This lesbian dating show will boost your confidence
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- Опубліковано 27 вер 2024
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You know the drill: here are my favourites from May! Confidence is something that we are all on journeys to build throughout our lives, and I for one have battled with my fear of being seen. My favourites this month all contribute to this journey, so join me as I discuss them and share some big sister advice! Find my favourites available to purchase below:
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I randomly spin around, slide around, shuffle around my apartment and dance to music in my head at work and home. 😂 I've never been happier. I'm embracing my wierdness, and I've never felt more included before. 💚
Go you!!
So beautiful 💖
I love this!!
@MystearicaClaws I do this too!!! My friend hates how I can never stand still but I'm always swaying/shuffling/dancing even with no music playing there is something playing in my head that I'm moving to and if I'm not it's because I'm suppressing that part of myself because I'm around other people! But sometimes I can't help it and I catch myself doing it infront of other people and I hate that feeling of realising I'm not on my own and having to suppress it.
Love to hear this ❤
It's so hard not to be drowning in shame.
❤🩹
Bloody big glass of shame that does never gets full.
“I’m having anxiety, please don’t perceive me in any way” is such a mood for me. When I’m feeling it, I make myself get out of my apartment for a bit. Otherwise it can lead to agoraphobia.
I only leave the house for necessary doctor appointments- I'm very close to agoraphobia at this point, I think. I don't want to be seen and judged. Even phone calls are difficjlt.
ph gosh I feel this so hard. I'm glad I have a job that makes me leave the appartment... otherwise I would have started ordering groceries, cause once I'm out of the house... I can stay out a while longer to do important stuff.
But getting out at the moment without an appointment or work is an absolut nightmare.
Phone calls have always been worse for me.
I feel like it's becoming a bit better in the last two weeks, so fingers crossed I'm not going to sit 3 weeks of my vacation at home without leaving.
I decided my freshman year of high school that shy wasn’t serving me. So I did a 180 and became seriously obnoxious. I groan when I think of it, but I was 100% myself and in your face about it. I still wasn’t accepted in my upper middle class, suburban school, but I found that I was happier because I was me rather than trying to “fit in.” I did eventually calm down, but I’m loud. I take up space. I’m strange. I’m ok with it. Look at me or don’t. I really don’t care. :) “Other people’s opinion of me is none of my business.”
People seem to call it “being an empath” because it sounds nicer than “I have childhood trauma and I’m so accustomed to scanning to account for the behavior of the adults around me while also crushing down my own thoughts and feelings to get by that I’ve continued the behavior into my adult life.”
Gnarly. Therapy’s been great for me but asserting that you have are totally entitled to screw stuff up sometimes is free. Interrogate that negative inner dialogue! Make it answer to you! 😤
I would like to point out, that for a lot of us the reason isn't in our head so much as all those fears literally come true every time because our parents ARE the bullies, and so we never learn how to even be ourselves around any living thing for many, many decades, and by the grace of people with a lot of patience. Sometimes those fears are valid and that's important to distinguish as well as continuing to work on yourself. ❤
For me, I've always felt it's a fear of being PERCEIVED! But have been challenging that through youtube. Feel the fear and do it anyway, like you said 🥶 Thanks for talking about this!! So many people don't understand ✨ x
Yes! My brain kind of just automatically links being perceived with doing something shameful or regrettable or cringeworthy or disappointing or wrong. It makes it hard to even sit by my window or go outside, or want to reach out to anyone and make a new friend.
I feel like for me a big part of that was being an undiagnosed AuDHD kid, and not understanding what I was doing wrong. It feels like everyone else got a manual for how to Be A Human, and I didn't. I talked about things I genuinely cared about and got weird looks or shut down. It always feels like there's something I'm missing, a joke I didn't realize was a joke or what the correct response is to a pleasantry or why people do what they do. The concept of being Seen and Known on a regular basis is kind of terrifying because it feels like all my mistakes are just going to accumulate into a massive problem I can't even tell is there, of all the times I had no idea I was being rude or messed up somehow.
I'm trying to challenge that, to unmask a little and try stepping out into the world more, but trying to socialize almost feels like being deaf and trying to sing. So much of it relies on things so outside of my perception, I don't even understand the concepts behind them. If you can't perceive pitch, how can you understand what a harmony or an alto or soprano are? How can you tell when to riff if you don't even know that other people are doing so? How do you learn to trust your voice when you don't even know what it sounds like, have to learn music through history and musical theory and harmonics and psychology, but can't actually perceive it - but everyone else has it as an intrinsic part of their experience from the day they were born? And that's my primary mode of communication. The biggest part of my fear of being perceived is that I have no idea how to tell what I'm being perceived as.
The point about disability and being seen is super real! At some point, I started viewing my visibility as the possibility of others seeing disability for potentially the first time. That turned my fear of being seen into excitement to maybe provide hope to others!
It is never about how weird you are but how authentic/ true to yourself you are. Live for you, not for random strangers. ❤
I needed to hear this, thank you, random stranger.
I don't need to pretend you have Morgan Freeman's voice, yours is already like a goddess! You accent + enunciation is just perfection. **chef's kiss**
Thank you for letting yourself be seen today, lovely Jessica. You’re such a delight for the eyes as well as the brain and heart. 🎀💖🎀
I loved this video. “Being seen” is such a complete encapsulation of the anxieties I have in interacting with people. As a fat, visibly disabled, queer and nonbinary person, it feels like my kryptonite sometimes.
One of my first therapists had to break it to me that the reason why I was not feeling like I was as close to others as they were feeling close to me was because I wasn’t allowing *any* of myself to show. I had intuited from my active life among books that what people valued was, say, a good listener, and I systematically went through my own behaviors and eliminated things that came up repeatedly as annoyances in these narratives. So I was a great listener, and a great friend, but it felt completely hollow thanks to feeling like I didn’t have an engaging narrative of my own, and then suppressing the mundane stuff of my own life. It also frustrated the life out of me that nobody else seemed to follow these social rules that *were* written down, if you paid attention.
“Shockingly,” I was later found to be multiple flavors of neurospicy.
I’m still annoyed that it’s so hard to find times when people will be that listener for me when I dearly need to be seen, but I am slowly becoming a person and not just an ideal support system. And I no longer end up crying by myself because my friends have no idea who I am.
Ouch, that's a bit too relatable... I've made listening/actively helping people my thing in all of my friendships, as a sure fire way to appear friendly in spite of my awkwardness. But it does hurt when people though appreciative don't respond the way you'd wish.
Origami butterflies are what have helped me with being seen and being myself around other people even when I'm nervous.
I've always found it very challenging to connect with people and make friends, and the pandemic certainly has not helped. But a few months ago I started folding origami butterflies. It helps my nervousness in social situations to have something to do with my hands. I used to pick at my skin a lot which was not great, but now I get to make something pretty that I can give to people. And sometimes when people notice that I'm making butterflies they will start a conversation with me about origami or about the colors and patterns of paper that they like.
How nice!
As somebody who was obsessed with those wooden dress up dolls growing up Rupert is so real for that
It's so easy to forget that we live in a culture that is run on the fear of standing out. Parents shame kids for their quirks because they're afraid of being judged as parents or having their kids get bullied. Shaming and ridiculing the "weirdos" is not only one of the fastest ways of establishing hierarchies in school, but also in many workplaces (though adults like to mask this as moral concern or empathy). Media created for the lowest common denominator routinely shows people being shamed for their differences because it's an instant way to make insecure people feel good about themselves. It's a form of social totalitarianism that has spawned from patriarchy, capitalism, racism, heteronormativism, neuronormativism, and every other form of fascism which posits that some groups are better than others.
It becomes more disturbing the more you realize how deeply ingrained it is, just as it becomes increasingly disturbing to delve into why it feels "safer" to ignore sexual harassment as a woman than to address it and reach out to others for help. One always has to ask, "which group of people benefits from this behaviour?"
Btw Jessica, if you ever wish to publicly out yourself as a fairy, you have our support🧚♀️
I am still working through being both seen and perceived - I hit really bad burnout and a wall late 2020/early 2021, and part of that I came to realize was trying to maintain the illusion of being really femme. I'm not lol, haven't really ever been given as a kid I'd climb trees in granny boots and dresses, but as a child my mother wanted a doll, and in the professional world, when I started, women and afab folks were expected to be admins in dresses and makeup, not actual technical folks. I was young and tried desperately to fit that image the first decade or so because I was so afraid of failing or losing the opportunity. Which was so, so much stress that I really didn't even perceive until after a number of years. Much more inclusive now (we actually have a D&I group), and admittedly the dress code has been trampled a bit with/post remote work, and I'm incrementally getting back to a point where I can look at my outfit in a mirror without feeling like a dancing bear in a tutu, and actually getting some of my confidence back. Still not at the tee and jeans level that was my teens and still is my out of work garb, but my brain like goes into panic mode with femme clothes and needing to be covered to my wrists, whereas a more boxy polo or masc top I have zero panic over, so the shift to that side of the clothing spectrum I've been doing more and more (I wore mens dept clothes most of my teens and later - I'm 5'10" and built like a linebacker - lot of womens dept stuff doesn't fit, and it's inanely expensive to get the stuff which does, but I wasn't wearing that kind of stuff at work outside of like outdoors jackets).
This kinda went rambly, sorry, but yeah, incremental change can help, and it does take some getting used to, but once one knows where those areas are, it can make a world of difference.
just started this video and I already relate so heavily to this as an introvert, empath, and highly sensitive person 😂 I too like to refer to myself as a sponge
Yep, and sometimes I think of myself as a spring, where someone is trying to push me to push someone else, and instead I absorb all the force until I can't anymore. (E.g. at work with managing others.)
Wow, this could not have come at the better time, as I'm lazying away from refreshing my resume
This is interesting as I spent my therapy session today speaking about things that were similar to this. My passions involve making handmade soap and playing around with things in the kitchen (cooking, baking, making ice cream). I am definitely an introvert and spend a lot of time on the computer because of it. I also have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and a grocery list of other illnesses related to that and childhood trauma. While I try to be positive, it is kind of scary in the US right now as someone who is trans and queer.
Oh, this is the biggest issue I have and it has royally screwed me.
I love that you just shared your trauma because honestly that endears me further to you because then I don't feel so abnormal in my traumatization
I saw Amy in the thumbnail and I was like WHATTT because I literally just finished watching I Kissed A Girl yesterday with my mum and it was brilliant!
Hi Jessica! I have watched your videos for years and I adore them. Thank you!
I love I Kissed A Girl! Such a good show and I’ve never enjoyed a dating show before.
same! I've never understood the point of dating shows or why people enjoyed them until watching this one, it's so good!
Oh this hit me in the core. The fear of being perceived affects most of the things I do (or rather don't do), and it's a pain to try to work through.
Funny enough, like Jessica, I've chosen a career where I very much need to appear in front of people regularly. It takes so much energy and I always curse myself for putting myself in the situation, but it often also is rewarding to have done the thing.
You're videos are always so helpful and spot on. In my experience transitioning, I found that I was a very social person who liked getting out. As transition doesn't happen over night, I looked and felt awkward when I began the journey, and people were always giving me positive and negative attention when I just wanted to survive the weekly shopping trip unseen. Now that I'm on the later half of my transition, I've found I have trouble getting out there, even though I've come a long way and I pass more (which is important to me though not a requirement 😁). This is where your video today is very helpful. At the end of the day, the fear lives in me. People are always going to look. My wife assures me it is because of my appearance (in a positive way) and my choice of clothing. Still, it can be hard to get past those internalized fears that develop. I have a long way to go, but your video was very helpful and supportive. Thanks Jessica!
I'm gonna jabs to rewatch this video tomorrow when I have more time to Absorb Things because I'm a very big Please Don't Perceive Me person. Granted, I work a public facing job where I talk to hundreds to thousands of people a day and am constantly being filmed by security cameras, but I've gotten used to that. But as soon as a teenager pulls out their phone to start filming a TikTok, I'm like "oh god please don't film me". Part of it might be because I was bullied growing up. Everyone having a camera in their pockets wasn't really a thing at the time but I know it would have been an additional method of humiliation if I'd been born a few years later.
The hardest for me has been staying aware of my default choice of helplessness. Learned helplessness has been my biggest hurdle to changing anything about myself. And while I no longer feel that way most of the time, I have all these vestigial habits that are slow to break
For me, an introvert, I find the fear of being seen probably most during/after conversations. Often if I come home after spending time with friends, I find myself working over what I said over and over. Usually it's a sort of 'am I drawing too much attention to myself?' or 'am I an attention seeker?' which I deliberate over mentally for hours. It's hard to detatch from that mindset, but when I do, I realise that what I say in these conversations and how much attention I bring to myself don't actually matter in the grand scheme of things - I'm one person in a world with billions.
There are adult sticker books. Sticker & Chill books give you settings like fabulous vacation spots or gardens or home design and lets you decorate them with stickers. And they're static cling stickers, so they are infinitely repositionable. I got some for my niece as a stress reducer during the Covid lockdown.
There are also sticker by numbers books.
Thankyou for this video, it's come at the perfect time for me. I recently discovered I'm pan and I have a crush on a woman - I came out to my brother today and was a bit nervous but he reacted really well (I doubt it will be as easy with my parents tho).
I have been really anxious about telling my crush I like her, I've never dated before and if she doesn't like me back I'm scared she won't want to be friends anymore.
Whenever I get the notification for one of your videos it always brightens my day and even more since coming out ☺️🩷🩷
Update: I told her today and we're gonna see how it goes!
I'm really excited 😊
Ooh how exciting! A whole new world ahead for you! 🎉 I know if feels scary, but I promise you it is so so so worth it ❤ good luck!
Congrats on coming out and good luck with the crush situation! (If you cant think of what to say, maybe word it something along the lines of 'I've developed some feelings for you, can we talk about that?' - less pressure that way and easier to have a conversation with your friend-crush on where to go from there ~)
i'm not the Hugest fan of how whenever an influencer says "you don't need a skincare routine! you don't need to wear makeup!" it's always framed in terms of "lazy days" and usually includes "you can just do "
(I know, I know, they gotta sell things! But I hear it parroted by folks who don't need to sell things, but genuinely believe that the minimum is more than having skin. On a "lazy day," sometimes you might not shower or brush your hair, let alone use skin products! That's very okay.)
Thanks for the deep dive into not wanting to be seen! I really appreciate your honesty and openness!
And I believe wisteria gives a very grounded look to a house!
In my experience as someone who has to give big talks, I do find them really anxiety inducing but at the same time it's easier in a weird way 😅 I think that's because you get to realise that you're kind of in a position of power and people are there to listen to you. Whereas I feel like meeting people day-to-day feels more high stakes and like they might judge you more harshly.
Also I feel the exact same about being the weird one out of the mums at school!
So brave talking about this Jessica.. you look so so normal to me! I can't imagine you being any other way, it just seems very very natural to you! But that's interesting about shame isn't it, because if your creative/neurodivergent and also queer and also disabled, those are potentially alot of visible differences, in a world that can sometimes enjoy being cruel.. I guess I hang out with arty spicy people so we all dress all kinds of funky according to whatever mood they're into.. so you're in good company! Creative people often want to express that creativity on their own body as well as their work.. I know its so much easier said than done, but here's some encouragement from similarly unique humans, don't worry about the mums at school, half of them are probably jealous or inspired! It's ok! You're doing you and your allowed ❤ your contribution to the world is worth so so so much more than any petty opinions of boring people who may be putting you down or making you feel stinky about being yourself as a good human! Thanks for being honest about this topic.. sometimes I feel so free, but other times like yes with this show screening it horrifies me that at this point in history it's a first, and that tells me so so so much about how much repression we are still living with around us and how brave we actually have to be, even if we make our little safe havens and bubbles of friendship and love. Wishing you nurturing comfort and support to fill your bucket back up to brimming over Jessica 🎉 you bring so much good, light and joy into this world!
Sometimes I just want a break from being perceived, negatively or positively. Like a little break from existence.
I think it may have to do with if you have a disability that gives you chronic pain, you just have that taking up RAM in the background all the time. And then if you even have to think about the outer layers of existence and interaction it’s just way too much. 😂 When I feel like this I wouldn’t mind interacting if it was in an astral projection, not having a body, kind of way. Don’t know if that’s relatable at all (maybe to other fellow autistics?) but I just thought I’d share, in the spirit of the video.
The colourful eyeliners are beautiful by the way
I love that your are so aware of the privacy of Rupert and cover his face in your videos.
1 week ago: Sees video title. Yep, that's me. Should watch later.
Today, isolating in room, don't want to interact with anyone, feeling panicked that I have lunch plans in 20 hours: Fine, I'll watch it. But we're not changing our behavior today.
Oof, great topic.
This video shows for me why I love your channel. Every video you put out is you being your authentic self not shying away from talking about your disability and how it affects you or about your very queer family (which of course you absolutely should be free to talk about openly). This is all to say I've been watching your videos for a while and they really have been a positive impact in my life and helped me learn to accept me and who I am. So thank you very much and please keep making these wonderful videos!
I might be a bit late to this video but honestly this is exactly what I needed right now, I am a chronic over thinker and have found simply existing as a teenager to be absolutely NIGHTMARISH when the people around you, even your friends, can talk about you behind your back, which normally I wouldn’t care about, but with recent happenings that niggling fear has become harder to ignore. One video might not fix all a person’s problems but yours really did help a lot!!!!!
You consistently hit the nail on the head with your descriptions of things. Our minds are very similar.
Also, it's "nicks." I was confused about it at first, too.
Thank you so much❤ this is something i really want to get good at, and even though i havent seen the full video yet, i know its going to be amazing
When you said theres no point trying to be normal if that is not you thank for thank God for that I could not be normal if I tried . I am happy and odd . Nobody ever looks down on me , not because i'm great because I am not but I am 6 foot 6 so at least physically they cant😄
lol!
Loved this video ❤❤❤❤ as a disabled person with mobility aids I often feel really out there, that people are always looking at me and usually I don't mind but some days facing the world is so hard
"who are you as a person" is extremely uncomfortable to hear specifically dealing with bpd and adhd in the sense of existence being and feeling so alien, that i put on an elaborate facade so naturally that scares me so much for how close I come to exist through it, doing it all with so much energy that this proximity to being real is actually deeply dysphoric. I used to refer to this state as "an extremely negative and debilitating kind of euphoria", to which my psychiatrist said, "dysphoria, then?". Yes, being even nearly real equals dysphoria and torment to me. But hey, despite sounding so negative, I clicked on your video, stopped in the middle now so that you know: the things you say are like a hug. I feel grateful that you put yourself out there this much. I'm learning to do that for the past couple of years. Learning how to exist and live, basically. And maybe... I'll get to simply be as I truly am. Being in this world, being happy, feels so wrong though... but I'm trying so very hard because I know there's more to feel than that. If i can imagine it, I know it is possible.
So why can't we?
It's not always the best day when you're speaking directly to me, you know. Thanks.
My understanding of why L comes first is this: during the height of the AIDS Crisis the lesbians jumped in to take care of the suffering and dying men that no one else cared about. The men put the L first to honor and thank the women who stepped up and sacrificed for them. ❤
That is what I have heard also.
I'm not afraid. I've never been. My narc made me afraid for a minute only because they were jealous of me. She started acting like me because she was abusing me, gaslighting meand making me feel insecure.
I really enjoyed this & I think needed it. I'm a trans person that used to take a lot of selfies, trying to figure out how to love myself. I'm way happier now, but I'm also so afraid of judgement that I don't post pictures of myself that often anymore. Your kind words I think got through to me
I feel this ‘I am weird’ so acutely. My special interests include: animals, befriending them, ecology, every makery craft known to (hu)man, wanting to be a self sufficient hermit, asking other people if they would like to be self sufficient hermits too, human psychodevelopmental theory, the wonder that is swamp wader pants, obscure historical microtales , drinking tea, good poetry and doing my utmost to topple the capitalist / ableist / white supremacist patriarchy. You can imagine how all this, together with my raging adhd , sets me up for wonderful social interactions at ‘normal people’ parties. But don’t worry Jessica, if I ever I was in your school pickup line (it will have to be for puppy preschool as my partner and I are yet to have any kids of our own) you would be able to spot me a mile off. I’d be the one in gardening gumboots regardless of the weather (so excellent for activities!) doing a bow legged happy dance anytime my interest is piqued. So perhaps if you could just go about the line quietly reciting the first few lines of The Journey by Mary Oliver, (or even just the phrases such as ‘spore print’, ‘spoon theory’ or ‘’avocado pips dye things pink’) like an adhd owl call, I’ll be sure to reply asap in equal weirdness. Alas apart from drawing focus onto myself I cannot offer you help being less seen, being so weird myself. but i can offer you this: it is always in the the presence of other fellow nuerodivergent and chronically ill / queer humans I have felt the most seen by those who matter, and cared the least for the eyes that don’t. ❤️ fare well, and carry on fellow weird one. This world is a far more interesting place with (and honestly just for) us in it! ☺️☺️☺️
"like an adhd owl call"
4:35 there's a word for that: alexithymia, and it correlates with autism and depression.
Thank you for this video it’s really great advice. I’m working on overcoming a fear of being seen and being nicer to myself. I have a severe social anxiety disorder and struggle leaving the house and going out in public. I’m doing exposure therapy because the only way to get better is to practice putting yourself in those stressful situations where you’re going to be seen.
Dont be afraid to take up space. A math teacher told me that when I was in high school, and I've carried it with me ever since.
I really like that you are doing monthly favorite videos, it reminds me to think about things that brought me joy during the month. And I doubly like it that you are combining it with another topic!
I am fat, but also I have hypermobility and shitty balance, so I've been using a cane since I was 19. nothing makes me feel worse than existing on the city bus as a young fat person with a mobility aid, because I know at least one person a day will have an uncharitable thought about how I shouldn't be in public, taking up space, and having OCD means that I Will Be Thinking About That Person's Hatred Of Me For A Week Straight. the only thing I've found that helps combat this fear is being enrolled in college and having classes on campus; I'm not as worried about strangers when I'm on the verge of panicking about being late for class. (I am always an hour early. I have a routine that guarantees I am an hour early every time. I still freak out.)
I've also found that keeping my brain busy with other things (oh and medicating the ADHD) have made me have less anxious thoughts about what other people are thinking. It reminds me of that tip about putting energy into working out whether you like people rather than working out if they like you. I hope college is interesting and that your stress about being late chills out a bit (i used to be so anxious about being late but since becoming less anxious I've tested what happens if i do run late to things - usually nothing much)
I love hearing people talk about their passions too!
I seem to find some people that don't appreciate that, so I ignore them the same amount they ignore me when I talk a little about my special interest. If I cam avoid them at work all the better because we have those that do appreciate passionate discussions of random topics.
I’ve learned NYX is on the boycott list at the moment 😣 Wild how a brand can appear pro-human rights in some aspects and be so far off in others
I love watching your videos and this hit close to home, thanks ❤
Thank you for your advice about slowly changing your look and being kind to yourself about not feeling 100% comfortable immediately. I needed to hear that today
I think "There's no point in trying to be normal if that's just not you." is going to be my new motto.
At the very least, I truly appreciate you being vulnerable, strong, and supportive enough to let us in on some of the behind-the-scenes struggles and sharing such a great sentiment!
This is GREAT!!! I enjoyed it a lot! It was so important for me to hear your supportive words! 💓💓💓
I also feel like the word 'empath' is now ruined lol
I used to be so scared for people’s validation until I realised how the world doesn’t care about you, they move on and forget you so never base your happiness on what others feel.
If you are weird (me forsure) or more The professional side, free spirited or what ever the hell you want to be that’s what will draw your tribe to you and the others will fade away and not even be a distant thought.
Thank you for this video and yes, I’m an introvert. 🙂
Glad you show yourself. You're amazing!
Thank you for linking PCRF
🍉 🍉 🍉
OMG, you are absolutely gorgeous even without makeup!!! 😍💄❤
Oooh I can't wait to watch I Kissed a Girl - thanks TVNZ for getting BBC shows!
Your fundraiser surprised me in the best possible way. Thank you for trying to help my people.
I need more alone time now than when I was younger. Bad emotions coming from others exhaust me and anger creeps me out.
Oddly, I go overboard when I want to try something new. If I want to experiment with vintage or goth or steam punk or whatever, I’m doing it toe nails to the top of my head & going out with absolute confidence.
Granted, my ocd may be why I go overboard & the drastic change from my daily shift may create a mask to hide my true self, allowing a false confidence until I get a better feel… but it’s worked in many ways.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with small steps or big leaps. All that matters is being true to yourself.
I saw a picture of Amy from "I kissed a girl" and clicked on the video really quickly❤❤
Happy Pride everyone 🏳🌈🏳🌈
Happy Pride!
Thanks you Jessica, this video is really important. I've been diagnosed with ADHD in my late 20s (when it had caused me suffering from severe depression and anxiety for a while) and for the last 10 years I've been learning that being the weirdo isn't a bad thing and that I have a right to be who I am without constantly masking or apologizing. It's not my purpose in life to be liked by everyone.
And it's still hard sometimes, a few weeks ago my boss pretty much told me that he was paying for an ADHD coaching for me so I wouldn't be as annoying for the other colleagues who had to work with me (and obviously not for me to learn to better organize myself at work and be more efficient, which is my own goal, but who cares about that?), because, after all, the majority of people don't have ADHD, so it's obviously my responsibility to learn to fit in. By masking. Which deosn't work and has driven me into a severe depression before. And the worst thing: he didn't even mean anything by it, he genuinely thought he was helping me and that this attitude towards neurodivergent people was totally acceptable! That thing about invisible disabilities again... they can't see it, so it obviously isn't there.
And these situations that take us back in time to a very bad place are why we need people like you, Jessica. We need more visibility and self-confidence, not only to accept ourselves as we are, but to be accepted by the rest of the world, no matter if they call it neurodivergent or "weird".
did the phrase "mortifying ordeal" really not appear here? we live in different parts of the internet i guess
Tumblr?
@@RainbyFIN you got me
@@ArtichokeHunter I fucking got you (jokingly threatening)
@@RainbyFIN what were you doing at the devil's sacrament tho
@@ArtichokeHunter I'm sorry, idk if that's a tumblr joke with a specific response. I've been there for over a decade but I only know stuff that has happened to come across my dash enough times on its own tbh 😭 But otherwise uhhh worshipping Baphy? Is that an acceptable response? I know basic clown care please accept me
I did not know that you took three weeks to respond to Rebecca! - but that doesn't matter to me at all. (and if you take three weeks to respond to me, I'll assume you're busy living your life)
I re-invented my handwriting in 7th grade.
You are wonderfully weird - completely normally weird. Keep up the good work.
You may stick out among other girls simply because you have style and panache while many of them are still wearing their pajamas when they go shopping.
OMG! My parents house had a wisteria growing along a trellis across the porch. Man, it was aggressive. We tried to keep it from growing inward but it took a lot of attention. The birds loved it, but hated us for trimming it.
A glob of mascara? I did not notice that - I was concentrating on listening to you.
Thank you for another video, honest and elegant.
I don’t think “panache” is used enough. Love it!
Thanks! I hope at least a few of this community, if not Jessie and Claud themselves have at some point over the years enjoyed the various you tube videos I have made or that have been made in which I encourage others to be seen. Either by actually being seen or my actual person being seen, or just my voice, or collaged clips, which I used to advocate various forms of being seen: And how it is ok to be seen: Regardless of disability, fatigue, anxiety, depression, insomnia or just general neurodivergence, or a physically obviously "seen" difference! I wish everyone the best of luck in continuing to see themselves, and others, in the best, safest and most fun ways :-) And thanks for the video 😊.
❤
I can think of at least one friend who might need to see this this week, if its a week where they feel able to leave their home x ❤
Today was my birthday and this is the perfect closure, my adhd medication wasnt in its optimal state I didnt want to see people and I reflected a lot in why that much attention even being positive was draining me so much (trauma) so beings seen today was overwahlming like an open nerve (I am also autistic) but very introspective so your video was overlap perfectly
I clicked on this immediately, I need this lol
I'll say it again. I've had chronic pain most of my life. Some of the same issues Jessica has. This show has really helped me laugh myself through it all. Again; Love you guys and really believe you are an example of what it take's to have a great family. ❤️ U Much.
I'm going to choose to be seen and comment on a feeling I had while watching this.
When Jessica was talking about I Kissed a Girl and she said "don't put yourself in a box" about being femme4femme... that really hurt. I know she was just talking about one woman's experience and she said "like who you like," but I just wish she had chosen a different way to say it other than "putting yourself in a box."
I've always felt so alienated and isolated bc I am an extremely femme4femme lesbian, and feel like I'm never going to be accepted by the queer community or find a woman to fall in love with because of it. I never feel seen. I never feel allowed to be seen.
So... I guess it was just the last thing I wanted to hear that my identity is a box. It's not. It's authentically me.
I wish there was a bigger femme4femme community, and that we were not talked over by other lesbians and queer people so often. I want to be seen. I hope there are others who relate to this.
“Don’t believe everything you think”
9:57
I ADORE Amy! She's so unapologetically herself! It surprised me that all the other women didn't all instantly fall for her. To me, she stands out from the crowd, there's a joyful energy that radiates from her.
The production of this video is amazing, the pacing is nice with the slower and faster parts...
11:11 it's Nyx, as in Nicks. Not spelled out, but one word. ☺️ Hope that helps
It's taken me a long time to even realise I was afraid. I'd have this feeling of fear that the people I know would judge me, but logically I knew they wouldn't, so it's not fear right? What is there even to be afraid of? I guess I'd forgotten fears aren't logical haha
Thanks, I really needed this video. I really worked on myself to try and be a the best version of my true self. But lately, despite recibing lots of compliments on both my appearance and personally, I been finding myself feeling self-conscious about my actions and how much space I take. I know I'm funny and a pleasure to be around, but I still feel this anxiety and self-doubt.
The thing is, I do like myself, I'm cool, and I have good taste. I can't control the possibility of others disliking me.
This also goes hand to hand with the fact that I like some that's on my daily surroundings and I fear been percived as extra or too much by them. BUT WHAT ABOUT IT? if they do dislike me, we are not meant to be together, and that's alright. I would rather repel people i'm incompatible with that try to be someone different only for our relationship to end up in a catastrophe.
So yeah, be weird (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧
while I want to be loud and bouncing off the walls, my chronic illness and fatigue have other plans
Thank you for this ❤ Made my sickly little heart feel so seen
love this vid Jesica thankyou so much for doing this , the entire vid i was sitting there thinking yep thats me
Jessica, then there are those of us (like me, for instance), who boldly “expose” significant parts of themselves, successfully camouflaging that which is our essential being through the subterfuge of exposure and misdirection.
I think you're adorable :)
I'm always afraid of people not liking me because I'm too opinionated, well, guess what?
everyone has opinions, so in reality, EVERYBODY is opinionated
I wear a frog hat with eyes that go up - it's fun - people notice but I don't care!
Cute! My wife wear a Koala knit hat in winter, she gets a lot of smiles because of it.
Thank you Jessica!! 🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉
So if one is (hypothetically, asking for a friend) also afraid of being perceived favourably by people, then that could mean one is maybe afraid of connection and love?
My trick for when I live stream is that they are not people looking at me. The chat is only fill with bot that I can answer to. 😅
OMG someone finally put in words why i didnt like Amy too at the start :D
Love your content, helps me in the journey to learn to love myself ❤
Also. I have concretely practiced the art of confirming my sexuality with “casual” comments such as, “When Mary and I first saw this house, she and I knew that it would be our forever home. We were in instant agreement about which room would be our bedroom and exactly where our bed should be.” Or “My partner Lisa and I don’t agree about who should clean what, but we both agree that clean sheets on our shared bed is nothing short of paradise!” This indirect form of coming out not only gives the “listeners” a comfortable way to deny what they are hearing, but also gives the speaker the opportunity to say, “But I DID tell you.” Then again there is the blunt, “May I introduce you to my wife?” My experience is that “brutal” but casual honesty disarms the hearer who then begins to wonder why they ever considered these “nice” people to be a problem.
I appreciate you telling us about this. It matters to hear it.
I feel called out by this video and yeah, thank you for it.
So you know how our intuition, or gut, or primal instincts, or whatever you want to call it can perceive or sense someone's gaze... And this phenomenon even one on one can trigger Fight, flight or freeze...I can imagine that feeling the perception of many people's gaze would be similarly intense for introverts, agoraphobes, people with ASD, etc. Whether intentional or accidenal. Even if someone isn't necessarily shy, or embarrassed or humiliated, or generally afraid of the situation of being in a group or in public...I'm an extrovert but I imagine it can at least be obnoxious the way electronics, and appliances and lights all make sounds, which most perceive as white noise but can drive me, and many others nuts. I also imagine people who are deliberately or involuntarily, but perceptively different from others, being the center of attention in most settings, would be exhausting...