Ted Cruz Trolls the Army, Trump Scams Taxpayers & Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Horrid Holocaust Comment
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- Опубліковано 23 тра 2021
- The Charlie Bit My Finger viral UA-cam video is now offline and in the hands of a private collector after it was sold as an NFT for $761,000, 80 female students from Bartram Trail High School in Florida were surprised to find their yearbook photos altered, COVID cases in America are down to their lowest levels in almost a year, there is a big surplus of hand sanitizer, dogs can be trained to smell COVID infections with a success rate of more than 90%,Ted Cruz had an eventful weekend thanks to something dumb he tweeted about the army, Kentucky Senator Rand Paul has no plans to get the vaccine, Marjorie Taylor Greene compared wearing a mask to the Holocaust and got support from Matt Gaetz, Donald Trump has been charging the Secret Service $400 a night to stay at Mar-a-Lago, and the conflict in the Middle East is such a touchy subject that people are scared to speak up - even in the privacy of their own homes.
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Marjorie is getting attention and enjoys it thoroughly. To extinguish the behaviour, we should be ignoring it. Consistently.
Every thing that happens and brings up Trump is Exactly what they want. They know they're going to get a 'shiz load of money' for the next election to dole out to the right people in their states to get out the vote for them.
.... What we should do is change our Money into Blue bills and give all the new money to the POOR!
... Of course the POOR to me are about 97% of the population and with all that money available we'd solve Homelessness, not to mention create jobs and lifestyle equal to best WHITE FOLKS Home in the Suburbs in 1968.
NO... the rich would not get any exchange for their old Green Money. They have plenty of assets in 3rd world nations in case we try to arrest those thieves.
yep! it's like they're throwing crazy at us everyday now, just like with Trump.......we're addicted to this bs at this point and need to focus on the next race and getting out the vote, in addition to focusing on policy and solving major problems......we can not backslide into la-la land again.
Like ignoring a drug fiend in your house.
THANK YOU! This is how we got Trump
Gangreene
Those kids and their v-neckery 😂
I hope the students (the girls especially) raised a stink, got their money back on the yearbooks, and forced the publisher to re-issue the books with their unbowdlerized photos.
Damn hooligans
I nearly spat my tea out when hearing that! Hilarious 😂
It’s the school’s policy genius.
@@delmarchipperson2049 no it's not... the yearbook company did it on their own. They agreed to refund the girls' money, but they had to return the books & wouldn't get a replacement or an original photo in the book. Disgusting!
"Moist gelatinous tube worm" That's the best description of Ted I've heard.
That is the only living thing Ted Cruz can get down with. Even his mangoo sock left him...
@Khail Kupsky sx. o
I personally liked "sentient gym sock of mayonnaise"
OMG, JIMMY, This is so funny I am laughing so hard I am about to fall off this chair. This is by far the funniest thing I have ever heard and it's true at that.
I roared when Kimmel said that. The lines he used just leading up to this were beyond hysterical.
“Jabba the Putt , “ that’s a new one , love it 🇯🇪😂🇯🇪
Why doesn't the Secret Service just refuse to pay that bill like T**** doesn't pay his?
He would be so outraged if anyone didn't pay his bill. That's his Copyrighted move.
Fact
He'd sue you know he would.
I was thinking the same thing.
It should be taken out of trumps pay or pension.
This country has become the Netflix for the world except they don’t have to pay for subscriptions.
Lol
I heard Jimmie was in WW2 and WW1. And won the Ira all by himself ..lol..
But we're paying!! Awful
Trump 4ever 🤣
@@tuyenle8107 lol, na.
Why is someone like MTG still in such a position! In other countries she would have already been locked up for these statements!
Racism, bigotry, and hate speech are requirements for the Rep party. It's scary watching from Canada. Wow.
"Jubba the Putt", Nice one Jimmy. That's funny I'm off and running with that one.🤣🤣🤣
I hate those stomach bugs that come on out of nowhere and make you violently sick for like 24 hrs. I hope everyone is feeling better.
MTG calling Pelosi mentally ill is the best representation of 2021 so far. The irony of her statement is buried under 10 tonnes of antisemitic BS
@Jebus Hypocristos it's mind blowing that people are supporting this nut jobs and telling them they are right. It's F'ing depressing to be American. I'm a USMC vet saying that.
MTG will win that award for the year
@@robertgenson1846 Please don't use Klan-Moms initials to refer to her. She wants to be as famous as AOC.
@@harryseaword I used her initials can't help it if you didn't like it
@@harryseaword She totally does. She’s obsessed with her, all the while misunderstanding why people love AOC so much.
"Jabba the Putt". This joke deserves an award 🤣
Although the horse-faced MTG is very disturbing, just as disturbing are the ones that will actually support her.
As my grandmother used to say, "you could fight a bull dog with MTG's face."
She was once a model
(For dog collars)
So you admit that Marjorie Taylor Greene is correct.
Thank you!
@@cainabel2553 TrollbotPOS3000 ^^^
@@tonib.3016 So you admit you are a useless troll?
Why are tax payers still playing for TFG's Secret Service? There should be a law against such blatant corruption
All former Presidents get that service for life. I don't think impeached Potus should get any of the many bens & cash for life, tho, or have the right to to run for office ever again m, but they do.
@@dollymadison2397 Excuuuse me! Twice impeached former one term President and yes because the Senate failed to convict him of the impeachment charges he gets all the post presidential benefits until he croaks. Get this though...apparently he's already taken an advance of 68,000 dollars off of his pension. He's obviously broke!!!
Oh AND your paying for his pension too 😆
@@WaningGibbous Actually I'm Canadian so no.
It's always been that way atleast since we learned this is in middle school
"Second" class citizens? What does MTG know about the holocaust?
Please call her by her real name- Klan-Mom.
She has used so much Peroxide in her hair that it has seep into her brain..
What does that ignorant bovine know about ANYTHING?
She claims she's being treated like a second class citizen by being asked to follow the same rules as everyone else.
What does MTG know about being a second class citizen? She's never been one in her life. In her world she's at the top of the food chain. That's why she hates educated, uppity types. They're the only people that have ever opposed her. She's not used to that.
When she said "this woman is mentally ill" I took that as a disclaimer the news station asked her to say about herself.
I’d like to see a fight between Cancun Cruz and the soldier in the army recruitment ad.
Cancun Cruz was emasculated by the realization that either of that soldiers mothers is a better father than he is to the daughters he threw under the bus for his little vacation.
And a vacation he took while hundreds of his constituents literally froze to death.
@@azoth6641 and then took cover behind his daughters when the barrage of criticism began. What an exemplary macho man!!
@@azoth6641
*With their taxpayer money funding it.
I remember when Jimmy was completely emasculated on TV though by losing to Ted Cruz in a one-on-one game of basketball. It was funny though.
Also, unlike Cruz and his orange master, that woman served.
Our dog tell us when my husband will have a seizure. She's always been right.
Your dog can talk?
Mine too. Of course he doesn’t talk. He’s learned how to signal. When, how long, (by walking away when it’s over) how serious, (by his reaction, I’ve learned his signals) to anyone who’s had seizures, will understand how important this gift is. He’s a life saver.
Maybe your husband has a relationship with your dog
Our dog Mya licks my husband's ears, & has even pulled out earplugs. He starts patting my arm, so Mya then licks my face to wake me up. This is when he's sleeping, or sitting on the couch. If we are out somewhere s-e will jump up repeatedly. Which she normally never d{es. The 7 times she's done it, he had a seizure in 4 ho
Dogs are awesome! People who feel the need to make lame jokes about anything and everything, not so much so.
Just pull his protection detail if he's going to charge for it
The boardgame "Let'sTtalk About Israel" - a genius depiction of reality. Well done!
Wow, Jabba the Putt, just when I thought I'd heard them all. Well done.
...how the hell... does the tangerine have the audacity to charge the security service to stay close to him to protect him?...
Throughout his reign, he has charged the secret service exorbitant room rates at his properties. The taxpayers foot the bill.
Well, if all goes according to justice, y'all will be paying for Trump's residential 'rental' fees for him (and a few of his family members) for many, many years.
Orange man in Orange.
This might be a bit wacky, but I think that Pelosi should jack up the fine on MT Greene to compensate for the money Trump is charging for the secret service.
well he is a "corrupt ****er****er"
Why are we paying 350 a day per illegal money is running out fast better get all you can your gonna need it for food and gas idiots
Marjorie is getting paid to sink lower every day. It's the great Distraction game.
Ivanka and Jared wouldn’t let the secret service use their bathroom.
Yeah but the fun part of the story the secret service could use the Obamas' bathroom
I wouldn't want to use it if they let me, I'd just piss on their flowers!
@@fisherking7798provides
@@fisherking7798provides you pi
🤮
“The dog will see you now” 😂
😂🤣😂🤣😂
And you'll most likely get better advice. For a dog treat.
@@StormyDog 🤣
I’d like to get another dogs opinion...
Whole new meaning for “lab work”!
Send MTG to the Gaza Strip. Or anywhere, really.
There is a minefield between N and S Korea...
Marge loves to accuse others of being “mennally ill”. Marge needs to take a good look in the mirror.
Mental illness shouldn't be used as an insult by anyone in any context. End of story.
(But when it comes to her, conversations about intelligence and possible personality disorder are relevant!)
The space lasers hit her hard
When she looks in a mirror, she sees nothing.
Never take responsibility, Always accuse those who accused you of wrongdoings, Point out that immigrants have more power than White American. BE GOP
She tries, but they keep breaking
The Secret Service should park a boat offshore Mar-a-Lardo and use that as their base.
At Magat Lardo
There are woman in the Army that have bigger brass balls then Ted Cruz will ever have.
Ha, there are amoeba with bigger sets than Ted (where's my brain) Cruz.
You are so wrong
Trump liking arse dog name "teddy has no balls."
@@TimberwolfC14 Amoeeeebaaaaa 😭😭😂😂😂😂😂😂
Y’all are so obsessed with Trump and republicans lmao
@@blazeup5519 Republicans are obsessed to serve Trump. Like a dog to his owner.
Turd Cruz and Margarine Taters Green....who knew Idiocracy was a documentary?
Did she (MTG) say they had to wear a "gold" star? How proud they must have been.
Yeah, but she knows you need no knowledge of anything to comment on it, if you are republican! Every repub voter will fall for anything you say and do. Even for Trump´s "Don´t believe what you see, believe what I tell you!"
"The dog will see you now" I believe was part of TrumpCare
✊🏽🥴
Uh, it was never that good. Don't give him that much credit.
Secret service should refuse to pay the bill, see if he kicks them out! Or set up camp on the golf course.
DJT never pays HIS bills, so why should the secret service?! It is absolutely ridiculous that he is charging the secret service for protecting him and his god awful family.
a long as you keep paying for the SS they are going to keep staying there. only the taxpayer is loosing on this. I think one could try to make donny pay for his taxevations though.
That is a brilliant suggestion! Just to be considerate of others though, I wonder if any other ex-president charges extra fees for Secret Service protection
@@naotamf1588 oh, you should see the bill for their travel..... the whole family.
Yes, the whole Trump family will have tax payers pay their travel, hotel stays & secret service detail extended through 6 months post presidency
If Donnie is so damned rich he can pay for his own damned private security.
Secret Service should have a reasonable limit for expenses after that the ex-whatever should pay the remaining!
Well, Jared & Ivanka wouldn’t let any secret service personnel use one of the seven bathrooms in their home while being guarded. They had to rent a room about a block away.
@@intomnia3313 What makes that story even worse is finding out that while they acted like the SS was beneath them and Trump made a "no fatties" demand other members of his family were literally hooking up with their SS people. The whole family is clearly messed up in the head
The Tangerine Tw*t CAN'T pay cuz His LOSER AZZ is broke!
@Paul And yet there are several news sources that state the exact same thing as Jimmy said.
So I take it you can back up "everything being absolute bullshit" right? Or are you just saying that because your sticking to the usual Trump cult response of claiming any factual news you don't like is fake?
@Paul sure it is
The facts are what you say they are right far right fascist symp
Yes - asking for a two state solution to protect people and holy sites from being bombed is quite a 'complicated subject'
I think we need to consider random drug testing for these people… especially the GOP. And I don’t mean weed. 😐 I’m convinced the MTG troll must be on something.
Sooo, do you like weed?
@@jameselliott9055 occasionally, yes. (:
When did stupidity start showing up on drug tests?
"Go back to Keying other people's cars at soccer games, you monster!"
Kimmel is criminally underrated but his burn game is accurate and tight.
The perfect amount of time and attention paid to MTG should be none, but if we have to hear about her, at least Jimmy makes it amusing.
Hahaha well said
MTG should resign and get a Gig at the WWE as "Steroid Bit-itch".
Perfect for her.
Agree but prefer she gets kicked out rather than let her resign
Have you seen her Cross Fit routine? She's totally certifiable.
@@brentwalker3300 I question whether she is really a she.
The way MTG explains that Jews were put on trains sounds like she just heard about it. The stable genius did the same, explaining things like he discovered them.
In Germany MTG's comment would have been a crime.
please request extradition. the worst the u.s. government could do is say no.
Rand Paul gels his hair with Purex? Nah. You need real hair to do that. What the hell kind of bird nested on his head anyhow?😮🤔
They should put Cruz in the ring with that Corporal and see if he can last a round.
You want to go 10 with an Army Vet and Conservative? You wouldn't last 30 seconds.
That "Let's Talk about Israel" bit is genius.
We played that in the 70's too.
I was just a kid.
I always lost.
That game is heavily biased against Israel.
Why is the USA so scared of isreal and they can't even tell them the truth 😂
the republican party's policy on israel is controlled by insane christian extremists who believe that jews have to completely control all of palestine before jesus will come back.
the democratic party is not insane, but many democratic party politicians can't win elections without the votes of american jews, who are an important part of the democratic party coalition.
in recent years, the democratic party has been (slowly) becoming less deferential to israel, for two reasons. one reason is that american jews have been running out of excuses for israeli actions that most american jews understand to be morally wrong. the bigger reason is that benjamin netanyahu, who has controlled israeli politics for decades, has gone out of his way to antagonize democrats and has interfered with american politics to benefit the republican party.
@@sirmoonslosthismind In university I knew a lot of Jews that are quite reasonable on the issue, but they weren't the business majors.
She making one group of people to wear masks and treating them like second class. Last I knew is that everyone in the world are being asked to wear masks.
She’s clearly not very bright is she.
She also can't walk around nude. Why hasn't she complained about that?
@@harryseaword Thanks for the deeply-upsetting mental image!
@@harryseaword If she walked around nude, people would complain, wouldn´t they? At least after they finished vomiting!
Cruz's Jar Jar Binks airport shuffle makes me chuckle every time
Indeed. Its always funny to watch a pudgee man in sneakers with jeans shuffle along with his polo shirt tucked in. Like, dude get someone to dress you.
@@toobasaurus23 His wife must hate him, because she lets him go out looking like that 😂
😂😂😂😂😂
He compared the Republicans to the Rebel Alliance... shame he has to settle for being Jar Jar.
Hilarious!!
Why the hell do those secret service agent have to stay at Mar-A-Lago?! They could get an apartment in town for a lot cheaper. I used to live there I know. They have apartments with two master bedrooms for people who are not related.
Rand Paul has baby hair, and a baby mind, while M.T.G has fruit loops in her head 🤣🤣🤣. I'm not sure what to think.
The fact that the GOP leadership is not calling out this woman, denouncing her misleading idiotic rhetoric and forcing her to resign speaks volumes about this party and the direction they have chosen to go in.
They’re an insane cult party and that’s putting it nicely
This is the truth, honestly how she hasn't been removed from the House is astonishing. At this point she's digging her own grave with not wearing a mask and spreading lies and conspiracies.
The Qult of personality.
They've gone full on radicalized. Can't put ketchup back in the bottle now. They're gone.
Before going to bed, I don’t watch the news. I watch Jimmy to go to sleep with a smile😀.
👍🏽 me too.
It’s fun to get a nod from him, isn’t it?
Love how he lurks in the comment thread. ❤️
Lol, Me too! I love his smiling eyes
I always get angry when these confused Reps use the word "socialism" in a completely wrong way. They really don't know what the difference between socialism and a social country is!
Sooo stupid!
Have you ever heard them using it right?
The Police department.
The Fire department.
The Armed forces.
These are as Socialist of institutions as they get.
These right wingers have no ideas, and no policy to offer. All they can do is scare the hell out of people with socialism, homosexual people, and dark people. It’s the only game they know
considering that Mad Marjorie is over 17, Matt Gaetz seems to get on awfully well with her.
The dog will see you now. Cracked me up
Why did I press like before I even watched because Jimmy always nails it. Thank you for the last year or so, this nurse really needed a laugh.....
so funny when you get a taste of real life got milk? oh too expensive jimmy will be laughing at you All day long
Jimmy, for me your one liners are the best, by far. Keep them coming.
Why are they even still having secret service protection for him if he's charging them to stay there? That's completely stupid. No part of that makes sense.
Agreed
watch ted cruz whine on fox tomorrow about jimmy's show being not funny
@Brian Mull Only if you have a sense of humor
@@Leadfoot_P71 Boring and not funny.Ratings are down this guy will be looking for a new job soon.
@@tomlis123 😂 Sure,.. 👍
Eh, it’s so-so. Jimmy’s better than most of them, but less than a third of his jokes are actually funny.
@@Leadfoot_P71 and a Trump supporter!
I love your monologues. Good Job.
I went through this horrific “middle eastern” issue while I was studying multiple disciplines related to the issues. Honestly, I have forgotten more about every individual and intersecting issue involved than most politicians will ever know it is TRULY SAD.
"Let's Talk About Israel" looks challenging, but "Let's Do Something About the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict" is the really tough game.
Whomever created Isreal after ww2 are responsible for these problems now.
@@BBradshawProductions
I guess it's the whole worlds fault then.
@@BBradshawProductions Blame to superpowers in the west + the U.S. They are responsible for taking many thousand innocent lives, just like any else where in the middle-East.
Jews were in Israel 5784 years ago. The existence of the Western Wall of Soloman's Temple proves it. Then, we were kicked out, and ended up all over the world. We just came home in 1948. Deal with it.
@@robertaclark6079 by that logic, I should go to Britain and kick out the Angles and the Saxons.
SHOUT OUT TO GUILLERMO!
Wouldn't it be cheaper if Trump is jailed to just stick him in solitary confinement?
That would be cruel. Decent people would be uncomfortable with that.
Maybe Mr. Guillotine could help us out.
@@michaelj.beglinjr.2804 that may be a tad far
The Israel argument game skit was great. Best skit I've seen in quite some time
"Cats can detect COVID in people too but they don't let you know until you're on a ventilator because they're dicks." HILARIOUS.
The dog detecting covid reminds me of the joke about a woman bringing her dead parrot to the vet... then getting a Lab report and Cat scan. 😆 🤣 😂
Did the exam include a PET scan?
@David Anderson
GOOD ONE!!!😅
@@davidanderson_surrey_bc It was a cat scan and lab report. Both a Labrador and cat gave the dead parrot a look.
Great job Kimmel for bringing things to lite. My hats off.
6:48 USA, you have Member of the U.S. House of Representatives declaring that enforcing a health and safety measure is akin to genocide. Is there nothing a person can do to disqualify themselves?
The government should pay the bill directly to those he, himself, owes money to... Like all the cities where he held rallyes and never paid for the additional security measures and other expenses. Pay the ones he screwed over.
OMG, that is so right! What an excellent idea. :)
“Monster “ Taylor Green. .....yep....good one! Still fits the initials ...MTG. Monster Taylor Green. I like it!
Margarine Trailer Queen
Monster Traitor Greed
Monster troll green
Nancy Pelosi fined four republicans for not wearing a mask, despite the CDC saying vaccinated people do not need to wear, thus included a army serviceman who lost both his legs. Then 2 days later Pelosi was caught without a mask talking to a bunch of people in the senate. Did u know that?
@@kevwiz369 it's because of the vaccination rates, Kevin. 100% of house democrats are vaccinated, but less than half of the Senate is vaccinated.
I think that they should have their own country. I do not want anything to do with the hate-filled direction.
Why is everybody scared? Jared fixed the ME.
We don't need to be taught about the holocaust from an actual modern day nationalist/fascist...
A little too ironic 🎶
Yep, That’s for damn sure
Yeah, I really do think.... 🎶
Matt “Nothing to see here, keep moving” looks scared.
The gall of that guy to say, "He's in jail because he falsely accused me." So just literally the opposite of the truth. He's cutting a deal to shorten his sentence by testifying against Gaetz. So, successful political playbook: just say the opposite. Like, "There was no insurrection, they behaved just like tourists."
@@commontater1785 it's simple misdirection. The truth will bite them all very soon.
This guy is so funny"the dog will see you now"😂😂😂😂 i think jimmy should do stand up comedy
The cat joke was even funnier.... cats just wanna watch the world burn so he was right about them. They would wait til you’re on a ventilator to help you.
@@tamihayes5313 😂😂😂😂😂
Maybe the writers yeah 😅
Well, he was the head writer and a sketch performer on his own Jimmy Kimmel Show for a while!!👏👏👏
@@tamihayes5313 that is where you are wrong. They would wait until you're on the ventilator, and then keep their paw next to the off button teasing you that they're going to turn it off.... Then poop on you when you're sleeping! 😺
"From the makers of 'Dad is Cheating on Mom'". I'm dead 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀
Ted Cruz looks like a Dollar Store Wolverine. Except when he flexs his wrists, uncooked hotdogs comeout.
Ahahab what the hell 😂😂😂😂
It's true. I never want to play this game again. Ever.
On the COVID levels - THANKS to the Biden administration, nice to have adults in charge again.
MTG referring to anyone else as 'Mentally Ill' is just... funny.
"There's no right position to take on Israel-Palestine" - turns out that both-siderist BS is the wrong position. The right position is to acknowledge the asymmetry.
There legit is no right position except for suggesting that everyone should live in peace and harmony and sing Kumbaya. What you said isn't accurate
Glad to see the GOP keeps being at its “best”!
Look on the bright side , at least Marjorie Taylor Greene isn't out harassing victims of School Shootings.
Just another day at the office for the Republican Party
That last part was basically like an SNL sketch. Bravo
That literally happened to me last week. My doctor said "there is other viruses" lol
If it was a real doc I'm quite sure he/she said: "there are other viruses"
Report that doctor to HR and the medical board immediately!
I’ve said it before.... they’re not their to just protect him... they’re there to protect the secrets he has in his head... if he starts blabbing I’m sure they have the green light to off him
When has he shut up!
@@rebeccaainslie4637 After Twitter finished him!
We had the dogs on duty in Finland, sniffing covid over 6 months ago at Helsinki airport, It wasn´t "researchers in London", it was reaserchers in Helsinki.
Florida is like a mucus-filled sack fermenting in the sun, except less pleasant.
We asked the rabbi to use the space laser on Green Margarine, but she said God prefers to do the smiting.
Quit holding out on us!
You tell em Jimmy...calling it like it is
Ted Cruz is so spineless, Sub Zero cant do his fatality on him
I love this comment so much I'm about to go play MK on my Super Nintendo 🤣 thank you for the nostalgia!
😂😂😂😂😂
"The dog will see you now"! Hilarious!!!
Can we just stop giving the GOP air time.
Yes, totally agree. Just ignore the idiots.
No, not when it’s this funny
Not when they are as dangerous as they are right now...If you have cancer in your body, you kept an eye on it until you get it out of your body.
@@ferox965 your analogy doesn't work because you don't give cancer's supporters strength by mocking cancer on television which reinforces the rhetoric the supporters have been fed.
The more he speaks of Ted Cruze the more I love Jimmy.
Imagine being so privileged that the most oppressive thing you've had to deal with is a little face mask.
I also have al the makings for hand sanitizer!!!🤣🤣🤣laughing at myself!
You're my Hero Kimmel, GOD bless you
I feel bad for anyone anywhere who’s uncomfortable about anything.
BEEEEP!
Lol. It's so true though. There is no right way to say anything, even something really really nice, without someone getting a pitchfork up their butt about it. Found that out the hard way in UA-cam comments.
Whoever thought up that game is brilliant. The little sea scrolls were adorable. Just the right tough of "ouch."
If people are "scared to speak up" about Israel & Palestine, of whom are they scared? It ain't Palestinians.
Jimmy is scarred of the jews that write his checks.