I was worse than ignored as a child. I never received a single hug from my caretaker. She would give me silent treatments as punishment. She would insult me with derogatory words and throw away my toys. She was really bad. As an effect I grew up very damaged. Then a phedoohile got a hold of me as a young teen for 7 years. As a result I became an addict and extremely dysfunctional person. I almost died twice from overdoses. Over the years I have very fought hard for myself. The road to recovery is a bumpy one. Today I am totally sober and I value myself. To all those out there with a childhood that damaged them, don’t give up on yourself. You are so worthy.
I would feel repelled if my mother would do that because it felt fake in a way. I know that depressed people sometimes feel repelled by human touch but i allways felt this way somehow. And our father never paid any attention to us only when criticising our noises we made at the dinner table with our cuttlery. It was allways very tense.
Thank you for sharing your life with us in this comment section. I'm so happy that you found "new" eyes or your original ones before you were taught and treated as if you did not matter. The road to recovery is truly a bumpy one but in those lows, I hope you can see that you have managed to soar high. Much love x
"Childhood Emotional Neglect" can stem from not being listened to as a child, or taught how to validate your feelings. Some parents either have a low emotional intelligence, or were victims of CEN themselves, so they're unknowingly repeating the same cycle.
Or, just as a thought exercise, completely void of any scientific inquiry, the phenomenon could be explained as such: You are just a weak little b*tch and you need to grow the F*ck up and face life’s problems like an adult and quit whining and blaming your parents for all your problems in life. But again, just a theory.
I didn’t fully realize how emotionally neglected I was until recently, I’m 48 years old. Childhood bullying and having no one to lean on or help me find real self worth has destroyed most all of my adult relationships through insecure attachments. It’s sad that I’ve been missing out on some of the best parts of life.
Oh man that's my story bullied and nobody to help or understand me. I still remember the time when for the first time in my life I was valued and got respect was at my office when I had my first job. I am born introvert but I would have been less shy and more outgoing if it wasn't for all the negative childhood events. I feel you bro 🫂
Thank you for the empathy @@hakimdiwan5101 . It’s nice to know now that I’m not alone in all this. However, I spent years in therapy to try and figure out what was going on, but untimely UA-cam helped me more than anyone else at this point. It kind of pisses me off to some degree but I’m at least with a trauma specific therapist now and trying to get some appointments for Brainspotting therapy too. Maybe this will be the best year of my life. I sure do hope so.
@@robpossible Yes, pease get a proper treatment we all got one shot at life and enough has been taken over by things which we wouldn't wish for our enemy it's our right and we deserve to live a happy life and it's our time now to take back control of our life. I also wish that this year turn out to be the best year for all of us.
Some children sadly have to recognize this the hard way, on their own. Realizing it's not their fault they haven't been listened to in the childhood doesn't define the rest of their lives.
Its just seriously hard to heal alone, rescanning some of those painful memories of yours to fully understand yourself is really not easy, thats y those people who might be reading this and in the pace of healing from those wounds. I am deeply so proud of you. its a long process so, don’t rush yourself, embrace the pains then release it, cry if it hurts so much, acknowledge all of it. You got this. Just please don’t give up. I believe in you!!! choosing to heal to find yourself, your authentic self instead of giving up, is such a big strength. Your are so Strong!!! Be patient and work on that reparent yourself, Be the child/person you wish you have been in your life. Be a Wonderful Parent to Your Little, you.
Indeed. In my mid-30s and been in therapy many years but after a decade of therapy only began to realise the extent of my mother's emotional unavailability and incapacity to be present for others. I knew she was this way but only when I really began to heal a lot more I'm shocked at how messed up I was and it all seems crystal clear now. I'm just amazed that being so controlled and conditioned by such a parent really blinds you to certain facts of matters until you finally 'unplug" from the entire programme after a long journey. Cheers to all who did and those who are still on their way to realisations.
@@hakimdiwan5101 it's scary that everyone has normalized it. i live in a small apartments building. i personally know a 8 yo child experiencing mental + physical violence at doing math homework. safe to say everyone in the neighborhood heard loud yelling in a few occasions, the kid secretly told me what happened ("it's just a few slap" she whispered to me once), and even the parent smiled at me acting like it can't be a concern of mine or anyone. and he's maybe right (?) because they live quite a relatively happy live, school stuff aside.
@@temmaxtemma9570 It's not normalised this has been the norm since dawn of time. Asian parents have some serious God complex, they think their word is final and that they always know what is best for their kids. If I put it in other words, Asian parents don't want kids they want robots who act, think, feel and do exactly as they want. Now kids take two approaches first is that they surrender (mostly girls) just like the kid you mentioned and accept all the drama as part of their life or they become rebel like me who fight and give hard time to their parents and don't let them impose how they want us to live. What rebel kids do is seen as sin in Asian countries. Getting humiliation, abused, cursed and beaten is daily part of life. Life is way more easier for those who surrender but for rebels it's a daily fight to let parents know that we aren't their pet robots and want to live our life on our own terms.
There’s a difference between “authoritative” and “authoritarian”. The former parenting style is actually good and needed to provide stability and guidance. The latter is dangerous.
my mom still suffers a lot from her own trauma and sadly I have suffered a lot from it too. she has never been emotionally available and whenever I tried to tell her how I feel, it would just end up in a fight...unfortunately now I've decided to stop letting her know about my feelings and my life, we still talk about things but we've never built an emotional relationship at all.
Checks out. My dad never listened to anything important I used to say/tell him. Now I feel worthless and hopeless, and that nothing I do actually matters or has any important impacts
I am in the same boat. I don't understand if I am being ungrateful or not, for he has done so much for me and still continues to do so. But what pains me is; he never listen to me, never validated my feelings and if i ever had something to say, i was made fun of or insulted. I know it's not his fault but all of this has ruined me completely and I am trying my best to learn self kindness and love.
I never listened and throughout my childhood I've developed a shield to not let anyone listen(care) about me, it helps me pass through my youth but after effects are catching my back as an adult, i am very limited when it comes to emotion, thus i think it definitely effects a person badly, please never ignore a child, I'd never wanted anyone to become me.
The biggest gift a parent can give their child ... be with them. Be present. Listen, validate, reassure = LOVE. I know I would have been a different person had I gotten this as a child. Thankfully, both my parents are good people. But, like most people, they were concentrating on physically taking care of their kids. "Doing is never enough if you neglect being." When I read this in E. Tolle's book, and the subsequent sentences, my eyes were opened. My parents aren't the only ones obsessed with doing for their kids to the point they completely skipped just being there for them. Before she died, my mom kind of understood that I'm my own person and have my own feelings and thoughts. Even though it came late, I finally felt heard.
This can't not be anymore timely, as i just write pages trying to "debunk" this feeling of being so disconnected to my parents, and generally lost in life direction. It sucks, because you can not put the blame on anyone, it's like swallowing a really bitter pill and the bad taste never go away. Yet you live with them everyday, sometimes constantly being remind that you're but a big chunks of failure.
what if we start framing it not as 'blame', but as 'feedback'? better later than never ... this probably won't change them, but judging from their reaction to such feedback, we may feel if our feedback is legitimate or some terrible confusion on our part
i think it would eventually get to the point where u consider it as survival desicion: you or them. If it still escalates everyday and you can never get the ammount of healing you deserve, pls move out. I got the same situation as yours, soon, ill move out too. I love them but i also hate them, and i love me more. Have a great day my friend
😭 exactly! Almost all our validation comes from our parents, sometimes, seeing them criticise every bit of who we are and identify as makes us lose the will to live anymore. And its so damn confusing bcz we love them and don't want to leave, but know deep down that we're so very different, and our thoughts only diverge. Just 💀
the fact that childhood emotional neglect or CEN can go unseen, without being recognised and instead, being seen as completely normal, breaks my heart. how many more kids, dear God.
My mom constantly made up stories about things I didn't like and saying that I liked them. Till date I'm finding it hard to trust and believe my own decisions, it's like I'm lying to myself
As an adult who has been through therapy for 10 years, CEN is real. We may not necessarily undergo painful traumatic experiences as what media likes to define trauma is today. It is already traumatic enough to experience a sense of void. I've been going through hell where I grew up to be told what is wrong with me than what is right about me. Having religious trauma doesn't even help when you have a parent who seems to play the victim role when you demand your rights for your emotions to be validated. I tend to give in to others just simply because I've been told too many times that I need to consider others' feelings while disregarding mine.
I totally feel you... it happened to me too. I've been always taken responsible for their feelings but my feelings were never important. Even if I cried, she would look to me and make me feel guilty and weak for letting my feelings out... Sometimes I really ask myself if this feeling will ever go away, if I will ever be able to live a "normal" life, have healthy relationships and take care of my health. I don't know if this will ever going to end, but I am looking forward to... I am hopeful and I try to believe that I will have an happy end. And hopefully you and all those people, who commented here, too.
Omfg, talking of religious trauma plus parental emotional neglect... But it's really difficult to talk about this to the parents as they take it as personal failure. They invested so much money, put us in schools, fed and paid for medicines. If we say "neglect", they'll just term us as thankless, worldly, unholy modern brats who want to take the skins out of their parents and give nothing in return but more criticism. Nothing makes life hell more than hearing your parents shout it at you💀
Same bro, it damages your life very brutally to the point that you become a ghost who doesn't have his own life and is just a silent observer of others life, it broke my heart when I realised this
@@ceciliablahblah8392 I'm sorry to hear what you went through. Thank you for still believing. Of all, that's prolly one of the hardest thing. I'm truly grateful of your hopes for yourself, myself and others in this journey.
@@thatman6916 I prolly know that feels. That's because I'm in that state now. I'm turning 33, and bitterness and resentment start to consume me. I went through a breakup and was supposed to be married by now. I liked another person and then she left. Whenever I look at those of my age who are married and some having kids, I can't help feeling robbed. It didn't help to keep thinking what I terrible person I am for not being able to secure a relationship cos of how CEN has affected me in my upbringing.
I was an emotional neglected child by my mother. When I had my own kids I swore to become a better mother to my own kids. I never received hugs or kisses from my mother and she never did put me in any activities to help me social with others. My mother never loved me growing up as an adult now I've accepted it and cut her out of my life.
I had a similar experience. I've come to the conclusion, after having my own children and being in my 40's, that some women just aren't emotionally available to have children. I felt my mother had children because my father wanted them, not because she did. That was a source of her alcoholism. But, I broke the cycle with that sh!t. I don't drink, my job is to take care of my family and children, and I could give 2 f^(ks about my social status!
I on the other hand did receive hugs and kisses from my mother, but the problem was that it felt more like I was being sucked love than being given. It felt incestuous and suffocating, as if she gave me affection not to give but to receive from me. It disgusts me just from thinking and I started hating any form of affection from her.
You're not really any better, rolling the dice for what is essentially your own selfish ambitions and entertainment. But who knows, maybe you'll perfect parenting, knowing 1st hand how bad parenting can get.
Once you come to the conclusion this is what happened, get a mental health person to talk to about how you feel. It will be the best gift you can give yourself. Self love isn’t taught.
I love this. I am the baby whisperer. You can communicate with children very well even when their vocabulary is very small. I believe what you are saying is so important
To the *worthwhile person* seeing this, Don’t allow the past and current pains and hurts stop and define you. You’re more than a conqueror. Rise up and put yourself together. Keep pushing your future depends on it. I wish you all the best in life ❤️.
Very timely.. just reading the book, adult children of emotionally immature parents. Trying to recognise and heal the deep hurt in myself from the emotional neglect so I don't repeat it with my own children.
I've just turned 27 and since turning 25 I've realised that a lot of my issues stem from CEN. And being vulnerable doesn't come easy which is the only way to work on who I am
I don't know if I had half the emotional intelligence I have without this channel. Thanks for changing lives and thank you for all the cool animations!
My mother does a lot of this stuff, and still does to this day. I've always been a sensitive person, so as a kid I cried a lot. Instead of being understanding my mother made me feel like something was wrong with me for being that way. Told me to "grow up" to "stop being such a baby" and that "adults don't cry" I'm almost 20 now, and even though I know that logically, that's complete bullshit, I still feel like I've failed when I cry, or behave in a way that's me being "sensitive" She also never takes any of my feelings seriously. if I ask her to not do something because it upset me, or that something she did hurt me she'll just brush it off, and 9/10 follow it with a "You're just being sensitive" or a "You're overreacting" As such, even with friends or partners I struggle to actually be open and honest with how I feel since I'm always under the pretense that they'll just brush it off.
Yep my mom still does this I was recently diagnosed with adult ADHD depression anxiety and have suffered with drug addiction from adolescence. I have six years sober now but I’ve been struggling lately finding the right type of medication and dose. She is verbally abusive saying things like I can’t be having these emotional outbursts.. i’m making me feel like a bad parent. She could never admit when she’s wrong and she can never listen
This is a wildly under-valued video. So much sharp truth in here. It’s a shame these vids don’t get as many clicks now just cos that dude is no longer narrating. The content is solid gold, the animation as good as ever and this woman does a great job of narration.
Yep. Never had a dad that would listen but rather would tell your friends what bad you said about them as a child. He said that would teach you to not talk about people. I only said my friend wouldn’t help me or anything with cleaning up. Whippings everyday. Cutting limbs from trees. Threatening to give you a whipping if you didn’t touch the electric fence bare footed. He wanted to see what would happen. Just insane. Mom was a good mom but she had to deal with him. She’s passed now and he’s still here. Don’t hear much from him though.
If your mom enabled your dad's abusive behaviour then she was not 'a good mom'. She did not 'have to deal' with him - she could have left, but chose to stay with him. Maybe fear/stigma of being alone who knows. Either way she put her needs above yours.
@@sdrawkcabUK she was a good mom but she was a codependent, I believe she fought against him on many things. She was in a dysfunctional home as a child too so she was not sure if this could have been somewhat normal. Just disgusting the way her father was. She always tried to keep up with us but I believe she battled being torn down and neglected most of her marriage.
I was talking with my mom few minutes back and while talking with her I felt numb where i was just going yeah, i get that,etc without actually investing in conversation or listening from heart (i was just listening and it's details) cause when I tell xyz has affected me, she said i did those things for you (which i get it, but it screwed me in my social life, i just feel just an well educated numbed person). Sometimes she says sorry that she did or said they things(but then i think what now i am still screwed, i am still going through same mental self doubt , emotionally unsafe, unlovable, no girlfriend, no friends) so even though I decided to open up to say how i feel, i am doubting about it as how much will it matter and will people care beyond niceties. (I am actually this clownish guy, with a smiley demeanor as that's how I coped from my childhood trauma, so people don't get that i am crying deep inside & and making others laugh gives me kinda validation of being belonged) Sometimes i feel giving up on life, but my parents are dependent on me, so i gotta just function but i want to live.
It takes huge courage to recognize these things. You can transform your life. See if you can find a good guide, therapist or men’s group. Trust me. I’ve been through the furnaces of life myself. I Al’s it killed myself twice… don’t give up. I didn’t and my life is getting so much better.
The most important thing to remember is that NOW is your time. You get to choose how you live it. Your parents may have, unwittingly, passed their pain to you (most do NOT want to hurt their children) but now it's up to you to heal your own life. What you will learn during your healing is why you are here. Healing your heart, your mind, your body will cause you to grow beyond recognition and make your life happier. It's time. Recognize your parents as fallable humans... Consider forgiving them. Then go to work on yourself. Grow you.
I realized I was going through emotional neglection when I was 8, since then I haven't been able to express my emotions because I know I wouldn't be listened to. And if they did listen they became angry at me over my emotions and said I was just selfish. I understand that my parents could've been through a similar thing but I'm not my parents, I don't need to have the same life that they had.
Very interesting as I know my mum can’t stand my strength and directness as it reminds her of my maternal father who she left and forbid me to contact. She forced me to take my step father’s name who was abusive to my siblings and me. He enjoyed harassing my sister and I by walking in at bathing time and witholding mealtime nourishment.Haven’t visited them for t years and diverted calls away from my phone. I m 60 and live alone with my feelings. Hence, I ve cried a lot and worked through many feelings. I am the only one of 3 who expresses their feelings truthfully. I work with children and they bring much light and challenge into my life. I feel blessed I can feel all my emotions from anger, annoyance to explosive shouting in my home to times of elation. You have to go there and face it ☺️🙃🙂
This really hits home for me. Especially the part where the parent will deny things because they didn’t get it themselves as a child. I never understood why my mom was so jealous of me. She always said I was spoiled because my grandma would buy me things. Of course there is a lot more than just that, but this video triggered that memory of how jealous my mom was. Like she wouldn’t even come see the first house I ever bought because she currently didn’t have a home.
She was living with my dad at the time in a camping trailer because both of them refused to get a job. I was 30, had been married for 10 years and finally got financially stable to buy a house. My dad was able to buy us a fridge as a house warming gift and my mom came unglued.
I was raised like this. In my perception. It’s one long painful act of cowardice. I’m now a parent, I can see clearly in my own efforts to constantly see and improve myself, live the example. That my parents and family clearly did not “do their best”. They did what was convenient. I view parenting as one long, constant selfless act of bravery.
Yeah my mom held a grudge against my grandma for struggling as a mother (Indian agents took her when she was like 7 to go to residential school until she was 16 or 18 I can't remember) but becoming the most incredible grandmother ever. Like sewing us regalia and making all the drapes in the house with matching cushion covers while she's baking wild blueberry pie grandma. Doting, affectionate, attentive, creating art projects for us and teaching us how to make stuff. She never hugged me. She still doesn't. I once described our relationship as businesslike and the person I said that to told me that was sad. I didn't even realize that. She openly said she made a deal with my dad that she'd have kids if he dealt with all the sickness and other issues like that. It's a weird experience to watch a video explain your life to you so much better than you ever could to the point that it actually teaches you something about yourself lol.
Being largely neglected by my mother , whilst it didn’t feel like it at the time , has hugely impacted me in my adult life , I will raise my children with the utmost care and never lay a finger on them and always listen to them.as long as they’re warm and fed and I love and protect them they will be happy
THANK YOU for making all of the videos you make and books, as well!!! I usually need this information, though I wasn't aware that I it will be SOOOO helpful and help me to feel better! Thank You! Please, keep up the good work! :-)
I’m surprised more people don’t consider the truly awesome and _unending_ responsibility that becoming a parent is. And not everyone who can breed… should.
“You never finish anything…. On to the next think before you’re done with what you’re on” and so I set out to prove them wrong on all this, and yet the didn’t see it acknowledge
I feel unheard every time I say something. Every time I talk, I either just get ignored, or im talked over when im not interrupting a conversation or while their doing something important. I always feel this way. It's constantly a reoccurring theme in my life when it shouldn't be. I pray we do not become like our parents in this manor when it's our turn.
The problem with growing up in that kind of environment is that we continue thru adulthood asking ourself "What is wrong with me" when what we really need to do is ask "What is wrong with society?"
My parents always responded to everything I said in the same manner - by physically assaulting me until I stopped talking, or by just yelling and screaming at me if they were otherwise occupied and didn't have the time to enact corporal punishment. Apparently, using your built-in vocal cords is a punishable offense, but parents are free to use them as much as they want. Fascinating.
I love my parents and understand most of their behavior was learned by growing up with alcoholic father's which inevitably played a factor in the way they emotionally neglected me and my sister. I'm thankful for the work I did through Codependence Anonymous that helped me develop a healthy set of life skills they were unfortunately never taught and able to pass down.
Side Note, just because the child wants to dress like the other gender doesn't mean you run out and buy puberty blockers. Most times its just a phase. I went through a tomboy phase and then an emo phase in my teens. Thankfully my parents didn't give me a hard time.
@@realNeron It used to be hard to get. They can now travel to clinics that administer them. CNN posted clinics in Pennsylvania that will do it because of some recent study about trans depression as a result of denied puberty blockers. 🤷♀️ There is a difference but a lot of parents (and teachers) go overboard about what could be a phase. Kids lack growth in the part of their brain that feels consequences until their late teens early twenties.
Being a tom boy and being an actual boy are not the same. Gender affirming treatment saves kids lives. You obviously weren't a boy and some parents prefer their depressed children survive. You are being obtuse as hell
I get ignored even today, because of my family upbringing. Somehow it's still affecting me with the people around me . I seek guidance or just to be listened to and hits me really hard, that I don't even bother to talk anymore than my therapist
My mom always comes to me with her issues and never listens to my advice. Everything is about her, she never listens to me. I am done caring about her thoughts and feelings because she never cares about my thoughts or feelings.
my dad texts and talks to my cousin who is 3 months younger than me. I feel like he always preferred him for a son, always laughing with him, and both parents are always saying how proud of him they are. And my mom on the other hand, i feel like she has some resentment towards me because she always said i was the “worst pregnancy” as she always threw up and got swollen a lot, but i didn’t get it any better, i have bad acid reflux and can’t drink alcohol, not like i got away with it. Two older siblings and a younger sister, just the natural middle child that no one listens to and yet they all find it surprising when i’m always pissed off or in a bad a mood, or don’t want to spend time with them at family functions
I told my parents about the environment of fear they carry from their childhoods and did for me, somehow not for my younger brother. Father couldn't understand anything, mother doesn't know why she didn't know this until the age of 50.
My parents refused to listen to me EVER! It was always their way or their way! The highway was never an option! They even caught beat & manipulated me when I tried to run away when I was 9!
Forget about whether they listen to you... My parents never told me that school was lying about so many important things! I guess its only society's loss, because as no one listens to me, I will always refuse to do anything they tell me!
Parents are the creators of our world with tons of experience more than us, If they are doing something it has to be of some use for the kids. So firstly try to follow the path of your parents. In case you don't want to follow their path, prove to them theoretically that you know what the right path for yourself is, if you are able to convince them with your thoughts, they will listen. Still, if they do not listen, think about the worst-case scenario of your path, and what can be the worst result about your path, even after thinking of the worst-case scenario of your path, you are not afraid and convinced that this is the right path for you, GO AHEAD ON YOUR OWN and show the world!
@@taboowriter9229 I second this sentiment! People will hear what they want to hear... Until they are open to receive the message, they simply can't. If you sent them this video, they would either: 1) have no idea what they're talking about or 2) possibly point out examples of other kids or families that they believe went through these things. It's not malicious intent but rather lack of conscious awareness.
I am in this situation my parents are not listening to me i just want them to talk to me want to share my things but they don't care even i tried to tell them but they only care about them self always fighting to each other and never understand my feelings
I am so sorry to hear that all the people here had bad parents. There comes a point in your life that regardless of your upbringing and situation that we know right from wrong and can make decisions for our own good. Many people have come from extremely dysfunctional families and still led productive and satisfying lives. There is a point where you MUST take responsibility for your actions as an adult or forever play the victim. We have at least two generations that have such a sense of entitlement that they cannot and will not accept any responsibility for their actions and it shows in crime statistics. I think the term grow up applies to many that cannot accept that a lot of their problems are theirs and not their parents. And even if you had less than ideal parents it is still your life so get over it and....GROW UP!! Go ahead and say I am bad. Two great kids and wonderful grandkids so stuff it!!
I think my father is or was stuck in the middle between being emotionally abusive and paying attention to me. Thankfully my mom and rest of family are okay.
There are so many sick people walking around. I couldnt imagine our father being this cold but he really was, he was just interested in his few pathetic material posessions and said we would waste his living time and that he would have much more stuff if we werent around. Such a sick f**k.
The problem of making friends with the answers in certain cases, some have too many answers and that requires a complete make over, which requires assistant from specialist. Unfortunately, the specialist cannot speed the process up, but require said person to be aware of the answers in order to befriend said answers. Therefore, the commitment of such person requires borderline obsessional journal entry to progress further and faster, whilst living with day to day activities. This goal can therefore overwhelm the person and regress. It can be argued that said person could always ask for assistant from friends, but friends also have their own lives and depending on the age of the person, time is not on their side as their friends may not be able to commit enough resources or assist the person on their goal, as the friend also has trouble of their own. In summary, the person is required to learn the process of meticulously identify these answers to nurture and befriend, to make due progress with the addition of everyday life. The task is proving difficult and possibly situational, it requires commitment of the highest order in said person’s life and a juggle between self advancement and sufficient presence in the friends and family in need. Time is limited, energy is limited, resources are limited in everyday life and progress is not meant to be quick and fast acting. It may take years and to those in the dark, years in time would be perceive as isolation, agony, loneliness, separation, and possibly despair, where this no longer identify as simply search of the answer, but a journey in a person’s life that all requires to undertake in one area or another. Truly ironic. Time and resources that was not given by parents in early age, therefore requires to take resources and time of the person at a later age, with many more factors to juggle and the success diminish with every number that is added to a person’s age. Time is all that is available. Use it wisely.
My mother seemed to dislike my childlike nature. She always sort of commented on me that playing is stupid and for children, while hinting somehow that I shouldn’t do it as I am smart like the grownups. I grew up disliking any games like chess, board games, sports etc. because of this incrusted idea that this is stupid and is a waste of time…
Parents don't always want the best for their children; more often than not they secretly desire them to fail miserably so they will not be overtaken. They can't conceive to witness a happy child just in front of them and the risk of willfully inflicting pain onto those innocent creatures is ever present. We all need parent licensing! It is all too easy to just stumble into parenting and ravage whatever life you decided to own. Please let me know if you all agree with me. Let's thumb this up!! 👍
Well that explains why parents curse that I will die lonely painful death and I would never be able to cut out for much bigger things in life. I never told them but these words killed any love I had for them.
I used to agree. But aside from being unenforceable, allowing the government to decide who gets to breed is a recipe for disaster. So we are stuck with a world in which crappy, immature parents will inflict their poor parenting on their kids.
@@sdrawkcabUK Adoptive parents have to go through screenings and pass examinations; where I live in Italy it has been that way since 1983. I would also add that the brunt of the reform would then lie on the back of paediatricians, psychologists and other medical or otherwise professional figures, not merely a bunch of ignorant bureaucrats in the governmental sphere.
The essential and professional man endeavors to set sail across the waters to the enchanted land of Europe. He has in historic past, leisured in the exotic terrain, yet now, he has chartered a ferry for the long term, the quixotic adventurer sails to the topography of that of Europe to never return. Only replete with his knowledge procured over many a years, and bequeathed with the enlightenment one has when cobblestone displays it's beauty to that of a city with history equal to his own. We are creative people and shall our intrinsic value give extrinsic measurements of pecuniary worth. Shall the winds of history flow always in our favour.
I love them but i also hate them. They make me miserable in a way that so distorted. Even after year of trying to heal myself, i still struggle everyday and it seems like i never could.
My 12 year old daughter goes to seemengly one of the best schools in the UK but in fact teachers are not listening at all, don't take responsibility for their mistakes, they are abusive, accusatory and punish kids for sming or chewing gum after telling that they simply swallowed it. They keep kids after lessons for so called "correction" stealing precious family time after already long day at school. They don't listen at all and they destroy children's trust in adults.
Hmm, I like this idea in some ways, I know that I would be much more secure in my decisions and direction if my mum actually gave my opinions value and assured me that she was paying attention to me. However, I do agree it's the job of a parent to teach the child about the social landscape and world around them. Don't think anyone should be resentful towards parents because they taught you there are only Boys and Girls... Or that a good career is important etc.
Even when it doesn't reflect reality? Be careful what you wish for. The World you live in is the result of parents imposing their perceptions on their children. Just a thought.
@@BigHenFor Yes Exactly, Raising kids, or being a stable adult for people to rely on in general, requires a more rigid structure of beleifs (imo). Being young is the time to question your beleifs and experiment, but I'd personally be greatful if my parents had their minds made up when they raised me. I stress that you shouldn't be RESENTFUL about your parents beleifs, be as understanding to them as you wanted them to be to you.
Being emotionally stable before having children is ideal. You are there to guide them and teach them how to be a competent adult. You are NOT their friend or peer.
Being from a traditional backward society, attention was the least of my worries. I learnt to express myself through journaling, and even know at 25yrs, my parents all of sudden want to make decisions for me which I find it strange. I am more exposed and into the digital nomad way of life. When I express myself infront of them they disagree with me and find it disrespectful.
Mine never do. They still don't. They even tried to get me diagnosed with autism so they had an excuse not to understand me. I got diagnosed with cptsd..because of the multiple times they've abused and traumatised me.
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). The Parent and Child Relationship was OLLWAVES Meant to Bee a Partnership In Expansion and Awakening Wee Cannot Do This If Wee Take An Attitude of Superiority Toward hOUR Children and Do Not Real-eye that They Bring Incarnated With the Essence of hOUR Desires and Thus Expansion r hOUR Biggest Opportunity to Expand and Become Fully Conscious
Feeling unheard is the most painful feeling.
True
Extremely!
Especially from the very persons who brought you into this world
It can drive people to become dictators. "All I ever did, I did to make you proud! Tell me how proud you are, Shifu! Tell me! TELL ME!!!"
Yes! It unvalidated you. Like you did not have place to be or right to exist!
I was worse than ignored as a child. I never received a single hug from my caretaker. She would give me silent treatments as punishment. She would insult me with derogatory words and throw away my toys. She was really bad. As an effect I grew up very damaged. Then a phedoohile got a hold of me as a young teen for 7 years. As a result I became an addict and extremely dysfunctional person. I almost died twice from overdoses. Over the years I have very fought hard for myself.
The road to recovery is a bumpy one. Today I am totally sober and I value myself. To all those out there with a childhood that damaged them, don’t give up on yourself. You are so worthy.
Sending you my loooooove and a biiiiiiiiig hug.❤️💕From Rwanda
I would feel repelled if my mother would do that because it felt fake in a way. I know that depressed people sometimes feel repelled by human touch but i allways felt this way somehow. And our father never paid any attention to us only when criticising our noises we made at the dinner table with our cuttlery. It was allways very tense.
You are very brave kanti. I wish you all the best.
Thank you for sharing your life with us in this comment section. I'm so happy that you found "new" eyes or your original ones before you were taught and treated as if you did not matter. The road to recovery is truly a bumpy one but in those lows, I hope you can see that you have managed to soar high. Much love x
I hope you are doing well! I sincerely am glad you are better now!! Much love and all the hugs!! ♥️
"Childhood Emotional Neglect" can stem from not being listened to as a child, or taught how to validate your feelings. Some parents either have a low emotional intelligence, or were victims of CEN themselves, so they're unknowingly repeating the same cycle.
Or, just as a thought exercise, completely void of any scientific inquiry, the phenomenon could be explained as such: You are just a weak little b*tch and you need to grow the F*ck up and face life’s problems like an adult and quit whining and blaming your parents for all your problems in life. But again, just a theory.
Or they notice the cycle, and make a priority not to repeat it.
Or they knowingly repeat the cycle because they as an individual feel it has made them stronger and wants the same for their children
: (
@@mxxxn Now THAT is a malicious state of affairs!
I didn’t fully realize how emotionally neglected I was until recently, I’m 48 years old. Childhood bullying and having no one to lean on or help me find real self worth has destroyed most all of my adult relationships through insecure attachments. It’s sad that I’ve been missing out on some of the best parts of life.
Oh man that's my story bullied and nobody to help or understand me. I still remember the time when for the first time in my life I was valued and got respect was at my office when I had my first job.
I am born introvert but I would have been less shy and more outgoing if it wasn't for all the negative childhood events.
I feel you bro 🫂
Thank you for the empathy @@hakimdiwan5101 . It’s nice to know now that I’m not alone in all this. However, I spent years in therapy to try and figure out what was going on, but untimely UA-cam helped me more than anyone else at this point. It kind of pisses me off to some degree but I’m at least with a trauma specific therapist now and trying to get some appointments for Brainspotting therapy too. Maybe this will be the best year of my life. I sure do hope so.
@@robpossible Yes, pease get a proper treatment we all got one shot at life and enough has been taken over by things which we wouldn't wish for our enemy it's our right and we deserve to live a happy life and it's our time now to take back control of our life. I also wish that this year turn out to be the best year for all of us.
Check out anna Runcorn, a channel called, the crappy childhood fairy.
@@heartspacerelaxations6924 I have, thank you, but I’ll look deeper at it:)
Some children sadly have to recognize this the hard way, on their own. Realizing it's not their fault they haven't been listened to in the childhood doesn't define the rest of their lives.
I'm in my 30s, and am only now starting to realize how messed up I am.
Its just seriously hard to heal alone, rescanning some of those painful memories of yours to fully understand yourself is really not easy, thats y those people who might be reading this and in the pace of healing from those wounds.
I am deeply so proud of you. its a long process so, don’t rush yourself, embrace the pains then release it, cry if it hurts so much, acknowledge all of it. You got this. Just please don’t give up. I believe in you!!!
choosing to heal to find yourself, your authentic self instead of giving up, is such a big strength. Your are so Strong!!! Be patient and work on that reparent yourself, Be the child/person you wish you have been in your life. Be a Wonderful Parent to Your Little, you.
Indeed. In my mid-30s and been in therapy many years but after a decade of therapy only began to realise the extent of my mother's emotional unavailability and incapacity to be present for others. I knew she was this way but only when I really began to heal a lot more I'm shocked at how messed up I was and it all seems crystal clear now. I'm just amazed that being so controlled and conditioned by such a parent really blinds you to certain facts of matters until you finally 'unplug" from the entire programme after a long journey. Cheers to all who did and those who are still on their way to realisations.
I’m 28 and I’m barely learning tht ppl did this to me my whole life.
Everyone dumps on me, but never listens to me. 😢
I'm 16 right now and I recognize this.
Parent-child relationships ought to be nurturing not authoritative. Some adults are grown up bullies
Asian parents: We pretend we didn't hear that.
@@hakimdiwan5101 it's scary that everyone has normalized it.
i live in a small apartments building. i personally know a 8 yo child experiencing mental + physical violence at doing math homework.
safe to say everyone in the neighborhood heard loud yelling in a few occasions, the kid secretly told me what happened ("it's just a few slap" she whispered to me once), and even the parent smiled at me acting like it can't be a concern of mine or anyone. and he's maybe right (?) because they live quite a relatively happy live, school stuff aside.
@@temmaxtemma9570 It's not normalised this has been the norm since dawn of time.
Asian parents have some serious God complex, they think their word is final and that they always know what is best for their kids.
If I put it in other words, Asian parents don't want kids they want robots who act, think, feel and do exactly as they want.
Now kids take two approaches first is that they surrender (mostly girls) just like the kid you mentioned and accept all the drama as part of their life or they become rebel like me who fight and give hard time to their parents and don't let them impose how they want us to live.
What rebel kids do is seen as sin in Asian countries. Getting humiliation, abused, cursed and beaten is daily part of life.
Life is way more easier for those who surrender but for rebels it's a daily fight to let parents know that we aren't their pet robots and want to live our life on our own terms.
There’s a difference between “authoritative” and “authoritarian”. The former parenting style is actually good and needed to provide stability and guidance. The latter is dangerous.
So true. Grown up bullies
my mom still suffers a lot from her own trauma and sadly I have suffered a lot from it too. she has never been emotionally available and whenever I tried to tell her how I feel, it would just end up in a fight...unfortunately now I've decided to stop letting her know about my feelings and my life, we still talk about things but we've never built an emotional relationship at all.
Checks out.
My dad never listened to anything important I used to say/tell him.
Now I feel worthless and hopeless, and that nothing I do actually matters or has any important impacts
What about your mother?
I am in the same boat. I don't understand if I am being ungrateful or not, for he has done so much for me and still continues to do so. But what pains me is; he never listen to me, never validated my feelings and if i ever had something to say, i was made fun of or insulted. I know it's not his fault but all of this has ruined me completely and I am trying my best to learn self kindness and love.
@Bobby Long ok edgelord, the emotional impact matters.
Nothing matters so everything matters.
Same. But turns outs I have aspergers. It's genetic and pretty sure my dad has it too.
you matter, friend
Your relationship with your parents affect your life deeply. My childhood was some kind of nightmare and I'm trying to rebuild myself now.
I never listened and throughout my childhood I've developed a shield to not let anyone listen(care) about me, it helps me pass through my youth but after effects are catching my back as an adult, i am very limited when it comes to emotion, thus i think it definitely effects a person badly, please never ignore a child, I'd never wanted anyone to become me.
I am so sorry you felt that way.
I feel like this too! Except I always listened and was “shy”
The biggest gift a parent can give their child ... be with them. Be present. Listen, validate, reassure = LOVE. I know I would have been a different person had I gotten this as a child. Thankfully, both my parents are good people. But, like most people, they were concentrating on physically taking care of their kids. "Doing is never enough if you neglect being." When I read this in E. Tolle's book, and the subsequent sentences, my eyes were opened. My parents aren't the only ones obsessed with doing for their kids to the point they completely skipped just being there for them. Before she died, my mom kind of understood that I'm my own person and have my own feelings and thoughts. Even though it came late, I finally felt heard.
This can't not be anymore timely, as i just write pages trying to "debunk" this feeling of being so disconnected to my parents, and generally lost in life direction. It sucks, because you can not put the blame on anyone, it's like swallowing a really bitter pill and the bad taste never go away. Yet you live with them everyday, sometimes constantly being remind that you're but a big chunks of failure.
what if we start framing it not as 'blame', but as 'feedback'? better later than never ... this probably won't change them, but judging from their reaction to such feedback, we may feel if our feedback is legitimate or some terrible confusion on our part
i think it would eventually get to the point where u consider it as survival desicion: you or them. If it still escalates everyday and you can never get the ammount of healing you deserve, pls move out. I got the same situation as yours, soon, ill move out too. I love them but i also hate them, and i love me more.
Have a great day my friend
😭 exactly! Almost all our validation comes from our parents, sometimes, seeing them criticise every bit of who we are and identify as makes us lose the will to live anymore. And its so damn confusing bcz we love them and don't want to leave, but know deep down that we're so very different, and our thoughts only diverge. Just 💀
this exactly
the fact that childhood emotional neglect or CEN can go unseen, without being recognised and instead, being seen as completely normal, breaks my heart. how many more kids, dear God.
My mom constantly made up stories about things I didn't like and saying that I liked them. Till date I'm finding it hard to trust and believe my own decisions, it's like I'm lying to myself
called gaslighting. I hope you get all the support, help and love you need
im speechless bc my mom was the same way and I too struggle into finding the things I like because I always feel like I'm pretending to like them
As an adult who has been through therapy for 10 years, CEN is real. We may not necessarily undergo painful traumatic experiences as what media likes to define trauma is today. It is already traumatic enough to experience a sense of void. I've been going through hell where I grew up to be told what is wrong with me than what is right about me. Having religious trauma doesn't even help when you have a parent who seems to play the victim role when you demand your rights for your emotions to be validated. I tend to give in to others just simply because I've been told too many times that I need to consider others' feelings while disregarding mine.
I totally feel you... it happened to me too. I've been always taken responsible for their feelings but my feelings were never important. Even if I cried, she would look to me and make me feel guilty and weak for letting my feelings out... Sometimes I really ask myself if this feeling will ever go away, if I will ever be able to live a "normal" life, have healthy relationships and take care of my health. I don't know if this will ever going to end, but I am looking forward to... I am hopeful and I try to believe that I will have an happy end. And hopefully you and all those people, who commented here, too.
Omfg, talking of religious trauma plus parental emotional neglect... But it's really difficult to talk about this to the parents as they take it as personal failure. They invested so much money, put us in schools, fed and paid for medicines. If we say "neglect", they'll just term us as thankless, worldly, unholy modern brats who want to take the skins out of their parents and give nothing in return but more criticism. Nothing makes life hell more than hearing your parents shout it at you💀
Same bro, it damages your life very brutally to the point that you become a ghost who doesn't have his own life and is just a silent observer of others life, it broke my heart when I realised this
@@ceciliablahblah8392 I'm sorry to hear what you went through. Thank you for still believing. Of all, that's prolly one of the hardest thing. I'm truly grateful of your hopes for yourself, myself and others in this journey.
@@thatman6916 I prolly know that feels. That's because I'm in that state now. I'm turning 33, and bitterness and resentment start to consume me. I went through a breakup and was supposed to be married by now. I liked another person and then she left.
Whenever I look at those of my age who are married and some having kids, I can't help feeling robbed. It didn't help to keep thinking what I terrible person I am for not being able to secure a relationship cos of how CEN has affected me in my upbringing.
I was an emotional neglected child by my mother. When I had my own kids I swore to become a better mother to my own kids. I never received hugs or kisses from my mother and she never did put me in any activities to help me social with others. My mother never loved me growing up as an adult now I've accepted it and cut her out of my life.
I had a similar experience. I've come to the conclusion, after having my own children and being in my 40's, that some women just aren't emotionally available to have children. I felt my mother had children because my father wanted them, not because she did. That was a source of her alcoholism. But, I broke the cycle with that sh!t. I don't drink, my job is to take care of my family and children, and I could give 2 f^(ks about my social status!
I on the other hand did receive hugs and kisses from my mother, but the problem was that it felt more like I was being sucked love than being given. It felt incestuous and suffocating, as if she gave me affection not to give but to receive from me. It disgusts me just from thinking and I started hating any form of affection from her.
@@An1MuS As if you were her main focus of her intimate affection? Did you grow up in a single mother household?
You're not really any better, rolling the dice for what is essentially your own selfish ambitions and entertainment. But who knows, maybe you'll perfect parenting, knowing 1st hand how bad parenting can get.
Once you come to the conclusion this is what happened, get a mental health person to talk to about how you feel. It will be the best gift you can give yourself. Self love isn’t taught.
What do you mean It isn't taught? You teach it to yourself right?
I love this. I am the baby whisperer. You can communicate with children very well even when their vocabulary is very small. I believe what you are saying is so important
To the *worthwhile person* seeing this, Don’t allow the past and current pains and hurts stop and define you. You’re more than a conqueror. Rise up and put yourself together. Keep pushing your future depends on it. I wish you all the best in life ❤️.
Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.🙏🏽🖤💫
Very timely.. just reading the book, adult children of emotionally immature parents.
Trying to recognise and heal the deep hurt in myself from the emotional neglect so I don't repeat it with my own children.
I've just turned 27 and since turning 25 I've realised that a lot of my issues stem from CEN. And being vulnerable doesn't come easy which is the only way to work on who I am
It really hits different when you are watching this after your parents bit the shit out of you and then accuse you of being crazy
Yes this is the wall i have been running into and attempting to come to terms with. To anyone else out there, you are not alone. You are valid.
I don't know if I had half the emotional intelligence I have without this channel.
Thanks for changing lives
and thank you for all the cool animations!
All you want to hear is well done. And if you never get it, you’re trying harder and harder to get it. Without reward.
My mother does a lot of this stuff, and still does to this day.
I've always been a sensitive person, so as a kid I cried a lot. Instead of being understanding my mother made me feel like something was wrong with me for being that way. Told me to "grow up" to "stop being such a baby" and that "adults don't cry" I'm almost 20 now, and even though I know that logically, that's complete bullshit, I still feel like I've failed when I cry, or behave in a way that's me being "sensitive"
She also never takes any of my feelings seriously. if I ask her to not do something because it upset me, or that something she did hurt me she'll just brush it off, and 9/10 follow it with a "You're just being sensitive" or a "You're overreacting"
As such, even with friends or partners I struggle to actually be open and honest with how I feel since I'm always under the pretense that they'll just brush it off.
Yep my mom still does this I was recently diagnosed with adult ADHD depression anxiety and have suffered with drug addiction from adolescence. I have six years sober now but I’ve been struggling lately finding the right type of medication and dose. She is verbally abusive saying things like I can’t be having these emotional outbursts.. i’m making me feel like a bad parent. She could never admit when she’s wrong and she can never listen
This is a wildly under-valued video. So much sharp truth in here. It’s a shame these vids don’t get as many clicks now just cos that dude is no longer narrating. The content is solid gold, the animation as good as ever and this woman does a great job of narration.
Yep. Never had a dad that would listen but rather would tell your friends what bad you said about them as a child. He said that would teach you to not talk about people. I only said my friend wouldn’t help me or anything with cleaning up. Whippings everyday. Cutting limbs from trees. Threatening to give you a whipping if you didn’t touch the electric fence bare footed. He wanted to see what would happen. Just insane. Mom was a good mom but she had to deal with him. She’s passed now and he’s still here. Don’t hear much from him though.
*Hugs* Wishing you much love and healing.
@@rafiqah4106 really appreciate that. So much!!❤️
If your mom enabled your dad's abusive behaviour then she was not 'a good mom'. She did not 'have to deal' with him - she could have left, but chose to stay with him. Maybe fear/stigma of being alone who knows. Either way she put her needs above yours.
@@sdrawkcabUK she was a good mom but she was a codependent, I believe she fought against him on many things. She was in a dysfunctional home as a child too so she was not sure if this could have been somewhat normal. Just disgusting the way her father was.
She always tried to keep up with us but I believe she battled being torn down and neglected most of her marriage.
I was talking with my mom few minutes back and while talking with her I felt numb where i was just going yeah, i get that,etc without actually investing in conversation or listening from heart (i was just listening and it's details) cause when I tell xyz has affected me, she said i did those things for you (which i get it, but it screwed me in my social life, i just feel just an well educated numbed person). Sometimes she says sorry that she did or said they things(but then i think what now i am still screwed, i am still going through same mental self doubt , emotionally unsafe, unlovable, no girlfriend, no friends) so even though I decided to open up to say how i feel, i am doubting about it as how much will it matter and will people care beyond niceties. (I am actually this clownish guy, with a smiley demeanor as that's how I coped from my childhood trauma, so people don't get that i am crying deep inside & and making others laugh gives me kinda validation of being belonged)
Sometimes i feel giving up on life, but my parents are dependent on me, so i gotta just function but i want to live.
It's okay bro
Is there any way for you to talk to a therapist?
only you can pick yourself up, look yourself in the mirror, and decide you want to make steps towards becoming the person you want to be
It takes huge courage to recognize these things. You can transform your life. See if you can find a good guide, therapist or men’s group. Trust me. I’ve been through the furnaces of life myself. I Al’s it killed myself twice… don’t give up. I didn’t and my life is getting so much better.
The most important thing to remember is that NOW is your time. You get to choose how you live it. Your parents may have, unwittingly, passed their pain to you (most do NOT want to hurt their children) but now it's up to you to heal your own life. What you will learn during your healing is why you are here. Healing your heart, your mind, your body will cause you to grow beyond recognition and make your life happier.
It's time. Recognize your parents as fallable humans... Consider forgiving them. Then go to work on yourself. Grow you.
I realized I was going through emotional neglection when I was 8, since then I haven't been able to express my emotions because I know I wouldn't be listened to. And if they did listen they became angry at me over my emotions and said I was just selfish. I understand that my parents could've been through a similar thing but I'm not my parents, I don't need to have the same life that they had.
Very interesting as I know my mum can’t stand my strength and directness as it reminds her of my maternal father who she left and forbid me to contact. She forced me to take my step father’s name who was abusive to my siblings and me. He enjoyed harassing my sister and I by walking in at bathing time and witholding mealtime nourishment.Haven’t visited them for t years and diverted calls away from my phone. I m 60 and live alone with my feelings. Hence, I ve cried a lot and worked through many feelings. I am the only one of 3 who expresses their feelings truthfully. I work with children and they bring much light and challenge into my life. I feel blessed I can feel all my emotions from anger, annoyance to explosive shouting in my home to times of elation. You have to go there and face it ☺️🙃🙂
It still happening in my 20s sometimes I feel like she doesn't give a fuck or she simply don't understand and don't wanna try to
All you can do is try to end the cycle and be slightly less shitty than your parents.
*Simply put, u will feel neglected and alone and can result in low self worth* 🙏❤️
How do I know this? Well…I’ve been through that
Me too
This really hits home for me. Especially the part where the parent will deny things because they didn’t get it themselves as a child. I never understood why my mom was so jealous of me. She always said I was spoiled because my grandma would buy me things. Of course there is a lot more than just that, but this video triggered that memory of how jealous my mom was. Like she wouldn’t even come see the first house I ever bought because she currently didn’t have a home.
She was living with my dad at the time in a camping trailer because both of them refused to get a job. I was 30, had been married for 10 years and finally got financially stable to buy a house. My dad was able to buy us a fridge as a house warming gift and my mom came unglued.
I was raised like this. In my perception. It’s one long painful act of cowardice. I’m now a parent, I can see clearly in my own efforts to constantly see and improve myself, live the example. That my parents and family clearly did not “do their best”. They did what was convenient. I view parenting as one long, constant selfless act of bravery.
Yeah my mom held a grudge against my grandma for struggling as a mother (Indian agents took her when she was like 7 to go to residential school until she was 16 or 18 I can't remember) but becoming the most incredible grandmother ever.
Like sewing us regalia and making all the drapes in the house with matching cushion covers while she's baking wild blueberry pie grandma. Doting, affectionate, attentive, creating art projects for us and teaching us how to make stuff.
She never hugged me. She still doesn't. I once described our relationship as businesslike and the person I said that to told me that was sad. I didn't even realize that. She openly said she made a deal with my dad that she'd have kids if he dealt with all the sickness and other issues like that.
It's a weird experience to watch a video explain your life to you so much better than you ever could to the point that it actually teaches you something about yourself lol.
Being largely neglected by my mother , whilst it didn’t feel like it at the time , has hugely impacted me in my adult life , I will raise my children with the utmost care and never lay a finger on them and always listen to them.as long as they’re warm and fed and I love and protect them they will be happy
The sad truth of all is, it's still happening all over the world today and man, it's still heartbreaking, even to this day 😢
Yup 😟 42 years old and this is still affecting me. That and gaslighting from my Mum.
THANK YOU for making all of the videos you make and books, as well!!! I usually need this information, though I wasn't aware that I it will be SOOOO helpful and help me to feel better! Thank You! Please, keep up the good work! :-)
I’m surprised more people don’t consider the truly awesome and _unending_ responsibility that becoming a parent is. And not everyone who can breed… should.
Yep, know all about it, keep In mind,just because they are family does not mean you have to interact with them at all! scapegoat no more!
“You never finish anything…. On to the next think before you’re done with what you’re on” and so I set out to prove them wrong on all this, and yet the didn’t see it acknowledge
So our parents vicariously live their childhoods all over again through us?! Well that explains so much
I feel unheard every time I say something. Every time I talk, I either just get ignored, or im talked over when im not interrupting a conversation or while their doing something important. I always feel this way. It's constantly a reoccurring theme in my life when it shouldn't be. I pray we do not become like our parents in this manor when it's our turn.
I'm already goin through a hard time n after reading these comments i can't stop my heartache
The problem with growing up in that kind of environment is that we continue thru adulthood asking ourself "What is wrong with me" when what we really need to do is ask "What is wrong with society?"
This one hits close to home.
can you do a video about how growing up with a inconsistent, absent or present but emotionally unavailable father affects his son/daughter please
My parents always responded to everything I said in the same manner - by physically assaulting me until I stopped talking, or by just yelling and screaming at me if they were otherwise occupied and didn't have the time to enact corporal punishment. Apparently, using your built-in vocal cords is a punishable offense, but parents are free to use them as much as they want. Fascinating.
Nice upload. Interesting to watch. Keep up the good work.
Mum makes it her mission to crush. Always focuses on short term control. Then gets a big argument which she seems to crave.
I love the content of this channel!!
I love my parents and understand most of their behavior was learned by growing up with alcoholic father's which inevitably played a factor in the way they emotionally neglected me and my sister. I'm thankful for the work I did through Codependence Anonymous that helped me develop a healthy set of life skills they were unfortunately never taught and able to pass down.
This right here, it's still tough to experience that everything I express to mine is deliberately erased.
Pls pls add subtitles. It will be easier for many of us to understand properly. Thank you
Your voice is so beautiful
Pray-tell, why has "sexual fluidity" become so important? Sexual identity, yes. If you want to confuse a child, start by being confused yourself......
Perfect timing
Side Note, just because the child wants to dress like the other gender doesn't mean you run out and buy puberty blockers. Most times its just a phase. I went through a tomboy phase and then an emo phase in my teens. Thankfully my parents didn't give me a hard time.
Exactly. “School of Life” pushed some fraudulent work political propaganda into this one; unnecessarily
Gotta push the message tho
@@realNeron It used to be hard to get. They can now travel to clinics that administer them. CNN posted clinics in Pennsylvania that will do it because of some recent study about trans depression as a result of denied puberty blockers. 🤷♀️ There is a difference but a lot of parents (and teachers) go overboard about what could be a phase. Kids lack growth in the part of their brain that feels consequences until their late teens early twenties.
Being a tom boy and being an actual boy are not the same. Gender affirming treatment saves kids lives. You obviously weren't a boy and some parents prefer their depressed children survive. You are being obtuse as hell
Amen!
I get ignored even today, because of my family upbringing. Somehow it's still affecting me with the people around me . I seek guidance or just to be listened to and hits me really hard, that I don't even bother to talk anymore than my therapist
My parents always listened to me. I guess because of that I'm always emotional dependent on someone. I don't know how to bottle up my feelings !
I’ll forever not forgive my father for not listening to me properly
Im sorry son, im here now
@@taboowriter9229 🤣
Same.
We're in this together
My condolences, I hope that you keep hanging on in there, you're strong. 💪😍
My dads heart stop before he turned 50, tick tock
Suddenly realizing you're invisible is hard.
Judging by the number of grown ups with broken souls, can we say that perhaps 80% of parents did not do a good job? They are broken themselves too.
My parents didnt listen to feeling because they had feelings of incompetence they wanted to hide from me.
Hoping to reverse at least some of the damage as a foster carer. Here's hoping.
My mom always comes to me with her issues and never listens to my advice. Everything is about her, she never listens to me. I am done caring about her thoughts and feelings because she never cares about my thoughts or feelings.
I don't express my feelings to my parents anymore
3:06
Nice thought
Angry at the person you love vs being angry at the person you don't, or don't care about
In total honesty.
I’m not here for the content.
I only want Alain’s dulcet tones to bathe me to sleep.
#bringbackalain
And the main reason we spend most of our lives trying to re-build healthy attachments with so many difficulties...
thank you,
my dad texts and talks to my cousin who is 3 months younger than me. I feel like he always preferred him for a son, always laughing with him, and both parents are always saying how proud of him they are. And my mom on the other hand, i feel like she has some resentment towards me because she always said i was the “worst pregnancy” as she always threw up and got swollen a lot, but i didn’t get it any better, i have bad acid reflux and can’t drink alcohol, not like i got away with it. Two older siblings and a younger sister, just the natural middle child that no one listens to and yet they all find it surprising when i’m always pissed off or in a bad a mood, or don’t want to spend time with them at family functions
They should broadcast this video throughout Asia 😂
I told my parents about the environment of fear they carry from their childhoods and did for me, somehow not for my younger brother.
Father couldn't understand anything, mother doesn't know why she didn't know this until the age of 50.
That's called denial.
My parents refused to listen to me EVER! It was always their way or their way! The highway was never an option! They even caught beat & manipulated me when I tried to run away when I was 9!
Forget about whether they listen to you... My parents never told me that school was lying about so many important things! I guess its only society's loss, because as no one listens to me, I will always refuse to do anything they tell me!
This is why I have poor romantic relationships as an adult. My parents were terrible at listening to me and were unable to apologize when wrong.
Are they able to listen and apologize now?
Parents are the creators of our world with tons of experience more than us, If they are doing something it has to be of some use for the kids. So firstly try to follow the path of your parents. In case you don't want to follow their path, prove to them theoretically that you know what the right path for yourself is, if you are able to convince them with your thoughts, they will listen. Still, if they do not listen, think about the worst-case scenario of your path, and what can be the worst result about your path, even after thinking of the worst-case scenario of your path, you are not afraid and convinced that this is the right path for you, GO AHEAD ON YOUR OWN and show the world!
Please someone make a Spanish version of this, I need to send it to my parents
They wouldnt watch it.
@@taboowriter9229 I second this sentiment! People will hear what they want to hear... Until they are open to receive the message, they simply can't. If you sent them this video, they would either: 1) have no idea what they're talking about or 2) possibly point out examples of other kids or families that they believe went through these things. It's not malicious intent but rather lack of conscious awareness.
I am in this situation my parents are not listening to me i just want them to talk to me want to share my things but they don't care even i tried to tell them but they only care about them self always fighting to each other and never understand my feelings
I am so sorry to hear that all the people here had bad parents. There comes a point in your life that regardless of your upbringing and situation that we know right from wrong and can make decisions for our own good. Many people have come from extremely dysfunctional families and still led productive and satisfying lives. There is a point where you MUST take responsibility for your actions as an adult or forever play the victim. We have at least two generations that have such a sense of entitlement that they cannot and will not accept any responsibility for their actions and it shows in crime statistics. I think the term grow up applies to many that cannot accept that a lot of their problems are theirs and not their parents. And even if you had less than ideal parents it is still your life so get over it and....GROW UP!! Go ahead and say I am bad. Two great kids and wonderful grandkids so stuff it!!
I think my father is or was stuck in the middle between being emotionally abusive and paying attention to me. Thankfully my mom and rest of family are okay.
There are so many sick people walking around. I couldnt imagine our father being this cold but he really was, he was just interested in his few pathetic material posessions and said we would waste his living time and that he would have much more stuff if we werent around. Such a sick f**k.
The problem of making friends with the answers in certain cases, some have too many answers and that requires a complete make over, which requires assistant from specialist. Unfortunately, the specialist cannot speed the process up, but require said person to be aware of the answers in order to befriend said answers. Therefore, the commitment of such person requires borderline obsessional journal entry to progress further and faster, whilst living with day to day activities. This goal can therefore overwhelm the person and regress. It can be argued that said person could always ask for assistant from friends, but friends also have their own lives and depending on the age of the person, time is not on their side as their friends may not be able to commit enough resources or assist the person on their goal, as the friend also has trouble of their own. In summary, the person is required to learn the process of meticulously identify these answers to nurture and befriend, to make due progress with the addition of everyday life. The task is proving difficult and possibly situational, it requires commitment of the highest order in said person’s life and a juggle between self advancement and sufficient presence in the friends and family in need. Time is limited, energy is limited, resources are limited in everyday life and progress is not meant to be quick and fast acting. It may take years and to those in the dark, years in time would be perceive as isolation, agony, loneliness, separation, and possibly despair, where this no longer identify as simply search of the answer, but a journey in a person’s life that all requires to undertake in one area or another.
Truly ironic. Time and resources that was not given by parents in early age, therefore requires to take resources and time of the person at a later age, with many more factors to juggle and the success diminish with every number that is added to a person’s age. Time is all that is available. Use it wisely.
The girls voice is good but there was something in Allen's voice, it was a compassionate voice
My mother seemed to dislike my childlike nature. She always sort of commented on me that playing is stupid and for children, while hinting somehow that I shouldn’t do it as I am smart like the grownups. I grew up disliking any games like chess, board games, sports etc. because of this incrusted idea that this is stupid and is a waste of time…
Parents don't always want the best for their children; more often than not they secretly desire them to fail miserably so they will not be overtaken. They can't conceive to witness a happy child just in front of them and the risk of willfully inflicting pain onto those innocent creatures is ever present.
We all need parent licensing! It is all too easy to just stumble into parenting and ravage whatever life you decided to own.
Please let me know if you all agree with me. Let's thumb this up!! 👍
Well that explains why parents curse that I will die lonely painful death and I would never be able to cut out for much bigger things in life. I never told them but these words killed any love I had for them.
I used to agree. But aside from being unenforceable, allowing the government to decide who gets to breed is a recipe for disaster.
So we are stuck with a world in which crappy, immature parents will inflict their poor parenting on their kids.
@@sdrawkcabUK Adoptive parents have to go through screenings and pass examinations; where I live in Italy it has been that way since 1983. I would also add that the brunt of the reform would then lie on the back of paediatricians, psychologists and other medical or otherwise professional figures, not merely a bunch of ignorant bureaucrats in the governmental sphere.
The essential and professional man endeavors to set sail across the waters to the enchanted land of Europe. He has in historic past, leisured in the exotic terrain, yet now, he has chartered a ferry for the long term, the quixotic adventurer sails to the topography of that of Europe to never return.
Only replete with his knowledge procured over many a years, and bequeathed with the enlightenment one has when cobblestone displays it's beauty to that of a city with history equal to his own. We are creative people and shall our intrinsic value give extrinsic measurements of pecuniary worth.
Shall the winds of history flow always in our favour.
I love them but i also hate them. They make me miserable in a way that so distorted. Even after year of trying to heal myself, i still struggle everyday and it seems like i never could.
My 12 year old daughter goes to seemengly one of the best schools in the UK but in fact teachers are not listening at all, don't take responsibility for their mistakes, they are abusive, accusatory and punish kids for sming or chewing gum after telling that they simply swallowed it. They keep kids after lessons for so called "correction" stealing precious family time after already long day at school. They don't listen at all and they destroy children's trust in adults.
Hmm, I like this idea in some ways, I know that I would be much more secure in my decisions and direction if my mum actually gave my opinions value and assured me that she was paying attention to me.
However, I do agree it's the job of a parent to teach the child about the social landscape and world around them. Don't think anyone should be resentful towards parents because they taught you there are only Boys and Girls... Or that a good career is important etc.
Even when it doesn't reflect reality? Be careful what you wish for. The World you live in is the result of parents imposing their perceptions on their children. Just a thought.
@@BigHenFor Yes Exactly,
Raising kids, or being a stable adult for people to rely on in general, requires a more rigid structure of beleifs (imo).
Being young is the time to question your beleifs and experiment, but I'd personally be greatful if my parents had their minds made up when they raised me.
I stress that you shouldn't be RESENTFUL about your parents beleifs, be as understanding to them as you wanted them to be to you.
Being emotionally stable before having children is ideal. You are there to guide them and teach them how to be a competent adult. You are NOT their friend or peer.
@@Leo-mr1qz yes, peers are who you share new ideas with, kids/parents are were solid behaviours are taught/learned.
Being from a traditional backward society, attention was the least of my worries. I learnt to express myself through journaling, and even know at 25yrs, my parents all of sudden want to make decisions for me which I find it strange. I am more exposed and into the digital nomad way of life. When I express myself infront of them they disagree with me and find it disrespectful.
Mine never do. They still don't.
They even tried to get me diagnosed with autism so they had an excuse not to understand me.
I got diagnosed with cptsd..because of the multiple times they've abused and traumatised me.
I don't totally agree on this particular video. There's such a thing as a good authority, a good guide. With 'yes' and 'no's' to pass on.
Where is Alain de button !!????????
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). The Parent and Child Relationship was OLLWAVES Meant to Bee a Partnership In Expansion and Awakening Wee Cannot Do This If Wee Take An Attitude of Superiority Toward hOUR Children and Do Not Real-eye that They Bring Incarnated With the Essence of hOUR Desires and Thus Expansion r hOUR Biggest Opportunity to Expand and Become Fully Conscious