12 traits emotionally intelligent people share (You can learn them) | Daniel Goleman for Big Think+
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- Опубліковано 28 чер 2024
- Sure, IQ is important, but is it as impactful as emotional intelligence? Renowned psychologist and author Daniel Goleman explains.
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The concept of emotional intelligence (EQ) can be traced back to ancient philosophies, but it was Goleman’s bestseller ‘Emotional Intelligence’ that popularized the term in 1995. According to Goleman, while IQ and smarts can get you good grades and jumpstart your career, it's EQ (what the psychologist often refers to as EI) that sets apart the top performers and leaders in their careers.
Unlike IQ, which remains relatively static throughout life, emotional intelligence can be developed and refined at any age. Goleman emphasizes that enhancing our EQ can make our communities more compassionate, improve how we parent, and help us take better care of the environment.
This knowledge - especially the fact that EQ can be enhanced over time - gives us a powerful tool for personal growth. Understanding and improving our emotional intelligence can directly lead us to better relationships, and can shape our lives with more fulfillment and, eventually, success.
Timestamps:
0:00 - IQ
1:28 - EQ
3:20 - The 4 domains
5:16 - Habit change lesson
7:11 - Emotional (un)intelligence
9:33 - The bus driver
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About Daniel Goleman:
Daniel Goleman is a former science journalist for the New York Times and co-founder of the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning at the Yale University Child Studies Center (now at the University of Illinois, at Chicago). His 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence (Bantam Books) was on The New York Times bestseller list for a year and a half.
Goleman is also the author of Ecological Intelligence: How Knowing the Hidden Impacts of What We Buy Can Change Everything. The book argues that new information technologies will create “radical transparency,” allowing us to know the environmental, health, and social consequences of what we buy. As shoppers use point-of-purchase ecological comparisons to guide their purchases, market share will shift to support steady, incremental upgrades in how products are made - changing every thing for the better.
His other books include Optimal and Altered Traits.
Learning about the bus driver was inspiring.
There is a book out there called The Energy Bus! I definitely recommend it.. it’s an easy read too
HOW TO IMPROVE OUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE should be mandatory in early education
True. Unfortunately governments don’t want us to be very intelligent so we’re manipulated much easier.
Great idea! Maybe life would give a few less hard knocks.
The educational system never teaches practical and necessary life skills.
@@thewb8329 Well, not during these dark times. :-P
I work with these things as an swedish after-school-activity-center teacher ("Fritidshem", which is a part of the swedish educational system). In my teachers degree, this and informal learning was my major, when the other teachers where studing math or language or whatever.
Our form of education is not manditory for the kids to attend, but the aaabsolute majority of our kids also stay for this too.
I once worked for a guy who was wild, foul-mouthed, and who had what today we would call extremely high emotional intelligence. Our customers lived him. The employees loved him. He saved my life and taught me to be the best person I could be, and I will forever be grateful to him.
Wait how was he high on eq if he was wild and foul-mouthed?
@@shrugalborkar5308delivery, people become addicted to how hillarious can foul mouthed be. Nd its mostly not to belittle someone but how stupid of a situation person is in nd baggage people carry.
Example: Fuck u man for not caring about urself, kudos.
@@shrugalborkar5308I guess they’re trying to say that despite the guy being foul-mouthed he would score high on EI.
Self Awareness
1)Emotional Self Awareness
Social Awareness
2)Empathy
3)Organizational Awareness
Self Management
4)Emotional Self Control
5)Adaptability
6)Achievement Orientation
7)Positive Outlook
Relationship Management
8)Influence
9)Coach & Mentor
10)Conflict Management
11)Teamwork
12)Inspirational Leadership
I have not seen a correlation between who is "emotionally intelligent" and who is successful. I know more successful jerks than successful nice people. And I have several decades of experience in both large and small organizations across government, academia and private industry. After reading a couple of Goleman’s books I was always hoping someone could explain to me why my reality is so different.
Because you’re right lol.
One way to think of it: organizations play different games. If the game is dodgeball, that's going to reward different people than an organization that plays poker or darts, or one that bobsleds. The games they play, for enduring organizations, may fit their clients, investors, and workers. For example, Boeing seems to have started with games like bobsledding and darts, working together and trying to engineer the highest quality products for discerning clients. But a merger with a problematic firm changed the most rewarding games to dodgeball and poker, attacking others' strengths and hiding weaknesses to win despite underinvestment.
Of course, players can get confused about what game they're playing. It seems, Boeing employees were playing poker with regulators and clients, trying to win permits and contracts despite consistently weak hands. Regulators, clients, and investors, however, thought Boeing was still quality oriented, and thought they were bobsledding together, so they didn't scrutinize Boeing enough. Unfortunately, that has led to a long series of tragic accidents for the public.
You might think, "well, those Boeing people must completely lack emotional intelligence, what a bunch of successful jerks." While there seem to be a fair number of them in upper management, there've also been whistleblowers and loyal engineers trying to improve operations from the inside. Some in management might also be compartmental enough to treat workers well while deceiving regulators, investors, and clients. Sadly, emotional intelligence could help them do that well. Like lots of skills, emotional intelligence can also advantage manipulative behavior.
With that perspective, you might think, "my jobs sucked, they just rewarded jerks." Or, "was that nice person I knew really nice, had ulterior motives, our interests happened to align, or just liked working with me?" Maybe all of those were true. It's possible to be acting strategically and genuinely treat others well for the sake of others or on principle. People can be complex. But if your workplaces seemed to lack nice people, it doesn't sound like they were good places for you to work, not because there's anything lacking about you, but because they didn't find making those workplaces feel better worth the investment.
There isn't a correlation between intelligence and success either.
Agree. The issue which is missed is group selection. If you follow his precepts and you’re surrounded by people who are receptive (and not deceptive) then it works. Unfortunately society is enduring massive malware via multiculturalism and Diversity. Corporations are actively creating friction thinking they are morally justified to enforce a mix of people. We are designed to be with people similar to us - not different. It’s a bitter pill to swallow.
Agreed.
Perhaps he should have used the word “liked” or the phrase “who build successful relationships”.
Thats true. Your IQ may qualify you for the job but your EQ will get you to the door. Always be kind and you'll never know how far it can go. I got interviewed for a job bec of a referral from a old collegue. I know deep in my heart that I wouldnt be even get that chance of an interview if I wasnt being referred bec of too many candidates. I believed that if you are always kind and diligent at your work, even though you dont ask it, people will happily refer you or still want to work with you in the future ❤
Emotional intelligence classes should be a norm not an oddity
I'm happy you made the point about how changing habits are uncomfortable. Lately, I've been trying to listen to people more and it makes me a little uneasy. It's reassuring knowing I'm on the right path to bettering myself.
I think the first part of his statement is true, once you land in your high IQ profession often people with high EQ will likely standout more. But this doesn't mean people with low IQ but high EQ will be more successful than people with high IQ but low EQ. Its very situational.
I once taught an EQ class to thousands of people for a major international bank and what I learned was it's certainly teachable but cognitive empathy is a weapon for the people who need to "learn it". Its not an idea its a way of living, thinking and Interacting with Oneself!! The rest of the world observes that interaction as your personality, demeanor and temperament.
Empathy is a weapon? How so?
@@lkae4 because they learn to manipulate the world. Think wolf in sheeps clothes.
@@lkae4wolf in sheeps clothing 👻
Donald J Trump with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), is characterized by a lack of empathy, an inflated sense of self-importance, and a deep need for admiration, like a four year old.
@@lkae4fake empathy is a weapon.
I listened to this on my way to work (as a parole officer). Over the years, I’ve had many people tell me how much I helped them, and I would think to myself, “I really didn’t do anything. I just listened.” This video showed me why. It’s incredible how much being heard means to people and how it can impact their performance in work, life, or even on parole supervision.
Well said sir! This was introduced into our very large corporate environment 15 years ago. Was transformative for our management team and hence company. And I agree completely… It absolutely should be part of the education system. Starting with young children and even in College. The result would be, as you stated, better relationships, leading to a better world.
The bus driver story reminded me of a book I once read, The Energy Bus.. I definitely recommend for anyone looking for a quick and uplifting read.
Apart from the four types of awareness there are two one more from my experience, namely: situational awareness and contextual awareness. When all these 6 types work together like cogs wheels within an individual, the intelligence is created that is then fully in harmony with what is within the best interest of all individuals who are part of every situational dynamic. Without these aspects working together in harmony, emotional intelligence could be present, but not in a creative-generative way. A wholly heart-centered way. Emotional intelligence is invaluable and needs to be considered very very deeply.
It's like, there were three of us, whom were talented artists, in my High School. But, when I went to college at The School of Visual Arts; every student was wildly talented. Big fish in a big pond.
I agree but, as an artist myself I took other artists as inspiration! I get ideas from art work from other artists..in my mind it's not a competition.....
@@abdulrahmanraheem423 Never said I didn't.
Gotta be with the best to become your best.
@@abdulrahmanraheem423I agree with you. The op shouldn't treat art as a competition. Art is subjective man, although you may be surrounded by other talented artists, it doesn't mean you are not talented and you should def learn from them rather than compete with them
How well did you do in grammar and composition?
Videos like this are exactly why I follow this channel
Talking about emotional intelligence is a joy for me
Thank you, Daniel, for your work and for this terrific presentation! Thank you also for your rare, positive example of what ministry actually is, as it has such a sullied reputation in the media. Most ministers are not self-promoting hucksters of "magical thinking," but sincere public servants who quietly go about their work each day moving toward those in pain, those deemed unloveable, and those deemed unredeemable for the good of the whole society. Though flawed human beings like everyone else, my colleagues and I strive to bring wisdom, compassion, and emotional intelligence into every interaction and to be students of the best social science research we can find, like yours!
Govan Brown reminds me of my grandpa who pastored the small church I grew up in. Both are beautiful souls spreading love to others.
.. thats whats its like to change a habit will stay with me for years
Awesome content!!!
Amazing information ! I completed my MA in SEL (social emotional learning) did my thesis on empathy! If you can regulate and understand your own emotions you can support others!
Every human being should start studying and getting to know themselves ( weaknesses and qualities) that will help you manage your emotions moreover our thoughts are very powerful we should program them and we should calm ourselves in stressful situations, that will enable us to understand people around us very well, we start with ourselves we should solve our own problems and be very responsible for our own decisions.
Meditation
At my last company, the boss stressed people out and pushed everyone too hard. He did have some emotional intelligence, and I found him likeable, but he was bad as a boss. I was burned out. I left the company, as have several others since.
It was a real pity.
Thanks for having taught me a good framework to define and understand emotionnal intelligence !
I believe this should be in all schools from a very early age as well as Mind Up program. Which is Goldie Hawn's program for kids at school.
Thank you so very much. I appreciate you!
Wow I have this book it really changed well took my EQ to the next level, thx Mr. Coleman
Amazing! this is a lot of good information to process and put in daily practice. I’m buying his books 🙌🏼
love the way the professor explain in the video
Thanks Daniel. I am particularly touched by the story of the bus driver, very inspiring.
Thank you Mr. Daniel Coleman for help everyone understand emotion better ❤
What an awesome video. Thank you. Well done Big Think. I wonder if there are EQ tests like there are IQ tests?
i loved his book on emotional intelligence
Thank you for this incredible video
Thank you for this video
This is so wonderful ❤
what a great video, thank you
Lovely and inspiring video❤
Compassion in place of empathy perhaps. Empathy does give up some of your agency over you emotions. Compassion provides the listening and understanding needed.
Ive read EQ 2.0. I scored an 86 on my first guaging test. Ive been teaching this in my youtube spaces to other male content creators. I need a version of this to help us men who are extremely rough around the edges, grew up in the hood, abusive upbringings, military, etc...
Kudos to you mate ! All the best for your goal !
That was beautiful ❤ this made my day❤
I appreciate this explanation very much! I’ve tried to learn about the concept of EQ in the past but was put off by the material I found-much of it seemed very theoretical, dry, unapproachable.
Thank u for sharing ur insight
This guy is great, I imagined a very intense guy for some reason...compassion seeps through every sentence,
Emotional intelligence is just managing my own emotions.
If high emotional intelligence makes you more empathetic and sympathetic towards others wouldn't that hinder your ability to be successful in a society where making as much money as possible is the measure of success? They keep showing people in business settings and relationships but I would imagine someone with high emotional intelligence to be like a Buddhist monk or something.
Bingo. Apathy is more valued for the bottom line in my opinion. You care about your employees, but ultimately turning a profit will always come first. Unfortunate setting in which we live.
As someone who has high emotional intelligence and work as a preschool teacher, it is almost impossible for children to grasp social-emotional learning.
Children have difficulty understanding other peoples emotions because they put their own emotional needs first the majority of times, and because they don't fully understand their own emotional states and how it can affect others. They will often hold on to anger long after they've forgotten the the experience that made them angry, and even unintentionally aim that anger at someone else.
They're still learning to structure their emotions in relation to their own comprehension of accountability, and learn the meaning of emotional responsibility. Putting someone else's needs before you own is uncommon for a child to do, let alone grasp the extended value of an unselfish act beyond their own immediate emotional satisfaction.
Hmmm, as a music teacher, I have noticed that a lot of my younger students have even more capacity for empathy, mindfulness and visionary thinking then the older ones.
@@bassofone1 I imagine it's because its related to self-assumption or agreeableness, meaning they want to be nice and good students because of what it says about their own self. In other words, they have parents who taught them good values. It could also be related to introversion, as introverts tend to lean more towards mindful learning. You can have a good artistic mind without necessarily having a high EQ.
What I'm referring to is more the matter of putting the groups emotional state before you own, in the sense that you apply yourself in such a way that it affects the group and yourself positively. As said in the video, there's a certain sense of leading behaviour when it comes to EQ, and I have yet to see that in a child (I'm speaking of ages 2-6). They're simply too busy trying to understand their own place in the world.
My nephew is 2 and I feel like he came out of the womb understanding emotional regulation and empathy. He seems like he intuitively just knows things and understands people. When my bro and I sit and talk about serious things, he is patient and sits calmly with us as we talk. He likes people and he likes sharing. He came to my house the other day and saw a teddy. I gave it to him to play with and told him to give it a kiss and he gave it to me and showed me that I should give it a kiss because he understood that it was my teddy and not his. I don’t know why he acts that way because my bro doesn’t teach him that he can’t have things that belong to other people, he seems to just know and act mature somehow. Even when he was a baby, he had the calmest temperament…. My niece on the other hand…… she would burn down the world to get her way lolol
@@ThisIsMyFullName I believe that what you are really expressing is a vison that all children are selfish. Probably because that was what you were told about yourself. If you view a child as good they will act that way. I personally have seen it done by many people who believed in their child's inherent goodness. this is very different from religious homes that believe that because the bible says they were born into sin that they are inherently bad and believe their children are sinful and bad and by acting out their parent's belief about them, they justify their discipline (usually abusive) to alleviate their own sense of shame.
@@signalfire15 That's very sweet! I do wish more kids had that sort of kind intuition, but it's normal for them not to. When we're babies our parents do everything for us, and this learned behaviour is what we take with us as we become older. You have to be very observant and understand how to read strangers, in order to see the value of giving without receiving. Many adults don't even know how to do that, so for a child to see it, is really a small miracle.
If I may offer you some advice in relation to your nephew, I would tell you and your family to be mindful of what you discuss in front of him, more so than with your niece. All children are extremely good at reading body language, so if your nephew has a strong social intuition he's probably even more in tuned to how everyone else around him are feeling, and he probably often mirror those feelings unintentionally. Make sure he doesn't take the emotional weight of everyone else around him, on his shoulders. It's a tough lesson to realise that you can't make everyone happy.
You are so right…a better world❤
There is perhaps no psychological skill more fundamental than resisting impulse.
My EQ is fantastic - exemplary, as I'm told - _when my human rights, physical, psychological and emotional boundaries are respected._
If anyone is saying my EQ needs improvement, question what they're doing to elicit such a response.
Big think always lays out issues that really are where we should aim to live to make a better healthier world. They are science based and good natured. I hope society takes serious this in particular. Teaching Emtional and valuing Emtional intelligence.
Good info, good examples, good advice ❤
So true! The world would indeed be a better place 💞
Heres the thing about EI, know the saying "turn your tongue seven times before you speak" , thing is, emotional reactions are usually instantaneous. I dont think humans really think about or have full control over emotions. People who don't "blow up" and people who are genuinly kind have high EQ. Also, you can't/shouldn't internalize everything because it's unhealthy. So the people who know how to express themselves clearly/properly are also high EQ people.
Luv this 😍
I don't have great EI so it's hopeful to know that you can train this trait.
I'm painfully aware that my emotional intelligence has been low my entire life. I know it's held me back.
Interesting topic!!
Interesting. It turned out that we are self sabotaging.😨
I’ve found having a lot of money it an effective way to bypass the need for emotional intelligence
When you work with someone who is trying to use some of these stategies and you can see that it is not natural for them, they come across as inauthentic, and that reduces them in my view.
Ouch, if I read this correctly. Trying to learn how to raise your EQ is a struggle for some. Practicing these strategies feels uncomfortable, but is necessary for our personal growth. It can definitely come across as false.
I hope I’m wrong, but are you saying you look down on those trying to improve? Or just that inauthenticity makes you uncomfortable?
@@hollyandstelladoodle8748 The latter.
started to confuse
And this is how my interpersonal problems always begin.
If YOU are considering an others emotions, then you WILL assume that another is considering YOUR emotions.
Frankly, it's taken me years to determine just how niave this thought pattern is.
I grew up with some belief that minds are similar, observing the same conditions, following the same criteria.
No.
If you are empathic, disregard your expectations.
People that need help don't want it.
People that have bad ideas won't consider another.
People who fail blame others.
If you have empathy, save it for good people.
That's very damned few.
Emotional intelligence is a human ability and will always remain so. Legendary quote. We need to be in control of artificial intelligence 24 seven. We should be able to power off any artificial intelligence on demand if it threatens humanity or our free will.
Its likely that AI will be a more reliable emotional companion after it makes it past current limitations. Also, animals have EQ as well. Orca have a more sophisticated emotional awareness than humans. Dogs are used as emotional support professionally.
@@dps8629 animals are obviously. AI isn’t
@@meditateforawareness I don't see how you've come to that conclusion about something called artificial intelligence and the progression of quantum computation when both of those technologies are in their infancy, but sure.
@@dps8629 Fool!! AI or quantum computation have no capacity for emotional intelligence or a soul, and will most likely never. Unless humans become cyborgs lol. QC and EI are 2 different dimensions. At this point AI is not at an infant stage. what rock are u stuck under? Maybe Q.C is. But still how tf can u assume AI or QC can generate E. I. smh
@@dps8629 AI can pretend to be EI. but they will not have EI lol
Couldn't agree more that better societal EQ would make a better world! Writing a book on why it's so important after being depressed for 20+ years with the emotional intelligence of a watermelon until more recently.
I think people often mistake the inability to control one’s emotions with low emotional intelligence, but the former can be triggered by lots of stuff unrelated to EQ (bad/traumatic past experiences, stressful times, certain physical conditions etc.). Maybe a high EQ can help coping with lots of issues but it’s not like it gives you everything you need to deal with tough emotions. Though, lots of jerks could indeed benefit from some extra EQ points, haha.
What also seems somewhat disregarded is that a functional EQ and good social interactions often are about what NOT to pay attention to. Sensitive people can be exceedingly in tough with other people’s energy and therefore lose the ability to be their best selves. ‘Registering too much’ is bad too.
Interesting.
God blessed the world with Govan Brown. Thank you
Unfortunately not all the bosses have these kinda of qualities, sometimes i feel some employees have more higher emotional intelligence than the bosses .
Emotional intelligence is so important
I’m in medical school and I’m shocked at how little EQ a lot of doctors have… the worst are surgeons lol
Emotional intelligence should be taught in school but it mainly comes from the parenting. Learning how to be empathetic is one thing but applying it to your everyday life and changing the way you think and brain structure w neuroplascity to become a better person i think is possible. I had issues w how i treated people and emotional issues in college and that wasnt the person i wanted to be. I became more self aware of my actions and who i wanted to be until it became who i am now. I am a very nice person now, and i dont think about it now. Its just who i am. I think with time we can become the people we want to be. But teaching your kids how to have manners and treating people with respect is where it starts!
If more people cared about eachother we would be more enlightened as a species and this place would be a much better world
My career will involve EI
Exercising emotional intelligence has been a life saver
I have a boss high in emotional intelligence and uses it to manipulate others against their best interest, the company's, and their bosses.
Emotional Intelligence is more of a curse for me than a blessing.
This is excellent, just 1 thing. Kids need to be kids, so let them be. Teach this to older kids, like 8th grade and on, that's when they really need it. Thanks, Doc
Very good.
Now do a video about what a society of people who protected their average IQ would look like.
Great video! I think the same, be an smart comunity would change the world.
Don’t get me wrong
Also called being kind and understanding, versus being an asshole.
The first title of the video was betterrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I got diagnosed with fab filter pro Q EQ is that normal?
Science Times, NYT 2:04 Voyager arrives at Neptune. August 24 1989. Still going, cool page!
Self-Awareness: For a narcissist to learn empathy, they first need to recognize and acknowledge their lack of it. This self-awareness is a crucial step, and it can be challenging for individuals like Donald Trump, who often have difficulty seeing faults in themselves. "I have never asked God for forgiveness as I never do anything wrong." DJT
Do you think that dragging politics into every discussion is a sign of low EI or just low IQ?
Amen!
Doesn’t karate teach stuff like this? And meditation in place of detention had success, right? Inward focus SHOULD absolutely be a priority in the early ages? Doesn’t Japan start their youth with emotions/courtesy before academics? How does Finland’s successful education system incorporate emotions (thinking that it does)? Diet is supper important, too.
HF I just love this.
Can people learn how to become self aware?
I think therapy helps
DANIEL CONMAN
Most executives I have needed to interact with throughout my career have been little toy soldiers following directions from above with little to no emotional intelligence (probably with room temperature IQ's (at Celsius).
That bus driver story gave me tears and joy 🥲
Beutiful 😊
"...several abilities that we need, another of course is cognitive ability, I.Q. and maybe A.I. will take over more and more of that".
He says that as though it would be a good thing...
"People who emerge as outstanding performs or the best leaders have high emotional intelligence and and their I.Q. is not that relevant at that point."
Yes it is. Of course it is. They needed that high IQ to get there *and* to stay there, so it's always going to be relevant.
He's saying that IQ is not the end-all be-all. Especially with AI, anyone can produce high IQ responses on college exams, professional competency licenses, etc. High IQ may gets you to a leadership position and get short-term results, but anyone can do that with AI. It's not necessarily a good thing, but it's the current reality.
Having a high EQ inspires those around you and improves overall work culture and long-term productivity. That's what will make-or-break the overall success of companies/organizations.
I can already tell you’ve never worked in any competitive environment. There are ALWAYS people in positions that they don’t ‘deserve’ because they can’t handle the cognitive load as fast as some people, but they keep the right people happy and that’s far more valuable.
Wait a minute.... Did you edit your title
Collectivism VS Individualistic. Peace be upon us all
11:36
I'm sorry to bring politics into something finally void of it. I'm not here to bash anyone.
I just want to say EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE is so very important to me, it will influence how I vote.
I'd be interested in hearing in the comments if you can predict who I will vote for..... T or B
I feel like I don't have a good balance of IQ and EQ for my own good.
Maybe I need to work on better control. 😊
There are only options to vote against.
Erm, neither?
btw, T is for… and B is for…?
“Emotional intelligence” is a euphemism for political savvy. Daniel Goleman is the intellectual heir of Sun Tzu and Niccolo Machiavelli, but paraphrased for a feminist/feminine culture that would otherwise bristle at the sparse and brutalist rhetoric of The Art of War or The Prince.
Any thoughts?
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Emotions we feel in the G.U.T.....