RPG War Stories - The Bonesaw

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  • Опубліковано 29 вер 2024
  • Recounting the most awesome and most annoying magic sword in our tabletop adventures.
    Find some nerdly Bonesaw shirts here: teespring.com/...
    Guest Starring Jack the NPC.
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 521

  • @cyrilgigee4630
    @cyrilgigee4630 5 років тому +299

    New life goal acquired: Become drunk enough at a renaissance fair to become possessed by the Bonesaw.

  • @Kugo
    @Kugo 6 років тому +168

    THROUGH THE BONEEEEEE

  • @ebony1442
    @ebony1442 6 років тому +252

    Clearly the one person who disliked this video is a fire giant.

  • @NTovaar
    @NTovaar 4 роки тому +95

    I want to say that I may have personal knowledge of the "BoneSaw" individual at the Texas Renaissance Festival. The description sounds really familiar, and it fits the timeline when I was working there.

    • @gmradio2436
      @gmradio2436 2 роки тому +2

      How much can you tell?

    • @NTovaar
      @NTovaar 2 роки тому +12

      @@gmradio2436 About “The BoneSaw”? Not much, this would have been more than 15-20 years ago. But it really sounds familiar!
      But oh, I can go on for hours, about the stuff that I do remember, and some of the things my friends and I got in to!I will start with painting a broad picture of my years at The Texas Renaissance Festival.
      I worked at the same shop from 1998 - about 2013. The thing is, I didn’t camp in the participant’s camping very often, I kept camping with my friends in Payton’s camping. Up until about 2008 or so, patron’s camping was the place to be, before the camp was invaded by the techno club kids it was like being in what was described in some campaign stories. If you heard music playing in camp, it was because someone bought a CD from a performance group in Fair, or they were playing their own instruments.
      There was a LOT of drinking involved, I mean a serious amount! As for drug use, it was not a serious concern, then. There was the obligatory pot waft that made people sit up as if they had just heard a noise. Occasionally, there was someone who was on a trip, be it LSD, or shrooms. But it was all concentual.
      After about 2010, the “Old Guard” as I call them, began to see the “Invaders” coming in, and the atmosphere changed. Since 2000(ish) there had been a police presence in the CG ( campground), but it had been 3-5 guys on four-wheelers driving around making sure people were not killing each other. Then suddenly, the camp theft became a problem, people began getting dosed with out their knowledge, it became necessary to an entire security team from the local and regional police departments, EMS needed to have a presence on site. In general, it was not as safe as it was before.
      Hit me up if you want more. I have years of stories. Most of them are light hearted and funny, ( at least they are to me.)

    • @gmradio2436
      @gmradio2436 2 роки тому +1

      @@NTovaar I don't know where to start. I eant to say the time you met Bonesaw, but where ever you want is fine. Do I have permission to repost these?

  • @CitanulsPumpkin
    @CitanulsPumpkin 6 років тому +54

    15 minutes before his showing a Scott Brown agent stepped into a dimly lit room in the back of the property he was about to sell. The only thing visible in the small room was a short bureau with an ancient looking sword and scabbard resting on a simple wooden stand.
    With no time to spruce up the room the Scott Brown agent did the only thing he could. He reached out for the sword, ready to toss it in the dumpster out back. As he turned to leave the room he heard a voice.
    "RIGHT THROUGH HIS...wait. you're not peanut head. Who are you, stranger with a firm grip?"
    "I'm with Scott Brown, mother fucker. I got a showing!"
    "I dub the peanut head. Did I ever tell you about the fire giant, peanut head?"

  • @YHLGguitargeek
    @YHLGguitargeek 3 роки тому +1

    7:30 the reflection of the ceiling fan makes the blade look like its shimmering with magic or something. :o

  • @andrescastellanoscamacho1372
    @andrescastellanoscamacho1372 6 років тому

    Oh boy, its like the incident i had with a cursed katana all over again , everyone on the table liked that thing except the thief, who was "owned" by the sword. Long live to the bonesaw.

  • @petercooper456
    @petercooper456 Рік тому

    The Bone Saw is magnificent I think I love him

  • @Nickle_King
    @Nickle_King 6 років тому +7

    I love this story! Bonesaw is an amazing idea.

  • @gunmunz
    @gunmunz 6 років тому

    You go tell the peanuthead that THE BONESAW IS READY!!!

  • @iPuzzlePirate
    @iPuzzlePirate 4 роки тому

    I LOVE the Cyberpunk Universe, and I've played it and GM'd it a few times in my life, not nearly as much as I would like to.
    You played that right, I wouldn't have thought of that, and it's SO Cyberpunk, I wish I would have seen it coming. Like, anyone who lived in the Cyberpunk Universe would expect that, but since we and your players don't, that's perfect!
    I salute you Seth Skorkowsky for knowing the game world you're running, so well, you were able to think on your feet and create such a memorable experience for your players, well done sir!

  • @Wanderinpaladin
    @Wanderinpaladin 6 років тому

    Omg...my players are definitely going to find Bonesaw.

  • @Nikcollini
    @Nikcollini 5 років тому

    Dude your stories are amazing

  • @raypeene2683
    @raypeene2683 6 років тому

    Excellent as always...

  • @vernonhampton5863
    @vernonhampton5863 3 роки тому

    This was a good story. Very entertaining.

  • @TheDreadedBeauty
    @TheDreadedBeauty 4 роки тому

    I keep coming back to watch these stories. Thanks so much for sharing them with us!

  • @jonskowitz
    @jonskowitz 4 роки тому

    And to think, most players argue over who gets to keep the +3 Vorpal sword, not play hot potato with it 🗡️

  • @TheDreadedBeauty
    @TheDreadedBeauty 6 років тому +1

    I love these stories! Thank you for sharing them with us.

  • @MrCaine6969
    @MrCaine6969 5 років тому

    Thank you for this idea. I am going to make a rune sword for a Rifts game I am planning on.

  • @Zacknafin
    @Zacknafin Рік тому

    MORE WAR STORIES!!!!!!

  • @scotiej
    @scotiej 6 років тому +2

    That is amazing

  • @griselame
    @griselame 5 років тому +1

    I died laughing

  • @chaoshead87
    @chaoshead87 5 років тому

    Bwuhahahaha!!! This was a great story man. Thanks for the tale.

  • @pedrobernardo5887
    @pedrobernardo5887 3 роки тому

    Shit man... That is just too funny!

  • @KuyVonBraun
    @KuyVonBraun 6 років тому

    Hilarious 😂

  • @vedymin1
    @vedymin1 6 років тому +246

    A sword with the spirit of Macho Man Randy Savage ooooooohhh yeeaah !!!

    • @skirk248
      @skirk248 4 роки тому +4

      It needs the slim jims

    • @NickPoeschek
      @NickPoeschek 4 роки тому +4

      But the cream will rise to the top oooh yeah!!!

    • @johnsmithfrombackeast7376
      @johnsmithfrombackeast7376 3 роки тому +1

      That is GOLD!

    • @RabiddRabitt1984
      @RabiddRabitt1984 3 роки тому +3

      Ooooooh yeah the cream. The cream rises. The cream rises to the top yeah

    • @MrCaptainStuff
      @MrCaptainStuff 3 роки тому +1

      more like the Doc Gallows character of Sex Ferguson as a sword.

  • @Andrew-vq2zr
    @Andrew-vq2zr 6 років тому +282

    "that is my next NPC" is the greatest response

    • @thebonesaw..4634
      @thebonesaw..4634 6 років тому +14

      I especially liked the one where everyone said how cool I am... that was the really good part. You must have missed it. Probably went to the bathroom right then... it happens sometimes. Yeah... all the ones about how cool I am were just the best. You should check them out.

    • @AuntLoopy123
      @AuntLoopy123 4 роки тому +5

      @@thebonesaw..4634 SQUEEEEEE! It's him! It's him! Can I have your autograph, sir? Also, if I get a couple of wenches to join us, will you show us just what you do with three wenches, please, because the curiosity is killing me.

  • @Yuni-is-Schrodingers-Fox
    @Yuni-is-Schrodingers-Fox 6 років тому +480

    I will now have the next big villain of my campaign be a corrupt noble named Scott Brown who wields an intelligent sword called the bonesaw.

    • @Seth9809
      @Seth9809 6 років тому +14

      Word?

    • @Yuni-is-Schrodingers-Fox
      @Yuni-is-Schrodingers-Fox 6 років тому +17

      @@Seth9809 word

    • @thebonesaw..4634
      @thebonesaw..4634 6 років тому +21

      Who is this Scott Brown? I've never heard of him. Is he cool? I don't hang out with people who aren't cool.

    • @brandongordin2792
      @brandongordin2792 5 років тому +11

      While screaming 'for thor'!

    • @Buzzkilljoy1248
      @Buzzkilljoy1248 5 років тому +13

      @@brandongordin2792 Good lord... Acolyte of Thor Odinson, Scott "Peanuthead" Brown.

  • @XX-sp3tt
    @XX-sp3tt 6 років тому +186

    Ever heard of Excalibur from Soul Eater? He's the ultimate weapon, anyone who wields him is pretty much invincible... except he's totally infuriating, he has an insanely LOONG list of rules he expects his wielder to follow, he tells self-indulgent incomplete stories, he loves to call everyone around him "FOOL!" and then there's the singing.

    • @Blood_M4ster
      @Blood_M4ster 6 років тому +31

      ♫ Excalibur ! Excalibur! From the United Kingdom! I'm looking for Heaven! I'm going to California!♫

    • @thebonesaw..4634
      @thebonesaw..4634 6 років тому +24

      Doesn't sound very invincible to me. Cool swords don't go around singing. He sounds like a real fruit. Does he even have a Peanut Head? Can't be cool without a top class Peanut Head... it's in our bylaws originally laid down in our charter. I'm looking at a copy of them right now. They're pretty specific... No singing... can't act like a fruit... and can't be cool without a worthy Peanut Head. You guys should just forget that Excallywhatever, and spend more time talking about me, and how cool I am. That's how you get the babes. Nobody ever picked up the babes while they were singing... that's just stupid.

    • @thebonesaw..4634
      @thebonesaw..4634 4 роки тому +7

      @@AuntLoopy123 - Yer god-damned right!

    • @Bluecho4
      @Bluecho4 4 роки тому +7

      One of the things that forever puts me off of watching the Soul Eater anime is that Excalibur became a recurring character. I don't care how good the show is, I can't take that much of him, I'm sorry.

    • @IsaacKyllo
      @IsaacKyllo 3 роки тому +3

      FOOL!

  • @cyrilgigee4630
    @cyrilgigee4630 5 років тому +100

    Bonesaw: "zzt THROUGH THE BONE"
    Me: *scribbling in notes for future campaigns* "WRITE THAT DOWN, WRITE THAT DOWN"

  • @derekburge5294
    @derekburge5294 6 років тому +495

    Oh gods, please make this a regular segment. This is gold.

    • @wraithalcon
      @wraithalcon 6 років тому +8

      I agree!

    • @thebonesaw..4634
      @thebonesaw..4634 6 років тому +27

      I didn't like it... I felt like he didn't spend enough time talking about The Bonesaw.

    • @adam8688
      @adam8688 6 років тому +8

      These stories are the best. Yes please make these regular segments. You do a great job of storytelling.

    • @jameshenderson4876
      @jameshenderson4876 6 років тому +5

      The Bonesaw. How topical. Is this an adventure in Turkey?

    • @budahbaba7856
      @budahbaba7856 3 роки тому +1

      Agreed, Derek, i think that the most useful information comes from experienced DM's and players sharing what was important to them, instead of just cherry picking something through a process of elimination where other people have little or no input on what is included. You never really know what experiences you had that might be game changing to some one else until you actually try to share them. So don't be stingy -make sure to share a lot! That is how we have to do it :)

  • @JDanger_
    @JDanger_ 6 років тому +120

    Really digging the war story posts. Thank you again.

  • @JDanger_
    @JDanger_ 6 років тому +82

    I used Scott Brown in my stars without number campaign. Made him a real estate agent and everything. Freaked them right out. I've never seen a group of PCs act so well behaved

    • @ajardoor
      @ajardoor 4 роки тому

      Sounds more like a Troika! NPC.

  • @AuntLoopy123
    @AuntLoopy123 4 роки тому +88

    "I very quietly draw my sword..."
    Oh, I hurt myself, trying to hold in my laughter, because my sisters are asleep, and then I started hyperventilating, and got all dizzy, and good thing I was sitting down, because the Bonesaw is EPIC!

  • @thebonesaw..4634
    @thebonesaw..4634 6 років тому +33

    Another edition to the legend of The Bonesaw: I probably have some of the details of this mixed up, but the important thing to note was that we once had a Spider Rider in our party. And, I think it was because we had this spider in our party and the fact that we later ran into a lesser god who could speak to it (the spider) that we were informed that this god could also hear The Bonesaw (I think it was because that god could speak and hear in the ethereal). Whatever the reason, this is where we learned that The Bonesaw's scabbard merely silenced his voice from being heard by those within his vicinity, it *DID NOT* shut him up (of course it didn't... he's the fucking Bonesaw). So, The Bonesaw spends every moment of his existence telling that Peanut Head story over and over and over... and over... and over again _ad infinitum._ This is why, whenever he is unsheathed (even upon finding him for the "first" time), he's always in the middle of telling that story. And it's hilarious every... single... goddamned time it happens.

  • @d-man3589
    @d-man3589 6 років тому +49

    And you thought people would find war stories boring.

  • @NefariousKoel
    @NefariousKoel 6 років тому +101

    The Bonesaw's occasional "Zzzt!" was a nice touch. Hahahahaaaa!

    • @thebonesaw..4634
      @thebonesaw..4634 6 років тому +9

      Not to the people I did it too.

    • @NefariousKoel
      @NefariousKoel 6 років тому

      Cuz the Bonesaw, ya know what it does? It cuts through booooone! zzzzt!

    • @thebonesaw..4634
      @thebonesaw..4634 6 років тому +3

      You're damned right I do! I like you, new Peanut Head... how would you like to go on an adventure?

  • @stefanreindel9888
    @stefanreindel9888 6 років тому +44

    And the academy award for best supporting actor goes to.. The Bonesaw! That is THE BEST STORY ABOUT A MAGIC SWORD EVER! I laughed so hard when I heard what you did with that random guy from a Renaissance fair. It reminds me of Torgue from Borderlands 2. Best supporting character; annoying, but too good to let go.
    Great story Seth! Thanks for sharing it with us. It really brightens my day.

    • @thebonesaw..4634
      @thebonesaw..4634 6 років тому +4

      So... where do I pick up my award? Do you mail it to me or... ?

  • @redsnake188
    @redsnake188 6 років тому +35

    Hey Seth I gotta thank you for the war stories after the Scott brown story I got to thinking of how to make a memorable character in cyberpunk by the time game came round I still had nothing but I was doing a near future intro scene.
    Started with friendly at a night club waiting for something. She kept getting hut on by a some nobody eventually she gets ticked off and as a joke I play "take on me" as she starts beating the carp out of him guns shots are seen from upstairs.
    Fast forward to end of the session one player downstairs gets into a fight sets off a room full of explosives. The player upstairs watches as the night club owner pulls out an Uzi shooting someone so naturally I play the song again as I describe the guy getting shot as the club begins to explode.
    So now after that session the moment things escalate we play that same song. A few sessions later players were worried about destroying evedince from a security system they couldn't hack after they ran out of ideas all it took was that intro music for them to grab their guns and physically destroy the massive system
    Didn't get a memorable character but don't think any of can hear that song without expecting something to happen

  • @BasicBraining
    @BasicBraining 2 роки тому +13

    I used THE BONESAW tonight. It sang My Heart Will Go On, with better lyrics. My players hate me. What a legend.

  • @billtrent6520
    @billtrent6520 6 років тому +33

    you know the bone saw is makeing me think of a wrestling character.

    • @chasebarber6154
      @chasebarber6154 6 років тому +17

      It was the name of the wrestler Peter Parker fights in the first Spiderman movie.

    • @RedQueensAce
      @RedQueensAce 6 років тому +15

      Played by none other than Macho Man Randy Savage.

    • @thebonesaw..4634
      @thebonesaw..4634 6 років тому +5

      Trust me when I tell you... I came first! Also, I don't separate my name like that... because I'm not pretentious... or human, but that's another story.

    • @TheSmart-CasualGamer
      @TheSmart-CasualGamer 4 роки тому +1

      @@RedQueensAce Was it? I feel like I should have known that, Macho Man Savage is the only wrestler I can recognize.

  • @keithgaspard9950
    @keithgaspard9950 Рік тому +8

    Last night's session I made a sword inspired by the Bonesaw and I'm excited about it. It's a flametongue great sword named Dirty Dan. In life, Dirty Dan was a thief, a gambler, and an all around scumbag but sold his body to the mages college (after he dies) because he was down on luck. The time came and his corpse was given to the college and they took his essence and imbued it into a sword as kind of a prototype weapon to see if the enchantment would work. So when my player ignites the blade, Dirty Dan comes alive and starts telling the most awful stories of the terrible things he did in life and the sword won't shut up until he sheathes the blade. It's fun stuff.

  • @Gokuderakun
    @Gokuderakun 6 років тому +32

    This is fantastic, I love your stories that have come out of random events in your life

  • @zarell1000
    @zarell1000 6 років тому +20

    Express permission for creative thievery. I love it. XD

    • @thebonesaw..4634
      @thebonesaw..4634 6 років тому +3

      Sure... just have your people get in touch with my people. Of course, if I don't respond it's probably because I'm being held prisoner inside a stupid scabbard. Damn it stinks in here... I hope that's not me that smells like that.

  • @Friedlandbe
    @Friedlandbe 6 років тому +27

    I'm home with the flu and The Bonesaw made my day. Thank you, I can't wait for the next war story.

    • @thebonesaw..4634
      @thebonesaw..4634 6 років тому +4

      Damn, you should have warned me. I better not catch anything.

    • @craigjones7343
      @craigjones7343 2 місяці тому

      @@thebonesaw..4634hey bonesaw have you heard the story of the Fire Giant?

    • @thebonesaw..4634
      @thebonesaw..4634 2 місяці тому +1

      @@craigjones7343 -- "ZZZZZTTT! RIGHT THROUGH YOUR NECK! The Peanut-Head filleted that Fire Giant like a captured carp!"

  • @DavidChachere
    @DavidChachere 5 років тому +11

    Never got through a Skorkowsky video without laughing, not one. I'm crying, bro. Crying!

  • @wolf1066
    @wolf1066 4 місяці тому +2

    "Creative Thievery" - I prefer to call it "Pop Culture Reference". Drop a mention of Scott Brown, especially in a Cyberpunk setting, and then suspend the game for half an hour while the players - who watch your channel - laugh their tits off... before heading off to Tyrell Corporation or Cyberdyne Systems for the week's adventure.

  • @MadWritter
    @MadWritter 6 років тому +11

    That was nuttier than a jar of peanut butter.

    • @thebonesaw..4634
      @thebonesaw..4634 6 років тому +1

      Who are you calling nuttier? Also... what does "nuttier" mean? Does it mean cool? Man, I'm learning all kinds of new words that mean cool. I need to get a thesaurus or something.

  • @bradhoover1644
    @bradhoover1644 4 роки тому +6

    Please more RPG stories. I love to reminisce, and miss having a group to RPG with. This scratches an itch.

  • @smilingbob794
    @smilingbob794 Рік тому +2

    @Seth Skorkowsky I'm playing the pre-launch beta of Darktide and I am totally gonna refer to my Heavy Eviscerator as the Bonesaw ROFL

  • @girlbuu9403
    @girlbuu9403 2 роки тому +2

    So I want you to know something. I was setting up an epic level one shot because most games never make it to the double digits in my group and a player wanted to know what it was like. While setting up the game they asked me if I would put any limits on magic items.
    After thinking about it I told them no, but if I felt it was too strong I would make it an intelligent magic item that could talk.
    "That doesn't sound so bad."
    "And his name will be THE BONESAW OH YEAH"
    "Huh?"
    I then linked them to this video. I'd like to say that is how I managed to make them show caution in what they equipped.
    But one player overheard this and said "So what if I duel wield and give my character two +10 weapons?"
    We laughed.
    "And +10 armor, a +10 ring of deflection, a +10 amulet of natural armor"
    "Hahaha yeah I wouldn't."
    "I am going to call your bluff."
    Laughing stops. Everyone knows except this relative newcomer that this is the worse thing you can say to me. I don't know what it is, but it is the most sure fire way to ensure I actually dig my heels in. But I manage to fight the urge to be a turd and just tell him again;
    "You are making a terrible mistake."
    "No way you'd do that."
    Other players more experienced with the group "No seriously she will do it please stop."
    "If she didn't want us having OP items she should just say so instead of thinking she is funny."
    "Bitch I'm hilarious and you will quote everything I say." Dismissive, playful, but this kid is pressing all the wrong buttons.
    So that is how a oneshot got derailed by Bonesaw the +10 magic longsword... and Bonecrusher, the +10 magic mace. And Bonecastle, the +10 magic suit of armor. And Fingerbone, the +10 magic ring. And Bonesmasher, the +10 strength bestowing magic belt. And Bonestomper, +10 constitution granting magic boots. And finally Ivory, a +10 charisma granting magic cloak.
    They all had similar but distinct personalities.
    Bonesaw was Bonesaw.
    Bonecrusher was an angry shouty German who wouldn't shut up about the master race... which according to him was elves and one of the other players was a blond haired blue eyed elf who he CONSTANTLY sucked up to.
    Bonecastle spoke with a pretentious British aristocratic accent and he constantly put down everyone.
    Fingerbone had a cockney accent and she was constantly urging the player to steal.
    Bonesmasher sounded like a dumb ogre and constantly urged the player to break things.
    Bonestomper was Russian and wanted to teach the player to Cossack dance.
    Ivory was a valley girl and she would get VERY upset if she thought there was any chance she might get dirty.
    None of them liked each other.
    None of them liked each other and made sure everyone knew it.
    It was text based, so every one of my posts was filled with seven magic items yelling at each other.
    Most NPCs just freaked out and ran. The few that did hear this cacophony were still really annoyed.
    The player, a cleric, constantly was casting silence on himself.
    Mission accomplished I guess. Wish I could say he or I thought it was funny. But the other three players thought it was hilarious and apparently now greet the new kid with
    "THROUGH THE BONE"
    "NEIN NEIN NEIN RESPECT ZE LJOSALFAR WITH HER PERFECT BLOND HAIR AND BEAUTIFUL BLUE EYES FOLLOW HER PLAN YOU FOOL"
    "I do say, is that truly your plan old chap? Seems rubbish to me. Maybe you should listen to our shouty friend and do what that elven trollop suggested?"
    "Oi lets beat this git and steal suma their shit, rioght? Party members smarty members, gold tis ours fer the takin'!"
    "SMASH DUMB RING. DUMB RING MAKE FUN OF BONESMASHER, BONESMASHER HATE RING! BONESMASHER IS NOT 'TOSSER' BONESMASHER KNOW WHAT THAT MEAN NOW"
    "It is manly dance, da? Will attract for you the women. You need all help you can get cyka blyat."
    "UGH, we aren't like, going into that place are we? It looks so totally gross! I better not get splattered with icky blood again."

  • @spritelady4669
    @spritelady4669 6 років тому +5

    The Bonesaw is a gift to this Earth. Or whatever reality or existence it comes from.

    • @spritelady4669
      @spritelady4669 6 років тому

      The Bonesaw ..
      This made me laugh harder than it should have. XD
      Kudos to you, friend. 👍

    • @thebonesaw..4634
      @thebonesaw..4634 6 років тому

      ... so... no neck then? (sigh) I hate the smart ones...

    • @metallkopf988
      @metallkopf988 3 роки тому

      He was from beyond this neck of the woods... and then Zzzt! RIGHT THROUGH THE NECK!!

  • @mllawhorn5584
    @mllawhorn5584 4 роки тому +3

    Love Seth's videos but this, this is friggin' epic! Not just a great story but told at a whole new level. This video should have millions of views, people are truly missing out.

  • @nettlesandsnakes9138
    @nettlesandsnakes9138 8 місяців тому +2

    It’s a +3 verbal blade, when I run DND I’m definitely going to include this at some point.

    • @oz_jones
      @oz_jones 5 місяців тому +1

      Heh, Verbal

  • @TheShadowwalker007
    @TheShadowwalker007 2 місяці тому +1

    Made a new item to 'give to' a mid level adventuring party; with some of the transcript for voice acting prompts. Copy if useful. 😆
    The Bonesaw (+1 cursed Greataxe) = 3d4+1
    You gain a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this magic weapon. In addition, while you are attuned to this weapon, your hit point maximum increases by 1 for each level you have attained.
    Curse. This axe is cursed, on touching it you automatically attuned to (If this forced attunement makes a character exceed their attunment-limit, normlay 3, the character looses attunment randomly with items until they are back down to their attunment-limit.). As long as you remain cursed, you are unwilling to part with the axe, keeping it within reach at all times. You also have disadvantage on attack rolls with weapons other than this one, unless no foe is within 60 feet of you that you can see or hear.
    Whenever a hostile creature damages you while the axe is in your possession, you must succeed on a DC 15 Wisdom saving throw or go berserk. While berserk, you must use your action each round to attack the creature nearest to you with the axe. If you can make extra attacks as part of the Attack action, you use those extra attacks, moving to attack the next nearest creature after you fell your current target. If you have multiple possible targets, you attack one at random. You are berserk until you start your turn with no creatures within 60 feet of you that you can see or hear.
    Proficiency with a greataxe allows you to add your proficiency bonus to the attack roll for any attack you make with it.
    On first touching you hear (as if mid conversation...):
    “...But the Peanut Head,
    the Peanut-Head was al...
    Zzzt!
    Huh? "Where is the Peanut Head?
    The Bonesaw wishes conference with him.
    The time for adventure is nigh!"
    ...(response or non-response from PC)
    That is cocksuckery!
    Behold!
    I am the Bonesaw, the greatest Greataxe of all time."
    "I dub thee Peanut Head.
    Now! let the Bonesaw and Peanut Head go forth to adventure.
    Zzzt!"
    1:19
    DRUNK GUY:
    "Where is the Peanut Head?
    The Bonesaw wishes conference with him.
    The time for adventure is nigh!"
    1:42
    DRUNKGUY:
    "That is cocksuckery!
    The Peanut Head must rise.
    The Bonesaw's commanded it."
    1:55
    DRUNK GUY: "You know why they call me The Bonesaw?
    'Cause The Bonesaw, The Bonesaw cuts, cuts through the bone.
    Zzzt
    Through the bone!"
    2:11
    DRUNK GUY:
    "Zzzt, through the bone!"
    2:20
    DRUNK GUY:
    "Baby has anybody ever told you that your ass looks like two eggs rolling around underneath a napkin?"
    2:49
    BONESAW:
    "Behold!
    I am the Bonesaw, the greatest Greataxe of all time."
    2:54
    BONESAW:
    "I dub thee Peanut Head.
    Now let the Bonesaw and Peanut Head go forth to adventure.
    Zzzt!"
    3:27
    BONESAW:
    "Peanut-Head you will buy The Bonesaw three wenches for the night."
    BONESAW:
    "Zzzt!
    That is none of your concern.
    Now bring me wenches, Peanut-Head.
    The Bonesaw demands it."
    3:45
    SINGING BONESAW:
    "'Cause I'm The Bonesaw,
    cuttin' though the bone,
    Bonesaw.
    Yeahh,
    zzzt."
    4:05
    BONESAW:
    "This is cocksuckery. You fail at everything you've ever tried.
    You don't deserve the name of Peanut Head.
    Give me to a child.
    They would make a better use of me than your incompetence."
    5:58
    STORY BONESAW: Did you see that?
    This fire giant came up out of the lava, and he was all,
    'You shall not pass.'
    But the Peanut Head,
    the Peanut-Head was all,
    'I'm gonna pass.
    I'm gonna pass The Bonesaw right through your neck.'
    Zzzt!
    Through his neck."
    6:24
    BONESAW:
    "And then this fire giant, you see, he rose up from the lava, flames dripping from his beard."
    6:30
    BONESAW:
    "And he bellowed, the mountain trembling with this voice, 'You shall not pass.'
    And you know what happened next?"
    6:40
    BONESAW:
    "The Bonesaw said, "Oh I'm gonna pass, I'm gonna pass right through your neck.
    Zzzt!
    Through the bone, the bone, Peanut Head.
    That fire giant fell before us.
    Yeah!"
    6:55
    BONESAW:
    "And this fire giant came up from the lava.
    He was all, 'You- … "Right through his ne-"
    7:30
    BONESAW:
    "Right through his neck!
    Remember that, Peanut Head?
    Wait.
    Hold on.
    Where's the Peanut Head?
    You must be the new Peanut Head.
    I dub thee Peanut Head,
    and let me tell you the story of the fire giant."
    8:33
    BONESAW:
    "Right through his neck.
    Oh yeah."
    8:46
    BONESAW: "You shall not pass!"
    9:36
    BONESAW: "Go on, touch it.
    Zzzt!
    Hey, Peanut Head."
    "I ever tell you about the fire giant?"
    "Well, there was this fire giant, you see.
    And he was coming up out the lava-"...

  • @harmonlanager2670
    @harmonlanager2670 6 років тому +4

    Sounds like BONESAW IS READY

  • @sunzi42
    @sunzi42 Рік тому +2

    I would love to see "Jack the NPC" from "Call of Cthulu" finding "The Bonesaw".
    Maybe he will finaly go insane?

  • @kevinsullivan3448
    @kevinsullivan3448 2 роки тому +1

    My magic sword story takes place in a 2E AD&D game and involves a Intelligent Bastard Sword named Mage Bane. This one quite a powerful weapon, thought not as cool as a Vorpal sword, that existed to kill mages. Mage Bane has an Intelligence of 18 and an Ego of 20, in Neutral and has the "special purpose" to kill any type of arcane spell caster.
    So, this is currently the primary weapon of Kaor, my LN 1/2 Orc F12/T12, who is powerful enough to force the sword to be a good boy, and in the current adventure we are clearing out a castle filled with brigands. While my character is martially minded and gives advise on how best to take the castle, the Chaotic Retarded player, however, is doing stupid things and drawing attention to us with his every action. This means a bigger boss fight that was needed, as the core of this bandit group are actually 12th level and we start taking damage.
    Now for those of you who have never played a real RPG, the biggest issue with Intelligent weapons is that they can take control of the character. Mage Bane's control is reduced for every level of magic user killed, but at this point it has been a while and MB is now at full control power. Normally, Kaor doesn't have to worry about this, but since the he has been taking damage, his resolve has dropped to the point where Mage Bane can take control. So, during the combat, Kaor pulls back to take a healing potion; but before he does I pass a note to the GM about the Sword and he rolls for control and Mage Bane wins; meaning that Mage Bane is now in control of Kaor.
    Kaor is behind the party magic user. Kaor is a 12th level Thief. Mage Bane has Kaor Backstab the party magic user. with the x4 multiple, Kaor almost kills the party member (he had 3hp left, if I remember correctly). Since the other player were not privy to the note, and they should not have been, they were shocked and surprised. Fortunately, the party Cleric remembered what I had said about my sword and cast a Heal on Kaor and he was able to retake control. Ultimately we defeated the band of scalawags and took the keep for ourselves and the mage forgave Kaor for what had happened, but this was another contributing factor to Kaor killing the Chaotic moron who said he was only playing his alignment. Kaor killed that idiot character 2 sessions later, but in a way that he wouldn't be a suspect. He had been an Assassin in 1E, after all.

  • @zubbworks
    @zubbworks Рік тому +1

    I'm stealing both of these yes.
    Have one of mine if you want.
    Butcher Pete (Yes like the fallout song)
    He is a man of pure black skin, pink booty shorts, pink mask with devil horns, and pink combat boots. Nothing else.
    He fights his enemies, the hardest ones he can find, the thickest part of the battle. Any weapon he can find. He lives for fighting. If he dies, he just comes back, rising from the middle of a good fight. If there are no good fights, he makes one.
    Cultists (Peteists) dress like he does and fight like he does. Some wear masks of gray smoothness. Stone faces. They are the upper ones, the lower ones might not get masks. Some have mohawk and red masks. If they get to fight on the same field as Pete, then that is the ultimate goal really. Then fight some more.
    Basically any major conflict had better have some Peteists in it or you get kicked out of Peteism.

  • @uncommonunsense2107
    @uncommonunsense2107 Рік тому +1

    The new Pokemon Games (Scarlet and Violet) have the Personal TM machine at the pokecenter, after everything it says, is "Zzzt!" and I had to think of this video hahaha

  • @zak22wolftheultramanzenith35
    @zak22wolftheultramanzenith35 Рік тому +1

    You just know that the bonesaw guy in real life is just some dude named Dave from accounting.

  • @B.-T.
    @B.-T. 6 років тому +7

    I am totally keeping the Bonesaw in mind for a future weapon in my fantasy games.
    Great tale!

    • @thebonesaw..4634
      @thebonesaw..4634 6 років тому +2

      I'll keep you in mind too. Have you're people get in touch with my people. If I don't respond... it's probably because I'm being held prisoner inside a stupid scabbard.

  • @MiniWarzone
    @MiniWarzone 6 років тому +3

    Scott Brown has already become a bit of a legend in our house here in the UK 😂

  • @GaultSilber
    @GaultSilber 4 роки тому +3

    So basically when the Macho Man Randy Savage died, he turned into a sword. And here I am thinking that he went to the Borderlands and became Mr Torque.

  • @RelativelyBest
    @RelativelyBest 5 років тому +1

    Reminds me of Lilarcor, the talking sword from Baldur's Gate. Really good weapon but had the personality of a loud, boastful, immature idiot. I actually liked him and gave him to Minsc, who had a similar personality. They were a great team.

  • @ArcticBlack
    @ArcticBlack 6 років тому +6

    My. God. I need to use this character/item.

  • @johnbalk6091
    @johnbalk6091 3 роки тому +1

    Dude, I'm totally stealing this!!

  • @sergentharker7182
    @sergentharker7182 6 років тому +8

    I'm thinking of either stealing the Bone Saw for D&D or as an NPC in conan... choices choices

  • @mathsalot8099
    @mathsalot8099 2 роки тому +1

    The Bonesaw as the computer in Paranoia...

  • @OurVala
    @OurVala 2 роки тому +2

    Zzzt

  • @TheRauzKindred
    @TheRauzKindred 3 роки тому +1

    Need to make it an artifact for Call of Cthulhu next :D

  • @erniemiller1953
    @erniemiller1953 Рік тому +1

    I come back to rehear this every six months.

  • @emielpeper9248
    @emielpeper9248 3 роки тому +3

    "Maybe as some crazed Artificial Intelligence." That's some great foreshadowing there, Seth :p

  • @DaveTheGM
    @DaveTheGM 6 років тому +2

    I think I'll have The Bonesaw and Peanuthead as an NPC fighter duo that occasionally turn up in towns or dungeons ahead of the PCs (so that they always discover them while The Bonesaw is telling Peanuthead the fire giant story).

  • @specterwolf4711
    @specterwolf4711 6 років тому +4

    Funny that this stuff happens. Some of the most glorious adventures also have some of the most annoying NPCs or such involved.

  • @DevilinGame
    @DevilinGame 5 років тому +4

    I laughed so god damn hard xD
    also seem like 3 dislikes came from previous owners of bonesaw.

    • @wagnerags
      @wagnerags 5 років тому +2

      Or fire giants.

    • @cxk7127
      @cxk7127 4 роки тому

      Zzzzt THROUGH THE BONE!

  • @seleneshofner9176
    @seleneshofner9176 4 роки тому +1

    I'm dying. Breath is a thing of the past, no longer here to preserve my life. It's gone RIGHT THROUGH MY LUNGS in all of my laughter. xD

  • @MaxWriter
    @MaxWriter 6 років тому +2

    Awesome. Another great story.
    The only intelligent sword my players ever got was evil. I think it was called Screamer or something as it could cast Fear and would do so by screaming at its enemies. It corrupted one character until he was killed by vampire kobolds (don't ask). When the other character he was with tried to bury the sword, it shocked him to unconsciousness when he touched it to toss it in the hole. When he awoke, he loved it. It was much later, fighting duergar when he fell and someone snatched up the sword to use it against the creatures but it refused to help the party. It was created by the duergar and wanted to return to them. He flung it in lava. Good times.

  • @joeykonyha2414
    @joeykonyha2414 4 роки тому +1

    5 fire giants down voted this video.

  • @griselame
    @griselame 4 роки тому +1

    I peepeed my pants. A little. Just a little

  • @jesternario
    @jesternario 6 років тому +3

    I suddenly had a horrifying thought. What if The Bonesqw was a zombie virus. It a weapon in a zombie game, but the actual zombie virus itself. You end up with thousands of the Bonesaw looking to bite into that there peanut head!

    • @thebonesaw..4634
      @thebonesaw..4634 6 років тому +1

      I like the way you think... I think...

    • @jesternario
      @jesternario 5 років тому

      When the Bonesaw zombies devour your flesh, well the Bonesaw zombies cut through the bone! Zzt! THROUGH THE BONE!!!

  • @helgaratbone1691
    @helgaratbone1691 5 років тому +1

    Lol. Awesome! Classic!

  • @johnbalk6091
    @johnbalk6091 3 роки тому +1

    Scott Brown is the Man.

  • @Stathio
    @Stathio 10 місяців тому +1

    BONESAW IS READY!!

  • @craigjones7343
    @craigjones7343 2 місяці тому +1

    Omg this story is so funny. If I can work the Bonesaw into my campaign I’m going to.

    • @oz_jones
      @oz_jones Місяць тому +1

      Do it, Peanuthead, Bonesaw demands it! ZZT!

    • @craigjones7343
      @craigjones7343 Місяць тому

      @@oz_jones I’m with Scott Brown motherfu.cker and this is the Bonesaw.

  • @brockkelly4841
    @brockkelly4841 5 років тому +1

    It exists in my world now.

  • @piltdownfilms
    @piltdownfilms 6 років тому +3

    Loved the story! Also, awesome Stargate shirt.

  • @Dorian_sapiens
    @Dorian_sapiens 6 років тому +21

    A self-aggrandizing blowhard of an AI sounds awesome. AI personalities are usually cold, condescending, and aloof. The Bonesaw would be a fun subversion.

    • @thebonesaw..4634
      @thebonesaw..4634 6 років тому +4

      What does "self-aggrandizing mean"... does it mean cool? Yeah, must be... that sounds like me!

    • @Dorian_sapiens
      @Dorian_sapiens 6 років тому +3

      It's even better than that. It means you're cool, and you know it.😉

  • @TheShadowwalker007
    @TheShadowwalker007 3 роки тому +1

    The taxi driver 🤣🤣🤣

  • @ewanball
    @ewanball 5 років тому +2

    Wow. A 99.9% like ratio. That's amazing.

  • @ArcNeoMasato
    @ArcNeoMasato 3 роки тому

    So.... I gotta admit to something. Not only did I totally use The Bonesaw in a recent mini campaign I'm running, scabbard of silence and all, but an elven mystic actually "enhanced" him recently, so now the sword can project an illusionary dragon, that's still 100% the personality of The Bonesaw... I fear what I've done to this campaign. lol

  • @Graham-ce2yk
    @Graham-ce2yk 5 років тому +2

    I finally got around to watching this one. Pure class. As to the wenches, I have read something with a female personalitied magic sword that has this thing about getting their blade oiled by well muscled young blacksmiths...

    • @JeremyMacDonald1973
      @JeremyMacDonald1973 4 роки тому +1

      That gets me thinking... How about a Sword that is a really annoying clingy girlfriend. "Why don't you oil me more? You don't love me any more!"

  • @tolentarpay5464
    @tolentarpay5464 3 місяці тому

    Plenty cool, man, but I reckon I can do you one better (with apologies in advance to all die-hard Celtic Frost fans...I too have spent time meditating in the "Crypt of Rays" & communing with the spirit of Thomas Gabriel - a.k.a. "Tom G. Warrior" - but I challenge any DM to pass on the chance to introduce an NPC called "Jerry Orchards"!)... ;~ ]

  • @tarsis6123
    @tarsis6123 5 років тому +2

    The War Stories: Still funny after -two- three times.
    Feeling down? Go see Seth and watch a couple War Stories.
    Thanks for sharing these!

  • @DumpsterGoof
    @DumpsterGoof 3 роки тому +1

    I watch this video every couple months, something about it just really gets me laughing.

  • @wesleywalker2831
    @wesleywalker2831 Рік тому +1

    Utterly...epic!🤣

  • @francostrider-ej3fp
    @francostrider-ej3fp 3 місяці тому

    As someone as who does Renn Faire as well as SCA stuff, I know EXACTLY the kind of person you're illustrating. Hanging around the fire, drunk guy comes up and starts spouting nonsense. Not harmful, just nonsense. I showed this to friends, and they immediately started naming names.

  • @Pioootr
    @Pioootr 6 років тому +2

    BoneSaw!

  • @ReustersPlace
    @ReustersPlace 6 років тому +2

    Lol this is amazing!

  • @SeanLaMontagne
    @SeanLaMontagne 3 роки тому +1

    Why have you not hit 100k subs yet?

    • @SSkorkowsky
      @SSkorkowsky  3 роки тому +2

      I pray this question to Crom, yet Crom never answers. He laughs at me from his mountain top.