Do NOT Make This College Essay Mistake

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  • Опубліковано 26 лип 2024
  • I'll edit your college essay! 📝 nextadmit.com

КОМЕНТАРІ • 438

  • @boomjelly.-.
    @boomjelly.-. 2 роки тому +22932

    “Thinking about working hard, makes me hard”
    A true legend made that quote

  • @x3rtus746
    @x3rtus746 Рік тому +12364

    YOU are telling ME that "thinking about working hard,makes me hard" DOESNT CAPTURE YOUR ATTENTION

  • @shoogvs
    @shoogvs Рік тому +7065

    “thinking about working hard, makes me hard” is a pretty engaging hook to me

    • @railx2005
      @railx2005 Рік тому +137

      Yeah that hook was solid

    • @careca_3201
      @careca_3201 Рік тому +33

      yeah that hook hit hard

    • @016_
      @016_ Рік тому +20

      On god that sticks with me

    • @Majestic469
      @Majestic469 Рік тому +5

      @@016_ 😳

    • @Badass_Skull
      @Badass_Skull Рік тому +15

      @@railx2005 That wasn't the only solid thing...

  • @dracosol4415
    @dracosol4415 Рік тому +989

    “Thinking about working hard makes me hard”
    ACCEPTED

  • @carbonari0
    @carbonari0 2 роки тому +5333

    Hey the voice who was speaking the essay was Gohar

    • @crypticfairy7930
      @crypticfairy7930 Рік тому +244

      I think they are brothers

    • @shivamvaze8509
      @shivamvaze8509 Рік тому +10

      Yes

    • @GatikRaj
      @GatikRaj Рік тому +96

      @@crypticfairy7930 yeah, he confirmed it in one of his older videos

    • @crypticfairy7930
      @crypticfairy7930 Рік тому +11

      @@GatikRaj ohh okay I probably haven’t seen that video yet then

    • @GatikRaj
      @GatikRaj Рік тому +6

      @@crypticfairy7930 it didn’t have that many views, I was kinda surprised that it didn’t

  • @j0ndav1s
    @j0ndav1s Рік тому +452

    Use the most engaging hook of all... "my father made a large donation to this school"

    • @yawningcat3129
      @yawningcat3129 7 місяців тому +3

      💀

    • @equinox2655
      @equinox2655 3 місяці тому +2

      Or “I’m black and disabled”

    • @_Pesty
      @_Pesty 15 днів тому

      @@equinox2655you’re accepted

  • @TalkandListen902
    @TalkandListen902 2 роки тому +2231

    Definitely Gohar khan doing the voice over

    • @crypticfairy7930
      @crypticfairy7930 Рік тому +97

      I’m pretty sure they are brothers, might be wrong but they have the same last name and look somewhat alike.

    • @selvamantony5711
      @selvamantony5711 Рік тому +33

      @@crypticfairy7930 yeah I’m pretty sure they are brothers/ cousins

    • @collateraldamagegaming6985
      @collateraldamagegaming6985 Рік тому +16

      @@crypticfairy7930 they are brothers

  • @Some_Stranger1
    @Some_Stranger1 Рік тому +486

    I love how they stopped every sound so the “Just thinking about working hard makes me hard” would be so clear

  • @aegontargaryen1848
    @aegontargaryen1848 Рік тому +599

    “Thinking about working hard, makes me hard”
    Is that david goggins?

    • @zoff18
      @zoff18 Рік тому

      😂😂😂

    • @Youneedsomemilk16
      @Youneedsomemilk16 Рік тому +13

      "Stay hard”-David goggins

    • @sushmit6415
      @sushmit6415 Рік тому

      whos gonna carry the boats???
      that should be his hook

    • @boobenshnozle691
      @boobenshnozle691 Рік тому +3

      @@Youneedsomemilk16 people with erectile dysfunction: am i a joke to you???

    • @Zedblitz6002
      @Zedblitz6002 9 місяців тому

      WHOS GONNA CARRY THE BOATS - david goggins

  • @nunyabiznez6381
    @nunyabiznez6381 Рік тому +476

    My admission's essay started out like this:
    She lay their naked screaming...

  • @Trimarkovich
    @Trimarkovich Рік тому +128

    “Just thinking about working hard gets me hard”
    Guess what’s going in my college essay

    • @gradypoole5366
      @gradypoole5366 Рік тому +1

      To be honest if you have at least one prestigious you might not get in out it on there.

    • @Trimarkovich
      @Trimarkovich Рік тому +9

      It worked, got into SUNY Binghamton

    • @askredditstudios8055
      @askredditstudios8055 11 місяців тому +1

      Romans 10:9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.1

    • @ErrorNumber404
      @ErrorNumber404 9 місяців тому +1

      @@Trimarkovichwait you actually put it in? If so that’s wild

    • @midnightwitch3847
      @midnightwitch3847 8 місяців тому

      @@Trimarkovichno way-

  • @VikkieEule
    @VikkieEule Рік тому +52

    This reminds me of the dumb greentext that talked about "I throw away half of the resumes I get, I dont want unlucky people."

  • @NyikaWachira
    @NyikaWachira Рік тому +55

    did he say “just thinking about working hard MAKES ME HARD?” Wtf 😂

  • @mandad8442
    @mandad8442 Рік тому +46

    my cousin wrote about why kanye was her favorite rap artist for her harvard essay back in 2016. she was accepted lol

  • @Adam-pv4qn
    @Adam-pv4qn Рік тому +2873

    Essay: "Prestidigitation, P R E S . . ."
    Admissions: "BORING!" *throws away*
    Essay: "Thinking about working hard, gets me hard."
    Harvard: "Bro, want a scholarship?"

    • @therickestroller
      @therickestroller Рік тому +11

      😏

    • @016_
      @016_ Рік тому

      Ong aint nobody wanna read some dumb spelling bee shit

    • @Ryuisdragon
      @Ryuisdragon Рік тому +3

      ​@@therickestroller 😳

    • @hawkeye171
      @hawkeye171 6 місяців тому

      🥵 ​@@Ryuisdragon

  • @EliteGamerRanger
    @EliteGamerRanger 11 місяців тому +23

    “Thinking about working hard makes me hard”💀💀💀

  • @jaredrains
    @jaredrains 2 роки тому +179

    I used to do this on essays anyway but High school English class squashed my confidence in it...

    • @insta_artists.support
      @insta_artists.support Рік тому +3

      Don't Give up..

    • @absolootdisaster1060
      @absolootdisaster1060 Рік тому +20

      There's a certain convention I've learned after taking an English class that focused a lot on using creative writing. English classes teach us every possible fundamental tool for using English. Creative writing (which would apply to these admissions letters), by nature, breaks those fundamentals up for the sake of narrative flexibility and immersion. Creative writing is a whole different world compared to what most English classes try to prepare you for. For example, no author has a grammatically "perfect" style. Most people that would stick to "proper" English usage would make boring stories. Don't let the technical stuff bog you down. Just understand the advantages to using it in certain situations.

    • @Ttyumbra
      @Ttyumbra Рік тому +2

      @@absolootdisaster1060 is there some sort of class or video that can show me an example of that?

    • @mastertrey4683
      @mastertrey4683 Рік тому +5

      Its high school english. 98% of the time the teachers themselves cant write a decent composition or know what one is. They ask kids to read books, then occasionally assign an essay because they have to, and they are bad cookiecutter essays

    • @askredditstudios8055
      @askredditstudios8055 11 місяців тому +1

      Romans 10:9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.1

  • @tayar3797
    @tayar3797 Рік тому +139

    Ok they're so obviously brothers, no cap

    • @sh1lezh262
      @sh1lezh262 Рік тому

      yes they are

    • @askredditstudios8055
      @askredditstudios8055 11 місяців тому

      Romans 10:9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.1

    • @notnat2
      @notnat2 4 місяці тому

      @askredditstudios8055 Umm look I'm Christian too but I feel like that's kinds irrelevant to the video?

  • @thespiritqueen983
    @thespiritqueen983 Рік тому +17

    “Just thinking about working hard gets me hard”
    Nah this is staged, no one would flip past that one 💀

  • @monietheory2493
    @monietheory2493 Рік тому +13

    As a Guatemalan just pro tip NEVER start an essay with mission trip to Guatemala

  • @stuartsheppard321
    @stuartsheppard321 Рік тому +39

    Thinking about working hard gets me hard, I was cracking up

  • @andychen7016
    @andychen7016 Рік тому +10

    My college essay started with “Humans on this planet are quite interesting.”

  • @stanis_gaming
    @stanis_gaming Рік тому +8

    Picks up last page, it says:
    ‘Ligma’
    And he’s like:
    ‘What’s ligm…

  • @JustBozen
    @JustBozen Рік тому +10

    "Create an engaging hook" they said, "capture their attention" they said, now I'm in federal prison thx man..

  • @Y_KM
    @Y_KM Рік тому +33

    Goddamn i got you and gohans vids one after another while randomly scrolling

  • @aestheticcookiecrumbs446
    @aestheticcookiecrumbs446 2 місяці тому +1

    Not me thinking he was gonna write prestidigitation on the paper 💀

  • @daablurg3482
    @daablurg3482 2 місяці тому +3

    “Just thinking about working hard gets me hard” ?

  • @shmevanriceballz2857
    @shmevanriceballz2857 Рік тому +9

    Honestly those “personal engaging hooks” are boring to me. They are also just cringe. I would never read the last essay tbh

  • @robloxgameshowsasmr
    @robloxgameshowsasmr 5 місяців тому +2

    “There once was a boy.” Was my personal quote for an essay I wrote. It was weird talking about myself in the third person.

  • @alexandersperrazza3901
    @alexandersperrazza3901 2 місяці тому +1

    Dude my college essay was literally about my mission trip to Guatemala

  • @xiaofanxia78
    @xiaofanxia78 3 місяці тому +1

    My essay : im hungry give me food

  • @GetDuckRolled
    @GetDuckRolled 4 місяці тому +1

    “Just thinking about working hard, gets me hard”
    This had me laughing so HARD

  • @allaccessentertainment4755
    @allaccessentertainment4755 Рік тому +16

    Your brother Gohar was definitely the person who dubbed and probably wrote the all of the essays 😊!

  • @kingkoba5618
    @kingkoba5618 Рік тому +3

    “Just thinking about working hard makes me ha-“ 💀

  • @akileshyelchuru8382
    @akileshyelchuru8382 Рік тому +24

    The collab we needed

  • @InevitableJake
    @InevitableJake Рік тому +3

    If every opening is engaging then none of them are.

  • @user-sm4sf4ff2i
    @user-sm4sf4ff2i 20 днів тому

    Cheer~~~a short piece of writing on a particular subject.😊

  • @lamar8245
    @lamar8245 Рік тому +22

    If this is legitimately how college boards read their papers, I feel every single one of them should be fired and exiled from any college campus.

    • @yuvrajsingh099
      @yuvrajsingh099 8 місяців тому +1

      They don't have full days to spend and read 1000 each day.

    • @resurrectedpa
      @resurrectedpa 7 місяців тому +1

      Ok. These essays are supposed to distinguish you from a bunch of people by showing your true self. If you're not making full use of that, you're not gonna stand out. It might even hurt your application chances.

  • @daakshadhaanvi7469
    @daakshadhaanvi7469 7 місяців тому +1

    The collab I didn't know i needed! How did i see this so late????

  • @egg8795
    @egg8795 2 роки тому +17

    What? Thats how much home works we got in goddamn 2nd year highschool

  • @henrytienhung9023
    @henrytienhung9023 Рік тому +1

    Gohar really going over the voicing

  • @treycoble4331
    @treycoble4331 8 місяців тому +1

    “i hate the letter-“ immediate throw away

  • @Jblast252
    @Jblast252 Рік тому +1

    When he got to the last one the writer put the reader in there shoes instead of a reporter style essay where you just list what you did

  • @kraiter8895
    @kraiter8895 Рік тому +8

    I swear I heard “working hard gets me har-“

  • @sirainilawal
    @sirainilawal 6 місяців тому +1

    To be honest, I have nothing eventful to write about

  • @theonewiththegoldentouch
    @theonewiththegoldentouch 2 роки тому +8

    Ok but how can I make my essays better? I need serious help because I am in the process of applying for scholarships but I'm afraid that my essays will just be weak and not good enough to even have a chance at being considered.

  • @JustaNilbody
    @JustaNilbody Рік тому +1

    I put in my grade 3 assessment sheet asking me to draw what I would like to be when I was older on the first page of my essay. I think its part of what got me in to University.

  • @Niky.demina
    @Niky.demina Місяць тому

    Great explanation 🔥

  • @vaderiscool7395
    @vaderiscool7395 Рік тому +3

    bro literary just said what all my english teachers told me

  • @ryann9026
    @ryann9026 Рік тому +2

    if i had to make my admission paper catchy, i bet it would be, “aight bro, ima cut to the chase. read my shit rn boy”

  • @vincenttavani6380
    @vincenttavani6380 Рік тому +1

    "Prestidigitation. A cantrip that allows minor magical tricks and effects available to bards, sorcerors, warlocks, and wizards at first level. Prestidigitation."

  • @MuhammadSalarAyub
    @MuhammadSalarAyub 3 місяці тому +1

    But the admissions officer also gets your rest of the profile with the essay too right?

  • @benbugger7792
    @benbugger7792 Рік тому +1

    Plot twist, he wrote "absolute garbage" on the paper

  • @DctorSkillz1
    @DctorSkillz1 Рік тому +1

    “I’m a donkey, Shrek.”

  • @slopely
    @slopely Рік тому

    Yesss being a good narrative writer is an important skill

  • @darcash1738
    @darcash1738 Рік тому +1

    You cant tell me “just think about working hard, makes me hard” isnt a great opener

  • @RahilAyush-xp6km
    @RahilAyush-xp6km Рік тому +1

    the goal of all life is death sounds like a cool opening

    • @iminyourbasement283
      @iminyourbasement283 Рік тому +2

      Being too philosophical in your college essay will make you come off as quite obnoxious so try to avoid those topics unless you’re going into philosophy

    • @M42-Orion-Nebula
      @M42-Orion-Nebula 9 місяців тому

      That's a verifiably terrible opening.

  • @rhdgt6551
    @rhdgt6551 Рік тому +1

    Its funny im watching this while in university and i didnt have to do any of the shit this guy and others have been telling me i needed to do for the past 3 years. Ofc it isnt harvard or Cambridge but trust me only one semester in and i fully acknowledge that wont matter once you have a couple of years experience under your belt. I learnt one of the most important things to learn other than academics is the art of talking to and charming people. You can get very far with just the way you talk and present yourself.❤ dont stress, live a little.

  • @Adam-pv4qn
    @Adam-pv4qn Рік тому +8

    The "good one" is so bad. Unless I know what prestidigitation is and care about it, and spelling a word is meaningless and cliche at this point. Tbh, I'm actually way more interested in the "the thinking about working hard gets me hard" applicant.

  • @joshuapark7
    @joshuapark7 Рік тому +1

    You actually don’t have a few seconds to catch their attention. Each essay gets read if you meet the requirements. Multiple people read your essay before it gets a decision.

  • @hisenaoki9172
    @hisenaoki9172 Рік тому +1

    Kinda sad you have to rely partialy on your ability to write essays to get to college and not just your exam results

  • @Penguins459
    @Penguins459 Рік тому +1

    I took a class called career research and decision making and the way they did there essay was exactly how it teaches in that class by doing what they called the sandwich method and it works great

  • @helena.555
    @helena.555 Рік тому

    I really like his voice. It's so soothing 😌

  • @Laittth
    @Laittth Рік тому +3

    that guy should be fired

  • @jamesgraydon556
    @jamesgraydon556 11 місяців тому

    I already knew that I needed a good hook. My problem is my complete lack of literary skill in crafting engaging hooks

  • @zack4527
    @zack4527 10 місяців тому +1

    Damn I wish I won a spelling bee so I could steal that for my essay

  • @Twink474
    @Twink474 Рік тому +1

    Bro went to White Castle after this

  • @lil_tourette
    @lil_tourette Рік тому

    This couldn’t have popped up at a better time.

  • @jasonvoorheesv1nce904
    @jasonvoorheesv1nce904 4 місяці тому

    This is why I'd rather go to a college that requires no essay or not go to college at all, i cannot write essays to save my life

  • @Rattlsnke
    @Rattlsnke Рік тому +1

    My college advisor told me not to make puns about Hitler’s mustache, when my college I was aiming for asked who we wished we could dine with in history, but honestly I think it is one of several things of what got me into my college. It certainly stood out. Haha. I am definitely an outlandish girl who had great grades. It certainly would not have worked out for me in this day and age though.

  • @philliplopez6993
    @philliplopez6993 Рік тому

    Honestly up to perception

  • @isaactroyer5689
    @isaactroyer5689 Рік тому

    Tbh that opening was more of a beginning to a book rather than an application

  • @RayUtsav69
    @RayUtsav69 Рік тому +2

    The fact is @Gohar Khan video was right above this video and it was about college essay to lol

  • @Dukz125
    @Dukz125 Рік тому

    Best crossover of the 21st century

  • @gavinsgameadventures8784
    @gavinsgameadventures8784 4 місяці тому

    You know what’s crazy is if you in an English class and that last one is your first sentence most teachers would instantly take off points

  • @diegoflores3831
    @diegoflores3831 Рік тому

    This is definitely how they check your essay

  • @bluejay9638
    @bluejay9638 6 місяців тому

    Hooks are the most important part of any essay. How kids applying to top schools will forget that I'll never know 💀

  • @clubsillyness5687
    @clubsillyness5687 Рік тому

    I don't know dude, that trip to Guatemala kinda got me hooked

  • @JasperMay
    @JasperMay Рік тому

    This reminds me of that one scene from a Christmas story

  • @HopperYTRealChannel
    @HopperYTRealChannel 6 місяців тому +1

    So to get into Harvard have knowledge and be able to create high viewed shorts and TikTok’s and have a min of 100k followers

  • @paramdrall
    @paramdrall Рік тому +1

    What are you doing Step-Gohar khan !?

  • @cringy7-year-old5
    @cringy7-year-old5 10 місяців тому

    My essay began “Ants are pretty stupid”

  • @CowBoy_Anthony
    @CowBoy_Anthony 7 місяців тому

    Everyone Gangsta until they realise that the voice was gohar

  • @goldenbutter999catzrkool5
    @goldenbutter999catzrkool5 10 місяців тому +1

    Im starting with 4 random words like fukin spaghetti hdmi cable bag lettuce or sum

  • @vanshika2912
    @vanshika2912 Рік тому

    thank you for this tip :)

  • @FREAKZilla-420
    @FREAKZilla-420 Рік тому +1

    Me whose in a debate team: 🪦

  • @blankb.2277
    @blankb.2277 Рік тому +1

    Am I going insane? Why is everyone quoting it as “Thinking about working hard, makes me hard” when he clearly said “gets me hard”? Is this some sort of UA-cam censorship thing or are all the top comments mishearing it?

  • @kiradripkage
    @kiradripkage Рік тому

    So good collages are a “who’s got a better personality contest to get accepted”?

  • @byFiscus
    @byFiscus Рік тому +1

    My admission letter was less than 3 complete sentences: I’m [insert name]. I would like to come to this school.
    I was also auto accepted in Tx cause of my HS ranking and I knew that they couldn’t tell me no

  • @codingvio7383
    @codingvio7383 6 місяців тому

    How i open mine: "My dad has money, and is willing to donate a building..."

  • @divano1014
    @divano1014 Рік тому

    Rhis feels like an ad for quiting smoking or smth

  • @bransonharned4221
    @bransonharned4221 Рік тому +2

    Nah just thinking of working hard makes me har-

  • @winter4517
    @winter4517 6 місяців тому

    doom scrolling as a job

  • @liptoncheetos
    @liptoncheetos Рік тому

    My admission essay to a 4 year university was 12 words. “I think I would make a great addition to the tiger community”
    I was accepted and have since dropped out because I got depressed. Now I’m just depressed, in debt and have no degree.
    Yay.

  • @iloveurstyle
    @iloveurstyle Рік тому

    giving me PSAT flashbacks bro

  • @prwrecords5038
    @prwrecords5038 Рік тому +1

    So you’re saying, make a good narrative and you’re in?

  • @normalperson8484
    @normalperson8484 6 місяців тому

    That essay was also boring to hear😂

  • @Nikblor
    @Nikblor Рік тому

    I don’t think they will throw out your essay after them reading a few opening words.

  • @randominternetperson4186
    @randominternetperson4186 10 місяців тому

    Pretty sure, “just thinking about working hard makes me hard would grab my attention pretty quick💀”

  • @johnmietus4801
    @johnmietus4801 Рік тому

    That last one is still ass he just took it more seriously lol