knowledge, they're very much the best support in the world
Thank you for sharing your story. I wasn’t raised Amish, but I was raised in a high control, fear-based, cult-like religion that claimed to be the only right church. I had a lightbulb moment when you talked about how women were treated like children and the men acted like children, and your struggles with instantly apologizing. I relate so much to your struggles and am still working through it all, just now starting counseling after being out of it for 21 years.
Thank you for telling your story Luci- Your life has been so traumatic. I also appreciate you sharing because it makes me feel less alone having gone through severe trauma too. Thanks for your honesty- there's so much that people don't understand unless they hear the full scope of an experience like yours.
I live in Pennsylvania and everyone loves Amish people here, like they are out "treasure". If you told someone here that you were ex-Mormon they would look at you like you are weird. Even more so if you were one of Fundamentalist Mormons. But people might look at you as if YOU were the "bad one" if you said you were ex-Amish because we want to believe they are cute and wholesome, like Little House on the Prairie.
I want to express my respect to these brave women, you really are an example to follow. Thank you for reminding us not to take anything for granted. Be very happy!
What an amazing story. God bless you. You are a survivor and a strong woman! I work in an airport and see many Amish families and always wonder what their lives are like. I know they aren't all the same, but now I have a general idea. Anything that's in excess is never good. Controlling your family and children to the point that they are so limited in their lives is just not normal. Good luck in everything that you continue to do with your life.
Luci's story is an excellent example of why it's so important to treat individuals caught up in these abusive communities with kindness and humanity. YOU might be the only person outside that community they come across, and not only should kindness be a default with every new person you meet, but your kindness will fly in the face of all the the fear and evil they've been taught to expect of the outside world.
Your story is so incredibly inspiring ❣️ You are so brave & strong 💪🏿 ❤ Profuse thanks for sharing your feelings & experiences. You embody Amazing Grace❤️🔥
I grew up learning how to survive, i knew how to live without electricity, running water and knew how to can and preserve food. I was told by people a lot that you could be Amish. I hated that because I knew how it really was in the settlements we lived near in Michigan.
When she relayed how her family members held her hostage and her brother berated her and told her how "sinful" she was, it took me back to when I was 19 and my older brother did the same thing to me. It’s heartbreaking, soul crushing, and beyond devastating when someone who is supposed to care about you does something like that to you. My brother made me write a 3-page essay explaining why I was such a sinful and horrible person. The same brother who se**ally abused me when I was 6 years old. Try to unravel that mind f**k.
@@lucindacoblentz6699I was raised Mormon in a family of 15 (13 kids). Although we were considered "mainstream", a lot of your story resonates with me. Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story. It’s healing and validating for so many of us.❤
You did not fail your sister. You showed her it is possible to leave.
💯
this!!!!! I left when my little cousin was 4, she was later married off at 17 and then she left 2 years after and found me. She knew that was an option because I left! She told me that
❤️🙏🏼
Also, I feel that by leaving, she spared her sister from what would have likely been a descent into darkness and possibly madness if she'd stayed, and that would have been a much worse and more permanent outcome.
Very true❤
I was not in a cult growing up but, in an abusive household. I also escaped the abuse within the pages of books. I relate to the guests in my own way. Thank y'all so much from Corpus Christi Tx.
I’m curious what you did with your life as an adult you said you escaped within your books 📚! Did you build your expirience into a career? I’m so very immensely sorry the abuse you suffered my lovely boyfriend suffered the same and he escaped into books. 📚 I had childhood bullying and escaped into books 📚, art 🖼️, my stories and my imagination. I hope you’re doing better. I’m hoping you find peace, 🕊️ love and support wherever you are much love ❤! L. 🙋🏻♀️💯 Listening this this channel and crappy childhood fairy 🧚♀️ has helped me in my healing ❤️🩹 journey.
Wow, same here. 😢
Sending ❤. I'm so sorry for what you went through. Hopefully, things are better now for you.
Same. I got a law degree and never looked back.
Same here in Washington. 😢
Her voice was breaking for a large portion of this interview. I cant imagine how difficult it was for her. So courageous. Thanks for sharing.
I feel her pain. I was SA'd by my father for many years . I loved the public library and reading and also would have my own pretend life in my mind. Im now 62.
Commenting to tell you how sorry I am this happened in your life. I cant fathom a world where this is excused in anyone's brain. Wonderful that you found an escape of sorts in books. I hope you have been experiencing some healing now on this side of adulthood. Blessings to you. ❤
I’m so sorry that happened to you 😔❤️
Your revelation broke my heart. I, too, am 62 years old and my father kept his three daughters safe from all harm. I am so deeply sorry that you had to endure SA. 😢😢😢
They don't treat dogs well. They are bad breeders
Sounds like a lot of overlap with other religions. Plymouth thought the world revolved around them but now things look like they are a wreck.
I can't imagine teaching a kid that they're born "wicked," wrong by default, and can never make mistakes, and then being surprised that they're compulsively apologizing???
I wasn't raised Amish, just fundamentalist Christian, yet I was also taught the same "theology".
In the catholic church babies are born with original sin thank god I am episcopalian now
@@goinggreenforlongevity9048 when you had kids, did you know they would lie right to your face? Or steal cookies? Or sneak makeup too early in your opinion? That is all sin. You need to be born again to be forgiven and those normal human sins are cancelled as far as east to west. For life!!!! So you ARE born evil🥰 in my opinion🤗
I hate to tell you, but this is a prime perspective of Christianity across all versions of it, stemming from the Adam and Eve story. It’s called “original sin.” The reason that same perspective is not present in Judaism is because it doesn’t take the story literally. It recognizes that it’s an allegorical story.
I was raised Catholic and suffered severe abuse, and was told I was bad & that it was all my fault. I have learned since that many people who call themselves Christian or Catholic cannot be trusted to help me with my spiritual growth.
I also apologized, even to the furniture even if I bumped into it. Jesus and the Holy Spirit make us sinless, I do not hold the church as more important than God.
Break the silence. Break the cycle.
Sheliseann, What an intelligent and empathetic interviewer you are. And Luci is amazing to have grown into such a wise and inspiring person beyond her severely controlled and limiting upbringing. This episode hurts my heart. But well done, Ladies.
Thank you!❤️
They say you are healed when you can tell your story without crying. I'm 60 and still crying❤
Me too! 😢
It’s a journey. For me, it gets easier with each time, but sometimes tears come up and that’s ok ❤️
Me too❤️
It's okay to cry, crying can help you heal and process your feelings. ❤ I've come to believe that healing is a journey, not an endpoint. I don't know if I'll ever feel "completely healed" and I'm okay with that. I can still be more healed than I was 1, 10, or eventually 50 years ago. My goal now is just to continue healing and moving forward.
and if your trauma has not presented that way and is instead feeling incredibly numb what then?
I've been through things that most people can't even imagine yet I've never been able to cry about any of it. I guess I've always been expected to be strong,including from my birth. idk if I will ever heal but I know I want to be.
Truly grateful for this channel. I've always been a true crime lover and it's difficult to find creators that expose and empathise instead of sensationalise. Sending lots of love from South Africa.
Thank you so much, Sarah!❤️🙏
The daydreaming she spoke about is called "Maladaptive Daydreaming". It's often a trauma coping mechanism. 💛
The way the brain protects us is fascinating! I’m sorry your childhood was so horrible!!
❤
44:00 in, talking about how kind the bank teller was... Just goes to show you never know the positive, long lasting impact you can have on people simply by doing the right thing and being kind and nice.
❤❤
You didn't let your sister down, you saved yourself. She might have been upset for a while, but might eventually understand why you left.
I love her ability to escape.. children are so resilient.. I had two imaginary friends at 3 yrs old.. till I got teased to stop about a year later.. Jonny and Conny, a boy and girl.. the human spirit is amazing, like this story.. thank you for sharing!
This story sounded so familiar.. I cried, I laughed, I feel sharing stories like this .. in a safe space, are beautiful to hear. Good job bringing a voice, to everyone always. Your channel is better then any therapist I have seen in Utah. I love therapy, this channel is good therapy for victims. And your always so nice with your guests, it's beautiful.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I wish I was more qualified as an actual therapist but I barely have any time to shower let alone get a psychology degree 🫠🙏 nonetheless I’m so happy it helps people.
@@CultstoConsciousnessHi Shelise, I'm a recently retired from providing psychotherapy for the last 16 years. I also share a performing arts background and am constructively critical.
Having seen so many of your videos, I have not ever felt you lacked the skillset to interview your guests. You are awesome!
This life story made me BAWL. I'm so proud of her. 😭
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When people ask me where I'm from I give them the name of the town I'm currently living in or sometimes the town I last lived in, my childhood details I only share once they get to know me. Usually that's good enough, especially if they're just making conversation.
Luci's strength is so admirable. I'm in Michigan now (funny enough I lived in Lancaster County PA for many many years) and I see Amish up north. I am always looking to see if anyone gives any indication of needing help. I just feel like I need to look for it.
Also, best "Linda Listen" ever! Books were my escape, too.
I live in very rural central Pennsylvania where we have many Amish and Mennonite all around. Horses and Buggies are a regular sighting. I always wonder when I see them how they are and if they need help...
@@jmercaldo It's hard not to wonder, especially after seeing these videos. I remember seeing a Hasidic family walking around in the Inner Harbor area of Baltimore, this is was several years ago even before I found this channel. I remember thinking to myself how happy the sons and father looked but the wife and daughters (who were trailing behind them by a good distance) looked really downtrodden. I always think about them and wonder how they are.
Lucy of all the guests I've watched your story touched me most. I was like you as a child my imagination and books saved me.I also left a cult just to fall into another, I'm so sorry this happened to you!!!! I'm so proud of you for leaving and being brave enough to share - ur awesome chicka
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You help so many of us who are not even Amish in sharing your story. It’s such a familiar story of abuse in the “ English” experience as well. Sending you love.
Shelise, the sweet care you give to your guests is palpable. It can’t be easy for some to come on and yet there is much good that can be done. The victims become heroes. Thanks for your lovely work in this space❤️
Thank you so much ❤️❤️ I do my best
@@CultstoConsciousnessit really really shows. You and your team are doing such important work, and just like with the idea of universal design, (the concept of providing a level of reasonable accommodation geared towards the people with greatest need, many many others will also benefit, right along with that first group. Example: wheelchair ramps also benefit young children, our elders, and anyone who has a more temporary, but still painful injury.
So, I see your style as applying empathy to the level of greatest need or appropriateness, and it’s perfect for guests who are all different beautiful variations of humans - and that is very very cool, and to be protected at all costs - please remain awesome, and know that you are much appreciated, Shelise, Jonathan, and Team- your guests are engaging, diverse, powerful, courageous, and generous with their willingness to be vulnerable , to help others, through the connection that this builds.
I agree.
I did not grow up in a cult, but this brave woman immediately stole my heart. The only child of a mentally ill single mother, I taught myself to read by the age of four. Books were my only escape. I’m sure many of us, adult children of abuse and neglect can relate to this story. I was 15 by the time I became a ward of New York State and was placed in a group home run by the JCCA: Jewish childcare agency (I’m not Jewish). It was the first time in my life that I had a Christmas tree, a dentist appointment, and a stable home. The year I lived there was the happiest year of my life. We salute your bravery & your healing journey. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Running away sounded like a real horror movie. I can't imagine the anxiety, so glad your sister-in-law gave you a hug and took care of you at the end❤
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This lady is so brave! I adore Shalice and her gentle understanding. She is such an amazing therapeutic person
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I feel like this is one of the most emotionally impactful episodes.
Wow the courage of this woman is remarkable. Her escape is harrowing. So glad she’s doing well now. Your mother and sister observed you in an act of survival and you taking an active role as your own hero in your story. Nothing to be ashamed of. Sending all the love and well wishes for your continued healing and future success. 💖🫶🏻
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The description of escaping into books got me. That was my childhood in an abusive LDS home. Dreaming of a world where we were safe was what got me through childhood.
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OMG.! I really related to this being taught children were "evil" in the Lutheran. And that justified cruelty to children to them. Bless you for speaking out against that ridiculous and unbiblical concept. I support your wonderful work and your speaking truth.
I live within Lutheran church culture, and at least in my country, children are not considered "evil".
However, historically, in all Christianity children were considered "evil". That was because they were considered to be born as tainted with the Original Sin of Adam and Eve. This is also the dark reason behind baptizing babies, because if an unbaptized baby died - it had no chance to go to the Paradise. The only way to get rid of the Original Sin was to become Christian and "wash away your sins" through baptism. And in the past babies died in droves. Imagine loosing your newborn, and then also think it will go straight to Hell (or not be revived when Jesus comes back - whichever you believe). But as soon as they were baptized they were not evil anymore.
So I guess it can become a thing in the Baptist Protestant Churches, where only grown-ups are baptized. If they also believe that it is easier to be tempted by the devil if you haven't yet become official part of the church and "washed away your sins".
Well I made it 47 seconds before crying. ❤ Sending yall so much love. Power To Survivors ❤
A compelling and horrible story, but so glad she escaped and is doing better now. Live a good life on YOUR terms, Luci! Thanks Luci and Shelise.
Thank you!
She is so strong, I’m so glad she was able to escape. I am an over apologiser, people complain about it, but it stems from over correction due to strict upbringing. It’s not easy to undo, you’re doing amazing.
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I am bowled over by Luci's resiliency and wisdom. Great interview.
When I was like 13, I did an Amish tour in Tennessee. I remember I had my nose pierced, my hair was dyed bright red, and I got a nose bleed in the middle of the tour. We had to awkwardly ask for a tissue/towel, but they were trying to avoid us.
Back then I thought the Amish lifestyle was wild, but I never imagined it being as complex as it is. Love your channel for giving people the platform to share ❤️
Thank you for introducing us to Luci and to Luci for telling her story. Look forward to the next installation of her story and meeting her husband as well and hearing his life story too. Wonderful that Luci was able to escape in reading. That was my tried and true escape throughout my youth even though I was only in a high control, abusive family cult. So impressive the strength and resolve that it takes to claim yourself and get away from such a controlling system. So glad for you that the following part of your life has been better. Childhood can be very rough to get through for many of us. And it's not like we shake that instantly or immediately. It takes years. Happy for you that you have a partner in your husband who can relate to what you've been through. 💗
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Lucy explained things perfectly. As a fellow JW, it's so sadly similar.
Different upbringing (isolated on a farm in a family cult) but very much used books to escape. My dad used to hide my books randomly as a punishment. I used to hide books under my shirt tucked into my waistband in order to keep them secret and safe. Thank you for sharing your story Luci ❤️
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y'all are so strong, thank u for sharing your story ♡ wishing yall the best you guys truly deserve it
Thank you so much Lucinda for your willingness to share your story!! This is so important to bring awareness!! I’m sorry for the horrible pain you experienced!! I’m looking forward to hearing part two!!
I have watched your channel from the beginning, it's wonderful to see how much your channel has grown. I just love all the guests strength, while telling their experiences. You do a great job Shelise.
Thank you so much, Linda!
You did not betray anyone. You were facing the impossible and you found a way to face it. People much older and stronger wouldn’t have been strong enough to do what you did.
Thank you ❤
I thought this interview was immensely compelling. Luci, you are a master narrator... and Sherise Ann, a master interviewer. Very well done. I do not come from an abusive childhood, but a happy one. Yet I grew up to be a writer of novels for kids and teens (mystery, suspense, a little magic--all with happy endings) and the most memorable comments I've had from fans over the years are the ones that said the readers ESCAPED into my books when they could not escape what was going on in their homes. You said the same, Luci, in your podcast, and many of the comments here are also testament to the power of books, of story, of fiction. Finding friends in fictional characters. Scary/creepy adventures that turn out just fine! Models of family life. My books, I hope, offer readers both entertainment and that all-important kernel of hope... showing readers that life holds many paths and possibilities. If the path you're on does not suit you, or is harmful to you, books can bring to life a different model--of family life, of how to be a friend, of what a good marriage looks like. . . and can also teach history, take you traveling the world, shine a light on societal ills and current events, and so much more. All in the guise of a good mystery! I looked at your Facebook page, Luci, and saw photos of your family; I am sure you're a wonderful and inspiring mother to your children, and I'm sure that your home is brimming with books and that getting a library card for each child is one of their earliest memories! I am inspired by your story of strength and resilience. Thank you so much for sharing it. 🥲📚
Oh wow!! Thanks for sharing that! And thanks for your kind words
Thank you! ❤ I appreciate your comment.
Wow best interview yet!! What a lovely honest girl, I was choked up there a few times. God bless her.. Regards.. James.. England
Thank you ❤
Omg. Cliffhanger ending. Damn. Her story is incredible!
Silence kills us. Talking heals ❤
Can't wait for part 2. So brave this woman is. Thank you for sharing your story.
Something I always say is if you're not happy make a change! I'm so proud of you ☺️
What an incredible story! I'm so glad to hear she's writing a book on it - it deserves to be told, and I hope it helps her in her healing too ❤
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Books were my escape as well. Thank you for sharing your story ❤
OMG I have been following this channel for a long time and this story took place in the town next to mine and that just blows my mind. Really hits home and makes this all more real. Luci, you're amazing.
Thank you ❤
Luci! You are a strong, beautiful brave soul! I cried with you, but I'm celebrating your perseverance in finding your own way! You've set an amazing example for your sister that you CAN make a positive choice. Much love to you!
Thank you ❤
Luci..... You are such a Beautiful human. Your story is very important, inspiring, and you are very strong!!!!!! This brought me to tears. Thank you to both of you for educating people. I cannot wait for the second part to hear your Husband's story also. Sending you lots of love. 💖💖💖💖
🙏🏼🤗 Thank you.
Believe everyone telling you Lucinda... YOU are a beautiful soul inside and out!
Thank you ❤
I’m really impressed by Luci’s articulation in her speech.
The Amish I meet in my area often have an accent when speaking English.
She left years ago
@@kmo8536 Yes, I understand that. I have also met people that left years ago and they have a distinct accent as English is their second language. Speech patterns are set around age 13.
Luci mentioned she at the end of this interview she worked hard on her speech in English. That is very impressive. It is much harder than you would think.
A very emotional story. Thank you for sharing. We learn from each other. And...I love to read too.
Your story is tragic and amazing! Break the cycme if trauma and continue speaking out. You are an incredible person Luci.
Thank you. ❤
Stories like this need to be shared.
Thank you for continuing to share the voices of survivors in a compassionate way. ❤
Luci, you are amazing. Your book is going to be wonderful, I am sure of it. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you.
Liked. Shared. Commented. Up the algorithm so everyone who needs to see it does.
Up the algorithm more.
Loved this video!!! What a brave and amazing lady! Thank you for sharing your story. Although not Amish, I could identify with your story and the "tears of manipulation" a parent abuser will shed to get their way. So glad you are free and living your best life. The best "Linda Listen" ... "Education is important because it makes you free!' Very true. ❤
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Dear Luci, your story is absolutely riveting and there's so much I want to say. You are an inspiration and a testament to the powers of perseverance, inquisitiveness, tenacity, perceptiveness, courage, physical and mental fortitude, and I could go on and on. Every story I've heard so far on Shelise's channel has been extremely moving and impactful, but yours stands out because I feel that we have a somewhat similar way of looking at the world, even with vastly different life experiences. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Big ol' virtual hug 🤗
Did you ever wish that you didn't have doubts, didn't question what you were being taught, and could just "go with the flow" like others in the community? Your curiosity, intelligence, strength, resourcefulness, & self-preservation instincts are such invaluable and somewhat rare attributes, and I just wonder if you considered those things to be more of a curse than a blessing at times. I find it so fascinating yet bittersweet & ironic that the gifts and talents that intensified your suffering and shattered any rose-colored glasses you might have been able to put on are the same qualities that gave you the will and the courage to get away. Hope that makes sense!
On a VERY micro scale, I (and probably many others) can relate to many of the feelings and coping mechanisms you described: Escaping through reading, imaginary friends & an alternate fantasy life; living in constant fear and apologizing excessively; seeking approval, validation, and connection; sensing something is "off" and not just dismissing it; keeping things to yourself because you know it wouldn't help your situation to complain; complying outwardly & pretending that your will and spirit had been successfully broken so as to not call too much attention to yourself or arouse suspicion... as a fellow free-thinker and seeker of knowledge, it's hard to fathom what it must have been like to have so little control over what you could take in and experience outside of the insular community that discouraged and suppressed independent thought.
Two moments in the video were particularly moving and heartbreaking to me - when you spoke of leaving your little sister behind, and when you described arriving at your brother and SIL's house and how it felt to be cared for by your SIL after having been deprived of such kindnesses for so long. Kind of opposite extremes within the same event. I hope you've been able to forgive yourself for leaving your sis - you did nothing wrong, and from my perspective, she would have lost you permanently if you hadn't escaped. Not necessarily physically, but mentally and emotionally - if you stayed, there would have probably come a time when you disappeared inside yourself, became just a shell, and you spared her from seeing her big sister descend into darkness and despair and who knows what else.
Shelise, I'm sure you hear it all the time, but you are such an amazing person, and this is your calling. I just discovered your channel recently and this is the first video I've seen where there is a dog, and I must also humbly request that you give him/her a pet for me ❤
What a lovely, thoughtful and compassionate comment! Thank you for being such a safe space for Luci. Welcome to C2C! Yes, that is my Oscar Meyer weiner and he’s our little studio mascot. Always in recordings with me and sometimes on my lap just below the frame. Only once (our most recent live) did he make a ruckus and I had to calm him down lol
I feel intrigued and validated by your intuitive and thoughtful comment. Thank you! Yes, I often felt that my self preservation attributes were a curse. ❤️
@@CultstoConsciousness LOL, we all gotta make a ruckus on occasion☺
Thx for the reply❤
@@lucindacoblentz6699 Thanks for the reply - I was questioning if my comment was too lengthy, but since you enjoy reading, I figured it'd be OK😉
Edit: Looking forward to your book - if you need a proofreader/2nd set of eyes/editor, I'd be happy to volunteer. Writing is my jam (and math and science and music and dogs and bowling).
What a brave, intelligent, loving, pure and everything Luci is. I am sending you so many hugs. ❤❤❤ and Shelise, each interview you do is filled with love, compassion, curiosity, freedom and a great laugh. Keep up the good work
I grew up Molokan and in a lot of ways, though I know it’s not specifically Amish, some things are similar, I can relate to her story. Especially the part about trying to escape condemnation, daydreaming about having normal family and developing scrupulosity 😢 I just want to give her a hug
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Luci, Thankyou. You inspire me and you are an amazing survivor. I resonate deeply with parts of your story. Especially the little girl who had a vivid imagination and created whole new realities. I also did that. And I never realized it was an escape from the unhappinesses and loneliness and fear of punishment I was living in.
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As the youngest of 3 girls with a troubled childhood- you leaving is the best thing you could do for your siblings. You did the right thing.
Thank you for saying that. ❤
I grow up Amish in Ohio till I was 18. It amazes me how that even though the communities are different in some ways, they are the same in that abuse is hidden/covered up a lot. 😢
I grow up in with an alcoholic father and abuse as well ( although not as bad as this guests) and it was not ok to a lot of the community that I called 911 and turned him in for abusing my mom.
Trauma REWIRES THE CHILDS BRAIN. It sounds like she was disassociating.
You are so right: reading widely is so important. Not everything is true or accurate, but if you have the perspectives of many, many people, you begin to understand what is useful and what is not. If someone else chooses your books, you do not gain that perspective and your education is stunted.
Well said. ❤
What incredible determination and strength you had to escape and to keep going. You are more than your story. I come from an unusual background and you guys are so right it’s complex and something I don’t always want to talk about.
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What an amazing interview an what a brave an determined woman. I loved what she said about education makes us free, soooo true!!
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Shelise, it would be amazing if you had an event where you bring all your guests together in the same room. There would be so much beauty inside and outside. You could put together an amazing book by compialing a portrait of each person with their story. It would be breathtaking.
What a traumatic situation. You didn't betray your sister,you saved yourself. I wonder,did you do trauma counseling? Thank you for your courage in sharing.
Yes, I did. Thank you. ❤
I have no idea who this beautiful woman is but I’m sending you a big hug and telling you you’re unbelievably brave and courageous!!! I have snot bubbles coming out of my nose from crying. I have no idea if I could’ve done what you did. Hugs from PA!!! I just can’t wrap my head around all this abuse. Thank goodness you’re in a safe place now.
Wow, Lucy you have survived so much & are so brave.Thank you for sharing your life with us,I cried with you many times. I would bet your mother had never been prouder, secretly of you than she was that day she watched you run. I am so proud of you. As always thank you Shelise for this platform
Thank you❤
Wow, another heartbreaking interview. Looking forward to part 2. ❤ what a brave young lady.
Such a thoughtful and articulate guest! Amazing interview.
I am amazed at not only the bravery of these women, but the fact that they educate themselves after they get out of their abusive environments. They succeed against all odds. Luci, you are an amazing person and an inspiration. I came from an abusive home and had an entire fantasy life. I thought I was a freak. I have since learned the term is called maladaptive daydreaming. Thank you so much for telling your story.
Thank you! Our brains are so good at protecting us when we need it. ❤
Thank you for taking the time to tell us your story. You are a true inspiration to so many people.
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Being awakened by reading books is also the story of Deborah Feldman, as she wrote in "Unorthodox". (Miniseries is an adaptation, her book is an autobiography) worth reading.
This would make a great movie!! I can’t wait for part 2
I completely get the idea of finding another world within a book to escape the pain of life. My dad was also chosen by lot, and it weighed heavily upon him. I'm so sorry for your journey. May you find peace. You are not along.
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I was glued to every second of this...what a lovely woman and looking forward to part 2 ❤
Education makes us free and that is why it is important
I don't come from a high control group but due to being neurodivergent I also ended up hiding in the school library from my bullies and escaping into books. Books can give a lot more than just knowledge, they're very much the best support in the world
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Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story :) Also, Shelise you have the coolest/ prettiest shirts ever!
Aww thank you! I love clothes a little too much 👀 just ask Jonathan lol
Thank you for sharing your story. I wasn’t raised Amish, but I was raised in a high control, fear-based, cult-like religion that claimed to be the only right church. I had a lightbulb moment when you talked about how women were treated like children and the men acted like children, and your struggles with instantly apologizing. I relate so much to your struggles and am still working through it all, just now starting counseling after being out of it for 21 years.
What an incredible testimony. I’m ready for the next part
WOW...Luci's escape story would make a powerful movie...just NOT on the Hallmark channel!
I’d love you to ask Luci how many of her siblings have left now if you do a second interview.
Thank you for telling your story Luci- Your life has been so traumatic. I also appreciate you sharing because it makes me feel less alone having gone through severe trauma too. Thanks for your honesty- there's so much that people don't understand unless they hear the full scope of an experience like yours.
Thank you so much! We are not alone. Thank you for sharing this. ❤️
Break the silence, break the cycle
I love your series! These stories deserve to be heard and I’m proud to be part of the audience.
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I live in Pennsylvania and everyone loves Amish people here, like they are out "treasure". If you told someone here that you were ex-Mormon they would look at you like you are weird. Even more so if you were one of Fundamentalist Mormons. But people might look at you as if YOU were the "bad one" if you said you were ex-Amish because we want to believe they are cute and wholesome, like Little House on the Prairie.
I want to express my respect to these brave women, you really are an example to follow. Thank you for reminding us not to take anything for granted. Be very happy!
This was heart breaking to hear the pain in her voice . Looking forward to part 2
What an amazing story. God bless you. You are a survivor and a strong woman! I work in an airport and see many Amish families and always wonder what their lives are like. I know they aren't all the same, but now I have a general idea. Anything that's in excess is never good. Controlling your family and children to the point that they are so limited in their lives is just not normal. Good luck in everything that you continue to do with your life.
Your strong girl may you live the rest of your life blessed and full of happiness
Thank you.
What a testimony!!!!!! Many blessings to you all!!!! 💖
Luci's story is an excellent example of why it's so important to treat individuals caught up in these abusive communities with kindness and humanity. YOU might be the only person outside that community they come across, and not only should kindness be a default with every new person you meet, but your kindness will fly in the face of all the the fear and evil they've been taught to expect of the outside world.
Well said ❤
Incredible story! Can't wait to hear the rest of the story!
Your story is so incredibly inspiring ❣️ You are so brave & strong 💪🏿 ❤ Profuse thanks for sharing your feelings & experiences. You embody Amazing Grace❤️🔥
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I grew up learning how to survive, i knew how to live without electricity, running water and knew how to can and preserve food. I was told by people a lot that you could be Amish. I hated that because I knew how it really was in the settlements we lived near in Michigan.
When she relayed how her family members held her hostage and her brother berated her and told her how "sinful" she was, it took me back to when I was 19 and my older brother did the same thing to me. It’s heartbreaking, soul crushing, and beyond devastating when someone who is supposed to care about you does something like that to you. My brother made me write a 3-page essay explaining why I was such a sinful and horrible person. The same brother who se**ally abused me when I was 6 years old. Try to unravel that mind f**k.
I'm so sorry 😢
@@lucindacoblentz6699I was raised Mormon in a family of 15 (13 kids). Although we were considered "mainstream", a lot of your story resonates with me. Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story. It’s healing and validating for so many of us.❤
@@sylvialewis2264, thank you ❤️❤️