This is going to sound bad but im glad i had a miscarriage when i was with my abusive ex because if it was a girl, i wouldn't want her to go through what i did.
"false incompetence is dominance under guise" "it's not an act of love if you make her" some of the best written song lyrics I've ever heard. Powerful.
I agree. Lots of women want to be doting housewives that do traditional housewife work. But if it's """expected""" then it's not exactly consensual on their part.
Be me incompent man, be also me carrying girlfriend when she got to sick to walk and made her soup. I am dumb but my heart and back are strong. And all the others things around the house so she didn't worry.
My dad would always do that: pretend he didn't know how to do something around the house in order to get my mom to do it, or pretend not to understand how his behavior could be perceived as insulting in order to not take accountability for what he did. The best decision my mom made was kicking him out, it was like a heavy shadow left our house and we were happier. We could talk, joke and laugh whiteout having to worry about him ruining our happiness
I’m older and divorced from an abusive man. I’m so appreciative of this generation of women for taking this on. Keep fighting. It’s the fight for your life!
Typically women being allergic to any self responsibility and hard work. The world would fall apart without men. The world would be fine without women!
@@leavemealone853Work as in careers and what not is not what this song or comment is about. It’s about work in a relationship/family. It’s about love, though I’m guessing people like you wouldn’t know much about that. And the world would not be fine without women, because the species would die out. Sometimes you misogynists go so far to hate women you completely forget simple knowledge, it’s hilarious.
My divorce from an abusive 15 year marraige was finalized the SAME day this song was released!!! Felt so seen and validated and POWERFUL! My 12 year old daughter listened too. She looked me dead in the eyes and said; "Don't worry momma, I'm gonna be a alright" Sending infinite amounts of love to all the women/mommas breaking free and finding their power.
And your daughter will be alright. Because the women of this generation will not see the next one end in the same way the last did. We'll make sure this generation is heard and seen. Keep fighting! You are validated and seen. We know of the pain, and we won't see our children raised the same!
My God I needed this comment. I'm leaving my abusive husband. I'm looking for a divorce lawyer so I can keep my two year old son from my husband's abuse.
@@Lopsided_scientist I'm barely about to finish high school but I am wishing you the greatest strength. You are beautiful and strong! Your son is lucky to have such a strong woman in his life!
this is my feminine rage song. i’ve grown up watching my mother carry our family on her back. my dad did work, he did. and im grateful for him. but my mom worked too- and then came home to take care of the house, the kids, the food, the laundry, the cleaning. i dont know how she did it for so long. for years. im so glad im an adult now so she can finally take a break and i can take care of her. the rage in me is against society, and myself who realized later than i should have and was brainwashed to thinking that this was normal, a given. it shouldnt be. ladies, women, girls- *it shouldnt be.*
Let's talk about it, please allow me to add my two cents in this conversation. Maybe something to think about. First of all, I'm grateful that your emotional maturity doesn't release in a form of hatred towards your dad, but rather it releases as a form of compassion and sympathy for your mom that she wholeheartedly deserves. But maybe consider this: What if that was the life she wanted? And her reward is simply her children's acknowledgement, which may I assume she got plenty of. That's the ultimate "trophy". She did a little extra, and therefore you love her a little extra. Many people's love language is act of service. Furthermore, what you are describing as "an ideal relationship" is nothing more than co-dependency which on paper seems reasonable but in practice it's sickening & miserable. Love isn't about equality, love has nothing to do with the way chores are divided. and once you have found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, trust me you don't have time to spend thinking about how many days in a row you had to make dinner. If you are complaining about chores being divided unequally, you are not in love. It doesn't matter who takes the trash out, or does the dishes. All of them could be done by one person. What matters is whether healthy foundations for the relationship is set. Imagine you dad complaining about him doing "100% of the plumbing, 100% of law mawning and most of the driving on family trips" since he moved in with your mother. When was the last time your father received a little gift of appreciation? Such as a bracelet, a mug or even flowers(yeah)? When was the last time he had the whole check covered by your mother(or you, if you are employed) in a restaurant? Did you guys celebrate father's day last year if so what have you planned for this year? The last time you kissed or hugged him? Asked for his advice or listened to what he had to say? In my opinion once you move past the feminine rage, that is based on trivia things you'll be able to love and be loved.
@@shotoxx7608 it wasn't the life she wanted...did u read they said their mother worked just like the father during the day, but when they got home she was EXPECTED to do the housework and rearing, that is a reality bashed into little girls minds since the time they can even pick up a baby doll. It isn't a want when u are brainwashed into thinking it is an expectation, yet it is ruining ur health, rest, and sleep when the other person in the relationship is working in the main market equally, but refuses to do so in the private market of the household. And it is indeed LOVE when ur partner, who is male, in a cis hetero relationship, shows he is responsible for household and children. Some of us have icks, that we hate, so it is also healthy and LOVE to have communication and to be able to divide up chores equitably, equality can be felt when partners have equity in the work that needs to be done to be in such a relationship with kids. You admit service is a love language, then in the same breath claim it isn't love. You are so confused, maybe u are just a child who lacks life experience, but JFC at least notice when u contradict urself. And the final paragraph is just showing ur misogynistic and sexist view of the world. Men get cards, they get father's day, they get father Christmas presents, they have their kids ask what to do (if they as a father are actually emotionally intelligent enough not to be a toxic masc man who cuts his own kids from him cause he shows aggression or oppression of "soft" emotions, like so many do), etc. He gets kisses when he gets home, haven't u ever heard of the line "Honey welcome home! 👩❤️💋👨😘", before? Your questions at the end is clear u don't even understand history nor gender roles pressed onto us all, particularly from Christian trad gender roles. Asking "what about him" is whataboutism and it is just a distraction and pick me behavior. Do better
This song makes me cry for my mother, grandmother, sisters, myself, and all women who relate to this. For my family, it was my father who was mentally and physically abusive. I thank God that we no longer have him in our life, after so many hard years of fighting and enduring his cruelty. I am also thankful that this powerful song was released
I wish this were my case. Unfortunately, my mom is still with my emotionally abusive father. I can’t help but love him, but I hate the way he treats my momma.
My mother dated a man for 8 months at 17, her parents decided that they did not want to take care of her anymore and signed her off to marry him at 17. He was abusive to her, first it was verbally and then he got physical. He did things like hitting her randomly to ripping off her clothes because he did not like them. And during all of this she was still in school. She started to see a counselor that would come in for her, the counselor the. showed her the statistics that people (male or female) who want to marry before 1 or 2 years of dating is abusive, when my mother heard this everything started to make sense to her. She ended her first marriage off and divorced him but she did give birth to his child(my oldest sister let’s call her J). A year and a half later, my mother has been dating another man and gives birth to her second child (his first and my older sister and let’s call her A). She then married that same man who becomes the father to J (by adopting her).When A is four years old ,my mother announces that she will have another baby (AKA me). My mother has told each of us this story because she doesn’t want us to fall into her fate of abusive relationships. My mother is the strongest person in the world, I have no words to describe the relief that she made it out alive and the appreciation for what she sacrificed for us. And she is treated correctly by my dad, or else he would have three girls hunting him down 😂. I also understand how it feels to have someone close to you to die, what u can say is your mother is looking down at you from heaven and is proud
It’s ridiculous the shivers and tears this song brings. I think every woman can feel this song to their bones whether it be for themselves, mothers, sisters, aunts anything
I do--I do feel it in my bones. I heard a shortened clip and immediately came here to find the whole song. It echoes so many stories, old and new that you read about women. And I grew up with a kind father who did a lot of the housework and I'm lucky to have a good husband who does more than his fair share (because I've fallen ill) but I also know many women who don't have this and it gives me the chills. So many women are abandoned when they become sick, I consider myself very lucky. This is a song about most women throughout all of time. I sent a link to my daughter because even if she doesn't experience many of the lyrics in this song herself it's important to recognize it's pretty much a universal condition 🥺
Please tell me im not the only one who can close my eyes and start crying because i started realizing that one relationship was so abusive and this song was the thing that brought it to light.
It's horrendous how much this kind of abuse is normalized. There are so many posts about how hard women work with the caption "Women are amazing!". We are, but we shouldn't have to be.
Yep I stayed 3 years too long I was his slave in basically every way and he would ask his mum " shouldn't the one at home do the cleaning and cooking" we both were with jobs at the time but she agreed and he used that agreement to his advantage would also threaten to leave me constantly but when I tried to leave be pinned me to the wall and said no ( more than that went on but that's the gist of his attitude)
I've been healing from an abusive relationship too. I sing and cry every line to the version of myself from the past, as I watch each lyric happening in my mind. It feels like I am sending the building defiance and strength to them.
Mostly emotional abuse, but probably because I’ve never lived with him. The amount I’ve sacrificed though is infinite and catering to all his needs… I relate deeply, and yes, I began to tear up listening with my eyes closed
This makes me think of my grandma. She was so beautiful and she caught my grandpas eyes and he gave her no choice that she was “his”. Had her first child at 17 and then 8 other pregnancies afterwards, two of which didn’t make it. Abused and made to fend for herself and children while my grandpa drank and only came home to beat her. She survived and my mom talks about to to this day. About how strong she was and how persevering she was. She never gave up. They lived in a house with no running water on the country side of our community. She survived. She has a hard life. Nothing but serving people and a God that paid her no mind. She had the purest heart and lived a life of suffering. She moved onto the next part of her journey almost 3 years ago now. Wherever she is I hope she’s being the bad ass warrior she is. I take peace knowing she’s free from this hell of a world we live in now.
if there is any justice in the hereafter she is in valhalla seated at the head of the table with the mightiest warriors ever born. surviving all of that....
I know what you’re talking about. If I only start to think about how much my grandma went through, it doesn’t end. Or my mom. Women in my family are warriors. I don’t want to and don’t have to repeat the same cycle. Time to break it.
Knew a lady who's mom escaped horrible abuse, she was Canadian and caught a plane to Hawaii but had no money. Pearl Harbor happened a week after she got there! They needed help and she strapped the baby to her back and tended to soldiers and she ended up becoming a beloved doctor in Honolulu. She lived to almost 100. I met her a few times and she was a hero to me, she just ran away and her life opened in the most awesome way!!! I feel sickened for all suffering abuse.
The beginning sounds like my grandparents. She was very beautiful and gentle and he quickly married her. He ended up being a horrible abuser (not just beatings, but straight up torture, he'd been through kgb training). In stead of her having tons of kids though he made her have tons of abortions instead. They lived in deep poverty. Running away also wasn't very realistic because of his connections. It was too much for my grandma, she got an illness and refused to properly treat it ending in her early death. So she got the abusive side to the extreme, while my other grandma got the labor part to the extreme. She alone took care of a farm, her own three kids, a neglected neighbor's girl and sometimes other kids (like relatives or her kid's friends) while her drunk trucker husband was mostly away working or living with his second family. No running water, all meals from scratch, farm animals to take care of, gardens, fields, at one point she'd get into the plough and do the work of an ox ploughing the field because that was the only way to get it done. Her health plummeted in her 60s and now she doesn't recognize most of her family. My parents' marriage was also bad. So needless to say I'm very careful with my partner selection.
To all the little girls, that watched their mothers, and sisters and self get emotionally physically and verbally beaten. That little girl wants to let you know you are so strong. And you are safe now. Hug your self a little tighter today
I am so proud of the men in my life for listening to me when I point out that I'm always the one who cleans up after company, the one who makes the tea, and that I have to wrap my whole schedule around baking the bread they finish eating in one day. They've been making a lot of progress, simplifying plans and doing more to help so the division of labor is more even. I have also made progress in realizing that it's not my sole duty to cater to everyone around me. But it takes a lot of conversations and work to subvert the social programming that has been there for hundreds of years. Progress is possible though.
@@yeos_angel_ Programming is hard to break. I don't expect them to be perfect, and I don't expect them to read my mind. They care a lot about me and just as often ask if they can help just out of courtesy. I'm just as proud of all my gals who stand up for themselves after being in the role of care for too long. I can be proud of men for putting in the work and growing. Plus I find it more useful to phrase my response to this as "I appreciate your progress" rather than "Finally, the bare minimum."
@@yeos_angel_ their reason to be proud is valid tho, they aren't saying someone like "I'm proud of my husband for being a babysitter for his own baby, for doing his laundry and dishes" but i understand that it really is annoying when some people gets proud of men for doing the normal, unusual thing.
@@yeos_angel_ Let's put it this way. One can be proud of someone for their progress in becoming physically healthier when they were unhealthy before without disagreeing with the fact that they probably shouldn't have had unhealthy habits in the first place. I feel like it's just the same in this case. I don't think they were outright ignoring me, more like I had been encouraged to take on traditional responsibilities while growing up without question or complaint, and they were encouraged to see that as the norm, and for lack of contradiction, thought my contribution was wholly voluntary, and not simply what I had been taught was my responsibility. When they saw I was overwhelmed they would help even before we decided to focus on these things, but now we are communicating to avoid me getting overwhelmed in the first place. I am proud of them for having perfect intentions, if not perfect understanding. I don't feel abused or like they consider me less than a person in general. In fact I think my guy friends and fiancé have actually encouraged me to speak up for myself more than my family did.
I’m not even living in America but I’m so scared to be a girl on the UK because apparently the UK has to do everything America tells them to do, which could largely impact our laws and stuff
@elsxiee I think this should be scary for all women and you're totally right. If somewhere this progressive can backslide this far in 2024 no one is safe 🥺 I'm petrified for my daughter.
@@elsxiee js saying, this song has nothing to do with America, it's talking about older generations of women, or countries that still make women work like that. (Arranged marriages, stay at home wives that maintain everything, bring up children on their own, take care of their husbands etc.)
"Apologies from my tongue, but never yours" I'd missed that line, but boy is it massive! We're raised to apologize for everything, even things that aren't our fault, and just accept when other people act like them disrespecting us isn't a big deal. We're being dramatic. It's in the past. Etc.
After 26 years of an abusive marriage I’m free. ❤started drinking at 43 when I left. Didn’t take me long to become an alcoholic. I’m 4 years sober and still single. Ten years now. I’m truly truly free at 52
Even as a man, I feel the power of this song, can only imagine how you gals feel about it. Stay strong everyone and find yourselves a lover and a partner, not a slave-owner!
Raising a daughter and a son right now. They are young, and I’m so glad they both are growing up In a generation where their mother Isn’t brainwashed like mine was
I feel like many women have woken up to this nonsense. The issue is that many men still haven't and it still sets a bad example. Even if the mother wants to raise the next generation more equal, if the father lets say never cooks, it might complicate the process.
"Often father and daughter look down on mother (woman) together. They exchange meaningful glances when she misses a point. They agree that she is not bright as they are, cannot reason as they do. This collusion does not save the daughter from the mother’s fate." The artist makes a lot of references to this quote in probably my favorite way. The quote addresses the way the daughter will feel, but her song addresses how the mother is bright enough to realize what is happening and yet she still cannot save her daughter.
@@anayaweick7964 such an excellent point! For years I blamed her for him cheating, beating us, being a total tyrant and we all made jokes at her expense. I never understood until I was the mother.
This is so true, it breaks my heart to think of it now. The constant need to try to appease my Dad, and find connection with him even at the cost of my Mum's happiness. I'm thankful I realised this while I can still put it right, though it won't make up for the years she felt alone. I do everything I can to validate and defend her now, and I will do so always.
There is nothing in this world that we can't survive for another 4 years. It's okay to cry, scream, and rage every single day until women slip the tightening collar of misogyny. And friend, you're not alone and you're not crazy and you're not overreacting. I see you. ❤
My heart cries for all of you. I hope you'll stay safe and strong, seek comfort in one another. Lots of love from Finland, I wish I could help you all out of there.
This is exactly how my mother is living and has lived my whole life with my dad and I want to scream and cry every time I think about it... I broke the cycle but I wish I could change her life
The evolution of the lyrics are super interesting. She goes from saying “if our love dies, would that be the WORST thing?” to asking “If our love dies, would a bad thing?” She goes from questioning ‘if I leave this relationship, would it kill me?’ to basically stating ‘if I stay in this relationship, he will kill me’ and that realization of the abuse and sexism is so powerful. Stay strong, all or my AFABs and MtFs out there!
I feel like it does depend on the person. But as someone who is afab, it's easy to pick up fears relating to your sex growing up. I absolutely feel the hell out of this song. Because I saw the situations depicted in this song. The contexts of my feelings changed over the years. But growing up I absolutely felt fear of ending up in these situations. It eventually switched to feeling the fear of being the toxic guy in relationships that I saw so much of growing up once I realized that I don't have to be a woman just because I'm afab (this just wasn't a common concept I even started hearing about fully until my later teen years) But regardless of gender, many afabs do grow up being taught to be responsible for households (this doesn't start as an adult). . And socially this is an experience closely linked to your sex, because this is something that commonly starts being taught well before we have full knowledge of gender as a concept. Like, it being uneven with having girls do housework and help with cooking and looking after younger family members, when this expectation isn't pushed on boys of the same age. I can't and won't try to speak for people at the other end of this, because it's not my place and I don't have their experiences But I feel like this kind of socialization negatively effects everyone involved
Love how despite all this BS about women's oppression, you still have to include males. Transwomen DO NOT GO THROUGH THIS. They can't even clean their own bedrooms. Do you really think a husband beats them for not sweeping the floors?
@@solarchaoticaInteresting you say this and transwoman aren't expected to keep house despite them being 'real women.' Almost as if they just want to be f.ucked as a woman.
Almost married a man who would have expected this from me. He went to work, but was so lazy otherwise. Now I’m with a new man and having his little baby girl - he doesn’t demand me to work if I don’t want to. And understands labour is a partnership, not an expectation from a female. I get chills thinking about the life I could have had if I didn’t walk a few years ago…my intuition knew something wasn’t right. Listen to yourselves. I’m happier, blessed and I feel safe ❤
@@FaithAfton_1983 You asked for equality, got it, but were never satisfied, always asking for more and more and disrespecting even the best of men. How long did you think you could continue to demand more and more from the strongest people? How long did you think they would keep giving before reasserting that strength? Let's pretend for one moment that problems have two sides.
@@billc6952 we did not. As a young woman in a male dominated field, or even as a young woman in general, we did not get equality. Perhaps there were some legal safeguards, but what is required is a cultural belief in the equality of all people regardless of things like sex or gender. Most left leaning women aren't even demanding that much. They want equal pay to their male counterparts, extended parental leave for all parents when an infant enters a family, to be able to choose whether or not to keep a pregnancy before it's too late, and to just... Be seen as more than a sex object. They want a society that encourages division of labor within marriage that is determined by the couple with full agency on both sides and an eye towards whatever each excels in. If a leftist woman is feeling extra spicy she may bring up intersectional topics, like helping men escape from the requirements of conditional masculinity and helping them find their voices in conversations about domestic abuse. Is this too much? Is any of this too much? Because we don't have it now, and if we stop asking, we never will.
I have no words. You are portraying me with your beautiful voice and words. Beautiful and so terribly true! Thank you for fighting for the rights of women, Paris Paloma :)
For me this is the exact conversation we’ve been having on TikTok and I could never find the right words for the frustration I felt before that. This song sums it all up so beautifully
I absolutely bawled to this song I cried for all the woman before me who had to yo through this. The generational rage thus song gives me is astronomical
This song enrages me in the best way. Spectacular verses combined with that slow, heart pounding build up and a message that rings so terribly true. Absolute chills.
The “capillaries bursting” is also a double meaning- like she’s so enraged they burst, but also that happens when someone literally strangled someone. How many men have strangled their partners to death?
It also happens when someone cries so hard uncontrollably. It's a forceful, powerful cry. One where you can't stop yourself, when the pressure in your head gets so unbearable because of the sobs quite literally racking through you.
I always thought it said "less than a servant" and both lyrics means so much when you look back and realize that until now there are still many people who think they own you once you tied the knot
@@trusttheprocess5618 look who statistically lives longer, married men or single men - spoiler, it's the married men. For women it's the exact opposite.
@OPZ187 right because being at risk of the rights to my own body being taken away and reacting to that is "ridiculous". Congratulations if it doesn't impact your life, but it impacts mine. You didn't have to reply
This song is so powerful, because it rings true in so many people. Not only from abusive homes, but simply from the cultural misalignment of workload. Its about one partner not even thinking about the tasks they always rely on the other to do. My parents were never abusive as I could tell, my father is a decent man. They both worked, yet at home my mother did 70% of the cleaning, 90% of the cooking, 100% of the shopping, laundry, helping me and my brother with homework and dealing with our after school activities. In the last few years my father came home from work, went to watch TV, ate dinner when mother called for him, then went to watch TV the rest of the evening. They divorced after 20 years, and it wasn't a surprise
I love this song to bits. It's so powerful and compelling! ...But it's also the kind of song that I hope my mother never discovers. She'll probably say that she resonates with it, despite being an absolute narcissistic that didn't care for her children past the baby stage. It was a relief when my parents finally divorced because then she wasn't around to scream obscenities at my dad. I chose my dad in the divorce because he raised me. He did everything and never complained. He built my mom gardens and bookshelves and a walk-in closet at her request, despite working long weeks, and tried his best to spend quality time with his family. My mom still thinks to this day that I went with him because he manipulated me. She has no sense of wrongness.
This was absolutely worth the wait, I heard the teasers and counted down the days 😍 there's so much rage I feel singing this song and In the best way possible
I will cheer any woman who escapes this type of relationship. No one should be forced or convicted to have a child. To be a mother to a man and her children. I love this song.
this is an absolute art; the lyrics, the music, the message it sends... it made me sad, heartbroken, angry, crying and then screaming and throwing things... ahhhh LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!!!
I was in a 9 month relationship with my abuser. He sexually abused me and he made me do a whole lot of shit and he even wanted me to get pregnant and the line about the daughter really broke me because what if I had a daughter? What would he have done to her? I was 15-16 at the time and I stood my ground towards the end. I’m now 19 going on 20 and I’m a hell of a lot better knowing I don’t have to worry about that anymore. To all of the women out there, you are strong no matter what and I am proud of y’all ❤
Recently, the guy who SA me was found dead. I finally decided to speak up about him. I had an interview. I had to go through all the memories all of it within my head. No one has told me how he died or why he died. I was 6-7. I’m 13 and turning 14 next week. People don’t take SA survivors seriously regardless of how severe and I am sick of it. No matter what gender you may be, have respect and do not touch or do anything to anyone without their consent regardless whether you think it’s “right” or not. No one should have to live with any memories of anything that happened to them. It’s not all men and it’s not all women. You are not to be praised if you’ve never done anything like SA. You are to be seen as a normal person. You don’t get praise for doing it and you don’t get praise for not doing it. Whether intoxicated whether in a dangerous mental state you should never ever act on something without consent and the right to do so. It won’t always be a “No.” It can be many things. Have respect and grow the fuck up. People should not have to live like me with these constant memories in their heads. Stay safe and take care.
@@Jasminexrosexoxo only 4% of all sexual assault accusations are suspected or found to be false. So this is not true and that isn't included the amount of cases that aren't reported
I am a man who escaped an abusive relationship with a woman. The parallels found in this song are heartbreaking. My heart goes out to everyone escaping an abusive relationship, no matter who they are. Keep on fighting, no matter what.
I'm glad that you spoke up. Too many men stay quiet about their abusive relationships to try and be "manly." Whilst the issue isn't quite as prominent for us men, it's still a very real issue. I'm glad you're doing better. Keep your head up, brother.
@dcarrenob89 this song, whilst it being written from a feminine perspective, is at a basic level about abuse and being treated as though the only thing of value about a person is what they provide or do for another. So this space and song is for whoever can relate to that. Go be butt hurt somewhere else.
@@dcarrenob89 its ignorant of you to assume that this is a woman-only youtube video. it is not. music is up for interpertation and this man did nothing wrong by speaking up on the shit he went through, this song is about abuse and being treated terribly. which both men AND women can experience (crazy right?) you, my dear, are the reason why men feel they cant express their feelings, or speak out about r4pe or abuse.
@@dcarrenob89gross! I dont think the woman who wrote this song would agree with you whatsoever. Abuse is abuse, no-one deserves to be shamed or ridiculed for having experienced it, and unfortunately men's AND women's experiences are silenced all the time, *by people like you.* How dare you try to gatekeep someone taking comfort in a song about ESCAPING ABUSE?? Like. What do you get out of that? A superiority complex? Bc it's not a good look pal. Figure out your priorities.
This song just makes me think of my older sisters... their husbands never do anything for them and expect so much from them anyways. One sister never wanted children. Because of her husband she now has 3. She loves her daughters but she never wanted to be a mother. My other sister works full time, takes care of their son all the time whether her husband is home or not. He sits on his phone while she works day in and day out for them. He's cheated on her twice but she stays for her son. This song is amazing and hopefully they'll hear it and realize they deserve better
The way this song hit me. I haven’t found a song that has leveled me and healed me at the same time, in a long time. I’m a survivor of abuse, some of my abusers have NPD, and I have PTSD due to domestic violence. I never thought a song I heard on a tiktok reel would spark my interest, but here I am. One of the hardest life lessons I’m learning at 34, is that I AM CAPABLE. I just was wasting my capabilities on terrible men, vying for their approval, validation and affection. Now I’m finally throwing that capability into myself. The abuse was so awful that showering was a chore. So I wake up between 5-6am, and make time for me. Man or woman, if you’re being abused, please know you can get out. Please know it is better, and please know they’re lying to you and saying anything they can to get you to stay or take them back. You are TRULY loved and you ARE CAPABLE.
@@danmoraru8743 all of them, and they were abusive, so I suggest you sit. If someone speaking out about the abuse they went through, triggers you, then it may be time for you to seek therapy.
@@ettaetta439 I’m so sorry you and your family went through harm. My family and myself did as well. I’m so tired man. But this song makes me angry and gives me hope.
You don’t know them, but the generations of women who came before you are still a part of you. Your mitochondrial DNA can only be passed down from the mother, so you’ll always carry a piece of those women with you
Just here after the election results. I'm a 14 year old ace lesbian. My whole family just voted red. I have to listen to them all cheer as my rights are being taken away, and I can't do anything about it. But I know we have to stick together in this so... we can't give up hope yet...💙
21 yr old pan non-binary woman with a daughter. I will not hide myself and I'll figure out a way to fight for us little one. You deserve to love who you want, have kids, and have a safe world. I'm sorry us adults failed you. You are loved so much.
To all the women show have lived through this, you are so damn brave. Fighting back and escaping from an abusive relationship is so, so much harder than people make it out to be. Know if you're still trapped, there are so many women sending you love and strength. You are worth so much more than what you can do for other people. You deserve to be happy, too.
This song reminds me of my mom, My mom(B) got married to a guy who I will call R. He was manipulative, he made her think he was a good guy. But he was an Evil and Abusive man. My mother didn't know till I was born. He started showing his true colors, getting angry at the tiniest things. When my brother was born premie that's when it started. My mom was on bed rest throughout my brother's pregnancy. He didn't care he didn't want to deal with her so he forced her into the car and drove her to my grandma's house. I was a quiet but happy child until one day he started yelling at me in my highchair. I wanted to be cleaned I was 3. My mom was feeding my brother. She rushed in front of him and he threw her into a wall and destroyed her shoulder, my grandfather got us out. My mom is my hero!
It's so sad. I'm only 22 years old but I can relate to this song so hard. This society is fucked up. I can understand my mother a bit more now. Also I am so happy to be not with my ex anymore. I did so much emotional labour and spend money and time with him so so much just to get barley anything in return. ❤ Love goes out to my sisters!
Just laying here in my bed, carefully listened to the lyrics. The song is perfectly displayed, the words are just so true. They explain real life situations drawing in attention to a woman's everyday life and daily struggles, in a song that can constantly replay in one's head like a little voice springing and giving u this urge to do something. Support women, stop working us like slaves. when ur ill treating a woman think of her as ur mother or sister. Is that how u want them to be treated? Its disgusting. Stop. We wouldn't be here if we shouldn't. We bring life onto earth through this portal called our vagina, men could never do that. Worship women, treat them equally. We are goddesses and should be treated as such, we've earned it simply by existing.
Once a little old lady told me she was proud of my for going to school because women didn't have the chance when she was my age. She was just a passing stranger. But now I have to make something of myself because it's not about me. It's about all the women before me who have wasted away.
I feel this song in such a visceral way. My gut wants to scream this song out. I lost years, years to a man like this. RUN AWAY and run screaming from this kimd of life.
I've been waiting for this to come now that it is out I'm like yay!!!!! My favorite line would have to be, " It's not am act of love if you make her. You make me do too much labor." ❤❤
I love this line bc it can be interpreted so many different ways. You can see it as in “making love” or how I hear it as in like little “acts of love” like making dinner for your partner. It’s not an act of love if you force her to cook is it? I love this song.
Hey just wanted to say that she's speaking about picking fruit from trees..back in the olden days the orchard is where the fruit trees were to make pies ext..she also talkes about gables..cleaning the roof/ beams essentially
My favourite cop out guys use to get out of household labour is "oh but i work so therefore i don't need to help around the house since im paying all the bills" Okay, but if i wasn't here you would literally still be doing that. You haven't sacrificed ANYTHING. I gave up my body to have your child. I gave up my free time and my love of drawing, acting, dancing, playing videogames, my entire social life and so much more to look after YOUR CHILD and YOUR home. Yeah you work but again YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN DOING THAT ANYWAY!!!! YOU WERE ALREADY DOING THAT BEFORE YOU MET ME. YOU HAVEN'T SACRIFICED AT ALL, THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS WASH A DISH
It always got to me to see my male coworkers getting served and not having to do chores (their wives did everything). I think it's unfair to a woman and her career (and interests) to have to balance both. I feel like you get farther if you have the time. Compared to my male coworkers, they always had way more time because of it.
Yes cause it's men that are just always pushing for children. ...pushing for marraige pushing to get new furniture or a nice yard or new silverware ...I don't think you realize that he wouldn't do it if you wernt around men don't demand that level of perfectionism
I am so fortunate to have a mother and father who broke the cycle. They are both amazing at teaching me and my siblings how to be strong and to never give up on our dreams. I wish my grandmother and aunts found someone like my father, but fortunately, they have all broken free from their abusive husbands and taught their daughters how to heal and gain strength. No man (nor woman) has been able to tread on my family for two decades now thanks to their strength and the support of the loving husbands who have joined our family 🙌🏽 Never lose hope!
Where are you listening from? 🌎🌍🌏
South Africa
italyy
singapore
_Brazil!_ 🙋♀️🇧🇷
UK
The best part of this song it starts so soft but as it goes on, you hear the anger come out. The line about saving the daughter is haunting
I bawled my eyes out while staring at my daughter watching her sleep while listening to that line.
This is going to sound bad but im glad i had a miscarriage when i was with my abusive ex because if it was a girl, i wouldn't want her to go through what i did.
I think it starts soft because we usually try telling the problem before we escalate.
I saved my daughter hopefully before it was too late. He was a monster and didn’t deserve her precious soul in his life.
Female rage at its finest
"false incompetence is dominance under guise" "it's not an act of love if you make her" some of the best written song lyrics I've ever heard. Powerful.
Sadly, weaponize incompetence is a thing. 😔
I agree. Lots of women want to be doting housewives that do traditional housewife work. But if it's """expected""" then it's not exactly consensual on their part.
I know!!!! This song is so beautifully written with such powerful lyrics
Be me incompent man, be also me carrying girlfriend when she got to sick to walk and made her soup.
I am dumb but my heart and back are strong.
And all the others things around the house so she didn't worry.
My dad would always do that: pretend he didn't know how to do something around the house in order to get my mom to do it, or pretend not to understand how his behavior could be perceived as insulting in order to not take accountability for what he did. The best decision my mom made was kicking him out, it was like a heavy shadow left our house and we were happier. We could talk, joke and laugh whiteout having to worry about him ruining our happiness
I’m older and divorced from an abusive man. I’m so appreciative of this generation of women for taking this on. Keep fighting. It’s the fight for your life!
I'm sending you lots of healing, but most of all, love and light. ✨️💛✨️
We all fight this fight. We all fight.
We fight each other’s fight together hand in hand
@@bizarrebunny5579 We are one and we are all.
@@katienielsen7715 ❤
The fact that you can hear the children in the background singing with her makes it so much more emotional and sad.
Yes 🧿💔
Unfortunately it’s not children
@@madisoneckhart2447 what do you mean unfortionatly?
@@charlie5286 it's young women actually. but it sure is weird how they said 'Unfortunately."
@@charlie5286I’m assuming it’s just because it’s unfortunate to tell someone they are wrong
For me the most powerful line is “it’s not an act of love if you make her” gives me chills
Same here…it sets out the relationship dynamic so perfectly. Image (it’s an act of love) vs. reality (not if you make her).
I agree!
Typically women being allergic to any self responsibility and hard work. The world would fall apart without men. The world would be fine without women!
@@leavemealone853Work as in careers and what not is not what this song or comment is about. It’s about work in a relationship/family. It’s about love, though I’m guessing people like you wouldn’t know much about that. And the world would not be fine without women, because the species would die out. Sometimes you misogynists go so far to hate women you completely forget simple knowledge, it’s hilarious.
fr
My divorce from an abusive 15 year marraige was finalized the SAME day this song was released!!!
Felt so seen and validated and POWERFUL!
My 12 year old daughter listened too. She looked me dead in the eyes and said;
"Don't worry momma, I'm gonna be a alright"
Sending infinite amounts of love to all the women/mommas breaking free and finding their power.
And your daughter will be alright. Because the women of this generation will not see the next one end in the same way the last did. We'll make sure this generation is heard and seen. Keep fighting! You are validated and seen. We know of the pain, and we won't see our children raised the same!
My God I needed this comment. I'm leaving my abusive husband. I'm looking for a divorce lawyer so I can keep my two year old son from my husband's abuse.
@@Lopsided_scientist I'm barely about to finish high school but I am wishing you the greatest strength. You are beautiful and strong! Your son is lucky to have such a strong woman in his life!
Amen, congratulations. I wish you and your daughter infinite healing from that bastard.
Awwww this song is for you, and your daughter!❤
this is my feminine rage song. i’ve grown up watching my mother carry our family on her back. my dad did work, he did. and im grateful for him. but my mom worked too- and then came home to take care of the house, the kids, the food, the laundry, the cleaning. i dont know how she did it for so long. for years. im so glad im an adult now so she can finally take a break and i can take care of her.
the rage in me is against society, and myself who realized later than i should have and was brainwashed to thinking that this was normal, a given. it shouldnt be. ladies, women, girls- *it shouldnt be.*
Exactly!
That brainwashed part was so true, i was so convinced that it was normal but *it shouldn't be*
@@blinkeuisaswiftie8397 i feel you I was convinced that housework and cooking was a woman's job but it is equal work
Let's talk about it, please allow me to add my two cents in this conversation. Maybe something to think about.
First of all, I'm grateful that your emotional maturity doesn't release in a form of hatred towards your dad, but rather it releases as a form of compassion and sympathy for your mom that she wholeheartedly deserves.
But maybe consider this: What if that was the life she wanted? And her reward is simply her children's acknowledgement, which may I assume she got plenty of. That's the ultimate "trophy". She did a little extra, and therefore you love her a little extra.
Many people's love language is act of service. Furthermore, what you are describing as "an ideal relationship" is nothing more than co-dependency which on paper seems reasonable but in practice it's sickening & miserable. Love isn't about equality, love has nothing to do with the way chores are divided. and once you have found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, trust me you don't have time to spend thinking about how many days in a row you had to make dinner. If you are complaining about chores being divided unequally, you are not in love.
It doesn't matter who takes the trash out, or does the dishes. All of them could be done by one person. What matters is whether healthy foundations for the relationship is set.
Imagine you dad complaining about him doing "100% of the plumbing, 100% of law mawning and most of the driving on family trips" since he moved in with your mother.
When was the last time your father received a little gift of appreciation? Such as a bracelet, a mug or even flowers(yeah)? When was the last time he had the whole check covered by your mother(or you, if you are employed) in a restaurant? Did you guys celebrate father's day last year if so what have you planned for this year? The last time you kissed or hugged him? Asked for his advice or listened to what he had to say?
In my opinion once you move past the feminine rage, that is based on trivia things you'll be able to love and be loved.
@@shotoxx7608 it wasn't the life she wanted...did u read they said their mother worked just like the father during the day, but when they got home she was EXPECTED to do the housework and rearing, that is a reality bashed into little girls minds since the time they can even pick up a baby doll. It isn't a want when u are brainwashed into thinking it is an expectation, yet it is ruining ur health, rest, and sleep when the other person in the relationship is working in the main market equally, but refuses to do so in the private market of the household.
And it is indeed LOVE when ur partner, who is male, in a cis hetero relationship, shows he is responsible for household and children. Some of us have icks, that we hate, so it is also healthy and LOVE to have communication and to be able to divide up chores equitably, equality can be felt when partners have equity in the work that needs to be done to be in such a relationship with kids. You admit service is a love language, then in the same breath claim it isn't love. You are so confused, maybe u are just a child who lacks life experience, but JFC at least notice when u contradict urself.
And the final paragraph is just showing ur misogynistic and sexist view of the world. Men get cards, they get father's day, they get father Christmas presents, they have their kids ask what to do (if they as a father are actually emotionally intelligent enough not to be a toxic masc man who cuts his own kids from him cause he shows aggression or oppression of "soft" emotions, like so many do), etc. He gets kisses when he gets home, haven't u ever heard of the line "Honey welcome home! 👩❤️💋👨😘", before?
Your questions at the end is clear u don't even understand history nor gender roles pressed onto us all, particularly from Christian trad gender roles. Asking "what about him" is whataboutism and it is just a distraction and pick me behavior. Do better
This song makes me cry for my mother, grandmother, sisters, myself, and all women who relate to this. For my family, it was my father who was mentally and physically abusive. I thank God that we no longer have him in our life, after so many hard years of fighting and enduring his cruelty. I am also thankful that this powerful song was released
I wish this were my case. Unfortunately, my mom is still with my emotionally abusive father. I can’t help but love him, but I hate the way he treats my momma.
Why tf do I relate to this comment so much? Still looking for that son of a you-know-what who hurt my mother all those years ago and abused my sister.
@@CosmicHannie this makes me feel for the mothers as how motherhood seems like a worth suffering for women
Dear dad, this one’s for you. Mom worked her fingers to the bone till death and you never appreciated her. Rest in heaven mom, you deserved the world.
I‘m sorry for your loss, I hope you’re alright 💕
Many of us can relate... God bless your mother, she was so strong ❤️❤️
Your mum loves you 💗
My mother dated a man for 8 months at 17, her parents decided that they did not want to take care of her anymore and signed her off to marry him at 17. He was abusive to her, first it was verbally and then he got physical. He did things like hitting her randomly to ripping off her clothes because he did not like them. And during all of this she was still in school. She started to see a counselor that would come in for her, the counselor the. showed her the statistics that people (male or female) who want to marry before 1 or 2 years of dating is abusive, when my mother heard this everything started to make sense to her. She ended her first marriage off and divorced him but she did give birth to his child(my oldest sister let’s call her J). A year and a half later, my mother has been dating another man and gives birth to her second child (his first and my older sister and let’s call her A). She then married that same man who becomes the father to J (by adopting her).When A is four years old ,my mother announces that she will have another baby (AKA me). My mother has told each of us this story because she doesn’t want us to fall into her fate of abusive relationships. My mother is the strongest person in the world, I have no words to describe the relief that she made it out alive and the appreciation for what she sacrificed for us. And she is treated correctly by my dad, or else he would have three girls hunting him down 😂.
I also understand how it feels to have someone close to you to die, what u can say is your mother is looking down at you from heaven and is proud
@@melb4250 real
It’s ridiculous the shivers and tears this song brings. I think every woman can feel this song to their bones whether it be for themselves, mothers, sisters, aunts anything
I don't feel it that way wdym
🤣🤣🤣 enjoy your house full of 50 cats keep crying you baby!
I do--I do feel it in my bones. I heard a shortened clip and immediately came here to find the whole song. It echoes so many stories, old and new that you read about women. And I grew up with a kind father who did a lot of the housework and I'm lucky to have a good husband who does more than his fair share (because I've fallen ill) but I also know many women who don't have this and it gives me the chills. So many women are abandoned when they become sick, I consider myself very lucky. This is a song about most women throughout all of time. I sent a link to my daughter because even if she doesn't experience many of the lyrics in this song herself it's important to recognize it's pretty much a universal condition 🥺
Same with trans men. We’ve lived these experiences too, we’ve been fed this rhetoric all our lives the same way cis women have
@@louiset2218 you said it perfectly 👌
Please tell me im not the only one who can close my eyes and start crying because i started realizing that one relationship was so abusive and this song was the thing that brought it to light.
It's horrendous how much this kind of abuse is normalized. There are so many posts about how hard women work with the caption "Women are amazing!". We are, but we shouldn't have to be.
Yep I stayed 3 years too long I was his slave in basically every way and he would ask his mum " shouldn't the one at home do the cleaning and cooking" we both were with jobs at the time but she agreed and he used that agreement to his advantage would also threaten to leave me constantly but when I tried to leave be pinned me to the wall and said no ( more than that went on but that's the gist of his attitude)
I've been healing from an abusive relationship too. I sing and cry every line to the version of myself from the past, as I watch each lyric happening in my mind. It feels like I am sending the building defiance and strength to them.
Mostly emotional abuse, but probably because I’ve never lived with him. The amount I’ve sacrificed though is infinite and catering to all his needs… I relate deeply, and yes, I began to tear up listening with my eyes closed
Its definitely a light bulb moment
“24/7 baby machine” … “It’s not an act of love if you make her.” Truly powerful and sad.
I pray women worldwide use this to stand their ground and finally show men we are not objects we are human beings
In the USA we needed this song...the attack on women and LGBTQAI+ rights show this fight is not close to over.
@@cielonehellofaservicedog4648 facts
@@cielonehellofaservicedog4648 it’s not a right to abort your baby or transition children’s genitals
@@cielonehellofaservicedog4648women have rights in the USA what r u talking about
@@chuuchuuutrain abortion rights were taken away.
This makes me think of my grandma. She was so beautiful and she caught my grandpas eyes and he gave her no choice that she was “his”. Had her first child at 17 and then 8 other pregnancies afterwards, two of which didn’t make it. Abused and made to fend for herself and children while my grandpa drank and only came home to beat her. She survived and my mom talks about to to this day. About how strong she was and how persevering she was. She never gave up. They lived in a house with no running water on the country side of our community. She survived. She has a hard life. Nothing but serving people and a God that paid her no mind. She had the purest heart and lived a life of suffering. She moved onto the next part of her journey almost 3 years ago now. Wherever she is I hope she’s being the bad ass warrior she is. I take peace knowing she’s free from this hell of a world we live in now.
if there is any justice in the hereafter she is in valhalla seated at the head of the table with the mightiest warriors ever born. surviving all of that....
@@Psyche1226 thank you. You have no idea how much your comforting words help. ❤️
I know what you’re talking about. If I only start to think about how much my grandma went through, it doesn’t end. Or my mom. Women in my family are warriors. I don’t want to and don’t have to repeat the same cycle. Time to break it.
Knew a lady who's mom escaped horrible abuse, she was Canadian and caught a plane to Hawaii but had no money. Pearl Harbor happened a week after she got there! They needed help and she strapped the baby to her back and tended to soldiers and she ended up becoming a beloved doctor in Honolulu. She lived to almost 100. I met her a few times and she was a hero to me, she just ran away and her life opened in the most awesome way!!! I feel sickened for all suffering abuse.
The beginning sounds like my grandparents. She was very beautiful and gentle and he quickly married her. He ended up being a horrible abuser (not just beatings, but straight up torture, he'd been through kgb training). In stead of her having tons of kids though he made her have tons of abortions instead. They lived in deep poverty. Running away also wasn't very realistic because of his connections. It was too much for my grandma, she got an illness and refused to properly treat it ending in her early death.
So she got the abusive side to the extreme, while my other grandma got the labor part to the extreme. She alone took care of a farm, her own three kids, a neglected neighbor's girl and sometimes other kids (like relatives or her kid's friends) while her drunk trucker husband was mostly away working or living with his second family. No running water, all meals from scratch, farm animals to take care of, gardens, fields, at one point she'd get into the plough and do the work of an ox ploughing the field because that was the only way to get it done. Her health plummeted in her 60s and now she doesn't recognize most of her family.
My parents' marriage was also bad. So needless to say I'm very careful with my partner selection.
To all the little girls, that watched their mothers, and sisters and self get emotionally physically and verbally beaten. That little girl wants to let you know you are so strong. And you are safe now. Hug your self a little tighter today
Needed this 🥺
Aww thank you. This comment put me in tears!😢❤
The little girl inside me says thank you
guys get abused too
@@chuuchuuutrain No shit, Sherlock. Water is wet. 💁🏻♀️
using this as my personal case study in media for my sociology coursework. this is a masterpiece and I absolutely adore it
What's your coursework about?
@@borrow4654 media's effects on society and it's functions
I am so proud of the men in my life for listening to me when I point out that I'm always the one who cleans up after company, the one who makes the tea, and that I have to wrap my whole schedule around baking the bread they finish eating in one day. They've been making a lot of progress, simplifying plans and doing more to help so the division of labor is more even. I have also made progress in realizing that it's not my sole duty to cater to everyone around me. But it takes a lot of conversations and work to subvert the social programming that has been there for hundreds of years. Progress is possible though.
don't be proud. it's the bare minimum
@@yeos_angel_ Programming is hard to break. I don't expect them to be perfect, and I don't expect them to read my mind. They care a lot about me and just as often ask if they can help just out of courtesy. I'm just as proud of all my gals who stand up for themselves after being in the role of care for too long. I can be proud of men for putting in the work and growing. Plus I find it more useful to phrase my response to this as "I appreciate your progress" rather than "Finally, the bare minimum."
@@yeos_angel_ their reason to be proud is valid tho, they aren't saying someone like "I'm proud of my husband for being a babysitter for his own baby, for doing his laundry and dishes" but i understand that it really is annoying when some people gets proud of men for doing the normal, unusual thing.
@@essimathews9056 programming to ignore you? You're happy that they finally see you as a person?
@@yeos_angel_ Let's put it this way. One can be proud of someone for their progress in becoming physically healthier when they were unhealthy before without disagreeing with the fact that they probably shouldn't have had unhealthy habits in the first place. I feel like it's just the same in this case. I don't think they were outright ignoring me, more like I had been encouraged to take on traditional responsibilities while growing up without question or complaint, and they were encouraged to see that as the norm, and for lack of contradiction, thought my contribution was wholly voluntary, and not simply what I had been taught was my responsibility. When they saw I was overwhelmed they would help even before we decided to focus on these things, but now we are communicating to avoid me getting overwhelmed in the first place. I am proud of them for having perfect intentions, if not perfect understanding. I don't feel abused or like they consider me less than a person in general. In fact I think my guy friends and fiancé have actually encouraged me to speak up for myself more than my family did.
This has become an anthem for ALL women.
😂😂😂😂Not ALL women. 🤡🤡
I’m not even living in America but I’m so scared to be a girl on the UK because apparently the UK has to do everything America tells them to do, which could largely impact our laws and stuff
@elsxiee I think this should be scary for all women and you're totally right. If somewhere this progressive can backslide this far in 2024 no one is safe 🥺 I'm petrified for my daughter.
@madim9739 it's a horrible thought isn't it
@@elsxiee js saying, this song has nothing to do with America, it's talking about older generations of women, or countries that still make women work like that.
(Arranged marriages, stay at home wives that maintain everything, bring up children on their own, take care of their husbands etc.)
"Apologies from my tongue, but never yours" I'd missed that line, but boy is it massive! We're raised to apologize for everything, even things that aren't our fault, and just accept when other people act like them disrespecting us isn't a big deal. We're being dramatic. It's in the past. Etc.
i say sorry for sneeezing... the only time I don't is with my grandma because she told me you don't ever have to be sorry for a bodily function
After 26 years of an abusive marriage I’m free. ❤started drinking at 43 when I left. Didn’t take me long to become an alcoholic. I’m 4 years sober and still single. Ten years now. I’m truly truly free at 52
Similar age to my mother, also single now and so so happy. I'm crying happy tears for you ❤
Powerwoman ❤
Congratulations on your sobriety and your freedom! May love and light lead the way for you
I’m so glad your free
I am so proud of you. You deserve so much better than what happened to you. I hope your life continues to improve
Even as a man, I feel the power of this song, can only imagine how you gals feel about it. Stay strong everyone and find yourselves a lover and a partner, not a slave-owner!
If you're a man and you don't love this song, it's probably because it hits too close to home.
You, sir, are a good man. I applaud you.
you dropped this 👑
👏 👏 👏
Her voice is otherwordly ❤️
Its hypnotic
@@michellewingard4757 yep
Agreed
It has a haunting quality, it delivers the message so beautifully.
Raising a daughter and a son right now. They are young, and I’m so glad they both are growing up In a generation where their mother Isn’t brainwashed like mine was
I feel like many women have woken up to this nonsense. The issue is that many men still haven't and it still sets a bad example. Even if the mother wants to raise the next generation more equal, if the father lets say never cooks, it might complicate the process.
"Often father and daughter look down on mother (woman) together. They exchange meaningful glances when she misses a point. They agree that she is not bright as they are, cannot reason as they do. This collusion does not save the daughter from the mother’s fate."
The artist makes a lot of references to this quote in probably my favorite way. The quote addresses the way the daughter will feel, but her song addresses how the mother is bright enough to realize what is happening and yet she still cannot save her daughter.
@@anayaweick7964 such an excellent point! For years I blamed her for him cheating, beating us, being a total tyrant and we all made jokes at her expense. I never understood until I was the mother.
This is so true, it breaks my heart to think of it now. The constant need to try to appease my Dad, and find connection with him even at the cost of my Mum's happiness. I'm thankful I realised this while I can still put it right, though it won't make up for the years she felt alone. I do everything I can to validate and defend her now, and I will do so always.
“It’s not an act of love if you make her” is such an incredibly powerful line, especially in a song like this.
One of the best tracks this year!
Yes! And the message is deep too
By far!
The younger female voices echoing through the background showing the generations dealing with the man's actions was so well done!
I do have a daughter which is why I ran. This song hits soooo hard. Thank u ❤😊
Same, girl, same. All the love to you and your daughter.
I sit here today on November 6th knowing my rights are someone else's choice. A man's choice...
@@keketepe7123 same..... 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i havent been able to stop crying all day
🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
As a man, I will ALWAYS fight for your rights, this fight is far from over.❤️
There is nothing in this world that we can't survive for another 4 years. It's okay to cry, scream, and rage every single day until women slip the tightening collar of misogyny. And friend, you're not alone and you're not crazy and you're not overreacting. I see you. ❤
@@keketepe7123 we stand in solidarity sis
My heart cries for all of you. I hope you'll stay safe and strong, seek comfort in one another. Lots of love from Finland, I wish I could help you all out of there.
This song is comforting women everywhere this girl has made history
It doesn't get better than this.
Exactly my thoughts! Best song ever. It’s all you could want in a song!😅
Lmao yall are so lost in the sauce its amazing you found your way here 🤣 keep living in clown world 🤡
e
An hour after the premiere. You really went out there and put your entire soul into this huh. Amazing.
This song is my life! Hope it reaches women everywhere. Cautionary tale and anthem that we’re worth more!
Went viral already on tiktok before full release
This is exactly how my mother is living and has lived my whole life with my dad and I want to scream and cry every time I think about it... I broke the cycle but I wish I could change her life
@@boredraccoon I'm proud of you
Finally full version! ❤️
My mother, at the age of five, taught me that I can't cry or show weakness because men will take everything from you and leave with less than NOTHING.
I learned from her mistakes and I am free today. Rest in peace mother... your sacrifice will never be forgotten
@@melissaCgreenwood 🙏✝️
men don't do that at least not al of them, there's nothing wrong with showing your feelings
Jeez, sorry your mother was so toxic.
Sorry to say this but men are not allowed to show their emotions ever and it’s why women live longer
The evolution of the lyrics are super interesting. She goes from saying “if our love dies, would that be the WORST thing?” to asking “If our love dies, would a bad thing?”
She goes from questioning ‘if I leave this relationship, would it kill me?’ to basically stating ‘if I stay in this relationship, he will kill me’ and that realization of the abuse and sexism is so powerful.
Stay strong, all or my AFABs and MtFs out there!
hey i know this was not your intention but saying “afabs and mtfs” when you mean women is super dysphoria inducing for both trans men and trans women
I feel like it does depend on the person. But as someone who is afab, it's easy to pick up fears relating to your sex growing up.
I absolutely feel the hell out of this song. Because I saw the situations depicted in this song.
The contexts of my feelings changed over the years. But growing up I absolutely felt fear of ending up in these situations.
It eventually switched to feeling the fear of being the toxic guy in relationships that I saw so much of growing up once I realized that I don't have to be a woman just because I'm afab (this just wasn't a common concept I even started hearing about fully until my later teen years)
But regardless of gender, many afabs do grow up being taught to be responsible for households
(this doesn't start as an adult).
.
And socially this is an experience closely linked to your sex, because this is something that commonly starts being taught well before we have full knowledge of gender as a concept.
Like, it being uneven with having girls do housework and help with cooking and looking after younger family members, when this expectation isn't pushed on boys of the same age.
I can't and won't try to speak for people at the other end of this, because it's not my place and I don't have their experiences
But I feel like this kind of socialization negatively effects everyone involved
Love how despite all this BS about women's oppression, you still have to include males.
Transwomen DO NOT GO THROUGH THIS. They can't even clean their own bedrooms. Do you really think a husband beats them for not sweeping the floors?
@@ravenqueer5295Transwomen are male.
Transmen are men, right? Well then they're part of the patriarchy.
@@solarchaoticaInteresting you say this and transwoman aren't expected to keep house despite them being 'real women.' Almost as if they just want to be f.ucked as a woman.
There will not be a single woman who hears this song and feels it in their bones
It's such a powerful song and is going to touch every woman in such a powerful way x
No, but we feel it for our mothers.
The wording you've used is confusing
@@queerantine69 they mean that the song reminds them of their mother instead of their own experience
@@enterthefreak3491 oh thank you
“If we had a daughter? I’d watch and could not save her” makes me want to violently vomit. Far TOO relatable.
Almost married a man who would have expected this from me. He went to work, but was so lazy otherwise. Now I’m with a new man and having his little baby girl - he doesn’t demand me to work if I don’t want to. And understands labour is a partnership, not an expectation from a female. I get chills thinking about the life I could have had if I didn’t walk a few years ago…my intuition knew something wasn’t right. Listen to yourselves. I’m happier, blessed and I feel safe ❤
I’m so sorry to every woman and girl in America right now they have failed you!
😂😂😂 Not every woman and girl feels the same way ❤❤❤❤ we saved ourselves.
@@Seashell3632we are doomed. You arnt saved. Men will run the world again and we will be jusy like this song.
@@FaithAfton_1983 You asked for equality, got it, but were never satisfied, always asking for more and more and disrespecting even the best of men. How long did you think you could continue to demand more and more from the strongest people? How long did you think they would keep giving before reasserting that strength?
Let's pretend for one moment that problems have two sides.
@billc6952 your so wrong. This ain't equality getting our rights taken, we are both human not some cattle. You need help. Your desgusting.
@@billc6952 we did not. As a young woman in a male dominated field, or even as a young woman in general, we did not get equality. Perhaps there were some legal safeguards, but what is required is a cultural belief in the equality of all people regardless of things like sex or gender.
Most left leaning women aren't even demanding that much. They want equal pay to their male counterparts, extended parental leave for all parents when an infant enters a family, to be able to choose whether or not to keep a pregnancy before it's too late, and to just... Be seen as more than a sex object. They want a society that encourages division of labor within marriage that is determined by the couple with full agency on both sides and an eye towards whatever each excels in. If a leftist woman is feeling extra spicy she may bring up intersectional topics, like helping men escape from the requirements of conditional masculinity and helping them find their voices in conversations about domestic abuse.
Is this too much? Is any of this too much? Because we don't have it now, and if we stop asking, we never will.
I have no words. You are portraying me with your beautiful voice and words. Beautiful and so terribly true! Thank you for fighting for the rights of women, Paris Paloma :)
For me this is the exact conversation we’ve been having on TikTok and I could never find the right words for the frustration I felt before that. This song sums it all up so beautifully
Been waiting for this. The amount of souls she's speaking into, can you feel the fire rising within ladies? 🔥
The fire is getting huge in all women
no
@@roelinkabek9286no
@@chuuchuuutrainwhy are you such a hater bro, get a life.
3:28 gives me goosebumps like chills down my spine
@@samiew literally
Who’s listening today with a heavy heart 😔
Absolutely blasting it from my car today. Everyone should have to listen to it
@@mechellevernatt8916 definitely
Me…I can’t imagine a more perfect song to scream sing all my feelings
much love to everyone here, we will keep fighting.
screaming this song with all my female rage behind it
This hit me harder then I realized, till today. I was thinking of the lyrics and my last relationship.
This song is just… spot on
I absolutely bawled to this song I cried for all the woman before me who had to yo through this. The generational rage thus song gives me is astronomical
The lyrics resonate with women since the dawn of human civilization for centuries
This song enrages me in the best way. Spectacular verses combined with that slow, heart pounding build up and a message that rings so terribly true. Absolute chills.
The “capillaries bursting” is also a double meaning- like she’s so enraged they burst, but also that happens when someone literally strangled someone. How many men have strangled their partners to death?
This also happens during labor in childbirth
It also happens when someone cries so hard uncontrollably. It's a forceful, powerful cry. One where you can't stop yourself, when the pressure in your head gets so unbearable because of the sobs quite literally racking through you.
I always thought it said "less than a servant" and both lyrics means so much when you look back and realize that until now there are still many people who think they own you once you tied the knot
As a mother of two kids with a man who only works and does nothing when he comes home this hits way too hard..
Girlie... He may not be the one for you. Talke to him about trying to help him around the house. If he doesn't change or becomes WORST... LEAVE HIM!
If he didn’t work you wouldn’t have shit🤣 bet if he never married you he would be soooo much better off
@@trusttheprocess5618 look who statistically lives longer, married men or single men - spoiler, it's the married men. For women it's the exact opposite.
Is he supposed to do anything after working all day? What are you for?
@@epicaunleashed8764 do you realize most women work too, right?
Ive always loved this song. But now its hitting harder than ever. I have a 4 momth old daughter. I am scared for her future over the next 4 years.
Much love girl, i hope everything will be alright. Never stop fighting, hugs from Poland.
You people are ridiculous
@OPZ187 right because being at risk of the rights to my own body being taken away and reacting to that is "ridiculous". Congratulations if it doesn't impact your life, but it impacts mine. You didn't have to reply
@@heeedwig2966 thank you so much ♡
@@OPZ187 I wonder why are you commenting under this song, if you think we are ridiculous
This song is so powerful, because it rings true in so many people. Not only from abusive homes, but simply from the cultural misalignment of workload. Its about one partner not even thinking about the tasks they always rely on the other to do. My parents were never abusive as I could tell, my father is a decent man. They both worked, yet at home my mother did 70% of the cleaning, 90% of the cooking, 100% of the shopping, laundry, helping me and my brother with homework and dealing with our after school activities. In the last few years my father came home from work, went to watch TV, ate dinner when mother called for him, then went to watch TV the rest of the evening. They divorced after 20 years, and it wasn't a surprise
I can only imagine the pain someone went through in order to be able to write a song like this
Here after the election. I feel this song more than ever rn
I love this song to bits. It's so powerful and compelling!
...But it's also the kind of song that I hope my mother never discovers. She'll probably say that she resonates with it, despite being an absolute narcissistic that didn't care for her children past the baby stage. It was a relief when my parents finally divorced because then she wasn't around to scream obscenities at my dad.
I chose my dad in the divorce because he raised me. He did everything and never complained. He built my mom gardens and bookshelves and a walk-in closet at her request, despite working long weeks, and tried his best to spend quality time with his family.
My mom still thinks to this day that I went with him because he manipulated me. She has no sense of wrongness.
I'm here before this becomes an athem for a generation.
Me too
Same
Me too
It already is lol 😂
Gen x and YES
This was absolutely worth the wait, I heard the teasers and counted down the days 😍 there's so much rage I feel singing this song and In the best way possible
I will cheer any woman who escapes this type of relationship. No one should be forced or convicted to have a child. To be a mother to a man and her children. I love this song.
this is an absolute art; the lyrics, the music, the message it sends... it made me sad, heartbroken, angry, crying and then screaming and throwing things... ahhhh LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!!!
I was in a 9 month relationship with my abuser. He sexually abused me and he made me do a whole lot of shit and he even wanted me to get pregnant and the line about the daughter really broke me because what if I had a daughter? What would he have done to her? I was 15-16 at the time and I stood my ground towards the end. I’m now 19 going on 20 and I’m a hell of a lot better knowing I don’t have to worry about that anymore. To all of the women out there, you are strong no matter what and I am proud of y’all ❤
Recently, the guy who SA me was found dead. I finally decided to speak up about him. I had an interview. I had to go through all the memories all of it within my head. No one has told me how he died or why he died. I was 6-7. I’m 13 and turning 14 next week. People don’t take SA survivors seriously regardless of how severe and I am sick of it. No matter what gender you may be, have respect and do not touch or do anything to anyone without their consent regardless whether you think it’s “right” or not. No one should have to live with any memories of anything that happened to them. It’s not all men and it’s not all women. You are not to be praised if you’ve never done anything like SA. You are to be seen as a normal person. You don’t get praise for doing it and you don’t get praise for not doing it. Whether intoxicated whether in a dangerous mental state you should never ever act on something without consent and the right to do so. It won’t always be a “No.” It can be many things. Have respect and grow the fuck up. People should not have to live like me with these constant memories in their heads. Stay safe and take care.
The reason they don't take it seriously is because women making fake accusations so it's hard to believe anyone
@@Jasminexrosexoxo only 4% of all sexual assault accusations are suspected or found to be false. So this is not true and that isn't included the amount of cases that aren't reported
I am a man who escaped an abusive relationship with a woman. The parallels found in this song are heartbreaking. My heart goes out to everyone escaping an abusive relationship, no matter who they are. Keep on fighting, no matter what.
I'm glad that you spoke up. Too many men stay quiet about their abusive relationships to try and be "manly." Whilst the issue isn't quite as prominent for us men, it's still a very real issue. I'm glad you're doing better. Keep your head up, brother.
@dcarrenob89 this song, whilst it being written from a feminine perspective, is at a basic level about abuse and being treated as though the only thing of value about a person is what they provide or do for another. So this space and song is for whoever can relate to that. Go be butt hurt somewhere else.
@@dcarrenob89 its ignorant of you to assume that this is a woman-only youtube video. it is not. music is up for interpertation and this man did nothing wrong by speaking up on the shit he went through, this song is about abuse and being treated terribly. which both men AND women can experience (crazy right?) you, my dear, are the reason why men feel they cant express their feelings, or speak out about r4pe or abuse.
@@dcarrenob89gross! I dont think the woman who wrote this song would agree with you whatsoever. Abuse is abuse, no-one deserves to be shamed or ridiculed for having experienced it, and unfortunately men's AND women's experiences are silenced all the time,
*by people like you.* How dare you try to gatekeep someone taking comfort in a song about ESCAPING ABUSE?? Like. What do you get out of that? A superiority complex? Bc it's not a good look pal. Figure out your priorities.
I am proud of you for escaping. Keep your head up! Never settle for less. I hope the best for you.
This song just makes me think of my older sisters... their husbands never do anything for them and expect so much from them anyways. One sister never wanted children. Because of her husband she now has 3. She loves her daughters but she never wanted to be a mother. My other sister works full time, takes care of their son all the time whether her husband is home or not. He sits on his phone while she works day in and day out for them. He's cheated on her twice but she stays for her son. This song is amazing and hopefully they'll hear it and realize they deserve better
Waited so long for this masterpiece ❤ Was absolutely worth it
The drop at 2:20 is everything ✨
The way this song hit me. I haven’t found a song that has leveled me and healed me at the same time, in a long time. I’m a survivor of abuse, some of my abusers have NPD, and I have PTSD due to domestic violence. I never thought a song I heard on a tiktok reel would spark my interest, but here I am. One of the hardest life lessons I’m learning at 34, is that I AM CAPABLE. I just was wasting my capabilities on terrible men, vying for their approval, validation and affection. Now I’m finally throwing that capability into myself. The abuse was so awful that showering was a chore. So I wake up between 5-6am, and make time for me.
Man or woman, if you’re being abused, please know you can get out. Please know it is better, and please know they’re lying to you and saying anything they can to get you to stay or take them back. You are TRULY loved and you ARE CAPABLE.
Just curious...how much of the bills did u pay in these "abusive" relationships?
@@danmoraru8743 all of them, and they were abusive, so I suggest you sit. If someone speaking out about the abuse they went through, triggers you, then it may be time for you to seek therapy.
This song makes me angry for all the women I never knew.
If you get to know me and my mom, you could be angry for us lol. And for my brothers too, they were harmed in different ways.
@@ettaetta439 I’m so sorry you and your family went through harm. My family and myself did as well. I’m so tired man. But this song makes me angry and gives me hope.
@@italias861 it's such a contradicting feeling to be helpless but at the same time feel empowered.
Good you need to be, everybody has to or nothing will change.
You don’t know them, but the generations of women who came before you are still a part of you. Your mitochondrial DNA can only be passed down from the mother, so you’ll always carry a piece of those women with you
2024. Man this has been in my head on repeat. I’m heartsick.
Just here after the election results. I'm a 14 year old ace lesbian. My whole family just voted red. I have to listen to them all cheer as my rights are being taken away, and I can't do anything about it. But I know we have to stick together in this so... we can't give up hope yet...💙
21 yr old pan non-binary woman with a daughter. I will not hide myself and I'll figure out a way to fight for us little one. You deserve to love who you want, have kids, and have a safe world. I'm sorry us adults failed you. You are loved so much.
@@abooher6245 I’m so sorry
😂
I'm sorry 😞 but i wish you to be stay strong 💞
Trump supports A-Z alphabet group. Too many letters to remember lol nor do I care to remember.
To all the women show have lived through this, you are so damn brave. Fighting back and escaping from an abusive relationship is so, so much harder than people make it out to be. Know if you're still trapped, there are so many women sending you love and strength. You are worth so much more than what you can do for other people. You deserve to be happy, too.
Man..i wish for this song to be recognized and awarded...but im sure it wont be ...its a freaking masterpiece.. a song you can feel in your dna..❤
Amazing how a song can carry meaning and a message far better than just saying something out loud.
Who’s here after the 2024 election results….
@@DepressedPotato10 Me bro 🥺💔 it hurts
@@iloveyoujetaime7624also a criminal
Me
@@DepressedPotato10 yep..
me
This is blaring in my house non stop now I love this song
Been waiting for this full version!
This song reminds me of my mom, My mom(B) got married to a guy who I will call R. He was manipulative, he made her think he was a good guy. But he was an Evil and Abusive man. My mother didn't know till I was born. He started showing his true colors, getting angry at the tiniest things. When my brother was born premie that's when it started. My mom was on bed rest throughout my brother's pregnancy. He didn't care he didn't want to deal with her so he forced her into the car and drove her to my grandma's house. I was a quiet but happy child until one day he started yelling at me in my highchair. I wanted to be cleaned I was 3. My mom was feeding my brother. She rushed in front of him and he threw her into a wall and destroyed her shoulder, my grandfather got us out.
My mom is my hero!
It's so sad. I'm only 22 years old but I can relate to this song so hard. This society is fucked up. I can understand my mother a bit more now. Also I am so happy to be not with my ex anymore. I did so much emotional labour and spend money and time with him so so much just to get barley anything in return. ❤ Love goes out to my sisters!
I need this on loop ❤️🔥
2:42 Anthem for all women
Just laying here in my bed, carefully listened to the lyrics. The song is perfectly displayed, the words are just so true. They explain real life situations drawing in attention to a woman's everyday life and daily struggles, in a song that can constantly replay in one's head like a little voice springing and giving u this urge to do something. Support women, stop working us like slaves. when ur ill treating a woman think of her as ur mother or sister. Is that how u want them to be treated? Its disgusting. Stop. We wouldn't be here if we shouldn't. We bring life onto earth through this portal called our vagina, men could never do that. Worship women, treat them equally. We are goddesses and should be treated as such, we've earned it simply by existing.
I LOVE THIS SONG!!
In grateful for my husband to our two sons and another on the way. THANK you for showing them and being an example of how to love and respect women.
Once a little old lady told me she was proud of my for going to school because women didn't have the chance when she was my age. She was just a passing stranger. But now I have to make something of myself because it's not about me. It's about all the women before me who have wasted away.
I feel this song in such a visceral way. My gut wants to scream this song out. I lost years, years to a man like this. RUN AWAY and run screaming from this kimd of life.
I've been waiting for this to come now that it is out I'm like yay!!!!! My favorite line would have to be, " It's not am act of love if you make her. You make me do too much labor." ❤❤
I love this line bc it can be interpreted so many different ways. You can see it as in “making love” or how I hear it as in like little “acts of love” like making dinner for your partner. It’s not an act of love if you force her to cook is it? I love this song.
I’m blasting this at all hours now
As someone who’s escaping from a very abusive household with horrible parents. I relate to this song so much it makes me feel so much emotion.
The harmonies is where the magic in this song lives.
'It's not an act of love if you make her ' , that hit hard
I love how the artist sings "who tends the orchards?" Bc orchards are one of the hardest flowers to keep alive.
Correction, Orchids are the flower. An orchard is a fruit garden
Hey just wanted to say that she's speaking about picking fruit from trees..back in the olden days the orchard is where the fruit trees were to make pies ext..she also talkes about gables..cleaning the roof/ beams essentially
I can't imagine the amount of tears that must have been shed while writing these lyrics. Incredibly powerful!
"Its not an act of love if you make her." i want to SCREAM IT at every adult who told me 'boys will be boys' or 'that just means he likes you!'
It's time. We fight now for our humanity
I have never found a song that literally encompasses every single feeling I have. Thank you.
It's about time us broken women got an anthem. Thank you.
My favourite cop out guys use to get out of household labour is "oh but i work so therefore i don't need to help around the house since im paying all the bills"
Okay, but if i wasn't here you would literally still be doing that. You haven't sacrificed ANYTHING. I gave up my body to have your child. I gave up my free time and my love of drawing, acting, dancing, playing videogames, my entire social life and so much more to look after YOUR CHILD and YOUR home.
Yeah you work but again YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN DOING THAT ANYWAY!!!! YOU WERE ALREADY DOING THAT BEFORE YOU MET ME. YOU HAVEN'T SACRIFICED AT ALL, THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS WASH A DISH
And you're also working
It always got to me to see my male coworkers getting served and not having to do chores (their wives did everything).
I think it's unfair to a woman and her career (and interests) to have to balance both. I feel like you get farther if you have the time. Compared to my male coworkers, they always had way more time because of it.
Yes cause it's men that are just always pushing for children. ...pushing for marraige pushing to get new furniture or a nice yard or new silverware ...I don't think you realize that he wouldn't do it if you wernt around men don't demand that level of perfectionism
I am so fortunate to have a mother and father who broke the cycle. They are both amazing at teaching me and my siblings how to be strong and to never give up on our dreams. I wish my grandmother and aunts found someone like my father, but fortunately, they have all broken free from their abusive husbands and taught their daughters how to heal and gain strength. No man (nor woman) has been able to tread on my family for two decades now thanks to their strength and the support of the loving husbands who have joined our family 🙌🏽 Never lose hope!