I don't like the word "toughness". There is trained and untrained. Some people that are untrained and appear tough often have a different form of training.
@@martialartsvocationalschoo3319lots of untrained people are tough. Some much more so than trained people. There are guys that train for years that would get worked in a real fight against someone untrained who’s just naturally tough. Toughness is definitely a thing…
@@martialartsvocationalschoo3319 a "real" fight is a fight with no rules. you think you won when you rear naked choke someone ? bad luck for you cause he can use his fingers to rip your eyeballs out while you choke him xD
Regarding this guy not "fighting to the bitter end" during rolls, I've done this multiple times and still do it as a blue belt. But my reason is that I'm in my early 40's and there are rolls in which I realize that if I don't want to get injured then sometimes I need to tap early. There's a fine balance between "tap early and tap often" and ""learn to be uncomfortable" and maintaining that balance becomes more crucial with age.
It's a transition the "greybeards" who continue doing young man's sports or jobs get to navigate. I ask myself often these days "am I being a bitch or am I being wise?" when I either take things down a notch or completely call it for the day.
Glad I'm not alone in this (40 yo). I usually don't tap early but I do sometimes skip rolls and I'm wondering if I should have pushed through and be miserable for the remaining of the session (but taming my inner b*** and getting used to adversity, learn how to breath, improve cardio more etc), or should 1 take one roll off and go back at it fresher and be able to move better and practice technique more.
"The coaches have stopped encouraging me. I guess most people can't be helped." That says a lot about your mindset - at least from my perspective, you're looking for a cheerleader. We all need encouragement, but relying on someone else will always fail. And I'm sure they didn't give up on you. I wonder if they are just giving you space to figure it out. Do like Chewy said and push harder. That's the grit you'll create.
I’m super close at becoming a black belt. I started at 30 years old. And I’m almost 40 now. This whole entire time, I don’t have health insurance. I also have kids that rely on me. So ever since purple belt, I’ve kinda dialed it down to 70%. The only time I turned it up to 100% is for 5 second during the submission. And that’s okay. Just trying to make it to black belt without getting paralyzed.🤷🏻♂️
Also called the downward spiral. As one of three ladies at my gym I lose a lot. But I found it's not my training partners who make me cry when it gets overwhelming. It is that voice in my head telling me I'm a loser, I'm not strong enough, I will never get my skills firm enough to work. Like you I have to push those thoughts out of my mind and purposefully concentrate on the thing I'm learning or maintaining a playful attitude. It's a painful lesson.
100% agree. Quitting is a habit, and so is persisting. I think it's worth asking yourself how much of this habit comes from taking comfort in losing "on your terms" instead of giving it your all and still losing, which can feel significantly worse. But you can't lose training. Go get your persistence reps!
Excellent video, there is no shame dealing with this issue. Its morale, its part of sports, part of fighting, part of life. Exceptional athletes, fighters, people can have their morale broken and their resolve crumbles. For me it was never a little voice it was something verging on a panicked claustrophobia, and like chewy said 13 years of jiu jitsu it never really went away, I'm just prepared for it. And that mental training is perishable, I'm a coach now and specifically pick uncomfortable rolls and put myself in bad positions to check my mental game, to force myself to confront that feeling occasionally because it will sneak up on you if you let those skills languish.
Chew, you dont know this, but you are my second Coach. This videos are helping me a lot in my journey. This was happening to me as well... first I started to noticed it, and a couple of classes later I started to feel regret everytime I gave up. I reflected on it for a few days and then the "No!!" came... thank God! - Yesterday I was rolling with a higher belt, I couldn't follow his pace, that's fine... he got my back, eventually got the rear-neck choke and I stood there for a few long seconds fighting the grips, and the legs like my live depended on it... I didn't get out at the end but I was VERY proud of myself. Thanks for these videos! (White belt 4 stripe)
Perfect timing. I started 3 weeks ago, and today I noticed this exact problem. I better solve it as soon as possible. Love your videos, keep up the good work!
I am dealing with a situation currently that I’ve had to process and maybe it’s relevant here. I am 43 and started Jiu jitsu just over a year ago. I have no background in combat sports (or much sport experience for that matter). Almost a year to the day of my “journey” I popped my knee rolling. I was training very hard, and very often. I would also say Im not one to quit easily. But what I learnt (I think) when getting injured, was that I was rolling against a younger and faster and better opponent (which is fine) - but the mistake I made, was trying to beat him at his own game (speed, strength, skill) instead of working within the limitations of my speed, strength and skill. And what I’ve realized is, it’s ok to “lose” (and know when to “quit” / “accept the “inevitable loss” as long as you are using the best technique and attributes that you have. You can learn from every loss. Trying to be faster than someone who is faster than you is a recipe for an injury. And likewise for strength etc. I guess what im trying to say is… I have learnt (and it’s hard to always remember) that it’s not giving up or “losing” if I just do my best to focus on perfecting the technique and skills I have and most importantly learning. There is no point injuring myself trying to win a strength battle against a guy half my age and twice as strong. And even if I did win that strength battle, I’d argue that’s some crappy Jiu jitsu when I could have used good technique instead. Sadly my knee is most likely permanently compromised. I hope I am wrong about that. A tough lesson to learn. But maybe the silver lining (I hope) is I will pay more attention to technique vs “winning” going forward. And in fact, in the scheme of the “journey” it’s what we learn from these “losses” that will help us ultimately “win”. I hope that makes sense.
Man this is so relatable. I played basketball my whole life and had this horrible mentality that I didn’t have to run back on the other side of the court when I got a turn over because you have a team to help out or bail you out, but in this sport it’s like it’s all up to you and you have to push through those moments. I have the problem of telling myself to just quit, it’s almost like a defense mechanism because it’s easier to say you didn’t try than trying your hardest. I really hate that about myself and try to make it a conscious effort to not do that.
There was a time when I felt this. I had been training 5 or 6 years and was constantly putting myself in bad positions and thought I was decent at escaping. One day an actual heavyweight black belt world champion visited our gym. A couple minutes into our roll he mounted me. We had no timer going. I tried the escapes I thought I was good at for a few minutes. I became exhausted after they all failed. 8-9 minutes into the roll I realized I probably wasn’t ever getting out. I attempted to over extend my arm to subtly quit. He knew exactly what I was doing and refused to take it. He pinned my arm back down with his chest. After several minutes of freaking out I was able to drag a foot back in, not even a full half guard. Just the foot. He then immediately took an Ezekiel choke. I started ever roll in bottom mount for months after that.
Great advice, focusing on technique in bad spots when you're fresh makes those spots less scary. Training more cardio outside of practice helped me a lot to not feel like I was drowning.
FINALLY! Starting BJJ and judo next week at a local gym Been watching content like yours and other fighting related content for years as i was never able to join gyms due to low funds. Literally so excited and just wanted to say thank you and the countless other creators that motivated me to not give up on my interest for grappling.
Trained MT over 15 years and bjj last 6 years and I don't see bjj match in the same way as I see a MT fight. In MT we talk about heart, about endure pain and fight back even when your opponent has the upper hand. But in BJJ it's much better to tap early than muscle it through. Save your joints to the next roll and you will eventually get better to not be in that bad position.
I know the feeling. There are some guys at school that get me into side control and no matter what I do I can't get out of it. After a couple of minutes of having my lungs compressed I just don't have the breath or energy to keep struggling. At that point, neither of us are learning anything so I just give up so we can start over. Not everyone has the drive to be a killer. I am all cool with having hard rolls, but I don't need to kill myself because of ego or any other dumb reason. I want to push myself, grow my skills, and then go home to my wife and daughters. That is good enough for me.
As an older guy in the gym (51) it really sucks rolling with those 20-somethings who are also wrestlers and athletes, but I intentionally go over and over, taking a break when I have to for sure. In the beginning they've just smashed me over and over, I would get completely exhausted and give up. It felt reaaaly bad... but over time I've learned to use my 220lbs and strong arms to put up a good fight against them. As Nick said - just don't listen to the voice. Take a break if you have to and go back into the fire. It will make you stronger, mentally and physically.
This is my biggest problem during rolls. I just accept the bad position instead of trying my hardest to get out or prevent it. Im going to use this during rolls, thanks Chewy and the person that asked the question.
At my age (73) and with less than two weeks of BJJ I find it necessary to pace myself. Today, my 10th lesson I found myself being slammed on my face by a larger and FAR more experienced student than myself. I don't believe I was knocked out but I was momentarily stunned. I will be back for the next class but I have many injuries which I do not wish to repeat including a significant back injury which took more than a year to rehab to 98 percent.
Great video. I started at 65, already had one injury, over it and will be back on the mat. But it’s fun. Just knowing few people at my age would even contemplate starting gives me a boost. Great cameraderie in the dojo, enjoy drills, I enjoy learning to roll. Do I tap out of course, no ego. I enjoy the techniques the principles the use of angles and leverage. One other point I do yoga, kettlebells and cardio all to support my BJJ. Turned my garage into a “gym” with proper BJJ mats and a dummy to practice my techniques . For me Just enjoy the mental and physical benefits.
Good stuff coach This might sound weird but I feel like I had more problems dealing with the opposite end of the spectrum. Jiu jitsu actually taught me how to quit. Properly and at the right times. Not every training session needs to be a battle that ends in my victory and sometimes not quitting results in needless injury. If you don't voluntarily quit or bail on an effort when it's wise to, it's costly (you waste energy and time) But if you always give up as it gets hard, it's also costly (you miss out on opportunity, glory, learning) Moderation in all things, including quitting & moderation
This is the best video on martial arts that I've seen. The real value of training to be a fighter, is learning to be a FIGHTER in every aspect of your life. I always say in boxing most knockouts aren't your body shutting down, they're your will giving out. You're tired, you're hurting, and with every punch there's this voice in your head that says "just fall. lie down and the pain stops." Training yourself to shut down that voice is IMO a huge aspect of training. Learning to declare to yourself that quitting isn't going to happen today. There are the few very rare individuals who actually have no quit in them. But the rest of us, we need to train it. And that is what will allow you to stick to a diet, overcome adversity, delay gratification and do all the hard things that life demands of us when it would be easier to just lay down and die.
Excellent advice. I'm betting there are more guys like that to some degree or another than they would care to admit. For me it was fighting to exhaustion and feeling nauseous. Then I would want to give up so as to not puke on the mat. Developing better conditioning, along with technique has largely solved this issue. I wish that fellow luck.
I 100% agree with acknowledging the issue being the first and most important step. When I started I always tapped too early (which to be fair is probably better than tapping too late when you first start, otherwise you won't be doing Jiu Jitsu very long) but my partners eventually said "Nope, you are not tapping to that. keep fighting." for me it was like I needed their permission to keep going. it took one class of all the guys doing that to me for me to see my problem. From there I built that "fighting spirit" so that I could deal with tough spots. Everyone has weaknesses, and Jiu Jitsu will find them for you. what you do when Jiu Jitsu shows you the truth is on you. Good luck Bob, you got this. Thanks for the video Chewy.
Perfect, this is exactly what I do, put myself in a position that I hated the most and fight it. Sometimes, the round ends with me not being able to get submitted.
at my 40 years old I started to use "trench positions" as bjj coach Priit Mihkelson teaches. They are secure and comfortable positions to use under heavy attack. This allow me to roll more relaxed and feel secure in those positions.
Haven't even finished the video and I can tell this guy is down bad. He is a quitter because he believes hes a quitter. Psychologically we know that our own image of ourselves becomes our reality. For example, I want to work out more because I'm out of shape. I tell myself I'm fat and out of shape so my reality becomes an unhealthy lifestyle. Instead, I can say "even though I am not as healthy as I could be, I am an active/athletic person." I acknowledge being out of shape as a temporary state rather an aspect of my character. Reframing my mindset this way makes it easier to start working out. He is the person limiting himself, it's a mindset issue. Instead of saying "I'm a quitter" he should be saying, "Even though I want to quit, I am tenacious." Carrying on when things get hard will never be easy he will always have to make the conscious decision to not stop, but as time goes on he will want to quit less and less. He may start to find joy in defying the urge to quit. Either way, he will never beat this unless he himself believes he is not a quitter. It only takes one time to prove to himself that he can continue. It's going to come down to making that conscious choice not to stop.
Im 42, i quit when im just completly exausted. Some times i stall until it the bell but only when im exausted. I think the fighting spirit can be worked. Thank you for yiur videos, they have helped me a lot on the mental side of the art. 🙏
Same here-I'm 53--I'm not worried about being submitted, my goal is trying to calm down when I'm exhausted--it's very frustrating for me(new'ish white belt)
Brother Chewy what's always helped me when completely down and out is thinking about Kurt Russell in Tombstone when he says.. "No'!! In the river gun fight. 😎😄 You have a similar mindset. Respect 🙌
Good for you to be so self-aware. The good side of this is you'll not get hurt so easily. I'm on the other end of this stick. I fight too hard too often. It's not about submitting the other person (I'm a white belt, haha), I just can't quit even when the level of discomfort is already great. There's this voice that hisses: "don't you dare give up" and I see how much more I can take. I'm 5"2 and weight 127 lbs and I love going against the monsters (glad that 300lbs dude from Chewy's recent video isn't at my gym - we'd be a deadly match). Don't have to tell you that I've had my fair share of bruises and injuries. Do I get wiser? Not much. Maybe Chewy has some tips on how to tame the fighter spirit. Too much isn't good either.
Just keep improving your skills. There is no requirement for fighting spirit or any kind or emotional strength when you just know the physical solution to a situation. That's how I see it
"Fatigue makes cowards of men" I'm talking about myself here but I'd say this applies to everyone. At least this guy is turning up to training, rolling and aware he's doing it..
I remember back in the day when I would quit while getting stacked. I would panic, freak out, burn a bunch of energy, then quit. My sensei made me do drills where I would get stacked and I would have to count to 10 out loud before I even started trying to escape. Once you get used to being in that uncomfortable position, it became easier to relax. Once you start to relax, you burn a lot less energy. Since you're not burning all that energy, you don't end up quitting. It was a game changer. Those drills really opened my eyes to how important relaxation is during rolling. Not everything has to be maximal effort. You're just going to burn yourself out and you're going to quit.
You don't have to fight every position or submission till the last dog dies. It is still practice, but it has to be intentional. You can't just tap, or give up without letting your partners work. There is nothing to be afraid of, you signed up for this. Stay calm. Breathe. Jiu jitsu is fun.
I remember one of my trainers coaching me during a roll. I was in a bad position (partner was on my back and had a good seatbelt - he was starting to choke me with one arm) and I would usually have tapped. But my coach calmly told me "You don't have to tap. Your jaw is in a perfect position. Bite you mouthpiece and start working." And I did. And I got out. This changed a lot. I now have a good feel for when I really have to tap and when I still have a fighting chance.
BJJ is alot like swimming in the ocean, sometimes you cruise along the surface, sometimes the water is choppy, and other times is drowning. When you are tired but swimming ok you feel confident to keep paddling but when you start drowning it is the most important time to try harder, even if the lifeguard is there to save you (safety of the gym) doesn't mean you should just swallow water SWIM HARD!!But honestly swimming harder isn't the answer relaxing and using technique is.
There many reasons that trigger the "quit" responce and most of it is a deep subconscious reaction. One of the main conscious rasons for me is overtraining, which affects me mentally and physically. I have solved this problem about 85% of the time, but still catch myself often. To really conquer, it takes a very attentive coach that will constantly push you through this barrier, and realistically, most bjj hobbyists will not get this level of coaching. They will be labeled uncoachable. I am currently working with a few lower belts that have this problem and I will adjust my grips and make them uncomfortable and tell them you have to escape or your family will be murdered that on the street they are relying on you!
I had a similar situation when I started. How my coach at the time "solved it" probably wouldn't fly today but I'm convinced it worked. He would say "Don't get your tapping hand ready!!" you got one warning. Afterwards, if I ever entered a quitting mindset, he would sneak up out of nowhere and hit me with a stick. And it hurt, a lot. After getting hit the 8th or 9th time, that's all it took. I was honestly scared to tap even when I needed to. IT's akin to pavlovs dog i think. Everyone else with the mental block all attested to this method lol
I used to be like this, too. Then, after training with Rene Dreifuss at Radical MMA in NYC, he helped me get through that feeling and helped me "grow a heart" essentially. Now, it takes a LOT to get me to give up, lol
My opinion on this is a little different. When I first started training Jiu-Jitsu in mixed martial arts back in the mid-90s. We didn't have schools around in our area, I did end up meeting a group of former D1 wrestlers. One of those guys even became a UFC champion. But I sucked, couple of those guys though, used to tell me how much they loved training with me. I was like dude I suck why do you say that. Answer, because you'll just about let me rip your arm out of socket before you give up. Now I'm 63 years old. All those times I fought really hard, just help me accumulate a lot of injuries. I still train, in spite of the degenerative disc disease I have in my low back and neck. I am happy to tap really quick these days. Although from time to time for a brief second I think I'm still 30 years old. That usually ends with me needing to emergency tap, and my professor usually saying with his Brazilian accent, Chuck you need to turn the crazy down just a little bit, at your age they don't have enough replacement. 90% of the time I can see when something is going to be untenable, I will tap prematurely, especially with leg locks. Most of the time I live by the mantra if I can't win my job is to just not lose. Because I use that mindset to keep myself safe, one of our black belts says I have really great defense, and I need to start working on offensive. That being said, at my age, I'm just trying to get a nice workout in without getting injured. I also got to say I've learned more from tapping than. When I was young not tapping got me injured. However it is fun to frustrate upper belts, by preventing them from tapping me. Remaining calm in tough situations, and telling myself "If I can't win, just don't lose!"
Just started bjj again after a 4 year hiatus and back then I was a newb only training for 8 months. Im a former Marine and learned how to be tough and fight hard through pain, but it was a shocker starting up again. I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m obese and extremely out of shape. I’ve never had issues fighting hard to the very end, but my extremely out of shape condition has changed that a bit. My first class back I had to tap because I couldn’t breath due to my fat gut getting pushed in. It seemed worse than starting from the beginning to be honest. I was so shocked by it that I began to worry about that position in my mind throughout the day. I decided I should face my fear and just try to go a little longer before tapping from belly pain. And I’ve successfully gotten better since then it’s only a few weeks. But little steps forward overtime will become giant leaps. Lastly, for the record fighting spirit and grit can be trained into you, it just takes time and suffering and that’s the bottom line. Keep training that’s all we can do
I'm (43, out of shape,1week in) doing that right now, quitting early, but less because I'm tired and more that I just can't breathe. I tapped last night just from diaphragm pressure from a heavier guy. I think my first personal goal as a white belt needs to be learning to create distance from the bottom so I can survive longer
I am being crushed, smashed and submitted every class since almost 3 years now. Still looking for a way to make it “click” somehow. Went from loosing my ego to having less and less confidence in myself now… weird feeling about the whole “journey” to be honest.
Quitting is always an option... despite the marketing, jiu jitsu is not for everyone. Everyone can try it, but be honest, those that stick with it are a small percentage. That's fine... in fact its good, it stops the art being watered down to accommodate everyone
The courage is the only personal trait that you can't fake. If only you're able to fake it it actually becomes real. I'm not sure where I've heard that, I think Jocko Willink said that on one of JRE episodes
It can be helpful to explore a bit about why you quit as well, if there's anything beyond the pure discomfort. A kind of similar problem that I've experienced sometimes in sports and other endeavors is that an ego problem can manifest with symptoms like this too. "I gave up, which means I didn't give 100%. I still have this thing inside me that I'll definitely tap into when it actually matters." If you give it your all, you will have to face your actual limits. If you don't try that hard, you leave room to bullshit yourself.
I thought this is interesting and I think applicable to my somewhat opposite stance. When I’m in bad position I never get feeling of giving up but when I have a good position I sometimes get that voice in head/hesitation to risk an attack and over expose giving up the position. I think I’ve inadvertently done chewys method (before I roll I tell myself if I get Mount I have to go for armbar within 30 seconds no matter what) so I think I understand his advice and fully support it and will directly try it I’m more in future.
I was a quitter when I started jiu jitsu. Just being aware of it put me in a position to fight the instinct to quit. It's funny that all the friends that started with me and were better in the begging quit jiu jitsu. I am the only one that made to black belt. Today I'm exactly the opposite, to get a submission on me you've to fight to the end because I'm fighting till the end. Always with responsability. In 25 years doing jiu-jitsu never got hurt. So there is a way, don't quit and fight the instinct to quit.
I've done the same thing but not for a submission. If I'm going against a smaller opponent for training I find it easy to stay on top. I never crush them. But after a while I become bored and feel like it isn't beneficial to either of us so I allow a sweep to swap positions. My bottom game is noticeably weaker anyway. It's a wrestling flaw I suppose.
Early on I found myself going between this and fighting too hard in a position where someone doesn't quite have the submission but I have no escape and I'm basically trying to wait out their grip strength. I started tapping to those but have moved to coaching the finishing. The biggest motivator to me was wasting mat time where I'm pinned by someone with 100lbs on me or getting more reps in.
I'm new to BJJ but not to martial arts. My system is the following: - Am I going to get injured? If the answer is Yes, I "quit". If the answer is No, I ask the next question. - Do I want to quit because of how much this situation sucks? Usually the answer is Yes. So I should suck it up. No matter how much it sucks. My issues tends to be a poor stamina when rollin at the end of a lesson. Being dead tired and having a strong man mounting me and putting as much pressure as possible... Makes me want to quit every single time. But I don't, I try to fight it. One thing that helped me "find the warrior spirit" was Rickson Gracie's story about the rug.
This has to be more common than just few people, i mean even judo blackbelts that started at 6 years old let down a bit. Well unless there going for a competition coming up. Going to hard will creat injuries.
I get so much more fulfillment chasing my daughter around the house vs holding out on a tap. Learned this that hard way once with a heel hook. Never again.
I used to do this but then one of my coaches told me to work on defense if im tired instead of giving up. So i still kinda give them the dominant position or attack rather then fighting against it. And then work my defense thru it. I found that defending usually is not as tiring as the attacker. A small cheat code i still use for "active resting" without sacrificing quality mat time when im tired nowadays ( its much less often than when i first started)
I dealt with this two weeks ago. I was rolling with a guy bigger than me and the entirety of the roll he had me in side control and I just wanted to give up and tap. But then I just decided to control breath and tried many different ways to escape. Eventually I ended up getting back into close guard. But that was the hardest 5 minutes of my life.
I'm a fairly new white belt, but I try to use the "embrace the suck" mind trick 😆 When I get in a bad position that really sucks I tell myself "this is where it counts, this is the best training is, this is 'deep water'" and pretend there is no clock and no tap out option, I have to get out. Obviously not to the point I get my arm broke off or pass out, but just to give up to get out of an uncomfortable situation.
Im nearing 50 and I hold back all the time especially when training with young bucks. I dont want to risk injury. The important thing for me is to know that in a real world situation I can keep fighting if need be and thats mostly the case. No shame in tapping early or not sparring hard.
A saying comes to mind, "fatigue makes cowards of us all." It sounds like Bobs problem is the fear of that fatigue. The fear of fighting beyond exhaustion in what may ultimately be a losing effort. My solution to this problem is to embrace the suck. Expect it, find humor in it, and before you know it you'll be calmer and able to endure it.
Im never normally like this but after I had to take 6 months off and came back much heavier and so out of shape that I was getting these type of "bitch" thoughts as I put it. I felt like I had a tire wrapped around my stomach and any time someone was on top of me these thoughts would start creeping in and fucking with my head and id think of even just cardio/pressure tapping. I pretty much had to always give up my back as it would take the pressure of my stomach. That was last summer and once i realized how heavy I had got I got my shit together,started eating alot better and lost weight, my cardio came back after a few weeks of that and those thoughts went away completely. About 30 pounds lighter now and feel so much better
Everyone is born with the fighting spirit. It’s simply washed out of us with high fructose corn syrup, credit card debt, and pornography. The feeling to give up on something that you’re working hard for to better yourself is the same feeling as giving into temptation. It’s so deeply programmed into our heads, and from a young age, that we can no longer even tell the difference.
10 years in and I'm still dealing with this. I literally say "no" while I'm rolling cause I hate that feeling more than care of what people think of me. Expose yourself to the those suck spots.
You know and probably experimented the Shark tank session right ? I make myself go through this every other week. My instructor is pleased with this behavior of mine. Dont know if i earn this merit cause I did years and years of boxing comps, wrestling (freestyle and greco), and those combat sports give you that grinding gut check approach almost weekly. Another critical issue I noticed among many white, blue and even purple belts is an obvious frustration when they just cant submit me. Notice I've worked on improving my grappling defense in 15 years, so I know what Priitt Mihkelson and old Dean Lister are experimenting when guys cant finish em. So this this young student, I say, shark tank yourself from time to time, and it will do wonders beyond expected.
The opposite side of this coin is to develop the ability to read your opponent when they want to quit or are close. Then push them over that limit. As an old guy, I had developed that sense having grown up wrestling, wrestled D1, and proceeded through black belt competitive judo. When I took up BJJ at 55, that sense was still there and there were always pathways to get someone to quit or soften, even with higher belts. Primary reason is exhaustion and breathing restriction. People tap all the time when something is over their face and mouth, like a gi. Pain is another one, not a submission, but just pain. Some people just have low pain thresholds. Cross face, for example. Seems to be way more effective in BJJ than it was in wrestling. Having said that, the single most important thing in a combative sport gym is to learn how to BE A GOOD PARTNER. That means you provide just enough resistance to help your partner learn. Not too wimpy, not too resistive. I only use the dark arts for when it’s full-up rolling or when the opponent is a jerk...
although respecting partners is a huge part of jits, you need to select some "nemeses'" in the gym. a good nemesis is someone who is similar-ish strength/weight and is cool with training at the higher level of grit - higher belts are good for this too. don't pick someone strong but much older, nor someone who's a lot weaker. when you're starting a roll with these partners just think "kill, kill, kill" "smash, smash, smash". this is all within the bounds of being a good partner, don't rip submissions etc. this isn't to say you should have bad blood with these people, just that there should be an unspoken agreement that you're going into a roll to push each other. my personal issues with digging deep are the fast scrambles, less so the strength / keep fighting side.
Wow... this guy is at least more self aware than most people. That definitely puts him ahead of a lot of folks with problems like this.
mike ? you ? and here ? jiujitsu channel ? i think i got countered bit too hard today because i think i see ghosts.
Wild Icy Mike sighting! Wew!
The first step in solving a problem is being aware of it.
Loved the Zuck Musk video (I won'tbe watching that 'fight'), and for giving some props to Hardy, dude puts the effort in.
WWWWOOOOLVERINE!!!!snikty snikty
Brown belt, 9 years of BJJ checking in. Used to quit much easier. Toughness can be learned. Competence builds confidence. Just keep training.
I don't like the word "toughness". There is trained and untrained. Some people that are untrained and appear tough often have a different form of training.
@@martialartsvocationalschoo3319lots of untrained people are tough. Some much more so than trained people. There are guys that train for years that would get worked in a real fight against someone untrained who’s just naturally tough. Toughness is definitely a thing…
You just quote Firaz Zahabi. Interesting.
@@SquidFox9 What is a "real fight". I thought we were talking sports.
@@martialartsvocationalschoo3319 a "real" fight is a fight with no rules. you think you won when you rear naked choke someone ? bad luck for you cause he can use his fingers to rip your eyeballs out while you choke him xD
I swear this guy has gone through absolutely every problem or phase in ju-jitsu and is able to tell us exactly what to do on a personal level.
Regarding this guy not "fighting to the bitter end" during rolls, I've done this multiple times and still do it as a blue belt.
But my reason is that I'm in my early 40's and there are rolls in which I realize that if I don't want to get injured then sometimes I need to tap early. There's a fine balance between "tap early and tap often" and ""learn to be uncomfortable" and maintaining that balance becomes more crucial with age.
It's a transition the "greybeards" who continue doing young man's sports or jobs get to navigate. I ask myself often these days "am I being a bitch or am I being wise?" when I either take things down a notch or completely call it for the day.
Exactly.
I like fucking upset 😢😢😢😢😢😢
I keep asking myself, did I just lose intentionally? Am I throwing a roll subconsciously? Am I just bad at this?
Glad I'm not alone in this (40 yo). I usually don't tap early but I do sometimes skip rolls and I'm wondering if I should have pushed through and be miserable for the remaining of the session (but taming my inner b*** and getting used to adversity, learn how to breath, improve cardio more etc), or should 1 take one roll off and go back at it fresher and be able to move better and practice technique more.
"The coaches have stopped encouraging me. I guess most people can't be helped." That says a lot about your mindset - at least from my perspective, you're looking for a cheerleader. We all need encouragement, but relying on someone else will always fail. And I'm sure they didn't give up on you. I wonder if they are just giving you space to figure it out. Do like Chewy said and push harder. That's the grit you'll create.
I’m super close at becoming a black belt. I started at 30 years old. And I’m almost 40 now. This whole entire time, I don’t have health insurance. I also have kids that rely on me. So ever since purple belt, I’ve kinda dialed it down to 70%. The only time I turned it up to 100% is for 5 second during the submission. And that’s okay. Just trying to make it to black belt without getting paralyzed.🤷🏻♂️
You should definitely get some type of health insurance even if it's supplemental or high deductible. All it takes is one mistake.
Dude please get some insurance
No health insurance gang checking in
I wish I can afford it, fam. I truly do. The only reason I can afford BJJ is because my professor charges less than half of the market price.
@StrumVogel it's just to expensive man no way am I paying it monthly I'd rather take my chances
Who’s gonna carry the boats?!??
AND THE LOGS
They don’t know me son!!
Fork lift drivers 🤷♂️
You are buddy!
@@sexyboyonzecouch yes sensei
Also called the downward spiral. As one of three ladies at my gym I lose a lot. But I found it's not my training partners who make me cry when it gets overwhelming. It is that voice in my head telling me I'm a loser, I'm not strong enough, I will never get my skills firm enough to work. Like you I have to push those thoughts out of my mind and purposefully concentrate on the thing I'm learning or maintaining a playful attitude. It's a painful lesson.
100% agree. Quitting is a habit, and so is persisting. I think it's worth asking yourself how much of this habit comes from taking comfort in losing "on your terms" instead of giving it your all and still losing, which can feel significantly worse. But you can't lose training. Go get your persistence reps!
I like fucking upset 😢😢😢😢😭😭😭😭😢
Excellent video, there is no shame dealing with this issue. Its morale, its part of sports, part of fighting, part of life. Exceptional athletes, fighters, people can have their morale broken and their resolve crumbles. For me it was never a little voice it was something verging on a panicked claustrophobia, and like chewy said 13 years of jiu jitsu it never really went away, I'm just prepared for it. And that mental training is perishable, I'm a coach now and specifically pick uncomfortable rolls and put myself in bad positions to check my mental game, to force myself to confront that feeling occasionally because it will sneak up on you if you let those skills languish.
This is a great topic that is a real problem for many people and needs more discussion. Thanks Chewy for the video!
Chew, you dont know this, but you are my second Coach. This videos are helping me a lot in my journey. This was happening to me as well... first I started to noticed it, and a couple of classes later I started to feel regret everytime I gave up. I reflected on it for a few days and then the "No!!" came... thank God! - Yesterday I was rolling with a higher belt, I couldn't follow his pace, that's fine... he got my back, eventually got the rear-neck choke and I stood there for a few long seconds fighting the grips, and the legs like my live depended on it... I didn't get out at the end but I was VERY proud of myself. Thanks for these videos! (White belt 4 stripe)
Perfect timing. I started 3 weeks ago, and today I noticed this exact problem. I better solve it as soon as possible. Love your videos, keep up the good work!
Positive self talk can help tremendously. Even if nobody else believes in you, you should believe in yourself.
I am dealing with a situation currently that I’ve had to process and maybe it’s relevant here. I am 43 and started Jiu jitsu just over a year ago. I have no background in combat sports (or much sport experience for that matter). Almost a year to the day of my “journey” I popped my knee rolling. I was training very hard, and very often. I would also say Im not one to quit easily. But what I learnt (I think) when getting injured, was that I was rolling against a younger and faster and better opponent (which is fine) - but the mistake I made, was trying to beat him at his own game (speed, strength, skill) instead of working within the limitations of my speed, strength and skill. And what I’ve realized is, it’s ok to “lose” (and know when to “quit” / “accept the “inevitable loss” as long as you are using the best technique and attributes that you have. You can learn from every loss. Trying to be faster than someone who is faster than you is a recipe for an injury. And likewise for strength etc.
I guess what im trying to say is… I have learnt (and it’s hard to always remember) that it’s not giving up or “losing” if I just do my best to focus on perfecting the technique and skills I have and most importantly learning. There is no point injuring myself trying to win a strength battle against a guy half my age and twice as strong. And even if I did win that strength battle, I’d argue that’s some crappy Jiu jitsu when I could have used good technique instead.
Sadly my knee is most likely permanently compromised. I hope I am wrong about that. A tough lesson to learn. But maybe the silver lining (I hope) is I will pay more attention to technique vs “winning” going forward. And in fact, in the scheme of the “journey” it’s what we learn from these “losses” that will help us ultimately “win”.
I hope that makes sense.
My claustrophobia recently came back after three years of doing this. You just described everything’s that I’m currently dealing with Chewy.
Are you having dreams of being smothered?
Training more cardio outside of practice really helped my claustrophobia.
Man this is so relatable. I played basketball my whole life and had this horrible mentality that I didn’t have to run back on the other side of the court when I got a turn over because you have a team to help out or bail you out, but in this sport it’s like it’s all up to you and you have to push through those moments. I have the problem of telling myself to just quit, it’s almost like a defense mechanism because it’s easier to say you didn’t try than trying your hardest. I really hate that about myself and try to make it a conscious effort to not do that.
There was a time when I felt this. I had been training 5 or 6 years and was constantly putting myself in bad positions and thought I was decent at escaping. One day an actual heavyweight black belt world champion visited our gym. A couple minutes into our roll he mounted me. We had no timer going. I tried the escapes I thought I was good at for a few minutes. I became exhausted after they all failed. 8-9 minutes into the roll I realized I probably wasn’t ever getting out. I attempted to over extend my arm to subtly quit. He knew exactly what I was doing and refused to take it. He pinned my arm back down with his chest. After several minutes of freaking out I was able to drag a foot back in, not even a full half guard. Just the foot. He then immediately took an Ezekiel choke. I started ever roll in bottom mount for months after that.
That's a crazy story, bro.. glad that you took it as a learning experience
Damn that must have sucked lol. He helped you to get better though that’s great
No timer is diabolical
Great advice, focusing on technique in bad spots when you're fresh makes those spots less scary. Training more cardio outside of practice helped me a lot to not feel like I was drowning.
FINALLY! Starting BJJ and judo next week at a local gym
Been watching content like yours and other fighting related content for years as i was never able to join gyms due to low funds.
Literally so excited and just wanted to say thank you and the countless other creators that motivated me to not give up on my interest for grappling.
Congrats!
I love this video. I feel like the "just give up" voice exists in all of us, and gets louder or quieter from time to time, in different scenarios.
Trained MT over 15 years and bjj last 6 years and I don't see bjj match in the same way as I see a MT fight. In MT we talk about heart, about endure pain and fight back even when your opponent has the upper hand. But in BJJ it's much better to tap early than muscle it through. Save your joints to the next roll and you will eventually get better to not be in that bad position.
I know the feeling. There are some guys at school that get me into side control and no matter what I do I can't get out of it. After a couple of minutes of having my lungs compressed I just don't have the breath or energy to keep struggling. At that point, neither of us are learning anything so I just give up so we can start over. Not everyone has the drive to be a killer. I am all cool with having hard rolls, but I don't need to kill myself because of ego or any other dumb reason. I want to push myself, grow my skills, and then go home to my wife and daughters. That is good enough for me.
As an older guy in the gym (51) it really sucks rolling with those 20-somethings who are also wrestlers and athletes, but I intentionally go over and over, taking a break when I have to for sure. In the beginning they've just smashed me over and over, I would get completely exhausted and give up. It felt reaaaly bad... but over time I've learned to use my 220lbs and strong arms to put up a good fight against them. As Nick said - just don't listen to the voice. Take a break if you have to and go back into the fire. It will make you stronger, mentally and physically.
Same boat. That dad arm strength is legit haha
This is my biggest problem during rolls. I just accept the bad position instead of trying my hardest to get out or prevent it. Im going to use this during rolls, thanks Chewy and the person that asked the question.
Wow.... Just finished GB1 & GB2 felt like I gave up so many times. Thank you universe for this video today. Thank you chewy
At my age (73) and with less than two weeks of BJJ I find it necessary to pace myself. Today, my 10th lesson I found myself being slammed on my face by a larger and FAR more experienced student than myself. I don't believe I was knocked out but I was momentarily stunned. I will be back for the next class but I have many injuries which I do not wish to repeat including a significant back injury which took more than a year to rehab to 98 percent.
🙌Chewy is turning in the best bjj content in UA-cam, even more for us older hobbyst
Great video. I started at 65, already had one injury, over it and will be back on the mat. But it’s fun. Just knowing few people at my age would even contemplate starting gives me a boost. Great cameraderie in the dojo, enjoy drills, I enjoy learning to roll. Do I tap out of course, no ego. I enjoy the techniques the principles the use of angles and leverage. One other point I do yoga, kettlebells and cardio all to support my BJJ. Turned my garage into a “gym” with proper BJJ mats and a dummy to practice my techniques . For me Just enjoy the mental and physical benefits.
I mentally had a really tough competition this weekend. Conversations like this are super helpful. Thanks.
Good stuff coach
This might sound weird but I feel like I had more problems dealing with the opposite end of the spectrum. Jiu jitsu actually taught me how to quit. Properly and at the right times.
Not every training session needs to be a battle that ends in my victory and sometimes not quitting results in needless injury. If you don't voluntarily quit or bail on an effort when it's wise to, it's costly (you waste energy and time)
But if you always give up as it gets hard, it's also costly (you miss out on opportunity, glory, learning)
Moderation in all things, including quitting & moderation
I think you just said what I was trying to say - only much more concisely. Thanks!
This deserves more likes
Always positive and encouraging! Lifting people up when they may be feeling down. Thank you
Yes "the voice" in your head that tells you to give up... I tell people about this all of the time
Great 👍🏼 advice - exactly what my coach always says about a tough position - put yourself there more - there’s just no easy solution. ❤❤
This is the best video on martial arts that I've seen. The real value of training to be a fighter, is learning to be a FIGHTER in every aspect of your life. I always say in boxing most knockouts aren't your body shutting down, they're your will giving out. You're tired, you're hurting, and with every punch there's this voice in your head that says "just fall. lie down and the pain stops." Training yourself to shut down that voice is IMO a huge aspect of training. Learning to declare to yourself that quitting isn't going to happen today.
There are the few very rare individuals who actually have no quit in them. But the rest of us, we need to train it. And that is what will allow you to stick to a diet, overcome adversity, delay gratification and do all the hard things that life demands of us when it would be easier to just lay down and die.
"NO" waterboy moment 🤣
Excellent advice. I'm betting there are more guys like that to some degree or another than they would care to admit. For me it was fighting to exhaustion and feeling nauseous. Then I would want to give up so as to not puke on the mat. Developing better conditioning, along with technique has largely solved this issue. I wish that fellow luck.
I 100% agree with acknowledging the issue being the first and most important step. When I started I always tapped too early (which to be fair is probably better than tapping too late when you first start, otherwise you won't be doing Jiu Jitsu very long) but my partners eventually said "Nope, you are not tapping to that. keep fighting." for me it was like I needed their permission to keep going. it took one class of all the guys doing that to me for me to see my problem. From there I built that "fighting spirit" so that I could deal with tough spots. Everyone has weaknesses, and Jiu Jitsu will find them for you. what you do when Jiu Jitsu shows you the truth is on you. Good luck Bob, you got this. Thanks for the video Chewy.
Perfect, this is exactly what I do, put myself in a position that I hated the most and fight it. Sometimes, the round ends with me not being able to get submitted.
Thank you for the words and advices, Chewy! You really help me with your videos
I like fucking upset 😢😢😢😢😢😭😭😭😭😭😢😭
at my 40 years old I started to use "trench positions" as bjj coach Priit Mihkelson teaches. They are secure and comfortable positions to use under heavy attack. This allow me to roll more relaxed and feel secure in those positions.
I love your videos Chewie. You are so insightful.
This is a really great video, especially for those new to combat sports adversity.
Haven't even finished the video and I can tell this guy is down bad. He is a quitter because he believes hes a quitter. Psychologically we know that our own image of ourselves becomes our reality. For example, I want to work out more because I'm out of shape. I tell myself I'm fat and out of shape so my reality becomes an unhealthy lifestyle. Instead, I can say "even though I am not as healthy as I could be, I am an active/athletic person." I acknowledge being out of shape as a temporary state rather an aspect of my character. Reframing my mindset this way makes it easier to start working out. He is the person limiting himself, it's a mindset issue. Instead of saying "I'm a quitter" he should be saying, "Even though I want to quit, I am tenacious." Carrying on when things get hard will never be easy he will always have to make the conscious decision to not stop, but as time goes on he will want to quit less and less. He may start to find joy in defying the urge to quit. Either way, he will never beat this unless he himself believes he is not a quitter. It only takes one time to prove to himself that he can continue. It's going to come down to making that conscious choice not to stop.
It takes balls to admit this and ask for help. Good for him.
Captain Insano shows no mercy. Good talk sir.
Im 42, i quit when im just completly exausted. Some times i stall until it the bell but only when im exausted. I think the fighting spirit can be worked. Thank you for yiur videos, they have helped me a lot on the mental side of the art. 🙏
Same here-I'm 53--I'm not worried about being submitted, my goal is trying to calm down when I'm exhausted--it's very frustrating for me(new'ish white belt)
Brother Chewy what's always helped me when completely down and out is thinking about Kurt Russell in Tombstone when he says.. "No'!! In the river gun fight. 😎😄 You have a similar mindset. Respect 🙌
Good for you to be so self-aware. The good side of this is you'll not get hurt so easily. I'm on the other end of this stick. I fight too hard too often. It's not about submitting the other person (I'm a white belt, haha), I just can't quit even when the level of discomfort is already great. There's this voice that hisses: "don't you dare give up" and I see how much more I can take. I'm 5"2 and weight 127 lbs and I love going against the monsters (glad that 300lbs dude from Chewy's recent video isn't at my gym - we'd be a deadly match). Don't have to tell you that I've had my fair share of bruises and injuries. Do I get wiser? Not much. Maybe Chewy has some tips on how to tame the fighter spirit. Too much isn't good either.
Just keep improving your skills. There is no requirement for fighting spirit or any kind or emotional strength when you just know the physical solution to a situation. That's how I see it
Same here.
Thing is that I just don't care enough. If I win, good. If they win, also good.
"Fatigue makes cowards of men" I'm talking about myself here but I'd say this applies to everyone. At least this guy is turning up to training, rolling and aware he's doing it..
Don't give up! Don't give in! Mindsets set habits. Habits make people. 😎💪❤️.
I remember back in the day when I would quit while getting stacked. I would panic, freak out, burn a bunch of energy, then quit. My sensei made me do drills where I would get stacked and I would have to count to 10 out loud before I even started trying to escape. Once you get used to being in that uncomfortable position, it became easier to relax. Once you start to relax, you burn a lot less energy. Since you're not burning all that energy, you don't end up quitting. It was a game changer. Those drills really opened my eyes to how important relaxation is during rolling. Not everything has to be maximal effort. You're just going to burn yourself out and you're going to quit.
You don't have to fight every position or submission till the last dog dies. It is still practice, but it has to be intentional. You can't just tap, or give up without letting your partners work. There is nothing to be afraid of, you signed up for this. Stay calm. Breathe. Jiu jitsu is fun.
But if you compete...these mindsets become habitual.
I remember one of my trainers coaching me during a roll. I was in a bad position (partner was on my back and had a good seatbelt - he was starting to choke me with one arm) and I would usually have tapped. But my coach calmly told me "You don't have to tap. Your jaw is in a perfect position. Bite you mouthpiece and start working." And I did. And I got out. This changed a lot. I now have a good feel for when I really have to tap and when I still have a fighting chance.
Love this channel 🙌
BJJ is alot like swimming in the ocean, sometimes you cruise along the surface, sometimes the water is choppy, and other times is drowning. When you are tired but swimming ok you feel confident to keep paddling but when you start drowning it is the most important time to try harder, even if the lifeguard is there to save you (safety of the gym) doesn't mean you should just swallow water SWIM HARD!!But honestly swimming harder isn't the answer relaxing and using technique is.
Your in matrial arts for a reason. Gotta keep fighting
Thank you, Professor.
There many reasons that trigger the "quit" responce and most of it is a deep subconscious reaction. One of the main conscious rasons for me is overtraining, which affects me mentally and physically. I have solved this problem about 85% of the time, but still catch myself often. To really conquer, it takes a very attentive coach that will constantly push you through this barrier, and realistically, most bjj hobbyists will not get this level of coaching. They will be labeled uncoachable. I am currently working with a few lower belts that have this problem and I will adjust my grips and make them uncomfortable and tell them you have to escape or your family will be murdered that on the street they are relying on you!
I had a similar situation when I started. How my coach at the time "solved it" probably wouldn't fly today but I'm convinced it worked. He would say "Don't get your tapping hand ready!!" you got one warning. Afterwards, if I ever entered a quitting mindset, he would sneak up out of nowhere and hit me with a stick. And it hurt, a lot. After getting hit the 8th or 9th time, that's all it took. I was honestly scared to tap even when I needed to. IT's akin to pavlovs dog i think. Everyone else with the mental block all attested to this method lol
I used to be like this, too. Then, after training with Rene Dreifuss at Radical MMA in NYC, he helped me get through that feeling and helped me "grow a heart" essentially. Now, it takes a LOT to get me to give up, lol
My opinion on this is a little different. When I first started training Jiu-Jitsu in mixed martial arts back in the mid-90s. We didn't have schools around in our area, I did end up meeting a group of former D1 wrestlers. One of those guys even became a UFC champion. But I sucked, couple of those guys though, used to tell me how much they loved training with me. I was like dude I suck why do you say that. Answer, because you'll just about let me rip your arm out of socket before you give up. Now I'm 63 years old. All those times I fought really hard, just help me accumulate a lot of injuries. I still train, in spite of the degenerative disc disease I have in my low back and neck. I am happy to tap really quick these days. Although from time to time for a brief second I think I'm still 30 years old. That usually ends with me needing to emergency tap, and my professor usually saying with his Brazilian accent, Chuck you need to turn the crazy down just a little bit, at your age they don't have enough replacement. 90% of the time I can see when something is going to be untenable, I will tap prematurely, especially with leg locks. Most of the time I live by the mantra if I can't win my job is to just not lose. Because I use that mindset to keep myself safe, one of our black belts says I have really great defense, and I need to start working on offensive. That being said, at my age, I'm just trying to get a nice workout in without getting injured. I also got to say I've learned more from tapping than. When I was young not tapping got me injured. However it is fun to frustrate upper belts, by preventing them from tapping me. Remaining calm in tough situations, and telling myself "If I can't win, just don't lose!"
My first 6 months was the same problem. Had the grit but the endurance was not existent. Told myself “man up” and eventually got it under wraps
I literally read David goggins “Never Finished” to help me with the same problem.
I was fortunate not to have this issue, but when I was struggling with bottom escapes. A friend said 'embrace the suck'
Just started bjj again after a 4 year hiatus and back then I was a newb only training for 8 months. Im a former Marine and learned how to be tough and fight hard through pain, but it was a shocker starting up again. I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m obese and extremely out of shape. I’ve never had issues fighting hard to the very end, but my extremely out of shape condition has changed that a bit. My first class back I had to tap because I couldn’t breath due to my fat gut getting pushed in. It seemed worse than starting from the beginning to be honest. I was so shocked by it that I began to worry about that position in my mind throughout the day. I decided I should face my fear and just try to go a little longer before tapping from belly pain. And I’ve successfully gotten better since then it’s only a few weeks. But little steps forward overtime will become giant leaps. Lastly, for the record fighting spirit and grit can be trained into you, it just takes time and suffering and that’s the bottom line. Keep training that’s all we can do
I'm (43, out of shape,1week in) doing that right now, quitting early, but less because I'm tired and more that I just can't breathe. I tapped last night just from diaphragm pressure from a heavier guy.
I think my first personal goal as a white belt needs to be learning to create distance from the bottom so I can survive longer
I am being crushed, smashed and submitted every class since almost 3 years now.
Still looking for a way to make it “click” somehow.
Went from loosing my ego to having less and less confidence in myself now… weird feeling about
the whole “journey” to be honest.
Quitting is always an option... despite the marketing, jiu jitsu is not for everyone. Everyone can try it, but be honest, those that stick with it are a small percentage. That's fine... in fact its good, it stops the art being watered down to accommodate everyone
The courage is the only personal trait that you can't fake. If only you're able to fake it it actually becomes real. I'm not sure where I've heard that, I think Jocko Willink said that on one of JRE episodes
It can be helpful to explore a bit about why you quit as well, if there's anything beyond the pure discomfort. A kind of similar problem that I've experienced sometimes in sports and other endeavors is that an ego problem can manifest with symptoms like this too. "I gave up, which means I didn't give 100%. I still have this thing inside me that I'll definitely tap into when it actually matters." If you give it your all, you will have to face your actual limits. If you don't try that hard, you leave room to bullshit yourself.
I thought this is interesting and I think applicable to my somewhat opposite stance. When I’m in bad position I never get feeling of giving up but when I have a good position I sometimes get that voice in head/hesitation to risk an attack and over expose giving up the position. I think I’ve inadvertently done chewys method (before I roll I tell myself if I get Mount I have to go for armbar within 30 seconds no matter what) so I think I understand his advice and fully support it and will directly try it I’m more in future.
I was a quitter when I started jiu jitsu. Just being aware of it put me in a position to fight the instinct to quit. It's funny that all the friends that started with me and were better in the begging quit jiu jitsu. I am the only one that made to black belt. Today I'm exactly the opposite, to get a submission on me you've to fight to the end because I'm fighting till the end. Always with responsability. In 25 years doing jiu-jitsu never got hurt. So there is a way, don't quit and fight the instinct to quit.
I've done the same thing but not for a submission. If I'm going against a smaller opponent for training I find it easy to stay on top. I never crush them. But after a while I become bored and feel like it isn't beneficial to either of us so I allow a sweep to swap positions. My bottom game is noticeably weaker anyway. It's a wrestling flaw I suppose.
Early on I found myself going between this and fighting too hard in a position where someone doesn't quite have the submission but I have no escape and I'm basically trying to wait out their grip strength. I started tapping to those but have moved to coaching the finishing. The biggest motivator to me was wasting mat time where I'm pinned by someone with 100lbs on me or getting more reps in.
I treat every roll as if this guy is going to kill me, kind of a messed up way to look at it.
The hardest part is acknowledging it
I'm new to BJJ but not to martial arts. My system is the following:
- Am I going to get injured? If the answer is Yes, I "quit". If the answer is No, I ask the next question.
- Do I want to quit because of how much this situation sucks? Usually the answer is Yes. So I should suck it up. No matter how much it sucks.
My issues tends to be a poor stamina when rollin at the end of a lesson. Being dead tired and having a strong man mounting me and putting as much pressure as possible... Makes me want to quit every single time. But I don't, I try to fight it. One thing that helped me "find the warrior spirit" was Rickson Gracie's story about the rug.
Please don’t bring up the rug bro, still gives me nightmares …
This has to be more common than just few people, i mean even judo blackbelts that started at 6 years old let down a bit. Well unless there going for a competition coming up. Going to hard will creat injuries.
Great topic. Thanks
I get so much more fulfillment chasing my daughter around the house vs holding out on a tap. Learned this that hard way once with a heel hook. Never again.
Im dealing with this right now. Everytime someone is on top putting on pressure I tap too quick. Feel like a puss every time
I used to do this but then one of my coaches told me to work on defense if im tired instead of giving up. So i still kinda give them the dominant position or attack rather then fighting against it. And then work my defense thru it.
I found that defending usually is not as tiring as the attacker. A small cheat code i still use for "active resting" without sacrificing quality mat time when im tired nowadays ( its much less often than when i first started)
I didn’t even know this existed😂I think I don’t tap fast enough and I pay for it the next day
I dealt with this two weeks ago. I was rolling with a guy bigger than me and the entirety of the roll he had me in side control and I just wanted to give up and tap. But then I just decided to control breath and tried many different ways to escape. Eventually I ended up getting back into close guard. But that was the hardest 5 minutes of my life.
I'm a fairly new white belt, but I try to use the "embrace the suck" mind trick 😆
When I get in a bad position that really sucks I tell myself "this is where it counts, this is the best training is, this is 'deep water'" and pretend there is no clock and no tap out option, I have to get out.
Obviously not to the point I get my arm broke off or pass out, but just to give up to get out of an uncomfortable situation.
Im nearing 50 and I hold back all the time especially when training with young bucks. I dont want to risk injury.
The important thing for me is to know that in a real world situation I can keep fighting if need be and thats mostly the case.
No shame in tapping early or not sparring hard.
thanks this was helpful appreciate you thanks for posting and sharing thumbs 1
A saying comes to mind, "fatigue makes cowards of us all." It sounds like Bobs problem is the fear of that fatigue. The fear of fighting beyond exhaustion in what may ultimately be a losing effort.
My solution to this problem is to embrace the suck. Expect it, find humor in it, and before you know it you'll be calmer and able to endure it.
Im never normally like this but after I had to take 6 months off and came back much heavier and so out of shape that I was getting these type of "bitch" thoughts as I put it. I felt like I had a tire wrapped around my stomach and any time someone was on top of me these thoughts would start creeping in and fucking with my head and id think of even just cardio/pressure tapping. I pretty much had to always give up my back as it would take the pressure of my stomach. That was last summer and once i realized how heavy I had got I got my shit together,started eating alot better and lost weight, my cardio came back after a few weeks of that and those thoughts went away completely. About 30 pounds lighter now and feel so much better
I like fucking upset 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Everyone is born with the fighting spirit. It’s simply washed out of us with high fructose corn syrup, credit card debt, and pornography. The feeling to give up on something that you’re working hard for to better yourself is the same feeling as giving into temptation. It’s so deeply programmed into our heads, and from a young age, that we can no longer even tell the difference.
10 years in and I'm still dealing with this. I literally say "no" while I'm rolling cause I hate that feeling more than care of what people think of me. Expose yourself to the those suck spots.
You know and probably experimented the Shark tank session right ? I make myself go through this every other week. My instructor is pleased with this behavior of mine.
Dont know if i earn this merit cause I did years and years of boxing comps, wrestling (freestyle and greco), and those combat sports give you that grinding gut check approach almost weekly.
Another critical issue I noticed among many white, blue and even purple belts is an obvious frustration when they just cant submit me. Notice I've worked on improving my grappling defense in 15 years, so I know what Priitt Mihkelson and old Dean Lister are experimenting when guys cant finish em.
So this this young student, I say, shark tank yourself from time to time, and it will do wonders beyond expected.
Awesome 😊topic chewy
The opposite side of this coin is to develop the ability to read your opponent when they want to quit or are close. Then push them over that limit. As an old guy, I had developed that sense having grown up wrestling, wrestled D1, and proceeded through black belt competitive judo. When I took up BJJ at 55, that sense was still there and there were always pathways to get someone to quit or soften, even with higher belts. Primary reason is exhaustion and breathing restriction. People tap all the time when something is over their face and mouth, like a gi. Pain is another one, not a submission, but just pain. Some people just have low pain thresholds. Cross face, for example. Seems to be way more effective in BJJ than it was in wrestling. Having said that, the single most important thing in a combative sport gym is to learn how to BE A GOOD PARTNER. That means you provide just enough resistance to help your partner learn. Not too wimpy, not too resistive. I only use the dark arts for when it’s full-up rolling or when the opponent is a jerk...
04:30 all I can think of is Kurt Russell playing Wyatt Earp in Tombstone with pistols blazing walking across the river just blasting everyone. Lol
although respecting partners is a huge part of jits, you need to select some "nemeses'" in the gym. a good nemesis is someone who is similar-ish strength/weight and is cool with training at the higher level of grit - higher belts are good for this too. don't pick someone strong but much older, nor someone who's a lot weaker. when you're starting a roll with these partners just think "kill, kill, kill" "smash, smash, smash". this is all within the bounds of being a good partner, don't rip submissions etc. this isn't to say you should have bad blood with these people, just that there should be an unspoken agreement that you're going into a roll to push each other.
my personal issues with digging deep are the fast scrambles, less so the strength / keep fighting side.
The rule with BJJ & also with life in general - "Get comfortable with being uncomfortable."
But then how can I be uncomfortable?
It makes me uncomfortable, not being able to be uncomfortable - but that, too, has become comfortable.