Thank you so much for this. I'm a recovering narcissist, and online, when trying to find help, it's all resources like, "how to save yourself from the HORRIBLE MONSTER which is the narcissist" (not exact words, but just about). And it makes me feel awful. There needs to be more positive, empathetic resources that provoke change rather than shame and alienation. Thank you.
Thankyou for your positive view on narcissism. All the other things online just make up crap like narcissists are evil and vampires lol It is nice to hear someone with HOPE in regards to the narcissism. There are so many people in the world that behave like this and especially when you go to a place like alcoholics anonymous. You are very inspiring and keep up the great work you both do.
I only have 57 years of experience of dealing with narcissists, so...I have never, ever known a narcissist who chose to admit their nature. Even the ones that I witnessed in A.A. meetings could admit their alcoholism but they utilized the meeting itself as a source of ego enhancement. Congratulations.
I really liked this video. For a long time now I've been self destructive in my relationships thinking it was other people's problems and not my own. In romantic relationships things were worse. The more love I was showed the more I antagonized and pushed back or criticized. I never wanted to hurt anyone I just never knew why I was doing it. You said all the words I felt but couldn't say and it was relieving to know I'm not the only one.
Thank you for having one of the only "self help"/ "recovery stories on here for narcissism. For those that can acknowledge this and want to work towards a change, it's nice to have some information that doesn't call you a "blood sucker", "vampire" or "all that's wrong with this world". Thanks again - Eric
How very brave of you to tell your story. It is very difficult for all of us to evaluate ourselves honestly, yet you must have had a long journey to get where you are. You should be proud of the man you are and should be given every opportunity to make amends. Those around you should be wary at the beginning but trust CAN be regained if you NEVER lie again. Your wife and family are lucky. Keep working on your family. Make sure your children learn well from you,& not repeat your actions
I've slowly realised that I amongst many other people suffer from Narcissism, or a form of pyschopathy. My common traits include my inability to empaphise, value people or relate to them in anyway. And a heightened feeling of interlect which I feel no other can match. I treat my job very seriously and concentrate on my role rather than on my colleagues. In fact I value my work more than the people I work with.
@Tainowoman absolutely, we are all narcissistic at certain stages in our life, and we all have the option to mature beyond these stages. Most narcissistic behaviour is based on shame and guilt. That shame and guilt produces pain that is masked by being cruel and narcissistic. This can be overcome.
Well done on making this video, nearly everything out there on NPD is so negative, its like there is no hope for the NPD sufferer or spose. Thank you for sharing your positive experience and good luck in your recovery.
Brilliant brother! I am here now. I want this, this is the best one I've ever heard on UA-cam. Thank you, keep helping. Keep it up. Love your insight. Thank you.
I don't know...My best friend of the last eight years had many nacissistic traits...at the same time, I realized I allowed him to exploit me through my own weaknesses. He hurts so bitterly, and destroys himself with drugs and alcohol, and I finally knew it was my job to lead by example. I have found my own self-respect in the process, found love, and let go of my addictions. If he had the ability to be as brutally honest as you, tears would be streaming down my cheeks right now.
I have Christine, she helps me like your partner Kim. She is a naturopath and understands that it takes time, I resist the strong urge to push her away. Thank you, I never heard anyone so similar. Yay.
@Tyrone5683 hey thanks man. I know that it sometimes feels like no-one will understand you, but the world is not a completely harsh place. There are many people who will appreciate your courage to speak the truth, even if it isn't always convenient to them. Steve
My behaviour was not self recogniseable, it was only through the response of work colleagues and then the general public which 1st alerted me to the problem. My general behaviour as normal as it seemed for me was highly ignorant and outraged many people. It is a horrible situtation to be in, not knowing where you are going wrong and how to change it. This could lead to me being sectioned under the mental health act. How do I sort this problem out alone and why can't I recognise it?
I like hearing your side of the perspective Steve, it's helpful. You listed a few things Kim did that helped you trust her, like 1.Stop complaining 2. Stop arguing 3.Being assure of herself. Do either of you have a step-by-step guide on specific things that helped in the relationship, either article or one of your books?
I am really glad for you Steve&Kim that you got back to normal; Steve, you deffinitely sound normal.:) My guess is that Kim intuitively felt that you are not a born narccisist, but started to behave as such under the influence of surrounding... Good work for Kim and her intuition; but your case unfortunatelly doesn't mean that all narcissists can be cured - born ones cannot, no matter what one does...:(
@maplemerry thanks for the tip - you are absolutely correct. Humility, like most of the virtues, takes daily practice. I will keep it in mind. Thanks Mapleberry!
Hi Steve this is Naomi from fb. This is the first time Ive seen this video. To hear your admitions gives me hope. The workbook is hard since he doesnt live in the house any longer. But I know I have yours & Kim's support if needed. Thanks so much for being vulnerable and real. Kim and you Steve are to me a real God send.
@bamboosa The struggle that you talk about will make you stronger. There is no great defining point when you are completely free of the abuse that you suffered, but you can decide to live a truly wonderful life, seeking out healthy options for yourself, including other people who live in gratitude. I'm glad you like the idea of this video/blog, thanks for the comments.
You persevere. Very fucking cool. And a utube blog does help people, no matter what anybody says. People whose lives are being ravaged by a narcissist need to know that they are not alone and that change, though unlikely, is not impossible. I was raised by a narcissist and for the first 3 years of my life also by her mother, a veritable monster. I struggle everyday to shed the effects of that double horror.
Thanks so much for this video. I needed to see this. I have some experience with behavioral work, so never really succumbed, but I became indifferent to him becoming better. when the abuse got really bad, I was like what the hell is going on and realized he was a narcissist. I put my foot down and gave him an ultimatum to get in shape or get out. He chose out, but is still around, and still strangely trusting of him, as he wasn't before. Fingers crossed.
My girlfriend is a Narcissist and on top of that has borderline Personality disorder and on top of that im an empath. not a good combination. I am her Kim. I have given her so much and she is almost at the point of getting it all but she just doesnt want to give up on her Narcissism. Its like telling a kid thats afraid of the dark to turn of the lights. You can promise them itll be ok, but until they realize they can trust, they won't do it. by the way, her mother is a narcissist as well
This is a really great video, even for people whom don't have this disorder or know anyone with it. Sounds like great advice for anyone who wants to change their life and the way they are living it. :o]
How do I remove my inability to emphasise and put value in people more than work? 95 % of my work colleagues have expressed anger over my ignorance in recognising their existence. I feel work is more important than people, my role must be valued 1st with no distractions from anyone. I've simply lost my connection with people, I have no value in them. I feel far more intellectual and simply value my work more. No empathy or value in people, this is noticeable with people except me.
it does my dad has it and can be very very clear see, almost everyone around him cant stand him, u basically cant talk to him and if u do he will shut u up and say u r wrong, if u attempt to answer again goes in rage and since he has mastered how to keep everyone depandant on him he humiliates and demanes those who live out of him as family member, employees.. barely socielizes, has double face , one special to the clients and public etc.. believe is real.. come to my place and u ll see.
I have noticed that narcissists often have at least one parent who was a narcissist. Does this mean narcissism is genetic, or that the lack of unconditional acceptance from a narcissist parent becomes internalised in the child, or a bit of both?
Yes MNBootboy, we know this is a serious issue, and that's why we take it seriously. The real damage caused by NPD is upon families, and that's where we concentrate our efforts. We do not write pseudo-academic literature trying to become the new darlings of the psych community. We produce practical information that help people overcome the power struggles that exist in every relationship. And yes- I did read my script, because I'm not an actor.
I question whether NDP even exists. It seems like there is a lot of payoff to a lot of people to look at someone who they think hurt them ans say they have some horrible disorder.
@wogelberg well, at least I gave it a try. And yes, I had to read my script because I am not a trained actor. Your local car dealer is quite capable of selling you a very nice car, so you should be nice to him, OK? Steve
@kimandSteveCooper I'd be interested to know if you had an abusive parent. I had two - they both beat the sh** out of me and my brother, humiliated us regularly and disapproved of friends/ girlfriends. My brother is an investment banker. I don't think he has NPD, but he is very competitive, very materialistic, quite obnoxious in many ways. I have gone the other way - wracked by a deep seated self doubt which has held me back. Oh well, we all have a cross to bear.
actually there isnt anymore abuse with him gone. He can no longer gaslight me emotionally or physically. I didnt mention, I have over 200 hours of audio tape anda couple hours of video tape. I felt I had to do this for my own protection in case I really did disappear off the earth as he said many many times. The biggest problem I deal with is really coming to grips with the physical gaslighting which then led to severe emotional gaslighting. Yes, I have very disturbing video as well as audio
actually there isnt anymore abuse with him gone. He can no longer gaslight me emotionally or physically. I didnt mention, I have over 200 hours of audio tape anda couple hours of video tape. I felt I had to do this for my own protection in case I really did disappear off the earth as he said many many times. The biggest problem I deal with is really coming to grips with the physical gaslighting which then led to severe emotional gaslighting. Yes, I have very disturbing video as well as audio
Thank you so much for this. I'm a recovering narcissist, and online, when trying to find help, it's all resources like, "how to save yourself from the HORRIBLE MONSTER which is the narcissist" (not exact words, but just about). And it makes me feel awful. There needs to be more positive, empathetic resources that provoke change rather than shame and alienation. Thank you.
Thankyou for your positive view on narcissism. All the other things online just make up crap like narcissists are evil and vampires lol It is nice to hear someone with HOPE in regards to the narcissism. There are so many people in the world that behave like this and especially when you go to a place like alcoholics anonymous. You are very inspiring and keep up the great work you both do.
I only have 57 years of experience of dealing with narcissists, so...I have never, ever known a narcissist who chose to admit their nature. Even the ones that I witnessed in A.A. meetings could admit their alcoholism but they utilized the meeting itself as a source of ego enhancement. Congratulations.
I really liked this video. For a long time now I've been self destructive in my relationships thinking it was other people's problems and not my own. In romantic relationships things were worse. The more love I was showed the more I antagonized and pushed back or criticized. I never wanted to hurt anyone I just never knew why I was doing it. You said all the words I felt but couldn't say and it was relieving to know I'm not the only one.
Thank you for having one of the only "self help"/ "recovery stories on here for narcissism. For those that can acknowledge this and want to work towards a change, it's nice to have some information that doesn't call you a "blood sucker", "vampire" or "all that's wrong with this world".
Thanks again - Eric
How very brave of you to tell your story. It is very difficult for all of us to evaluate ourselves honestly, yet you must have had a long journey to get where you are. You should be proud of the man you are and should be given every opportunity to make amends. Those around you should be wary at the beginning but trust CAN be regained if you NEVER lie again. Your wife and family are lucky. Keep working on your family. Make sure your children learn well from you,& not repeat your actions
I've slowly realised that I amongst many other people suffer from Narcissism, or a form of pyschopathy. My common traits include my inability to empaphise, value people or relate to them in anyway. And a heightened feeling of interlect which I feel no other can match. I treat my job very seriously and concentrate on my role rather than on my colleagues. In fact I value my work more than the people I work with.
@Tainowoman absolutely, we are all narcissistic at certain stages in our life, and we all have the option to mature beyond these stages. Most narcissistic behaviour is based on shame and guilt. That shame and guilt produces pain that is masked by being cruel and narcissistic. This can be overcome.
Well done on making this video, nearly everything out there on NPD is so negative, its like there is no hope for the NPD sufferer or spose. Thank you for sharing your positive experience and good luck in your recovery.
Brilliant brother! I am here now. I want this, this is the best one I've ever heard on UA-cam. Thank you, keep helping. Keep it up. Love your insight. Thank you.
Hearing this video has been... such a blessing. God bless you and thanks for making it. I pray you'll always stay true to the truth.
I don't know...My best friend of the last eight years had many nacissistic traits...at the same time, I realized I allowed him to exploit me through my own weaknesses. He hurts so bitterly, and destroys himself with drugs and alcohol, and I finally knew it was my job to lead by example. I have found my own self-respect in the process, found love, and let go of my addictions. If he had the ability to be as brutally honest as you, tears would be streaming down my cheeks right now.
I have Christine, she helps me like your partner Kim. She is a naturopath and understands that it takes time, I resist the strong urge to push her away. Thank you, I never heard anyone so similar. Yay.
@Tyrone5683 hey thanks man. I know that it sometimes feels like no-one will understand you, but the world is not a completely harsh place. There are many people who will appreciate your courage to speak the truth, even if it isn't always convenient to them. Steve
My behaviour was not self recogniseable, it was only through the response of work colleagues and then the general public which 1st alerted me to the problem. My general behaviour as normal as it seemed for me was highly ignorant and outraged many people. It is a horrible situtation to be in, not knowing where you are going wrong and how to change it. This could lead to me being sectioned under the mental health act. How do I sort this problem out alone and why can't I recognise it?
I like hearing your side of the perspective Steve, it's helpful. You listed a few things Kim did that helped you trust her, like 1.Stop complaining 2. Stop arguing 3.Being assure of herself. Do either of you have a step-by-step guide on specific things that helped in the relationship, either article or one of your books?
Good for you! I cant think of a more challenging disorder to overcome! wow
I am really glad for you Steve&Kim that you got back to normal; Steve, you deffinitely sound normal.:)
My guess is that Kim intuitively felt that you are not a born narccisist, but started to behave as such under the influence of surrounding...
Good work for Kim and her intuition; but your case unfortunatelly doesn't mean that all narcissists can be cured - born ones cannot, no matter what one does...:(
@maplemerry thanks for the tip - you are absolutely correct. Humility, like most of the virtues, takes daily practice. I will keep it in mind. Thanks Mapleberry!
Hi Steve this is Naomi from fb. This is the first time Ive seen this video. To hear your admitions gives me hope. The workbook is hard since he doesnt live in the house any longer. But I know I have yours & Kim's support if needed. Thanks so much for being vulnerable and real. Kim and you Steve are to me a real God send.
First I would sure like to know how Kim got you to acknowledge you had NPD. I have a exstreme NPD husband. thanks
I really respect you for making this video and all the things you say in it. Thank you for sharing and being honest!
@bamboosa The struggle that you talk about will make you stronger. There is no great defining point when you are completely free of the abuse that you suffered, but you can decide to live a truly wonderful life, seeking out healthy options for yourself, including other people who live in gratitude. I'm glad you like the idea of this video/blog, thanks for the comments.
You persevere. Very fucking cool. And a utube blog does help people, no matter what anybody says. People whose lives are being ravaged by a narcissist need to know that they are not alone and that change, though unlikely, is not impossible. I was raised by a narcissist and for the first 3 years of my life also by her mother, a veritable monster. I struggle everyday to shed the effects of that double horror.
Thanks so much for this video. I needed to see this. I have some experience with behavioral work, so never really succumbed, but I became indifferent to him becoming better. when the abuse got really bad, I was like what the hell is going on and realized he was a narcissist. I put my foot down and gave him an ultimatum to get in shape or get out. He chose out, but is still around, and still strangely trusting of him, as he wasn't before. Fingers crossed.
My girlfriend is a Narcissist and on top of that has borderline Personality disorder and on top of that im an empath. not a good combination. I am her Kim. I have given her so much and she is almost at the point of getting it all but she just doesnt want to give up on her Narcissism. Its like telling a kid thats afraid of the dark to turn of the lights. You can promise them itll be ok, but until they realize they can trust, they won't do it. by the way, her mother is a narcissist as well
This is really insightful . Thanks !
This is a really great video, even for people whom don't have this disorder or know anyone with it. Sounds like great advice for anyone who wants to change their life and the way they are living it.
:o]
How do I remove my inability to emphasise and put value in people more than work?
95 % of my work colleagues have expressed anger over my ignorance in recognising their existence. I feel work is more important than people, my role must be valued 1st with no distractions from anyone. I've simply lost my connection with people, I have no value in them. I feel far more intellectual and simply value my work more. No empathy or value in people, this is noticeable with people except me.
it does my dad has it and can be very very clear see, almost everyone around him cant stand him, u basically cant talk to him and if u do he will shut u up and say u r wrong, if u attempt to answer again goes in rage and since he has mastered how to keep everyone depandant on him he humiliates and demanes those who live out of him as family member, employees.. barely socielizes, has double face , one special to the clients and public etc.. believe is real.. come to my place and u ll see.
Narcissism is a bloody stone, not to be placed in positive of negative.
i am glad u have change but other ppl take many years to change. and more than most never change.
We evole in life.
Wow thank you so much
I have noticed that narcissists often have at least one parent who was a narcissist. Does this mean narcissism is genetic, or that the lack of unconditional acceptance from a narcissist parent becomes internalised in the child, or a bit of both?
Yes MNBootboy, we know this is a serious issue, and that's why we take it seriously. The real damage caused by NPD is upon families, and that's where we concentrate our efforts. We do not write pseudo-academic literature trying to become the new darlings of the psych community. We produce practical information that help people overcome the power struggles that exist in every relationship. And yes- I did read my script, because I'm not an actor.
Thanks
I question whether NDP even exists. It seems like there is a lot of payoff to a lot of people to look at someone who they think hurt them ans say they have some horrible disorder.
@wogelberg well, at least I gave it a try. And yes, I had to read my script because I am not a trained actor. Your local car dealer is quite capable of selling you a very nice car, so you should be nice to him, OK? Steve
@kimandSteveCooper I'd be interested to know if you had an abusive parent. I had two - they both beat the sh** out of me and my brother, humiliated us regularly and disapproved of friends/ girlfriends. My brother is an investment banker. I don't think he has NPD, but he is very competitive, very materialistic, quite obnoxious in many ways. I have gone the other way - wracked by a deep seated self doubt which has held me back. Oh well, we all have a cross to bear.
Thank God for those that care about us. Thank you for the video!
actually there isnt anymore abuse with him gone. He can no longer gaslight me emotionally or physically. I didnt mention, I have over 200 hours of audio tape anda couple hours of video tape. I felt I had to do this for my own protection in case I really did disappear off the earth as he said many many times.
The biggest problem I deal with is really coming to grips with the physical gaslighting which then led to severe emotional gaslighting. Yes, I have very disturbing video as well as audio
@wogelberg well, at least I gave it a shot....anyway, you're local car dealer is quite capable of selling you a good car, so be nice to him. Steve.
Narcissism doesnt give you control, it just makes you desire it. your desire is petty and feeble minded. how does your childish ego like that?
In "kimandSteveCooper"'s username, why is "kim" spelled with a lower first letter, when Steve is not? ;-)
"like I deserved". WTF? This is not true NPD - most can't admit it...it bursts the bubble.
big deal...
This smells of total b s
actually there isnt anymore abuse with him gone. He can no longer gaslight me emotionally or physically. I didnt mention, I have over 200 hours of audio tape anda couple hours of video tape. I felt I had to do this for my own protection in case I really did disappear off the earth as he said many many times.
The biggest problem I deal with is really coming to grips with the physical gaslighting which then led to severe emotional gaslighting. Yes, I have very disturbing video as well as audio