Scratches vs. Stains: Reflection from a Car Wash 2 of 2

As I shared in the previous video, I had some unexpected reflections while washing my car. In this video, I would like to share my thoughts on how scratches and stains on the car can relate to what we experience in life.
The stains are like the everyday stress from working with, and for people. Regardless of how great the people and culture may be in any organization, due to the messy, organic, and dynamic nature of humans, a certain level of friction and stress are to be expected. This type of expected stress may be mitigated or relieved over a weekend. We can spend time with our loved ones, finding joy in our favorite activities, or relaxing by doing nothing.
The scratches, however, cannot be fixed over a weekend, as they may represent traumatic, harmful, and toxic experiences we have endured over the years. This type of deeply rooted stress, harm, and fundamental friction to our personal brand values, require additional steps involving advanced tools, time, costs, and professionals.
When we ignore deeply rooted stress, harm, and fundamental friction to our personal brand values in our lives, we are grooming future liabilities. It’s especially dangerous when we disguise these deeply rooted issues as a typical, everyday type of stress. Some of us are groomed to believe that toxic and harmful experiences are simply a price to pay, or a rite of passage.
These acts cut deep and the damage they cause can last for a long time. Don’t be fooled. No organization, team, people, or culture has the right to demand that we go through toxic and harmful experiences to belong. Rite of passage should not be easy, but it shouldn’t include hate and harm.
The worst is when those who are causing toxic and harmful experiences, try to groom us to believe that it’s our fault, and we deserve it. Sometimes they shine the spotlight on our reaction to what they did to us, shifting the focus on our reaction, away from having their toxic behaviors exposed. They would do everything they can to avoid owning their actions. Most often, they would double down and come after you. They operate with the zero-sum mentality. They can’t win if we don’t lose. Do not let them devalue who you are and what you’re capable of.
I’ve spent too many weekends trying to recover from what I thought were stains of everyday stress, when they were actually deep scratches from toxic people, culture, and systemic processes. It’s no wonder that my battery was just as empty reporting to work on Monday morning as it was when I got off work on previous Friday afternoon. I sincerely hope you’re not misdiagnosing your scratches as stains.
Dismantle the belief that you must pay a price to be you, to belong, and to do what you’re good at. Hard decisions are difficult for a reason, but your wellbeing is worth every bit of the difficulty. Isn’t it?
I’ve intentionally made hard decisions, took brave actions, and prioritized my and my family’s wellbeing over the years, to fix existing scratches and eliminate potential new scratches from my life. It wasn’t easy but it sure was worth it.
Reach out if you’re struggling with the scratches of life and thinking about making hard decisions. As someone who has gone through it multiple times, I am here to guide and assist you.
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