Hello you savages. Get 30% off Create Creatine Gummies at trycreate.co/wisdom Get Magic Spoon's brand-new Protein-packed Treats in your nearest grocery store. Get a Free Sample Pack of all LMNT Flavours with your first box at drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom Get a 20% discount & free shipping on your Lawnmower 5.0 at manscaped.com/modernwisdom (use code MODERNWISDOM) Here's the timestamps: 00:00 Can Women Give Men Dating Advice? 01:42 Do Women Want to Make the First Move? 07:37 How Common is Male Approach Anxiety? 14:05 Opening Lines That Actually Work 21:19 How Can Men Stand Out? 24:19 Best Online Dating Platforms 27:10 Designing the Perfect Profile 39:16 How to Text More Effectively 44:10 Best Practices for First Dates 53:07 Biggest Red Flags on Dates 1:01:00 Good Places to Approach Women At 1:13:21 Is Fear of Creepiness Holding Men Back? 1:20:08 Tips for Being More Charismatic 1:25:40 Are Men Struggling With Loneliness? 1:31:51 How Can Hopeless Guys Turn it Around? 1:42:12 Do Smart Guys Struggle With Dating? 1:49:29 Traits That Women Prioritise 1:55:47 Where to Find Blaine
27:10 Designing the Perfect Profile, is something I haven't been able to do for years, so I kind of just opted out of dating apps. The struggle I need to address first is making friends, because how am I supposed to get photos of myself if all I have is myself? I was aware of the "no selfies-rule" before this but since it got brought up it just confirmed my beliefs. I guess I could buy a tripod and make some solo photo-shoots, but it's going to be revealed one way or the other that I have no social life. I used to have a social life when I was drinking, but it wasn't the kind of friends I wanted to surround myself with and I developed a bad habit with the drinking. Now that I'm sober I took away those opportunities. I still go out on adventures and stuff, but I'm always alone and I think that desperation of wanting a connection is haunting me everywhere I go, since all my attempts at making friends gets ignored, thwarted and forgotten. It's a defeating feeling I've been unable to shake for soon 20 years.
@@edgar9651 Some don’t but believe me some do. I’m talking to one now and she says that I should drive because men are better at driving. Small example but valid. Another one admits that women find men that get multiple women more attractive than someone who doesn’t
Agree completely, I hate these ads. I've got a paid subscription because I don't want to see ads - I get that Chris (and other content creators) probably don't see any of these money - but I don't care. I paid to get rid of ads - ALL ads. The result of in-talk ads, is that I immediately skip forward, and I often miss some of the following conversation. And in the worst cases, (and Chris you're getting close, dude), I stop subscribing
@@Ozmogul If you are watching in a browser, you could try sponsorblock. Someone has contributed 4 skips for this video which automatically skip forward the right amount for those parts. (On mobile that might only work if you are viewing the video on firefox + android.) On desktop, it should work for any browser.
Im 20 minutes in, I do intend on watching the whole thing but as a guy it basically feels like she’s saying “Women have it just as hard as guys do. But also, in the initial stages it’s the guys job to do all of the work, women don’t need to do anything, and if a guy gets emotionally hurt from trying he just needs to suck it up.” I understand women have their legitimate issues in the dating world but this feels pretty dismissive. Maybe I’m just sensitive idk
At the end of the day, the takeaway is that women *want* to be approached. Either you accept it, or you bitch about it and join the foreveralone club alongside me.
It’s probably a bit of both. You’re right about your assessment but also you’re too sensitive. Being a man all throughout human history has always been harder than being a woman. Life’s not fair
Dude you’re right on 👍🏾 I was thinking the same thing and being very fair about the plight of women in my analysis. But at the end it seems like the message is men need to stfu and make shit happen. As if women have no part in the currently environment that we all live in today. Good on you. I think you’re being very fair.
and what if she is, why is it a problem?, is it really that hard for you guys to understand that women like men who are successful and financially stable, stop complaining about other people's riches and level yourself up
@@kc270352no one implied it was a problem until you did. Instructions were to take it as you will. And you took it as a problem. It’s possible to think about something you observe past the initial judgment that enters your mind.
That's not true. You don't need to be a muscular superman to be good enough for approaching. Be well-groomed and charming and that's already most of it.
That is tough and true. The social media feminist movements and Me Too movements really messed up so much of our normal interactions. On top of that, COVID threw in a huge gap for many on the socializing front. As a female who was against the whole feminist thing and who is okay with a more evolutionarily average guy (if I'm allowed to say that) I really noticed the huge kickback from men not wanting to interact with women anymore out of fear and something simulating discomfort or constant comparisons. My favorite mottos are "Everything Matters" and 'We are equal but not the same". Both genders are important and are of equal value to each other and thus there is no point in holding comparative competitions all the time. The best we can do is strive to be kind humans who do enough to give back what the world invested in us and help organize our houses and then our communities and be open enough to allow interactions with men and women and cautious enough to choose which we allow in our lives. On the side, someone in the comments above-mentioned women don't know how to flirt anymore. I feel like this is at least 50% true. Does anyone know where to find the reverse video? Lol.
Honestly, I suspect that the amount of attention women have been receiving has plummeted in recent years. Your statement could not be truer. As men, we are told so many conflicting things around women; In pursuit of the truth I have lost my mind. My conclusion is that it's all smoke and mirrors, it's just a game to them. All that empathy goes right out the window. I think we all assume that all women are kind and good because our mothers were this way, but this is not true. I have come to find that women can be extremely shallow and, not only lack sympathy, but harbor disdain for men over the pettiest of things. Honestly, it's kind of broken me. This world isn't kind. Keep close to the people who love you.
So she starts off by saying men don’t have it harder in the dating game … 2 minutes later she contradicts herself by saying it’s the man that has to pluck up the courage, risk rejection and do all the work. And this is an expert? Don’t waste your money. You can’t make this stuff up.
This video doesn't even make it onto my "will only watch this if there's literally nothing else to watch" list. Chris should have her and Better Bachelor on at the same time. Interesting like:dislike ratio (get the Return UA-cam Dislikes" extension, folks)
Typically woman are not only gauging if the man will find them attractive but also if they’re a safe man to be around. I’d say based on that alone men have a lesser risk. The humiliation is awful for both but women have an in built “but what if he stalks me/hurts me physically” instinct that is hard to shake and we still get it wrong. As they say in the interview, the more you do it the less awkward it will be and the more comfortable you will be able to make her so she trusts you’re not psycho. Men aren’t usually physically threatened by women.. just a thought.
Some women will never like you. Period. FORGET those women. If you have a great vibe, are fun, take care of yourself, and invest in yourself (things in YOUR control) you have everything you need for a solid dating life and can attract plenty of women if you're doing the right things. Your job is to do the right things and find those women. Or not. And continue to be alone and complain about it on the internet. The choice is yours.
The hard line truth is that the difference between the confident charismatic guy that approaches the girl and the creepy loser is if she finds you physically attractive.
You do realize one of the major parts of dating is understanding where you actually are, and how you personally interact up front If you look like Jon Hamm you can literally not say anything. If you look like Steve Buscemi you need to take a less up front approach. You gotta play your game, and that isn't the same for everyone.
Honestly, true SOMETIMES but the harder reality is that a lot of guys just don't know how to talk to women. They think too hard about it and also it's just a matter of fact that some guys either suck at conversations, suck at flirting, or have no charisma.
Before dating you need to improve yourself, and you will attract an equal. If there's nothing interesting about you, you will attract a boring brainless woman. Take time to work on your own life.
As per Iliza Schlesinger herself in one of her videos. If you're not attractive to her, than any attention you show her, will make you seem like a creep. Basically, men have NO way to know until we try. And then it's too late.
@@UserRobot215 I'm 5,7 and I start losing my hair at 23 to the point where I need to shave it completely, you know what I told myself instead of crying ? It surely ain't gonna do me bad to have a sixpack. And now I feel great, because I'm doing something difficult, I need to go to the gym, watch what I eat, etc. All the girls around me start to tell me that I seem different, in a really positive way and yeah I look better now and buy myself son clothes that fits me better, but at the end, it's the fact that I work hard, care for myself and do the best with what've got, that make the big difference in what I project. Girls are about feels. I honestly hope that on day you find the force that I found, to love yourself before the other 🙏❤️.
Some successful dude once said "You can lose a lot of money chasing women, you will never lose women chasing money" - Im not saying money is everything but building foundation for thriving in this world and finding some satisfaction in it can bring some good.
Wished for more, with nuance. I like Blaine Anderson's general messages, I've seen her on many channels at this point. But there is still something that doesn't sit right with me: I don't feel she can relate to most men who need dating advice. There is a type of guy she would prefer to work with, and that's who she relates to. I would like to see Blaine and other female dating coaches try a couple things: 1) approach guys as a woman for a week, just to get some new perspectives. and 2) -- the much more difficult task -- befriend the loneliest/least socially successful guys in your family, friend groups, and local circles. The biggest bell I want to keep ringing is that I don't feel people who talk about men's problems are ever taking the opportunity to learn what many men's lives are like. People underestimate the effect of social filters like another person's age, education, profession, verbal communication, and even looks will pre-select who we even consider making friends & acquaintances with. Most experts, like most people, aren't going out of their way to know the lives of different types of people, especially not ones they wouldn't naturally find in their life.
She doesn’t care to listen to the male perspective She glosses over, eye rolls, and stops listening at any pushback.. She sounds tone deaf and idealistic.. very out of touch
Well said. Also for the reserved or introverted guys, the cold approaches discussed ("I saw you from across the room, thought you were cute and just wanted to say hi") are almost never going to work. Those guys could try that a thousand times and it's always going to feel awkward and unnatural. And because it feels unnatural, they're going to come across as inauthentic and possibly creepy. For many guys finding surrounding which are conducive to starting a conversation with someone you're attracted to are a very rare occurrence. It's a tiny percentage of guys who are comfortable interrupting someone in a supermarket, at an event, at a park etc to start a conversation, unless there's a genuine reason to say hello. Yes you can tell yourself you're just interacting with another human and aren't thinking about getting her number, but if you're starting a conversation with someone you're attracted to, that's exactly what you're thinking of. Unless you're a Zen master at mental framing, you're just a guy hoping that somehow the universe provides you with enough charm and courage such that a genuine connection is formed against all odds.
@@charliefox9573 While I generally agree that her advice is not well-matached to the needs of interoverted people, I would disagree with the issues you raise about uncomfortability. As someone who has high-functioning autism, many "normal" interactions (like eye-contact, small talk, expressive empathy) were things that I had to work on. They were awkward for many months before becoming more and more natural. It's not "always" going to feel awkward and unnatural; it changes after repetition. The same is true about dating/pickup behaviors; repetition creates comfort. The second point that I would make is that if you learn how to have conversations with women where the goal is not picking her up but just to connect with her as a friend, you learn "how to talk to women" in the sense of understanding which topics work as points of commonality ro begin discussion. The irony is that many women are more interested in the guy that cares about her but is not jumping down her throat to get her number.. So, if you've modeled that baseline conversation, it will feel more natural when you actually have to implement it.
@@oremfriengood points. And good on you for working at your social skills. It does get easier for some with practice, it's the mental framing and not pressuring yourself which can take a long time to master. It definitely did with me. Nowadays I have a different problem. In my 50's and dating pool as shallow as a bird bath lol
Look, I’m no ladies man😅,but with the little that I do know, the game/charm this woman is spitting. Let’s be honest, if she was a man, he’d be lonesome 😂
The hard part about dating and eventually marriage is real life is work, work, work, work, kids, kids, kids, tired, tired, tired, weekend clean, weekend loose ends, Sunday rest but she wants to do something. So a man is looking for someone that can hang in there and understand staying together is hard.
My grandparents have been together for 70 years. I'm not convinced 99.9% of couples pairing up today will have a chance of attaining half that. Social media has fucked with our expectations too much.
@@anthonypolito9784 some like me have to make it happens one way or another by doing early morning gym sessions. It's how I'm available for the family in the evenings.
Is sales and marketing just a foreign concept? The material matters, keep the material authentic. How you present it also matters, probably as much, if not more than the material itself. Present it in a way that people will be receptive to. It's not rocket science.
Despite how curious and intelligent Chris is, he has a few too many midwit guests on. I'm sure shes successful though. There's not a more reliable and easy cash source than lonely men. Salud.
@@ThuDude1 i'll say this again, when you say "midwit guests" you are exclusively talking about when he has women or people you disagree with on the pod, news flash Chris isn't obligated to only bring on people who you ideologically aligne with, Just be honest that's the distinction.
@@the19Zabaniyah or maybe those comment section clairvoyants that presume to know the thoughts and motivations of others with little to no evidence? Big midwit energy there for sure.
The problem is not approaching women, unfortunately it's the unrealistic expectations of those women. Most average women these days think they are way more attractive than they actually are.😐
Maybe you need to be more reflective in this situation .. the fact that you have that mindset even before an approach of the judgement of “beauty” like it’s a substantial metric for quality of person/relationship means you are simply not yet ready to date .. a real man is self aware and 100% accountable .. read up on Jordan Peterson he has really great insights and guides on this topic
A problem is males are nervous about being labelled a creep or accused of street harassment. Those are some reasons why males don't approach females nowadays.
Sure, dating might be easier but getting what they actually want, long term commitment, is hard. I think everyone is struggling as the majority of men and women think they can always get better and only want short term
@@vici7284_no it isn't. They want long term commitment from the wrong people. They ACTIVELY pursue the wrong people. They have it easier but choose to make it harder. The equivalent to men would be choosing hot women who have three children from 3 different men and expecting them to be loyal.
after she said that i paused the video and went to the comment section to see if anyone else picked up on that im glad i wasn't the only one her advice for men is work harder do more be better and i bet her advice for women has absolutely nothing to do with improving at all in any way shape or form and yet she would be the first to say 'women dont have it easier'. lmao
@@ThatGuy-tx4vmThis is incorrect. The parallel for men is when they only wish to date the hottest smokeshow and ignore the less physically attractive woman who has fewer options. The reason that Chad doesn’t settle is because he doesn’t have to: women throw themselves at him. The reason the hottest woman doesn’t have to settle is because men throw themselves at her. In order to have success, a person needs to find someone who has fewer options.
Nothing like telling guys to "get over it" when it comes to approaching women over and over again and hope for the best, even though the statistical odds of getting a match is extremely low.
Women do have it FAR easier than men in the dating atmosphere. I get why she has the alternative perspective since.. well, she's a woman. You can't know what you don't know, but men have it far more difficult on average than women.
Women don’t have it easier. Sure they have more options but they want the opportunity. “Opportunity” guys are few and far between. And no the opportunity guy has nothing to do with looks, money and status. If that were the case celebs would never have relationship or dating problems, which we all know is false.
Her evolution approach is something my psychology professor warned me in university about. She assumes something because it sounds for her logical and then it is stated as a fact.
she literally just took all the PUA stuff and take desperate rich dudes money. All her advice is essentially work out, get better social skills and spray and pray.
Also, women dont know how to flirt anymore, they just glance your way and tells their friend's "I gave him loads of signals" Women need to start loving themselves so men have something to love, not their fault entirely, as social media played a part.
If you're at the point where you want men to take comedy classes, do improv, and watch movies to improve their game, you gotta admit you're putting the burden on the man. The effort and challenge is not symmetrical at all.
Imagine aliens evaluated human mating in the west and compared it to any other culture or species. I cant imagine they wouldnt think "why does 1 of the sexes want the world and in return will provide a biological function"
It is a kingmaker system. You either do this and put effort, or have those who do take your lunch and leave you with the crumbs. And the joke is, the guys who do all this do it for themselves not women, they get them as a byproduct. It just takes changing your perspective.
@@r4lfxd Agreed! But I don't like it represented as anything else. It's better to tell men that they will get the women at whatever level they put themselves.
I agree that some of this advice is ridiculous, but on the other hand and addressing your point, hasn't it for the most part been the man who is trying to attract the attention of the woman? In nature, it absolutely is this way. Look how the male of many species of birds (Bower birds, as one such salient example) or mammals is to strut around and do some kind of display or other to get the attention of would-be mates. Certainly, with Homo sapiens, it's more varied and perhaps often more subtle than in the animal world. But men still generally have to gain the attention of the female...generally. That might be expressed by feats of athleticism, intelligence, humor, courage, or demonstrating some skill or other. Or, the dude just has to make it readily apparent to the lady that he has a helluva package! Knowuddamean?
Her. "I hate the sort of guys that complain about how its so much harder for men, and women have it so easy." Also her. "Guys are so lazy with dating apps today, they need to go out in person and try again and again to approach women until they hopefully get an offer. Because women really do want men to initiate the courtship and pursue them." Make it stop. It hurts. Edit: Additional pain. "Men just need to talk to women of all shapes, sizes and ages so they can get comfortable talking to them, then the rizz will come more naturally" Ok... I was already doing that for all my life and the "rizz" didn't magically manifest itself. What else you got?
@@the19Zabaniyah You are just going around the comment section and throwing fallacies around. You blame people for disagreeing, and telling them that they hate women. You low level provocations are quite pathetic.
Uhh, she literally said that men and women's issues are different, and not really comparable, which is why she doesn't like the "women have it easy men have it hard" discussion.
@Specter for a murder to be proven the murderer doesn't have to confess you just have to be able to put together the evidence, I'm observing the broad behavior, you've left multiple negative comments on this video particularly making fun of and disavowing her view, granted maybe you're separate somehow from the mob that only leaves hate comments whenever the podcast has a female guest that they disagree with (coincidence I'm sure) but sorry if I Doubt that, I'm just recognizing patterns, What I'm getting at is a bigger picture of what you and the entire comment section does without fail when there's a woman on the pod, you left another comment for example where you said something along the lines of: "I only had to watch 5 minutes to realize she's one of those people" newsflash she didn't say anything crazy within the first 5 minutes, but your acting like she claimed the moon is made out of cheese, And the same goes for all the other times there's been women on the pod and the comments are full of hate What's the unifying Factor here?... all women
She is right about the eye contact thing. The problem is, she seems to not realize that probably over half of males NEVER receive eye contact from women.
Haha it's funny how in the first couple mins it's exposed how easy women have it. She opens bumble. Has 100 likes, of which 25 result in matches and from that she gets a date. If only she realised how easy she has it. There are men who I've seen who have right swiped on over a million recorded profiles, resulting in only a handful of matches, of which only about three actually message and from that they have got zero dates after years of effort. Men and women's struggles are on a different spectrum, men have it much much harder. She just has absolutely no idea.
She literally speaks to that in this episode. She also says to get off the apps and learn how to walk up to women in real life. I have straight up taken her advice and yea, Ive been rejected a bunch of times so far and its scary to walk up to a hot chick at the gym. But I think her advice is valid.
@@scottkenyon3194 Her advice is valid but you have to craft a different type of persona and have an actual game plan for that type of thing. I did that style for years and it worked really well but that's only because I'm 6ft and was in fantastic shape. You have to know your strengths and lean into them and do so in an unapologetic manner. Most of the pushback you get isn't even genuine, it's simply a test to see how you respond. The problem with women like her is she will never be truly honest about the types of characteristic men possess that are actually attractive to the majority of women.
@scottkenyon3194 like this girl I'm fwb with now keeps thinking I'm gonna seriously date her even though I told her from day 1 I just want to be friends. She's incredibly delusional like most women today but i dont feel bad because ive been honest from the start. I'm at least 3-4 points higher than her and she seriously thinks she has a chance to date me. I'd say it's funny but if this delusion didn't exist I would be much happier being fwb with girls 1-2 points lower than me.
@@scottkenyon3194seriously bro just forget about approaching any girl who's less than 2 points beneath you because their delusional will disqualify you immediately
As a first responder working OT and swing shifts who has time to do all this. All this advice is for professional men that are established in their careers and now want to start a family. Also creepiness level will always be directly correlated with attractiveness level and can't convince me otherwise
I walk past a hundred women everyday in the city who all magically happen to get a stiff neck and need to look up off into the sky right as they're passing by. They definitely do not want to be approached. Or its my fault Im not a perfect 10/10
No offense, but I find it hard to believe that they're looking up. Sure, they look down into their phone 99% of the time, but not up! And honestly, it's not you specifically - they just don't want to get approached by anyone (you included) unless it's Chad. It's just a standard defense that hot girls learn early on, otherwise they would be overwhelmed on a daily basis. The other commenters are right - they don't do it consciously. They probably never even notice you, just as you might not notice old and/or very unattractive people. Average guys are not on the same wavelength as cute girls, you simply don't matter to them. It's just biology, nature isn't fair.
She keeps coming back to my go-to strategy that I've always used when single: I just get a lot more social and take up interests which are shared by women, last time it was about language learning events ("learn French and meet friends"), a hiking group and a badminton club. You get to know more people and get to go to other meetings or parties where again you can talk more easily and have connections. While I did that, too, I made the catch directly at one of the language events. This is really sound advice, though she generally makes too many words about all of it.
She doesn’t care to listen to the male perspective She glosses over, eye rolls, and stops listening at any pushback.. She sounds tone deaf and idealistic.. very out of touch
7:05 Chris says men making the first move is the natural order, and she says men approaching happened for all of human history, I see similar comments all the time But what is the actual proof of this? How do we know this was the default for all of human history? I’m skeptical because from what I understand for most of human history we lived in small tribes so I don’t think coldapproach would be a thing as everyone knows each other, and most of civilizational history had some sort of arranged marriage dynamic. If we were naturally designed for men to approach women they don’t know, I don’t think so many women would feel so uncomfortable / hostile to it and so many men would feel so much anxiety / awkwardness around it, if anything it seems like we are ingrained to be biased against doing it.
Arranged/forced marriages have actually been the norm for the majority of civilization. The man-approaching-woman scenario is very recent (in terms of human history) within the last century or so.
When she said that men approached women for all of history, I couldn't help but think that she's doing a logical fallacy where guys are supposed to just accept it and don't recognize it as female privilege. There were also lots of things that have existed throughout history: murder, genocide, rape, bullying, slavery. Are we supposed to just accept it because "that's the way it always was"? Ironically, I'm sure she supports feminism but feminism didn't exist throughout history. Maybe we should just tell her that "women being treated as second class citizens and as property of men is the way it has always been, so you should just accept it".
2:60 so if its the man who has to approach and the woman to be approached, the man has it harder than the female. you are contradicting yourself here when you stated men dont have it harder...
I was already convinced about her "qualities" after about one minute when she mentioned she helps men to look for quality women. Who wants a quality woman according to her definition?
Yes, up until 100 years ago arranged marriages were the norm for every single society. Picking your own lover or spouse was a very recent thing compared to how long people have been around.
It was the rich and the powerful had things arranged. The rest was a lot of oops babies with the fathers and brothers making sure the guy stayed around. That's where things got weird was when people could have constant sex without getting tied up with a kid during it.
The advice she gives is okay but VERY idealistic and definitely not acknowledging the perspective of men in dating. This was especially apparent when she said a good opening line is “hey I saw you from over there and would kick myself if I didn’t say hi.” That’s such a needy, low value thing to say. Yes it shows interest and can work in very specific cases, but it also tells the girl that she doesn’t have to do anything to win you over. She knows this as a woman.
You could just summarize her blabbering to: 'Just increase your status in any way, because women's affection is transactional and your personality means nothing.'
Anytime you approach a girl in public because she looks hot and you want her number you are already communicating this subconsciously and she knows what you want. I read the book the Game back in the day and read a lot of stuff from early pickup artists because I was a socially awkward introvert. I had a decent amount of success following their techniques but it wasn't until I genuinely stopped giving a crap what people thought of me and just started being direct that I really saw serious results, including women approaching and hitting on me at random times. Granted, this was like 12 years ago before I was married so maybe I'm just super out of touch now and things have completely changed.
As a women, I would love this comment!! As long as he says it with confidence and not some awkward way, it’s totally fine. I’m fact, it’s very flattering. Just be confident. You’re just missing the point. Example, a guy I worked with that I was not attracted to complimented my eyes out of nowhere. Although he isn’t my type, he did it in a nice confident way that didn’t make me feel pressure to give him anything. Just expressing your feelings confidently is hot
The hard truth is this type of women even in the interview would usually just go for Chad in the US but is super common looks wise outside in places like Latin America. There is no reason to deal with American women anymore if you don’t’t need to. It’s just basic social economics at this point
@@KookinHaoleplanet fitness $10 a month calisthenics is free. Buying ground beef in bulk is not expensive as u think. Only thing is clothes but u can always find deals.
She Nailed it when she said "you're more likely to text yourself out of a date, than text yourself into a date". Just set the details for the date and shut up.
Why do you even promote kissing on the first date? This simplifies the meaning of this intimate moment so much, and it seems that it’s so normal to kiss a person you have known for a couple of hours 🤷🏻♀️
This is probably one of the worst guests ever on the show. Approach anxiety is the ripple effect. The initial cause was the rising rates of social scorn men received by even daring to muster interest and attraction in the female species. We have swung from the early days of cat calling to now clam shelling. A healthy middle simply isn't plausible in today's grass is greener; if you aren't physically attractive, don't approach me; please don't talk to me creep world. She can't argue from a point of biology or evolutionary psychology because women overwhelmingly, subconsciously, or consciously prefer men who are more alpha in all characteristics. I am 6'3 and won the genetic lottery, much like our host Chris here. I consistently get way more female attention than the vast majority of my friends whenever we go out. It is effortless for me to flirt with, pick up, and decide if I want to date women. I often give my buddies tips and tricks that they execute flawlessly but get shot down. I've asked some of these women very bluntly and honestly about why they rejected my friends. They almost all unanimously tell me they just aren't their type. Needless to say, I fell into their type 3/4 of the time. I'm not at all pleased with the way the dating market is now for men who don't meet the alpha archetype. It is a minefield out there. I consistently listen to my female orbiters talk about how creepy guys seem, how there wasn't a chance in hell that this guy or that guy had a shot. They talk about how effortless it is to converse with me, have fun with me, etc. when I push the issue of comparison. But let's be real, they just want to get with the Chad physical archetype who also happens to be a "good guy" that is husband material. Have your cake and eat it too. It comes to mind here, and you can thank social media for that. Evolution is just playing its ugly hand, which is that women pre-select for the highest status and best potential father they can get. These traits to raise healthy kids and have a fulfilling life generally include: 1. Resources to provide for said family. 2. Physical alpha like stature to protect said family 3. Physical appearance as a signal of good health and genes to pass on to children 4. High relative intellectual capacity as it pertains to point 3. If you want an idea of what women look for in men, have a look at sperm bank statistics and what women pre-qualify and select for. Go have a look at the subreddits. Evolutionary bias plays out in full daylight. There was a time when 5's would date 5's and 8's would date 8's. Unfortunately, there is only one gender that has decided that they can't accept their objective rating and decide that they deserve a man several points higher on the scale. Hypergamy is a thing, and women don't talk about it for fear of being scorned. Howevere some women just outright state what they want and desire, more respect to them even though it's delusional most of the time. Men are trying and being rejected a lot. Blaine even jokes about this and laughs earlier in the conversation after saying men should approach more. This isn't a number game because you could be hundreds of women deep in your journal and still not foster a conversation that leads to a woman selecting you as a long-term mating option. Overcoming approach anxiety and mastering communication doesn't mean you can compute for the unsolvable portion of the equation: Socially engineered women who always want better and don't want to "settle". If presented with two options of the exact same man in all relative characterological terms but one is physically better looking, taller and overall physically more attractive; that is the man she pre-selects for and subconsciously compares all other men to. We aren't living in the pre-interner Era where selective choice was relative to the size of peer groups that you would interact with. Comparison is the thief of all joy, and the advent of social media has allowed women to have almost unlimited sexual options. It is exactly for this reason that 63% of men under the age of 30 are single, while strangely, only 34% of women in that same age range are single. Folks, that is basically double the number of single men. This should be a statistical improbability but then you have to conclude that women are selecting older men who check the boxes in their pre-qualifying criteria. Women should be single at the exact same rate as men under 30 if you account for dating in the same age demographic. Either that or multiple women are dating the same guys. Both options seem nihilistic. Blaine's cancer is both demeaning and derogatory towards the realities facing men today. It is an ultra competitive market, and the only thing you can do to increase your chances of mate selection is to level up in all aspects and fake it until you make it. You can still preserve a lot of your core characteristics and hobbies, but you have to try to level up in order to compete. It's just the harsh reality that most men don't want to hear because black pill is ultimately right in many facets in that everyone can't win, nature is brutal and it is wishful thinking to make out that humans and evolutionary biology/psychology don't strongly indicate who gets to procreate with women.
Great insights, and thanks for sharing (and empathising) with us normies. On the 'maybe women are sharing', I saw a study where examination of mitochondrial DNA and Y-chromosome DNA show that 8,000 years ago, women were 17 times more likely to reproduce than men. I read that as the lottery winning guys were getting lots more women than the normies. I fear that we're on a trajectory to repeat that.
No BS This is how you can attract girls 1) be rich 2) be handsome 3) have good sence of humor and communication skill 4) be in top 10-20% males ( 80% women show their interest only in top 20% males)
I'm about to but don't see things changin. I'm also told almost daily I look like ben affleck. Guess I can't communicate but really I just want a 9 or 10 or nothingg@@KookinHaole
This chick doesn't get it. Being rejected is enough of a reason not to do it. You don't need to be socially exposed, ridiculed, or any other crazy scenario for being rejected to not feel good. The fact that men have to take beating after beating after beating is precisely why we don't approach. Because every rejection leaves a mental and emotional scar, rather open wound and walking around with all these open wounds is not sustainable for one's mental health, peace, and happiness. I remember every single time I was rejected. Over the course of 38 years the toll is beyond taken, the toll is burying you alive and you feel like shit. Does it ever not occur to someone why men find it so easy to kill themselves? Because by the time they have reached that point all they have heard all their life is no. Playing a numbers game doesn't really lend itself to having hopes and dreams because those hopes and dreams are destroyed in the process.
Interestingly. Leanered helplessness - is a process of failing so much, you feel it doesn't matter what you do, things always end in failure. This definitely exists... But than again... how do sells man working door to door make any money? They get doors slammed in their face all the time dealing with extreme rejection. I wonder what's the difference on why rejection exposure helps toughen one man but create trauma in another man.
@@reptilesgamers00 I worked in door to door sales. It's what made me so sensitive to failure in part. Not being able to pay your bills for 3 months straight due to the rejection you faced will do that. The dating market is no different except it's a much more personal rejection. In door to door sales even if you had a success it didn't financially make up for the 30+ days of failures you had wracked up. Meaning there was no victories. Nothing to gain courage or encouragement from. Just breaking spirit after breaking spirit.
@@reptilesgamers00 Have you ever seen the stats on those type of salesmen or any type of direct sales oriented job? Hell I worked as a personal trainer for years where 90% of your clientele comes from cold approaching people and striking up conversations with them and then trying to swing it in your direction. Has similar odds to that of dating where 90% of the time you're not even going to get a hint of interest and of the 10% who show interest the majority of them will flake out or change their mind. Some people simply aren't cut out for that salesman style approach, whether its business or romance.
2 hour conversation. The word market was used 22 times. The word love was never used. I didn’t realize I was a commodity. I’m changing my name to widget and I’m getting out of my heart and into my head once and for all. Thank you! You guys rock! 🙏😊🙏
Normally I don’t take advice from women, however one thing she said that was real Approach women who make eye contact with you and smile. This is huuuggeeee
Man, she actually said women don't have it easier. Not saying women don't have crazy problems, but you're out of your mind if you don't know women generally have an easier time in the dating market. Just be honest. There's a reason women are stunned when they try tinder on the profile of a guy they know.
Giving up on dating and women as a whole was the greatest decision I ever made. Mental health, financially, spiritually, physically, career etc. I recommend everyone do it.
Hello there Chris! Will we ever see Whatifalthist (Rudyard Lynch) on Modern Wisdom? I recall you retweeting some of his stuff a few months ago. His videos are absolutely fascinating. He predicted that Trump would be assassinated and he predicts that there’ll be more political violence this coming fall. He’s done countless virtual podcast appearances, but I don’t believe he’s ever done an in-person podcast. There’s a first time for everything! He’s based in Texas too ! :)
Clicked on this with a very open mind & I listen to a lot of Chris’s podcast, but I was over it in 30 seconds after she first described what she does with this booming confidence that she’s got us all figured out.
INFJ here and I salute the Kings for their effort. Thinking about approaching a guy could send me to the ER from a heart attack not to talk of doing it. I rarely get approached by men, have no social life or social media. Off dating apps cause omg we need something better. And yes i know my man won’t just teleport into my apartment I have to socialize. Working on it😊. So please don’t stop. Haha. Currently working on a dating app to disrupt the industry isA. Looking for a CTO now. Will get there someday. Wish me luck!
The thing I mostly don't like about these dating coaches is the broad generalization of both men and women, telling them to be one-dimensional, one size fits all type of people (men want this, women want this...). People listening to them are creating more competition for themselves by becoming one and the same. Not to mention that it's become a highly exploitative industry, charging so much just to tell them to become more desirable and to approach/socialize more. It's also pretty dystopian to hear that you're suppose to market yourself as a product for other people, based mostly on superficiality, to see if they will consume it. I could be wrong about this but using surveys and online data (or even data from evolutionary psychology for that matter) to determine what people like from the opposite sex could be wrong simply since probably not all personalities would be willing to participate in surveys, use dating apps, geo location might matter, occupation etc.. Also, using percentages that aren't that high (60-70% of women want...) to create a broad picture just means more competition for that and less for the those in lower percentile.
Men who say women can’t give dating advice to men are right though, that is empathy! Because we know what guys want, we know how you guys work. It’s not hatred nor is it malice! It’s the TRUTH!!! And no lol I am not redpill. Just another man on the highway who only believes in the truth!!
Thank you so much for the expansion on the importance of the touch part. It may be trivial for many people, but there are men who can form an intellectual connection and be great conversationalists, yet they struggle to initiate physical contact, because it feels awkward, you don't want to be "that sleazy touchy guy", touching each other wasn't a thing in your family etc. As a result, they end up being lonely, losing to someone, who can be inferior in everything else, but is not afraid of giving woman a hug or touch her arm.
So basically if you are a chilled out guy just doing your crappy job and watch Netflix and play on your PS on your days off you have to fundamentally change your entire life around to impress a chick so that she... just sticks around? Yeah, sounds fair and balanced 🤣 I think Chris nailed it a while ago when he said it's really important how you choose what you want. Modern women come with a lot of costs and risks and very little return on investment, so modern men would be wise to want something more worthwhile. I recommend Warhammer, sports, politics, guns (regional restrictions apply), hema, coding or just general gaming. Peace
Where it's tough for me is that I'm a Christian with BS/MS degrees in engineering, professional job, good income, etc. and most women I meet in that young professional category are very secular. The women I meet at church are often very kind, not going out and getting wasted, etc. but then I don't find them that attractive or well educated. I feel like a minority in my own country.
Reminds me of my hometown and the girls at church there. They were all very pretty, but they were just kind of dumb, narrowminded, and not very interesting to talk to. And now the women I meet who are creative or smart and pursuing something with their life always end up being kind of degenerate and not into monogamy. It's hard to find a girl who has goals and pursuits who's also loyal.
There are dating services specifically for Christians, and obviously they are not the swipe-right kind of platform. I'd suggest using those to come up with a better selection of ladies to talk to.
I feel this @dver89, I'm agnostic/atheist and I don't want kids but women who share these values are kinda hedonistic, often hardcore leftists etc. Used to be I could find more compatible women, but culture has changed and the search is getting pretty tough...
Do you go to a small church or is it ethnically monolithic because there are plenty of Christian women in that “young professional” category. Try going to a church that is either larger or ethnically diverse.
This is a tough one to sit through Chris. Although i do not identify with the type of guys she described, she opened by saying oh i just don't/won't work with these type of people because they're bad. You stated that guys think its easier for women to find a 'date'. She heard 'boyfriend' and stated that all men that think like that are bad people and she would not work with them. It is statistically accurate that it is easier for a women to find a date. Perhaps not a relationship, but that still starts with a date. I would argue that her accusatory reaction rather indicates her own lack of empathy. Looks like she's just projecting a bit. My thoughts, at least.
A woman can know how to get women and teach it to men. The problem is that there is not experience of acting on it the knowledge so their is a limit to how good of a teacher they could be.
Exactly. If you haven't actually tested out your own theories (because it's physically impossible), it's hard for me to take you 100% seriously. It's unwarranted to be so dismissive of men who mostly want to hear from other men on how to approach women. And on top of that, as a nerd I'm probably going to get poorer advice from Chris than I would from a fellow nerd. People can be very different both between and within the sexes.
While picking up women and gaining trust and attraction is an important and underdeveloped skill, I’d really appreciate a conversation about being in a relationship while doing the working out, earning money, growing, and also still wanting to gain attraction from your partner. Keeping the same sexual and heightened energy of picking up a woman and starting dating while being in a long term partnership.
Perhaps im wrong here, but when women say they want to be approached, it feels what they are trying to say is "I want to be approached by the man I find attractive" not "i want more men to approach me." Regardless, that doesn't stop me from approaching women, just hoping one day I find the person I'd like to make my wife.
I understand what you are saying but saying that does that mean men do not care if women approach men even if they are not attracted to them ? Men would still go on a date and do the whole shebang while not feeling attracted to her ? maybe for sex but a relationship ?... really? I dont think so..🤔.
@@CherryDiMilo I can’t speak for other men but I’ve only been approached by one woman my entire life so far. She wasn’t my ideal type and I wasn’t attracted to her but I respected the fact that she approached me and asked for my number. I did give her my number and proceeded to see where it went because I was open to getting to know her, we didnt end up dating but she has my utmost respect to this day. Now in regards to sex, it takes both parties to have sex so if a lot of men are only in it for sex and it’s laid out on the first or second date then the guy got what he wanted and will bail (not every guy of course) but pretty common. If the girl lays down that boundary early and the guy respects it then you can vet out the fuckboys and find someone that’s open to something more serious
@@DivineNFS What I am getting at is how is women saying I want to be approached by men they feel attracted to different when men say it (if they say it)? We can assume a whole lot of men are not as open minded like yourself and would not give their telephone number to somebody they absolutely do not feel attracted to....so it would go both ways ? 🤷🤔
@@CherryDiMilo The difference is, generally speaking, men don’t get approached by women at all. Women do get approached by men (by men they might not be attracted to) but they do get approached nonetheless. It’s just instead of saying “I want men to approach me” just be honest and say it for what it is “I want men I find attractive to make the first move.” Men are typically terrible at picking up hints or queues but if more girls would just express their interest in the guy then there’s no games and I promise you the guy would be flattered and respect it. It does go both ways absolutely, but as of right now, men are expected to make the first move and women are discouraged from making the first move. If people just expressed interest without the games then we’d have a lot more successful serious relationships.
“Hey you look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?” This opens the door for exchanging names while I decide what to compliment her with (eyes, hair, smile, tattoos, etc) . It also implies a sort of chemistry I feel with her. You’ll have to decide how to close but “do you mind if we get together sometime?” Is an option. Good luck 🤙🏼
Dating By Cars: - Get in the Gym - Eat Lots of Protein - Get Clothes that Fit - Make sure your space is clean - Make sure your finances are in order You do these things (which are hard) and you will naturally gain confidence from accomplishing things and watching your body change from your hard work. Then you will start to see women notice you and you will begin to pick up on non verbal cues and she will signal when she wants you to talk to her. If you feel you are ugly use that as motivation to get in the gym and build yourself. There are no "ugly" fit people
Unpopular opinion might be here, I am a confident guy, don't have a problem with women, but love Chris's podcast. It's interesting that in the first 10 minutes, she mentioned that women want to be approached more. Could it be that women want to be approached more by men who are "out of the woman's league," so to say? Because if 95% say they want to be approached more, it's because they are likely looking for someone of higher value than them. The sad reality is that women date up, and men don't. Don't get me wrong-confidence is king, but sometimes you need to look at the reality of things. A woman, or 99.99% of women, will never date someone who has nothing going for them when they are mega successful, yet men think of a McDonald's cashier all day long if they think she's cute.
Kinda feel like the "Dating profile" section makes the case of who dating apps are for perfectly. If you're not in a lifestyle/environment that regularly takes flattering, genuine and un-staged pictures of you, you simply can't make a top notch profile. To add, you can't adopt these rituals for the sake of dating because that would be disingenuous. For real tho, we do need a good clear structure that is attainable for our young fellas that ain't career athletes or public figures to be able to explore romance healthily and rewardingly or what do expect to happen in our society.
When market research is done with focus groups , it is often found that what the focus group says they want , and what actually works as a marketing strategy are not the same . For example , most focus groups will say that having to sign into facebook before you can look at anything is really annoying and you shouldn't do it . But if you were to listen to the focus group it would hurt your growth metrics . TL;DR : Don't ask a fish how to fish . That said , more information is always better than less information . So I'll listen to Blaine Anderson and then try it for myself before I make up my mind .
She is the first person I've heard talk about distance prequalifying (just before 13:45). The "she turns away quickly, maybe don't approach" I somewhat disagree with, and would fully disagree with if she didn't say "maybe." She is right about the gold standard of eye contact first. If a girl doesn't respond right away it's time to assess and calibrate. A high percentage of women have anxiety, a great deal of which is social in nature. A lot of guys would be doing themselves a disservice in disqualifying a sweet shy girl just because she struggled with eye contact. She just needs to be approached in a way that builds comfort at a higher rate up front while building rapport. It just becomes important to differentiate between that versus a neurotic type that is going to melt down publicly over being approached by a stranger she is not interested in.
Excellent comment! I frequently flirt with women, some of which look anxious and/or distracted at first. After speaking with them more I am able to understand a bit more about them, so I can sense how forward I can be. No joke, often I'm rejected politely at first, but once they realize how calmly/playfully I take that, they counter-intuitively flip! Its as if witnessing me handling a difficult situation with humor/composure really piques their interest. A woman can notice traits that make them attracted at any time. Its like a fun game. I'm rejected often, but I still think a majority of those women are flattered, and like to have options available (who wouldn't?). So there are benefits even if we don't go further.
Having coached engaged and soon-to-be-engaged couples for 20+ years now, here's a great question to ask your date if finding a spouse is your ultimate goal. "How did your parents meet?" Both how the person answers this question, and their level of enthusiasm for answering it reveals so much about how their attitudes and expectations towards marriage, family, etc. If they say "You know, I really don't know"...that means their parents never saw fit to tell them, which may mean it's not a pleasant or happy memory. If on the other hand, they crack a big smile and start with "My dad backed into my mom's car, and she was angry at him, but while they were waiting they started chatting and just hit it off..." or some such story told with pleasure and enthusiasm...it's a HUGE green flag. It means their parents took the time to impart the story to their children, to share the "origin" story of their family, and it makes it that much more likely that they are looking for that as well.
The first thing I want to hear out of the mouth of a 'dating coach' is how successful, happy and long-term their current relationship is. Without that, why should I listen to the individual?
Sadly, I *could not* agree more. Not even on a date, I'll just start a conversation, sometimes with the intention of maintaining my social skills, and I swear women don't have hobbies or do much. What do you mean, "I don't know"?! Do you just go home after work and sit there? During your off days? Even if you have other duties, you should still have time to do _something_ and I know the reality is, when I don't get a succinct or I get a vague answer, it means they just social media and Netflix. Additionally, despite the harping on about how important communication is, they, albeit truthfully most people, suck at proper communication! Hair flipping/preening is not. Nor are flirty glances. Even worse, people are equally or more bad at the other half of communication. *Listening* . I am a straight-shooter and an absorbed listener. I'm going to say what I do and do what I say, at least 90% of the time. If you want to speak, you almost will always have my full attention. I won't use absolutes because that wouldn't be truthful.
57:00 "I'm okay with your crocs and socks" lol of course Chris could be wearing a burlap sack. He's handsome, ultra-fit, and quite successful. This is podutainment. This episode is "How to not fail at dating for very handsome men that are already successful but lack confidence in their high value (but who's value is readily translatable to photos for others)". I'm not complaining, just calling it what it is. It is more of a conversational performance put on by two pretty people than it is a valuable, informative, practical podcast for normal people. That's okay if that's what you want, of course.
@@poggers3218 Sure, the basics such as women are just as shallow as men. But also not a mention of metoo movement. That movement alone gave powerful ammunition to wounded women to project anger and hate onto those men who didn't go along with their idea of courtship, thus men are extremely more cautious. Men must take risks and women of strong character will draw the line with grace. Way it's always been...until now.
Recently, the issue, for me at least, has been that if the woman isn't attracted to me, then she reports me to the group that I "made her uncomfortable." These are dances and social events that are designed to meet people. But women these days want a "safe space." And when you don't look like Brad Pitt or Ryan Gosling, then by default they throw you in the same category as a Harvey Weinstein. I meet women out in public all the time. I have no problem approaching women. It's these environments where they're hoping to meet a perfect 10 but are approached by 7's and 6's that are becoming more and more difficult. I just don't go to these events anymore.
The kind of man who thinks women can't give good advice about women is the kind of guy who's listened to 90% of what women say publicly (including his female friends who have friend-zoned him) and has seen it not work in practice... women CAN give good advice, they just don't tend to because maybe it's too crass? or too vulnerable? I don't know exactly why this is why some guys flock to hyper-masculine advice because it's a little more empowering as a struggling dude to see yourself as the prize, and it actually does work more often in practice than the over-romanticized advice that women are giving to their guy friends
Most women aren't going to give honest explanations to to guys looking for advice, things like "Being dangerous is good, especially if other guys seem kind of afraid of you, that's hot. Also sometimes I'll be a bitch just to see how the guy handles it and if he can match my energy or puts me in my place then I'm way more likely to sleep with him". Instead of saying that they'll give some generic bs like "Just be yourself but don't let people push you around, no one likes a doormat". Two entirely different types of advice for the same situation. When you ask most women why they went with a certain guy or why they keep going back they can't even give you an explanation, that's because the decisions are 100% emotionally driven and they're following instinct, which is why they get played so often by guys who know how to work the right angles. That is a terrible person to go to for advice, if you want advice from a woman then you go to no nonsense woman over 50yr.
So much negativity in the comments. I read a lot of good criticisms on this interview but come on, this is a 2 hr interview with loads of advice varying from good to great. A lot of things guys often don't think about that will really get them ahead when heeded. Thnaks Chris and Blaine!
Legitimate question gentlemen: Since women have way more options than men (I’ve seen this firsthand, my younger sister gets hit on by a ridiculous amount of guys including D1 football players) IF we as men are using dating apps aren’t we just circling through the same women that aren’t in the market to get asked out normally? Think of it similar to the restaurant business. The “less desirable” employees jumping from job to job.🤔🤔 ALSO isn’t going on dating apps the same as going to the grocery store while you’re hungry? Coming from the intention of filling a void (loneliness AKA hunger) and so we end up getting a lot of unnecessary things we didn’t need (red flags AKA sugary garbage). Would love to hear others thoughts on this.
The Concept of Dating Apps are exactly the same, as for all other social Media Apps out there: "To keep you on the screen and maximize screentime and as a side Effect to pay Money for Boosts etc. with no Garantee to get something. This System you can see also in Games which has a "Pay to Win" Methodic. You're comparison with the grocery Store, is on Point. 1000% right.
This just made this topic even more depressing. Not only are guys en masse getting rejected and deemed invisible by women, it’s happening from the second and third tier of women I think your grocery store analogy is spot on. The problem for most men is that there isn’t really any legitimate alternative at the moment
If your a man in the West you have more options than women your options skyrocket the second you get on a plane and leave the west, that is something Western women CANNOT do.
The conversation she avoids is the difference between what women (and men) say and what is the actual truth behind it. Women say “they want more men to approach” or “nobody ever asks me out” - what they don’t want to admit is “the guys I’m attracted to don’t ask me out” - trust me, we are constantly getting shot down, but when you don’t have the top 10% looks and job is pretty much impossible. The other side is when we men do say “everyone says no when I ask them out” it is the women we find attractive. I’ve have plenty of unattractive and overweight women interested over the years but it’s probably not that socially acceptable to say “only the uglies and fatties are interested”. The reality is if you find someone you’re interested in who is also interested in you - you are very fortunate especially in todays world where 90% of the women think they deserve the top 10% of men. Women used to give in sooner to what they realized they could get since motherhood was more important to them. Unfortunately, when they are mid-40s they don’t have much to offer. Especially when they are bitter and angry about how things turned out. Most of us guys just want someone who doesn’t look bad and has a nice personality. We aren’t that picky but women seem to be over the top picky. Back on the approachability thing - I even got yelled at once by some girl in a grocery store cause she thought I was staring or looking at her. I brushed her off but I hate to think what the younger guys around me felt about approaching women when they see stuff like that going on. Also, is easy for two good looking wealthy and successful people to throw normal people under the bus. Not really the most helpful conversation. She basically admits to helping underperforming Chads to get their act together and be more successful. She doesn’t help any of the lonely men just calls them losers. Most of these Modern Wisdom episodes are a bit better and more understanding towards those of us who are struggling.
People, read Robert Greene’s book - Art of Seduction - history’s best seducers weren’t necessarily the best looking. Also, seduction and attraction is all psychological after the baseline criteria has been met, which is looking put together
I’ve got a very simple question: If women have it as hard as men when it comes to dating, how come her business model is “helping” men in the dating world? I’ve never seen a course advertised to women struggling to get a date.
Some men in the comment section: I just don’t understand how to attract women! Same men after listening to this podcast: She’s so condescending about giving me the vital information that I need! I wish she would just console me about how hard it is for men to date!
What bothers me and actually stiffles me is all these requirements! - Just talk to a lot of women. Well, that's fine and shouldn't be hard. Also: - Have a hobby - go on vacation - don't take mirror photos - don't take gym photos - have photos that show a lot of people want to be around you - be fit and well presentable - don't have female friends - earn over 100k - impress her - on and on and on It's like ... okay, in 5 years I can go on a date. What is even worse is that us men have all these to-do steps ... and she ends up being the most boring person ever. Maybe she's attractive or a well paying job. But she doesn't want to go on vacation, go for a walk ... and it's not like not many women are like this ... most of them want YOU to pay for their vacation. Might as well just get a dog. I get it that she has to choose and gatekeep ... but most of this stuff I'm like ... fuck it, if she doesn't want me, it's her loss.
Most of those rules don't apply if they find you attractive. I was in physique competitor level shape and would post training vids from both lifting and MMA type training and had a lot of women slide into my DMs any time I did it. Turns out being 6ft tall, having fantastic abs and rugged look completely counters any need for nuance or social awareness. Half the women that slid into my DMs were friends of my female friends who saw me and said "who is that?" . The more women you have around you the better Her list is a pile of bullshit, I had the most women when I had a terrible job and no car but I had the right look and toxic mentality. I actually started to associate getting called an asshole with the likelihood of getting a date or sleeping with that woman.
@@theperfectbeing Thanks for sharing! I've had similar experience. When I lost a lot of weight and looked fit and young, I would get a lot of female followers and some of them would get into my DM's. No, those weren't the bots ;) Some of those messages were really inappropriate. Most of those inappropriate ones were on the level that shocked me. Men are being shamed and called creeps for talking like that.
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Here's the timestamps:
00:00 Can Women Give Men Dating Advice?
01:42 Do Women Want to Make the First Move?
07:37 How Common is Male Approach Anxiety?
14:05 Opening Lines That Actually Work
21:19 How Can Men Stand Out?
24:19 Best Online Dating Platforms
27:10 Designing the Perfect Profile
39:16 How to Text More Effectively
44:10 Best Practices for First Dates
53:07 Biggest Red Flags on Dates
1:01:00 Good Places to Approach Women At
1:13:21 Is Fear of Creepiness Holding Men Back?
1:20:08 Tips for Being More Charismatic
1:25:40 Are Men Struggling With Loneliness?
1:31:51 How Can Hopeless Guys Turn it Around?
1:42:12 Do Smart Guys Struggle With Dating?
1:49:29 Traits That Women Prioritise
1:55:47 Where to Find Blaine
thank you!
Yes, yes, yes, yes… nodding 😉
27:10 Designing the Perfect Profile, is something I haven't been able to do for years, so I kind of just opted out of dating apps. The struggle I need to address first is making friends, because how am I supposed to get photos of myself if all I have is myself? I was aware of the "no selfies-rule" before this but since it got brought up it just confirmed my beliefs. I guess I could buy a tripod and make some solo photo-shoots, but it's going to be revealed one way or the other that I have no social life.
I used to have a social life when I was drinking, but it wasn't the kind of friends I wanted to surround myself with and I developed a bad habit with the drinking. Now that I'm sober I took away those opportunities. I still go out on adventures and stuff, but I'm always alone and I think that desperation of wanting a connection is haunting me everywhere I go, since all my attempts at making friends gets ignored, thwarted and forgotten. It's a defeating feeling I've been unable to shake for soon 20 years.
Just started listening, and holy shit your voice in this one is deep.
Can we get Richard Branson on the pod?
What women say they want and what they actually want (through their actions) can be two very different things.
And the funny thing is they don't even know about that.
In many cases, their actions are the exact opposite of what they say
Only a 1:17 but they’re totally missing the mark on the criticism about women giving advance on dating women. Has nothing to do with misogyny.
@@edgar9651
Some don’t but believe me some do. I’m talking to one now and she says that I should drive because men are better at driving. Small example but valid. Another one admits that women find men that get multiple women more attractive than someone who doesn’t
@@TheHunterDD33 That doesn't sound like the quality women she wants to talk about.
Her: “this is how men can attract women”
Chris: “IN OTHER NEWS” “CREATINE!” 😂💀
🤣
so damn sick of these ads, ruins the flow of the conversation
Agree completely, I hate these ads. I've got a paid subscription because I don't want to see ads - I get that Chris (and other content creators) probably don't see any of these money - but I don't care. I paid to get rid of ads - ALL ads.
The result of in-talk ads, is that I immediately skip forward, and I often miss some of the following conversation. And in the worst cases, (and Chris you're getting close, dude), I stop subscribing
@@Ozmogul If you are watching in a browser, you could try sponsorblock. Someone has contributed 4 skips for this video which automatically skip forward the right amount for those parts. (On mobile that might only work if you are viewing the video on firefox + android.) On desktop, it should work for any browser.
@@Ozmoguli figured out that muting the video helps me maintain a train of thought
Im 20 minutes in, I do intend on watching the whole thing but as a guy it basically feels like she’s saying “Women have it just as hard as guys do. But also, in the initial stages it’s the guys job to do all of the work, women don’t need to do anything, and if a guy gets emotionally hurt from trying he just needs to suck it up.”
I understand women have their legitimate issues in the dating world but this feels pretty dismissive. Maybe I’m just sensitive idk
don't doubt yourself, your observation is spot on
At the end of the day, the takeaway is that women *want* to be approached.
Either you accept it, or you bitch about it and join the foreveralone club alongside me.
It’s probably a bit of both. You’re right about your assessment but also you’re too sensitive. Being a man all throughout human history has always been harder than being a woman. Life’s not fair
@@pondracekThe same women that curse and beat you when you do so
Dude you’re right on 👍🏾 I was thinking the same thing and being very fair about the plight of women in my analysis. But at the end it seems like the message is men need to stfu and make shit happen. As if women have no part in the currently environment that we all live in today. Good on you. I think you’re being very fair.
If she can’t appreciate my level 61 Nightingale Half-Elf Shadow Mage, I question her knowledge of Evergloam
I liked that joke
😂👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🙌🏼
This chick is married to a multi-millionaire tech bro in Austin, take that as you will.
Yeah I'm getting a vibe that she was never marrying a mechanic on $50k.
and what if she is, why is it a problem?, is it really that hard for you guys to understand that women like men who are successful and financially stable, stop complaining about other people's riches and level yourself up
@@kc270352 As I said, take that as you will. 🤷♂
@@kc270352no one implied it was a problem until you did. Instructions were to take it as you will. And you took it as a problem. It’s possible to think about something you observe past the initial judgment that enters your mind.
$$$$$$$$❤
“95% of women want to be approached” what they don’t say is they want CHAD to approach them
BINGO!
That's not true. You don't need to be a muscular superman to be good enough for approaching. Be well-groomed and charming and that's already most of it.
I dont understand the gay obssesion with this chad
Then become chad? what's the problem
Aka you shower, are funny, and respect them as a person
Women used to play hard to get but now they are hard to want.
This deserves minimum 8.9K likes
That is tough and true. The social media feminist movements and Me Too movements really messed up so much of our normal interactions. On top of that, COVID threw in a huge gap for many on the socializing front. As a female who was against the whole feminist thing and who is okay with a more evolutionarily average guy (if I'm allowed to say that) I really noticed the huge kickback from men not wanting to interact with women anymore out of fear and something simulating discomfort or constant comparisons. My favorite mottos are "Everything Matters" and 'We are equal but not the same". Both genders are important and are of equal value to each other and thus there is no point in holding comparative competitions all the time.
The best we can do is strive to be kind humans who do enough to give back what the world invested in us and help organize our houses and then our communities and be open enough to allow interactions with men and women and cautious enough to choose which we allow in our lives.
On the side, someone in the comments above-mentioned women don't know how to flirt anymore. I feel like this is at least 50% true. Does anyone know where to find the reverse video? Lol.
Weak
Huh??
Honestly, I suspect that the amount of attention women have been receiving has plummeted in recent years. Your statement could not be truer. As men, we are told so many conflicting things around women; In pursuit of the truth I have lost my mind. My conclusion is that it's all smoke and mirrors, it's just a game to them. All that empathy goes right out the window. I think we all assume that all women are kind and good because our mothers were this way, but this is not true. I have come to find that women can be extremely shallow and, not only lack sympathy, but harbor disdain for men over the pettiest of things. Honestly, it's kind of broken me. This world isn't kind. Keep close to the people who love you.
So she starts off by saying men don’t have it harder in the dating game … 2 minutes later she contradicts herself by saying it’s the man that has to pluck up the courage, risk rejection and do all the work.
And this is an expert? Don’t waste your money.
You can’t make this stuff up.
This video doesn't even make it onto my "will only watch this if there's literally nothing else to watch" list.
Chris should have her and Better Bachelor on at the same time.
Interesting like:dislike ratio (get the Return UA-cam Dislikes" extension, folks)
@@SocietyIsCollapsingcan you tell me what the dislikes are at? I don’t have that extension
Typically woman are not only gauging if the man will find them attractive but also if they’re a safe man to be around. I’d say based on that alone men have a lesser risk. The humiliation is awful for both but women have an in built “but what if he stalks me/hurts me physically” instinct that is hard to shake and we still get it wrong.
As they say in the interview, the more you do it the less awkward it will be and the more comfortable you will be able to make her so she trusts you’re not psycho. Men aren’t usually physically threatened by women.. just a thought.
@@Ayaymeer33% dislike
Shit is hilarious
As an ugly man, watching two beautiful people talk about relationships is disheartening
🎯
So date somebody that's in your league
@@repdale real
I alway think of Danny Devito.
Charisma trumps pretty any time.
@@JayKayKay7 it’s not charisma, it’s money. If Danny Devito was a cab driver he’d be the angriest incel on the internet 😂😂😂
Step one: Be attractive to her.
Congratulations, you’ve graduated my one step program.
🤣
Where is the book to this program?🥸
Some women will never like you. Period. FORGET those women.
If you have a great vibe, are fun, take care of yourself, and invest in yourself (things in YOUR control) you have everything you need for a solid dating life and can attract plenty of women if you're doing the right things. Your job is to do the right things and find those women.
Or not. And continue to be alone and complain about it on the internet. The choice is yours.
@@DatingByBlaine thanks for your “advice” but I’ve been happily married for nearly 13 years now.
🤣
@@DatingByBlaine Crock of bs
@DatingByBlaine It truly is that simple. As a father, it breaks your heart that no one asks her to the dance.
The hard line truth is that the difference between the confident charismatic guy that approaches the girl and the creepy loser is if she finds you physically attractive.
You do realize one of the major parts of dating is understanding where you actually are, and how you personally interact up front
If you look like Jon Hamm you can literally not say anything.
If you look like Steve Buscemi you need to take a less up front approach. You gotta play your game, and that isn't the same for everyone.
Honestly, true SOMETIMES but the harder reality is that a lot of guys just don't know how to talk to women. They think too hard about it and also it's just a matter of fact that some guys either suck at conversations, suck at flirting, or have no charisma.
Before dating you need to improve yourself, and you will attract an equal. If there's nothing interesting about you, you will attract a boring brainless woman. Take time to work on your own life.
As per Iliza Schlesinger herself in one of her videos. If you're not attractive to her, than any attention you show her, will make you seem like a creep. Basically, men have NO way to know until we try. And then it's too late.
@@UserRobot215 I'm 5,7 and I start losing my hair at 23 to the point where I need to shave it completely, you know what I told myself instead of crying ? It surely ain't gonna do me bad to have a sixpack. And now I feel great, because I'm doing something difficult, I need to go to the gym, watch what I eat, etc. All the girls around me start to tell me that I seem different, in a really positive way and yeah I look better now and buy myself son clothes that fits me better, but at the end, it's the fact that I work hard, care for myself and do the best with what've got, that make the big difference in what I project. Girls are about feels. I honestly hope that on day you find the force that I found, to love yourself before the other 🙏❤️.
I stopped putting women on the front of my mind. Some days are easier than others. I’m on an anti lust journey right now.
I'm proud of you, brother
@@sdmcelroy wasn’t looking for praise but thank you brother ✊🏻
God mode.
Some successful dude once said "You can lose a lot of money chasing women, you will never lose women chasing money" - Im not saying money is everything but building foundation for thriving in this world and finding some satisfaction in it can bring some good.
@@JocobsComments yes we are, and when we leave our bodies we will go alone.
Wished for more, with nuance. I like Blaine Anderson's general messages, I've seen her on many channels at this point. But there is still something that doesn't sit right with me: I don't feel she can relate to most men who need dating advice. There is a type of guy she would prefer to work with, and that's who she relates to. I would like to see Blaine and other female dating coaches try a couple things: 1) approach guys as a woman for a week, just to get some new perspectives. and 2) -- the much more difficult task -- befriend the loneliest/least socially successful guys in your family, friend groups, and local circles. The biggest bell I want to keep ringing is that I don't feel people who talk about men's problems are ever taking the opportunity to learn what many men's lives are like. People underestimate the effect of social filters like another person's age, education, profession, verbal communication, and even looks will pre-select who we even consider making friends & acquaintances with. Most experts, like most people, aren't going out of their way to know the lives of different types of people, especially not ones they wouldn't naturally find in their life.
She doesn’t care to listen to the male perspective
She glosses over, eye rolls, and stops listening at any pushback..
She sounds tone deaf and idealistic.. very out of touch
Well said. Also for the reserved or introverted guys, the cold approaches discussed ("I saw you from across the room, thought you were cute and just wanted to say hi") are almost never going to work. Those guys could try that a thousand times and it's always going to feel awkward and unnatural. And because it feels unnatural, they're going to come across as inauthentic and possibly creepy.
For many guys finding surrounding which are conducive to starting a conversation with someone you're attracted to are a very rare occurrence. It's a tiny percentage of guys who are comfortable interrupting someone in a supermarket, at an event, at a park etc to start a conversation, unless there's a genuine reason to say hello. Yes you can tell yourself you're just interacting with another human and aren't thinking about getting her number, but if you're starting a conversation with someone you're attracted to, that's exactly what you're thinking of. Unless you're a Zen master at mental framing, you're just a guy hoping that somehow the universe provides you with enough charm and courage such that a genuine connection is formed against all odds.
Tĥe Failure of Cross-sex Mind reading. Where there is a fundimental failure to understand eachother.
@@charliefox9573 While I generally agree that her advice is not well-matached to the needs of interoverted people, I would disagree with the issues you raise about uncomfortability. As someone who has high-functioning autism, many "normal" interactions (like eye-contact, small talk, expressive empathy) were things that I had to work on. They were awkward for many months before becoming more and more natural. It's not "always" going to feel awkward and unnatural; it changes after repetition. The same is true about dating/pickup behaviors; repetition creates comfort.
The second point that I would make is that if you learn how to have conversations with women where the goal is not picking her up but just to connect with her as a friend, you learn "how to talk to women" in the sense of understanding which topics work as points of commonality ro begin discussion. The irony is that many women are more interested in the guy that cares about her but is not jumping down her throat to get her number.. So, if you've modeled that baseline conversation, it will feel more natural when you actually have to implement it.
@@oremfriengood points. And good on you for working at your social skills. It does get easier for some with practice, it's the mental framing and not pressuring yourself which can take a long time to master. It definitely did with me. Nowadays I have a different problem. In my 50's and dating pool as shallow as a bird bath lol
Look, I’m no ladies man😅,but with the little that I do know, the game/charm this woman is spitting. Let’s be honest, if she was a man, he’d be lonesome 😂
It's a real knife out there!
@@Tom-qp6oh it is a real knife fight out here!
I am 22 minutes in and this episode triggered my fight or flight 15 times already
12 min for me.
36 minutes in and very much feeling the same.
The hard part about dating and eventually marriage is real life is work, work, work, work, kids, kids, kids, tired, tired, tired, weekend clean, weekend loose ends, Sunday rest but she wants to do something. So a man is looking for someone that can hang in there and understand staying together is hard.
My grandparents have been together for 70 years. I'm not convinced 99.9% of couples pairing up today will have a chance of attaining half that. Social media has fucked with our expectations too much.
Wrong, put them in order the press repeat , you can’t turn it off
Once you’re married and have kids you can almost forget going to the gym or ever seeing your friends, I’m not sure I’m ok with that.
@@anthonypolito9784 some like me have to make it happens one way or another by doing early morning gym sessions. It's how I'm available for the family in the evenings.
@@porvi8112 that’s good to hear
"Be authentically you," but also curate yourself - digitally and IRL - in a VERY specific way...O.o
Hard to square that circle.
just say that you're an accountant that helps dogs find homes in your dating profile. you'll be all set
Is sales and marketing just a foreign concept? The material matters, keep the material authentic. How you present it also matters, probably as much, if not more than the material itself. Present it in a way that people will be receptive to. It's not rocket science.
You only can be authentic and attractive if your authentic self is attractive, duh?!😂 It's so simple yet equally hard for both sexes😂
Despite how curious and intelligent Chris is, he has a few too many midwit guests on. I'm sure shes successful though. There's not a more reliable and easy cash source than lonely men. Salud.
He does men a favor. He exposes her to all of us for free.
@@ThuDude1 i'll say this again,
when you say "midwit guests" you are exclusively talking about when he has women or people you disagree with on the pod, news flash Chris isn't obligated to only bring on people who you ideologically aligne with,
Just be honest that's the distinction.
@@the19Zabaniyah you can ideologically disagree with someone and still value their intelligence. What you said is objectively incorrect
There just aren't that many interesting people to talk to, to fill a full time podcast.
@@the19Zabaniyah or maybe those comment section clairvoyants that presume to know the thoughts and motivations of others with little to no evidence? Big midwit energy there for sure.
The problem is not approaching women, unfortunately it's the unrealistic expectations of those women. Most average women these days think they are way more attractive than they actually are.😐
This is the biggest problem. Delusion
From experience, that's not a real problem.
Maybe you need to be more reflective in this situation .. the fact that you have that mindset even before an approach of the judgement of “beauty” like it’s a substantial metric for quality of person/relationship means you are simply not yet ready to date .. a real man is self aware and 100% accountable .. read up on Jordan Peterson he has really great insights and guides on this topic
Is this what you tell yourself so that you don't bother approaching them?
@@scottkenyon3194
After meeting hundreds of girls 10 years ago vs now you can tell a huge difference. Therefore it’s a fact
"Teheheee... buy my confidence course fellas".
LMAO so true
😂😂
@@tracertongsdong2267 I wonder what percentage Chris will get from this?
haahah
A problem is males are nervous about being labelled a creep or accused of street harassment. Those are some reasons why males don't approach females nowadays.
Can’t stand the upspeak? Please stop it? Thank you?
Is that what its called, it's really annoying lmao.
Wait I’m confused, what’s up speak?
It would at least be somewhat bearable if she didn't combine it with that constant ridiculously exaggerated vooocal fryyyy
It. Never. Stops. It. Hurts. Terribly.
@@Ayaymeer, where declarative sentences can end with a rising pitch similar to that typically found in yes-or-no questions.
1:17 omg this has nothing to do with women. women HAVE it easier when it comes to dating thats not even debatable at this point.
She even talks about how men need to do a lot of work over and over again yet doesn't seem to think this is hard.
Sure, dating might be easier but getting what they actually want, long term commitment, is hard. I think everyone is struggling as the majority of men and women think they can always get better and only want short term
@@vici7284_no it isn't. They want long term commitment from the wrong people. They ACTIVELY pursue the wrong people. They have it easier but choose to make it harder. The equivalent to men would be choosing hot women who have three children from 3 different men and expecting them to be loyal.
after she said that i paused the video and went to the comment section to see if anyone else picked up on that im glad i wasn't the only one her advice for men is work harder do more be better and i bet her advice for women has absolutely nothing to do with improving at all in any way shape or form and yet she would be the first to say 'women dont have it easier'. lmao
@@ThatGuy-tx4vmThis is incorrect. The parallel for men is when they only wish to date the hottest smokeshow and ignore the less physically attractive woman who has fewer options. The reason that Chad doesn’t settle is because he doesn’t have to: women throw themselves at him. The reason the hottest woman doesn’t have to settle is because men throw themselves at her. In order to have success, a person needs to find someone who has fewer options.
Nothing like telling guys to "get over it" when it comes to approaching women over and over again and hope for the best, even though the statistical odds of getting a match is extremely low.
Women do have it FAR easier than men in the dating atmosphere. I get why she has the alternative perspective since.. well, she's a woman. You can't know what you don't know, but men have it far more difficult on average than women.
You are generalizing men. Masculine, confident men are doing great, just because you aren’t doesn’t mean everyone else is in the same boat.
@@Samuel-vw2wy Ye no shit. Of course when we say men and women we're talking about men in general and women in general.
Women don’t have it easier. Sure they have more options but they want the opportunity. “Opportunity” guys are few and far between. And no the opportunity guy has nothing to do with looks, money and status. If that were the case celebs would never have relationship or dating problems, which we all know is false.
😂 how are people so dumb. It blows my mind @@TheDominanceAcademy
@@Samuel-vw2wyHe wasn’t generalizing anyone, he said “on average”, not “all men”.
Her evolution approach is something my psychology professor warned me in university about. She assumes something because it sounds for her logical and then it is stated as a fact.
she literally just took all the PUA stuff and take desperate rich dudes money. All her advice is essentially work out, get better social skills and spray and pray.
But is it wrong….?
Generally speaking it’s very straight forward. Which is good right?
RSD
What were you expecting? Some magical solution? The world is not that complex
Indeed... she's stating the obvious redundant facts, while trying to look as if she's just discovered a cancer cure... beyond played out...
@Follzzt he is just projecting to all of us that all his money was already taken by someone else.
Also, women dont know how to flirt anymore, they just glance your way and tells their friend's "I gave him loads of signals"
Women need to start loving themselves so men have something to love, not their fault entirely, as social media played a part.
Women need to start loving themselves? you think Self love for women is at an all time low.... in THESE times?
If you're at the point where you want men to take comedy classes, do improv, and watch movies to improve their game, you gotta admit you're putting the burden on the man. The effort and challenge is not symmetrical at all.
Imagine aliens evaluated human mating in the west and compared it to any other culture or species.
I cant imagine they wouldnt think "why does 1 of the sexes want the world and in return will provide a biological function"
It is a kingmaker system. You either do this and put effort, or have those who do take your lunch and leave you with the crumbs. And the joke is, the guys who do all this do it for themselves not women, they get them as a byproduct. It just takes changing your perspective.
@@r4lfxd Agreed! But I don't like it represented as anything else. It's better to tell men that they will get the women at whatever level they put themselves.
I agree that some of this advice is ridiculous, but on the other hand and addressing your point, hasn't it for the most part been the man who is trying to attract the attention of the woman? In nature, it absolutely is this way. Look how the male of many species of birds (Bower birds, as one such salient example) or mammals is to strut around and do some kind of display or other to get the attention of would-be mates.
Certainly, with Homo sapiens, it's more varied and perhaps often more subtle than in the animal world. But men still generally have to gain the attention of the female...generally. That might be expressed by feats of athleticism, intelligence, humor, courage, or demonstrating some skill or other. Or, the dude just has to make it readily apparent to the lady that he has a helluva package! Knowuddamean?
Her.
"I hate the sort of guys that complain about how its so much harder for men, and women have it so easy."
Also her.
"Guys are so lazy with dating apps today, they need to go out in person and try again and again to approach women until they hopefully get an offer. Because women really do want men to initiate the courtship and pursue them."
Make it stop. It hurts.
Edit: Additional pain.
"Men just need to talk to women of all shapes, sizes and ages so they can get comfortable talking to them, then the rizz will come more naturally"
Ok... I was already doing that for all my life and the "rizz" didn't magically manifest itself. What else you got?
@@SpecterVonBaren brother I don't know what your yapping about, just go watch fresh and fit if you want to hate post about women.
@@the19Zabaniyah Point to me where I criticized her for being a woman.
@@the19Zabaniyah
You are just going around the comment section and throwing fallacies around. You blame people for disagreeing, and telling them that they hate women.
You low level provocations are quite pathetic.
Uhh, she literally said that men and women's issues are different, and not really comparable, which is why she doesn't like the "women have it easy men have it hard" discussion.
@Specter for a murder to be proven the murderer doesn't have to confess you just have to be able to put together the evidence, I'm observing the broad behavior,
you've left multiple negative comments on this video particularly making fun of and disavowing her view,
granted maybe you're separate somehow from the mob that only leaves hate comments whenever the podcast has a female guest that they disagree with (coincidence I'm sure) but sorry if I Doubt that, I'm just recognizing patterns,
What I'm getting at is a bigger picture of what you and the entire comment section does without fail when there's a woman on the pod,
you left another comment for example where you said something along the lines of: "I only had to watch 5 minutes to realize she's one of
those people"
newsflash she didn't say anything crazy within the first 5 minutes, but your acting like she claimed the moon is made out of cheese,
And the same goes for all the other times there's been women on the pod and the comments are full of hate
What's the unifying Factor here?...
all women
She is right about the eye contact thing. The problem is, she seems to not realize that probably over half of males NEVER receive eye contact from women.
That’s only true if you never leave your house. That isn’t over half of men, it’s a small minority.
@@Samuel-vw2wyeven if you go out a Lot it's very complicated ,only if you are atractive
Timestamp?
Haha it's funny how in the first couple mins it's exposed how easy women have it.
She opens bumble. Has 100 likes, of which 25 result in matches and from that she gets a date. If only she realised how easy she has it. There are men who I've seen who have right swiped on over a million recorded profiles, resulting in only a handful of matches, of which only about three actually message and from that they have got zero dates after years of effort. Men and women's struggles are on a different spectrum, men have it much much harder. She just has absolutely no idea.
She literally speaks to that in this episode. She also says to get off the apps and learn how to walk up to women in real life. I have straight up taken her advice and yea, Ive been rejected a bunch of times so far and its scary to walk up to a hot chick at the gym. But I think her advice is valid.
@@scottkenyon3194 Her advice is valid but you have to craft a different type of persona and have an actual game plan for that type of thing. I did that style for years and it worked really well but that's only because I'm 6ft and was in fantastic shape. You have to know your strengths and lean into them and do so in an unapologetic manner. Most of the pushback you get isn't even genuine, it's simply a test to see how you respond.
The problem with women like her is she will never be truly honest about the types of characteristic men possess that are actually attractive to the majority of women.
@scottkenyon3194 like this girl I'm fwb with now keeps thinking I'm gonna seriously date her even though I told her from day 1 I just want to be friends. She's incredibly delusional like most women today but i dont feel bad because ive been honest from the start. I'm at least 3-4 points higher than her and she seriously thinks she has a chance to date me. I'd say it's funny but if this delusion didn't exist I would be much happier being fwb with girls 1-2 points lower than me.
@@scottkenyon3194seriously bro just forget about approaching any girl who's less than 2 points beneath you because their delusional will disqualify you immediately
I talked to two women this morning, my doctor and her nurse 😅
Strike up any fun conversations? Gotta get that practice in
Go for the nurse. Women marry up. Your chances are better with her.
So they know about your gonnorhea?
Well done bruh 😂😂
Doesn’t mean your not successful, I actually do take that in as I did succeed cause it actually goes somewhere
As a first responder working OT and swing shifts who has time to do all this. All this advice is for professional men that are established in their careers and now want to start a family. Also creepiness level will always be directly correlated with attractiveness level and can't convince me otherwise
In reality there is no time or money for it, that's why most people settled
I walk past a hundred women everyday in the city who all magically happen to get a stiff neck and need to look up off into the sky right as they're passing by. They definitely do not want to be approached. Or its my fault Im not a perfect 10/10
Brother nobody thinks about you that much.
Step 1) realize you are not the center of the world, these women likely don't even notice you.
Whatever the issue is, it’s definitely your fault
No offense, but I find it hard to believe that they're looking up. Sure, they look down into their phone 99% of the time, but not up!
And honestly, it's not you specifically - they just don't want to get approached by anyone (you included) unless it's Chad. It's just a standard defense that hot girls learn early on, otherwise they would be overwhelmed on a daily basis. The other commenters are right - they don't do it consciously. They probably never even notice you, just as you might not notice old and/or very unattractive people. Average guys are not on the same wavelength as cute girls, you simply don't matter to them. It's just biology, nature isn't fair.
Feel like you're projecting hella hard with that one bud.
@@blackjackjester boomer
She keeps coming back to my go-to strategy that I've always used when single: I just get a lot more social and take up interests which are shared by women, last time it was about language learning events ("learn French and meet friends"), a hiking group and a badminton club. You get to know more people and get to go to other meetings or parties where again you can talk more easily and have connections. While I did that, too, I made the catch directly at one of the language events.
This is really sound advice, though she generally makes too many words about all of it.
She doesn’t care to listen to the male perspective
She glosses over, eye rolls, and stops listening at any pushback..
She sounds tone deaf and idealistic.. very out of touch
7:05 Chris says men making the first move is the natural order, and she says men approaching happened for all of human history, I see similar comments all the time
But what is the actual proof of this? How do we know this was the default for all of human history? I’m skeptical because from what I understand for most of human history we lived in small tribes so I don’t think coldapproach would be a thing as everyone knows each other, and most of civilizational history had some sort of arranged marriage dynamic.
If we were naturally designed for men to approach women they don’t know, I don’t think so many women would feel so uncomfortable / hostile to it and so many men would feel so much anxiety / awkwardness around it, if anything it seems like we are ingrained to be biased against doing it.
This is a valid point, never thought of it from that perspective.
Arranged/forced marriages have actually been the norm for the majority of civilization. The man-approaching-woman scenario is very recent (in terms of human history) within the last century or so.
And also women have approached some men
When she said that men approached women for all of history, I couldn't help but think that she's doing a logical fallacy where guys are supposed to just accept it and don't recognize it as female privilege. There were also lots of things that have existed throughout history: murder, genocide, rape, bullying, slavery. Are we supposed to just accept it because "that's the way it always was"? Ironically, I'm sure she supports feminism but feminism didn't exist throughout history. Maybe we should just tell her that "women being treated as second class citizens and as property of men is the way it has always been, so you should just accept it".
@@KyleConnell-if3zndo you think the world was a much better place when arranged marriages were the norm worldwide
2:60 so if its the man who has to approach and the woman to be approached, the man has it harder than the female. you are contradicting yourself here when you stated men dont have it harder...
Logic isn’t a woman’s strong suit
She also failed to mention that women only want to be approached by an attractive male. If your not attractive forget about it .
What year did Valley Girl become the default female dialect in the US?
IDK....I'm from the Valley.
I like it
The term is Vocal Fry and it was when Paris Hilton became famous
@@otherbarry2216 Love the term. Fits like a glove.
Yaaasqueen hmmmmm it’s cringy
Me: Oh! This should be an interesting perspective to hear.
Me 5 minutes later: Oh... she's that sort of person...
What sort of person?
@@DDDarwin27pretty, airhead, valley girl
I was already convinced about her "qualities" after about one minute when she mentioned she helps men to look for quality women. Who wants a quality woman according to her definition?
@@big_chungus73 I didn't yet watch the video so maybe what she says is stupid but I would not ignore what she has to say just because of her look.
I agree that her voice is grating, but coming from a woman, everything she said was spot on.
Wasn't arranged marriage the norm for most of human history?
Yes, up until 100 years ago arranged marriages were the norm for every single society. Picking your own lover or spouse was a very recent thing compared to how long people have been around.
It was a norm for noble people. Ordinary people could marry whoever they want
no not remotely lmao
Only in a few cultures
It was the rich and the powerful had things arranged. The rest was a lot of oops babies with the fathers and brothers making sure the guy stayed around. That's where things got weird was when people could have constant sex without getting tied up with a kid during it.
The advice she gives is okay but VERY idealistic and definitely not acknowledging the perspective of men in dating. This was especially apparent when she said a good opening line is “hey I saw you from over there and would kick myself if I didn’t say hi.” That’s such a needy, low value thing to say. Yes it shows interest and can work in very specific cases, but it also tells the girl that she doesn’t have to do anything to win you over. She knows this as a woman.
You could just summarize her blabbering to: 'Just increase your status in any way, because women's affection is transactional and your personality means nothing.'
Anytime you approach a girl in public because she looks hot and you want her number you are already communicating this subconsciously and she knows what you want.
I read the book the Game back in the day and read a lot of stuff from early pickup artists because I was a socially awkward introvert. I had a decent amount of success following their techniques but it wasn't until I genuinely stopped giving a crap what people thought of me and just started being direct that I really saw serious results, including women approaching and hitting on me at random times.
Granted, this was like 12 years ago before I was married so maybe I'm just super out of touch now and things have completely changed.
As a women, I would love this comment!! As long as he says it with confidence and not some awkward way, it’s totally fine. I’m fact, it’s very flattering. Just be confident. You’re just missing the point. Example, a guy I worked with that I was not attracted to complimented my eyes out of nowhere. Although he isn’t my type, he did it in a nice confident way that didn’t make me feel pressure to give him anything. Just expressing your feelings confidently is hot
The hard truth is this type of women even in the interview would usually just go for Chad in the US but is super common looks wise outside in places like Latin America. There is no reason to deal with American women anymore if you don’t’t need to. It’s just basic social economics at this point
She states nothing of substance ... sitting there with a "smart face", unloading banalities, as if she had just found a cancer cure ...
Everything a girl says about "dating advice" is only if she finds you physically attractive.
Well then become physically attractive to your best ability? What’s the problem? Man up.
Great… so get physically attractive then?
Hit the gym, diet healthily, brush and floss, shower daily, dress properly etc etc
$$$
@@KookinHaoleplanet fitness $10 a month calisthenics is free. Buying ground beef in bulk is not expensive as u think. Only thing is clothes but u can always find deals.
@@miguelharo209 you right
She Nailed it when she said "you're more likely to text yourself out of a date, than text yourself into a date". Just set the details for the date and shut up.
Why do you even promote kissing on the first date? This simplifies the meaning of this intimate moment so much, and it seems that it’s so normal to kiss a person you have known for a couple of hours 🤷🏻♀️
Agree 💯
This is probably one of the worst guests ever on the show. Approach anxiety is the ripple effect. The initial cause was the rising rates of social scorn men received by even daring to muster interest and attraction in the female species. We have swung from the early days of cat calling to now clam shelling. A healthy middle simply isn't plausible in today's grass is greener; if you aren't physically attractive, don't approach me; please don't talk to me creep world.
She can't argue from a point of biology or evolutionary psychology because women overwhelmingly, subconsciously, or consciously prefer men who are more alpha in all characteristics.
I am 6'3 and won the genetic lottery, much like our host Chris here. I consistently get way more female attention than the vast majority of my friends whenever we go out. It is effortless for me to flirt with, pick up, and decide if I want to date women. I often give my buddies tips and tricks that they execute flawlessly but get shot down. I've asked some of these women very bluntly and honestly about why they rejected my friends. They almost all unanimously tell me they just aren't their type. Needless to say, I fell into their type 3/4 of the time. I'm not at all pleased with the way the dating market is now for men who don't meet the alpha archetype. It is a minefield out there. I consistently listen to my female orbiters talk about how creepy guys seem, how there wasn't a chance in hell that this guy or that guy had a shot. They talk about how effortless it is to converse with me, have fun with me, etc. when I push the issue of comparison. But let's be real, they just want to get with the Chad physical archetype who also happens to be a "good guy" that is husband material. Have your cake and eat it too. It comes to mind here, and you can thank social media for that.
Evolution is just playing its ugly hand, which is that women pre-select for the highest status and best potential father they can get. These traits to raise healthy kids and have a fulfilling life generally include:
1. Resources to provide for said family.
2. Physical alpha like stature to protect said family
3. Physical appearance as a signal of good health and genes to pass on to children
4. High relative intellectual capacity as it pertains to point 3.
If you want an idea of what women look for in men, have a look at sperm bank statistics and what women pre-qualify and select for. Go have a look at the subreddits. Evolutionary bias plays out in full daylight.
There was a time when 5's would date 5's and 8's would date 8's. Unfortunately, there is only one gender that has decided that they can't accept their objective rating and decide that they deserve a man several points higher on the scale. Hypergamy is a thing, and women don't talk about it for fear of being scorned. Howevere some women just outright state what they want and desire, more respect to them even though it's delusional most of the time.
Men are trying and being rejected a lot. Blaine even jokes about this and laughs earlier in the conversation after saying men should approach more. This isn't a number game because you could be hundreds of women deep in your journal and still not foster a conversation that leads to a woman selecting you as a long-term mating option. Overcoming approach anxiety and mastering communication doesn't mean you can compute for the unsolvable portion of the equation:
Socially engineered women who always want better and don't want to "settle". If presented with two options of the exact same man in all relative characterological terms but one is physically better looking, taller and overall physically more attractive; that is the man she pre-selects for and subconsciously compares all other men to.
We aren't living in the pre-interner Era where selective choice was relative to the size of peer groups that you would interact with. Comparison is the thief of all joy, and the advent of social media has allowed women to have almost unlimited sexual options. It is exactly for this reason that 63% of men under the age of 30 are single, while strangely, only 34% of women in that same age range are single. Folks, that is basically double the number of single men. This should be a statistical improbability but then you have to conclude that women are selecting older men who check the boxes in their pre-qualifying criteria. Women should be single at the exact same rate as men under 30 if you account for dating in the same age demographic. Either that or multiple women are dating the same guys. Both options seem nihilistic.
Blaine's cancer is both demeaning and derogatory towards the realities facing men today. It is an ultra competitive market, and the only thing you can do to increase your chances of mate selection is to level up in all aspects and fake it until you make it. You can still preserve a lot of your core characteristics and hobbies, but you have to try to level up in order to compete. It's just the harsh reality that most men don't want to hear because black pill is ultimately right in many facets in that everyone can't win, nature is brutal and it is wishful thinking to make out that humans and evolutionary biology/psychology don't strongly indicate who gets to procreate with women.
Great insights, and thanks for sharing (and empathising) with us normies. On the 'maybe women are sharing', I saw a study where examination of mitochondrial DNA and Y-chromosome DNA show that 8,000 years ago, women were 17 times more likely to reproduce than men. I read that as the lottery winning guys were getting lots more women than the normies. I fear that we're on a trajectory to repeat that.
Thank you for your TED talk. I'm being funny, but also dead serious.
That was a really good comment with your perspectives as well. Thanks for that👍
so blackpill basically
No BS This is how you can attract girls
1) be rich
2) be handsome
3) have good sence of humor and communication skill
4) be in top 10-20% males ( 80% women show their interest only in top 20% males)
just making $100k a year can do most of the heavy lifting.
I'm about to but don't see things changin. I'm also told almost daily I look like ben affleck. Guess I can't communicate but really I just want a 9 or 10 or nothingg@@KookinHaole
This chick doesn't get it. Being rejected is enough of a reason not to do it. You don't need to be socially exposed, ridiculed, or any other crazy scenario for being rejected to not feel good. The fact that men have to take beating after beating after beating is precisely why we don't approach. Because every rejection leaves a mental and emotional scar, rather open wound and walking around with all these open wounds is not sustainable for one's mental health, peace, and happiness. I remember every single time I was rejected. Over the course of 38 years the toll is beyond taken, the toll is burying you alive and you feel like shit. Does it ever not occur to someone why men find it so easy to kill themselves? Because by the time they have reached that point all they have heard all their life is no. Playing a numbers game doesn't really lend itself to having hopes and dreams because those hopes and dreams are destroyed in the process.
Interestingly.
Leanered helplessness - is a process of failing so much, you feel it doesn't matter what you do, things always end in failure. This definitely exists... But than again... how do sells man working door to door make any money? They get doors slammed in their face all the time dealing with extreme rejection. I wonder what's the difference on why rejection exposure helps toughen one man but create trauma in another man.
@@reptilesgamers00 I worked in door to door sales. It's what made me so sensitive to failure in part. Not being able to pay your bills for 3 months straight due to the rejection you faced will do that. The dating market is no different except it's a much more personal rejection. In door to door sales even if you had a success it didn't financially make up for the 30+ days of failures you had wracked up. Meaning there was no victories. Nothing to gain courage or encouragement from. Just breaking spirit after breaking spirit.
@@reptilesgamers00 Have you ever seen the stats on those type of salesmen or any type of direct sales oriented job? Hell I worked as a personal trainer for years where 90% of your clientele comes from cold approaching people and striking up conversations with them and then trying to swing it in your direction. Has similar odds to that of dating where 90% of the time you're not even going to get a hint of interest and of the 10% who show interest the majority of them will flake out or change their mind. Some people simply aren't cut out for that salesman style approach, whether its business or romance.
2 hour conversation. The word market was used 22 times. The word love was never used. I didn’t realize I was a commodity. I’m changing my name to widget and I’m getting out of my heart and into my head once and for all. Thank you! You guys rock! 🙏😊🙏
Normally I don’t take advice from women, however one thing she said that was real
Approach women who make eye contact with you and smile.
This is huuuggeeee
Man, she actually said women don't have it easier. Not saying women don't have crazy problems, but you're out of your mind if you don't know women generally have an easier time in the dating market. Just be honest. There's a reason women are stunned when they try tinder on the profile of a guy they know.
Giving up on dating and women as a whole was the greatest decision I ever made. Mental health, financially, spiritually, physically, career etc. I recommend everyone do it.
Give her a 7/10 dude's tinder account, and if she can get him dates I'll be convinced.
Seconded
Hello there Chris!
Will we ever see Whatifalthist (Rudyard Lynch) on Modern Wisdom? I recall you retweeting some of his stuff a few months ago. His videos are absolutely fascinating. He predicted that Trump would be assassinated and he predicts that there’ll be more political violence this coming fall. He’s done countless virtual podcast appearances, but I don’t believe he’s ever done an in-person podcast. There’s a first time for everything! He’s based in Texas too ! :)
Seconded.
Thrice
He's in Texas now?
Do it (emperor voice)
Clicked on this with a very open mind & I listen to a lot of Chris’s podcast, but I was over it in 30 seconds after she first described what she does with this booming confidence that she’s got us all figured out.
This comment section is bumming me out. Im going to talk to a hot girl at my gym tomorrow using this advice.
Already did it. She said she has a boyfriend. Wasn't a bad experience at all.
That’s a great attitude
@@bigz5262 +1
Good for you man, keep that up
Tried a second time at my gym... also not single. the rejection rate is real boys. Don't give up.
INFJ here and I salute the Kings for their effort. Thinking about approaching a guy could send me to the ER from a heart attack not to talk of doing it. I rarely get approached by men, have no social life or social media. Off dating apps cause omg we need something better. And yes i know my man won’t just teleport into my apartment I have to socialize. Working on it😊. So please don’t stop. Haha. Currently working on a dating app to disrupt the industry isA. Looking for a CTO now. Will get there someday. Wish me luck!
The thing I mostly don't like about these dating coaches is the broad generalization of both men and women, telling them to be one-dimensional, one size fits all type of people (men want this, women want this...). People listening to them are creating more competition for themselves by becoming one and the same. Not to mention that it's become a highly exploitative industry, charging so much just to tell them to become more desirable and to approach/socialize more. It's also pretty dystopian to hear that you're suppose to market yourself as a product for other people, based mostly on superficiality, to see if they will consume it.
I could be wrong about this but using surveys and online data (or even data from evolutionary psychology for that matter) to determine what people like from the opposite sex could be wrong simply since probably not all personalities would be willing to participate in surveys, use dating apps, geo location might matter, occupation etc.. Also, using percentages that aren't that high (60-70% of women want...) to create a broad picture just means more competition for that and less for the those in lower percentile.
She says be authentic but also change all these things about yourself so you appeal to the most people possible...just do it authentically 🤡
Men who say women can’t give dating advice to men are right though, that is empathy! Because we know what guys want, we know how you guys work. It’s not hatred nor is it malice! It’s the TRUTH!!! And no lol I am not redpill. Just another man on the highway who only believes in the truth!!
Chris says, Recently single. 😂 Get it bro
LOL
😂. I thought Chris was looking more jacked lately.
Noticed that too lololol
Every female guest lately
@thetaxgawd good observation!
Thank you so much for the expansion on the importance of the touch part. It may be trivial for many people, but there are men who can form an intellectual connection and be great conversationalists, yet they struggle to initiate physical contact, because it feels awkward, you don't want to be "that sleazy touchy guy", touching each other wasn't a thing in your family etc.
As a result, they end up being lonely, losing to someone, who can be inferior in everything else, but is not afraid of giving woman a hug or touch her arm.
what?
So basically if you are a chilled out guy just doing your crappy job and watch Netflix and play on your PS on your days off you have to fundamentally change your entire life around to impress a chick so that she... just sticks around? Yeah, sounds fair and balanced 🤣
I think Chris nailed it a while ago when he said it's really important how you choose what you want. Modern women come with a lot of costs and risks and very little return on investment, so modern men would be wise to want something more worthwhile. I recommend Warhammer, sports, politics, guns (regional restrictions apply), hema, coding or just general gaming. Peace
Historical European martial arts would be dope.
Applebee's first date hits hard when I flex my Messer skills.
Where it's tough for me is that I'm a Christian with BS/MS degrees in engineering, professional job, good income, etc. and most women I meet in that young professional category are very secular. The women I meet at church are often very kind, not going out and getting wasted, etc. but then I don't find them that attractive or well educated. I feel like a minority in my own country.
Might be time to head overseas. Plenty of women in Europe, Asia, Latin America with traditional values and very attractive.
Reminds me of my hometown and the girls at church there. They were all very pretty, but they were just kind of dumb, narrowminded, and not very interesting to talk to. And now the women I meet who are creative or smart and pursuing something with their life always end up being kind of degenerate and not into monogamy. It's hard to find a girl who has goals and pursuits who's also loyal.
There are dating services specifically for Christians, and obviously they are not the swipe-right kind of platform. I'd suggest using those to come up with a better selection of ladies to talk to.
I feel this @dver89, I'm agnostic/atheist and I don't want kids but women who share these values are kinda hedonistic, often hardcore leftists etc. Used to be I could find more compatible women, but culture has changed and the search is getting pretty tough...
Do you go to a small church or is it ethnically monolithic because there are plenty of Christian women in that “young professional” category. Try going to a church that is either larger or ethnically diverse.
This is a tough one to sit through Chris. Although i do not identify with the type of guys she described, she opened by saying oh i just don't/won't work with these type of people because they're bad. You stated that guys think its easier for women to find a 'date'. She heard 'boyfriend' and stated that all men that think like that are bad people and she would not work with them. It is statistically accurate that it is easier for a women to find a date. Perhaps not a relationship, but that still starts with a date. I would argue that her accusatory reaction rather indicates her own lack of empathy. Looks like she's just projecting a bit. My thoughts, at least.
I found this to be one of the most exhausting episodes you’ve had, but I couldn’t stop listening.
A woman can know how to get women and teach it to men. The problem is that there is not experience of acting on it the knowledge so their is a limit to how good of a teacher they could be.
Exactly. If you haven't actually tested out your own theories (because it's physically impossible), it's hard for me to take you 100% seriously. It's unwarranted to be so dismissive of men who mostly want to hear from other men on how to approach women.
And on top of that, as a nerd I'm probably going to get poorer advice from Chris than I would from a fellow nerd. People can be very different both between and within the sexes.
While picking up women and gaining trust and attraction is an important and underdeveloped skill, I’d really appreciate a conversation about being in a relationship while doing the working out, earning money, growing, and also still wanting to gain attraction from your partner. Keeping the same sexual and heightened energy of picking up a woman and starting dating while being in a long term partnership.
Perhaps im wrong here, but when women say they want to be approached, it feels what they are trying to say is "I want to be approached by the man I find attractive" not "i want more men to approach me." Regardless, that doesn't stop me from approaching women, just hoping one day I find the person I'd like to make my wife.
I understand what you are saying but saying that does that mean men do not care if women approach men even if they are not attracted to them ? Men would still go on a date and do the whole shebang while not feeling attracted to her ? maybe for sex but a relationship ?... really? I dont think so..🤔.
@@CherryDiMilo I can’t speak for other men but I’ve only been approached by one woman my entire life so far. She wasn’t my ideal type and I wasn’t attracted to her but I respected the fact that she approached me and asked for my number. I did give her my number and proceeded to see where it went because I was open to getting to know her, we didnt end up dating but she has my utmost respect to this day. Now in regards to sex, it takes both parties to have sex so if a lot of men are only in it for sex and it’s laid out on the first or second date then the guy got what he wanted and will bail (not every guy of course) but pretty common. If the girl lays down that boundary early and the guy respects it then you can vet out the fuckboys and find someone that’s open to something more serious
@@DivineNFS What I am getting at is how is women saying I want to be approached by men they feel attracted to different when men say it (if they say it)? We can assume a whole lot of men are not as open minded like yourself and would not give their telephone number to somebody they absolutely do not feel attracted to....so it would go both ways ? 🤷🤔
@@CherryDiMilo The difference is, generally speaking, men don’t get approached by women at all. Women do get approached by men (by men they might not be attracted to) but they do get approached nonetheless. It’s just instead of saying “I want men to approach me” just be honest and say it for what it is “I want men I find attractive to make the first move.” Men are typically terrible at picking up hints or queues but if more girls would just express their interest in the guy then there’s no games and I promise you the guy would be flattered and respect it. It does go both ways absolutely, but as of right now, men are expected to make the first move and women are discouraged from making the first move. If people just expressed interest without the games then we’d have a lot more successful serious relationships.
@@DivineNFS Fair enough 👍
“Hey you look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?”
This opens the door for exchanging names while I decide what to compliment her with (eyes, hair, smile, tattoos, etc) . It also implies a sort of chemistry I feel with her.
You’ll have to decide how to close but “do you mind if we get together sometime?” Is an option. Good luck 🤙🏼
The upspeak, the vocal fry, this girl has it all.
😂Underrated comment.
does the stuttery blinking have a name?
good places to meet women- = outside US or UK 😛
A girl saying “why is your phone out in the gym” …. That one got me for a sec lol. (The pot calling the kettle black perhaps)
Almost everyone has their bloody phone out at the gym. It's truly a sickness that people can't go an hour without it in their hand.
@@charliefox9573well I use it to listen to music or watch a video during workout... 🤷
Dating By Cars:
- Get in the Gym
- Eat Lots of Protein
- Get Clothes that Fit
- Make sure your space is clean
- Make sure your finances are in order
You do these things (which are hard) and you will naturally gain confidence from accomplishing things and watching your body change from your hard work. Then you will start to see women notice you and you will begin to pick up on non verbal cues and she will signal when she wants you to talk to her. If you feel you are ugly use that as motivation to get in the gym and build yourself. There are no "ugly" fit people
Unpopular opinion might be here, I am a confident guy, don't have a problem with women, but love Chris's podcast. It's interesting that in the first 10 minutes, she mentioned that women want to be approached more. Could it be that women want to be approached more by men who are "out of the woman's league," so to say? Because if 95% say they want to be approached more, it's because they are likely looking for someone of higher value than them. The sad reality is that women date up, and men don't. Don't get me wrong-confidence is king, but sometimes you need to look at the reality of things. A woman, or 99.99% of women, will never date someone who has nothing going for them when they are mega successful, yet men think of a McDonald's cashier all day long if they think she's cute.
Really Helpful Video ✌️👌
Kinda feel like the "Dating profile" section makes the case of who dating apps are for perfectly. If you're not in a lifestyle/environment that regularly takes flattering, genuine and un-staged pictures of you, you simply can't make a top notch profile. To add, you can't adopt these rituals for the sake of dating because that would be disingenuous.
For real tho, we do need a good clear structure that is attainable for our young fellas that ain't career athletes or public figures to be able to explore romance healthily and rewardingly or what do expect to happen in our society.
When market research is done with focus groups , it is often found that what the focus group says they want , and what actually works as a marketing strategy are not the same . For example , most focus groups will say that having to sign into facebook before you can look at anything is really annoying and you shouldn't do it . But if you were to listen to the focus group it would hurt your growth metrics .
TL;DR : Don't ask a fish how to fish .
That said , more information is always better than less information .
So I'll listen to Blaine Anderson and then try it for myself before I make up my mind .
She is the first person I've heard talk about distance prequalifying (just before 13:45). The "she turns away quickly, maybe don't approach" I somewhat disagree with, and would fully disagree with if she didn't say "maybe." She is right about the gold standard of eye contact first. If a girl doesn't respond right away it's time to assess and calibrate. A high percentage of women have anxiety, a great deal of which is social in nature. A lot of guys would be doing themselves a disservice in disqualifying a sweet shy girl just because she struggled with eye contact. She just needs to be approached in a way that builds comfort at a higher rate up front while building rapport. It just becomes important to differentiate between that versus a neurotic type that is going to melt down publicly over being approached by a stranger she is not interested in.
Excellent comment! I frequently flirt with women, some of which look anxious and/or distracted at first. After speaking with them more I am able to understand a bit more about them, so I can sense how forward I can be. No joke, often I'm rejected politely at first, but once they realize how calmly/playfully I take that, they counter-intuitively flip! Its as if witnessing me handling a difficult situation with humor/composure really piques their interest. A woman can notice traits that make them attracted at any time. Its like a fun game.
I'm rejected often, but I still think a majority of those women are flattered, and like to have options available (who wouldn't?). So there are benefits even if we don't go further.
Having coached engaged and soon-to-be-engaged couples for 20+ years now, here's a great question to ask your date if finding a spouse is your ultimate goal. "How did your parents meet?" Both how the person answers this question, and their level of enthusiasm for answering it reveals so much about how their attitudes and expectations towards marriage, family, etc. If they say "You know, I really don't know"...that means their parents never saw fit to tell them, which may mean it's not a pleasant or happy memory. If on the other hand, they crack a big smile and start with "My dad backed into my mom's car, and she was angry at him, but while they were waiting they started chatting and just hit it off..." or some such story told with pleasure and enthusiasm...it's a HUGE green flag. It means their parents took the time to impart the story to their children, to share the "origin" story of their family, and it makes it that much more likely that they are looking for that as well.
The first thing I want to hear out of the mouth of a 'dating coach' is how successful, happy and long-term their current relationship is.
Without that, why should I listen to the individual?
Only watched 3 of your videos so far and I already feel like a better human
Sadly, I *could not* agree more. Not even on a date, I'll just start a conversation, sometimes with the intention of maintaining my social skills, and I swear women don't have hobbies or do much. What do you mean, "I don't know"?! Do you just go home after work and sit there? During your off days? Even if you have other duties, you should still have time to do _something_ and I know the reality is, when I don't get a succinct or I get a vague answer, it means they just social media and Netflix. Additionally, despite the harping on about how important communication is, they, albeit truthfully most people, suck at proper communication! Hair flipping/preening is not. Nor are flirty glances. Even worse, people are equally or more bad at the other half of communication. *Listening* . I am a straight-shooter and an absorbed listener. I'm going to say what I do and do what I say, at least 90% of the time. If you want to speak, you almost will always have my full attention. I won't use absolutes because that wouldn't be truthful.
57:00 "I'm okay with your crocs and socks"
lol of course Chris could be wearing a burlap sack. He's handsome, ultra-fit, and quite successful.
This is podutainment.
This episode is "How to not fail at dating for very handsome men that are already successful but lack confidence in their high value (but who's value is readily translatable to photos for others)".
I'm not complaining, just calling it what it is. It is more of a conversational performance put on by two pretty people than it is a valuable, informative, practical podcast for normal people. That's okay if that's what you want, of course.
The amount of comments completely discrediting what she’s saying is crazy
Not so much discrediting but more of how much nuance she's omitted
@@mediatechjohn3088 is it just that she’s omitting how much being attractive factors into everything or is there other stuff?
@@poggers3218 Sure, the basics such as women are just as shallow as men. But also not a mention of metoo movement. That movement alone gave powerful ammunition to wounded women to project anger and hate onto those men who didn't go along with their idea of courtship, thus men are extremely more cautious. Men must take risks and women of strong character will draw the line with grace. Way it's always been...until now.
@@mediatechjohn3088 The majority of men are not approaching women due to fear of rejection NOT out of some fear of being cancelled lol.
@@jasonu3741 Didn't say cancelled or rejected...but cautious. Men are more cautious now. Only people of fame get cancelled. Read clearly.
Recently, the issue, for me at least, has been that if the woman isn't attracted to me, then she reports me to the group that I "made her uncomfortable." These are dances and social events that are designed to meet people. But women these days want a "safe space." And when you don't look like Brad Pitt or Ryan Gosling, then by default they throw you in the same category as a Harvey Weinstein. I meet women out in public all the time. I have no problem approaching women. It's these environments where they're hoping to meet a perfect 10 but are approached by 7's and 6's that are becoming more and more difficult. I just don't go to these events anymore.
The kind of man who thinks women can't give good advice about women is the kind of guy who's listened to 90% of what women say publicly (including his female friends who have friend-zoned him) and has seen it not work in practice... women CAN give good advice, they just don't tend to because maybe it's too crass? or too vulnerable? I don't know exactly why
this is why some guys flock to hyper-masculine advice because it's a little more empowering as a struggling dude to see yourself as the prize, and it actually does work more often in practice than the over-romanticized advice that women are giving to their guy friends
Most women aren't going to give honest explanations to to guys looking for advice, things like "Being dangerous is good, especially if other guys seem kind of afraid of you, that's hot. Also sometimes I'll be a bitch just to see how the guy handles it and if he can match my energy or puts me in my place then I'm way more likely to sleep with him". Instead of saying that they'll give some generic bs like "Just be yourself but don't let people push you around, no one likes a doormat". Two entirely different types of advice for the same situation.
When you ask most women why they went with a certain guy or why they keep going back they can't even give you an explanation, that's because the decisions are 100% emotionally driven and they're following instinct, which is why they get played so often by guys who know how to work the right angles. That is a terrible person to go to for advice, if you want advice from a woman then you go to no nonsense woman over 50yr.
I've never heard more vocally perfect "Hi!" 3:11
So much negativity in the comments. I read a lot of good criticisms on this interview but come on, this is a 2 hr interview with loads of advice varying from good to great. A lot of things guys often don't think about that will really get them ahead when heeded. Thnaks Chris and Blaine!
Legitimate question gentlemen:
Since women have way more options than men (I’ve seen this firsthand, my younger sister gets hit on by a ridiculous amount of guys including D1 football players)
IF we as men are using dating apps aren’t we just circling through the same women that aren’t in the market to get asked out normally? Think of it similar to the restaurant business. The “less desirable” employees jumping from job to job.🤔🤔
ALSO isn’t going on dating apps the same as going to the grocery store while you’re hungry?
Coming from the intention of filling a void (loneliness AKA hunger) and so we end up getting a lot of unnecessary things we didn’t need (red flags AKA sugary garbage).
Would love to hear others thoughts on this.
The Concept of Dating Apps are exactly the same, as for all other social Media Apps out there: "To keep you on the screen and maximize screentime and as a side Effect to pay Money for Boosts etc. with no Garantee to get something.
This System you can see also in Games which has a "Pay to Win" Methodic.
You're comparison with the grocery Store, is on Point. 1000% right.
This just made this topic even more depressing. Not only are guys en masse getting rejected and deemed invisible by women, it’s happening from the second and third tier of women
I think your grocery store analogy is spot on. The problem for most men is that there isn’t really any legitimate alternative at the moment
If your a man in the West you have more options than women
your options skyrocket the second you get on a plane and leave the west, that is something Western women CANNOT do.
I think this podcast wins most out of touch conversation of 2024 so far for me.
I will never retire my Under Armour shirt. I will never bend the knee to France. I pledge allegiance to the flag.
Holy fuck I died of laughter reading this
The conversation she avoids is the difference between what women (and men) say and what is the actual truth behind it. Women say “they want more men to approach” or “nobody ever asks me out” - what they don’t want to admit is “the guys I’m attracted to don’t ask me out” - trust me, we are constantly getting shot down, but when you don’t have the top 10% looks and job is pretty much impossible. The other side is when we men do say “everyone says no when I ask them out” it is the women we find attractive. I’ve have plenty of unattractive and overweight women interested over the years but it’s probably not that socially acceptable to say “only the uglies and fatties are interested”. The reality is if you find someone you’re interested in who is also interested in you - you are very fortunate especially in todays world where 90% of the women think they deserve the top 10% of men. Women used to give in sooner to what they realized they could get since motherhood was more important to them. Unfortunately, when they are mid-40s they don’t have much to offer. Especially when they are bitter and angry about how things turned out.
Most of us guys just want someone who doesn’t look bad and has a nice personality. We aren’t that picky but women seem to be over the top picky.
Back on the approachability thing - I even got yelled at once by some girl in a grocery store cause she thought I was staring or looking at her. I brushed her off but I hate to think what the younger guys around me felt about approaching women when they see stuff like that going on.
Also, is easy for two good looking wealthy and successful people to throw normal people under the bus. Not really the most helpful conversation. She basically admits to helping underperforming Chads to get their act together and be more successful. She doesn’t help any of the lonely men just calls them losers. Most of these Modern Wisdom episodes are a bit better and more understanding towards those of us who are struggling.
People, read Robert Greene’s book - Art of Seduction - history’s best seducers weren’t necessarily the best looking. Also, seduction and attraction is all psychological after the baseline criteria has been met, which is looking put together
I gave it a shot. I could even get past her Jersey girl slang but as soon as she mentioned a brag about Dan Brazilian, it had to go off.
I’ve got a very simple question: If women have it as hard as men when it comes to dating, how come her business model is “helping” men in the dating world? I’ve never seen a course advertised to women struggling to get a date.
Your making to much sense
Some men in the comment section: I just don’t understand how to attract women!
Same men after listening to this podcast: She’s so condescending about giving me the vital information that I need! I wish she would just console me about how hard it is for men to date!
What bothers me and actually stiffles me is all these requirements!
- Just talk to a lot of women. Well, that's fine and shouldn't be hard.
Also:
- Have a hobby
- go on vacation
- don't take mirror photos
- don't take gym photos
- have photos that show a lot of people want to be around you
- be fit and well presentable
- don't have female friends
- earn over 100k
- impress her
- on and on and on
It's like ... okay, in 5 years I can go on a date.
What is even worse is that us men have all these to-do steps ... and she ends up being the most boring person ever. Maybe she's attractive or a well paying job. But she doesn't want to go on vacation, go for a walk ... and it's not like not many women are like this ... most of them want YOU to pay for their vacation. Might as well just get a dog.
I get it that she has to choose and gatekeep ... but most of this stuff I'm like ... fuck it, if she doesn't want me, it's her loss.
Most of those rules don't apply if they find you attractive. I was in physique competitor level shape and would post training vids from both lifting and MMA type training and had a lot of women slide into my DMs any time I did it. Turns out being 6ft tall, having fantastic abs and rugged look completely counters any need for nuance or social awareness. Half the women that slid into my DMs were friends of my female friends who saw me and said "who is that?" . The more women you have around you the better
Her list is a pile of bullshit, I had the most women when I had a terrible job and no car but I had the right look and toxic mentality. I actually started to associate getting called an asshole with the likelihood of getting a date or sleeping with that woman.
@@theperfectbeing Thanks for sharing! I've had similar experience.
When I lost a lot of weight and looked fit and young, I would get a lot of female followers and some of them would get into my DM's. No, those weren't the bots ;)
Some of those messages were really inappropriate. Most of those inappropriate ones were on the level that shocked me. Men are being shamed and called creeps for talking like that.
I once told a woman she was cute. She responded with, "Ducks and puppy dogs are cute! I want to be called beautiful!" GEEZ!