Bill Maher New rules - Best Ones

Поділитися
Вставка

КОМЕНТАРІ • 124

  • @bellarosa009
    @bellarosa009 8 років тому +75

    The Mel Gibson joke was hilarious!! Love it.

  • @jayrosen6663
    @jayrosen6663 5 років тому +9

    Rachel Maddow's reaction was priceless!!!

    • @JensHove
      @JensHove 5 років тому

      You spelled Madcow wrong.

  • @Kailoa36
    @Kailoa36 6 років тому +57

    “Just pee on poor people!” In others words: Just practice GOP Trickle Down Economics!

    • @JensHove
      @JensHove 5 років тому +4

      Yeah, stealing and redistributing is much better.

    • @verfuncht
      @verfuncht 4 роки тому +2

      @@JensHove "stealing"? Is that really how you see taxes?

    • @IZn0g0uDatAll
      @IZn0g0uDatAll 2 роки тому

      Some people are that stupid.

    • @midorimashintaro2092
      @midorimashintaro2092 Рік тому

      ​@@JensHove yes indeed.

  • @seanxu2517
    @seanxu2517 5 років тому +7

    The caviar joke is gold.

    • @cuccicucci4480
      @cuccicucci4480 5 років тому

      Truth is lots of rich people use caviar. The whole Trump family uses caviar on their body including Barron. It's by Ivanka in one of her books. She follows her routine like the gospel. Massage 3 times a week. Jarred is so smooth really works well on him. Mitt Romney was photo shopped :) Cuccumbers work well for me.

  • @jeezez666
    @jeezez666 7 років тому +15

    the mel gibson tattoo cracks me up everytime

  • @debrawolf8458
    @debrawolf8458 8 років тому +25

    He's so funny. I just choked on my coffee laughing.

    • @acutechicken5798
      @acutechicken5798 6 років тому +2

      That is why you don't eat or drink while watching Maher.

    • @Søutħsidë
      @Søutħsidë 4 роки тому

      TheAllPowerfulChicken true dat. 😂

  • @sethnolte2302
    @sethnolte2302 11 років тому +21

    I use the no touch soap dispenser because I'm a lazy fuck.

  • @tmillz331
    @tmillz331 9 років тому +14

    that mel Gibson shit was funny as hell

  • @Tangaloa1
    @Tangaloa1 11 років тому +4

    Lol !!!!!!!!!!!@ the Mel Gibson tattoo.

  • @davidph123
    @davidph123 10 років тому +23

    the last joke kill me lol

  • @caryg1069
    @caryg1069 11 років тому +10

    The flying menorah on the tattoo. XD

  • @homeroyomero
    @homeroyomero 11 років тому +1

    be nice lol lol lol thanks for the laughs . What a great compilation .

  • @BarbaraJD
    @BarbaraJD 11 років тому +5

    I was laughing so much at the last one I scared my pet.

  • @chopin65
    @chopin65 3 роки тому

    There is hope. Good luck.

  • @BennyEternET
    @BennyEternET 11 років тому +3

    Got me on Mel Gibson, dam it !

  • @rockarollerify
    @rockarollerify 5 років тому +6

    "It's like my new girlfriend, one moment she's like eat me eat me, the next she's like don't you dare touch me".

  • @AwesomeRobot15
    @AwesomeRobot15 9 років тому +38

    If the soap actually works, what's the point of a no-touch dispenser?

    • @collinhovell8923
      @collinhovell8923 8 років тому +4

      +AwesomeRobot15 because invisible microorganisms are all just waiting with anticipation to jump on your hand and give you diseases and your always so careful. I imagine that was the thinking behind it from some weird people.

    • @tremedar
      @tremedar 6 років тому

      @@collinhovell8923 I shudder to think what these people will do once they realize they have to touch *something* that isn't sanitized in order to buy this, fill it and refill it.

    • @Søutħsidë
      @Søutħsidë 4 роки тому

      Only 99.99% bacteria dies,remember?The rest are dangerous.

  • @chrisreulbach2543
    @chrisreulbach2543 10 років тому +58

    Printing "This page intentionally left blank" kind of misses the point.

    • @gilanin
      @gilanin 10 років тому +9

      Sadly they have to do it for people who might think it was an error in printing or that a page is missing and then sue the company for lying about their goods.

    • @nicolasleroux5302
      @nicolasleroux5302 9 років тому +1

      You don't say?

    • @groo4607
      @groo4607 5 років тому

      Learning the piano

    • @2013venjix
      @2013venjix 5 років тому

      Well, it prove the point to Palin.

  • @moocowtoyou
    @moocowtoyou 11 років тому +4

    they broke rachel on the banana joke

  • @petergreen2552
    @petergreen2552 5 років тому +1

    Has Gibson sued over this? 😂 Bit like Trump and the "orangutan is his real dad" jibe. That'll be 5 million dollars. Yeah right

  • @badpictureman9638
    @badpictureman9638 9 років тому +3

    "Barnes and Noble" is trying to fuck me over? Why would she do such a thing?

  • @vuksgitau
    @vuksgitau 8 років тому +1

    The Medical marijuana joke is hilarious.

  • @cpthornman
    @cpthornman 11 років тому +2

    Chris Hayes lose his shit was pretty funny as well.

  • @kamillaiqbal6156
    @kamillaiqbal6156 7 років тому

    Bill you are great

  • @165Dash
    @165Dash 5 років тому +5

    Very funny!
    BTW...the use of “this page intentionally left blank” is generally used in PDF documents that will be hard copy printed with text on both sides, the author wants chapters or sections to begin on the right side and there is an odd number of pages in the chapter or section.

  • @coldblank1
    @coldblank1 11 років тому +1

    i watched the last one like 7 times

  • @Grnvolpe
    @Grnvolpe 11 років тому

    I like "New Rules: Tyler Perry should just go ahead and get the operation"

  • @michelmadaire5447
    @michelmadaire5447 11 років тому +3

    last joke was fucking funny

  • @binkiie4dictator
    @binkiie4dictator 11 років тому +2

    the blank page thing. not as bad as the 212 census here in the UK. "Question 23, do not answer this question, just move on to question 24". seriously, some people just need to be slapped int eh face, with a rake

  • @Rockownz5150
    @Rockownz5150 11 років тому

    That last one... god damn it.

  • @mithrildragonlh
    @mithrildragonlh 11 років тому +4

    Having a page with "This page intentionally left blank" makes the page no longer blank.

  • @robsol123
    @robsol123 10 років тому +3

    Amazing! ;-))

  • @miriam7779
    @miriam7779 10 років тому +6

    3:30 LOLOLOLOLOL...

  • @CLewey44
    @CLewey44 11 років тому

    That's deep....

  • @PurushaDesa
    @PurushaDesa 11 років тому

    Aw man! I was hoping the Eat Pray Love gag made it in there.

  • @FrankenPC
    @FrankenPC 11 років тому +2

    The blank page notice is for the printers...fyi....

  • @billyelliot78
    @billyelliot78 5 років тому

    Oh the Mel Gibson bit was fucking BRUTAL

  • @ieliles
    @ieliles 11 років тому +1

    Only on the internet can a clip-video about Bill Maher turn into a conversation about baking.

  • @kenc9236
    @kenc9236 3 роки тому

    Soap is the new way.

  • @fdfac
    @fdfac 2 роки тому

    By placing the statement that the page is left blank you're basically informing the world that the producer of the document comes from the short bus crowd. The assumed blank page isn't blank, it has words that inform, therefore not blank.

  • @jacobzaranyika9334
    @jacobzaranyika9334 3 роки тому

    Indeed - just because I am trying to slowly retire back into my cave and have less to say, doesn’t mean I don’t have anything to say.
    Poke me and I will strike.

  • @Wordavee1
    @Wordavee1 11 років тому

    Awww comeone! The blank page alert is to ensure you don't think a mistake has been made.

  • @Ratboy2004
    @Ratboy2004 4 роки тому

    Who developed this? Howie Mandel!? LOL

  • @minagica
    @minagica 5 років тому

    It's as if he didn't understand CBD, only THC...

  • @chicago6584
    @chicago6584 11 років тому

    Thanks

  • @fjoo
    @fjoo 10 років тому +10

    The banana thing I bet is the same as with apples. They are stored for months, and as soon as you bring them out in the shop and take them home they go bad.
    Fresh apples from the tree stays fresh for a long long time.

    • @DrJG9
      @DrJG9 10 років тому

      Bananas are delicate and go from not quite ripe to ripe to over in a short time, as do most tropical fruits and vegetables. Modern supermarkets in rich nations try to give longer shelf life to everything a la food of Nordic latitudes, but in reality it cannot be done, there are compromises and false pretenses. True test is in your own nose and mouth - and often to get it right you need to ripen things on a sunlit spot at home. Including tomatoes. When it smells attractive enough to have to resist, don't - that is the right moment. If it was or is "fresh" for weeks that is looks and not what fresh means.

    • @fjoo
      @fjoo 10 років тому +1

      Jyotsna Gokhale Have no idea what you are trying to tell me.
      I was simply comment on the fact that apples are placed in shops weeks after they are picked, hence the reason they go off quickly. - I assume it's the same with bananas.

    • @DrJG9
      @DrJG9 10 років тому +1

      fjaurler - My post not to make you feel bad but really was to add information about the basic nature of bananas, a most delicate fruit even amongst the generally delicate tropical fruits and vegetables, it behaves literally the way I described when not treated and changed industrially for consumption in lands where it does not grow, because the people of those lands are unfamiliar with it and expect it to behave say like apples.
      European and generally non tropical fruits and vegetables behave differently, they are natural to a colder climate and stay longer to begin with. Tropical heat is another matter. In Russia for example anything needing refrigeration is stored outside on a window sill, traditionally.
      US weather is not quite like Europe, not everywhere, but people that migrated from Europe are more used to that stuff, and not to very fundamental differences of tropical vs Nordic or cold climate things. So the industrially harvested bananas are treated and packaged and stored et al to behave the way you expect apples to behave.
      For that matter even apples sold in the supermarkets are not as natural or "fresh" as you might think, they have added substance - we found our teethmarks on apples slightly red, but our teeth were fine, it was the apple skins and this behaviour was not natural. Does not happen in Germany for instance.
      The industrialisation of US has changed a lot of words' meanings and in effect falsified it - fresh is one such word (beauty is another); fresh is not stored and delivered long after harvest, fresh is immediately after harvest. Without cold storage and so forth that amounts to shorter span before going over. Bananas have the most delicate nature of all these. Apples are bound to be and to behave differently. To compare bananas, try tomatoes out of your own garden, and take them off the vine when obviously ripe rather than still raw; see how delicious and how short their life span. That is natural.

    • @sumguy8
      @sumguy8 10 років тому

      they just made an apple that lasts for a long time after cutting it

    • @DrJG9
      @DrJG9 10 років тому

      fjaurler - I was correcting your impression that apples and bananas can be compared or expected to behave similar. You might be not far off in pointing finger at treatment for warehousing and shelf life, but they are different to begin with and treatment can take something delicate like bananas only so far. Apples don't go off that quickly in US as far as I know, even if placed on kitchen counters or dining tables, and that is true in places they can be found more natural too with none or much less of treatment for shelf life and warehouse storage.
      This is true generally of most cold weather produce of European origin, for example. Tropical fruits and flowers and vegetables stay far less and go off quick, and bananas are the most delicate of them, ripen quick and overripe fast, was the general gist of my post.
      Tropical produce generally also has a richer scent and flavour, and taste, while more Nordic stuff is more delicate in scent and flavour and taste. This difference can be seen in things as far from vegetables and fruits as evenings and dusk - tropical interim between day and night is short, while the more north (or south closer to pole) you are the longer the twilight hours. To compensate tropical sunsets are spectacular, but then I don't recall having watched one in Nordic latitudes.
      In short they are just different and make life more interesting with the diversity.

  • @rayblaquiere8423
    @rayblaquiere8423 5 років тому

    Funniest ever

  • @therussmeister
    @therussmeister 11 років тому

    Banana bread is ideally made from over-ripe bananas.

  • @deniseg812
    @deniseg812 5 років тому

    Intentionally left blank if for legal reasons.

  • @jameshorn270
    @jameshorn270 5 років тому +2

    Once again, Maher makes the conservatives look good. Stop it. They said that medical marijuana was an issue only because people like Maher were pushing to use it as a wedge issue to get recreational use made legal. And here is Maher basically saying they are right.
    In fact, he is now dissing true medical marijuana. The Sanjay Gupta documentary which triggered a massive change of opinion started out with the story of the parents, desparate in a sea of enhanced THC marijuana clearly not driven by medical needs to find a high CBD version which treat their son's siezures. For him now to criticize the Israeli scientists actually places him on the wrong side of the argument.

  • @jacobzaranyika9334
    @jacobzaranyika9334 3 роки тому

    Ok. You don’t have to be rude. You don’t want me attacking back - trust me

  • @mayela1181
    @mayela1181 11 років тому

    Maher looks a bit uncomfortable that EVERYONE on the panel laughed their asses off at the Jew joke. hehehe He's still cool though.

  • @stevie68a
    @stevie68a 11 років тому

    People like Mel Gibson expose religion for the hate that it is. Pull off the cloak of "love"
    and find the hate. Just your usual wolf in sheep's clothing.

  • @ScottNormanRosenthal
    @ScottNormanRosenthal 11 років тому

    I didn't start the name-calling.
    "Bigotry" is, as any such abstract concept, a very broad and variant idea.

  • @JamaicaSugar
    @JamaicaSugar 9 років тому +4

    Who's the guy at the very end?

  • @petergreen2552
    @petergreen2552 5 років тому

    Bi polar girlfriend LOVE bananas 😂

  • @YankeeTen13
    @YankeeTen13 11 років тому

    But if they put words on the page, even if the words are "this page intentionally left blank" it is no longer a blank page.

  • @ScottNormanRosenthal
    @ScottNormanRosenthal 11 років тому

    Exactly. I make comparable, that people mistake for Homophobic.

  • @64standardtrickyness
    @64standardtrickyness 5 років тому

    Well it's not unreasonable to be confused as to why there are blank pages in books and it's reasonable to think it's a printing error

  • @marvinthiessen3454
    @marvinthiessen3454 5 років тому

    Very funny stuff, but as of 9-29-19, 47 nabobs can't handle the humor. Oh waaaahhh.

  • @dukelemuel4065
    @dukelemuel4065 11 років тому

    wow

  • @kubrok
    @kubrok 11 років тому +2

    The "Page intentionally left blank" is for .pdf documents.
    But if they put it in a book; GG

  • @boringshi
    @boringshi 11 років тому

    Does Ray Comfort know this?

  • @jacobzaranyika9334
    @jacobzaranyika9334 3 роки тому

    I was seriously considering going on this vacation Putin offered. Make sure there are cameras everywhere when I get there (at the airport etc) and of course they will ALL ask where we met. Or at the very least how does he know me. I am not exactly a Russian blonde and Putin will look cool. Optics are everything.
    I would have to be honest of course. One can not just lie on camera.
    Unless if you are the person that said on camera:
    “My baby is fine. You always think your baby is the best genius that ever lived even if they do something as simple as put a ball in a hole”
    That type of lying takes a certain kind of soul, or lack thereof.

  • @emantabrizi
    @emantabrizi 11 років тому

    Please, explain.

  • @Dub105
    @Dub105 11 років тому

    hahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahah

  • @ferexx
    @ferexx 11 років тому

    I really see the value of having "TPILB" printed on blank pages, personally came across misprint (page not printed) in huge pile of document. I might not have known it to be a misprint if the intentionally blank pages were not labelled as such.

  • @sabian630
    @sabian630 11 років тому +1

    Funny shit

  • @AlexTSilver
    @AlexTSilver 11 років тому +1

    the banana becomes black because the sugar is fermenting. its mushy and so it isnt good, but if you bake it into a bread the bread will be much sweeter

  • @chicago6584
    @chicago6584 11 років тому

    who's the girl at 2:40?

  • @Søutħsidë
    @Søutħsidë 4 роки тому

    New rule:Coloured people should stop having tattoos.

  • @Azraelean
    @Azraelean 11 років тому +1

    Banana bread is made with ripe bananas. A brown banana is ripe.

  • @iamwill4821
    @iamwill4821 11 років тому

    Bill do organs

  • @jacobzaranyika9334
    @jacobzaranyika9334 3 роки тому

    Your dating experience history is slightly disturbing.
    Where do you hang out?

  • @wandaechoes1335
    @wandaechoes1335 11 років тому

    watch Disney Channel dude

  • @scooter2ish
    @scooter2ish 11 років тому

    thanks for giving away mom's secret

  • @BortolanAlexandre
    @BortolanAlexandre 11 років тому

    Dambisa Moyo

  • @ScottNormanRosenthal
    @ScottNormanRosenthal 11 років тому

    There was no girl. It was a woman.
    If you acknowledge that, I'll tell you who she is.

  • @Neosaigo
    @Neosaigo 11 років тому +1

    Yes actually, MLK's religious beliefs are indeed idiotic.
    However since he is peaceful we let it slide. I respect him for his accomplishments in the civil rights movement, but not his delusional beliefs in a invisible man.
    I think you are attacking a strawman that doesn't exist.

  • @badpictureman9638
    @badpictureman9638 9 років тому

    Why Bill? Why?

  • @republicanidiots9043
    @republicanidiots9043 11 років тому

    What's this guys problem he's always bad mouthing the Right! that's not cool.

  • @gracemorai
    @gracemorai 11 років тому

    How dare you make fun of homeless people. Shame on you.