Comparing Is A Dark Road
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- Опубліковано 28 вер 2024
- Our daughter was diagnosed with level 3 autism and we talk about our struggle with comparing her to others developmentally. Now that we have moved past that, we want to share our story and help others get through those tough times. #autism #weefam
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I had a lot of experience with babies/kids so by 6 months my mothers intuition started growing and by 9 months I KNEW something was definitely going on. I compared Luke to other kids but I used it as a way to prove he was falling behind. His pediatrician at the time wasn’t listening to me. I worked in daycare for years prior to having Luke and I had one little boy from 6 weeks to 3 years old when I quite and he had a very obvious mental disability. He has since been diagnosed ID (we all know it use to be MR). His mother refused to see it and got mad at us for trying to help him. One day after trying to talk to her the afternoon before I was holding him (he was around a year old) and I was crying. I didn’t know what to do but I knew he needed help. I made a promise right then to my future kids that I would never allow my pride or my fear stop me from helping them if they needed it. I fought for almost 2 years to get Luke diagnosis and I knew for about a year before his diagnosis it was autism. I finally found someone to listen and point me in the direction of a doctor who could diagnose him. I sat in the parking lot of the building and made the appointment to have him tested. Even knowing it was autism having it confirmed HURT. I had never experienced mental/emotional pain so bad it caused me physical pain but I did on April 2, 2015. Now he is 7 and level 3 but he has changed me in ways nobody else could and I’m so blessed to be his mom.
Thank you for sharing this! Braylee is our only which obviously made her our first but I totally get the mother’s intuition on that. We were dismissed by the pediatrician at first as well. Our girl is also level 3 and 7 years old! We can definitely relate on those levels! She is the best thing to happen to us too.
It’s hard when someone isn’t ready to hear that something may be different or they know but don’t want to help their child. I’ve been in that situation too and it hurts to be a bystander.
I have been there. The grieving process, the comparing, the wanting to "fix" it, the overwhelm. And this was before social media and all of the resources available now. But in the last several years, things have gotten so much better. Getting him out in the world, and finding his strong points, has helped us as well.
All those things absolutely help!!
I compare myself to others frequently. Other people my age have marriages, kids, homes, and are being super successful in ways that I have just not achieved yet. I also compare myself with others that don't appear to have mental illness, like "How are you able to concentrate and focus on this thing and I can't? How are you motivated to get out of bed in the morning and I'm just not?" Some comparisons really can take us down a tough road.
It really fed into my anxiety and depression and it was a time where the smallest thing could send me into a not awesome mental space. It’s hard when so many put their best face forward to the world. Everyone is dealing with various life things too that can make progress/achievements happen in different orders, timeframes, or not at all. We learned that Braylee is exactly where she should be and going at her own pace, and that’s what works for her. We love you Candice and you’re doing great 💜 (Purple Heart because it’s your favorite)
Your daughter is so cute. I love how she makes sure the door is ALL the way shut. She is a blessing.
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I don't really "like" this video. Who could. I cry for all the realizations you had to accept. I so respect that you found the strength to get past that and are so dedicated in making your daughter as comfortable as she can be with her life and maximizing her abilities and loving her ... so much!
She deserves to have us appreciating her completely and not worrying about what others are doing. Which allows us to spend more time and energy focusing on helping her! 😃
Oh I feel this! My niece is 14 days younger then my daughter and by 3 or 4 months she was just shooting ahead...it always bothered me but I kept saying every kid is different and she will catch up. Now this month my daughter is turning 4 and it's really hitting me that I can't ask what kind of cake she wants or what gift she wants. Even a party isn't going to happen because she doesn't enjoy groups and honestly doesn't have freinds...her cousin who's always been her play mate is now telling her to go away or calling her a baby because she doesn't talk and is still in diapers. It's so hard I love my niece but sometimes I just can't be around her chatting and hearing her excitement about her party or freinds. Or hearing my friends talk about how much their 2 year old is talking or whatever. It just makes me so sad and mad sometimes...
You are comparing in the here and now. If you can fast forward you may be so surprised at how much progress your precious daughter has made, how many lessons she has taught you, and how proud you are of her. You are looking at life now and have no idea what the other children and their parents may face in life. Stay kind and loving as you are and be there if others need your understanding. Brailey is such a blessing!
I can't thank you two enough for making this video! When we were going through the diagnosis process and when our son was first officially diagnosed I search everywhere for other families' experiences and I couldn't find them. I remember feeling alone and ashamed about the grief I was feeling. I remember the sadness and hopeless feelings when our son was having meltdowns daily and I didn't know how we would live like that forever. We too isolated ourselves at home for a few years because it was hard/scary to take him places and yet it broke my heart to see kids his age and younger doing things he was no doing. We dreaded Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with family because we had family members who were not supportive(we since have no relation with those family members) Once we had a good team of people surrounding us, helping our son and teaching us how to parent him we then could begin to deal with these feelings of grief. We changed our focus to his progress and his joy. I see a counselor once a month and she has helped me process these feelings. It was important for me to know it was okay to feel the way I was feeling, it was okay to be sad, it was okay to grieve but that I just couldn't stay there in that place forever. It was also important for me to know that the grieving process isn't a linear process and that I should expect to go back to that place of sadness again at different times in life. For me it's been tough when I see other kids hit milestones I don't know if he will ever reach, conferences/progress report times and IEP meetings are tough too because the deficits and struggles are brought to the front again. For the most part, our son and our family is thriving!
I love hearing this because so much of it is similar to our experience. It definitely isn’t linear and having a good group of people helps so much. Thriving is such an amazing thing and I’m glad that your family is there ❤️❤️
What a great video. I am sure that you have just helped so many people. Braylee is such a joyful child. She is the happiest kid that I have ever seen. She always makes me smile from the inside out! I love who she is!
We love who she is too and love that other people enjoy her and think that she is great too, because we are biased 😂
Comparing Is the WORST! I did it for 14 years. About killed me. I finally stopped when all of the people whose kids we're born around the same time as ours graduate high school. So much excitement. Not at our house. Our guy didn't even have a clue he was a senior. He still had four years of school left. We couldn't take him to the ceremony because of the crowds and noise. He didn't go to his own graduation.
To make matters worse, our own neurotypical son had graduated a year earlier. We had experienced the excitement.....but now the grief was even harder. I figured out, too late, that comparing was making me sick. I now focus on how unique he is. And it brings me joy.
There is just such a huge shift that happened when we stopped with all the comparisons. We were all able to be happier and not feel as heavy and sad about so many things and like you said, actually feel joy!
Thank you, I really appreciate your honesty about this topic. It really makes me sad when I see autistic adults online being very judgemental about autism parents grieving over their child because ‘autism should not be treated like it’s cancer or some other horrible terminal illness’. Yes, autism is completely different from cancer, and I understand that they probably just feel resentment towards their parents or other family members who negatively impacted their childhood in some way, due to said people never fully getting past their grief and indirectly taking it out on them. But I also feel like a lot of those people that feel that way have never been a parent themselves (not that I’m a parent). Because all good parents just want the best possible life for their kids, the healthiest life possible. And when they find out that their child is not completely healthy, of course they’re gonna grieve! Even I would be a little bit sad if my future child got diagnosed with autism, simply because I know that they would have to go through a lot of the same struggles in life that I did and still do.I personally don’t fully know what my mom went through with her grieving process back when I was a toddler and people were realizing that something was not quite right with me, but I imagine she probably had these same feelings and comparisons back then at least once or twice. Especially since everyone thought that she was a bad mom back then for ‘babying’ me, and she didn’t know anything about autism back then, because hardly anyone knew anything about autism 20 years ago. So I personally believe that like you guys said, as long as they don’t stay in that cycle of grief forever, it’s ok for parents to grieve about their kids diagnosis at first.
Thank you for this. My son is almost three and is non-verbal. He was born six weeks early and I felt like I was comparing him to others from the start. And he was behind in all the big milestones, but I kept using his adjusted age and thinking he was ok. And then I asked my SLP friend if I should be worried that he wasn't talking yet (18 months). Long story short: early intervention, getting ready for IEP and special ed preschool and sometimes I just want to cry. Because I want him to talk so badly, but his progress is so slow.
Things got much easier emotionally and mentally for us when we stopped comparing and just met here where she’s at and accepted that she will do things in her own time. She started early intervention at 15 months and preschool by 3 and still did private therapies for years and all that time she made very slow progress. The last year or two is when we have seen the most amazing and significant progress and growth and we couldn’t have pictured it in her earlier years. We try to remember that things get better and that even if she wasn’t making tons of progress that it is okay too and we will celebrate all the amazing things she is good at and can do and has had to work way harder than most to accomplish! ❤️❤️ hang in there
I hated struggling with sensory issues because it felt like I was so alone and I thought I was going crazy or something. And I used to be mad that my parents wouldn't allow me to drive or used to think I would live on my own at 18 (but I'm 19 and I still live with my parents). But I realized that's my normal and I have to live with it. I never hated my autism because it made me weird or whatever but I hated the sensory issues and stuff that comes with it.
I sometimes struggle with comparing myself to others because I don't process things that fast. Some days like today I'd be doing something and someone would either say I'm going too slow so they would do the current task for me when I'm supposed to do it so I can learn how to perform the task or something else would happen that made me wish I could process fast enough so that I didn't miss something because sometimes when I am slow to process something and I get told to pick up the pace it stresses me out because I'm going as fast as I can and it makes me feel rushed.
That would definitely be stressful! Just keep plugging along and doing things at your pace. We live in a world where people are rushed often. We are guilty of that too sometimes but learned that it is much more important to slow it down and allow Braylee to do things herself to learn those skills, just like you! Keep working on those skills ❤️
I think it’s really brave and special that you guys were able to share these emotions with other fellow parents. Hopefully, like you said, you can be that support system. Side note - I just wanna day that you look really pretty in this video Stacy. Not sure if if you changed up your makeup or whatever but it’s working for ya girl! So glad I found this channel. I love your videos and the positive content you put out 💕
It can be hard, but I know we aren’t the only ones who have felt this way. Thank you!!!! You are so sweet ☺️❤️
I went through the comparing thing. Occasionally I still do. Not like This kid does this,mine doesn't kind of thing anymore. But now it's mostly so I can tell others that work or deal with her how she differs from other kids. I felt the same way Stacy. Seeing kids younger than my daughter doing n saying things that she couldn't do was really hard on me. When I was pregnant n when she was a baby,I had so many goals n expectations for her. And it was a really difficult thing when I realized most of that wasn't going to go the way I thought. I'm really glad u guys did this video. I realize I'm not alone because u guys are really good people n felt that way. I completely agree with when u said it's ok to feel that way but not stay that way. U learn to embrace them for who they are n u adjust to everything n it's better for them n for u.
It's hard sometimes. My brother is ten years younger then I am and I'm watching him grow up and pass me on so many things, things I'm not able to do because of things I can't control.
I bet that is hard! Especially for things that our out of our control, but there are still things that I’m sure you are amazing at!
P.S. Y'all are so great. I love how you work through things. Love your joyful attitude. Huggs to you both. It is hard.
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This was such a great video because these thoughts came across my mind when others were talking at age two n my child never spoke a word n didn’t play with toys or make eye contact that is a sensitive subject but it’s true we except our child they way they r n they will go at there own pace thanks for sharing wee family
That’s exactly how we felt and it can feel sensitive and hurtful. They go at their own pace and comfort level, we have learned to follow her lead. 🙂
1.You guys are superheros 2. wouldn't the world be a better place if we developed at our own pace without the social expectations/norms which are ingrained into our minds from an early aged. Braylee has a positive and carefree attitude which is delightfully infectious and we can all use some of that. 3. Carlos on the couch is relaxation goals ;-)
Social norms cause a lot of people a lot of trouble mentally and emotionally. It would be so nice if we could disregard them the way Braylee does 😂 it’s one of the things I envy about her because it’s so much easier said than done. She brings so much happiness to us with her infectious happy little self.
Hahaha Carlos doesn’t really know how to do much besides relax 🤣🤣🤣
I can understand the its not fair. I feel that way when I go to baby showers or when my mother's best friends starting having grandbabies. I have so much guilt because my mother does not have a grandbaby that came from one of her children. I see how she looks at other grandmothers. But all parents compare child 1 to child 2 or other children. You guys are awesome! You guys could write a book of 100 things you have learned from Brailey. Please start a list, and add to it. Then when she is older, you can write a book. Feel free to give me a shout out in the book!
Yep I have been there and am still there. Love that I found your vlog. Your story strengthens me.
Know that you aren’t alone, and keep pushing through it and taking time to process it ❤️
O my gosh if I could give you the biggest hug I would. You guys are the best parent's. I struggle with comparison all the time and you guys are right you can't stay there and let it beat you up. You have to move on and make a situation the best for yourself and your family. Great honest video tonight loved it.
We appreciate that! It is such an easy place to get stuck in too. If it helps, we think that you are fantastic! 💕💕
@@TheWeeFamily Thank you so much. Been a hard day for me and that just made me smile.
Glad to help any way that we can!
Love you guys. Like you said stacey it's okay to feel that way but don't stay there. David you are so right Braylee is who she is and she's perfect. Wished you lived closer. My son in law is a mechanic, and said he would have fixed your car and not charge you other then getting the parts. Good to hear you have respite now. Much love to you all.💖💙💖
We stayed there for a little bit but it was so unhealthy for us emotionally and mentally. A huge weight was lifted when we learned to stop. Our girl does not need to be put in a box of what she should be doing and when, she’s too much of a free little spirit 😄
This vid brought back some difficult memories. Thanks for your openness & honesty. I def felt/feel many of these same feelings.
Sorry to bring those back for you 😕
At least we, and you, aren’t alone in those feelings. For us, that part made the biggest difference.
The Wee Family no we’re not alone. I’m grateful for that. ❤️
We always have your back! ❤️
Braylee is so cute and loved to see her give you a kiss before getting off the bus. Braylee is perfect and you don't want to compare her with other students. They are so many types of Autism. Braylee will be able to do everything that she wants to do in her own time. I felt that way when my son was younger. He is 19 y.o. now and I still say he is learning something everyday and he helps us know that everyone is different...autism or not. You are both super parents.
She is perfect. We don’t have problems with comparing that way anymore, it was thankfully a long time ago. She does things her own way and we are completely okay with that 🙂 everyone is different, definitely true
I know it’s hard to not compare but you can’t compare, each child is different and learns at different rates. Yes you have a different life with a beautiful girl. My nephew is high functioning autistic he is awesome also so hard for him we tell him he’s 11 but is like a 20 year old adult. You are great parents and love watching your videos and the hard parts that you deal with. There not different they learn in different ways and like you said you have to deal with what is best and works for each child. Have an awesome night. ❤️❤️🥰🥰
We don’t often anymore, it was mostly about 5 years ago. We have come so far! We have learned to embrace the fact that everyone does things in their own time ❤️
Bless week ahead guys 🤗😘
You as well 😄
I appreciate you guys so much❤
❤️❤️ well thank you!
Please don't compare your beautiful angel to other neurotypical children there, are tonnes of things Braylee can do that others her age can't.... Like singing, not caring what others think, she'll never be a bully, she'll never worry about the latest crappy tech thing. She is beyond perfect. She is the happiest child because she sees the world in the right way instead of the poisonous way the rest of us see it. She is an advocate without even trying, she will change this world and only the best people change the world. ❤️💜❤️💜
We don’t really anymore, it was at the very beginning that we struggled with it. She is all of those things!! ❤️❤️
Hey Wee's
The autistics are often not even sad that they're autistic. It's always the others that don't like it but the autistics can feel that and that makes them sad and that makes me sad because it took a lot of joy away from my childhood. English is not my first language but I hope you get what I'm trying to say.
Have a nice day :)
It’s true, our girl doesn’t care that she is autistic. And we know that she can pick up on how we and others feel about her so we try to give her lots of positive affirmations and telling her how great she is!
We understood what you said, thank you 😊
I do that. When I see little babies doing things my 3.5 yr old doesn’t or can’t do. I get a little sad and then I try to push it aside. My girl is amazing. My 7 and 9 yr old boys have more abilities but are still behind by years. I wonder will they catch up or be able to read fluently or do math. Will they hold a job. Live by themselves someday. It can be a hard and lonely road.
We do still think about those future things too, but not so much in a comparison sense but in a sense of just unknown. Everybody has their own pace and we have found contentment in knowing that there may be things that she doesn’t do ever that others do and that it’s okay too. The lonely feelings can make it so hard.
The Wee Family for sure. It’s hard to go away. To do things as a family because we don’t know if it will result in meltdowns etc. I still do them but sometimes it takes all I got to do it. Having respite now helps a lot.
It is hard, we have just found that it’s more worthwhile than it is hard most of the time. Respite helps so much!!
With our family my son and our nephew are 8 months apart. So my in laws like to compare the boys constantly!!! It was frustrating at first especially when they were hitting big milestones. I felt bad for my sister in law also because it was so uncomfortable to sit there when my husbands parents would make comments.
That’s not cool of them at all. It’s one thing to internalize the feelings and I’m another to be constantly hearing it from other people. It’s sad to hear that because if it continues as kids get older it can really impact them as well. 😔
I can’t imagine that felt comfortable for any of you!
@@TheWeeFamily yes exactly!! I was just realizing I should of said something about how we all do it in our own heads I'm sure. But to actually make the comments out loud is just so awkward!! I agree it does become a problem when kids get older!! Glad you guys have this channel! I knew Stacey in highschool!
We all do it somewhat mentally/internally for sure. It took us a long time to just let those thoughts just come and quickly pass instead of just sitting with them.
I had no idea that you watched!! 😍❤️
@@TheWeeFamily yes I agree. It's hard not to as a parent. And yes! Love watching your family!
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love you bunches wee family I need your help with something
What’s that?
can really severe stress make you physically sick
It’s probably best to see a doctor and make sure that it isn’t something else, but I have heard of that happening.
ok thank you
I really need to look into respite. I know u live in a different state but how did u guys go about doing that?
Ours was through the waiver we have. Every state’s waivers are different so the process is different as well. I’d start by contacting your county and ask them? Or even Facebook groups local for special needs helped us a lot
@@TheWeeFamily ok. Thank u so much.
If it isn't too personal of a question what does Stacy do for a living? Please don't answer if it's too personal or inappropriate....she already does so much taking care of braylee I can't imagine a career on top of that... once again I am so sorry if this is in any way offensive I did not mean it to be!
Not offensive at all 🙂
I am Braylee’s caregiver. In Minnesota, her Medicaid waiver allows me to be paid for time that I am with her. I also work part time at Target.
Normal is overrated anyways 👍🏼👍🏼
Definitely 😊
Your videos and Fathering Autism have helped me not to feel so alone when I have my “days” which as special needs parents we are entitled to have them, so thank you. I know this feeling all too well. We also come from a large family with children varying in ages and it can be difficult not to compare. I’m not nearly as bad anymore also but it happens, and it’s okay. It’s pretty awesome knowing your child is unlike anyone else’s is what I tell myself and that in itself is something to be proud of.💙
That makes us so happy to hear 🙂 we are allowed to have a variety of feelings about things that we and our kids go through! Finding the happy place of not comparing Braylee lifted so much weight off our shoulders and allowed us to really appreciate her so much more deeply.
I've been there. My son dad even blamed me for him having autism. My family has told me it's my fault because I will not beat my son.
That kind of ignorance is so harmful to people who believe it. You don’t even need to listen to those people. Hopefully they’ll learn someday.
I find it so adorable that Brailey waits for her father to close the bus doors so she can secure they are closed everytime she and mom gets off the bus!
Brailey is an absolute gem.🧩♥️
She likes to make sure things are done the right way (her way) 😂 but she is sweet about it. ❤️
Oh...I see, I thought it was only a sweet tradition Brailey and her father shared between them everytime Brailey got off the bus because when she is done she makes sure to wave and I find that so sweet. I have been learning so much about Autism and I know many appreciate how open and honest you guys are with your experiences having a child on the Autism Spectrum. You are an excellent team as parents and of course as a family of 3!😁
God bless your hearts Wee family!😊
Oh it is still part of their morning routine/goodbye! 😄
Glad you enjoy watching!
😉 I see what you did there haha. We like our trio.
You guys told me early on when I asked how you cope, not to compare. At the time I was like, “how!”
But over the last year I’ve started to except that literally no one is the same as Dusty. But it won’t help us to find someone like her. You guys helped me so much. Yeah I still have days where I just cry, especially because I’m Dusty’s case she is losing skills over time as her disease progresses. But she is the happiest person I know. Her happiness reminds me, nothing else matters.
It is always so much easier said than done. 💕
I’m glad that it was helpful! Regression is hard, even without comparison! But absolutely, the happiness is most important ❤️❤️
Still trying to get through this stage with my son.
Hang in there! A big part of what helped us through it was finding our people who understood and made us feel less alone ❤️
Yes i get it, been there too still have days infact but days go by and it does get easier. Don’t be to hard on yourself thinking you have to feel a certain way bc your not alone we have all been there and there are many of us. Don’t lose hope and know that nothing is guaranteed things change all the time. Your son will be ok bc he has you. Just remember your son has a purpose and is wonderful.
love your response as well. love to see people encouraging others ❤️
I'm still getting compared to my cousins as I'm technically not legally married and don't have kids , chronic pain doesn't get really taken into consideration
💟 ya guys are AMAZING
As long as you are happy, that’s what matters most!! 💜💜
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You never find any answers going down the what if road you have a good cute kid with guts who approaches life in her stride a real trooper you are doing a great job keep up the good work.
No one " normal " or " perfect " in this 🌎 we all are different in are own ways hey Braylee girl Happy to see you today stay Blessed always 💚🌹💚
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That is so true Brenda.
Everyone is different, u process things differently...U CAME OUT THE OTHER SIDE...UR AWESOME!!! Don’t EVER forget that!! Ur doing an AWESOME Job with Braylee!!! Let’s not compare, everyone/everybody has horrendous days! It DOES get better!!! Hang in there!!!
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First of all I love you guys! Braylee is so so precious! I just wanted to tell you guys that I understand the comparison game. I had a baby that past away at 4 months old. It has always been hard seeing my friends children that were around the same age as her going through the motions of life. I also remarried and I gained a daughter who was a year older than what should be, I have trouble sometimes with the comparisons like when she graduated high school. I think my next hardest milestone will be when she gets married. I guess what I am saying is sometimes grieving is not a bad thing. Anyways! I think you are outstanding parents! Love ya guys!
Oh my gosh that breaks my heart for you. I was actually pregnant at the same time as someone who I worked with and we were weeks apart and she miscarried and I could only imagine how hard it was for her to be around me after that. Comparing the ages they would’ve been and all that. Grieving is a very normal part of life, the important part is that we all get past it at some point. ❤️❤️❤️ sending you love!
It has been 20 years and I am not over it but it does get easier. After she pasted I went back to school so I could work at the hospital, I worked on the same heart floor she was on. I was able to help other families with the grieving , the I am so mad at life (which is ok), the how do I go home with a medically fragile child and go get groceries. I was able to help them along on their journey. I called it my sick therapy. Me helping other families helped me move on. I still talk to some of those families celebrating their child’s accomplishments with them. Thank you sharing your sweet angel. You are great parents! Keep up the good work! (that sounds so funny to me). Anyways, thanks again for sharing your lives with all of us!
I do want to say I have a healthy almost 13 year old daughter now that has the sweetest heart that wants to be friends and is very protective of others with special needs! I think she has a little bit of her sister in her!
I see nothing wrong with Braylee. I see that she is a wonderful person! What's more upsetting than autism alone is Rett Syndrome. It is four things in one: Parkinson's, autism, apraxia, and epilepsy. Check out Blakely Goodman's story. It will give you a good idea of Rett Syndrome is.
We have heard of that syndrome before, it sounds like it can be very difficult. Everyone is probably the envy/comparison of another and that’s just how the world works.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your honest feelings!! Hope you get your car back soon!!
Thanks! Should be today or tomorrow! Can’t be soon enough 😂😂
This is really good content. Thank you. So vulnerable, honest and beautiful. It really connects with me, and I'll bet others as well.
Thank you! 😃
I'm really glad you guys put out this video. It's not easy to talk about the hard stuff especially when you're in the thick of it, and feeling very alone. I think one of the most important take-always is what David said about coming around to seeing and understanding things differently than before, especially when you're constantly exposed to the "triggers" that cause distress. Those big leaps in the way our perspective changes comes from baby-steps with a lot of hard work. It's not easy to feel like you're flying by the seat of your pants while everyone else seems to effortlessly glide through life, but you've definitely harnessed those challenges and have become total ninjas in the autism department. I was an ABA therapist before becoming disabled, and almost all the parents I worked with had the hardest time with acceptance. They might have accepted that their kid had autism, but they couldn't accept the entire package of their kids individuality and "quirks", and spent a lot of energy on trying to normalize their kids interests and behaviours to match their peers of a similar age. I love that you fully accept B for all she is and are encouraging others to do the same, it will only strengthen your relationship with B and come with other positive "side effects" as you move through life with a different set of eyes.Too bad there was no way of seeing the good things the future has in store while you're in a tough place. Did you ever picture yourself owning a school bus and starting a UA-cam channel when B was first diagnosed? I wonder what cool adventures will come down the pipeline next, maybe you'll be towing a horse trailer with the bus, or starting a garage band starring B. No pressure, lol
One of my favourite quotes to keep in mind when things get tough is this:
"While on a grand adventure, shall you all of a sudden round a bend and see before you a giant uncharted piece of land with towering cliffs, jagged rocks and seemingly impenetrable walls, consider it a sign that you're exactly where you're supposed to be, and your dream is worth considerably more than you could have previously imagined." (Or something like that, I can't remember exact wording right now)
It was hard when the triggers were literally all over in everyday life because it isn’t like we can just completely hole up at home and avoid it.
We didn’t expect any of it, that’s why we aren’t big on 5 year plans because no matter what we may have planned, life has different plans for us. 5 years ago we didn’t have any idea that she would be where she’s at, that we would be fully accepting, that we would be living in Minnesota, that we would have a bus or that we would have a UA-cam channel. Things change so much and so fast but we are so happy that’s the case 🙂
Both of your future suggestions sound pretty cool! Haha.
She was so cute giggling getting on the bus! Such a sweetie! Our granddaughter Hailey, Braylee, and Abbie have taught me so much! They are so happy despite the challenges they face. The world would be a much better place if everyone learned from them!
They really have an untainted happiness about them that’s infectious and brings to joy to everyone around. ❤️ Braylee has taught us so much!
I had the advantage of working with special needs kids for nearly two decades, so I never really had the grief. I do get the isolation and reluctance to go out, not so much because of comparison, more because I don't always have the energy to deal fairly and compassionately with both my daughter's and my own challenges with outings. We have only just started to have the rare outing good or bad that doesn't result in an overload meltdown for one or both of us. I struggle with having (what I feel most often) a negative outcome from even a really positive event, sometimes the better the outing, the worse the meltdowns/ reactive behaviour for days afterwards. For me it's like being punished (in my bad moments) for doing the right thing....I struggle to take it on blind faith that things will get better.
That’s good that you didn’t have the grief. Many different parts of autism can create reluctance to go out and isolation comes pretty easily. Sometimes things don’t just get better but take a lot of work and can improve. I can honestly say that the biggest thing that made things get better was just our outlook. Hope that outings get better for you. It’s never fun to feel punished after having a good outing ❤️
This video is very much appreciated. It is so nice to hear others who understand. We are still grieving going on 2 years now. But I've noticed that the comparing and sadness is becoming further and further apart. It feels like a roller coaster- so happy about little progresses and so sad about the comparisons. Thank you for sharing!
I love this comment because we have been there and it takes time but it got so much better for us and I think it will for you too! There will always be moments
Your so beautiful momma!!!! I wish i could give you a big hug oxox!!!!! I get it, i have 2 nieces on my side and 7 nephews on my husbands side its so hard not to compare, the sadness i have felt in my soul has been overwhelming when i compared my son to his cousins. I know its hard and I’ve had to pray about my anger. But all these things want to destroy and steal our joy and hope. There is always hope and bc of that it gets easier. It has gotten easier but i admit it does still hit me at times.
Thank you ❤️
Exactly right, it stole our joy and won for a while. Not anymore though! 😁
I think it will always come and go sometimes, but being able to not let it bring you down is the important part 💕
Thank you for making this video. My oldest daughter has adhd and still having behavioral problems at school so now she needs to see a behavioral Specialist. It scares me and I wish she didnt have this problem. I am scared because I wasnt a very good teenager and scared that she will do the same things I did
We always wish that our kids didn’t have problems as their parents. You just keep being involved and doing what you can! Teenagers are uncharted territory for us, and they can be scary. Even if she did the same things, you will still love her and be there for her. I don’t think you turned out bad!
Awesome
I can relate to this in so many ways. Thank you for sharing your journey on this topic.
It’s hard to be more vulnerable but it is part of what we went through and it’s okay! We have come so far 🙂
Crying before the vlog even gets started. Oh, sweetheart I hear you loud and clear! I'm just the grandmother and I can so relate. I got to the point that I was losing my hair by the handfuls, I lost 55 lbs. (not trying to), didn't want to get out of bed, shower, etc. Our Kairi is four now and is such a happy little girl. Like you guys, she's taught me I have to get up and live. Yes, I still have my days but just as you guys said, I get back up and continue to move forward. Vlogging has been the best outlet for me. That's how I've pulled myself out of it.
Oh my gosh that sounds like a hard physical change as well! Glad to hear that you are doing better!! ❤️
The Wee Family it’s because of families like yours who have given me the helpful guidance and the courage to be a better grandparent to her, a better parent to our daughter/Kairi’s mom and to reach out to others. ❤️ Thank you!
That means so much to us! Glad that you find us helpful!! ❤️
Thank you for this video, and reaching out to help others. I wish I had learned to not compare myself to others a lot time ago. I have learned that lesson in the last year, and I'm now 67 years old. Not only did I compare myself to others, but I compared myself to the "old me" before my disabilities were finally diagnosed. I'm finally happy with myself, and no longer compare or judge others. Life is good, and you three bring me such joy watching you, listening to your wisdom and growth. Thank you for the positive lessons I learn from each video. God bless everyone of you.
Comparing to you past self is a hard one too! It’s just a huge relief when we are able to stop comparing.
Thank you 😊 ❤️
@@TheWeeFamily Absolutely! I was surprised to hear myself saying "This is the happiest and healthiest I've ever been" a couple of weeks ago.
That is an amazing and powerful statement!! 😍
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I know the feeling when you talk about kids on the spectrum, and I was one am now an adult on the spectrum💓 When you mentioned how those kids grow up, and learn some home truths about what happened in the past, I understand that feeling quite well♡♡♡♡
See as you're aware everyone on the Autism Spectrum is different, and my meltdowns improved as I got older to milder ones, and I stopped having tantrums before the age of 13.
When Mum had told me before how hard the past was for her, in terms of how I've always looked typical, so in the past with a meltdown or tantrum in public, Mum would get filthy looks from others and I would be oblivious, as had a real lack of self awareness and social awareness then
I’m sad that you felt guilty. 😕
We hope that Braylee never feels that way because we know that it’s not in her control when she has meltdowns and it isn’t her fault. We want to just try to make sure she knows that we have no bad feelings about her or feel like she is to blame the struggles we have.
The Wee Family that's understandable 💓💓 I don't believe that will happen, cos the videos always show just how much you love Brayle and how positive you are :)💖
It's a strange feeling cos of my lack of self- awareness when I were little, not to mention the fact that I was also only Non- semi verbal♡♡
Whenever I've seen old footage of myself, it's like looking back on this girl that I don't even recognize, as the small child version of myself, and what I'm like now are two very different people so it's kind of surreal ❤💚💙 xo
I bet that it does feel surreal! That’s also a sign of how much progress and maturity you gained as well with so many skills! You should be proud!
The Wee Family awwww thanks that really means a lot, I really appreciate hearing that from you so much=) As you guys are amazing and incredibly kind 😊 I'm living proof that you never know what the future holds 💓, and your love towards Brayle will carry her very far♡♡♡♡
She'll always feel safe and supported having you both as parents, and no matter what she'll always feel loved, and never feel afraid to be herself around you two, just like I always have felt with both of my parents, she is the luckiest little girl in the world having parents like yourselves :)💖 xo
Yes I am proud but in an really humble way, and it's so comforting talking to other parents who are in a similar boat that my parents were, when I was a kid especially people who live with Autism everyday, I love watching UA-cam families such as yourselves cos I learn a lot!! ♡
Your footage is very heart- warming too, and definitely makes me so happy watching your vlogs, as well as FatheringAutism you're such awesome, kind people, and I love people like that, ones who wanna give back to others by helping other parents out there.
As well as educating and exposing people to Autism I love that!!!! 😀, and I love how honest you both are and if I'm going through something hard unrelated to my Atypical Autism, your family vlogs and others just make my days so much brighter 🌈😊 xo
your both amazing parents anything is possible sometimes it means in a different way i use to compare get upset than realized that these aren’t flaws but special things that let me shine a bit brighter your daughter is amazing a diamond in the rough that no matter what we’ll always sparkle another great video
"God Bless Both of You!" I'm so glad that you are staying true to Autism...which to me means your staying true to Bailey. She's wonderful and such a blessing. 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
😊thanks Tammy! Hope all is well ❤️
Awwww she is to cute. Yes I've been there with almost all of my kids I only have one what u would say is normal well what the world calls normal he still has issues like a.d.d. and struggles with math and reading and has PTSD and but is normal compared to my other 4 my oldest i didn't compare with him until he was getting to start abc and 123 bc physical he looks more normal than me but it turned out I had to hold him back in kindergarten and 2nd time they passed him hopeing he would catch up in first grade well when he was in 1st he was still struggling and his teacher wasn't helping other than saying I thank we should hold him back well I made her pass him bc he did pass but I didn't want her not helping him the next year and then when he got to 2nd I made them test him so he could get help and sure enough he is m.r. so I preyed that after he caught up he would make a better score later no he didn't he is m.r. he did graduate he will always love with me witch is totally fine he is now 22 well with my middle son I knew from the get go that something wasn't right he was making mile stones even with rolling over and I was working with him all the time and it's like nothing was working and I had the doctor call in early intervention it did get better but sure enough later on he was diagnosed with autism and assbergers and so on with him I compared more than I did any of them after I finally stopped comparing 4 years ago when I finally realized that no matter how hard I tried no matter what I did it wasn't going to change there diagnoses and it doesn't bother me that they are special needs even my youngest daughter that is m.d. I love her the way she is just like all of them I wouldn't change it b.c. that's who they are and that's how God made them and we're blessed period IAM a single mom so all of my kids have p.t.s.d. and A.D.H.D or a.d.d so I really don't have any normal but who's kids are normal hahahha IAM glad I can now feel like IAM not alone my youngest is 12 and my youngest adoptive daughter is 12 as well and my oldest adoptive daughter is 18 and I've been raising kids for 22 years and I just gave up 4 year ago on comparing but it didn't help none when I had a neighbor witch is family saying your kids should be doing this and this and that didn't help at all I moved off 5 years ago and it did help and in the last 2 I became friends with another mom that has 2 kids with autism so it helped some as well
You are right, comparing doesn’t change the situation or circumstances so it won’t do any good that way. Being content is the best feeling, very freeing. Having added pressure from others definitely does not help with those feelings but glad that you have moved and don’t have that and also found people you can relate to. It helps so much to not feel alone.
Carlos snuggling at the end ♡♡♡♡ oh my ♡ what a pooch
😂 he’s a professional lazy boy