Modern Dating Is Transactional | Patrick Bet David
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- Опубліковано 21 лис 2023
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court(ing) used to come at the start of a relationship now court comes at the end of a relationship
After sex now.
@@TBlock1347Exactly.
Oh, is that what the term means 😅
😂😂
Lol. Have you guys ever read any history book about the boomers?! Shotgun weddings were way way way more popular back in the 50’s-60’s than they are today. High schoolers used to knock up each other all the time and have to get married, that’s why so many of them ended up getting divorced, because they were kids when they got pregnant and married.
This idea that people in the past used to be these pure virgins that would court each other before they ever even kissed, is one of the biggest farces ever. One of the human species greatest advantages is the fact that we are incredibly horny sexually dimorphic species. Basically, we breed like our ape cousins the bonobos…a lot.
Courtship and such was for rich nobles that were securing their assets and wealth for generations to come. The majority of people thru out human history were getting down and dirty every chance they got, and more power to them.
It’s actually the opposite of todays youth that are not very sexually active, which is very worrying!
Bro was holding interviews.
😂😂. Thats ok!
My future wife went all in and took the first year asking the hardest questions possible. One of the best relationship building exercises we ever did
Agreed!
People can't tell the difference between having values and being transactional.
Yeah 80 bucks
How is "having values" related to transactional relationships?
Yes!!!
Yes there is an anti-dating culture. Antagonism between the sexes is horrible. Promiscuity wreak havoc on intimacy and bonding. Yes it is transactional.
Best Comments here.
To be fair, the antagonism these days between every non-similar group is horrible
Women created this, they can solve this.
@edheldude keep waiting
@@edheldude Women play with chads, but average men simp and chads play too. We are all in this mess together. This is how it seems to me.
People in the comments here don't seem to understand what dating is like outside your early adult years. By the time I was 25, I knew I wanted a serious relationship, and that ruling out whether or not someone was interested in the same thing, and if we were a good match for each other, was the best way to not waste each other's time.
Do you know why so many people are in "situationships" today? It's because they don't set up expectations early.
If you are only looking for a long term partner, you say that up front. If the person doesn't feel the same way, drop them and try the next person. You need to know what you want going in to the relationship. You need to be clear on what you expect. I've been with 6 women total and the last one is my wife. We both knew a long term relationship was our goal within the first week of dating. We've been together almost 10 years.
Stop being afraid of commitment. The only women who will be afraid of you if you tell them you're looking for a long term relationship are the ones who aren't looking for one.
These people understand, that is unfortunately not the issue here. These people are backwards and want to have fun until “God” or “fate” sends them “their person”. Finding a good life partner is not something you just wish for. It’s something that is cultivated. And they don’t like that. But they definitely understand. We live in an era of weasels that view relationships as transactional, and everyone wants to get a bargain on that transaction. They want an Aston Martin for the price of a Honda Civic. Delusional and transactional is a bad combo.
I disagree how am I supposed to know I want a long term relationship with this specific women? this is why you date to figure it out. I haven't been able to tell what I expected of a relationship at first glance I need months of know someone to actually make a decision.
I don't think your approach is for everyone...
@@jose91807 You should know what you want before you even get in any relationship, ideally. If you want to know if they’re a good fit for long term, then hit them with the tough questions early on, like he said in the video. Only do this when in a situation like he was in. If you’re dating someone and you have to ask yourself the kind of questions like “is this specific woman good for me in a long term relationship” then you likely can’t judge character very well yet and you’re probably not experiencing what people call the “spark” with this individual.
This method he describes is only for emotionally mature people.
Otherwise, your method of just have fun until it “clicks” works if you are young and inexperienced.
If you know what you want and they have what you want and that feeling is mutual, then all you’re doing is playing games if you use your methods.
I agree with you. I am always direct in finding whether we are compatible before I agree to be his girlfriend. I ask hard questions and listen attentively to the answers. I also expect to answer hard questions. A lot of times, it is easy to see points of conflict very early if you ask the right question. If there are too many irreconcilable differences, you can move on without wasting too much of your time.
@@jose91807
If the goal is to have a long term relationship: then say you want a long term relationship.
That's not a contract, everyone but the crazies know that if you meet someone and you don't know them, then OFFCOURSE you first gotta learn who they are before you can definitely say that you want that long term relationship to be with them.
You aren't slipping a ring on their finger by saying that you want a long term relationship.
Saying you want a long term relationship is just stating that that's why you are dating. That's your eventual goal. And if it doesn't work out between us, then this ends, because I'm looking for a long term relationship and you aren't it.
I agree with Patrick. Why waste time if you know what you're looking for. The interrogation benefitted the woman as well, if she made him answer the questions too. This way they both could see if they were right for each other, from the start.
And if his date was intimidated or didn't like how intense he was being, then she wasn't compatible and his test would successfully weed her out also.
Agreed!
Look at the outcome you want, and go for it. Patrick was clear, and quickly determined long-term compatibility.
Correct. And we'll put. The outcome. That's what you focus on. Also, remember to make sure the woman matches your natural energy. If you're more energetic than her, she will do nothing but drag you down, and she will never reach your level.
Well said!! Why not get to the point and see if there are deal breakers before you get started? Doesn’t mean you’re getting married that month but at least you know you’re travelling down the same path with a similar destination in mind.
Love this, made his intentions clear from the beginning, get thru hard conversation right away. Dating to marry, not dating just to date. If people would do this and focus on these values instead of jumping on bed together there would be more solid relationships
This is not dating ... this is an interrogation.... forget it big guy I will be cherished by an emotional available man
No robot for me!!!!
@@artn2950 no this is dating with a purpose. Why do so many think he's asking her questions? They are both going over those questions together and answering them to see if their views align.
This!!!! ❤❤
Literally what i did with my gf and shes enamored with the level of responsibility it takes a man to treat her right. Its strengthening for me.
I'm in my early 30's. I think a relationship is built, more so than it is found, and too many people are 'finding' relationships in place of alleviating loneliness.
Few people bother to initiate honest communication with the opposite gender, and it's made both men and women distrustful of each other.
I did 50 questions before you get married. I agree with Patrick, it’s very intense because the questions are all the things you don't think of asking. In our ten years of marriage we only had one big sore spot, the number of kids. That's the one question we never found common ground on.
if you didn't agree on how many kids you'd have, how long have you been married?
@@Mishkola 10 years
Where can one find these questions?
@@t.a.c.8891 We have three, with the youngest being three and a half years old. There was no compromise, only an unplanned pregnancy. Now our lives cannot be imagined without all three.
@@emil0rwe’ve been told by everyone that two kids is enough, from both sides of the family. Unfortunately for them, I am hoping for an “accidental” surprise 😬
That’s not courting that’s an interrogation lol
It's saving each other time, nothing wrong with being direct.
@@Grumpy_Forty_Fiveya there is if you do it too soon. He basically asked her to be his girlfriend after 2 dates that’s not normal
Even worse he asked her if she wants to see if she qualifies to be his wife lol
@@rival-slays If she understands the assignment, she is also seeing if he qualifies to be her husband. It's a conversation, not an interrogation.
@@cvrki7So you're supposed to beat around the bush because it's "too soon"? That is some broken ass logic.
Well, you can question his method, but it worked. I think people should be more rational when it comes to finding someone for dating and marriage. Most people put sex first, they are blinded by hormones and don't ask the important questions, they get carried away by the flow and when they realize it they end up with the wrong people only guided by attraction. Perhaps this process could have been done in a more fun or dynamic or organic way, but he is not wrong.
Haha I try asking guys questions like, so what’s your 5 year goal. And I get “I live in the moment, you know?” Lol it’d be nice to meet a guy with such a solid plan in life
Hello, I have 5 year goals.
😂😂😂 yep!
Oops! I’m the guy! My life was turned upside down and I have plans but not like my friends! I’m starting all over! 🤦♀️
@@Elessar011 You need to be able to match a certain looks threshold before you get the privelege to have 5 year goals big G . Focus on that first
His version sounds super transactional 😂
That's what I'm saying lmao, soon as it looped around. Bunch of business jargon probably in those 6 hours too; at least that would be the icing on the cake.
He is very much a Beta Male.
@jbevolve2023 You’re not the big bad wolf, mate. But dream on, if you must
@@jbevolve2023THANK YOU! There’s a reason most of these guys are successful. Their focus was in bettering themselves which meant they were never in the game or ever acquainted with the opposite sex like that, and that isn’t a knock at all. I always find it quite fascinating how inexperienced they sound when they speak about women. They always come across Sheldon-esque (Big Band Theory character).
@@luyolomifyhonestly you just sound mad at the fact they're successful and you're not
It’s definitely harder today than it was over 50 years ago.
"Thats not it anymore..."
Bro that never was... wtf 😂
Exactly 😂 everyone else went to bars, hooked up and started to date 20 years ago
He sounds psychologically a little rigid 😬
Came here to say exactly that lol thank you
What's wrong with being completely straight forward with who are and what you want when entering a relationship? Maybe there would be less divorces.
Why am I not surprised pbd met his wife like this 😂
I like that doesn’t waste any time.
This is why people have to go back to knowing someone for a few months or longer and now with social media it's a bit easier to get an idea of what kinda things people are into, still if the choice to be with someone classically knowing the things you are interested in is important or what your looking for on someone
I feel like every old married couple got married relatively quick. I don’t even think if you asked a old couple what a “talking stage” is they’d know. At least for me I think it’s pretty easy to tell if you have a connection with someone and share similar values. Doesn’t take a month or two of talking to get to know someone. If it does then it’s probably not meant to be.
If you're looking for a relationship and not a hookup, it's best to get these questions out of the way, asap..
Agreed!
Dude formally interviewed his wife for the part. That’s nuts
Autism in action.
I think it's smart
It's not nuts. People sleep together with each other before they check out if they match in reality = daily life 😂
I am a woman and I call it common sense. Men with this attitude are the type I pay attention to. As he asks hard questions, I ask hard question. Easier to discern on time if you are compatible with someone if you are willing to ask hard questions on time instead of simply going through the motions and becoming too emotionally or sexually attached to a person who doesn't share your values.
He is demanding.... a woman is another commodity
Forget him
Thanks for the tip. When I meet a woman tell her I've just been exercising with 3 other women👍
When you got money like him you can get away with it
😂
Completely acceptable move if you have a mature authentic woman who doesn't get insecure and turned off at the first bit of discomfort. Honesty is 100% necessary if you don't want to waste your time and money.
@@triskelionchi3747go ahead and say that to a women your talking to and see how fast she stops talking to you
That would actually probably work....
This is awesome! If I would known this I would have safe myself a lot of problem! Some people are just not ready to have hard conversations
Agreed!
The fact that people actually listen to this man speak and say “i agree” is insane.
Old man in suit: "In my time it wasn't like this today..."
Proceeds to explain how he met his wife online, like veryone else today, and kept dating her bc she literally was the one of 4 who survived his ideal of dating: interrogation.
Be reasonable. He was providing a path to himself as well.
Not that old more like middle age. Yes dating was different 20 years ago vs now.
Even though it was though MySpace. Social media now is totally different.
Sounds just like the boomers talking about people these days not leaving their parents houses to buy their own.
Sorry grandpa, corporations don't give a shit and houses cost damn near a million dollars for a "started house" while gas and food prices are quintuple what they cost 2 decades ago.
If you knew anything about this man you would know he didn't meet his wife online. Stop drawing conclusions based on clips.
😂😂. I like the idea! 😂😂
So much that we took for granted about how things work dont just "work" for us in the way they used to. Todays world calls for more conaciousness in EVERYTHING you do or down into hell you decend. We need to get over ourselves, face our demons and awaken to our role as the creator of our life.
To be fair, in 2001 pbd was wealthy when he approached her this way. She wasn’t doing any of this question stuff without the inherent wealth that marriage would bring
Hasn’t relationships and marriage always been transactional, just in different ways throughout the eras?
Back in the old days, it was about the men providing a home, food, safety, and money, while the women kept the home in good shape, prepared meals, took care of the kids, and cleaned. The transaction was about survival and providing a family.
Truths!
He was doing a whole FBI interrogation with his wife 😂😂
I don't find Patrick's idea of courting to be my however it's real, there is no courting nowadays.
Been talking to girls, was talking to them like they were people, handled the interaction like how i wanted to be approached, sincerity with a decent level of seriousness. it's alien to them. So much so they would much rather prefer to be just "wanted" in a animalistic sense, like hey girl wanna fuck ?
I'm being serious, that is a compelling way of starting things off for a lot of girls. I was talking to this virgin girl, she was talking about non stop how she wants a MAN and standards and all that but what she really meant is that she wants to be desired so much so that the guy just takes her to bed no questions or bullshit involved.
I'm serious. I'm not sure if this is bad or good but it's certainly is real. She doesn't wanna go to a movie, she doesn't wanna go anywhere really, she just wants to vibe. I think it's immature but that's majority of 18-30y old girls.
I have a friend who is a son of divorced parents and his dad remarried and my friend and his sister when they were young had to deal with step-siblings along with a stepmom. Both were messed up. This is the nasty consequences that one condemns one’s children to without actually getting to know somebody to remain with them til death do them part as the vows say!
faacts i know stories like this and the kids almost always end up resentful, rightfully so
"Modern dating is transactional"
Tells a story of how he selected his wife via check list.
Well, whether she was worth a long-term investment, not just a short, fun time for both
bruh "The book provides a wide range of questions, which require both partners to be very open " It's two sides that gives feedback. So the woman also got her questions. They learned about each other by this.
Life is a check list for this dude!!!! Count me out!
It was like the unsaid part of his story, it has always been transactional.
@@martinmartin9084 it's not. Not in that sort of way.
People morality is extremely low with the concept of do what ever you want and when your encouraged to be as free as a bird and try everything as far as a lifestyle you get people with no integrity,morals no value system. So people internally want some one with values and principles
Abuse is the norm now and it shows when you have no healthy principles or values you lose yourself and stop loving yourself and internally end up excepting anything and look for the next best thing to fulfill your temporal lust to try & satisfy your flesh when your spirit is empty.
I believe that there's a "were are not checking out if we can live together, create something together" culture now.
When I was in my twenties, I talked to a boyfriend for six months each week before we first kissed..
Two extremes in one YT Short, ladies and gentlemen.
Lots of wisdom in Patrick's approach. Authentic approach to being human together....games are gone.....I sure wish this was spoken about on the street corners....meaning it needs to be deeply ingrained in our culture so that no offences are taken but rather the adventure of discovery of each other's hearts and minds.
If a man doesn't have time to get to know you, dont expect him to find time later on in the marriage. You are just a box to check on his list of accomplishments.
🎯🎯🎯
Say it again, for the people in the back
Aren’t you getting to know her by asking her questions about life and what her beliefs are about certain stuff? That’s exactly what Patrick did. Sure his way could have been a bit more funny and relaxed. But if it works for him and his wife. Who are we to say anything?
What an amazing man. Very respectable
There's a thing called friendship dating. No one does that anymore. It's just straight to romantic dating and that's where everyone gets it wrong. Including this guy.
What evidence has led you to this conclusion?
That’s where his different cultural background comes in. It’s the same with Sadia Khan.
I think that is great you too were willing to sit down that long with each other and work it. I can see it causing anxiety but also allowing a couple to over come a lot.
This right here is deep: "Whatever is too easy to come, you DEVALUE it"
I like it! 👏🏻
Wow. 101 Questions on the second date. Incredible! Great guy!
Its all good as long as both of them answering the questions together. Its a good way to get to know eachother deeper quicker
Im the same age as this guy and i am married and with kids. That approach there was never “it” back then either. Lol
Ha! You got that right
I’m modern-traditional. Going the dating route, no. It’s unpalatable to me. Like an awkward job interview. Slowly getting to know a potential life partner, yes.
How you getting to slowly know these people without dating them?
I agree. I ended up married to the son of one of my colleagues and I have known him a few years before we started dating.
Apps are too artificial to me.
My husband wrote me a really sweet song and said " one day I hope you will be my wife." Well...I am his wife now❤ my husband has the same "intensity" and I cannot imagine life without him 🥰
any gift you buy to a girl nowadays is an invite to being ghosted.
Guy who has never dated in the age of social medial tells guys how to date in the age of social media. lol
I like and appreciate the "old school", traditional dating. The starting point meeting someone that catched your interest, you talk, you want to know the person. You want more a relationship. You build it you start with a foundation. The friend ship I mentioned. Instead of jumping in to bed. That's too easy. Unless that's what you want........ a hookup
He nailed it. There's no actual relationships anymore. Women are treated as unattainable goddesses and men are treated as disposable accessories. There's no actual caring for each other's souls. It's all a game of psychological tactics and extremely one-sided expectations. And everyone wraps their entire perspective around this mentality that says "i gotta do X and to make the other person do Y. And I gotta make it to where I can do as little of X as possible, while they give me as much of Y as possible".
The good old days. Back when you had to plan the outing and talk face to face with no high expectations.
Direct is efficient - there's the scenic route too but biology don't wait either.
Omg that was beautiful!!!!
The “took her to church” part is a sneaky lie I’m sure to pander to his base.
Also i feel that people think good relationships are built naturally and that is FAR from the truth. In the best relationships there is a SHITLOAD of talking and figuring each other out. I guess people think you get to know someone by just being around them? Thats not the case, you gotta ask questions and give honest answers to questions that are asked of you. A few words can save years of therapy lol.
True!
He goes straight to the point. I like it
I don't really think there were a ton of people doing that back then though.
Anyway, it's not as though people aren't still seeking connection, and each person that doesn't do the work to find it isn't going to get it.
Relationships are indeed transactional and there's nothing wrong with it.
Only problem is when people want a bargain on that transaction
There is something wrong with it if people don't want to be treated like a product to be bought and disposed of once not useful.
@@Allanchan-nel The World is a business learn it before it's too late😂
Thank Political Correctness, Feminism and Cultural Marxism for that.
+capitalism, which probably the main reason.
Wow. What a good point made. Direct and honest. Definitely dream for that.
Say no to dating. Say yes to courting. Say yes to marriage. Say yes to family.
Capitalist projecting is exactly why someone might think transactional is more accurate than adversarial
I must confess, the way he described it was...uh intense. I'm more on the relaxed side of things.
You're both absolutely right. It feels different now
Yeah its mental.
People are acting like you can do arithmetic about your future spouse
Love this guy ! Straight shooter.. need more of these men ..he's 🔥 too ! What a leader provider protector 👏
So when were men and women “encouraged” to be equal? Once I see a quota near to 50/50 in corporate leadership, politics and law enforcement I will believe that we’ve finally reached equality.
I’ve stopped because one I’m a single mum so already blew it and two I felt no one would give me a chance to get to know them or them to know me.
Of course PBD brings a cold call script to his courtship interactions
Its only "transactional" if you amke it that way.
You are your own human being, what everybody else is doing doesnt have to define what you do
Love PBD everything is a business deal that is analyzed down to the smallest detail to ensure success.
he's entirely on the outside and compares it to his day, no man, its very much the same
Aye yooo I need this lmao
He says it was harder to date but than explains his dating experience which is basically the same to most people have now.
Only the guy can say "he's looking for a wife " though. A girl saying she's "looking for a husband" MAY scare people off (which is good!!), but some men will just lie and fake to sleep with her.
Whoever think hes wrong, theres a 3/4 chance your marriage is going down the dumpster the traditional way :)
Courting is dead unfortunately
Only if you let it.
And for valid reasons. I as a guy do not want to invest time or money into women that think they are better than me. The uncooperativeness and disrespect is sooooo wild these days.
No it isn't, it's in a cultural down swing due to technology and artificially magnified contention.
Courting is real if your expectations are appropriate and the other person is ready for a partnership.
@mrcheeks7335 while i get that.. i think girls with high self-esteem wouldn't go for a guy who doesn't put in the effort or take the risk to pursue her. But either way, neither party should have to compromise on their standards
@@tania_ytThere’s a difference between high self esteem and women thinking they can do whatever they want and get away with it. Most men deal with this and are over it. That’s what original comment was talking about. Then women wonder where all the good guys are lol.
That guy is right. There is an anti dating culture today. Men and women are encouraged to be treated as adversaries.
Thats not dating, thats waterboarding questioning 😂
I think Chris nailed the point. On almost all media that I see men and women are being pitted as adversaries. This is just simply a bad idea. - we are not enemies at all…
as far as PBD’s point, well I’m not really sure what to say about that. 🤷🏻♂️
Bold move my man.....but yeah, if you know what you want.
Ah yes the old days of romance and courting, when the fourth interviewee finally passes the exam to become your wife
"My era you had to court," STFU, dude. You ain't even close to that old.
For real. He's maybe 2 or 3 years older than me. Nobody was courting back then. Guys didn't want labels, they wanted to "hang out". Everything was vague. I didn't want to date someone unless the intention was a relationship. That's absolutely not what most guys were looking for. Now, at 42, dating is better than it was in my 20s! Now, men actually ask/ plan proper dates. We're either dating or we're not - no vague "hanging out" nonsense. In "my era" dating was lousy.
Logic work in every situation 😅💪🏻
Lmao 2nd date 101 questions on wifeability 😂 brilliant idea 😂
Says it's transactional today - basically describes a transaction lol
MySpace and Facebook wasnt the problem. Once Tinder came out women started to consolidate there choices of men. Because unfortunately even high value men will screw anything if they thirsty.
Also everyone is busy hustling their ass off, there isn’t much time for dating lol
The subject was modern dating,
not what PBD did 20 years ago.
Back then you didnt need the internet to meet wemen, they were out everywhere
What I dislike about these types of conversations is that they are disingenuous. This guy probably landed in his Ferrari and the girl he liked was like….ok.
To the average human being is still normal. You talk to someone, you get to know them, and that is it. At what point has that change? Only for the rich. Not for the average men or women.
I agree dating had become transactional, but his approach also sounds like a job interview - and telling her you've been through the same process with other women? So comforting for her....I'm sure there's a middle ground.
Easy come easy goessss
Other than Adversaries, we're also competitors as well... Then when you had double standards, navigating 2 dozen different ordeals to avoid multiple negative areas around women from legal, image etc then might as well be enemy combatants as well
The golden days was when the baby boomers dated. I graduated in 1976. Unless you're a Catholic and going to a dance, , there is no dating. Going out to eat is a ticket to sex to some guys. Just going to Sonic for a soda is what I experienced as an expectation from a male for sex. So crazy. I was 15 and I went on an actual date to the movies. That was normal and special. There are hook up today. I hate the trend.
Wow eye love this