3 Reasons Why Your Relationship Drains You!
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- Опубліковано 30 тра 2024
- Feel drained in your relationship? Here are 3 reasons why that might be happening to you. Dr. Christian Conte is one of the country's leading experts on emotional management. For more on Dr. Conte, visit www.DrChristianConte.com
Twitter: @Dr_Conte
Instagram: @drchristianconte
Facebook: DrChristianConte
Wow, this video has really got me thinking about my 13 yr relationship with my lady, she makes me mad all the time, I wish I could figure it out.
Dr. Christian Conte has a nice saying I'll paraphrase: Every story has a beginning middle and end. So we often have to remind ourselves this is just a feeling or a current state of mind we're in and with that, I think it was Dr. Christian Conte suggesteding instead of saying "I am angry", we should be replacing those words with "I have a feeling of anger inside of me right now"... It really is powerful because we're not permanently upset or angry we are just going through a temporary state like eating Jack in the Box that one time and we regret it but subconsciously we know it's not living in us forever.
We can't control time we don't have.. You are already figuring it out by being here and by starting the process of communicating somewhere (even if it's been 10months since your post) you began a cycle of addressing concerns and finding a solution is in your subconscious.
I'm speaking purely out of my own thought process but I think often it's the way we use our words that installs an illusion of unapproval which then triggers insecurities and before we know it their guard is up. Now we're only unintentionally putting the other In a position of discomfort.
Without elaborating, that's how it was for me and I worked on my communication by saying things like:
"I am not saying you're wrong.. Im saying I'm wrong! Please help me understand how to ask you blah without triggering your insecurities... Or assumptions... And it's OK I have insecurities too I want to make sure I'm not say something in a way that you don't appreciate and the same goes for you all I want to do is meet you in the middle and figure this out because I am sick of myself talking to you like this because I'm miscommunicating and I love you.. I want this to work. We need to ask ourselves how is this bringing value to us? How are we bringing value for eachother? We have to compromise for eachother and understand eachothers trigger points. We HAVE to meet in the middle on that otherwise we're going to end up losing eachother ".
I said those things because I have to confirm with her that she's not in it alone in this together. I also wanted to be a good example to her by not saying "you" so much (like I did with you.... Or us... loll) and reassuring we're a team by saying "we.... us" etc....
Update?...What happened?
same, i want to break up but i'm afraid of regretting it later
I have recently come to see that I have been the cause of the drain of my current relationship and it is a horrible feeling. I am making the changes I need for myself and for my current relationship, if it’s not too late. Thank you for another inspirational video Dr Conte.
Brad This Is Urgent 🙏🏼
Yeah it’s usually one person that causes most of the drama. Admitting is the first step. Putting put with someone’s chaos is not worth it. Hopefully you are successful at real change. More people should take responsibility. Blaming is hurtful.
I want to be right because that makes me happy
Imagine being cheated on over and over again and being told their “right” yet never wants to leave. Toxic
Sometimes it's not that you're trying to fix them, but rather you are drained trying to get some empathy and compassion. So it's best to leave when what you need to "fix" are fundamentals in a marriage you can't continue without.
My dear if you are facing any Challenges in your Relationship worry no more, I will Introduce you to the same Relationship Restorer who helped me got back my ex, he can bring your ex back within 48 hours
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Dr. Conte is so perceptive to the needs people seek in their relationships. It gives me food for thought. Thank you Dr. Conte.
If your relationship is draining you have to get out
What if your already in a relationship for 31yrs ?
Trunews. com it’s literally the 3rd point in the video
@@truenews3763 prepare to have your bank account drained...
no. this is the problem in the west. you can't just "get out" when something's wrong. toughen up, relationships arent always roses and violins all day buttercup.
there is always a reason, evaluate yourself and see what you are contributing the relationship. are you making the effort instead of going through the daily motions? there are always things you can do to help the relationship
Well... If you're always letting the other person be right. Then you're not being true to yourself. And guess what after a while you're empty, and frustrated.
Great advice, thank you!!
DAAAM you have hit the nail on the head for me, thank you.
hero you'll hit nail on head
excellent video! stay happy, don't fix and know you have a choice!
Dr Conte - thank you for your words of wisdom - you are truly creating a legacy for yourself! Please content to produce this amazing content you are making a positive difference in many peoples lives!
Well articulated on all three points!
Absolutely hit the nail on the head. Thanks.
Much peace!
Joe McEnaney 🙏🏼
Thank you for your wisdom. I think that other ways in which we can feel drained in relationships that are no good for us is when you feel exploited. It's exhausting and belittling, but we ultimately have the power to say, 'It's enough." It's also draining to be on eggshells around a person, a nervous love where you feel you are not enough. And it is also draining when you don't feel known, when the person has no interest in you truly, only in the ways in which you can benefit them. These exchanges require such energy to maintain interaction that it becomes draining. There are also people who think so negatively that it is draining to hear and also draining in attempts to bring them up, to provide comfort, encouragement and brightness. In all of these contexts, you can give it your best, but in small doses only, so as to save your vital energy. And if it best to run, then run! It sometimes comes down to a struggle to save a smile. And if we lose our smile, we've pretty much lost everything else. Bless you Dr Conte! You are awesome!!
Thank you! And I agree with everything you described... those things are definitely draining to be around. Plus, I 100% agree to protect and save your vital energy! Some people are struggling in such difficult moments, that they don't realize they are a lot like a bottomless cup, and nothing you can ever say or do will be enough for them. I appreciate you spreading kind words to me! Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
@@DrChristianConte Thank you, especially for being you! I too wish you peace, and joy. Keep shining brightly!
this too shall pass... wow . Felt like i was guided to this video. I remember reading that when i was in the hole for 30 days straight in county 😂
Good advice , Thanks
Dr. Christian :-)
Thank you!
number 3 hit hardest for me. I've said those exact exact words "I don't want to have wasted his time"
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Thank you
Yes Dr. You are definitely correct. Now I know why I always fighting with my gf. First I always want to be right, second I always want to fix her up. But the third I’m confused whether I have to or I want to.
Really exact and useful facts that many people may don't know or at least underestimate it when they hear it..It is something - i think - we should discuss it more..I tend to call these people " negative people " and I've tried everything to fix the situation with them but it didn't work, i understand now how wrong was i wasting lots of time with such people, the only effective solution is " to get rid of them".. Unfortunately..
Guys, play this video over and over again till you get it! Thanks
so on point
Thanks doctor!
Thank you. Very helpful. Currently just getting to know someone as a friend first and it's already draining.
Get out
I want to be happy😊😊😊,,thank you for your video.
this is simply a great channel
Richard Sørensen Thank you! Much peace and gratitude!
I think we should be striving towards truth, which can be different from being right. Chosing happniness over truth is fatal. However I don't really believe that true happiness can arise without truth anyways so.
Brilliiant
I listen to all your videos
You are a legend sir ! Great content
Thank you so much. I appreciate you! Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Outstanding.!
My dear if you are facing any Challenges in your Relationship worry no more, I will Introduce you to the same Relationship Restorer who helped me got back my ex, he can bring your ex back within 48 hours
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this was helpful, thank you!
My dear if you are facing any Challenges in your Relationship worry no more, I will Introduce you to the same Relationship Restorer who helped me got back my ex, he can bring your ex back within 48 hours
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Great tips. I was in such relationship. Thank goodness I'm not anymore
Wow! Amazing video.
Thank you! Definitely sending you much peace!
My dear if you are facing any Challenges in your Relationship worry no more, I will Introduce you to the same Relationship Restorer who helped me got back my ex, he can bring your ex back within 48 hours..
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Great advice
My dear if you are facing any Challenges in your Relationship worry no more, I will Introduce you to the same Relationship Restorer who helped me got back my ex, he can bring your ex back within 48 hours..
+𝟐𝟑𝟒𝟖𝟎𝟓𝟏𝟐𝟔𝟔𝟐𝟑𝟗.
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I appreciate a lot of what Dr conte shares , so thank you for the good done thus far . I do not value ( pun intended) his disregard for personal values . Specifically -I value faithfulness to my marriage vows above my ego’s goals . Any relationship can be draining bc of the fallen sin nature of humanity . Suggesting people divorce regardless of faith background is -frankly -irresponsible . Divorce statistically also has terrible repercussions for children . I do agree that healthy boundaries can be helpful for dating and friendships . I personally have friendships that can be draining , but a friend loves at all times . In these friendships , I have strict boundaries . May God open your eyes to these truths, radically change your worldview , and richly bless you in the process .
Hi Maureen! Thanks for watching my videos and taking time to comment. I'm not sure where you came up with me not having personal values or advocating divorce. Aside from me being happily married for 23 years, I made this specific video about being in draining relationships (everything from colleagues to friendships to dating relationships, etc.). Everyone has different perspectives and projections, however, so please know I'm definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
biggest thing, i need to work on, not striving to be right. I need to stop being proud.
As usuall I really admire your words ...you get a special goal by this clip.....
All thix reason is right ...but I will search about how can I apply your advice for not drain any more as I feel pain althought I have no way to end those kind of relationships
I wish it would be different!😔
Hi Dr. This video will help me a lot. Please, could you make a video explaining how to tell the difference between ego telling you to jump the ship and love telling you that the current relationship truly isn't not good? I find this very very hard to distinguish. Thanks! Peace.
Excellent idea! I really appreciate when people reach out with ideas. I'm working on making more videos, so thank you for taking time to comment. Sending you much peace!
Wow this is so me...he Soo good but am so tired..he is so clueless about alot of things
What about communication, respecting boundaries, or your relationship needs not being met.
Can’t do it any more sometimes it literally feels like I am suffocating constantly giving him money paying all the bills literally crying begging him to get a job I told him to not adk me for money to just demand it if I don’t give it to him he goes crazy till I give in
What does it mean to be happy?
We've been together off and on for the past 4 yrs now. When it's good it's GREAT and when it's bad it's bad. He tries to fix me a lot because he says I'm not who I used to be in the beginning. Witch he is right. I let life bring me down. And I want to get back up he always pushes me to do better but, now he's at the verge of walking completely out the door. We both need help but, he doesn't believe he does. But I know I do. Any advice would be appreciated.
Dunno what to do about the guy.
But it sounds like you might be clinically depressed.
I would suggest getting to see a psychologist, this sounds like a job for therapy.
...Therapy can really help things, you might need it.
Best of luck.
I know its been a long time since this post but i have a question what if its both ways what if they want to be in the relationship but they also feel like they need to be what do you do than??
Ok, I'm all about being happy then being right. But, what if the person you're with brings up things that are far from the truth more than a handful of times. How do handle that without getting annoyed, mad, angry and so forth? Please.
When do these 3 things add up to 'abuse'?
This feels like the right relationship, but I put a lot of internal pressure on myself and that’s draining. I wanna know how to stop.
The second reason should be the first u can’t change people only they can change themselves. I had broken up with this guy we are not on the same mental level and he’s got a lot to learn. Try to be the kind generous person and treat that person right. But it’s draining when ur not on the same pages. I’m a hard working person and I can’t stand someone lazy and want to not bring anything to the table. They wanna smooch off u like that’s not good. Some people are just for certain people like u said bad relationships. It’s very hurtful and emotional. Makes u feel like there are no good people who want to treat you right out here. A person can only take but so much but I’m done giving chances after chances to a person who isn’t interested in wanting to view themselves and take the time out to do some reflecting on themselves. Like I don’t like when someone rather want to bring the worst out of me instead of the good. Because I usually try to treat a person how I want to be treated. But tryna change a person is so tiresome they don’t want to do what’s good then it’s time to go. Cause yes you only get one ☝🏽 life
Including family members.
What if it is your dad i am drained for what he did to me my dad is trying to be right instead of happy #3 is happening pretty much relationship feeling I have to stay in that relationship
Do you have a video where the other partner does not communicate at ALL??
If your relationship is draining you...you need to replenish with Gatorade. Thanks, C.C. Some good advice..."WYMP"
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And also do you do one on one's by zoom??
I’ve been with my wife for over 20 years. I felt like I had to stay with her for the kids one of my kids had a serious health condition. Just wonder what do you do when you haven’t been happy in your marriage but you take the responsible parent route and don’t leave…
I understand. But after being in that long I would try everything you can to spice it up and treat her like she is someone knew . Role play go on dates . The pain of leaving is far worse what your kids will go through holidays and future grandchildren . It’s a whole new ball game that’s sad . The grass ain’t always greener on the other side. For me I’m exhausted with my partner because I have to do everything. Got any tips ?
what about if your partner doesn't work and doesn't contribute to the financial situation?I am receiving invalidity pension but he doesn't work and doesn't intend to. Am I wrong when I wish I could fix this?I am not trying to change his personality, but there are responsibility that one has take in order to live with other people. I guess my partner would be an homeless if he wasn't living with me
About 85% of men have that same argument. We support our women, no problem.
@@jjacksonmsrd8496 we found finally what s wrong with my partner. He was found to be affected by a toxic mold. We realized this because we spent a few weeks holiday in a very moldy house. His behaviour was crazy and he looked so sick, as soon we got out he was much better. Now he is in a clinic specialized in this type of disorder. I cant believe how mold can affect us. I knew was something wrong with him for very long time and this is the reason why he couldn't function. I know he is a very smart and hard working man, he just was very sick and still he is. Are there many women that live with men that are receiving invalidity pension and don't contribute financially?invalidity pension in your country must be very high! here in Ireland is 900$ a month and I assure this is not enough money for two person. I personally don't know anybody that with his invalidity pension support the wife/husband. Are 85% of those men all receiving invalidity pension?
No but I want to know what women mean by when they say I’m suffocating them because I’m over protective and why is that bad anyway
I know you say not to fix. Is trying to show your emotional immature man how to communicate with kindness and peace without reacting with offensiveness and anger to everything not good to do. I'm trying to be patient and understanding but it is so draining the way he reacts and thinks. I didn't understand till I watched your video on emotional immaturity exactly what was going on. Recently mine has tried to open up but shortly after exposing his heart he picks a fight and runs. That is where we are now. No communication
Two out of three. I’m not feeling the third one.
brat Sweet! They say “2 out of 3 ain’t bad....” Thanks! Much peace!
You may have mustaches for eyebrows. But your content is very helpful thank you
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#2.. “Trying to fix your partner” isn’t the same as trying to/wanting to GROW with your partner, right? Well so..what happens when your relationship is struggling, and you both are aware of the struggles, but both don’t quite see eye to eye on the “WHY” of the struggles.For example, One feels that one wants to always be right,but in the same, the other feels the other always wants to be right. Stalemate!😒 and we’re Back at square 1. So then, what if the efforts to get through to the other side resonates and reflects more in one than the other, does it then become one trying to”fix” the other if they are attempting to share the knowledge in order to reach resolution together?
#3
I need a answer for my comment what do I do if my fiance keep verbally abusing me for years and she won't quit and always try to blame things on me and always bring my pass up in me and the only good thing we have together is our 2 kids but I am losing feelings and emotion for her..
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Doc I have anxiety anger and depression manifested Into a raging shit show. I have 2 sons and a wife and I feel terrible for them. They are all amazing but the way I have these explosive episodes I worry I will lose them. Even if she doesn't leave me I just mean mentally. I am told I am too intelligent and don't have patience. I am very literal when I speak so when people contradict themselves or don't stick to their word it triggers me. sometimes it'snot WHAT they say but The way people say things that triggers me. I assume a lot on people's intentions and sometimes misunderstood because I am so literal. I feel like I'm wasting potential living my life this way. Everyone that knows me loves me but bc of my jeykyl n Hyde ways I've pushed a lot away and I'm sick of being the negative energy storm Ive become
What's up brother. Thanks for reaching out. What stands out to me most in reading what you wrote is that you definitely have the key to changing the behaviors that you know you need to change, and you even know exactly what you need to do to change them; BUT, the challenge is are you really ready and willing to make those changes? You have an ability to take the energy from that internal storm and channel it into a beautiful energy for your wife and children. It will take effort, but your wife, children, and the world are all worth you giving your best effort. Sending you tons of peace brother.
Dr. Christian Conte thank you. After talking with some of my mentors and friends I agree I am just "a decision away" just a matter of taking that energy and transforming it into a tool I can use to help instead if destroy
I feel the same... I've never been an upset person and my husband has NEVER ONCE put me down.... yet I am always upset with him.. I didn't even want to be in any relationship at all at the time.... 4 months later I'm married and feel trapped... but I also feel like he's the best thing to ever happen to me... so now I'm confused.... pregnant and coming up on a year being married
How do you deal with it if you are on the receiving end of these 2-3 items (particularly #2) and don’t want your partner to be drained
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#2
I wish you had Spanish subtitles, I know people who could benefit from your videos but they don't speak English.
Thank you for the feedback. I would like to learn how to do that. If I can learn how to do that, I definitely will. Thank you so much! Sending you tons of peace!
Fuck reality then.... This is pretty accurate though
I have a question.my spouse and I have been together for seven years in March. Shortly after we had our daughter, he left his phone in the bathroom. Now this was the first time I had this guy feeling, so I took a look on his phone. Low and behold he was chatting with another woman. I confronted him about it, he changed his number and put a password on his phone. Then about or so months later, that feeling crept up again while he was on a hunting trip. I got on our carriers log in, and saw that same number. Well, this time I called her, and just asked her side of it. Dr. Conte if you could find some time, could I talk to you about this?
Melissa me too am in the same situation
Zuri Robles it sucks! Aside from this incident he is a wonderful father and husband. Since I used the account to find out he was talking to her again, he changed the password. This is what's makes me laugh, because when I ask him for the password, it either turns into an argument or he says he can't trust me. I try my best not to get in an argument in front of the kids, so I'll let it be dormant until I have actual proof. It is just so nerve racking! I don't know what to do. He won't talk about it. I know I'm not handling this the correct way. I don't think he realizes he did something wrong. I mean he apologized, but has done nothing to prove he is not doing it again.
Anyone is welcome to reach out to me through my website (I think if I put my email directly in the reply section of the comments it will go to spam, so the best way I can answer you here is to invite you to reach out through my website). Sending you all the best and tons of peace.
Ladies you need to stop trying to catch your partners out and just decide if this is the relationship for you regardless of the consequence we all know in our heart if we are loved and in love and we all no in our hearts if we are being treated right or treating someone right. just be true to yourself and don't expect your partners male or female to be all that you want, love yourself first and if they deserve you they will love you. searching there phone only leads to distrust and resentment believe me I've been there. and once the trust has gone its almost impossible to get it back..
Melissa
Our minds were screwed by the ones who brainwashed us into believing that we humans are monogam. We are not and we don't own anybody. The most of us have this eternal desire to have and to hold. Why? We are all free beings. Why can't we just live with each other without shackles? Isn't this eternal control the opposite of freedom?
Honestly, I would have liked a more positive and less giving-up-on-the-relationship message, because the 'moving on', can be pathological and a form of avoidance, in my experience.
Can someone please explain what is meant by being right! I don’t understand what that means 🤷♀️ you either want to be happy or right! What is being right? Like you want to be right in everything that argue about? Or decide on? I don’t get it!!! Examples please.
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How about when your partner don’t reciprocate. For example when u talk about something that exciting the respond you get unenthusiastic 😑
It means she either doesn’t understand what you’re talking about or she is finding it boring.
Why can’t i be right and happy?
I am done!
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Hearing a lot of AA slogans in this video :)
If I would have heard this before I got in a relationship I would have stayed single trying to be happy in a relationship to me is like trying to win the lottery
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What if your already in 31 yrs?
Things have been difficult for a long long time.
I left my wife after 28 years, I have never been happier with my new relationship.
@@Clyde-Coles-Designs good for you. I finally go through to my hubby I wasnt happy and he is really trying to make an effort this time and its lasted more then 2 weeks so far. We will see how it goes......God speed on your new relationship sir...
This is me
I am in the no.3 category
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Number 3…
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I rather be happy n smoke crack but my girl says no..i watched your video n ur right..i need to just do what makes me happy..i love crack
She prolly has to pay for ur crack to smh loser
Video made 4 years ago.
My husband makes huge messes looses everything pays bills every month late what breaks I have to fix . Sex twice a month. Yes I’m drained I’m tired! I look like a zombie ! Even worse he doesn’t care
396 million times 😂😂
My partner is a blatant liar, that's very draining
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My now ex cannot ever be wrong. EVER.
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It’s always someine else’s fault yesterday it was Cujo fault he didn’t get a job cus he had to walk my dog it took up all his time 😮
I’m in shock like is this real life 34 years old
Are she just doesn’t want to be in the relationship and that’s why having dreams about another guy
My dear if you are facing any Challenges in your Relationship worry no more, I will Introduce you to the same Relationship Restorer who helped me got back my ex, he can bring your ex back within 48 hours..
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EGO
R-H,F, "H"
#3. And other stuff.😒
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If you've got to work at it, you're with the wrong person. Once you have found true love, you'll realise that you've never been in love before. 💜
billy&bunny sloth I disagree. Then you're just fulfilling a subconscious not good enough/need for perfection mantra and it doesn't exist. As you get older, you may regret the detachment as it can be lonely. It shouldn't be draining you and causing relenting unhappiness but relationships... Real authentic relationships take work and effort.
I agree with Seraphim23. It's my experience that life takes effort, and that's okay. You can love someone very much, but still have things to work on in yourself, and the same is true for your partner. It's my perspective that relationships take work, and that doesn't make them bad or wrong, it just means we're human, and we're all constantly learning and striving. I appreciate the dialogue and the comments, so thank you all very much. Sending you all tons of peace!
I disagree with you both. I don't have to work at my relationship because even though we don't share every trait, I accept him for exactly who he is, I don't want to change him, I love him as a whole. I didn't mention perfect because nothing is perfect. I make sure he knows I appreciate him everyday, and it's mutual. I've been a counsellor for 15 years, so hopefully I know a bit about people and relationships. You obviously have different relationships to mine, and you are very happy in them which I is wonderful.
I love and appreciate different perspectives, so thank you SO much for taking time to comment. I wonder if we're operating on the same definition of "work;" because sometimes different perspectives emerge due to different definitions. I guess, for me, I would define "work" as "effort" in a relationship. For example, it sounds like we would both agree that relationships aren't perfect, so to me, I think it follows that it takes effort to constantly grow as an individual and with your partner. I think I might have the projection that, as a counselor, you help people grow constantly (for example, I would say that it takes effort to improve self-talk and become mindful), and I guess that's the same as what I would define as "work" (i.e., "effort"). I love that you have dedicated your life to helping others, and I'm so happy to hear that you have a loving, happy relationship. What a beautiful example! Thank you again for watching this video and for taking time to leave thoughtful comments. Sending you tons of peace! :-)
That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard
Personally I treat my gf Alex as a friend, but with benefits, we know we're together, but I treat her as a friend but with the extra benefits, I never argue or rarely ever, I stay silent and kinda just ignore her lol.
Hi wild lovechild of joe rogan + jake gyllenhaal + ben roethlisberger.. i see you 😘
My dear if you are facing any Challenges in your Relationship worry no more, I will Introduce you to the same Relationship Restorer who helped me got back my ex, he can bring your ex back within 48 hours
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Thank you
My dear if you are facing any Challenges in your Relationship worry no more, I will Introduce you to the same Relationship Restorer who helped me got back my ex, he can bring your ex back within 48 hours
+𝟐𝟑𝟒𝟖𝟎𝟓𝟏𝟐𝟔𝟔𝟐𝟑𝟗.
wtzapp him for hlp