Sarah and Louise, I Thoroughly enjoyed this interview! It IS VERY SCARY to come out of the fog! I am newly emerged and I cannot honestly say that I am completely all the way out! I was in therapy for over ten years and I never ever worked on the adoption trauma. I mentioned it, but then went on to other topics. I view healing work like an onion...you have to peel back each layer and finally you can get deep enough to discover the root of the issue. I have been a MASSIVE people pleaser for most of my life. I am just now having to address the adoption trauma because my anger got louder and louder and I was afraid I would have a heart attack, honestly, if I didn't do the healing work and take a closer look at my adoption wounds. My brother was 6 years older than me and the biological son to my Adoptive parents. He adored me, however, he did do some really crazy stuff while he was babysitting me. He was around 13 and I was 7. As soon as my parents would leave, he would chase me around with a knife and then either lock me out of the house or literally put me up in the attick and tell me there was a robber trying to break in and that he was putting me up there to keep me safe. He made me swear to never tell my parents and I never did. So messed up now that I am looking at it from a 57 year old perspective! Pam, I have the guilt too!!!! It is very difficult for me to do the healing work. I had an AMAZING family reunion with my Birth family on my birth mother's side and I could not bring myself to post on Facebook for fear that my adoptive mother would see it. Crushes my heart because my birth family really are kind, loving people. Yes! I had a very sensitive digestive system as a child. I had lots of stomach aches and vomiting as well. Not as often as you did, Pam. Talking about wanting to be in a different family, my fourth grade teacher was absolutely amazing. He and his wife were both teachers at my elementary school and they had two beautiful children, a boy and a girl. They would do so many things as a family. I wanted to join them and be in their family so bad! My friend and I would ride our bikes up to their house and hang out and watch them garden together and ask what they were doing that night and I remember them telling us that they were taking their kids to a drive-in movie. My adoptive parents never ever took us kids to a drive in movie! My parents did their thing and we kids went along with it. They never made plans just for us kids. I had a HUGE sense of missing out, I was so worried I would be left behind by my friends as a teen. I still struggle with that to this days in some ways. I have to be early everywhere I go or I start to have an anxiety attack. I totally get the outsider, good family friend point of view. When we hosted my birth family at our lake property this past summer, I could see how they had been together for years and years and years and I did not feel like I was part of the family. It was very strange. I felt like I was their friend. I almost had an out of body experience about it all. I almost felt completely removed from the situation, yet I was there. Pam, I am so sorry that your reunion with your birth mother was so difficult. I agree! Trauma related!!
Sarah and Louise, I Thoroughly enjoyed this interview! It IS VERY SCARY to come out of the fog! I am newly emerged and I cannot honestly say that I am completely all the way out! I was in therapy for over ten years and I never ever worked on the adoption trauma. I mentioned it, but then went on to other topics. I view healing work like an onion...you have to peel back each layer and finally you can get deep enough to discover the root of the issue.
I have been a MASSIVE people pleaser for most of my life. I am just now having to address the adoption trauma because my anger got louder and louder and I was afraid I would have a heart attack, honestly, if I didn't do the healing work and take a closer look at my adoption wounds.
My brother was 6 years older than me and the biological son to my Adoptive parents. He adored me, however, he did do some really crazy stuff while he was babysitting me. He was around 13 and I was 7. As soon as my parents would leave, he would chase me around with a knife and then either lock me out of the house or literally put me up in the attick and tell me there was a robber trying to break in and that he was putting me up there to keep me safe. He made me swear to never tell my parents and I never did. So messed up now that I am looking at it from a 57 year old perspective!
Pam, I have the guilt too!!!! It is very difficult for me to do the healing work. I had an AMAZING family reunion with my Birth family on my birth mother's side and I could not bring myself to post on Facebook for fear that my adoptive mother would see it. Crushes my heart because my birth family really are kind, loving people.
Yes! I had a very sensitive digestive system as a child. I had lots of stomach aches and vomiting as well. Not as often as you did, Pam.
Talking about wanting to be in a different family, my fourth grade teacher was absolutely amazing. He and his wife were both teachers at my elementary school and they had two beautiful children, a boy and a girl. They would do so many things as a family. I wanted to join them and be in their family so bad! My friend and I would ride our bikes up to their house and hang out and watch them garden together and ask what they were doing that night and I remember them telling us that they were taking their kids to a drive-in movie. My adoptive parents never ever took us kids to a drive in movie! My parents did their thing and we kids went along with it. They never made plans just for us kids.
I had a HUGE sense of missing out, I was so worried I would be left behind by my friends as a teen. I still struggle with that to this days in some ways. I have to be early everywhere I go or I start to have an anxiety attack.
I totally get the outsider, good family friend point of view. When we hosted my birth family at our lake property this past summer, I could see how they had been together for years and years and years and I did not feel like I was part of the family. It was very strange. I felt like I was their friend. I almost had an out of body experience about it all. I almost felt completely removed from the situation, yet I was there.
Pam, I am so sorry that your reunion with your birth mother was so difficult. I agree! Trauma related!!