For most of human history, women were so oppressed they were not even ALLOWED to factor 'will I be happy?' into account in their lives. It's a privilege to be able to even ask that question.
Appreciate this podcast so much. I was the same, Sovereign. By the time I was 10, something told me I would never have kids. But I grew up in a volatile household and saw everything my mom had to deal with. I never changed my mind. And the fact that pregnancy is still so dangerous for women, as far as a partner deleting them during that time is insane. My mom ended up a single mom, after a 20 year marriage. Nothing protects women from men leaving, or becoming dangerous. Nothing protects us.
Aside being born and raised in Texas, I knew at the age of 13 that having children was out of the question. Nothing about motherhood looked appealing and I could never wrap my head around why people wanted to have kids in the first place. I was always very aware of how hard motherhood was and how men just didn’t seem to care. Also many of the women in my family have straight told me they regret having children. I’m now 30 and I know for a fact that I’ve made the right decision. I was also blessed to have a mother and grandmother who were always very honest with me about their struggles with motherhood and made it very clear I didn’t have to.
My neighbor told me that I don't have any kids because, in her mind, "nobody wants you!" Meanwhile, she got 4 kids, no husband or man, rents her house and is never even home for all these dang kids! Now, the reason she even said this to me was in response to me asking her to please keep her kids from running onto my lawn, driveway and property. In which her response was, "I'm not gonna stop them" So police were called and now I never see them. Not sure what the police said to her 😂 but I don't understand what my wanting respect had to do with my decision to never have any kids....... I finally realized she was projecting and really holds her own value by how many kids she has 🤷🏽♀️
She's (the mom not the neighbor) trying to get them CPSed! When a parent is really neglectful it's like they subconsciously want somebody to kidnap them away!!
I really wanted to be a mom until my parents split. Then I realized that no man can be trusted. I had a decent relationship with my daddy, but this culture is so focused on the self, I knew it wasn’t a good environment for creating new generations.
Lisa makes a great point that we have to stop allowing men to enter women into competition with each other; if your partner is comparing you to another women, that shows HIS lack of character, not any flaw in the woman they compare you to. Kya would not be an issue for any woman if they had loyal partners who valued them for something other than the services they provide.
36 y/o Black Texan here, and my childfree journey is similar to Sovereign's. The (Marriage &) Baby Game changed for me in my tweens (ages 10-12) when I approached the question of kids by saying to myself and others, "IF I have kids...". I grew up reading objectively about sexual reproduction (among a whole host of educational topics) from an encyclopedia set that stayed in my room, as I was the one who tended to read from it. Once I learned about modern birth control and contraceptive options, that's when any statement around the thought of children became a statement of IF, not WHEN. I approached it, as Lisa stated, from an Opt-Out standpoint, and knowing I could opt out was so freeing, I never looked back. We live in a society that, as soon as you're born, checks the Have Baby box without ever telling you that you can click and uncheck the box. And then society turns and wonders why we have such a booming population of dangerously unhinged adults--when a population of people are continuously coerced into having kids that they increasingly can't/won't parent and actually raise, you get a vicious cycle of kids who grow to be unhinged adults who have kids they won't parent who grow up to be unhinged adults... Mentally, opting out saved me from playing a lot of the ridiculous reindeer traps that males set us up for (such as triangulation). It's hard(er) to be motivated to compete for male attention and validation if you don't care about nailing one down for procreation or marriage, because you care for neither. Most males of any species are not meant to live long enough to procreate, let alone have sexual intercourse, so why would I indulge human males in their delusion that I'm the one that should tap dance for the honor of mating with them? So backwards to the point of being rude. 😒
46 here, and same! No kids, no thank you. Parentified eldest daughter of 7. I had to help raise kids until I graduated highschool. I ran the hell away as soon as I could get into college and never looked back. My siblings hated me the whole time and I don't have a relationship with any of them even now. I just focus on helping our Dad now as well as taking care of myself.
I just don't wanna take care of any kid for more than 10 mins lol I used to watch Teen Mom to torture myself too: I don't have to end up like that, I don't have to end up like that... x1.000
6:44 that's it. I think narcicism makes you so selfish to the point of being dumb. You can't spend that many mental resources on self serving (or at least ego serving) and make truly logical decisions that benefit the biggest number of people.
So, I’m glad you talk about the facts that anything could happen to make you a single mother. When I was just 23 the father of my baby passed away. And to say it was “hard” is an understatement. Dealing with the trauma of everything that happened on top of the fact that I was being used and manipulated by this man, like most of us do go through in our twenties. It messed me up for YEARS afterwards. Took me 10 solid yrs to heal mentally from the time I met him til the time he passed 4 yrs later. I never thought anything like what I went through would ever happen to me. So please be careful out here!
And when you look at all the comments on the videos of women talking about the struggles of motherhood, it’s ALWAYS the men in the comments spewing some type of “I was a stay at home dad for a while and it’s literally the easiest thing I’ve ever done” 🙄 sure buddy. Anything to devalue what women go through. Always remember too that these men aren’t nearly as attentive and deliberate with the kids as you are and they also NEVER HAVE TO DO THIS post partum and trying to heal and feel HUMAN again. Which takes a long time!!! It took every bit of TWO YEARS to feel like myself again after having a baby!
Motherhood is martyrdom. Mid 40s, childfree, and zero regrets. Freedom is beautiful
For most of human history, women were so oppressed they were not even ALLOWED to factor 'will I be happy?' into account in their lives. It's a privilege to be able to even ask that question.
Read the book wifework by susan maushart. It contextualizes how we feel about how exploitative motherhood and marriage is for women.
📝
Appreciate this podcast so much. I was the same, Sovereign. By the time I was 10, something told me I would never have kids. But I grew up in a volatile household and saw everything my mom had to deal with. I never changed my mind. And the fact that pregnancy is still so dangerous for women, as far as a partner deleting them during that time is insane. My mom ended up a single mom, after a 20 year marriage. Nothing protects women from men leaving, or becoming dangerous. Nothing protects us.
Aside being born and raised in Texas, I knew at the age of 13 that having children was out of the question.
Nothing about motherhood looked appealing and I could never wrap my head around why people wanted to have kids in the first place.
I was always very aware of how hard motherhood was and how men just didn’t seem to care. Also many of the women in my family have straight told me they regret having children.
I’m now 30 and I know for a fact that I’ve made the right decision.
I was also blessed to have a mother and grandmother who were always very honest with me about their struggles with motherhood and made it very clear I didn’t have to.
"You having kids means you're going to do LESS for society". YEP! Thank you!
My neighbor told me that I don't have any kids because, in her mind, "nobody wants you!"
Meanwhile, she got 4 kids, no husband or man, rents her house and is never even home for all these dang kids!
Now, the reason she even said this to me was in response to me asking her to please keep her kids from running onto my lawn, driveway and property. In which her response was, "I'm not gonna stop them" So police were called and now I never see them. Not sure what the police said to her 😂 but I don't understand what my wanting respect had to do with my decision to never have any kids....... I finally realized she was projecting and really holds her own value by how many kids she has 🤷🏽♀️
She's (the mom not the neighbor) trying to get them CPSed! When a parent is really neglectful it's like they subconsciously want somebody to kidnap them away!!
I really wanted to be a mom until my parents split. Then I realized that no man can be trusted. I had a decent relationship with my daddy, but this culture is so focused on the self, I knew it wasn’t a good environment for creating new generations.
Lisa makes a great point that we have to stop allowing men to enter women into competition with each other; if your partner is comparing you to another women, that shows HIS lack of character, not any flaw in the woman they compare you to. Kya would not be an issue for any woman if they had loyal partners who valued them for something other than the services they provide.
36 y/o Black Texan here, and my childfree journey is similar to Sovereign's.
The (Marriage &) Baby Game changed for me in my tweens (ages 10-12) when I approached the question of kids by saying to myself and others, "IF I have kids...". I grew up reading objectively about sexual reproduction (among a whole host of educational topics) from an encyclopedia set that stayed in my room, as I was the one who tended to read from it. Once I learned about modern birth control and contraceptive options, that's when any statement around the thought of children became a statement of IF, not WHEN. I approached it, as Lisa stated, from an Opt-Out standpoint, and knowing I could opt out was so freeing, I never looked back. We live in a society that, as soon as you're born, checks the Have Baby box without ever telling you that you can click and uncheck the box. And then society turns and wonders why we have such a booming population of dangerously unhinged adults--when a population of people are continuously coerced into having kids that they increasingly can't/won't parent and actually raise, you get a vicious cycle of kids who grow to be unhinged adults who have kids they won't parent who grow up to be unhinged adults...
Mentally, opting out saved me from playing a lot of the ridiculous reindeer traps that males set us up for (such as triangulation). It's hard(er) to be motivated to compete for male attention and validation if you don't care about nailing one down for procreation or marriage, because you care for neither. Most males of any species are not meant to live long enough to procreate, let alone have sexual intercourse, so why would I indulge human males in their delusion that I'm the one that should tap dance for the honor of mating with them? So backwards to the point of being rude. 😒
Redistribution of wealth! That was awesome! 💥💥💥
❤❤❤
46 here, and same! No kids, no thank you. Parentified eldest daughter of 7. I had to help raise kids until I graduated highschool. I ran the hell away as soon as I could get into college and never looked back. My siblings hated me the whole time and I don't have a relationship with any of them even now. I just focus on helping our Dad now as well as taking care of myself.
I just don't wanna take care of any kid for more than 10 mins lol I used to watch Teen Mom to torture myself too: I don't have to end up like that, I don't have to end up like that... x1.000
Excellent! 🩷💛🩵❤️💚
Such great topics being discussed, love this! Thanks so much ladies! 💖🪷💖
🧡🧡🧡
I had nightmares too 😭😂and loosing them it felt crazy to dream im pregnant just good it eas only a dream
JAIL! 🤣🤣🤣
300k kids in the foster system. Forced birthers seem to forget about these kids.
6:44 that's it. I think narcicism makes you so selfish to the point of being dumb. You can't spend that many mental resources on self serving (or at least ego serving) and make truly logical decisions that benefit the biggest number of people.
Hey men.
Kaya will cook.
But just not for u.. she just didn’t stitch this to the end of her message.
Young women no need to be jealous either
So, I’m glad you talk about the facts that anything could happen to make you a single mother. When I was just 23 the father of my baby passed away. And to say it was “hard” is an understatement. Dealing with the trauma of everything that happened on top of the fact that I was being used and manipulated by this man, like most of us do go through in our twenties. It messed me up for YEARS afterwards. Took me 10 solid yrs to heal mentally from the time I met him til the time he passed 4 yrs later. I never thought anything like what I went through would ever happen to me. So please be careful out here!
And when you look at all the comments on the videos of women talking about the struggles of motherhood, it’s ALWAYS the men in the comments spewing some type of “I was a stay at home dad for a while and it’s literally the easiest thing I’ve ever done” 🙄 sure buddy. Anything to devalue what women go through. Always remember too that these men aren’t nearly as attentive and deliberate with the kids as you are and they also NEVER HAVE TO DO THIS post partum and trying to heal and feel HUMAN again. Which takes a long time!!! It took every bit of TWO YEARS to feel like myself again after having a baby!