The July 4th Terrible Right Wing Novel Spectacular | BEHIND THE BASTARDS
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- Опубліковано 20 лип 2024
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The July 4th Terrible Right Wing Novel Spectacular | BEHIND THE BASTARDS
Robert found a copy of the weird Navy SEAL fetishist novel written by his old boss back in the 1990s.
Original Air Date: July 2, 2024
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There’s a reason the History Channel has produced hundreds of documentaries about Hitler but only a few about Dwight D. Eisenhower. Bad guys (and gals) are eternally fascinating. Behind the Bastards dives in past the Cliffs Notes of the worst humans in history and exposes the bizarre realities of their lives. Listeners will learn about the young adult novels that helped Hitler form his monstrous ideology, the founder of Blackwater’s insane quest to build his own Air Force, the bizarre lives of the sons and daughters of dictators and Saddam Hussein’s side career as a trashy romance novelist.
New episodes twice a week on iHeartRadio.
#BehindtheBastards #BehindtheBastardsPodcast #RobertEvansBehindtheBastards #BehindtheBastardsMerch #BehindtheBastardsJohnLandis #BehindTheBastardsHost #BehindtheBastardsIvermectin #BestBehindtheBastardsEpisodes #BehindtheBastardsBestEpisodes
3:04 the funniest thing about the Olivia Rodrigo comment is me going to google "Olivia Rodrigo Supreme Court" and the third result is a BTB subreddit thread trying to figure out what Robert meant too
So what has that to do with the island where they hunt children for sport, hmm.
What was it?
@@misterepf Consensus seems to be leaning towards her singing F You after they overturned Roe
Who is Olivia Rodrigo.
What's the deal with Olivia Rodrigo??
I found a copy of The Anarchist Cookbook at my grandfather’s house and immediately thought of Robert Evans.
Holy sh*t. I need one of those.
much of it is disinformation, unfortunately. it really had my teenage friend group out there smoking banana peels
I ordered mine from Barnes and noble years ago@@Reed5016
i had one of those and i left it somewhere behind me on my life journey over two continents and six countries and i still worry about whose life it is going to ruin someday
@@Reed5016 Digital versions are probably still on SoulSeek where I found them 20+ years ago.
“3rd-person ADHD” is a spectacular phrase, truly what we are here for
Unintentionally tapped the notification while listening to The Two Towers on audiobook and was confused about how that scream fit the narrative.
Someone, somewhere, just read this comment and is now making a cut of the peter jackson trilogy where all battlecries and yells are replaced by various atonal screams made by Robert. I'd like to say its me, but I saw the workload ahead of me on that one and decided I don't need the reddit coins or whatever they give out now.
@@andrewSPgaynorThey downsized last year so the commission only rewards people with a private screening of *Big Trouble in Little China*
That were Gimli killing orcs at Helm's Deep, buddy. This made me laugh like a stoned rascal which to be fair is what I am.
@@NotoriousLightning Except I was in The Stairs of Cirith Ungol and Sam had just asked Gollum where he was sneaking off to.
@@meatmobile That is infinitely better than any prize the internet could ever give. An afternoon with Jack Burton? It could be raining cats and dogs out there and I wouldn't care.
Robert: "Im accusing our audience of being perverts"
Me: I FEEL SEEN
@@cowprophet Real Recognize Real
Ye
I don't need the opening scream to get hard......I need that offhand 40k reference to get my motor running!!
when ever Robert talks about Orks BUCKETS OF JIZZ
Sure you don't need it to get hard, but it certainly gets you there faster, you dirty boy!
We're at True Allegiance level brilliance here. PLEASE tell me the phrase "Stop a bullet for you, Babe..." comes up before this is over.
Nah I think true alliegence beats this, this has some competent writing. That book calls all men “bears” and says every face is “craggy and scraggly”. Plus this shooting is just about gang members, that shooting was like orchestrated to cause a race riot.
"Robert flexes how much better of a writer he is than his dead old boss"
Loved the episode guys
Groaning and glistening, this guy loves his G verbs.
also nouns - glimpse
Twitchin' and twistin'
...wait, wrong show.
That opening sounds like he started a typical atonal yelling and someone started shaking him
No it actually sounds exactly like Boss Nass from The Phantom Menace
The “eye seven” typo is probably supposed to be “eyes even”
Came here to say that.
Seems obvious.
Now I want a story where two guys are just making small talk with each other without once mentioning where they are until many pages later the president just comes in and sits down at his desk and the story ends.
The release of this episode really raised my spirits today. I’m glad you released this after the bad news yesterday.
I agree... But also you should delete this so people aren't reminded. Give us all a few days lol
I am glistening with engagement.
I am desperately googling to find out what the Supreme Court rulings have to do with Olivia Rodrigo. Is he joking? Normally i can tell when he is but it sounded so sincere this time
same. all i can find are articles from 2022...
Same here. I don’t get it. Or Olivia Rodrigo is a US President and I wasn’t aware of it.
My best guess is it's something to do with her handing out contraceptives and "Plan B" pills at her concerts.
I didn't even know who she was, but yeah. Now I have questions.
I... think my reply suggesting a possible reason got removed, either by UA-cam or by BTB, I'm not sure. So that's interesting.
Timmy are you okay? Timmy are you okay? Are you okay, Timmy?
Was Timmy struck by a smooth criminal?
@@CliffSedge-nu5fv Sadly, yes
What's writing *incredibly* poorly, my former employers?!!
Also, where are we with the Unintelligible Evans Screech Meter? Four screeches? A dozen?
Betwenty-Five, Or Shree, but I'm no numbersworth, just a hobby.
So, Eleventy Threeven and a half. Got it.
59:52 - The last time the gangs tried to do it themselves, the Luther shot Cyrus and blamed the Warriors and the whole peace gambit got totally fucked. Having a third party as a mediator doesn't seem like the worst idea, but let's face it, the US government is not gonna be a great mediator.
As an editor myself I'd say one of the biggest problems plaguing this guy's delivery of story (as you guys talked about how he gives too many details way too often, "tell forever" and etc.) is that he knew he'd have to worldbuild and figure out a lot of details about the characters and world and what was going on, but had no filter on how to pick which of those details were merely necessary to build in his own mind an idea of what was happening and how everyone got to where they were, and which were necessary to convey to the audience. And that's something that a developmental editor could absolutely help with (although seeing as the person he paid clearly failed at even copy editing I'm not surprised it didn't turn out great lmao). It goes back to what Robert and Margaret were both saying about how the story is kind of surprisingly salvageable, with time and effort and a willingness on the author's part to make changes and learn. You know. Aside from the racism and absurd premise lmfao
53:50 "i dont care about his degrees, that doesn't tell me anything"
I think it does, if you think like the target audience. It says "this guy is some hoity-toity ivy league academic, he's all paper and no product, book smart but not experienced with the Real World like a humble, down-to-earth small-town military man like the protagonist."
Yep it's literally virtue signaling
@@SavageGreywolf their favorite thing (when they do it)
Which is wild cause they love Trump.
Right up until he said the former boss's name, i was afraid he was about to roast Jason "David Wong" Pargin's John Dies at the End
John Waters is a fucking treasure.
i think denenerate isnt too isulting for the audience XD in humor
“TIMMYYYYYY!” sent me, thank you Robert
I always love these right wing novel reads. This podcast is so good at humour and entertainment that they make talks about the worst people and events into something I enjoy, but the bad novel episodes provide that entertainment while taking a few steps back from the depressing stuff, so win win!
i wish that they'd re-release worst year ever on youtube (though i doubt that will happen) yeah good book episodes in that one
I need a podcast that does this sort of thing every week. Too hilarious for words, simply put.
The greatest compliment you can give a self published writer is to actually read what they wrote.
I'm out of the loop. What's going on with Olivia Rodrigo and the Supreme Court?
The SC just said Presidents are actually gods.
@@BenHyleyeah but what the fuck does that have to do with pop-punk influenced teen pop sensation Olivia Rodrigo????
She sang "abcdefu" and dedicated it to the 5 who overturned Roe v Wade.
The Supreme Court ruled that it's legal to hunt humans on Blue Apron's private island, where Olivia Rodrigo just gave a private concert.
@@origami_dreamonly real answer
30 seconds into my first episode and im being called a pervert! You have my attention…
Christ what is it with hack novelists and writing like they had a script in their head that they grudgingly had to turn into a novel?
i have no idea, since you can absolutely follow a story written in screenplay format. They even make you do it in high school english class, when you study Shakespeare; those are plays and include the stage directions, though they're less detailed than proper screenplay is these days.
You really gonna make me buy this damn book?!? Continue, please. I hate cliff hangers.
Don't worry, im sure this is just part 1 😂 don't want to give this author any money by buy the piece of crap, do you?
@@jamiefrontiera1671 Sounds like he's dead anyway, but no I don't really want to spend any money on it. The one copy available on Amazon is $35. I'm not that damn curious!
Can someone tell me why the joke was cut? I’m out of touch and autistic. I know the Supreme Court just gave trump immunity but nothing beyond that
A lot more than that, but I'm also not sure how it all pertains to Olivia Rodrigo. All that comes to mind right now for SCOTUS is the immunity case, the Chevron doctrine getting merc'd, and the homelessness case.
Olivia Rodrigo is a Filipino American.
The Pentagon ran a secret anti-vax campaign to incite fear of China vaccines in the Philippines. That's all I can think. Also maybe just sensitivity regarding immigrants?
"Wild beer and drug parties" on the Oklahoma border?
So that's bud light lime and meth. Not the best party in my opinion.
Ben Kissel will attend.
0:20 This is just like George Orwell's book 1984
a wonderful distraction that doesn't have to do with anything! thank you three times Robert Evans! a thousand thank yous!
I'm old af, and not a Yank. What's wrong about joking about Olivia Rodrigo?
(I know one of her songs, btw.)
Trust me, you do NOT want to know.
I'm a Yank but I'm drawing a blank as to why recent Supreme Court ruilings would prevent them from joking about Rodrigo. I'm also old so maybe I'm missing something.
I'd like to know as well. Apparently she publicly said "Fuck you" to the Supreme Court justices, but I don't know why that would mean they couldn't joke about her. Unless the content of their jokes would be inappropriate?
Yank here, I really don't know either. Like, is the implication that Brandon will go sicko mode and order seal team six to whack her? Has she made an actionable threat against the court? Like what is happening??
I’m fairly sure that the joke is that Robert’s covering up for not knowing who Olivia Rodrigo is.
That was too tonal of a screech.
That intro scene. He was trying to write it like a movie. That cutting back and forth between snippets of back story and the tense lead up to the inciting incident would work much better in a movie.
This would make a fantastic episode of Decker
Better recommendation of Hesse's Steppenwolf than his Beneath the Wheel, which is just straight-up depressing.
The opening noise didn't make me touch myself, but Robert implying I am a pervert did 😏
Self-fulfilling pervophecy
I wish I had an editor. I have to go over my writing 2 or 3 times to get proper structure and word variety.
But man, do I ever feel accomplished for doing it all on my own!
The bit about the hand rolled green Cuba cigars is wild. Green 'candela' cigars used to be the most popular cigars in America, in fact they were specifically made for the American market, by almost everyone except Cuba (who made them, just were not able to export because of the embargo), they also tended to be machine made for that export market, not hand rolled, so the way he specified this is not only redundant, but would be weirdly ahistorical for any green cigar other than the Cuban ones.
But I think I may have figured it out. This guy is a weird conservative guy right? He's crazy interested in spec ops types right? He's all about portraying the actual men at the tip of the spear as being heroes, while kind of suggesting that all the civilians in command of the military are not... There's the detail about the other guy in the room cleaning his nails, and our podcast hosts picked up that that was an attack on the guys character... Well, I think the thing about the green cigars is too... Candelas were JFK's cigar of choice, specifically Cuban ones. Does anyone else think that literally the only thing the author knows about green cigars is that hand rolled Cuban ones (by far the exception to the rule) were symbolically the smoke of choice for a democrat president, and hence in some way an indicator of the secretary of defence being part of an 'evil liberal establishment'?
Every time I hear the Seal guy's name, I think of The Ballad Of Hank McCain.
Do you know who else go HUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH! ?
NAJ Publishing and the deceased wife’s named was Norma-Anne Jones? I might’ve cracked it.
Legit best cold open ever every single part of it 10 out of 10 haven’t listened to the rest of the episode but already this is an A grade podcast. No notes.
Only got about halfway through this reading. My regurgeration of dinner was more tolerable lol
This book is like a second-order derivative of Clancy.
Is it not possible to give the black kid a name and not have to continually call him the black boy? Jesus. Could make a drinking game everytime the author refers to a character by their race without naming them.
Who goes around with a 357 magnum, besides dirty harry?
Dont know why im even commenting, every time i have questions like these, y'all say it less than 30 seconds later to take the words out of my mouth.
I swear this reads like a steven segal movie
Dirty Harry carried a .44
Believe me, you don't want to know the name Al would have given that character.
best opening yet
‘Eyes even* as he fell’….. they put the s in the wrong spot
Robert's BaltiLore, brought to you by the soundtrack of The Wire
MARYLAND!!!!
I don't think he's misspelling guerrilla. I think he's establishing that these guys are gorilla fighters, as in they're so badass they regularly fight gorillas.
I commented, writingly…. Wait, wrong book.
Speaking of trashy mil sci-fi yall should do a review on Victoria: A Novel of 4th Generation War. It is not for the faint of heart and the man who wrote the book definatly deserves an episode.
Yeah, that shit is wild, it's basically the Turner Diaries, yet somehow stupider.
Dark Place vibes
@30:10 eye seven is very obviously supposed to be "eyes even"
59:20 I guess you could say it gave Margaret white flight
As a spokesperson for the subreddit people, I was in-fact touching myself during the atonal screech.
I'm offended that you think I'd do it in my car with passengers. I have the dignity to do it in my bedroom. I'm not a savage.
Is it the same paralysed Timmy from South Park?
RWWAAAARRRRRWWWWWAH!
"Translate to English" - Google
You have successfully dragon warhammer specced.
hell yeah john watters
the chapter headers being a full page can pad a page count but it's highly unlikely any proper editor would go for it--pages cost money after all and if there's more than 6 or so chapters it's probably cheaper to just have a few blank end pages or to cut down to the next multiple of 16. Definitely a vanity-press job: a lot of them just slap your pdf into print format and call it done.
You wouldn't like Robert when he's angry.
is there a media player anywhere I can use that lets me listen, in order, to EVERYTHING? IHEART will go back to the newest episodes and I have to spend 20 minutes scrolling and loading through the ones I've listened to already. It's so painful because I tend to fixate on a couple things at a time. The amount of time I spend finding where I left off is making me lose interest. PLEASE, SOMEONE SHOW ME HOW I CAN WATCH IN ORDER THAT ISN'T IHEART.
Mick McCord
🙂
Stone Hungston
no Robert, he didn't misspell Sadaam Hussien's name - it's dialectic. "Sah-dum hoo-say-in, y'all"
*Saddam Hussein
I gagged comedically when they mentioned the author introducing the shitless kid as being black and then immediately comparing the sweat on his back to "diamonds". Because I know it was unintentional, but man the accidental allusion to blood diamonds just sniped me
The life and times of billy evans.
It is often NOT necessary to describe the 'race' of a character lol. IMHO
DAMN YOU BILLY EVANS!!!!
Was that opening Robert's reaction to the last SC rulings?
OMG they killed Timmy
You bastards!
Steppenwolf is for listening to, not for reading. John Kaye and the boyz in teh band beat Hesse all year round, Robbie.
but what about da seawolf
Sadly i have to work on the 4th so i can't not think about politics.
no idea what they meant regarding Olivia Rodrigo; probably just a joke and they had to cut that bit for other reasons?
as an older gen z'er, i always wonder what people other generations think of as our celebrities. jerma is mine
Who?
Hearing this dreck makes one realize that it's not enough to read good books, one has to also read _bad_ ones.
Yes, it did.
Let’s all listen to “Tarzan Boy” by Baltimora
You said, unless you have a nepotism in just as soon as I was about to make a comment about Christopher Paolini.
I don't think Ryan Reynolds would shoot kid hitler (kidler) and my evidence is deadpool 2
1:08:22 Ooh, glistening spears?!
I hate ball hogs that don't give you your turn to hold the ball while playing...1 on 1 basketball? Ok others were playing I guess.
Timmyyyyy noooo
Who is olivia rodrigo? Why dod you cut a portion of the pod? How does a supreme court ruling on presidential immunity affect your ability to discuss a singer songwriter? Im so confused
"Editor"?
Is Al Jones supposed to be Alex Jones? Is that too obvious?
What’s the deal with Olivia Rodrigo?
i'm afraid to say anything
who is Olivia Rodrigo?
I found one article that associates Olivia Rodrigo with controversy. From 3 days ago. It's just some Madonna-level BS where a fan made a shirt with her face on Jesus's body, and handed it to her. And she made the mistake of visible holding it while in a presumed-christian world.
That can't be what Robert is talking about.
@@randalalansmith9883 yeah idk aye, I looked it up and she seems reasonably controversy free 🤷♂️
I've never listened to you before, but I have found my people.. Ripping shitty authors is my jam.
But I'm more angry than y'all, because when it happens, it's because I've spent money and time on a book and it feels like the book is a traitor when I've invested so much time and it's just a pile of poop.
My favorite Olivia Rodrigo song is "abcde...".
Listening to the excerpts of that novel made my brain hurt. So... much... useless exposition...
I kind of hate when Robert tries to be funny.
Billie Eillish is not goth. 😂 She's a rich kid from LA whose parents bought her a record contract. She appropriates Black culture and their related anime fandoms like other white pop stars (Cyrus, Grande, etc.).
What an edgy intro! So edgy! Bobby the edgelord!