The part that really scared me was when he started feeling her up in public, ignored being told to stop multiple times, and only stopped once she was loud enough to make a scene... then got mad at her because she could have caused him to experience a negative consequence for his own actions. That feels like very deliberate boundary testing, seeing what he could get away with and trying to make OP doubt that she was right to speak up. He does this shit on purpose. Run fast, run far, OP!
Another thing was his comment about they'd be in trouble because no one at the police station would know him or his family. Sounds like he used his family's influence to get out of trouble with the law before.
When op said 'he's from a powerful family' does she mean 'they're my employer/business powerful' or the 'you have some nice looking kneecaps it would be ashamed if something were to happen' powerful?
@@fytrndmI don't remember if LG shared this, but I'm pretty sure Markee covered it, but there was a post where op's bf's family was definitely a mob family
@@kaykay8855 this is a different one. that one had mob family in Italy and the OP there was asking if it was a good idea to visit Italy to meet his family after his mob boss grandpa said he'd basically end her.
I felt exhausted before she even finished the list. And then I was reminded me they were together for only three months. How did he manage to cram so much drama in so little time? Unbelievable.
Nicolas Deluchi, She presented all the incidents with him so calmly, including that she kept smiling while he was messing with her leg. I’m wondering if she’s a tease and we got part of the story, or if this one is a fake. The more I read, the more off it felt.
@Amanda Wilcox she mentioned she came from a sheltered religious background. So, her ideals and relationship expectations aren't really like most people's. And about the leg incident. I didn’t think she was being a tease in that situation. I think she just thought he was joking around until he crossed over her boundaries and didn't stop when she wanted him to.
One day there's gonna be a post where the two people are actually a normal couple just getting used to each other, this isn't the one. The bf has a lot of audacity, especially in the ice cream parlor. "What If someone fought me?" Then you would understand that no is a complete sentence.
8 incidents in 3 MONTHS. Hopefully, OP gets some therapy because it seems that their conservative religious upbringing is still infiltrating how they navigate relationships.
Yeah, I mean the numbers on that are crazy also. 3 month (12 weeks total) with a 1 per week and weekend meetup (as per OP's explanation) maxes their interactions out at 48 day in that time. To have 8 red flags that's literally 66.6% of the time, so at least one issue nearly every week. (If you take it per day that's a red flag per 6/7th day they're actually in each other's presence)
And it's only three months in there still within the time that people are usually on their best behavior in a relationship he's already acting like this
“He’s never been physically violent.” He hasn’t been physically violent yet. He’s testing OP to see what he can get away with. He sounds like someone who would be physically violent, and he would blame OP. Because of all the other gaslighting and mind games that makes OP so doubtful, she would probably believe she deserved it if he did become violent. Or he would make her think it wasn’t a big deal, he never acts like that, it won’t happen again. And once someone like this becomes violent, they won’t change. Best thing to do is cut all ties
OMG, the first post guy is malignant and manipulative! But I almost laughed out loud when he kept pulling out his trump card “Well, we will just have to break up!” and she kept derailing his plan by saying “OK, fine!” and he would start backtracking. I’m glad she didn’t get sucked in too far in his plan to make her doubt herself, and that she valued herself enough to first question what was going on, and second to nope out of there. For the sake of the future, I hope he doesn’t find a more vulnerable victim. Congrats to OP! Well done!
Well it’s always good for an abusive jerk to show their true colors BEFORE getting married and having kids. Many abusers wait until their SO is “locked in” to show their true nature. Break up and keep it broken
Just a random note for guys who genuinely don't know: If a girl is smiling and laughing, but telling you to stop... STOP. She's keeping it light so as not to bring down the mood or make you feel like a creep... but whatever it is IS making her uncomfortable and she wants you to stop. The smiles and laughter are conditioned reactions in many women who are told they have to 'be nice' to manage the feelings of others from a young age. Many women have assertiveness trained out of them, so directness doesn't generally come naturally to most.
Also, some smile or laugh out of nervousness, regardless of whether they want to keep the mood light or not. I laugh hysterically when I'm terrified, and I smile and giggle a lot when I'm nervous. It's not a deliberate attempt to send any particular message; it's an involuntary physical response to my own emotions.
@@ceinwenchandler4716 same. I didn't even scream and feel like I was gonna have a heart attack the one time I went to a quite scary haunted house attraction. I jumped and giggled nervously as my fear response and actually scurried away giggling when chased by the Jason actor with his chainsaw. I blush easily when embarrassed and I've had a co-worker assume that I was into him when he was being rather forward on the job. I wish I had learned how to be more assertive (if I could've gotten through to his thick skull in the first place); my flushed face wasn't because I was flattered... it was because I was suppressing the urge to punch him for not listening to me and not leaving me alone. We need to stop being taught to just be nice to everybody from the cradle and just "let boys be boys". Ugh.
Two very similar men (in Australia, high profile) have both just recently come to grief with the legal system. At last. One woman was legitimately fearful that he'd end her. The men both seemed to think because of their power or popularity they could continue to treat partners any way they liked. Wrong.
1st story: I kept waiting for one of the 8 examples to describe a slap or a shove. This guy is not just a total control freak, he is MEAN! His rich and powerful family has apparently brought him up to think he's a little prince who deserves OP's complete slavish attention. If OP had given him another month or two, he'd have gotten physical with her. As it was, she was nervous and fearful about displeasing him, and he was in the process of keeping her isolated from her friends and activities. TWELVE missed phone calls after she told him she was going to the gym??? Wise choice to move on. This guy is scary toxic.
Anybody else think this would have escalated to physical abuse? This is exactly how a physically abusive relationship I was in started. Psychological abuse that slowly escalates until that first slap or punch happens. Thank heaven OP got away.
Dude was trying to isolate her and make her dependent on him and him only. It must have been a blow to his inflated ego when she didn't start begging him to stay when they first broke up and I'm willing to bet he had planned to force her to get back together with him or retaliate against her when she came to pick up her things.
LOL NO. The boyfriend was the OP's 304 "settle guy". That's a guy the OP found who would date her despite her promiscuous past. These types of guys are little more than Beta Boys. The boyfriend actually grew a spine and tried to lay down some boundaries but they were much too late into the relationship and she had ZERO intentions of being "bound" to anything the boyfriend wanted. She even admitted that he never nor did she fear he would ever get physical with her. You are just deflecting on something else you have seen in the past that may have been or most likely wasn't even similar.
@@thomasjoseph5876 not stopping when your so says no is boundary settings? Getting mad when you meet friends and trying to stop meeting them is setting boundaries? Getting angry and jealous when you talk to someone else? Ok incel
@@duckeh1952Pay no attention to him. He's nothing but a woman-hating, misogynistic, uptight incel . I've had dealings with him in the past. It's not worth wasting your time talking to him.
1st story: He's definitely using the narcissist's playbook. I'm glad OP got out of the relationship. Here's hoping that he leaves her alone. Considering his powerful family, though, I'd be worried.
I thought this as well but after hearing the whole story, there is more to it and while many OPs make the story to show them in the best light, some of the things she has said and tried to play off as "really nothing", doesn't sit well with me. So, I have come to the conclusion that ....... The OP is NOT a good person. She is a controlling and manipulating 304 (slang for hoe) and should be thrown back to the streets but she got herself a "Settle Guy" (the guy a woman gets after having all of her fun and nobody else will seriously date her) and he is pushing back at her current actions of how she was when she was a 304. While I don't doubt the guy is an A-hole in some respects, he is too much of a Beta Boy to be the total A-hole she is making him out to be. Let's look at a couple of examples that prove my point. --She wants to spend time with him on a Friday, he told her he would see how his schedule works out and then she up and makes dinner plans with friends without him and wonders why he is upset??? --She keeps trying to push this narrative of being so nonchalant about him saying he is going to break up with her but yet, she is STILL there and she is posting this all on Reddit??? She makes it appear she can take him or not, no big deal. But yet, she STILL is there LOL. --When she finally did accept a breakup, she brings a big tough guy with her to meet him even though she repeatedly said he has never even hinted at being violent with her. She is full-on in 304 mode. --She makes and goes out on dates with other single guys without asking her boyfriend if he wants to go. When you are a couple, you are a couple and you stop going out with people of the opposite sex ALONE. --She says her sexual past bothers him and makes us believe that it shouldn't be a big deal. Sorry ladies, but women with High Body Counts may be fun to "play with", they are NOT serious dating or marriage material. I find it really ironic she tried so hard to downplay this aspect and yet, never bothered to volunteer a number to appease the readers and get them fully on board. That usually means it is well into the double digits. The bottom line is these two people are NOT compatible and shouldn't be dating. The fact she was hanging on so long when he supposedly had all of these Red Flags tells us she is either not being truthful to us or she is scrapping the bottom of the barrel and can't find anyone else to take her seriously enough to date long term.
@@thomasjoseph5876 As a woman myself, I completely agree. I can read between the lines, I know how manipulative we can be, and I know how we like to turn around the narrative and make us look like the victims. It's actually not that hard when society hates (manly) men and think that all women are to be believed.
@@thomasjoseph5876 oh look we spotted the controlling, misogynist boyfriend. You can't have platonic friends of the opposite sex while you're in a relationship? So what if you're a lesbian? You can't have friends of the same sex? Oh don't even get me started on bisexuals, they can't have any friends at all, they need to be joined at the hip with their partners. The clownery is too much. Also 'he hasn't been violent with her', yeah, cause they've been dating for 3 months. Abusers aren't abusing you on the first day. He was testing her boundaries to see what he can get away with so a woman not wanting to play with her own safety is a "ho3" for you?! I reiterate: CLOWN
three months and he's already pushing and testing boundaries as well as attempting to isolate OP on eight separate instances. Glad op dumped him and glad she took someone with her to get her stuff. No doubt the ex would have either manipulated her into getting back together with him or turn violent. One or the other, but glad that never came to it.
#1 Rule of thumb; NEVER accept an expensive gift from a person you are just starting to date. They will think you are beholden to them for it, and it's just plain inappropriate. Hand it back, thank them, and explain why you cannot accept it. I would have dumped him after the second incident. She barely knows him and she let him yell at her? This girl needs to take a life class and learn how to navigate men, dating and to not put up with nonsense. This guy had all the earmarks of becoming physically abusive on top of emotionally abusive.
LOL! It depends on what the gift is! If a guy buys me a fantastic drone that's better than my own, I'm keeping it! We might break up later, but I'm keeping ALL the gifts I like! I give back jewelry, but never things I really like! 😉I love when a person says "but I brought you a...."! I would always respond "You sure did! Thank you for that!".
A good rule but it can vary. I mean my gf if less than a year are planning a trip to Japan and a different state that I’d be paying her half for. But she don’t owe me nothing. Just doesn’t want to have her left out.
OP admitted coming from a very sheltered background initially. Pretty sure she's figured out a few things by now, but it's depressing that any person, male or female, has to go through this kind of thing to learn "how to handle" an abusive relationship...
@@hilaryc3203 - No! Not accepting a gift that is more than $20 or $30 isn't a matter of dignity. For a lot of people of means, gift giving isn't driven by the dollar figure. It is driven by the other person's interest. It depends on your circumstances. Some people think Olive Garden is fine dining. Others equate it with McDonalds. Perspective is key, not dignity. It doesn't mean you have dignity when you won't accept a gift over $30!
By the second incident, I'd already heard enough. Yelling at her for not answering her phone, when he was already told she'd be at the gym? Dude is bad news. She needs to run. I wish OP had hung up when he started screaming at her. But I'm very glad she didn't give him any more chances and broke up!
My sister once dated a guy briefly who was like that. She was at work and wasn't allowed her phone, so she checked it at lunchtime as normal and this guy had rung her dozens of times and left loads of voicemails starting with simple "you ok babes?" and finishing on insane rants. She rang him after listening to them all and told him quite calmly he was deranged and needed help, then told him not to bother contacting her again. He tried all the usual techniques when he saw her later to pick up his things and she just calmly looked at him as she handed him his few bits and bobs and then told him he needed help and closed the door on him. She's ex army and despite being an attractive girly-girl has a strong punching arm and isn't afraid to use it if needed 😂
Story 1 : I really struggle to understand how people, in such short relationships see all these things and go "iS tHiS a ReD FlAg!!1!!!!". You have 8 issues of note. OVER 3 MONTHS. Some of these would be deal breakers after 3 years. LET ALONE 3 MONTHS!
It's what abusers DO, they make their victims doubt themselves and their own judgement so the abuser can dictate to them what is or isn't okay, and the abuser can explain away any of their own bad behaviors. It's easy to see a situation from an outside perspective and say 'that's bad, no one should put up with that', but the people who are actually IN those situations have people (Including anyone the abusers recruit to their side) downplay the severity of the whole thing and tell the victim they are overreacting until the victim starts believing it.
The first time that moron shouted would have been the last straw for me. How can anyone not know that she should have dumped him after the first time??? It seems crazy to me, that she even had to ask Redditt about it. SMH
Just one of the things OP said would be grounds to break up! I had a similar experience. Before he moved in everything was...mostly fine. We lasted a month after he moved in. I ignored a few of the same things OP did and some others inba very short time frame. He was mentally abusive, controlling, accused me of random things, etc. He was obsessed with trying to force me to do things in public as well like OP. Saying stop was also ingnored. One of his big things was in my college courses or at work, trying to stress me out. Later I realized it was to sabotage me. When he acused me of cheating and said he needed to move out but we could still be together I called his bluff. While he was never physical, I had a gut feeling so called in the calvary. A male friend and my parents. Same day he said he wanted to move out was the same day my parents drove 4 hours to help me kick him out. I gave him no notice he needed to leave until I knew it was safe. We packed his stuff while he was out of the MY house sulking to try and make me feel bad. It backfired on him Lol! When this happened I found out he made an additional key to my place without my knowledge, though my large friend made him empty his pockets to make sure I had all the keys when he showed back up. It was a smart move on my friend's part to check. The aftermath was threatening calls and him posting as me on Craigslist to come to my place to hook up. My parents had stayed the night and the next day I adopted an amazing dog. I had already wanted a dog because I have always had a dog. This was the push I needed. Its been 6 years and my dog and I still better off!! For a couple years he would send stuff on social media though. I did learn some important things though while with him. Red flags to watch for on first dates, and more importantly the signs someone is a sociopath.
Tbh I would have bailed after the first two incidents. Like, the first one _could_ be brushed off as him being upset cause it was expensive but granted that's why you don't buy expensive things unless you know for an absolute fact that it's something they'll use, but the _nerve_ in the second incident. Absolutely not. Edit: "I'm the only enthusiastic one" you called her last night and kept her up on the phone until _3am_
I dont think the problem is in who was right or wrong about how to arrange dates. That is not the real problem here. What is so completely unacceptable, is his extreme, abusive reaction (yelling and screaming). How are you supposed to have a respectful and growing relationship with someone who reacts like that? He really has anger and insecurity issues, and he is incapable of dealing with these issues by himself without attacking others. That is terror for any partner. He obviously needs therapy - longterm therapy.
@@hi_stranger9156 She's a 304 and he was her "settle guy" because no one else will seriously date her long term. She is the abusing and controlling one in this relationship. She admits he never threatened her physically but yet, at their last meeting she brings a big tough guy along. He wasn't there to just intimidate him, but to show him she moved on whether real or perceived. She is a hoe and was acting the hoe and the boyfriend had enough.
The guy is controlling. It's all goes down hill from here. First he is perfect then slowly he shows red flags now pushes. Guilt tripping, gas lighting, and degrading are just the start. He could and can be emotional or physically abusive. It already become emotional abusive.
I think I see why the ex-boyfriend in the first story was available despite being wealthy. OP seems to have a good, steady head on her shoulders. I especially love meeting the ex with a MMA friend along!
Story 1: That man is a future, possibly Already A Rapist. He pushes physical boundaries, and seems like the fucking coercive "you owe me, we havent in X amount of time, i feel unwanted" type.
My mum and I were emphatically saying RUN, DUMP HIM after incident number 1! But there was so much more! Glad she finally got away but we needed that mood booster! Great video LG!
So summing up story 1- dear Reddit my boyfriend is a gaslighting controlling whiny baby who annoys the heck out of me. Should I break up with him and save myself a headache or ( EYEROLL and laughing) am I just being an AH….. you didn’t need Reddit you could have asked the magic 8 ball. “ magic 8 ball should I breakup with my jerk of a boyfriend?” Shakes 8 ball Read answer out loud “ IT IS DECIDEDLY SO!!”
Every instance of story 1 was a huge red flag, but the two biggest ones in my opinion were him ignoring her 'no' until she got loud enough that he feared a bystander would stand up to him for his behavior, and the out of country one where he basically says the only reason he didn't start a fight was that he wasn't in a place where his 'powerful' family could bail him out and cover up his mistakes. If his only reasons to not start a fight/act out in public are because he might get called out and not be able to cover his own ass with excuses towards people he hasn't been conditioning to accept his abusive BS, it's time to throw away the whole man-child.
At this point people have got to realise not to get their partners thing they don't ask for. How to find what your partner want? Well, you could ask or just snoop around their Amazon account 😅 Also, don't be mad at your partner if you get them something they don't care for and they're not excited for it.
At the very least OP will at least be better able to see the signs tho I hope she ends up reading up on abusive behaviour and working on her self confidence so she can better end a relationship before it gets to that point.
First OP is the best one I’ve heard about until now. Love how mature she is. She’s still figuring out how relationships work and how she should deal with her SOs, which is understandable considering what she said about her past. She sounds like an awesome person.
He is trying to see how far he can use his controlling behavior and how much he can get away with before you get rid of him. I feel that your background has a great deal to do with this. He has already used it against you once. Now he has already gotten you to question yourself. Leave him.
If in a relationship, you feel like you have to prove something or feel less as a person, just leave and try to find a better person for you! You deserve more and better! And to feel loved!
I know reddit perhaps already said that to OP but I'm incredibly concerned about how OP seemed easily manipulated and trusting of her ex so much that despite everyone telling them that they should LEAVE ASAP she still decided to stay one more time! , thankfully the last update she dumped him really but I do HIGHLY think OP should get into therapy because it seems that she has many problems within herself aside from her ex , it's just not completely normal that after 8!!! 8 times something not lightly or moderate BUT HEAVILY RED FLAGGY happened and she would brush it all off!!
Story 1: I'd have dumped boyfriend after incident number three or four. OP is letting to many of these incidents happen before calling it quits with this loser.
Story1: OP boyfriend is possessive, seems like he expects too much from you, he is insecure. If you don't give him an answer or react a certain way he expects you to, he throws tantrums and belittles you...leave asap, he has issues, it will become physical!
Story 1: Classic signs of an abuser, love-bombing at first and then; blaming the OP for everything that "gets between them", manipulation, pushing boundaries, bragging about his family but no one knows who he is in (insert country name here), hating spending time with other people, complaining about the OP going to the gym, "being around sweaty men at night". He also sounds like a manchild, "but my hands will get dirty..." It could go from yelling to setting the OP on fire in a day. Get out, tell your friends and lay low.
Relationships should not be hard and they should not be uncomfortable. If they are you need to get out of that relationship. The people telling you that relationships are hard are just putting up with bad relationships
Omg, this was so much like my ex boyfriend before I met my husband. So controlling and paranoid about me talking to other men and, then, trying to force me to change my routine for him when we were just at the beginning of the relationship. Just get rid of him, because it'll only be worse.
Were you a hoe with a high body count??? No??? Then your situation and this situation are NOT even close to being the same. Did you go out on dates alone with other guys while dating your ex??? No??? Well the OP did. Did you set up tentative plans with your ex and then make other plans with your friends while not including your ex nor asking him??? No??? Well the OP did. Did you bring around guys to intimidate your ex??? No??? Well the OP did. Did you sleep with a bunch of guys before you met your ex??? No??? Well the OP did. Needless to say, the situation in this story and your ex are probably NOTHING alike because you were not a hoe nor acted like one as the OP did.
1st Story: OP dodged a massive bullet there, her ex was a very manipulative person and if he hadn't resorted to violence yet (only 8 months), I am positive he was saving it for after he isolated her from everyone! 2nd story: Karen shot herself in the foot there, noone to blame but herself. She did demand to know why after all.
No, OP, you can't make it work. "Getting used to each other" to me is more like putting the dishes away in the wrong place or leaving the toilet seat up, etc. He's a control freak, and this could lead to physical abuse in the future. It seems like he's already trying to be emotionally abusive,. But it also seems like you're not falling for it. Move on, OP, there's better out there for you.
This guy is a narcissist. The constant checking up on you, the outbursts in public to show he has control over you, etc... All very classic signs. He's slowly testing your boundaries and will start to mention things/ guilt you into stop seeing your friends and having your own life so that your first priority becomes him. You are already walking on eggshells by constantly checking your phone, etc... ( another classic sign). Run!!!
STORY 1: she clearly isn't into him. He appears to be reacting to that energy in a bad, often toxic and needy way.. needing constant reassurance and acknowledgement of his efforts and playing games to get (hopefully) THE reaction from her to make him feel precious and whole again.. then over reacts when it doesnt happen. Furthermore Remember, she is writing to shine herself in less of a notorious light and even then I feel like she too is gaslighting him and just not matching his level of interest because.. well she just isn't as interested in him. The nonchalance and disrespect from her in a relationship of only 3 months is ridiculous! No passion or heat, no real desire to be with him and prefer her own time and time with friends.. all within 12 WEEKS fo dating!.. who asks their SO if they can spend Friday together to which they say let me shuffle my work schedule and the following monday (likely the day they start reorganise their schedule with the boss) u basically turn around and go.. yeh dont bother.. making them look foolish to their bosses. Didn't even give your SO a grace period before u organise over the top of your own suggestion. She could have easily said she had soft plans with her SO and have to let them know once he gets bak to her. But again, she is not interested in him. The advice is solid tho. Break up with him.
Attn everybody: You don't need a reason that makes sense to everyone else to break up with someone. You do not need to wait until you can no longer justify their behavior before you do so, especially very early on. It does not matter if everyone else thinks your new SO is great if you aren't feeling it. You are looking for a partner for YOU & that is a decision that need not be made by consensus or democracy. People put themselves in & stay in relationships that aren't serving them just so they don't come across as mean or as not giving something/someone a chance but nobody is owed niceness, a chance or a relationship with you. If you find yourself doing this, they almost always aren't the right person for you as it shouldn't be that difficult & you're really just wasting each other's time. Making partner decisions based on something that maybe could be the rare exception instead of based on the rule that it almost certainly is, is a good way to make yourself miserable. It's also a good way to make finding a good partner for you much more of an arduous process that will take far longer.
I wouldn't call those red or even crimson flags, those are freaking glowing neon flags shining vividly against the dark so bright as to leave an after glow in the retinas. Holy crap.
2nd story: Karen sure shot herself in the butt. 🤣 She said it within hearing range of the OP and the maintenance guy. I'm glad OP had a witness to the incident, and immediately documented it.
I imagine Karen forgot that they could see all her emails and there was all kinds of stuff in there she wouldn't want bosses to know. I imagine all the HR friends she CC'd into her emails had some explaining to do. It's always nice when there is a paper trail for the abuse
Op- run far away from this creep. He tests your boundaries, what he can do to her without any consequences. If she won't escape he most probably end up killing her.
I'm just at the gym part, and the gift thing was already toxic af, holy shit. Just with this two things it's already clear that she should run for the hills. God, all the entire post I have been screaming to the phone "leave that POS! Run b ruuun". How is she even doubting about things. Why does she want to be with that toxic manchild?
This guy is gilded trash, and he could eventually wear OP down, but I love how her self-confidence and experience of healthy relationships had kept her from falling into his trap for three whole months! Confident people are harder to gaslight.
Yikes! That ex boyfriend (glad OP dumped him) sounds like an outrageous prison! I'm glad they finally ran! I learned early in life, NEVER give people a second chance. Unfortunately I was married to that theiving scumbag for 7 years because I didn't have a residence anywhere. Glad I finally got away from him. I bet his entire family is throwing a fit over us being divorced. Don't care though as they are all extremely toxic and disrespectful. As for the second story, so glad she documented it and stood up for herself. I bet everyone is glad the toxic user nuisance is now gone and they can finally relax and actually do their jobs.
Jeez, this guy has issues. Heck, more issues than any magazine in publication combined given how he reacted every single time. Honestly, does he think the entire world wants to fight him all the time or something?
While I doubt OP in Story 1 will ever see this, here is my take... The (now EX) boyfriend is an immature, spoiled man-child. Period. By breaking up the way you did, which was basically you saying: "Nope, we are done! I will not indulge your your childishness anymore", I can only hope it might be a wake up call for him to grow up. I doubt it, but I can hope. Have a great life OP! It's bound to be better without the dead weight of your EX.
He sounds obnoxiously controlling, trigger happy reaction, jealous.. RUNNN FORREST RUUUUUN!! Do not pass go, do not collect $200!😂 This is only 3mths in and he is testing to see how abusive he can be and get away with.. He's childish and abusive. He will get physical...
First story.... Yep, too many red flags. Sounds like major incompatibility issues, and his being jealous. OP needs to reconsider this relationship carefully. Deeprr into the story.... Whoowee! Glad she dumped him, he was purely toxic.
3 months in and 8 examples? I would have left after the second! Those aren't 🚩🚩🚩red flags, those are🛑🛑🛑 stop signs. Get out of there and embrace being single vs anything besides an equal, joy filled, fulfilling relationship.
Of all the things you said, the most terrifying one is what he said when you were on the trip. He said he would’ve attacked A if if he was at home, but they don’t know his family here. Think about that a moment. This implies his family has gotten him out of Trouble for times he has attacked people at home. So what will happen, years down the road, when he beats you? How will you get away, when his family pays to get you entrapped in with him? Or worse yet when his family steals, your kids, and makes you look like an abuser? You could end up in jail, or dead. I have counseled battered women who dealt with this type of situation. It ALWAYS gets worse over time.
Story 1 exhausted me: by incident 8, I was rolling my eyes so hard. I wouldn’t have stayed after just ONE of the incidents and they just are 3 months in. The update was dumb, why would she take him back??
This reminds me of a past relationship; especially the inappropriate touches that I told him too many times to quit it. Once a guy tried to buy me a drink and I responded thanks but no thanks and Mr. Jealous came in between us. And another time he grabbed the drinks and a guy came up to me to talk and he gave me the mean eyes. I had to leave him bc of his drinking, he would become angry, possessive, insulting, jealous and cause temper tantrums. And just like Op, in a short time, I saw so many 🚩 🚩🚩🚩
1: Get rid of that “ice cream wrapper stuck to your shoe”, as my grandfather would say. He is trying his best to manipulate OP. Run. Fast, hard and far.
The part that really scared me was when he started feeling her up in public, ignored being told to stop multiple times, and only stopped once she was loud enough to make a scene... then got mad at her because she could have caused him to experience a negative consequence for his own actions. That feels like very deliberate boundary testing, seeing what he could get away with and trying to make OP doubt that she was right to speak up. He does this shit on purpose. Run fast, run far, OP!
Another thing was his comment about they'd be in trouble because no one at the police station would know him or his family. Sounds like he used his family's influence to get out of trouble with the law before.
@@HubiKoshi Definitely!
@@HubiKoshi Right? It was very "If I choose to fight a guy for no reason, I might actually face consequences!" What a dope.
I was tired after incident #2. They’ve been together 3 months and have too many “incidents”.
He’s also made it clear that absolutely everything will be her fault forever.
When op said 'he's from a powerful family' does she mean 'they're my employer/business powerful' or the 'you have some nice looking kneecaps it would be ashamed if something were to happen' powerful?
I'm kinda worried it's both...
@@fytrndmI don't remember if LG shared this, but I'm pretty sure Markee covered it, but there was a post where op's bf's family was definitely a mob family
@@kaykay8855 this is a different one. that one had mob family in Italy and the OP there was asking if it was a good idea to visit Italy to meet his family after his mob boss grandpa said he'd basically end her.
@@immapotato1I know but I'm asking if LG covered the another potential mob family post
@@lilywong9672 they still might have the power to make op 'disappear' , depending on what level of politics, families have more resources
I felt exhausted before she even finished the list. And then I was reminded me they were together for only three months. How did he manage to cram so much drama in so little time? Unbelievable.
Especially as they only saw each other once during the week, and on weekends.
Nicolas Deluchi, She presented all the incidents with him so calmly, including that she kept smiling while he was messing with her leg. I’m wondering if she’s a tease and we got part of the story, or if this one is a fake. The more I read, the more off it felt.
@Amanda Wilcox she mentioned she came from a sheltered religious background. So, her ideals and relationship expectations aren't really like most people's.
And about the leg incident. I didn’t think she was being a tease in that situation. I think she just thought he was joking around until he crossed over her boundaries and didn't stop when she wanted him to.
@@groggyowl6871 Sounds reasonable. Ty!
I don't know. It's amazing and horrifying
One day there's gonna be a post where the two people are actually a normal couple just getting used to each other, this isn't the one. The bf has a lot of audacity, especially in the ice cream parlor. "What If someone fought me?" Then you would understand that no is a complete sentence.
I'm looking forward to that day because oh boy, some of the stories LG read have been way too wild.
@@fytrndm Exactly for once I just want it to be "Well she gives the cat a funny voice" or something innocent 😭
“I think these are red flags, there are 8 incidents that concern me” I’M SORRY WHAT. EIGHT INCIDENTS. And you THINK you should be worried??????
8 incidents in 3 MONTHS. Hopefully, OP gets some therapy because it seems that their conservative religious upbringing is still infiltrating how they navigate relationships.
Right? I checked out at incident #2.
Yeah, I mean the numbers on that are crazy also.
3 month (12 weeks total) with a 1 per week and weekend meetup (as per OP's explanation) maxes their interactions out at 48 day in that time. To have 8 red flags that's literally 66.6% of the time, so at least one issue nearly every week. (If you take it per day that's a red flag per 6/7th day they're actually in each other's presence)
And it's only three months in there still within the time that people are usually on their best behavior in a relationship he's already acting like this
In 3 months, no less.
“He’s never been physically violent.” He hasn’t been physically violent yet. He’s testing OP to see what he can get away with. He sounds like someone who would be physically violent, and he would blame OP. Because of all the other gaslighting and mind games that makes OP so doubtful, she would probably believe she deserved it if he did become violent. Or he would make her think it wasn’t a big deal, he never acts like that, it won’t happen again. And once someone like this becomes violent, they won’t change. Best thing to do is cut all ties
That was my thought, too.
The fact he was sexually touching her in public and GUILTED HER for protesting absolutely terrified me.
OMG, the first post guy is malignant and manipulative! But I almost laughed out loud when he kept pulling out his trump card “Well, we will just have to break up!” and she kept derailing his plan by saying “OK, fine!” and he would start backtracking. I’m glad she didn’t get sucked in too far in his plan to make her doubt herself, and that she valued herself enough to first question what was going on, and second to nope out of there.
For the sake of the future, I hope he doesn’t find a more vulnerable victim. Congrats to OP! Well done!
Well it’s always good for an abusive jerk to show their true colors BEFORE getting married and having kids. Many abusers wait until their SO is “locked in” to show their true nature. Break up and keep it broken
Just a random note for guys who genuinely don't know: If a girl is smiling and laughing, but telling you to stop... STOP. She's keeping it light so as not to bring down the mood or make you feel like a creep... but whatever it is IS making her uncomfortable and she wants you to stop. The smiles and laughter are conditioned reactions in many women who are told they have to 'be nice' to manage the feelings of others from a young age. Many women have assertiveness trained out of them, so directness doesn't generally come naturally to most.
Also, some smile or laugh out of nervousness, regardless of whether they want to keep the mood light or not. I laugh hysterically when I'm terrified, and I smile and giggle a lot when I'm nervous. It's not a deliberate attempt to send any particular message; it's an involuntary physical response to my own emotions.
@@ceinwenchandler4716 same. I didn't even scream and feel like I was gonna have a heart attack the one time I went to a quite scary haunted house attraction. I jumped and giggled nervously as my fear response and actually scurried away giggling when chased by the Jason actor with his chainsaw.
I blush easily when embarrassed and I've had a co-worker assume that I was into him when he was being rather forward on the job. I wish I had learned how to be more assertive (if I could've gotten through to his thick skull in the first place); my flushed face wasn't because I was flattered... it was because I was suppressing the urge to punch him for not listening to me and not leaving me alone. We need to stop being taught to just be nice to everybody from the cradle and just "let boys be boys". Ugh.
He packed a whole bunch of crazy into three months. How kind of him to show his instability right away!
Saved a lot of time! I wish my ex had shown such consideration!
Two very similar men (in Australia, high profile) have both just recently come to grief with the legal system. At last. One woman was legitimately fearful that he'd end her. The men both seemed to think because of their power or popularity they could continue to treat partners any way they liked. Wrong.
@@Kayenne54 Spill please
1st story: I kept waiting for one of the 8 examples to describe a slap or a shove. This guy is not just a total control freak, he is MEAN! His rich and powerful family has apparently brought him up to think he's a little prince who deserves OP's complete slavish attention. If OP had given him another month or two, he'd have gotten physical with her. As it was, she was nervous and fearful about displeasing him, and he was in the process of keeping her isolated from her friends and activities. TWELVE missed phone calls after she told him she was going to the gym??? Wise choice to move on. This guy is scary toxic.
Anybody else think this would have escalated to physical abuse? This is exactly how a physically abusive relationship I was in started. Psychological abuse that slowly escalates until that first slap or punch happens. Thank heaven OP got away.
Dude was trying to isolate her and make her dependent on him and him only. It must have been a blow to his inflated ego when she didn't start begging him to stay when they first broke up and I'm willing to bet he had planned to force her to get back together with him or retaliate against her when she came to pick up her things.
LOL NO.
The boyfriend was the OP's 304 "settle guy". That's a guy the OP found who would date her despite her promiscuous past. These types of guys are little more than Beta Boys. The boyfriend actually grew a spine and tried to lay down some boundaries but they were much too late into the relationship and she had ZERO intentions of being "bound" to anything the boyfriend wanted.
She even admitted that he never nor did she fear he would ever get physical with her. You are just deflecting on something else you have seen in the past that may have been or most likely wasn't even similar.
@@thomasjoseph5876 not stopping when your so says no is boundary settings? Getting mad when you meet friends and trying to stop meeting them is setting boundaries? Getting angry and jealous when you talk to someone else?
Ok incel
@@thomasjoseph5876 Nobody cares about a story that only exists in your head.
@@duckeh1952Pay no attention to him. He's nothing but a woman-hating, misogynistic, uptight incel . I've had dealings with him in the past. It's not worth wasting your time talking to him.
Op boyfriend is just mad that op didn’t come crawling back to him feeding his ego and op is smart to stay away from him.
He sexually assaulted her in public, and then blamed her for saying no
1st story: He's definitely using the narcissist's playbook. I'm glad OP got out of the relationship. Here's hoping that he leaves her alone. Considering his powerful family, though, I'd be worried.
Holy crap OP! He is abusive and controlling. He is testing you by pushing against your boundaries. I hope you stay far from him.
I thought this as well but after hearing the whole story, there is more to it and while many OPs make the story to show them in the best light, some of the things she has said and tried to play off as "really nothing", doesn't sit well with me. So, I have come to the conclusion that .......
The OP is NOT a good person. She is a controlling and manipulating 304 (slang for hoe) and should be thrown back to the streets but she got herself a "Settle Guy" (the guy a woman gets after having all of her fun and nobody else will seriously date her) and he is pushing back at her current actions of how she was when she was a 304.
While I don't doubt the guy is an A-hole in some respects, he is too much of a Beta Boy to be the total A-hole she is making him out to be. Let's look at a couple of examples that prove my point.
--She wants to spend time with him on a Friday, he told her he would see how his schedule works out and then she up and makes dinner plans with friends without him and wonders why he is upset???
--She keeps trying to push this narrative of being so nonchalant about him saying he is going to break up with her but yet, she is STILL there and she is posting this all on Reddit??? She makes it appear she can take him or not, no big deal. But yet, she STILL is there LOL.
--When she finally did accept a breakup, she brings a big tough guy with her to meet him even though she repeatedly said he has never even hinted at being violent with her. She is full-on in 304 mode.
--She makes and goes out on dates with other single guys without asking her boyfriend if he wants to go. When you are a couple, you are a couple and you stop going out with people of the opposite sex ALONE.
--She says her sexual past bothers him and makes us believe that it shouldn't be a big deal. Sorry ladies, but women with High Body Counts may be fun to "play with", they are NOT serious dating or marriage material. I find it really ironic she tried so hard to downplay this aspect and yet, never bothered to volunteer a number to appease the readers and get them fully on board. That usually means it is well into the double digits.
The bottom line is these two people are NOT compatible and shouldn't be dating. The fact she was hanging on so long when he supposedly had all of these Red Flags tells us she is either not being truthful to us or she is scrapping the bottom of the barrel and can't find anyone else to take her seriously enough to date long term.
@@thomasjoseph5876 As a woman myself, I completely agree. I can read between the lines, I know how manipulative we can be, and I know how we like to turn around the narrative and make us look like the victims. It's actually not that hard when society hates (manly) men and think that all women are to be believed.
This comment thread went Red Pill real fast.
Not a good look.
@@thomasjoseph5876 oh look we spotted the controlling, misogynist boyfriend. You can't have platonic friends of the opposite sex while you're in a relationship? So what if you're a lesbian? You can't have friends of the same sex? Oh don't even get me started on bisexuals, they can't have any friends at all, they need to be joined at the hip with their partners. The clownery is too much.
Also 'he hasn't been violent with her', yeah, cause they've been dating for 3 months. Abusers aren't abusing you on the first day. He was testing her boundaries to see what he can get away with so a woman not wanting to play with her own safety is a "ho3" for you?! I reiterate: CLOWN
@@PinkMarshmallows Ah yes, hello fellow women 🤣🤣🤣
three months and he's already pushing and testing boundaries as well as attempting to isolate OP on eight separate instances. Glad op dumped him and glad she took someone with her to get her stuff.
No doubt the ex would have either manipulated her into getting back together with him or turn violent. One or the other, but glad that never came to it.
#1 Rule of thumb; NEVER accept an expensive gift from a person you are just starting to date. They will think you are beholden to them for it, and it's just plain inappropriate. Hand it back, thank them, and explain why you cannot accept it. I would have dumped him after the second incident. She barely knows him and she let him yell at her? This girl needs to take a life class and learn how to navigate men, dating and to not put up with nonsense. This guy had all the earmarks of becoming physically abusive on top of emotionally abusive.
LOL! It depends on what the gift is! If a guy buys me a fantastic drone that's better than my own, I'm keeping it! We might break up later, but I'm keeping ALL the gifts I like! I give back jewelry, but never things I really like! 😉I love when a person says "but I brought you a...."! I would always respond "You sure did! Thank you for that!".
@@Reality_TVI would never accept a gift that cost more than $20 or $30; it is a matter of dignity.
A good rule but it can vary. I mean my gf if less than a year are planning a trip to Japan and a different state that I’d be paying her half for. But she don’t owe me nothing. Just doesn’t want to have her left out.
OP admitted coming from a very sheltered background initially. Pretty sure she's figured out a few things by now, but it's depressing that any person, male or female, has to go through this kind of thing to learn "how to handle" an abusive relationship...
@@hilaryc3203 - No! Not accepting a gift that is more than $20 or $30 isn't a matter of dignity. For a lot of people of means, gift giving isn't driven by the dollar figure. It is driven by the other person's interest. It depends on your circumstances. Some people think Olive Garden is fine dining. Others equate it with McDonalds. Perspective is key, not dignity. It doesn't mean you have dignity when you won't accept a gift over $30!
He is beyond exhausting. All those incidents made me angry. And the voice made me laugh.
It was all in THREE MONTHS.
By the second incident, I'd already heard enough. Yelling at her for not answering her phone, when he was already told she'd be at the gym? Dude is bad news. She needs to run.
I wish OP had hung up when he started screaming at her. But I'm very glad she didn't give him any more chances and broke up!
My sister once dated a guy briefly who was like that. She was at work and wasn't allowed her phone, so she checked it at lunchtime as normal and this guy had rung her dozens of times and left loads of voicemails starting with simple "you ok babes?" and finishing on insane rants. She rang him after listening to them all and told him quite calmly he was deranged and needed help, then told him not to bother contacting her again. He tried all the usual techniques when he saw her later to pick up his things and she just calmly looked at him as she handed him his few bits and bobs and then told him he needed help and closed the door on him. She's ex army and despite being an attractive girly-girl has a strong punching arm and isn't afraid to use it if needed 😂
protip: if you have to post on reddit after only 3 months, its not worth it
Sounds like the biggest element of this relationship was stress. Glad it ended relatively peacefully. Loved the happy ending to the 2nd story, too! 🙂
Story 1 : I really struggle to understand how people, in such short relationships see all these things and go "iS tHiS a ReD FlAg!!1!!!!".
You have 8 issues of note. OVER 3 MONTHS. Some of these would be deal breakers after 3 years. LET ALONE 3 MONTHS!
Red flag!? These are bright flashing red strobelights!
It's what abusers DO, they make their victims doubt themselves and their own judgement so the abuser can dictate to them what is or isn't okay, and the abuser can explain away any of their own bad behaviors.
It's easy to see a situation from an outside perspective and say 'that's bad, no one should put up with that', but the people who are actually IN those situations have people (Including anyone the abusers recruit to their side) downplay the severity of the whole thing and tell the victim they are overreacting until the victim starts believing it.
I didn’t even need to get incident 2. Once someone buys you an extremely expensive item less than 6 months in unprovoked it can only go down hill.
The first time that moron shouted would have been the last straw for me. How can anyone not know that she should have dumped him after the first time??? It seems crazy to me, that she even had to ask Redditt about it. SMH
She said she grew up religiously sheltered. They tend to have to learn things the hard way a lot of times.
Just one of the things OP said would be grounds to break up! I had a similar experience. Before he moved in everything was...mostly fine. We lasted a month after he moved in. I ignored a few of the same things OP did and some others inba very short time frame. He was mentally abusive, controlling, accused me of random things, etc. He was obsessed with trying to force me to do things in public as well like OP. Saying stop was also ingnored. One of his big things was in my college courses or at work, trying to stress me out. Later I realized it was to sabotage me. When he acused me of cheating and said he needed to move out but we could still be together I called his bluff. While he was never physical, I had a gut feeling so called in the calvary. A male friend and my parents. Same day he said he wanted to move out was the same day my parents drove 4 hours to help me kick him out. I gave him no notice he needed to leave until I knew it was safe. We packed his stuff while he was out of the MY house sulking to try and make me feel bad. It backfired on him Lol! When this happened I found out he made an additional key to my place without my knowledge, though my large friend made him empty his pockets to make sure I had all the keys when he showed back up. It was a smart move on my friend's part to check. The aftermath was threatening calls and him posting as me on Craigslist to come to my place to hook up. My parents had stayed the night and the next day I adopted an amazing dog. I had already wanted a dog because I have always had a dog. This was the push I needed. Its been 6 years and my dog and I still better off!! For a couple years he would send stuff on social media though. I did learn some important things though while with him. Red flags to watch for on first dates, and more importantly the signs someone is a sociopath.
Tbh I would have bailed after the first two incidents. Like, the first one _could_ be brushed off as him being upset cause it was expensive but granted that's why you don't buy expensive things unless you know for an absolute fact that it's something they'll use, but the _nerve_ in the second incident. Absolutely not.
Edit: "I'm the only enthusiastic one" you called her last night and kept her up on the phone until _3am_
I'd be surprised if it's really over for him, I envision him stalking her to try and rekindle the relationship, it's not over until it's over for him.
I fear for her safety. Watch too much crime tv.
I dont think the problem is in who was right or wrong about how to arrange dates. That is not the real problem here.
What is so completely unacceptable, is his extreme, abusive reaction (yelling and screaming). How are you supposed to have a respectful and growing relationship with someone who reacts like that? He really has anger and insecurity issues, and he is incapable of dealing with these issues by himself without attacking others. That is terror for any partner.
He obviously needs therapy - longterm therapy.
Forget therapy, he needs to be someone's punching bag for a year to get it through his skull.
@@LunaP1 so bassicaly let him taste his own medicine ?
@@hi_stranger9156 She's a 304 and he was her "settle guy" because no one else will seriously date her long term. She is the abusing and controlling one in this relationship. She admits he never threatened her physically but yet, at their last meeting she brings a big tough guy along. He wasn't there to just intimidate him, but to show him she moved on whether real or perceived. She is a hoe and was acting the hoe and the boyfriend had enough.
The guy is controlling. It's all goes down hill from here. First he is perfect then slowly he shows red flags now pushes. Guilt tripping, gas lighting, and degrading are just the start. He could and can be emotional or physically abusive. It already become emotional abusive.
I think I see why the ex-boyfriend in the first story was available despite being wealthy. OP seems to have a good, steady head on her shoulders. I especially love meeting the ex with a MMA friend along!
Story 1: That man is a future, possibly Already A Rapist. He pushes physical boundaries, and seems like the fucking coercive "you owe me, we havent in X amount of time, i feel unwanted" type.
Considering the guy's rich and powerful or, at least from that type of family, and what those types get away with, it wouldn't be surprising.
My mum and I were emphatically saying RUN, DUMP HIM after incident number 1! But there was so much more! Glad she finally got away but we needed that mood booster! Great video LG!
So summing up story 1- dear Reddit my boyfriend is a gaslighting controlling whiny baby who annoys the heck out of me. Should I break up with him and save myself a headache or ( EYEROLL and laughing) am I just being an AH…..
you didn’t need Reddit you could have asked the magic 8 ball.
“ magic 8 ball should I breakup with my jerk of a boyfriend?”
Shakes 8 ball
Read answer out loud
“ IT IS DECIDEDLY SO!!”
Every instance of story 1 was a huge red flag, but the two biggest ones in my opinion were him ignoring her 'no' until she got loud enough that he feared a bystander would stand up to him for his behavior, and the out of country one where he basically says the only reason he didn't start a fight was that he wasn't in a place where his 'powerful' family could bail him out and cover up his mistakes.
If his only reasons to not start a fight/act out in public are because he might get called out and not be able to cover his own ass with excuses towards people he hasn't been conditioning to accept his abusive BS, it's time to throw away the whole man-child.
At this point people have got to realise not to get their partners thing they don't ask for. How to find what your partner want? Well, you could ask or just snoop around their Amazon account 😅 Also, don't be mad at your partner if you get them something they don't care for and they're not excited for it.
Or their Pinterest or just listen! People talk about things they want
@@maggiemae9099 I agree. Sometimes people use gifts as a way to manipulate others and make people look and feel bad. Sometimes the gift is a trap.
At the very least OP will at least be better able to see the signs tho I hope she ends up reading up on abusive behaviour and working on her self confidence so she can better end a relationship before it gets to that point.
First OP is the best one I’ve heard about until now. Love how mature she is. She’s still figuring out how relationships work and how she should deal with her SOs, which is understandable considering what she said about her past. She sounds like an awesome person.
Any one of those incidents is enough to break up. Ladies and gentlemen don't accept expensive gifts from people they're dating for this reason.
He is trying to see how far he can use his controlling behavior and how much he can get away with before you get rid of him. I feel that your background has a great deal to do with this. He has already used it against you once. Now he has already gotten you to question yourself. Leave him.
If in a relationship, you feel like you have to prove something or feel less as a person, just leave and try to find a better person for you! You deserve more and better! And to feel loved!
I know reddit perhaps already said that to OP but I'm incredibly concerned about how OP seemed easily manipulated and trusting of her ex so much that despite everyone telling them that they should LEAVE ASAP she still decided to stay one more time! , thankfully the last update she dumped him really but I do HIGHLY think OP should get into therapy because it seems that she has many problems within herself aside from her ex , it's just not completely normal that after 8!!! 8 times something not lightly or moderate BUT HEAVILY RED FLAGGY happened and she would brush it all off!!
Huge red flags. He's extremely controlling. It will get much worse than this. She will be monitored even more than she is now.
I enjoy listening to you narrate these episodes. Not everyone can do this, you keep me interested, and very focused on the story!!! Thank you🎉
Story 1: I'd have dumped boyfriend after incident number three or four. OP is letting to many of these incidents happen before calling it quits with this loser.
LG, thank you for the last story. I needed the chuckle it gave me. The fact that OP cc'd all of those other people was first class! Way to go OP!!! 😊
Story1: OP boyfriend is possessive, seems like he expects too much from you, he is insecure. If you don't give him an answer or react a certain way he expects you to, he throws tantrums and belittles you...leave asap, he has issues, it will become physical!
Story 1: Classic signs of an abuser, love-bombing at first and then; blaming the OP for everything that "gets between them", manipulation, pushing boundaries, bragging about his family but no one knows who he is in (insert country name here), hating spending time with other people, complaining about the OP going to the gym, "being around sweaty men at night". He also sounds like a manchild, "but my hands will get dirty..." It could go from yelling to setting the OP on fire in a day. Get out, tell your friends and lay low.
advice would have been: "RUN OP RUN"
Relationships should not be hard and they should not be uncomfortable. If they are you need to get out of that relationship. The people telling you that relationships are hard are just putting up with bad relationships
Story one: Why are you together? It genuinely sounds like you don't like each other.
Omg, this was so much like my ex boyfriend before I met my husband. So controlling and paranoid about me talking to other men and, then, trying to force me to change my routine for him when we were just at the beginning of the relationship. Just get rid of him, because it'll only be worse.
Were you a hoe with a high body count??? No??? Then your situation and this situation are NOT even close to being the same.
Did you go out on dates alone with other guys while dating your ex???
No???
Well the OP did.
Did you set up tentative plans with your ex and then make other plans with your friends while not including your ex nor asking him???
No???
Well the OP did.
Did you bring around guys to intimidate your ex???
No???
Well the OP did.
Did you sleep with a bunch of guys before you met your ex???
No???
Well the OP did.
Needless to say, the situation in this story and your ex are probably NOTHING alike because you were not a hoe nor acted like one as the OP did.
1st Story: OP dodged a massive bullet there, her ex was a very manipulative person and if he hadn't resorted to violence yet (only 8 months), I am positive he was saving it for after he isolated her from everyone!
2nd story: Karen shot herself in the foot there, noone to blame but herself. She did demand to know why after all.
No, OP, you can't make it work. "Getting used to each other" to me is more like putting the dishes away in the wrong place or leaving the toilet seat up, etc. He's a control freak, and this could lead to physical abuse in the future. It seems like he's already trying to be emotionally abusive,. But it also seems like you're not falling for it. Move on, OP, there's better out there for you.
He was trying scare her. Knock her off balance so she'd feel unsure so she'd stay.
Red flags? Oh honey this is the whole color guard & marching band.
This guy is a narcissist. The constant checking up on you, the outbursts in public to show he has control over you, etc... All very classic signs. He's slowly testing your boundaries and will start to mention things/ guilt you into stop seeing your friends and having your own life so that your first priority becomes him. You are already walking on eggshells by constantly checking your phone, etc... ( another classic sign). Run!!!
STORY 1: she clearly isn't into him. He appears to be reacting to that energy in a bad, often toxic and needy way.. needing constant reassurance and acknowledgement of his efforts and playing games to get (hopefully) THE reaction from her to make him feel precious and whole again.. then over reacts when it doesnt happen. Furthermore Remember, she is writing to shine herself in less of a notorious light and even then I feel like she too is gaslighting him and just not matching his level of interest because.. well she just isn't as interested in him. The nonchalance and disrespect from her in a relationship of only 3 months is ridiculous! No passion or heat, no real desire to be with him and prefer her own time and time with friends.. all within 12 WEEKS fo dating!.. who asks their SO if they can spend Friday together to which they say let me shuffle my work schedule and the following monday (likely the day they start reorganise their schedule with the boss) u basically turn around and go.. yeh dont bother.. making them look foolish to their bosses. Didn't even give your SO a grace period before u organise over the top of your own suggestion. She could have easily said she had soft plans with her SO and have to let them know once he gets bak to her. But again, she is not interested in him. The advice is solid tho. Break up with him.
Attn everybody:
You don't need a reason that makes sense to everyone else to break up with someone. You do not need to wait until you can no longer justify their behavior before you do so, especially very early on. It does not matter if everyone else thinks your new SO is great if you aren't feeling it. You are looking for a partner for YOU & that is a decision that need not be made by consensus or democracy.
People put themselves in & stay in relationships that aren't serving them just so they don't come across as mean or as not giving something/someone a chance but nobody is owed niceness, a chance or a relationship with you. If you find yourself doing this, they almost always aren't the right person for you as it shouldn't be that difficult & you're really just wasting each other's time. Making partner decisions based on something that maybe could be the rare exception instead of based on the rule that it almost certainly is, is a good way to make yourself miserable. It's also a good way to make finding a good partner for you much more of an arduous process that will take far longer.
I was screaming run by episode 4, and done by 5. RUN OP RUN!!!
I wouldn't call those red or even crimson flags, those are freaking glowing neon flags shining vividly against the dark so bright as to leave an after glow in the retinas. Holy crap.
2nd story: Karen sure shot herself in the butt. 🤣 She said it within hearing range of the OP and the maintenance guy. I'm glad OP had a witness to the incident, and immediately documented it.
I imagine Karen forgot that they could see all her emails and there was all kinds of stuff in there she wouldn't want bosses to know. I imagine all the HR friends she CC'd into her emails had some explaining to do. It's always nice when there is a paper trail for the abuse
One of the big disadvantages now days with cell phones is that you can't slam the receiver down in anger in someone's ear.
Those fight for me Types are the worst.
Any one of these examples would have been red flag. This is a MULTITUDE of red flags, a parade of major issues. Chavi is controlling, RUN RUN RUN!
S1: 3 months? I didn't even need to get to #3 to decide to drop this "L"
Op- run far away from this creep. He tests your boundaries, what he can do to her without any consequences. If she won't escape he most probably end up killing her.
I'm just at the gym part, and the gift thing was already toxic af, holy shit. Just with this two things it's already clear that she should run for the hills. God, all the entire post I have been screaming to the phone "leave that POS! Run b ruuun". How is she even doubting about things. Why does she want to be with that toxic manchild?
This guy is gilded trash, and he could eventually wear OP down, but I love how her self-confidence and experience of healthy relationships had kept her from falling into his trap for three whole months! Confident people are harder to gaslight.
Yikes! That ex boyfriend (glad OP dumped him) sounds like an outrageous prison! I'm glad they finally ran! I learned early in life, NEVER give people a second chance. Unfortunately I was married to that theiving scumbag for 7 years because I didn't have a residence anywhere. Glad I finally got away from him. I bet his entire family is throwing a fit over us being divorced. Don't care though as they are all extremely toxic and disrespectful.
As for the second story, so glad she documented it and stood up for herself. I bet everyone is glad the toxic user nuisance is now gone and they can finally relax and actually do their jobs.
Jeez, this guy has issues. Heck, more issues than any magazine in publication combined given how he reacted every single time.
Honestly, does he think the entire world wants to fight him all the time or something?
While I doubt OP in Story 1 will ever see this, here is my take... The (now EX) boyfriend is an immature, spoiled man-child. Period. By breaking up the way you did, which was basically you saying: "Nope, we are done! I will not indulge your your childishness anymore", I can only hope it might be a wake up call for him to grow up. I doubt it, but I can hope. Have a great life OP! It's bound to be better without the dead weight of your EX.
S1 - Thanks for clarifying the pronunciation of Xavi"..I thought it was "Za-vee"😂
He sounds obnoxiously controlling, trigger happy reaction, jealous.. RUNNN FORREST RUUUUUN!! Do not pass go, do not collect $200!😂
This is only 3mths in and he is testing to see how abusive he can be and get away with.. He's childish and abusive. He will get physical...
Man… the red flags just kept coming
Girlfriend needs to run before it gets worse.
I got too angry by the 2nd "incident" and immediately skipped to the update haha
I'd have been gone after incident #3. Plus, I'd have RUN after incident ls 4 AND 5.
The amount of unkind words that flowed through my head in that first story, y'all have no idea.
LG I love the Kermit the Frog voice you did for "Xavi". 🤣🤣🤣
First story.... Yep, too many red flags. Sounds like major incompatibility issues, and his being jealous. OP needs to reconsider this relationship carefully.
Deeprr into the story.... Whoowee! Glad she dumped him, he was purely toxic.
3 months in and 8 examples? I would have left after the second! Those aren't 🚩🚩🚩red flags, those are🛑🛑🛑 stop signs. Get out of there and embrace being single vs anything besides an equal, joy filled, fulfilling relationship.
Im only on incident #3 and already im hoping OP runs far, far away from this guy. His behavior is terrifying!
Of all the things you said, the most terrifying one is what he said when you were on the trip. He said he would’ve attacked A if if he was at home, but they don’t know his family here. Think about that a moment. This implies his family has gotten him out of Trouble for times he has attacked people at home. So what will happen, years down the road, when he beats you? How will you get away, when his family pays to get you entrapped in with him? Or worse yet when his family steals, your kids, and makes you look like an abuser? You could end up in jail, or dead. I have counseled battered women who dealt with this type of situation. It ALWAYS gets worse over time.
If I’m not mistaken I think Xavi is pronounced ‘Havi’ with a ‘ha’ sound. I am Latina and that’s how I’ve always heard it pronounced.
Me too! And I'm not Latina 😊
@@shanittathompson2039 I think Lost Genre is Latino, I’m surprised he doesn’t know how to pronounce it
@@zeldak718 I thought that same thing!!!
It could be Portuguese, where if I remember right, it's pronounced with an SH sound. Though he seemed to pronounce it CH
"Those are not red flags, they are crimson! Run!"
The relationship has eight big arguments in 3 months not good signs I see trouble brewing the longer this keeps on there's more negative than positive
Story 1 exhausted me: by incident 8, I was rolling my eyes so hard. I wouldn’t have stayed after just ONE of the incidents and they just are 3 months in. The update was dumb, why would she take him back??
Xavi sounds extremely immature.
If you have to ask if its a red flag, it is. Honey, there are so many red flags Lenin would be jealous.
I'm glad she got out.
By incident 3 I was screaming RUN LADY RUN!
I think I’m on red flag #6, and OMFG this dude is abusive af. Why is everything going to end up in a fight, and that fight is somehow OPs fault?
amazing the amount of time people have for pointless drama.
OP-in 1 sentence: if you have broken up, stay broken up.
This reminds me of a past relationship; especially the inappropriate touches that I told him too many times to quit it. Once a guy tried to buy me a drink and I responded thanks but no thanks and Mr. Jealous came in between us. And another time he grabbed the drinks and a guy came up to me to talk and he gave me the mean eyes. I had to leave him bc of his drinking, he would become angry, possessive, insulting, jealous and cause temper tantrums. And just like Op, in a short time, I saw so many 🚩 🚩🚩🚩
The Chavi voice is killing me!
Story 1: OMG OP's boyfriend is freakin EXHAUSTING!!!!
Girl run 🏃🏾♀️ and run fast! He sounds possessive and abusive.
1: Get rid of that “ice cream wrapper stuck to your shoe”, as my grandfather would say. He is trying his best to manipulate OP. Run. Fast, hard and far.