I was stuck in the trap of wanting my partner to change all of these different things - I wanted him to be more driven, determined, career-minded, ambitious, and it was leading to me giving him a total character assassination on a regular basis. I then did my own internal work and soul searching within me to ask myself whether I could love him exactly as he was - if nothing about him changed. As soon as I started loving him in this way, he stepped into everything that I wanted and more completely and utterly of his own accord and over the past few years has become so driven, so ambitious and empowered because he wanted it for himself.
I think it's true that she should say she appreciates his efforts and balanced lifestyle, but only if it's true. Because some people men or women have just a "vision board" or a vision of a better approach in mind, but they dont manifest these visions, then they think why I am criticized, well it's because you probably have these goodwill visions, but you are afraid to teach your body and mind (the subconscious mind and software of mind) to fulfill them, because the subconscious mind is giving you all the old patterns of thinking and feeling, because the subconscious mind doesn´t know the other ways of approach until you reprogram the subconscious mind. So its not about the battle between you and the other person, it is the battle between your conscious mind that has free will and the subconscious mind that has no free will, but its a software that records all the bad stuff to avoid them. The conscious mind = is about free will, it works 5 percent a day The subconscious mind = is about no free will, it is just a learned pattern or software that works 95 percent a day Software has no free will until the software is reprogramed by giving up the old beliefs Therefore positive thinking of the conscious mind doesnt work until you consciously reprogram the subconscious mind by practicing meditation and metacognition, Energy psychology etc. If both minds conscious and subconscious mind learn to work the same positive way, then the positive thinking of the conscious mind works. So you are supposed to be aware that the subconscious mind is warning you about avoiding bad stuff, scams etc but dont let the subconscious mind dictate your happiness level and create anxiety, in order to be in peaceful emotions. Then when you are in peaceful emotions, the partner feels safe. Maybe therefore sports release the negative emotions. The subconscious mind should warn you only in real danger, but it is warning you to step back or run away even if there is no danger..its called PTSD or anxiety. But if you practice a calm attitude and stoicism you learn to read the energy in the room and it helps you to find what is the real problem and what isn't and you create good energy for yourself and others.
if people realize that the conscious mind and the subconscious mind work differently they may create a hack that creates great happiness that helps them to reprogram bad habits of the subconscious mind to be more thoughtful.
*A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself - to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.*
To love someone is to accept them for who they are, and not change them. Love, if allowed to flourish between the two, actually does change them to some degree....it continues to strengthen the bond between them. They "dance" to the music only the two of them can hear.
@@tammyowen2812 well, you sit down and write down all the things you like about yourself and all the things you like to do and all the things that you own that you like. Get rid of as many things that you don’t like and as much as possible stop doing things that you don’t like to do. You have arrived to knowing yourself and this is the only path towards happiness. Knowing yourself and living your beautiful truth. 🫶🏽
@@tammyowen2812I think a good place to start is with compassion for yourself we tend to give other people grace (example: your human, you will mess up but it doesn't mean life is over, you can learn from it and try again and do better next time etc.) But we have a hard time giving grace to ourselves. So you can try starting there and forgiving yourself when the mistakes or bad things you've done come to mind
30 yrs ago I was in a toxic marriage, almost lost my life. It was trauma bonding. I was afraid to be alone and was not listening to my intuition, ignoring red flags. He had a drinking problem and other issues. I was so miserable and afraid. Getting help from childhood trauma changed my life. I didn’t know who I was, today I do although still evolving.
I'm so glad you survived to tell about it, and wiish you all the best in your continued growth. Having survived sometbing like it myself, this podcast makes me realize how much healing and development I still need to do. Trouble is, I don't know how to do the healing. Looking at the painful areas just makes me cry, which doesn't solve or change anything.
As a woman I absolutely love his message and agree whole heartedly about all of. For years I was going for men that did not make me safe and that did not “provide” because I was so stuck in trying to find a man and not care about how much money he had. I was SO against being a gold digger. I thought it was noble but I suffered so much and I’ve finally come to a place and healed enough to realize that money, and security is important and it doesn’t make me a gold digger to want a man that can care for himself and that has ambition and goals. This is just one example but we all need to do the work because there are so many blocks that we don’t even realize! Thank you for sharing your message. I’m so happy to see more and more men and women doing the work.
I was the same exact way! I thought I was being "fair" and "helping" him out by not wanting to ask for anything that has to do with money. I NEVER felt safe or taken care of. They wouldn't even go out of their way to do anything for me either, while I was happy to go out of my way. I've learned a lot over the years, just hoping it's not too late for me.
Same here ! It is one of my highest value to have a man that can provide and protect. This allows for the feminine to relax and step into feminine energy. I never knew how to articulate this so it has always been twisted by the wrong men, when in reality this is an innate impulse that healthy men need not to be taught about or asked about.
There were a lot of great gems in this episode. Knowing yourself and being true to that will draw in people who are on your same wavelength. Not being authentic will draw in the wrong people. I completely agree!
“Alot of times a breakup is a blessing in disguise” couldn’t be more true for me. Ironically, the reason for my relationship with my ex shifting and going downhill all started because I got a tattoo (in memory of my grandpa who was my best friend). My ex was so upset about it that he didn’t speak to me for 2 days. Then, things began to just get worse and worse the emotional abuse began to start. I couldn’t quite grasp how he was letting an almost 4 year relationship go south just because I decided I wanted a tattoo. Now looking back, I realize him and I breaking up was one of the best things to ever happen to me because A) it showed me who he really was in the end & his true character came out and it was ugly, B) it felt as though my grandpa saved me from that relationship going further, and C) it woke me up and I got to focus on myself more and really become the best version of myself that I am today
Stephan said a lot of great things. If you pour real, genuine love into a woman, shes 10× more likely to pour into you 10× as much. I agree completely. He also shed light on what it means to really look at why you attract the kinds of people you attract in life. Where I STRONGLY disagree with him is when he said "if a woman wants a man to be taller than her in heels, it's a want, not a need, and she should reassess." That's hypocrisy. If that's her NEED, that doesn't mean it's a want. It means, it's a NEED. You can't determine what a woman's needs are. It varies. Same way how having Oral Sex is not a NEED to me, its a want, but it's a need for you.
I agree with your last point. At that point in the discussion I thought Stephan came across a teenie weenie bit uncompromising! Part of the growth in a relationship can also be making allowances for someone else's needs, even if they don't exactly accord to yours. Up to a point of course. And then that can open up an opportunity to realize that what you thought of as a 'need' is more of a nice to have. In my experience, you can make something into an issue an over-focus on it to cover a deeper issue underneath.
I honestly dont believe it is getting harder, people are getting anxious and wanting what they see (what I call the Aww Relationships) when in reality, it's a facade. I see it as God weeding out what I/we dont need and moving us towards what we do. It may seem harder because of our perception however, nothing great comes easy. Change your perception people. God Bless All🙏🏼
This was an EYE-OPENING episode! Informative from a man’s perspective. One thing that I heard and will remember is: ‘I will be hurt the most by the one I love the most’! GREAT INTERVIEW 🙏🏼
Even having had a precious marriage for many years, I’ve learned and recognized precious jewels of wisdom from Stephan in this wonderful interview. Holding back for the man to make important change- can be vital. Wish I’d known that.
Stephan always speaks to me and that I know GOD speaks through him. This video is right on time. PRAISE GOD. Thank you, Sir for doing this video with a wonderful Man of GOD! Blessings sent your way in JESUS' mighty name. Keep up the great work.🙏🏽❤️🌟
I can accept a man as he is but only if he’s not a broken man…or a unmotivated man..I do not want dead weight. A man who is able & willing to be a man and do his best in life I understand no one is perfect but if he is putting effort into his life..ambition….just that alone is a reason to accept a man no matter how much he makes because you know it will get better with him…not worse…you know you can grow with him…you see light at the end of the tunnel..not total darkness
I think you guys did a great job …. Pointing out the issues in relationships. Also, don’t forget that every soul signs contracts with other souls. Either to correct their own issues or help others correct their own. It’s all about the journey and the growth of the soul, don’t look at the end result, look at what you gained in the process. If everyone saw it this way, they would feel so much better and they would embrace change and growth. God bless❤.
That's a wise and helpful comment - thank you! And it also gives us space to re-frame and self-forgive when we think the failure of a relationship was all on us.
I really enjoyed the clarity on being authentic & open and direct communication of where we are in life and what we expect for ourselves. When we love who we are only then can we share and love another person. Realizing no one is perfect and every soul has beauty within. Been married for 41 years. Letting my husband just be his authentic self and compromising, agreeing to agree and disagree and accepting when I need to change to accommodate him and vice versa. I think that’s why we work.
THAT IS ABSOLUTELY THE KEY EVALUATE HOW MUCH YOU HAVE DONE FOR THEM AND HOW MUCH YOU THEY HAVE DONE FOR YOU ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU FEEL BLATANTLY LIKE YOU ARE BEING USED!!
I feel like Andre sitting with another man just shows his light that much more. He’s so gentle, and intelligent, and humble. So good at dampening down where arrogance could’ve grown. Really such a respectable man.
I’ve listened to a lot of your podcast Stephan Speaks and must say this is one the best segments which really resonated with my spirit. Keep teaching Stephan. Keep allowing god to use you.
I listened to all of this and now I feel so much despair. I've tried so hard to figure out how to heal myself and I have no clue at this point. Everywhere I go, I love unconditionally and people abuse that and hurt me more. I'm almost 42 and so scared that I'll never have children and it's been the most important thing to me for longer than I can even remember, probably since my mother got pregnant with my little sister. Why does everyone just assume that I'm already a mother? Why does no one ever want me? Why am I always alone? I've been treated as undesirable my entire life and it is the last thing I would want anyone to have to feel, but you guys just amplified that with this. Like I'm delusional to even hope for a relationship or family.
Awww don't feel bad. Keep looking. Get to know yourself so you know what you want in a partner. I've been following Stephan for a few years now and he's helped me Tremendously. He has a book called Love After heartbreak that helps you to heal. He also talks extensively about this on his page. I pray you find what you're seeking and you find a great match in life. ❤
Can I say something. I'm 51 no kids and it's OK. I think you gravitate to men that seem like they could be a potential husband material I think you judge yourself harshly by saying people see you a certain way. I think step one of healing is make peace with yourself. Say if I have a child ir don't have a child I am ok. I don't care and leave it in God's hands. If I truly want a child well there's adoption that you can do alone tomorrow. There's ivf that you can do alone. If both of those statements scare you. Dig deep in yourself and say why do they scare me. Is it because there's no man around use these tools to find your inner soul and inner beliefs then learn to detach from self destroying thoughts hugs all written with love
@rosellaboduroglu IVF and adoption don't scare me but I cannot afford them. You basically have to be rich and I'm lower class. I don't assume these things about people, they've said them to my face. God gives some the gift of singleness, He didn't give me that. I've always wanted to be married. Meanwhile I'm surrounded by people who tell me they don't want kids and aren't sure about marriage and suddenly they're married with kids. It's demoralizing. I love myself and others ignore me or use me, there's really no in between. It's horrific and getting to the point where IDK why I should trust anyone. Why do I see the best in people and then they hurt me?
Thank you Stephan for sharing your powerfully true message with us all! This was a great conversation Andre, nice job. There are several topics and points Stephan made that will help me and I'm sure others to learn, grow and heal. I am grateful.
I love stephen speaks!!! Hes super knowledgeable & i use him as an example of a man at least from what i can see on youtube as a man who is in his divine masculine & in his true power
I love Stephan's way of thinking. I relate and agree with him on so many points. Great questions and great answers/explanations. Such an interesting discussion.
Stephan is Amazing! ❤ I’ve been following him for a while & appreciate having such a powerful balanced man speaking to these truths! Relationships are Living Breathing Organisms that require care, maintenance, attention, etc… in order to work! Most of us were raised to be nice to everyone with the assumption that we had to be “friends” with everyone which is far from true. The reality is that we are meant to learn to discern who is in our inner circle. We don’t have to compromise ourselves just because we want to be nice or have everyone like us! Even the word “nice” comes with a historical definition of being stupid - the etymology of it implies this! People tend to forget that a true Authentic relationship Comes with ups, & downs, highs & Lows, agreements & disagreements, tough love & compassionate empathy, and so much more! A key in understanding ourselves in relationships is that just because someone puts up a boundary doesn’t mean it’s a healthy boundary for the relationship - or that the other person has to agree to them! Ironically few people recognize that sometimes they establish boundaries to control the other person & their boundaries are what end relationships that aren’t serving the other person or themselves! It’s not a good or bad thing. It’s just in recognizing that somebody has to do some work… Maybe the boundary is what is needed for them to heal but it also may mean they need to also learn how boundaries can cause you to loose people - no matter what is changing in the relationship or the people!
He's bang on! 🔥 I've recently been try to show a good friend some of these points.... Every red flag she's observed but not acted on. I've even suggested she's already unable to be herself as she can't be honest or speak of the things she should! Crazy! But she's getting there.. Asking herself why she wants to be in such a dramatic relationship and whether this goes back to loosing her fabulous very loving father at 13 years of age. So she's now starting to heal her inner child. ❤
I think this is the best, most complete video on establishing real relationships that last! Thank you so much for those amazing questions! And thank you Stephan for the work you have put into becoming your authentic self so that you can advise us on authentic relationships. I think that's what we all want. All the best to you both. ❤
One thing I may not completely agree on is the fact that we can choose not to internalize things. I mean, I don't know about that. I think it might be a mechanism that activates after trauma (the internalization). That said, it is absolutely true that it is very important for us to work on dismantling all the things we internalized that are not in alignment with who we really are. Great episode, anywyas! Stephan shared a lot of gems. And thank you André for offering this space !
not even 20 minutes in ... I AM TRULY SHOCKED THAT WE WERE NOT CHARGED A FEE FOR THIS INFORMATION!!!!!!!! maybe the video is our Happy New YOU in 2024 gift! whether it is or isn't I AM SOOOOOVERYGRATEFUL for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This amazing exchange between two emotionally mature men was amazing and truly blessed my Spirit. I love to see our men converse with such depth and kindness. Our society and community are desperately in need of this podcast and conversation. We need to heal from all sort of traumas and grow to our highest self to reach our highest potentials. Thank you and God bless your ministry. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Loved this discussion! Thank you for giving us language to help identify the demeanor desires for masculine energy and provision that comes with that. It has been frustrating trying to explain this to men who don't appreciate this approach in relationship. I think this discussion brought that perspective to light in a great way.
Hello! Thanks for highlighting my comment! I think I have watched about 75% of your videos looking for something about shy guys… I have a huge crush on this guy and I am getting some mixed signals. I don’t think he is covert or communal narcissistic (been there done that) but I am wondering if he is just really shy? I am also a bit shy and hesitant and cautious due to a bad history. Been in therapy. My ex’s all kind of swooped in on me and carried me off. No more of those guys for me. I adore him! But man he can really snap shut and withdraw like a turtle… I get the lingering eye contact, he has recently taken to swooping in and giving me a hug around my shoulders when I am leaving and is always offering to help and I let him. He knows my last partner nearly stabbed me to death during a prescription drug induced psychosis, so maybe he is just going slow because I get anxious and giddy around him. He and are 15 years single. He’s 50’s and I’m 60’s. He dated some, I have not. I thought he was married when we met so “hands off-too bad he’s taken” but later found out he was single. I was smitten the first time I met him. We met last March, (he brought his adult children along twice and proudly introduced me) we had a few phone calls, then met again a few times before 9/28 when he started the remodeling on a total gut out of a small property I bought. He is doing a lot of extra special stuff and doing the work himself! He raised his kids and I have met them-they are awesome people. I bought some healing cream for his seriously cracked and dry hands, gave him a book NY TIMES best seller on avoiding dementia after he said that was his worst fear, bought him an insulated mug for Christmas because he said Christmas was hard for him. I touch his hands and his back on occasion-doing what you advise! Then a few weeks ago, the day before my birthday, I invited him to share a glass of wine and pizza under the new patio cover at the house. He declined. Said he had plans. Then , on my birthday, I was talking on phone about the work on my house and he was home-dogs started barking and he says someone just drove up. I don’t want to obsess-but he didn’t answer when I asked if he was seeing someone in a text message. Then one day we were talking on the way to buy materials and he just blurted out “I am not getting married” so I let that one blow by! I catch him looking at me with a smile on his face and he looks away! I told myself that the next time he hugs me I am going to hold on and say “hey, not so fast! 🤭Either you are playing with my affection or you like me as much as I like you, so what’s up?” But maybe I should hold off on that and wait for a video discussion on shy guys… thanks a million for all you do, brother! God bless and keep you prosperous so you can us help women be the best version of ourselves possible with your encouragement. ❤️ awaiting your reply… happy new year!🎆
How very interesting...it always starts with us and if we are in flow and aligned we can then attract a partner that matches or compliments our frequency. Open communication and regular check ins I see as very important...best of live to everyone..🙏💕
This is all on point. Having to deal with learning how to do more for myself. To be happier. If my better half can't try to grow in a healthier and loving and supportive environment and relationship. I need to move on and learn from this. And just live.
Love you guys! ..I totally agree and resonate with Stephan 100 percent. As a woman ;) ...something I really love hearing Stephan talk about again and agin is writing letters to each other when sharing something really deep and possibly emotional or somewhat easy to be misunderstood and reacted to in person. I remember Ester Perel sharing that one of her clients had a specific email address just for this use only...I really like that idea...although I still have a love of hand written letters ;)
Exactly, he yelled and screamed. And then I was so emotional from how they were communicating that I couldn’t hear what they were trying to tell me. But for all the years we were together they could never not yell & I was also stuck being emotional. I couldn’t be strong enough to calm us down. Even when I tried it got us no where. And he left me. He gave up everything we had. I stayed for everything we had. He would force me to move in after arguments and I did because I believed he had also moved on, but turns out he was just holding on to everything and reached his limit. He didn’t bother to check in But neither did I because I didn’t know what was happening, but checking in should’ve already been part of our relationship. He left me y’all I have the rest of my life to go without him.
Hi There, I just popped on to say Thank You for a Terrific Interview w Stephan! I learned LOT here. I was already familiar w him and his message, but you really conducted a great interview here...and that is not easy. What do I want? Thanks for asking....few people ever have. I just want a good man who really loves me, will support me and receive me and let me do MY thing. I am all about home, family, good food and a happy lifestyle. I am not a career girl, although I have done that... I worked in finance for years but was never happy at it. Just a trad wife here, I guess you would say.... BUT I ask ...Why is that so undervalued now? Those are my strengths and that is where my heart really is. Can I make money? Sure...just let me be relaxed and not under pressure and I will bloom for that man. Great job, and I will look for you more in the future. God bless You.
I was stuck in the trap of wanting my partner to change all of these different things - I wanted him to be more driven, determined, career-minded, ambitious, and it was leading to me giving him a total character assassination on a regular basis. I then did my own internal work and soul searching within me to ask myself whether I could love him exactly as he was - if nothing about him changed. As soon as I started loving him in this way, he stepped into everything that I wanted and more completely and utterly of his own accord and over the past few years has become so driven, so ambitious and empowered because he wanted it for himself.
Wow.
This comment alone has me in tears. This is my exact story right now. Thank you. Love is patient.
@@brighteyedwithwonder ❤❤❤
O.O
I think it's true that she should say she appreciates his efforts and balanced lifestyle,
but only if it's true.
Because some people men or women have just a "vision board" or a vision of a better approach in mind, but they dont manifest these visions,
then they think why I am criticized, well it's because you probably have these goodwill visions, but you are afraid to teach your body and mind (the subconscious mind and software of mind) to fulfill them, because the subconscious mind is giving you all the old patterns of thinking and feeling, because the subconscious mind doesn´t know the other ways of approach until you reprogram the subconscious mind. So its not about the battle between you and the other person, it is the battle between your conscious mind that has free will and the subconscious mind that has no free will, but its a software that records all the bad stuff to avoid them.
The conscious mind = is about free will, it works 5 percent a day
The subconscious mind = is about no free will, it is just a learned pattern or software that works 95 percent a day
Software has no free will until the software is reprogramed by giving up the old beliefs
Therefore positive thinking of the conscious mind doesnt work until you consciously reprogram the subconscious mind
by practicing meditation and metacognition, Energy psychology etc.
If both minds conscious and subconscious mind learn to work the same positive way,
then the positive thinking of the conscious mind works.
So you are supposed to be aware that the subconscious mind is warning you about avoiding bad stuff, scams etc but dont let the subconscious mind dictate your happiness level and create anxiety, in order to be in peaceful emotions. Then when you are in peaceful emotions, the partner feels safe. Maybe therefore sports release the negative emotions.
The subconscious mind should warn you only in real danger, but it is warning you to step back or run away even if there is no danger..its called PTSD or anxiety.
But if you practice a calm attitude and stoicism you learn to read the energy in the room and it helps you to find what is the real problem and what isn't and you create good energy for yourself and others.
if people realize that the conscious mind and the subconscious mind work differently
they may create a hack that creates great happiness that helps them to reprogram bad habits of the subconscious mind to be more thoughtful.
*A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself - to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.*
Have you asked him to teach you how to ❤️ love him?
This is inspiring! Thanks 😊
To love someone is to accept them for who they are, and not change them. Love, if allowed to flourish between the two, actually does change them to some degree....it continues to strengthen the bond between them. They "dance" to the music only the two of them can hear.
Thanks Stephen. Always appreciate what you say
Tired of the lessons, ready for the long lasting healthy one ❤
Okay, hear me out. When you love yourself, you love yourself up with people who love you too. And all love is a reflection of self love
Exactly 💯 💙💕💙💕💙💕
I’ve never loved myself. I really want to. How does an individual come to do that?
@@tammyowen2812 well, you sit down and write down all the things you like about yourself and all the things you like to do and all the things that you own that you like. Get rid of as many things that you don’t like and as much as possible stop doing things that you don’t like to do. You have arrived to knowing yourself and this is the only path towards happiness. Knowing yourself and living your beautiful truth. 🫶🏽
Say yes for you once in a while and no to the world. Unless it’s someone God has personally handed to you.
@@tammyowen2812I think a good place to start is with compassion for yourself we tend to give other people grace (example: your human, you will mess up but it doesn't mean life is over, you can learn from it and try again and do better next time etc.) But we have a hard time giving grace to ourselves. So you can try starting there and forgiving yourself when the mistakes or bad things you've done come to mind
30 yrs ago I was in a toxic marriage, almost lost my life. It was trauma bonding. I was afraid to be alone and was not listening to my intuition, ignoring red flags. He had a drinking problem and other issues. I was so miserable and afraid. Getting help from childhood trauma changed my life. I didn’t know who I was, today I do although still evolving.
I'm so glad you survived to tell about it, and wiish you all the best in your continued growth. Having survived sometbing like it myself, this podcast makes me realize how much healing and development I still need to do. Trouble is, I don't know how to do the healing. Looking at the painful areas just makes me cry, which doesn't solve or change anything.
As a woman I absolutely love his message and agree whole heartedly about all of. For years I was going for men that did not make me safe and that did not “provide” because I was so stuck in trying to find a man and not care about how much money he had. I was SO against being a gold digger. I thought it was noble but I suffered so much and I’ve finally come to a place and healed enough to realize that money, and security is important and it doesn’t make me a gold digger to want a man that can care for himself and that has ambition and goals. This is just one example but we all need to do the work because there are so many blocks that we don’t even realize! Thank you for sharing your message. I’m so happy to see more and more men and women doing the work.
I was the same exact way! I thought I was being "fair" and "helping" him out by not wanting to ask for anything that has to do with money. I NEVER felt safe or taken care of. They wouldn't even go out of their way to do anything for me either, while I was happy to go out of my way. I've learned a lot over the years, just hoping it's not too late for me.
Please speak blessings over ur life or positive affirmation if ur not religious. It’s absolutely not too late for u !!! 💖
I did the same......thought it was noble to love poor men. Only to be mistreated. Men with money are nicer.
Good job on evolving n learning sis.. n I love the self accountability too
Same here ! It is one of my highest value to have a man that can provide and protect. This allows for the feminine to relax and step into feminine energy.
I never knew how to articulate this so it has always been twisted by the wrong men, when in reality this is an innate impulse that healthy men need not to be taught about or asked about.
I healed and found true love❤
So true! The one you love the most can hurt you the worst 😢
There were a lot of great gems in this episode. Knowing yourself and being true to that will draw in people who are on your same wavelength. Not being authentic will draw in the wrong people. I completely agree!
Healing is so important. Forgiving and self acceptance is crucial. Recovery, therapy, counseling, coaching, awareness. Willingness to look within.
Exactly 💯
And it’s always the hardest to heal. If broken you will always question yourself what you did to deserve that kind of pain.
So wise especially at the end for why a man needs to be a provider - frees her but also frees him because he has a space to feel like a man
The title says it all “Know Thyself. To get to that level takes time and energy, you can’t be slothful in your approach to it 😊
“Alot of times a breakup is a blessing in disguise” couldn’t be more true for me. Ironically, the reason for my relationship with my ex shifting and going downhill all started because I got a tattoo (in memory of my grandpa who was my best friend). My ex was so upset about it that he didn’t speak to me for 2 days. Then, things began to just get worse and worse the emotional abuse began to start. I couldn’t quite grasp how he was letting an almost 4 year relationship go south just because I decided I wanted a tattoo. Now looking back, I realize him and I breaking up was one of the best things to ever happen to me because A) it showed me who he really was in the end & his true character came out and it was ugly, B) it felt as though my grandpa saved me from that relationship going further, and C) it woke me up and I got to focus on myself more and really become the best version of myself that I am today
Stephan said a lot of great things. If you pour real, genuine love into a woman, shes 10× more likely to pour into you 10× as much. I agree completely. He also shed light on what it means to really look at why you attract the kinds of people you attract in life. Where I STRONGLY disagree with him is when he said "if a woman wants a man to be taller than her in heels, it's a want, not a need, and she should reassess." That's hypocrisy. If that's her NEED, that doesn't mean it's a want. It means, it's a NEED. You can't determine what a woman's needs are. It varies. Same way how having Oral Sex is not a NEED to me, its a want, but it's a need for you.
I agree with your last point. At that point in the discussion I thought Stephan came across a teenie weenie bit uncompromising! Part of the growth in a relationship can also be making allowances for someone else's needs, even if they don't exactly accord to yours. Up to a point of course. And then that can open up an opportunity to realize that what you thought of as a 'need' is more of a nice to have. In my experience, you can make something into an issue an over-focus on it to cover a deeper issue underneath.
I honestly dont believe it is getting harder, people are getting anxious and wanting what they see (what I call the Aww Relationships) when in reality, it's a facade.
I see it as God weeding out what I/we dont need and moving us towards what we do. It may seem harder because of our perception however, nothing great comes easy. Change your perception people. God Bless All🙏🏼
This was an EYE-OPENING episode! Informative from a man’s perspective. One thing that I heard and will remember is: ‘I will be hurt the most by the one I love the most’! GREAT INTERVIEW 🙏🏼
Even having had a precious marriage for many years, I’ve learned and recognized precious jewels of wisdom from Stephan in this wonderful interview. Holding back for the man to make important change-
can be vital. Wish I’d known that.
Stephan always speaks to me and that I know GOD speaks through him. This video is right on time. PRAISE GOD. Thank you, Sir for doing this video with a wonderful Man of GOD! Blessings sent your way in JESUS' mighty name. Keep up the great work.🙏🏽❤️🌟
Amen Sister
Amennnnnnnnnnn ❤️ 💯 ❤️ 😊
I can accept a man as he is but only if he’s not a broken man…or a unmotivated man..I do not want dead weight. A man who is able & willing to be a man and do his best in life I understand no one is perfect but if he is putting effort into his life..ambition….just that alone is a reason to accept a man no matter how much he makes because you know it will get better with him…not worse…you know you can grow with him…you see light at the end of the tunnel..not total darkness
Buckle up
Seat back
Listen and learn about LOVE
Because Stephan speaks
Totally devine ,straight up facts
I think you guys did a great job …. Pointing out the issues in relationships. Also, don’t forget that every soul signs contracts with other souls. Either to correct their own issues or help others correct their own. It’s all about the journey and the growth of the soul, don’t look at the end result, look at what you gained in the process.
If everyone saw it this way, they would feel so much better and they would embrace change and growth. God bless❤.
That's a wise and helpful comment - thank you! And it also gives us space to re-frame and self-forgive when we think the failure of a relationship was all on us.
Yes so true 💙💯
Wow! I appreciate your perspective. Very wise! Thank you for sharing. 🙏🏽💖🙏🏽
absolutely true. And when the contract is over we will know it.
TEACH STEPHAN. Let God give you confirmation. He understands our humaness, so He WILL confirm more than once. ❤
I really enjoyed the clarity on being authentic & open and direct communication of where we are in life and what we expect for ourselves. When we love who we are only then can we share and love another person. Realizing no one is perfect and every soul has beauty within. Been married for 41 years. Letting my husband just be his authentic self and compromising, agreeing to agree and disagree and accepting when I need to change to accommodate him and vice versa. I think that’s why we work.
THAT IS ABSOLUTELY THE KEY EVALUATE HOW MUCH YOU HAVE DONE FOR THEM AND HOW MUCH YOU THEY HAVE DONE FOR YOU ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU FEEL BLATANTLY LIKE YOU ARE BEING USED!!
I feel like Andre sitting with another man just shows his light that much more. He’s so gentle, and intelligent, and humble. So good at dampening down where arrogance could’ve grown. Really such a respectable man.
Thank you for sharing this chat.
Very inspiring ❤
Stephen, you are serving God by serving us. You speak the truth. Love you ❤️in Christ!
I’ve listened to a lot of your podcast Stephan Speaks and must say this is one the best segments which really resonated with my spirit. Keep teaching Stephan. Keep allowing god to use you.
Wow… needed this. Thank you Andre and Stephan 🙏🏽💕✨
I really needed this today ❤ so much perspective! He pinpoint every detail!
this was such a great and insightful conversation! i appreciate you two
Enjoyed this conversation so much appreciate the knowledge ❤
Thank you Andre and Stephan for this amazing conversation. Lots of insights. ❤️
I listened to all of this and now I feel so much despair. I've tried so hard to figure out how to heal myself and I have no clue at this point. Everywhere I go, I love unconditionally and people abuse that and hurt me more. I'm almost 42 and so scared that I'll never have children and it's been the most important thing to me for longer than I can even remember, probably since my mother got pregnant with my little sister. Why does everyone just assume that I'm already a mother? Why does no one ever want me? Why am I always alone? I've been treated as undesirable my entire life and it is the last thing I would want anyone to have to feel, but you guys just amplified that with this. Like I'm delusional to even hope for a relationship or family.
Awww don't feel bad. Keep looking. Get to know yourself so you know what you want in a partner. I've been following Stephan for a few years now and he's helped me Tremendously. He has a book called Love After heartbreak that helps you to heal. He also talks extensively about this on his page. I pray you find what you're seeking and you find a great match in life. ❤
Felt
Can I say something. I'm 51 no kids and it's OK. I think you gravitate to men that seem like they could be a potential husband material I think you judge yourself harshly by saying people see you a certain way. I think step one of healing is make peace with yourself. Say if I have a child ir don't have a child I am ok. I don't care and leave it in God's hands. If I truly want a child well there's adoption that you can do alone tomorrow. There's ivf that you can do alone. If both of those statements scare you. Dig deep in yourself and say why do they scare me. Is it because there's no man around use these tools to find your inner soul and inner beliefs then learn to detach from self destroying thoughts hugs all written with love
@rosellaboduroglu IVF and adoption don't scare me but I cannot afford them. You basically have to be rich and I'm lower class. I don't assume these things about people, they've said them to my face. God gives some the gift of singleness, He didn't give me that. I've always wanted to be married. Meanwhile I'm surrounded by people who tell me they don't want kids and aren't sure about marriage and suddenly they're married with kids. It's demoralizing. I love myself and others ignore me or use me, there's really no in between. It's horrific and getting to the point where IDK why I should trust anyone. Why do I see the best in people and then they hurt me?
Thank you Stephan a powerful message 🙌🏻🥰
This was very inspiring. Thank you both for sharing the dialogue concerning this topic.
Hi, you are one hundred percent right! Stephen.
THANK YOU.
Great discussion; I enjoyed every bit of it
"Beautiful Beings." love that.
This whole podcast was amazing amazing information I agree 💯
This dude!!! The perfect mentality honestly!!
Many thanks for this wonderful and precious interview! ❤
Thank you Stephan for sharing your powerfully true message with us all! This was a great conversation Andre, nice job. There are several topics and points Stephan made that will help me and I'm sure others to learn, grow and heal. I am grateful.
I love stephen speaks!!! Hes super knowledgeable & i use him as an example of a man at least from what i can see on youtube as a man who is in his divine masculine & in his true power
This found me at the right time. Thank you as always
I love Stephan's way of thinking. I relate and agree with him on so many points. Great questions and great answers/explanations. Such an interesting discussion.
Stephan is Amazing! ❤ I’ve been following him for a while & appreciate having such a powerful balanced man speaking to these truths!
Relationships are Living Breathing Organisms that require care, maintenance, attention, etc… in order to work!
Most of us were raised to be nice to everyone with the assumption that we had to be “friends” with everyone which is far from true. The reality is that we are meant to learn to discern who is in our inner circle.
We don’t have to compromise ourselves just because we want to be nice or have everyone like us!
Even the word “nice” comes with a historical definition of being stupid - the etymology of it implies this!
People tend to forget that a true Authentic relationship Comes with ups, & downs, highs & Lows, agreements & disagreements, tough love & compassionate empathy, and so much more!
A key in understanding ourselves in relationships is that just because someone puts up a boundary doesn’t mean it’s a healthy boundary for the relationship - or that the other person has to agree to them! Ironically few people recognize that sometimes they establish boundaries to control the other person & their boundaries are what end relationships that aren’t serving the other person or themselves! It’s not a good or bad thing. It’s just in recognizing that somebody has to do some work…
Maybe the boundary is what is needed for them to heal but it also may mean they need to also learn how boundaries can cause you to loose people - no matter what is changing in the relationship or the people!
No God, No Peace. Know God, Know Peace! Merry Christmas!
Very well said…
Awesome podcast. Love the convo.
Thank you mr. Stephan God blessed 🙏🏽👏🏽
❤beautiful discussion. This is so real and important. I pray that Mr. Stephan meets the love of his life as well. He deserves it. ❤
Great guest.. Thanks for sharing. ❤
I love you Stephan!! You never disappoint. Keep sharing your knowledge. May God continue to bless you always. 🙏🏽💖🙏🏽
He's bang on! 🔥 I've recently been try to show a good friend some of these points.... Every red flag she's observed but not acted on. I've even suggested she's already unable to be herself as she can't be honest or speak of the things she should! Crazy! But she's getting there.. Asking herself why she wants to be in such a dramatic relationship and whether this goes back to loosing her fabulous very loving father at 13 years of age. So she's now starting to heal her inner child. ❤
appreciated this as a woman asking a lot of these questions ❤
The Four Agreement book speaks to what Stephan is talking about.
I absolutely loved every minute of it. Such an empowering and eye opening episode 🙏😊
I think this is the best, most complete video on establishing real relationships that last!
Thank you so much for those amazing questions!
And thank you Stephan for the work you have put into becoming your authentic self so that you can advise us on authentic relationships. I think that's what we all want.
All the best to you both. ❤
This has to be a God sent.... love this!!! Absolutely on point. Thank you so much for this information ❤
One thing I may not completely agree on is the fact that we can choose not to internalize things. I mean, I don't know about that. I think it might be a mechanism that activates after trauma (the internalization). That said, it is absolutely true that it is very important for us to work on dismantling all the things we internalized that are not in alignment with who we really are. Great episode, anywyas! Stephan shared a lot of gems. And thank you André for offering this space !
Thank you for this very real conversation.....with this folks can go places....myself included 🎉
This was great! It really opened my eyes and heart to a lot of things the resonate in my mind.
What an AWESOME show 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Thank you 🙏🏽 kings…🤴🏾💋🤴🏼
Excellent conversation 🤍
not even 20 minutes in ...
I AM TRULY SHOCKED THAT WE WERE NOT CHARGED A FEE FOR THIS INFORMATION!!!!!!!! maybe the video is our Happy New YOU in 2024 gift! whether it is or isn't I AM SOOOOOVERYGRATEFUL for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This was powerful. Thank you
This amazing exchange between two emotionally mature men was amazing and truly blessed my Spirit. I love to see our men converse with such depth and kindness. Our society and community are desperately in need of this podcast and conversation. We need to heal from all sort of traumas and grow to our highest self to reach our highest potentials. Thank you and God bless your ministry. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
We need Sadia khan on this pod!
Yessss
I agree with everything Stephan says, he is a decent human being and man ❤
I was set free when my husband filed for divorce. I don’t want him to stay if he doesn’t want me
Loved this discussion! Thank you for giving us language to help identify the demeanor desires for masculine energy and provision that comes with that. It has been frustrating trying to explain this to men who don't appreciate this approach in relationship. I think this discussion brought that perspective to light in a great way.
Well, I never really did care much about what others thought about me… I just try to be the best version of myself as possible.
Hello! Thanks for highlighting my comment! I think I have watched about 75% of your videos looking for something about shy guys… I have a huge crush on this guy and I am getting some mixed signals. I don’t think he is covert or communal narcissistic (been there done that) but I am wondering if he is just really shy? I am also a bit shy and hesitant and cautious due to a bad history. Been in therapy. My ex’s all kind of swooped in on me and carried me off. No more of those guys for me. I adore him! But man he can really snap shut and withdraw like a turtle… I get the lingering eye contact, he has recently taken to swooping in and giving me a hug around my shoulders when I am leaving and is always offering to help and I let him. He knows my last partner nearly stabbed me to death during a prescription drug induced psychosis, so maybe he is just going slow because I get anxious and giddy around him. He and are 15 years single. He’s 50’s and I’m 60’s. He dated some, I have not. I thought he was married when we met so “hands off-too bad he’s taken” but later found out he was single. I was smitten the first time I met him. We met last March, (he brought his adult children along twice and proudly introduced me) we had a few phone calls, then met again a few times before 9/28 when he started the remodeling on a total gut out of a small property I bought. He is doing a lot of extra special stuff and doing the work himself! He raised his kids and I have met them-they are awesome people. I bought some healing cream for his seriously cracked and dry hands, gave him a book NY TIMES best seller on avoiding dementia after he said that was his worst fear, bought him an insulated mug for Christmas because he said Christmas was hard for him. I touch his hands and his back on occasion-doing what you advise! Then a few weeks ago, the day before my birthday, I invited him to share a glass of wine and pizza under the new patio cover at the house. He declined. Said he had plans. Then , on my birthday, I was talking on phone about the work on my house and he was home-dogs started barking and he says someone just drove up. I don’t want to obsess-but he didn’t answer when I asked if he was seeing someone in a text message. Then one day we were talking on the way to buy materials and he just blurted out “I am not getting married” so I let that one blow by! I catch him looking at me with a smile on his face and he looks away! I told myself that the next time he hugs me I am going to hold on and say “hey, not so fast! 🤭Either you are playing with my affection or you like me as much as I like you, so what’s up?” But maybe I should hold off on that and wait for a video discussion on shy guys… thanks a million for all you do, brother! God bless and keep you prosperous so you can us help women be the best version of ourselves possible with your encouragement. ❤️ awaiting your reply… happy new year!🎆
Thank you for the clarity 🪔🎄🥰🙏
This was very enlightening! I appreciate the advice and his perspective. He is a very knowledgeable man and great conversation between the two.
This is sooo good!!
Very deep message. I hope this reach as many ears as possible.
So happy men are now giving themselves and other men permission to express their feelings.
This was an excellent video, Andre and Stephan. This is the first time I visited this channel, but it won't be the last time!
How very interesting...it always starts with us and if we are in flow and aligned we can then attract a partner that matches or compliments our frequency. Open communication and regular check ins I see as very important...best of live to everyone..🙏💕
Amen I agree 😘❤💯🙏
GOD BLESS YOU KING 👑
I thank you for your wisdom and for what you do 😘❤️✨ I enjoyed listening to you, you touched on very important topics for me, thank you 🙏
This is all on point. Having to deal with learning how to do more for myself. To be happier. If my better half can't try to grow in a healthier and loving and supportive environment and relationship. I need to move on and learn from this. And just live.
I loved the show ❤️🙏. Looking forward to a relationship in the future . Communicating my truth with my beloved and honoring his truth.
Love you guys! ..I totally agree and resonate with Stephan 100 percent. As a woman ;) ...something I really love hearing Stephan talk about again and agin is writing letters to each other when sharing something really deep and possibly emotional or somewhat easy to be misunderstood and reacted to in person. I remember Ester Perel sharing that one of her clients had a specific email address just for this use only...I really like that idea...although I still have a love of hand written letters ;)
Wow
That was Great
Good job guys
Bullseye.....!
I was amazed by how beautiful this was!
Yessss, and thank you!
Wow that's information that helps you be real within oneself
Exactly, he yelled and screamed.
And then I was so emotional from how they were communicating that I couldn’t hear what they were trying to tell me. But for all the years we were together they could never not yell & I was also stuck being emotional. I couldn’t be strong enough to calm us down. Even when I tried it got us no where.
And he left me.
He gave up everything we had.
I stayed for everything we had.
He would force me to move in after arguments and I did because I believed he had also moved on, but turns out he was just holding on to everything and reached his limit.
He didn’t bother to check in
But neither did I because I didn’t know what was happening, but checking in should’ve already been part of our relationship.
He left me y’all
I have the rest of my life to go without him.
❤❤❤❤❤ really just love everything y’all had to say. Thank you
I absolutely loved this video and really resonate and agree with so much of it! I even sent it to the guy I've been dating to get his perspective 😊
I have been listening to you for 4 months and love to hear what you're talking about at How many don't know how to express themselves
Yup. God fearing man the first I need.
I love him!!! He is ALWAYS on point! Idk how he even knows all of these things.
He has been here before, meaning in other life.
I love to hear him speak/teach
@fattie__pie me too sis!! ❤️ 💯
He’s anointed to do what he is doing
@@Justbu45 gotta be!
THIS GUY IS A GREAT TEACHER.✝️😇🙏🏾✍🏾🔥🔥🔥
So much to learn and stefan is so amazing 😢
There is one other person I feel connected to that brings me such a sense of peace around them
Great message !
Hi There, I just popped on to say Thank You for a Terrific Interview w Stephan! I learned LOT here. I was already familiar w him and his message, but you really conducted a great interview here...and that is not easy. What do I want? Thanks for asking....few people ever have. I just want a good man who really loves me, will support me and receive me and let me do MY thing. I am all about home, family, good food and a happy lifestyle. I am not a career girl, although I have done that... I worked in finance for years but was never happy at it. Just a trad wife here, I guess you would say.... BUT I ask ...Why is that so undervalued now? Those are my strengths and that is where my heart really is. Can I make money? Sure...just let me be relaxed and not under pressure and I will bloom for that man. Great job, and I will look for you more in the future. God bless You.
I appreciate Stephan