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It was tough on my Dad who didn’t have sibling but he did lean on his first cousin so that was a help. I hope when the time comes you have someone up lean on. So far I try not to worry about that even though I have my brother losing grandparents was hard enough
I’ve already been working with my parents to get their wills and funeral arrangements in order bc you not finna have me out here stressed while grieving. That’s so disrespectful
As an only child raised by a single parent, let me debunk a few things: no, it doesn't mean you're spoiled; no, it doesn't mean you had an easy childhood; no, it doesn't mean you're self-centered. Almost all my friends had siblings and fought endlessly. My childhood wasn't easy, but at least I had more peace in my home than these loud, rowdy home full of kids yelling and hitting each other. It's not for everyone.
Being the oldest child is the harder I think! You have to deal with your siblings being loud and younger than you. I will never know that feeling cause I'm the youngest 😂 it was the best, I know myself and I'd be so annoying and entitled without my older sister. But is just a matter of luck, as most of the things in life
I went to school with an only child. Shexwas two years older than I am. She was not spoiled. Shexwas a very intelligent person and was a Pharmacist. Later on her mother who became a widow got sick. This woman was a teacher and was loved by all her students. My friend quit her job and took care of her mother. She passed away in 2022. Then my friend was alone. But she volunteered for the local Food Bank and was a kind and caring woman. Everyone loved her. She sadly passed away in May of this year. They think shechad a heart attack. But I have recently heard of an illness called Broken Heart Syndrome. I think that's what she died from. She mourned her mothers death.
Only child raised by a single mom - I had to learn to be very responsible at an early age because you have a bunch of duties to do that can’t be shared with siblings. Plus there’s extra pressure to succeed and “make it” because you’re seen as the only shot your family has vs with siblings
anyone else an only child to a single parent? Lots of parentification masking behind "my daughter is my best friend" life. As I tell my non-only child friends. Yes all the attention was on me. Which means ALL the attention was on me. Good and bad. All the praise and all the pressure. And my reward is to be the sole person in charge of my mom as she grows older and eventually passes away leaving me alone in the world. That said, some people have some very shitty siblings, so the only child in me is thankful to just do it all myself and not have to deal with all the sibling drama.
Yes, single parents and only children end up trauma bonding through the abandonment they're both experiencing from the absent parent. Just like the Gilmore Girls you unintentionally become sibling-like. As you get older you feel guilty for wanting to be your own person outside them. You don't want to now be the abandon-er.
I am the (adult) only child of a single mom and the problem I have with the only child trope and real world stigma is my mom suffered 4 miscarriages 2 before I was born 2 after. Some only children were never intended to be only children and if my mom spolied me it was because I was and am her "rainbow baby". There is nothing wrong with wanting only one kid for whatever reasons, I personally want none. But it feels like only child syndrome can be just another way to stigmatize mothers for not living up to some bullshit societal standard.
My mom lost six between my sister and I (twelve years an only). One was what they call a late-term abortion or stillbirth. It was awful for everyone. But they kept trying to have that “normal” family so I have a brother 17 years younger and a sister 12 years younger than me.
This is very true and you are so right. There is stigma for not having children, there is stigma is you have only one, there is stigma if only have the same sex kids, if you have disabled kids, if you divorce, if your children die. Society is hard on moms and not normative families
Well, I certainly fall into the categorie "had to parent my own parents". Still unboxing that "putting everyones needs before my own"-stuff at age 30. Having at least one other person to team up with would have been nice.
Same, but since mine were incapable of taking care of themselves and me, I'm pretty sure they would have pitted my potential siblings against each other, as that is what I read happens in similar situations where there are brothers/sisters. But I guess they would have directed maybe half of their needs to the other child, which would have been tremendous relief. Idk. In the end your doomed either way if your parents are not grown up...
@@blueskies90210 I think you have a point there. I remembered a friend of mine and his brother took totally diffrent roles in the family. He was the one who was parentified and his brother was the troublemaker that necessarily learned to have boundries and a life on his own more quickly than my friend. I'm just happy we made it through and at least can now take our lives in our own hands for the better!
I'm the (adult) only child, weird and loner. I find it extremely difficult to make friends and interact with people in general. I live by myself, I work from home and at times I can spend days without talking with another person.
I feel seen. I was not spoiled, I’m the only child of a disabled mother, during middle school we basically became a single parent household because of her declining health and relied solely on my dad’s income. I got told by godparents& uncles that I was spoiled but that’s because of their perception from the outside, they never knew what was on the inside. As I continue to grow into adulthood and my friends put more emphasis on family& their significant others, I am faced with more struggle around connection and community. I think only kids get a bad rep, and it’s so unfair.
From my experience, people with siblings actually get away with a lot more, precisely because parents have to split their attention between multiple children. I could never get away with taking a biscuit without asking, for instance, because my parents would notice immediately. I was parented pretty closely, in part because my parents had to be less concerned with just staying afloat. True, there are some benefits to that - but pretending that being an only child means that you get everything you want is just ridiculous.
As an only child whose only parent is now gone, I've had to deal in stark reality the fact that I no longer have any immediate family to depend on. Extended family is a whole 'nother issue that is dealt with in therapy, lol. I know my status as an only child can make people kind of look at me as someone who knows how to be independent and self sufficient, whatever, etc. While it is certainly a commendable personal trait, I can also say that at 51 years old, "lonely" isn't the dirty word a lot of folks make it out to be. It can be simply reality. I look back at decades of so called friendships and other relationships and there really hasn't been anything vaguely "ride or die" about any of them. Not because I ever chose that way for myself because it's ingrained in me as an only child to be independent. It's just been an ongoing example of how hard things can be when your immediate family circle is naturally smaller than some and others are hard to pin down. I've come to accept that even as friends, etc might see me as someone fascinating to have a meaningless conversation with, no one has ever seen fit to attach their lives to mine and build a relationship that is REAL and goes beyond the superficial. After decades of that, is it any wonder why some of us might admit to feeling very lonely? Add to that coming up smack in the midst of social media and mobile phone communication where ironically people are far less inclined to deal with speaking with others face to face, one on one, in a tangible you-can-touch-it sort of fashion and if you aren't one of those people that managed to forge a good relationship during your younger years when that stuff was a lot easier, you're sure not going to get very far as you get older and you're left on the sidelines of your immediate peer group who are now involved with their own self-built immediate families.
You spoke every thought in my mind. I am 35 and my parents are elderly (they had me late). My worst fear is that one day i will be alone in the world as i also don't have any first degree cousins or aunts and uncles, just distant relatives I've not been much in contact with
I have a similar problem. I was not only an only child, but also a lonely child and in my youth I suffered very badly from mental health issues. After I dropped out of university, I was "out of sync" with what my peers were doing. That made it even harder to form friendships. My health became a little better over time, but the windows for finding long-time friends had closed. Every new person I meet already has their family or friend group. And I also lost a few people whom I tried to build friendships with. They moved to other cities. I also lost friends I had for a lot of years during the pandemic. They are just not reachable anymore. Now I'm 40, don't have a partner, and are still very lonely.
As an only child with parents who had some... let's just call them non-healthy emotional habits, it's wild being both the golden child and the scape goat, because there's literally no one else in the family to push that onto. It's a mindfuck and a half, let's just say
My mother has 3 siblings and father has 2. But they were never close. Always cold wars. Especially my mother never felt supported by her siblings, even during her mom's death, everyone were busy being selfish. And she always told me, don't feel feel bad because you don't have siblings, some of us have them but are of no use
Being an only child who happens to be a woman, it IS hard because both my parents are overprotective. All my life, I have been sheltered. It sucks, but this is the way it is. What if I'm a man? Would my parents be overprotective of me? I don't know.
I love as an only child being told how much attention I got. My parents were always at work and I was raised by TV shows My first grade teacher wrote a note home telling my parents I was "too mature" for my age and recommended I should be socialized to more kids outside of school.I wouldn't want it any other way.
When I look at my cousins who HATE each other and developed extreme versions of oldest, middle and youngest sibling syndrome respectively, I’m quite glad to be an only child.
7:44 I sorta had that problem growing up. I'm an only child and there was only one other kid w/in a mile of my house and she was a priss. My favorite activities included climbing trees, exploring, and being loud. She was bossy, preferred playing indoor games, and hated getting dirty. I basically ended hanging out with adults more than kids my own age due to my parents having a few dinner parties every year
I’m an only child, now a middle aged female with 1 young adult male child. Being an only child is a double edged sword. You get your parent’s attention… ALL of it, ALL the time! But, I have a great imagination and don’t need to be constantly “entertained” by others. My friends with the most drama and worst relationships are the ones who can’t stand to be alone, whereas I’m fine alone. I enjoyed visiting friends that had siblings, but I also enjoyed going home to peace and quiet where everything is mine. I had to make friends, whereas Siblings are usually built in friends. When my father died in the 90’s, I went into the army to get out of the house and out on my own. My mom and I are, but have always been very close, but she’s an enabler and why I left. My husband had to get used to our relationship. The army kept me on my own, in my own life. My mom is retired, well off and currently in Greece. She’s my bestie, but has her own life and has never tried to interfere in my marriage or “help” without asking. Like everything in life, it’s about balance.
I love that you out your friends as having a ''lot of drama'' and lowkey tell on yourself. : Friendships are often complicated, and acknowledging that complexity can help combat the notion that one type of upbringing or personality is “better” than another. Encouraging a dialogue that values various experiences and perspectives, rather than making blanket statements, can contribute to a more inclusive atmosphere. It challenges the notion that one's own experience is the “correct” one and instead will highlight how nuanced and diverse the human experience truly is. Forgive me, but there is something very disturbing about your comment and I think it is due to the lack of self-awareness you have in validating the negative stereotypes that surround only-children as you doing exactly that. By labeling your friends as having the most “drama” while emphasizing your own stability as an only child, you may inadvertently reinforce the stereotype that only children are self-absorbed or judgmental. If you sees yourself as superior to your own friends, it can validate that perception while also outing yourself as (potentially) being a very bad friend for the reasons outlined. Dismissing your friends’ struggles with being alone and emphasises your own comfort with solitude, it may come across as lacking empathy. This could further the stereotype that only children prioritize their own experiences over others. Stereotypes about only children often include being spoiled, self-centered, or lacking social skills. Your negative comments about your friends can play into these perceptions, as it is reinforcing the idea that only children see themselves as “better” than others. In conclusion, your comments might benefit from a dose of self-reflection but I recognise that your upbringing as an only child informs your worldview and maybe one day you will discover a more nuanced understanding of friendships and interpersonal dynamics. I hope in future, you will not speak about your own friends like this again. As I would be having a serious discussion with you about it, if I was them and caught you in this act.
I was hoping Dudley Dursley would be included (he fits the trope to a “T”). James Potter also has some elements of it, as he was born when his parents were older, after trying to have a child for years.
All my cousins have siblings as in only my parents have one child and all their siblings have multiple children. What i have observed through them and with my friends is that only children are most likely closer to their parents and feel deeper emotions. Not only love but also anger and disappointment. We just don't vent to our siblings and let it go. But then again, most only children are not only dependent on their parents but also liable for them. But if you have parents with issues, boy are you in for a ride
The best part about being an only child until - surprise, we’re pregnant siblings - when I was a teen was it meant I could move 2,000miles away as an adult while my less independent siblings stay with my parents as they age. There’s no animosity, it’s just I was always a loner solo spirit and I wasn’t anchored by parental obligation as an adult. My siblings are happy to be close to home. Win-win-win.
I was a single child for 12 years and raised largely apart from my little half sisters. It's not miserable or a one track path to self-centeredness. It comes with its own set of challenges and can be wonderful. True on being a bit weird, but I don't mind it.
Same, there wasn't really terms for introverts/extroverts and ambiverts. I keep on self sabotaging relationships since I thought if I wanted to be alone I'm being away from them. Turns out I'm an ambivert and after that realization it came clear to me how as an only child it developed. Why I like vibing with people at the same time play Minecraft in my room
The "spoiled" part is foreign to me because I was an only child of a singe parent who was struggling to make ends meet. I always had to suck it up, focus, get great grades and be reason why my parent's struggle was all worth it. It almost felt like I didn't have the freedom to be flawed and make mistakes like kids with multiple siblings because the pressure was all on me and I absolutely could not disappoint. Rarely did I ever ask myself what I wanted or liked and it's recently as an adult that am I working through all the people pleasing issues that gave me.
I’m a loner and I’m fine with it. I was a latchkey GenX had a lot of pressure to do well in school and I couldn’t do anything superfluous that would delay my college graduation date. I did get things, but many times, they were mostly practical. My parents expected me to have a productive job and be financially independent as soon as possible but my mom and I are besties. I’ve been teaching since I was 21 years old. If I’m selfish, it’s out of self protection.
My mom made sure I was socialized... I played with my cousins, learned to make my own friends at school and we went over to each others homes. I also learned to be independent very quickly, learned to have my own hobbies and joined sports in middle and high school. We know how to be on our own and learn to do things on our own when we're not around friends and cousins our age. There are trade-offs to everything in life.
I feel like I ended up with both the worst of having a sibling and being an “only child,” since my only other sibling is diagnosed schizophrenic. All my parents’ hopes and dreams end up on me, while most of their focus is on my sister-leaving me alone much of the time. I can’t relate with my sister, and I’ll eventually have to take care of her.
One thing missing from this analysis is that living in a single family, 2-generation home is not the default and the struggle of being modern American phenomenon. You can be the only child born to your parents without being the only child in your household.
As an only child who was raised by a single parent it wasn’t easy. Yes, I got all the attention and yes I guess you can say I was spoiled; at least by my dad. However, a lot of the responsibilities fell on me. Even as an adult if anything happens to my partners I’m the sole person who would have to take care of them. I don’t have siblings to should the responsibilities. Also, as an only child so many expectations are put on you even at an early age and it can be draining.
Unfortunately, I am a weird lonely only child that wasn't socialized correctly, but it has more to do with my parents' severe trust issues than the fact i am a only child 8:07
There was a book that stated that if you have a sibling five or six years younger than your oldest sibling, they leave before you graduate... technically you are an only child. I'm not sure how that works.
That is very not true. One, the younger child benefits from parental experience. Two the other child is still around and you have a relationship with them. Three, ideally, they're still a support when you need it around anything with the parents and, four, there is still someone else in the world who knows what it's like to have your parents. Saying "they're not really your sibling if they're a lot older" is actually pretty offensive and dismissive of this author.
I'm the only child of divorced parents and I was both the "golden child" and the scapegoat at the same time. I often had to run interference between my mother who never remarried and my father who remarried twice. It wasn't pleasant to say the least.
If I were an only child I would have probably taught how to take care of myself. My parents treated me differently from my younger sister. She was the one they favored. She was the one they bought the most expensive clothes and shoes and toys. She was and I quote " The SMART ONE; THE BEAUTIFUL ONE; THE TALENTED ONE". I was according to my late mother " Not normal; brain damaged; needing psychiatric help; should have been failed because she was so atupid." My late fatger was no better. I took an intelligent test at fourteen and I don't remember my IQ but it was a bit above average and the first thing that came out of his mouth was " Well NOW I KNOW YOU'RE NOT STUPID!" My sister has been married three times and is Bipolar and Paranoid and has the mental problems. Even though I'm the oldest I am a loner. I never dated or married. My entire life consists of going to work and coming home and waiting hand and foot on my Grand Nephew who is ten and can't even fix himself a sandwich. When my parents were alive neither one of them showed any affection to me; especially my mother. She would treat me like I didn't exist if I did anything wrong. She would blame me for stuff I never did. I came homecfrom school one day and she wasn't workingbthat day and asked me if I had stuck my middle finger in the air atb the neighbor boy in the lunchroom at school. I had no idea what that meant and told her the truth. I didn't even know what time this boy ate lunch. And besides my mother had been given Valiums and Amphetamines since the year I was born and she was hooked on them. And later on it was Xanax and Hydrocodone. This stuff damaged her brain and she died from Alzheimers.
As an only child i feel my childhood was kind of difficult because youd really like someone your own age to connect with. Adulthood on the other hand is a cake walk comparitively. By the time youre an adult only children have adapted to being alone and kind of navigate the world far better. A lot of my friends who had close sibling relationships feel bad that their siblings have drifted away for work or because they've fot families of their own. Another major thing with being a single child is that because your parents dont have to divide resources, you end up far more established in later life. Theyve probable been able to fund college so yiu get a good education and therefore have better jobs and overall a more financially secure life. Being an only child is difficult at times but there are definite upsides to it which people with siblings sometimes hate to admit.
Something that I do think gets missed when talking about only child is that you're you parent(s) one and only stab at parenting. Im an adult only child of a young single mum, and we have a great relationship now and I do feel like she absolutely did the best she could raising me, but even she would admit I did have to be very independent as a child because she just didn't have a clue. I have no older siblings she could make the mistakes with and then have a better grasp of parenting when it came to me. I also think there's sometimes too much emphasis on the number of siblings you have, when I actually think you're shaped considerably more by the parents you have. The pros of having a young parent is me and my mum have always had a lot more in common than some of my friends do with their parents, and she's always been exceptionally good at relating to my problems in life because the societal and economic times we grew up in aren't that far apart (she's gen X and I'm a millennial/gen Z cusp, whereas I have fellow 1998 babies with boomer parents who give them advice like "Have you tried walking into Netflix HQ and asking for a job?") but the obvious con was she was only 21 when she had me, so she just didn't have the maturity, wisdom, or confidence that other kids parents had. I was an only child, but I still looked at my friends who had siblings and two older parents and thought wow... they have family love and protection coming from 2 or more directions and I ONLY have my mum and myself.
My older siblings grew together. When I was born, they soon moved out and started their own families, so it was like I was the only child I have friends. They helped me develop social intelligence and taught how to connect with people and live in a society Nobody is real friend with my older brother. People can only tolerate him, but that b should be in jail My sister has friends, but she is never ernest with any and complains rather then either address the problem or find other friends Also never seen a guarantee impact of that on anyone beside that those who have many siblings never have personal space or money
Steve Urkel was the ultimate only child. Roger Evans was another annoying next door neighbor, following Tia and Tamera relentlessly. Brianna Barnes (1on1) had the LIFE & didn't have to share.
I have two close friends who are only children within my circle of friends. I would say some of these are true for them and some are not. I haven’t noticed them being spoiled but I do think they make some odd behavioral choices when it comes to interpersonal relationships that could be a result of being an only child. For example - when we all went on a vacation together, I wasn’t feeling well. My friends who have siblings refused to leave my side and they stayed and took care of me. My friends who are only children expressed concern and checked in with me, but ultimately went about their day without me. I didn’t fault them for it because they did care about my well being but they’ve also never had to be in a “caretaker” role in the way that someone with siblings would have to be. I’m sure they will learn as they go through life and are forced to be a caretaker, like when they have spouses and kids. But it was actually interesting for me to see this difference in a practical way.
Well Rory does have a half sister shame it’s ignored in the later seasons. I do enjoy having a sibling but it’s fun on Thanksgiving having my family to myself now that my brother goes to my sister in laws. I am friends with only children and they are wonderful and not spoiled. I do wish sometimes I grew up in a bigger family like my cousins but I wouldn’t want to be the mom of one lol
Rory wasn't raised with Gigi who was born to another mother when Rory was already finishing high school and Gigi was a baby when Rory was at college. Gigi was being raised as an only child by the father who wasn't there for Rory until she was 16. Gigi wasn't forgotten as she played part of the story of the Lorelei relationship with him. She wasn't in the reboot, which would have been nice, but neither were Louise or Madeline, which would have been great.
@@sm-vo8hi Well she did see Chris before she was 16 on holidays. I understand but I felt that Rory didn’t care that much for Gigi. Like in the see said in s4 see didn’t have siblings or during the revivals. She could have said Gigi looks Parisian when I saw her in Paris. I do blame the writers more than Rory
I was an only child till I was 16, my siblings and I have the same mother. Growing up yes I was spoiled but only for my birthdays, Christmas, first communion etc. Growing up my mam was a single mother going to college when I was an infant then working when I was a child, my grandparents looked after me and cousins when are parents were working at their jobs. A old classmate of mine use to say to me and the other only children in our class we were spoiled which was rich coming from her with her dad owning and running shoe shops in some towns here in Ireland from the early 80s till the business closed down in the mid 2010s now he's a dpd driver.
Always amuses me when people say Rory was spoiled. She really wasn't, at least in the earlier seasons. I was a lot like Rory growing up, except we lived in the rural midwest. Yeah, I had a pretty nice life but if you put it up next to one of my classmates (who had a brother) it looked pretty middle class. I certainly didn't have a $20k show horse or a brand new truck to drive to school. It's all a matter of degrees.
This was fairly interesting. I hadn't really made the connection between character types and only children. However, now it's been pointed out I wonder if this compares to representation of twins. In both cases the family situation is presented as an interesting feature you (the assumed singleton with siblings) can encounter, rather than something the audience might be. I also wonder whether the point you made about numerous only children in Gilmour Girls can be paralleled to shows that treat twinship as more than just a 'same or opposite' stereotype a la Ducktales (one set of twins one set of triplets) and Gravity Falls (two sets of twins) both of which have a more complex engagement with the realities of twinness than most stuff. It might be interesting to ask as well from the comparison whether there is a stable assumed default audience, or whether every specific arrangement of family dynamics (only children, twins, having older or younger siblings, living in an extended family) is ultimately presented as 'other' and exaggerated/stereotyped in order to appeal to the widest possible audience.
Why I would agreed with all that beeing said, in a broader Level. We now have way more young people with issues surronding making friends, keeping relationships (all Kinds) alive, forming social Networks etc. I do not think that this die to them beeing only childern perse but with the fact that those childern lacked social Interaction with Peers in their early development. We can See looking at other apes that human childern are ment to be raised together and not single Just by their parents. So If you have an only child, you need to Put in more effort to have them interact with other Kids. Because you as an adult can not interact with them the same way. You do not Play Like them, you do not argue Like them, you do not See the world the same as them and you can't teach them that the young have a voice, they can Change the world because If the young unite all the elites shiver.
I feel seen. I was not spoiled, I’m the only child of a disabled mother, during middle school we basically became a single parent household because of her declining health and relied solely on my dad’s income. I got told by godparents& uncles that I was spoiled but that’s because of their perception from the outside, they never knew what was on the inside. As I continue to grow into adulthood and my friends put more emphasis on family& their significant others, I am faced with more struggle around connection and community. I think only kids get a bad rep, and it’s so unfair.
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We are not that bad.
Although as I get older I am dreading thinking that I will have to deal with my parent's deaths all by myself 😢
It is not only the children who live through the loss of friends. Reach out and see who else holds those links
I'm going through that right now. It's the worst!😢
It was tough on my Dad who didn’t have sibling but he did lean on his first cousin so that was a help. I hope when the time comes you have someone up lean on. So far I try not to worry about that even though I have my brother losing grandparents was hard enough
I’ve already been working with my parents to get their wills and funeral arrangements in order bc you not finna have me out here stressed while grieving. That’s so disrespectful
real. I lost my last living grandparent a year ago and ever since then I realized I'm gonna have to go through all that alone
As an only child raised by a single parent, let me debunk a few things: no, it doesn't mean you're spoiled; no, it doesn't mean you had an easy childhood; no, it doesn't mean you're self-centered. Almost all my friends had siblings and fought endlessly. My childhood wasn't easy, but at least I had more peace in my home than these loud, rowdy home full of kids yelling and hitting each other. It's not for everyone.
Being the oldest child is the harder I think! You have to deal with your siblings being loud and younger than you. I will never know that feeling cause I'm the youngest 😂 it was the best, I know myself and I'd be so annoying and entitled without my older sister. But is just a matter of luck, as most of the things in life
I went to school with an only child. Shexwas two years older than I am. She was not spoiled. Shexwas a very intelligent person and was a Pharmacist. Later on her mother who became a widow got sick. This woman was a teacher and was loved by all her students. My friend quit her job and took care of her mother. She passed away in 2022. Then my friend was alone. But she volunteered for the local Food Bank and was a kind and caring woman. Everyone loved her. She sadly passed away in May of this year. They think shechad a heart attack. But I have recently heard of an illness called Broken Heart Syndrome. I think that's what she died from. She mourned her mothers death.
Only child raised by a single mom - I had to learn to be very responsible at an early age because you have a bunch of duties to do that can’t be shared with siblings. Plus there’s extra pressure to succeed and “make it” because you’re seen as the only shot your family has vs with siblings
@@bryanalstoncoxing 100%
@@sheriheffner2098 That's so sad.... I'm not looking forward to experiencing this.
anyone else an only child to a single parent? Lots of parentification masking behind "my daughter is my best friend" life. As I tell my non-only child friends. Yes all the attention was on me. Which means ALL the attention was on me. Good and bad. All the praise and all the pressure. And my reward is to be the sole person in charge of my mom as she grows older and eventually passes away leaving me alone in the world. That said, some people have some very shitty siblings, so the only child in me is thankful to just do it all myself and not have to deal with all the sibling drama.
Yes, single parents and only children end up trauma bonding through the abandonment they're both experiencing from the absent parent. Just like the Gilmore Girls you unintentionally become sibling-like. As you get older you feel guilty for wanting to be your own person outside them. You don't want to now be the abandon-er.
Only children are most similar to oldest children as far as i know, personality wise, independent and mature.
And you’re still compared with someone else’s child, with a friend, cousin, classmate,etc.
Worst part of being an only child is trying to meet EVERY expectation from not-so-great parents.
This
I am the (adult) only child of a single mom and the problem I have with the only child trope and real world stigma is my mom suffered 4 miscarriages 2 before I was born 2 after. Some only children were never intended to be only children and if my mom spolied me it was because I was and am her "rainbow baby". There is nothing wrong with wanting only one kid for whatever reasons, I personally want none. But it feels like only child syndrome can be just another way to stigmatize mothers for not living up to some bullshit societal standard.
I’m so sorry. Hope your mother’s doing well.
You had friends tho, right? Other children near you? I hope she did too.
My mom lost six between my sister and I (twelve years an only). One was what they call a late-term abortion or stillbirth. It was awful for everyone. But they kept trying to have that “normal” family so I have a brother 17 years younger and a sister 12 years younger than me.
This is very true and you are so right. There is stigma for not having children, there is stigma is you have only one, there is stigma if only have the same sex kids, if you have disabled kids, if you divorce, if your children die. Society is hard on moms and not normative families
@@mlsb9591
So true. There more concern with what they see and not under what’s going on.
Well, I certainly fall into the categorie "had to parent my own parents". Still unboxing that "putting everyones needs before my own"-stuff at age 30. Having at least one other person to team up with would have been nice.
Same, but since mine were incapable of taking care of themselves and me, I'm pretty sure they would have pitted my potential siblings against each other, as that is what I read happens in similar situations where there are brothers/sisters. But I guess they would have directed maybe half of their needs to the other child, which would have been tremendous relief. Idk. In the end your doomed either way if your parents are not grown up...
@@blueskies90210 I think you have a point there. I remembered a friend of mine and his brother took totally diffrent roles in the family. He was the one who was parentified and his brother was the troublemaker that necessarily learned to have boundries and a life on his own more quickly than my friend.
I'm just happy we made it through and at least can now take our lives in our own hands for the better!
I'm the (adult) only child, weird and loner. I find it extremely difficult to make friends and interact with people in general. I live by myself, I work from home and at times I can spend days without talking with another person.
Same let’s be friends.
I ship you and Grahamistheword being friends!
I feel seen. I was not spoiled, I’m the only child of a disabled mother, during middle school we basically became a single parent household because of her declining health and relied solely on my dad’s income. I got told by godparents& uncles that I was spoiled but that’s because of their perception from the outside, they never knew what was on the inside. As I continue to grow into adulthood and my friends put more emphasis on family& their significant others, I am faced with more struggle around connection and community. I think only kids get a bad rep, and it’s so unfair.
One of the kindest, most considerate and least self absorbed people that I have the privilege of calling my friend is an only child.
From my experience, people with siblings actually get away with a lot more, precisely because parents have to split their attention between multiple children. I could never get away with taking a biscuit without asking, for instance, because my parents would notice immediately. I was parented pretty closely, in part because my parents had to be less concerned with just staying afloat. True, there are some benefits to that - but pretending that being an only child means that you get everything you want is just ridiculous.
Exactly, my mom has too much of her attention on me and what i do, sometimes it gets burdensome😅
As an only child whose only parent is now gone, I've had to deal in stark reality the fact that I no longer have any immediate family to depend on. Extended family is a whole 'nother issue that is dealt with in therapy, lol. I know my status as an only child can make people kind of look at me as someone who knows how to be independent and self sufficient, whatever, etc. While it is certainly a commendable personal trait, I can also say that at 51 years old, "lonely" isn't the dirty word a lot of folks make it out to be. It can be simply reality. I look back at decades of so called friendships and other relationships and there really hasn't been anything vaguely "ride or die" about any of them. Not because I ever chose that way for myself because it's ingrained in me as an only child to be independent. It's just been an ongoing example of how hard things can be when your immediate family circle is naturally smaller than some and others are hard to pin down. I've come to accept that even as friends, etc might see me as someone fascinating to have a meaningless conversation with, no one has ever seen fit to attach their lives to mine and build a relationship that is REAL and goes beyond the superficial. After decades of that, is it any wonder why some of us might admit to feeling very lonely? Add to that coming up smack in the midst of social media and mobile phone communication where ironically people are far less inclined to deal with speaking with others face to face, one on one, in a tangible you-can-touch-it sort of fashion and if you aren't one of those people that managed to forge a good relationship during your younger years when that stuff was a lot easier, you're sure not going to get very far as you get older and you're left on the sidelines of your immediate peer group who are now involved with their own self-built immediate families.
You spoke every thought in my mind. I am 35 and my parents are elderly (they had me late). My worst fear is that one day i will be alone in the world as i also don't have any first degree cousins or aunts and uncles, just distant relatives I've not been much in contact with
I have a similar problem.
I was not only an only child, but also a lonely child and in my youth I suffered very badly from mental health issues. After I dropped out of university, I was "out of sync" with what my peers were doing. That made it even harder to form friendships. My health became a little better over time, but the windows for finding long-time friends had closed. Every new person I meet already has their family or friend group. And I also lost a few people whom I tried to build friendships with. They moved to other cities. I also lost friends I had for a lot of years during the pandemic. They are just not reachable anymore.
Now I'm 40, don't have a partner, and are still very lonely.
As an only child with parents who had some... let's just call them non-healthy emotional habits, it's wild being both the golden child and the scape goat, because there's literally no one else in the family to push that onto. It's a mindfuck and a half, let's just say
My mother has 3 siblings and father has 2. But they were never close. Always cold wars. Especially my mother never felt supported by her siblings, even during her mom's death, everyone were busy being selfish.
And she always told me, don't feel feel bad because you don't have siblings, some of us have them but are of no use
Being an only child who happens to be a woman, it IS hard because both my parents are overprotective. All my life, I have been sheltered. It sucks, but this is the way it is. What if I'm a man? Would my parents be overprotective of me? I don't know.
If you're a man, you learn to break the rules and not care, problem is you need to learn which rules not to break in general:)
@@ViguLiviu You are a man?
@@ViguLiviu You are a man?
@@ViguLiviu Are you a man?
@@ViguLiviu Nope. men are incompetent. Never that
I love as an only child being told how much attention I got. My parents were always at work and I was raised by TV shows My first grade teacher wrote a note home telling my parents I was "too mature" for my age and recommended I should be socialized to more kids outside of school.I wouldn't want it any other way.
When I look at my cousins who HATE each other and developed extreme versions of oldest, middle and youngest sibling syndrome respectively, I’m quite glad to be an only child.
7:44 I sorta had that problem growing up. I'm an only child and there was only one other kid w/in a mile of my house and she was a priss. My favorite activities included climbing trees, exploring, and being loud. She was bossy, preferred playing indoor games, and hated getting dirty. I basically ended hanging out with adults more than kids my own age due to my parents having a few dinner parties every year
Never realised there were so many only child on screen 😮(i am a only child too)
I’m an only child, now a middle aged female with 1 young adult male child. Being an only child is a double edged sword. You get your parent’s attention… ALL of it, ALL the time! But, I have a great imagination and don’t need to be constantly “entertained” by others. My friends with the most drama and worst relationships are the ones who can’t stand to be alone, whereas I’m fine alone. I enjoyed visiting friends that had siblings, but I also enjoyed going home to peace and quiet where everything is mine. I had to make friends, whereas Siblings are usually built in friends. When my father died in the 90’s, I went into the army to get out of the house and out on my own. My mom and I are, but have always been very close, but she’s an enabler and why I left. My husband had to get used to our relationship. The army kept me on my own, in my own life. My mom is retired, well off and currently in Greece. She’s my bestie, but has her own life and has never tried to interfere in my marriage or “help” without asking. Like everything in life, it’s about balance.
I love that you out your friends as having a ''lot of drama'' and lowkey tell on yourself.
: Friendships are often complicated, and acknowledging that complexity can help combat the notion that one type of upbringing or personality is “better” than another. Encouraging a dialogue that values various experiences and perspectives, rather than making blanket statements, can contribute to a more inclusive atmosphere. It challenges the notion that one's own experience is the “correct” one and instead will highlight how nuanced and diverse the human experience truly is.
Forgive me, but there is something very disturbing about your comment and I think it is due to the lack of self-awareness you have in validating the negative stereotypes that surround only-children as you doing exactly that.
By labeling your friends as having the most “drama” while emphasizing your own stability as an only child, you may inadvertently reinforce the stereotype that only children are self-absorbed or judgmental. If you sees yourself as superior to your own friends, it can validate that perception while also outing yourself as (potentially) being a very bad friend for the reasons outlined. Dismissing your friends’ struggles with being alone and emphasises your own comfort with solitude, it may come across as lacking empathy. This could further the stereotype that only children prioritize their own experiences over others. Stereotypes about only children often include being spoiled, self-centered, or lacking social skills. Your negative comments about your friends can play into these perceptions, as it is reinforcing the idea that only children see themselves as “better” than others.
In conclusion, your comments might benefit from a dose of self-reflection but I recognise that your upbringing as an only child informs your worldview and maybe one day you will discover a more nuanced understanding of friendships and interpersonal dynamics.
I hope in future, you will not speak about your own friends like this again. As I would be having a serious discussion with you about it, if I was them and caught you in this act.
I was hoping Dudley Dursley would be included (he fits the trope to a “T”). James Potter also has some elements of it, as he was born when his parents were older, after trying to have a child for years.
All my cousins have siblings as in only my parents have one child and all their siblings have multiple children. What i have observed through them and with my friends is that only children are most likely closer to their parents and feel deeper emotions. Not only love but also anger and disappointment. We just don't vent to our siblings and let it go. But then again, most only children are not only dependent on their parents but also liable for them. But if you have parents with issues, boy are you in for a ride
The best part about being an only child until - surprise, we’re pregnant siblings - when I was a teen was it meant I could move 2,000miles away as an adult while my less independent siblings stay with my parents as they age. There’s no animosity, it’s just I was always a loner solo spirit and I wasn’t anchored by parental obligation as an adult. My siblings are happy to be close to home. Win-win-win.
I was a single child for 12 years and raised largely apart from my little half sisters. It's not miserable or a one track path to self-centeredness. It comes with its own set of challenges and can be wonderful. True on being a bit weird, but I don't mind it.
Thanks, but we actually are weird loners.
Middle kid here. Weird loner all the way. It was the only option I got.
Same, there wasn't really terms for introverts/extroverts and ambiverts. I keep on self sabotaging relationships since I thought if I wanted to be alone I'm being away from them. Turns out I'm an ambivert and after that realization it came clear to me how as an only child it developed. Why I like vibing with people at the same time play Minecraft in my room
Not all of us! Just the best of us.
The oldest one, I'm weird loner.
Only child here - this is true lol
The "spoiled" part is foreign to me because I was an only child of a singe parent who was struggling to make ends meet. I always had to suck it up, focus, get great grades and be reason why my parent's struggle was all worth it. It almost felt like I didn't have the freedom to be flawed and make mistakes like kids with multiple siblings because the pressure was all on me and I absolutely could not disappoint. Rarely did I ever ask myself what I wanted or liked and it's recently as an adult that am I working through all the people pleasing issues that gave me.
I’m a loner and I’m fine with it. I was a latchkey GenX had a lot of pressure to do well in school and I couldn’t do anything superfluous that would delay my college graduation date. I did get things, but many times, they were mostly practical. My parents expected me to have a productive job and be financially independent as soon as possible but my mom and I are besties. I’ve been teaching since I was 21 years old. If I’m selfish, it’s out of self protection.
the brief inclusion of Lestat de Lioncourt to exemplify an egotistical brat made me cackle
I have a sibling and didn’t stop me from being weird.
I often think if I were an only child that my mother would have had time to teach, protect and train me the way I needed
Growing up an only child and the way my parents parented me was not helping at all
My mom made sure I was socialized... I played with my cousins, learned to make my own friends at school and we went over to each others homes. I also learned to be independent very quickly, learned to have my own hobbies and joined sports in middle and high school. We know how to be on our own and learn to do things on our own when we're not around friends and cousins our age. There are trade-offs to everything in life.
I feel like I ended up with both the worst of having a sibling and being an “only child,” since my only other sibling is diagnosed schizophrenic. All my parents’ hopes and dreams end up on me, while most of their focus is on my sister-leaving me alone much of the time. I can’t relate with my sister, and I’ll eventually have to take care of her.
I relate to being the only child and it can be lonely at times but I also like it and it has its benefits💖 So this speaks to me
One thing missing from this analysis is that living in a single family, 2-generation home is not the default and the struggle of being modern American phenomenon. You can be the only child born to your parents without being the only child in your household.
As an only child who was raised by a single parent it wasn’t easy. Yes, I got all the attention and yes I guess you can say I was spoiled; at least by my dad. However, a lot of the responsibilities fell on me. Even as an adult if anything happens to my partners I’m the sole person who would have to take care of them. I don’t have siblings to should the responsibilities. Also, as an only child so many expectations are put on you even at an early age and it can be draining.
Wow, I wasn't aware of all the stereotypes. The number of people I've met with siblings who have all of these "only child flaws" is STAGGERING
Unfortunately, I am a weird lonely only child that wasn't socialized correctly, but it has more to do with my parents' severe trust issues than the fact i am a only child 8:07
There was a book that stated that if you have a sibling five or six years younger than your oldest sibling, they leave before you graduate... technically you are an only child. I'm not sure how that works.
That is very not true. One, the younger child benefits from parental experience. Two the other child is still around and you have a relationship with them. Three, ideally, they're still a support when you need it around anything with the parents and, four, there is still someone else in the world who knows what it's like to have your parents. Saying "they're not really your sibling if they're a lot older" is actually pretty offensive and dismissive of this author.
I'm the only child of divorced parents and I was both the "golden child" and the scapegoat at the same time. I often had to run interference between my mother who never remarried and my father who remarried twice. It wasn't pleasant to say the least.
If I were an only child I would have probably taught how to take care of myself. My parents treated me differently from my younger sister. She was the one they favored. She was the one they bought the most expensive clothes and shoes and toys. She was and I quote " The SMART ONE; THE BEAUTIFUL ONE; THE TALENTED ONE". I was according to my late mother " Not normal; brain damaged; needing psychiatric help; should have been failed because she was so atupid." My late fatger was no better. I took an intelligent test at fourteen and I don't remember my IQ but it was a bit above average and the first thing that came out of his mouth was " Well NOW I KNOW YOU'RE NOT STUPID!" My sister has been married three times and is Bipolar and Paranoid and has the mental problems. Even though I'm the oldest I am a loner. I never dated or married. My entire life consists of going to work and coming home and waiting hand and foot on my Grand Nephew who is ten and can't even fix himself a sandwich. When my parents were alive neither one of them showed any affection to me; especially my mother. She would treat me like I didn't exist if I did anything wrong. She would blame me for
stuff I never did. I came homecfrom school one day and she wasn't workingbthat day and asked me if I had stuck my middle finger in the air atb the neighbor boy in the lunchroom at school. I had no idea what that meant and told her the truth. I didn't even know what time this boy ate lunch. And besides my mother had been given Valiums and Amphetamines since the year I was born and she was hooked on them. And later on it was Xanax and Hydrocodone. This stuff damaged her brain and she died from Alzheimers.
As an only child i feel my childhood was kind of difficult because youd really like someone your own age to connect with. Adulthood on the other hand is a cake walk comparitively. By the time youre an adult only children have adapted to being alone and kind of navigate the world far better. A lot of my friends who had close sibling relationships feel bad that their siblings have drifted away for work or because they've fot families of their own.
Another major thing with being a single child is that because your parents dont have to divide resources, you end up far more established in later life. Theyve probable been able to fund college so yiu get a good education and therefore have better jobs and overall a more financially secure life. Being an only child is difficult at times but there are definite upsides to it which people with siblings sometimes hate to admit.
Something that I do think gets missed when talking about only child is that you're you parent(s) one and only stab at parenting. Im an adult only child of a young single mum, and we have a great relationship now and I do feel like she absolutely did the best she could raising me, but even she would admit I did have to be very independent as a child because she just didn't have a clue. I have no older siblings she could make the mistakes with and then have a better grasp of parenting when it came to me. I also think there's sometimes too much emphasis on the number of siblings you have, when I actually think you're shaped considerably more by the parents you have. The pros of having a young parent is me and my mum have always had a lot more in common than some of my friends do with their parents, and she's always been exceptionally good at relating to my problems in life because the societal and economic times we grew up in aren't that far apart (she's gen X and I'm a millennial/gen Z cusp, whereas I have fellow 1998 babies with boomer parents who give them advice like "Have you tried walking into Netflix HQ and asking for a job?") but the obvious con was she was only 21 when she had me, so she just didn't have the maturity, wisdom, or confidence that other kids parents had. I was an only child, but I still looked at my friends who had siblings and two older parents and thought wow... they have family love and protection coming from 2 or more directions and I ONLY have my mum and myself.
This video made me feel seen♥️♥️Felt lots of things
My older siblings grew together. When I was born, they soon moved out and started their own families, so it was like I was the only child
I have friends. They helped me develop social intelligence and taught how to connect with people and live in a society
Nobody is real friend with my older brother. People can only tolerate him, but that b should be in jail
My sister has friends, but she is never ernest with any and complains rather then either address the problem or find other friends
Also never seen a guarantee impact of that on anyone beside that those who have many siblings never have personal space or money
Steve Urkel was the ultimate only child. Roger Evans was another annoying next door neighbor, following Tia and Tamera relentlessly. Brianna Barnes (1on1) had the LIFE & didn't have to share.
I got sniped by that “New York lonely boy” description even though I’m a California girl
I have two close friends who are only children within my circle of friends. I would say some of these are true for them and some are not. I haven’t noticed them being spoiled but I do think they make some odd behavioral choices when it comes to interpersonal relationships that could be a result of being an only child. For example - when we all went on a vacation together, I wasn’t feeling well. My friends who have siblings refused to leave my side and they stayed and took care of me. My friends who are only children expressed concern and checked in with me, but ultimately went about their day without me. I didn’t fault them for it because they did care about my well being but they’ve also never had to be in a “caretaker” role in the way that someone with siblings would have to be. I’m sure they will learn as they go through life and are forced to be a caretaker, like when they have spouses and kids. But it was actually interesting for me to see this difference in a practical way.
Some siblings are close and loving *shows two sisters who didn’t speak to each other for ten years
Well Rory does have a half sister shame it’s ignored in the later seasons. I do enjoy having a sibling but it’s fun on Thanksgiving having my family to myself now that my brother goes to my sister in laws. I am friends with only children and they are wonderful and not spoiled. I do wish sometimes I grew up in a bigger family like my cousins but I wouldn’t want to be the mom of one lol
Rory wasn't raised with Gigi who was born to another mother when Rory was already finishing high school and Gigi was a baby when Rory was at college. Gigi was being raised as an only child by the father who wasn't there for Rory until she was 16. Gigi wasn't forgotten as she played part of the story of the Lorelei relationship with him. She wasn't in the reboot, which would have been nice, but neither were Louise or Madeline, which would have been great.
@@sm-vo8hi Well she did see Chris before she was 16 on holidays. I understand but I felt that Rory didn’t care that much for Gigi. Like in the see said in s4 see didn’t have siblings or during the revivals. She could have said Gigi looks Parisian when I saw her in Paris. I do blame the writers more than Rory
I was an only child till I was 16, my siblings and I have the same mother. Growing up yes I was spoiled but only for my birthdays, Christmas, first communion etc.
Growing up my mam was a single mother going to college when I was an infant then working when I was a child, my grandparents looked after me and cousins when are parents were working at their jobs.
A old classmate of mine use to say to me and the other only children in our class we were spoiled which was rich coming from her with her dad owning and running shoe shops in some towns here in Ireland from the early 80s till the business closed down in the mid 2010s now he's a dpd driver.
Always amuses me when people say Rory was spoiled. She really wasn't, at least in the earlier seasons. I was a lot like Rory growing up, except we lived in the rural midwest. Yeah, I had a pretty nice life but if you put it up next to one of my classmates (who had a brother) it looked pretty middle class. I certainly didn't have a $20k show horse or a brand new truck to drive to school. It's all a matter of degrees.
As soon as I saw the title, I thought "They had better reference New York Lonely Boy from Girls5eva!"
Joke's on you, Judgy Judies--I had a sibling, cousins, and neighbour kids who were constantly around, and I was STILL a lonely weirdo.
My mom is an only child yet she said her cousins are her brothers and sisters.
Okay I'm the spoiled one.. as I'm a young adult now it's been hard for me to adjust.. so I just isolated myself
It didn't mention the most lonely only child of them all: Meredith Grey
Yeah,it is both amazing and lonely
Please please please do the middle child trope next
i’m an only child and i completely endorse this
Now we need middle child syndrome.
This was fairly interesting. I hadn't really made the connection between character types and only children. However, now it's been pointed out I wonder if this compares to representation of twins. In both cases the family situation is presented as an interesting feature you (the assumed singleton with siblings) can encounter, rather than something the audience might be. I also wonder whether the point you made about numerous only children in Gilmour Girls can be paralleled to shows that treat twinship as more than just a 'same or opposite' stereotype a la Ducktales (one set of twins one set of triplets) and Gravity Falls (two sets of twins) both of which have a more complex engagement with the realities of twinness than most stuff.
It might be interesting to ask as well from the comparison whether there is a stable assumed default audience, or whether every specific arrangement of family dynamics (only children, twins, having older or younger siblings, living in an extended family) is ultimately presented as 'other' and exaggerated/stereotyped in order to appeal to the widest possible audience.
Please do the big sister trope :)
I'm only, an only child, because my brother was stillborn, else I'd be a second born.
Yes people need to stop the "weirdo loners" stereotype.
"We are the weirdos mister"😅
Why I would agreed with all that beeing said, in a broader Level. We now have way more young people with issues surronding making friends, keeping relationships (all Kinds) alive, forming social Networks etc. I do not think that this die to them beeing only childern perse but with the fact that those childern lacked social Interaction with Peers in their early development. We can See looking at other apes that human childern are ment to be raised together and not single Just by their parents. So If you have an only child, you need to Put in more effort to have them interact with other Kids. Because you as an adult can not interact with them the same way. You do not Play Like them, you do not argue Like them, you do not See the world the same as them and you can't teach them that the young have a voice, they can Change the world because If the young unite all the elites shiver.
They have way more expectation put on them by their parents. So I don’t think the stereotype is true.
Every only child I’ve ever met is a weirdo who truly cannot understand social cues.
So are many people with siblings though. lol.
Please do the younger siblings
Only children are good for one thing and that’s finances lol
Be gay and only child is a double pressure
same 😂 i feel so free
Dating an only child was the worst mistake I have ever made
no its not like that , its jut about your narcissism in your family:)
I wish I were an only child. Resources were split and so I wasn’t able to thrive.
Weird loners? Thanks but I prefer the term Batman
2:14 what is wrong with her eye?
They do stand out a bit.
Hmmm... Is the narrator of this video an only child too?
Chinese millennials 😔
Youngest Child Syndrome
Can already sense this is gonna be anti-Dawson. Sigh.
I feel seen. I was not spoiled, I’m the only child of a disabled mother, during middle school we basically became a single parent household because of her declining health and relied solely on my dad’s income. I got told by godparents& uncles that I was spoiled but that’s because of their perception from the outside, they never knew what was on the inside. As I continue to grow into adulthood and my friends put more emphasis on family& their significant others, I am faced with more struggle around connection and community. I think only kids get a bad rep, and it’s so unfair.