Before diagnosis, chop wood carry water. After diagnosis, chop wood carry water. Very few can possibly understand how much energy goes into managing autism or fully appreciate what it takes to accomplish what we do in life. What you've accomplished is nothing less than remarkable. Very few people can understand the angst we experience everyday, the pressure we put ourselves under, the self doubt, the fear we might make a mistake that will embarrass us or blow our cover. Few can understand the level of exhaustion we experience at just trying to appear "normal", get through an interaction or just feel accepted. It's hard for even those closest to us to understand because we've spent a lifetime masking our inner experience and trying to avoid criticism. They can't see it or worse, they can see it but can't help keeping us trapped in the dynamics of our formative years and past selves. Personally, I've never had a positive experience sharing my diagnosis of autism. It's hard for people to make accommodations for something they can't possibly understand and I think it's a rare individual that actually gives a damn. Accommodations will most likely be made for ourselves. Stress is a killer. People are stressful which is why most with autism tend to isolate. I think we still want to find someone that we can be close to and open up with but that often results in betrayal and a swift kick in the teeth. That leaves us perpetually guarded and unless we can let our guard down, we can't regenerate. If our work can be made to coincide with our special interests, we can actually derive a good deal of energy from our thoughts and activities. We have to have some kind of control over our environment and who we interact with in order to let down our guard and manage the stress. I believe we can thrive as autistics when we practice mindfulness and live intentionally. The simple act of chopping wood and carrying water can be meaningful when practiced mindfully and with intention. These are just some thoughts based on my experiences and I hope there might be something you can relate to.
@@jonmars9559 I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. I do think I'm surrounded by in general better people than you are describing. Very manly idea to just chop wood and carry water lol. I see your point, but like i am very weak and clumsy, so I'd have to do something else.
@@radishraven9 Chop wood carry water is of course, just a saying, something to take metaphorically. Originally the saying is more like, "Before enlightenment, chop wood carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood carry water." It simply means you still have to deal with the basic necessities of life before and after the big reveal. As neurodivergents, we have difficulties, strong emotions, high sensitivities and for those late diagnosed, we've developed coping strategies that are exhausting to maintain. The things you describe in your video are not uncommon among neurodivergents. I know that you'll manage in your own way. You are very capable.
@jonmars9559 haha ok typical that i took the saying literally 😅 yes like always we must attend to basic needs best we can. Thank you and sorry if i seemed dismissive.
Finding socially acceptable answers to questions in the moment is so draining. The answer you create plus the wish that you could just tell the truth, the wish that not everything needed to be sanitised for consumption. Plus the wonder how society would be different if people knew that even those close to them experienced trauma or other difficulty. That it's not some distant thing that nobody in their circle could ever experience, most people think that trauma only happens to those out of sight out of mind, to those who have been othered. I was made to learn this in primary school, learned to lie because telling the truth about home life or weekends or summer break was not welcomed. I used to travel. I don't know if I ever will again. I too feel like my quiet life is unacceptable. I'm not sure how long some of the people in my life will stay around.
Hi Ingrid, First of all congratulations on the journey you have been on. I really appreciate that you allowed us to be part of your journey and your inner struggles. I understand about family, I guess at some people we need to make tough decisions. So for me it's totally fine. About family chaos I can really understand and to be honest I decided to stay away from some stuff because I guess it's too much for me... So understandable for me. I'm quite reserved about " growth" and I'm not even speaking about people who have autism. I think the concept of growth is highly individual , sometimes surviving in today's world while having difficulties is already a huge thing. I definitely don't think you are boring you are rather an interesting person. Those questions and other similar ones is what I've been asking myself for few years now and I have much more questions than answers. I somehow understand about answering in an elusive way when concerns some subjects, it happened to me too. Whatever you decide to do with your family I hope things will go as smoothly as possible. Take care Ingrid
@@sicparvismagna1294 thank you for being there throughout my journey:) i think my family situation is much less dire and not comparable at all to yours. But yeah I'm keeping this diagnosis from them until the timing is right.
I've never heard of neural rehab! I want to do that. (okay adding after watching further) I have had so many different therapy modalities in my life and I have so many related conditions as far as my autism goes. I take a bunch of meds! You should definitely have access to a psychiatrist if there are areas they can help you. I need medications to target my depression, anxiety, ADHD, narcolepsy, PTSD, and fibromyalgia. And I believe for all of those except the depression, my autism diagnosis makes me statistically more likely to be struggling with these things. I am scared to ever drive because of my ADHD and autism symptoms. I think I would be in an accident and get hurt or die. My diagnosis evaluation report was the first time in my life where a doctor ever wrote that I cannot and should not drive due to all of my concerns about attention and safety. My dad mourns it a little bit, but he asked me recently, would I use a self-driving car if they were widely available and safe, etc. I said yes, if I felt safe to, that is something I would be willing to invest in. The way grocery delivery works and stuff now, though, I think it would just be a family car and I would become comfortable enough to use it maybe. For now, it's not worth the stress of learning and doing the driving test to get licensed.
@@sejhammer replying to your update: the only other diagnosis i have had is burnout, (which is a diagnosis in sweden), anxiety and depression. Only difficult cases get sent to a psychiatrist here, the primary care doctor is in charge of antidepressants most of the time. I'm sorry about the driving. It is pretty scary to drive, especially with an unreliable focus and sensitivity to stress. Here i don't really need a car, but i will need it later for my job as a primary care doctor.
@@MrDaydreamer1584 no he doesn't, but he does know that i was looking into autism and adhd and he said he thought he had high IQ but not autism or adhd. I will need to tell him, but at the same time as my parents to avoid drama.
I think you're struggling with the fact that everything is up to you, and you don't want that pressure, you'd prefer if someone just gave you a clear answer and told you what you needed to do. I get that impression, because you're using your diagnosis to justify what you can and can't do a lot, and you're almost upset when people think you can do more I don't think masking is exclusive to people with autism at all, you just do more because you're more aware, and you don't have that subconscious autopilot. It like everyone else is just breathing, but you're constantly manually breathing
@@AlphabetUser21 yeah i mean I guess that would be nice? I'm trying to not let this justify what i can and can't do, but i don't think I'm wrong in being upset if people have unrealistic expectations of me. Like people are so used to me managing stuff while not knowing my life has been breaking apart underneath and that is not sustainable. Yes we all mask to a degree, but as you say it is less natural/automatic.
@@radishraven9 Oh I understand now, you're masking too well and you're upset because no one else sees your struggles. It sounds like you just want compassion and care, but people don't recognize that and think everything is okay, so shes ready for more stuff. That must be very frustrating
Before diagnosis, chop wood carry water. After diagnosis, chop wood carry water. Very few can possibly understand how much energy goes into managing autism or fully appreciate what it takes to accomplish what we do in life. What you've accomplished is nothing less than remarkable. Very few people can understand the angst we experience everyday, the pressure we put ourselves under, the self doubt, the fear we might make a mistake that will embarrass us or blow our cover. Few can understand the level of exhaustion we experience at just trying to appear "normal", get through an interaction or just feel accepted. It's hard for even those closest to us to understand because we've spent a lifetime masking our inner experience and trying to avoid criticism. They can't see it or worse, they can see it but can't help keeping us trapped in the dynamics of our formative years and past selves.
Personally, I've never had a positive experience sharing my diagnosis of autism. It's hard for people to make accommodations for something they can't possibly understand and I think it's a rare individual that actually gives a damn. Accommodations will most likely be made for ourselves. Stress is a killer. People are stressful which is why most with autism tend to isolate. I think we still want to find someone that we can be close to and open up with but that often results in betrayal and a swift kick in the teeth. That leaves us perpetually guarded and unless we can let our guard down, we can't regenerate. If our work can be made to coincide with our special interests, we can actually derive a good deal of energy from our thoughts and activities. We have to have some kind of control over our environment and who we interact with in order to let down our guard and manage the stress. I believe we can thrive as autistics when we practice mindfulness and live intentionally. The simple act of chopping wood and carrying water can be meaningful when practiced mindfully and with intention. These are just some thoughts based on my experiences and I hope there might be something you can relate to.
@@jonmars9559 I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. I do think I'm surrounded by in general better people than you are describing.
Very manly idea to just chop wood and carry water lol. I see your point, but like i am very weak and clumsy, so I'd have to do something else.
@@radishraven9 Chop wood carry water is of course, just a saying, something to take metaphorically. Originally the saying is more like, "Before enlightenment, chop wood carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood carry water." It simply means you still have to deal with the basic necessities of life before and after the big reveal. As neurodivergents, we have difficulties, strong emotions, high sensitivities and for those late diagnosed, we've developed coping strategies that are exhausting to maintain. The things you describe in your video are not uncommon among neurodivergents. I know that you'll manage in your own way. You are very capable.
@jonmars9559 haha ok typical that i took the saying literally 😅 yes like always we must attend to basic needs best we can. Thank you and sorry if i seemed dismissive.
Finding socially acceptable answers to questions in the moment is so draining. The answer you create plus the wish that you could just tell the truth, the wish that not everything needed to be sanitised for consumption. Plus the wonder how society would be different if people knew that even those close to them experienced trauma or other difficulty. That it's not some distant thing that nobody in their circle could ever experience, most people think that trauma only happens to those out of sight out of mind, to those who have been othered.
I was made to learn this in primary school, learned to lie because telling the truth about home life or weekends or summer break was not welcomed.
I used to travel. I don't know if I ever will again. I too feel like my quiet life is unacceptable. I'm not sure how long some of the people in my life will stay around.
@@MonaM204 hi yes it is hard. I haven't been through trauma in that sense, but yes it is sadly very common.
Hi Ingrid,
First of all congratulations on the journey you have been on.
I really appreciate that you allowed us to be part of your journey and your inner struggles.
I understand about family, I guess at some people we need to make tough decisions. So for me it's totally fine. About family chaos I can really understand and to be honest I decided to stay away from some stuff because I guess it's too much for me... So understandable for me.
I'm quite reserved about " growth" and I'm not even speaking about people who have autism. I think the concept of growth is highly individual , sometimes surviving in today's world while having difficulties is already a huge thing. I definitely don't think you are boring you are rather an interesting person.
Those questions and other similar ones is what I've been asking myself for few years now and I have much more questions than answers.
I somehow understand about answering in an elusive way when concerns some subjects, it happened to me too.
Whatever you decide to do with your family I hope things will go as smoothly as possible.
Take care Ingrid
@@sicparvismagna1294 thank you for being there throughout my journey:) i think my family situation is much less dire and not comparable at all to yours. But yeah I'm keeping this diagnosis from them until the timing is right.
You are welcome.
I've never heard of neural rehab! I want to do that.
(okay adding after watching further)
I have had so many different therapy modalities in my life and I have so many related conditions as far as my autism goes. I take a bunch of meds! You should definitely have access to a psychiatrist if there are areas they can help you. I need medications to target my depression, anxiety, ADHD, narcolepsy, PTSD, and fibromyalgia. And I believe for all of those except the depression, my autism diagnosis makes me statistically more likely to be struggling with these things.
I am scared to ever drive because of my ADHD and autism symptoms. I think I would be in an accident and get hurt or die. My diagnosis evaluation report was the first time in my life where a doctor ever wrote that I cannot and should not drive due to all of my concerns about attention and safety. My dad mourns it a little bit, but he asked me recently, would I use a self-driving car if they were widely available and safe, etc. I said yes, if I felt safe to, that is something I would be willing to invest in. The way grocery delivery works and stuff now, though, I think it would just be a family car and I would become comfortable enough to use it maybe. For now, it's not worth the stress of learning and doing the driving test to get licensed.
@@sejhammer it really isn't as cool as it sounds. It is just called Habiliteringen in Swedish.
@@sejhammer replying to your update: the only other diagnosis i have had is burnout, (which is a diagnosis in sweden), anxiety and depression. Only difficult cases get sent to a psychiatrist here, the primary care doctor is in charge of antidepressants most of the time.
I'm sorry about the driving. It is pretty scary to drive, especially with an unreliable focus and sensitivity to stress. Here i don't really need a car, but i will need it later for my job as a primary care doctor.
It is annoying that there's a "rehab" but not really a "hab" to go with it.
@@trekker105 in Swedish it is called Habilitering, i just call it neuro rehab because i have no good translation for it
Does your brother know about your diagnosis? He really needs to know about your diagnosis, because it may affect him personally.
@@MrDaydreamer1584 no he doesn't, but he does know that i was looking into autism and adhd and he said he thought he had high IQ but not autism or adhd. I will need to tell him, but at the same time as my parents to avoid drama.
I think you're struggling with the fact that everything is up to you, and you don't want that pressure, you'd prefer if someone just gave you a clear answer and told you what you needed to do. I get that impression, because you're using your diagnosis to justify what you can and can't do a lot, and you're almost upset when people think you can do more
I don't think masking is exclusive to people with autism at all, you just do more because you're more aware, and you don't have that subconscious autopilot. It like everyone else is just breathing, but you're constantly manually breathing
@@AlphabetUser21 yeah i mean I guess that would be nice? I'm trying to not let this justify what i can and can't do, but i don't think I'm wrong in being upset if people have unrealistic expectations of me. Like people are so used to me managing stuff while not knowing my life has been breaking apart underneath and that is not sustainable.
Yes we all mask to a degree, but as you say it is less natural/automatic.
@@radishraven9 Oh I understand now, you're masking too well and you're upset because no one else sees your struggles. It sounds like you just want compassion and care, but people don't recognize that and think everything is okay, so shes ready for more stuff. That must be very frustrating