Hello Lisa! Thank you for retelling this story to me. The story touched your core foundation; I see how emotional you became. Her brother’s outburst (behavior) was extreme without consideration of the sister’s boyfriend’s culture. He totally disenfranchised the boyfriend’s culture. It is true that couples in interracial relationships/marriages should be familiar with each other’s culture, tradition and custom. And you are right again, like my mother taught me that in marrying a woman, a man is not only marrying her but her family, tribe and culture. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a while and she is already asked her mom to let her marry me, which she agreed. This year she is visiting me in the Golden State. Teach me how best to behave with her; she is not a rural girl but visit her parents in the countryside regularly. In my culture, it is forbidden for a prospective son-in-law to sit near his mother-in-law, physically touch her (hand greeting) or touch her clothes. This is as a respect to her. However, I want to follow her culture and resign my culture aside. Please make a video on how I should approach her parents on first encounter, greeting etiquette, polite respectful behaviors around them and what gifts I should take with me when visiting them. I don’t speak Chinese yet but I want to take Chinese language courses after my graduate degree this May 2025. Please don’t get bored with my frequent requests for lessons about Chinese culture, tradition and custom. My girl is everything to me and I would mortgage my soul for her. Thank you!
You’re a very wise and beautiful young lady. I’m impressed with your way of solving problems your kindness your big heart. I’m happy for you and your husband, but you have such a great relationship. I love listening to you speak with your broken English. I’m glad I found your channel. I wish you years success and happiness with your UA-cam channel and your marriage. 😉🙏💕
For men to women’s family house, you don’t need to wash dishes, if women go to men’s family to help wash dishes men’s family will happy, but sound you did very well
@@asutosakumbhar Yes, it's that simple. My husband doesn't drink but he would chat with them, so I think her husband is not familiar with her family. Maybe the toilet problem is just the fuse. Maybe he hasn't visited them much in all these years.
@@GobbyLisa99 Madam, I am pleased to receive your response. I comprehend the circumstances. I hold the belief that love necessitates mutual understanding. We men are not as refined in our demeanor as might be expected; we maintain a reserved disposition, but after partaking in a few drinks and engaging in conversation, the atmosphere becomes naturally convivial. 😇❤️🥂
A sad story but i think it probably happens a lot,its not hard to be polite in any culture, i think by just being polite when visiting family that goes along way, every time we go to visit my wife's family i ask what can we take as a gift like fruit or flowers, like i would do here in the UK, if ive not seen them in a long time. Sometimes i get told we wont take anything other times we take a lot , i have found the best thing to do is when visiting family or going to family or friends birthdays or wedding is ask my wife what does she want to do or say in my culture i would do this but i know in your culture you would do that, then let her decide what she is happy with. And most of the time when visiting family i say hello and enquire after them then my wife tells me to sit down, and she goes off checking the house and what sounds like arguing with them but im told they just talk loudly😄, and every so often a family member sits down talks to me then wonders off, i think she sits me down and puts her handbag beside me so that she can remember where she has put us so she doesn't lose us!🤣🤣🤣
In fact, when visiting Chinese wife's family, people usually just need to buy some fruit or milk ….just like you did. This is a courtesy to show that I value them. It doesn't need to be expensive. Of course, you can buy other gifts if you want. When my husband and I go to visit my parents, we usually buy a few bottles of cigarettes or alcohol that my father and mother like, which are not expensive
This situation has happened/can happen/is happening to every marital family across the world. And I think the husband and wife's brother were shy/or confused at the first meeting (depending on the family situation). They both need some personal time. Congratulations to the happy families and especially the new born baby. ❤️🎁🎉🎆
@@asutosakumbharI know. But being familiar with your spouse's family is the most basic thing in every marriage. You don't need to be too close, but you can't be unfamiliar with them either. So I think this story is strange. By the way their child is 4 or 5 years old now. The women and child usually go visit her parents, but still never seen her husband visit
The couples should expose their cultures to each other while dating. At the time they are dating, they need to seriously evaluate if they should continue to date or terminate the relationship. Also, they should evaluate the historical/political attitudes towards them when marriage is involved in the host country.
I think it is more important to get each other's families familiar with each other in marriage. It has nothing to do with politics, because we are all ordinary people. Even if we marry someone from our own country, we still need to get familiar with our partner's family.
@@GobbyLisa99 Lisa, you really think, under current political atmosphere, that the Chinese gov't has no problems with a citizen marrying an American? No retribution to a Chinese family?
You know, at some point people are going to have to realize that it's becoming a multicultural world and they're just going to have to suspend some of the silly customs and not jump to conclusions about people
I don't understand the brother's attitude. most cultures give a foreigner a break when it comes to cultural misunderstandings. I do agree with you that if you marry a Chinese lady, you better learn something about her culture, quickly, especially if you live in China.
Like in this story, I just feel why her husband and the woman's family are so unfamiliar, just like the first time they met, this incident may just be the fuse. In China, if a man hardly visits a woman's family before or after marriage, it is really disrespectful. Generally in China, the families of women in foreign marriages are generally very tolerant, especially after marriage. Sometimes need to visit the woman's family, especially if they live in China. But the brother is really bad
yes, the story is said. but I would not agree that the husbands long bathroom stay triggered the escalation. I assume the conflict has deeper roots. anyway, I am married to a wonderful Chinese wife and I respect my parents in law and communicate with them through wechat/translate. no intercultural issues so far (at least I wouldn't be aware of)
When I back to China. I bought face cream for my sister-in-law. You can buy Face cream or perfume. If she lives in the countryside, don't buy perfume, but face cream is fine. brother-in-law you can buy a watch. They don't need to be expensive, as long as they are Western products.
I think this story goes much deeper than what is told, I am sure the family does not like the Indian man, but they allowed the daughter to marry as they did not want to hurt her feelings.. Please note in India they still go by the CLASS/CAST system, the Indian man may think his wife's family are of lower class, I know many Indian men, who have traveled to China, and with going with them to restaurants and Banks, they treat the staff like shit, and are very rude, maybe this Indian man has the same attitude?
I just found out about this a few years ago. Their child is already four or five years old. The woman often takes the child back to her parents' home and treats the child very well. However, she has not spoken to her brother in the past few years. However, whether before or after marriage, I have never seen her Indian husband go to her parents' home
Thank you for the story, But why did the daughter have to contribute 50,000. towards a house that was going to be given to her brother? The brother also needs to show some appreciation . Juan Dan Jie ❤🇨🇦
In China, a woman's brother is very important, especially after marriage. When her husband is in the toilet and he doesn't say hello frist him immediately and makes him wait for a long time, her brother will feel that he has lost face, so he will get angry. In China, a man's face is particularly important, and there is no such thing as a brother respecting his sister in China. But her brother has cold heart. If it were me, I wouldn't forgive him
I know it's easy for me to talk not coming from the Chinese culture, but If it had been me, i would have said a quick hello and then excused myself, as you say her brother has a cold heart to do that to his sister, especially not long after giving birth, i'm no saint but i could never do that to my sisters or any other woman, not even a stranger.
@@andrewlin6136 It's different in every place. In my time, it was 666 or 888 RMB, and then some jewelry, about 2,000 to 3,000 RMB, and some food for the girl's parents, but if the man wants to give more, he can. I don't know about it now, but in the south or in some places in Fujian, both engagement and marriage require a lot of money. Moreover, many people nowadays do not get engaged, but get married directly, and many people also choose to travel to get married
@@GobbyLisa99 did you see in some videos, some women's saying they don't want to have kids, while in US many women's taking their husbands or ex- husbands to court to prove that the child born was his, many women's had multiple affairs - now they can't even prove which is their child's father
@@GobbyLisa99 a couples died by committing suicide in the river just coz at the last moment the bride family ask for 200,000 RNB more before entering the house
I really feel bad for your friend in this situation, but I've seen real pain in Chinese men, both in China and in diaspora. I think China prefers boys, but at their detriment. I'm really not trying to discredit anything, but I think Chinese men are treated as cogs in a machine. 1. If Chinese men are expected to supply a house to a potential wife. Isn't the tradition of passing the house to the son like passing down an engagement ring? It's like a generational thing to increase the chances of finding a partner. I don't agree with the lack of nuance in the tradition, but I understand why the house would go to the son. That's what women and the woman's family demands. If the man's family demanded a house in most cases; I would agree with the practice being unfair. However in the modern age, perhaps the family should talk things over; or the son should at least have a fiance in mind. 2. Is there a law saying that a paid dowry must be returned to the man or the couple? If not, I believe it's discrimination for the man. It's not flattering for the woman to experience either. I'm sorry Lisa. I'm not believing you about the dowry. I've heard stories of the husband not seeing a dime back in some occasions. May I ask? Why do you defend the dowry? Is this a tradition? How is it not unfair for the man? I saw a man's life ruined in China because the family kept demanding a higher and higher dowry. He never got married and ended up going insane. That's my image of how China treats men and boys. Both Chinese men and women have to understand one another better. I'm not aware if your personal experience with Chinese men hasn't been great, but change is made through sympathy, compromise, and mutual understanding like in the story of Hiawatha and the Peacemaker.
I am not defending the dowry , because some places have it, some don't. I don't have it around me, whether it's my friends or my brother and sister getting married, there is no such thing. If you don't believe me, there is nothing I can do. Don’t forget China is very big . Not everywhere the same . You are Chinese you know it. But I know many places have dowry and I also saw some videos as you said
you are so sweet and kind hearted!!
Thank you
Hello Lisa! Thank you for retelling this story to me. The story touched your core foundation; I see how emotional you became. Her brother’s outburst (behavior) was extreme without consideration of the sister’s boyfriend’s culture. He totally disenfranchised the boyfriend’s culture. It is true that couples in interracial relationships/marriages should be familiar with each other’s culture, tradition and custom. And you are right again, like my mother taught me that in marrying a woman, a man is not only marrying her but her family, tribe and culture. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a while and she is already asked her mom to let her marry me, which she agreed. This year she is visiting me in the Golden State. Teach me how best to behave with her; she is not a rural girl but visit her parents in the countryside regularly. In my culture, it is forbidden for a prospective son-in-law to sit near his mother-in-law, physically touch her (hand greeting) or touch her clothes. This is as a respect to her. However, I want to follow her culture and resign my culture aside. Please make a video on how I should approach her parents on first encounter, greeting etiquette, polite respectful behaviors around them and what gifts I should take with me when visiting them. I don’t speak Chinese yet but I want to take Chinese language courses after my graduate degree this May 2025. Please don’t get bored with my frequent requests for lessons about Chinese culture, tradition and custom. My girl is everything to me and I would mortgage my soul for her. Thank you!
I will .
You’re a very wise and beautiful young lady. I’m impressed with your way of solving problems your kindness your big heart. I’m happy for you and your husband, but you have such a great relationship. I love listening to you speak with your broken English. I’m glad I found your channel. I wish you years success and happiness with your UA-cam channel and your marriage. 😉🙏💕
Thank you so much
Yes your right. But also serving them tea or doing the dishes after dinner shows your respect them
For men to women’s family house, you don’t need to wash dishes, if women go to men’s family to help wash dishes men’s family will happy, but sound you did very well
Sad story. But you're right, there needs to be understanding between both sides. I bonded with my father-in-law by learning to drink 白酒 with him 😅
😄🍻❤️🔥
@@asutosakumbhar Yes, it's that simple. My husband doesn't drink but he would chat with them, so I think her husband is not familiar with her family. Maybe the toilet problem is just the fuse. Maybe he hasn't visited them much in all these years.
@@GobbyLisa99 Madam, I am pleased to receive your response. I comprehend the circumstances. I hold the belief that love necessitates mutual understanding. We men are not as refined in our demeanor as might be expected; we maintain a reserved disposition, but after partaking in a few drinks and engaging in conversation, the atmosphere becomes naturally convivial. 😇❤️🥂
A sad story but i think it probably happens a lot,its not hard to be polite in any culture, i think by just being polite when visiting family that goes along way, every time we go to visit my wife's family i ask what can we take as a gift like fruit or flowers, like i would do here in the UK, if ive not seen them in a long time. Sometimes i get told we wont take anything other times we take a lot , i have found the best thing to do is when visiting family or going to family or friends birthdays or wedding is ask my wife what does she want to do or say in my culture i would do this but i know in your culture you would do that, then let her decide what she is happy with. And most of the time when visiting family i say hello and enquire after them then my wife tells me to sit down, and she goes off checking the house and what sounds like arguing with them but im told they just talk loudly😄, and every so often a family member sits down talks to me then wonders off, i think she sits me down and puts her handbag beside me so that she can remember where she has put us so she doesn't lose us!🤣🤣🤣
In fact, when visiting Chinese wife's family, people usually just need to buy some fruit or milk ….just like you did. This is a courtesy to show that I value them. It doesn't need to be expensive. Of course, you can buy other gifts if you want.
When my husband and I go to visit my parents, we usually buy a few bottles of cigarettes or alcohol that my father and mother like, which are not expensive
This situation has happened/can happen/is happening to every marital family across the world. And I think the husband and wife's brother were shy/or confused at the first meeting (depending on the family situation). They both need some personal time. Congratulations to the happy families and especially the new born baby. ❤️🎁🎉🎆
If that they are first meeting, that’s really disrespectful women’s family
@GobbyLisa99 In Asia, personal relationships are important, but you cannot personalise diplomacy. ❤️🥂
@@asutosakumbharI know. But being familiar with your spouse's family is the most basic thing in every marriage. You don't need to be too close, but you can't be unfamiliar with them either. So I think this story is strange. By the way their child is 4 or 5 years old now. The women and child usually go visit her parents, but still never seen her husband visit
@@GobbyLisa99 很高兴了解当前情况。让我们祝愿新的一年里每个人都能拥有爱与幸福。😇🎁🎆
The couples should expose their cultures to each other while dating. At the time they are dating, they need to seriously evaluate if they should continue to date or terminate the relationship. Also, they should evaluate the historical/political attitudes towards them when marriage is involved in the host country.
I think it is more important to get each other's families familiar with each other in marriage. It has nothing to do with politics,
because we are all ordinary people. Even if we marry someone from our own country, we still need to get familiar with our partner's family.
@@GobbyLisa99 Lisa, you really think, under current political atmosphere, that the Chinese gov't has no problems with a citizen marrying an American? No retribution to a Chinese family?
You know, at some point people are going to have to realize that it's becoming a multicultural world and they're just going to have to suspend some of the silly customs and not jump to conclusions about people
I don't understand the brother's attitude. most cultures give a foreigner a break when it comes to cultural misunderstandings. I do agree with you that if you marry a Chinese lady, you better learn something about her culture, quickly, especially if you live in China.
Like in this story, I just feel why her husband and the woman's family are so unfamiliar, just like the first time they met,
this incident may just be the fuse. In China, if a man hardly visits a woman's family before or after marriage, it is really disrespectful.
Generally in China, the families of women in foreign marriages are generally very tolerant, especially after marriage.
Sometimes need to visit the woman's family, especially if they live in China.
But the brother is really bad
yes, the story is said. but I would not agree that the husbands long bathroom stay triggered the escalation. I assume the conflict has deeper roots.
anyway, I am married to a wonderful Chinese wife and I respect my parents in law and communicate with them through wechat/translate. no intercultural issues so far (at least I wouldn't be aware of)
印度和中国：历史上的伙伴，未来的建筑师。❤️🌱
If I'm not drinking with her father then I help my wife wash the dishes as I feel bad for her doing 8t all by her self.
The brother was wrong.
Lisa, when I went to China I brought a gift for my mother-in-law; should I have also brought something for my sister-in-law?
When I back to China. I bought face cream for my sister-in-law. You can buy Face cream or perfume. If she lives in the countryside, don't buy perfume, but face cream is fine. brother-in-law you can buy a watch. They don't need to be expensive, as long as they are Western products.
I think this story goes much deeper than what is told, I am sure the family does not like the Indian man, but they allowed the daughter to marry as they did not want to hurt her feelings.. Please note in India they still go by the CLASS/CAST system, the Indian man may think his wife's family are of lower class, I know many Indian men, who have traveled to China, and with going with them to restaurants and Banks, they treat the staff like shit, and are very rude, maybe this Indian man has the same attitude?
I just found out about this a few years ago. Their child is already four or five years old. The woman often takes the child back to her parents' home and treats the child very well. However, she has not spoken to her brother in the past few years. However, whether before or after marriage, I have never seen her Indian husband go to her parents' home
Thank you for the story, But why did the daughter have to contribute 50,000. towards a house that was going to be given to her brother? The brother also needs to show some appreciation . Juan Dan Jie ❤🇨🇦
In many rural areas, women need to help their brothers build houses
Sounds to me like the son doesn't respect his sister or his mother.
In China, a woman's brother is very important, especially after marriage. When her husband is in the toilet and he doesn't say hello frist him immediately and makes him wait for a long time, her brother will feel that he has lost face, so he will get angry. In China, a man's face is particularly important, and there is no such thing as a brother respecting his sister in China. But her brother has cold heart. If it were me, I wouldn't forgive him
I know it's easy for me to talk not coming from the Chinese culture, but If it had been me, i would have said a quick hello and then excused myself, as you say her brother has a cold heart to do that to his sister, especially not long after giving birth, i'm no saint but i could never do that to my sisters or any other woman, not even a stranger.
How much dowry did the Indian family paid to girl family, if he's not given any, then it's double standard on girl side
There is generally no dowry in Chinese and foreign marriages. In India usually women paid men’s dowry
@GobbyLisa99 what women's demanding betrothal money before marriage
@@andrewlin6136 It's different in every place. In my time, it was 666 or 888 RMB, and then some jewelry, about 2,000 to 3,000 RMB, and some food for the girl's parents, but if the man wants to give more, he can. I don't know about it now, but in the south or in some places in Fujian, both engagement and marriage require a lot of money. Moreover, many people nowadays do not get engaged, but get married directly, and many people also choose to travel to get married
@@GobbyLisa99 did you see in some videos, some women's saying they don't want to have kids, while in US many women's taking their husbands or ex- husbands to court to prove that the child born was his, many women's had multiple affairs - now they can't even prove which is their child's father
@@GobbyLisa99 a couples died by committing suicide in the river just coz at the last moment the bride family ask for 200,000 RNB more before entering the house
I hope Chinese families respect higher cultures, as they have had have theirs bleached out by communism. Welsome to The West, and learn from it.
I really feel bad for your friend in this situation, but I've seen real pain in Chinese men, both in China and in diaspora. I think China prefers boys, but at their detriment. I'm really not trying to discredit anything, but I think Chinese men are treated as cogs in a machine.
1. If Chinese men are expected to supply a house to a potential wife. Isn't the tradition of passing the house to the son like passing down an engagement ring? It's like a generational thing to increase the chances of finding a partner. I don't agree with the lack of nuance in the tradition, but I understand why the house would go to the son. That's what women and the woman's family demands. If the man's family demanded a house in most cases; I would agree with the practice being unfair. However in the modern age, perhaps the family should talk things over; or the son should at least have a fiance in mind.
2. Is there a law saying that a paid dowry must be returned to the man or the couple? If not, I believe it's discrimination for the man. It's not flattering for the woman to experience either.
I'm sorry Lisa. I'm not believing you about the dowry. I've heard stories of the husband not seeing a dime back in some occasions.
May I ask? Why do you defend the dowry? Is this a tradition? How is it not unfair for the man? I saw a man's life ruined in China because the family kept demanding a higher and higher dowry. He never got married and ended up going insane. That's my image of how China treats men and boys. Both Chinese men and women have to understand one another better.
I'm not aware if your personal experience with Chinese men hasn't been great, but change is made through sympathy, compromise, and mutual understanding like in the story of Hiawatha and the Peacemaker.
I am not defending the dowry , because some places have it, some don't. I don't have it around me, whether it's my friends or my brother and sister getting married, there is no such thing. If you don't believe me, there is nothing I can do. Don’t forget China is very big . Not everywhere the same . You are Chinese you know it. But I know many places have dowry and I also saw some videos as you said
Thank you for your insight and hard work Lisa!
I don't.
I'd marry you Lisa 💍👰