For debates sake cuz I love a good debate, let’s recap because there’s a lot of people who are siding with the fiancé in the first story. OP says her fiancé is living in her house rent free, she splits expenses for his kids and hers 50/50, he gets child support from his previous marriage AND he wants her grandfathers inheritance. I don’t know how some of you don’t see how problematic this is! Agree to disagree 😂 but open to discussion!
I think the problem is that she’s proposing that they create a life where her kid gets everything she wants and his kids are not treated equally. Kids just do not understand inheritance, they will see their sister go to a fancy private school, have a pony, I’m sure car and college paid for, while they don’t. Regardless of whether it’s “fair” or not, that is not a feasible family dynamic. And honestly I’d question anyone who would be able to live in a house with 3 kids and treat their bio kid with such obvious preference. Has no one seen Cinderella!! 😂
Absolutely by all means she should keep the money aside for her daughter but it’s just not realistic to have a family where the kids are treated differently to this degree.
sorry but do you have siblings? cause it really seems like you don't have any clue about what a real life, not reddit post, family situation treating one child rich and two poor would create. and your comment to "just work harder" as if that'll help a single father catch up to generational wealth sorry but your privilege is showing through here and you could probably reflect on that a bit.
@@Laaauren200yeah I can see how that would create resentment and favoritism but it’s probably not a good match then tbh! Or they don’t get married and keep everything separate. But either way I feel like he’s already getting a lot out of this relationship and wanting more is a 🚩
My dad knew my ex husband was only with me for the benefits I had, so he made sure to put my maiden name on the deed of his house and put "single woman" when he passed away. My husband didn't have a single chance taking my home during the divorce. Thanks for looking out for me Dad!
This depends on the state (in the US) where you live. In community property states, it doesnt matter who's on the deed. The marriage document trumps. "One to buy, two to sell."
@@kaylaprusinski7976sadly true. But if they are sneaky and plan way ahead, they can get everything. My former step father liked to buy and sell antique cars. He would put them under his and his dad's name. They were able to shuffle money and hide assets this way. She didn't get the full value of the property when she let him keep it because she was afraid of him. She lost $800k, at least
There was an update to the last story. She finally took her brothers calls and told him she had canceled everything. He was still pissed off at her but calm and asked why she did it. She told him about what his fiance said about Toast, and everything else she'd done up until now. He realized she was a horrible person and called everything off.
Update on the cultural wedding: He had it melted down. And apparently the bangle is refitted and customized a bit by the new spouse, but it passed down for generations and was her parents' before it was his. He melted down a generational family heirloom and saw nothing wrong with it. They had customized it so it wasn't even visible if he wore a watch, so any claim that it was unprofessional or gaudy is crap. She had a conversation with him and went over everything they'd discussed in their relationship about their future, and he revealed more things he had just agreed to but planned not to follow through on. As of now, the American wedding is postponed and she's not feeling optimistic about their relationship continuing. What a jerk.
So he went behind her back to not only remove the bangle after knowing it was equivalent to divorce if he did but he destroyed a family heirloom without telling her!? He destroyed the symbol of their marriage?? Throw the whole man away!
Not only is it time to throw the man away, I'd be suing for him destroying the bangle, what he did is f-ed up, I hope someone like him never gets married or has a SO again.
Kick his butt to the curb! She deserves someone who loves, respects, and cares for her feelings, and all of that includes where she came from, because it's part of who she is!
I’m half Vietnamese/half white and when my Vietnamese cousin married a white woman, she was so supportive of our culture. They had their wedding in our Vietnamese church (I couldn’t understand anything either because my parents wanted to raise me as ‘American’) but it was really sweet and it was a short ceremony. Then the reception was American. During the toast, a relative spoke in Vietnamese and then again in English so everyone would be included. Multi-cultural weddings are beautiful and symbolic of respecting each other and being treated as equals.
Exactly. Actively hating animals is not ok. You can not like them or not want to be around them, but actively hating and saying the most cruel thing you could say to someone who just lost their dog? Hell no.
IMO, animals are better than a lot of people. Our pets are good companions, they love unconditionally, including never judging you for your flaws. I would rather hang around with animals than people sometimes. Plus, it's too many of those monstrous creatures that make all humans look bad, so it's hard for me to know who I can trust sometimes.
like, bruh i understand people not liking dogs and not liking cats, like, preferring to not have a dog or cat but still being kind to animals around them, but HATE them? and be CRUEL towards them? THAT'S A HUUUGE NO
So wise of the first lady to give her money to her daughter before getting married. My stepmom stole over half of what my dad had promised us for years. She called it "our" money too.
So I felt that first story. My sister and I have different dads, and her biological father's parents were quite wealthy. They made a fund for her for college and paid for her first car. I did not get those, but I also technically wasn't their grandchild. They still loved me, got me gifts, and took me and my sister places for vacation, but it was a hard realization I was just a little different. I recognize that now as an adult and I appreciate everything they did do for me.
My steps were not as kind. Not that I deserved everything my stepsister got but the grandmother spent too much money on stepsister to the point she wasn't going to be able to pay utilities that month. When questioned about where her money went she said I stole it. Even called me a rat for it. "She's always fetching my purse!" When she literally treated me like a servent and had me fetch EVERYTHING, even when I injured my foot she made me hop around to fetch her stuff. Luckily no one believed her because she had made this huge deal about taking "the real grandkid" shopping and showed everyone all the expensive stuff she bought for her. There's a difference between simply spoiling your grandkid and trying to blame your lack of responsibility on "the other one."
Update on the wedding bangle story: "Thank you so much for all of the feedbacks. This is going to be a bit long because a lot has happened in the past few days so bear with me please. I’m a bit out of sorts right now so please excuse any grammatical and spelling errors. So, I ended up texting him that morning that I was ready to talk and he came to my hotel a few minutes later. I explained to him how I felt about him cutting off his bangle without talking to me and especially after he’d told he would wear it. (I don’t remember if I explained this earlier but in my culture, parents cut off pieces of theirs to mold together for children. This bangle gets reshaped for my husband so it’s generations and generations that got passed down to mine that is now destroyed). I explained if I knew he didn’t plan to wear it, we could have bought him new gold instead of using mine so I could keep it in tact and be able to give it to my children or we could have made one that can come off and such and he if he’d told me that there was no way he’d ever wear it in any occasion then we could have gone our separate ways. He apologized and explained that he didn’t think he would have to wear it everyday and I when I reminded him that he knew this for years. And also reminded him the countless times I’ve reassured him it was fine if he didn’t want to and yet he told me he would. I’d like to note here, he got to design his and we made it really thin and small where he could wear his watches and it wouldn’t show. I asked him to show me the bangle so we ended up going to his house. I don’t know if he person he went to was bad at his job or what. They literally melted it, it was cut in several different pieces so my original design is completely ruined. It probably doesn’t make sense to you guys but that is really upsetting to me. I did entertain the idea of maybe he was teased or something but he assured me it wasn’t that and he just didn’t think it was that serious. I explained that he was basically divorcing me and he said that I don’t have to wear mine either. He got angry with me and kept insisting I was making a big deal out of nothing. I explained to how the bangle aside, he lied to me about something for FOUR years and then undermined me right after we got married. He failed to communicate to me something so important and doesn’t see how hurtful that is to me. He ended up going on a tangent about how unprofessional it looks when I reminded that he’s been in the same job this whole time and it’s something he never brought also not to mention he works from home and only has biannual in person meetings where obviously it’s formal so it wouldn’t be seen in the first place. There was a lot of back and forth. He got angry with me and kept insisting I was making a big deal out of nothing. I ended up taking an Uber home and the same time day I went and got mine removed. I returned it to him since he bought it along with his ring and took my bangle with me. I called my parents to see if they can make me another one(it’s not the same because I’ve had mine my whole life). my dad called husband and wanted an explanation for he’d done. I guess the conversation didn’t go well because my father immediately started mourning my marriage with my mother and agreed to send me a new one. I told him for us to pause on the American wedding which after trying to change my mind he did give in. Because I wanted to talk more about what other things does he think aren’t serious. I left to come back to my house (I live in a different state only 4-5 hrs away driving) he was supposed to take me, but wouldn’t respond to my texts all of the night before and since I needed to be home for work I called his friend he couldn’t get in contact with him either so he ended up buying me a ticket home and drove me to the airport next day. He drove over to my house 2 nights ago. And he kept apologizing for everything. He told me that he would rewear it and will get it fixed. but honestly all of the designs are ruined and if he wore it now won’t really change the fact that I know how he truly feels about it so I can’t even enjoy it anymore. I had a list of things that we talked about in the past and AGREED to and just wanted to revisit them. And I asked for full honesty and we did end up taking some things off that he agreed to in the past and admitted to not fully agreeing to. Which just didn’t make me feel better like I hoped it would because now I’m rethinking our whole relationship as if everything else has been a lie?? He has insisted that he’s not going back home until we fix this but I’m not optimistic. I feel I’ve said everything I needed to say and now I have nothing else to say. He’s staying at a hotel near by and has been coming down everyday and trying to talk but he’s not really saying anything new and just keeps repeating the same thing. My dad posted pictures of me with my old bangle and implying that I was single. He has been sending me numbers of men he wants me to talk to. I have removed pictures of my traditional wedding from all of my social medias. I don’t expect people to understand (since many of you had been stuck on just the bracelet alone)but I did receive some good feedback and writing this makes me feel a bit better since there isn’t really anyone I can talk about this to. Also just like if he had a problem and waited this long and then tried to secretly remove it without talking to me. Imagine he had a big problem with me in the future and then lied to me that everything is fine only to randomly get divorced even though I didn’t know there was an issue to begin with up until then."
PLEASE DO NOT MARRY HIM!! LEAVE HIS BUTT BEHIND AND NEVER LOOK BACK!! Ok sweetie. So many red flags. FIRST 🚩 is he LIED to you! About MULTIPLE things that are to HIM dumb but to YOU are serious! Next, is destroying YOUR FAMILY AIRLOOM! LIKE DUDE! if you destroyed his mother's wedding band that was ALSO a family airloom he'd be PISSED OFF TO HIGH HEAVEN! And that bracelet was yours! He had NO right! He's being a heartless jerk sweetie. To me it sounds like he's not respecting you, your family, NOR your culture or traditions all the WHILE (though you don't know or understand our ways in the US) but your trying to make things 50/50. He's not nor will he EVER meet you half way. I'm sorry to say this sweetie but there are WAY TOO MANY red flags. Get out and get away before it's too late. And don't look back. He almost sounds like a narcissist if not working his way there and quickly. PLEASE DO NOT MARRY HIM!! LEAVE HIS BUTT BEHIND AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!! PLEASE sweetie! The only one who will suffer: emotionaly, mentally, etc. Will be you my dear. Please don't do it and get out while you still can. Your culture so far as youv mentioned sounds beautiful and EVERYONE has a right to their own beliefs, traditions, and cultures! And He's NOT respecting yours. I'd run away if I were you. Please! Too many 🚩's are already popping up and your not married to him yet (at least I hope not yet) Good luck my dear. And hope you make the right choices for yourself! Much love!
Definitely agree with her. It’s not about the bracelet per se, it’s about the lying and undermining, it’s about broken trust. Something like this would definitely break my trust as well and that is an hard thing to recover from and it’s necessary for any relationship. So yeah… I would probably go my own way as well.
It is a lot like the short story "Torn Lace" about a moment before a wedding where the bride saw her groom's true colors when the family lace got torn by accident and upon seeing his reaction, she decided not to go through with it. The little things do matter when they add up to a huge problem.
My heart breaks for her. I’m not from a culture that has bangles like that, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t understand and empathize with the loss of a piece of jewelry that is so culturally and personally significant. Not just the loss of the bangle (which really broke my heart- he just allowed them to destroy it after agreeing to wear it. That is unforgivable. My uncle is a jeweler, and I think that he would’ve tried to keep it in one piece). The loss of trust. I’m just so hurt for her 😭😭😭
Here’s the thing with the daughter inheritance story: she made the best decision for everyone involved. But I don’t think for the reasons everyone else might think. As someone from a blended family, I can absolutely see how it could be an issue if one child has significantly more financial support than the others. It doesn’t mean that the child shouldn’t get the money they are entitled to, but the resentment there could be catastrophic for the family. I can see how it would be difficult as the other children to see your sibling get to go to a fancy school and own horses when you go to public school and maybe get to do one activity with your friends. I don’t think these families are financially compatible. If the daughter was an only child, I don’t think this would be an issue. Bc because generational wealth is very different than earning money on your own. OP didn’t earn that wealth, it was given to her. For her husband to match that, it would take a lot more work and time to get even close to where she is. So it’s not equal. I think it’s best that they went their separate ways. They both need to find someone who matches their financial deal-breakers.
Completely agree! While I definitely think OP did what was best for her daughter, you can't blame the man for wanting what's best for his kids as well.
I understand him wanting the best for his kids but I think him telling her to buy ponies for other kids too was stupid. If those kids had some other hobbies that needed finances that was a different issue . Same with siblings too I think . If you bought the older brother a cycle it doesn't mean you have to buy the younger 5 years old the same . He'll get one when his time comes if he's even interested in that . But with your siblings I guess you don't have to feel like an outsider as much which could be a much more sensitive issue for blender family. This could probably be avoided with better communication. She could leave a certain percentage to the step kids for later & he could understand that you don't always have to buy the same thing for all siblings. Also the kids are getting child support from their mother while living in the inherited property of their would be step mother . She's also splitting bills 50/50 . If you think about it he is getting a fare amount of support to look after his kids . I understand how small children won't understand this but her daughter only has her . His kids would still legally get help from their mom if something goes wrong. May be discussing the trust fund beforehand could help .
I thought the same. The fact of the matter is that everyone had their priorities straight. It was the kids, as it should be. I think the father absolutely did the right thing by being clear with his expectations and those were fair. If the kids were going to grow up as siblings, it would have only be harmful to see so big differences between them. If they were adults they might could understood the reasons behind those differences but as kids there's no way they could process that. This is best for everyone.
Can we also talk about how he's demanding she buy ponies for his kids who show no interest in riding, when these are literal living beings?!!!! That part has me fuming! Get them equal amount of money in clothes, presents at Christmas, etc. But don't buy living animals for kids just for the sake of buying them or "making things equal". I'm a huge horse lover, I have one of my children in riding lessons and would love to be able to afford a pony for my kids. But the financial responsibility is not something my husband and I can afford right now. And our other child is not yet old enough for riding lessons due to the riding center's insurance safety restrictions. So right now things aren't equal for them, but it's also just part of life right now and their different ages.
This will never work. The fiancés kids will be resentful - there will never be peace. You cannot give one kid so much more than the others and expect everyone to be happy. Your daughter deserves her inheritance, but this situation just won’t work.
Actually, no -- the daughter does not "deserve" an inheritance -- it was the mother who got it; else the grandfather would have left the money to the grandchild. The mother now has the right to spend it as she wants to -- she CHOOSES to only want to devote that money to her biological child. And that is OK, but let's not make it an issue of "deserving".
Absolutely - I really understand the OP's opinion about it but it's still a very difficult situation and would not feel good for the other children. And what if they have more kids together?
UPDATE (from Reddit) to 14:42 First thing asked - me paying. Ella was promised a hefty wedding budget when she was younger. Between those years, and the pandemic, they had to dip into that wedding fund. In the end, Ella only got a third of what she was promised. She insisted that most of what she had, had to go to the dress. But she would drone on about how there were so many things the wedding wouldn’t have and how it wouldn’t be the “wedding of their dreams.” It was only like a week after that my brother came up and asked if I could cover a few costs of the wedding while Ella’s parents made up the rest to pay it back. I do make a considerable amount more and since this would by my brothers wedding too, I agreed. Stupid. I know. Second most discussed - Ella’s treatment of me. Truthfully she played the nice and loving girlfriend well to most, especially my brother. Even I thought she turned a new leaf a few times but it would never last. Some of the comments she made wouldn’t be always outwardly mean enough for a passerby to pick up (aka my brother.) Along the lines of “oh are you sure you want to go out in that? Something looser might be more comfortable.” or “I would loan you a shirt but I don’t want it to stretch out.” Mean girl comments simply put. She lost many friends over her crazy notion of them being jealous of her (even accusing them of being in love with my brother) She had two other bridesmaids in the wedding but they were barely close as well. Someone said it in the comments - being stuck between seeing snow white and not being able to see the evil queen within. That’s the best way to describe her. She’s beautiful but something is rotting inside. And maybe the most asked, did they stay together? I caved and finally answered my brother last night. From what he said, they are on a “break.” My brother had picked up on a few instances of her acting questionably but hoped it was wedding stress. He was fuming when he found out what she said. I do know she no longer has the ring. (My brother and I’s relationship is definitely going to need some repair but I think after a long communication break, and setting up better boundaries for partners and respect to siblings in the future, we should be okay.) Also yes I did lose some money. Just as predicted, she hoped I would end up gifting the payments anyway. Ella had told my brother that she was waiting for a surprise check from her grandparents to completely pay it off. Check didn’t exist. Thankfully the no-longer-to be in laws have agreed to sell the dress to pay me back for what I did lose, instead of legal action. Lastly, to my boy Toast. All of your sweet comments made me cry for an embarrassing amount of time lol. I hope I made him proud. There will never be a day I don’t defend that dog with everything I have. He is being lovingly remembered but his family and his little brother Crumb 🫶 TLDR; the brother and fiancée are “taking a break” and he’s taken the ring back, the fiancée never intended to pay the sister back so the would-be in-laws are covering what she lost, and the sister believes that her relationship with her brother will be okay.
Small update to the last story. OP told her brother everything about what Ella said and he took back the ring! P.s - Toast's little brother is called Crumb ❤.
My dad is a Black American and my step mom is a Mexican American, so for their wedding they had indigenous Mexican traditions, modern Mexican traditions as well as AA traditions... it was long, but beautiful. That bangle man.... throw him away.
The men's bangle is a very plain steel bracelet that can easily be hidden under long sleeve shirts or sweaters. It is a big part if certain Indian sects and is never meant to be removed except in divorce. For him to cut it off is a GIANT insult to her and her culture. Bye dude bye!
It would be one thing if he husband had a job where they are not allowed to wear jewelry of any kid because it's a work hazard. But since he works at home and agreed to wear one but when and cut it off, he's an asshole
My FIL hasn't worn a wedding ring since early on in my in-laws marriage. It was super uncomfortable for him and he was always fiddling around with it until one day they were sitting somewhere in a theater or theater like place and he dropped it and it rolled all the way up to the stage! My MIL was ok with him not wearing it after that! 😂 I recognize that cultures are different, but if this guy had told her how he felt before he had the bangle removed, I think there should have been room for compromise like him getting a removable one and wearing it only when around her family or friends, something like that. The way he went about it though was the real problem imo.
Dude's being so obvious about his gold digging that she basically HAD to set up the trust, to protect herself and her daughters future! I kinda get where he's coming from about equality between the children, but families don't even work that way! I hope they can work something out, because it sounds like the kids have already bonded as siblings and they enjoy living together as a family! Family stability means A LOT in a childs life!
I’m with the mom. She wants her daughter to have the comforts of her family’s money, fine. Doing that in another family without wealth is just plain awkward. There’s the rub. They could base what they spend on each daughter based on the fathers salary instead of OP’s salary and wealth. That would be equal, but you don’t see dad suggesting that, do ya?
My husband is from the Middle East and I’m American. When we got married I made sure to include his cultural wedding traditions into our wedding ceremony. It takes a long time to prepare for his traditions but I willingly research and prepared, and spent money on, items we needed for his traditions. He never asked, but he never needed to. I love him and I wanted him to feel it was a special day for him too. I don’t understand this guy!
I kind of got in a battle like this with my daughter's father. My daughter, when she was a toddler, had to have two heart surgeries. She would have never needed any heart surgery if her doctors had caught their mistake in the first place. My daughter's father and I were separated. I was talking to a lawyer about the doctor's malpractice. My daughter's father started telling me that if my daughter was awarded something, then he owed half of what she got. NO SIR!! Neither he nor I are welcome to any of that money. That is her money because she will be the one dealing with heart issues the rest of her life. She can't even get her ears pierced without being put on antibiotics first. There are crevasses in her arteries now, and if infection sets in those crevasses, it can cause an infection of her heart. That money was put in a trust just for her. As soon as we as parents chose to have her, it's our obligation to go through any trauma we were to endure. I told him that if he feels like it's too much trauma, then go hire his own lawyer. Oh, the reason I left him was because I went to pay bills, and our account was empty. I called his place of employment, and they said he hasn't been there for two weeks. I found him setting in his favorite bar. Come to find out, he had a habit of a street drug, so I left.
I'm sure he was a douche but you really left him in his worst times? Recently lost his job and had drug problems... Nobody gets addicted because they want to. It's a sneaky disease and could happen to anyone who might had a rough patch in their life...
@@Kath-Erina She has a daughter. With heart disease. You cannot win every battle and her daughter needed her the most so yeah, it's obvious that she left him especially if he has emptied their bank account first.
@@Kath-Erina omg. Can't believe you trying to make her feel guilty cause she left something she couldn't deal with. Can you look after addicts? Good on you! But don't expect everyone to be like you.
@@Kath-Erinatrying to claim money that should be going to a CHILD that has permanent HEART PROBLEMS is more than a douche. Taking money that is meant for the welfare of a family is more than a douche. A douche is obnoxious at best. The pathetic attempt at down playing should never surprise me but damn your kind never fails at mental gymnastics
My father told his wife before they got married he wanted a prenup as she never worked a day in her life. She agreed, when they went to the attorney to sign it, he felt bad and decided not to do it. Their entire marriage was what he was going to do for her FOUR FULLY GROWN KIDS. He told her it’s not up to him to include them in his will as they have a father that can provide that for them. She added to make it equal for the kids since she had four and he has 3, to add my mother, his ex-wife to the side of his kids so it could then be split 8 eight ways!!! Needless to say he divorced her and she got a half a million. He said you can’t put a price on peace. Don’t do it!!
Oh that's truly some next level entitlement 😮 I was grown when my mom married my stepdad, but my little brother was 13, and his bio father passed away, so of COURSE he stepped up for him! But my mom never expected or demanded that he be financial responsible for her ADULT children, or even be included in his will! That's insane!
The fiance is lucky to have been dealing with OP. I would've cancelled all payments. However, I would've had to take care of the cancellations after putting her in the hospital.
If anyone said anything about my poor baby dog who passed away a couple of years ago...I was so protective over her that anyone looking at her wrong would have to catch hands.
For the first story; OP's ex-fiance was definitely in the wrong for calling her selfish, and proposing to her because of her wealth (if that was the case). That being said, I don't think he was actually suggesting that OP buy ponies for his children as well. I think what he likely meant was that if OP's daughter was regularly getting extravagant gifts while her siblings didn't, it would risk breeding jealousy, resentment, and alienation. Which does happen. The real question isn't whether or not he's entitled to the trust fund money (he isn't), but whether or not their kids would be loved and treated equally.
OP kids are not grandchildren to the grandfather that made and left the money. They are nothing to her child’s grandfather and should not benefit from his death. Things will never be equal between his children and her child nor should it be equal. His children should not expect to share this inheritance.
As a former stepmother I can tell you there's nothing you can do for kids who calculate who gets what. If the father is already talking about what's unfair then he should do what he can to balance the outcome. It's not the woman or daughter's fault he can't give the same to his kids but that's not really the issue here. The pink elephant in the room is why nothing is being done about their mother not being in their lives? That will also be an issue that no one is looking at because there might be a day she is in their lives that could lead to problems. I know this because been there and done that.
OP literally said her ex-fiancé straight-up told her she should buy his daughters ponies too. and whos to say OP ALWAYS buys her daughter extravagant gifts? shes buying her daughter a pony because she was taking lessons and shown interest in riding. i totally get the ex-fiancé's concerns, i really do, but it's not OP's problem. the inheritance is for OP's daughter, no one else. as for other monetary funds for all 3 girls, it's as OP said: she'll do what she can w/ her and her ex-fiancé's money and buy appropriate gifts that align w/ the other 2 girls' interests, just as shes getting her daughter a pony because shes interested in equestrian sports. until they are married, either he buy for his own girls or they use COMBINED funds to provide for his girls, OP's personal funds, and certainly not inheritances, do not go to those girls
That story just hurt my heart for her. He literally showed her exactly how 'important' she is to him with the fact that he cut the bangle off as soon as he got back to US soil.
Yeah, but they don't live in her country and that isn't his culture. Why is he the one that has to be part of her culture? They can compromise. He wears the wedding ring and she wears the bangle.
@@marckye1 You marry someone of a different culture..you must respect that culture, the tradition called for them both to wear the bangle, to which he agreed and then went back on, like the person above said In their comment, if you disrespect or say you're embarrassed by someone's culture..you're saying you're embarrassed by them and you're disrespecting them, if you're dating and agree to marry someone from another culture...you must respect their values and traditions no matter what country you're in, it's the least you can do...if you can't do that for someone you claim to love then you clearly don't love or respect them at all.
@@EluraCorenBooks please stop. She's complaining about something so stupid and wants to call off the wedding. I'm sure the guy expressed how he felt about wearing a gold bangle. He's marrying her not an annoying bangle. Who wants to wear a bangle everyday, all day, esp. a guy? He respects her culture, he gave her a wedding in HER COUNTRY. And another one in the US. She's the AH.
My father was wealthy. I’m glad he and my stepmom treated all kids as equal. However you feel about money as adults, equal treatment has a profound impact on children. I never would have wanted my stepbrother to feel bad, like he wasn’t worth as much as I was. When it comes to the kids being grown and protecting assets for the future you can absolutely deal with things differently. But expecting a clear understanding of financial matters from little kids, expecting them to understand why one kid is entitled to something while another isn’t, it is only going to cause absolute harm to the kids who are told they are not as valuable in a family.
I am British and my late wife was American. We lived in the UK. Although our cultures are less different than many others, there are more differences than one might expect. We embraced each others cultures, and taught each other how to cook our nation’s foods. There is a lot more difference in this area than I ever imagined. But there were many other cultural differences too. Language has a lot more differences than one would expect. More than 4,000 words that are different or have different meanings. We both enjoyed sharing our cultures. It was an important part of our relationship.
I’m American and my ex is Scottish (we’re still great friends though). Both lived in the US. We always joke about one of our first fights when he was meeting my parents for the first time. He had a long day at work and said “I can’t be bothered” as we were getting in the car. I was pissed! Meanwhile he was just sitting there with a look of “why are you mad at me?”. I now understand the meaning behind this phrase but it comes off so much more negatively hearing it as an American. We still joke about this lol
My dad and mom split when I was little. I have a younger sister and an older brother. Both my parents had drug addictions but my dad was a functioning drug addict while my mom couldn't hold down a job. My dad married and had a kid with my step mom. I remember one Christmas I got a few gifts and there was a mound of gifts in front of my 6 year old half sister. I waited a bit and her pile kept getting bigger my siblings sat there waiting. I asked politely " Is there anything else for us" to which my step mom retorted "well didn't your mom buy you anything" I ended up getting up and crying in the bathroom. It doesn't need to be money evenly split but making kids watch someone else do and get everything they want hurts. I can sort of see were he was coming from.
Yeah, that sucks! I have no idea how much the grandfather left the grandchild, but I don't think it is as much as we are being led to believe. It doesn't sound like old money (if it were paying 3 tutions would be no problem, especially if there is only one pony) . I grew up very well off, A few of the girls I knew had Arabian stallions, we all went boarding schools in the northeast, etc. It would have been considered very tacky to have one child in private school and your other children not. The only exception would be if one child had just an incredible gift, for example, if they were very good at the piano and wanted to go to Julliard and this private school built the curriculum around piano practice times. The stepmother would have a hard time being accepted in the 'Mother's group' at that school, if it is a school in their locality. It would be subtle at first, but ever present. Wouldn't be long until the other mothers start calling her 'Mommy Dearest.' Wealth is just different than money. Money tells you about ponies and vacations to Europe staying at the four seasons. Wealth will say something like, 'we stayed at this charming little cottage in England.' I actually think the mother is going to blow her daughter's inheritance on lavish vacations, day spas and cars before the daughter becomes of age.
I can tell you being the step kid who always got 2nd choice 2nd best or nothing at all that builds a lot of resentment. He got a computer for Christmas I got a book. She even sent me away for the holidays so i didn't ruin thiers. No one was wealthy here. Leaving one kid the special one creates a super entitled kid. Its not the neglected one.
But in this case, it’s the father’s fault. He’s the scheming, money-grubbing scammer. If his kids feel neglected, they need to blame their loser of a father.
@@mjmcguire8308. Do you think kids will think that? They'll see that their stepmom 'blatantly favours' their stepsister by giving her a pony when they don't get any gifts nearly as good, when they're supposed to be a nuclear family. The OP will be the 'evil stepmom' to them.
@angel I sympathize with you completely and I’m sorry you had really abusive horrible parents! No one can understand unless they experienced it themselves. Some people think Harry Potter’s childhood is just a fictional story But young children experience the nightmare of being second class in their own family daily.
As a woman who got married 2 years ago and realizing AFTER THE FACT that my children will have to split 50 percent of my 401k, life insurance etc right off the bat, while my spouse of 2 years gets a full 50 percent to himself if something happens to me just doesn't sit right with me. Prenuptial agreements aren't just for rich people. I would DEFINITELY move all of my assets to my child's name ASAP!!!
You can still set up a trust fund for your children, even after getting married. You should 100% get an appointment with a fiduciary and an estate lawyer. Specifically a fiduciary because - by US law - they are legally responsible for making financial recommendations/decisions based solely in your favor. A financial advisor doesn't have that legal requirement.
@@dawnchesbro4189 Thank you so very much 🙏for providing me with this information. I truly appreciate it. I was honestly considering getting divorced if it meant that my children would automatically lose half of their small "inheritance" (if it can be called that). ❤
Don't get married if you don't trust your spouse to take care of your children. People are much too worried about their children these days, by the way. They have to earn their own way in life. You cannot do everything for them.
@@jamisojo Thanks but I am married already so it's too late for your statement. As a mother, you can never be too worried about your children, especially in a world where some people don't care enough about their children. They will definitely find their own way but, I refuse to have them lose half of what is rightfully theirs. I've seen firsthand how money changes people once a family member is deceased.
Paying for an estate lawyer is the best thing everyone in my family has ever done. My father had one and we “inherited” his son. Great man who really knows his stuff. I am single, and my estate Seemed easy, but he brought up great questions about how much to leave for the care of my dog; how much to leave my great niece and nephew, and at what age they should have this money, and for what purposes? Best money I ever spent. And every few years you can review and revise if needed.
My sister had a brief second marriage to a very wealthy man. They both had children from their first marriages. He spent lavishly on his children, to the point where on trips his children were treated to everything they wanted while Sis's kids just had to look on. That is incredibly hurtful to young children who don't understand finances but do understand being treated like second best. Looking at it from the POV of the children, I can see why the whole pony scenario touched a nerve. I do think she did the right thing by deciding not to marry, though.
@@YazminM2222 Of course, I don't disagree. My point is, any attempt to forge a new family is doomed when it is divided into "haves" and "have nots." If both parties can't agree on how the children should be treated, they shouldn't marry.
The last post , the brother is lucky to have a sister like her . Sometimes toxic relationships of siblings and their partners need to be ended the nuclear way . The sister saved her brother from a miserable marriage .
I’m not sure and someone please correct me if I’m wrong but I think there was an update to the story. I want to say that brother didn’t realize how horrible Ella truly was until she made the comment about Toasty and he called off the engagement. And there was no money from the in-laws to reimburse OP. Ella’s parents even told her beforehand However I’m not sure and sometimes these stories can blend with one another
Brother sounded oblivious, how could he not notice how terrible his fiance was treating his sister. Sounds like she was acting one way with the brother and another way with the sister. Definitely a red flag she doesn’t have girlfriends she could have asked to be her MOH.
No one is entitled to someone else's inherited wealth! But can we please stop perpetuating the myth that you can just "work harder" or develop a certain skill and make the kind of money we're talking about here (private schools & owning/taking care of horses)?! That ridiculousness is a major part of how the US got into the situation we're in. It denies the vital part that privilege plays in generational wealth!
Thank you! Was thinking the same and cringing a bit every time she said “just work harder”… its not as easy as it used to be (in grandpa’s generation) to build that kind of wealth for yourself…especially as a single parent with 2 kids!
Amen! And it perpetuates the falsehood that hard financial situations are deserved like we live in some meritocracy where poverty is a punishment for laziness or for not being talented enough. Privilege is real is so real.
Rich people should be stayed very far from and shunned tbh And above a certain amount, I don't think blood should entitle you to money either. Like, keeping the family home in the family and a little nest egg for emergencies, sure, but if I were to inherit a massive fucking estate and hoard it for me and my crotch goblins away from the world and even my LIFE PARTNER, having done fuck all but having the right DNA, I couldn't fucking live with myself!
Exactly - "generational wealth" is not the kind of cash one earns from just having a high paying job, it normally involves multiple investments, sales of businesses, or patents, having a family business for generations, etc.. - big money moves! An average person could only help to start that process, but will most likely not see those kinds of gains in their lifetime - set up correctly, their children, or grandchildren will start to see that magic compounding happen. And being given those assets without the discipline that was required to obtain them, can often end badly - that is one reason WHY trusts are important.
I don’t think most think that, they just want the trust fund kid to learn what it’s like to work hard for less money, just to not be spoil, though I wish people wouldn’t het jealous of our peoples money. Lol
Story 1: This is why you need to talk about financial matters before you get engaged or too emotionally invested. This is a typical issue for blended families, "we're family" only when there's money involved.
It sounds like the inheritor really did answer her own question. They’re both better off apart. He’s not entitled to her money, and she is entitled to set healthy boundaries. But I can also see where it would be difficult to see your stepchild treated so much better financially and not be able to give the same to your own kid, all while still acknowledging the first two points. They’re really better off apart. And props to her for being so smart about protecting her assets.
I’m conflicted about the first one, because I agree with both of them. It’s her inheritance and she has the right to choose what to do with it, however she’s not just marrying him but his children as well. His children are now her children, and her child is now his. THAT IS WHAT MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT! I couldn’t imagining marrying a women with kids and then prioritizing my own and giving them preferential treatment while neglecting hers, now would I ultimately be okay with a women who would let me do that and not stand up for her own children to be treated equal. It’s kind of shitty of both of them and they clearly do not understand what a marriage is supposed to be, and should not get married.
@@Viennery This is why heritage is usually not included in the marriage assets. That half of the money already has an owner: the great grand daughter who will have a pony soon. Not even one of the mother's future other children, but only her firstborn. If this is in the great-grandpa's will, then no way to argue and attack that. If she has an own second child (even with a childless man, for simplicity sake instead of a divorcee with 2 kids), it is problematic as well, since all the money was left for her first born, and she can relocate some of her own assets (half of the heritage money) to the second one. Law is complicated and problematic this way, and it can be different from country to country. No wonder it takes sometimes years to decide who is in the right and who is wrong. Think of it that way: imagine yourself in the place of the great grandad or any old person with money. don't you have right to decide which relative of yours will get how much of your assents? Yes, it is favoritism, but you know them, you know one of them can handle well your old business, and the other one would just sink it with depts because he cannot keep alive a flower in a pot. Some of them helped you, liked you and kept you company so you weren't lonely, while other relatives didn't care much about you, or were arrogant and demanding of your money while you were still alive. Of course you will divide everything "unfairly".
@@KekPafrany if I was the great grandad I’d want the family to prosper, the whole family. I absolutely wouldn’t want my inheritance dividing and breaking the family unit by treating family members unequally and causing preference based on past relationships.
@@VienneryIt is your money, so you have every right to decide what you do with it and I cannot force you to change your mind. This is the beauty of this, right? But in the same time, other grandpas can divide their assets differently, as fairly or unfairly as they want.
I'm so glad that Charlotte watches and reacts to all of this for us, because i don't think i could get through all of these dramas alone without her funny reactions. 😂
@@reader1672 so why watch if there’s no need? And one anthropologist said gossip is a form of grooming we took from our monkey ancestors. Robin Dunbar said that.
For the first one, for me, it depends on if the grandpa explicitly left the inheritance to his daughter(OP) only or to his grand daughter. If he explicitly left the inheritance to his grand daughter, then yes the money is hers and the step siblings are not entitled to it. HOWEVER, if he only left the inheritance to OP, then it is all considered her assets and if she marries her fiance and his kids (which are his full time custody, so would be hers in a sense as well), then usually the parent's assets are divided equally among all children. Especially seeing as the step children are not even teenagers yet. It would be one thing if she was blending a family with step kids that were already grown, but these are actual children that I would hope she would take on as if they were her own and want to treat them the same.
Agreed. No one would claim that OP would be wrong to dole out inheritance to other biological kids that she might have in the future because “grandpa never met them and didn’t plan to give it to them.” Ultimately it’s good she didn’t marry because it seems like she’s not ready to accept the joining of two families that is required when you marry someone with young children. Ultimately it would’ve been a situation where the step kids were never truly part of her family or her “real” kids, they were just the kids that her husband brought along and basically additional roommates with her
I have an inheritance story too! My kids dad, never wanted to save for a house, especially after my dad let slip that when my grandfather passes I’m heiress to a LOT of money. He kept saying things like “when you get the money we’ll buy a house outright!” My grandfather was alive and perfectly healthy then. Now several years later he’s got cancer and very sick. Luckily whatever money I do inherit my kids dad will never see a cent as he abandoned his 5 year old son almost 2 years ago to go make a new kid with another woman who already had 2 kids to two different men at 22.
I do feel when you marry someone with kids, you HAVE to treat them all equal. Doesn't matter if you want to make sure your bio child gets the best. Don't marry someone with kids. Just what I feel. Kids will be resentful and will harm them, no matter what someone thinks. It's proven. I married my husband and he already had a child. Not once did I think "well our bio kids get what I can afford and the extra is split 50/50 for his kid".
My sister got moeny from our great aunt and grandmother [biologically related to her] and the rest of us didn't. She's also the one that took care of them at their end of life. I got moeny from my bioligcal grandfather and none of my siblings didn't. Life isn't fair. And it's her money, she put away from her daughter who won't get it until she's 30. She won't get most of her money until she's 50. 20% of it is going to the house and other bills, so he has a lot of disposable income for his kids. Because he's not paying rent, he's not paying a whole lot of the bills, since the house is pretty much paid for. [if she didn't pay off the house then I'm not sure why. THat's a huge chunk of bills]. He's being greedy. she didn't oppose to buying the other kids ponys either. Just said he had to pay for them too because she's not footing the entire bill. Being treated fairly doesn't always mean you get the same things. I'm the oldest. Getting my siblings the same things at me would be stupid. I like to be inside, craft, have plants. My sister is social. She likes going out. As does my brother. My youngest brother likes to stay inside. Games, TV, head sets. Getting everyone an expensive headset would be stupid because I don't use them. Neither does my brother or sister. Only the youngest.
@@toothless3835"she's also the one who took care of them at the end of their life.... That right there tells me it happened WHEN YOU WERE ADULTS. This story is about children. It's completely different when it's children being raised in the same household. A 7 year old isn't going to understand why their sibling is getting all these nice things, going to a better school, and having more fun activities while growing up. This is not the same
Especially if they ever decide to have kids together. What happens then. That child would get more from being her bio kid too and his other two will be resentful for that new kid.
Comfort and co dependency. They get so comfortable in their situation that change to the degree of uprooting life and living situation is too scary to endeavor in. So they just stay, regardless how toxic it is. Because the toxicity that you've grown accustomed to is less intimidating than the unknown of embarking on life alone. Not to mention the plethora of folk who believe that "losing" a partner reflects poorly on their value, that their worth is based on their ability to "keep" a partner. Believing that if they can't keep this individual it means they aren't attractive or desirable. Doesn't matter if your not compatible, have different values or life goals, or one is abusive; society says if you can't make that disaster work, you are worthless. That thought makes leaving or being left in their own company terrifying. No one want to be a social pariah, a "lonely old woman with 17 cats"... Eventually pressure from the timeline established by culture, the idea that if you're not married by a certain age or hitting certain milestones; that you're somehow defective, that surely there's something wrong with you to be unwed... All wildly incorrect, of course, but that changes neither the generations of mindfuck that ingrained this belief into the very fabric of society, nor the very real damage this causes to people's mental health when they don't fit into this one size mold for humans. So long as these ideals are how we determine success in life, well continue to see these unhealthy relationships. Kids will continue to grow in these toxic houses, learning that its better to endure that misery to stay together, than let your peers think you "couldn't keep a partner". Gives kids all types of hope for the future, no? That doesn't look bleak or not worth living at all... no wonder suicide and divorce rates are so high. It's good for some, but not all. Then the youth see what society considered to be the ultimate goal to achieve happiness, rarely does that... Because what leaves an individual feeling fulfilled varies as much as the individuals themselves do. What do those who aren't drawn to traditional lives have to aspire to? You tell a woman if she's not married with kids by 35 she's a failure, tell a man if he's not established in his career and owning a house to bring a woman home to by 30 he's a failure.... that pressure alone leads to people settling for someone who they might not be "forever" compatible with, just to avoid missing the deadline... That's how these people get engaged, why divorce is so common, and it's all traffic af.
So, I gotta say, I get the idea of it being her inheritance. But, you can’t expect the fiancé’s kids to live like Cinderella. In the big house with the rich stepmother and the rich stepsister who gets a pony at 9 and a car at 16 and a private school tuition while they get legos and hand me down clothes and a school bus ride to the public school. This WILL breed resentment. Honestly, I think it’s best for both families that they go their own ways. If she doesn’t trust that this isn’t truly about live not money, and if he can’t provide for the same level of lifestyle for his kids, it’s better to not have one child lording over their step siblings how much better off they are, because no matter how hard you try, that WILL end up happening at some point. The one better off will KNOW it and use it. The ones worse off will RESENT it. And there will never really be a family.
Yeah the mom is basically buying the daughter life-long enemies. The step siblings will be there for each other, but with such an obvious divide in wealth/opportunities, I doubt the step siblings will have the bio daughters back like a true sibling would. In fact, it might push those step kids to work harder to spite her with their own success, or sabotage the bio kid’s success.
Agreed. This story and the reaction to it infuriated me. It’s fine for her to want a good life for her kid. But If you have step kids (which you chose to when you married this man) they’re your kids too. It’s gross how someone can treat their kids this way just because they didn’t have the luck of generational wealth and to be loved by their mother.
I had a very rich trust fund step cousin who lived with my brother and me and mom and step dad for a couple years. My step grandma who lived on same property doted upon him and would also always add to said account and tell him. Mind u, we around 8-10. Even for doing work for her, he always got a little extra that she would put into account for him and tell us all about while paying my brother and I for work. Step cousin would continual brag about it to us. Also had a super entitled mentality bc he always got his way. That sorta shit causes division. Not good
No one said anything about second hand clothes - you overdramatizing. But I do agree that the man is not right for that lady - and as much she loves him she shouldn't take him and his kids into the house
1) The grandfather's estate was intended for the granddaughter and her daughter, just as the child support payments are intended for the ex-husband and his children. There should definitely be a wall between these monies. 2) Marrying outside one's culture [or religious faith] is cool if both parties respect the other's culture/practices and this absolutely _cannot_ be a one way street. 3) Groom needs to throw this entire bride back and look for someone with a soul and a civil tongue.
The first story, get a prenup. What happens if they have kids together? Will they inherit nothing? I get she doesn't want to give any part of the estate to the step-kids. What happens when OP retires? She wants to retire at 50, will she share her wealth with her husband then or expect him to work full time for years, and for them to live separate lives? What's the plan?
we attended our friend’s daughter’s wedding, it was beautiful, our friends are from the Philippines and the groom is Portuguese Catholic, the wedding was in Catholic church, a clergy representative of each culture & faith performed the ceremony, they did an amazing job combining both, and whether it was planned or not it was informative, with both clergy explaining the steps and reasons, it was the most beautiful wedding we’ve ever attended, we were so thankful for the invite
I'm going to be the odd one out here but I can only imagine the resentment the 2 siblings would feel growing up in a house where the step sister got so much more than they did. This is why marrying someone with an equal income is important. I'm glad they are not going to marry. Giving the step kids the same as the daughter is going to make them feel entitled? Yes, it will. But the little princess who gets everything will also feel entitled. Honestly, I wouldn't want any of you raising my kids.
The inheritance isn't the same as income. So many comments are making the same mistake. I'm assuming they had about the same income which they did share, but the inheritance didn't come from her income.
She probably shouldn't be flaunting the inheritance by buying her a pony because yes, that will be resentment in the step kids. There's a right way to do this.
but she also said at the end she would be willing to help pay for gifts that align with their interests. she's not saying my kid gets a pony you get nothing, shes saying my kid gets a pony that you can come and ride if your interested, but I'm not buying 3 separate horses as that's ridiculous, espeacilly cause you showed o interest in horses previously. instead i'll help pay for something your interested in, oh its the newest gaming system i'll pay for half of that and your father can pay for the other half. the 14 year old wont care about the 9 year old getting a pony if they got a the newest gaming system or a new I phone.
I have half and step siblings and my dad and their mom share assets, yet I never get resentful when they get better stuff than from someone else in their side of the family or their mother (she is very nice to me already, I don't need gifts), and neither do they if I get nice things, so I don't think the op was in the wrong for saving for her child (the family seemed to be doing fine economically and it was grandpa's money after all) I don't think Charlotte expressed herself well there though. Also siblings always share, so even if I didn't get the nice thing I could still play with it
It's not the same situation, but when I got married my husband had to pay child support and since we didn't have lots of money it meant that there were things my son couldn't have, additionally my husband paid for extra things for his daughter like sports and music lessons out of his income, again my son did without. The step daughter had wealthy grandparents so she had nice clothes, and other extras. My son never complained and neither did I, but years later he told me how it made him feel bad...
The multiculture wedding story: I think I found how it looks, and bruh, is not ugly at all. Is so pretty and is not big, so he could've hidden it it was affecting his job. Definitely, he just didn't like it.
If the first lady was really interested in having an emotionally healthy home the daughter would be raised the same as the other kids and not know about her inheritance until she was an adult; and then only if she was responsible. She needs to live with her daughter by herself. Including a man and two other kids who will always feel like the poor sister won’t end well.
Really, if she's not able to view her future spouse's children as her own, she shouldn't be dating guys who already have kids. I guess this is really hitting me hard because my mom's dad remarried a woman who had no interest in being a mother to his children. So my mom and her older siblings grew up in a household where they weren't really cared for. It's just so sad to see. Created a lot of generational trauma. I guess that's why it's making me so, so upset. And benefit of the doubt, I'm guessing most people on here don't really know how expensive a pony is. We're talking rent money. Easily over $1000/month. Much more if you're not going cheap. Even if he makes over six figures, it'd be pretty difficult for him to afford going 50/50 on that for three kids. So to "offer" that just reads as fake.
I agree, my parents divorced and both have new partners. And I really love my new little siblings from their new relationships, but the way they were always getting so much more from parents than me and my sisters from the first marriage is a little heartbreaking for us. They got stuff and money from our parent and their own parent, while we got only from our parents and sometimes even less from them. We are grown up now and alright. But I do know that this situation can mess with a child's head and relationship with a sibling. Feeling as less, watching your sibling having everything while you work a part time job to have stuff you want in your teenage years etc.
You are the only one who hit the point on the head. I am married to my wife (obviously😅) who got three kids from my late wife. She treats them like her own and would do anything for them. She earns more than me too and never ever treats them as others. If she did treat them as if they were not her kids, we will be divorced.
@@parthsavyasachi9348 That is really wonderfull. You are right. If a person can not accept chidren of their partner as their own they should not be together. I know how it is to be a child in that kind of family and its terrible
@@mariesindlerova9663 yaa. Very true. In my wife's case she put more efforts than my late wife and my late wife was excellent too. It is very difficult to take other persons children and give them more love than there own mother. A lot of children end up with horrible step parents without fault of their own.
Exactly! I've been a step-parent before (child didn't live with us so it was more lowkey) but I loved that kid like they were my own. Because that's what children deserve and if you can't do that, do NOT date people with kids (unless the kids are already adults). Childhood experiences shape you so deeply. And this lady sounds like she just doesn't love her step kids and would always put her child first (which makes no sense when you're engaged and all live together). Her whole attitude put a bad taste in my mouth. Like when people can't fathom loving a child who isn't biologically related to them. They're children, wtf is wrong with you??? Also I think the dad miscommunicated on the pony thing. I don't think he cared about ponies, more the principal of his kids being treated differently in their own home. Siblings should be treated the same in the same house, end of story.
That inheritance story - with the way the trusts are set up, it should be explained to the kids like this: it is GRANDPA paying for the pony, the private school tuition, etc. It's not the mom paying for it. Grandpa gave this money for the granddaughter he knew and loved. He never met the other guys kids and so would have no way of providing anything for them. It's not the mom's money, it's the passed grandpa's gift. Then, everything the couple makes together, that is what the family has - nothing else. As long as that is stated clearly and with love, and everything with the family is done with love, then no resentment would likely come. When it does arise, try to soften it with understanding and logic. That being said, it would be a good idea for the mom not to spoil the girl with the trust fund either so she doesn't grow up to be an entitled trust fund kid who doesn't think they have to work for anything. It's a hard balancing act, but so is everything in life. If the guy in this can't see that and isn't on board with trying to work with you, than a marriage wouldn't work, even without the money - marriage is about balancing. Both parties need to be willing to shift and move to keep that balance, or it's going to fall of the rails.
The thing is, even with the grandpa explanation it's going to be hard for the man's two daughters to see the OP's daughter get spoiled and get access to all these privileges like elite private schools while they sit on the sidelines and get told "sorry, we simply don't have the money for that". This whole setup still basically creates a golden child dynamic, and assumes that the grandpa (if he were still alive) would have wanted nothing to do with the two other girls. I personally think the mom should just try to raise all three kids equally as possible and leave most of her daughter's inheritance in the trust to give to her daughter when she's older.
@@CyewWaynethis exactly. Any money she's willing to spend now needs to be spent equally. She needs to not touch the granddaughter's trust at all if she really thinks it's not her money
@@CyewWayne I think the boyfriend is a gold digger to be honest since he said he expects her to shell out money to give his daughters'' things. if she buys her daughter anything.
It's obviously great the mom wants to provide for her daughter, but hopefully she understands she's doing it at the expense of any future relationships. At least with someone who has kids. Because she's never going to meet a dad who's going to go "yeah, it's OK that my kids see your daughter getting ponies and private school while they're wearing secondhand clothes and riding the bus." If you're not willing to treat stepchildren like you would treat your own, you have no business being their mom.
Thank god someone else feels this way I feel crazy. I get the argument that it was the grandpas decision but people who think the mom should prioritize her bio kid over any step kids are awful.
@@Ives268 well send me to hell in handbasket bc those step kids aren't entitled to that money hell , she God the money before they was gon get married anyways
@@petitmains agreed! Ain't no way another child going to take priority over my flesh and blood. Especially when they mother is providing for them in the form of child support.
@@Ives268@Ives268 why shouldn't she prioritize her kid? She's not their mom. I wouldn't expect my parents spouses to prioritize me. 😬 This is just bizarre that people actually think like you.
Blending families is tough. Either the children feel like siblings. Or. step siblings. They will take the ques from parents. Love is either selfless or selfish.
It’s extremely hard and extremely stressful,especially when you have grandparents on both sides always worried their grand babies feel left out. They compete with each other and it can make life miserable. There’s so much more to it and it’s definitely not for the faint of heart. I’m on my second marriage (and last) of blended family life. I love all of my children and I hope that they always know it.
The inheritance is one thing, if it was gifted with the intention of supporting the daughter then absolutely put it away so she can claim it when she is old enough. As for buying a pony and other expensive gifts, that's a different thing entirely. Buying for one child and not the others is just going to lead to resentment and jealousy and a bad family dynamic all round. Don't marry someone with their own kids if you aren't willing to treat them all the same.
No. Every child does not get a pony when one does. I have seen zero families like this unless it was one of those Everybody Gets a Horse families, and those aren't the ones taking riding lessons.
@@jennifersilves4195 I'm not saying all the kids should be gifted a pony, rather it's the value of the gift. You can't have one sibling getting whatever their heart desires when they demand it while the other kids are always told "it's too expensive".
Apparently I'm the only one remembering reading Cinderella and thinking "how messed up is it to have 3 children and only treat your biological kids with love and care while treating your DIL like a second class citizen"... I thought it was absolutely unacceptable. Especially after Cinderella's Dad showed such grace. I could not live like that. If you're my husband's child, you're my child. I can't make you feel less than in your own house. Or even worse: have you feel like a guest in MY house because my grandpa gave ME the house, and I'm just tolerating your presence, so be thankful 🤦🏾♀️. This said, I also couldn't be the husband begging for equal treatment. It's true you're not entitled to it. And if it doesn't come willingly, let it go: your values simply do NOT align. It sucks when you've loved someone 4 years and imagined ending your days with them, but I can only see more heartache and disappointment further down the line at this point...
its one thing to share willingly, but another thing to feel entitled to someone else's inheritence. If the genders were reversed, people would be calling the woman a gold digger and crazy
@@udraj914 I thought I said, and I quote: "It's true you're not entitled to it. And if it doesn't come willingly, let it go: your values simply do NOT align". You're adding a gender war aspect to it that makes no sense to me in this context, as main man was happy to sign prenups and all, but wanted children under the same roof to be treated remotely similarly. Or do I misremember, and she was sugar Mommying while he was asking for sports cars, not contributing to any bills and not working, but waiting for luxurious outings in private jets ? Because this is gold digger behaviour to me! And I'd bet a shiny nickel that if the genders were reversed and a couple and their children lived under the same roof but the man had more money than his girlfriend/ fiancée (which is almost always btw!), and consequently treated his bio child noticeably better than his step children, reddit would lose its marbles and tell the girl she deserves better than living with such a douche, and would beg her to divorce him because he's toxic and mentally abusive to children... So yes... I wouldn't go there. (And that's without mentioning all the actual magnificent step Dads who do welcome mothers and their kids in their homes and essentially adopt the kids - especially when the bio fathers are not playing their parts ! So again, nothing to do with gold digging or genders, and everything to do with how you view family. And in that story, she clearly saw it as an insiders vs outsiders thing, which sucks to me, but that's the beauty of being different individuals: we all don't have/need to think alike (: !)
@Blullaby her daughter is not entitled to his kids child support, they should not be expected to be entitled to her daughters inheritance. The op offered to pay for half of the ponies if he wanted but he expected her to pay for ALL OF IT. She also shouldn't limit her daughters education. Women on here are really bending over backwards to defend this man
I don't see it as begging. I think he was just communicating his feelings and boundaries. I commend him for that. Remember that this was told from her perspective. Seeing how everything turned up, I think everyone was just trying to do the best they could for their kids without ending the relationship.
Hmmm. I think seeing something like this play out in real life or being a parent might change some of your perspectives. I knew of a household where the mom was dirt poor but half of the kids had a rich father. Half the house would go on elaborate vacations and have the latest and greatest of everything while the other half was living an impoverished life 24/7. There were a lot of hurt feelings among the children. Entitlement has nothing to do with it. A young child and sometimes even a teen has a hard time understanding why there’s such a big dichotomy in their own household even though the parents claim to love everyone just the same, It’s a situation completely created by the parents that is so unfair to the children. I can respect the man in this case for trying not to out his kids in this situation.
The guy isn't dirt poor though so it's a completely different situation. She even said if the other kids showed any interest in horses then they could take riding lessons and see if it's something they enjoy. It isn't something they could never afford. They're living in a nice house and have opportunities. The trust fund is something for the girl when she gets older, not something she can take out and use on anything she wants while the other kids have to sit there and watch.
if the forefront thing in your relationship is money and you don't consider your future stepchildren as your own and don't see them as a family, marriage is out of the question. kids do not understand inheritance. they'll see preferential treatment and will be resentful it's your money, obviously, but you can't treat kids in your family differently
If someone wrote in and said that their step-sibling got into a private school, her own pony, and (probably) very much nicer care - would we be on their side? Yes, it is her Grandfather's money., but it would be really hard for a child to understand why their step-sibling gets all kinds of special things and they didn't. You would have to treat them the same. I don't think the step-siblings should have an equal share of the money or even any of the money, but while they are living under the same roof they shoul all be treated the same.
I've never been married, but in my experience being a witness to MANY failed marriages, I always advise to sign a prenup just to be sure, it's a literal life saver specially if one or both parts are greedy scoundrel. Also, blame it to anything, but I know the strongest reason many marriages fail it's because people either never learned to choose the right partner or are very naive and inmature towards marriage and end up rushing things. PLEASE INFORM YOURSELVES AND BE PATIENT BEFORE GETTING MARRIED!
That first one is dangerous. He's already in her home feeling entitled to all she has. He was already referring to it as "our" money. It's not just about the kids having access, he wants access to her money for himself. And, he's using the kids to emotionally sway her (and it's kinda working)...except she's not financially ignorant. He didn't expect that. He didn't kick up a fuss about calling the engagement off, I think, bc he feels he can still wear her down in some way. Men are good at playing the "wait her out & wear her down" game. She needs to get him out of her home asap.
Couldn't agree more!!! I was married back in 2012 thru 2019. My ex-husband and his family are very wealthy. We didn't have a prenup, but I signed an agreement that I don't have any right to his land in the bordering state where his family is from. I had zero issue with that. He would get money for the land every July, and he always used it for us , our 2 kids we share, and my daughter from a previous relationship. I never felt entitled to anything he already had before I came along.
Unpopular opinion but i don't think the dad in the first story is a bad guy. No he isn't entitled to OPs wealth but if they got married and his kids had to grow up and constantly see OPs daughter being treated better because of the trust fund, I could see why that would cause long term resentment. If her kid gets expensive gifts, private schooling, and everything handed to her that she wants while they get absolutely nothing becuase they cant afford it the poor kids would more than likely feel like shes the golden child and that's not cool either. Obviously it isnt OPs fault or responsibility. I just think its a compatability issue. I also can't help but feel this is a time where if the genders were reversed people would feel a little different. I just don't blame the dad for him not wanting his kids to feel left out or not as important. If he explained his feelings better though he might not have come off as so entitled.
I agree with you that it is a compatability issue: a financial one. Had they met with no children involved, then this issue might not be so glaring. I have met and encountered the reverse situation for much of my life. It is not sustainable in the long run and the generational wealth via Trust Funds dries up quite rapidly to appease the other party unaccustomed to such wealth and for which the money was never intended. As horrifying as it may seem, it is truly meant to be spent on family of the same blood...nothing more, nothing else.
I agree with you, everyone would think different if OP was a man giving special treatment to his daughter while entering a marriage with someone who also has kids and refusing to provide equally for them all. I can understand the trust fund. Its inheritance money that is passing to her daughter and I am fine with that. But I dont think is ok to give special benefits to your kid during the time they are being raised and living with your husband´s kids. Its bad for the kids and for the whole family dynamic. If you are not ready to share your wealth with your new family (because your husbands kids are your new family) you are not ready for marriage.
Hot take. As a step kid, it would have sucked a lot to see my step parent so clearly favoring their bio kid over me. I would have felt like they never saw me as their own kid. If she wanted to become the step mother of two other kids, but only lavishly gift her bio kid, then she needs to be with someone who is similarly wealthy, so the kids aren’t left feeling less-than or unwanted. I was already looked down upon by my step-parents family, so it would have hurt like hell to have my step-parent do that as well. I get where the dad is coming from because he wouldn’t want that for his kids either. The whole thing is giving Cinderella story vibes.
Okay but if your step sibling wants a pony for their birthday and you do not want a pony and it’s not your birthday, it’s just an average day for you then why do you really need a pony? You don’t want nor need a pony or the expense or the responsibility: do you have to have “everything” your step siblings have just because their relatives on THEIR SIDE of the family set aside that generational wealth for them? And what about the fiancé’s ex wife and her new husband: why aren’t they buying ponies instead then? Why would I or anybody in their right mind buy something as expensive as a pony for a bunch of kids mine or not that do NOT want ponies or that responsibility?
Dealing with step kids, it didn't matter who got what when they needed it or wanted it, there was always a jealousy issue and this was because my ex didn't give his kids what they really wanted which was his time and attention. Things can't make up for that. The insecurity you talk about was what I dealt with for years.
What is so wrong with explaining to the husband’s kids that her grandfather is paying for it? First of all are theses kids even aware of the financial situation? It doesn’t seem like it. Also haven’t heard one word about financial support from husband’s kids biomom. Life isn’t fair and none of us should grow up with the cruel lesson that it is. That’s a very ugly surprise later in life
The way I would have cancelled absolutely everything I had paid for, EVERYTHING, if the bride I was helping out as family/friend said such a nasty thing to me about my beloved doggo(s). I would literally make it my mission to ruin absolutely everything about that wedding, in the most petty way possible. Tell me you want to go down in flames without saying it, _fam._
The first story is sad….I understand the father’s POV, and the mother’s. Trust fund was the right choice. But there are 3 kids in a family all should be treated equal or just don’t marry with step kids.
One of the coolest wedding I ever attended was a multi cultural one. It was a blended Jewish and catholic wedding. They had both a rabi and priest and did both style ceremonies simultaneously wile taking breaks to explain to the guests the difference between them and what they mean to each religion.
With the first story, the thing that keeps me on her side is that when he said to buy for all the kids she said YES, lets split the payment to get them all the same stuff then! She was willing to meet him in the middle, he wanted HER to pay 100% of it
But the thing is, if she KNOWS he can't afford that, even split 50/50, it was an empty offer that she knew he wasn't going to agree to anyway. I'm on her side about the trust, but everything else is not okay if you're living with your spouse's kids, let alone married. They live in the same home like a family and wanted to get married and legally be a family. However, she doesn't want to treat her would be step children as her family. She seems to want to be together but live separately in the same home, but they're not roommates. That's not how a family and marriage works. Those kids become YOURS, and you can't treat them like second class citizens. They should be treated equally, as regular siblings would be, and her daughter can handle the benefits of her trust when she's an adult.
She also said she will treat other kids different. Also imagine men asking women to mid in middle and contribute equal financially. Most of you will say to leave the man.
Because he couldn’t not bc he didn’t want to .. the same compromise would be NO ONE NEEDS A PONY.. if your married your money is family money because that is your family
Charlotte is basically saying give the one girl everything because she’s born rich and is a princess and the other two children can screw off. If they wanted a life comparable to their sister they shouldn’t have been born a poor lol it’s kind of crazy to hear. I thought she was better than that. The father is not a bad person for wanting his kids and the woman he loved kid to have equal lives. I’m glade they didn’t get married though that woman was making up any excuse she could think of to not give her future step kids anything lol. If it was the other way around the guy would’ve been a butthole for excluding the other child and taking them out of his will and the woman would’ve been a hero for fighting for her daughters equal treatment.
I agree. It’s obvious Charlotte’s childless and has never dated a parent. My ex and I each had a child. His daughter was a ‘horse girl’. It was never going to work. Sometimes it’s just better to marry when the kids are grown. Especially when there’s a big wealth discrepancy.
@SanguisLunae13 What are you talking about the roles are reversed all the time it’s called being a step dad and any step dad worth calling a good man knows you can’t treat the other kids differently. At the end of the day it comes down to how men are raised compared to women. A man is raised knowing he will have to care for, lead and provide for any family he chooses to have which usually means giving up most if not all he will ever earn for the betterment of said family. A woman is raised to look out for herself and since women are generally speaking the “weaker” of the two sexes that is completely understandable. The lady in the video seems to be a good woman overall but she doesn’t have the right mindset to start a new family and I’m glade she chose not to. How could you go around calling these children your kids when you are treating your biological daughter better. It’s not the kids fault they didn’t have a rich grandpaw that left their family money. Also I don’t think anyone is entitled to any money except the money you earn but calling that money the “grandpaws money” is just a way for the lady to justify not spending it on her new family. The grandpaw doesn’t have any money, he’s dead. If you have land that’s been in your family for generations you don’t say “this is my great great great great grandpaws land” you say “this is my land” or “this is my family’s land”. And living in a house with your partner isn’t some amazing thing the woman is doing for the man. It’s literally the bare minimum you could do for someone you claim to love and want to marry and it’s been seen like that for men since literally the beginning of history. He’s her partner not her tenant lol. This selfishness/me culture we live in today breeds this kind of mindset and it just doesn’t work if you want a family where you need to be a team and not just think about yourself and yours. Because everything and everyone in said family is not yours and also nothing is yours (at least when you have kids).
While I fully agree with her decision in the inheritance story, the only issue I have is with the repeated "those are not your children" comments. Bioloigcally, no. But they're engaged, those are her kids. They definitely do not deserve OP's daughter's inheritance, but let's not invalidate the role of a stepmother, because at this point in their relationship if they're getting married, those babies are her babies.
I disagree with you. I was in two relationships and felt the step kids were like mine and they made it clear in both instances that they had their own mothers. Even after marriage kids know there is a difference in who their parents are. The idea that his babies are your babies is only that a fantastical idea but reality sets in and show's the truth for what it is. In many cases problems arise from the very fact that the kids see who gets what and how much more of it. The issues would arise as they got older along with the resentment. And this isn't just from my own personal experience, this is from many peoples experience.
While she has full rights to separate her inheritance from the marriage, but I would also make sure that there is understanding in that if you are marrying someone who has kids, you are 100% taking on the kids as your own or at least if you truly love the person you are. Because you cannot truly love someone and not love their children as well. And if you love them then you are committing to being fair. That being said, it’s her birthday. When the other kids show a passion, you can then do the same kind of big things for them which yes is fair. If they are your kids then they’re your kids and you will do damage to them by making them always feel inferior or lower class compared to your birth child. Sounds like neither of you are actually ready for a shared life. That isn’t what you want. And that’s ok. Just make sure you own it. Which she seems to be
Charlotte was totally the asshole in this one, but I think it comes from a place of having been taken advantage of in the past and a privilege she is unaware of that says you can just get rich in a rigged system by trying hard.
Marriage is not just a formalised version of dating. You merge lives with everything that comes along with it. You plan to be a family for the rest of your lives and your children and grandchildren to remain family. OP in the first story does not seem to be ready to do that. Her plan to retire at 50 without a thought about her fiance's retirement shows that. She is not thinking about one united family, but about two families existing in parallel. She does not want a husband, but rather a boyfriend with a contract. It is good that prenups and laws about divorce exist, so there are ways to separate, if things don't work out, but that should not be seen as the expected course of things.
Well, that’s a good point, so she has her plan for her life if she stays single, but when you add someone to your plans you do have to adjust. Sure if she wants to retire at 50 that sounds great if you’re single with just one kid. But if you plan to retire at 50 with three kids and a husband then you have to be flexible to change your plans. I was all on that OP’s side, but you kind of opened my eyes. I’m single now but if I did marry someone with kids, of course I would be flexible and open to changing my future plans to adjust around my family. That just shows she wasn’t taking the relationship as seriously as she thought she was.
@@kalo_fox it’s not that she wasn’t willing to make adjustments it’s that he was expecting way too much of her and refused to accept compromise. He was already supplementing his living expenses by living with her and now she’s expecting to take all the costs of the extra children too
True but her daughter’s inheritage is from her grandpa, so she could definitely maybe readjust her own life plan but her daughter’s trust is not to be touched by anyone so this “equal splitting” it’s not valid to begin with since those money are not theirs, grandpa made them and decided how they were to be used. So on that OP is right, for her fiancé to get mad about her daughter’s trust found is a major red flag since again, those money are already her daughter’s and not theirs. On everything else I agree tho, they should arrange for an equal treatment in the house regarding daily life (or else she would only bring resentment and hate to her daughter from her step sibilings… and besides she should want her step children’s best as well or you already know it’s gonna end badly), if she can’t do it then better call everything off.
Inheritance is not a marital asset. I believe that is true in all 50 states. So glad that OP saw the light and had the strength to do what needed to be done. OMG that last one! I have a sister who is like that bride. Full on textbook malignant narcissist. These people believe they can do no wrong. Absolute belief. She behaves like this bride on a daily basis. Yet, people - not just the family - will go out of their way to excuse her and protect her when someone turns around and bites back. I do NOT understand why people fight so hard to protect the perpetrator. This is why I am very, very low contact with the family. That OP did exactly the right thing and I, for one, am very proud of her. 😊
I understand the dad completely ....I married a man and I had two kids...after his kids came along he treated mine different ...they called him dad he said he wanted to raise them as his own....when my daughter graduated from high school all she got was a gift basket..when our daughter graduated she got a lap top ...oldest daughter was so hurt she felt like she didn't matter....One good thing is my husbands parents didn't treat my kids any different than the other grand kids and spoiled my kids rotten...I ended up divorcing my husband and so glad I did everyone told me how blind I was as to the way my husband treated my kids when I wasn't around....Look for red flags when kids are involved it can really hurt them and make them feel worthless later in life. The little girl was taking riding lessons so she got a horse ....find something the other 2 kids like to do get them something ....it doesn't have to equal cost just so they know they are not left out. the other 2 kids have to understand that the grandfather left her daughter money before they came along and all the kids should be treated equal by both mom and dad ....Kids feel this they know no ,one has to tell them they are being treated different and its very hurtful. If the boy likes motor cross your not going to buy the other kids the bikes just an example.
As a 29 year old mother, and as an adopted daughter, my heart aches anytime i hear the "not your kids" arguement... i assure you, i most definitely am my father's daughter, regardless of whether he played a role in my birth or not. And my 8 year old would be heart broken if you told him the man I've been with for the past 3 years isn't his dad simply because of biology. Stop normalizing the mentality that step kids aren't equal.
Well the thing is he and she isn't married and they are not yet her step-children, plus step-children as I've seen with multiple videos are not adopted until they hand their step parents adoption papers.
I 100% agree with you sam. The person above me doesn't know what they are talking about. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend 8+ years. I have two previous children and he has one. We got together when both of our youngest were under 1. Although we are not married we have ALWAYS raised our children as equal. No, they are not blood, no we are not married but children do not understand everything adults understand and only see a child being treated differently. Also his son has always lived with us as well. If we didn't tell you we were a blended family you would have no clue.
@@ashleywilczynski2921 but is one of you extremely richer than the other??? Or are you in an equal situation and hence why equality for you children can be more easily achieved??? The OP could definately give great gifts to the children of her man, but for him to tell her " since you got a poney ,give my kids poneys too"; it is wrong.
I think it's different in every situation, if the relationship is early and/or the kids are older then and/or the other parents are very involved then it's just not the same.
As a stepmom that had stepkids that didn't give a damn about me, I understand where you are coming from but not all stories are like yours. Not all stepkids appreciate what's done for them. They measure and keep tabs. They told me they were not my kids so sometimes the tables are turned by the very people you try to incorporate into your family.
The problem with the First Lady is the difference in lifestyle for her child and her step children are massively different. It’s not just about a pony. She is planning to send her daughter to private school while they can’t even afford to send the others to college.
Yeah, the whole situation is bad. If it was me I'd put the trust fund away until she graduates high school AT LEAST, maybe 21. Just pretend it doesn't exist. That way the mother isn't breeding resentment in her new kids because it will always feel like mommy favors her princess. If you're two single parents raising your own children separately, then nobody dictates how you spend money or makedecisions, but a household should be unified. If you ask Mom for something and she says no, then Dad should also say no and vice-versa. And they're no longer "her daughter" and "his kids" but their kids. If you can't or won't make that shift then that relationship isn't right for you and everyone is walking away with hurt feelings.
They live in a fucking mansion for free, it’s not that they’re going to attend the worst public school in the city. Dad could send them to private school with the child support of their mother
Funnily enough, in story #1 her update about being able to send her daughter to a better school than the kids made me sympathize with her a lot less (though she is still ultimately right. It is HER money and she is not wrong for doing what she wants with it). However, my dad is my half-sister’s stepfather and you know what he did when she couldn’t afford a card due to financial difficulties? He lent her a car for months so she could get to work. Also as someone who grew up in poverty and had to work very hard to afford her education, the fact that she would consider sending her daughter to a specific school just for its HORSEBACK RIDING is so pretentious. She is allowed to be, but she didn’t mention if she would go through trouble to let the potential stepchildren go to school for their particular interests (i.e. loans). Like that is not a pony, it is something so vital. I think she made the right decision because she is not emotionally equipped to be a stepmother. Her ex-fiancé would also spend the rest of his life resenting her and probably feeling insecure about his finances. He really doesn’t have a right to her money, but the pony thing was clearly not about ponies from the very beginning. Well, not at its core. Unfortunately, some of us (like her) get financial advantages in life. Some of us (like him), don’t. It is what it is. But also I think it is a bit belittling to just say “Go out and make more money” when we don’t understand the circumstances. After all, it is a very one-sided story. There is so much space for nuance here. Apologies for the very long comment. 😂 Apparently I am very opinionated on this story. You picked a very good one to showcase.
If he can't afford his daughters such a life, that's fine, but being angry that someone else doesn't want to give your child something is rude. If he wants his daughters to live the same way, let him work more and ask for an increase in child support from their biological mother, and not take money from his fiancee's daughter.
@@aimay374It’s not her problem, which is why it’s good they didn’t get married. If they had then it is her problem, cause then they’d be a family. You cannot have a healthy family dynamic where 2 children get nothing and 1 gets everything she wants. Regardless of who has what inheritance, those kids will hate her!
Oof. Alternative idea: let your kid spend the money when she’s older and leave it out of the situation for now, unless there’s opportunities that require it and she’s skilled in some area. Telling him to earn more money when he might not be able to, is a huge slap in the face. Parents often go without when they’re poor/low class. I was lower middle and my dad often went without to make sure we had good things.
Good point. A lot of trust funds have stipulations that the person has to be a certain age before they receive access to the money, but often the trustee can still access the funds to pay for certain expenses for them like tuition.
I have to agree with the fiancee on first story . As my half sister always gets treated as the princess buying her car , college fund etc while ive to work for my college and they didn't even help me to buy a car . It's better to call the whole wedding off because i can see the op not treating all her children equally
My husband accepted my daughter from a previous marriage as his own and treated her as such. Kids will not understand why one gets spoiled while they go without. It's creating a messy dynamic.
This is not the same as your child being gifted something from their grandparents and your spouse expecting you to give it to their children as well. It is not the mothers to take from her daughter and give away. She offered a perfectly reasonable solution to her husband’s entitlement. How would you feel if your grandparent left you money and your mother marries, and more than half of your money gets taken and given to people you didn’t choose to be related to, and your grandparent has never met? Would you feel the same if you leave your kids money and their parents give it away to someone else’s kids because they got married?
@kissit012 If the grandfather wanted a specific amount to be left specifically to his great granddaughter, he could have specified in his will. Technically speaking, he left it to his granddaughter entirely, so it very much is hers to do with as she sees fit. Personally I believe that the daughter should be entitled to what her mother came into the marriage with, and the two step kids entitled to anything their father came into the marriage with. However, I think that while the children are being raised under the same roof, they should be treated the same. Which isn't to say that they all should get the exact same thing, but the value of gifts and opportunities should be equal. Just because OP has all that money, does not mean she has to be spending it on lavish gifts that are outside of what she could afford on her own income...
I 100% agree. I was the only father my daughter had since her mom's 2nd pregnancy appointment. My lil girl just turned 20 a couple days ago. Time flies, make the most of it!
Charlotte, when my brain is too full and my nervous system is overwhelmed, and the intrusive thoughts of impending doom are too thick, I watch you and laugh and shift my focus to the silly circus in someone else's life. You are the Doritos my brain craves!!!! 😂☺
For the first story, she's definitely well within her rights to set her daughter up for success. That said, I agree with the people mentioning that the vast difference in how the kids would be treated would cause tension in the home. I think the fiancé should have phrased it like that and asked if there were compromises that would make things more equitable for the kids. Instead of getting OP's child a pony (especially considering the real possibility she doesnt want to keep riding, then you have to care for the pony for years with no interest in the sport), maybe sending each kid to a camp aligning with their interest would be more financially sound and would help them all feel good.
The first story has me very conflicted, and I'm kinda in the fiance's side. Hear me out. As a step child myself, I'm a firm believer that you should treat your step children just like you treat your biological ones. Marrying someone with children should mean you understand that they're becoming your children just like that person is becoming your spouse. Treating the bio daughter differently, giving her horses, better toys, expensier clothing and maybe even a great car when she turns 16, her going to a private school, having university tuition covered without having to take on debt or work, while the stepchildren don't? That's going to hurt those children greatly and create the sort of resentment that destroys a family. And you're supposed to see them and love them as your own. And saying "Well you need to work harder to match your wife's inheritance so you can give your children the same life" is a terrible take. OP's wealth is generational wealth amassed decades ago, back when it was much easier, and its literally and by definition not the sort of money that can be acquired in one lifetime, no matter how hard he works. And having to see how his children get a middle class life with hardships while their step-sister gets a lavish high class life with no work needed on her part? I can see why he wouldn't want that for them. Thats almost the plot of Cinderella, and we all understand that Lady Tremaine treating her differently than her daughters is a bad thing, so we should also understand that OP treating her step children differently is also bad. To me, this is a nobody is the *sshole. OP would definitely be if she had married him, but since she didn't she has no obligations towards his kids. They're, as OP said, financially incompatible, and they're both looking out for their own children, he wants them to be treated the same as the bio daughter, and she wants to protect her daughter's privileged life. She should go on to date either someone with no kids, or someone who's from the same privileged background as her. But painting him as a greedy golddigger, instead of a father looking out for the emotional well being of his kids? That's nasty.
And I've been reading some comments and they raise an interesting point, what if OP has more children? Even if not with her ex-fiance, the way the trust funds are set up the first daughter gets 50% of her great grand parent's estate and the subsequent children have to split the 20% that's not in a trust? (land, house and savings). OP was not lying when she said she acts fast, because she made a very stupid decision that basically screws up any child she has in the future smh hopefully she's not planning on getting any more.
But at the end of the day he is not entitled to an inheritance just because he is married to her. You cannot force her to include HIS children into this. It’s not their grandfather.
At the first story: that would be so hard for the other two kids to go to one school on one level, and the one kid going to a special school with a pony and whatever else. I understand the trust fund thing, but maybe raise all the kids on the combined incomes, and save the trust fund for later. The daughter can still have whatever her grandpa had saved for her, but it doesn't put the kids on unequal footing as they grow up. It could lead to hurt feelings, bullying, resentment, etc. I can totally see why the dad would be concerned for the kids to have such different upbringings. Would Christmases and birthdays be different too? That would be really hard to do family things with that kind of disparity.
I understand equally. My sisters' Dad never saw us any different. He was there when I was born and has always been my Dad. So when my sisters got family money so did I. I never expected it, but I am so grateful. ❤ I understand that not all families are like that, but I love that mine was. I know what it feels like to be excluded for no reason expected I am the step kid.
I agree that the step children are not entitled to the inheritance. However, as long as all the children are living in the same household, they should be treated equally. Go ahead and get your daughter a horse, that is her dream. But make sure that the other children can also achieve their dreams in the future. If you can’t afford to send all the children to private school, then no one should go. Just continue to keep the inheritance in the trust so that your daughter can use it once she is no longer living with her step siblings. No child should feel inferior while living in their primary home.
If they wanted it to be equal but couldn't spend more money on the other kids, you could just spend less money on the bio daughter. She doesn't NEED to have a pony, she doesn't NEED to go to a fancy private school. They could've kept the fund secret until the daughter was old enough to inherit it. I still don't think they should get married. Feeling that entitled over someone else's wealth when you're already well enough off is a humongous red flag.
The inheritance my grandad left me before he died, got split between my siblings and cousins. I didn't see a penny. All because I asked if my inheritance could get split between my kids instead of coming to me. I got told "that's only for the actual grandkids" ps. I've been apart of the family since I was 6 months old. Me n my kids haven't seen a penny
The inheritance story I can relate with. When I was dating, (12 years ago) I decided that dating another person with children wasn't something I was interested in. (I have two children) My family and friends gave me crap but I felt it important to be upfront.. I could never put anyones children in front of my own.. I didn't want to come across these problems.. But I found a wonderful man and am very happy with my decision. Being honest is the best way always. She'll find someone when she's not looking 🖤
Not the AH but my children were on the bad end of not being treated equally by my ex and his new wife. Her girls were treated like princesses and our boys treated like Cinderella. Up to and including the girls getting food that the boys didn't and being given cars when the boys were not. I believe that in blended families, when you marry someone with children, you should treat them as your own.
Wow, that's just horrible. And what an ass your ex is, in particular. As much as his new wife sucks, he's even worse bc they're literally his biological children, too. Ugh. At least they have you.
There are limits to that. Unfortunately, both wouldn't be able to make things equal between them. Keep in mind that the inheritance was only going towards the daughter and her expenses (before the rest of it), so the daughter was going to have an advantage anyway and the others don't have the right to access it. It is for her only, and that's the only difference where things wouldn't be equal between them. The mom was sharing income with him, but the inheritance isn't something that can be shared as the original beneficiary didn't want it that way.
That was my childhood, but the rich person was my own father and my step siblings got everything.. while my sister and I were told "I pay your mother child support". (No shit, our mom would be on the streets without that, she's poor). Didn't even ask for anything special. I asked "can i get some clothes for when I'm at your house so I don't have to pack every time I go back and forth".. apparently that was too much. I basically never speak to him anymore life is so much better now.
The money was inheritance specifically for her daughter as generational wealth,,,, the man kids and him don't have right to it,,, they are not blod family..
The inheritance issue is real. The money is hers to do as she wills, but at the same time, she should try & treat all of the kids the same. If not, then they might as well call it quits. She needs to find another 'trust fund baby' to marry, so that money is not an issue. With all that money she should also have her daughter DNA tested to find out who her daddy is, because she will ask questions. BTW - I had this issue in my family. The person that inherited the $$$ found a guy that also inherited $$$, so they're good & planning their future together.
I have 3 adult kids. While they were growing up, I felt it important that they realized that something for one of them didn't mean the other 2 got something. They learned quickly that you didn't need to also receive something on someone's special day to not enjoy the happiness of the moment. Some parents thought I was mean, but I still stand by it. 💕🇨🇦
No reasonable person expects to get gifts on someone else's special day. That's not the problem here 😑. For kids, if on OP's daughter's birthday she gets a pony while on the stepkids' birthdays they just get some cheap toy, they're gonna feel resentment. If OP's daughter gets to go to an expensive private university, but the stepkids can't even go to college because the family can't afford tuition, they're gonna feel resentment. And that sort of unequal treatment in a family trying to be a nuclear family will turn the OP's daughter into a golden child, and there will be no peace among the kids. Kids will not understand that they don't deserve the inheritance, they'll just see that their stepsister gets sooooo much better stuff and everything paid off for her.
It's like this current societal habit of rewarding kids at school who come in last. They should understand that everyone will come in last, in something, in life, and there will be no special treats or favours given because of that. You came last? find something you do better so you can come in first. If that's your entire life purpose.
Thank you for being here charlotte.. there’s always things going on in life and this is one of the channels I watch when I need to laugh or smile 🫶🏽‼️ love char
10:13 Sounds like they came to an agreement, and they found a way not to break up, even though they’re not getting married. That’s kinda wholesome to hear. They both just want the best for the kids. The solution is really good too, the kids can share the horse if they end up wanting one too.
For debates sake cuz I love a good debate, let’s recap because there’s a lot of people who are siding with the fiancé in the first story. OP says her fiancé is living in her house rent free, she splits expenses for his kids and hers 50/50, he gets child support from his previous marriage AND he wants her grandfathers inheritance. I don’t know how some of you don’t see how problematic this is! Agree to disagree 😂 but open to discussion!
That’s hers and hers alone. Dump the gold digger.
I think the problem is that she’s proposing that they create a life where her kid gets everything she wants and his kids are not treated equally. Kids just do not understand inheritance, they will see their sister go to a fancy private school, have a pony, I’m sure car and college paid for, while they don’t. Regardless of whether it’s “fair” or not, that is not a feasible family dynamic. And honestly I’d question anyone who would be able to live in a house with 3 kids and treat their bio kid with such obvious preference. Has no one seen Cinderella!! 😂
Absolutely by all means she should keep the money aside for her daughter but it’s just not realistic to have a family where the kids are treated differently to this degree.
sorry but do you have siblings? cause it really seems like you don't have any clue about what a real life, not reddit post, family situation treating one child rich and two poor would create. and your comment to "just work harder" as if that'll help a single father catch up to generational wealth sorry but your privilege is showing through here and you could probably reflect on that a bit.
@@Laaauren200yeah I can see how that would create resentment and favoritism but it’s probably not a good match then tbh! Or they don’t get married and keep everything separate. But either way I feel like he’s already getting a lot out of this relationship and wanting more is a 🚩
My dad knew my ex husband was only with me for the benefits I had, so he made sure to put my maiden name on the deed of his house and put "single woman" when he passed away. My husband didn't have a single chance taking my home during the divorce. Thanks for looking out for me Dad!
What a smart man! ❤ I’m sorry for your loss
This depends on the state (in the US) where you live. In community property states, it doesnt matter who's on the deed. The marriage document trumps. "One to buy, two to sell."
How sweet and smart of your dad! Saved you from a nightmare
Woooow 😮 what an amazing father! Thank you to your dad much love for him protecting his daughter always ❤❤❤❤❤ just wow. ❤
@@kaylaprusinski7976sadly true. But if they are sneaky and plan way ahead, they can get everything. My former step father liked to buy and sell antique cars. He would put them under his and his dad's name. They were able to shuffle money and hide assets this way. She didn't get the full value of the property when she let him keep it because she was afraid of him. She lost $800k, at least
There was an update to the last story. She finally took her brothers calls and told him she had canceled everything. He was still pissed off at her but calm and asked why she did it. She told him about what his fiance said about Toast, and everything else she'd done up until now. He realized she was a horrible person and called everything off.
Thank you! So there was a happy ending!
Good!
Thank you
Oh thank God!
This comment needs to be pinned, so everyone can see it. We all need to know the ending!!
Update on the cultural wedding: He had it melted down. And apparently the bangle is refitted and customized a bit by the new spouse, but it passed down for generations and was her parents' before it was his. He melted down a generational family heirloom and saw nothing wrong with it. They had customized it so it wasn't even visible if he wore a watch, so any claim that it was unprofessional or gaudy is crap. She had a conversation with him and went over everything they'd discussed in their relationship about their future, and he revealed more things he had just agreed to but planned not to follow through on. As of now, the American wedding is postponed and she's not feeling optimistic about their relationship continuing. What a jerk.
OMG WHAT A PIECE OF CRAP. Like I already thought that but it’s an heirloom?! Hell no.
So he went behind her back to not only remove the bangle after knowing it was equivalent to divorce if he did but he destroyed a family heirloom without telling her!? He destroyed the symbol of their marriage??
Throw the whole man away!
Not only is it time to throw the man away, I'd be suing for him destroying the bangle, what he did is f-ed up, I hope someone like him never gets married or has a SO again.
Dump him!! He clearly doesn't respect you at all...
Kick his butt to the curb! She deserves someone who loves, respects, and cares for her feelings, and all of that includes where she came from, because it's part of who she is!
I’m half Vietnamese/half white and when my Vietnamese cousin married a white woman, she was so supportive of our culture. They had their wedding in our Vietnamese church (I couldn’t understand anything either because my parents wanted to raise me as ‘American’) but it was really sweet and it was a short ceremony. Then the reception was American. During the toast, a relative spoke in Vietnamese and then again in English so everyone would be included. Multi-cultural weddings are beautiful and symbolic of respecting each other and being treated as equals.
100% she did right in cancelling all the payments for her brothers wedding stuff!! Hating animals is a major red flag..
Exactly. Actively hating animals is not ok. You can not like them or not want to be around them, but actively hating and saying the most cruel thing you could say to someone who just lost their dog? Hell no.
IMO, animals are better than a lot of people. Our pets are good companions, they love unconditionally, including never judging you for your flaws. I would rather hang around with animals than people sometimes. Plus, it's too many of those monstrous creatures that make all humans look bad, so it's hard for me to know who I can trust sometimes.
like, bruh i understand people not liking dogs and not liking cats, like, preferring to not have a dog or cat but still being kind to animals around them, but HATE them? and be CRUEL towards them? THAT'S A HUUUGE NO
I DON'T TRUST ANYONE WHO HATES ANIMALS !! YUCK!!
It's not fair with 3 kids in the house to buy 1 kid a pony !! But I agree he can pay half if he wants them to have 1 to
So wise of the first lady to give her money to her daughter before getting married. My stepmom stole over half of what my dad had promised us for years. She called it "our" money too.
Yes, she not TA for doing that... but I really think it would be wiser not to marry him at all, and rather break up with the dude...
Oh HELL NOOO! (Charlotte's voice)
Thank you,@@Smackuula ! I've never felt more validated! 😜 Charlotte's "Oh Hell No!" - the latest validation technique.
That's so sad that she stole from you without mercy
I’m in exactly the same boat 😢
So I felt that first story. My sister and I have different dads, and her biological father's parents were quite wealthy. They made a fund for her for college and paid for her first car. I did not get those, but I also technically wasn't their grandchild. They still loved me, got me gifts, and took me and my sister places for vacation, but it was a hard realization I was just a little different. I recognize that now as an adult and I appreciate everything they did do for me.
Very mature!
@CiaoColeG Thank you! It took a long time to get there, trust me lol. I had a lot of resentment for a long time
They sound so kind. You and your sister are so lucky.
My steps were not as kind. Not that I deserved everything my stepsister got but the grandmother spent too much money on stepsister to the point she wasn't going to be able to pay utilities that month. When questioned about where her money went she said I stole it. Even called me a rat for it. "She's always fetching my purse!" When she literally treated me like a servent and had me fetch EVERYTHING, even when I injured my foot she made me hop around to fetch her stuff.
Luckily no one believed her because she had made this huge deal about taking "the real grandkid" shopping and showed everyone all the expensive stuff she bought for her. There's a difference between simply spoiling your grandkid and trying to blame your lack of responsibility on "the other one."
@katrinascarlet5637 Jesus she sounds awful. I'm glad everyone believed you
Update on the wedding bangle story:
"Thank you so much for all of the feedbacks. This is going to be a bit long because a lot has happened in the past few days so bear with me please. I’m a bit out of sorts right now so please excuse any grammatical and spelling errors.
So, I ended up texting him that morning that I was ready to talk and he came to my hotel a few minutes later. I explained to him how I felt about him cutting off his bangle without talking to me and especially after he’d told he would wear it. (I don’t remember if I explained this earlier but in my culture, parents cut off pieces of theirs to mold together for children. This bangle gets reshaped for my husband so it’s generations and generations that got passed down to mine that is now destroyed). I explained if I knew he didn’t plan to wear it, we could have bought him new gold instead of using mine so I could keep it in tact and be able to give it to my children or we could have made one that can come off and such and he if he’d told me that there was no way he’d ever wear it in any occasion then we could have gone our separate ways.
He apologized and explained that he didn’t think he would have to wear it everyday and I when I reminded him that he knew this for years. And also reminded him the countless times I’ve reassured him it was fine if he didn’t want to and yet he told me he would. I’d like to note here, he got to design his and we made it really thin and small where he could wear his watches and it wouldn’t show.
I asked him to show me the bangle so we ended up going to his house. I don’t know if he person he went to was bad at his job or what. They literally melted it, it was cut in several different pieces so my original design is completely ruined. It probably doesn’t make sense to you guys but that is really upsetting to me.
I did entertain the idea of maybe he was teased or something but he assured me it wasn’t that and he just didn’t think it was that serious. I explained that he was basically divorcing me and he said that I don’t have to wear mine either. He got angry with me and kept insisting I was making a big deal out of nothing. I explained to how the bangle aside, he lied to me about something for FOUR years and then undermined me right after we got married. He failed to communicate to me something so important and doesn’t see how hurtful that is to me. He ended up going on a tangent about how unprofessional it looks when I reminded that he’s been in the same job this whole time and it’s something he never brought also not to mention he works from home and only has biannual in person meetings where obviously it’s formal so it wouldn’t be seen in the first place. There was a lot of back and forth.
He got angry with me and kept insisting I was making a big deal out of nothing. I ended up taking an Uber home and the same time day I went and got mine removed. I returned it to him since he bought it along with his ring and took my bangle with me. I called my parents to see if they can make me another one(it’s not the same because I’ve had mine my whole life). my dad called husband and wanted an explanation for he’d done. I guess the conversation didn’t go well because my father immediately started mourning my marriage with my mother and agreed to send me a new one.
I told him for us to pause on the American wedding which after trying to change my mind he did give in. Because I wanted to talk more about what other things does he think aren’t serious. I left to come back to my house (I live in a different state only 4-5 hrs away driving) he was supposed to take me, but wouldn’t respond to my texts all of the night before and since I needed to be home for work I called his friend he couldn’t get in contact with him either so he ended up buying me a ticket home and drove me to the airport next day.
He drove over to my house 2 nights ago. And he kept apologizing for everything. He told me that he would rewear it and will get it fixed. but honestly all of the designs are ruined and if he wore it now won’t really change the fact that I know how he truly feels about it so I can’t even enjoy it anymore.
I had a list of things that we talked about in the past and AGREED to and just wanted to revisit them. And I asked for full honesty and we did end up taking some things off that he agreed to in the past and admitted to not fully agreeing to. Which just didn’t make me feel better like I hoped it would because now I’m rethinking our whole relationship as if everything else has been a lie??
He has insisted that he’s not going back home until we fix this but I’m not optimistic. I feel I’ve said everything I needed to say and now I have nothing else to say. He’s staying at a hotel near by and has been coming down everyday and trying to talk but he’s not really saying anything new and just keeps repeating the same thing.
My dad posted pictures of me with my old bangle and implying that I was single. He has been sending me numbers of men he wants me to talk to. I have removed pictures of my traditional wedding from all of my social medias.
I don’t expect people to understand (since many of you had been stuck on just the bracelet alone)but I did receive some good feedback and writing this makes me feel a bit better since there isn’t really anyone I can talk about this to. Also just like if he had a problem and waited this long and then tried to secretly remove it without talking to me. Imagine he had a big problem with me in the future and then lied to me that everything is fine only to randomly get divorced even though I didn’t know there was an issue to begin with up until then."
PLEASE DO NOT MARRY HIM!! LEAVE HIS BUTT BEHIND AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!
Ok sweetie. So many red flags. FIRST 🚩 is he LIED to you! About MULTIPLE things that are to HIM dumb but to YOU are serious! Next, is destroying YOUR FAMILY AIRLOOM! LIKE DUDE! if you destroyed his mother's wedding band that was ALSO a family airloom he'd be PISSED OFF TO HIGH HEAVEN! And that bracelet was yours! He had NO right! He's being a heartless jerk sweetie. To me it sounds like he's not respecting you, your family, NOR your culture or traditions all the WHILE (though you don't know or understand our ways in the US) but your trying to make things 50/50. He's not nor will he EVER meet you half way. I'm sorry to say this sweetie but there are WAY TOO MANY red flags. Get out and get away before it's too late. And don't look back. He almost sounds like a narcissist if not working his way there and quickly. PLEASE DO NOT MARRY HIM!! LEAVE HIS BUTT BEHIND AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!!
PLEASE sweetie! The only one who will suffer: emotionaly, mentally, etc. Will be you my dear. Please don't do it and get out while you still can.
Your culture so far as youv mentioned sounds beautiful and EVERYONE has a right to their own beliefs, traditions, and cultures! And He's NOT respecting yours. I'd run away if I were you. Please! Too many 🚩's are already popping up and your not married to him yet (at least I hope not yet)
Good luck my dear. And hope you make the right choices for yourself! Much love!
Definitely agree with her. It’s not about the bracelet per se, it’s about the lying and undermining, it’s about broken trust. Something like this would definitely break my trust as well and that is an hard thing to recover from and it’s necessary for any relationship. So yeah… I would probably go my own way as well.
It is a lot like the short story "Torn Lace" about a moment before a wedding where the bride saw her groom's true colors when the family lace got torn by accident and upon seeing his reaction, she decided not to go through with it. The little things do matter when they add up to a huge problem.
My heart breaks for her. I’m not from a culture that has bangles like that, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t understand and empathize with the loss of a piece of jewelry that is so culturally and personally significant. Not just the loss of the bangle (which really broke my heart- he just allowed them to destroy it after agreeing to wear it. That is unforgivable. My uncle is a jeweler, and I think that he would’ve tried to keep it in one piece). The loss of trust.
I’m just so hurt for her 😭😭😭
You deserve better, run don't walk but run from that man.
Here’s the thing with the daughter inheritance story: she made the best decision for everyone involved. But I don’t think for the reasons everyone else might think. As someone from a blended family, I can absolutely see how it could be an issue if one child has significantly more financial support than the others. It doesn’t mean that the child shouldn’t get the money they are entitled to, but the resentment there could be catastrophic for the family. I can see how it would be difficult as the other children to see your sibling get to go to a fancy school and own horses when you go to public school and maybe get to do one activity with your friends. I don’t think these families are financially compatible. If the daughter was an only child, I don’t think this would be an issue. Bc because generational wealth is very different than earning money on your own. OP didn’t earn that wealth, it was given to her. For her husband to match that, it would take a lot more work and time to get even close to where she is. So it’s not equal. I think it’s best that they went their separate ways. They both need to find someone who matches their financial deal-breakers.
Completely agree! While I definitely think OP did what was best for her daughter, you can't blame the man for wanting what's best for his kids as well.
I understand him wanting the best for his kids but I think him telling her to buy ponies for other kids too was stupid. If those kids had some other hobbies that needed finances that was a different issue . Same with siblings too I think . If you bought the older brother a cycle it doesn't mean you have to buy the younger 5 years old the same . He'll get one when his time comes if he's even interested in that . But with your siblings I guess you don't have to feel like an outsider as much which could be a much more sensitive issue for blender family. This could probably be avoided with better communication. She could leave a certain percentage to the step kids for later & he could understand that you don't always have to buy the same thing for all siblings. Also the kids are getting child support from their mother while living in the inherited property of their would be step mother . She's also splitting bills 50/50 . If you think about it he is getting a fare amount of support to look after his kids . I understand how small children won't understand this but her daughter only has her . His kids would still legally get help from their mom if something goes wrong. May be discussing the trust fund beforehand could help .
And Max's children will grow up believing that OP doesn't care about them as much.
I thought the same. The fact of the matter is that everyone had their priorities straight. It was the kids, as it should be. I think the father absolutely did the right thing by being clear with his expectations and those were fair. If the kids were going to grow up as siblings, it would have only be harmful to see so big differences between them. If they were adults they might could understood the reasons behind those differences but as kids there's no way they could process that. This is best for everyone.
Can we also talk about how he's demanding she buy ponies for his kids who show no interest in riding, when these are literal living beings?!!!! That part has me fuming! Get them equal amount of money in clothes, presents at Christmas, etc. But don't buy living animals for kids just for the sake of buying them or "making things equal". I'm a huge horse lover, I have one of my children in riding lessons and would love to be able to afford a pony for my kids. But the financial responsibility is not something my husband and I can afford right now. And our other child is not yet old enough for riding lessons due to the riding center's insurance safety restrictions. So right now things aren't equal for them, but it's also just part of life right now and their different ages.
This will never work. The fiancés kids will be resentful - there will never be peace. You cannot give one kid so much more than the others and expect everyone to be happy. Your daughter deserves her inheritance, but this situation just won’t work.
Yep sadly this will probably be true
They can still buy a pony but then everyone takes riding lessons and gets a chance to ride it...
Actually, no -- the daughter does not "deserve" an inheritance -- it was the mother who got it; else the grandfather would have left the money to the grandchild. The mother now has the right to spend it as she wants to -- she CHOOSES to only want to devote that money to her biological child. And that is OK, but let's not make it an issue of "deserving".
Absolutely - I really understand the OP's opinion about it but it's still a very difficult situation and would not feel good for the other children. And what if they have more kids together?
If that was the grandfather's wish then, "Sorry about your bad luck".
UPDATE (from Reddit) to 14:42
First thing asked - me paying. Ella was promised a hefty wedding budget when she was younger. Between those years, and the pandemic, they had to dip into that wedding fund. In the end, Ella only got a third of what she was promised. She insisted that most of what she had, had to go to the dress. But she would drone on about how there were so many things the wedding wouldn’t have and how it wouldn’t be the “wedding of their dreams.”
It was only like a week after that my brother came up and asked if I could cover a few costs of the wedding while Ella’s parents made up the rest to pay it back. I do make a considerable amount more and since this would by my brothers wedding too, I agreed.
Stupid. I know.
Second most discussed - Ella’s treatment of me. Truthfully she played the nice and loving girlfriend well to most, especially my brother. Even I thought she turned a new leaf a few times but it would never last.
Some of the comments she made wouldn’t be always outwardly mean enough for a passerby to pick up (aka my brother.) Along the lines of “oh are you sure you want to go out in that? Something looser might be more comfortable.” or “I would loan you a shirt but I don’t want it to stretch out.” Mean girl comments simply put.
She lost many friends over her crazy notion of them being jealous of her (even accusing them of being in love with my brother) She had two other bridesmaids in the wedding but they were barely close as well.
Someone said it in the comments - being stuck between seeing snow white and not being able to see the evil queen within. That’s the best way to describe her. She’s beautiful but something is rotting inside.
And maybe the most asked, did they stay together?
I caved and finally answered my brother last night. From what he said, they are on a “break.” My brother had picked up on a few instances of her acting questionably but hoped it was wedding stress. He was fuming when he found out what she said. I do know she no longer has the ring.
(My brother and I’s relationship is definitely going to need some repair but I think after a long communication break, and setting up better boundaries for partners and respect to siblings in the future, we should be okay.)
Also yes I did lose some money. Just as predicted, she hoped I would end up gifting the payments anyway. Ella had told my brother that she was waiting for a surprise check from her grandparents to completely pay it off. Check didn’t exist. Thankfully the no-longer-to be in laws have agreed to sell the dress to pay me back for what I did lose, instead of legal action.
Lastly, to my boy Toast.
All of your sweet comments made me cry for an embarrassing amount of time lol. I hope I made him proud. There will never be a day I don’t defend that dog with everything I have.
He is being lovingly remembered but his family and his little brother Crumb 🫶
TLDR; the brother and fiancée are “taking a break” and he’s taken the ring back, the fiancée never intended to pay the sister back so the would-be in-laws are covering what she lost, and the sister believes that her relationship with her brother will be okay.
Thanks for taking the time to post the final pieces of what happened for everyone!
Small update to the last story. OP told her brother everything about what Ella said and he took back the ring!
P.s - Toast's little brother is called Crumb ❤.
Omg Crumb! RIP Toast
My dad is a Black American and my step mom is a Mexican American, so for their wedding they had indigenous Mexican traditions, modern Mexican traditions as well as AA traditions... it was long, but beautiful. That bangle man.... throw him away.
He apparently didn't just have the bangle cut off, _it was a family heirloom and he _*_had it melted down!!_*
The men's bangle is a very plain steel bracelet that can easily be hidden under long sleeve shirts or sweaters. It is a big part if certain Indian sects and is never meant to be removed except in divorce. For him to cut it off is a GIANT insult to her and her culture. Bye dude bye!
Apparently wedding bangles can be many different sizes, some of them huge. I would want to see this bangle.
I wouldn't want to wear a bangle for life. I'm not a big jewelry guy. I wouldn't want any jewelry you couldn't take off for long stretches of time.
@@rickmossop3733 I'm a woman, and any jewelry on my hands or wrists drives me crazy! and I would never want ANYTHING I can't take off.
It would be one thing if he husband had a job where they are not allowed to wear jewelry of any kid because it's a work hazard. But since he works at home and agreed to wear one but when and cut it off, he's an asshole
My FIL hasn't worn a wedding ring since early on in my in-laws marriage. It was super uncomfortable for him and he was always fiddling around with it until one day they were sitting somewhere in a theater or theater like place and he dropped it and it rolled all the way up to the stage! My MIL was ok with him not wearing it after that! 😂 I recognize that cultures are different, but if this guy had told her how he felt before he had the bangle removed, I think there should have been room for compromise like him getting a removable one and wearing it only when around her family or friends, something like that. The way he went about it though was the real problem imo.
The inheritance is hers and she had every right to put it away for her daughter. She is smart
Agreed 100%
Dude's being so obvious about his gold digging that she basically HAD to set up the trust, to protect herself and her daughters future!
I kinda get where he's coming from about equality between the children, but families don't even work that way!
I hope they can work something out, because it sounds like the kids have already bonded as siblings and they enjoy living together as a family!
Family stability means A LOT in a childs life!
I’m with the mom. She wants her daughter to have the comforts of her family’s money, fine. Doing that in another family without wealth is just plain awkward. There’s the rub.
They could base what they spend on each daughter based on the fathers salary instead of OP’s salary and wealth. That would be equal, but you don’t see dad suggesting that, do ya?
So relieved when Charlotte read that the lady gave back the ring!
This story is among the reasons why I hate money so much. It can turn people into monsters and leave a massive mess in their wake.
My husband is from the Middle East and I’m American. When we got married I made sure to include his cultural wedding traditions into our wedding ceremony. It takes a long time to prepare for his traditions but I willingly research and prepared, and spent money on, items we needed for his traditions. He never asked, but he never needed to. I love him and I wanted him to feel it was a special day for him too. I don’t understand this guy!
I kind of got in a battle like this with my daughter's father. My daughter, when she was a toddler, had to have two heart surgeries. She would have never needed any heart surgery if her doctors had caught their mistake in the first place. My daughter's father and I were separated. I was talking to a lawyer about the doctor's malpractice. My daughter's father started telling me that if my daughter was awarded something, then he owed half of what she got. NO SIR!! Neither he nor I are welcome to any of that money. That is her money because she will be the one dealing with heart issues the rest of her life. She can't even get her ears pierced without being put on antibiotics first. There are crevasses in her arteries now, and if infection sets in those crevasses, it can cause an infection of her heart. That money was put in a trust just for her. As soon as we as parents chose to have her, it's our obligation to go through any trauma we were to endure. I told him that if he feels like it's too much trauma, then go hire his own lawyer. Oh, the reason I left him was because I went to pay bills, and our account was empty. I called his place of employment, and they said he hasn't been there for two weeks. I found him setting in his favorite bar. Come to find out, he had a habit of a street drug, so I left.
First, prayers for your daughter!❤
Secondly,....
helllll naw! What a douche!
That's HER money!
I'm sure he was a douche but you really left him in his worst times? Recently lost his job and had drug problems... Nobody gets addicted because they want to. It's a sneaky disease and could happen to anyone who might had a rough patch in their life...
@@Kath-Erina She has a daughter. With heart disease. You cannot win every battle and her daughter needed her the most so yeah, it's obvious that she left him especially if he has emptied their bank account first.
@@Kath-Erina omg. Can't believe you trying to make her feel guilty cause she left something she couldn't deal with. Can you look after addicts? Good on you! But don't expect everyone to be like you.
@@Kath-Erinatrying to claim money that should be going to a CHILD that has permanent HEART PROBLEMS is more than a douche. Taking money that is meant for the welfare of a family is more than a douche. A douche is obnoxious at best. The pathetic attempt at down playing should never surprise me but damn your kind never fails at mental gymnastics
My father told his wife before they got married he wanted a prenup as she never worked a day in her life. She agreed, when they went to the attorney to sign it, he felt bad and decided not to do it. Their entire marriage was what he was going to do for her FOUR FULLY GROWN KIDS. He told her it’s not up to him to include them in his will as they have a father that can provide that for them. She added to make it equal for the kids since she had four and he has 3, to add my mother, his ex-wife to the side of his kids so it could then be split 8 eight ways!!! Needless to say he divorced her and she got a half a million. He said you can’t put a price on peace. Don’t do it!!
did she blow through it within a year
Oh that's truly some next level entitlement 😮
I was grown when my mom married my stepdad, but my little brother was 13, and his bio father passed away, so of COURSE he stepped up for him!
But my mom never expected or demanded that he be financial responsible for her ADULT children, or even be included in his will!
That's insane!
I can't understand your comment. I have read and read it and I just don't understand what you are saying. I see other people understood but idk
@@kimberlyhemminger3822same I’m so lost 🤔
@@kimberlyhemminger3822 don't either. It sounds like the woman was sort of being reasonable but a bit entitled. 😂😂 I don't know what's going on.
What the fiancé said about poor Toasty is so hurtful. May he rest in peace. I'm glad she cancelled those deposits!
The fiance is lucky to have been dealing with OP. I would've cancelled all payments. However, I would've had to take care of the cancellations after putting her in the hospital.
If anyone said anything about my poor baby dog who passed away a couple of years ago...I was so protective over her that anyone looking at her wrong would have to catch hands.
I wonder if the brother still married that AH?
For the first story; OP's ex-fiance was definitely in the wrong for calling her selfish, and proposing to her because of her wealth (if that was the case). That being said, I don't think he was actually suggesting that OP buy ponies for his children as well. I think what he likely meant was that if OP's daughter was regularly getting extravagant gifts while her siblings didn't, it would risk breeding jealousy, resentment, and alienation. Which does happen. The real question isn't whether or not he's entitled to the trust fund money (he isn't), but whether or not their kids would be loved and treated equally.
OP kids are not grandchildren to the grandfather that made and left the money. They are nothing to her child’s grandfather and should not benefit from his death. Things will never be equal between his children and her child nor should it be equal. His children should not expect to share this inheritance.
As a former stepmother I can tell you there's nothing you can do for kids who calculate who gets what. If the father is already talking about what's unfair then he should do what he can to balance the outcome. It's not the woman or daughter's fault he can't give the same to his kids but that's not really the issue here. The pink elephant in the room is why nothing is being done about their mother not being in their lives? That will also be an issue that no one is looking at because there might be a day she is in their lives that could lead to problems. I know this because been there and done that.
OP literally said her ex-fiancé straight-up told her she should buy his daughters ponies too. and whos to say OP ALWAYS buys her daughter extravagant gifts? shes buying her daughter a pony because she was taking lessons and shown interest in riding. i totally get the ex-fiancé's concerns, i really do, but it's not OP's problem. the inheritance is for OP's daughter, no one else. as for other monetary funds for all 3 girls, it's as OP said: she'll do what she can w/ her and her ex-fiancé's money and buy appropriate gifts that align w/ the other 2 girls' interests, just as shes getting her daughter a pony because shes interested in equestrian sports. until they are married, either he buy for his own girls or they use COMBINED funds to provide for his girls, OP's personal funds, and certainly not inheritances, do not go to those girls
If someone is embarrassed by your culture, they are actually embarrassed of you! You can not cleanly separate these things!
That story just hurt my heart for her. He literally showed her exactly how 'important' she is to him with the fact that he cut the bangle off as soon as he got back to US soil.
Exactly!
Yeah, but they don't live in her country and that isn't his culture. Why is he the one that has to be part of her culture? They can compromise. He wears the wedding ring and she wears the bangle.
@@marckye1 You marry someone of a different culture..you must respect that culture, the tradition called for them both to wear the bangle, to which he agreed and then went back on, like the person above said In their comment, if you disrespect or say you're embarrassed by someone's culture..you're saying you're embarrassed by them and you're disrespecting them, if you're dating and agree to marry someone from another culture...you must respect their values and traditions no matter what country you're in, it's the least you can do...if you can't do that for someone you claim to love then you clearly don't love or respect them at all.
@@EluraCorenBooks please stop. She's complaining about something so stupid and wants to call off the wedding. I'm sure the guy expressed how he felt about wearing a gold bangle. He's marrying her not an annoying bangle. Who wants to wear a bangle everyday, all day, esp. a guy? He respects her culture, he gave her a wedding in HER COUNTRY. And another one in the US. She's the AH.
My father was wealthy. I’m glad he and my stepmom treated all kids as equal. However you feel about money as adults, equal treatment has a profound impact on children. I never would have wanted my stepbrother to feel bad, like he wasn’t worth as much as I was.
When it comes to the kids being grown and protecting assets for the future you can absolutely deal with things differently. But expecting a clear understanding of financial matters from little kids, expecting them to understand why one kid is entitled to something while another isn’t, it is only going to cause absolute harm to the kids who are told they are not as valuable in a family.
I am British and my late wife was American. We lived in the UK.
Although our cultures are less different than many others, there are more differences than one might expect.
We embraced each others cultures, and taught each other how to cook our nation’s foods. There is a lot more difference in this area than I ever imagined.
But there were many other cultural differences too.
Language has a lot more differences than one would expect. More than 4,000 words that are different or have different meanings.
We both enjoyed sharing our cultures. It was an important part of our relationship.
I love our differences. My best friend was a Brit and we laughed so much over these things.
@@lotstodo it is so much fun. :)
I’m sorry for your loss 🙏🏼
I’m American and my ex is Scottish (we’re still great friends though). Both lived in the US. We always joke about one of our first fights when he was meeting my parents for the first time. He had a long day at work and said “I can’t be bothered” as we were getting in the car. I was pissed! Meanwhile he was just sitting there with a look of “why are you mad at me?”. I now understand the meaning behind this phrase but it comes off so much more negatively hearing it as an American. We still joke about this lol
@@Jamietheroadrunner Thank you!
My dad and mom split when I was little. I have a younger sister and an older brother. Both my parents had drug addictions but my dad was a functioning drug addict while my mom couldn't hold down a job. My dad married and had a kid with my step mom. I remember one Christmas I got a few gifts and there was a mound of gifts in front of my 6 year old half sister. I waited a bit and her pile kept getting bigger my siblings sat there waiting. I asked politely " Is there anything else for us" to which my step mom retorted "well didn't your mom buy you anything" I ended up getting up and crying in the bathroom. It doesn't need to be money evenly split but making kids watch someone else do and get everything they want hurts. I can sort of see were he was coming from.
Yeah, that sucks! I have no idea how much the grandfather left the grandchild, but I don't think it is as much as we are being led to believe. It doesn't sound like old money (if it were paying 3 tutions would be no problem, especially if there is only one pony) . I grew up very well off, A few of the girls I knew had Arabian stallions, we all went boarding schools in the northeast, etc.
It would have been considered very tacky to have one child in private school and your other children not. The only exception would be if one child had just an incredible gift, for example, if they were very good at the piano and wanted to go to Julliard and this private school built the curriculum around piano practice times. The stepmother would have a hard time being accepted in the 'Mother's group' at that school, if it is a school in their locality. It would be subtle at first, but ever present. Wouldn't be long until the other mothers start calling her 'Mommy Dearest.'
Wealth is just different than money. Money tells you about ponies and vacations to Europe staying at the four seasons. Wealth will say something like, 'we stayed at this charming little cottage in England.' I actually think the mother is going to blow her daughter's inheritance on lavish vacations, day spas and cars before the daughter becomes of age.
I can tell you being the step kid who always got 2nd choice 2nd best or nothing at all that builds a lot of resentment. He got a computer for Christmas I got a book. She even sent me away for the holidays so i didn't ruin thiers. No one was wealthy here. Leaving one kid the special one creates a super entitled kid. Its not the neglected one.
But in this case, it’s the father’s fault. He’s the scheming, money-grubbing scammer. If his kids feel neglected, they need to blame their loser of a father.
That's not what's happening here
@@mjmcguire8308. Do you think kids will think that? They'll see that their stepmom 'blatantly favours' their stepsister by giving her a pony when they don't get any gifts nearly as good, when they're supposed to be a nuclear family. The OP will be the 'evil stepmom' to them.
@angel I sympathize with you completely and I’m sorry you had really abusive horrible parents! No one can understand unless they experienced it themselves. Some people think Harry Potter’s childhood is just a fictional story But young children experience the nightmare of being second class in their own family daily.
Completely agree.
As a woman who got married 2 years ago and realizing AFTER THE FACT that my children will have to split 50 percent of my 401k, life insurance etc right off the bat, while my spouse of 2 years gets a full 50 percent to himself if something happens to me just doesn't sit right with me. Prenuptial agreements aren't just for rich people. I would DEFINITELY move all of my assets to my child's name ASAP!!!
You can still set up a trust fund for your children, even after getting married. You should 100% get an appointment with a fiduciary and an estate lawyer. Specifically a fiduciary because - by US law - they are legally responsible for making financial recommendations/decisions based solely in your favor. A financial advisor doesn't have that legal requirement.
@@dawnchesbro4189 Thank you so very much 🙏for providing me with this information. I truly appreciate it. I was honestly considering getting divorced if it meant that my children would automatically lose half of their small "inheritance" (if it can be called that). ❤
Don't get married if you don't trust your spouse to take care of your children.
People are much too worried about their children these days, by the way.
They have to earn their own way in life. You cannot do everything for them.
@@jamisojo Thanks but I am married already so it's too late for your statement. As a mother, you can never be too worried about your children, especially in a world where some people don't care enough about their children. They will definitely find their own way but, I refuse to have them lose half of what is rightfully theirs. I've seen firsthand how money changes people once a family member is deceased.
Paying for an estate lawyer is the best thing everyone in my family has ever done. My father had one and we “inherited” his son. Great man who really knows his stuff. I am single, and my estate Seemed easy, but he brought up great questions about how much to leave for the care of my dog; how much to leave my great niece and nephew, and at what age they should have this money, and for what purposes? Best money I ever spent. And every few years you can review and revise if needed.
My sister had a brief second marriage to a very wealthy man. They both had children from their first marriages. He spent lavishly on his children, to the point where on trips his children were treated to everything they wanted while Sis's kids just had to look on. That is incredibly hurtful to young children who don't understand finances but do understand being treated like second best. Looking at it from the POV of the children, I can see why the whole pony scenario touched a nerve. I do think she did the right thing by deciding not to marry, though.
Agreee completely,
but it was her birthday and that is her money. when her daughter grows up she can spend it as she likes
@@YazminM2222 Of course, I don't disagree. My point is, any attempt to forge a new family is doomed when it is divided into "haves" and "have nots." If both parties can't agree on how the children should be treated, they shouldn't marry.
The last post , the brother is lucky to have a sister like her . Sometimes toxic relationships of siblings and their partners need to be ended the nuclear way . The sister saved her brother from a miserable marriage .
If he decided to end the relationship. She didn't answer his call so she doesn't know if he was calling to thank her or to blow up at her.
I’m not sure and someone please correct me if I’m wrong but I think there was an update to the story. I want to say that brother didn’t realize how horrible Ella truly was until she made the comment about Toasty and he called off the engagement. And there was no money from the in-laws to reimburse OP. Ella’s parents even told her beforehand
However I’m not sure and sometimes these stories can blend with one another
Brother sounded oblivious, how could he not notice how terrible his fiance was treating his sister. Sounds like she was acting one way with the brother and another way with the sister. Definitely a red flag she doesn’t have girlfriends she could have asked to be her MOH.
No one is entitled to someone else's inherited wealth! But can we please stop perpetuating the myth that you can just "work harder" or develop a certain skill and make the kind of money we're talking about here (private schools & owning/taking care of horses)?!
That ridiculousness is a major part of how the US got into the situation we're in. It denies the vital part that privilege plays in generational wealth!
Thank you! Was thinking the same and cringing a bit every time she said “just work harder”… its not as easy as it used to be (in grandpa’s generation) to build that kind of wealth for yourself…especially as a single parent with 2 kids!
Amen! And it perpetuates the falsehood that hard financial situations are deserved like we live in some meritocracy where poverty is a punishment for laziness or for not being talented enough. Privilege is real is so real.
Rich people should be stayed very far from and shunned tbh
And above a certain amount, I don't think blood should entitle you to money either. Like, keeping the family home in the family and a little nest egg for emergencies, sure, but if I were to inherit a massive fucking estate and hoard it for me and my crotch goblins away from the world and even my LIFE PARTNER, having done fuck all but having the right DNA, I couldn't fucking live with myself!
Exactly - "generational wealth" is not the kind of cash one earns from just having a high paying job, it normally involves multiple investments, sales of businesses, or patents, having a family business for generations, etc.. - big money moves! An average person could only help to start that process, but will most likely not see those kinds of gains in their lifetime - set up correctly, their children, or grandchildren will start to see that magic compounding happen. And being given those assets without the discipline that was required to obtain them, can often end badly - that is one reason WHY trusts are important.
I don’t think most think that, they just want the trust fund kid to learn what it’s like to work hard for less money, just to not be spoil, though I wish people wouldn’t het jealous of our peoples money. Lol
Story 1: This is why you need to talk about financial matters before you get engaged or too emotionally invested. This is a typical issue for blended families, "we're family" only when there's money involved.
It sounds like the inheritor really did answer her own question. They’re both better off apart. He’s not entitled to her money, and she is entitled to set healthy boundaries. But I can also see where it would be difficult to see your stepchild treated so much better financially and not be able to give the same to your own kid, all while still acknowledging the first two points. They’re really better off apart.
And props to her for being so smart about protecting her assets.
Whenever Charlotte sings “let’s call the whole thing off” it sounds like butter!
Whenever Charlotte sings, it sounds like butter, period. 😉🎶
@@AmarisFrederlly tho lol
I’m conflicted about the first one, because I agree with both of them.
It’s her inheritance and she has the right to choose what to do with it, however she’s not just marrying him but his children as well. His children are now her children, and her child is now his. THAT IS WHAT MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT!
I couldn’t imagining marrying a women with kids and then prioritizing my own and giving them preferential treatment while neglecting hers, now would I ultimately be okay with a women who would let me do that and not stand up for her own children to be treated equal.
It’s kind of shitty of both of them and they clearly do not understand what a marriage is supposed to be, and should not get married.
No. Her kid is her kid, and his are his.
@@p1ysaucedo with that attitude, don’t get married.
A marriage is a union of families.
@@Viennery This is why heritage is usually not included in the marriage assets.
That half of the money already has an owner: the great grand daughter who will have a pony soon. Not even one of the mother's future other children, but only her firstborn. If this is in the great-grandpa's will, then no way to argue and attack that. If she has an own second child (even with a childless man, for simplicity sake instead of a divorcee with 2 kids), it is problematic as well, since all the money was left for her first born, and she can relocate some of her own assets (half of the heritage money) to the second one.
Law is complicated and problematic this way, and it can be different from country to country. No wonder it takes sometimes years to decide who is in the right and who is wrong.
Think of it that way: imagine yourself in the place of the great grandad or any old person with money. don't you have right to decide which relative of yours will get how much of your assents? Yes, it is favoritism, but you know them, you know one of them can handle well your old business, and the other one would just sink it with depts because he cannot keep alive a flower in a pot. Some of them helped you, liked you and kept you company so you weren't lonely, while other relatives didn't care much about you, or were arrogant and demanding of your money while you were still alive. Of course you will divide everything "unfairly".
@@KekPafrany if I was the great grandad I’d want the family to prosper, the whole family.
I absolutely wouldn’t want my inheritance dividing and breaking the family unit by treating family members unequally and causing preference based on past relationships.
@@VienneryIt is your money, so you have every right to decide what you do with it and I cannot force you to change your mind. This is the beauty of this, right?
But in the same time, other grandpas can divide their assets differently, as fairly or unfairly as they want.
I'm so glad that Charlotte watches and reacts to all of this for us, because i don't think i could get through all of these dramas alone without her funny reactions. 😂
I’d be shook.
Actually there is no need for us to hear and react other people's life...but anthropologists said that we evolved because of gossip.
She makes it enjoyable to understand
@@reader1672you must be fun at parties 🙄
@@reader1672 so why watch if there’s no need? And one anthropologist said gossip is a form of grooming we took from our monkey ancestors. Robin Dunbar said that.
For the first one, for me, it depends on if the grandpa explicitly left the inheritance to his daughter(OP) only or to his grand daughter. If he explicitly left the inheritance to his grand daughter, then yes the money is hers and the step siblings are not entitled to it. HOWEVER, if he only left the inheritance to OP, then it is all considered her assets and if she marries her fiance and his kids (which are his full time custody, so would be hers in a sense as well), then usually the parent's assets are divided equally among all children. Especially seeing as the step children are not even teenagers yet. It would be one thing if she was blending a family with step kids that were already grown, but these are actual children that I would hope she would take on as if they were her own and want to treat them the same.
Agreed. No one would claim that OP would be wrong to dole out inheritance to other biological kids that she might have in the future because “grandpa never met them and didn’t plan to give it to them.” Ultimately it’s good she didn’t marry because it seems like she’s not ready to accept the joining of two families that is required when you marry someone with young children. Ultimately it would’ve been a situation where the step kids were never truly part of her family or her “real” kids, they were just the kids that her husband brought along and basically additional roommates with her
I have an inheritance story too!
My kids dad, never wanted to save for a house, especially after my dad let slip that when my grandfather passes I’m heiress to a LOT of money. He kept saying things like “when you get the money we’ll buy a house outright!” My grandfather was alive and perfectly healthy then. Now several years later he’s got cancer and very sick. Luckily whatever money I do inherit my kids dad will never see a cent as he abandoned his 5 year old son almost 2 years ago to go make a new kid with another woman who already had 2 kids to two different men at 22.
I do feel when you marry someone with kids, you HAVE to treat them all equal. Doesn't matter if you want to make sure your bio child gets the best. Don't marry someone with kids. Just what I feel. Kids will be resentful and will harm them, no matter what someone thinks. It's proven. I married my husband and he already had a child. Not once did I think "well our bio kids get what I can afford and the extra is split 50/50 for his kid".
Did you inherit a large chunk of money from your lineage?
My sister got moeny from our great aunt and grandmother [biologically related to her] and the rest of us didn't. She's also the one that took care of them at their end of life. I got moeny from my bioligcal grandfather and none of my siblings didn't. Life isn't fair. And it's her money, she put away from her daughter who won't get it until she's 30. She won't get most of her money until she's 50. 20% of it is going to the house and other bills, so he has a lot of disposable income for his kids. Because he's not paying rent, he's not paying a whole lot of the bills, since the house is pretty much paid for. [if she didn't pay off the house then I'm not sure why. THat's a huge chunk of bills]. He's being greedy. she didn't oppose to buying the other kids ponys either. Just said he had to pay for them too because she's not footing the entire bill. Being treated fairly doesn't always mean you get the same things. I'm the oldest. Getting my siblings the same things at me would be stupid. I like to be inside, craft, have plants. My sister is social. She likes going out. As does my brother. My youngest brother likes to stay inside. Games, TV, head sets.
Getting everyone an expensive headset would be stupid because I don't use them. Neither does my brother or sister. Only the youngest.
nah he isn't entitled to the generational wealth nor his kids are and OP is not obliged to him either
@@toothless3835"she's also the one who took care of them at the end of their life.... That right there tells me it happened WHEN YOU WERE ADULTS. This story is about children. It's completely different when it's children being raised in the same household. A 7 year old isn't going to understand why their sibling is getting all these nice things, going to a better school, and having more fun activities while growing up. This is not the same
Especially if they ever decide to have kids together. What happens then. That child would get more from being her bio kid too and his other two will be resentful for that new kid.
How do these people even get engaged in the first place????? 😂
Right???
That's the million dollar question.
Love Is Quite Blinding 👩🏾🦯😅
They say yes to the idea of them... & also...settle out of desperation, I think. 🤷♀️🙃
Comfort and co dependency. They get so comfortable in their situation that change to the degree of uprooting life and living situation is too scary to endeavor in. So they just stay, regardless how toxic it is. Because the toxicity that you've grown accustomed to is less intimidating than the unknown of embarking on life alone.
Not to mention the plethora of folk who believe that "losing" a partner reflects poorly on their value, that their worth is based on their ability to "keep" a partner. Believing that if they can't keep this individual it means they aren't attractive or desirable. Doesn't matter if your not compatible, have different values or life goals, or one is abusive; society says if you can't make that disaster work, you are worthless. That thought makes leaving or being left in their own company terrifying. No one want to be a social pariah, a "lonely old woman with 17 cats"... Eventually pressure from the timeline established by culture, the idea that if you're not married by a certain age or hitting certain milestones; that you're somehow defective, that surely there's something wrong with you to be unwed...
All wildly incorrect, of course, but that changes neither the generations of mindfuck that ingrained this belief into the very fabric of society, nor the very real damage this causes to people's mental health when they don't fit into this one size mold for humans.
So long as these ideals are how we determine success in life, well continue to see these unhealthy relationships. Kids will continue to grow in these toxic houses, learning that its better to endure that misery to stay together, than let your peers think you "couldn't keep a partner". Gives kids all types of hope for the future, no? That doesn't look bleak or not worth living at all... no wonder suicide and divorce rates are so high. It's good for some, but not all. Then the youth see what society considered to be the ultimate goal to achieve happiness, rarely does that... Because what leaves an individual feeling fulfilled varies as much as the individuals themselves do. What do those who aren't drawn to traditional lives have to aspire to? You tell a woman if she's not married with kids by 35 she's a failure, tell a man if he's not established in his career and owning a house to bring a woman home to by 30 he's a failure.... that pressure alone leads to people settling for someone who they might not be "forever" compatible with, just to avoid missing the deadline... That's how these people get engaged, why divorce is so common, and it's all traffic af.
So, I gotta say, I get the idea of it being her inheritance. But, you can’t expect the fiancé’s kids to live like Cinderella. In the big house with the rich stepmother and the rich stepsister who gets a pony at 9 and a car at 16 and a private school tuition while they get legos and hand me down clothes and a school bus ride to the public school. This WILL breed resentment.
Honestly, I think it’s best for both families that they go their own ways. If she doesn’t trust that this isn’t truly about live not money, and if he can’t provide for the same level of lifestyle for his kids, it’s better to not have one child lording over their step siblings how much better off they are, because no matter how hard you try, that WILL end up happening at some point. The one better off will KNOW it and use it. The ones worse off will RESENT it. And there will never really be a family.
Yeah the mom is basically buying the daughter life-long enemies. The step siblings will be there for each other, but with such an obvious divide in wealth/opportunities, I doubt the step siblings will have the bio daughters back like a true sibling would. In fact, it might push those step kids to work harder to spite her with their own success, or sabotage the bio kid’s success.
Agreed. This story and the reaction to it infuriated me. It’s fine for her to want a good life for her kid. But If you have step kids (which you chose to when you married this man) they’re your kids too. It’s gross how someone can treat their kids this way just because they didn’t have the luck of generational wealth and to be loved by their mother.
I had a very rich trust fund step cousin who lived with my brother and me and mom and step dad for a couple years. My step grandma who lived on same property doted upon him and would also always add to said account and tell him. Mind u, we around 8-10. Even for doing work for her, he always got a little extra that she would put into account for him and tell us all about while paying my brother and I for work. Step cousin would continual brag about it to us. Also had a super entitled mentality bc he always got his way. That sorta shit causes division. Not good
No one said anything about second hand clothes - you overdramatizing.
But I do agree that the man is not right for that lady - and as much she loves him she shouldn't take him and his kids into the house
@@neckbackcripplinganxietyattack she didn't marry him
1) The grandfather's estate was intended for the granddaughter and her daughter, just as the child support payments are intended for the ex-husband and his children. There should definitely be a wall between these monies.
2) Marrying outside one's culture [or religious faith] is cool if both parties respect the other's culture/practices and this absolutely _cannot_ be a one way street.
3) Groom needs to throw this entire bride back and look for someone with a soul and a civil tongue.
The first story, get a prenup.
What happens if they have kids together? Will they inherit nothing? I get she doesn't want to give any part of the estate to the step-kids. What happens when OP retires? She wants to retire at 50, will she share her wealth with her husband then or expect him to work full time for years, and for them to live separate lives?
What's the plan?
I’ve been watching for a couple years and your videos are the highlight to my day I look forward to it everyday
we attended our friend’s daughter’s wedding, it was beautiful, our friends are from the Philippines and the groom is Portuguese Catholic, the wedding was in Catholic church, a clergy representative of each culture & faith performed the ceremony, they did an amazing job combining both, and whether it was planned or not it was informative, with both clergy explaining the steps and reasons, it was the most beautiful wedding we’ve ever attended, we were so thankful for the invite
I'm going to be the odd one out here but I can only imagine the resentment the 2 siblings would feel growing up in a house where the step sister got so much more than they did. This is why marrying someone with an equal income is important. I'm glad they are not going to marry.
Giving the step kids the same as the daughter is going to make them feel entitled? Yes, it will. But the little princess who gets everything will also feel entitled. Honestly, I wouldn't want any of you raising my kids.
The inheritance isn't the same as income. So many comments are making the same mistake. I'm assuming they had about the same income which they did share, but the inheritance didn't come from her income.
She probably shouldn't be flaunting the inheritance by buying her a pony because yes, that will be resentment in the step kids. There's a right way to do this.
but she also said at the end she would be willing to help pay for gifts that align with their interests. she's not saying my kid gets a pony you get nothing, shes saying my kid gets a pony that you can come and ride if your interested, but I'm not buying 3 separate horses as that's ridiculous, espeacilly cause you showed o interest in horses previously. instead i'll help pay for something your interested in, oh its the newest gaming system i'll pay for half of that and your father can pay for the other half. the 14 year old wont care about the 9 year old getting a pony if they got a the newest gaming system or a new I phone.
I have half and step siblings and my dad and their mom share assets, yet I never get resentful when they get better stuff than from someone else in their side of the family or their mother (she is very nice to me already, I don't need gifts), and neither do they if I get nice things, so I don't think the op was in the wrong for saving for her child (the family seemed to be doing fine economically and it was grandpa's money after all) I don't think Charlotte expressed herself well there though. Also siblings always share, so even if I didn't get the nice thing I could still play with it
It's not the same situation, but when I got married my husband had to pay child support and since we didn't have lots of money it meant that there were things my son couldn't have, additionally my husband paid for extra things for his daughter like sports and music lessons out of his income, again my son did without. The step daughter had wealthy grandparents so she had nice clothes, and other extras. My son never complained and neither did I, but years later he told me how it made him feel bad...
The multiculture wedding story: I think I found how it looks, and bruh, is not ugly at all. Is so pretty and is not big, so he could've hidden it it was affecting his job. Definitely, he just didn't like it.
There are different sizes. Some are huge. I'd want to see the specific one.
If the first lady was really interested in having an emotionally healthy home the daughter would be raised the same as the other kids and not know about her inheritance until she was an adult; and then only if she was responsible. She needs to live with her daughter by herself. Including a man and two other kids who will always feel like the poor sister won’t end well.
Really, if she's not able to view her future spouse's children as her own, she shouldn't be dating guys who already have kids.
I guess this is really hitting me hard because my mom's dad remarried a woman who had no interest in being a mother to his children. So my mom and her older siblings grew up in a household where they weren't really cared for. It's just so sad to see. Created a lot of generational trauma. I guess that's why it's making me so, so upset.
And benefit of the doubt, I'm guessing most people on here don't really know how expensive a pony is. We're talking rent money. Easily over $1000/month. Much more if you're not going cheap. Even if he makes over six figures, it'd be pretty difficult for him to afford going 50/50 on that for three kids. So to "offer" that just reads as fake.
I agree, my parents divorced and both have new partners. And I really love my new little siblings from their new relationships, but the way they were always getting so much more from parents than me and my sisters from the first marriage is a little heartbreaking for us. They got stuff and money from our parent and their own parent, while we got only from our parents and sometimes even less from them. We are grown up now and alright. But I do know that this situation can mess with a child's head and relationship with a sibling. Feeling as less, watching your sibling having everything while you work a part time job to have stuff you want in your teenage years etc.
You are the only one who hit the point on the head.
I am married to my wife (obviously😅) who got three kids from my late wife.
She treats them like her own and would do anything for them. She earns more than me too and never ever treats them as others.
If she did treat them as if they were not her kids, we will be divorced.
@@parthsavyasachi9348 That is really wonderfull. You are right. If a person can not accept chidren of their partner as their own they should not be together. I know how it is to be a child in that kind of family and its terrible
@@mariesindlerova9663 yaa. Very true.
In my wife's case she put more efforts than my late wife and my late wife was excellent too.
It is very difficult to take other persons children and give them more love than there own mother.
A lot of children end up with horrible step parents without fault of their own.
Exactly! I've been a step-parent before (child didn't live with us so it was more lowkey) but I loved that kid like they were my own. Because that's what children deserve and if you can't do that, do NOT date people with kids (unless the kids are already adults).
Childhood experiences shape you so deeply. And this lady sounds like she just doesn't love her step kids and would always put her child first (which makes no sense when you're engaged and all live together).
Her whole attitude put a bad taste in my mouth. Like when people can't fathom loving a child who isn't biologically related to them. They're children, wtf is wrong with you???
Also I think the dad miscommunicated on the pony thing. I don't think he cared about ponies, more the principal of his kids being treated differently in their own home. Siblings should be treated the same in the same house, end of story.
That inheritance story - with the way the trusts are set up, it should be explained to the kids like this: it is GRANDPA paying for the pony, the private school tuition, etc. It's not the mom paying for it. Grandpa gave this money for the granddaughter he knew and loved. He never met the other guys kids and so would have no way of providing anything for them. It's not the mom's money, it's the passed grandpa's gift. Then, everything the couple makes together, that is what the family has - nothing else. As long as that is stated clearly and with love, and everything with the family is done with love, then no resentment would likely come. When it does arise, try to soften it with understanding and logic. That being said, it would be a good idea for the mom not to spoil the girl with the trust fund either so she doesn't grow up to be an entitled trust fund kid who doesn't think they have to work for anything. It's a hard balancing act, but so is everything in life. If the guy in this can't see that and isn't on board with trying to work with you, than a marriage wouldn't work, even without the money - marriage is about balancing. Both parties need to be willing to shift and move to keep that balance, or it's going to fall of the rails.
The thing is, even with the grandpa explanation it's going to be hard for the man's two daughters to see the OP's daughter get spoiled and get access to all these privileges like elite private schools while they sit on the sidelines and get told "sorry, we simply don't have the money for that". This whole setup still basically creates a golden child dynamic, and assumes that the grandpa (if he were still alive) would have wanted nothing to do with the two other girls. I personally think the mom should just try to raise all three kids equally as possible and leave most of her daughter's inheritance in the trust to give to her daughter when she's older.
@@CyewWaynethis exactly. Any money she's willing to spend now needs to be spent equally. She needs to not touch the granddaughter's trust at all if she really thinks it's not her money
I also think they would benefit from a meeting with the estate lawyer. What the lawyer explain to the boyfriend what all of this entails.
@@CyewWayne I think the boyfriend is a gold digger to be honest since he said he expects her to shell out money to give his daughters'' things. if she buys her daughter anything.
@@CyewWayne Lol no, y'all delusional. Life ain't equal to everyone. Her boyfriend kids aren't entitles to her grandpa inheritance.
It's obviously great the mom wants to provide for her daughter, but hopefully she understands she's doing it at the expense of any future relationships. At least with someone who has kids. Because she's never going to meet a dad who's going to go "yeah, it's OK that my kids see your daughter getting ponies and private school while they're wearing secondhand clothes and riding the bus." If you're not willing to treat stepchildren like you would treat your own, you have no business being their mom.
Thank god someone else feels this way I feel crazy. I get the argument that it was the grandpas decision but people who think the mom should prioritize her bio kid over any step kids are awful.
Good. I hope she finds a single guy who won't try to use her grandfather's money to enrich his kids shit.
@@Ives268 well send me to hell in handbasket bc those step kids aren't entitled to that money hell , she God the money before they was gon get married anyways
@@petitmains agreed! Ain't no way another child going to take priority over my flesh and blood. Especially when they mother is providing for them in the form of child support.
@@Ives268@Ives268 why shouldn't she prioritize her kid? She's not their mom. I wouldn't expect my parents spouses to prioritize me. 😬
This is just bizarre that people actually think like you.
Blending families is tough. Either the children feel like siblings. Or. step siblings. They will take the ques from parents. Love is either selfless or selfish.
It’s extremely hard and extremely stressful,especially when you have grandparents on both sides always worried their grand babies feel left out. They compete with each other and it can make life miserable. There’s so much more to it and it’s definitely not for the faint of heart. I’m on my second marriage (and last) of blended family life. I love all of my children and I hope that they always know it.
The inheritance is one thing, if it was gifted with the intention of supporting the daughter then absolutely put it away so she can claim it when she is old enough. As for buying a pony and other expensive gifts, that's a different thing entirely. Buying for one child and not the others is just going to lead to resentment and jealousy and a bad family dynamic all round. Don't marry someone with their own kids if you aren't willing to treat them all the same.
No.
Every child does not get a pony when one does. I have seen zero families like this unless it was one of those Everybody Gets a Horse families, and those aren't the ones taking riding lessons.
@@jennifersilves4195 I'm not saying all the kids should be gifted a pony, rather it's the value of the gift. You can't have one sibling getting whatever their heart desires when they demand it while the other kids are always told "it's too expensive".
Apparently I'm the only one remembering reading Cinderella and thinking "how messed up is it to have 3 children and only treat your biological kids with love and care while treating your DIL like a second class citizen"... I thought it was absolutely unacceptable. Especially after Cinderella's Dad showed such grace. I could not live like that. If you're my husband's child, you're my child. I can't make you feel less than in your own house. Or even worse: have you feel like a guest in MY house because my grandpa gave ME the house, and I'm just tolerating your presence, so be thankful 🤦🏾♀️. This said, I also couldn't be the husband begging for equal treatment. It's true you're not entitled to it. And if it doesn't come willingly, let it go: your values simply do NOT align. It sucks when you've loved someone 4 years and imagined ending your days with them, but I can only see more heartache and disappointment further down the line at this point...
its one thing to share willingly, but another thing to feel entitled to someone else's inheritence. If the genders were reversed, people would be calling the woman a gold digger and crazy
@@udraj914
I thought I said, and I quote: "It's true you're not entitled to it. And if it doesn't come willingly, let it go: your values simply do NOT align".
You're adding a gender war aspect to it that makes no sense to me in this context, as main man was happy to sign prenups and all, but wanted children under the same roof to be treated remotely similarly. Or do I misremember, and she was sugar Mommying while he was asking for sports cars, not contributing to any bills and not working, but waiting for luxurious outings in private jets ? Because this is gold digger behaviour to me!
And I'd bet a shiny nickel that if the genders were reversed and a couple and their children lived under the same roof but the man had more money than his girlfriend/ fiancée (which is almost always btw!), and consequently treated his bio child noticeably better than his step children, reddit would lose its marbles and tell the girl she deserves better than living with such a douche, and would beg her to divorce him because he's toxic and mentally abusive to children... So yes... I wouldn't go there.
(And that's without mentioning all the actual magnificent step Dads who do welcome mothers and their kids in their homes and essentially adopt the kids - especially when the bio fathers are not playing their parts ! So again, nothing to do with gold digging or genders, and everything to do with how you view family. And in that story, she clearly saw it as an insiders vs outsiders thing, which sucks to me, but that's the beauty of being different individuals: we all don't have/need to think alike (: !)
@Blullaby her daughter is not entitled to his kids child support, they should not be expected to be entitled to her daughters inheritance. The op offered to pay for half of the ponies if he wanted but he expected her to pay for ALL OF IT. She also shouldn't limit her daughters education. Women on here are really bending over backwards to defend this man
@@p1ysaucedo
I'm not going to repeat myself. If you can't read, you're not apt to engage in this conversation.
I don't see it as begging. I think he was just communicating his feelings and boundaries. I commend him for that. Remember that this was told from her perspective. Seeing how everything turned up, I think everyone was just trying to do the best they could for their kids without ending the relationship.
Hmmm. I think seeing something like this play out in real life or being a parent might change some of your perspectives. I knew of a household where the mom was dirt poor but half of the kids had a rich father. Half the house would go on elaborate vacations and have the latest and greatest of everything while the other half was living an impoverished life 24/7. There were a lot of hurt feelings among the children. Entitlement has nothing to do with it. A young child and sometimes even a teen has a hard time understanding why there’s such a big dichotomy in their own household even though the parents claim to love everyone just the same, It’s a situation completely created by the parents that is so unfair to the children. I can respect the man in this case for trying not to out his kids in this situation.
The guy isn't dirt poor though so it's a completely different situation. She even said if the other kids showed any interest in horses then they could take riding lessons and see if it's something they enjoy. It isn't something they could never afford.
They're living in a nice house and have opportunities. The trust fund is something for the girl when she gets older, not something she can take out and use on anything she wants while the other kids have to sit there and watch.
You have respect for a man who was trying to take money away from a girl that belonged to her? 🚩🚩🚩🚩
if the forefront thing in your relationship is money and you don't consider your future stepchildren as your own and don't see them as a family, marriage is out of the question. kids do not understand inheritance. they'll see preferential treatment and will be resentful
it's your money, obviously, but you can't treat kids in your family differently
Well said
If someone wrote in and said that their step-sibling got into a private school, her own pony, and (probably) very much nicer care - would we be on their side? Yes, it is her Grandfather's money., but it would be really hard for a child to understand why their step-sibling gets all kinds of special things and they didn't. You would have to treat them the same. I don't think the step-siblings should have an equal share of the money or even any of the money, but while they are living under the same roof they shoul all be treated the same.
I've never been married, but in my experience being a witness to MANY failed marriages, I always advise to sign a prenup just to be sure, it's a literal life saver specially if one or both parts are greedy scoundrel.
Also, blame it to anything, but I know the strongest reason many marriages fail it's because people either never learned to choose the right partner or are very naive and inmature towards marriage and end up rushing things. PLEASE INFORM YOURSELVES AND BE PATIENT BEFORE GETTING MARRIED!
That first one is dangerous. He's already in her home feeling entitled to all she has. He was already referring to it as "our" money. It's not just about the kids having access, he wants access to her money for himself. And, he's using the kids to emotionally sway her (and it's kinda working)...except she's not financially ignorant. He didn't expect that. He didn't kick up a fuss about calling the engagement off, I think, bc he feels he can still wear her down in some way. Men are good at playing the "wait her out & wear her down" game. She needs to get him out of her home asap.
Exactly! When she gives back the ring the relationship should be over and done. Drawing it out just will hurt the kids more in the end.
Couldn't agree more!!! I was married back in 2012 thru 2019. My ex-husband and his family are very wealthy. We didn't have a prenup, but I signed an agreement that I don't have any right to his land in the bordering state where his family is from. I had zero issue with that. He would get money for the land every July, and he always used it for us , our 2 kids we share, and my daughter from a previous relationship. I never felt entitled to anything he already had before I came along.
@@heezypeasy8611 what if he didn't use it for your daughter, only for the shared kids, how would that make her feel though?
But he included your daughter! That's the difference! He made her part of the family.@@heezypeasy8611
ua-cam.com/video/CNMLjrn-Jps/v-deo.html
Unpopular opinion but i don't think the dad in the first story is a bad guy. No he isn't entitled to OPs wealth but if they got married and his kids had to grow up and constantly see OPs daughter being treated better because of the trust fund, I could see why that would cause long term resentment. If her kid gets expensive gifts, private schooling, and everything handed to her that she wants while they get absolutely nothing becuase they cant afford it the poor kids would more than likely feel like shes the golden child and that's not cool either. Obviously it isnt OPs fault or responsibility. I just think its a compatability issue. I also can't help but feel this is a time where if the genders were reversed people would feel a little different. I just don't blame the dad for him not wanting his kids to feel left out or not as important. If he explained his feelings better though he might not have come off as so entitled.
I agree with you that it is a compatability issue: a financial one. Had they met with no children involved, then this issue might not be so glaring. I have met and encountered the reverse situation for much of my life. It is not sustainable in the long run and the generational wealth via Trust Funds dries up quite rapidly to appease the other party unaccustomed to such wealth and for which the money was never intended. As horrifying as it may seem, it is truly meant to be spent on family of the same blood...nothing more, nothing else.
I 100% agree with you!
If the genders were reversed, we probably would assume the woman is a gold digger lol
My fiance and I had the same sentiments!!! Dude wasn't a bad guy, he was a dad.
I agree with you, everyone would think different if OP was a man giving special treatment to his daughter while entering a marriage with someone who also has kids and refusing to provide equally for them all. I can understand the trust fund. Its inheritance money that is passing to her daughter and I am fine with that. But I dont think is ok to give special benefits to your kid during the time they are being raised and living with your husband´s kids. Its bad for the kids and for the whole family dynamic. If you are not ready to share your wealth with your new family (because your husbands kids are your new family) you are not ready for marriage.
Hot take. As a step kid, it would have sucked a lot to see my step parent so clearly favoring their bio kid over me. I would have felt like they never saw me as their own kid. If she wanted to become the step mother of two other kids, but only lavishly gift her bio kid, then she needs to be with someone who is similarly wealthy, so the kids aren’t left feeling less-than or unwanted. I was already looked down upon by my step-parents family, so it would have hurt like hell to have my step-parent do that as well.
I get where the dad is coming from because he wouldn’t want that for his kids either. The whole thing is giving Cinderella story vibes.
Okay but if your step sibling wants a pony for their birthday and you do not want a pony and it’s not your birthday, it’s just an average day for you then why do you really need a pony? You don’t want nor need a pony or the expense or the responsibility: do you have to have “everything” your step siblings have just because their relatives on THEIR SIDE of the family set aside that generational wealth for them? And what about the fiancé’s ex wife and her new husband: why aren’t they buying ponies instead then? Why would I or anybody in their right mind buy something as expensive as a pony for a bunch of kids mine or not that do NOT want ponies or that responsibility?
Dealing with step kids, it didn't matter who got what when they needed it or wanted it, there was always a jealousy issue and this was because my ex didn't give his kids what they really wanted which was his time and attention. Things can't make up for that. The insecurity you talk about was what I dealt with for years.
The children should be treated equally after the marriage. The inheritance is yours and your daughters. He should not even be concerned with it.
What is so wrong with explaining to the husband’s kids that her grandfather is paying for it? First of all are theses kids even aware of the financial situation? It doesn’t seem like it. Also haven’t heard one word about financial support from husband’s kids biomom. Life isn’t fair and none of us should grow up with the cruel lesson that it is. That’s a very ugly surprise later in life
Mmkay. If I marry a woman with a child that is not mine, I leave all to MY son, she can go kick rocks with her offspring.
We are equal, right?
@@TeHniZ77yes
@@TeHniZ77yeah
The way I would have cancelled absolutely everything I had paid for, EVERYTHING, if the bride I was helping out as family/friend said such a nasty thing to me about my beloved doggo(s). I would literally make it my mission to ruin absolutely everything about that wedding, in the most petty way possible. Tell me you want to go down in flames without saying it, _fam._
The first story is sad….I understand the father’s POV, and the mother’s. Trust fund was the right choice. But there are 3 kids in a family all should be treated equal or just don’t marry with step kids.
One of the coolest wedding I ever attended was a multi cultural one. It was a blended Jewish and catholic wedding. They had both a rabi and priest and did both style ceremonies simultaneously wile taking breaks to explain to the guests the difference between them and what they mean to each religion.
Charlotte singing in the beginning already tells me that this vídeo will be great. Her voice is so beautiful, sounds like a jazz singer 🤗🌺
Have you seen her "Jessica Rabbit" video short?
Gorgeous voice 😍
@@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066 yes, i Love her voice.
I absolutely love when she sings in her videos. I agree with you ❤
@@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066I have its awesome
With the first story, the thing that keeps me on her side is that when he said to buy for all the kids she said YES, lets split the payment to get them all the same stuff then! She was willing to meet him in the middle, he wanted HER to pay 100% of it
But the thing is, if she KNOWS he can't afford that, even split 50/50, it was an empty offer that she knew he wasn't going to agree to anyway. I'm on her side about the trust, but everything else is not okay if you're living with your spouse's kids, let alone married. They live in the same home like a family and wanted to get married and legally be a family. However, she doesn't want to treat her would be step children as her family. She seems to want to be together but live separately in the same home, but they're not roommates. That's not how a family and marriage works. Those kids become YOURS, and you can't treat them like second class citizens. They should be treated equally, as regular siblings would be, and her daughter can handle the benefits of her trust when she's an adult.
She also said she will treat other kids different.
Also imagine men asking women to mid in middle and contribute equal financially. Most of you will say to leave the man.
Because he couldn’t not bc he didn’t want to .. the same compromise would be NO ONE NEEDS A PONY.. if your married your money is family money because that is your family
That part! After I heard that I was like totally red flash. wedding off.
@BtsArmy_888 who said he doesn't earn any money?
Charlotte is basically saying give the one girl everything because she’s born rich and is a princess and the other two children can screw off. If they wanted a life comparable to their sister they shouldn’t have been born a poor lol it’s kind of crazy to hear. I thought she was better than that. The father is not a bad person for wanting his kids and the woman he loved kid to have equal lives. I’m glade they didn’t get married though that woman was making up any excuse she could think of to not give her future step kids anything lol. If it was the other way around the guy would’ve been a butthole for excluding the other child and taking them out of his will and the woman would’ve been a hero for fighting for her daughters equal treatment.
I agree. It’s obvious Charlotte’s childless and has never dated a parent.
My ex and I each had a child. His daughter was a ‘horse girl’. It was never going to work.
Sometimes it’s just better to marry when the kids are grown. Especially when there’s a big wealth discrepancy.
@SanguisLunae13 What are you talking about the roles are reversed all the time it’s called being a step dad and any step dad worth calling a good man knows you can’t treat the other kids differently. At the end of the day it comes down to how men are raised compared to women. A man is raised knowing he will have to care for, lead and provide for any family he chooses to have which usually means giving up most if not all he will ever earn for the betterment of said family. A woman is raised to look out for herself and since women are generally speaking the “weaker” of the two sexes that is completely understandable. The lady in the video seems to be a good woman overall but she doesn’t have the right mindset to start a new family and I’m glade she chose not to. How could you go around calling these children your kids when you are treating your biological daughter better. It’s not the kids fault they didn’t have a rich grandpaw that left their family money. Also I don’t think anyone is entitled to any money except the money you earn but calling that money the “grandpaws money” is just a way for the lady to justify not spending it on her new family. The grandpaw doesn’t have any money, he’s dead. If you have land that’s been in your family for generations you don’t say “this is my great great great great grandpaws land” you say “this is my land” or “this is my family’s land”. And living in a house with your partner isn’t some amazing thing the woman is doing for the man. It’s literally the bare minimum you could do for someone you claim to love and want to marry and it’s been seen like that for men since literally the beginning of history. He’s her partner not her tenant lol. This selfishness/me culture we live in today breeds this kind of mindset and it just doesn’t work if you want a family where you need to be a team and not just think about yourself and yours. Because everything and everyone in said family is not yours and also nothing is yours (at least when you have kids).
While I fully agree with her decision in the inheritance story, the only issue I have is with the repeated "those are not your children" comments. Bioloigcally, no. But they're engaged, those are her kids. They definitely do not deserve OP's daughter's inheritance, but let's not invalidate the role of a stepmother, because at this point in their relationship if they're getting married, those babies are her babies.
I disagree with you. I was in two relationships and felt the step kids were like mine and they made it clear in both instances that they had their own mothers. Even after marriage kids know there is a difference in who their parents are. The idea that his babies are your babies is only that a fantastical idea but reality sets in and show's the truth for what it is. In many cases problems arise from the very fact that the kids see who gets what and how much more of it. The issues would arise as they got older along with the resentment. And this isn't just from my own personal experience, this is from many peoples experience.
While she has full rights to separate her inheritance from the marriage, but I would also make sure that there is understanding in that if you are marrying someone who has kids, you are 100% taking on the kids as your own or at least if you truly love the person you are. Because you cannot truly love someone and not love their children as well. And if you love them then you are committing to being fair. That being said, it’s her birthday. When the other kids show a passion, you can then do the same kind of big things for them which yes is fair. If they are your kids then they’re your kids and you will do damage to them by making them always feel inferior or lower class compared to your birth child. Sounds like neither of you are actually ready for a shared life. That isn’t what you want. And that’s ok. Just make sure you own it. Which she seems to be
"Just work harder" gives me the same energy as "just stop being depressed"
Or "why wasn't your grandpa rich"
@@rabbitguts2518 I wish she would say it to her Indian boyfriend, while her working hard is reacting
Right? I think Charlotte is totally wrong on this!
Yup! Marriage means ... The children are all part of the one family...surely?
Charlotte was totally the asshole in this one, but I think it comes from a place of having been taken advantage of in the past and a privilege she is unaware of that says you can just get rich in a rigged system by trying hard.
Marriage is not just a formalised version of dating. You merge lives with everything that comes along with it. You plan to be a family for the rest of your lives and your children and grandchildren to remain family. OP in the first story does not seem to be ready to do that. Her plan to retire at 50 without a thought about her fiance's retirement shows that. She is not thinking about one united family, but about two families existing in parallel. She does not want a husband, but rather a boyfriend with a contract.
It is good that prenups and laws about divorce exist, so there are ways to separate, if things don't work out, but that should not be seen as the expected course of things.
Agreed
Good thing they didn’t get married yet because she has time to reconsider before she loses her wealth
Well, that’s a good point, so she has her plan for her life if she stays single, but when you add someone to your plans you do have to adjust. Sure if she wants to retire at 50 that sounds great if you’re single with just one kid. But if you plan to retire at 50 with three kids and a husband then you have to be flexible to change your plans. I was all on that OP’s side, but you kind of opened my eyes. I’m single now but if I did marry someone with kids, of course I would be flexible and open to changing my future plans to adjust around my family. That just shows she wasn’t taking the relationship as seriously as she thought she was.
@@kalo_fox it’s not that she wasn’t willing to make adjustments it’s that he was expecting way too much of her and refused to accept compromise. He was already supplementing his living expenses by living with her and now she’s expecting to take all the costs of the extra children too
True but her daughter’s inheritage is from her grandpa, so she could definitely maybe readjust her own life plan but her daughter’s trust is not to be touched by anyone so this “equal splitting” it’s not valid to begin with since those money are not theirs, grandpa made them and decided how they were to be used. So on that OP is right, for her fiancé to get mad about her daughter’s trust found is a major red flag since again, those money are already her daughter’s and not theirs. On everything else I agree tho, they should arrange for an equal treatment in the house regarding daily life (or else she would only bring resentment and hate to her daughter from her step sibilings… and besides she should want her step children’s best as well or you already know it’s gonna end badly), if she can’t do it then better call everything off.
"She didnt have many sisters, girl friends"
"Thats not surprising"
🤣🤣Im dying here
If anyone was cruel to me about any of my furbabies.. I would NEVER speak to them again.
Inheritance is not a marital asset. I believe that is true in all 50 states. So glad that OP saw the light and had the strength to do what needed to be done.
OMG that last one! I have a sister who is like that bride. Full on textbook malignant narcissist. These people believe they can do no wrong. Absolute belief. She behaves like this bride on a daily basis. Yet, people - not just the family - will go out of their way to excuse her and protect her when someone turns around and bites back. I do NOT understand why people fight so hard to protect the perpetrator. This is why I am very, very low contact with the family. That OP did exactly the right thing and I, for one, am very proud of her. 😊
I feel the same way as you do, that lady really bugged me and gave off evil stepmother vibes, especially with the school part...
I understand the dad completely ....I married a man and I had two kids...after his kids came along he treated mine different ...they called him dad he said he wanted to raise them as his own....when my daughter graduated from high school all she got was a gift basket..when our daughter graduated she got a lap top ...oldest daughter was so hurt she felt like she didn't matter....One good thing is my husbands parents didn't treat my kids any different than the other grand kids and spoiled my kids rotten...I ended up divorcing my husband and so glad I did everyone told me how blind I was as to the way my husband treated my kids when I wasn't around....Look for red flags when kids are involved it can really hurt them and make them feel worthless later in life. The little girl was taking riding lessons so she got a horse ....find something the other 2 kids like to do get them something ....it doesn't have to equal cost just so they know they are not left out. the other 2 kids have to understand that the grandfather left her daughter money before they came along and all the kids should be treated equal by both mom and dad ....Kids feel this they know no ,one has to tell them they are being treated different and its very hurtful. If the boy likes motor cross your not going to buy the other kids the bikes just an example.
Exactly.
She wanted all the benefits of family but was not willing to take any of the risks.
Your advice is what also what she thought of in the update
As a 29 year old mother, and as an adopted daughter, my heart aches anytime i hear the "not your kids" arguement... i assure you, i most definitely am my father's daughter, regardless of whether he played a role in my birth or not. And my 8 year old would be heart broken if you told him the man I've been with for the past 3 years isn't his dad simply because of biology. Stop normalizing the mentality that step kids aren't equal.
Well the thing is he and she isn't married and they are not yet her step-children, plus step-children as I've seen with multiple videos are not adopted until they hand their step parents adoption papers.
I 100% agree with you sam. The person above me doesn't know what they are talking about. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend 8+ years. I have two previous children and he has one. We got together when both of our youngest were under 1. Although we are not married we have ALWAYS raised our children as equal. No, they are not blood, no we are not married but children do not understand everything adults understand and only see a child being treated differently. Also his son has always lived with us as well. If we didn't tell you we were a blended family you would have no clue.
@@ashleywilczynski2921 but is one of you extremely richer than the other??? Or are you in an equal situation and hence why equality for you children can be more easily achieved??? The OP could definately give great gifts to the children of her man, but for him to tell her " since you got a poney ,give my kids poneys too"; it is wrong.
I think it's different in every situation, if the relationship is early and/or the kids are older then and/or the other parents are very involved then it's just not the same.
As a stepmom that had stepkids that didn't give a damn about me, I understand where you are coming from but not all stories are like yours. Not all stepkids appreciate what's done for them. They measure and keep tabs. They told me they were not my kids so sometimes the tables are turned by the very people you try to incorporate into your family.
The problem with the First Lady is the difference in lifestyle for her child and her step children are massively different. It’s not just about a pony. She is planning to send her daughter to private school while they can’t even afford to send the others to college.
Yeah, the whole situation is bad. If it was me I'd put the trust fund away until she graduates high school AT LEAST, maybe 21. Just pretend it doesn't exist. That way the mother isn't breeding resentment in her new kids because it will always feel like mommy favors her princess. If you're two single parents raising your own children separately, then nobody dictates how you spend money or makedecisions, but a household should be unified. If you ask Mom for something and she says no, then Dad should also say no and vice-versa. And they're no longer "her daughter" and "his kids" but their kids. If you can't or won't make that shift then that relationship isn't right for you and everyone is walking away with hurt feelings.
They live in a fucking mansion for free, it’s not that they’re going to attend the worst public school in the city. Dad could send them to private school with the child support of their mother
Funnily enough, in story #1 her update about being able to send her daughter to a better school than the kids made me sympathize with her a lot less (though she is still ultimately right. It is HER money and she is not wrong for doing what she wants with it). However, my dad is my half-sister’s stepfather and you know what he did when she couldn’t afford a card due to financial difficulties? He lent her a car for months so she could get to work.
Also as someone who grew up in poverty and had to work very hard to afford her education, the fact that she would consider sending her daughter to a specific school just for its HORSEBACK RIDING is so pretentious. She is allowed to be, but she didn’t mention if she would go through trouble to let the potential stepchildren go to school for their particular interests (i.e. loans). Like that is not a pony, it is something so vital.
I think she made the right decision because she is not emotionally equipped to be a stepmother. Her ex-fiancé would also spend the rest of his life resenting her and probably feeling insecure about his finances. He really doesn’t have a right to her money, but the pony thing was clearly not about ponies from the very beginning. Well, not at its core.
Unfortunately, some of us (like her) get financial advantages in life. Some of us (like him), don’t. It is what it is. But also I think it is a bit belittling to just say “Go out and make more money” when we don’t understand the circumstances. After all, it is a very one-sided story. There is so much space for nuance here.
Apologies for the very long comment. 😂 Apparently I am very opinionated on this story. You picked a very good one to showcase.
NOT HER PROBLEM
If he can't afford his daughters such a life, that's fine, but being angry that someone else doesn't want to give your child something is rude. If he wants his daughters to live the same way, let him work more and ask for an increase in child support from their biological mother, and not take money from his fiancee's daughter.
@@aimay374It’s not her problem, which is why it’s good they didn’t get married. If they had then it is her problem, cause then they’d be a family. You cannot have a healthy family dynamic where 2 children get nothing and 1 gets everything she wants. Regardless of who has what inheritance, those kids will hate her!
Oof. Alternative idea: let your kid spend the money when she’s older and leave it out of the situation for now, unless there’s opportunities that require it and she’s skilled in some area. Telling him to earn more money when he might not be able to, is a huge slap in the face. Parents often go without when they’re poor/low class. I was lower middle and my dad often went without to make sure we had good things.
Exactly 💯
Where did it say he was poor? If he is then that's probably why he's with her.
Oh brother! That's what the trust fund she set up is for....were you even paying attention????
Good point. A lot of trust funds have stipulations that the person has to be a certain age before they receive access to the money, but often the trustee can still access the funds to pay for certain expenses for them like tuition.
Imagine men demanding women to put in the same amount of money in household, all these her money is her money people will have different tune.
I hollered when I seen the John Wick clip! 🤣🤭 none of these people were the A hole. I’m about to watch John Wick again today!! 🤣🤣🤣💕
I have to agree with the fiancee on first story . As my half sister always gets treated as the princess buying her car , college fund etc while ive to work for my college and they didn't even help me to buy a car . It's better to call the whole wedding off because i can see the op not treating all her children equally
My husband accepted my daughter from a previous marriage as his own and treated her as such. Kids will not understand why one gets spoiled while they go without. It's creating a messy dynamic.
This is not the same as your child being gifted something from their grandparents and your spouse expecting you to give it to their children as well. It is not the mothers to take from her daughter and give away. She offered a perfectly reasonable solution to her husband’s entitlement. How would you feel if your grandparent left you money and your mother marries, and more than half of your money gets taken and given to people you didn’t choose to be related to, and your grandparent has never met? Would you feel the same if you leave your kids money and their parents give it away to someone else’s kids because they got married?
@@kissit012 Also, on a side note, we both come from families who are multi millionaires. So I understand generational wealth.
@kissit012
If the grandfather wanted a specific amount to be left specifically to his great granddaughter, he could have specified in his will. Technically speaking, he left it to his granddaughter entirely, so it very much is hers to do with as she sees fit.
Personally I believe that the daughter should be entitled to what her mother came into the marriage with, and the two step kids entitled to anything their father came into the marriage with.
However, I think that while the children are being raised under the same roof, they should be treated the same.
Which isn't to say that they all should get the exact same thing, but the value of gifts and opportunities should be equal.
Just because OP has all that money, does not mean she has to be spending it on lavish gifts that are outside of what she could afford on her own income...
I 100% agree. I was the only father my daughter had since her mom's 2nd pregnancy appointment. My lil girl just turned 20 a couple days ago. Time flies, make the most of it!
@Victoria-dh9vb so she should limit her education opportunities because of who else is living with them? Nah
Charlotte, when my brain is too full and my nervous system is overwhelmed, and the intrusive thoughts of impending doom are too thick, I watch you and laugh and shift my focus to the silly circus in someone else's life. You are the Doritos my brain craves!!!! 😂☺
For the first story, she's definitely well within her rights to set her daughter up for success. That said, I agree with the people mentioning that the vast difference in how the kids would be treated would cause tension in the home. I think the fiancé should have phrased it like that and asked if there were compromises that would make things more equitable for the kids. Instead of getting OP's child a pony (especially considering the real possibility she doesnt want to keep riding, then you have to care for the pony for years with no interest in the sport), maybe sending each kid to a camp aligning with their interest would be more financially sound and would help them all feel good.
The first story has me very conflicted, and I'm kinda in the fiance's side. Hear me out.
As a step child myself, I'm a firm believer that you should treat your step children just like you treat your biological ones. Marrying someone with children should mean you understand that they're becoming your children just like that person is becoming your spouse.
Treating the bio daughter differently, giving her horses, better toys, expensier clothing and maybe even a great car when she turns 16, her going to a private school, having university tuition covered without having to take on debt or work, while the stepchildren don't? That's going to hurt those children greatly and create the sort of resentment that destroys a family. And you're supposed to see them and love them as your own.
And saying "Well you need to work harder to match your wife's inheritance so you can give your children the same life" is a terrible take. OP's wealth is generational wealth amassed decades ago, back when it was much easier, and its literally and by definition not the sort of money that can be acquired in one lifetime, no matter how hard he works. And having to see how his children get a middle class life with hardships while their step-sister gets a lavish high class life with no work needed on her part? I can see why he wouldn't want that for them.
Thats almost the plot of Cinderella, and we all understand that Lady Tremaine treating her differently than her daughters is a bad thing, so we should also understand that OP treating her step children differently is also bad.
To me, this is a nobody is the *sshole. OP would definitely be if she had married him, but since she didn't she has no obligations towards his kids.
They're, as OP said, financially incompatible, and they're both looking out for their own children, he wants them to be treated the same as the bio daughter, and she wants to protect her daughter's privileged life. She should go on to date either someone with no kids, or someone who's from the same privileged background as her.
But painting him as a greedy golddigger, instead of a father looking out for the emotional well being of his kids? That's nasty.
And I've been reading some comments and they raise an interesting point, what if OP has more children?
Even if not with her ex-fiance, the way the trust funds are set up the first daughter gets 50% of her great grand parent's estate and the subsequent children have to split the 20% that's not in a trust? (land, house and savings).
OP was not lying when she said she acts fast, because she made a very stupid decision that basically screws up any child she has in the future smh hopefully she's not planning on getting any more.
But at the end of the day he is not entitled to an inheritance just because he is married to her.
You cannot force her to include HIS children into this. It’s not their grandfather.
At the first story: that would be so hard for the other two kids to go to one school on one level, and the one kid going to a special school with a pony and whatever else. I understand the trust fund thing, but maybe raise all the kids on the combined incomes, and save the trust fund for later. The daughter can still have whatever her grandpa had saved for her, but it doesn't put the kids on unequal footing as they grow up. It could lead to hurt feelings, bullying, resentment, etc. I can totally see why the dad would be concerned for the kids to have such different upbringings. Would Christmases and birthdays be different too? That would be really hard to do family things with that kind of disparity.
Favourite Charlotte videos: wedding stories and her giving us an exasperated “THEE AUDACITY” in there too
We really need Charlotte merch that says “THE AUDACITY!”
@@jworth7203yes!!!!!😂
I understand equally. My sisters' Dad never saw us any different. He was there when I was born and has always been my Dad. So when my sisters got family money so did I. I never expected it, but I am so grateful. ❤ I understand that not all families are like that, but I love that mine was. I know what it feels like to be excluded for no reason expected I am the step kid.
I agree that the step children are not entitled to the inheritance. However, as long as all the children are living in the same household, they should be treated equally. Go ahead and get your daughter a horse, that is her dream. But make sure that the other children can also achieve their dreams in the future. If you can’t afford to send all the children to private school, then no one should go. Just continue to keep the inheritance in the trust so that your daughter can use it once she is no longer living with her step siblings. No child should feel inferior while living in their primary home.
Charlotte THANK YOU for your dedication and work. And the rest of the team as well. These are my favorite videos and they always make me smile 😊
If they wanted it to be equal but couldn't spend more money on the other kids, you could just spend less money on the bio daughter. She doesn't NEED to have a pony, she doesn't NEED to go to a fancy private school. They could've kept the fund secret until the daughter was old enough to inherit it.
I still don't think they should get married. Feeling that entitled over someone else's wealth when you're already well enough off is a humongous red flag.
Maybe not a pony but come on, surely you know the opportunities a type of education opens up for people.
The inheritance my grandad left me before he died, got split between my siblings and cousins. I didn't see a penny. All because I asked if my inheritance could get split between my kids instead of coming to me. I got told "that's only for the actual grandkids" ps. I've been apart of the family since I was 6 months old. Me n my kids haven't seen a penny
The inheritance story I can relate with. When I was dating, (12 years ago) I decided that dating another person with children wasn't something I was interested in. (I have two children) My family and friends gave me crap but I felt it important to be upfront.. I could never put anyones children in front of my own.. I didn't want to come across these problems.. But I found a wonderful man and am very happy with my decision. Being honest is the best way always. She'll find someone when she's not looking 🖤
Not the AH but my children were on the bad end of not being treated equally by my ex and his new wife. Her girls were treated like princesses and our boys treated like Cinderella. Up to and including the girls getting food that the boys didn't and being given cars when the boys were not. I believe that in blended families, when you marry someone with children, you should treat them as your own.
Wow, that's just horrible. And what an ass your ex is, in particular. As much as his new wife sucks, he's even worse bc they're literally his biological children, too. Ugh. At least they have you.
There are limits to that. Unfortunately, both wouldn't be able to make things equal between them. Keep in mind that the inheritance was only going towards the daughter and her expenses (before the rest of it), so the daughter was going to have an advantage anyway and the others don't have the right to access it. It is for her only, and that's the only difference where things wouldn't be equal between them. The mom was sharing income with him, but the inheritance isn't something that can be shared as the original beneficiary didn't want it that way.
That was my childhood, but the rich person was my own father and my step siblings got everything.. while my sister and I were told "I pay your mother child support". (No shit, our mom would be on the streets without that, she's poor). Didn't even ask for anything special. I asked "can i get some clothes for when I'm at your house so I don't have to pack every time I go back and forth".. apparently that was too much.
I basically never speak to him anymore life is so much better now.
The money was inheritance specifically for her daughter as generational wealth,,,, the man kids and him don't have right to it,,, they are not blod family..
The mom in the first story is a real one for that. Loyal to her daughter before a man, it’s sad that so many women don’t operate in that way.
💯
The inheritance issue is real. The money is hers to do as she wills, but at the same time, she should try & treat all of the kids the same. If not, then they might as well call it quits. She needs to find another 'trust fund baby' to marry, so that money is not an issue. With all that money she should also have her daughter DNA tested to find out who her daddy is, because she will ask questions. BTW - I had this issue in my family. The person that inherited the $$$ found a guy that also inherited $$$, so they're good & planning their future together.
I have 3 adult kids. While they were growing up, I felt it important that they realized that something for one of them didn't mean the other 2 got something. They learned quickly that you didn't need to also receive something on someone's special day to not enjoy the happiness of the moment. Some parents thought I was mean, but I still stand by it. 💕🇨🇦
No reasonable person expects to get gifts on someone else's special day. That's not the problem here 😑. For kids, if on OP's daughter's birthday she gets a pony while on the stepkids' birthdays they just get some cheap toy, they're gonna feel resentment. If OP's daughter gets to go to an expensive private university, but the stepkids can't even go to college because the family can't afford tuition, they're gonna feel resentment. And that sort of unequal treatment in a family trying to be a nuclear family will turn the OP's daughter into a golden child, and there will be no peace among the kids. Kids will not understand that they don't deserve the inheritance, they'll just see that their stepsister gets sooooo much better stuff and everything paid off for her.
It's like this current societal habit of rewarding kids at school who come in last. They should understand that everyone will come in last, in something, in life, and there will be no special treats or favours given because of that. You came last? find something you do better so you can come in first. If that's your entire life purpose.
Thank you for being here charlotte.. there’s always things going on in life and this is one of the channels I watch when I need to laugh or smile 🫶🏽‼️ love char
The inheritance does not belong to the fiance, she is smart to put it away for her daughter.
10:13 Sounds like they came to an agreement, and they found a way not to break up, even though they’re not getting married. That’s kinda wholesome to hear. They both just want the best for the kids. The solution is really good too, the kids can share the horse if they end up wanting one too.