If Marriage Is a Contract, There Should Be a Better Warranty - Wanda Sykes

Поділитися
Вставка
  • Опубліковано 14 лют 2019
  • Wanda Sykes rails against marriage vows and wonders if her friends with kids are lying about how happy they are.
    About Comedy Central Presents:
    These half-hour specials showcased some of the best up-and-coming comedians of the moment. The show was a pivotal stepping stone for many of today's stand-up stars, including Dave Chappelle, Patton Oswalt, Amy Schumer, Jim Gaffigan, Kevin Hart, Zach Galifianakis, Dane Cook, Bill Burr, Wanda Sykes and Maria Bamford.
    Subscribe to Comedy Central Stand-Up: / @standup
    Watch more Comedy Central Stand-Up: / standup
    Follow Comedy Central Stand-Up:
    Twitter: / standup
    Facebook: / standup
    Instagram: / ccstandup
    Watch full Comedy Central stand-up specials: www.cc.com/topic/stand-up
    #StandUp .
    Comedy Central Stand-Up: Anti-Bias Statement: www.cc.com/info/k32ti7/ccsu-a...
  • Комедії

КОМЕНТАРІ • 183

  • @sonyap8253
    @sonyap8253 5 років тому +417

    He was wrong, I shot him, ya move on 🤣

  • @ckdesert
    @ckdesert 5 років тому +192

    "Drinking liquor and playing nintendo"....I'm DEAD!

    • @jakelibo8721
      @jakelibo8721 4 роки тому +1

      The joy of being an aunt or uncle lol.

  • @vsaucenou323
    @vsaucenou323 5 років тому +274

    “Yo husband starts acting up, you cant take him back to his mama’s house!”
    -neil degrasse tyson’s mom

    • @agonleed3841
      @agonleed3841 5 років тому +12

      He's broke. One day, he just stopped working
      It was another show I heard her say that in. Loved that part

    • @vsaucenou323
      @vsaucenou323 5 років тому +4

      Agon Leed I agree, it was *HILARIOUS*

  • @CanItAlready
    @CanItAlready 5 років тому +262

    "Bobby, smile and show them Jamaica." LOL

  • @coachtouden
    @coachtouden 5 років тому +71

    I love her! "Bobby, smile and show them Jamaica " 😂😂😂

  • @spoonface9698
    @spoonface9698 5 років тому +128

    Hilarious from day one. They need to do a biography on Wanda Sykes. She has a lot of wisdom and foresight

  • @GreenOrchid9
    @GreenOrchid9 5 років тому +115

    Wanda Sykes to host the next Oscars😆👏

    • @jv-lk7bc
      @jv-lk7bc 5 років тому +4

      White House Press Corps Dinner

  • @beautyintheskies
    @beautyintheskies 5 років тому +39

    I am literately crying. Also wanda’s makeup is on point here.

  • @SarahLizDoan
    @SarahLizDoan 5 років тому +64

    “Your husband start acting up, you can’t take him back to his mamas house”....or vice versa....that’s hysterical!!’

  • @lucyjames8818
    @lucyjames8818 4 роки тому +23

    I love this woman. I love all the words she says. I'm Asian but I love black people so much. They represent freedom and happiness.

  • @TheTruthDragonNJ09
    @TheTruthDragonNJ09 5 років тому +75

    I remember watching this back in the 90s!!!

  • @VickiBee
    @VickiBee 5 років тому +46

    "He was wrong, I shot him, you move on." LMFAO

  • @aniaamz3602
    @aniaamz3602 5 років тому +23

    Bobby smile and show them Jamaica 😂😂😂😂

  • @vividesigns
    @vividesigns 5 років тому +10

    Wanda Sykes is one of the best comedians. Very relatable comedy.

  • @msontopoftheworld
    @msontopoftheworld 5 років тому +12

    "...they're not my kids!!" Damn straight 😃

  • @eerereps
    @eerereps 4 роки тому +4

    3:45 Bobby smile and show them Jamaica 🤣

  • @HeidiSvenson
    @HeidiSvenson 5 років тому +24

    She is the BEST, bar none, male or female.

  • @Judy-um6yn
    @Judy-um6yn 5 років тому +9

    Wanda is non stop funny! 😂

  • @EJofLA
    @EJofLA 3 роки тому +4

    Wanda is golden. Doesn't get better than that! Thanks.

  • @j.f.5540
    @j.f.5540 5 років тому +11

    So hilarious. I love wanda shes my stress reliever and cure for depression i may say

  • @antoinettegross5074
    @antoinettegross5074 5 років тому +60

    He was wrong I shot him move on🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @sawyerramos3113
    @sawyerramos3113 5 років тому +8

    soooooooooooo true, when my nieces and nephews come over, do whatever you want. all I gotta do is keep you alive. They tell me a problem they are having, i transfer them to their mother, i tell them oh no baby not today, you put that on hold till you go home and talk to your mom about it, lets just have a good time now. U see, I aint trying to cure cancer.

  • @trillxfizzy
    @trillxfizzy 4 роки тому +6

    She's such a legend 😂

  • @loriwise2512
    @loriwise2512 5 років тому +49

    He was wrong i shot him we move on .....😅😂

  • @DrACCook
    @DrACCook 5 років тому +68

    Wanda Sykes, Ciara and Pam Grier all look like they can be related...pretty

  • @liliacollins8811
    @liliacollins8811 5 років тому +14

    She’s so underrated!

  • @matthewcarter1973
    @matthewcarter1973 5 років тому +36

    She so beautiful

  • @cecillec2331
    @cecillec2331 4 роки тому +4

    I love Wanda. She is so funny.

  • @moda-vi
    @moda-vi 5 років тому +234

    You should be able to rent your spouse on a year to year basis.

    • @TheRazorTongue
      @TheRazorTongue 5 років тому +1

      That's what the Ferengi do.

    • @alliphil1
      @alliphil1 5 років тому

      Yeup! I’m in! 😀

    • @lindabuck2777
      @lindabuck2777 5 років тому +7

      Ooo girl the possibilities are endless! Woohoo imagine a menu.... I’ll take him for daddy of the week...now you got to go coz my ‘weekend’ guy is comin over... umm need a tuxedo guy going to the theatre let’s see....HEY WHATS GOOD FOR THE GOOSE...fuck it who cares...IM THE GANDER AND ITS MY TURN....lol

    • @blacklotus6947
      @blacklotus6947 5 років тому +2

      In Wicca I forget in which sabbat but there's a trial marriage during that sabbat at the end you decide if you want to stay married or not

    • @blacklotus6947
      @blacklotus6947 5 років тому

      ua-cam.com/video/RLUrgayYXUY/v-deo.html it's explained hear as is all the sabbats and esabats

  • @Boobalopbop
    @Boobalopbop 8 місяців тому +1

    I remember when I first heard this joke at the Comedy Cellar in NYC, I was about 21 and single. Right now I am 44 and seriously OVER my husband, and this bit was always funny, but hits different right now 🤣🤣🤣. Literally what’s happening right now. “he’s just laying around making a funny noise”. Wanda, your humor is timeless, factual and hilarious.

  • @becausehetyrell
    @becausehetyrell 5 років тому +15

    I love Wanda Sykes. I love her even more because she from my home state #represent Virginia

  • @buffybell3409
    @buffybell3409 5 років тому +41

    My folks were together 37 years when he passed. It’d be 49 years this year. They were best friends and also into each other. That’s the secret.

  • @thaleis
    @thaleis 4 роки тому +7

    Funny afterward to see this after all she said about her Herero first marriage. You can see how her point about commitment is different now she is happily married with her wife.

  • @Ramonerdna
    @Ramonerdna 5 років тому +17

    Damn Auntie Wanda sounds like the best

  • @kuckycharm28
    @kuckycharm28 5 років тому +42

    fast forward- we know why they never had kids

    • @ColoringKaria
      @ColoringKaria 5 років тому +10

      Maria Nunga 😂🤣 I know! I would hate to be Wanda’s exhusband watching this.

  • @eveenterprises7913
    @eveenterprises7913 5 років тому +4

    Her hair is beautiful!!

  • @TM2U
    @TM2U 4 роки тому +1

    Great ! Love Wanda!

  • @adolphesax1982
    @adolphesax1982 3 роки тому +2

    Well, you have two kids now, Wanda! But I'm sure they're worth it ❤️

  • @Oridginale24
    @Oridginale24 4 роки тому +3

    When people say “I do,” what they really mean is “I’ll try on my own terms.”

  • @TCt83067695
    @TCt83067695 5 років тому +3

    lol i love the retro hair

  • @countgreg95
    @countgreg95 5 років тому +30

    The deeper understanding you get when you realize part of her unhappiness was living a lie because she was/is lesbian but I dont think she was out at the time of this stand-up.

  • @AubreyJM
    @AubreyJM 5 років тому +2

    She's great 😆

  • @djb903
    @djb903 5 років тому +9

    Love that old school comedy Central logo!

  • @cornellwaters9089
    @cornellwaters9089 5 років тому

    Thank You 🎲

  • @mmb1572
    @mmb1572 4 роки тому +3

    Wanda is so pretty, and the funniest comic out there

  • @caliden3785
    @caliden3785 5 років тому +34

    Wanda is brillant.....

  • @catherinecoman2508
    @catherinecoman2508 5 років тому

    I love Wanda Sykes!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😎😎

  • @michaelmiller1215
    @michaelmiller1215 5 років тому +21

    I didn’t know she was married before..

  • @douglasgabriel5228
    @douglasgabriel5228 Рік тому

    2:10 the best part

  • @jessicaghafoor6244
    @jessicaghafoor6244 5 років тому +6

    My husbands family and us live together so I go to his family when he does something bad lol I let them fix him

  • @angieblairedmello
    @angieblairedmello 5 років тому +4

    Fuckkk laughed so harddd lol love her !!

  • @faithallen4040
    @faithallen4040 5 років тому +32

    She's always been funny...she was married to a guy who was her manager at this time. Didn't last...

    • @user-wz5ir9jl8q
      @user-wz5ir9jl8q 4 роки тому +2

      On the contrary: it lasted way too long, whole seven years!

  • @AngelicFireIce
    @AngelicFireIce 4 роки тому +10

    My Dad was wrong, my Mom ran him over, he lived, they got over it.

  • @reneekerner8404
    @reneekerner8404 3 роки тому +1

    Love her....

  • @lorettaknoelk3475
    @lorettaknoelk3475 5 років тому +5

    I like that hair!!

  • @sharpgirlsSerious
    @sharpgirlsSerious 5 років тому +1

    I love her hair , she looks so much better with it styled like that

    • @moimeself1088
      @moimeself1088 2 роки тому +1

      So you prefer some funky wig over her naturally curly hair? Interesting.

    • @Boobalopbop
      @Boobalopbop 8 місяців тому

      @@moimeself1088That’s her real hair… This was the late 90s or early 2000s. Everyone wore their hair like this then. Myself included. It’s her real hair but with a relaxer.

  • @brendarobinson909
    @brendarobinson909 5 років тому +1

    Wanda is Funny 😃 Lol

  • @Genkuro
    @Genkuro 5 років тому +41

    It's no longer "till death do us part." It's "as long as it's convenient or you don't beat the crap out of me."

  • @KH-tx6lg
    @KH-tx6lg 4 роки тому +1

    Wow can I give this thousands of 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

  • @roberttacorbett5795
    @roberttacorbett5795 4 роки тому +1

    Wanda, please come to the Peace Center in Greenville, S.C.!

  • @elleshaw9837
    @elleshaw9837 5 років тому +1

    🤣🤣🤣

  • @vnonkwinn6233
    @vnonkwinn6233 2 роки тому

    That's a very nice look for Wanda

  • @RiqochetRoseTarot
    @RiqochetRoseTarot 5 років тому +6

    She's hilarious lol

  • @alexlucas2420
    @alexlucas2420 4 роки тому +3

    She's amazing 😂😂😂

  • @medusagorgon8432
    @medusagorgon8432 5 років тому +27

    Moses joke was hilarious! That audience was lame. :/

  • @paulcousino8773
    @paulcousino8773 5 років тому +2

    Divorce can be your best friend!!!

  • @ADDAuntDawnDisorder
    @ADDAuntDawnDisorder 5 років тому +3

    She looks very pretty in this piece!

    • @Boobalopbop
      @Boobalopbop 8 місяців тому

      This was before she “came out” and still wanted to attract men, lol

  • @dayko1329
    @dayko1329 5 років тому +1

    Three metaphors about the same thing. That’s fucking smart. He’s broke... he just stopped working.... just lays there and makes noises. Really good joke

  • @pamedwards871
    @pamedwards871 5 років тому +6

    I don't pay the dental bills

  • @assassinmir222
    @assassinmir222 4 роки тому +1

    I want her as an aunt.

  • @timiw503
    @timiw503 3 роки тому

    🤣😂😂

  • @mikearena9077
    @mikearena9077 Рік тому

    She looks good with that hair

  • @pameladavis2268
    @pameladavis2268 5 років тому +2

    OMG Wanda Sykes back in the day! She looks 20, rockin a white girl hairdo, I barely recognized her!

  •  5 років тому +11

    Actually, I DID bring my ex back to his mama’s house. He WAS broken. Unemployed. And a drug addict.
    Oh and a lying cheating abusive pos. So I took him back to live in his mommy’s basement where Id found him- WHERE HE BELONGS!!!!!

  • @straieraswift5785
    @straieraswift5785 5 років тому +5

    He broke and laying around making a funny sound. You can't return him too his mama

  • @usa4287
    @usa4287 5 років тому +1

    Didn't watch this but, yes, the dowry was the insurance for the wife.

  • @Xtheearthchildx
    @Xtheearthchildx 5 років тому +2

    He's broke, god. Hilarious.

  • @maryrosekent8223
    @maryrosekent8223 5 років тому +81

    It’s too weird watching Wanda talk about being married to a man. She might be covering for herself, but it’s still too weird.

    • @marlajean1715
      @marlajean1715 5 років тому +1

      Agreed

    • @sheldonscott4037
      @sheldonscott4037 5 років тому +25

      She was married to a man. Emphasis on was.

    • @maryrosekent8223
      @maryrosekent8223 5 років тому +11

      Sheldon Scott
      It’s not an unknown situation and serves to point out how much our lives have improved.

    • @davidhardwick3816
      @davidhardwick3816 5 років тому +8

      Doesn't matter either way. You gotta know same-sex marriages go through at least a version of the same thing.

  • @YogiliciousP
    @YogiliciousP 5 років тому +7

    Wanda Sykes, before Esther, was a hottie! Amazing comedian with or without Esther.

  • @Wwillow1992
    @Wwillow1992 3 місяці тому

    My grandmother shot her second husbands eye out... married for a extra 40 years lmao So the guy shot killed me here.
    Also backstory is basically he was teaching her how to shoot. He got a glass eye. idk much more lol

  • @buffybell3409
    @buffybell3409 5 років тому +7

    The hell you can’t take him back to his Mommas house! In fact you should! You know every man with issues got a mom that made him that way. Or knows how to tune him up.

    • @blackbutterfly6872
      @blackbutterfly6872 5 років тому +2

      Mannnnn I STILL want to tell my ex-mother in law off. You always would hear women come with baggage. Nobody told me men come with not only more baggage but effed up baggage!!

    • @fayepatrice1672
      @fayepatrice1672 5 років тому +1

      Rosa Johnson they sure do. I learned that the hard way 😓

    • @betteurbain7911
      @betteurbain7911 5 років тому

      Get a refund! Especially from those mothers who feel as if you took their son from them.

  • @loriwise2512
    @loriwise2512 5 років тому +1

    Their worth it lmao yeah right...liars..

  • @michellecardoso5534
    @michellecardoso5534 5 років тому +3

    Marriage was, is and always be a covenant not a contract!

    • @JustTheTruth-Please
      @JustTheTruth-Please 5 років тому +1

      It is a legal document that you get approved for from the state you live in. It is literally a legal contract.

  • @Tia-Marie
    @Tia-Marie 5 років тому +11

    When I was enlisted, I ended up with two divorces cause there ain't no go damn warrantee against your spouse keeping their dick to themselves or that they would clean the house while you're deployed to the sandbox.
    I think he just assumed I'd end up kicking the bucket out there in some humorously biblical way.

    • @TheRazorTongue
      @TheRazorTongue 5 років тому +2

      Ouch.

    • @JohnDoe-kj6wp
      @JohnDoe-kj6wp 5 років тому

      If you expected me to clean the house and not fuck while you are away playing solder you have another thing coming lol.

    • @littlebird3167
      @littlebird3167 5 років тому +3

      That's why I won't get married. You never really know what you're getting until you've already signed the deal. And like she said, the return policy sucks. Pass.

    • @agonleed3841
      @agonleed3841 5 років тому +1

      Yea. I don't even know why people tried that marriage shit while enlisted. I went through my whole teen years and enlisted years free as fuck. Now married with 2 and 1 on the way and zero regrets....still dont trust the bitch, but I've had my fun and I also didnt need to worry about anyone when I was getting ambusjed..or saving dumb ass staff Sergeants who thought getting a purple heart was the goal

    • @barbararichardson2747
      @barbararichardson2747 5 років тому +3

      Married in my twenties; mistook lust for love. Usually by the time people learn the true meaning of love they've had it and thrown it away.

  • @GreenOrchid9
    @GreenOrchid9 5 років тому +5

    She was married to a guy then...nientendo is a clue🐴

  • @cazprescott9
    @cazprescott9 5 років тому +4

    25 years later...

  • @estellaedwards7120
    @estellaedwards7120 5 років тому +1

    She looks so different

  • @taste_the_rainbow312
    @taste_the_rainbow312 4 роки тому +1

    Woah she looks different from now

  • @p.siloveyou7266
    @p.siloveyou7266 2 роки тому

    She looks stunning.younger and slimmer😋😋

  • @humanearthling4661
    @humanearthling4661 5 років тому +7

    You want cynicism? ok...marriage is all about ownership of body parts and bank accounts and only fools take a verbal "contract" seriously.

  • @delfonteknight3859
    @delfonteknight3859 5 років тому +2

    Being young is the most beautiful period for most people.She was nice looking & funny.
    Having kids is beautiful,tirring & dangerous.Kids own their parents.I have no kids,it is painful not 2 have kids.

  • @jnicole501
    @jnicole501 5 років тому +1

    Before she was gay? She looks cool though and funny too

    • @ebbyoma7008
      @ebbyoma7008 5 років тому +1

      pretty sure she was always gay...

  • @joannboyd8855
    @joannboyd8855 5 років тому

    He just road by that's not good

  • @JungleYT
    @JungleYT 5 років тому

    Would be nice if you at least gave the *year* that these came out... When she was still 1/2 way cute

    • @moimeself1088
      @moimeself1088 5 років тому +3

      She looks exactly the same. What's your issue?

    • @JungleYT
      @JungleYT 5 років тому

      @@moimeself1088 Back then, I would have let her sit on my Face... Today, not so much

    • @moimeself1088
      @moimeself1088 5 років тому +4

      @@JungleYT what a catch. I'm sure she feels the loss. 🙄

    • @zaharaali7906
      @zaharaali7906 5 років тому

      JungleYT 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️😂😂😂😂😂

    • @ailanieva6895
      @ailanieva6895 5 років тому +1

      She is still beautiful and not only is she hilarious she is also a very intelligent woman with a funny great personality and in my eyes that makes her even more beautiful

  • @garciatalk1090
    @garciatalk1090 5 років тому +1

    "FIrst"

  • @loriwise2512
    @loriwise2512 5 років тому

    Laying around making a funny noise ..no shit

  • @allbricc4dathicc
    @allbricc4dathicc 5 років тому +3

    how would this set go if a male was performing...

    • @amongstthepigeons1020
      @amongstthepigeons1020 5 років тому +8

      rwpmp that’s right men have never in the history of the world complained about being married to a woman

    • @betteurbain7911
      @betteurbain7911 5 років тому +2

      Not well because men have and have had the money and power in society which prevented women from being able to divorce them.

    • @JustTheTruth-Please
      @JustTheTruth-Please 5 років тому

      Chris Rock.

    • @allbricc4dathicc
      @allbricc4dathicc 5 років тому

      @@JustTheTruth-Please the bit of only wemon dogs and children receiving un conditional love

  • @AnthonySmith-tz3kh
    @AnthonySmith-tz3kh 5 років тому +19

    Last time a man gave a woman a contract she doomed humanity...

    • @user-ld9hs1mb1u
      @user-ld9hs1mb1u 5 років тому +12

      Anthony Smith - Thankfully that’s BS. ✊🏿✊🏽✊🏻

    • @JohnDoe-kj6wp
      @JohnDoe-kj6wp 5 років тому +2

      Then we really fucked up by letting them vote.

    • @CanItAlready
      @CanItAlready 5 років тому +7

      Anthony Smith so you believe in fairy tales.

    • @pylchott9864
      @pylchott9864 5 років тому

      True dat!

    • @michellehubbard8865
      @michellehubbard8865 4 роки тому +1

      You believe in fairytales. Bless your heart.

  • @sdlock83
    @sdlock83 3 роки тому +1

    Wanda Sykes was gorgeous before she "came out."

  • @ahngele28
    @ahngele28 5 років тому

    She wasn't funny (to me) then, and she's not funny (to me) now.