This made me feel so sad because I do not have a family because of my stepmother she turned everybody against me I don't know what I did to her I have not a clue but yeah this was a hard one to watch but I watched it to the end because sometimes feeling better means you have to come to realization of something in your life that you have to hit head on I have to have boundaries where I didn't have them before and it makes me sad I'm glad you're going to be talking more about the subject but a couple of the comments that came through on your life made a whole lot of sense for some reason it's just made me cry so I guess thanks
I sometimes feel that the flying monkeys can be bit narcissistic too. They become a flying monkey because they secretly never liked you and now they found someone who hates you more. So they sign up to be the narcs soldier.
So true. My grandmother was the biggest narcissist and hated my guts. When she passed her flying monkeys were all over me. I'm so glad she's no longer around. She ruined my childhood.
I have "plenty" of flying monkeys running amok around the family tree, and the sick thing is, they enjoy it. It's also the pass down of gaslighting amongst one another to try and make me feel ostracized or labeled as "crazy" even though they're the perpetrators who take no responsibility for their senseless and disturbing actions; all to wear me down. It's such a disgusting action.
You are right, they do "enjoy it." The dark triad traits are often found among flying monkeys in families. It's just sad. I'm sorry you have had to experience this.
This nightmare you speak of I am currently living out, where our N father has pitted my two siblings against me...the lies, the smearing, manipulation, guilt, enmeshment, etc.
Both older and younger N brothers "work" for sociopathic, pathologically lying N father. I am the truth-telling middle child (daughter) and (this goes without saying) the targeted black sheep/ scapegoat...truly, a life wasted. I keep trying to create distance, but they (especially younger brother and father) keep trying to drag me back into this sick family enmeshment and the N father's poorly run life (like a circus.) This creates more family drama and in-fighting, for which I am blamed. Individuation is feeling out of reach.
Ahhh the Flying monkeys 🐒....... my mother that I have been in no contact with has sent the police to my home (welfare check)..... a brother she knows I don't speak with, my younger sister by another woman (my mom has NEVER spoken to her) , my older sister that I wish to not speak to, and my ailing father (they have been divorced for over 30 years).... she CLAIMS that she has no idea why I have gone no contact.... she knows full well why I don't speak to her... I understand now that this is all about control and stirring up chaos.... today is my birthday, I thought I would be sad with not hearing from family, I am actually at peace for once😁
Oh I'm so sorry this happened to you seems a lot of us have gone through this kind of trauma I hope she continues this session because it hit me right in the heart and to know that we're not alone in this cuz you do feel so alone but we have the best community on the UA-cam
The closer I get to breaking free, the longer it seems. It’s reeeeeally teaching me patience and I understand the more you elevate, things come to test you
I just experienced this in the ultimate way the day before at my fathers icu bedside. My sister who is a narcissist called my mother after she gaslighted me and word twisted (WE ARE 41 & 47 YRS OLD!) she was telling on me but it was all a lie. In front of the doctors and nurses. Mind you my parents have been divorced for 37yrs. The crazy part is my mother is a narcissist too. The feed off of each other. I think my sister has my mom beat. My mom is an old school narc. I can’t wait to get away from here.I truly believe spiritually it’s demonic.
Hi, I love your show. My mom is a narcissist and she created many flying monkeys like my dad, siblings, people from both family sides, our neighbors, etc. She closed my world. Yet, in some situations when some people were against her, I was her flying monkey. So, it's the dynamic between people. She makes people hate each other even those who become her target.
Thank you. I'm so sorry you had to experience this. It's a lonely place for sure and many of my clients are still struggling with this family dynamic. It's so much worse when you are dependent upon them too.
My mother did it with my father. Every time she was going crazy on me, she was sending my father, who threatened me, that he will do something to me if I will not be change . One time he said “don’t act out my wife” then I realised how delusional he is…
Oh wow... I didn't realise it, but I think this happened to me too... I remember some situations where I was attacked by family members when I did nothing to deserve it, but it now makes more sense, because one thing I do know is that the narcissists in my family DO NOT LIKE ME... 😂 I think it's because I usually take them on, like on the spot. I have been through so much narcissistic abuse that it's become like a reflex, where if I see it happening again then go into fight mode.
Thank you. 🤗🤭 my mom got them for me years ago when we traveled abroad. I literally cannot remember the small corner store's name. If I can find it, I'll let you know 😉
If you took a drink of alcohol every time she says the word Chat, would be one heck of a drinking game. But with all seriousness I do appreciate her time and everything she does teaching about narcissism. And my humor is just my built in self defense mechanism.
Tamara I have to admit I wondered how this message would be taken by you and of the others who read it. I have been working on myself for s long time now but always like to stay in the loop as far as narcissism goes. I’m sure a lot of us who goes no contact are spending the Holidays alone and although it’s a little sad I wouldn’t go back for a million dollars we’ll maybe I would but for only five minutes and then right back out. Their is that built in self defense coping mechanism I have some times it could and would get me in trouble but I have worked on knowing when to joke around and when not to. Anyway one of the things I tell people that are hurting over things in life is “SOME TIMES WE HAVE TO FALL APART TO BE SOMEONE” but the good thing is when we’re hurting so bad is when we make the best changes in ourselves to be a better person I guess what I’m trying to say is “Merry Christmas” have a good one...
I appreciated that I finally caught the live chat. I have learned that being stuck with a narc and his flying monkeys that I am not obligated to remain their presence. It's too painful.
So what is the solution to all this if you’re the scapegoat and your family is doing this to you? The flying monkeys in my family know exactly what they’re doing.
Sorry that I missed this. I've been away for a lil while. Great video. I would love to elaborate more on the "flying monkey" thing. I've been there more times than I care to admit, but learned valuable lessons.
Thank you! And I'm sure you have. We all have. As I mentioned in the video, I've seen in with my mom in terms of being the victim to my uncle and then also professionally. It's so sad to see humans behave this way.
@@TherapistTamaraHill It truly is. I think that one of the biggest issues that I personally have is having a broken faucet for empathy. I'm working on correcting that. Having seen my mother USED by folks in the family still rips at my heart having a passenger seat into the purest of intentions of trying to help these degenerate folks in my so-called family. So few of the folks she allowed to USE her turned out for her memorial services after she died...and had 2 months to prepare to show what I had hoped was an ounce of respect. Apparently they had ZERO respect to begin with.
Too bad I miss this life I am in playback land thank you for leaving it up. My entire family has told me to GTFO I have little or no contact with them. I thought my dad was a little bit stronger than to pick a new wife like the one that he has she love bombed us the first time she met us then all of a sudden no one talks to me. I'm going through a lot of medical procedures right now my dad asks through text I give him the bare minimum, he told me that his wife needed to go in surgery for her eyes and I thought well you know what maybe this is in with me that I can communicate with the rest of my family he didn't say a thing but he wants to know all about my medical information he is gone as far as calling my doctor. I am the one that said that when I was in first grade and took the wrong bus and he is never let me forget that and that's the way it's been between me and my dad all my life picking up every wrong thing I've ever done I learned to be strong-willed and then when he got married all of a sudden my sisters who I did have a good relationship with disappeared it is very sad. I went down there to stay with my dad when my mom passed away we were just beginning to get along then all of a sudden he got he got married and then it was back to business as usual. My dad is 84 and I would love to connect with him before he's gone. But my stepmom pokes and prods and she doesn't get an answer for me and then she gets all upset. I told them the next time I come down I'm going to rent my own car I'm going to get a hotel room and hang out with my friends. The gentleman that I pit for on his dragster is the one that introduced my stepmom to my dad and every time I see him he apologizes. I keep telling him don't apologize to me it was his decision to get married sorry for rambling on, the main point is to be strong-willed and no who's doing what. I awesome moved 3500 miles away from them so I can just stay away
I'm so sorry to hear this. May God give you strength to continue moving forward. It's difficult when you need a family and they do nothing but make life harder on you -- intentionally or unintentionally. But it sounds like you are moving forward in a good way, stronger than you were before. It's smart to have that distance from them too.
@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you this episode hit me right in the heart I mean restart thank you I started to cry but you know what you have to move forward but all these stories wow I don't feel alone now it's just so sad that this has to happen. Thank you for your kindness you are the best, I find them watching you more than some of my other ones that I watch becoming my favorite 💚🐉🐲💚
❤🤗You're welcome! And thank you for these words!! It is sad that we, as a race of people, have to face these things. We are in more of a bad condition in this world than we may think sometimes. But I am grateful (as you have stated in many ways on the channel) for people who need people. Love this channel for sure!
🙏🏻💙 I should probably talk with your relative attorney and get help in finding some justice. If I understand there was large amounts of financial things that I was manipulated out of as well. Truly sad
I wish I could say she's a good attorney. I question her ethics and morals, sadly. The sad reality is that I'd like to say good things but that side of my family is a bit...odd, to say the least.🙊 But I'm sorry you have dealt with this. Finances is something a lot of families have flying monkeys around.
@@TherapistTamaraHill I'm sorry too that you have had to endure family things as well. As I continue to go through this journey I guess I have discovered it is better to see these family dynamics and sooner the better as they're so damaging as time goes on. Thank you for your efforts in educating and supporting so many people and for choosing a career that is a service for wellness in our society.
Curious to understand what draws a therapist (like yourself and several other reputable UA-cam channels) in to specialize primarily in the narcissistic niche of mental health? Food for thought...might make for an interesting video topic...
I can say -- for me and possibly the others -- that a combination of personal and professional experience helps build awareness, education, and then a passion to teach to others. Dismantling the human mind and behavior requires that we understand personality disorders and how they come about and then later traumatize others. It's a "science" the world talks little about, so we take it up!
How do I get a one on one session with you? I've never seen a therapist that might actually get what I'm going through. Please let me know how to have a session if possible 🙏🏾
UA-cam will post the LIVE CHAT (the best part!!) within 12 hours of this live chat. Stay tuned!
This made me feel so sad because I do not have a family because of my stepmother she turned everybody against me I don't know what I did to her I have not a clue but yeah this was a hard one to watch but I watched it to the end because sometimes feeling better means you have to come to realization of something in your life that you have to hit head on I have to have boundaries where I didn't have them before and it makes me sad I'm glad you're going to be talking more about the subject but a couple of the comments that came through on your life made a whole lot of sense for some reason it's just made me cry so I guess thanks
I sometimes feel that the flying monkeys can be bit narcissistic too. They become a flying monkey because they secretly never liked you and now they found someone who hates you more. So they sign up to be the narcs soldier.
the monkeys continue even after the narc and the enabler died
I'm sorry.
This is a typical pattern of behavior of flying monkeys. Sadly.
So true. My grandmother was the biggest narcissist and hated my guts. When she passed her flying monkeys were all over me. I'm so glad she's no longer around. She ruined my childhood.
I have gone No Contact with the Narc and Flying Monkey
I do not blame you! Sometimes that's best.
I have "plenty" of flying monkeys running amok around the family tree, and the sick thing is, they enjoy it. It's also the pass down of gaslighting amongst one another to try and make me feel ostracized or labeled as "crazy" even though they're the perpetrators who take no responsibility for their senseless and disturbing actions; all to wear me down. It's such a disgusting action.
You are right, they do "enjoy it." The dark triad traits are often found among flying monkeys in families. It's just sad. I'm sorry you have had to experience this.
Same
This nightmare you speak of I am currently living out, where our N father has pitted my two siblings against me...the lies, the smearing, manipulation, guilt, enmeshment, etc.
I'm so sorry. When you go through it for the first time it's so easy to feel defeated. Stand strong.
Both older and younger N brothers "work" for sociopathic, pathologically lying N father. I am the truth-telling middle child (daughter) and (this goes without saying) the targeted black sheep/ scapegoat...truly, a life wasted.
I keep trying to create distance, but they (especially younger brother and father) keep trying to drag me back into this sick family enmeshment and the N father's poorly run life (like a circus.) This creates more family drama and in-fighting, for which I am blamed. Individuation is feeling out of reach.
Ahhh the Flying monkeys 🐒....... my mother that I have been in no contact with has sent the police to my home (welfare check)..... a brother she knows I don't speak with, my younger sister by another woman (my mom has NEVER spoken to her) , my older sister that I wish to not speak to, and my ailing father (they have been divorced for over 30 years).... she CLAIMS that she has no idea why I have gone no contact.... she knows full well why I don't speak to her... I understand now that this is all about control and stirring up chaos.... today is my birthday, I thought I would be sad with not hearing from family, I am actually at peace for once😁
Happy birthday sweetheart nobody deserves what your family and did to you especially your mom
Oh I'm so sorry this happened to you seems a lot of us have gone through this kind of trauma I hope she continues this session because it hit me right in the heart and to know that we're not alone in this cuz you do feel so alone but we have the best community on the UA-cam
@@greendragon4058
Thank you 😊 💓
The closer I get to breaking free, the longer it seems. It’s reeeeeally teaching me patience and I understand the more you elevate, things come to test you
I just experienced this in the ultimate way the day before at my fathers icu bedside.
My sister who is a narcissist called my mother after she gaslighted me and word twisted (WE ARE 41 & 47 YRS OLD!) she was telling on me but it was all a lie. In front of the doctors and nurses. Mind you my parents have been divorced for 37yrs. The crazy part is my mother is a narcissist too. The feed off of each other.
I think my sister has my mom beat. My mom is an old school narc.
I can’t wait to get away from here.I truly believe spiritually it’s demonic.
Hi, I love your show. My mom is a narcissist and she created many flying monkeys like my dad, siblings, people from both family sides, our neighbors, etc. She closed my world. Yet, in some situations when some people were against her, I was her flying monkey. So, it's the dynamic between people. She makes people hate each other even those who become her target.
Thank you.
I'm so sorry you had to experience this. It's a lonely place for sure and many of my clients are still struggling with this family dynamic. It's so much worse when you are dependent upon them too.
My favorite names for toxic family members is “Monkeys or Chickens” I think it’s the best character description.
The flying monkeys are worse than the narcissist
you are amazing;i was the black sheep in my family;they treated me horribly
I'm sorry. 😔 I know the feeling.
And thank you!!
I'm sorry to read this happened to you.
Marrying a narcissist is like inviting a fox into a hen house.
Well said.
My mother did it with my father. Every time she was going crazy on me, she was sending my father, who threatened me, that he will do something to me if I will not be change . One time he said “don’t act out my wife” then I realised how delusional he is…
Very sad dynamic. I'm sorry. I have seen a lot of this too between parents and their children. Very unhealthy dynamic.
Oh wow... I didn't realise it, but I think this happened to me too... I remember some situations where I was attacked by family members when I did nothing to deserve it, but it now makes more sense, because one thing I do know is that the narcissists in my family DO NOT LIKE ME... 😂 I think it's because I usually take them on, like on the spot. I have been through so much narcissistic abuse that it's become like a reflex, where if I see it happening again then go into fight mode.
😂
That is kind of funny! I had to chuckle myself. But this certainly could be the case - you develop a reflex when it's in your best interest.
Yes !!! Do how to spot that sociopath 🤔!
On the list!!
Yes please!!
Gurl where did you get those earrings? Their gorgeous!
Thank you. 🤗🤭 my mom got them for me years ago when we traveled abroad. I literally cannot remember the small corner store's name. If I can find it, I'll let you know 😉
If you took a drink of alcohol every time she says the word Chat, would be one heck of a drinking game. But with all seriousness I do appreciate her time and everything she does teaching about narcissism. And my humor is just my built in self defense mechanism.
🤭something I may need to look at! Comments like this can sometimes help you grow and be better for the next "round."
Tamara I have to admit I wondered how this message would be taken by you and of the others who read it. I have been working on myself for s long time now but always like to stay in the loop as far as narcissism goes. I’m sure a lot of us who goes no contact are spending the Holidays alone and although it’s a little sad I wouldn’t go back for a million dollars we’ll maybe I would but for only five minutes and then right back out. Their is that built in self defense coping mechanism I have some times it could and would get me in trouble but I have worked on knowing when to joke around and when not to. Anyway one of the things I tell people that are hurting over things in life is “SOME TIMES WE HAVE TO FALL APART TO BE SOMEONE” but the good thing is when we’re hurting so bad is when we make the best changes in ourselves to be a better person I guess what I’m trying to say is “Merry Christmas” have a good one...
I can't believe I forgot about this and missed it.
It's okay! I am coming back next week and I look forward to seeing you then!! Hope you are doing better.
I appreciated that I finally caught the live chat. I have learned that being stuck with a narc and his flying monkeys that I am not obligated to remain their presence. It's too painful.
I do too! Thank you for participating in this.
And, yes, I agree. They are so hard to live with.
@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you for supporting us all in our struggle.
💛💚💙🩵💜💜🧡🩷❤❤🤎🖤🩶
Yes pleaseeee will you talk about sociopath and can you explain how would we know if our mother is one
So what is the solution to all this if you’re the scapegoat and your family is doing this to you? The flying monkeys in my family know exactly what they’re doing.
Hi there, flying monkeys can also be a source of validation for the narcissists underlying shame. Thank you for your informative videos x
Absolutely! Well said. And thank you!
It's all about control and supply.
@TheraistTamaraHill you are the truth and so beautiful ❣💯🥰
Thank you🤗 ☺And I'm glad this was helpful! I see that as an answered prayer 🙏
@@TherapistTamaraHill 💗
Sorry that I missed this. I've been away for a lil while. Great video. I would love to elaborate more on the "flying monkey" thing. I've been there more times than I care to admit, but learned valuable lessons.
Thank you! And I'm sure you have. We all have. As I mentioned in the video, I've seen in with my mom in terms of being the victim to my uncle and then also professionally. It's so sad to see humans behave this way.
@@TherapistTamaraHill It truly is. I think that one of the biggest issues that I personally have is having a broken faucet for empathy. I'm working on correcting that. Having seen my mother USED by folks in the family still rips at my heart having a passenger seat into the purest of intentions of trying to help these degenerate folks in my so-called family. So few of the folks she allowed to USE her turned out for her memorial services after she died...and had 2 months to prepare to show what I had hoped was an ounce of respect. Apparently they had ZERO respect to begin with.
Too bad I miss this life I am in playback land thank you for leaving it up. My entire family has told me to GTFO I have little or no contact with them. I thought my dad was a little bit stronger than to pick a new wife like the one that he has she love bombed us the first time she met us then all of a sudden no one talks to me. I'm going through a lot of medical procedures right now my dad asks through text I give him the bare minimum, he told me that his wife needed to go in surgery for her eyes and I thought well you know what maybe this is in with me that I can communicate with the rest of my family he didn't say a thing but he wants to know all about my medical information he is gone as far as calling my doctor. I am the one that said that when I was in first grade and took the wrong bus and he is never let me forget that and that's the way it's been between me and my dad all my life picking up every wrong thing I've ever done I learned to be strong-willed and then when he got married all of a sudden my sisters who I did have a good relationship with disappeared it is very sad. I went down there to stay with my dad when my mom passed away we were just beginning to get along then all of a sudden he got he got married and then it was back to business as usual. My dad is 84 and I would love to connect with him before he's gone. But my stepmom pokes and prods and she doesn't get an answer for me and then she gets all upset. I told them the next time I come down I'm going to rent my own car I'm going to get a hotel room and hang out with my friends. The gentleman that I pit for on his dragster is the one that introduced my stepmom to my dad and every time I see him he apologizes. I keep telling him don't apologize to me it was his decision to get married sorry for rambling on, the main point is to be strong-willed and no who's doing what. I awesome moved 3500 miles away from them so I can just stay away
I'm so sorry to hear this. May God give you strength to continue moving forward. It's difficult when you need a family and they do nothing but make life harder on you -- intentionally or unintentionally. But it sounds like you are moving forward in a good way, stronger than you were before. It's smart to have that distance from them too.
@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you this episode hit me right in the heart I mean restart thank you I started to cry but you know what you have to move forward but all these stories wow I don't feel alone now it's just so sad that this has to happen. Thank you for your kindness you are the best, I find them watching you more than some of my other ones that I watch becoming my favorite 💚🐉🐲💚
❤🤗You're welcome! And thank you for these words!!
It is sad that we, as a race of people, have to face these things. We are in more of a bad condition in this world than we may think sometimes. But I am grateful (as you have stated in many ways on the channel) for people who need people. Love this channel for sure!
Thank you for this!
My pleasure! You're welcome. Thank you for watching and participating!
🙏🏻💙
I should probably talk with your relative attorney and get help in finding some justice. If I understand there was large amounts of financial things that I was manipulated out of as well. Truly sad
I wish I could say she's a good attorney. I question her ethics and morals, sadly. The sad reality is that I'd like to say good things but that side of my family is a bit...odd, to say the least.🙊
But I'm sorry you have dealt with this. Finances is something a lot of families have flying monkeys around.
@@TherapistTamaraHill I'm sorry too that you have had to endure family things as well. As I continue to go through this journey I guess I have discovered it is better to see these family dynamics and sooner the better as they're so damaging as time goes on. Thank you for your efforts in educating and supporting so many people and for choosing a career that is a service for wellness in our society.
Curious to understand what draws a therapist (like yourself and several other reputable UA-cam channels) in to specialize primarily in the narcissistic niche of mental health? Food for thought...might make for an interesting video topic...
I can say -- for me and possibly the others -- that a combination of personal and professional experience helps build awareness, education, and then a passion to teach to others. Dismantling the human mind and behavior requires that we understand personality disorders and how they come about and then later traumatize others. It's a "science" the world talks little about, so we take it up!
How do I get a one on one session with you? I've never seen a therapist that might actually get what I'm going through. Please let me know how to have a session if possible 🙏🏾
8:12 true
15:37 true - but step mother (11 yrs older lol)