Matt Whitaker's History Of Time-Travel, Toilets & Bigfoot

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  • Опубліковано 26 вер 2024
  • To say that Acting Attorney General Matt Whitaker was a snake oil salesman would be to leave out the other items from his catalogue, like toilets for the well-endowed and the concept of time-travel.
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 2,2 тис.

  • @palsp666
    @palsp666 5 років тому +608

    My day isn't complete without Stephen's monologues.

  • @Catydoll409
    @Catydoll409 5 років тому +74

    "When I wanna Google hints for the new Zelda game at work"
    Stephen is such an adorable being. protect him at all costs.

  • @ForeverMe543
    @ForeverMe543 5 років тому +274

    “Do you have a biblical view of justice?”
    Question coming from a scammer who was caught by authorities and who wants to stop the justice system from doing its job.
    So biblical.

    • @JasonW.
      @JasonW. 5 років тому +12

      I believe that was taught in the story of Joseph from Gonorrhea

    • @ascent8487
      @ascent8487 5 років тому +22

      I don’t really think that most of the GOP is religious. They claim to be because a large portion of their base is. They need something. They can’t very well state out loud that they are the party for the wealthy, and themselves and that they don’t give a rats ass about anything else.

    • @ForeverMe543
      @ForeverMe543 5 років тому +2

      Andrew Newman for a sec I was about to ask how that’s a bad thing...then I realized you meant the rock version.

    • @edwingonzalez3703
      @edwingonzalez3703 5 років тому

      @@JasonW. ,😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    • @javiervalenzuela8284
      @javiervalenzuela8284 5 років тому +1

      With a biblically huge dong

  • @Bacoprah
    @Bacoprah 5 років тому +300

    NOTE: they didn't defraud for $26 Million... that was their fine for defrauding investors, which means they defrauded investors much more than that!

    • @jamieh4148
      @jamieh4148 5 років тому +17

      Well no wonder tRUMP thinks he's qualified.

    • @wmwise6357
      @wmwise6357 5 років тому +3

      Our president is showing all the signs of a narcissist. Mrs McCain referred to him as Negative Nancy. I totally understand her. He should be solving the country's problem now and stop blaming Democrats and everyone else.

    • @MWSin1
      @MWSin1 5 років тому +5

      I think the really sad thing is that anyone got millions of dollars of investment for a time traveling bigfoot.

    • @sabatino1977
      @sabatino1977 5 років тому +9

      And Trump University was fined $25milion for defrauding people. What a coincidence!!

    • @kennyw871
      @kennyw871 5 років тому +1

      Excellent point, thanks for pointing that out.

  • @dschlicks
    @dschlicks 5 років тому +12

    "Roid rage lima bean." That's an exceptionally good one.

  • @YeeSoest
    @YeeSoest 5 років тому +134

    People didn't use to take these people seriously.
    Now they rule the nation.
    Incredible...

    • @ZoanBlade90
      @ZoanBlade90 5 років тому +3

      Think that was part of the problem?

    • @SB-yh2uk
      @SB-yh2uk 5 років тому +10

      Idiocracy! It's happening!! Like the movie!! Wow

    • @orrytownes2766
      @orrytownes2766 5 років тому +2

      No, they dont. "Ruling" accurately means controlling which tends to suggest "well managed". Listen Yee.....No.

    • @coolhari2000
      @coolhari2000 5 років тому +1

      Our premier did say he knows the best people.

    • @orrytownes2766
      @orrytownes2766 5 років тому

      @@coolhari2000 Large, powerful, tremendous!

  • @SheeplessNW6
    @SheeplessNW6 5 років тому +151

    When Whitaker said "what I know is, as long as they have that [biblical] worldview, that they'll be a good judge", I immediately thought of creepy Christian judge Roy Moore...

    • @jhnjhn1938
      @jhnjhn1938 5 років тому +4

      A conman who's company was sentenced to pay back $26M to people he defrauded.

    • @davidhollenshead4892
      @davidhollenshead4892 5 років тому +2

      A judge who could understand "What Would Jesus Do ???" would be a humane judge, however, that is not the kind of judge that Acting AG Whitaker would actually appoint when he talks about the Bible...

    • @hks2377
      @hks2377 5 років тому

      Eew! Alabama dodged a bullet with that one🤢

    • @nickbotic
      @nickbotic 5 років тому +1

      @@hks2377 The really scary thing is how many people actually voted for him. He lost, to be sure, but not by as much as he should've. He should've gotten precisely 0% of the vote. That he got any more than that is too much, but how much he did get is sickening.

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage 5 років тому +342

    Whitaker totally looks like that guy who is two seats over from you on the subway, arguing with a sleeping homeless guy about Bigfoot, Time travel, and the Illuminati.
    The homeless guy looks like Steve Bannon.

    • @citadelofwinds1564
      @citadelofwinds1564 5 років тому +17

      Bannon looks like week-old road kill. Whitaker's appointment to the AG role merely smells like i t.

    • @Dao128
      @Dao128 5 років тому +19

      ...are you sure the hobo just "looks" like Bannon?

    • @eliotno3
      @eliotno3 5 років тому

      You people have obviously never ridden a subway in real life.

    • @J.M.-nb4gw
      @J.M.-nb4gw 5 років тому

      @@eliotno3 I will bet good money that we have, moron

    • @eliotno3
      @eliotno3 5 років тому

      @@J.M.-nb4gw Actually my point was that wealthy white guys over 40 never ride subway in US cities but I made it wrong. As to your negativity, take it far, far away from Stephen's channel. He's all about comedy and leaves everyone laughing then you bust the mood... WTH is wrong w/you? 🤔

  • @stephaniejames6672
    @stephaniejames6672 5 років тому +16

    If your "big foot" reaches the water at 12", just lay that thing across your thigh. Just an idea. A money saver.

  • @noluthando6757
    @noluthando6757 5 років тому +8

    Stephen’s delivery is impeccable

  • @DarthCruciare87
    @DarthCruciare87 5 років тому +27

    When Guile's Theme started playing, I lost my shit. Well done, Jon Batiste, that was incredible.

    • @AConquerorsVendetta
      @AConquerorsVendetta 5 років тому

      DarthCruciare87 wait when was that?

    • @Pepperona
      @Pepperona 5 років тому

      @@AConquerorsVendetta 5:37

    • @williamfroh8830
      @williamfroh8830 5 років тому

      I don't get that ?????

    • @BcroG11
      @BcroG11 5 років тому

      I immediately had to go search for comments to confirm I didn't mishear it. That was certainly an unexpected pleasant surprise.

    • @Chiscringle
      @Chiscringle 5 років тому

      See, I thought it was the Dragon Ball theme song :D

  • @moukafaslouka4796
    @moukafaslouka4796 5 років тому +27

    Colbert and his team are geniuses!

  • @arlingtonguy54
    @arlingtonguy54 5 років тому +106

    I want to time travel back to my old reality.

    • @debbiehenri7170
      @debbiehenri7170 5 років тому

      Yep, you can drop me off during the early 1980's. Better music, better fashion, more jobs, less pollution, cheaper housing, free higher education, less EU rules crippling our every move.

    • @DrWhom
      @DrWhom 5 років тому +2

      @@debbiehenri7170 There was more pollution back then and EU rules are designed to counter pollution.

    • @princessamaechi3885
      @princessamaechi3885 5 років тому +1

      I want to travel back to the 1990s to prevent having hydrocephalus in the first place, help my dad pick 4201 Scotland Dr in Grand Prairie TX, attend the same elementary school with William D. Cameron IV and Valerie Parra and to live closer to them in the same street, Then I want my little brother Emmanuel to be born on March 2008 and for him to be able to talk. I also want to confront any bully or pervert that gets in my way and to attend any school event including prom

    • @loripalmieri1205
      @loripalmieri1205 5 років тому

      I'd like to go so far forward I can't remember Trump 😕

  • @lunaazule1899
    @lunaazule1899 5 років тому +187

    Only a con man would hire another con man. People like people most like themselves.

    • @hkwhopper
      @hkwhopper 5 років тому +2

      Birds of a feather stick together

  • @ValirAmaril
    @ValirAmaril 5 років тому +256

    Future generations won't believe this administration actually existed

    • @Zomby_Woof
      @Zomby_Woof 5 років тому +7

      Future generations will be picking lice off each other.

    • @rattias2217
      @rattias2217 5 років тому +4

      Trump might be known as a fascist idiot.

    • @adashelton
      @adashelton 5 років тому +1

      😂😂😂😂Right!

    • @freetruths8810
      @freetruths8810 5 років тому +3

      WE WILL DELETE IT FROM HISTORY BOOKS LIKE AMERICAN INDIANS WERE DELETED WHEN I WAS A KID. #TURNABOUTFAIRPLAY

    • @Chunkboi
      @Chunkboi 5 років тому +7

      You’re assuming future generations will exist. 😋

  • @mlghelp2day
    @mlghelp2day 5 років тому +6

    When Stephen "traveled to the future" (at 4:14)then looked at his watch, I just lost it!😅 Busted out lol so hard that my neighbor heard as he was walking past my house. He laughed to. Showed him this video today and he lol too, and told me he also watches Stephen. My brother was also laughing as he called me today to tell me about Stephen's monologue last night. I said yeahhh....I watch it every night and see the videos in the morning too. Toooo funny!🤣😅

  • @luyawish
    @luyawish 5 років тому +283

    I am so disappointed Matt Whittaker was not called shaved baby Alex Jones

    • @kimberlys8422
      @kimberlys8422 5 років тому +12

      LOL Good one Gabriele

    • @How-Do-I-Nezzy
      @How-Do-I-Nezzy 5 років тому +12

      I mean, there's still plenty of time for that

    • @senselocke
      @senselocke 5 років тому +3

      Well, he's actually tall and in shape... Like an Alex Jones' "Mr Hyde", only when he transforms he's less crazy.

    • @chardin3497
      @chardin3497 5 років тому +3

      @@senselocke that awkward moment when believing in bigfoot and time machine sales makes you "less crazy"...also that awkward moment when the POTUS has actually been involved with Infowars...

    • @tubularap
      @tubularap 5 років тому +1

      Gabriele Dedinaite - Last time Stephen mentioned him he already had the ultimate description for Whitaker: "Baby who grew up and is not happy about it."

  • @mgscarborough
    @mgscarborough 5 років тому +175

    It's getting to the point where comedy writers don't have to do anything except Google the day's news and then mention what happened. The jokes are writing themselves.

    • @spammyhell6566
      @spammyhell6566 5 років тому +13

      +Guzeebo ~ You'd think so, but reading the news is depressing AF. It takes talent, and lots of it, to make all this soul-sucking dreck palatable & even funny. Granted, they have a lot of ready material to work with, but I'm confident (and have heard various comedians say) that it takes a ton of effort to come up w/funny.

    • @ZER0--
      @ZER0-- 5 років тому +4

      You'd thinks so, but Trump and Co are a parody of themselves and as you say it almost writes itself. I could see the umbrella incident being a skit if Trump didn't actually do it himself. And the was an ad about Trumpy bear and I'm not sure if it was a real advert or a joke. Here's the advertisement, brace yourself. ua-cam.com/video/i9qv8RSreIM/v-deo.html

    • @Himexxdollxx21
      @Himexxdollxx21 5 років тому

      Guzeebo It’s funny because it’s true, now more simply than ever

    • @hks2377
      @hks2377 5 років тому

      ZER0 Supposedly the bear ad really was aired on FOX, but I still suspect it was someone trolling Trump fans. It not only showed men carrying it, the product info said “Not for 12 & Under” 😳 How many adults, much less grown men, are buying stuffed animals for themselves??

    • @kinkle_Z
      @kinkle_Z 5 років тому

      The weed sure helps!

  • @antybee5415
    @antybee5415 5 років тому +289

    Putting the con in conservative

    • @thebusybee7080
      @thebusybee7080 5 років тому +5

      Anty Bee: Hey are we related? I'm the Busy Bee and I can hardly wait for the Dems to start, and I can hardly wait for Mueller's report, and I can hardly wait for Florida and Georgia's final election results, and I can hardly wait for the Dems start squeezing racist Don to see his tax forms... Cheers

    • @Lucius1958
      @Lucius1958 5 років тому +1

      The ghost of Rube Goldberg salutes you. (see *"I'm the Guy"*)

    • @mr.j_krr_80
      @mr.j_krr_80 5 років тому +8

      more like "Putin the con in conservative"

    • @mellymel6543
      @mellymel6543 5 років тому

      @@mr.j_krr_80 well played!!

  • @mlghelp2day
    @mlghelp2day 5 років тому +4

    That picture of SASQUATCH carrying Whitaker. Lol😅

  • @williamedward1666
    @williamedward1666 5 років тому +95

    Wait a minute, Stephen is a Zelda fan?
    I know this shouldn't be a surprise, but I am just so damn happy about this.

    • @aureliabackup7313
      @aureliabackup7313 5 років тому +8

      William Edward Link is really just the Captain America of Hyrule

    • @kikic4899
      @kikic4899 5 років тому

      Hearing that made me so happy

    • @thisisnancybot
      @thisisnancybot 5 років тому +6

      I remember the band played Song of Storms once and it made my day

    • @MrFatboyRuns
      @MrFatboyRuns 5 років тому

      That surprised me as well. He doesn't come across as a gamer!

    • @lnsflare1
      @lnsflare1 5 років тому

      @@thisisnancybot
      Yeah, when the Stormy Daniels story first broke.

  • @AnexoRialto
    @AnexoRialto 5 років тому +146

    Trump university taught me that time travel and Bigfoot are totally legit business opportunities.

    • @Crayzeecatlady
      @Crayzeecatlady 5 років тому +2

      😂😂😂

    • @niklaswassermann9971
      @niklaswassermann9971 5 років тому

      Thing is, time travel is actually physically feasible. Its supported by the theories we currently work with, hell, wormholes can move you through time and are supported by the relativity theory - we dont have the means to create anything like that yet, but its very much within the realm of possibilities. To travel into the future, you could actually just build a space ship (or hyperloop kinda thing) that accelerates you near the speed of light; time slows down for you relative to how fast youre going, at the speed of light (which you cant reach) you would not experience any time passing at all - if youre close to the speed of light, you could travel in circles for any stretch of time you want, then slow down and enjoy being in the future. Pretty straight forward shit, just hope they have stable wormhole creating technology in the future, otherwise youre stuck there, and given the current advances in genetic manipulation (CRISPR and the likes), biotech and AI, you might just find yourself looking like a neanderthal if humanity didnt go extinct anyways , might not be the most enjoyable of experiences. Still, technically feasible and far from the bullshit its made out to be here.

    • @hitandsunk
      @hitandsunk 5 років тому +1

      Yeah, Trump University taught that you will always find fools to make cash. Even in positions like acting AG. ;)

    • @anotherworldviewispossible
      @anotherworldviewispossible 5 років тому +2

      Niklas Wassermann Stephen demonstrated something like that in his bit... hold your breath for 10 seconds - now you've moved 10 seconds into the future. The speeds you're talking about are hard to achieve, too.
      The important point, is that the dude is a scammer.

    • @chaoticnerd1168
      @chaoticnerd1168 5 років тому +3

      You're forgetting space force

  • @arvelorichard
    @arvelorichard 5 років тому +52

    Time travel, big foot, and space force go together lol

    • @Ravensfolyfe
      @Ravensfolyfe 5 років тому +3

      Ha ha ha u made my day.

    • @antybee5415
      @antybee5415 5 років тому +1

      Time traveling bigfoot IS space force

  • @gregorywalpole8442
    @gregorywalpole8442 5 років тому +20

    Watching this clip has caused UA-cam to start offering me related crackpot videos with titles like "Student Finds Hidden Devices in the College Library - Are they nefarious?", and "Time Traveler from Venus Says We Will Be A Type 2 Civilization by 2100" and "Is the President Secretly a Reptilian Impostor?"
    Well, okay, that last one might actually have something to it...

  • @teeemm4594
    @teeemm4594 5 років тому +9

    He's not choosing a cabinet, he's casting a reality show.

  • @meizanmestech
    @meizanmestech 5 років тому +15

    Nobody wanna talk about how awesome it is that Colbert looking forward to a new Zelda game?

  • @biggihs
    @biggihs 5 років тому +41

    That's Street Fighter - Guile theme at 5:38 :)
    "All the streets!"

  • @Do_Odles
    @Do_Odles 5 років тому +30

    @5:38 Guiles theme! Rock on Jon!

  • @mlghelp2day
    @mlghelp2day 5 років тому +8

    "This whole thing was just a clever plan to lure SASQUATCH out of the woods with a promise of a toilet that wud finally accomodate his SEQUOIA." Lol😅

  • @G1Transformed
    @G1Transformed 5 років тому +39

    Whittaker seems like a power lifting Homer Simpson. The things he’s done and the things he gets into is Homer-esque. Bigfoot, time travel, hot tubes with swings and a masculine toilet? Doh!

  • @ianmacfarlane1241
    @ianmacfarlane1241 5 років тому +380

    Don't watch this video on public transport unless you want people to wonder what the hell you're crying with laughter at.

    • @Caninecancersucksrocks
      @Caninecancersucksrocks 5 років тому +10

      Ian Macfarlane 😂🤣😂 Too late!! Completely lost it around lima bean comment...and didn’t get it back until it was over. Now have all three of our dogs AND the hubby staring at me in deep concern. (Was wearing headphones)

    • @ianmacfarlane1241
      @ianmacfarlane1241 5 років тому +7

      @@Caninecancersucksrocks I feel your pain 😂.
      I with laughter while standing on a train platform, (wearing headphones).
      The opening monologues are always well written, but this one was too much - I had no idea where it was going next 😄.

    • @maejohl
      @maejohl 5 років тому +2

      @@titoqwentezproductionz3406 Yup!

    • @dacealksne
      @dacealksne 5 років тому +1

      please seek help

    • @MethodicalMadness
      @MethodicalMadness 5 років тому

      This was you, wasn't it? 😉

  • @DerLaCroix1
    @DerLaCroix1 5 років тому +85

    I love how he takes the standard European toilet and marketed it as a masculine one...

    • @aussie_boosh
      @aussie_boosh 5 років тому +11

      Haha, yeah. That is exactly what toilets in Australia look like as well.

    • @tobybartels8426
      @tobybartels8426 5 років тому +2

      Are you saying Americans have feminine toilets?

    • @notthenukebros_9322
      @notthenukebros_9322 5 років тому +4

      DerLaCroix1 are you telling the rest of the world is masculin compaired to us americans?

    • @DerLaCroix1
      @DerLaCroix1 5 років тому +3

      Only that the rest of the world does not use small bathtubs filled to the brim...😎

    • @notlikely4468
      @notlikely4468 5 років тому +1

      @@DerLaCroix1
      Ok....just explain that little stage at the bottom....I mean...sure everybody looks....but why the presentation?

  • @danrion8839
    @danrion8839 5 років тому +104

    A scam artist has biblical views towards Judges.
    Translation : If I scam someone then judges should forgive me like Jesus.

  • @rehoby
    @rehoby 5 років тому +13

    i want to see him go through a confirmation hearing... would be a riot.

  • @andreaspedersen3952
    @andreaspedersen3952 5 років тому +16

    When Stephen prayed to God i was expecting a light and a sudden voice from above saying: "Please keep me out of it!"

  • @mimim7026
    @mimim7026 5 років тому +69

    Is anyone sure we aren't just trapped in the longest episode of _Black Mirror_ ever?

    • @palsp666
      @palsp666 5 років тому +1

      😂

    • @TimeandMonotony
      @TimeandMonotony 5 років тому

      We are.

    • @Kaysaaay
      @Kaysaaay 5 років тому +3

      I'm like 80% sure of this. But, I've also been binge watching BM for the past week

    • @palsp666
      @palsp666 5 років тому +1

      @@Kaysaaay which one is your favorite episode?

    • @jesterssketchbook
      @jesterssketchbook 5 років тому +4

      i like that one where the prime minister of england has to have sex with a Trump

  • @tcjusttc5418
    @tcjusttc5418 5 років тому +82

    I keep saying this: why can’t trump pick 1, just 1 person that isn’t marred in controversy

    • @UltaFlame
      @UltaFlame 5 років тому

      I mean, if he did, would we hear about it? Controversy is fun, exciting, it gets clicks.

    • @pamelacass9642
      @pamelacass9642 5 років тому +4

      Who? Nobody that sane would want to be anywhere near this SS.

    • @michaelfarrell4824
      @michaelfarrell4824 5 років тому +9

      He would have to first know someone of that description

    • @aimeephysique8133
      @aimeephysique8133 5 років тому +1

      Because people who wants to be hired by trump gotta do something that gets them into spotlight and the president's radar. :)

    • @zhouye2491
      @zhouye2491 5 років тому

      Those not frequently mentioned by late night shows, like Mattis, and about the half of the cabinet

  • @sharonolsen6579
    @sharonolsen6579 5 років тому +4

    Laughed so hard my stomach hurts !! Thank you MR. COLBERT !!!!

  • @AnabethalightASMR
    @AnabethalightASMR 5 років тому +2

    “...that would finally accommodate his mighty Sequoia!” 🤣

  • @The8347135
    @The8347135 5 років тому +32

    Matt Whitaker looks like a gritty reboot of Humpty Dumpty

    • @steffanshurkin1123
      @steffanshurkin1123 5 років тому +2

      Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty did cross-fit and spoke with a gravelly voice whilst using his ultra-masculine toilet.

    • @marshwetland3808
      @marshwetland3808 5 років тому

      But "roid rage lima bean" is funnier.

  • @saramuoz
    @saramuoz 5 років тому +23

    Shout out to Jon Batiste for dropping the first few bars of the Guile theme at 5:38.

  • @leetraviusmckay314
    @leetraviusmckay314 5 років тому +304

    Matt Whitaker graduated from Trump University 😂

    • @Matthew-bl2gz
      @Matthew-bl2gz 5 років тому +7

      Are you sure? I'm not sure if he's smart enough to even graduate from a fake university....

    • @patchr5491
      @patchr5491 5 років тому +2

      Lol these comments are as fun as stephen

    • @viennnuah
      @viennnuah 5 років тому

      LeeTravius Mckay love ur comments yes indeed

    • @martinnibataan7046
      @martinnibataan7046 5 років тому +5

      Having a BS from Trump U is a requirement to work in this white house

  • @leetraviusmckay314
    @leetraviusmckay314 5 років тому +18

    "roid rage lima bean" 😂😂

  • @Richard-sy1ej
    @Richard-sy1ej 5 років тому +16

    In Australia, "masculine toilets" already exist. They're called "toilets".

    • @debbiehenri7170
      @debbiehenri7170 5 років тому

      Same in Britain.

    • @geraldhaynesjr1815
      @geraldhaynesjr1815 5 років тому

      Lol. Just love it. We poor Americans just let loose a crazy person onto the world. Bad enough he ran around here like a nut.

  • @xeroterragoth1866
    @xeroterragoth1866 5 років тому +4

    That video at the end was classic infowars-level GOP gold lol

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage 5 років тому +90

    "I interviewed them on the same day... and either one of them would make a better AG than Whitaker."
    Bigfoot would make a better AG than Whitaker.. and he doesn't even exist.
    Well, in THIS timeline.

    • @tiki_trash
      @tiki_trash 5 років тому +4

      Step into a future timeline: Congress is back in session and Whitaker is as elusive as a Sasquatch, or at least as elusive as Kavanaugh. Too bad we don't have DNA evidence for Kavanaugh. The special toilet results came back negative due to insufficient samples.

    • @Auriflamme
      @Auriflamme 5 років тому +2

      Whitaker looks like a fully shaved bigfoot. Coincidence?

    • @anotherworldviewispossible
      @anotherworldviewispossible 5 років тому +1

      I've put on my "Darkest possible timeline" Goatee. More of a Van Dyke - really... but what did Abed know?

  • @Green-Mountainboy
    @Green-Mountainboy 5 років тому +52

    The fact they were able to raise 26 million dollars for time travel is almost unbelievable but then i think about how many people actually like Trump and its much easier to believe.

    • @MrEndstage
      @MrEndstage 5 років тому

      Or to go back in time to when trump wasn't president

    • @vandboeffel
      @vandboeffel 5 років тому

      Its actually a good investment. You can go forward in time and check the stock market and results of sports matches. You will be rich in no time. I have this from a reliable documentary called Back to the Future.

  • @palsp666
    @palsp666 5 років тому +205

    C'mon he only believes in Time travel and big foot. Donald Trump doesn't even believe in Global warming.

    • @MrJonsonville5
      @MrJonsonville5 5 років тому +10

      Donald trump doesn't believe in anything. He's a nihilist who adopts beliefs when they will benefit him politically and especially financially.

    • @TheSquidy184
      @TheSquidy184 5 років тому +1

      Fun fact: Einstein's theories actually allow for time travel in a sense. We have had people(astronauts) travel fractions of a second towards in time. It only works traveling forwards in time though.

    • @cameleyez
      @cameleyez 5 років тому +2

      @Real American yes so much DNA everywhere. Bigfoot, I seen one last summer. He was nice took a selfie but it was too blurry. So no one believes me. Sucks.

    • @Valdagast
      @Valdagast 5 років тому +2

      @@TheSquidy184 there are solutions to Einstein 's equations that allow for time travel to your past. Google "closed time - like curves". I doubt Whitaker has read those papers.

    • @Benito264
      @Benito264 5 років тому

      @Real AmericanI hope you are joking.

  • @teslaNYproductions
    @teslaNYproductions 5 років тому +8

    technology powered by jesus. 😂This skit has to be one of the funniest skits of all time 👍

  • @sayakdas4159
    @sayakdas4159 5 років тому +205

    So, is a conman going to be an AG?

    • @hayleypeltz7525
      @hayleypeltz7525 5 років тому +58

      Well, we do have a conman as president...

    • @veronicaokomi8364
      @veronicaokomi8364 5 років тому +5

      Absolutely.

    • @binnibr.8265
      @binnibr.8265 5 років тому +8

      A Con Man is already President, so anything is possible in this new Con Land!

    • @elrey8876
      @elrey8876 5 років тому +1

      Republican voters say... HELL YES!!!

    • @thangnguyen02
      @thangnguyen02 5 років тому +1

      already has one as the Pres

  • @AnimagicMissile
    @AnimagicMissile 5 років тому +312

    Whoa, whoa, whoa, Stephen, let's not be hasty in bashing this time travel thing. I mean, if we can figure it out, we can go back to ANY time, right? Like, say... oh, I don't know... Election Day 2016...

    • @gngnome
      @gngnome 5 років тому +17

      Unless predeterminism is a thing & the attempt to go back to 2016 is what brought us to this warped timeline.

    • @chickensdone1
      @chickensdone1 5 років тому +16

      I am convinced Trump became President in 2016 because in our universe, Kyle Reese was unable to save John Connor from the Terminator.

    • @paddy1414
      @paddy1414 5 років тому +3

      Hate to be THAT guy, but even if we could go back, we kinda cant change diddly shite :/ This is because of the butterfly effect and wibbily wobbely timey wimey :/

    • @AnimagicMissile
      @AnimagicMissile 5 років тому +17

      You're assuming someone would only change history to make the future better. Maybe some evil bastard went back to MAKE Trump win! O.O

    • @martiemc8398
      @martiemc8398 5 років тому +1

      And all the angry Bernie supporters who made of voted for Trump? Hillary not visiting important key States at all during her whole campaign? What was this woman thinking????

  • @jake_
    @jake_ 5 років тому +6

    Stephen is on fire! Good to see him having fun again.

  • @kathleendeshazer5157
    @kathleendeshazer5157 5 років тому +7

    Time Travel & Big Foot 🐾
    That's credentials for working in Washington DC. LMAO 😉

  • @crovax1375
    @crovax1375 5 років тому +4

    How dare you! A well-endowed, time traveling big foot saved my life on many occasions

  • @budani1473
    @budani1473 5 років тому +76

    colbert is the reason why I'm late to my meetings in thr morning.

    • @aperfectday736
      @aperfectday736 5 років тому +3

      Well that is a good excuse, lol!!

    • @tiki_trash
      @tiki_trash 5 років тому

      For me it's always the booze, to each his own.

    • @Andrew-yb1uv
      @Andrew-yb1uv 5 років тому

      AA ? Weight Watchers ? Both?

    • @Timbone07
      @Timbone07 5 років тому

      There is something called Tivo or Save offline on UA-cam or something else you can use
      Not something to be proud off

  • @StevenPaul0717
    @StevenPaul0717 5 років тому +6

    Thank God for Stephen Colbert.

  • @adrianvenegas8577
    @adrianvenegas8577 5 років тому +16

    5:38 Did John Baptiste just played Guile's theme?
    ...well, I guess it really goes with everything! :P :P :P

  • @psycologo121
    @psycologo121 5 років тому +3

    Was waiting for a Hot Tube Time Machine joke. It was practically gift wrap.

  • @Ashley-ku7is
    @Ashley-ku7is 5 років тому +3

    "The Best People" LMAO

  • @Renjie_K
    @Renjie_K 5 років тому +688

    Faith and biblical views... So hes going to discriminate against people who have different beliefs what a mess

    • @the_bottomfragger
      @the_bottomfragger 5 років тому +88

      Hardly anything creeps me out more than the still ongoing intolernace towards other religions and atheism, it seems to be so widespread and it's one of the most hypocritical excuses of all time.

    • @jamedraa8472
      @jamedraa8472 5 років тому +42

      I hope the judge who hears his case has a biblical view of justice.

    • @tiki_trash
      @tiki_trash 5 років тому +48

      When he says "Christians" he means Republicans.

    • @michaelbray109
      @michaelbray109 5 років тому +18

      “Judges” was Old Testament wasn’t it?

    • @gz9975
      @gz9975 5 років тому +35

      Christians are simply hateful people. The only reason Republicans keep winning elections is because the majority of this country is Christian, and over 84 percent of Christians continue to support Trump to this day. As long as a candidate promises to oppress minorities, they will easily get the Christian vote.

  • @KingofHearts
    @KingofHearts 5 років тому +234

    How does a man like this get such a prestigious position? Do they not do background checks before allowing someone to work in somewhere so important?

    • @TheBlarggle
      @TheBlarggle 5 років тому +37

      @@SuperXrunner You're allowed to swear on the internet.

    • @citadelofwinds1564
      @citadelofwinds1564 5 років тому +33

      The only criterion in the Trump regime is utter devoted loyalty to Dear Leader. Trump will throw anyone under the bus, as proven with Sessions, his very first devoted fan. It's getting increasingly crowded under there, and will get more so over the coming weeks. As for Don Jr and Eric, they have the privilege of riding on the bus bumpers, and acting as human shields for Trump.

    • @Painfully_Punny
      @Painfully_Punny 5 років тому +6

      Not sure if your taking about Whitaker or Trump or as I'm calling the new power couple Whitrump but either way apparently not.

    • @marysharkey1503
      @marysharkey1503 5 років тому +21

      How does s man like this get such a prestigious position? The same way Cheetolini did. Pandering to the brainwashed right wing citizens who've been listening to hate right radio and faux news for years on end.

    • @markgreen4612
      @markgreen4612 5 років тому +12

      Most Trumpanzees are Flat Earthers so bigfoot and time travel isn't really much of a stretch for them. Oh, and the only background check necessary for Trump is an answer of "Yes!" to the question, "Do you believe that the Mueller investigation is a Witch Hunt?"

  • @yeetskeet7234
    @yeetskeet7234 5 років тому +23

    People predisposed to believe in fairytales are easier to control.

  • @jjwalter1145
    @jjwalter1145 5 років тому +5

    Alternatively for that toilet, a cheaper solution would be _the all new adjustable potty booster seat custom sized to keep you from dipping the dangle of your dingle._ *Pre-orders now available for **_only $19.95._* ordersmustbepostmarkedbymidnighttonightpleaseincludthelengthofyourlimpyallpurchasesfinalnotresponsibleforlostorstolendeliveries

  • @HylianTicipated
    @HylianTicipated 5 років тому +4

    5:38 Love when Batiste busts out the video game music!

  • @NeonsStyleHD
    @NeonsStyleHD 5 років тому +420

    Matt Whittakers head looks an awful lot like a Minion out of Despicable Me. :)

    • @julietv4275
      @julietv4275 5 років тому +7

      Put a wig on him and he looks like the Orange bastard child.

    • @klmhookedmoore5847
      @klmhookedmoore5847 5 років тому +2

      NeonsStyle - 😂😂😂😂

    • @boubacardiallo5641
      @boubacardiallo5641 5 років тому

      How to save picture as gpj in coreldraw

    • @NeonsStyleHD
      @NeonsStyleHD 5 років тому +2

      @First Name Last Name LOL Love original thinking.

    • @kathysmith6413
      @kathysmith6413 5 років тому +4

      no they were cute and were basically kind. he may be a true minion of Drumpf but he is definitely an evangelical fundamentalist and then if you combine him with Pence boy do you have the makings of a fundamentalist christian theocracy

  • @purplespray3768
    @purplespray3768 5 років тому +16

    Wow! This is madness

  • @consoleking9670
    @consoleking9670 5 років тому +120

    “How can you joke about the trump administration” they said... “It’s all so depressing” they said...

    • @ifartmagic
      @ifartmagic 5 років тому +25

      We laugh to keep from crying.

    • @hutte1751
      @hutte1751 5 років тому +5

      @@ifartmagic “I've looked at the world for quite a few years now and I've found that if I don't laugh, I'll probably end up crying."
      - Prince Kheldar of Drasnia : )

    • @lentrozenol1037
      @lentrozenol1037 5 років тому +2

      Nathan Frantz who says this?

    • @martinnibataan7046
      @martinnibataan7046 5 років тому +1

      @@lentrozenol1037 many people say this.....

    • @gabrielvega9194
      @gabrielvega9194 5 років тому

      Well of course we can laught at it, it doesnt mean that its no drepressing

  • @jancovanderwesthuizen8070
    @jancovanderwesthuizen8070 5 років тому +310

    Screw science, math and the Federal Trade Comission, what does Space Force think?

    • @finris1
      @finris1 5 років тому +11

      They think that if they don't get all the funding for education, social security, and medicare, the Chinese will take over space before the Russians can?

    • @captainarcher2
      @captainarcher2 5 років тому

      LMAO !!

    • @orrytownes2766
      @orrytownes2766 5 років тому +3

      It thinks its wifes' name is Melanie, sometimes.

    • @Zomby_Woof
      @Zomby_Woof 5 років тому +4

      Forget Space Force.
      Rumor is that Trump has reached out to *Space Ghost* as a Sarah Sanders replacement.

    • @niceguy2171
      @niceguy2171 5 років тому +2

      Well since Space Force is a dozen Bigfoot's time traveling on extra masculine toilets, think we should ask them!

  • @AMcGrath82
    @AMcGrath82 5 років тому +393

    Holy shit. Music at 5:38 is Guile's theme from Street Fighter. John even says so afterwards.

    • @eparigon
      @eparigon 5 років тому +8

      God bless

    • @jakarnilson
      @jakarnilson 5 років тому +42

      Once again, Guile's theme goes with everything... :P

    • @AMcGrath82
      @AMcGrath82 5 років тому +7

      @@jakarnilson Hell yes.

    • @rofl_waffl
      @rofl_waffl 5 років тому +10

      I'm glad someone else noticed lol

    • @pxlmoth
      @pxlmoth 5 років тому +26

      Guile's theme goes with all Streets

  • @Jugivadi
    @Jugivadi 5 років тому +36

    Butter Bean Whitaker.

    • @liteazwell1913
      @liteazwell1913 5 років тому

      Ted cox Zactly! 'cept less articulate.

  • @Painfully_Punny
    @Painfully_Punny 5 років тому +23

    Classic inventor mistake of inventing something that negates the need for another of your products, because i have to imagine the shrinkage from the snow balls will make the toilet obsolete.

  • @faceoff3315
    @faceoff3315 5 років тому +40

    Make America great again Impeach Donald J Trump and Mike Pence

    • @finris1
      @finris1 5 років тому +1

      Despite what Pence has done, I don't think there is any grounds to impeach him.

    • @hoodfella166
      @hoodfella166 5 років тому

      And after Paul Ryan it’ll be Mitch McConnell, they got their all stars lined up lol smh

  • @malcolmmorris7367
    @malcolmmorris7367 5 років тому +3

    Guile's theme?
    Legend of Zelda?
    On my Colbert? Awesome.

  • @ninjamelon3156
    @ninjamelon3156 5 років тому +6

    The toilet-wormhole madre my day

  • @danevans6966
    @danevans6966 5 років тому +55

    Isn’t that just a European toilet?!

    • @Lewa500
      @Lewa500 5 років тому +1

      Thanks for the compliment.

  • @blackday1013
    @blackday1013 5 років тому +9

    Bigfoot traveling through time on a toilet time machine. Quick, someone grab the director of hot tub time machine and stop him before he gets any ideas

    • @pamelacass9642
      @pamelacass9642 5 років тому

      😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆!

  • @VietNguyen-nc9jq
    @VietNguyen-nc9jq 5 років тому +36

    bigfoot for 2020

    • @tammytruthout8465
      @tammytruthout8465 5 років тому +1

      @Susan Nilsen, don't say that...I didn't think we could do worse than W.

    • @Lobishomem
      @Lobishomem 5 років тому +1

      Viet Nguyen The 2020 campaign has it’s new slogan: Big Foot supports Little Hands.

  • @fernandachristensengama5245
    @fernandachristensengama5245 5 років тому +1

    Great! Laugh so much. Had to watch 3 times just to get all the nuances! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

  • @BadReligion9
    @BadReligion9 5 років тому +3

    America, you never cease to amaze me.

  • @windyhillbomber
    @windyhillbomber 5 років тому +121

    You almost know for sure the minute someone turns to the Bible for inspiration in a judicial appointment you got problems

    • @TazorNissen
      @TazorNissen 5 років тому +13

      David Thurling
      He wants judges who forgives everybody and washes the feet of murders?
      Oh, he didn’t mean that part of Christianity?

    • @marysharkey1503
      @marysharkey1503 5 років тому

      Amen David! 😂

    • @Jason918114
      @Jason918114 5 років тому

      But the Buybull has such wisdom!
      Exod 22:18 ~"Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live."
      Harry Potter better watch his ass!

    • @jessicamessica6327
      @jessicamessica6327 5 років тому +1

      @Silvia Gonzalez yup.

    • @Intermernet
      @Intermernet 5 років тому +2

      @Silvia Gonzalez 1.2 billion out of 7.2 billion. Pretty sure you guys are in the minority!

  • @TheRogueWolf
    @TheRogueWolf 5 років тому +12

    And remember, Whitaker personally wrote a letter to an investor, trying to intimidate him out of going to the Better Business Bureau.
    Trump likes that kind of "aggressive posture".

  • @shadechamber566
    @shadechamber566 5 років тому +8

    We're all living in a Monty Python movie.

  • @SpukiTheLoveKitten75
    @SpukiTheLoveKitten75 5 років тому +1

    Be sure to void your bladder before you watch this; You'll DIE FROM LAUGHING! This is the funniest thing I've watched in a long time!

  • @lovinglydull
    @lovinglydull 5 років тому +6

    Matt Whitaker looks like a discount Kingpin. Except Kingpin has some degree of integrity.

  • @TheLazyLazer
    @TheLazyLazer 5 років тому +7

    5:37 "and street fighter 2, all the streets"

  • @DursunX
    @DursunX 5 років тому +3

    as a *well endowed man* i am offended by this video...
    *i am not just a target group for toilet salesman* , i am also a *sasquash* 😆

  • @rtnightmare
    @rtnightmare 5 років тому

    John’s face as he says ‘wow’ is great. 😂

  • @drraghunath83
    @drraghunath83 5 років тому +2

    I hope Colbert’s team uploads all those pics/memes under Creative Commons license. Genius stuff those

  • @crusaderfb8351
    @crusaderfb8351 5 років тому +14

    He looks less like an attorney general, and more like a two-bit thug in a movie. The one that the police will find hanging upside down from a building after the hero gets through with him

    • @CanItAlready
      @CanItAlready 5 років тому

      Crusaderf B He IS a two-bit thug. He threatened people his company had defrauded to try and keep them quiet. Thankfully that didn't work.

  • @Mithorium
    @Mithorium 5 років тому +4

    12 inches of height is great and all, but what about girth? One wouldn't want to touch the rim of the toilet while sitting down, or make contact with the bowl! Some of us need 12 inches of horizontal clearance!

  • @DodgeThis
    @DodgeThis 5 років тому +3

    This guy is a genius.

  • @sabincotfas
    @sabincotfas 5 років тому

    This is such a beautiful piece of investigative journalism! Jon Stewart, some of us still hear your voice behind these jokes. We know it's you because they still make us laugh the loudest. You have a gift, my friend! By the way, dead giveaway - the use of one of your favorite words ever.... "douchebag". You always made life just a little bit better with your work, we miss you and love you lots Jon!!!!!!

  • @saultube44
    @saultube44 5 років тому

    LOL@7:14 "Lure Sasquatch out of the woods with the promise of a toilet that can finally accommodate his Mighty Sequoya"

  • @scorpiusjones5436
    @scorpiusjones5436 5 років тому +5

    Lol @ 5:40 "And Street Fighter 2, all the streets!" 😂

  • @tomas5255
    @tomas5255 5 років тому +4

    Just goldplate that toilet and I think you have a customer...

  • @SmugSuspenders
    @SmugSuspenders 5 років тому +1

    This was one of the best segments with Colbert in recent times. Not that Whitaker didn't give him first class material to work with.....

  • @dalemurray4083
    @dalemurray4083 5 років тому +2

    "I have a time Machine, but it only goes forward at normal speed" (Demitri Martin)

  • @se7en857
    @se7en857 5 років тому +3

    I like that they played street fighter 2, Ken scene

  • @ritalopez6574
    @ritalopez6574 5 років тому +11

    This is unreal.

    • @debbiehenri7170
      @debbiehenri7170 5 років тому +1

      Yeah, it just gets madder and madder by the day. Now, first thing I do every morning is look up this show on UA-cam and find out what's new, hysterically funny, scarcely believable & downright scary. It blows my mind to think that 'this' is really happening...

    • @penelopehunt2371
      @penelopehunt2371 5 років тому

      Can't be true

  • @rajsapkota123
    @rajsapkota123 5 років тому +3

    Holy Shit!