I learned so much about the US during the three months I stayed in Germany! I just watched and listened as best as I could and it was mind blowing. I was able to look at the US with a much needed fresh mindset. I can’t wait to return to Düsseldorf in a few weeks!
I don't have anything against it and it's not like that everywhere in Germany. In my area it's normal polite behavior, but I can imagine that in big cities where there's more stress, politeness falls by the wayside.
A smile is just the frame for kindness. Germans tend to be kind and not smile to promote it. Actions say more than a thousand smiles... You will get smiles in Germany but not as an obligation. Not even showbiz. People tend to feel eerie if someone is all smiles, always. They often feel better if you have an Ernest face to measure your smile.
2:28 You have a good point there. I saw a whole documentary about the difference between Americans and Germans voicing opinions on social media for example. Americans speak out about things they don't even have the slightest clue about, while Germans often educate themselves about that specific topic before open their mouth and how then Americans even get angry if you correct them. I too had these experiences myself in real life conversations. Btw: You look gorgous :-) Guten Rutsch in's neue Jahr. 💗
This. Way worse than mansplaining is an American never having lived in my country or anywhere near this continent and never having experienced my culture but somehow having the gall to even think they know better because they, what, read a Wikipedia article about something? It's even worse when people do it because some DNA test told them they're some percentage of European but never actually lived here a single moment in their life. 😂
@ViviNorthbell it did not use to be like this which is the sad part. I don't understand when or why this started happening but it is one of the biggest flaws of American society.
I am sorry, I have a completely other option. I think Germans talk all day long about things, they have no clue about 😂. Most of them just repeat what everyone else says and it’s not bc of them being educated in any way.
On being butt-hurt if someone doesn't smile "enough": that's one of the ways we broadcast our insecurity. The smile isn't about the person smiling; it's about the person who feels the need to be acknowledged in a very specific way. Why is it so difficult to understand that another person's face belongs to them and that they get to do whatever they want with it??
Well said!! I can’t stand men telling me to smile. Happened a lot when I was in my 20s especially. Like, why, what do I get out of it? Personally, I like to smile when I have a pleasant thought, not when some jerk I don’t know tells me to.
That is a pretty stupid thing to say: it is their face and they can do whatever they want with it. A facial expression is a means of communication. Certain expressions in specific situations can be uncomfortable or even insulting. We learn this already starting as a baby. Moving to another society is entering different norms. So a certain facial expression in a given situation can be „wrong“ in that other society with different norms. The same applies to the mouth. To say certain things in specific situations can be an insult. You even can insult someone with your mouth within your society not applying the norms of a society properly. Imagine someone smiling happily while your loved person is tortured to death. So ownership in this respect is not really a criterion or only in a very limited way.
If you smile all the time, smiling becomes meaningless because smiling is just your standard facial expression and not an expression that carries any emotion. If you only smile when you are really happy, then you need a facial expression that is neutral and does not tell the person in front of you that you are happy, sad, angry, frightened, desperate, nervous, etc. So Germans use the neutral expression most of the time, and only use the other expressions when they want to send a message about how they are feeling.
Würde mir ein (deutscher) Mann sagen, ich sollte mehr lächeln, würde ich das gruseligste Horror-Grinsen aufsetzen, das ich aufbringen kann; einfach nur, um ihm zu zeigen, wie dämlich ich eine solche Aufforderung finde. 😁
Ist mir tatsächlich bei Fremden noch nie passiert und ich bin nicht der Typ der viel lächelt. Wenn das freunde oder Bekannte sogen würden fände ich das übergriffig. Meiner Tochter wurde das von einem Onkel mal gesagt und ich habe ihm klargemacht dass es total daneben ist.
@@karinland8533 Sehe ich anders. Liegt das daran, dass ich ein Mann bin? Oder dass es Deine Tochter war (die Du schützen möchtest? Würde ich vielleicht bei meinen Töchter auch eingreifen.) Andrerseits wurde mir auch schon gesagt, ich solle mehr lächeln bzw. ein freundliches Gesicht machen. Meist von meiner Frau oder meinen Töchtern.
US-American men have the audacity to expect especially women around them to smile? Wtf. I'm having a hard time believing it. This feels so disrespectful. I am a feeling individual and it is my business alone whether I SMILE or not and how I FEEL.
Oh yes! It seems to be fairly common for them to _demand_ a smile from any random woman unfortunate enough to be in their vicinity. I have to say that this has also happened to me from British and Australian men, too - but only from ones who were quite clearly drunk, and as I rexponded with silence, or with 'oh piss off', their embarrassed friends dragged them away while apologising on their behalf and assuring me they're 'not usually like this'. The Americans who have done it were quite clearly sober and not even in places where flirtation etc with strangers might be even vaguely appropriate; the comment seemed to come out of thin air, as it were.
Mich stört das persönlich nicht jemanden die Tür aufzuhalten oder wenn für mich jemand die Tür aufhält aber es hängt immer von der Situation ab, im Wohnhaus würde ich das machen im Restaurant weniger meist wie ich in Stimmung bin. 😅
Es ist meine Entscheidung jemandem die Tür aufzuhalten. Wenn ich mich dafür entscheide, dann habe ich auch genügend Zeit, das für die Zeitdauer von ein paar Schritten zu tun. Du brauchst nicht zu beschleunigen Es braucht Dir nicht unangenehm zu sein -- aber verzögern ist unhöflich. Du solltest dich dafür bedanken, damit ich die Tür loslassen kann.
ich seh das simpel. ich halte die tür offen, wenn wer unmittelbar hinter mir ist, und ich das auch mitbekomme. um die tür länger aufzuhalten, muss a bissi was sein. zb alte menschen, für die das öffnen der türe tatsächlich anstrengend ist (brandschutztüren, haustüren, die tür zu unserem lift, etc)
Regarding 1. We have a saying here in Germany: "Der Ton macht die Musik" which translates literally to "The tone makes the music" which would be for an American "It's not what you say, but how you say it."
Hi! Holding the door open: (complicated topic, i switch to german) Wenn ich jemandem die Tür aufhalte, fühlt sich dieser gezwungen, schneller zu gehen. Das ist meiner Meinung nach eine Nötigung. Happy new year and guten Rutsch!
Ich stimme zu. Wenn mir jemand die Tür aufhält, fühle ich mich verpflichtet, auch nett zu sein und die Zeit, die er für diese Nettigkeit braucht, so weit wie möglich zu reduzieren. Aber ich weiß das auch zu schätzen und werde das Gleiche für andere tun. Der englische Begriff dafür ist „courtesy“. Dieses Verhalten ist sogar im Paragraph 1 der deutschen StVO verlangt ...
@@wora1111Tür aufhalten und gegenseitige Rücksichtnahme würde ich nicht gleichsetzen. Ich wurde schon ein paar Mal angemotzt - einmal angeschrien - von einer Frau wegen der „Zumutung“, dass ich ihr wohl nicht zutraue, die Tür selbst zu öffnen. Jedenfalls ist das in etwa das, was ich verstanden hatte….
Tja, guter Punkt. Wobei Amerikaner vermutlich eher noch langsamer gehen werden um allen zu zeigen wie wichtig sie sind weil sie nen persönlichen Türhalter haben.
Ich halte anderen schon die Tür auf, aber nur wenn der andere sich eben nicht gezwungen fühlen muss schneller zu gehen. Anders herum sage ich demjenigen, der mir die Tür aufhält, daß er ruhig weitergehen kann wenn es bei mir länger dauert und ich nicht schneller gehen möchte. Ich sehe da kein Problem.
A smile in the morning drives away sorrow and worries. If you start the day positivley you feel better . Personally, I have experience that if you give other people a Smile and are friendly , in most cases you will get a smile in return. The hairstyle suits you dear Hayley. I wish everyone a Happy new Year. Greetings from East Frisia northern Germany.🎉🥂💙🙂
And than there are people like me who would feel obligated to smile back. And believe me, especially in the morning I don't want to feel obligated to smile at a random stranger.
I challenge any man to tell a woman in my family to smile more. That would be amazing. At the very least the guy would walk away crying, CRYING it tell you. I always thought that was a trope. How do you have the balls to tell someone else to smile? That question means you're either brave or stupid (most likely both).
Holding a door open for somebody following is something I've been taught by my parents. And I've seen them doing it very often. But honestly, the understanding of decent behaviour in Germany has changed quite significantly and I can hardly say that it has improved. I sincerely hope that my observations aren't a hint to a general loss of fundamental respect for each other. BTW, it's something being observed about Germans by people in neighbouring countries like Austria and Switzerland already.
@@frankpierco8826 I'd ignore her complaints replying that I was just being polite. Actually, it doesn't matter to me whether a woman or a man is following. If I can be friendly with out too much effort I'll be to anybody. I'm actively trying to make a difference against a society so focussed on egocentric attitudes and behaviour.
At least in Vienna, there's an interesting phenomenon regarding elevators when the doors are about to close and people are walking towards it but are still a few meters away. Starting to run towards the elevator (or at least pretending to, not everybody is physically able to run) means "Please hold the door open for me!" Not changing your slow pace means "You can go without me, I'll take the next one." Also with escalators in, say, subway stations, where many people want to use it at the same time when a train arrives. Normally cutting lines is heavily frowned upon, but in front of escalators it is totally ok. And the thing at the supermarket checkout: When a new line opens, the cards are dealt new. That is totally normal, whereas, again, trying to cut into the already existing line is a no-go. That's all very interesting unspoken social conventions.
Personally, I hate when people hold doors for me unless I am literally behind them. If I’m still 5+ steps away, please for the love of xxx just leave it be. Sometimes I just fake tie my shoe or stop and look into my purse to give me space from others. And dear Lord do not ever tell me to smile more. You will be headless in a nano second. Am I really American? And when in Germany or the EU, why does hearing English grate on my nerves so much? 😂
I can only "hear" Americans outside of America 😂 I always find this to be a phenomenon because in the USA I don't hear people talking, it is just a general "mumble" that I hear when running errands or exploring... but when I travel outside of the country, I can pinpoint directly to a conversation.
About voices, it strikes me always how loud Americans are. This afternoon I was standing in the row to enter the Kunsthistorisches Museum in Vienna. The only people in the rather long rows, there were two, that could be heard talking all over the place were americans. Once Inside the museum the same thing, when did civilisation disappeare un the US? I am not German nor Austrian but Dutch, but I think most Europeans share this experience.
When I consider holding the door open I always calculate how much effort it would be for me. If just standing 1-3 seconds I would do it. Otherwise I consider myself a servant who is doing a duty. And It is not a given that I will get a thank you from the person I took the extra effort for. Happened too often to me where someone took advantage of me.
Here is a story about smiling in Germany. I used to work as a waiter for quite some time and during that time developed the habit of smiling unconsciously. It came with the trade and I think my facial muscles simply got used to it eventually. But as you pointed out, here in Germany smiling for no reason is not the social standard and people will react in different ways. Some might think of it as a weakness, some will have a hard time taking you serious or think you are creepy. But most people will get a positive vibe from it. Some will even smile back and remember me that I do smile now in that way. It is kind of weird and may even be a bit rebellious here but even so (or maybe because of that), I like doing it. That being said... If someone tells you to smile more please in a harassing even chauvinistic way, you do have my go to hurt them back.
Während meiner Kindheit(In den 60er Jahren) war es völlig normal anderen Menschen höflich zu begegnen, Türen aufzuhalten und älteren Personen Sitzplätze in Bussen und Zügen anzubieten. Als ich Teenie war bröckelte die Zuvorkommenheit deutlich und mittlerweile erlebe ich es nur noch seltenst.. Schade😢
Ja, das habe ich genau so erlebt wie Du. Es zerbröckelte nicht nur, man konnte sogar angemault werden wenn man jemandem die Tür aufhielt. Ein Freund von mir erlebte das damals, da war eine junge, sehr vollbepackte Frau hinter ihm. Er hielt ihr die Türe auf weil er das "gentleman - like" fand. Und sie motzte ihn an "Ich bin ein großes Mädchen, ey, stell dir vor, ich kann die Tür selber öffnen, dazu brauche ich echt deine Hilfe nicht!". Er war völlig konsterniert.
"Die Jugendlichen lieben heute den Luxus, sie haben schlechte Manieren, keinen Respekt vor älteren Leuten und plaudern, wo sie arbeiten sollten." (Sokrates, um 399 v.Chr.)
Will never forget my shock and horror when a German guy in Hamburg didn’t hold the door for me when I was about 8 months pregnant. The door just missed my bump when it swung back on me. I’d only been living in Germany 18 months by that point. I was still in culture shock phase.
He was an A! That is not normal. Many who would never open a door or offer a seat would do it for someone obviously far into a pregnancy. However, we do have many a*s. Sorry for that hopefully one off
That would be regarded as absolutely rude by most Germans, as well, especially doing it to a pregnant woman or an elderly person. But unfortunately there are a lot of idiots who are not looking left or right and just let the door slam in the face of the person behind them.
@@katia_g213 Pregnant ladies can grow to become fairly confident of their anatomy's ability to protect their infant. If you're worried for several months and survive through it, and get advice from qualified people, you can become less fearful. Of course there are limits. You can't become careless and ignore pregnancy.
Haley, guten Rutsch ins Jahr 2025! 🎉🎉 I pray for peace and happiness in the coming year. Take care of each other❤ Greetings from North Carolina.....Ines from the Hamburg area. 😊
Was mir bei meinem Aufenthalt in den USA aufgefallen ist,sobald junge Amerikanerinnen ein Kind sehen gehen ihre Stimmen 2 Oktaven höher und einige Dezibel lauter. Das ist mir bei uns in Deutschland nie so aufgefallen…
@ interessant…danke für die Info…Wahrscheinlich habe ich mit meinen Kindern auch so geredet und es nicht bemerkt. Ist allerdings schon 40Jahre her.Man möge mir die Erinnerungslücke verzeihen:))….Für diesen Satz reichen meine Englischkenntnisse leider nicht;)
Your hairstyle reminds me of old movies about the south. Hello Scarlet O’Hara. 😊 Regarding the topics of your video: I don’t mind waiting some seconds more to hold a door for someone because in my experience it’s such a small act of kindness that most of the time brings a smile on the face of the other person. Mission accomplished ✌️
Holding the door open? Well here in the south of Baden-Württemberg it's common to hold the door open for others, especially in small shops (butcher, bakery,...) . People would mumble something, like the guy you mentioned, or shaking their head, if you don't do so. ...so, no difference to the US. It's part of good manner.
Before Christmas at Aldi we got into a clusterfrak when there were two very long lines and a third checkout opened. There was all this product between the lines so we couldn't actually see each other. So the two long lines kind of merged into the 3rd and then we saw each other and people were getting angry because there was no way to know who should have been next. I had cut off a lady and the person behind her said "She was here a long time." My husband said, "Exactly as we have been." I said she could go ahead of me but she didn't want to displace me either. The thing is, there was no awkward friendliness (with SMILING) as in America. It was just awkward antagonism.
Whenever there is a discussion about facts there will be the moment when this quote will be used: "There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there always has been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge'." Isaac Asimov
I think the door opening one is interesting because for me its very dependable on the situation. For my elderly neighbour I would stall a moment and actively hold the door open until she is inside but on a train station/ store/ government office etc I would not stall. Do I look out for the person behind me and kind of hand them the door or give a little push open so it does not slam them in the face, absolutely. But I do not stop or expect people to stop for me. Its kind of like this: Person --right behind -- Me (in the door) -> Hand them the door Person ----like maybe 2 to 6 steps---- Me -> give door a little push open so they don't get slammed and can catch it Person -------further than 6 steps--------- Me -> just let the door fall
What bothers me most, are obviously fake smiles. I don't trust people who smile at me but their facial expression is completely neutral. Sometimes it's because of botox, but most of the time it's a forced smile. Completely dishonest, makes me cringe.
I am German, but I totally agree about the queue-jumping and door holding thing - it IS rude to let it drop just in front of another person. Maybe the difference really lies in the time you expect other people to stand there and wait for you to arrive at the door in question. It it is too long, it makes me feel like a servant holding the door for Mylord or Mylady :-) One question about the duty to smile - you said it is mostly men who expect it from you or even call you on it. Are men also expected to smile, i.e. are they being called on it if they don't? I have a feeling this is not the case - if so this would mean straight out sexism according to which it is your damn duty as a woman to make every male feel cherished with or without reason.
In Hungary and Croatia I have literally had doors pushed in my face but I don't think it was deliberate rudeness, just thoughtlessness. People go around as if they are alone or just with their family group, they just don't notice strangers. It is very different to UK, where people try not to be a nuisance and consequently need to be more aware of those around them.
Hello Hayley, holding a Door open for 20 Seconds is weird. I would never smile to People on the Street. They would think : Hat der einen Schaden oder ist er pervers ? And if you don`t know something about a Thing, a Country or a Person, just shut up and you don´t get humiliate. Ich hoffe der Familie geht`s gut. Ich wünsche noch allen ein Glückliches neues Jahr. 😊😊😊
Funny thing, I was coming back from the bakery to my house, from the other side a post woman was approaching. I thought she had mail for me, it was a sunny day, so I smiled at her. She froze, misstook my friendly smile for a crazed serial killer, asking if I wanted to hurt her. I cleared up that misunderstanding, she also had no mail for me. Misunderstanding happens all the time
@peterkoller3761 well don't say that... they might chop us up and carve a smile on our faces 😂🥴 I have been watching too many murder mysteries... forgive me!!
7:38 someone in my family lifed in NewYork, when mother and daughter spoke English to each other, always high pitched voices, when they spoke German, normal voice! Much darker but you can hear, now they talking truth no pc blabla!
Woa, I have not yet started playing the video, but that hairdo -> Going "first lady" style route? (Watched now): That video should have double likes for each click for the "don't do hat in US" formulated in the "warm American non-offensive voice and style". The "hold door open": I am among those who do hold the door open (more than the average German). The cutting line as cashier thing: I feel like that is a bit changing. A tiny bit, but it seems to happen. Though only a German might notice :D.
Yeah, I think it's generally all true what you said. Maybe it also matters if you are from a Southern state in the US or from NYC, like you mentioned, where things can be more hectic and people might care less about such things. But I was already used with the holding the door open for a longer while, saying excuse me and thank you all the time etc. from my years back in the UK, so that wasn't really a problem for me when visiting the US. Regarding holding the door open here in Germany, also feminism can come in a way when you do that for a woman, because it might be considered sexist.
Das mit den Schlangen an der Kasse nervt schon. Natürlich öffnet die neue Kasse immer erst, wenn man schon ganz vorne in der Schlange ist. Aber andererseits sind, zumindest bei uns, die Schlangen nie wirklich lang. Meistens wird die neue Kasse geöffnet, wenn 4 Kunden anstehen. Die Wartezeit ist also nie wirklich lang. Ich erinnere mich an Zeiten, in denen die Schlange durch den halben Laden ging. Manchmal fällt es schwer, aber ich versuche das Ganze entspannt zu sehen.
I worked in the US for one year and some of my co-workers thought it was funny to call me Ms Hitler because I had a German accent. I didn't think that was very funny.
Labering Schmarrn: "What kind of crock are you rabbiting on?" - or something along these lines. Holding open doors: Depends on who is at the door. I myself am holding doors open many times although I know that people usually do not appreciate it. But so far people never got unfriendly because of this. I am just used to do to others what I wish they would do to me, knowing full well that I must not be disappointed when others do not act the same way.
Opinion < knowledge (In fact no one cares about your personal opinion in Germany except family and friends). Wer in Deutschland 'Blödsinn labert', der wird schnell ignoriert, da eine persönliche Meinung für die Öffentlichkeit wertlos ist.
When an American woman asks a German man, "Why don't you hold the door open for me ?", he will ask, "Are you an emancipated woman ? ". If you say yes, he will say, "Well, that means you are capable of opening the door yourself." 🤔😅
Concerning what you mentioned strong opinion, what I have observed is, that in the US they tend to have a strong opinion when it is expressed in a professional context (e.g. when holding a speech or a sermon in) e.g. in politics, religion, music, movies and the tone is stronger, louder but the Germans are not so moderate and much more outspoken in a private context. Could be a wrong perception, what do you think?
The englisch language based on Anglo (Ænglo) Saxon language, tribes from north germany they come to britain at 5th century, when the romans leave britain. Some Saxon Warriors worked for the Roman empire and when they leave britain, the britains asked the Saxons for help against the pikts (a tribe from north britain). The Saxons and Angles came and stay and build kingdoms like Wessex, Sussex and later England (Ængeland). In Germany the northern God Odin is called Wodan. The old northern Gods live in the Weekdays until today. Wednesday = Wodansday, Thursday = Thorsday ( Thor), and Friday = Freyasday (Göttin Freya). Göttin is in Germany the female version for God or Gott:). Here in lower Saxon, Germany some people can speak a modern version of old Saxon (near the old englisch). Since Martin Luther (15th century) the germans more and more all speak high German, but there are many accents because there were so many german tribes. Frankreich was a german tribe too (die Franken, the Franks). So englisch is a germanic language.
When a new line opens in a grocery store, I let the people with the fewest goods go first, because why should they wait for me to put all my stuff on, which may take 5 minutes, while I completely block the line for everyone else? In those 5 minutes, 5 people may have already been able to pay for their 3-6 items in hand. I'd also let elderly people go first, or mothers with small children. In the USA it's always first come first served, but in reality it's often the privileged who go first because they have more time, more money, the faster car, can fly instead of drive, etc. First-come, first-served is not necessarily socially just. For example, in a first-come, first-served world, people with walking disabilities are always disadvantaged. And it's kind of paradoxical that people in the US insist on first-come, first-served, but get angry when the same principle is applied to the second line because they weren't first on the second line. Being first on the first line does not give you any special privilege to be first on a second line.
Wenn jemand einem Fremden die Tür in Deutschland zu lange offen hält ( mehr als 5 Sekunden sind echt viel ), dann fühlt sich dieser genötigt sich zu beeilen, um dem Türöffner keine Umstände zu bereiten. 😅 Bei Freunden, alten Leuten und Personen, die die Türen nicht selbst aufhalten können, ist das wiederrum was anderes. Bei Frau und Mann öffnet der, der zuerst an der Tür steht oder darum gebeten wird, die Tür zu öffnen.
Americans especially women speak higher because they produce the words differently. This has to do with the position of the tongue when speaking. And when a man I do not know waits 20 or more seconds holding a door for me I would think he is interested in me …
Sorry, I didn't understand the thing about the door and I don't know it either. No matter what country I was in, the door was almost always held open by the people when they realized that no one else was coming. We were brought up that way and I think that many of the following generations and the current generation are brought up that way too, to hold the door open. I think it really depends on the individual person and you don't know what the person in front of you is thinking about.
Well now, let’s just be _clear_ about this, Hayley. WWII was not about defeating _Germany._ It was about defeating _fascism._ Accordingly, it was, in fact, about _rescuing_ Germany from fascism; _liberating_ Germany from fascism. It’s a fact too predictably overlooked that the first country those folks invaded and took over was their own. So the WWII German soldiers, as they first appeared in US films from that time, with their cold, crisp, harsh manners of speech were not originally created to poke fun at _Germany,_ but at _fascist_ Germany, specifically.
So funny bc I simply have a completely other option. I am born and raised in Germany and I live since a couple of years here in Florida, Fort Lauderdale. Overall Americans are just simply nicer and friendlier 😂, they don’t care how much money you make, where you are from or what car you drive, as long as you are a good person. In Germany people are so jealous and unfriendly and very very judgy. They like to judge everything and everyone even if they have never really educate themselves. And they talk really really bad about Americans. Like what people have said to me just bc I told them that I am moving to the US. 😅 Just very rude and uneducated. I am sure Americans in Germany won’t hear about that bc the Germans won’t tell them 😂
I agree with most of the points, but I lived in Germany for four years, and Americans were put down nonstop. Eventually, I felt comfortable and enjoyed having a good sparring match! It's great having robust discussions, but what I found most annoying was the almost national acceptance that Germany is superior in all things compared to the USA. German culture is incredible, and I love many aspects of it. I still have many wonderful German friends from that time in my life. I am also a proud American and did not appreciate the constant putdown.
Viele Männer halten keine Tür mehr auf, weil es teilweise als beleidigend empfunden wird (Emanzipation). Ich persönlich sehe das nur als normale Höflichkeit, aber das Thema ist umstritten.
First of all: Schicke Frisur. I have been wondering for some time why US citizens are so openly friendly. My current working hypothesis is that Europeans can rely on their respective government and don't have to ingratiate themselves with every stranger.
Great points. As a German-American, I'll never forget when I first moved to the US and got impatient because no one was leaving the elevator. Then I finally realized I was the only woman in the car and they waited for me to exit first. Manners, but chivalry especially, are much more prevalent in the US. Like you said, it doesn't hurt to be kind. Now living in Germany, I will still mumble "The word you're looking for is 'excuse me'", when a German shoves me or reaches over me. And they will break into a run when I hold the door and they're more than a meter away. I wish you and I could exchange experiences over a coffee, we'd probably talk for hours!! Also, sorry if this is inappropriate, you have the most beautiful teeth I have ever seen, perfectly matching your beautiful face.❤
Moin, wünsche dir, deiner Familie und auch Mike einen guten Rutsch ins neue Jahr! Und ich drücke dir die Daumen für deine weitere Ausbildung! Freue mich auf die Videos im nächsten Jahr! Liebe Grüße aus Hamburg, Ben❤
Your point at 12:20 is a good one. I hate it when people behind you "cut" in front of you when a new cashier opens up. I always let the person in front of me go first, or even ask if he/she wants to go. Mediamarkt and some other companies are establishing a new concept right now, and that is one line for all the cashiers. That way everyone waits for the same amount, and it is fair to everyone. So in that regard, I am so not German because I don't like that form of "cutting" the line.
Your observation about warmth is not so much related to German vs American culture as you think. It varies, a lot, within Germany. I’m not sure where exactly the dividing line runs, but there is definitely a North-South division. It runs on beyond Germany’s borders too. Austrians conform to Southern German culture while the whole of Scandinavia is like the Northern Germans. In the North they look serious, don’t smile a lot and aim to be perceived as upright and honest. Southern Germans are always “höflich”, that is courteous. They smile, are warm in their contact with others and aim primarily for having a good time.
I have never been told to smile, except for that one time Of course it wasn't just some dude but a Polizeibeamter I said no and bicycles away 😂 Seems like all that entitlement only hit me once and was put in one literal authority staff person but I didnt obey anyway teehee
What gets me in Germany (18 years now) I s when you say something to someone and they completely ignore you. For example, I am at the horse stable and my horse suddenly flips out. As an AMerican I exclaim "Who the horses are friskey today aren't they?" To the other two riders riding near by and neither German bothers to answer me back...Dead silence. It is not a one time thing, collegues at work just walk in when I am talking to someone and with out excusing themselfs just talk over me about something else to the person I am talking to , no "excuse me" or "Sorry for interrupting" This feels very rude to Americans. One should atleast acknowledge the other person but not in Germany
Sorry, but that is not a German thing - it is plain rude and you need to call them out on it. Of course, this has happened to me as well from time to time, but it is NOT a cultural norm.
Perhaps you are an invisible person and have not noticed this? Sorry for the joke, but sometimes people develop into a personality that gets routinely ignored. Something about their behavior and/or expectation seems to trigger it. A random remark like yours about the horses fell of deaf ears probably because the other riders didn't have any idea that quickly and therefore were just dumbfounded while their horses kept going and taking them further from the scene. So to come back later after 30 seconds or so with probably not even a correct answer would not make sense to them. They are just not trained to give a witty answer even it was only kind of joking like: Perhaps the don't like the hay they got this morning? Did you use a different perfume today?
Well, horse riding people in Germany are quite often snobs. You get the same in other European countries. I live in Italy and the people at the stables are extremely rude and arrogant, not at all like the normal Italian friendly person.
Oh, forgot something: Maybe your observation about Americans not being able to accept being made fun of (as a country/ nation) stems from the idea that the US are not just one country among others but are THE country - maybe going back to the religious belief of being God's personal and special country like Israel's conviction in the Old Testament? I remember an American commenting on the movie 'Valkyrie' about the Stauffenberg assassination of Hitler. He argued Stauffenberg could not be seen as a hero, because he just tried to save Germany. I highly doubt he would have agreed nobody could be a hero who just tried to save the US (not even touching on the fact that killing Hitler would not just have saved Germany but countless people all over the world).
Very perceptive and well described. One thing that irks me is - if you pay in cash (which happens often)- the person returning the change from the purchase places the money on the counter or in a nearby plate instead of putting it in your open, waiting hand.
Good point! I totally forgot about this one but it is very true!! This is something I actually dislike in Germany, not because of rudeness but because it is so difficult for me to get the coins off of the counter usually 😂😂
Next time, someone tells you to smile, just give him a death stare and tell him, that you're multilingual and right now just fluently smiling in german. You could even let them choose: "What do you prefer? American indifference... or a german smile?". (Pro tip: Get a little device that plays a sound file when you press a button, keep it in your pocket, and whenever you switch to "german smile" mode, use it to play the beginning of Bach's Toccata und Fuge in d-Moll. Or Rammstein's 'Du hast' or Klaus Doldinger's theme from 'Das Boot'.).
To boil it down: It is about sugarcoating. Germans are not mean. Germans are honest. One doesn’t need to sugarcoat everything! There is too much sugar in the US! And it’s not even real sugar, it’s fake sugar. Just to tell you, sugar is only for chocolates.
Deswegen würde ich auch nie in den USA Urlaub machen oder dort leben wollen, die sozialen Normen sind zu gegensätzlich zu unseren, jeder kleine Fehler kann als Beleidigung oder schlimmstenfalls auch in Gewalt enden.
the door thing is so infuriating.... thankfully thats not the case for every part of the german-speaking world... but sadly slamming the door into you face also isnt exclusive to Germany...
In Deutschland sollte man Männer nicht einfach so anlächeln, würde als Anmache gewertet werden. Ich lächel Männer nie einfach nur so an wenn es nicht einen triftigen Grund gibt.
Hi Häili, just saying: that fake smile in UA-cam video thumbnail is scary. If you approach me in Europe with that, I assume you have a hidden agenda. You may are used to fake smiles, but I think you can differ between a real smile and a fake. So simple question is: why will people do a fake smile?
4:37 Deal! I'll do that next time 😂 Even from these 5 min I've seen so far...you already paint a picture about Americans...that show me... they don't have much respect at all. Some might even call it stupidity. Not valuing education is just that. Stupid! And heck! I am very happy we lost WW2!! The entire world would be a different one, if that AH had won. And guess what... So many decaf later the world is in the same place: about to become a very dark one. Just by the vote the US just made and that Russian war on Ukraine...the far east is a mess as always, but even bigger. And here the Afd is getting more and more fans. Which basically means WW3 is in the making already. And I never thought I would see that day, the age I am.. born in the 80s
I do note agree with those who say that Germans are grumpy and do notclike to be smiled at. I go round smiling at people and especially at people I deal with, accompanied by a few sentences to empathize with or appreciate what they are doing for me (cashiers, doctors, clerks of all sorts). Same goes for neighbours other clients, colleagues etc. Whether here in Belgium or in Germany everybody smiles back and appreciates a few warm words.😊
@elisabethdorrer4831 I think it honestly depends.. I have seen Germans tell people to their face "leave me alone" when the person says hello or good day. If you have a stereotypical "friendly" look it might be better received than for someone that is a) different looking than the general population (immigrants) b) not generically attractive or c) some people are just having bad days and that is ok. I personally appreciate a smile and a kind word and it goes very far with me :)
I learned so much about the US during the three months I stayed in Germany! I just watched and listened as best as I could and it was mind blowing. I was able to look at the US with a much needed fresh mindset. I can’t wait to return to Düsseldorf in a few weeks!
Have fun on your trip!!
wow, you look gorgeous! Wishing y'all a happy New Year from Bayern!
"It doesn’t hurt to be kind" !! It’s also nice to acknowledge another human being. like holding the door open.
I don't have anything against it and it's not like that everywhere in Germany. In my area it's normal polite behavior, but I can imagine that in big cities where there's more stress, politeness falls by the wayside.
A smile is just the frame for kindness. Germans tend to be kind and not smile to promote it. Actions say more than a thousand smiles...
You will get smiles in Germany but not as an obligation. Not even showbiz. People tend to feel eerie if someone is all smiles, always. They often feel better if you have an Ernest face to measure your smile.
🎉this!!
2:28 You have a good point there. I saw a whole documentary about the difference between Americans and Germans voicing opinions on social media for example. Americans speak out about things they don't even have the slightest clue about, while Germans often educate themselves about that specific topic before open their mouth and how then Americans even get angry if you correct them. I too had these experiences myself in real life conversations.
Btw: You look gorgous :-) Guten Rutsch in's neue Jahr. 💗
Oh, I know some Germans who behave exactly like the Americans you described ...
@@nriamond8010 well, of course. I do too.,.. ;-)
This. Way worse than mansplaining is an American never having lived in my country or anywhere near this continent and never having experienced my culture but somehow having the gall to even think they know better because they, what, read a Wikipedia article about something? It's even worse when people do it because some DNA test told them they're some percentage of European but never actually lived here a single moment in their life. 😂
@ViviNorthbell it did not use to be like this which is the sad part. I don't understand when or why this started happening but it is one of the biggest flaws of American society.
I am sorry, I have a completely other option. I think Germans talk all day long about things, they have no clue about 😂. Most of them just repeat what everyone else says and it’s not bc of them being educated in any way.
On being butt-hurt if someone doesn't smile "enough": that's one of the ways we broadcast our insecurity. The smile isn't about the person smiling; it's about the person who feels the need to be acknowledged in a very specific way. Why is it so difficult to understand that another person's face belongs to them and that they get to do whatever they want with it??
Well said!! I can’t stand men telling me to smile. Happened a lot when I was in my 20s especially. Like, why, what do I get out of it?
Personally, I like to smile when I have a pleasant thought, not when some jerk I don’t know tells me to.
That is a pretty stupid thing to say: it is their face and they can do whatever they want with it.
A facial expression is a means of communication. Certain expressions in specific situations can be uncomfortable or even insulting. We learn this already starting as a baby.
Moving to another society is entering different norms. So a certain facial expression in a given situation can be „wrong“ in that other society with different norms.
The same applies to the mouth. To say certain things in specific situations can be an insult. You even can insult someone with your mouth within your society not applying the norms of a society properly.
Imagine someone smiling happily while your loved person is tortured to death.
So ownership in this respect is not really a criterion or only in a very limited way.
I'm allways glad, when I talked something wrong, someone correct me, so I can lern the truth about 😊👍🏻
@@Pet1101 That is the way I learned most of my English vocabulary. Grammar I learned earlier in school.
This comment is written incorrectly.
If you smile all the time, smiling becomes meaningless because smiling is just your standard facial expression and not an expression that carries any emotion. If you only smile when you are really happy, then you need a facial expression that is neutral and does not tell the person in front of you that you are happy, sad, angry, frightened, desperate, nervous, etc. So Germans use the neutral expression most of the time, and only use the other expressions when they want to send a message about how they are feeling.
@@xcoder1122 I use smiling at people to say hello or show my appreciation to the way they behave
@@wora1111 The same here, common courtesy.
Ich finde es schockierend, dass Hayle es überhaupt fünf Mal in D erlebt hat, dass Männer zu ihr sagen, sie sollte mehr lächeln. Das ist übergriffig.
Ansichtssache. Guten Freunden und Verwandten würde ich das auch sagen, wenn ich es so empfände.
Würde mir ein (deutscher) Mann sagen, ich sollte mehr lächeln, würde ich das gruseligste Horror-Grinsen aufsetzen, das ich aufbringen kann; einfach nur, um ihm zu zeigen, wie dämlich ich eine solche Aufforderung finde. 😁
@@RunningRonnie Genau das würde ich von Freunden und Bekannten auch erwarten ;-)
Und danach die Frage 'Warum?'
Ist mir tatsächlich bei Fremden noch nie passiert und ich bin nicht der Typ der viel lächelt. Wenn das freunde oder Bekannte sogen würden fände ich das übergriffig. Meiner Tochter wurde das von einem Onkel mal gesagt und ich habe ihm klargemacht dass es total daneben ist.
@@karinland8533 Sehe ich anders. Liegt das daran, dass ich ein Mann bin? Oder dass es Deine Tochter war (die Du schützen möchtest? Würde ich vielleicht bei meinen Töchter auch eingreifen.) Andrerseits wurde mir auch schon gesagt, ich solle mehr lächeln bzw. ein freundliches Gesicht machen. Meist von meiner Frau oder meinen Töchtern.
You look especially festive. Even without Lametta! Happy Holidays!
Don't wish/hope for too much because in the next video I might show up with a Christmas tree growing out of my head!!
One could also say, 'gay' as in the original meaning of that word, Lol!
Absolutely looking gorgeous!!!
Happy (early) New Year to you and your loved ones @Hayley 🍾
Danke danke!!!
US-American men have the audacity to expect especially women around them to smile? Wtf. I'm having a hard time believing it.
This feels so disrespectful. I am a feeling individual and it is my business alone whether I SMILE or not and how I FEEL.
exactly!. I smile when I am good and ready!!
Hmmm, ......I frown upon seeing a foreign face!
Oh yes! It seems to be fairly common for them to _demand_ a smile from any random woman unfortunate enough to be in their vicinity.
I have to say that this has also happened to me from British and Australian men, too - but only from ones who were quite clearly drunk, and as I rexponded with silence, or with 'oh piss off', their embarrassed friends dragged them away while apologising on their behalf and assuring me they're 'not usually like this'.
The Americans who have done it were quite clearly sober and not even in places where flirtation etc with strangers might be even vaguely appropriate; the comment seemed to come out of thin air, as it were.
Its an insult to think everything is an insult. There you have it 😜
100% we should free ourselves from being insulted by every act of others.rise above that!!
So ein Frechdachs. 😄 😛
OMG you listened to my request! Thank you so much for this honor!
Ughh!!! I was looking for your comment in my comment tab and couldn't find it to include in the video!! Thank you so much ❤️
Das mit der Tür stimmt, es ist mir sogar total unangenehm wenn mir jemand die Tür aufhält wenn ich noch ein paar Schritte weit weg bin. 😅
This is what I thought. I'm feeling pressed to hurry.
Mich stört das persönlich nicht jemanden die Tür aufzuhalten oder wenn für mich jemand die Tür aufhält aber es hängt immer von der Situation ab, im Wohnhaus würde ich das machen im Restaurant weniger meist wie ich in Stimmung bin. 😅
Es ist meine Entscheidung jemandem die Tür aufzuhalten. Wenn ich mich dafür entscheide, dann habe ich auch genügend Zeit, das für die Zeitdauer von ein paar Schritten zu tun. Du brauchst nicht zu beschleunigen Es braucht Dir nicht unangenehm zu sein -- aber verzögern ist unhöflich. Du solltest dich dafür bedanken, damit ich die Tür loslassen kann.
Ich halte immer die Tür auf. Ich halte es für extrem unhöflich, jemandem die Türe ins Gesicht fallen zu lassen.
ich seh das simpel. ich halte die tür offen, wenn wer unmittelbar hinter mir ist, und ich das auch mitbekomme.
um die tür länger aufzuhalten, muss a bissi was sein. zb alte menschen, für die das öffnen der türe tatsächlich anstrengend ist (brandschutztüren, haustüren, die tür zu unserem lift, etc)
Regarding 1. We have a saying here in Germany: "Der Ton macht die Musik" which translates literally to "The tone makes the music" which would be for an American "It's not what you say, but how you say it."
Love your hair ❤❤❤ please show us the finished nutcracker.🎉
Thank you!! When I am finished I will post a picture :)
Guten Rutsch, und schöne Feiertage 🎉
Hi! Holding the door open: (complicated topic, i switch to german) Wenn ich jemandem die Tür aufhalte, fühlt sich dieser gezwungen, schneller zu gehen. Das ist meiner Meinung nach eine Nötigung. Happy new year and guten Rutsch!
Ich stimme zu. Wenn mir jemand die Tür aufhält, fühle ich mich verpflichtet, auch nett zu sein und die Zeit, die er für diese Nettigkeit braucht, so weit wie möglich zu reduzieren. Aber ich weiß das auch zu schätzen und werde das Gleiche für andere tun. Der englische Begriff dafür ist „courtesy“. Dieses Verhalten ist sogar im Paragraph 1 der deutschen StVO verlangt ...
@@wora1111Tür aufhalten und gegenseitige Rücksichtnahme würde ich nicht gleichsetzen.
Ich wurde schon ein paar Mal angemotzt - einmal angeschrien - von einer Frau wegen der „Zumutung“, dass ich ihr wohl nicht zutraue, die Tür selbst zu öffnen. Jedenfalls ist das in etwa das, was ich verstanden hatte….
Tja, guter Punkt. Wobei Amerikaner vermutlich eher noch langsamer gehen werden um allen zu zeigen wie wichtig sie sind weil sie nen persönlichen Türhalter haben.
Ich halte anderen schon die Tür auf, aber nur wenn der andere sich eben nicht gezwungen fühlen muss schneller zu gehen. Anders herum sage ich demjenigen, der mir die Tür aufhält, daß er ruhig weitergehen kann wenn es bei mir länger dauert und ich nicht schneller gehen möchte. Ich sehe da kein Problem.
@@beldin2987 Gut dass Hayley zu uns gehört und nicht zu den Amerikanern 🤣
Alles Gute zum neuen Jahr, Hayley.
A smile in the morning drives away sorrow and worries. If you start the day positivley you feel better . Personally, I have experience that if you give other people a Smile and are friendly , in most cases you will get a smile in return. The hairstyle suits you dear Hayley. I wish everyone a Happy new Year. Greetings from East Frisia northern Germany.🎉🥂💙🙂
And than there are people like me who would feel obligated to smile back. And believe me, especially in the morning I don't want to feel obligated to smile at a random stranger.
@@folkehoffmann1198 Same here. But luckily I'm not forced to go into public spaces in the morning.
good point! same here.
@blondkatze3547 I mean I do enjoy starting the day with a smile and positivity so i understand what you are saying 😉😉
How nice, I`m happy about that.@@HayleyAlexis 👍
I challenge any man to tell a woman in my family to smile more. That would be amazing. At the very least the guy would walk away crying, CRYING it tell you. I always thought that was a trope. How do you have the balls to tell someone else to smile? That question means you're either brave or stupid (most likely both).
😂😂😂
What?? Not smiling insults Americans? In what situation?
Merry late Christmas ❤😊 Thank you!
That thumbnail really caught me😅
Holding a door open for somebody following is something I've been taught by my parents. And I've seen them doing it very often. But honestly, the understanding of decent behaviour in Germany has changed quite significantly and I can hardly say that it has improved. I sincerely hope that my observations aren't a hint to a general loss of fundamental respect for each other.
BTW, it's something being observed about Germans by people in neighbouring countries like Austria and Switzerland already.
I got scolded in Belgium by some lady for whom I held the door. Apparently she was able to open a door herself and I infantilised her
@@frankpierco8826 I'd ignore her complaints replying that I was just being polite. Actually, it doesn't matter to me whether a woman or a man is following. If I can be friendly with out too much effort I'll be to anybody.
I'm actively trying to make a difference against a society so focussed on egocentric attitudes and behaviour.
At least in Vienna, there's an interesting phenomenon regarding elevators when the doors are about to close and people are walking towards it but are still a few meters away. Starting to run towards the elevator (or at least pretending to, not everybody is physically able to run) means "Please hold the door open for me!" Not changing your slow pace means "You can go without me, I'll take the next one."
Also with escalators in, say, subway stations, where many people want to use it at the same time when a train arrives. Normally cutting lines is heavily frowned upon, but in front of escalators it is totally ok.
And the thing at the supermarket checkout: When a new line opens, the cards are dealt new. That is totally normal, whereas, again, trying to cut into the already existing line is a no-go.
That's all very interesting unspoken social conventions.
Personally, I hate when people hold doors for me unless I am literally behind them. If I’m still 5+ steps away, please for the love of xxx just leave it be. Sometimes I just fake tie my shoe or stop and look into my purse to give me space from others. And dear Lord do not ever tell me to smile more. You will be headless in a nano second. Am I really American? And when in Germany or the EU, why does hearing English grate on my nerves so much? 😂
I can only "hear" Americans outside of America 😂 I always find this to be a phenomenon because in the USA I don't hear people talking, it is just a general "mumble" that I hear when running errands or exploring... but when I travel outside of the country, I can pinpoint directly to a conversation.
About voices, it strikes me always how loud Americans are. This afternoon I was standing in the row to enter the Kunsthistorisches Museum in Vienna. The only people in the rather long rows, there were two, that could be heard talking all over the place were americans. Once Inside the museum the same thing, when did civilisation disappeare un the US? I am not German nor Austrian but Dutch, but I think most Europeans share this experience.
When I consider holding the door open I always calculate how much effort it would be for me. If just standing 1-3 seconds I would do it. Otherwise I consider myself a servant who is doing a duty. And It is not a given that I will get a thank you from the person I took the extra effort for. Happened too often to me where someone took advantage of me.
Here is a story about smiling in Germany.
I used to work as a waiter for quite some time and during that time developed the habit of smiling unconsciously. It came with the trade and I think my facial muscles simply got used to it eventually.
But as you pointed out, here in Germany smiling for no reason is not the social standard and people will react in different ways.
Some might think of it as a weakness, some will have a hard time taking you serious or think you are creepy.
But most people will get a positive vibe from it. Some will even smile back and remember me that I do smile now in that way. It is kind of weird and may even be a bit rebellious here but even so (or maybe because of that), I like doing it.
That being said...
If someone tells you to smile more please in a harassing even chauvinistic way, you do have my go to hurt them back.
Happy Holidays to you and Mike. I like the nutcracker you are putting together. Very cute. I enjoyed this video. 😊❤
Während meiner Kindheit(In den 60er Jahren) war es völlig normal anderen Menschen höflich zu begegnen, Türen aufzuhalten und älteren Personen Sitzplätze in Bussen und Zügen anzubieten. Als ich Teenie war bröckelte die Zuvorkommenheit deutlich und mittlerweile erlebe ich es nur noch seltenst.. Schade😢
Ja, das habe ich genau so erlebt wie Du. Es zerbröckelte nicht nur, man konnte sogar angemault werden wenn man jemandem die Tür aufhielt.
Ein Freund von mir erlebte das damals, da war eine junge, sehr vollbepackte Frau hinter ihm. Er hielt ihr die Türe auf weil er das "gentleman - like" fand. Und sie motzte ihn an "Ich bin ein großes Mädchen, ey, stell dir vor, ich kann die Tür selber öffnen, dazu brauche ich echt deine Hilfe nicht!". Er war völlig konsterniert.
"Die Jugendlichen lieben heute den Luxus, sie haben schlechte Manieren, keinen Respekt vor älteren Leuten und plaudern, wo sie arbeiten sollten." (Sokrates, um 399 v.Chr.)
Will never forget my shock and horror when a German guy in Hamburg didn’t hold the door for me when I was about 8 months pregnant. The door just missed my bump when it swung back on me. I’d only been living in Germany 18 months by that point. I was still in culture shock phase.
A couple months ago, a lady just as pregnant didn't care that I almost ran into her stomach. I cared more for that baby than she did!
He was an A! That is not normal. Many who would never open a door or offer a seat would do it for someone obviously far into a pregnancy. However, we do have many a*s. Sorry for that hopefully one off
That would be regarded as absolutely rude by most Germans, as well, especially doing it to a pregnant woman or an elderly person.
But unfortunately there are a lot of idiots who are not looking left or right and just let the door slam in the face of the person behind them.
@@katia_g213
Pregnant ladies can grow to become fairly confident of their anatomy's ability to protect their infant. If you're worried for several months and survive through it, and get advice from qualified people, you can become less fearful.
Of course there are limits. You can't become careless and ignore pregnancy.
That’s rude - more than that - in every civilisation; in my Netherlands I would have shouted at him, on your behalf.
Call it Teflon management.
Not to let it stick.
Haley, guten Rutsch ins Jahr 2025! 🎉🎉 I pray for peace and happiness in the coming year.
Take care of each other❤
Greetings from North Carolina.....Ines from the Hamburg area. 😊
So interessante udn wichtige Informationen, das mit dem Lächeln und Stimme wußte ich nicht. Vielen Dank 🥰
Was mir bei meinem Aufenthalt in den USA aufgefallen ist,sobald junge Amerikanerinnen ein Kind sehen gehen ihre Stimmen 2 Oktaven höher und einige Dezibel lauter. Das ist mir bei uns in Deutschland nie so aufgefallen…
It is called "baby talk" or "parentese"
@ interessant…danke für die Info…Wahrscheinlich habe ich mit meinen Kindern auch so geredet und es nicht bemerkt. Ist allerdings schon 40Jahre her.Man möge mir die Erinnerungslücke verzeihen:))….Für diesen Satz reichen meine Englischkenntnisse leider nicht;)
Komm mal nach Portugal ... da sind das mehr als 2 Oktaven 😂
Your hairstyle reminds me of old movies about the south.
Hello Scarlet O’Hara. 😊
Regarding the topics of your video:
I don’t mind waiting some seconds more to hold a door for someone because in my experience it’s such a small act of kindness that most of the time brings a smile on the face of the other person.
Mission accomplished ✌️
Holding the door open? Well here in the south of Baden-Württemberg it's common to hold the door open for others, especially in small shops (butcher, bakery,...) . People would mumble something, like the guy you mentioned, or shaking their head, if you don't do so. ...so, no difference to the US. It's part of good manner.
Same in Bavaria.
Wünsche frohes neues Jahr🎉
Before Christmas at Aldi we got into a clusterfrak when there were two very long lines and a third checkout opened. There was all this product between the lines so we couldn't actually see each other. So the two long lines kind of merged into the 3rd and then we saw each other and people were getting angry because there was no way to know who should have been next. I had cut off a lady and the person behind her said "She was here a long time." My husband said, "Exactly as we have been." I said she could go ahead of me but she didn't want to displace me either. The thing is, there was no awkward friendliness (with SMILING) as in America. It was just awkward antagonism.
Whenever there is a discussion about facts there will be the moment when this quote will be used:
"There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there always has been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge'."
Isaac Asimov
Happy holidays and have a guten Rutsch! ^^
You too!!
@@HayleyAlexis Thank you!
Bitte mehr wie Nara Smith! Mit Schlafzimmerstimme😂
😂😂😂😂
I think the door opening one is interesting because for me its very dependable on the situation. For my elderly neighbour I would stall a moment and actively hold the door open until she is inside but on a train station/ store/ government office etc I would not stall. Do I look out for the person behind me and kind of hand them the door or give a little push open so it does not slam them in the face, absolutely. But I do not stop or expect people to stop for me.
Its kind of like this:
Person --right behind -- Me (in the door) -> Hand them the door
Person ----like maybe 2 to 6 steps---- Me -> give door a little push open so they don't get slammed and can catch it
Person -------further than 6 steps--------- Me -> just let the door fall
Guten Rutsch schon mal ^^
My suggestion for translating "labering Schmarrn" which, BTW, is a great expression by itself 😂
Blabbering blarney
Or
Talking BS
Yeah, it's a great expression and very understandable even outside of Bavaria 😀.
Squawking Nonsense!
Schöne Zeit zwischen den Jahren und Guten Rutsch!
I wonder, if the Americans have something similar as to the 'Rauhnächte' and the weird ritual of not making their laundry during this time!
What bothers me most, are obviously fake smiles. I don't trust people who smile at me but their facial expression is completely neutral. Sometimes it's because of botox, but most of the time it's a forced smile. Completely dishonest, makes me cringe.
I am German, but I totally agree about the queue-jumping and door holding thing - it IS rude to let it drop just in front of another person. Maybe the difference really lies in the time you expect other people to stand there and wait for you to arrive at the door in question. It it is too long, it makes me feel like a servant holding the door for Mylord or Mylady :-)
One question about the duty to smile - you said it is mostly men who expect it from you or even call you on it. Are men also expected to smile, i.e. are they being called on it if they don't? I have a feeling this is not the case - if so this would mean straight out sexism according to which it is your damn duty as a woman to make every male feel cherished with or without reason.
In Hungary and Croatia I have literally had doors pushed in my face but I don't think it was deliberate rudeness, just thoughtlessness. People go around as if they are alone or just with their family group, they just don't notice strangers. It is very different to UK, where people try not to be a nuisance and consequently need to be more aware of those around them.
Wow Hayley, you're sending almost regal vibes! Very elegant indeed!
Hello Hayley, holding a Door open for 20 Seconds is weird. I would never smile to People on the Street. They would think : Hat der einen Schaden oder ist er pervers ?
And if you don`t know something about a Thing, a Country or a Person, just shut up and you don´t get humiliate.
Ich hoffe der Familie geht`s gut. Ich wünsche noch allen ein Glückliches neues Jahr. 😊😊😊
Funny thing, I was coming back from the bakery to my house, from the other side a post woman was approaching. I thought she had mail for me, it was a sunny day, so I smiled at her. She froze, misstook my friendly smile for a crazed serial killer, asking if I wanted to hurt her.
I cleared up that misunderstanding, she also had no mail for me.
Misunderstanding happens all the time
what´s the point of telling a woman to smile? just MAKE her smile!
@peterkoller3761 well don't say that... they might chop us up and carve a smile on our faces 😂🥴 I have been watching too many murder mysteries... forgive me!!
@@HayleyAlexisGiiiiirl!!! Like NO! Don't go there! 😅😂
Liebe Grüße aus Augsburg! 😊
I definitely don't correct anyone here in the U.S. since earning my MBA. Especially not my mom. 😅
Moms are always right
7:38 someone in my family lifed in NewYork, when mother and daughter spoke English to each other, always high pitched voices, when they spoke German, normal voice! Much darker but you can hear, now they talking truth no pc blabla!
Woa, I have not yet started playing the video, but that hairdo -> Going "first lady" style route?
(Watched now): That video should have double likes for each click for the "don't do hat in US" formulated in the "warm American non-offensive voice and style".
The "hold door open": I am among those who do hold the door open (more than the average German).
The cutting line as cashier thing: I feel like that is a bit changing. A tiny bit, but it seems to happen. Though only a German might notice :D.
Yeah, I think it's generally all true what you said. Maybe it also matters if you are from a Southern state in the US or from NYC, like you mentioned, where things can be more hectic and people might care less about such things. But I was already used with the holding the door open for a longer while, saying excuse me and thank you all the time etc. from my years back in the UK, so that wasn't really a problem for me when visiting the US. Regarding holding the door open here in Germany, also feminism can come in a way when you do that for a woman, because it might be considered sexist.
Holding a door open is not a cultural thing, I believe. It's about being polite.
Das mit den Schlangen an der Kasse nervt schon. Natürlich öffnet die neue Kasse immer erst, wenn man schon ganz vorne in der Schlange ist. Aber andererseits sind, zumindest bei uns, die Schlangen nie wirklich lang. Meistens wird die neue Kasse geöffnet, wenn 4 Kunden anstehen. Die Wartezeit ist also nie wirklich lang. Ich erinnere mich an Zeiten, in denen die Schlange durch den halben Laden ging. Manchmal fällt es schwer, aber ich versuche das Ganze entspannt zu sehen.
I worked in the US for one year and some of my co-workers thought it was funny to call me Ms Hitler because I had a German accent. I didn't think that was very funny.
Labering Schmarrn: "What kind of crock are you rabbiting on?" - or something along these lines.
Holding open doors: Depends on who is at the door. I myself am holding doors open many times although I know that people usually do not appreciate it. But so far people never got unfriendly because of this. I am just used to do to others what I wish they would do to me, knowing full well that I must not be disappointed when others do not act the same way.
Opinion < knowledge (In fact no one cares about your personal opinion in Germany except family and friends).
Wer in Deutschland 'Blödsinn labert', der wird schnell ignoriert, da eine persönliche Meinung für die Öffentlichkeit wertlos ist.
Hoffen wir mal, dass das so bleibt...
When an American woman asks a German man, "Why don't you hold the door open for me ?", he will ask, "Are you an emancipated woman ? ". If you say yes, he will say, "Well, that means you are capable of opening the door yourself." 🤔😅
Concerning what you mentioned strong opinion, what I have observed is, that in the US they tend to have a strong opinion when it is expressed in a professional context (e.g. when holding a speech or a sermon in) e.g. in politics, religion, music, movies and the tone is stronger, louder but the Germans are not so moderate and much more outspoken in a private context. Could be a wrong perception, what do you think?
The englisch language based on Anglo (Ænglo) Saxon language, tribes from north germany they come to britain at 5th century, when the romans leave britain. Some Saxon Warriors worked for the Roman empire and when they leave britain, the britains asked the Saxons for help against the pikts (a tribe from north britain). The Saxons and Angles came and stay and build kingdoms like Wessex, Sussex and later England (Ængeland). In Germany the northern God Odin is called Wodan. The old northern Gods live in the Weekdays until today. Wednesday = Wodansday, Thursday = Thorsday ( Thor), and Friday = Freyasday (Göttin Freya). Göttin is in Germany the female version for God or Gott:). Here in lower Saxon, Germany some people can speak a modern version of old Saxon (near the old englisch). Since Martin Luther (15th century) the germans more and more all speak high German, but there are many accents because there were so many german tribes. Frankreich was a german tribe too (die Franken, the Franks). So englisch is a germanic language.
When a new line opens in a grocery store, I let the people with the fewest goods go first, because why should they wait for me to put all my stuff on, which may take 5 minutes, while I completely block the line for everyone else? In those 5 minutes, 5 people may have already been able to pay for their 3-6 items in hand. I'd also let elderly people go first, or mothers with small children. In the USA it's always first come first served, but in reality it's often the privileged who go first because they have more time, more money, the faster car, can fly instead of drive, etc. First-come, first-served is not necessarily socially just. For example, in a first-come, first-served world, people with walking disabilities are always disadvantaged. And it's kind of paradoxical that people in the US insist on first-come, first-served, but get angry when the same principle is applied to the second line because they weren't first on the second line. Being first on the first line does not give you any special privilege to be first on a second line.
Wishing you a happy and healthy New Year 2025 🎉🎆
Thank you Nadine :) I also am sending you positivity for 2025 💕💕
@HayleyAlexis Thanks, I'll need that 😇
Wenn jemand einem Fremden die Tür in Deutschland zu lange offen hält ( mehr als 5 Sekunden sind echt viel ), dann fühlt sich dieser genötigt sich zu beeilen, um dem Türöffner keine Umstände zu bereiten. 😅 Bei Freunden, alten Leuten und Personen, die die Türen nicht selbst aufhalten können, ist das wiederrum was anderes. Bei Frau und Mann öffnet der, der zuerst an der Tür steht oder darum gebeten wird, die Tür zu öffnen.
Americans especially women speak higher because they produce the words differently. This has to do with the position of the tongue when speaking. And when a man I do not know waits 20 or more seconds holding a door for me I would think he is interested in me …
Sorry, I didn't understand the thing about the door and I don't know it either. No matter what country I was in, the door was almost always held open by the people when they realized that no one else was coming. We were brought up that way and I think that many of the following generations and the current generation are brought up that way too, to hold the door open.
I think it really depends on the individual person and you don't know what the person in front of you is thinking about.
😂😂😂 I ben for about 7 years in de US ,.there where not all allways smiley
Well now, let’s just be _clear_ about this, Hayley. WWII was not about defeating _Germany._ It was about defeating _fascism._ Accordingly, it was, in fact, about _rescuing_ Germany from fascism; _liberating_ Germany from fascism. It’s a fact too predictably overlooked that the first country those folks invaded and took over was their own.
So the WWII German soldiers, as they first appeared in US films from that time, with their cold, crisp, harsh manners of speech were not originally created to poke fun at _Germany,_ but at _fascist_ Germany, specifically.
So funny bc I simply have a completely other option. I am born and raised in Germany and I live since a couple of years here in Florida, Fort Lauderdale. Overall Americans are just simply nicer and friendlier 😂, they don’t care how much money you make, where you are from or what car you drive, as long as you are a good person. In Germany people are so jealous and unfriendly and very very judgy. They like to judge everything and everyone even if they have never really educate themselves. And they talk really really bad about Americans. Like what people have said to me just bc I told them that I am moving to the US. 😅 Just very rude and uneducated. I am sure Americans in Germany won’t hear about that bc the Germans won’t tell them 😂
I agree with most of the points, but I lived in Germany for four years, and Americans were put down nonstop. Eventually, I felt comfortable and enjoyed having a good sparring match! It's great having robust discussions, but what I found most annoying was the almost national acceptance that Germany is superior in all things compared to the USA. German culture is incredible, and I love many aspects of it. I still have many wonderful German friends from that time in my life. I am also a proud American and did not appreciate the constant putdown.
Viele Männer halten keine Tür mehr auf, weil es teilweise als beleidigend empfunden wird (Emanzipation). Ich persönlich sehe das nur als normale Höflichkeit, aber das Thema ist umstritten.
Maybe this is just Berlin, but I'd add smoking/lighting up a cigarette in front of someone's face. That is a no go in the USA.
4:10 We don't need to make jokes about Americans. The internet and the news are already full of them.
First of all: Schicke Frisur.
I have been wondering for some time why US citizens are so openly friendly. My current working hypothesis is that Europeans can rely on their respective government and don't have to ingratiate themselves with every stranger.
Great points. As a German-American, I'll never forget when I first moved to the US and got impatient because no one was leaving the elevator. Then I finally realized I was the only woman in the car and they waited for me to exit first. Manners, but chivalry especially, are much more prevalent in the US. Like you said, it doesn't hurt to be kind.
Now living in Germany, I will still mumble "The word you're looking for is 'excuse me'", when a German shoves me or reaches over me. And they will break into a run when I hold the door and they're more than a meter away.
I wish you and I could exchange experiences over a coffee, we'd probably talk for hours!!
Also, sorry if this is inappropriate, you have the most beautiful teeth I have ever seen, perfectly matching your beautiful face.❤
Chivalry was nice when there still were knights. There shouldn’t be a difference between how women and men are treated.
...and race!
Moin, wünsche dir, deiner Familie und auch Mike einen guten Rutsch ins neue Jahr! Und ich drücke dir die Daumen für deine weitere Ausbildung! Freue mich auf die Videos im nächsten Jahr! Liebe Grüße aus Hamburg, Ben❤
Die sollte den 'Alten' verlassen und einen 'Brother' anlachen....!
What a waste...😢!
Your point at 12:20 is a good one.
I hate it when people behind you "cut" in front of you when a new cashier opens up. I always let the person in front of me go first, or even ask if he/she wants to go. Mediamarkt and some other companies are establishing a new concept right now, and that is one line for all the cashiers. That way everyone waits for the same amount, and it is fair to everyone.
So in that regard, I am so not German because I don't like that form of "cutting" the line.
Your observation about warmth is not so much related to German vs American culture as you think. It varies, a lot, within Germany. I’m not sure where exactly the dividing line runs, but there is definitely a North-South division. It runs on beyond Germany’s borders too. Austrians conform to Southern German culture while the whole of Scandinavia is like the Northern Germans. In the North they look serious, don’t smile a lot and aim to be perceived as upright and honest. Southern Germans are always “höflich”, that is courteous. They smile, are warm in their contact with others and aim primarily for having a good time.
"Schmarrn labern" - talking bs?
I have never been told to smile, except for that one time
Of course it wasn't just some dude but a Polizeibeamter
I said no and bicycles away 😂
Seems like all that entitlement only hit me once and was put in one literal authority staff person but I didnt obey anyway teehee
What gets me in Germany (18 years now) I s when you say something to someone and they completely ignore you. For example, I am at the horse stable and my horse suddenly flips out. As an AMerican I exclaim "Who the horses are friskey today aren't they?" To the other two riders riding near by and neither German bothers to answer me back...Dead silence. It is not a one time thing, collegues at work just walk in when I am talking to someone and with out excusing themselfs just talk over me about something else to the person I am talking to , no "excuse me" or "Sorry for interrupting" This feels very rude to Americans. One should atleast acknowledge the other person but not in Germany
Sorry, but that is not a German thing - it is plain rude and you need to call them out on it. Of course, this has happened to me as well from time to time, but it is NOT a cultural norm.
Perhaps you are an invisible person and have not noticed this? Sorry for the joke, but sometimes people develop into a personality that gets routinely ignored. Something about their behavior and/or expectation seems to trigger it.
A random remark like yours about the horses fell of deaf ears probably because the other riders didn't have any idea that quickly and therefore were just dumbfounded while their horses kept going and taking them further from the scene. So to come back later after 30 seconds or so with probably not even a correct answer would not make sense to them. They are just not trained to give a witty answer even it was only kind of joking like: Perhaps the don't like the hay they got this morning? Did you use a different perfume today?
but some people like the German way!to each his own. there is nothing wrong with that.
Nobody is forcing you to live in Germany. I wouldn't feel comfortable in America either, so I'm not going there.
Well, horse riding people in Germany are quite often snobs. You get the same in other European countries. I live in Italy and the people at the stables are extremely rude and arrogant, not at all like the normal Italian friendly person.
Oh, forgot something: Maybe your observation about Americans not being able to accept being made fun of (as a country/ nation) stems from the idea that the US are not just one country among others but are THE country - maybe going back to the religious belief of being God's personal and special country like Israel's conviction in the Old Testament? I remember an American commenting on the movie 'Valkyrie' about the Stauffenberg assassination of Hitler. He argued Stauffenberg could not be seen as a hero, because he just tried to save Germany. I highly doubt he would have agreed nobody could be a hero who just tried to save the US (not even touching on the fact that killing Hitler would not just have saved Germany but countless people all over the world).
Very perceptive and well described. One thing that irks me is - if you pay in cash (which happens often)- the person returning the change from the purchase places the money on the counter or in a nearby plate instead of putting it in your open, waiting hand.
Good point! I totally forgot about this one but it is very true!! This is something I actually dislike in Germany, not because of rudeness but because it is so difficult for me to get the coins off of the counter usually 😂😂
@@HayleyAlexis That's a true point 😂, whether the saleswoman is polite or not is of no concern to me.
Putting my change on the table instead of my hand has earned many Germans a good cursing from me…
Next time, someone tells you to smile, just give him a death stare and tell him, that you're multilingual and right now just fluently smiling in german. You could even let them choose: "What do you prefer? American indifference... or a german smile?". (Pro tip: Get a little device that plays a sound file when you press a button, keep it in your pocket, and whenever you switch to "german smile" mode, use it to play the beginning of Bach's Toccata und Fuge in d-Moll. Or Rammstein's 'Du hast' or Klaus Doldinger's theme from 'Das Boot'.).
😂😂😂👍🏻💯
👍👍
To boil it down:
It is about sugarcoating.
Germans are not mean. Germans are honest. One doesn’t need to sugarcoat everything! There is too much sugar in the US! And it’s not even real sugar, it’s fake sugar. Just to tell you, sugar is only for chocolates.
Deswegen würde ich auch nie in den USA Urlaub machen oder dort leben wollen, die sozialen Normen sind zu gegensätzlich zu unseren, jeder kleine Fehler kann als Beleidigung oder schlimmstenfalls auch in Gewalt enden.
Es ist nicht soooo schlimm hier... die meisten sind ganz nett (versprochen) 😉
Das ist viel zu pauschal gedacht. Jedes Land hat andere Umgangsformen. Es ist wichtig, sich darauf einzulassen, es erweitert den Horizont.
the door thing is so infuriating.... thankfully thats not the case for every part of the german-speaking world...
but sadly slamming the door into you face also isnt exclusive to Germany...
In Deutschland sollte man Männer nicht einfach so anlächeln, würde als Anmache gewertet werden. Ich lächel Männer nie einfach nur so an wenn es nicht einen triftigen Grund gibt.
You are so gorgeous ❤
Hi Häili, just saying: that fake smile in UA-cam video thumbnail is scary. If you approach me in Europe with that, I assume you have a hidden agenda. You may are used to fake smiles, but I think you can differ between a real smile and a fake. So simple question is: why will people do a fake smile?
My smile is very much so real in the thumbnail....
Dir, Michael und deiner Familie wünsche ich frohe Weihnacht und ein gutes, glückliches Jahr 2025.
Guten Rutsch!
danke danke!!!
Ja, wir haben den zweiten Weltkrieg verloren. Das war das Beste, was uns passieren konnte. Danke fuers Video, Hayley
@uhhbekbell7271 das passiert überall.... nicht nur in DE!
4:37 Deal! I'll do that next time 😂 Even from these 5 min I've seen so far...you already paint a picture about Americans...that show me... they don't have much respect at all. Some might even call it stupidity. Not valuing education is just that. Stupid!
And heck! I am very happy we lost WW2!! The entire world would be a different one, if that AH had won.
And guess what... So many decaf later the world is in the same place: about to become a very dark one. Just by the vote the US just made and that Russian war on Ukraine...the far east is a mess as always, but even bigger. And here the Afd is getting more and more fans. Which basically means WW3 is in the making already. And I never thought I would see that day, the age I am.. born in the 80s
Well, human history, it seems, is one of not learning and repeat...unfortunately😢
Mädchen lach doch mal, bitte bitte lächel einmal nur für mich 😅 wiseguys ❤
I do note agree with those who say that Germans are grumpy and do notclike to be smiled at. I go round smiling at people and especially at people I deal with, accompanied by a few sentences to empathize with or appreciate what they are doing for me (cashiers, doctors, clerks of all sorts). Same goes for neighbours other clients, colleagues etc.
Whether here in Belgium or in Germany everybody smiles back and appreciates a few warm words.😊
@elisabethdorrer4831 I think it honestly depends.. I have seen Germans tell people to their face "leave me alone" when the person says hello or good day. If you have a stereotypical "friendly" look it might be better received than for someone that is a) different looking than the general population (immigrants) b) not generically attractive or c) some people are just having bad days and that is ok.
I personally appreciate a smile and a kind word and it goes very far with me :)
Alle Verallgemeinerungen sind gefährlich....selbst diese.
(Quote von. ....habe ich vergessen)