Jordan Peterson - Why Fighting is Necessary in Relationships

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  • Опубліковано 31 бер 2017
  • original source: • 2017 Maps of Meaning 0...
    Psychology Professor Dr. Jordan B. Peterson explains how fights in relationships can not only be healthy but absolutely essential for the relationship.
    Dr. Peterson's new book is available for pre-order:
    12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos: amzn.to/2yvJf9L
    If you want to support Dr. Peterson, here is his Patreon:
    / jordanbpeterson
    Check out Jordan Peterson's Self Authoring Program, a powerful tool to sort yourself out:
    bit.ly/selfAuth (Official affiliate link for Bite-sized Philosophy)

КОМЕНТАРІ • 429

  • @englishovals
    @englishovals 7 років тому +777

    A good fight shows that people respect themselves. Settling the issue shows they respect each other.

    • @Tech875O
      @Tech875O 5 років тому +9

      Fantastic! I love how smoothly those words were put.

    • @carolbird5708
      @carolbird5708 4 роки тому +1

      I really like that.

    • @shamfagrey
      @shamfagrey 3 роки тому

      Im trying.☝🏽

    • @naissketching395
      @naissketching395 3 роки тому

      Wow. Makes sense :o

    • @hystoryan
      @hystoryan 3 роки тому +5

      You can do that without fighting though. Dont know why communication isnt the issue

  • @uppercutgrandma4425
    @uppercutgrandma4425 7 років тому +789

    after watching this, I immediately called my wife's lazy and overbearing. Phew, our relationship ratio is in balance again!

    • @JJ-vp3bd
      @JJ-vp3bd 7 років тому +34

      LOL Thats not how you do it!

    • @DrFartfire
      @DrFartfire 7 років тому +60

      uppercut grandma yeah.... that's not how you do it. you should cheat on her too...

    • @bobdeuce8670
      @bobdeuce8670 7 років тому +2

      hahahaha

    • @MrCTruck
      @MrCTruck 6 років тому +37

      Tell her she's just like her mom, women love that

    • @steves8860
      @steves8860 5 років тому +10

      MrCTruck
      Hahaha... that's worth 5 negative interactions all at once!!!!

  • @katherinekelly6432
    @katherinekelly6432 7 років тому +248

    Sometimes people fight out of simple boredom. They want the stimulation of a fight. They may also do this if they feel ignored or taken for granted. The fight is a way of testing the person to see if they care (value) the other person and also helping the mind escape boredom. We live in a time when people are constantly stimulated, leaving them sensitive to withdrawal symptoms experienced as emptiness and boredom. This is one reason many people seek out drama in relationships. The intersection of needing to feel valued (especially when they feel worthless) and the need for stimulation.

    • @mclarenf45
      @mclarenf45 7 років тому +15

      a.k.a female shit test

    • @harrymlondobozi8605
      @harrymlondobozi8605 6 років тому +6

      a.k.a teenage angst? Nah. Shit test it is.

    • @0ijm3409fiwrekj
      @0ijm3409fiwrekj 4 роки тому +19

      why does this feel unhealthy? fighting out of boredom doesn't sound good.

    • @nightfighter7452
      @nightfighter7452 4 роки тому +10

      @@0ijm3409fiwrekj because it is lol
      imagine having a perfectly good relationship with a compatible partner and you wanna start a fight and piss them off for no reason other than you're bored. Go date an asshole then lmao

    • @dackjaniels4205
      @dackjaniels4205 2 роки тому

      @@nightfighter7452 amen brother

  • @downbntout
    @downbntout 4 роки тому +74

    Issues arise. That's a given. Good fighting preserves the love in the relationship. Attack the issue, not the person.

  • @ericstewart8517
    @ericstewart8517 7 років тому +427

    My recommended dose of Daddy Peterson knowledge. He teaches me things, treats me right, makes me feels thing I didn't know I could feel. Helps me realize my limitations, and pushes me past them.
    He rewards me by filling me with his knowledge, but only if I'm good, only if I'm willing to listen.

    • @greasyreece9219
      @greasyreece9219 7 років тому +90

      Get some help.

    • @1980keb
      @1980keb 7 років тому +13

      haha! That was awesome! kudos

    • @rickjames8117
      @rickjames8117 7 років тому +37

      thats weird, yeah hes smart and interesting but damn

    • @Ethan-vy4ke
      @Ethan-vy4ke 7 років тому +40

      Sort your damn self out bucko!

    • @ladynottingham89
      @ladynottingham89 7 років тому +7

      dafuq? this was weird.

  • @plutonium120
    @plutonium120 4 роки тому +31

    'a real relationship is a wrestling match, a grappling phenomena, that you both emerge transformed from.'

  • @John-ih7gp
    @John-ih7gp 7 років тому +327

    now I need to find a wife who wants to fight

    • @quotetoadjr2779
      @quotetoadjr2779 7 років тому +43

      Ronda Rousey?

    • @johnle8737
      @johnle8737 7 років тому +10

      QuoteToad Jr Actually,Rhonda Rousey is an antifeminist.

    • @jaybeezie2831
      @jaybeezie2831 5 років тому +12

      John Allan “I’m ready to settle down but it’s so hard to find a wife who wants to fight...”.
      Said no man, ever.

    • @naeilamohammad7896
      @naeilamohammad7896 4 роки тому +3

      John Murdoch
      Finally, someone who agrees with my point of view! Thank you! God, it is so annoying dealing those kinds of women. They really don’t realize how much opportunity the U.S gives them.

    • @uusa
      @uusa 4 роки тому

      Leila ali

  • @gren8759
    @gren8759 5 років тому +35

    I think it is more about relationships where someone is not happy with something and doesnt speaks up

    • @Victor-qk7mw
      @Victor-qk7mw 4 роки тому +4

      Manuel Montoya hey, at least you get it. 90% of this comment section doesn't, probably because they haven't even been in a relationship before

    • @shamfagrey
      @shamfagrey 3 роки тому

      Thats the point but it never works out.☝🏽
      Like the next day its another emotion or phase n u cant say anything abt it cuz things can become physical. Shit is ugly. Smh ugh

  • @szotakandrei
    @szotakandrei 5 років тому +81

    Got it.
    "Honey, pick up those MMA gloves. It's time for sparring . "

  • @justsnappy
    @justsnappy 7 років тому +27

    Channeling Mr. Rogers with that sweater!

  • @kmstirpitz4285
    @kmstirpitz4285 3 роки тому +12

    While he did say that fighting is good, that doesn't mean as soon as you're done watching the video, you randomly begin to fight with your partner.

  • @biddydibdab9180
    @biddydibdab9180 5 років тому +83

    He put into words why I broke up with a man who never said “no” to me, never disagreed with me, loved me unconditionally and worshipped the ground I walked on. I’m ashamed to admit that I treated him badly, first trying to get a rise out of him and eventually dumping him in a cruel way (while hoping he’d tighten the reins on me). Though I now understand why I acted that way, thirty-five years later I still think of him longingly when I fight with my partner of thirty years.

    • @Gasconauxolives
      @Gasconauxolives 5 років тому +19

      Thank you for your honest testimony. Nice guy syndrome is a terrible waste of shared happiness, and it's sad for both parties really.

    • @user-qe7bt9dz1l
      @user-qe7bt9dz1l 4 роки тому +29

      Don’t you feel pathetic that your nature values contending more than someone who loves you unconditionally?!?? The crazy human animals we are....

    • @marilynhorne4954
      @marilynhorne4954 2 роки тому +9

      When I fight with my partner I think longingly of even my worst exes 😅

    • @justanotherperson2960
      @justanotherperson2960 2 роки тому +3

      Why do you feel longing about your ex? Longing for such a response, is it good? Do you miss that in you current relationship?

    • @sannjd
      @sannjd Рік тому +13

      This literally sounds like you lacked excitement in your life and you were looking for cheap thrills. And your partner was a calm and contented individuals who had no place or time for drama in his life. He was patient, mature. Not a nice guy who couldn't stand up for himself. But you thought he was weak and wanted to test him and he didn't fall for your bs ideas and when your bs ness of your ideas was revealed to you, you felt guilty and ashamed. Thank god you dumped him, he is relieved of an evil person.

  • @michaelwilliamson2255
    @michaelwilliamson2255 6 років тому +11

    "Periods of peace punctuated by a good fight." Thanks Dr. Peterson.

    • @mitch9651
      @mitch9651 2 роки тому +1

      Ww2

    • @bryandyer5454
      @bryandyer5454 7 місяців тому

      ​@@mitch9651Except that was a bad fight.

  • @541raymond
    @541raymond 5 років тому +4

    what a marvelous video clip. this is priceless wisdom. thank you for posting.

  • @kc1973able
    @kc1973able 6 років тому +48

    Man it depends on the relationship
    Me and my wife have been together for 17 years and we hardly ever fight. We talk and have it out but no fighting!!, screaming and shouting and what not.

    • @SCGRAPHY
      @SCGRAPHY 4 роки тому +2

      thank you sir , someone needed to put this out for everyone who doesn't fight. Its a waste of limited time we have on earth

    • @carolbird5708
      @carolbird5708 4 роки тому +26

      That is what he means. He does not mean childish screaming etc..

    • @juanjosefarina
      @juanjosefarina 4 роки тому +1

      @@SCGRAPHY well, it's not the same for everyone, it depends on personality. Not everyone wants to experience life the same way. I am very passionate, and with a person similar to me, it happens that one argues and have "small fights" in small time periods, hopefully never leaving apart from the other nor doing anything wrong, as he says, growing from it, and kinda like having fun.

    • @natalieboult4726
      @natalieboult4726 4 роки тому +6

      He means heated disagreements I think not bashing each other!

    • @christins.1481
      @christins.1481 4 роки тому +5

      Fights generally is an argument or a disagreement. This is why fist fights and name calling in a relationship is labeled as abusive.
      Last week me and my husband had gotten in a fight bout the car. By the end of the day the issue was solved. Then that same car a few days later stalled out once on the trip home then died at home and both of us agreed in. "Shit. It's the alternator."
      Alternator went out. Least the car died at home where we could get all the groceries out. But I mean, just a few days back we were so angry bout that same car. Now we're good.

  • @hystoryan
    @hystoryan 3 роки тому +21

    Everyone I know including myself who are in good healthy relationships barely fight with their SO. What you need in a relationship is communication not to be mad at each other.

    • @chasepotter2376
      @chasepotter2376 Рік тому +5

      It also depends what you, your partner, or others believe a “fight” is.

    • @kavkaz1758
      @kavkaz1758 Рік тому +2

      I agree. JP's talking rubbish, tbh.

  • @aanabs
    @aanabs 2 роки тому +10

    Depends on the issue and how things resolute. Its actually annoying to have a family that debates over everything but never actually resolute things bc they don't wanna hear and understand other's arguments. B4 knowing the benefits of debates, people should learn how to listen and have a logical, structural thinking.

  • @basicbase749
    @basicbase749 4 роки тому +1

    "periods of peace punctuated by good fight" Okayyy!

  • @pamhalpert7122
    @pamhalpert7122 4 роки тому +25

    Watching this because I just got into a fight with my boyfriend telling him about how I feel :/// I hope we’re gunna be okay tbh

    • @chaincells
      @chaincells 4 роки тому +3

      Hope you're well

    • @RichardJamesStayAtHomeDad
      @RichardJamesStayAtHomeDad 2 роки тому +3

      How did it go

    • @piak78
      @piak78 Рік тому +2

      if he runs because of d fight then he is a effing coward. A man who loves u wont leave u for some stupid fights. Men love pain. Give him fights n he will actually stick to u like mud

    • @kadariuswilliams2871
      @kadariuswilliams2871 Рік тому +2

      @@piak78 we love pain to some certain extinct but we don't love abusers bad idea and it will only drive him away even further

  • @georgechristiansen6785
    @georgechristiansen6785 7 років тому +3

    I love that he is saying this in his Mr. Rogers sweater.

  • @steffennielsen5942
    @steffennielsen5942 7 років тому +4

    peterson is a rockstar for a reason. damn he makes good sense

  • @Elusive_Pete
    @Elusive_Pete 6 років тому +37

    Disagreeing and discussion is necessary. Fighting is not necessary. It happens and sometimes may be for the best, but it should be marked as a last resort, not as a regular and healthy occurrence.

    • @chasepotter2376
      @chasepotter2376 Рік тому +6

      Also depends what you, your partners, or others would consider a “fight”.

  • @GodWorksOut
    @GodWorksOut 7 років тому +60

    There will always be fights for as long as her biology is still intact, she will always need to test your emotional fitness as a mate.

    • @cmattbacon7838
      @cmattbacon7838 6 років тому +14

      GodWorksOut Yay finally someone got the right answer. Women are annoying cuz theyre trying to test mens emotional stability

    • @fiffeel
      @fiffeel 5 років тому +23

      And deservingly so. They need to shit test us to see if we can withstand pressure and stand our grounding as men.

    • @toomuchinformation
      @toomuchinformation 4 роки тому +12

      @@fiffeel Truth. And if a woman is too agreeable (as I was) then (some) men get bored very quickly and want out. Looking back, I don't blame them; I had no backbone or boundaries.

    • @catarina624
      @catarina624 4 роки тому +1

      Yes we too.And its good that we do.Only in moderation of course.

    • @0ijm3409fiwrekj
      @0ijm3409fiwrekj 4 роки тому +2

      And thank God women do this to us men

  • @TheMilwaukeeProtocol
    @TheMilwaukeeProtocol 6 років тому +4

    The last sentence made me LOL.

  • @vlad-igor
    @vlad-igor 2 роки тому +2

    A healthy amount of healthy fights and positive criticism is good.

  • @richardraymond7775
    @richardraymond7775 7 років тому +12

    It's not fighting thats all that important or even what you fight about, the real tell tale sign is how you go about fighting.
    Like in " how you play the game".

  • @Olivia-bs5wj
    @Olivia-bs5wj 2 роки тому +14

    My ex dumped me cause he thought I fight too much. I did at the end but I’ve always been such a push over, and finally in my relationship I’ve been able to express how I feel. He is the love of my life and my only wish in this life is to get back together with him ❤️

  • @catholicfemininity2126
    @catholicfemininity2126 Рік тому +5

    To me, a healthy fight is when you can be yourself but also be respectful and humble and forgive in the end. If someone is annoying you, you are straight up in a respectful way, and if you annoy them and they bring it up, you have the humility to understand that what they're saying may be true even if it hurts or upsets you.

  • @SuperQdaddy
    @SuperQdaddy 4 роки тому +2

    Respect..compromise...not fight

  • @andreachrist9877
    @andreachrist9877 4 роки тому +8

    Wow. This guy. I want to dislike one of his talks, but he's always got a valid point.

    • @SisypheanSeas13
      @SisypheanSeas13 4 роки тому +1

      "Dislike" and "JP" do not belong in the same sentence.

  • @PerriMitchell
    @PerriMitchell 6 років тому

    sooo true

  • @CS-lp7wo
    @CS-lp7wo 6 років тому +6

    awesome topic. Actually the 5 to 1 ratio is the good one! --> Using a 5:1 ratio, which Gottman dubbed 'the magic
    ratio,' he and his colleagues predicted whether 700 newlywed couples would stay
    together or divorce by scoring their positive and negative interactions in one 15-
    minute conversation between each husband and wife. Ten years later, the follow-up
    revealed that they had predicted divorce with 94 percent accuracy.

  • @jaywilley955
    @jaywilley955 4 роки тому

    Thank you God for this man. Also, Elton & Bernie were apparently bang on.

  • @craigsips8677
    @craigsips8677 7 років тому +74

    I have been with my wife since I was 29, now 45 and we never fight. We give each other space to pursue our own careers and chill out in the evenings together and have a laugh. Your theory doesn't cover everyone.

    • @blakecollins9494
      @blakecollins9494 7 років тому +38

      Craig Sips it's not supposed to cover everyone you are clearly an outlier and I'm very happy to hear you and your wife can have such a good relationship.

    • @leslieannew3414
      @leslieannew3414 6 років тому +8

      this makes me so happy. Thank you for sharing!!!

    • @parkerjeans5777
      @parkerjeans5777 5 років тому +7

      Sure your not dating a dood ? Sex with the lights off always ? I thought so.

    • @Missms1338
      @Missms1338 5 років тому +4

      Trust me, she is dying inside and you are her roommate with occasional back shots to scratch an itch. But trust me, she is excited to see the adventurous, fun, exciting chad everyday in her fulfilling career.. and I’m a woman.. we dye of boredom if there is no type of stimulation. Just an easy boring life..

    • @altheacolon6280
      @altheacolon6280 5 років тому +1

      You're living a lie both parties would never survive at y'all worst

  • @nataliecarey956
    @nataliecarey956 4 роки тому

    I love his sweater.

  • @TheBr00talhamster
    @TheBr00talhamster 6 років тому +6

    I have a diagnosed narcissist for a friend and our relationship is exactly how he described. I've never fought or disagreed with her and have also been led to be quite mean myself and it is quite a toxic toll. Another thing narcissists do is abandon you once you have any type of conflict and then make up nasty stories to discredit and do harm to your reputation. Many in our friend group have been done away with and ridiculed constantly and I have been getting very drained by the atmosphere that creates.

  • @omaritookm7954
    @omaritookm7954 Рік тому +1

    I just had a bigg argument,yelling to my dear partner. I just want to get lost...
    Thanks for the video ❤

  • @rozhinmkian6325
    @rozhinmkian6325 3 роки тому +1

    That philosophical challenge that brings me to these kinds of videos everytime we fight... yeah I like it...

  • @ericb5328
    @ericb5328 7 років тому +252

    oh boy cant wait to challenge and argue with someone whom I chose to give the legal power to destroy me financially and take my kids from me 😍

    • @razvancisma4154
      @razvancisma4154 4 роки тому +4

      that is before mariage ...when you just start dating

    • @CanadianReacts
      @CanadianReacts 4 роки тому +7

      Don’t blame Peterson because you’re weak.

    • @edge21str
      @edge21str 4 роки тому +2

      For anyone who actually has ANYTHING important happening in their life, a relationship that’s challenging” is a pain in the ass and decreases your ability to perform your important tasks.

    • @mrsindianmonroe
      @mrsindianmonroe 4 роки тому +1

      @@edge21str that goes for marriages as well?😕 So basically don't get into no relationship or marriages because it stops you from doing important things that you gotta do in life?

    • @edge21str
      @edge21str 4 роки тому +4

      Mrs.Indian Monroe I don’t think so. Jordan Peterson is not all knowing so don’t take his word when he says relationships without conflicts will fail. Just find someone you harmonize with.

  • @HayfaZlitni
    @HayfaZlitni 2 роки тому

    1:40 positive/negative interactions
    I come back always to this video to remember the ratio.

  • @v.w.singer9638
    @v.w.singer9638 7 років тому +30

    Do you classify it as a fight? Fight implies anger and aggression. If I get angry, there is no more discussion or compromise. That's why I almost never get angry. Annoyed perhaps, but not so that I would express the annoyance in a negative or aggressive manner. If there is a disagreement I talk it out and negotiate. If I reach the point of anger, then the relationship is over.

    • @iiMikeB
      @iiMikeB 7 років тому +4

      He uses the term "fight" to fit his metaphor of a relationship being a "wrestling match". You do need those "fights" or, shall I say, compromise by argument for relationships to be healthy is my understanding of this video. It's not meant to be taken literally otherwise we'd be seeing a bunch of Chris Brown-like cases.

    • @arong9258
      @arong9258 7 років тому +1

      V.W. Singer what makes you angry? And do you just stop complete talking? I find it hard to believe someone could just cut contact over an "angry fight". Maybe a past example perhaps?

    • @v.w.singer9638
      @v.w.singer9638 7 років тому +4

      What makes anyone angry? Betrayal, a complete clash of world views, deliberate emotional manipulation, or simply aggression from the other party. Yes I just stop talking and walk away. Example? I broke contact with every one of my high school friends over a clash of principle and I've never spoken to them again in decades. If someone is unable to discuss something calmly without escalating to a fight, or simply chooses to take their own emotional problems out on me, then I see no reason to continue the relationship.
      Again, what is a fight in this context? A simple disagreement? "I like chocolate" "I can't stand chocolate"? Something more fundamental that leads to shouting and slamming doors? The "silent treatment"? Something that involves any degree of physical violence? A shove, a slap, or worse?

    • @v.w.singer9638
      @v.w.singer9638 7 років тому +5

      A "wrestling match" implies a clash of wills that cannot be settled by calm rational discussion and which involves a winner and a loser. I did not mean to imply only physical violence. I see emotional violence or manipulation to be just as bad.

    • @arong9258
      @arong9258 7 років тому

      V.W. Singer thanks!

  • @schmity007
    @schmity007 7 років тому +22

    I think the title is misleading. this is just "don't live in an echo chamber" which is a completely fair point to make.
    what I don't think is fair, is the implied title of being in an abusive relationship, or with someone narcissistic, who would bicker with you over trivial matters, and in general give you grief.
    a good relationship challenges the ideas of both parties, but said challenges need to be rooted in mutual respect and understanding, to be truly worthwhile.

  • @davidthomspson9771
    @davidthomspson9771 6 років тому +2

    badda boom badda Bing

  • @luciareyes7535
    @luciareyes7535 3 роки тому

    Resolver los inconvenientes y no dejarlos pasar porque llena el jarro hasta llegar a un punto de lleno y desborde

  • @ADS_Fenix
    @ADS_Fenix 6 років тому +6

    Jordan's great and I highly respect him, and I won't claim to be sure he's totally wrong or that I know better, but this particular lesson makes no sense to me at all and so I don't buy it. Why would a person not want perfection, how could more positivity not be good when a positive interaction inherently means a good and constructive one, and how could fighting possibly be the better of hypothetical outcomes? How is a perfect world not an ideal world? How is a perfect relationship not a desirable one? Differences lead to destruction. The closest I've ever got to a perfection relationship was a very good friendship with a guy I came to call brother. We became very similar in personalities, views, likes, humor, everything. It was a very healthy, deep friendship that strengthened me to be the best version of myself. Fights have been the ends of relationships. Hostile people you can't get along with make life miserable. Differences divide. -_^ What am I missing?

    • @matthewgodwin4626
      @matthewgodwin4626 5 років тому +2

      A.D. Sifford Obviously he is saying your perfect and his perfect are not the same...
      He’s saying that a properly balanced relationship, between good and bad interactions, has the highest rates of success statistically. He’s trying to explain why the trends go the way they do; experimentally, what he is saying is already known to be true.

  • @Heymonda8794
    @Heymonda8794 2 роки тому +2

    He telling the truth a Narcissist wants a pushover to abuse

  • @terenceyeo8380
    @terenceyeo8380 7 років тому

    Anyone knows where the actual statistic or study for the number of positive - negative moments to length of relationship?

  • @matteogiuspoli8487
    @matteogiuspoli8487 2 роки тому

    Has someone recovered the study he talks about? It could be very interesting

  • @Sternertime
    @Sternertime 7 років тому +1

    i want to send this to my Dad lol

  • @ziyaaddhorat
    @ziyaaddhorat 4 роки тому +5

    A lot of people don’t understand what he meant by ‘fight’...

    • @gforce97
      @gforce97 3 роки тому

      shouting matches are never healthy. i think he should’ve used better wording like communication or calm arguments

  • @SomeBlackDude26
    @SomeBlackDude26 7 років тому +8

    I wonder what the defect is for having no desire to fight ever. I don't want to fight about shit.

    • @markwalters8296
      @markwalters8296 6 років тому +4

      I wouldn't call it a defect necessarily, but it's referred to clinically as Avoidant Attachment type.

    • @annmitchell4663
      @annmitchell4663 6 років тому +2

      You dont have to fight,but a healthy disagreement does no harm as long as you dont make it personal.

    • @PositiveMommaLife
      @PositiveMommaLife 6 років тому +6

      SomeBlackDude people who never disagree scare me. They build resentment and could become volatile.

    • @user-qe7bt9dz1l
      @user-qe7bt9dz1l 4 роки тому +2

      It’s NOT about WANTING to fight, it’s about being courageous enough to express your TRUE opinions no matter what. You liking it is NOT REQUIRED. Most people don’t like to fight because it usually feels bad but it’s about doing what needs to be done.

    • @SomeBlackDude26
      @SomeBlackDude26 4 роки тому

      @@user-qe7bt9dz1l i understand. Expressing myself isn't worth starting a fight. I don't desire anyone's understanding enough to express my true feelings if it means I have to fight with them about it. If they can't just hear me and understand I'd rather be quiet

  • @icecreampimpdeux
    @icecreampimpdeux 4 роки тому +1

    Me and my future wife are gonna box daily now, thanks Doc

  • @jakep1979
    @jakep1979 7 років тому +10

    Relationship usually comes down to attractions. Usually when one is really attracted to one's partner they try to please one another and therefore the chance of fighting decreases.
    I've always been curious about human monogamous relationships and to what extend are they natural or forced. One theory I heard that human Monogamy only truly last 7 years.

  • @vitocorleone1462
    @vitocorleone1462 2 роки тому +1

    Im on the right and my gf is one the left, we’re both very opinionated and whenever a topic comes up. How the hell do we not fight when disagreeing

  • @darkmax612
    @darkmax612 Рік тому

    I regret fighting

  • @Abel-qd2mn
    @Abel-qd2mn 2 роки тому +1

    The outcome of this fight has lead my ex to hate me for life since she keeps falsely accusing me of cheating so yeah.

  • @yipperdeyip
    @yipperdeyip 6 років тому +2

    Reminds me of the Nice Guy syndrome.

  • @marilynhorne4954
    @marilynhorne4954 2 роки тому +14

    I come back to this video whenever I fight with my partner. We had been peaceful for two months I thought we were over fighting this time 😂 Ah well

    • @tendo3717
      @tendo3717 2 роки тому

      Same

    • @chasepotter2376
      @chasepotter2376 Рік тому

      2 months without any fights at all, even a little bicker, would kind of worry me a bit to be honest lol. That’s a while.

    • @ES92-
      @ES92- Рік тому

      Damn. 2 months ?
      We go at each other with my girl every week💀

    • @user-jz5sn1jx8p
      @user-jz5sn1jx8p 11 місяців тому

      Are you guys still together now??

  • @deadbilly13
    @deadbilly13 7 років тому +2

    I found this out too late.... lesson learned though, so fuck it, it happens

  • @ShrimpZoo
    @ShrimpZoo 6 років тому +5

    if Mr.Rogers was a Canadian genius

  • @LaLaTheRockstar
    @LaLaTheRockstar 4 роки тому +1

    Make money folks. Everything else can be settled

  • @maxamillion2140
    @maxamillion2140 6 років тому +5

    Is this is a short term thing? I've found in relationships we start off figuring out our boundaries but overtime we get in grooves and always end up taking the route of less friction. We know how the other person feels about certain things and do things to help them whenever we can, should I just dump girls like this and pursue a SJW so i can fight with them more?

    • @katrinadomi1
      @katrinadomi1 4 роки тому +2

      Max Amillion No!!! Lol He’s wrong in this one. Keep choosing healthy relationships!

    • @user-qe7bt9dz1l
      @user-qe7bt9dz1l 4 роки тому +2

      Nat S Pfft, he’s not wrong, everyone is just different. For many, fighting is necessary because of their personalities. Others are peace lovers by nature and fighting won’t be a part of it because they don’t need it. IT DEPENDS ON THE PERSON!

    • @TheMrsMane
      @TheMrsMane 2 роки тому

      Relationships that include fights (that don’t go overboard) are healthy relationships. Don’t judge relationships that you may not have experienced.

    • @maxamillion2140
      @maxamillion2140 2 роки тому

      @@TheMrsMane I think disagreements are normal, but they can be civil. They don't need to turn into fights.

    • @TheMrsMane
      @TheMrsMane 2 роки тому +1

      @@maxamillion2140 I agree, in a perfect world all agreements would look like they do in textbooks, where every party is understanding, empathetic and can put their ego aside, no matter whether they feel hurt or angry or anxious... but that's how it goes sometimes. People are not perfect and cant always control ther emotions or communicate without flaws, it happens. That does not mean you resort to name calling or insulting and blaming each other non stop. What I agree with is that it shouldn't leave either party with a bad feeling and the fight/ disagreement, even if it got heated, should end on a good note or if possible with a mutual agreement or bonding.

  • @dongandres3253
    @dongandres3253 6 років тому +1

    Fuck that, fighting is necessary! Sure it is inevitable, but not "necessary". I hate fighting, and it can be very much avoided since I am clear to whoever I'm dating that I don't like arguing over petty issues. I'd normally negotiate for a mutually beneficial outcome, and it works everytime.

    • @Gasconauxolives
      @Gasconauxolives 5 років тому

      Fair enough, and he probably talks about "fight" here not necessary in a most violent way, it's more like about arguing I guess.

  • @be6148
    @be6148 4 роки тому

    Seguro que se merecen ser maltratados? A veces te encuentras en situaciones muy difíciles que no puedes controlar

  • @qiaoerye
    @qiaoerye 6 років тому

    ouch

  • @MonaLisaFace
    @MonaLisaFace 4 місяці тому

    It is annoying when people try to disprove this by claiming they had a perfect relationship with their spouse and never fought. And I don't want to be the one to tell them that they didn't actually have a relationship at all, but I am still happy for them nonetheless.

  • @plutonium120
    @plutonium120 4 роки тому +1

    good lord that cardigan is awful...... i love it.

  • @robertreid2931
    @robertreid2931 6 років тому +3

    This is the first JP vid I've found where I think he gets it wrong. I was getting worried.

  • @theotherway1639
    @theotherway1639 4 роки тому +1

    30 Days to Overcome a Toxic Relationship, by Harper Daniels, is also a good guide

  • @Bardizzle4895
    @Bardizzle4895 6 років тому

    Okay so there was a lecture where he was talking about the value of relationships and he said something to the effect of "We have a limited amount of romantic relationships in life and we should do our best to learn from each of them". CAN ANYONE HELP ME FIND THAT ONE?? (Or even know what I'm talking about)

    • @Gasconauxolives
      @Gasconauxolives 5 років тому

      He said we might have 4 or 5 good shots at long term relationships in a lifetime.

    • @bhough410
      @bhough410 5 років тому

      Suspect this is what you're searching for?
      ua-cam.com/video/95dmLhYZwSg/v-deo.html

  • @christinehancock5995
    @christinehancock5995 7 років тому +2

    I read a Facebook meme yesterday that describes a "real man" as basically a doormat and a brainwashed slave who only lives to please his woman.
    "a real man asks for help"
    Ha! No. Team players ask for help. Real men ask for help only when they need it, after everything a man can do by himself. Real men are independent and don't ask for help on a social whim the same way women would.
    "A real man gives his woman all his care affection"
    No he doesn't. Only a brainwashed slave does that. Our kids need care and affection too; and to be perfectly frank, I just want to sleep most nights. I want his care and affection, yes; but not all of it, thank you.
    "A real man's biggest fear is losing his woman"
    That makes a man a liar and a door mat. Most women will walk all over that kind of man and feel little to no remorse. I want equality. I want a man of strength and honesty, and determination. Being taken for liar and sucker had better rate higher on his fear index than losing me.

  • @kholoudouais
    @kholoudouais 4 роки тому

    should i stop talking to him after an argument? and wait for him to talk first?

  • @rederatv
    @rederatv 2 роки тому

    If you feel disrespected and drained after a fight please run away.

  • @kosmonautt
    @kosmonautt 7 років тому +9

    Thing is, people rarely grow as a result of fight so it's usually just a repeating cycle of varying degrees of abuse.

    • @trevorseim6950
      @trevorseim6950 7 років тому +5

      You're referring to unresolved or unresolvable conflict

  • @sannjd
    @sannjd Рік тому +1

    People manufacture drama to fill the emptiness of their life. They have nothing better to do. The better thing to do is to accept the emptiness and live peacefully without manufacturing false dramas that can have nasty consequences.

  • @newinsights6494
    @newinsights6494 7 років тому +2

    If I get rejected I say.
    "You don't know what you are missing!!!"
    Then walk away.
    - Thuglife -

  • @leech1434
    @leech1434 2 роки тому

    I try to help my gf when shes sad i try my hardest i dont get any loving attention or any love back though we are in a long distance relationship i love my partner but we argue a lot and i am just confused bc she can be loving and caring one day but the next i am sitting on ft arguing with her over something imma regret tomorrow i dont want to break up with her i love my partner

  • @sir_nicks_allot_8902
    @sir_nicks_allot_8902 7 років тому

    I thought i married the right person, now i know it.

  • @007Spadge
    @007Spadge 2 роки тому

    My girl got mad at me because I didn't remember her favorite color, well actually I did, but when she said, are you sure, and since we're only together since a month, I second guessed myself, and she said that was proof I didn't care. (I got it right the first time, but I guess I didn't say it with enough certainty for her taste).
    I assured her I did care, but I also said that I don't like it when she tests me. My feelings for her are not subject to testing, I think she playing with me, telling me “Are you sure", even though I got it right the first time is manipulative, and I do not like that.

    • @sannjd
      @sannjd Рік тому

      A insecure infant who lives with this emptiness within themselves that they cant live without others is a bad news for the other person who is looking for stability and no drama. If she is a drama creating person just leave man.

  • @RahulSharma-se5nq
    @RahulSharma-se5nq 6 років тому +4

    Well instead of saying fighting is Normal we should be telling the next generation that it is not the right way to communicate your problems to partner .we should be sitting down ,discussing the issues in respectful tone coming to a mutual decision should hug each other

    • @TheMrsMane
      @TheMrsMane 2 роки тому

      Have you ever gotten emotional and then try speaking like a robot, perfectly rational? Me neither

  • @GeneralG1810
    @GeneralG1810 4 роки тому +1

    That last sentence is what kind of relationship feminist want

    • @0ijm3409fiwrekj
      @0ijm3409fiwrekj 4 роки тому

      I think in some ways feminism is weeding out the low quality guys to get the real alphas

  • @PearsAreOkay
    @PearsAreOkay 4 роки тому

    At 0:58, who does he start going off at :P
    j/katz

  • @ilovehouse888
    @ilovehouse888 2 роки тому

    Im 40 now. Yes! I want bliss! I don’t have time and energy to argue about bs. I need a co-pilot or a teammate, not a drama Queen who’s an anchor that brings me down and distracts me from my goals and my purpose. No thanks.

  • @newinsights6494
    @newinsights6494 7 років тому

    I am wondering how many voice of famous people and random people are criticizing his statements, behaviors and claims in his head.

  • @TheKlink
    @TheKlink 7 років тому +3

    "... mistreat them ... and deservedly so" I've heard him mention similar sentiments a number of times, does he ever elaborate when and why it might be legitimate to do so?

    • @DavidSharp2201
      @DavidSharp2201 7 років тому +8

      he actually said "and perhaps deservedly so". Quite different. I believe he is talking about how people are in relationships by choice and someone who chooses to be in a relationship with a narcissist is not entirely blameless. They could and perhaps should walk away, but they choose to be a co-author of their own subordination to their narcissist partner.

    • @JJ-vp3bd
      @JJ-vp3bd 7 років тому +1

      How do you turn a narcissist into a cooperator ?

    • @DavidSharp2201
      @DavidSharp2201 7 років тому +2

      Robbie Jackowiak You don't, usually. But you start by not willing supporting and being a part of their delusion. If you are very lucky, the narcissistic person is willing and able to reflect on themselves, their behaviour and history and can fix themselves. But that usually isnt possible or is only possible with therapy. It is unknown what kind of personality will emerge once they have fixed their flaw, and who knows whether you will even be right for each other after such a process. In all likelihood, the fact you were playing into their delusion means u have you own psych issues to sort out. So thats a bigger priority for you than trying to help them.
      Look into unhealthy codependent relationships, it should be quite illuminating.

    • @JJ-vp3bd
      @JJ-vp3bd 7 років тому

      But If I feel its not worth the effort its not a relationship fighting for if they never see my view on things. I could see that immediately or within meeting a person a couple times.

    • @DavidSharp2201
      @DavidSharp2201 7 років тому +1

      Robbie Jackowiak yeah, thats probably very helpful for you. Im similar at both first dates and job interviews; being honest about a few flaws early on culls the majority of incompatible interpersonal relationships before you sink too much of your or their time and effort.

  • @Nihalshanu22
    @Nihalshanu22 4 роки тому +1

    I love peterson and am not even gay.

  • @Navesblue
    @Navesblue 4 роки тому

    Another movie that actually works well for the whole "your parents are not gods" revelation is actually the Wizard of Oz when the curtain is pulled away and the "Great and Powerful Oz" is revealed to be nothing but a great and powerful phony. "Wait a minute! You're not so great and mighty! You're just a schmuck like the rest of us! Why should we take you seriously?!"

  • @sarangshoro911
    @sarangshoro911 3 місяці тому

    I came to know in 9 outta 10 scenarios it's the female partner who craves drama,attention,and ultimately argument in a relationship,and I don't blame them it's just the way they are and I respect Gods creatures 🙏🏻💝

  • @newinsights6494
    @newinsights6494 7 років тому

    This is the marriage advice and procreation advice to people who were choosing a celibate lifestyle, but now can be doubtful about their decisions again.

  • @MikeJackson690
    @MikeJackson690 4 роки тому +6

    I'm with Jordan. I need someone who can challenge me, put me in my place and give me that adrenaline. I like a debate, at least. My ex was too weak for me in that regard. My previous ex was great at putting me in my place, however. And I loved that!

    • @nightfighter7452
      @nightfighter7452 4 роки тому +7

      ew

    • @gforce97
      @gforce97 3 роки тому +14

      then you’re a drama seeker. not sure why you want a stable relationship in the first place. perhaps you need to figure yourself out first before being with someone

    • @MikeJackson690
      @MikeJackson690 3 роки тому +2

      @@gforce97 I've worked this out, but thanks anyway.

    • @sannjd
      @sannjd Рік тому

      Is it some kind of fetish, I get it. You are not a healthy individual.

  • @earthdakini
    @earthdakini 4 роки тому

    Nice cardigan

  • @toomuchinformation
    @toomuchinformation 4 роки тому +2

    Petersen keeps talking about fighting when he clearly means arguing.
    As someone who chooses his words carefully, I do wonder why he's chosen that particular term instead of arguing/disagreeing when it's clearly what he meant.

    • @ryanmartin674
      @ryanmartin674 4 роки тому

      I think he chose it on purpose. Either because that's the term most people use or because it is a real struggle going on sometimes. Calling it just disagreeing down plays what is occasionally going on in a marriage.

  • @jaimecastillo5677
    @jaimecastillo5677 5 років тому

    No lie.

  • @tonyiacomi4822
    @tonyiacomi4822 5 років тому

    Deservedly so...? I don't agree with that statement at the end.

    • @0ijm3409fiwrekj
      @0ijm3409fiwrekj 4 роки тому +1

      because you allow them to treat you like that, you deserve it because you dont speak or stand up for yourself

  • @josephdvid6
    @josephdvid6 4 роки тому

    I think that Peterson is saying this to normalize and justify his own unhealthy depressive tendencies that negatively effect his relationship. In Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends, he uses a lot of studies to show how when people argue with each other, it tends to make people more certain that their own point is correct and makes them not listen or accept the other persons point of view. I haven't heard Jordan Peterson use any studies when explaining his philosophies.

    • @josephdvid6
      @josephdvid6 4 роки тому

      The majority of top psychologists are very good listeners and communicators. You never hear the psychologist argue with their patience to try to "balance an equilibrium" or to get their point across.

  • @sharknadofartquake2449
    @sharknadofartquake2449 10 днів тому

    This is the weirdest thing I might have ever heard and I have big gaps in my memory lol. Seriously though I want to know what happens when 2 people perhaps married or not together for decades intimately with Williams syndrome during the relationship because those friendly people probably don't fight and yet everything is always going great I bet. Same thing would happen with couples with Downs syndrome I bet. BET ME JORDAN! Lol for real though I think intelligence seems to be quite a toxic thing.

  • @ezekieldaniel235
    @ezekieldaniel235 Рік тому

    Check him out he do helps and it real

  • @downbntout
    @downbntout 4 роки тому

    Nobody deserves to be mistreated by another person(s). By God, oh yes, but not by a peer. Once a person shows himself a danger, then defense must be put up, right on up to jail walls, but still no mistreatment.

  • @stephenduffy1634
    @stephenduffy1634 6 років тому

    modern day prophet

  • @patana256
    @patana256 6 років тому +15

    Women argue for the sake of arguing. Men argue to solve problems.

    • @yipperdeyip
      @yipperdeyip 6 років тому

      Then argue to solve the problem of your woman arguing for the sake of it.

    • @toomuchinformation
      @toomuchinformation 4 роки тому

      Not true. YOU just don't know what the REAL cause of their anger is; it's never pointless.

    • @nightfighter7452
      @nightfighter7452 4 роки тому

      Ok Hol' Up Niqqa

    • @charlottehubbard2365
      @charlottehubbard2365 Рік тому

      It's the opposite in my house. Gender is irrelevant.