Narcissist Fight Club Rule #6: Multiple Arguments to Derail and Distract
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- Опубліковано 12 гру 2024
- Dr. Tara Palmatier, PsyD - www.shrink4men.com
contact: shrink4men@gmail.com
Facebook: / shrink4men
Twitter: / shrink4men
Relationships with narcissists, borderlines, histrionics, psychopaths, other bullies, professional victims and emotional reasoners are often riddled with conflict. After the idealization or love bombing stage ends and the devaluation stage begins, circular arguments, pout outs and rage episodes often become a weekly or daily occurrence. Conflicts are rarely resolved and are frequently rehashed with each new conflict.
In an effort not to trigger an abusive wife/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend, many clients find themselves walking on wall-to-wall eggshell carpet. Living this way is crazy-making and exhausting. Eventually, it becomes untenable.
Read article here: shrink4men.com/...
Essentially no matter how calm and level headed you are. No matter how kind and patient, loving and generous...they will keep chipping away at you until you lose it and then they will take your reaction and use it as an excuse to beat, cheat or ghost on you. Rinse, repeat.
2:00 --"They rewrite history and cast you as the aggressor and they as the victim, when the opposite is true."
Thank you mentioning ABR for men divorcing Marx women. I was divorcing my Filipino wife and when I was helping her move out, she goes into a rage and calls me stupid f...cling N..ga, and every sort of vile under the sun. I reacted by laughing at all the smear and I was recording just incase I ended up in court. Her aim was for to react like a typical black man with rage but I didn't. After that she alleged I was a danger to the kids and that led to months in court. Thank you Doc for your hard work and videos
Thank you Dr T
I live alone and have no one in my life. Just my little doggie.
Total peace when I come home. Good to see that your still producing videos.
God bless.
They avoid all questions and get on a tangent. If you try to bring them back it’s almost impossible.
Deny, minimize, deflect, pivot, blame shift, distract, fabricate, and obscure. What does logic or the Truth have to do with anything.
@@michaeljensen4650 How DARE you bring up inconvenient facts?!
Easy to get them back. Politely say "Good-bye" and never speak to them again. Then "do your work," and live a good life.
You are the absolute best kryptonite against these high conflict toddlers. ☄️👋🙌🏻👍♥️
Thanks!
Dr Tara you are awesome! Great delivery, great examples. I'm always nodding my head and smiling with pure recognition as I watch your videos. 👍🏼
Thanks! That's kind of you.
Wish I'd heard all this when I was young. Had to learn the hard way. Kids lost out in the process.
In other words get away from them they are Dangerous and capable of doing just about anything....
Exactly.
My borderline sister Kitchen sinks non stop like she's a plumber....My God you are the first to bring this up....Out of all the Narc channels you are the first to cover this and Now i know with out a shadow of a doubt that i was right all a long about my sister being borderline......Victim, abusive behavior ....KITCHEN SINK
25:32-- "Since you can't win playing by the narcissist's or borderline's rules-- how do you win?! You DROP the rope!
"You let go of the need to prove that you're a good boy or a good girl or that you're right....That's how you win a game of whack-a-troll. You DON'T play."
" I think it's time to redefine winning! Which usually means ending the relationship and taking your life back." Bingo!!
Every word you say is a validation and a comfort. Badly, badly needed validation and comfort.
Robert Burns' poem Tom O'Shanter describes the wife at home, "Nursing her wrath to keep it warm".
Yes, that's exactly what my ex narcissist did. He'd create a fight before a party we were going to because potentially he might meet someone better. I can only see this clearly now, with hindsight. But at the time, I was confused, trying to work out the problem. Ugh!!
11:38 - 11:50 part about facts and logic is tremendously astute. Great video, important advice, and spot on Dr. T. Another gem from you. Also, what you said about kitchen sinking. Wow. You are enlightening.
@Robert thank you for time lining that far the video because I wanted to do that too but now you have it preserved in the comments so I could just go right to that highlight of highlights of this brilliant therapy session of Dr Tara!
They are insane , you just get as far away as possible
They're not insane. They know it's wrong to lie, cheat, be mean, etc. They're oriented 3x. They're crazy, not insane.
@@shrink4men Yes people kind of use them both as the same but they are different...I just read the definitions on both....
@@shrink4men Yes they know exactly what they are doing to us..and they just love throwing around the word "crazy" and calling us crazy as often as they can when it's really them..
So clear... if you know with what you are dealing with! So unclear and distracting if you are in the midst of it!
Thanks for explaining! Every single point is true!
You're welcome. It can definitely be hard to know which ways is up and which way's down when in the middle of it. That's why third party support is useful (as in journaling and recording). It is a FOG-cutter and way to clear the effects of gaslighting and projection.
@@shrink4men I got out of the fog only after finishing the toxic relationship & and coming across all the information at UA-cam. From third parties like friends, family and even therapists, life coaches I got only well intended bad advice.
Simply NOBODY had a clue that I wasn't dealing with a normal decent person- and none common sense rules can ever apply!
@@karo1564 yea thats pretty much the issue People believe all people are wired to feel discomfort at the pain of another.
“There ‘s no conflict resolution to be had with these individuals.” TRUE
They say something intentionally incomplete or misleading to force you to ask wtf they are talking about. They use this to attack you for being unintelligent.
12:00 - "They yell, losing control or pretending to lose control. Often times they are in control of their rage. This is an intimidation tactic."
Like you say, this is all obviously an act. I always sensed this to in those instances that it was completely contrived so that I would take the bait and unfortunately sometimes fall for this.
Fight Club For Narcicists series is giving great tools to counter the emotional abuse if or when experienced.
My ex wife would go into a rage, I would start recording, and she would instantly stop. Like magic.
Kitchen sink all the way back to before dating. And yeah reality or anything even close to it means nothing.
They'll go back to before you met and bring up exes and your family, too.
@@shrink4men yes they will, thanks for all your work.
BTDT, got the T shirt. Their twisting of reality about that one like you say means nothing.
This describes her exactly!! I have been in so much pain trying to understand why she treated me this way. The pain is going away the more I learn from you. I kicked her out once and for all 3 months ago . Blocked everywhere . No contact ever since . I feel lucky to have gotten out . Thank you thank you thank you.
ABR = ALWAYS BE RECORDING.
Such great advice, and a lesson I've had to learn the hard way.
14:30-- "Many of these disordered people nurse their resentments like a sow nurses their little pigglets.
There is no coming back from contempt in a relationship. "
Then you refer to a fellow doctor saying that's one of "the four horsemen of a relationship apocalypse." Agree.
You go girl.. uhmm I mean Dr T.. love the pitching machine analogy.. WELL the definition of it that is, not the reality of it. Literally best laughs I have had in too long with "connection to the subject" tears running down my face..!! Thank you sincerely from all of us that DESERVE to hear this, because we are here for this much needed messaging.
You're welcome and thank you!
I had to give this video a “Like” on the title alone....
The best is the pervading “My Truth” crap that has provided the countless and counting “hidey-holes” perfect for any and all occasions.
What I have found even more so is that when it comes to the dead subject of truth, or ethic that the great “Hidey-Holiers than thou” are kryptonite like ultra sensitive to escape even the subjects that threaten to come to tangentially close to truth because they understand that truth is “contiguous “.
..great video. :>
I gave your comment a "Like" by virtue of you giving my video a "Like" based on the title alone. Just speaking "my truth!"
I blame Oprah for many things. Including Dr Phil and Jenny McCarthy.
Shrink4Men - Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD ....you always do that
"MUH TRUTH!" Anymore questions?
You are my hero! Thank you for breaking the spell!
You're welcome and thank you!
Wait, what?! I did not know you had a UA-cam channel back then, I thought you just started popping videos over here! Narcissist, fight club, what a great series idea…
Dr. Palmatier.
It's like you were a fly on the wall. I've had these exact kinds of conflicts. I wondered what I could do better and it took time to realize my girlfriend was more damaged than I realized.
If anything, I should've walked away sooner.
My ex BPD wife was the one who got arrested after assaulting me. Fast forward 6 months and she’s awarded primary custody because the judge, on the record, concluded that her violence against me isn’t a direct danger to the children. Gotta love family circus court.
I just came across Dr. Tara, heard a few of her presentations which really resonate with my experience with a borderline narc. Subscribed as soon as I heard her say "I never want to hear anyone saying "My truth"
They prey on their targets from the first day on. Sick is sick. Is sick.
Projective identification is a super fascinating concept to me. If you can avoid all reactions the truth always comes out..... Unfortunately it turns you into an invalidating weirdo in their presence, which makes them feel more greived.
Game theory comes to mind. Also fascinating how it spreads like a replicating virus almost turning you into them to deal....with them.
General rule: Validating bullshit begets more bullshit. Would you validate your next door neighbor's insistence that he is Napoleon Bonaparte? Or Napoleon Dynamite? If that makes me an invalidating weirdo, then I embrace my weirdo-ness.
No I totally agree. It does feel icky though.
Funny how theyll be the first to call someone cold for being invalidating, but if your are empathetic they'll say "you're too sensitive."
Had an epiphany the other day about PTSD in any form and how it is created by "darned if you do and darned if you don't" situations.
The solider who gets blown up or machine gunned down if he goes against the enemy, or court marshalled if he runs.
The man who is a pervert who hits on a said woman, but a weak stick who "totally wants me" if he doesn't or rescinds his offer.
The nuance is gone, and it's only black and white thinking with predetermined outcomes.
Please do a video in projective identification and the sociopath's grand finale and setup when they realize you no longer serve their purpose.
Yours, Paul Elams, Richard Grannon, Bad Poop and many other peoples work has been extremely eye opening and has been extremely helpful in my journeys with business and personal relationships. Basically accepting reality for what it is and not being afraid to communicate my needs. Almost a chemical accelerant, not to corner or force people to react (projective identification and black and white thinking), but for knowing the true nature of people I'm trusting with my life.
They refuse honesty with self at the core of their being.. close their mind to reason, refuse responsibility for honesty with self over emotion.. don't wanu cry and being honest requires that you know your sadness, own it, cry if necessary.. and they're walking wounded. Yes.. call a liar, a liar, and grandstand on their commitment to responsibility.. working into a position of I'm not listening to another word you say, until you answer up on lying.. and then go no contact. Have we lost that skill these days? I knew it in childhood to find the liars and call em on it demanding assertively, single mindedly, and tersely they admit it or not let them live it down and keep bringing it up. We need to maintain that skeptical front ending entitlement, challenging and rejecting the bullshit.
Here it goes. Ex wife bpd (undiagnosed) she has every symptom scaled to 10. 4 attempts in 24 years but only one in last 13 (end of marriage) she violent , physically abuse to me, MULTIPLE affairs the whole 9 yards. Molested at young age and mom completely neglected her since a toddler. Now she's trying to take me to court on false allegations on a restraining order trying to get full custody I have every single thing backed up with proof in text and videos her saying in a video after punching me several times to take the kids I'm unstable the kids are going to hit you when I'm dead take all the kids and I got a 5150. I know she's going to lose it in court but I'm just trying to find some type of advice I can fill you in the rest if you can contact me please
Sorry that was so jumbled it was a voice text and I didn't review it before I sent it
I'm very sorry. That's awful.
Thing is, she's borderline with narcissism underlying and she's full-blown narc right now and has been for about the last 8 months but I'm afraid because of how bad she's going to be exposed in court and she can't run away she can't scream or kick or punch or break something she's going to be stuck there and faced with irrefutable evidence actual videos actual text messages dating back for years I save everything especially the bad stuff in case something like this happened the kids even want to testify against her but for her we've all been trying to get her help for the last year-and-a-half and she just won't do it she can't face the music which we all know how they are. What I'm worried about is exposing her so badly she won't even be able to pick the pieces of her mask backup and I fear that she's going to completely introvert and kill herself because there won't be any where she can go and hide. Thing is if I don't pull out all the cards in my deck the thing she's saying about me that I can prove wrong, like drugging her and raping her and having another man have sex with her. She cheated on me with this guy for almost a year and we were both him and his girlfriend basically swapping you know, big mistake alcohol and ecstasy were involved three years ago everything went downhill after that she turned into a different person completely but what she's saying in court is that a drugs her raped her and videotaped it and I have proof that that's a lie and there's about 10 other allegations just like that every single one of them I can prove her family has no idea how bad she's abused me and with the kids have seen but they all know that she has issues from the previous three suicide attempts before I met her I just don't know which way to go I can't lose this case and lose my children their 12:9 and for all three boys they want to be with me they know who the real parent is or at least the one that's not sick and they want their mom back but I'm afraid if I expose her, she won't be able to mentally recover and go for the easiest way out. I know it's a tough one but any advice would be something I've been learning about all these cluster B's for the last year-and-a-half by myself hardly anyone believe me until about the last 2 months ago and now everybody's fumbling to try to help but it's kind of making it worse so I'm having everybody sit back.
She was my first girlfriend ever and I married her and was 13 years 3 kids and it was absolutely beautiful 50% of the marriage but we all know every other day or every two days mr. Hyde comes out and it's complete nefarious Behavior someone help or give me other point of views that might give me some insight of the exact Direction I should take with this. 13 years and 3 kids
Hey Kilo. What a toxic clusterfuck. I really feel for you.
My take on your situation is that you HAVE to throw the book at her or you will lose everything. She has done this to herself and the consequences are hers to deal with. I can hear the note of pity and love for the damaged woman who is the mother of your children and I get it. However, that is her karma not yours. Her choices as an adult, not yours. Her consequences, not yours.
Hope that helps.
"My truth". My ex would say "it's how I feel...you have always disregarded my feelings" yeah sorry but feelings are not facts
14:00--"Kitchen sinking...they're playing a game of whack-a-mole just as you quell or disprove one of their arguments, launch another one."
Very vivid imagery.😊 Great points & advice.
Excellent description, this is spot on.🙏🏻
Thank you!
Dealing with a narc. Is playing the Milton Bradley. Operation game. Touch the twizers against the metal contact. Trying to remove a bone. And the buzzer goes off. And the nose lights up..walking on eggs shells..
Dr T, thank you for helping me understand me.
In my opinion, as always, accurate and precise.
I am obliged for your work.
(and your characteristic ability to manifest humour amidst solemnity)
Good morning Dr Tara from sunny QLD Australia
Good morning to you, too, John!
Another brilliant and 'funny because it's true' video. Thank you!
I just wanted to say that the whack-a-mole fights were the death of our relationship. I just couldn't do any more 4/5 hour sessions of going round in circles. I was so anxious about sparking another round that I was having physical responses to the fear.
I didn't know then about any of this. It's been almost 2 years since I refused that last round of whack-a-mole... Which ended in me getting thrown out of my home because 'you either stay and work through it like an adult or you can f* off and go'. I obviously chose the latter.. Not because I was brave but because I wasn't going to held to ransome any more. I knew how it would end.. With me crying, apologising for God knows what and feeling like I'd been through a tumble dryer full of rusty nails.
Just a couple of things I wanted to mention though. He was not a rager. He was the calm (sitting on my throne) type. His calm logic in contrast to my confusion and upset made me look like damaged one. It was a perfect show of how they can turn it around onto you. Everything about his tactics meant that anyone listening to the fight would only hear me being upset and emotional. He was a master at calm and collected. Perfect except for the fact of the utter nonsense coming out of his mouth. Then he would back this all up with a very 'caring' and calm 'why are you being so defensive Helen?'
At the beginning I would try and remain logical and rational but then I would become the attacker because I told him that his argument was unfounded....which was name calling according to him. 'You don't need to get personal and call me names Helen'... He said calmly.
But the truth is his resentment warehouse wasn't even full of anything addressed to me... It's was all stuff that had allegedly been done to him by previous partners and I was going to be held accountable for it... Even though I hadn't, wasn't going to, hadn't even crossed my mind.
'Yes but what if you had Helen? Then do you see how I would, justifiably, be upset?'
NO you whacko! I'm NOT GOING TO ARGUE AGAINST HYPOTHETICALS!
And finally I just wanted to acknowledge how difficult walking away from the fight can be.. Because for me it didn't end the argument it just postponed it and when I had to return to it, he had another mole available to address.... My utter abandonment of him at a time when he is 'just trying to tell me how I make him feel'.
I was the selfish one because I 'ran away' from our problems. I wouldn't face his 'very important grievances' like the dedicated and committed girlfriend I supposed to be. Which obviously, not only, made me a bad girlfriend but also a bad person. An attacker and fundamentally, emotionally redundant.
Sorry this is long note. Clearly I'm being irrational and defensive by writing this ;)... But I wanted to give a shout out to those people who didn't have the ragey type who uses anger... But the type that makes you feel like you have been told off by your head master and kicked a puppy at the same time.
Going through the same. How did he react to you not coming back?
Very good thanks for putting your time into this ! Dr. T.J.P.
Carefully listen, calmly acknowledge and quietly but firmly trace out the trails behind any grains of truth in their attacks you can find. Compulsive abusers operate by pinching consequences off from the causes that led to them so they can misrepresent those consequences as unjust and unsolicited assaults against them, rather than the due outcomes of their behaviour that others had every right to implement. It will confuse them if you start agreeing with them on true statements intended as accusations. An example from personal experience: "You don't want anything to do with us!" (playing the victim but it's also true). "You're right. I don't want anything to do with you anymore because I won't tolerate being deliberately antagonised and terrorised." You need to sort a few things in preparation.
1. Make sure you will be safe if this is a concern, because they are likely completely melt down when they find out that you agreeing to a grain of truth doesn't mean you're capitulating to the incoherent conclusion they want to establish.
2. Choose a place when you have maximal control; so, for instance, where you can legally make them leave.
3. You must remain calm and detached throughout. They will try to force you to descend to their level but don't accept the invitation.
4. This is most important. Let go of any need to try to play the good person, and that includes abandoning social expectations about family that all too often operate against targets of lifelong abuse. They will never think well of you anyway (haven't you worked this out yet?), so just accept it, and embrace the role of being the arsehole - you've earned it.
Be consistent in acknowledging points of truth you can dig out of the accusations and use it to connect consequences they don't like back to causes they chose. It amounts to holding them accountable in a reasoned way, and without necessarily directly contradicting them. They hate consequences, they hate being accountable, and they hate reasoned ways. They don't like being not directly contradicted, either.
I have lived all that you explain here. Kitchen sinking.... what a term!TY
Thank you Dr. T. The Dr. Faulkner. Now understand to slide their chairs away from the keyboards and don't issue any war games comands. Now we know it's not surrender. But sanity. I see ✌ peace on a lot of faces here.
I loved "wack a mole"! Just not with my narc...
It's a fun arcade game. Not so much in a relationship.
@@shrink4men My six year old daughter loves this game. Good thing, her mother is a a narc.
Lady, I dont know who you are but imon love with your videos. 💖💖 Keep the truth pumping about these demons, you're doing one heck of a job, especially since you'ce experienced it yourself. Mmmwaaah and hugs!
I have been watching Dr. TARA for awhile now (since the beginning) and in these recent videos I sense an evolved inner strength. She has always impressed as a strong individual but now she has a secure ease in her manner. Plus, SHE'S adorable but the dogs are intimidating. Are they pitbulls? She doesn't look like a gangster!
The only way my dogs pose a threat to anyone is if he/she has a severe dog saliva allergy. In which case, they'll be kissed to death. Lucy (the pibble mix) has drawn blood, but it was accident. She was so excited to have a new human in the house she scratched the guest while jumping to give kisses. Thank you for your continued encouragement and support.
Absolutely! I used to tll mine thatshe would be a good lawyer. Thanks for this excellent, insightful video.
Thank you dr. Tara.... No words how much you helped me
You are most welcome.
There is only one truth, the reality of this universe is a measurable tangible thing.
Thank you! You are amazing! I really loved this video even though it especially hit home😕
Walk away, you said? Wooow. If I only knew that it's OK, take a walk,when the game is on. She made me feel like the crazy one, who is not able to work out a resolution (for 20 years) . When I hear you speak, you must knew her personaly 😄
It is the same as Coercive Control. Same effect too.
The 'narcissistic injury' is chillingly resonant. Pretty sure that's what led to the end with my ex ('high functioning' uBPD). There was no way I could have known and nothing I could have done, right?
Probably not. Many clients realized warning signs they missed or ignored in the beginning because they were being so intensely flattered, sexxed up, etc.
Professional victim disorder these narcs have their is no reasoning with these people you are so correct . Thanks Dr . how do I end relationship for good ? Besides no contact can't afford to move away from these entitled people . They want take responsibility .
Exausted, single dad falling asleep in the tub. Hearing your videos over past few days at work has made a difference and helped me through the trials and temptations once again. Praying, enduring and believing there is another beautiful soul who will meet me somewhere in the middle of this darkness. I hope by faith she will see the real me, on the narrow way to paradise (where two agree) together as I cover her every step of the way. (Emotional Sigh over.) These past two years has been traumatic on so many levels. The worst being how our two miracles have suffered the confusing choices and twisted unreality she continues to project onto them and attempt to onto me. Doing all I can to avoid her and as little contact as possible. Though it's very difficult since our two are in grade school. One day at a time. It's a test of endurance and fortified boundaries. Heart rending but over time I know there will be freedom and healthier relationships with those who choose to do the work to engage and contribute/ reciprocate. Thank you for your vigilant contribution. It has helped make more sense of the last decade of chaos for me!
This was useful to know with my ex(male) bf. I let him know that I would be recording all of our conversations, and I keep a small tape recorder handy in case my phone is not right there. It did a wonder for communications.
Lola how long did he stay after you said you’d be recording?
"Go away delivery man, go away. You don't belong here. Bad delivery man."
Lmao
If I'm outside when the delivery people arrive, it's all tail wags and kisses. To be clear, I'm talking about the dogs, not me.
My clients might tell ya different, but I try not to judge. Lmao
Oh and by the way, your advice works awesome in the polygraph room too.
Which parts?
@@shrink4men lol thanks for the clarification!
25:19 fair, equitable.
My ex, quote:"I want all or nothing".🤪
This is sooo good 😀
Totally Genius!!!
Thank you!
Is it your experience that a narc goes on the worst of their attacks from a position of weakness or strength? Narc ex wife is on a 2 week rampage that is the worst it has been since the divorce proceedings over a year ago. Not sure what she is trying to pull. I wouldn't care, except that I have a 6yr old daughter that is caught in the mix.
Is it kitchen sinking. OMG. It's like they have a safe where they stuff all the things to use it later. They never forget or move on. But the worse is they use it on any unrelated discussion not say argument. Which drives you even more nuts.
embrj145 they never let things go and bring up old crap from the past even 20 years ago
How do I deal with a neighbor?
My narc relationship ended a year and half ago but I have a neighbor who calls texts and bangs on my door and invites herself in. Regardless of my plans she inserts herself and if I don't answer her calls or texts becomes angry. She's my neighbor so am forced to give in to her.
Entitlement from these people are outrageous .
Omg everything you said is so spot on.
Dr. T trained her dog to go vicious when she say's 'Kitchen Sink'.
That's funny. My dogs aren't trained. Correction: They only obey when food is offered.
@@shrink4men Oops. When I heard 'protect your boundaries', I purchased a breeding pair of Great Pyrenees.
Maybe I overreacted. I'll cancel that shipment of razor wire.
The wearing of a steel cup, in that emotional climate can result in 3rd degree burns and, frostbite respectively. 😬
wonderful video, again. Thank you so so so much.
I’m just speaking “My” truth 🤢🤮
Amen my sister, Preach😎
That’s not the only thing I got from this video, but it stood out the most. My truth..🤮 Guess that’s why facts are now considered hate speech.
You're welcome!
Quoting my bpd/npd mother: "You've hated me since you were born." What can you say to this.
Sounds like classic projection!
W😮W!!! She accused you for her pathology from when you were a newborn? Just nuts!
Same here. A mom's almost eighty my dad still alive and I in her finally going on at. I look 3500 miles away is I have the last 19 years and I relocated home. I didn't move out here to get away from them. But I had the same situation as you did with your mom and she is come out at me with all these things and narcissist to fight club and to be honest I don't really care this a resolution. I figured that might regret it after she dies. But I'm documenting what's happening to me I think we've been back on each of these incidents, though I said some horse Wars after being provoked the shit out of, what she didn't respond to his even worse. It was like a game of setup for she was playing it so that she can't paint herself as victim to my siblings. Which are pretty much now going to be my ex siblings at this point. Once I parents died, I'm done with my immediate family at this rate. It wasn't always like this the four years ago they decide to go to war with me Over my own damn money because of their ego when I fired them is an SSI payee. Actually they were going to war theme before that trying to force you to do things that were none of their business. Sorry, Unlock it have a mom to tasks set a reminder 40 from alcoholism try to tell me to go to rehab just so they have another place to paint this keep go as a victimizer or whatever even though I am far across the country. My oldest sister turn me against me and then why look back in my relationship with my siblings is always be a game of triangulation where they all take turns at times. I didn't really have much of a relationship with those except for my brother who is near my age or my younger brother I mean. Now, good riddance, the Lone Wolf walks away
How about, "No, not from when I was born. Only from later, once I understood that you're compulsively abusive"?
invest in a helmet and a reinforced steel cup lol lol....Hilarious but true...
Thank you for the great advice.
I don't know why my posts keep multiplying...sorry for the inconvenience!
A good reply to nonsense such as “you never loved me” or God knows what else is simply to tell them that they are entitled to their opinion but that you are entitled to your opinion also. Or simply saying well, I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t agree (calmly and indifferently, of course). Also we can simply decline to discuss it with them and walk off or leave the room or premises or hang up on them or whatever to not be around them. Then, of course, there’s always just sitting there with some really good grey rock.
Once with my mom when she was being a flying monkey and came over and was implying that I was mentally defective. I saw it. I finally saw how she was trying to get me all upset and to righteously defend myself and my mental state. I started to do just that, as usual, and when it hit me, I just stopped in mid sentence. I just sat there like hmm. Ok. Whatever. I’m bored. Shoulder shrugging etc. lol. Basically silence. She left within about 2 minutes after that like she couldn’t stand to even be there in my presence anymore. I was like dayum. Ha ha. I had to do this before with the step father so, I guess I just reasoned that if she was going to act just like him, she’d get treated just like he did. I wouldn’t care or really pay much attention and I’d detach and observe and I wouldn’t engage. What can I say? I’m a practical girl. Lol. I’m a big fan of things that actually work well and get the job done. Pretty soon tho, you just learn that any convo whatsoever with a narc is a total waste of time. And if you can’t even talk to a person, then why be around them at all?
Omg. So on point!
There are narcissists that let you go a whole week without fighting?
You have to remove their power by diverting to others with authority, you cannot negotiate with terrorists....
Just summarise facts, escalate to authority, distance yourself and respond... dont react. They have no power over you that you dont give them
how do you deal with a person you are in a divorce process with and have kids with so you can't completely walk away ?
Dr. Palmatier, any comments on trusting one’s gut feel? I find it hard to tell the limits to rationalization.
My f(ather) , family , n ex? I reckoned that my ex had chosen a different path....?
Particularly good.
I'm at the point now that your titles keep me from watching them. Been there, no more. Heh.
Howdy!
Thank you!!!!!!
Ok....would I be a commentaholic if I said Holy Shit ! Flashback ! Replay of whack ! Good reminder of all those "good" times ! sarcasim...sarcasim....sarcasism. The good news is even when you are focused on intructing the masses that yes, that shit is crazy, the watchful eyes in background have got your back. Even if it's just a intrusive chipmunk committing a boundary violation.
Bottom line. You just explained. Walk away from all the Narc Dr. Strangeloves.. You will get nuked.. Like the Russians.. Did
Only one truth , religious or not.
Wish I could afford you doc...
Why are you ONLY referencing MEN??? I have to record my husband being his NPD self constantly.
Because men and boys deserve support resources, too. Now, go to channels that cater to women victims and ask the same question, but change MEN to WOMEN.
Why do you care