Thespian Extraordinaire: Introducing Theophilus Thespian (Comedy Audition Parody)

Behold! Theophilus Thespian, a name synonymous with unparalleled dramatic prowess (and a touch of existential dread and he definitely does NOT steal QUOTES ).
My curriculum vitae, a document both weighty and impressive, details my tenure at the esteemed Academy of Dramatic Inquiry (better known as "ADI" to those in the cognoscenti). My Bachelor of Fine Arts in Thespian Theory, with a rigorous minor in Stanislavski Method Acting, positions me as the ideal candidate for your discerning agency.
My repertoire is as vast as the cosmos itself, encompassing the full spectrum of human emotion (mostly the brooding kind). Witness my ability to deliver a soliloquy that will leave audiences both enthralled and utterly confused (a testament to my depth, you see).
So I say, eschew the fleeting trends and vapid fads! Embrace the power of genuine thespian artistry! Embrace Theophilus Thespian! (Clapping may commence...or a thoughtful silence, whichever suits your fancy.)
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