That's me, I would have stuck with him. The easiest way to explain would be.... you don't know any different. Your only example is your parents. If you're used to being endlessly hammered by your mom and a dad that stayed at work to get away from her, that's normal to you. There was always tension at my house. I walked on eggshells trying not to be noticed or the next one to be abused. It does things to your head as a kid when your parent never allowed you to set healthy boundaries. Consequently you date guys that tend to cross boundaries because that's a normal life experience to you. No means whatever he interprets that to be and besides I remember that one day he was so nice 😅, that's the hook that keeps you there, you crave when someone is nice to you.... except that's called love bombing which isn't healthy. It is next to impossible to set boundaries and because people are used to just making up your mind for you, your brain becomes wired to not really have an opinion or care about doing things for yourself because you never really mattered unless you were making mom happy. It's like you become an extension of the abuser and when she said jump, the only question you should have is how high? Why did I attract to an aspie? I think it's because the traits of an aspie feel similar to a narcissist except they don't mean to be mean.
The bigger question is why did he pick me? His girlfriend's were all similar to me when he explains what they were like. Why would he attract towards someone that was abused with low boundaries?
Thank you for explaining that. It makes sense when I hear what you're saying. It's a conditioned thing; like learned helplessness (have you heard of that?). Your Q about why he chose you is also important. Did he want someone he could boss around and be timid and afraid? Does you walking on eggshells make him feel superior and in charge? I know my husband wanted to be the BOSS and for me to be submissive. Human interactions are as interesting as they are varied.
@myntndmarriage I just asked him. He said it's because I was cute and a girl. He would have married any of the girls he dated, now that really makes me feel special 🤣
@myntndmarriage I'm more of an empath. If you look up 10 traits of an empath, the Berkley study, that sounds like me. Now imagine a husband who has said his 50 words for the month, and he just wants to be left alone. My brain is wired to try and figure out what's wrong because this behavior means..... he's quiet, I must have done something to make him mad. I'm great at reading "normal" people, but that doesn't fit my marriage in any sense. His want for down time translates he's pissed off at me. To ignore is a narcissist manipulation technique to get you to pour your attention onto them for an aspie....he's just interested in something else. I have high empathy, and he has a hard time thinking about how others feel. Can you imagine what that looks like? 🤣
@@MonaSimply I can image exactly what that looks like. So many empaths end up with someone on the spectrum. Even though they kind of have a tendency to attach to the first girl (or boy) who likes them, it seems to be the empaths who stay/stick it out. I'm like you, wired to figure out what's wrong, to try and understand behaviors and reactions. I was social and friendly and enjoyed interaction and companionship, yet ended up with a man who craves lots of quiet time. In the end I too became the quiet, rarely social, type. Changed in ways I never imagined.
That's me, I would have stuck with him. The easiest way to explain would be.... you don't know any different. Your only example is your parents. If you're used to being endlessly hammered by your mom and a dad that stayed at work to get away from her, that's normal to you. There was always tension at my house. I walked on eggshells trying not to be noticed or the next one to be abused. It does things to your head as a kid when your parent never allowed you to set healthy boundaries. Consequently you date guys that tend to cross boundaries because that's a normal life experience to you. No means whatever he interprets that to be and besides I remember that one day he was so nice 😅, that's the hook that keeps you there, you crave when someone is nice to you.... except that's called love bombing which isn't healthy. It is next to impossible to set boundaries and because people are used to just making up your mind for you, your brain becomes wired to not really have an opinion or care about doing things for yourself because you never really mattered unless you were making mom happy. It's like you become an extension of the abuser and when she said jump, the only question you should have is how high?
Why did I attract to an aspie? I think it's because the traits of an aspie feel similar to a narcissist except they don't mean to be mean.
The bigger question is why did he pick me? His girlfriend's were all similar to me when he explains what they were like. Why would he attract towards someone that was abused with low boundaries?
Thank you for explaining that. It makes sense when I hear what you're saying. It's a conditioned thing; like learned helplessness (have you heard of that?). Your Q about why he chose you is also important. Did he want someone he could boss around and be timid and afraid? Does you walking on eggshells make him feel superior and in charge? I know my husband wanted to be the BOSS and for me to be submissive. Human interactions are as interesting as they are varied.
@myntndmarriage I just asked him. He said it's because I was cute and a girl. He would have married any of the girls he dated, now that really makes me feel special 🤣
@myntndmarriage I'm more of an empath. If you look up 10 traits of an empath, the Berkley study, that sounds like me. Now imagine a husband who has said his 50 words for the month, and he just wants to be left alone. My brain is wired to try and figure out what's wrong because this behavior means..... he's quiet, I must have done something to make him mad. I'm great at reading "normal" people, but that doesn't fit my marriage in any sense. His want for down time translates he's pissed off at me. To ignore is a narcissist manipulation technique to get you to pour your attention onto them for an aspie....he's just interested in something else. I have high empathy, and he has a hard time thinking about how others feel. Can you imagine what that looks like? 🤣
@@MonaSimply I can image exactly what that looks like. So many empaths end up with someone on the spectrum. Even though they kind of have a tendency to attach to the first girl (or boy) who likes them, it seems to be the empaths who stay/stick it out. I'm like you, wired to figure out what's wrong, to try and understand behaviors and reactions. I was social and friendly and enjoyed interaction and companionship, yet ended up with a man who craves lots of quiet time. In the end I too became the quiet, rarely social, type. Changed in ways I never imagined.