I am not a gift person so romance is not flowers and gifts it is touch and sharing like the calls at lunch and the ones to tell me you are leaving work to come home! For us this keeps us close and bonded. We do projects together and one person told us this keeps us close and I agree. We don’t need to spend money to be close. We still hold hands and nuzzle up to each other when we can, even in church. And for those who foolishly think it is a distraction, it is not instead it sharpens you ability to connect with what is being presented because you are so bonded.
You can't be intimate with a selfish person.. that hit me in the heart hard.. we tried doing a Bible study the other night with some friends of ours for the first time and my wife seemed like she was almost gloating because she knows how selfish she is.. and go figure we don't have a relationship I have a roommate who I absolutely adore and serve but she only wants what I can do for her.. if anybody out there is willing to pray for my marriage I would absolutely appreciate it. I really don't know what's going on because she won't talk to me
Have you read The Five Love Languages? If your wife’s love language is words of affirmation and you rarely say affirming words, your wife will not feel loved. I pray you’ll find restoration. I believe your wife is angry about something.
How do you explain to your spouse you don't enjoy or get into just one or other saying come on let's have sex, or having to tell when you want to, it's not appealing that way for one where as it may be fine to other. Bring touched and held, feeling wanted is what most women want, how do you express that in a loving, non demeaning way to husband?
Love is mandatory, in today's world it is not necessary that the person got intimate only with her husband or wife, now a days there r many intimate partners, people have but main thing between husband and wife is friendship and love
Thank you for this teaching of what is needed in marriage. My question is as you become a senior and have not been with anyone and then get married what is normal as far as sex?
My marriage will most likely end today the past 3 weeks ive done everything perfect. She will commit .i pray that xo will find the time to talk to my for just a few minutes to get through to her. Its been a week since ive had my kids. Some of her stuff is still here. She keeps saying shes gonna move stuff back in but its lie after lie every single day. I fear a friend is telling her to leave. Sos i need help
It always makes me sad to hear women say they withhold sex until they get what they want (whatever that may be). They misuse God's gift of intimacy by not freely giving themselves to their spouse. As if her man somehow has to earn that privilege.
I've never heard a woman say that. I've heard them say they feel not attraction to their husband and x,y,z their husband is/isn't doing is contributing to that. But you cannot force your body to feel something it doesn't feel. And I find it crazy when people tell women to have sex when they're not turned on. Nobody would ever dare tell a man to have sex when he isnt turned on. Just because it's possible because of lube or whatever for a woman doesn't mean it's healthy physically or mentally.
My spouse withholds sex from me and also financial support. I really don't know what to do. I dont want to divorce. But what do I do. He won't talk about it he won't say why.
So when he is talking about frequency of sex and one spouse wants it 3x a month a the other 12x a month, if you go with the “lowest common denominator” and have it 3x a month, then that person is controlling the relationship. BUT wouldn’t the same logic be true that if someone wants it 3x a month and has it 12x a month to make the other spouse happy, isn’t that higher drive spouse controlling the relationship? Now the lower drive is doing something they don’t want (raising their number)… same thing like the higher drive doing something they don’t want (lowering their number). Then as added bonus, saying that “if they have a servant spirit, they will meet their spouse at 12… or 9… or 7.5.” Like- why isn’t the narrative that the higher drive spouse will have a servant spirit BY meeting their lower drive spouse? It’s always one sided. Basically, lower drive MUST always meet higher drive. God created this difference in libidos to always have the lower drive meet the higher drive. OR God created this difference in libido to help the higher drive spouse to love the lower drive without getting something in return. Maybe God created the libido difference to challenge and grow the higher drive to become more selfless… less selfish. Instead, the lower drive is called selfish for not meeting the higher drive’s “needs.” It’s really sad.
You're thinking about sex wrong. It is not selfish for a person to want to have more frequent sex with their spouse. God created sex not only for procreation but also to bind a married couple together with intimacy. There are hormones that are released during sex that cement this, it's really cool if you want to look it up. So yes sex is good for a married couple. There should not be a fight to have less sex, but more. Otherwise the two become more like roomates than a married couple. Sex is an opportunity to grow closer with your spouse and that's a really good thing which is why we should shoot for the higher frequency of sex and not the lower.
Perhaps you missed the point of serving each other so it is not one-sided. Negotiate and meet in the middle so each must give up what they selfishly want individually and together get what the relationship needs to win in unity.
@@carlaritchie331 thanks 😊 for the helpful reply. My comment was just a way for me to take notes 📝. I liked the concept. Now I see that it’s quite controversial 🤔
You missed the entire point of his presentation. It’s not about the frequency. It’s about having a Christlike serving attitude and characteristic in your heart and mind towards life and your marriage.
Also, the best sex isn’t about “one spouse serving the other.” The best sex is when both spouses serve each other. It almost feels like he is condoning one-sided sex. Saying without saying, “Women, it’s ok if you bring your man to climax without getting pleasure yourself, you have a servant spirit.” It feels very manipulative.
Can we talk about sexual ina Christian marriage when there has been sexual abuse in the past of one or both of the spouses? Servanthood is a hard pill to swallow- even though it is biblically correct- it can feels like rape all over again, having sex when you dont what too but feel obligated too and to say your body belongs to someone else is also hard when it has not been presented initially in a holy way in that spouse's life at some point.
Thank you for your feedback and for tuning in! I will pass this along to our team! In the meantime, please feel free to check out our curated content at xomarriage.com. You can search topics to fit your needs. Here is an example: xomarriage.com/?s=trauma
Not sure how to fix this either mine won’t talk to me or anything. I think mine is back watching porn he has RA but it’s been months how can a man not want anything. What are we supposed to do ?
I am a woman who is more sexual than my husband. We have (sex) once every 6'weeks and he's done before I get started.....So I am at a lost. I feel like I'm getting the short end of this marriage. We are Believers and when we where in the world we had more sex.
Jackie, I think it's time for your husband to get some professional help, and encourage him that is alright to get help, I really hope that the two of you can bring the flame back into your bedroom. God bless you.
It's hard to have sex when you feel like you're married to a stranger and you have not emotional connection and even this was supposed to be for men and women basically what he's saying is whenever you're husband wants to have sex you better do it because they're the ones that want it more but the things that I need don't matter and yes he talked about being a servant but it's how he serves us I'm sorry but remember marriage is a 2 way street one person cannot be reaping all the benefits
so do women just not enjoy sex, you literally get something out of it as well.. Its not like you arent getting pleasure as well, so im confused on why this is such an issue.
THANK GOD FOR THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE AND FOR THE BURN OF SEX THAT IS WITH MY HUSBAND AND HIM ONLY ......YAH YAH YAH AND I THANK GOD FOR HAVING ME TO FEED MY HUSBAND WITH "BRAZILIAN NUT's" FOR MY HUSBAND AND AS FOR ME I NO LONGER WORKING FOR AMERICA (RETIRED) NOW OUR MARRIAGE IS LIKE IT WAS IN THE BEGINNING 38 YEARS AGO TO GOD BE THE GLORY AMEN AMEN
Yes. Hes a real set counselor. First of all sex is an intimate thing between two people. Why do people listen to this stuff. This man doesn't know everyone's situation. Give it to God. He's the counselor of all things. I wouldn't take advice from Jimmy Evans ever. Jimmy who gave the green light to Joni Lamb and Doug Weisz to marry. This man divorced his wife of 30 years hes still committed to his first wife. They are in adultery and Jimmy Evans condoned it.
@leigh Sex is part of marriage. He teaches scripture but XO Marriage is meant to show how to have a marriage the way that God intended. Sex is included in that.
The gospel is the key to getting saved but the Bible has much to say about a healthy relationship between a married couple and it really helps to deeper connect with God when you have the right connection with your spouse, and God can work better through you.
I am not a gift person so romance is not flowers and gifts it is touch and sharing like the calls at lunch and the ones to tell me you are leaving work to come home! For us this keeps us close and bonded. We do projects together and one person told us this keeps us close and I agree. We don’t need to spend money to be close. We still hold hands and nuzzle up to each other when we can, even in church. And for those who foolishly think it is a distraction, it is not instead it sharpens you ability to connect with what is being presented because you are so bonded.
Jimmy, you set me straight every time when it comes to my marriage. Thank you for sharing Gods truth!
This is just what I needed to hear. Thank you for being bold and sharing this while connecting it to God's word.
Thank you so much for your kind words. :)
This is so good and so needed in a selfish world
This is so profound…. This is the best word I have ever heard about marriage and sex. God bless you, Jimmy Evans✡️✝️
This is PHENOMENAL!!! THANK YOU!!
7:35 best sex is one person serving the other because we don’t have matching sex drives.❤
You can't be intimate with a selfish person.. that hit me in the heart hard.. we tried doing a Bible study the other night with some friends of ours for the first time and my wife seemed like she was almost gloating because she knows how selfish she is.. and go figure we don't have a relationship I have a roommate who I absolutely adore and serve but she only wants what I can do for her.. if anybody out there is willing to pray for my marriage I would absolutely appreciate it. I really don't know what's going on because she won't talk to me
💖✝️🙏🙏🙏🙏✝️💖
Restoration marriage Dominic Hearst
Have you read The Five Love Languages? If your wife’s love language is words of affirmation and you rarely say affirming words, your wife will not feel loved. I pray you’ll find restoration. I believe your wife is angry about something.
@@csandst1amen
🙏 🙏 🙏
A servants ❤ is greatest role in life
That's a good thing thank you for the information I love it
How do you explain to your spouse you don't enjoy or get into just one or other saying come on let's have sex, or having to tell when you want to, it's not appealing that way for one where as it may be fine to other. Bring touched and held, feeling wanted is what most women want, how do you express that in a loving, non demeaning way to husband?
Love is mandatory, in today's world it is not necessary that the person got intimate only with her husband or wife, now a days there r many intimate partners, people have but main thing between husband and wife is friendship and love
Thank you for this teaching of what is needed in marriage. My question is as you become a senior and have not been with anyone and then get married what is normal as far as sex?
I would say normal is what the two of you agree on to be fulfilled with each other. Certainly not what other couples may be doing in their marriage.
This is good
I came to serve not to be served.
Price, the Lord.❤
My marriage will most likely end today the past 3 weeks ive done everything perfect. She will commit .i pray that xo will find the time to talk to my for just a few minutes to get through to her. Its been a week since ive had my kids. Some of her stuff is still here. She keeps saying shes gonna move stuff back in but its lie after lie every single day. I fear a friend is telling her to leave. Sos i need help
Awesome
It always makes me sad to hear women say they withhold sex until they get what they want (whatever that may be). They misuse God's gift of intimacy by not freely giving themselves to their spouse. As if her man somehow has to earn that privilege.
I've never heard a woman say that. I've heard them say they feel not attraction to their husband and x,y,z their husband is/isn't doing is contributing to that. But you cannot force your body to feel something it doesn't feel. And I find it crazy when people tell women to have sex when they're not turned on. Nobody would ever dare tell a man to have sex when he isnt turned on. Just because it's possible because of lube or whatever for a woman doesn't mean it's healthy physically or mentally.
My spouse withholds sex from me and also financial support. I really don't know what to do. I dont want to divorce. But what do I do. He won't talk about it he won't say why.
Yes Sir
So when he is talking about frequency of sex and one spouse wants it 3x a month a the other 12x a month, if you go with the “lowest common denominator” and have it 3x a month, then that person is controlling the relationship. BUT wouldn’t the same logic be true that if someone wants it 3x a month and has it 12x a month to make the other spouse happy, isn’t that higher drive spouse controlling the relationship? Now the lower drive is doing something they don’t want (raising their number)… same thing like the higher drive doing something they don’t want (lowering their number). Then as added bonus, saying that “if they have a servant spirit, they will meet their spouse at 12… or 9… or 7.5.” Like- why isn’t the narrative that the higher drive spouse will have a servant spirit BY meeting their lower drive spouse? It’s always one sided. Basically, lower drive MUST always meet higher drive. God created this difference in libidos to always have the lower drive meet the higher drive. OR God created this difference in libido to help the higher drive spouse to love the lower drive without getting something in return. Maybe God created the libido difference to challenge and grow the higher drive to become more selfless… less selfish. Instead, the lower drive is called selfish for not meeting the higher drive’s “needs.” It’s really sad.
You're thinking about sex wrong. It is not selfish for a person to want to have more frequent sex with their spouse. God created sex not only for procreation but also to bind a married couple together with intimacy. There are hormones that are released during sex that cement this, it's really cool if you want to look it up. So yes sex is good for a married couple. There should not be a fight to have less sex, but more. Otherwise the two become more like roomates than a married couple. Sex is an opportunity to grow closer with your spouse and that's a really good thing which is why we should shoot for the higher frequency of sex and not the lower.
Perhaps you missed the point of serving each other so it is not one-sided. Negotiate and meet in the middle so each must give up what they selfishly want individually and together get what the relationship needs to win in unity.
@@carlaritchie331 thanks 😊 for the helpful reply.
My comment was just a way for me to take notes 📝.
I liked the concept. Now I see that it’s quite controversial 🤔
@@natalierose7830 nice point 😊
You missed the entire point of his presentation. It’s not about the frequency. It’s about having a Christlike serving attitude and characteristic in your heart and mind towards life and your marriage.
I don't want my wife to feel like she's "serving" me. That's kind of creepy.
Have you noticed . . . nobody ever says "You're welcome" any more?
Amen
Also, the best sex isn’t about “one spouse serving the other.” The best sex is when both spouses serve each other. It almost feels like he is condoning one-sided sex. Saying without saying, “Women, it’s ok if you bring your man to climax without getting pleasure yourself, you have a servant spirit.” It feels very manipulative.
Can we talk about sexual ina Christian marriage when there has been sexual abuse in the past of one or both of the spouses?
Servanthood is a hard pill to swallow- even though it is biblically correct- it can feels like rape all over again, having sex when you dont what too but feel obligated too and to say your body belongs to someone else is also hard when it has not been presented initially in a holy way in that spouse's life at some point.
Thank you for your feedback and for tuning in! I will pass this along to our team! In the meantime, please feel free to check out our curated content at xomarriage.com. You can search topics to fit your needs. Here is an example: xomarriage.com/?s=trauma
What happens with sex if one person is on medication and don’t feel for sex
The person is very stressed
Emotionally broken
So hardly feel for it
Not sure how to fix this either mine won’t talk to me or anything. I think mine is back watching porn he has RA but it’s been months how can a man not want anything. What are we supposed to do ?
I am a woman who is more sexual than my husband. We have (sex) once every 6'weeks and he's done before I get started.....So I am at a lost. I feel like I'm getting the short end of this marriage. We are Believers and when we where in the world we had more sex.
He is 54 and I am 61.....
Jackie, I think it's time for your husband to get some professional help, and encourage him that is alright to get help, I really hope that the two of you can bring the flame back into your bedroom. God bless you.
This is mentioned@ 5:50
A loss or lack of libido may be caused by physical or emotional reasons that can be healed with appropriate therapies.
It's hard to have sex when you feel like you're married to a stranger and you have not emotional connection and even this was supposed to be for men and women basically what he's saying is whenever you're husband wants to have sex you better do it because they're the ones that want it more but the things that I need don't matter and yes he talked about being a servant but it's how he serves us I'm sorry but remember marriage is a 2 way street one person cannot be reaping all the benefits
4:24 woman verse men compartmental. Woman need pastored/ connected.
so do women just not enjoy sex, you literally get something out of it as well.. Its not like you arent getting pleasure as well, so im confused on why this is such an issue.
For some it's painful and no one cares about it because they don't understand.
❤🙏🏽
THANK GOD FOR THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE AND FOR THE BURN OF SEX THAT IS WITH MY HUSBAND AND HIM ONLY ......YAH YAH YAH AND I THANK GOD
FOR HAVING ME TO FEED MY HUSBAND
WITH
"BRAZILIAN NUT's"
FOR MY HUSBAND
AND AS FOR ME I NO LONGER WORKING FOR AMERICA (RETIRED)
NOW OUR MARRIAGE IS LIKE IT WAS IN THE BEGINNING 38 YEARS AGO
TO GOD BE THE GLORY AMEN AMEN
M be
What's that mean
Yes. Hes a real set counselor. First of all sex is an intimate thing between two people. Why do people listen to this stuff. This man doesn't know everyone's situation. Give it to God. He's the counselor of all things. I wouldn't take advice from Jimmy Evans ever. Jimmy who gave the green light to Joni Lamb and Doug Weisz to marry. This man divorced his wife of 30 years hes still committed to his first wife. They are in adultery and Jimmy Evans condoned it.
unless you are in their inner circle or privy to all the facts, dont judge
lol you watch a lot of soap operas?
Why is he talking about this? This is not the gospel
@leigh Sex is part of marriage. He teaches scripture but XO Marriage is meant to show how to have a marriage the way that God intended. Sex is included in that.
Get over it
The gospel is the key to getting saved but the Bible has much to say about a healthy relationship between a married couple and it really helps to deeper connect with God when you have the right connection with your spouse, and God can work better through you.
Remember God talks through people
😂😂😂