You are such an intelligent & insightful person. I'm very sure that you'll come to that clear understanding of yourself that you seek. I do have to say, tho, that all I could think while listening was, "Wow. I wonder if she has any idea how very lucky she is." Pushed to go into science in college? I was definitely given the impression that I was expected to go to college but, beyond that, there was zero guidance, suggestion, encouragement, help of any sort whatsoever. I am the product of 2 parents who both suffered from depression & anxiety. I, & all of my siblings, inherited that to one degree or another. My parents were too busy fighting their own internal battles to be great at encouraging their kids. My entire early life was living in terror that someone might actually notice me. The heart-pounding panic if someone did. I'm very old now. What I'm proudest of is that I fought that battle. And I won. I learned to understand myself, soothe myself, encourage myself & grow. I'm quite all right now. And, hey, I'm actually worthy of notice.
I have no illusions about how fortunate I have been in life. I know that others have not. I have amazing parents, even if they don't always understand me. I have a partner, child, family and gainful employment. However, they are all external things. I don't feel that being fortunate enough to be in a good place with the trappings of life means I shouldn't also try to find fulfillment within me. I still haven't figured out what changed within me that made me want to disappear and fear being noticed, other than "being a teenager".
I'm still separating the different parts too. I also realised that introspection alone at some point stopped being helpful and that I needed to interact with others and get more data/feedback.
I suspect a lot of these topics you touch on are going to pop up again as you grow your channel. Thank you for sharing. It's helping me have some greater understanding of who is connecting to my work and why too.
I don't doubt it, in fact I'm counting on it. I'm pacing myself. For my benefit and everyone else's. It's so I don't rant and ramble along spurious tangents.
The first time I saw one of your videos it was the one where you were asking about falling down the rabbithole of Ren Reactions. I was in the midst of that. After that I was hooked on your content too.
@ I was so naive about the reaction world, I really thought there were just a few of us doing it. And that the reaction channels might feel under appreciated!
You are such an intelligent & insightful person. I'm very sure that you'll come to that clear understanding of yourself that you seek.
I do have to say, tho, that all I could think while listening was, "Wow. I wonder if she has any idea how very lucky she is." Pushed to go into science in college? I was definitely given the impression that I was expected to go to college but, beyond that, there was zero guidance, suggestion, encouragement, help of any sort whatsoever. I am the product of 2 parents who both suffered from depression & anxiety. I, & all of my siblings, inherited that to one degree or another. My parents were too busy fighting their own internal battles to be great at encouraging their kids. My entire early life was living in terror that someone might actually notice me. The heart-pounding panic if someone did. I'm very old now. What I'm proudest of is that I fought that battle. And I won. I learned to understand myself, soothe myself, encourage myself & grow. I'm quite all right now. And, hey, I'm actually worthy of notice.
I have no illusions about how fortunate I have been in life. I know that others have not. I have amazing parents, even if they don't always understand me. I have a partner, child, family and gainful employment.
However, they are all external things. I don't feel that being fortunate enough to be in a good place with the trappings of life means I shouldn't also try to find fulfillment within me.
I still haven't figured out what changed within me that made me want to disappear and fear being noticed, other than "being a teenager".
I'm still separating the different parts too. I also realised that introspection alone at some point stopped being helpful and that I needed to interact with others and get more data/feedback.
"No man is an island." and "Nothing happens in a vacuum." should be a part of my mantras when I start disappearing up my own backside.
I suspect a lot of these topics you touch on are going to pop up again as you grow your channel. Thank you for sharing. It's helping me have some greater understanding of who is connecting to my work and why too.
I don't doubt it, in fact I'm counting on it.
I'm pacing myself. For my benefit and everyone else's. It's so I don't rant and ramble along spurious tangents.
The first time I saw one of your videos it was the one where you were asking about falling down the rabbithole of Ren Reactions. I was in the midst of that.
After that I was hooked on your content too.
@ I was so naive about the reaction world, I really thought there were just a few of us doing it. And that the reaction channels might feel under appreciated!