Ms Joy I'm a 60 y/o you. My Mom died 3 years ago from stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Now my Dad thinks he should have unlimited access to me and my sister, FLAG ON THE PLAY!!!! Because I never took the time to stop taking care of EVERYONE else, I'm home on a medical leave due to mental health issues. I'm so proud of you, setting boundaries, dealing with your issues and taking care of YOU. Just know you are not wrong. Keep doing what you are doing NOW, so you don't have to when you are 60!
It’s a lot of people who only see value in people who do things for them. I found this out the hard way. I’m proud of you because you’re acknowledging that this isn’t normal and that’s a huge accomplishment.
This car chat hit home for me! I was just telling my mother how my "dad's" absence in my life growing up is the main reason I am fighting rejection issues that I didn't know I had until my last toxic "situationship" I found myself ALWAYS ending up in bad relationships. I now at 36 know why!! I was a little girl who really needed my fathers love and bc I didn't get it I would settle for anybody, treating me anyway, not really loving me! I am in a major healing process and I am so thankful that u shared this car chat Joy!! I love me some you!!!!! God got us boo, He will heal EVERY broken area!!
I'm so sorry your father behaves like that, Joy. It's absolutely okay to say no to someone who is bad for your health mentally or physically even when it's family. You are worth more than what you can do for other people.
Don’t let anyone make your feeling invalid. You have a right to feel the way you do. I appreciate you being so transparent with us. It helps us see that you are human too. Keep your head up 🎉
I just found you on here and I'm glad I tuned in! We have some things in common. I was my mom's caregiver until she passed away in 2016. I had a house fire the following year and lost everything including my dog. I've always been a rock that people could depend on, but had limited to no help when I needed it. All it does is make you strong and lean on that everlasting help that never forsakes nor fails. Keep your head up beautiful, you got this! Don't you dare feel guilty for doing what's best for you! If you're not good to you, you can't be to anyone else. And never let people feed off of you! I'm 41 and learned some hard lessons about life. Keep shining babygirl! 💎🤗❤
I can relate to this on so many levels. Chile it would be a novel up here. What I have to say is, I think so many times we think we have to accept and endure being re-traumatized through our lives for the sake of family. I had to learn that it’s ok for me to choose my life, sanity and well being regardless of what that means. Yes you will get all the negativity thrown at you about what they think you SHOULD be doing. But I refuse to think I was brought to this earth to suffer. And I choose to cut off toxicity for my own sake.
I am 60 and my dad was from Puerto Rico, and I can relate. If your dad is 75 and forgot that your mother passed; he is definitely having bouts of dementia. Growing up I NEVER saw my dad smoke or drink... it wasn't until I was an adult that I learned he not only drank but was a chronic pothead. I would keep an eye on him medically, from a mental standpoint, because he can imagine things and get very agitated. You don't owe him anything, other than what you can handle. God knows your heart.
Bad person ? No! And your father knows that too, that’s why he ask u can he live with you. Setting boundaries is essential , great job so proud of you for setting boundaries and standing firm. God bless ❤
I completely understand Joy,I have sibling issues where it seems I'm the only one that can care for our parents physically. All eight of my siblings have chosen me,the person who's always been there & doing for them for years,but now that I move away,they haven't asked me anything,but have elected & selected me to move back when I have 2 siblings there in my parents State. I know how you feel,don't stress about it.Keep him in your prayers & do what you feel is ok for you to do.💕🙌🏽🌹
Girl when i tell you that I got the biggest smile when you started talking. I've been taking a break from youtube for a looong time and I'm so happy to see a car chat!
Joy, your car chat almost brought me to tears. Your Brother is going to be okay, your Father is going to be okay…Take care of yourself…If you don’t, who will? May God be with us all. Love you ❤ Sandra from Boston.
Don't worry Joy. I been through the exact same thing... different days and different messengers. You're not alone. This was extremely hard for me to digest but I'm completely glad you shared. Thank you for everything you are🎉
This car chat!!! Girl! For some reason I see that parents act the most dramatic when it comes to daughters, sons get away with a lot of stuff and can run and hide but daughters always have to take up the slack. But you have done that and more - it’s your time for YOU! 💕
Joy, your mom probably didn't tell you because she didn't want you to think poorly of your dad. But yes you have to have boundaries with people. Family or not ❤
Oh Ms. Joy. Your story , sadly or as a blessing, has helped me gain some clarity with my own Daddy story. Many years ago an older woman tried to tell me that "Daddies" will use their daughters making fools out of them just like they do other women in their lives. I was too young at the time to witness the truth. Now, I see clearly. Ms. Joy LOVE YOU ! Lovingly, throw the 🖕🏾to those grown men (and others BS) and take good care of you . 🙏🏿🕊️🌹
Joy, you can’t do this to yourself. You deserve a life, you’re not being selfish to have that. Put this in Gods hands, but do not, no matter what happens make this your problem. Prayers and love for you.
you're feelings are validated Joy.Don't get roped into that situation.He has his family.They're tryin' it and if you keep your distance they'll deal.Stay strong.
Thank you for sharing your story. I know what your going through, I have Mom and Dad issues! Don't feel bad about not taking on everyone else's problems and prioritizing yourself. Thank you for the car chat this was refreshing.❤
I am so sorry Joy 😢I think that's great you decided to take a step back to analyze your situation😌 Be strong and care for yourself, and I like Journaling my thoughts as well,it really really helps.
Hi Joy, I've always enjoyed your car chats, stay focused as I'm sure you will and don't let anyone get the best of you! You are deserving of so much more! ♥️🌟🙏
We all have family members that are like your dad, stay strong and God Bless you! It’s your turn to have sunshine in your life, you already know that you’re a good person , so stay at your best and enjoy your life. God will help your dad and you, stay strong sister❤
I always love your car chats. I think this one ministered to me that “other people’s perception of you has nothing to do with you.” My family treated me so wrong and it cut so deep because I used to think, “How can someone I spent X number of years sharing thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, birthdays with, treat me this way?” These men grew up in a time when, in many countries, farm animals had more rights than women. I have been praying for healing from trauma. Thank you for sharing
I had to distance myself from everyone to stop this type of toxicity. The things you allow is what you will eventually deserve. It’s a heart breaking thing and I’m sorry you’re going through this 😢
Joy, I completely understand. But my problem isn’t that people only want me around because they can use me. But I feel like people want me around for two reasons: either to make themselves feel better about their own life or play victim when they actually have hurt me. That is why I only deal with like 10% of my family and don’t fool with my own father.
Hi Joy, this is a good car chat, it's good you tell us or share what is going on because a lot of us might relate to what is going on with you. This happens to me and I'm sure other people but he's calling on you because he wants you to care for him like you did your mother but that was a different time in your life. You have to take care of yourself and not kill yourself but you know he has a wife that is capable of giving him what he needs. I work in the nursing field and live in another state, I left home in my 20's and I don't know why but my siblings volunteer me to come back home to help take care of mom and dad. I have a job, bills, my own grandkids so siblings always volunteer you instead of themselves, it takes them off the hook and puts you on. Joy continues to carry on with your life and do all things that make you happy and never regret. Nice car chat.❤
Hi Queen!! Thank you for your car chat!! I needed THIS!! I'm going to hold you to what you SAID about not being used. I had the same situation as you. I use to place myself into places in others lives where I don't belong. I could write a book. I didn't have a childhood like many others and my brother didn't either 😔. We grew up way before we were supposed to. My mother was an invalid at the age of 42yrs old when she had a stroke in child birth having my brother. I was 15mo.old. we spent 8yrs with my aunt whom abused me. Long story short, we ended up going back to my Mom after long Court battle's and my Mom won us back, not because she was well, but because my Aunt was dying. My Mom still had to walk on a walker and couldn't use her right arm. So when my Mom go custody of us she still had a lot of health issues. My Mom was a very determined and WONDERFUL 😊 woman. She kept us close because she couldn't get out without assistance. So I been in the kitchen at a very young age, and my brother did yard work at a very young age. We both got our work permit at 14yrs old and we got paying jobs at 14yrs old. We kept the house and did the grocery shopping, laundry etc from age 8 and 9 yrs old until my Mom passed at the age of 57yrs old! Orphans again at age 16 and 17 yrs old. But this time we had to do it alone. Dad no where around. We both has the same Sperm donor. He died a year later. But he never came to our rescue. So I say this to you. DON'T FEEL BAD!! YOU GOT A FULL PLATE WITH YOUR OWN LIFE!! YOU CAN'T BE ANY GOOD TO ANYONE, IF YOU DON'T TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!! I'm 68yrs old and my brother is 67yrs old and we both have serious health problems. We are still Blessed 🙏. My brother lost his wife of 18 years and he's going thru dialysis and working part-time because he's not used to not working. I can't work, but my husband is still working at 77yrs old, he came out of retirement just to make ends meet. I'm sorry my story is so long, but I just want you to know that you are NOT WRONG for what you FEEL 😉. KEEP on Keeping on Girlfriend!! GOD BLESS you!!
Friend I had to comment again now that I’ve gotten to the end of the video. As caregivers especially when starting young we intertwined our self worth in what we do for ppl. Girl this is mirroring my life. Glad you were able to release some of this!💜
Joy I relate to You in so many ways! I Lived with a Jamaican for 11 years, from St.Catherine in Spanish Town😒 I Am Blessed by The Grace of GOD🙌🏾He Used Me for Free Rent & Abused Me as If I were His Property!!🤨He was Deported but I'm Scared 4Life! Now My TRUST Is In The Lord Alone🙏🏾 O.G. STR8 OUTTA DC 🥰😘
Bless your heart Joy. Don't let stuff your parents did get to to you. My Jamaican father had eight kids before coming to the US and marrying my mom. Crazy, right!?
I could relate. Certain people know how l am, and they know how to pull at my heart strings. Being guilted. I am working on setting boundaries. Good for you Joy. Thank you for this car chat!
This was right on time along with the sermon yesterday Childhood Trauma by Pastor John Gray. Thank you for sharing I enjoy car chats always have much love❤
Thank you so much for your transparency. it's not always easy to confront past hurts and challenges. I appreciate your story time. This isn't weakness. You are very strong, and it's never to be confused. Thank you❤
Joy, I am so grateful for all you do with the car chats, the try on hauls, and sharing your life and encouraging messages with us all, love you so much, bless you in every area of your life!! Thank you so much for everything ❤😊❤😊❤😊
Hey Ms Joy, you are my favourite woman on UA-cam. Thank you for your support and understanding in this messy world. Love and hugs my beautiful sister. Sydney Australia
You took a good stance Joy. Yes, set your boundaries because you can't save everybody. It's one thing if your dad had no one to help him but he has a whole wife (a young one at that). That's her responsibility. What I've noticed is that as parents get older the more dependent they seem to become on their children. It's like they revert to kids and want us to be the parents. I know you have a big heart but you cant be everybody's strength.
Joy I think this is one of the best car chats I’ve watched with you. First of all let me tell you, you are not wrong for the way you feel or how you are dealing with your father. Your situation sounds so familiar because people ( especially family) will treat you this way. Your father is trying to manipulate you because he knows you are a good person, and he is trying to take advantage of your good nature. You can love him, but as you said he is not alone. When you said that he talked to your brother for 15 minutes, and everything sounded great, and then when he started talking to you the pity party started, wow I just know the feeling. I have been there, and I’m sure other people have as well. You’re doing the right thing. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Wow, I wish I could talk to you in person because it made me sad to hear you say how you felt dismissed or was made to feel small when you tried to talk to a friend. Keep the faith, and things will work out. I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.💕🙏🏾👍🏽
Hello, Joy. Thank you for sharing such a painful and personal part of your life. I want to give you a giant unconditional hug. You are loved and I understand where you are coming from. You have done your job in God's eye by caring for your mother until her passing to eternal life. I am certain she didn't burden you with the secrets of your father and his other kids to spare you the pain and prevent herself from going through the betrayal again. It is possible your father sees you have a successful UA-cam channel and feels you need to support and take care of him. You don't. He has a wife and a whole second family. It is their burden, not yours. You need to take care of yourself now and live your life to its fullest. Be happy and live in love and light. God bless you. I lost my daughter to covid in 2021. She was my caregiver. I would give my life for her to be here today.
You are a 100% right to feel how you feel. You have had to carry so much and you’re still going. I hope that you can find a therapist that listens and truly helps be beside you during your journey. We are your listening ear / virtual support system but being able to have someone professionally help guide you on dealing with this emotional weight is necessary. Nice people are always expected to give. Continue to serve yourself and creating boundaries. As always you are amazing and you bring us JOY even on your cloudiest day. ❤❤❤
Whoo 😮, thanks for being so honest!!! Why did Biggs tell you that way? bless you and I hope you are kind to yourself . I'm alot like you described.. very hard to process trauma.. 😪 be kind..❤
Hi joy ,I really understand ur point of view,this was a great video,also my mother passed November 22nd but I 2016 she was 63 , joy I just luv ur personality , hopefully ur dad will be ok,give to God,have a blessed day
Amen !! Bless you for trying to bring your dad to Christ ❤❤❤ will continue to pray for him ❤❤ I’m sorry you are going through this and found out what seems to be an open secret. It’s messed up they left you out . You are seem to be a sweet soul . I think he saw how you took care of your mom and knew you were reliable so he wants you to care for him . We support you 🤗
This was confirmation. I dealt with something like this just yesterday and I came to a similar realization. I'm working on it now to show up better in my own life and relationships.
Hi Joy I'm sending you positive energy of peace, love and healing❤. Take care of yourself. I know what it's like to be a former caregiver and not take care of self mentally and physically. Take care and focus now on Joy I see no wrong in the decision you had made.💪🏾 #selflove#selfcare ❤
Joy , first let me say, you are valued, you are loved and you are amazing. I relate 100% to all you shared in this car chat. I felt like you was telling my life. I am trying to set boundaries and limitations also ,on how much I let people use and manipulate me and my heart. God bless you Joy. I pray God give you strength and always remember… it is ok to say NO to people. Love you, God bless 💜😇
I feel you with this story. It's my mom. I can tell you that it will get better. Baby don't let nobody disturb your peace. Do what makes you happy. Good bless you. Keep the videos coming. God bless you.
Hey Joy, thanks for sharing your story. You are a wonderful person and God will continue to Bless you. You are totally correct that you must set boundaries because some people (especially family) will bleed you dry and then move on to someone else. You’ll feel guilty but stay the course. Pray for them but don’t let them invade the limits that you have set for yourself. You must do this for your own self-preservation. I am going through that situation now with my grown niece and grown nephew. They only contact me if they need money and it’s always a lot of money. I had to realize that they never really cared for me or respected me. So, I have finally put a stop to it. I believe God understands, and as long as I don’t feel malice in my heart for them, it’s OK.
Hey beautiful! ahh car chats are back! I've been watching the older episodes throughout my workday. Now, I don't comment often at all, BUT....the best advice I can give is to not allow your kindness to be taken as a weakness. Yes, as children of God we are to do and be good to others but pray for discernment when dealing with people... ESPECIALLY those that are connected to us by blood (family). Set the boundary between you and your dad and stick firm to it. Manipulative people will play on your emotions, use you and act like you don't exist once they get what they want from you. It's okay to be concerned but unt uhhh it's 2023 almost 2024 and we aren't letting anyone drain us anymore! He is married. Let "phyllis" take care of him because that's what she signed up for as his wife, and YOU take care of JOY. End of story. Much love 💖💖
I enjoyed this and you should absolutely not feel guilty about caring for your Dad. Doesn’t sound like he was much of a Dad to you. He wasn’t kind to your Mama either. You take care ❤
Good morning Joy! Car chat!!!! *grabbing popcorn* but I still need the ingredients for that iced coffee ma'am. 21:51 that's a THEM problem! 🤬 Wow. That's crazy! You have to balance people like that. They be draining and THEY know they're being manipulative. Then the moment you dont allow it, you wrong. Oh well. I choose ME!
Joy you’ve got this and that felt like a relief to get that out in the open. You stay blessed and feel comfortable to do what helps you. Set your Goals a little at a time and keep on being your best version of you and not the version others wish you to be so you can carry them. You are so refreshing and realistic ❤❤❤
Good Morning Joy, I have to laugh😂 because we all have conmen and hustlers in our family you are not alone girl😂😂. You will get to the point that it does not bother you so much because you know it’s not real.
May be his culture…women come dead last and take all the abuse and raise children alone and must give all the time and love without receiving it…it’s ingrained into his whole being and because of this… you need to recover on behalf of your mom and yourself…you took on her pain too. That’s a lot and he will never validate this for you, so learning to heal without his validation will be work. He doesn’t see you and Chad as equals, you get different versions of him based on your gender. Letting him go partially is you trying to gain yourself back. ❤️
People like you and so many others have beautiful hearts and are always treated this way. It's like takers look for any type of sign to mistreat (use them) givers. True givers can appear naive and weak to others, but they're not. It's quite simple, really, the givers have hurt so long that they don't want it for others and do everything to prevent it from happening to others. This too shall pass Joy. "Earth has no sorrow that heaven can not heal." My wish is that you be well, mentally, spiritually, and physically.
Joy I love your car chats!! 🥰❤️💛Maybe in the future you can try a live car chat!! I definitely empathize with you about your family issues..... Im proud of you for putting yourself first & avoiding the drama.... it wasnt fair that your brother dropped the news of your other siblings like that... & didnt consider your feelings.... I wonder why your brother didn't tell you sooner! I haven't seen My mom in 20 years.... it took Me a long time to create boundaries with her & her family.... I dont call them family.... those people are toxic.... & when nobody was around individually they would say terrible things to Me & it caused Me a lot of trauma..... it put a lot of pressure on Me.... by the time I got to college I was alone but it took a long time to realize it & My mental health was compromised ... I almost dropped out of school from extreme depression.... Im much better now & Im learning how to do what is best for Me.... By the way...Congrats to you for loosing the weight!! Many Blessings 😇
❤I can relate in ways to this story. I also believe he comes to you with only certain things because you are the only girl. Women are suppose to do more and take care of the elderly or ill in older mindsets eyes which that's not right. My father does this but it's two girls and one boy. The boy is the golden child and the girls do the work and were treated like boys. We raised ourselves and he was right in the house with us. I commend you on being able to say no. It's not fair being manipulated and hard when you are a caring empathic person. I'm still learning it's okay to say no and think of me. Much hugs and love to you.❤
Joy I love the comment that’s not your hat don’t wear it. Girl I recluse too. That is how I recoup. Listen you have to focus on you and we as women have been raised to be care takers. I retired as a Registered Nurse. Again caring for people in a professional way giving my all as I love it. But focus on you and your Boo. You and Chris have your relationship whatever it is and he is with you. Nothing in life is perfect. It is to easy to transfer daddy issues into your relationship and that should never happen. Not on purpose it is a life survival thing. Just realize you are a beautiful amazing intelligent woman with a man present to help and support you and your growth. You won’t let no one steal your joy. You deserve positive energy in and around you to heal. God has you both together at this time for a reason. Some of us has no one or we have narcissistic people in our lives sucking us dry until we learn to drop the baggage into the pits of hell. You are thriving no matter what comes your way because you are a God fearing woman and God has your back. Now fly Queen and reap your rewards because you have made it. You have passed the tests that come your way and with God you are ready to soar. Prayers of health wealth and prosperity coming your way Ms. Joy Amor. ❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉
Every body have challenges. When you always exhibit strength people expect you always be that. I’ve had to remind people that I am a human with FEELINGS even if I don’t show them. 🫠God bless us all🙏
To be honest - I would take care of my Mom too, my Dad is just like yours. I completely understand you not wanting him to move in with you, or not wanting to take care of him. He's got a wife!
I appreciate you being transparent about what you’re going through. I know people can be cruel but you have a community here that loves and supports you Joy. My oldest daughter has issues with her dad as well who is from Jamaica. So I can relate to some of the behavior as the ex and watching how he does with our daughter. She has gotten used to his dysfunction but she keeps a distance. Her dad has a lot of unresolved issues himself. She loves her dad but from a distance. I can’t be the bridge anymore. I just pray. It’s Tee by the way. My Gmail name show’s different now. ❤. Where is Biggs? I miss y’all and the old chats.
I enjoyed your story and just wanted to say your a very strong woman and always stand on what you believe or feel don't let anyone decided who you are. Your also beautiful and I enjoy watching you and listening to you. Stay strong and put yourself first always.
I relate so much Joy. I'm the same way as you, I'm working on taking care of myself first and healing some traumas also before trying to help someone else.. but it's hard, my heart is so big and it's easy to trigger my guilt, but I'm working on it. One day at a time Joy, but we'll get through it. ❤
ok folks don’t stress her out because I miss car chats
Amen
You better tell them sis cause if they do I’m out again lol 😅
I agree!!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Me too
Ament🎉
Ms Joy I'm a 60 y/o you. My Mom died 3 years ago from stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Now my Dad thinks he should have unlimited access to me and my sister, FLAG ON THE PLAY!!!! Because I never took the time to stop taking care of EVERYONE else, I'm home on a medical leave due to mental health issues. I'm so proud of you, setting boundaries, dealing with your issues and taking care of YOU. Just know you are not wrong. Keep doing what you are doing NOW, so you don't have to when you are 60!
It’s a lot of people who only see value in people who do things for them. I found this out the hard way. I’m proud of you because you’re acknowledging that this isn’t normal and that’s a huge accomplishment.
It take me 55 years to set boundaries with my Family & Friends this car chat really hits home ❤
This car chat hit home for me! I was just telling my mother how my "dad's" absence in my life growing up is the main reason I am fighting rejection issues that I didn't know I had until my last toxic "situationship" I found myself ALWAYS ending up in bad relationships. I now at 36 know why!! I was a little girl who really needed my fathers love and bc I didn't get it I would settle for anybody, treating me anyway, not really loving me! I am in a major healing process and I am so thankful that u shared this car chat Joy!! I love me some you!!!!! God got us boo, He will heal EVERY broken area!!
❤❤
You must pray for toxic people to stay out of your life and forgive your dad for not being there for you.
I'm so sorry your father behaves like that, Joy. It's absolutely okay to say no to someone who is bad for your health mentally or physically even when it's family. You are worth more than what you can do for other people.
I'm so glad that you set those boundaries & that you're talking about the manipulation. These conversations are so important.
I hear you about the boundaries. Boundaries for peace of mind.
Don’t let anyone make your feeling invalid. You have a right to feel the way you do. I appreciate you being so transparent with us. It helps us see that you are human too. Keep your head up 🎉
I just found you on here and I'm glad I tuned in! We have some things in common. I was my mom's caregiver until she passed away in 2016. I had a house fire the following year and lost everything including my dog. I've always been a rock that people could depend on, but had limited to no help when I needed it. All it does is make you strong and lean on that everlasting help that never forsakes nor fails. Keep your head up beautiful, you got this! Don't you dare feel guilty for doing what's best for you! If you're not good to you, you can't be to anyone else. And never let people feed off of you! I'm 41 and learned some hard lessons about life. Keep shining babygirl! 💎🤗❤
YAY CAR CHATS ARE BACK!!!! I couldn't stop looking at your ice coffee. it looked so delicious!😊
It was!
I can relate to this on so many levels. Chile it would be a novel up here. What I have to say is, I think so many times we think we have to accept and endure being re-traumatized through our lives for the sake of family. I had to learn that it’s ok for me to choose my life, sanity and well being regardless of what that means. Yes you will get all the negativity thrown at you about what they think you SHOULD be doing. But I refuse to think I was brought to this earth to suffer. And I choose to cut off toxicity for my own sake.
Toxic people is no good for your health it's good to let them go! And not feel guilty about it!!❤❤❤
Hi Joy! Protect your peace at all costs! ❤
I am 60 and my dad was from Puerto Rico, and I can relate. If your dad is 75 and forgot that your mother passed; he is definitely having bouts of dementia. Growing up I NEVER saw my dad smoke or drink... it wasn't until I was an adult that I learned he not only drank but was a chronic pothead. I would keep an eye on him medically, from a mental standpoint, because he can imagine things and get very agitated. You don't owe him anything, other than what you can handle. God knows your heart.
Amén
Bad person ? No! And your father knows that too, that’s why he ask u can he live with you. Setting boundaries is essential , great job so proud of you for setting boundaries and standing firm. God bless ❤
I completely understand Joy,I have sibling issues where it seems I'm the only one that can care for our parents physically. All eight of my siblings have chosen me,the person who's always been there & doing for them for years,but now that I move away,they haven't asked me anything,but have elected & selected me to move back when I have 2 siblings there in my parents State. I know how you feel,don't stress about it.Keep him in your prayers & do what you feel is ok for you to do.💕🙌🏽🌹
Girl when i tell you that I got the biggest smile when you started talking. I've been taking a break from youtube for a looong time and I'm so happy to see a car chat!
Make yourself number one!!! I can relate. If you get sick everyone is absent but expects from you
I actually prefer the car chats that are down to earth and not all glammed out. I love hearing what you have to say, Joy!
Thanks sis !!!
Relatable hun.
Joy, your car chat almost brought me to tears. Your Brother is going to be okay, your Father is going to be okay…Take care of yourself…If you don’t, who will? May God be with us all. Love you ❤ Sandra from Boston.
Don't worry Joy. I been through the exact same thing... different days and different messengers. You're not alone. This was extremely hard for me to digest but I'm completely glad you shared. Thank you for everything you are🎉
This car chat!!! Girl! For some reason I see that parents act the most dramatic when it comes to daughters, sons get away with a lot of stuff and can run and hide but daughters always have to take up the slack. But you have done that and more - it’s your time for YOU! 💕
Hope thank you 🙏🏾 … I’m soo grateful to know you you give such a good perspective on things ❤️
Joy, your mom probably didn't tell you because she didn't want you to think poorly of your dad. But yes you have to have boundaries with people. Family or not ❤
Oh Ms. Joy. Your story , sadly or as a blessing, has helped me gain some clarity with my own Daddy story. Many years ago an older woman tried to tell me that "Daddies" will use their daughters making fools out of them just like they do other women in their lives. I was too young at the time to witness the truth. Now, I see clearly. Ms. Joy LOVE YOU ! Lovingly, throw the 🖕🏾to those grown men (and others BS) and take good care of you
. 🙏🏿🕊️🌹
People want your energy but none of your pain and struggle. You are not alone in this. Welcome back Car Chats! Take care.❤
Joy, you can’t do this to yourself. You deserve a life, you’re not being selfish to have that. Put this in Gods hands, but do not, no matter what happens make this your problem. Prayers and love for you.
you're feelings are validated Joy.Don't get roped into that situation.He has his family.They're tryin' it and if you keep your distance they'll deal.Stay strong.
I have my own dad issues and listening to you was therapeutic so thanks for sharing.
Girl we are in this together
Joy. You are never wrong for putting you first.🎉🎉🎉
You're the best!
Thank you for sharing your story. I know what your going through, I have Mom and Dad issues! Don't feel bad about not taking on everyone else's problems and prioritizing yourself. Thank you for the car chat this was refreshing.❤
Oh Hun, who doesn't....but #wegotwe
I am so sorry Joy 😢I think that's great you decided to take a step back to analyze your situation😌 Be strong and care for yourself, and I like Journaling my thoughts as well,it really really helps.
Hi Joy, I've always enjoyed your car chats, stay focused as I'm sure you will and don't let anyone get the best of you! You are deserving of so much more! ♥️🌟🙏
We all have family members that are like your dad, stay strong and God Bless you! It’s your turn to have sunshine in your life, you already know that you’re a good person , so stay at your best and enjoy your life. God will help your dad and you, stay strong sister❤
I needed this car chat this morning. Nice to feel like we’re on FaceTime as I get ready for the day.
I always love your car chats. I think this one ministered to me that “other people’s perception of you has nothing to do with you.” My family treated me so wrong and it cut so deep because I used to think, “How can someone I spent X number of years sharing thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, birthdays with, treat me this way?” These men grew up in a time when, in many countries, farm animals had more rights than women. I have been praying for healing from trauma. Thank you for sharing
Wow that’s crazy :(
I'm so glad car chats are back!! Keep em coming!
You are such a lovely person! I feel you girl! I feel like everybody sees the "sucker" on my forehead! ❤
This
I had to distance myself from everyone to stop this type of toxicity.
The things you allow is what you will eventually deserve. It’s a heart breaking thing and I’m sorry you’re going through this 😢
Joy, I completely understand. But my problem isn’t that people only want me around because they can use me. But I feel like people want me around for two reasons: either to make themselves feel better about their own life or play victim when they actually have hurt me.
That is why I only deal with like 10% of my family and don’t fool with my own father.
Hi Joy, this is a good car chat, it's good you tell us or share what is going on because a lot of us might relate to what is going on with you. This happens to me and I'm sure other people but he's calling on you because he wants you to care for him like you did your mother but that was a different time in your life. You have to take care of yourself and not kill yourself but you know he has a wife that is capable of giving him what he needs. I work in the nursing field and live in another state, I left home in my 20's and I don't know why but my siblings volunteer me to come back home to help take care of mom and dad. I have a job, bills, my own grandkids so siblings always volunteer you instead of themselves, it takes them off the hook and puts you on. Joy continues to carry on with your life and do all things that make you happy and never regret. Nice car chat.❤
Hi Queen!! Thank you for your car chat!! I needed THIS!! I'm going to hold you to what you SAID about not being used. I had the same situation as you. I use to place myself into places in others lives where I don't belong. I could write a book. I didn't have a childhood like many others and my brother didn't either 😔. We grew up way before we were supposed to. My mother was an invalid at the age of 42yrs old when she had a stroke in child birth having my brother. I was 15mo.old. we spent 8yrs with my aunt whom abused me. Long story short, we ended up going back to my Mom after long Court battle's and my Mom won us back, not because she was well, but because my Aunt was dying. My Mom still had to walk on a walker and couldn't use her right arm. So when my Mom go custody of us she still had a lot of health issues. My Mom was a very determined and WONDERFUL 😊 woman. She kept us close because she couldn't get out without assistance. So I been in the kitchen at a very young age, and my brother did yard work at a very young age. We both got our work permit at 14yrs old and we got paying jobs at 14yrs old. We kept the house and did the grocery shopping, laundry etc from age 8 and 9 yrs old until my Mom passed at the age of 57yrs old! Orphans again at age 16 and 17 yrs old. But this time we had to do it alone. Dad no where around. We both has the same Sperm donor. He died a year later. But he never came to our rescue. So I say this to you. DON'T FEEL BAD!! YOU GOT A FULL PLATE WITH YOUR OWN LIFE!! YOU CAN'T BE ANY GOOD TO ANYONE, IF YOU DON'T TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!! I'm 68yrs old and my brother is 67yrs old and we both have serious health problems. We are still Blessed 🙏. My brother lost his wife of 18 years and he's going thru dialysis and working part-time because he's not used to not working. I can't work, but my husband is still working at 77yrs old, he came out of retirement just to make ends meet. I'm sorry my story is so long, but I just want you to know that you are NOT WRONG for what you FEEL 😉. KEEP on Keeping on Girlfriend!! GOD BLESS you!!
Friend I had to comment again now that I’ve gotten to the end of the video. As caregivers especially when starting young we intertwined our self worth in what we do for ppl. Girl this is mirroring my life. Glad you were able to release some of this!💜
Joy I relate to You in so many ways! I
Lived with a Jamaican for 11 years, from St.Catherine in Spanish Town😒
I Am Blessed by The Grace of GOD🙌🏾He Used Me for Free Rent & Abused Me as If I were His Property!!🤨He was Deported but I'm Scared 4Life! Now My TRUST Is In The Lord Alone🙏🏾
O.G. STR8 OUTTA DC 🥰😘
I just so forward to your car chats,they are so down to earth and real. Love you Joy ❤
Hello, you know sometimes one have to walk away, I know because I’ve had to do the same thing... We Allow ourselves to be Used!!!!!
Bless your heart Joy. Don't let stuff your parents did get to to you. My Jamaican father had eight kids before coming to the US and marrying my mom. Crazy, right!?
Im invisible till people need something. Its hurtful!
Girl you had me screaming when you described the phone call !
Love the video, I miss the car chat and don't stress yourself out especially if you have to deal with your own issues.
I could relate. Certain people know how l am, and they know how to pull at my heart strings. Being guilted. I am working on setting boundaries. Good for you Joy. Thank you for this car chat!
This was right on time along with the sermon yesterday Childhood Trauma by Pastor John Gray. Thank you for sharing I enjoy car chats always have much love❤
You handled your father perfectly. He'll have to hire help if things get worse. You have yourself and Chris. Best to keep the dynamics...
Thank you so much for your transparency. it's not always easy to confront past hurts and challenges. I appreciate your story time. This isn't weakness. You are very strong, and it's never to be confused. Thank you❤
It helps to talk to someone even if it's us just to get if off your chest makes you feel relief (I get it )
Joy, I am so grateful for all you do with the car chats, the try on hauls, and sharing your life and encouraging messages with us all, love you so much, bless you in every area of your life!! Thank you so much for everything ❤😊❤😊❤😊
Thank you Paula I am grateful for you
Hey Ms Joy, you are my favourite woman on UA-cam. Thank you for your support and understanding in this messy world. Love and hugs my beautiful sister. Sydney Australia
Thank you soo much much love ❤️
You are absolutely right! There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries ....take care of yourself
So proud of you Joy. I love these car chats. My younger brother treats me the same as your dad does you. BOUNDARIES!!! ❤❤
Car chat?!? Perfect, I’m at work; I am ready to listen!
You took a good stance Joy. Yes, set your boundaries because you can't save everybody. It's one thing if your dad had no one to help him but he has a whole wife (a young one at that). That's her responsibility. What I've noticed is that as parents get older the more dependent they seem to become on their children. It's like they revert to kids and want us to be the parents.
I know you have a big heart but you cant be everybody's strength.
Joy I think this is one of the best car chats I’ve watched with you. First of all let me tell you, you are not wrong for the way you feel or how you are dealing with your father. Your situation sounds so familiar because people ( especially family) will treat you this way. Your father is trying to manipulate you because he knows you are a good person, and he is trying to take advantage of your good nature. You can love him, but as you said he is not alone. When you said that he talked to your brother for 15 minutes, and everything sounded great, and then when he started talking to you the pity party started, wow I just know the feeling. I have been there, and I’m sure other people have as well. You’re doing the right thing. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Wow, I wish I could talk to you in person because it made me sad to hear you say how you felt dismissed or was made to feel small when you tried to talk to a friend. Keep the faith, and things will work out. I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.💕🙏🏾👍🏽
Hello, Joy. Thank you for sharing such a painful and personal part of your life. I want to give you a giant unconditional hug. You are loved and I understand where you are coming from. You have done your job in God's eye by caring for your mother until her passing to eternal life. I am certain she didn't burden you with the secrets of your father and his other kids to spare you the pain and prevent herself from going through the betrayal again. It is possible your father sees you have a successful UA-cam channel and feels you need to support and take care of him. You don't. He has a wife and a whole second family. It is their burden, not yours. You need to take care of yourself now and live your life to its fullest. Be happy and live in love and light. God bless you. I lost my daughter to covid in 2021. She was my caregiver. I would give my life for her to be here today.
You are a 100% right to feel how you feel. You have had to carry so much and you’re still going. I hope that you can find a therapist that listens and truly helps be beside you during your journey. We are your listening ear / virtual support system but being able to have someone professionally help guide you on dealing with this emotional weight is necessary. Nice people are always expected to give. Continue to serve yourself and creating boundaries. As always you are amazing and you bring us JOY even on your cloudiest day. ❤❤❤
Whoo 😮, thanks for being so honest!!! Why did Biggs tell you that way? bless you and I hope you are kind to yourself . I'm alot like you described.. very hard to process trauma.. 😪 be kind..❤
I think it was his way of processing his feelings ya know we process feelings differently ❤
luv you gurl...thanks.
I feel this .... people expect but not respect!!!!
Hi joy ,I really understand ur point of view,this was a great video,also my mother passed November 22nd but I 2016 she was 63 , joy I just luv ur personality , hopefully ur dad will be ok,give to God,have a blessed day
Amen !! Bless you for trying to bring your dad to Christ ❤❤❤ will continue to pray for him ❤❤ I’m sorry you are going through this and found out what seems to be an open secret. It’s messed up they left you out . You are seem to be a sweet soul . I think he saw how you took care of your mom and knew you were reliable so he wants you to care for him . We support you 🤗
It’s rough having Daddy issues, we need a support group❤
Glad you're bringing back the car chats..
This was confirmation. I dealt with something like this just yesterday and I came to a similar realization. I'm working on it now to show up better in my own life and relationships.
His family. His issue. Lol. Take your time...🎉
You are absolutely right in feeling how you feel. Take care of you!!! 💯💯💯
Your feelings are VALID and it’s Me SEASON!♥️💪🏾🫶🏾
Joy your right and we all have family problems, you keep your head up and keep that joyful smile.💕
Hi Joy I'm sending you positive energy of peace, love and healing❤. Take care of yourself. I know what it's like to be a former caregiver and not take care of self mentally and physically. Take care and focus now on Joy I see no wrong in the decision you had made.💪🏾
#selflove#selfcare ❤
Joy , first let me say, you are valued, you are loved and you are amazing. I relate 100% to all you shared in this car chat. I felt like you was telling my life. I am trying to set boundaries and limitations also ,on how much I let people use and manipulate me and my heart.
God bless you Joy. I pray God give you strength and always remember… it is ok to say NO to people. Love you, God bless 💜😇
JOY...I LOVE EVERYTHING YOU DO...CAR CHATS, HOUSE CHATS, STORE CHATS, ANYTHING YOU DO... YOU'RE ONE OF A KIND... AND SO JOYFUL TO LISTEN TO 🌹💜😘😘
I feel you with this story. It's my mom. I can tell you that it will get better. Baby don't let nobody disturb your peace. Do what makes you happy. Good bless you. Keep the videos coming. God bless you.
Hey Joy, thanks for sharing your story. You are a wonderful person and God will continue to Bless you. You are totally correct that you must set boundaries because some people (especially family) will bleed you dry and then move on to someone else. You’ll feel guilty but stay the course. Pray for them but don’t let them invade the limits that you have set for yourself. You must do this for your own self-preservation. I am going through that situation now with my grown niece and grown nephew. They only contact me if they need money and it’s always a lot of money. I had to realize that they never really cared for me or respected me. So, I have finally put a stop to it. I believe God understands, and as long as I don’t feel malice in my heart for them, it’s OK.
Hey beautiful! ahh car chats are back! I've been watching the older episodes throughout my workday. Now, I don't comment often at all, BUT....the best advice I can give is to not allow your kindness to be taken as a weakness. Yes, as children of God we are to do and be good to others but pray for discernment when dealing with people... ESPECIALLY those that are connected to us by blood (family). Set the boundary between you and your dad and stick firm to it. Manipulative people will play on your emotions, use you and act like you don't exist once they get what they want from you. It's okay to be concerned but unt uhhh it's 2023 almost 2024 and we aren't letting anyone drain us anymore! He is married. Let "phyllis" take care of him because that's what she signed up for as his wife, and YOU take care of JOY. End of story. Much love 💖💖
I enjoyed this and you should absolutely not feel guilty about caring for your Dad. Doesn’t sound like he was much of a Dad to you. He wasn’t kind to your Mama either. You take care ❤
Good morning Joy! Car chat!!!! *grabbing popcorn* but I still need the ingredients for that iced coffee ma'am.
21:51 that's a THEM problem! 🤬
Wow. That's crazy! You have to balance people like that. They be draining and THEY know they're being manipulative. Then the moment you dont allow it, you wrong. Oh well. I choose ME!
Hello Joy I no how you feel I'm going through the same thing with family I just pray for them and stay away from them blessings sis
Hey Joy, I miss your car chats lady bug and thank you for sharing your story with us.
Joy you’ve got this and that felt like a relief to get that out in the open. You stay blessed and feel comfortable to do what helps you. Set your Goals a little at a time and keep on being your best version of you and not the version others wish you to be so you can carry them. You are so refreshing and realistic ❤❤❤
Good Morning Joy, I have to laugh😂 because we all have conmen and hustlers in our family you are not alone girl😂😂. You will get to the point that it does not bother you so much because you know it’s not real.
May be his culture…women come dead last and take all the abuse and raise children alone and must give all the time and love without receiving it…it’s ingrained into his whole being and because of this… you need to recover on behalf of your mom and yourself…you took on her pain too. That’s a lot and he will never validate this for you, so learning to heal without his validation will be work. He doesn’t see you and Chad as equals, you get different versions of him based on your gender. Letting him go partially is you trying to gain yourself back. ❤️
Girlll this right here !!!!!!!
People like you and so many others have beautiful hearts and are always treated this way. It's like takers look for any type of sign to mistreat (use them) givers. True givers can appear naive and weak to others, but they're not. It's quite simple, really, the givers have hurt so long that they don't want it for others and do everything to prevent it from happening to others. This too shall pass Joy. "Earth has no sorrow that heaven can not heal." My wish is that you be well, mentally, spiritually, and physically.
JOY you are such an inspiration. God is with you always. Live for Joy
Thank you joy I needed that its beautiful when people go through the same thing in life 💓💓😂🙏🙏 love you sweetie you got me in tears ❤️❤️❤️😭😭
Joy u don't owe anyone anything...u have struggled on ur own..don't feel guilty❤
Thank you Joy! You and your commenters are so wise and helpful!❤You all are in my prayers😊
Joy I love your car chats!! 🥰❤️💛Maybe in the future you can try a live car chat!! I definitely empathize with you about your family issues..... Im proud of you for putting yourself first & avoiding the drama.... it wasnt fair that your brother dropped the news of your other siblings like that... & didnt consider your feelings.... I wonder why your brother didn't tell you sooner!
I haven't seen My mom in 20 years.... it took Me a long time to create boundaries with her & her family.... I dont call them family.... those people are toxic.... & when nobody was around individually they would say terrible things to Me & it caused Me a lot of trauma..... it put a lot of pressure on Me.... by the time I got to college I was alone but it took a long time to realize it & My mental health was compromised ... I almost dropped out of school from extreme depression.... Im much better now & Im learning how to do what is best for Me....
By the way...Congrats to you for loosing the weight!! Many Blessings 😇
❤I can relate in ways to this story. I also believe he comes to you with only certain things because you are the only girl. Women are suppose to do more and take care of the elderly or ill in older mindsets eyes which that's not right. My father does this but it's two girls and one boy. The boy is the golden child and the girls do the work and were treated like boys. We raised ourselves and he was right in the house with us. I commend you on being able to say no. It's not fair being manipulated and hard when you are a caring empathic person. I'm still learning it's okay to say no and think of me. Much hugs and love to you.❤
Joy I love the comment that’s not your hat don’t wear it. Girl I recluse too. That is how I recoup. Listen you have to focus on you and we as women have been raised to be care takers. I retired as a Registered Nurse. Again caring for people in a professional way giving my all as I love it. But focus on you and your Boo. You and Chris have your relationship whatever it is and he is with you. Nothing in life is perfect. It is to easy to transfer daddy issues into your relationship and that should never happen. Not on purpose it is a life survival thing. Just realize you are a beautiful amazing intelligent woman with a man present to help and support you and your growth. You won’t let no one steal your joy. You deserve positive energy in and around you to heal. God has you both together at this time for a reason. Some of us has no one or we have narcissistic people in our lives sucking us dry until we learn to drop the baggage into the pits of hell. You are thriving no matter what comes your way because you are a God fearing woman and God has your back. Now fly Queen and reap your rewards because you have made it. You have passed the tests that come your way and with God you are ready to soar. Prayers of health wealth and prosperity coming your way Ms. Joy Amor. ❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉
Every body have challenges. When you always exhibit strength people expect you always be that. I’ve had to remind people that I am a human with FEELINGS even if I don’t show them. 🫠God bless us all🙏
To be honest - I would take care of my Mom too, my Dad is just like yours. I completely understand you not wanting him to move in with you, or not wanting to take care of him. He's got a wife!
I appreciate you being transparent about what you’re going through. I know people can be cruel but you have a community here that loves and supports you Joy. My oldest daughter has issues with her dad as well who is from Jamaica. So I can relate to some of the behavior as the ex and watching how he does with our daughter. She has gotten used to his dysfunction but she keeps a distance. Her dad has a lot of unresolved issues himself. She loves her dad but from a distance. I can’t be the bridge anymore. I just pray. It’s Tee by the way. My Gmail name show’s different now. ❤. Where is Biggs? I miss y’all and the old chats.
I enjoyed your story and just wanted to say your a very strong woman and always stand on what you believe or feel don't let anyone decided who you are. Your also beautiful and I enjoy watching you and listening to you. Stay strong and put yourself first always.
I relate so much Joy. I'm the same way as you, I'm working on taking care of myself first and healing some traumas also before trying to help someone else.. but it's hard, my heart is so big and it's easy to trigger my guilt, but I'm working on it. One day at a time Joy, but we'll get through it. ❤