I'd like to point out that the boyfriends is intentionally lowering his girlfriends quality of life if he doesn't want anyone else to treat her well. He complained about simple kindness she received and wants it to stop. Girl run.
Straight up, this is how my emotionally abusive ex acted. He would get mad at me and his friends for making eye contact with each other or talking about music we both liked. It only gets worse, and this is one way abusers isolate their victims from possible friends who could support them. I hope she leaves him if she hasn't already.
Had it been a girl who made the cake the bf wouldn’t be bothered. He feels threatened because it’s a dude who cooks , so instead of stepping up his game and participating in the household chores he cries about it. It’s good his gf sees what type of guy he really is. Straight for the bin.
That is an REAL southern man!!!! In the south when we have guests, we always get what they like to make them feel comfortable and welcome. His roommate need to be taken notes, not complaining about the cheesecake.
It's still weird because they're not that close. Everything else is fine but you've got to put thought into favorites. It's a learning process for both of them as far as exploring boundaries.
@@death2boredom338dude if I mentioned in passing my favorite flavor of ice cream to someone and they got me some, I wouldn't think it was weird, I'd think the person was thoughtful, perceptive or has a good memory. It's not that deep.
My friend had a dog that had severe separation issue and he used to eat through the door, use the bathroom everywhere , even chewed at the bed frame . Sister is not in the wrong
the roommate’s story about the cheesecake, i honestly don’t see a issue, and yeah i was born and raised in the south.. like southern hospitality is no joke.. he’s a real southern man ..
I currently have a dog with separation anxiety. That anxiety is no joke and you genuinely can't leave a dog like that at home. They will chew things, destroy things, pee, poop or scratch at the door and howl and bark. It was so hard to train this dog to not do that. Thankfully we can now leave him home alone after months of training and conditioning but it was very tough. You just can't leave a dog like that alone at home until it's trained or feels safe in its environment.
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should they tell a family member! I would however recommend a therapist work through the revelation of their parentage and the associated trauma/ upheaval. People can be unpredictable when money is involved. While it may not legally impact her inheritance, it can still leave her open to emotional or literal blackmail...
That's literally how it is in some areas in the south. I was born in New Orleans and then raised in Georgia. You always feed your guests and you always bring something with you when you go to someone's house. When you cook regularly that's what you bring. It's easy and I LOVE YO EAT. It's a win for both of us. Some people always bring liquor or wine It's the same concept.
I’m from the south, Georgia, stuff like that is literally politeness, I remember stuff from conversations and gift it to people I’m not that close with, people make meals and bring it to their neighbors when they just move in, that’s just how it is
I personally would be obsessed with how story 2 OP makes bread as I am learning how to make it myself. The roommate is so weird, his girlfriend can’t like food other men cook? Does he ask if the chef is a man at restaurants? If I were the gf I’d break up with him and ask OP if I can pay him to teach me to make bread. ETA: he has a smoker????? Make that bread and meat 😤
I moved to the south 2 years ago and I had a bit of culture shock. I quickly learned that almost every time I go to someone else's house I'm low key expected to bring something. I actually really like this but I just didn't know and probably came across as a silly northerner a few times. I'm really looking forward to getting a house here so that I can have dinner parties with my friends! I love going to my friends' places for dinner parties and I'm looking forward to when it's my turn to host
Depending on where he live, taking that cat to a shelter could be a death sentence for it. If he accepted the cat, it's his responsibility to find it a good home
Last story is giving stalker vibes. Also not being funny but he's so bitter that he "wasted six months on her" but the way he's still clinging on he's still giving time to a relationship that's not going anywhere, except maybe to the police station when she gets a restraining order. She doesn't owe him a relationship.
Welcome back Sam! Also for the 37:26 Dog, Birthday story, Def Not the Asshole. For one, Pets are family. Dogs in particular should always seen as part of the family. We were not Dog owners, but we have dog bowls for water/food, treats, and toys for friends and family to bring over their dogs. We put up our cats in a separate room so they are a non-issue. It's easy, takes a few seconds, and means the world to the dog and owners. Makes everyone more comfortable, including the animals. I know this isn't normal to do in all houses, but we trying to think of everyone's needs, regardless if their human or not. The sister-in-law is being petty and there is definitely something else going on because that sort of tension stems from another larger issue. Because not even the other solutions were even considered. The Sister in law may not like animals, that seems like "a her issue". There are other people at the party that also watched the dog with no issue so shes being a drama queen and weaponizing the dog to get her way. The Sister-in-law needs to get help.
I also express caring with food, especially sweet...and my especiality is cheesecake. Making food for people is not flerting, is just acknowledging they are there, and they are welcome. The roommate is insecure and silly. If I were the girlfriend, the whole situation would be a huge red flag. The Op seems like a nice person.
Considering the dog reacted only after being hurt (something even a person would do) and the wife didn't even let it be in the driveway or neighborhood (???wtf is that even about????) Op is definitely not the asshole, especially when the reason the brother rejected the option was his wife. He is allowed to be hurt his sibling won't be there but he should've realized his wife was also being very unreasonable when she wouldn't even let the dog be in a car for a moment. Besides, thinking about whether it's okay or not for the dog to be that way is irrelevant for the specific situation, a pet's entire life is an owner's responsibility and not treating it properly could also bring op legal problems. Also this may just be me but if my sibling was willing to drive for 45 minutes just to say happy birthday to me even if they had to leave after 15, I'd feel pretty happy with that.
@@charlottedobson1638the wife refusing to allow the dog to even sit in a car says to me that she’s unreasonable. No matter how aggressive a dog is, they can’t do anything sat in a locked car.
@@charlottedobson1638 For me it more hinting about the Wife beeing afraid of the dog. Not allowing to be in a car that is locked sounds like a person that is afraid and ashamed of it.
To add as a dog handler. I've encountered dogs that will literally destroy their homes/crates when left alone for any period of time. We had a client who's dog couldn't even be crated due to him literally clawing at a crate until he bled (not with owners or us but at a previous boarding facility). My own personal dog has destroyed my door scratching at it when home completely alone (she's the perfect dog otherwise) The owner is definitely NTA
For sure making food for your guests knowing if they’re coming over is a southern hospitality thing. It’s a way of welcoming people into your home and making them comfortable like they’re in their own home, ya know?
I’m from the Midwest and we definitely have peoples fav foods on hand when they come over. It would be weird not too, but I also was raised in a large network family of people that love with food. 🤷♀️
I’m from the Midwest & love to cook and bake. I also try to cook for everyone. Pass out plates all the time. It’s like my Italian grandma who’s always trying to feed people and I really hope it’s never come off as flirtatious. Cooking is a passion and people generally love food so to make something and have even a stranger appreciate it makes me feel good. I see the other side though. Never thought about it like that. Also if he is insecure because he doesn’t know how to do these things then he should see it as an advantage because he lives with the perfect person to teach him. Instead of trying to change the roomate to hide his skills because it makes him feel inferior he should ask the roomate to teach him the skills so he can feel good about himself no matter who he’s around. The roomate wasn’t born knowing how to change oil or build stuff, at one point someone taught him. No shame in learning. A desire to learn is attractive on its own.
The French in me always having homemade food around if someone’s coming over. Platonic or flirting, I just have the habit of doing this and I like doing this!
As a southern baker, I can attest that, yes! We will absolutely pay attention to what other people like and make it for them. Hospitality makes us happy. It's not romantic. The roommate needs to get off of his bullshit, and if he has a problem with looking bad in front of his girl, he also needs to get off his ass and step up.
My dog broke down a door to escape busted a blood vessel in his eye trying to get out of a wire cage chewed the garage door . But that’s because our other dog was crying
I will say as someone from the south, it’s not odd to make someone their favorite food/dessert if you know it. I’ll even do it for people I just want to be kind to, I don’t have to be friends with them or anything. Food is a huge love language for us. It sounds like he was giving typical southern hospitality and was raised to be a gentleman.
For the listener question I absolutely don’t think she has done anything wrong. All she did was be born and live life being raised by the man who is her dad. And he was her father. Fathers raise a child. A sperm donor is just a sperm donor. The idea that a man would raise a child into adulthood, and then disinherit them based on biology is disgusting. He is gone, so his feelings about this frankly don’t matter anymore. It is up to OP if she wants to make DNA results public. But even if she does that no one has any claim on the money that she has inherited. Because once again, he acted as her father throughout her entire childhood. He is her father. Sometimes I think our society is too hung up on sperm.
Sam that's your insecurity talking. He bakes all the time and she probably just gave him an idea for something to bake. I cook all the time and if someone mentions a dish in passing that sounds good, I'm gonna fucking make it lol
41:45 dogs with severe separation anxiety after abusive situations etc, can actually stress to death. They get a ton of health problems and then die from heart failure. The way the SIL handles the situation makes me also believe that she don’t like dogs and stepped on it’s tail on purpose to get a reaction from the dog, that she could later use as an excuse. She clearly isn’t afraid of dogs, but doesn’t even want OP to have the dog inside the car on the driveway. Whether you are a dog person or not, it’s clear that the SIL overreacts due to not liking the dog and not because it’s aggressive or anything like that. And also, if you leave a dog with that kind of severe separation anxiety alone for too long, they can hyperventilate untill they pass out, then come around, start hyperventilating again and pass out and just repeat the cycle untill they just don’t wake up no more.
Didn't hear anything to indicate ND...? *his upbringing/southern culture is what led to his actions. Also didn't indicate he was trying to _make_ friends with roommate or his GF, just being hospitable.
She can’t kennel the dog for 1 1/2 because the brother lives 45 minutes away, it takes an hour and a half just to travel, and the brother wants her too stay a few hours too
Leaving a dog alone with separation anxiety can be damaging to the house or the dog (some can chew the kennel and all that) so id say not the asshole but just the responsibility of owning a dog
42:28 sister-in-law said she was fine when she stepped on the dogs tail so why now what changed especially since you hurt the dog the dog didn’t do anything to you
45:24 This commenter can kick rocks in hell. OP literally gave them options, something they really shouldn't have had to do. The wife should be grateful that OP trained the dog well. It should have bit her but, instead of acknowledging that, *they* arbitrarily ban the dog. OP tried. They didn't.
8:21 judging from the title alone, no! That's called *_manners!_* All right, let's hear the story. So far, your roommate sounds hella insecure about his girlfriend. Apparently he thinks she's impressed by you? Yeah, he's definitely insecure. He needs to check himself. Not the asshole
Seriously, if I was making food, and I, or anyone else I lived with, had guests, I would make enough for everybody! Your roommate is on some other shit.
I think some people (me) alway like DIY creating things. But more are like DIY doesn't make them happy. Sadly as I get older things are slower and harder!
45:51 my question: after two-plus years, they've only gotten up to 45 minutes that the dog can be alone? I'm much more interested in that situation. Is that the real situation? Or....is OP using her dog as an excuse, because she really just doesn't want to attend the party?
To drop off the cat at her job... embarassing, inconvenient and makes her look unprofessional... all because dude's in his feelings. Not a single person believes he just HAD to do that and right then. 🙄
The roommate is jealous from someone who was born in New York and lived In the south for 12 years it's called southern hospitality for a reason they are genuinely nice cuz I cook bake and do nice things for ppl and I'll tell any and everyone drive safe be safe.. plus as a new Yorker we do t like ppl that's to nice wr think is an alternative motive so no not the ah
52:46 DO YOUR RESEARCH IF YOU HAVE A PET YOU CANT/DONT WANT TO KEEP. Please! don’t get rid of cats/dogs at animal control or a shelter before calling or checking online FIRST. Some of those places will straight up kill that animal if they aren’t adopted within a week. There are services that will safely care for pets in need of a home without risk of life prematurely being put down for an arbitrary time limit- all it takes is a few moments of research.
half my grandparents are southern (white american) and half are japanese. i was raised to always anticipate giving gifts and accepting them, whether i'm hosting or a guest. some ppl are just raised that way! and some people (op's rooommate) arent, that is not the issue. the issue is that roommate doesnt want to actually give his gf nice things or show her effort/acts of service! he just wants to be seen as a guy who can, not a guy who DOES. 😂
first full video i’m watching of this podcast (came from ig) because I wanted to hear the dialogue but to me you guys are so awkward 😭 Not in a bad way lol clearly i’m new to the dynamic but the amount of awkward silences i perceived was a little comical
I love this podcast, although I agree sometimes I feel myself filling in the silences or saying soemthing that explains what they’re all saying and it can be frustrating 😅 I’m like I CAN ADD TO THIS! THIS IS WHAT YOU MEANT!!
I actually don't find their silences awkward at all. It's one of the things that I noticed, that they are able to be silent and not be awkward which shows...well, comfort. 😊
I worked on a college campus in the Midwest. At the beginning of each year, you could pick the east coasters out of huge crowds without even trying. The attitude emanated from them. It's like damn get over yourself. By the end of 4 years they are usually happy to be over themselves. Pretty cool people once they allow that Midwest chill in.
Here’s a weird thing I noticed about plants and dust…. Only fake plants collect dust on the leaves. Real plants don’t ever have dust on them. Has anyone else noticed that??
In the roommate story, lying and acting like the roommate regularly does those things is putting the girl in a situation where she will think she’s getting an equal partner then is left to do everything alone. Guys shouldn’t lie for their friends in ways that will impact someone else’s quality of life by making them think they will be treated as an equal when it’s not the case. And he mentioned that remembering favorites mentioned and making it for them is something he does for anyone in his life who comes over. Also , I’m from the north but live in the south. Definitely down here it’s normal for people to use cooking & baking (especially favorite foods) to make guests feel more comfortable in the home. He’s just treating her like a human being but because the boyfriend doesn’t want to put in effort, he just wants other to treat her the way he does. That’s such a shitty way to treat someone
When I did 23 and me, they specifically said that pretty much none of your father’s family will show up because they can’t trace it because you don’t have a Y chromosome That I needed to connect my profile to a known male relative of my father. So I’m wondering how her 23 and me showed up with all these relatives on her dad side….
Concerning the sister who could attend the party I truthfully question how honest she's being about her dog. I don't believe a loud bark was enough to make her SIL uncomfortable to have it around guests or even in the neighborhood. I figured it was a dog with aggression issues when she says it's the sweet dog....once you she gets to know you. I've known a lot of owners with aggressive dogs who say that as a preloaded excuse. I also question the idea that she's never more than an hour away from the dog. I wonder how long she's had the dog as there isn't a reasonable rationale for not having it crate trained. Ultimately she is making a decision for herself & hopefully with training she'll get her freedom back. But no one is really TA in the situation.
Kitten story: YTA! I honestly don't think you can call yourself an "animal lover" if you are willing to abandon an animal that you adopted so quickly! It is not the kitten's fault that you are heartbroken and can't get over this girl, and yet the kitten has to pay the price? Thank God you didn't have kids with this girl, if this is how you are acting!!! If you decide to give up this kitten, it wont just hurt you, or her, it hurts the kitten! If you decide to give the kitten to the shelter, or an animal rescue, then you are taking up valuable resources that other animals may need. And some shelters are kill shelters, so this kitten could lose its life because of your selfishness! If you don't want to be the a-hole, you will not punish the kitten for your heartbreak.. You will learn that even though you are angry, it is not this innocent kitten's fault. You made a commitment to this kitten when you adopted it, and you shouldn't be so willing to throw the kitten away like it is an object. The 6 months might not have been a "waste of time" if you realize that you gained a loyal, loving companion from it. However, if you REALLY can't get be a good owner to this kitten, please at least do the responsible thing and find it a new home. I would recommend reaching out to local, no-kill animal rescues to ask how to go about finding the kitten a new home. They should be able to tell you what to do and what not to do. And please, DO NOT adopt any more animals!!!!
I had the weirdest interaction with insecure ppl, I’m married committed relationship and we have a kid. But these women thought I was after their boyfriends, these guys I new before I ever meant these chicks but I was put on blast like OP anything I said or did as a polite host they treated me like a cheating ho. I think it goes beyond insecurity and jealousy I don’t get it and now these men are not in my life anymore 😢
NTA for the bio dad story. It’s not her responsibility for her parents mistakes. Like Brandon said. I believe I saw someone else recommending trauma therapy and perhaps family counseling, for that will help a lot with unresolved guilt. THATS NOT EVEN HERS. But still. I don’t think she’s the a**hole. Especially in this economy lol
That’s your dad man. If your dad was really bothered he would’ve done the test himself. He probably said it so you know the truth. Accept the money and keep it to yourself
in touch situations, honesty is still always the best path. the consequences of what happen, are not your fault. thats her mothers demon to deal with. plus i mean the mom def knows. lol. so.
Not gonna lie, lil scared about Sams willingness to lie to their friends partners. You’re just going to gaslight the partner into believing all these things. Then when it comes out, they can’t do it/you were lying, it’s gonna be a like a bomb. When you could’ve just told the truth or not lied. I would be furious if I was with somebody and their friends are having hyping them up and it’s all fake. Why are you trying to trap me with your friend, let me find somebody who can do what I want/need in a partner 😂
These kind of guys lie and hype up their male friends but when they turn out to be abusive, they try to ignore it because now they want to act like it’s none of their business.
Im sorry...but as an animal person...🖕🏼 the brother and sister in law...you wanna alienate my dog for something YOU as a human did, i dont wanna be anywhere around yall. My animals are more important to me than some day telling everyone you had an enother year on this earth. Thank goodness i was raised in a family where it aint that big a deal. Lol. But of course, my brother AND sister in law are also animal people so id never have to worry about them doing that. 😂😂
I get the dog has separation anxiety. Still 100% 3 years on you can’t kennel or the dog at all. 4 hours away from someone should definitely be fine after all this time. Makes no sense. I would also take my dog and kennel them in his home because that’s the easiest compromise.
I mean she said the dog was abused and that she’s working with a trainer. She’s getting the dog help so it won’t be stressed tf out when she leaves. Maybe I’m biased cuz I have a dog, but she seems like she’s trying to do what’s best for her animal. Abused dogs also take longer to train because they have to now learn that not everyone’s trying to harm them🤷♀️
Y’all could have put me to bed with the lack of energy in this pod cast. But honestly it’s not a bad thing- just label which of your pod casts are for sleeping! Sam’s voice could put me right to bed!
I’m getting everybody sucks here from the first story. They both lied and are generally being so ridiculous. First the DIL, she seems not to care about a gender reveal so I don’t really understand why she wanted it to be kept a secret or not want to know the gender till the reveal. For the MIL, it seems this is actually important to her but she clearly only cared about herself and is not at all considerate of how the DIL feels and was so blinded by this one goal that she would say anything to get her way.
morbid, but birthdays arent promised. he may not make it to 41. she needs to figure out a better way with the dog. like you cant leave him akone for more than 45 minutes???? girl, youre in jail. lol.
Second Story: I'm not southern, but I have family and friends that are and I'm calling bullshit that he made the cheesecake because just out of hospitality. Were it a simpler recipe I'd be like "yeah checks out", but a good quality cheesecakes generally take EIGHT HOURS to make. Typically the only times I hear people make it are for special occasions like a family holiday or a birthday - otherwise you buy it from the store. There are recipes that cheat the time, but their quality very much varies. Are you telling me this man just casually made a dish that takes an entire work shift just because of hospitality? Hell no man, either he's into her or he did it to make the roommate look bad.
He also does the same thing for his roommates family It’s only weird if he’s nice to his roommates gf but not weird if he’s equally as nice to the roommate and guests in general?
Yeah you clearly don’t understand that she loves her dog and is trying to help it overcome its anxiety and fear from the abuse it faced. She’s giving that a baby a second chance at a happy life.
Roommate: “How dare you treat my girlfriend like a person??? Now she is going to expect that from me!”
I'd like to point out that the boyfriends is intentionally lowering his girlfriends quality of life if he doesn't want anyone else to treat her well. He complained about simple kindness she received and wants it to stop. Girl run.
Straight up, this is how my emotionally abusive ex acted. He would get mad at me and his friends for making eye contact with each other or talking about music we both liked. It only gets worse, and this is one way abusers isolate their victims from possible friends who could support them. I hope she leaves him if she hasn't already.
Had it been a girl who made the cake the bf wouldn’t be bothered. He feels threatened because it’s a dude who cooks , so instead of stepping up his game and participating in the household chores he cries about it. It’s good his gf sees what type of guy he really is. Straight for the bin.
This
That is an REAL southern man!!!! In the south when we have guests, we always get what they like to make them feel comfortable and welcome. His roommate need to be taken notes, not complaining about the cheesecake.
The guys remembered she liked the cheese cake so he cooked it or baked it because he likes cooking. He didnt ask her. It was a past conversation
It's still weird because they're not that close. Everything else is fine but you've got to put thought into favorites. It's a learning process for both of them as far as exploring boundaries.
@death2boredom338 it's called hospitality
@@death2boredom338boundaries? it's a fucking cake 💀
@@death2boredom338dude if I mentioned in passing my favorite flavor of ice cream to someone and they got me some, I wouldn't think it was weird, I'd think the person was thoughtful, perceptive or has a good memory. It's not that deep.
Fr its j being polite while doing what you love to already do and anyone who sees this as genuinely weird or rude is j hella insecure
Im a southern and i completely agree i grew up making things specifically for our guest if we know they like certain things.
My friend had a dog that had severe separation issue and he used to eat through the door, use the bathroom everywhere , even chewed at the bed frame . Sister is not in the wrong
the roommate’s story about the cheesecake, i honestly don’t see a issue, and yeah i was born and raised in the south.. like southern hospitality is no joke.. he’s a real southern man ..
I currently have a dog with separation anxiety. That anxiety is no joke and you genuinely can't leave a dog like that at home. They will chew things, destroy things, pee, poop or scratch at the door and howl and bark. It was so hard to train this dog to not do that. Thankfully we can now leave him home alone after months of training and conditioning but it was very tough. You just can't leave a dog like that alone at home until it's trained or feels safe in its environment.
Wait are we gonna ignore that the husband is defending the MIL that’s CLEARLY WRONG?!
Man I was like huh? And she wants an apology
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should they tell a family member! I would however recommend a therapist work through the revelation of their parentage and the associated trauma/ upheaval. People can be unpredictable when money is involved. While it may not legally impact her inheritance, it can still leave her open to emotional or literal blackmail...
I was searching for this comment for a bit. It's such a difficult thing to find out. First figure out your own emotions for sure
It’s a southern thing. It’s our hospitality when we have guest to usually have favorite foods or desserts that they prefer.
That's literally how it is in some areas in the south. I was born in New Orleans and then raised in Georgia. You always feed your guests and you always bring something with you when you go to someone's house. When you cook regularly that's what you bring. It's easy and I LOVE YO EAT. It's a win for both of us. Some people always bring liquor or wine It's the same concept.
I’m from the south, Georgia, stuff like that is literally politeness, I remember stuff from conversations and gift it to people I’m not that close with, people make meals and bring it to their neighbors when they just move in, that’s just how it is
I personally would be obsessed with how story 2 OP makes bread as I am learning how to make it myself. The roommate is so weird, his girlfriend can’t like food other men cook? Does he ask if the chef is a man at restaurants? If I were the gf I’d break up with him and ask OP if I can pay him to teach me to make bread. ETA: he has a smoker????? Make that bread and meat 😤
I moved to the south 2 years ago and I had a bit of culture shock.
I quickly learned that almost every time I go to someone else's house I'm low key expected to bring something. I actually really like this but I just didn't know and probably came across as a silly northerner a few times.
I'm really looking forward to getting a house here so that I can have dinner parties with my friends! I love going to my friends' places for dinner parties and I'm looking forward to when it's my turn to host
Depending on where he live, taking that cat to a shelter could be a death sentence for it. If he accepted the cat, it's his responsibility to find it a good home
Last story is giving stalker vibes. Also not being funny but he's so bitter that he "wasted six months on her" but the way he's still clinging on he's still giving time to a relationship that's not going anywhere, except maybe to the police station when she gets a restraining order. She doesn't owe him a relationship.
Welcome back Sam! Also for the 37:26 Dog, Birthday story, Def Not the Asshole. For one, Pets are family. Dogs in particular should always seen as part of the family. We were not Dog owners, but we have dog bowls for water/food, treats, and toys for friends and family to bring over their dogs. We put up our cats in a separate room so they are a non-issue. It's easy, takes a few seconds, and means the world to the dog and owners. Makes everyone more comfortable, including the animals. I know this isn't normal to do in all houses, but we trying to think of everyone's needs, regardless if their human or not. The sister-in-law is being petty and there is definitely something else going on because that sort of tension stems from another larger issue. Because not even the other solutions were even considered. The Sister in law may not like animals, that seems like "a her issue". There are other people at the party that also watched the dog with no issue so shes being a drama queen and weaponizing the dog to get her way. The Sister-in-law needs to get help.
You are a very caring individual and i love that you don't have dogs but understand and accommodate dog parents
I'm always baffled by people who say "Stop being so nice. You're making me look bad." So... be nicer? It's not that hard.
I also express caring with food, especially sweet...and my especiality is cheesecake. Making food for people is not flerting, is just acknowledging they are there, and they are welcome. The roommate is insecure and silly. If I were the girlfriend, the whole situation would be a huge red flag. The Op seems like a nice person.
Considering the dog reacted only after being hurt (something even a person would do) and the wife didn't even let it be in the driveway or neighborhood (???wtf is that even about????) Op is definitely not the asshole, especially when the reason the brother rejected the option was his wife. He is allowed to be hurt his sibling won't be there but he should've realized his wife was also being very unreasonable when she wouldn't even let the dog be in a car for a moment. Besides, thinking about whether it's okay or not for the dog to be that way is irrelevant for the specific situation, a pet's entire life is an owner's responsibility and not treating it properly could also bring op legal problems.
Also this may just be me but if my sibling was willing to drive for 45 minutes just to say happy birthday to me even if they had to leave after 15, I'd feel pretty happy with that.
The wife not wanting the dog to be in the neighborhood hints to me that the OP is not being fully honest about the aggressiveness of the dog
@@charlottedobson1638the wife refusing to allow the dog to even sit in a car says to me that she’s unreasonable. No matter how aggressive a dog is, they can’t do anything sat in a locked car.
@@charlottedobson1638Even if they weren’t entirely honest. They still have a crap situation
@@charlottedobson1638 For me it more hinting about the Wife beeing afraid of the dog. Not allowing to be in a car that is locked sounds like a person that is afraid and ashamed of it.
Is the roommate single?👀 aka OP
As a parent if i raised a child their whole life they are my kid regardless of blood and i would want them to have whatever i left them!
For the dog with separation anxiety it could start barking very loudly and whining constantly, she’s a good dog owner
Also she is working on it with a trainer! Such a good dog owner.
To add as a dog handler. I've encountered dogs that will literally destroy their homes/crates when left alone for any period of time. We had a client who's dog couldn't even be crated due to him literally clawing at a crate until he bled (not with owners or us but at a previous boarding facility). My own personal dog has destroyed my door scratching at it when home completely alone (she's the perfect dog otherwise) The owner is definitely NTA
For sure making food for your guests knowing if they’re coming over is a southern hospitality thing. It’s a way of welcoming people into your home and making them comfortable like they’re in their own home, ya know?
How would you bring gifts to a GENDER REVEAL party??🤷🏾♀️
I’m from the Midwest and we definitely have peoples fav foods on hand when they come over. It would be weird not too, but I also was raised in a large network family of people that love with food. 🤷♀️
I’m from the Midwest & love to cook and bake. I also try to cook for everyone. Pass out plates all the time. It’s like my Italian grandma who’s always trying to feed people and I really hope it’s never come off as flirtatious. Cooking is a passion and people generally love food so to make something and have even a stranger appreciate it makes me feel good. I see the other side though. Never thought about it like that. Also if he is insecure because he doesn’t know how to do these things then he should see it as an advantage because he lives with the perfect person to teach him. Instead of trying to change the roomate to hide his skills because it makes him feel inferior he should ask the roomate to teach him the skills so he can feel good about himself no matter who he’s around. The roomate wasn’t born knowing how to change oil or build stuff, at one point someone taught him. No shame in learning. A desire to learn is attractive on its own.
The French in me always having homemade food around if someone’s coming over. Platonic or flirting, I just have the habit of doing this and I like doing this!
36:32 i just kept repeating “tell your therapist” until someone finally said it
Thank you Brandon
As a southern baker, I can attest that, yes! We will absolutely pay attention to what other people like and make it for them. Hospitality makes us happy. It's not romantic. The roommate needs to get off of his bullshit, and if he has a problem with looking bad in front of his girl, he also needs to get off his ass and step up.
57:39 sounded so good!! Beautiful voices 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼😍
My dog broke down a door to escape busted a blood vessel in his eye trying to get out of a wire cage chewed the garage door . But that’s because our other dog was crying
I will say as someone from the south, it’s not odd to make someone their favorite food/dessert if you know it. I’ll even do it for people I just want to be kind to, I don’t have to be friends with them or anything. Food is a huge love language for us. It sounds like he was giving typical southern hospitality and was raised to be a gentleman.
For the listener question I absolutely don’t think she has done anything wrong. All she did was be born and live life being raised by the man who is her dad. And he was her father. Fathers raise a child. A sperm donor is just a sperm donor. The idea that a man would raise a child into adulthood, and then disinherit them based on biology is disgusting.
He is gone, so his feelings about this frankly don’t matter anymore. It is up to OP if she wants to make DNA results public. But even if she does that no one has any claim on the money that she has inherited. Because once again, he acted as her father throughout her entire childhood. He is her father. Sometimes I think our society is too hung up on sperm.
Sam that's your insecurity talking. He bakes all the time and she probably just gave him an idea for something to bake. I cook all the time and if someone mentions a dish in passing that sounds good, I'm gonna fucking make it lol
41:45 dogs with severe separation anxiety after abusive situations etc, can actually stress to death. They get a ton of health problems and then die from heart failure. The way the SIL handles the situation makes me also believe that she don’t like dogs and stepped on it’s tail on purpose to get a reaction from the dog, that she could later use as an excuse. She clearly isn’t afraid of dogs, but doesn’t even want OP to have the dog inside the car on the driveway. Whether you are a dog person or not, it’s clear that the SIL overreacts due to not liking the dog and not because it’s aggressive or anything like that. And also, if you leave a dog with that kind of severe separation anxiety alone for too long, they can hyperventilate untill they pass out, then come around, start hyperventilating again and pass out and just repeat the cycle untill they just don’t wake up no more.
The second story is a typical neurodivergent trying to make casual friends through their special interest 😂
Didn't hear anything to indicate ND...?
*his upbringing/southern culture is what led to his actions. Also didn't indicate he was trying to _make_ friends with roommate or his GF, just being hospitable.
She can’t kennel the dog for 1 1/2 because the brother lives 45 minutes away, it takes an hour and a half just to travel, and the brother wants her too stay a few hours too
Leaving a dog alone with separation anxiety can be damaging to the house or the dog (some can chew the kennel and all that) so id say not the asshole but just the responsibility of owning a dog
y'all kinda snapped on that song at the end. when is the E.P./ album dropping?
3:34 sounds to me like you *knew* that your mother-in-law was going to spill the beans. NTA.
Hyping up somebody just bc their partner is there is wack af
Especially when you know they have red flags.
42:28 sister-in-law said she was fine when she stepped on the dogs tail so why now what changed especially since you hurt the dog the dog didn’t do anything to you
Loving the song at the end 😭
45:24 This commenter can kick rocks in hell. OP literally gave them options, something they really shouldn't have had to do. The wife should be grateful that OP trained the dog well. It should have bit her but, instead of acknowledging that, *they* arbitrarily ban the dog. OP tried. They didn't.
Sam saw The Happening one time and was like NUH UH 🚫🌿🌱
I'm a plant lover, and The Happening is one of my guilty pleasures. Mark Wahlberg talking to a fake plant in that one scene sends me into space. 😂
😂😂😂 ye guys killed me with the ending absolutely perfect
The mother is the AH for keeping the childs parentage to herself, even after the "daddy" passed she said nothing.
If the bf was insecure about what the girlfriend said about the roommate, why not ask the roommate to teach him so she can look at him thst way
27:12 He might not have been your father, but he was definitely your daddy. And shame on your mother for cheating on him. NTA.
I need more of Maddie's 16:45 east coast impressions
8:21 judging from the title alone, no! That's called *_manners!_* All right, let's hear the story.
So far, your roommate sounds hella insecure about his girlfriend. Apparently he thinks she's impressed by you?
Yeah, he's definitely insecure. He needs to check himself. Not the asshole
Seriously, if I was making food, and I, or anyone else I lived with, had guests, I would make enough for everybody! Your roommate is on some other shit.
I think some people (me) alway like DIY creating things. But more are like DIY doesn't make them happy. Sadly as I get older things are slower and harder!
45:51 my question: after two-plus years, they've only gotten up to 45 minutes that the dog can be alone? I'm much more interested in that situation. Is that the real situation? Or....is OP using her dog as an excuse, because she really just doesn't want to attend the party?
To drop off the cat at her job... embarassing, inconvenient and makes her look unprofessional... all because dude's in his feelings. Not a single person believes he just HAD to do that and right then. 🙄
I’m willing to bet that that dog is a lot more aggressive than the poster is letting on
u guys are such good vibes
The roommate is jealous from someone who was born in New York and lived In the south for 12 years it's called southern hospitality for a reason they are genuinely nice cuz I cook bake and do nice things for ppl and I'll tell any and everyone drive safe be safe.. plus as a new Yorker we do t like ppl that's to nice wr think is an alternative motive so no not the ah
52:46 DO YOUR RESEARCH IF YOU HAVE A PET YOU CANT/DONT WANT TO KEEP. Please! don’t get rid of cats/dogs at animal control or a shelter before calling or checking online FIRST. Some of those places will straight up kill that animal if they aren’t adopted within a week. There are services that will safely care for pets in need of a home without risk of life prematurely being put down for an arbitrary time limit- all it takes is a few moments of research.
That can we talk outro was beautiful
half my grandparents are southern (white american) and half are japanese. i was raised to always anticipate giving gifts and accepting them, whether i'm hosting or a guest. some ppl are just raised that way! and some people (op's rooommate) arent, that is not the issue. the issue is that roommate doesnt want to actually give his gf nice things or show her effort/acts of service! he just wants to be seen as a guy who can, not a guy who DOES. 😂
15:05 cut to you and your roommate having a romantic Ghost(1990) type sequence before awkwardly splitting off 😂
first full video i’m watching of this podcast (came from ig) because I wanted to hear the dialogue but to me you guys are so awkward 😭 Not in a bad way lol clearly i’m new to the dynamic but the amount of awkward silences i perceived was a little comical
I love this podcast, although I agree sometimes I feel myself filling in the silences or saying soemthing that explains what they’re all saying and it can be frustrating 😅 I’m like I CAN ADD TO THIS! THIS IS WHAT YOU MEANT!!
I actually don't find their silences awkward at all. It's one of the things that I noticed, that they are able to be silent and not be awkward which shows...well, comfort. 😊
The silence seems more of a comfortable one to me
Note: it every southern person is like that. But a lady with a successful catering company from Louisiana… yeah that tracks lol
can confirm, thats exactly how it is on the east coast 😂
I worked on a college campus in the Midwest. At the beginning of each year, you could pick the east coasters out of huge crowds without even trying. The attitude emanated from them. It's like damn get over yourself. By the end of 4 years they are usually happy to be over themselves. Pretty cool people once they allow that Midwest chill in.
@@nicolebesser3548 new Hampshire is a bit nicer, but that sounds very accurate. New York and Boston is a "do not talk to me" area lmfao
@@Lo0serx3 The New Yorkers for sure. Lol
Here’s a weird thing I noticed about plants and dust….
Only fake plants collect dust on the leaves. Real plants don’t ever have dust on them.
Has anyone else noticed that??
Why does it feel like they don’t really like each other so many awkward silences
In the roommate story, lying and acting like the roommate regularly does those things is putting the girl in a situation where she will think she’s getting an equal partner then is left to do everything alone. Guys shouldn’t lie for their friends in ways that will impact someone else’s quality of life by making them think they will be treated as an equal when it’s not the case.
And he mentioned that remembering favorites mentioned and making it for them is something he does for anyone in his life who comes over.
Also , I’m from the north but live in the south. Definitely down here it’s normal for people to use cooking & baking (especially favorite foods) to make guests feel more comfortable in the home.
He’s just treating her like a human being but because the boyfriend doesn’t want to put in effort, he just wants other to treat her the way he does. That’s such a shitty way to treat someone
When I did 23 and me, they specifically said that pretty much none of your father’s family will show up because they can’t trace it because you don’t have a Y chromosome That I needed to connect my profile to a known male relative of my father. So I’m wondering how her 23 and me showed up with all these relatives on her dad side….
My ancestry dna test matched my dna with my uncles and some other male relatives so I’m kinda confused on why 23 and me couldn’t do that lol.
Concerning the sister who could attend the party I truthfully question how honest she's being about her dog. I don't believe a loud bark was enough to make her SIL uncomfortable to have it around guests or even in the neighborhood. I figured it was a dog with aggression issues when she says it's the sweet dog....once you she gets to know you. I've known a lot of owners with aggressive dogs who say that as a preloaded excuse.
I also question the idea that she's never more than an hour away from the dog. I wonder how long she's had the dog as there isn't a reasonable rationale for not having it crate trained.
Ultimately she is making a decision for herself & hopefully with training she'll get her freedom back. But no one is really TA in the situation.
Kitten story: YTA! I honestly don't think you can call yourself an "animal lover" if you are willing to abandon an animal that you adopted so quickly! It is not the kitten's fault that you are heartbroken and can't get over this girl, and yet the kitten has to pay the price? Thank God you didn't have kids with this girl, if this is how you are acting!!!
If you decide to give up this kitten, it wont just hurt you, or her, it hurts the kitten! If you decide to give the kitten to the shelter, or an animal rescue, then you are taking up valuable resources that other animals may need. And some shelters are kill shelters, so this kitten could lose its life because of your selfishness!
If you don't want to be the a-hole, you will not punish the kitten for your heartbreak.. You will learn that even though you are angry, it is not this innocent kitten's fault. You made a commitment to this kitten when you adopted it, and you shouldn't be so willing to throw the kitten away like it is an object. The 6 months might not have been a "waste of time" if you realize that you gained a loyal, loving companion from it.
However, if you REALLY can't get be a good owner to this kitten, please at least do the responsible thing and find it a new home. I would recommend reaching out to local, no-kill animal rescues to ask how to go about finding the kitten a new home. They should be able to tell you what to do and what not to do. And please, DO NOT adopt any more animals!!!!
I had the weirdest interaction with insecure ppl, I’m married committed relationship and we have a kid. But these women thought I was after their boyfriends, these guys I new before I ever meant these chicks but I was put on blast like OP anything I said or did as a polite host they treated me like a cheating ho. I think it goes beyond insecurity and jealousy I don’t get it and now these men are not in my life anymore 😢
NTA for the bio dad story. It’s not her responsibility for her parents mistakes. Like Brandon said. I believe I saw someone else recommending trauma therapy and perhaps family counseling, for that will help a lot with unresolved guilt. THATS NOT EVEN HERS. But still. I don’t think she’s the a**hole. Especially in this economy lol
That’s your dad man. If your dad was really bothered he would’ve done the test himself. He probably said it so you know the truth. Accept the money and keep it to yourself
27:42 Kinda TA but girl keep that money and you could always pay it back later
in touch situations, honesty is still always the best path. the consequences of what happen, are not your fault. thats her mothers demon to deal with. plus i mean the mom def knows. lol. so.
Look up the video on how to use Vicks PROPERLY! It could really help!
The dude in story 3 dry snitched on his own insecurities
Not gonna lie, lil scared about Sams willingness to lie to their friends partners. You’re just going to gaslight the partner into believing all these things. Then when it comes out, they can’t do it/you were lying, it’s gonna be a like a bomb. When you could’ve just told the truth or not lied. I would be furious if I was with somebody and their friends are having hyping them up and it’s all fake. Why are you trying to trap me with your friend, let me find somebody who can do what I want/need in a partner 😂
These kind of guys lie and hype up their male friends but when they turn out to be abusive, they try to ignore it because now they want to act like it’s none of their business.
Im sorry...but as an animal person...🖕🏼 the brother and sister in law...you wanna alienate my dog for something YOU as a human did, i dont wanna be anywhere around yall. My animals are more important to me than some day telling everyone you had an enother year on this earth. Thank goodness i was raised in a family where it aint that big a deal. Lol. But of course, my brother AND sister in law are also animal people so id never have to worry about them doing that. 😂😂
I get the dog has separation anxiety. Still 100% 3 years on you can’t kennel or the dog at all. 4 hours away from someone should definitely be fine after all this time. Makes no sense. I would also take my dog and kennel them in his home because that’s the easiest compromise.
I mean she said the dog was abused and that she’s working with a trainer. She’s getting the dog help so it won’t be stressed tf out when she leaves. Maybe I’m biased cuz I have a dog, but she seems like she’s trying to do what’s best for her animal. Abused dogs also take longer to train because they have to now learn that not everyone’s trying to harm them🤷♀️
"THE CHROMMEEEE"
I know no one's gonna get this but it's from mad max
10:58 nta roommates an ah
38:17 kinda girl leave her home
Does 23andMe show paternity?
I'll marry that good time no questions asked
I have a great mother in law. Lol. They do exists.
Y’all could have put me to bed with the lack of energy in this pod cast. But honestly it’s not a bad thing- just label which of your pod casts are for sleeping! Sam’s voice could put me right to bed!
I’m getting everybody sucks here from the first story. They both lied and are generally being so ridiculous. First the DIL, she seems not to care about a gender reveal so I don’t really understand why she wanted it to be kept a secret or not want to know the gender till the reveal. For the MIL, it seems this is actually important to her but she clearly only cared about herself and is not at all considerate of how the DIL feels and was so blinded by this one goal that she would say anything to get her way.
morbid, but birthdays arent promised. he may not make it to 41. she needs to figure out a better way with the dog. like you cant leave him akone for more than 45 minutes???? girl, youre in jail. lol.
First?
Second?
@@comfortlevelpodcast third
Second Story: I'm not southern, but I have family and friends that are and I'm calling bullshit that he made the cheesecake because just out of hospitality. Were it a simpler recipe I'd be like "yeah checks out", but a good quality cheesecakes generally take EIGHT HOURS to make. Typically the only times I hear people make it are for special occasions like a family holiday or a birthday - otherwise you buy it from the store. There are recipes that cheat the time, but their quality very much varies. Are you telling me this man just casually made a dish that takes an entire work shift just because of hospitality? Hell no man, either he's into her or he did it to make the roommate look bad.
He also does the same thing for his roommates family
It’s only weird if he’s nice to his roommates gf but not weird if he’s equally as nice to the roommate and guests in general?
You have a multitude of people in the comments saying that they are that hospitable and from the south
Admittedly I’m not a dog person but siding with op in that story is weird. That dog is a burden if you can’t leave it alone ever.
Yeah you clearly don’t understand that she loves her dog and is trying to help it overcome its anxiety and fear from the abuse it faced. She’s giving that a baby a second chance at a happy life.