Stop Chasing Love And Relationships & Instead Do This!
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- Опубліковано 9 лют 2025
- This is the #1 mistake people make when trying to find love and relationships... This video will show you how to fix it!
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JULIEN's INSTAGRAM: / julienhimself
Julien Blanc (AKA JulienHimself) is a Swiss-born, U.S.-based self-help speaker, entrepreneur and transformational coach.
Since 2010, he has been traveling around the world and has personally coached tens of thousands of clients face to face... Empowering them to create massive success in their lives!
His record-breaking programs Transformation Mastery, Transformation Mastery Live, Transformation Mastery Live Advanced, Transformation Mastery Academy & Transformation Mastery Mentoring help people around the world achieve the HEALTH, WEALTH, RELATIONSHIPS & HAPPINESS they deserve!
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Stop Chasing Love And Relationships & Instead Do This!
Stop chasing a specific person and instead do this! In this video, Julien Blanc (AKA Julien Himself) opens up about his marriage and reveals the truth about love and relationships... Discover how to make a relationship work & how to make a relationship last!
This is the deep truth about relationships you must know, if you ever want to have a chance of maintaining a healthy relationship.
#julienblanc #julienhimself
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🚨 WATCH ME NEXT
- I studied social anxiety in thousands of clients: ua-cam.com/video/jCTgb-pxssE/v-deo.html
- If I had low self esteem, I'd do this first: ua-cam.com/video/s9yrMPIJHC8/v-deo.html
- Stop chasing a specific person and instead do this: ua-cam.com/video/DDmqrbSdzPo/v-deo.html
- What I did to improve my social skills: ua-cam.com/video/pCZdJiGSk8g/v-deo.html
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The co-dependent vs narcissist spectrum.
Respect for having the willingness to do something about it! Will go over the applications shortly... 👌
Yes, that spectrum awareness is KEY!
Partially agree but you’re wrong in a lot of aspects
This made me view my partner in a new light and she is very into growth and I’m trying to understand my own growth but seeing that we’re both on different paths but still find a way to come together. Makes it a lot more beautiful to me because I feel like resentment can be built when someone isn’t growing the way that you are, but I’d like the idea of being within yourself and understanding yourself and reconnecting in that way. And understanding that there are certain sacrifices in love.
Excellent videos! My five-year relationship came to an end a month ago. The love of my life chose to leave, and I can't stop thinking about him; I love him so deeply. I've done everything I can to win him back, but nothing seems to work. I'm feeling frustrated and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Despite my efforts to move on, I just can't shake the thoughts of him. I don't know why I'm sharing this, but I really miss him
It's tough to let go of someone you care about. I can relate, my 12year relationship also ended, and I struggled to move on. I tried everything to get him back, even seeking help from a spiritual counselor who ultimately helped me reconnect with him*
That's incredible! How did you find a spiritual counselor, and how can I contact one?
His name is Fatherabulu, and he's an amazing spiritual counselor who specializes in bringing back lost loves.
Fatherabulu, has incredible powers, and he can assist you.
Thank you for sharing this valuable information! I just looked him up online, and I'm impressed
"The most toxic relationship pattern is chasing people you're not meant to be with" FIRE
🔥🔥🔥
Also "crush" "crushes" are bullshiet... and a waste of time and calories
I have been through it...
_and some women are WITCHES_
Unfortunately we have currently too much of similar characters in this world and there is not enough extra tension 🥱🤷🏼♀️😳
Chasing period. That is where it's already off balance and a message
Just playing
Humanity being perplexed by relationship dynamics for centuries, meanwhile my boy Julien sums it all up in one sentence: "We tend to feel attraction to people who embody what we disown within ourselves and we believe that by being with that person we can re-own those aspects." Way to take away the magic, Julien :D
isn't there a saying Opposites Attract?
that isn't bad to be honest...
Massive moment of clarity
@@lavatr8322 Opposites do attract, ye...
but that's how thunder is born, lol
That describes projection perfectly.
"We maybe unconsciously think we will regain those traits by being with them". Key quote here
Oh, yeah! 👌
It's all about ourselves at the end of day,i can confirm that this is absolutely true generally we go after people that have or add something that we don't,i for example am introverted and ONLY speak when necessary and recently i Started going after One person that is charismatic and attracts everyone to him because i am not like him
@@isidorodaviddoro1920true that, also the feeling of wanting to be like them, which eventually happens in case of breakup lol🤡
To chase or not to chase. Sometimes chasing is necessary and sometimes it is not. Sometimes playing the active role (chasing) is more effective to get you what you want than the passive role.
In a world where most people are passive, the chaser is the one-eyed king. The only rule for chasing is don't chase a chicken. Only chase what seems attainable, what wants to be chased. Have a keen sense of indications of interest.
Women are repulsed by chasers which makes them label you as creepers or stalkers. Women have to pick the man
Powerful words and 100% right on
I have always been fearless in my authenticity, but the mistake I made was taking those dismissals and lack of resonance personally. I thought I had been the problem for the longest time when, in truth, I was simply chasing people that didn't fit into my lifestyle. I had held a scarcity mindset which greatly exaggerated this problematic cycle. I spent the last two years removing these patterns and, in turn, have learned genuine inner happiness. When I come across content like yours, it reassures me of the path I'm on. Thank you for all that you do brother!
good job! how are u doing today?
Same here
This was very insightful! I think a big part of the problem with most of us guys is that when we see someone we’re physically attracted to, we tend to force compatibilities and common interests with them when truthfully we don’t care about that person’s values. We just wanna “get with them” because our ego stands in the way of all that. I’ve been guilty of this for many years. Now when I’m conversing with a 9 or 10 level attractive woman, I won’t pursue or show interest in her if we’re not compatible all because she’s a bombshell. That’s how you wind up shooting yourself in the balls. It’s quite pathetic and ridiculous when you think about it.
👏
I came across your videos last night, and when you started to explain how we grow up disowning parts of our personality, it hit me like a brick wall, man. You're a saint for putting this stuff out for free, I haven't been able to stop watching your content because it's all extremely valuable stuff.
I'm so glad you said their parents relationship and their relationships with their parents. I think so many people avoid this one because of how often people in modern society have tumultuous parental backgrounds. Do not ignore this. There are very very few people who come out of a chaotic childhood unscathed.
Not making my happyness dependent on someone else! Being happy with myself - thats a lesson I learned and still learning
It’s crazy that you posted this video just at the right timing of my life!! Thank you Julien! 🙏🏻
You're so welcome! Glad this resonates with you! 🙏
This came in at the perfect time I’ve been crafting my avatar recently. I hope I can find someone who’s outgoing and nurturing like myself. Nobody is perfect but it’s the potential. I’m tired of settling for toxic relationships.
Nice! This + having great social skills is the way to getting into a healthy relationship!
My first relationship just came to an end and I figured out all that stuff you talked about in the video by myself over the course of our year together - which is ultimately everything that went wrong. My partner didnt understanding anything about that at all. He was happy the way he is (very stall life, unhappy and stressed basically all the time, didnt want to solve problems, didnt want to communicate, didnt want to open up and on top of that all, he questioned in what way all the stuff I mentioned is helpful for our relationship.
Most of my friends and family told me I'm demanding too much and I'm exaggerating my point so I was very unsure whether I was the problem or my way of investing into a relationship seems wrong. You just told me everything I needed to hear to get back my confidence in the values I need in a relationship and what partner to look out for. I was on the right track for a happy and healthy relationship, I just picked the worst partner ever. I'm sooo happy for this 'bad' and painful experience and so proud that I figured that out by myself.
Thank you!
you have no idea what youre talking about, youre projecting ALL the blame onto your partnet, you are at infant level
"Happy" being unhappy is scarily fitting for some people I know... Cool it resonated with you, that said, be careful assuming you did everything right and the other person everything wrong - this can happen due to bias and us wanting to feel right. Might be true but probably not entirely - focusing on what you can improve (on) is healthier in my experience.
I think the wrong partner just offers more clarity to know what we want for ourselves.
I was mindblowed by your explanation of codependent-narcissists attraction correlationship, and by your explanations of what we search in the other that we disowned in ourselves… you truly speaks the truth. It’s really enlightening
im always nervous when i feel like a person im dating is someone i feel is promising as a partner or I'm simply curious in the person as more-than-a-friend. I try to be authentic and myself but I get extra-insecure and often ask about every little thing almost that im gonna do like i need their permission of everything (if im in their home). I think something is wrong with me. I tremble a bit generally but i think it tends to get worse when i date. I really wish to find a partner and i think this video can help me with continue to shape my "avatar" that i am looking for. I think nurturing was a very beautiful word that resounded in what im looking for. Someone safe, nurturing and who likes spending time in nature and also is okay with working out for example. Stuff like that. SO nice video!
My brother went out "like a beggar" and now he's been happily married for years. Hard not to disagree.
This helped so much literally every word. Me and my girlfriend are at the triggering stage. We are going to have a talk tomorrow after 2 weeks apart due to work. Wish us luck
How did it go?
I realized all the things I want in a relationship are the things I need to work on. For example, I m attracted to people that are not afraid to say what's on their minds. Well I've had this problem all my life. I was so insecure in my life I was afraid of speaking my own mind, and i everyone just calls it being "shy".. I traced it back to my childhood, and it came from a few instances. It's still theyre but I'm slowly going thru many memories release these things and it's working. The basis of all my problems is fear. So that's what I need let go of also.
I took your mentoring about 6 months ago. i have been applying the letting go technique and recently had quite a profound release over a relationship that ended over 10 years ago. I think this girl truly loved me, but i gave it up to focus on "width" over "depth". i don't regret it cos i enjoyed the whole pua journey etc, but i must have got a bit lost somewhere along the way cos i haven't had a long term relationship since. But i know i will sort it out, i'm v grateful for taking the course too. I never would have thought that focusing on sensations/releases etc would be so transformative
Julien, I just want to say thank you. I have been following you for a long time now but this video spoke to me more than the usual. I recently got out of a 5 year long relationship and it hurts. We still love each other but it’s not working out. I really enjoy the long format videos and happy you don’t gate keep information behind a pay wall.
You're so welcome! Sorry to hear about your breakup, I'm glad my content has been helpful! 🙏
I love reading through the comments because there is so much golden nuggets and wisdom from other! You All Rock! 💖✌️
Every word so nuanced and in place! References to films, books, examples of how to take action. Thank you!
You’re welcome!! 🙌
Wow finding Julien on UA-cam 10 years later. This has to be one of the craziest character arcs I’ve ever seen
I realise how much work i have to do... currently broke up from a relationship and i feel like i was the one needing to work on myself the most. thx
The trajectory point was very relatable and greatly impacted my last relationship...
He was right in saying try harder after 90 day period don't keep honey moon phase think next time be so much better
I just thought I'd share this coz (well, I don't know, I just felt like I wanted to share it like.)
Traits of my ideal partner (preferably a brunette but I don't mind either way)
*A girl who has a nice energy - they're just nice and kind, got a good energy, and just nice to be around.
*Someone who values good traits in a person - because then when somebody appreciates the good in you, they make you want to give them more (because they won't get that thing where the grass is greener on the other side all the time).
*A girl who is kind, but someone who isn't an idiot for people - because they give their kindness to the right people.
*Someone who I can have a laugh with and have fun with - someone who brings out that best side in me who makes me want to be my best fun self as well.
*Someone who would stand by those who she loves and cares about - such a girl is diamond and she should be treated as such and treasured because she puts into you a special thing what a lot of other girls aren't gonna put into you, and she's the last person who deserves to be hurt.
*Someone who is loyal because that trait genuinely comes from her - not where it only comes from her being manipulated to do it.
*A girl who wants to please me in bed but someone who I can please in bed as well - it's a connection, even if we're just fooling about together at times, it our thing.
*Someone who will value what I say when I'm talking sense but be able to lovingly tell me if I'm wrong as well - some people only respect those who don't respect them, so someone who respects you BECAUSE you respect them.
*Someone who I could make them feel special - a strong enough girl if she needs to be but with a tender heart.
*Someone who tells the truth - you can protect yourself from the thief, but you can't protect yourself from the liar.
I can't figure out how I'd attract it but this is a start...
So Good explained !!🤗👍
@@anneliolsson31 Thank you!! ❤
This is great. I should write this too.
Added to that would be someone who doesn't avoid and get cold when you brought up something that needs to be addressed to improve the relationship. If you can't decide right away, be honest enough to say so and tell the other person a time frame but don't leave her hanging.
Thank you.
Although I do feel as though I'm in that teenager mentality, the relationship I'm pursuing is less of that "I wanna date that popular, pretty, type!" ideal and more of an "I want to find someone who could be my lifelong best friend: a forever friend" ideal 😅
I'm trying to reconcile this with Tony Robbins' "fix yourself first" advice
I definitely liked how he spoke to experiences I'd been through, the honeymoon phases
I also like "compatibility not impressiveness" and "don't people please, Begin with the End in Mind," etc.
One the things I’ve heard from others. When someone says, ‘This is who I am. Take me or leave me. I am not going to change.’…I found this is really don’t have anything to do with others wanting to change others, but it is really a excuse for their behaviour to act like narcissistic and hurting others. These people want to work on themselves.
Learn how to argue, learn how to fight!
Yes never a good thing. You must let things flow and let the universe take over.
I am so amazed this young guy is so mature and has wisdom old people don’t have. is he real or is this AI already? Does he only preach or live by his own wisdom?
This was the lesson of my life. Thank you.
I did all of that, looked for the right person based on all that criteria. on paper, she really seemed great for me. but it still didn't work out. It's been a hard one to get over. I put aside some of the more superficial qualities that I'd previously looked for. Thought I'd go for it since she really liked me (originally), and she checked all those boxes.
How do you know if someone is meant to be with you?
Mmm, he explains it pretty well in the video. Write out your ideal avatar (which will reflect your core values), and go out into the world as your authentic self. Like will attract like. Next, you will practice patience with yourself and the relationships you hope to foster. If they are not on the same trajectory that you have with your own life, then a gap will start to form. There will always be a gap. The gap becomes unbearable when it grows too large. If you want a relationship that lasts a lifetime , then you will need to know how to argue. Arguing respectfully builds trust and repairs damage. If you or your partner can not do that, then your relationship will become more bitter and resentful. I hope this helps.
I thought I was meant to be with someone. Now I've been divorced for about 5 years. I don't trust anyone or myself with relationships anymore.
My biggest issue is that i still don't really know who i am my personality is kinda blurry
Everything I'm going through ur videos pop up on my time line I love this
This one hit me hard. And revealed something about how I see my roommate.
Instead of chasing love, be love.
I like this guy because it's like someone just grabbed a drunk off the street after a breakup and told him to give relationship advice and he actually did really well.🎉❤😂
If u want someone,go ahead and chase the Lady, it's definitely a tip from someone with experience
Yes, and I add a women I was dating start to tell me what her ideal man was and when we were going to be moved in together within 12 months. No thank you. I'll let them know when I am ready for the person, avatar, that I am interested in.
Such a collection of good advice, for free. May God bless you so much and give you 10x back for all the good you're doing Julien! Thank you!
Thank you!! 🙏
More value in this one video than every Fresh and Fit episode combined.
Great video Julien!
Thank you for doing what you do!
How do I let go and stop being anxious in social settings?
I have just the one same attire too. I have no money, I have these two attires, pretty much almost identical, and my debt grows everyday despite not spending money on anything, except the bills that has to be paid every month. But clothes? Dentist? Glasses? no, these things I have to skip. But hey, "im still who I am deep inside, right"?
I don't mind a woman seeing my place messy but her seeing coffee stains on the bathroom floor and walls is probably not the best opener. I should start taking the tube out while I'm in the tub, or in front of a canvas hahaha.
"I'm a bit of an artist. This one is called ass coffee #73. I was in a dark place when I made this. Incidentally that's actually why I missed most the canvas. Hey, where are you going?"
Everything is art.😅
If only I had these videos when I was a teen...it would have saved me from making a fool out of myself...
You changed me bro. I love you ❤
I personally think relationships are built, not found, virtually by definition. They're reciprocal and conforming. Don't chase by any means, the person who's willing to build will make time and effort. Especially as a Man. Women who dont want you will not entertain you or think about you, get rid.
I agree, I recently followed the approach of opening clear communication to check if someone is interested in building something and realized that they had too rigid of a system and didn't want that. Saved me a lot of time and finally got a concrete view that they're not one to be with. Much better than wishing and fantasizing about a false future.
@@stand4justice4867 It is also important to note that feminine women often don't KNOW what they want. One of the key virtues to have as a Man is to be a good leader. Most women won't even know they want for example, an attainable relationship goal, until it's offered or suggested. Submissive women will follow your lead, disagreeable, uninterested women will act the opposite.
@@Tyndaal604 unfortunately our culture is advertising and pushing way too hard for the later type, making us forget the true value that true feminine woman provide to the home and family.
@@stand4justice4867 Absolutely agree. In today's, at least the western society, women are being led to believe that independence and no accountability are the freedoms. Same for men. That's why we have feminised, anaesthetised men playing video games in their 30's and single, bitter women living to work with 9 cats.
Believe me the “cool kid” mentality as to relationships can still be alive in your 60s
ultimately are we not looking to find a completeness of the self? relationships provide growth and can facilitate healing. spiritually though we are already whole within ourselves. we come here alone, we leave alone !?
It took him 9 minutes to close that bottle
Can someone explain me from 20:28 till the end. What does that mean? "Learn how to argue, learn how to fight". Argument style, parameters, crucial conversations... is there any video where Julian speaks about this specific stuff? Link me please.
The way I interpreted it is learn how to navigate and have those healthy conflicts. In my most recent relationship with my ex fiancé.
We would just be swallowing grenades as my therapist would say. Not bringing up issues we had (especially after her infidelity)
Basically he means learn how to have those hard uncomfortable conversations without yelling insulting each other listen and be open. This goes for relationships and friendships
This was good. Thank you. Enjoyed listening to it.
Glad to hear it! You’re so welcome!
I definitely needed this!
I think I’m in an anxious/avoidant relationship and I’m wondering if I (the anxiously attached) am love addicted. My avoidant is in the current cycle of withdrawing and I’m trying extremely hard to focus on what about all that is triggering my overthinking. We’ve been in the cycle of closeness and separating for over a decade. She hates hurting me and I hate feeling like my need for that Velcro level closeness is what triggers her flight response. I don’t even know if there’s a question or comment here. I’m a fucking mess and I’m learning about myself as much as I can so I can become more secure but dammit I feel like more of a mess than ever.
Such good grounded solid advises . Love them.
What amazes me is that most people still don’t understand what it means when someone says I’m not ready yet to be in a relationship. What they’re saying is I’m not ready to be me, not ready to open up, not ready to be vulnerable, not ready to be loved and to love has very little to do with the ex partner although that does play a part too but guess what your partner will always be in your head always, especially if there are kids involved
The right person will do the right things, the wrong person will eliminate themsevles.
Thanks for posting another video
You’re welcome! 🙏
Please write the two books you've mentioned in the video description.
Rewinding is not a user friendly way of getting this information
Great one.
Damn 💔
I was attracted (and still am) to someone on the same side of this narcisism scale... but her attraction died for me. Maybe I should've been more of a narcissist. 😖
Nope. Always be yourself.
I truely belive that being opposite and attaracted to someone different to is isn't necessarily nonsense.
Oh, thanks for the advice, i kinda want to die but i succeed at sopping chasing love
I have never had a relationship and don't know what I want. what do I do, Julien?
I made a list , long one, of characteristics and he showed up
Love your videos!! I just wonder whats the story is behind ur Gucci Tshirt?
Talk about how to find your significant other! Your ride or die!
I LOVE THIS GUY💗JULIEN THANK YOU💗🦋
You're so welcome!! 🙏
Much needed video exactly this moment i need
That’s a problem I never know why I chased many girls that were not meant to be with 😂
------0:30 Who am I and what is my ideal relationship?
Yes! 👌
Fantastic videos you make
Přesně můj problem… věcně se seru nejaky kurvě do zivota…
Musím s tím něco dělat…
I'm the one who's going gown in the relationship. I feel like shit.
This is all gold
i NEVER GOT SO MUCH WISDOM FROM A DUDE IN A GUCCI SHIRT BEFORE LMFAO
😂😂
where haveee you beennnn😂
Well I don't want anyone who is perfect like my avatar I chase to begin with. Of course the authentic part is real but I want to see someone for what he is and this method could really backfire. Humans are different and you can be with different people. Not all but certainly different ones.
4:40 - 9:30 - 13:10 - 15:59 - 17:05 - 19:35!!! - 20:26!! - 21:01
I’m chasing someone who i think, want’s nothing to do with me…. help!
Look within, align with principles
It's limerence. Find out more about in several yt videos.
problem...no one
insanely valuable
great video thanks
Great, just watched it for a second time!
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it! 🙌
I need
because people promoted me
when no move
Thankyou ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤!!!
Fun to watch!
Thanks!
Okay let's start:
- Into Motorcycling
- Into Music (Singer)
- Self-sustained in as much areas as possible. Financially, Emotionally, Spiritually.
- Not obsessed with getting married or following traditional templates
- Doesn't want children.
- Open to alternative relationship styles, but also not obsessed with one specific.
- Ease of life mentality (We are all going to die anyway, so who gives a f**)
- Sharing my sexual preferences, of course.
- Open to investigating the mystery of life (spirituality, near-death experiences, etc.)
- Focused on self-reflection and self-love.
- Critical (Wise enough to debunk romanticism and hollywood lovestories as unrealistic BS)
- Apolitical (Seeing behind the bullshit of this material plane, and its never-ending polarity games (Left/Right, Men/Women, etc.etc.)
- Into sports (Jogging with me and doing other activities).
I know that's a tough one.
You are going to be alone for sure.
nice one :)
@@enzoloko7483 I have 0 problems with that.
Good luck!
If only I was a liiiitle into motorcycling.
Know yourself well...i know what i dont want
This is why I no longer do relationships. Far too many variables and baggage to consider, and I don't have a the lifetime supply of paracetamol necessary.
I think that once they hit with a restraining order threat, I'm pretty certain they're done with you no matter what you do at this point!! 🤷♂️
Please elaborate how a person will upgrade himself out of love. Please elaborate
That was too good Julien
Thank you!