1. We’re human, we have feelings. God built us to love. 2. Not every moment was bad 3. Love bombing effects are real 4. Missing someone doesn’t mean you want them back, the same way forgiving someone doesn’t mean you forget
I needed that because I’m sitting here with tears in my fighting the urge to text the narc and the history of narcs I’ve had in my life like I know I’m doing the best thing for me and my sanity but like you said we’re human and we have feelings and it can be hard sometimes and right now I’m having a weak mommy but I can’t break the no contact I can’t because I’ll be right back where I was… I always dated while I was broken and kept getting the same person with different people and I can’t do that to myself ever again I can’t…. I need to truly truly heal and find myself again 😔
I started recording conversations with him awhile ago (to prove to myself that he was gaslighting me). Any time I miss him, I listen to one of the audio clips - and then I don't miss him anymore.
And you know - that really does work . Every so often i get a little soft inside for my abuser ( after all , I loved him very much once upon a time ...) And i tell myself to think of every dirty , rotten thing he ever did to me , every lie he ever told me , all the grief and misery he caused me , and all that I lost ....and that softness goes away , and I become even stronger ...
I did this too, but saved the texts or wrote down the incidents. We quickly forget how bad these episodes are. I'm emotionally exhausted. I don't go back because just reading them gives me a headache, so instead, I have a hot bath and go to bed early, then wake up refreshed.
I miss his body sometimes. That's it. I don't miss the mood swings, lies, secrecy, manipulation, silent treatments, waiting, accusations, not knowing what's going on ...the list goes on... That said, I left over two years ago and still think about him every day and dream about him too. When I first left him, the withdrawal felt like physical pain. Would I have him back? No. Do I respond to his occasional hoover? No.
Reading your comment and listening to this man’s videos realizing that I’ve been dating a narcissist for 5 years…. At least now I know I’m not crazy about how I feel
I miss her touch, when she did touch me, miss her hugs, when she did hug me, miss her kiss, when she kissed me with actual warmth. I guess I'm missing an idea of her... A shadow of what she was. I don't know for definite that she was a narcissist, but it sure feels like it
Yeah, in reality, hugging a grizzly might be less dangerous. 😂 At least death would come quickly, instead of the slow death of your mind and heart that a narcissistic relationship gives. 🥲 I believe that is a fact, we miss the false persona....and therein lies the truth to this sick trauma bond. I was deleting photos yesterday from the last 3 & 1/2 years of our time together, and our travels. It was hard. I cried a lot...but I made myself step back and remember how things really were. This is the farthest I've ever gotten in erasing him from my life. I know in my heart that I am finally free. Thank You Lord!👏🏼💓
We miss them because of the codependcy, time spent, and the strong desire for them to be who we want them to be for us. Also, all of that damage is programming. You become so programmed to the abuse, lies, cheating, betrayal, etc. negative experiences that when better things and healthy ppl come around, it's almost foreign to your mind because of the program. That's why it's always important to actually heal when you leave a toxic/bad relationship. Being alone detoxes you and the trauma you've been through, so you can easily attract the beautiful things you need.
I missed and longed for the person who hurt me the most. The pain was so soul piercing I needed him to make me feel better give me closure make everything right. In reality he never helped me heal or give me closure I had to heal myself and gain my self esteem back. I had to go within myself and figure out what made me happy and complete minus him. I still have triggers but I never want to feel betrayal like that again.
I just left him. It physically hurts in places I didn’t know I could feel. When I was with him I felt high, I was completely addicted to him. It’s like that line in twilight. He was my own personal brand of heroine. It felt good and bad in every way. I feel like I’m not a whole person anymore. Every part of my personality was him. It’s so hard.
I accept and I validate that my feeling (missing my narc person) is okay. But it doesn't mean that I have to open the door and let him back to destroy me again. Feeling is temporary. I will be comfortable without him. It's okay to feel this pain alone. It's okay that nobody around me could understand. Part of me is hurt, it means I am a human. 😢
Thanks. Everytime I begin to think about the few good times (they were GREAT), I force myself to think about the bad times (they were horrible) straighten my back, and keep pushing forward, without them. It's a well-worth-it process. Be strong survivor, keep going. 💪
We miss them for the reasons we fell in love with them. Mine was funny and liked good music and was so cute. I miss those qualities. That’s normal. There are reasons we were drawn to the person. I finally reached the point where losing him, even though it’s the hardest thing I have ever done, was the best thing I could do for myself.
I miss his laughter, he was a good looking man. I miss how he understood what I meant without using words( I am easy to read anyway) I miss we go everywhere together when I am not working. I miss him pulling me out of the house on the week end to just take a road trip. I don’t miss him calling me idiot. Raising hell for small things. But I will not marry him. I can’t trust him
Crying as I watch this video knowing you are right! It’s hard no to miss someone you invested so much on. This person never loved me and moving on is my only choice. 💪🏻
But what you felt and gave was real. Now we get to experience something even deeper, which is self esteem, self love, and most importantly self respect by walking away and never tolerating that kind of BS from anyone else.
Well first off having a relationship with a maniac, that gives you manic sex, manic words, manic lies, manic deception grooms you for trauma, makes leaving them hard, cause your bonded over abuse and are a victim of stockholm syndrome. The affects of discard leave you confused,depressed,shocked,questioning everything.
Im currently there. How do you go no contact and be ok. Mine discarded me for the 6 time. Has not spoken to me at all ive sent him messages he wont say a word. Whats ghosting?
@@jessicasolano2727 ghosting is when they are basically going no contact, but its really a form of manipulation of power and control, they just stop communicating with you. Youll be send ing messages asking why, what, how did you do something wrong? Stop immediately, they are waiting and watxhing you suffer, seeing how much you need them, then they will groom you again and discard you again. Its sick abusive control tactics. If your not supplying them with sex, service, or narcissitic supply, they dont need you. Please listen to what i am saying and delete them from your phone, memories and life. Block his number. File a protection order because he is going to keep tabs on you while hes grooming other victims who ont see through his bullshit.
Going no contact is a big deal. No more of them in any facet of your life. Dont answer phone calls, dont answer emails, dont answer messages from friends that know them because more than not they have groomed your friends or assimilated them, probably slept with ones they coerced. Trust only your family and a few that you absolutely have your back. Seek counseling and stay no contact, cause whats they figure out that you know their game, they will seek out that abuse cause they feed on it. Please erase him from your life, and do anything to keep them out of your head, exercise, go out and meet new people and make sure you watch for red flags of cluster b personality types. Pray alot, god is showing you the higher powers at work trying to protect you from them. Be safe and document everything.
Just something to make Lee laugh…After five years with my Narcissist (and knowing him for about 25) I decided I had enough with the art he gave me all over my house and I decided it was time to set it all ablaze in order to have a sort of ritualistic cleanse and make myself feel better, and less visually triggered. I gathered up the canvases and took them about a mile away to a spot where I knew I could safely burn them all without causing a five alarm fire anywhere. I got them all together and proceeded to try to burn them…and it just wouldn’t work. I was so frustrated lighting and re-lighting. Until I remembered him saying once many years ago… the canvases were flame-retardant. You literally cannot burn them. I had been set-up by the ego of the narcissist to never be able to marr anything in his image, he won that one! Mannnn as mad as I was I almost had to laugh. #Diabolical
Because when I was with her, it was those rare moments of nice, maybe a smile, that would take the pain away, my brain is telling me now 6 months after discard, it is only her that can take this agony away.
I can now imagine that every wonderful thing that he did was either a set up, or a cover up. I showed up too open and honest and he took advantage of that. I will never be that vulnerable again.
“I’d feel better with that person than feeling the pain of being without them” Hit the nail on the head man. I’m not crying, you’re crying! Another A+ video Lee. I’m approaching a level of bravery to schedule a one on one.
@@KelleyBroussardMackaig I still cry but I don't feel like I'm dying anymore. Before I used to cry because of the pain and hurt but now I cry because I miss who I thought he was/what I thought we had and that we'll never be together again.But I'm still healing and I know another 3 weeks from now I will feel much better:) (blocking them on social media and going no contact definitely helps!!)
Honestly I do miss him, but I must love me enough not to subject myself to that. Hope him the best hopefully he'll get the help he need. All I can do is pray for him as I pray for myself to heal and be the best person that I was created to be. These videos are so helpful. Truly I thank GOD for them. Thanks for sharing with us. Stay Blessed.
You have no idea how validated i feel watching your videos. For the longest time my narcissist has made me believe i was the problem when in reality it is him. Ive tried some of the techniques you've suggested such as not reacting and it seemed to work a bit. Im going to continue this. I have been watching all your videos and I literally cannot believe how many things are the same between what you say and he does
Why don't narcissists like to share? The narcissist I know doesn't want me to have a good relationship with my own family and friends. They want everything and everyone to themselves.
Thank you.. it’s hard to feel like I’m still missing him when he so clearly has moved on so easily and appears to be living his best life not missing me at all. Add that to the fact that people seem to expect us to heal from emotional wounds faster than physical ones for some reason.
The last 3 points were very good. I think You don't miss the narc once you see the whole them for who they really were and if they refused to see you as a person or get help like Mr. Hammock. Instead, You miss the person you thought they were and miss the person they could've/ should've been and led you to believe they were. You miss the pieces of yourself they stole and the one who mirrored you all while not realizing what was truly going on behind the scenes/ mask. My son said he mourns the what should have been with his dad but cannot honestly say he misses HIM because he doesn't feel like he really knew him and he did not want to get to know us really. Grieving feels a lot like missing someone and it hurts more when you realize the person you lost never really existed. Trauma bonds are super tough and The longer and deeper ones take longer to unravel. The wasted time, effort and potential is what makes you most sad and that huge investment of yourself and resources is tied to them but not really about them so it makes feelings harder to understand and define early on.
They have hearts and wounded souls, so their castle (ego) have moats and shields surrounding themselves. They take captives and then punish them. They are getting back at the world and what it did to them and they are taking it all out on you. They derive satisfaction from this type of painful "regulation". The more we feel sorry for their problems, the more they can control us. And yes they can be sweet and helpful but the emotional maturity is rarely past a seven year old boy. We never see them coming until after the problems and manipulations start. We are in love with the image they project, and they do EVERYTHING to get the attention and supply, until...well, along comes the next victim.
@@Lindy.T be careful not to romanticize it like the Phantom of the Opera or Beauty and the Beast scenarios. There are damaged people who can be helped with kindness and love and those that probably cannot even with therapy and meds and professionals. Like the Phantom may have a great voice and tragic haunting story that pulls you in and makes you feel for them BUT he is also a mass murderer and so unstable he thinks of Christine (play) as a possession. Very few are like Lee Hammock and even then only trained people should attempt to help these people once you are aware and that is one of the hardest parts of loving one of these people who are super malignant.
The only thing I miss is the activity. What I want is the peace, and I have that now. I missed that more being able to relax and feel good about myself.
Great video. I hate how people say it was never love between my ex and I. It was only addiction. I know I love him and I know he loves me. I also know he isn’t healthy and acts out in hurtful ways more often than not, after his double standards and silent treatment lasting longer and longer, I too behave in unhealthy ways and lash out so I do see how someone who can’t tolerate discomfort can get that way but just is hypersensitive. Since he didn’t learn to trust me and to have a conversation about what was triggering him, I had to decide to leave and to stop blaming him just like he blames me. I could accept who he was so I continued trying to fix him by staying my boundary, I can’t tolerate constant silent treatment, so why didn’t I leave? It wasn’t to control him, I stayed because The thought of losing someone I love is unbearable as a death. But he pushed me to breaking point. And I know for future relationships, I can not stay and invest when someone is not actively working to improve themselves and our dynamic. When he’s triggered he does not love me. I don’t want to be with someone who stops loving me when they’re mad or scared. I may have withdrawals but all relationships that come to an end cause this, it may just be stronger with a narcissistic ex depending on who you are. It’s hurtful to me when people dehumanize my ex, so I appreciate those who show respect but also point out the facts as you do Lee. Thanks again for helping keep me strong and respectful towards myself and my ex.
I had a covert discard me. He used me for a job and friends and eventually a mutual friend he wanted to be with romantically and made it seem like i was the issue. They of course sided with him. It was mental torture for the past 5 months , he would message me and then block and then message me again unfriend me on social media until one day he blew up through psn saying some bs after I simply just ignored him. Its pretty tough having to lose a whole group of friends
There are lyrics from a Mobb Deep song, Prodigy says “Im going down, taking my enemies with me, and if not, they scar so they will never forget me.” We don’t forget them because they left a deep scar. For better or worse, it’s damn near impossible to forget them. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t detach, and understand and realize, it’s not so much the person, but the feelings you miss. You remember how good it felt when certain chemicals were released in the brain. Understand that you are whole and complete on your own. Missing people is a normal thing. But, you don’t need anyone else, narc or not, to complete you.
I love your comedic candidness lol..I always hear on other videos narcs don’t really miss people but they miss what you give them, Thank you for that clarification!
I left my nar. Ex I moved up stairs 16 floor he lives in the 6 we see each other sometimes he says hi I say hi and he walks out the elevator . My situation is different cuz we live in the same building. He treated me bad , but when are in the elevator I feel bad
Lee, I laughed out loud at the narcissist robot 😂 I.am.here.to.destroy.you..beep.boop.beep😂😂😂😂😂 I can laugh at this because my last relationship with a narcissist ended nearly 2 years ago. I'll admit I missed him SO MUCH at first though (unlike my narcissistic ex husband). We weren't together long enough for him to really get deep into the devaluing phase (although he still did plenty of ish) but the thing I missed the most - we'd be driving along and he'd hold my hand and sometimes just randomly take my hand and kiss it. He would get upset if I wouldn't let him get the door for me and he liked to buy gifts. Maybe that's normal for some people but I'd never been with someone who treated me that way. Sigh, oh well. Sadly, the bad outweighed the good but it was hard for a while.
I can relate to this very much, Its all the sweet things he did that has me caught up and having a hard time letting go. Mine did the same thing, he would take my hand and kiss it, buy me really thoughtful gifts, rub my feet every night. I had never been with someone who treated me that way either. however, I had also never been with someone who tried to manipulate me, gaslight me, stonewall me, and make me feel like I couldn't be myself around him at times. Some of his ways were so gentle and sweet and others were just so unhealthy and like you said the bad outweighed the good and ultimately I had to leave him. It has been really hard to process.
@@nicoleoldford6694 isn't it amazing that someone so sick and toxic can simultaneously be so sweet and thoughtful? It boggles the mind that it could have been an act. Is it possible he could sincerely be caring and yet be a complete monster in other areas? I struggle to understand it. My ex husband was mostly just a monster so it was somewhat easier to make sense of his brand of crazy/evil.
@@TheOriginalJenafire Yes! It boggles my mind too. I question too if it was an act. I think that if there wasn't such good aspects we would not have been caught up in their web in the first place. I think its possible that these are good qualities that they possess but they are just so wounded that they don't know how to treat someone in a loving way when it comes to the emotional aspect of the relationship. It is very confusing and makes it hard to let go for sure! I hope you are doing well now that its been a while.
@@bbyoung8429 I never had the sweet times or love bombing with my most recent narcissist. He was pretty bad from the offset but it didn't stop me falling hard. He never pretended to be anything but what he was which was emotionally unavailable. Now I understand that there's something in me that drew me to him probably because of my narcissistic mother and a father who didn't care enough to stop her. When I read about exes who could be sweet and kind I think it must be so hard to walk away.
Saw my Ex 3 weeks ago after 97 days. She lives 2 blocks from me. I said face ur fears, remember everything u learned from the videos. Short & polite. After the hello, I asked about her bad ankle.As she was telling me she walked up, put her hand on my forearm and said U r still Awesome. I melted. I said U r still a Beautiful Queen. We talked a lil more, she said she misses me at times, when she needs to call a contractor. Or when she has a tuff decision to make & I'm not there to give her advice. I told her I was going to send her Roses for Valentines day(Purple, her favorite). She said I would've liked that. I told her I loved & missed her. She mirrored me. When I left I ordered the roses. After thinking I set myself up, I just gave her validation. I tried to cancel the delivery. They had been delivered. She has not Thank me. She went NC Thanksgiving after wishing me Happy birthday & Thanksgiving. I realize it's not so much her I miss, it's who I thought she was & the dreams she promised. But the dreams will come true. Just not with her.
I’m feeling it today, so sad. It’s a Friday and usually we spend weekends together. I miss him, I’m upset. So sad right now and mad at myself for missing him.
I sacrificed so much to be able to enjoy his good moments while swimming through the bad. I mostly miss the version of him that was just mirroring my interest but I rly miss talking to him. I hate it. It makes me feel so weak.
I miss her and really love her I spent 20 years of my life with her and I know she’s not good for me but I was the one that left and went no contact. It’s okay to miss them but using logic I’m not gonna break no contact because I know how this ends, keep up the good work Mr Lee , there are a lot of people going through it.
HOLY S*** Thank you. On another one of your vids you even called out what would be in the Hoovering texts. " Hey " " Missing the you that was so loving " Couple of ' meaningful ' songs. Exactly 💯 percent as you said. ....✌️😭🙏🙏🙏
One month tomorrow no contact. I be missing him today. Thanks for all of the videos Lee. It's good to just be able to search a narc thing and you pretty much always have a video on that issue.
I think the reason it's so rough than a nornal split is because you're breaking up with who u thought they were, the narcissist, and then the trauma bond to deal with. And yea, there's LOTS of triggers around. Especially if u lived in the same place a long time. It's like I'm living with triggers and I can't move. It's like.. HARD. Walking anywhere in the house just.. It was a family for 13 yrs. At times it's like ghosts of them can still be there. Emotional thinking can be very high.
I liked this a LOT. This section of it.. Idk Lee. Me PERSONALLY I'd like to hear more of what you could say, but then again it's kinda like, what more do you want him to say.. I think it's just HEARING a narcissist SAY that yea they miss ppl, it's understandable bc u spent so much time w them etc. I guess some videos make it seem like a narcissist just comsumes like a machine without looking back twice. And if u know their stubborn, prolly won't even THINK twice let alone look twice..
You're perspective is incredibly helpful. You make me feel ok with myself and give me strength to not give in to my trauma bonded emotions. And you make me laugh.. Thank you!!
I miss him alright... And I don't regret it. But never again, no going back this time. I got out just in time. And alive. Thank God. After a year with the narcissist you can write a book. All the years before him - not much to write about. And after him - enogh for the rest of my life to write about. They do provide the material for you.
I left my narc 6 weeks ago. He moved me away from my family and he became my person. I have one friend here but no family. I am currently staying with my friend. I miss him and I feel crazy. Like I am making it all up in my mind. He has given me gifts and cards. I got sick with the flu and he told me “I wish you were here so I could take care of you.” He would only take care of me for a couple of days and then act like I didn’t need help so I know in my mind he would do it for very long but I guess I am still hoping he will change and be everyone want and need even though I know he can’t. I have a choice of moving to where my family is to be with them but I k ow if I do my marriage is over. I feel paralyzed with fear on making a decision, there are pros and cons to it. I use to be so strong and fearless and now I feel weak and helpless.
In Economics, it's called "Opportunity Cost," You miss the time you could have spent with someone genuine; a genuine husband, father, and in-laws. Your narcissist spouse can also tote along a narcissist mother, step-father, siblings, etc. When you marry a person, you're also marrying their family tree. Their messed-up parents, step-parents, siblings, etc. are half your and your children's family. Your children are half them--that can't ever be changed.
The problem is that they cause their own abandonment. Why name call, put down, attack the persons character, and try to belittle and devalue the person that loves u?! Im processing my own grief and I can’t help but miss him. Just ended it again yesterday with the help of a dear friend. This is after several times of trying to end it. I would feel relieved when he would end it..he’d say good bye and a relief would wash over me. Even the thought of having him as a friend sounds good because he was good as a friend, and us laughing and just having a good time…but the question is..a person who says these nasty things isn’t exactly a good friend now are they..?? No their not. This unfortunately is where the mourning is. And what I am struggling with and I am sure so are others. It’s the good side.. the person underneath the crap. It’s just sad, because I showed a friend of mine past messages and even up to ending it.. and she says.. he doesn’t want to hear. He doesn’t want to change. He never will. He was trying to brag saying he was right when I ended the relationship for my last and final time, saying the relationship was shallow. And he had just said he takes that back the day before after I asked him if he meant that because he had a rage and decided to throw this comment in my direction . The reality is that HE is SHALLOW ! He is the one WHO DOESNT CARE about people’s feelings, he is the one who is SElFISH!!! HIM!!! Every insult is a representation of them!! I stood up to him every step of the way…the fool!! We had hope for them to change, because we loved them. This just breaks my heart. It’s is their loss in the end. He lost me. Some one who really loved him. And for anyone who is reading this…they lost u.. it is their loss.. let’s be happy and say thank god and walk with our heads held high. And never look back.
It’s so hard because he was talking to new girls already when I was moving out of the apartment we lived in. He didn’t even wait for my place in the bed to get cold. I think I mattered to him, but his behaviour just makes me feel like he truly didn’t give a shit about me
Try to forgive yourself. They always start elevated with great Behavior. The devaluing begins only after you have become emotionally invested. The mirroring in the beginning has you falling in love with yourself.
Dealing with this now. I don't miss " him" actually I guess I miss the routine an the void it filled. An there are so many reminders such as license plates of his home state an one time about a week ago I was making a u turn in a neighborhood I look up an there was a street that was his actual name. I hated it. I was like really ugh why I just want to move forward instead of feeling this impending feeling. Maybe because there was no closure the way it ended an Im not sure what is next. Will time pass will I get hoover whats next lol?
I just left him, again. I am confident in making the healthy decision but he was extremely mentally ill and I feel reay sad and broken for him. I called him my bb boy, and I miss that. But I was more like a caregiver, sex partner, not an equal. :/ prayers to healing, him and I.
1st let me say, thanks for being transparent and trying to help others with valuable information... I read in the comments someone trying to understand if the narc genuinely misses them, here's what I've learned: That deep down most narcs are insecure, have low self esteem and self worth. When you are around they are feeding off your good qualities and attributes. Almost draining them out of you. So when you leave you take that energy force with you and that's what they miss (and what you did for them). It's like being a cellphone/charger and the outlet walks away lol the phone eventually has to go back to being dead or scramble to find another power source (of course most already have other back up supply lingering in the wings, but not like YOU) idk a better way to describe it 🤷🏾♀️
I damn near ruined my marriage over a narcissist... God knows good n well I DONT miss that SOB AT ALL! Shoot there are times I want to go find his number and remind him often that he aint sh*t, but that'll only make him think I'm still pressed over him. Nope not one bit! I'm grateful God made me realize I was NOT CRAZY like he tried to make me feel/think. Whoo chile!
Everything i see and I touch reminds me of her 6 months later.. it’s torturous. It’s like she live rent free in my head. Sigh 😔 I cry to myself whenever I miss her and can’t hold it in..
OT: WHY does the narcissist watch the same movies over and over, eat at the same restaurants, wear the same cologne (or boast spray) the same same same same of just about everything for YEARS or even FOREVER? What’s behind that?? Please someone answer me. I have one JUST LIKE THAT. No deviations! This is the first time I’ve heard someone actually bring it up.
I miss what may have been. I saw the flags and cut him out and blocked him... yet I second guess myself and wonder if I am wrong... but all the flags where there but one can miss what might have been... the issue is remaing strong against that wonder knowing full well they hope you give them another chance bc of your doubt... know full well they will burn you if given the chance... yet, I am a ;it butthurt he hasnt reached out to fix it or try to convince me I was wrong!
I miss him honestly. I had some deep abandonment trauma. That I felt it's better to have someone around. He .made me see I never needed him I just had to heal thoes wounds. By truely loving me and seeing my worth. I love myself more now and doing so much soul healing. I would never expect his behaviour that's why he lied bout the other supply. He knew I would never expect his behavior and thats why we finally ended . I was so sicken and it broke my fucking heart . I just hope he is happy with the new girl. But I am the single one after our so called relationship . But I love me more now and will never lay down with dogs again
I haven’t heard from her in 6 weeks . If she misses me she sure is hiding it well . I am busted up bad about losing her even though I am figuring out how she was I love her and miss her
I had to come back to look at this one just really feeling some type today. After a few months of not being around my narcissistic.physically, emotional, mental abusive azz bd.. feel like im missing him. Had an explosive really heated convo earlier that was nothing but toxic.....but for some reason a part of me missed the arguing for a minute crazy as it sounded and started just reminiscing. 😢😢
When you miss what someone gives you but you don't give them anything back, the relationship isn't mutual and it's selfish. That's what supply is. The narcissist parent in my life would NEVER give me a word in...like how are you, and right after that went off for hours talking about themselves, then then would leave when he was done unpacking. All about them being bored, needing attention or something to do and using you for it. Meanwhile I'm just thinking the whole time "does this person see how they are acting?". They have an ability to make you just comply. But when I had ANY request, this person was no were to be found. Or "had other plans". They miss you because your just another person they can use and now your gone, and it reminds them of their biggest fear of everyone leaving them. But the other person's feeling and concerns are nothing to them!
These trolls have been gettin' on Lee's nerves. "Shut up!" That's the second time I heard him say that tonight. Made me smile. In an attempt to know who is safe and who isn't, the more one dimensional we make narcissists, the safer we feel. But, painting them with the same brush is what they do to us. They make us interchangeable supply. We do the same to narcissists when we say things like they all have no feelings, they all listen to Hooba Stank. They all worship an imaginary moon goddess, look to the sky after dusk for their mothership and go streaking after midnight. 🤣
I miss the the man he lead me to believe he was, but I DON'T miss the man he truly is.
This right here!!
Exactly!
Same and it's hard sometimes reminding myself that wasn't him
Very well said 👏
Me too 😢
1. We’re human, we have feelings. God built us to love.
2. Not every moment was bad
3. Love bombing effects are real
4. Missing someone doesn’t mean you want them back, the same way forgiving someone doesn’t mean you forget
Exactly
I needed that because I’m sitting here with tears in my fighting the urge to text the narc and the history of narcs I’ve had in my life like I know I’m doing the best thing for me and my sanity but like you said we’re human and we have feelings and it can be hard sometimes and right now I’m having a weak mommy but I can’t break the no contact I can’t because I’ll be right back where I was… I always dated while I was broken and kept getting the same person with different people and I can’t do that to myself ever again I can’t…. I need to truly truly heal and find myself again 😔
Beautiful said
Thank you
I started recording conversations with him awhile ago (to prove to myself that he was gaslighting me). Any time I miss him, I listen to one of the audio clips - and then I don't miss him anymore.
I have over 50 recordings or more. I listen to them when I begin to miss him. Then I remember why I should not miss him. A real wake up call.
I started to do the same thing, because they would swear I was making things up. It was so bad I was questioning my own thoughts and mental state
And you know - that really does work . Every so often i get a little soft inside for my abuser ( after all , I loved him very much once upon a time ...) And i tell myself to think of every dirty , rotten thing he ever did to me , every lie he ever told me , all the grief and misery he caused me , and all that I lost ....and that softness goes away , and I become even stronger ...
smart
I did this too, but saved the texts or wrote down the incidents. We quickly forget how bad these episodes are. I'm emotionally exhausted. I don't go back because just reading them gives me a headache, so instead, I have a hot bath and go to bed early, then wake up refreshed.
I miss his body sometimes. That's it. I don't miss the mood swings, lies, secrecy, manipulation, silent treatments, waiting, accusations, not knowing what's going on ...the list goes on...
That said, I left over two years ago and still think about him every day and dream about him too. When I first left him, the withdrawal felt like physical pain.
Would I have him back? No. Do I respond to his occasional hoover? No.
I bet there's 4000 miles of other bodies in your town. Personally I'd just as soon have a dead body!
Thankyou for sharing
Ditto
Me too
Strong sista...!
Reading your comment and listening to this man’s videos realizing that I’ve been dating a narcissist for 5 years…. At least now I know I’m not crazy about how I feel
How long was your relationship?
I still miss his hugs. 😢
They were huge.
But the price I paid was too much.
Not worth it
I miss her touch, when she did touch me, miss her hugs, when she did hug me, miss her kiss, when she kissed me with actual warmth. I guess I'm missing an idea of her... A shadow of what she was. I don't know for definite that she was a narcissist, but it sure feels like it
I'd rather hug a Kodiak Bear
Yeah, in reality, hugging a grizzly might be less dangerous. 😂 At least death would come quickly, instead of the slow death of your mind and heart that a narcissistic relationship gives. 🥲
I believe that is a fact, we miss the false persona....and therein lies the truth to this sick trauma bond.
I was deleting photos yesterday from the last 3 & 1/2 years of our time together, and our travels. It was hard. I cried a lot...but I made myself step back and remember how things really were. This is the farthest I've ever gotten in erasing him from my life. I know in my heart that I am finally free. Thank You Lord!👏🏼💓
@@wattsymusicandfilm It was a broadway performance, a fake show put on just for you. She doesn't even actually exist, she is a shell
At the end: Narc wants more for less. Damn that hit home. 🎯
“Narcissistic love is riding on the rollercoaster of disaster filled with a heart full of tears.” - Sheree Griffin
We miss them because of the codependcy, time spent, and the strong desire for them to be who we want them to be for us. Also, all of that damage is programming. You become so programmed to the abuse, lies, cheating, betrayal, etc. negative experiences that when better things and healthy ppl come around, it's almost foreign to your mind because of the program. That's why it's always important to actually heal when you leave a toxic/bad relationship. Being alone detoxes you and the trauma you've been through, so you can easily attract the beautiful things you need.
For you to not to continue to attract NARCS...you have to break soulties...with them....go see videos of RC Blakes...you Will understand It better...
I cant stop missing her. The pain is too much some days, i have to knock myself out. I miss someone who didn't love or care.
I needed to read your comment. Thanks. Be blessed
This is Right on time for me. Thank you GOD in JESUS MIGHTY NAME AMEN 🙏..💯✌🏾
I missed and longed for the person who hurt me the most. The pain was so soul piercing I needed him to make me feel better give me closure make everything right. In reality he never helped me heal or give me closure I had to heal myself and gain my self esteem back. I had to go within myself and figure out what made me happy and complete minus him. I still have triggers but I never want to feel betrayal like that again.
And that’s why you met that person.
Very accurate. But are stronger and better today.
"Missed and longed for the person who hurt me the most!" #ThatPart... So many of us can relate. 🙏 for us all ❤.
@@tinacious1969 yes 😊♥️
Never!!!!
I just left him. It physically hurts in places I didn’t know I could feel. When I was with him I felt high, I was completely addicted to him. It’s like that line in twilight. He was my own personal brand of heroine. It felt good and bad in every way. I feel like I’m not a whole person anymore. Every part of my personality was him. It’s so hard.
I accept and I validate that my feeling (missing my narc person) is okay. But it doesn't mean that I have to open the door and let him back to destroy me again. Feeling is temporary. I will be comfortable without him. It's okay to feel this pain alone. It's okay that nobody around me could understand. Part of me is hurt, it means I am a human. 😢
Thanks. Everytime I begin to think about the few good times (they were GREAT), I force myself to think about the bad times (they were horrible) straighten my back, and keep pushing forward, without them. It's a well-worth-it process. Be strong survivor, keep going. 💪
3 months on and I'm still missing him but I know my self worth and each day it gets a little easier!! So good luck guys 🍀
6 months for me and its really bad at the moment.
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns 4 months and still healing :/
@@emanspi its been slightly better for me these past 2 weeks. Hopefully I've turned a corner. Who knows.
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns im glad its better. For me it has not been linear. Let’s see..
@@emanspi good luck emanuel.
We miss them when we think about the GOOD TIMES or what could have been
🎯🎯
God, I was just thinking of him .. asking myself why I miss him everyday
😞It’s hard
You miss who you thought he was/you miss his potential 😩
@@paulinerubin92 it’s 🥺 but never gonna talk with him again never even!
Umm🤔Maybe he put a spell on me, I try like h.ll to resist, I get tired of having him in my head.
☹️🥺
We miss them for the reasons we fell in love with them. Mine was funny and liked good music and was so cute. I miss those qualities. That’s normal. There are reasons we were drawn to the person. I finally reached the point where losing him, even though it’s the hardest thing I have ever done, was the best thing I could do for myself.
I miss his laughter, he was a good looking man. I miss how he understood what I meant without using words( I am easy to read anyway) I miss we go everywhere together when I am not working. I miss him pulling me out of the house on the week end to just take a road trip.
I don’t miss him calling me idiot. Raising hell for small things. But I will not marry him. I can’t trust him
I miss her like hell
Yes I miss them so I started Journaling to remind me of the abuse
Thank u
👏🏽
They don't have s place in my heart, they have a place in my brain.
Crying as I watch this video knowing you are right! It’s hard no to miss someone you invested so much on. This person never loved me and moving on is my only choice. 💪🏻
Crying too , I invested half of my life into her
I'm also crying. It hurts to the bone knowing that he's out there not giving a F, never did, and I just can't get over him. God, I hate it...
But what you felt and gave was real. Now we get to experience something even deeper, which is self esteem, self love, and most importantly self respect by walking away and never tolerating that kind of BS from anyone else.
Well first off having a relationship with a maniac, that gives you manic sex, manic words, manic lies, manic deception grooms you for trauma, makes leaving them hard, cause your bonded over abuse and are a victim of stockholm syndrome. The affects of discard leave you confused,depressed,shocked,questioning everything.
☹️☹️☹️🥺🥺
Im currently there. How do you go no contact and be ok. Mine discarded me for the 6 time. Has not spoken to me at all ive sent him messages he wont say a word. Whats ghosting?
@@jessicasolano2727 ghosting is when they are basically going no contact, but its really a form of manipulation of power and control, they just stop communicating with you. Youll be send ing messages asking why, what, how did you do something wrong? Stop immediately, they are waiting and watxhing you suffer, seeing how much you need them, then they will groom you again and discard you again. Its sick abusive control tactics. If your not supplying them with sex, service, or narcissitic supply, they dont need you. Please listen to what i am saying and delete them from your phone, memories and life. Block his number. File a protection order because he is going to keep tabs on you while hes grooming other victims who ont see through his bullshit.
Going no contact is a big deal. No more of them in any facet of your life. Dont answer phone calls, dont answer emails, dont answer messages from friends that know them because more than not they have groomed your friends or assimilated them, probably slept with ones they coerced. Trust only your family and a few that you absolutely have your back. Seek counseling and stay no contact, cause whats they figure out that you know their game, they will seek out that abuse cause they feed on it. Please erase him from your life, and do anything to keep them out of your head, exercise, go out and meet new people and make sure you watch for red flags of cluster b personality types. Pray alot, god is showing you the higher powers at work trying to protect you from them. Be safe and document everything.
Manic is a perfect description. My ex was manic about everything, gave me constant anxiety.
Just something to make Lee laugh…After five years with my Narcissist (and knowing him for about 25) I decided I had enough with the art he gave me all over my house and I decided it was time to set it all ablaze in order to have a sort of ritualistic cleanse and make myself feel better, and less visually triggered. I gathered up the canvases and took them about a mile away to a spot where I knew I could safely burn them all without causing a five alarm fire anywhere. I got them all together and proceeded to try to burn them…and it just wouldn’t work. I was so frustrated lighting and re-lighting. Until I remembered him saying once many years ago… the canvases were flame-retardant. You literally cannot burn them. I had been set-up by the ego of the narcissist to never be able to marr anything in his image, he won that one! Mannnn as mad as I was I almost had to laugh. #Diabolical
Wonderful effort, though! Are they axe proof?
😳😳😳😳😳😳😳
@@lisarodriguez6966 😂😂😂😂
Plan b- slash them with a knife lol
Just those that junk in a dumpster two counties over
Because when I was with her, it was those rare moments of nice, maybe a smile, that would take the pain away, my brain is telling me now 6 months after discard, it is only her that can take this agony away.
I can now imagine that every wonderful thing that he did was either a set up, or a cover up. I showed up too open and honest and he took advantage of that. I will never be that vulnerable again.
stay strong
I still miss my ex. But I had to see him 2 days ago in court. Before that, I was moving on. It is a rollercoaster ride leaving the narcissist.
“I’d feel better with that person than feeling the pain of being without them”
Hit the nail on the head man. I’m not crying, you’re crying!
Another A+ video Lee. I’m approaching a level of bravery to schedule a one on one.
Wow this was really therapeutic went no contact but the person still calls which triggers and starts the I miss spiral
I can't wait until I don't miss him anymore. He hurt and embarrassed me so much but he moved on so fast and I'm just so miserable :)
I feel you, God do I feel you... It looks like it's been about three weeks since you posted this, how are you doing??
@@KelleyBroussardMackaig I still cry but I don't feel like I'm dying anymore. Before I used to cry because of the pain and hurt but now I cry because I miss who I thought he was/what I thought we had and that we'll never be together again.But I'm still healing and I know another 3 weeks from now I will feel much better:) (blocking them on social media and going no contact definitely helps!!)
I really needed to hear this today. Thank you for sharing and posting.
Honestly I do miss him, but I must love me enough not to subject myself to that. Hope him the best hopefully he'll get the help he need. All I can do is pray for him as I pray for myself to heal and be the best person that I was created to be. These videos are so helpful. Truly I thank GOD for them. Thanks for sharing with us. Stay Blessed.
I swear this is my FAVORITE NARCISSIST! 🤦🏾♀️🤷🏽♀️🤣 I might be toxic myself 🤔
😂😂😂🙌🏽
You have no idea how validated i feel watching your videos. For the longest time my narcissist has made me believe i was the problem when in reality it is him. Ive tried some of the techniques you've suggested such as not reacting and it seemed to work a bit. Im going to continue this. I have been watching all your videos and I literally cannot believe how many things are the same between what you say and he does
Why don't narcissists like to share? The narcissist I know doesn't want me to have a good relationship with my own family and friends. They want everything and everyone to themselves.
Thank you.. it’s hard to feel like I’m still missing him when he so clearly has moved on so easily and appears to be living his best life not missing me at all. Add that to the fact that people seem to expect us to heal from emotional wounds faster than physical ones for some reason.
The last 3 points were very good. I think You don't miss the narc once you see the whole them for who they really were and if they refused to see you as a person or get help like Mr. Hammock. Instead, You miss the person you thought they were and miss the person they could've/ should've been and led you to believe they were. You miss the pieces of yourself they stole and the one who mirrored you all while not realizing what was truly going on behind the scenes/ mask. My son said he mourns the what should have been with his dad but cannot honestly say he misses HIM because he doesn't feel like he really knew him and he did not want to get to know us really. Grieving feels a lot like missing someone and it hurts more when you realize the person you lost never really existed. Trauma bonds are super tough and The longer and deeper ones take longer to unravel. The wasted time, effort and potential is what makes you most sad and that huge investment of yourself and resources is tied to them but not really about them so it makes feelings harder to understand and define early on.
They have hearts and wounded souls, so their castle (ego) have moats and shields surrounding themselves. They take captives and then punish them. They are getting back at the world and what it did to them and they are taking it all out on you. They derive satisfaction from this type of painful "regulation". The more we feel sorry for their problems, the more they can control us. And yes they can be sweet and helpful but the emotional maturity is rarely past a seven year old boy. We never see them coming until after the problems and manipulations start. We are in love with the image they project, and they do EVERYTHING to get the attention and supply, until...well, along comes the next victim.
@@Lindy.T be careful not to romanticize it like the Phantom of the Opera or Beauty and the Beast scenarios. There are damaged people who can be helped with kindness and love and those that probably cannot even with therapy and meds and professionals. Like the Phantom may have a great voice and tragic haunting story that pulls you in and makes you feel for them BUT he is also a mass murderer and so unstable he thinks of Christine (play) as a possession. Very few are like Lee Hammock and even then only trained people should attempt to help these people once you are aware and that is one of the hardest parts of loving one of these people who are super malignant.
The only thing I miss is the activity. What I want is the peace, and I have that now. I missed that more being able to relax and feel good about myself.
Great video. I hate how people say it was never love between my ex and I. It was only addiction. I know I love him and I know he loves me. I also know he isn’t healthy and acts out in hurtful ways more often than not, after his double standards and silent treatment lasting longer and longer, I too behave in unhealthy ways and lash out so I do see how someone who can’t tolerate discomfort can get that way but just is hypersensitive. Since he didn’t learn to trust me and to have a conversation about what was triggering him, I had to decide to leave and to stop blaming him just like he blames me. I could accept who he was so I continued trying to fix him by staying my boundary, I can’t tolerate constant silent treatment, so why didn’t I leave? It wasn’t to control him, I stayed because The thought of losing someone I love is unbearable as a death. But he pushed me to breaking point. And I know for future relationships, I can not stay and invest when someone is not actively working to improve themselves and our dynamic. When he’s triggered he does not love me. I don’t want to be with someone who stops loving me when they’re mad or scared. I may have withdrawals but all relationships that come to an end cause this, it may just be stronger with a narcissistic ex depending on who you are. It’s hurtful to me when people dehumanize my ex, so I appreciate those who show respect but also point out the facts as you do Lee. Thanks again for helping keep me strong and respectful towards myself and my ex.
I had a covert discard me. He used me for a job and friends and eventually a mutual friend he wanted to be with romantically and made it seem like i was the issue. They of course sided with him. It was mental torture for the past 5 months , he would message me and then block and then message me again unfriend me on social media until one day he blew up through psn saying some bs after I simply just ignored him. Its pretty tough having to lose a whole group of friends
Move forward don’t look back
Gods help you all will succeed 🥰😍
There are lyrics from a Mobb Deep song, Prodigy says “Im going down, taking my enemies with me, and if not, they scar so they will never forget me.”
We don’t forget them because they left a deep scar. For better or worse, it’s damn near impossible to forget them. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t detach, and understand and realize, it’s not so much the person, but the feelings you miss. You remember how good it felt when certain chemicals were released in the brain.
Understand that you are whole and complete on your own. Missing people is a normal thing. But, you don’t need anyone else, narc or not, to complete you.
I miss him less and less. There is hope you'all. Keep calling out the bad behaviour as reminders so you never forget.
🙌🏾🙌🏾
I love your comedic candidness lol..I always hear on other videos narcs don’t really miss people but they miss what you give them, Thank you for that clarification!
I hate seeing him with someone else 😭😭😭 it's like someone kept a huge rock on my heart
He acts like he doesn't miss me. I cry everyday. I miss him. But he is no good for me.
takes time
I left my nar. Ex I moved up stairs 16 floor he lives in the 6 we see each other sometimes he says hi I say hi and he walks out the elevator . My situation is different cuz we live in the same building. He treated me bad , but when are in the elevator I feel bad
Lee, I laughed out loud at the narcissist robot 😂 I.am.here.to.destroy.you..beep.boop.beep😂😂😂😂😂
I can laugh at this because my last relationship with a narcissist ended nearly 2 years ago. I'll admit I missed him SO MUCH at first though (unlike my narcissistic ex husband). We weren't together long enough for him to really get deep into the devaluing phase (although he still did plenty of ish) but the thing I missed the most - we'd be driving along and he'd hold my hand and sometimes just randomly take my hand and kiss it. He would get upset if I wouldn't let him get the door for me and he liked to buy gifts. Maybe that's normal for some people but I'd never been with someone who treated me that way. Sigh, oh well. Sadly, the bad outweighed the good but it was hard for a while.
stay empowered
I can relate to this very much, Its all the sweet things he did that has me caught up and having a hard time letting go. Mine did the same thing, he would take my hand and kiss it, buy me really thoughtful gifts, rub my feet every night. I had never been with someone who treated me that way either. however, I had also never been with someone who tried to manipulate me, gaslight me, stonewall me, and make me feel like I couldn't be myself around him at times. Some of his ways were so gentle and sweet and others were just so unhealthy and like you said the bad outweighed the good and ultimately I had to leave him. It has been really hard to process.
@@nicoleoldford6694 isn't it amazing that someone so sick and toxic can simultaneously be so sweet and thoughtful? It boggles the mind that it could have been an act. Is it possible he could sincerely be caring and yet be a complete monster in other areas? I struggle to understand it.
My ex husband was mostly just a monster so it was somewhat easier to make sense of his brand of crazy/evil.
@@TheOriginalJenafire Yes! It boggles my mind too. I question too if it was an act. I think that if there wasn't such good aspects we would not have been caught up in their web in the first place. I think its possible that these are good qualities that they possess but they are just so wounded that they don't know how to treat someone in a loving way when it comes to the emotional aspect of the relationship. It is very confusing and makes it hard to let go for sure! I hope you are doing well now that its been a while.
@@bbyoung8429 I never had the sweet times or love bombing with my most recent narcissist. He was pretty bad from the offset but it didn't stop me falling hard. He never pretended to be anything but what he was which was emotionally unavailable. Now I understand that there's something in me that drew me to him probably because of my narcissistic mother and a father who didn't care enough to stop her. When I read about exes who could be sweet and kind I think it must be so hard to walk away.
Cracking up at the kids in the back 😂😂 and the fact that you are so focused on delivering the message you didn’t flinch! Great word !
Saw my Ex 3 weeks ago after 97 days. She lives 2 blocks from me. I said face ur fears, remember everything u learned from the videos. Short & polite. After the hello, I asked about her bad ankle.As she was telling me she walked up, put her hand on my forearm and said U r still Awesome. I melted. I said U r still a Beautiful Queen. We talked a lil more, she said she misses me at times, when she needs to call a contractor. Or when she has a tuff decision to make & I'm not there to give her advice. I told her I was going to send her Roses for Valentines day(Purple, her favorite). She said I would've liked that. I told her I loved & missed her. She mirrored me. When I left
I ordered the roses. After thinking I set myself up, I just gave her validation. I tried to cancel the delivery. They had been delivered. She has not Thank me. She went NC Thanksgiving after wishing me Happy birthday & Thanksgiving. I realize it's not so much her I miss, it's who I thought she was & the dreams she promised. But the dreams will come true. Just not with her.
I’m feeling it today, so sad. It’s a Friday and usually we spend weekends together. I miss him, I’m upset. So sad right now and mad at myself for missing him.
Thank you so very much!!!
I truly needed this so badly today. I'm in recovery mode and seeing a therapist.
I sacrificed so much to be able to enjoy his good moments while swimming through the bad. I mostly miss the version of him that was just mirroring my interest but I rly miss talking to him. I hate it. It makes me feel so weak.
I miss her and really love her I spent 20 years of my life with her and I know she’s not good for me but I was the one that left and went no contact. It’s okay to miss them but using logic I’m not gonna break no contact because I know how this ends, keep up the good work Mr Lee , there are a lot of people going through it.
HOLY S***
Thank you.
On another one of your vids you even called out what would be in the Hoovering texts.
" Hey "
" Missing the you that was so loving "
Couple of ' meaningful ' songs.
Exactly 💯 percent as you said. ....✌️😭🙏🙏🙏
Stay safe
One month tomorrow no contact. I be missing him today. Thanks for all of the videos Lee. It's good to just be able to search a narc thing and you pretty much always have a video on that issue.
Going through this right now.. 6 weeks of NO CONTACT..
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 yes ma'am
I left on August 6th. Packed my stuff while he was at work, left my key. No contact too. What pushed you to leave? And has he tried to contact you?
Hi Lee I appreciate you I just left a six year relationship with a narc I'm struggling your videos are helpful thank you
I think the reason it's so rough than a nornal split is because you're breaking up with who u thought they were, the narcissist, and then the trauma bond to deal with.
And yea, there's LOTS of triggers around. Especially if u lived in the same place a long time. It's like I'm living with triggers and I can't move.
It's like.. HARD. Walking anywhere in the house just.. It was a family for 13 yrs. At times it's like ghosts of them can still be there. Emotional thinking can be very high.
I liked this a LOT. This section of it.. Idk Lee. Me PERSONALLY I'd like to hear more of what you could say, but then again it's kinda like, what more do you want him to say..
I think it's just HEARING a narcissist SAY that yea they miss ppl, it's understandable bc u spent so much time w them etc.
I guess some videos make it seem like a narcissist just comsumes like a machine without looking back twice. And if u know their stubborn, prolly won't even THINK twice let alone look twice..
i can go into detail
@@MentalHealness brotha, I'd appreciate that a LOT. 💪
You're perspective is incredibly helpful. You make me feel ok with myself and give me strength to not give in to my trauma bonded emotions. And you make me laugh.. Thank you!!
you’re welcome
I miss him alright... And I don't regret it. But never again, no going back this time. I got out just in time. And alive. Thank God. After a year with the narcissist you can write a book. All the years before him - not much to write about. And after him - enogh for the rest of my life to write about. They do provide the material for you.
You are so completely on point! Thank you for the clarity. 😊
I thank you for changing my life as well and for being so honest with who are you and bringing awareness
This guy with the bee beeps and the boop boops n the bop bops 😂😂😂
Missing a person is different than missing what you give them (supply)
I left my narc 6 weeks ago. He moved me away from my family and he became my person. I have one friend here but no family. I am currently staying with my friend. I miss him and I feel crazy. Like I am making it all up in my mind. He has given me gifts and cards. I got sick with the flu and he told me “I wish you were here so I could take care of you.” He would only take care of me for a couple of days and then act like I didn’t need help so I know in my mind he would do it for very long but I guess I am still hoping he will change and be everyone want and need even though I know he can’t.
I have a choice of moving to where my family is to be with them but I k ow if I do my marriage is over. I feel paralyzed with fear on making a decision, there are pros and cons to it. I use to be so strong and fearless and now I feel weak and helpless.
In Economics, it's called "Opportunity Cost," You miss the time you could have spent with someone genuine; a genuine husband, father, and in-laws. Your narcissist spouse can also tote along a narcissist mother, step-father, siblings, etc.
When you marry a person, you're also marrying their family tree. Their messed-up parents, step-parents, siblings, etc. are half your and your children's family. Your children are half them--that can't ever be changed.
I cry myself to sleep every night missing him. And then I'm mad at myself , I need therapy so bad.
I’m an empath and I love your personality 🙃
Thank you
Thank You for not being Boss but being down to honest
I'm strong I KNOW what crap I went through it almost took my life
I wrote down all the bad times and experiences because they outweighed the good. It made me feel anger towards him moreso than missing him.
🙏🏽
Heal, forgive, and love again
That robot demonstration 🤣 Lee you are a comedian 😂
Acting like a robot just made my week!! 😂😂
The problem is that they cause their own abandonment. Why name call, put down, attack the persons character, and try to belittle and devalue the person that loves u?! Im processing my own grief and I can’t help but miss him. Just ended it again yesterday with the help of a dear friend. This is after several times of trying to end it. I would feel relieved when he would end it..he’d say good bye and a relief would wash over me. Even the thought of having him as a friend sounds good because he was good as a friend, and us laughing and just having a good time…but the question is..a person who says these nasty things isn’t exactly a good friend now are they..?? No their not. This unfortunately is where the mourning is. And what I am struggling with and I am sure so are others. It’s the good side.. the person underneath the crap. It’s just sad, because I showed a friend of mine past messages and even up to ending it.. and she says.. he doesn’t want to hear. He doesn’t want to change. He never will. He was trying to brag saying he was right when I ended the relationship for my last and final time, saying the relationship was shallow. And he had just said he takes that back the day before after I asked him if he meant that because he had a rage and decided to throw this comment in my direction . The reality is that HE is SHALLOW ! He is the one WHO DOESNT CARE about people’s feelings, he is the one who is SElFISH!!! HIM!!! Every insult is a representation of them!! I stood up to him every step of the way…the fool!! We had hope for them to change, because we loved them. This just breaks my heart. It’s is their loss in the end. He lost me. Some one who really loved him. And for anyone who is reading this…they lost u.. it is their loss.. let’s be happy and say thank god and walk with our heads held high. And never look back.
So am I clearly that narcissist really don't miss you as a person but miss you for what you could provide to them?
Yes, that's exactly it. They miss your supply.
I read my journal and im blessed2be be dam Breathin, I wrote the affliction from him down, for a fuckin reason.
Same and this is a consistent must
It’s so hard because he was talking to new girls already when I was moving out of the apartment we lived in. He didn’t even wait for my place in the bed to get cold. I think I mattered to him, but his behaviour just makes me feel like he truly didn’t give a shit about me
How do you get over feeling like a FOOL, for dealing with the crap to begin with??????
forgive yourself
Try to forgive yourself. They always start elevated with great Behavior. The devaluing begins only after you have become emotionally invested. The mirroring in the beginning has you falling in love with yourself.
Forgive yourself but learn the lesson!
You didn't knwo what you didn't know. Lesson learned and looking forward.
It takes time to forgive yourself . And be kind to yourself -. It's not your faultj.
Dealing with this now. I don't miss " him" actually I guess I miss the routine an the void it filled. An there are so many reminders such as license plates of his home state an one time about a week ago I was making a u turn in a neighborhood I look up an there was a street that was his actual name. I hated it. I was like really ugh why I just want to move forward instead of feeling this impending feeling. Maybe because there was no closure the way it ended an Im not sure what is next. Will time pass will I get hoover whats next lol?
Thanks this is helpful❤️
I just left him, again. I am confident in making the healthy decision but he was extremely mentally ill and I feel reay sad and broken for him. I called him my bb boy, and I miss that. But I was more like a caregiver, sex partner, not an equal. :/ prayers to healing, him and I.
Damn , you are do right.
i try
1st let me say, thanks for being transparent and trying to help others with valuable information...
I read in the comments someone trying to understand if the narc genuinely misses them, here's what I've learned: That deep down most narcs are insecure, have low self esteem and self worth. When you are around they are feeding off your good qualities and attributes. Almost draining them out of you. So when you leave you take that energy force with you and that's what they miss (and what you did for them). It's like being a cellphone/charger and the outlet walks away lol the phone eventually has to go back to being dead or scramble to find another power source (of course most already have other back up supply lingering in the wings, but not like YOU) idk a better way to describe it 🤷🏾♀️
That’s a great description!!
I damn near ruined my marriage over a narcissist... God knows good n well I DONT miss that SOB AT ALL! Shoot there are times I want to go find his number and remind him often that he aint sh*t, but that'll only make him think I'm still pressed over him. Nope not one bit! I'm grateful God made me realize I was NOT CRAZY like he tried to make me feel/think. Whoo chile!
Thanks I finally left my narcissist and went no contact
Everything i see and I touch reminds me of her 6 months later.. it’s torturous. It’s like she live rent free in my head. Sigh 😔 I cry to myself whenever I miss her and can’t hold it in..
OT: WHY does the narcissist watch the same movies over and over, eat at the same restaurants, wear the same cologne (or boast spray) the same same same same of just about everything for YEARS or even FOREVER? What’s behind that??
Please someone answer me. I have one JUST LIKE THAT. No deviations! This is the first time I’ve heard someone actually bring it up.
it's all about consistency and patterns
Been back and forth with my Narc for 11 years. We just broke up again. I really want this to be the last time.
I do miss him
Yeah. I spent my adult life with mine so yes I absolutely him sometimes.
My best female friend once told me that I would never put up with such bs from her or any other of my female friends.
I acc don't anymore LOL..I just have ur post notifications on cuz u intriguing
😂
I miss her but she’s married and her husband forgave her (again). She tells people she’s so happy now but why spend a year cheating then ?
Yeah this is true
I miss what may have been. I saw the flags and cut him out and blocked him... yet I second guess myself and wonder if I am wrong... but all the flags where there but one can miss what might have been... the issue is remaing strong against that wonder knowing full well they hope you give them another chance bc of your doubt... know full well they will burn you if given the chance... yet, I am a ;it butthurt he hasnt reached out to fix it or try to convince me I was wrong!
I miss him honestly. I had some deep abandonment trauma. That I felt it's better to have someone around. He .made me see I never needed him I just had to heal thoes wounds. By truely loving me and seeing my worth. I love myself more now and doing so much soul healing. I would never expect his behaviour that's why he lied bout the other supply. He knew I would never expect his behavior and thats why we finally ended . I was so sicken and it broke my fucking heart . I just hope he is happy with the new girl. But I am the single one after our so called relationship . But I love me more now and will never lay down with dogs again
I haven’t heard from her in 6 weeks . If she misses me she sure is hiding it well . I am busted up bad about losing her even though I am figuring out how she was I love her and miss her
Needed this
I had to come back to look at this one just really feeling some type today. After a few months of not being around my narcissistic.physically, emotional, mental abusive azz bd.. feel like im missing him. Had an explosive really heated convo earlier that was nothing but toxic.....but for some reason a part of me missed the arguing for a minute crazy as it sounded and started just reminiscing. 😢😢
stay strong
Thanks so much Lee for everything Your videos helps me out so much 💓💓☺️
When you miss what someone gives you but you don't give them anything back, the relationship isn't mutual and it's selfish. That's what supply is. The narcissist parent in my life would NEVER give me a word in...like how are you, and right after that went off for hours talking about themselves, then then would leave when he was done unpacking. All about them being bored, needing attention or something to do and using you for it. Meanwhile I'm just thinking the whole time "does this person see how they are acting?". They have an ability to make you just comply. But when I had ANY request, this person was no were to be found. Or "had other plans". They miss you because your just another person they can use and now your gone, and it reminds them of their biggest fear of everyone leaving them. But the other person's feeling and concerns are nothing to them!
Mine is like upfront empathatic because then i will definitelhy have to reply. They can bend whatever into their use
Wow. U described my ex and situation to a teee.
These trolls have been gettin' on Lee's nerves. "Shut up!" That's the second time I heard him say that tonight. Made me smile. In an attempt to know who is safe and who isn't, the more one dimensional we make narcissists, the safer we feel. But, painting them with the same brush is what they do to us. They make us interchangeable supply. We do the same to narcissists when we say things like they all have no feelings, they all listen to Hooba Stank. They all worship an imaginary moon goddess, look to the sky after dusk for their mothership and go streaking after midnight. 🤣