My clubbing days were between 1982 and 2008 in the UK. I met a girlfriend in a club, had a few one night hook ups, and many failures including no shows on follow up dates. Looking back and analysing all of my nightclub situations I came to the following conclusions. 1. If the girl likes you, she will approach you. This may be just walking close to you and giving you the eye, smiling at you, nudging you or talking to you. That's her cue to make your introduction. 2. Before this, in order for the girl to feel comfortable with you, you will have to be in her field of view for about 10 to 20 minutes. She needs this time to make a judgement about you. If she then ignores you, don't bother approaching her. 3. If a girl approaches you within a minute, she's probably either drunk, very upset about something or intends to rob you. 4. Don't do weird or pushy. Both are an instant turn off unless you're a Mega Chad. Don't try to impress them with money. I keep thinking of Del Boy and Trigger in the wine bar. 5. Meeting girls in clubs rarely leads to more than just a fumble or a one night in and out. Most hot girls in a club will be back in the club the following weekend for more attention. They are addicted to the chase. For men it's just a way of gaining confidence with women. If you fail, just learn your mistakes from it and move on. Or decide the club scene is not for you.
Girls will often use the men's toilets as the queues are shorter. Any time I've used a cubicle after a girl has used it, the amount of wee on the seat is disgusting. If you're going to hover, at least wipe it up after you. And 9 out of 10 times they don't flush, and just run out of the toilet without washing their hands. _Disgusting_
When I used to work at a College,the cleaners always told me the worst toilets were the Girls. I won't go into the disgusting details,but you get the gist.
The stories about the 'ladies" bathroom in the club is eerily similar to what my sister told me the girls bathroom was like in the college dorms here in the U.S. I never knew women could be so gross and careless. My sister told me even the pretty girls had some gross bathroom habits. Disgusting. Also be wary of approaching girls in groups as they are like a pack of hyenas.
Never heard of baths in nightclub toilets before. Most unusual. Are there showers fitted in these bathrooms, too, for those who wish to spend less time in the bath? It must be one of those American peculiarities. It'll never catch on. xx
100% true as doorman you check the toilets before closing make sure your not locking people in an the ladies was always grim viewing. Even seen used jam rags in the sink. You sure stop putting Lady's on a pedestal after seeing that.
As a teenager I worked as a cleaner and yeah writing in blood on walls in female toilets is something I saw, but many people don't believe it. I once went to a club and with a girlfriend, and she was worried that she would get in because she had been barred for deliberately starting a fight between two guys by flirting and accepting drinks from them both. They do it for attention and ego boost apparently. Another situation was with a girl who I had previously rejected stalked me and paid guys to start a fight with me in a club while she was watching. The bouncer realized what was going on and kicked her out and barred her. I have heard that women will flirt and even have sex with bouncers just to skip the queue and get free entry for them and their group of friends. I have also heard of women getting very drunk and after being scraped off the toilet floor at the end of the night being sexually assaulted by the nightclub staff. For some reason, I found that the type of music and the age of the bouncer was a good indication of how likely stupid things were likely to happen in a club. Older bouncers (not teenagers or early twenties) tended to indicate the club had a less toxic environment and niche music (like goth for example) would mean that there would be less violence and stupidity. Bodybuilder young bouncers and mainstream music is a massive indication to skip that place.
At 58 my clubbing days are long behind me, and looking back a complete waste of time and money, in all that time I pulled one woman who was worth a relationship but most of the women i met nothing but major head cases you wouldn't want to even talk too
When I was either 31 or 32 years old I was driving a taxi/cab. One night I picked these 3 attractive young ladies up & dropped them off at their house. It was a nice big house. They had already paid. The moment when they were supposed to open the doors and get out, the two girls in the back leaned up close to my ear & slid their hands down on my chest and stomach. They Whispered in my ears that they were having a private birthday party tonight. Their parents were out of town for the night. They wanted to know if I would come back to their house when I got off work to party with them? They said they would show me a real good time! I asked how old are you turning tonight? One girl responded 17 years old. I told them thank you, as much as I would like to I will have to wait until next year your 18th birthday party. All three of them was like "aww come on, we all will show you a really good time!" I told them all, I bet you would! But I'm going to have to wait until next year I'm sorry ladies. 17 year olds can be considered adults by law in this state. But I did not want to take that chance!
@@andrewhale2490 I didn't mind 'em so much when I was younger, after a while it became repetitive. Figured after a few years it was better to stay out of the whole scene.
The great thing about clubs is that I hated the experience and I was too cheap to spend much money thier. It's a place to be cool so the girls will like you. I did enjoy going to old movie theatre's and watch good movies. My wife was right there 3 houses up the street in our mine village. She liked reading and nature and she is a 10 but she was nice to everyone.
In my 44 years I’ve never even heard of a couple that had a successful marriage that started off by finding one another in a bar or club. Anyone else can say different???
I have one friend who met his wife at a club. Theyve been married for over 15 years…but im in my upper 30’s and they are the only couple I know that has. So its far from common.
It does happen, but rather on the basis that they meet, have a chat, exchange phone numbers and take it from there. Also establishments vary in terms of clientele / etiquette etc. - some are more civil, some are more sleazy, that also makes a difference.
I’m 53, I met my wife in the Herts Country Club (Squash Club) back in 2001, got married in 2006 and still married now, and going strong…I don’t see meeting a partner in a club is a problem 🤷♂️
My boy owned a carpet cleaning business and had contracts with fraternity and sorority homes at universities in New Jersey. The fraternity homes would do things like shoot hockey pucks through the sheet rock or turn the island into a DJ booth by screwing turntables with sheet rock screws into countertop. But the sorority homes were unspeakably bio hazards on a degree words couldn’t describe!
I remember looking forward to going to clubs when I was a teenager, because movies/TV made it seem cool and fun. I lost interest almost immediately, for all these reasons and more.
@@YS_Productionnot everyone was on acid, but acid house and other rave music can put everyone in the right kind of dance trance. That's not really what they play a lot of at straight clubs.
Some guys I know met nice girls at clubs, but that was late 200's. I met girls at clubs on three occasions I ended up seriously dating. One of them was a stripper - she was the nicest. Two other two girls killed people.
@@blondequijote yes, ofc "everyone" was an exaggeration. But the whole culture of the acid parties was set in a much friendlier, mellow tone than what actual clubs seem to me say around 2010-2015. It only takes a fraction of people to be really friendly and cheery (perhaps with the help of the acid) to set the mood of the whole place for everyone else.
Appreciate you talking about this particular story & how easy it is for men to have their lives destroyed so easily, really hope awareness is created & things can change in society & the legal system. There is almost always so much more nuance that should be heard & taken into account. Respect to anyone who has the guts to go against the grain in this particular society & somewhat stand up for men, their rights, mental health etc. Could say so so much more but we’ll leave it there.
I used to work on the club doorways, i noticed most girls come in alone, and leave alone. The few that did leave with someone, are usual with the boyfriends. Most girls, if they want a guy, would have picked up a guy in a pub anyway.
@@charrua59so is not allowed for women to go to a bar to just have fun? They have to leave with someone in order not to rip someone off? Men are the one's paying for someone's drink, nobody puts a gun to their heads. And I doubt the women say to them 'if you buy me a drink, I'll sleep with you'. Not even by hinting. Sometimes bars are just a place to let yourself go and have fun, if you don't leave the bar with someone, doesn't mean you're ripping anyone off. It's a free country.
I suspect that for 85% of young men a nightclub is not the place to be. Far more rewarding trying some sport/pursuit with a social drink at the club bar afterwards.
@@animal79thecatBecome interesting.Do not fixate on where are the girls.Girls are everywhere, it is about you, are you available as a friend, as a fellow student as a neighbor, as a musician, church goer, are you available to women as a fellow human being?
@@animal79thecatjoining sports teams increases your social circle, that's how you meet people. You don't just look at the team and do 'well there's no girls on the team so it's pointless '. Also playing sport is fun in itself so at a minimum you get to have a good time. Even if you're totally rubbish and you join the local D-grade indoor badminton tournament your social circle will expand infinitely more than if you're sat at home on the computer.
how about something like spending your early 20's working and investing your money with a reputable stockbroker....yeah, like that will ever happen 😂 🍺🍺🍺👯♀💃👙
How u meant to get girls doing sports though? These days the only viable avenue to getting women is online dating or trying your luck in clubs. It’s not the same as in the past
I discovered - not until my 30’s! - that women gravitate to guys who know how to have fun. If you’re standing at the bar hammering back the shots with your mates, laughing and joking, girls will notice you, and often sidle up to get your attention.
Yes! I had a small group of mates who just ignored others with no mingling at all. But would be laughing and joking with each other. I've gone for a slash and when I come back there's a bunch of girls who's suddenly attached themselves to our group. Think the fact girls don't like being ignored helped.
I’d say you’re taking your life in your hands giving lifts to drunk girls as well. Always have someone else in the car preferably a woman. A member of my family got her drink spiked. The first person she thought to blame was the lad who left her home. It turned out to have been her ex but she remembered the guy that left her home because she was sobering up at that stage. A genuinely nice lad got some serious grief until the ex owned up.
@@BWater-yq3jx drugs of any kind including alcohol put people into an altered state of mind where they don’t think the way they normally would.The effects aren’t just short term either. They last long after the high. The simplest example is the depressant effect of alcohol. It turns all your senses down from 10 to 8. That’s why food tastes better and things smell stronger after a 6 week break from it. Even the ex had no idea what was in the drug he gave that member of my family. He just bought it from a guy in the pub. Who knows what the longer effect of it was.
As bar staff, other than tampons stuck on walls etc, the weirdest thing I've seen in a ladies at the end of the night was a Manhattan glass some chick had cleanly taken a poop in and placed on the back of the toilet. And this was a fairly pricey cocktail bar.
Totally agreed. And the parents must have had an idea of what they were like. Also, the solicitor has to take some blame for very poor advice. Its every blokes nightmare. And why would the girls go along with all this? I know they were kids, but why not just say to the police they don't know him? Or tell the parents nothing happened? It's just really weird.
@@JeremySayers38yeah, karma is the the lazy persons way of doing nothing and feeling like the world isn’t a bad and unfair place full of awful people who face no equal justice. History is full of absolutely evil individuals who lived like gods and died a natural death of an old age. Being a horrible person and someone killing them in return does not make karma real it’s just made your probability of a violent death higher but never guaranteed. Actually can’t stand how many people wish karma on bad people instead of actually taking action and ensuring bad people are held accountable for bad things instead of hoping someone else does it for you eventually.
@@Foghornishdude, can I ask how old you are to have this opinion? It’s actually hard for me to fathom people still being so unaware of how deceitful and manipulative female behaviour can be. The parents i guarantee either thought “my little daughter is an angel she’d never do that” or “I know what she’s like but it would make me look bad and undermine my credibility if the truth comes out which is unacceptable” As for the girls, I promise you they don’t even think about that guy at all, they would have even found ruining his life funny at the time that they got away with it and I’d bet did it again to someone else later down the track that we just don’t know about because women do that way more then “women are angels” delusional guys would ever imagine. I know of two people In my own personal life in just the past 5 years that went to jail for graping his girlfriend (lol) and the other fiddling with his 35 year old DAUGHTERS child, both incidents turned out the women were full of shit but the guys still both did some time each.
@@MonkeyLiggaScrumptiousNan fully aware of how machiavellian and clever teenagers can be, thanks mate. I was one myself once, and there was some evil little twats in my school, male and female. As for parents, I just can't believe they can be so easily hoodwinked. Thankfully very few people, including teenagers, are this vindictive. From what I gather it wouldn't surprise me if the girls got off on getting this guy into trouble. Not going off topic but kids under 16 still need to be protected whether it's consensual or not, obviously. But what happened here was very rare, and it beggers belief that it even went to court.
I agree with his uncomfortable truth about female washrooms. When I was a teenager I was a gas jockey at a highway gas station, one of my chores was to clean the bathrooms. When you add the dynamic of periods and feminine hygiene products, the female washrooms are a whole new level of gross. Side note on clubs, I used to bounce as well, every club has its own ecosystem. The only commonality I saw was demographics (the ratio of females to males) as well as your social status, those two factors had the most influence on whether you should partake or not. The reality is most men are simply cash machines and chauffeurs.
What makes your videos so interesting is that your Bouncer/Security work has given you a VERY different and special insight and outlook into what occurs in Nightclubs, Bars, Pubs and even Strip Clubs (and plenty more besides with your interesting present work) You must have seen so many hook up attempts, gross drug spiking etc.
I think I have seen every chat up technique going! It certainly taught me which ones not to try and which ones work for guys who don't look like models!! A smile and some laughter go a long way!!
Very informative. Thank you. Now.....why on earth is a female who makes a false allegation against a man not shunned, shamed, and banned from the club for life? Her intention is to ruin a man when he is completely innocent. Until women are held accountable, they're going to be more trouble than they're worth---generally speaking. It wasn't like this in the 70s and 80s when I was growing up; not NEAR as prevalent. Nowadays, it's rampant.
I've heard these stories many times. Years ago I nearly got into a fight just staring at a female band singer on stage. A guy girlfriend supposedly. Another time a bouncer asked me to leave cos I was drinking in my own thought I was there for trouble. Another time girls were testing me being bitches in a club only to be harrassed by one calling me everyday I just wasn't interest by then. One time one asked if she could move in cos she had nowhere to go with a 2 yr old. After meeting so many disfunctional types I gave clubbing the arse now 15yrs ago. Too scary now with new consent laws and stabbings
I always preferred going to bars, you could talk and have a fun time. Only clubs I went to I got in for free. Music so loud all you could do was dance and pose. I never got the allure of club culture. It was like erasing your identity and melting into an anonymous hive. The only people I know who truly enjoyed were massively into drugs.
I don't think I have ever "picked up" a girl up ever. I just ended up having a conversation with a woman by chance, if that makes sense. Like one time, I bumped into a girl and my drink spilled onto her arm. I immediately apologised and wiped her arm as best as possible, with those white paper things that get server under some drinks/cocktails. The conversation went from there really. I think if you're going in with the intention of finding a special someone, it never works out. Also, if you're really smashed, you probably aint as attractive as your brain is telling you! lol. Love the stories mate. Some solid advice in there. I have dated quite a few girls weirdly via their gay friend who has fancied me, but found out Im straight and then you're chatting with the group. Ive always loved watching guys trying it on with woman, especially when they are wrecked. They get shut down immediately. BTW... I hate internet dating. What's your thoughts on it buddy? I always like to see the girl Im interested in, in person at a bar for example. I want to see how she carries herself when she's had a few drinks, as some women (and men) go psycho if you say the slightest thing wrong.
@@thatgearguy I tried Tinder when It first came out, which is quite a shallow app really when you look at how it works. Back then it was totally free. I had three dates, rang all of them in advance of the date to get a taster of how the convo would go. Anyway, to cut to the chase, all three looked nothing like their photos. One of them I met in a pub, and I thought it was a totally different person. I thought it was out of order, uploading photos of yourself that are clearly 5+ years old, and your at least a few stone heavier. Mine were taken that week, when I setup the app. Let's just say, it was an awkward three dates, but because I'm a semi decent guy, I didn't just want to walk out the back door and leave them hanging. So I stayed a few hours with them, got a bit pissed (to take the edge off things), and simply kissed them on the cheek and said its been nice, and ill be in touch. I didn't of course, but I didn't want to ruin her and just say how it was, and upset her in a packed pub. That's just me, others said they would have bailed immediately lol.
I was a limo driver in LA and Hollywood for 7 years. I hated dealing with drunks. Some crazy bachelorette parties. I had a few opportunities but never crossed the line.
I’m older and no longer go clubbing, but go occasionally to a special event meant for us older folks. But bc I have the best intentions with women and not even expecting to pick one up. But what I never thought about is being a threat to women or that they seek that out to avoid. So now knowing that, I have to try even harder and be aware that women are worry about being threatened. Also, meeting women is all changed now bc in my days going clubbing back in the 90s and 2000s, both men and women seemed to go clubbing to meet other ppl.
The story about the young girls and seeing them without make up and in a big house, is very much like what happened to ‘Spud’ in the film Trainspotting. He picks up a girl in a club and goes back to hers. In the morning he’s having a cup of tea with her mum and dad downstairs and she comes down in her school uniform.
I'm about your age - I'm 45 - I agree that clubs were like social media/dating apps back when I was in my late teens. I met my first two proper girlfriends when I was 16/17 - they were 15/16. (Different time periods of course - I've never cheated!) We never had any serious relations, just talked lots about music - they were kind and intelligent young women. Later, met their parents and they were very trusting of us. We obviously talked about err... sex ... but were sensible enough to decide we were not really ready. In the '90s, this was just the way to meet people. I guess it is a bit different now. I went to clubs that played 'alternative' music - not sure if that plays into things.
I spent 15 years in pubs, clubs and especially nightclubs and I can honestly say that there isn't any nightclubs without underage girls in there at some point. Just a word or warning and something to remember. Not much you can do to stop it as they usually have a slightly older sister and just use their i.d. If you do get yourself in trouble unfortunately the girls sister probably won't be willing to act as your witness. Again, just something to keep in mind. Keep up the good work... And get yourself down to London to be a guest on our show!
I can’t understand how someone could be prosecuted. If the girl is in an over 18 venue after producing ID what more can a guy do to verify she is not underage. What’s a guy actually suppose to do, call to police station with her just before sex?
@@MarkSmithbasic-ei3ue I always wondered that. If someone has obviously showed I.D pretending to be that person, then has presented themselves to the guy as someone 18 or over (i'm sure the question comes up with the girl at some point) and as long as their has been no coercion at all, then why is there no fraud or crime on their part? Surely theft of I.d and a fraud charge would be immediate? If you go into a bank with someone else's i.d, claim to be that person, and walk off with the money. It would be like letting them go but arresting the person at the counter. If someone has the legal response to that I would love to hear it as I feel as if I'm missing something???
Excellent advice/knowledge to give the younger men today. Fortunately, back in the day (the 70s, yikes!) when I was clubbing with my girlfriends, these terrible things weren't happening. We always stayed in a group and watched out for each other. We were out for a night of disco dancing the night away. Possibly some negative behaviors were happening, but luckily, we never experienced them. What a shame things have changed and become darker now. I hope the young men and ladies now will take your advice to heart and BE CAREFUL!
part of the problem is that people go out alone and/or dont look out for each other repeatedly I hear stories of girls staggering out of a bar alone and thinking acar is their uber
Over 20 years ago I used to work some doors in Brighton. I meant one lovely little chezch girl who was into classic ballroom dancing in a really crappy nightclub and we ended up going out together for a while she was in England. I meant another girl from Germany who cared for adults with learning disabilities. I don't really think they knew what they were getting into going into the type of nightclubs I worked but they ended up being very nice girls. As for the rest of my clientele I wouldn't touch them with a barge pole , because they were exactly like those girls described in this vid. Predominantly single mothers out with their friends on their one rare night a month when they get somebody to look after the kids, and they just get absolutely plastered and emotional
Great advice! Back when I'd go to the club before getting married, I had learned not to put pressure on myself or my friends to get with someone. Don't be the guy pushing his friends to "go talk to that girl.. come on you p_.ssy", it just puts pressure on and dappens the fun. Just like Gear Guy says, go on the dance floor, don't fixate on any girls who aren't already showing you a lot of welcome attention, but do put yourself in the general vicinity of some girls that you like the looks of. Have fun with your friends, dancing in a bit of a circle with your girl and guy friends helps get you comfortable on the dance floor. Be courteous with the people around you, be friendly; you'll have brief moments of interaction with the people around you but just be relaxed and a bit playful; if something happens that gives you a moment to make eye contact and share vibes or some words, just engage and disengage casually. If she likes you, you'll see her in your peripherals looking your way, or she will even dance closer to you. When you pick-up signals of interest from her, you can dance a bit closer to her and before you know it you're dancing together. Girls can feel if you're desperate or creepy, so be neither of those. Put out good vibes, like you're fine hanging with yourself and got good vibes you'll even be a bit of a haven compared to the dudes lurking around. In fact, if there are a bunch of creeps around then if you're a good dude who's not overbearing on them with too much attention (like a dance neighbor at that point), but helping open space for them for their friends to have room to dance together and help put up a bit of a wall against the creepers, then you get appreciated and trusted for that reason.
Dancing is already miserable. Then on top of that the thought of noticing other guys literally blocking me out of their lady area is the stuff of nightmares. Knock yourself out, I'm going to stick to out in public occasionally coming up with ice breaker jokes and seeing if there's a vibe. But then maybe there people who can't vibe but can at least dance well.
Just came home after a laborious week. Laydown on the bed picked up the iPad opened the UA-cam app and this was top of the suggestion list. Just what I needed❤
I used to work in a club. The girls used to jam glass bottles in the toilet and sink. Then turn taps on and flush toilet to cause flooding. They would get huge wads of toilet paper and jam that in sinks too. They would always be the most glamerous girls too.
At 45 I stopped going to clubs (better late than never). I had started when I was 29 or 30. My two friends I partied with passed away 6 months apart, so that got me thinking. I Had few good nights, but mostly "weird" altercations with people at clubs in my life. Alcohol and other "party favors" got me in bad situations. I'm 61 now and grateful I made it through with minor "cuts and bruises". Looking back, I wished I would have finished college and concentrated on my career.
@thatgearguy with tinder and other dating apps, and the loneliness and societal ostracization we live in, women are really easy to get. 20 on POF is usually all it takes
It’s the v ah jye nah literally the only reason take 100% chance of that away and have every club scene a sausage festival and guys wouldn’t be returning other then blokes on blokes if you get what I’m placing on the gay bar
I started chatting with a girl. She always went out to bars and stuff. Like 4 - 5 times a week or more. I couldn't understand why. Then I asked her if guys used took hit on her. She said yes and they buy me drinks 😁. Think girls get much much more if club visit then guy's. And it's not strange
Some years back I worked a short spell doing security(nights) at a resort hotel.The Head of Security,an ex copper,left me with this gem,"The nighttime can often bring out the worst of people or the worst behaviour in the best of people".
Hehehe! That last little insight made me chuckle. Have worked in clubs myself (also in Brighton) and you’re right about the toilets - filthy creatures!
Regarding the story of the underage girls in "The Club"...... OH DEAR for sure met "people" who've found themselves in that boat. Smashing vid, many thanks.
Thanks for your stories! I never knew going to clubs could be such a negative life altering situation. I'll take this all as a cautionary tale and stick to doing the hobbies I love, rather than going to these risky endeavors.
19:50 - Very interesting, thanks for advice about not using a Duty Solicitor. Maybe you could do a video about how to find/select a good solicitor, particularly how to go about this if you have been arrested?
@@paulmcallister8948 Alcohol is not fun. It is a tool for people lacking a personality or life to disassociate to cope with the pain and pretend their self-harm is fun.
G'Day from Australia Im a coconut who started in clubs. But my school mate was a bouncer and I started as a glassie. Funny how no matter how far countries are apart. The same stuff happens, and all you have said is accurate. The club I was working in also had the chad bar-tender off in the back for quickies cause that bar closed first at 1am. I will say this though the relationship between the service staff and bouncers are paramount. I saw a guy trying to bottle 1 of our secies and I ripped it out of his hand as a glassie. And when he turned around and saw a 6foot 4 Fijian staring daggers he backed off real quick. One of the other secies saw it and thanked me afterwards. He told me how the floor staff are just as important to report what's happening on the floor out of the way of the security team. Good video mate.
Something to be aware of for the men who expect something in return for doing something nice for a woman (or "being a nice guy" in Internet parlance), such behaviour can be seen by the law as coercive control and can land you on the wrong end of a court appearance and potential jail time. At that point, your life is ruined and your public perception is trashed.
I went to bars and clubs for 20 years. I had zero luck with any nice women. I never go out anymore. These places are only good for drinking. I can drink at home alone plus it's alot safer and cheaper.
Well, I actually did meet my wife at a small club, but we had already met before then and it just happened at a time where we were both at a more opportune time of our lives. Besides that, I have found clubs to be a waste of time. They are usually too loud to talk and I'm not into the macho showmanship nor do I have such great looks that girls fall all over me. If you want to meet girls, join a gym or two and go frequently then follow the advice you give. The key is knowing how much of the beyond friends part you add in your flirting. I'm a very nice guy, almost certainly too nice, and girls have just loved being my friend and I learned far too late that such ones need to be dropped. So anyone who relates to this needs to learn the essential skill of moving on and quickly in those circumstances. As for the crazy ones, let me just say as a pilot that far too many women have far more than carry-on baggage.
You got this right on, when I was in the club seen as a young man,I went their to dance have a couple of drinks and through a bit of time on the dancefloor met some amazing ladies over the weeks ,was able to get a few numbers and things progressed 👍
You do a great job of making a story interesting and outline the facts. The trouble I have with a small amount of your stories is the conclusion. Sometimes it is not clear and unfortunately it can look like you picked the wrong side. Other than that, loving the channel.
People talk a lot of shit about Tinder (etc.), but this video helps highlight some of the upsides when it comes to more traditional avenues of picking-up women…
Another great story. Yes, your right about the guys should just head in there have a great time and dance, thsts not threatening to the ladies, then you can talk to her friends " hey how do know each other" im heading for a dance, I'll see you on tbe floor latter. Now, ive been in this situation when ive just walked out from a bar and had the girl there. But that intuition of " she's gonna rob you' and i just walked back to my hotel
I gave up mostly on “clubs” But will do Latin social dances. I’ve had some girlfriends! Sometimes have to be pretty forward and invite myself back with them then sit back and watch and see if she’s enjoying my pursuit. If she seems excited I’ll try again another night but after that I’ll just leave it if she turns me down again. My character isn’t’t that of the lad type so i find i don’t really fit in with the club environment and as I’m on my own a lot it can be dangerous to be around drunken strangers as this channel demonstrates. I actually found that women were often responsible for most of the violence that goes on in clubs between men and the behaviour and appearance of many of them puts me off entering those places.
Here in Essex most of the Nightclubs, Bars and pubs here have all closed down since my time back in the 90s/2000s (bloody 50 now!) Young people these days aren't as drink/drug focussed as my/our day, kinda a good thing really as I've got 3 kids myself 2 of which are daughters (ten times the worry with girls!) Plus I was VERY out of control on everything so hopefully they all go another direction to me.
Also, I'm glad to hear that the bloke who plead guilty to being falsely accused of sex with minors was able to fight and defend his life in prison. I would not be able to defend myself, if I were in that situation. I really admire people who can fight.
I drove taxi cabs picking up nightclub goers for 3 years around 2012-2015, I told them I have never been into the clubs, without fail all my customers told me "dont't bother, you ain't missing much"
The thing is, how are men and women actually suppose to get together? There was only one place for that, the night club. Now they seem to be getting less popular. I understand that people can meet up by chance, but that leaves out a lot of people who will never find a partner.
They’re not supposed to get together. The Establishment is pretty happy to only import ready-to-work immigrants and to completely stop local reproduction.
When you get to know the lady well enough for a invite over to your place a nice home cooked meal always helps to get some time for a chat to learn a bit more about each other 👍
Great as always :) The horror stories I could share with underage girls and unprofessional SO's banging them could fill a book. Didn't matter that we laid down the law that you never banged a patron on the premise, they still did it - and yes the girls used to dress up, along with the alcohol, loud music and dim lights, was a bed of debauchery. Went through so many SO's and the occasional police action. Times have definitely changed. But one thing remains, most girls that go out in groups are not there to get laid... sure there was the odd one that would bang anything with a pulse anywhere, but on the whole they were there to have a girls night. And totally agree about girls giving the sh*t tests and the humiliation. The amount of trouble that ensued because an immature drunken guy was cucked by the group of girls is unbelievable, we had designated SO's that were specifically working to cover this - they were sharp, could read the room, were charming and could diffuse any situation that arose... it stopped so many fights, and damage. I've said before that female SO's were good for checking female toilets during the night, but we also found it hard to keep them as - yup - female toilets are a nightmare. But so saying, when we found a female SO that could handle all the literal crap, they were keepers and we did everything we could to ensure they were happy. One thing was apparent though: we had ladies hours where the girls got drinks for cheaper, which of course brought them in, and in turn brought the guys. I can't state enough how bad some owners/landlords were in the clubs. Some of their policies that tied our hands and caused so much grief is a joke to the point where mass walk outs would occur, and/or total shut downs would happen.... I KNOW you understand, and maybe a video about that would be cool :)
I wish these stories would have been on "books on tape" 40 years ago it took me way too long to realize what is now obvious truth. As a truck driver i am amazed at the crap I put myself thru and somehow got out unscathed.
Very dangerous young ladies do exist. You'd never guess their age. If that security guy who did time and survived several attempts on his life should take the accusers to court. Their actions threatened his life, in all senses of the idea. Always beware the protoytype sport model, they don't handle well and are very unpredictable
I use to work at a supermarket when I was in high school and I had to clean the public bathrooms. The women’s restroom was always nastier and filthier than the men’s. No joke. Not hating on the ladies but it’s true.
Went to a lot of clubs in my teens and twenties. My main aim was to pull, it usually always ended in disaster and not pulling. Some nights you would be lucky but these encounters would be far and in-between.
It's not just club bathrooms that's disgusting. My buddy from high school had a job at Walmart back in the day, 30+ years ago. He was tasked with cleaning the bathrooms at night. He told me everything you described and more about the women's side. He said I just thought men were disgusting till I seen what women do.
yeah that spiking drinks culture is really crazy a girl sees you pull out a pill and she is all like aaaaa are you trying to put that in my drink and im like your drink ?!?! baby do you know how much this costs ?!?! get your own you leech
@@thatgearguythat's disgusting, the fact that they get to do that when they knew what they were doing, and yet if they murdered someone together they would magically become full grown adults as far as the courts are concerned as they would then be charged as one. You can't have it both ways.
Dude the majority of girls in their situation would do the same thing, it would be the minority who would actually admit to the truth and their own fault if they found themselves in such a scenario. My proof? How many cases have you ever seen the girls admitted they lied about age prior to being exposed for lying about in the first place. They never say they in fact consented the man in the first place and the whole ordeal is in fact the woman’s own doing and the one who initiated the event to occur. I don’t know of any cases a girl has admitted to them being at fault without being exposed for lying some other way first. How many cases of old freak scum man grapes innocent angel girl victim have been found and put in jail though? I rest my case.
10:23 Young girls getting incredibly drunk and guys taking advantage of them was in the news recently down your way mate. A certain Boxer’s son, on the beach. He was not convicted of doing anything wrong after the trial, but his behaviour was certainly questionable. She was drunk as hell and 16 years old.
I think we're reaching the point with the law where if someone is under the influence, they can't legally consent. At that point the wisest course of action is to not get involved with anyone who is drunk.
Back in the early ‘80s I was in the advertising business, a well known face around my town, VIP car parking etc. and a regular at the American Diner bar. One night after a lock-in, one of the young female bar staff had got very very drunk, and asked me for a lift home. She was literally all over me and legless. I had to help her into her flat. She invited me in, and made me a coffee (with some help). She was a sweet girl, but not worldly wise. She went upstairs and ran a bath! I drank my coffee and watched a video. When she reappeared in just her dressing gown, we sat and chatted for a while, then she fell asleep. So I put her in her bed and went home. Next night, I was sat on my usual barstool at the beginning of happy hour, and I got a kiss on the back of my neck, and a whispered “Thank you”, as she turned up for her shift. Later that night, two of her friends gave me a hug and thanked me for looking after her. They knew that there were plenty of guys that would take advantage of such a situation. The word gets around when you treat people right. Any one of those girls knew that they could come to me if they were having a problem - of any kind. It happened. Conversations were had. People got dealt with. I miss those days. Interestingly, the decent lads, from the manager to the waiters, also looked after me in various ways: a bar stool from the store on a busy night, a typewriter and a free coffee to type up an invoice!! Oh, and they insisted that I got the promotions contact. So I helped them raise £5,000 for a local charity. I never flashed money, and never tipped. But I did buy them drinks. There were of course many discreet encounters. Some lasted longer than others. Some I miss very much. The last time I went in a pub was at the start of the fearporn plandemic. It was a hideous experience: chairs piled up in front of the bar, nowhere to sit unless you were eating and had booked online, and those ridiculous outside arrangements. Ludicrous.
I’m having a situation at the moment (live your way BTW). Met a girl from a dating app, she is an angel at the moment but she has a violent, emotional ex who for whatever reason, is threatening me, despite not knowing me personally or anything about me. We’ve been dating for a month, I’ve verified that she has told the truth on everything and that they’ve been split since May. I have no interest in criminal convictions or being harmed / my property harmed so just wondering how I could navigate this without just walking.
@@tomthumb4383 The best way to navigate it IMO would be for her to have zero contact with him. Any time he becomes threatening, record it in a diary or on video/audio. Pass all this information to the Police. Otherwise it just becomes a Tit for Tat situation. If you go and hurt him he will retalliate, no doubt. Hopefully he will want to avoid a criminal record and will pick the route of least resistance - moving on to someone new..
@@thatgearguy We had an incident last weekend where he came by her place while I happened to be there, and seemed to want to actually smash a window. My instinct was it would be self defence to immediately let fly a flurry of punches but for other reasons we got the Police involved instead. I’m not a small guy at 6’2” and have boxing and the gym experience etc, and I’m not ‘green’, but I don’t know how I’d fair in an actual nasty fight and I’ve been told that he isn’t averse to them. Emotional men are dangerous but at the same time I don’t want him ruining the potential relationship. My instinct is to try and make peace but I don’t know if he would be genuinely nasty or potentially ‘reachable’ in person.
My clubbing days were between 1982 and 2008 in the UK. I met a girlfriend in a club, had a few one night hook ups, and many failures including no shows on follow up dates. Looking back and analysing all of my nightclub situations I came to the following conclusions.
1. If the girl likes you, she will approach you. This may be just walking close to you and giving you the eye, smiling at you, nudging you or talking to you. That's her cue to make your introduction.
2. Before this, in order for the girl to feel comfortable with you, you will have to be in her field of view for about 10 to 20 minutes. She needs this time to make a judgement about you. If she then ignores you, don't bother approaching her.
3. If a girl approaches you within a minute, she's probably either drunk, very upset about something or intends to rob you.
4. Don't do weird or pushy. Both are an instant turn off unless you're a Mega Chad. Don't try to impress them with money. I keep thinking of Del Boy and Trigger in the wine bar.
5. Meeting girls in clubs rarely leads to more than just a fumble or a one night in and out. Most hot girls in a club will be back in the club the following weekend for more attention. They are addicted to the chase. For men it's just a way of gaining confidence with women. If you fail, just learn your mistakes from it and move on. Or decide the club scene is not for you.
Sounds like a list from some internet rizz guide. I don't agree with most of it.
@@thatgearguy No idea what a rizz guide is? Everything I have said is from personal experience. All of it pre-smartphones. Most of it pre-internet.
I used to just approach and ask if she wants to shag
@stevo728822 took you 26 years to figure out.
" They are addicted to the chase. " That and free drinks they can get from guy.
Girls will often use the men's toilets as the queues are shorter. Any time I've used a cubicle after a girl has used it, the amount of wee on the seat is disgusting. If you're going to hover, at least wipe it up after you. And 9 out of 10 times they don't flush, and just run out of the toilet without washing their hands. _Disgusting_
True story..
I've seen this to,and they apologise because they need to pee.
When I used to work at a College,the cleaners always told me the worst toilets were the Girls. I won't go into the disgusting details,but you get the gist.
@@kingrubbatiti1285 I did cleaning for a few years in a hospital.The womens bogs were terrible.
Wow
The stories about the 'ladies" bathroom in the club is eerily similar to what my sister told me the girls bathroom was like in the college dorms here in the U.S. I never knew women could be so gross and careless. My sister told me even the pretty girls had some gross bathroom habits. Disgusting.
Also be wary of approaching girls in groups as they are like a pack of hyenas.
Now that was just unkind to hyenas.
Never heard of baths in nightclub toilets before. Most unusual. Are there showers fitted in these bathrooms, too, for those who wish to spend less time in the bath?
It must be one of those American peculiarities. It'll never catch on. xx
100% true as doorman you check the toilets before closing make sure your not locking people in an the ladies was always grim viewing. Even seen used jam rags in the sink. You sure stop putting Lady's on a pedestal after seeing that.
As a teenager I worked as a cleaner and yeah writing in blood on walls in female toilets is something I saw, but many people don't believe it.
I once went to a club and with a girlfriend, and she was worried that she would get in because she had been barred for deliberately starting a fight between two guys by flirting and accepting drinks from them both. They do it for attention and ego boost apparently.
Another situation was with a girl who I had previously rejected stalked me and paid guys to start a fight with me in a club while she was watching. The bouncer realized what was going on and kicked her out and barred her.
I have heard that women will flirt and even have sex with bouncers just to skip the queue and get free entry for them and their group of friends.
I have also heard of women getting very drunk and after being scraped off the toilet floor at the end of the night being sexually assaulted by the nightclub staff.
For some reason, I found that the type of music and the age of the bouncer was a good indication of how likely stupid things were likely to happen in a club. Older bouncers (not teenagers or early twenties) tended to indicate the club had a less toxic environment and niche music (like goth for example) would mean that there would be less violence and stupidity. Bodybuilder young bouncers and mainstream music is a massive indication to skip that place.
At 58 my clubbing days are long behind me, and looking back a complete waste of time and money, in all that time I pulled one woman who was worth a relationship but most of the women i met nothing but major head cases you wouldn't want to even talk too
@@nightfangs2910 that's the vast majority out of the clubs as well ha ha
@@markjones2453 sad but true 😂😂😂
When I was either 31 or 32 years old I was driving a taxi/cab. One night I picked these 3 attractive young ladies up & dropped them off at their house. It was a nice big house. They had already paid. The moment when they were supposed to open the doors and get out, the two girls in the back leaned up close to my ear & slid their hands down on my chest and stomach. They Whispered in my ears that they were having a private birthday party tonight. Their parents were out of town for the night. They wanted to know if I would come back to their house when I got off work to party with them? They said they would show me a real good time!
I asked how old are you turning tonight? One girl responded 17 years old. I told them thank you, as much as I would like to I will have to wait until next year your 18th birthday party. All three of them was like "aww come on, we all will show you a really good time!"
I told them all, I bet you would!
But I'm going to have to wait until next year I'm sorry ladies. 17 year olds can be considered adults by law in this state. But I did not want to take that chance!
I am so over the bar scene. If I never see the inside of a club at night again, I will consider that a victory.
These days I cringe thinking about the amount of money I spent in those places when I was in my late teens and twenties.
Last time I ever went to a club would have been around thirty years ago, certainly don't miss any of it.
@@t_bone12571 I hate night clubs.
@@andrewhale2490 I didn't mind 'em so much when I was younger, after a while it became repetitive. Figured after a few years it was better to stay out of the whole scene.
The great thing about clubs is that I hated the experience and I was too cheap to spend much money thier. It's a place to be cool so the girls will like you. I did enjoy going to old movie theatre's and watch good movies. My wife was right there 3 houses up the street in our mine village. She liked reading and nature and she is a 10 but she was nice to everyone.
In my 44 years I’ve never even heard of a couple that had a successful marriage that started off by finding one another in a bar or club. Anyone else can say different???
I have one friend who met his wife at a club. Theyve been married for over 15 years…but im in my upper 30’s and they are the only couple I know that has. So its far from common.
It does happen, but rather on the basis that they meet, have a chat, exchange phone numbers and take it from there. Also establishments vary in terms of clientele / etiquette etc. - some are more civil, some are more sleazy, that also makes a difference.
I’m 53, I met my wife in the Herts Country Club (Squash Club) back in 2001, got married in 2006 and still married now, and going strong…I don’t see meeting a partner in a club is a problem 🤷♂️
It does happen. I met my future wife in a pub in 1971. We celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary last year in The Cook Islands...
I met my wife in a club in LA in 1982; got married in 1985. We’re still married, but I admit the odds were against us.
My boy owned a carpet cleaning business and had contracts with fraternity and sorority homes at universities in New Jersey. The fraternity homes would do things like shoot hockey pucks through the sheet rock or turn the island into a DJ booth by screwing turntables with sheet rock screws into countertop. But the sorority homes were unspeakably bio hazards on a degree words couldn’t describe!
I remember looking forward to going to clubs when I was a teenager, because movies/TV made it seem cool and fun. I lost interest almost immediately, for all these reasons and more.
Same here. Disappointed. I think it was more like what movies and TV portray back when everyone was on acid.
@@YS_Productionnot everyone was on acid, but acid house and other rave music can put everyone in the right kind of dance trance. That's not really what they play a lot of at straight clubs.
Some guys I know met nice girls at clubs, but that was late 200's. I met girls at clubs on three occasions I ended up seriously dating. One of them was a stripper - she was the nicest. Two other two girls killed people.
@@blondequijote yes, ofc "everyone" was an exaggeration. But the whole culture of the acid parties was set in a much friendlier, mellow tone than what actual clubs seem to me say around 2010-2015. It only takes a fraction of people to be really friendly and cheery (perhaps with the help of the acid) to set the mood of the whole place for everyone else.
@@AlexKarasevmore details
Appreciate you talking about this particular story & how easy it is for men to have their lives destroyed so easily, really hope awareness is created & things can change in society & the legal system. There is almost always so much more nuance that should be heard & taken into account. Respect to anyone who has the guts to go against the grain in this particular society & somewhat stand up for men, their rights, mental health etc. Could say so so much more but we’ll leave it there.
You're a natural storyteller mate. I never miss one of these videos.
I used to work on the club doorways, i noticed most girls come in alone, and leave alone.
The few that did leave with someone, are usual with the boyfriends.
Most girls, if they want a guy, would have picked up a guy in a pub anyway.
Yeah have female friends that like clubs cause guy's buy them drinks. They always go home alone. It's a big rip off
@@charrua59so is not allowed for women to go to a bar to just have fun? They have to leave with someone in order not to rip someone off? Men are the one's paying for someone's drink, nobody puts a gun to their heads. And I doubt the women say to them 'if you buy me a drink, I'll sleep with you'. Not even by hinting. Sometimes bars are just a place to let yourself go and have fun, if you don't leave the bar with someone, doesn't mean you're ripping anyone off. It's a free country.
I suspect that for 85% of young men a nightclub is not the place to be. Far more rewarding trying some sport/pursuit with a social drink at the club bar afterwards.
Problem is,you cant meet women that way,either
@@animal79thecatBecome interesting.Do not fixate on where are the girls.Girls are everywhere, it is about you, are you available as a friend, as a fellow student as a neighbor, as a musician, church goer, are you available to women as a fellow human being?
@@animal79thecatjoining sports teams increases your social circle, that's how you meet people. You don't just look at the team and do 'well there's no girls on the team so it's pointless '. Also playing sport is fun in itself so at a minimum you get to have a good time. Even if you're totally rubbish and you join the local D-grade indoor badminton tournament your social circle will expand infinitely more than if you're sat at home on the computer.
how about something like spending your early 20's working and investing your money with a reputable stockbroker....yeah, like that will ever happen 😂 🍺🍺🍺👯♀💃👙
How u meant to get girls doing sports though? These days the only viable avenue to getting women is online dating or trying your luck in clubs. It’s not the same as in the past
I discovered - not until my 30’s! - that women gravitate to guys who know how to have fun. If you’re standing at the bar hammering back the shots with your mates, laughing and joking, girls will notice you, and often sidle up to get your attention.
...and you'll be divorced within 10 years.
Especially if the guys pay for their drinks. 😅
Yes! I had a small group of mates who just ignored others with no mingling at all. But would be laughing and joking with each other. I've gone for a slash and when I come back there's a bunch of girls who's suddenly attached themselves to our group. Think the fact girls don't like being ignored helped.
@alexbremner637 Yep, the men are the victims. 😁
Yeah girls check clothes and what you drinking. See if you have money and are generous. It's life in capital system.
I’d say you’re taking your life in your hands giving lifts to drunk girls as well. Always have someone else in the car preferably a woman.
A member of my family got her drink spiked. The first person she thought to blame was the lad who left her home.
It turned out to have been her ex but she remembered the guy that left her home because she was sobering up at that stage.
A genuinely nice lad got some serious grief until the ex owned up.
@@thijsjong ah thanks. I’ll let that member of my family know that in an altered state of mind. Thanks to an unknown drug. She made a bad decision.
Surely if the guy had actually spiked her drink, he wouldn't have just 'left her home'.
Did they not think about that?
@@BWater-yq3jx drugs of any kind including alcohol put people into an altered state of mind where they don’t think the way they normally would.The effects aren’t just short term either. They last long after the high.
The simplest example is the depressant effect of alcohol. It turns all your senses down from 10 to 8. That’s why food tastes better and things smell stronger after a 6 week break from it.
Even the ex had no idea what was in the drug he gave that member of my family. He just bought it from a guy in the pub. Who knows what the longer effect of it was.
As bar staff, other than tampons stuck on walls etc, the weirdest thing I've seen in a ladies at the end of the night was a Manhattan glass some chick had cleanly taken a poop in and placed on the back of the toilet.
And this was a fairly pricey cocktail bar.
Those 2 girls destroyed a guys life and could have been responsible for his death and they did it for laffs.
I hope karma caught up to them.
Karma does not happen. Karma is like heaven. Made up to keep you in line.
Totally agreed. And the parents must have had an idea of what they were like. Also, the solicitor has to take some blame for very poor advice. Its every blokes nightmare. And why would the girls go along with all this? I know they were kids, but why not just say to the police they don't know him? Or tell the parents nothing happened? It's just really weird.
@@JeremySayers38yeah, karma is the the lazy persons way of doing nothing and feeling like the world isn’t a bad and unfair place full of awful people who face no equal justice.
History is full of absolutely evil individuals who lived like gods and died a natural death of an old age. Being a horrible person and someone killing them in return does not make karma real it’s just made your probability of a violent death higher but never guaranteed.
Actually can’t stand how many people wish karma on bad people instead of actually taking action and ensuring bad people are held accountable for bad things instead of hoping someone else does it for you eventually.
@@Foghornishdude, can I ask how old you are to have this opinion? It’s actually hard for me to fathom people still being so unaware of how deceitful and manipulative female behaviour can be.
The parents i guarantee either thought “my little daughter is an angel she’d never do that” or “I know what she’s like but it would make me look bad and undermine my credibility if the truth comes out which is unacceptable”
As for the girls, I promise you they don’t even think about that guy at all, they would have even found ruining his life funny at the time that they got away with it and I’d bet did it again to someone else later down the track that we just don’t know about because women do that way more then “women are angels” delusional guys would ever imagine.
I know of two people In my own personal life in just the past 5 years that went to jail for graping his girlfriend (lol) and the other fiddling with his 35 year old DAUGHTERS child, both incidents turned out the women were full of shit but the guys still both did some time each.
@@MonkeyLiggaScrumptiousNan fully aware of how machiavellian and clever teenagers can be, thanks mate. I was one myself once, and there was some evil little twats in my school, male and female. As for parents, I just can't believe they can be so easily hoodwinked. Thankfully very few people, including teenagers, are this vindictive. From what I gather it wouldn't surprise me if the girls got off on getting this guy into trouble. Not going off topic but kids under 16 still need to be protected whether it's consensual or not, obviously. But what happened here was very rare, and it beggers belief that it even went to court.
This guy is hardcore, one you dont mess with. thank you again for your views, experiences and points
This guy is telling the honest truth. These conversations need to happen between men more.
Gotta say this presentation is 100% on point. This should be shown to elementary and high school students.
It's the best time of the day, an evening with new security stories. Thanks chap!
I am a simple guy - I see a Security Stories video, I immediately click, give a like and watch.
Thank you!
Women want men with a bright future, but men want women with a clean past !
the moment you understand that women want to fk and always wanted to fk you will be a happy man bro
I agree with his uncomfortable truth about female washrooms. When I was a teenager I was a gas jockey at a highway gas station, one of my chores was to clean the bathrooms. When you add the dynamic of periods and feminine hygiene products, the female washrooms are a whole new level of gross. Side note on clubs, I used to bounce as well, every club has its own ecosystem. The only commonality I saw was demographics (the ratio of females to males) as well as your social status, those two factors had the most influence on whether you should partake or not. The reality is most men are simply cash machines and chauffeurs.
What makes your videos so interesting is that your Bouncer/Security work has given you a VERY different and special insight and outlook into what occurs in Nightclubs, Bars, Pubs and even Strip Clubs (and plenty more besides with your interesting present work) You must have seen so many hook up attempts, gross drug spiking etc.
I think I have seen every chat up technique going! It certainly taught me which ones not to try and which ones work for guys who don't look like models!! A smile and some laughter go a long way!!
@@thatgearguy A video on chat up techniques you witnessed would be quite fun!
Very informative. Thank you. Now.....why on earth is a female who makes a false allegation against a man not shunned, shamed, and banned from the club for life? Her intention is to ruin a man when he is completely innocent. Until women are held accountable, they're going to be more trouble than they're worth---generally speaking. It wasn't like this in the 70s and 80s when I was growing up; not NEAR as prevalent. Nowadays, it's rampant.
We banned them but I am sure many go unpunished.
I'm surprised and impressed that they actually bothered to check the cameras. Most places wouldn't bother to do even that.
it's the crime with the lowest false accusations claim lol.....
I've heard these stories many times. Years ago I nearly got into a fight just staring at a female band singer on stage. A guy girlfriend supposedly. Another time a bouncer asked me to leave cos I was drinking in my own thought I was there for trouble. Another time girls were testing me being bitches in a club only to be harrassed by one calling me everyday I just wasn't interest by then. One time one asked if she could move in cos she had nowhere to go with a 2 yr old. After meeting so many disfunctional types I gave clubbing the arse now 15yrs ago. Too scary now with new consent laws and stabbings
This guy just explained game 101 in less than 30 minutes 🔝💯 Blessings from Malta Europe 🇲🇹 💙 💪
I always preferred going to bars, you could talk and have a fun time. Only clubs I went to I got in for free. Music so loud all you could do was dance and pose. I never got the allure of club culture. It was like erasing your identity and melting into an anonymous hive. The only people I know who truly enjoyed were massively into drugs.
I love the term "melting into an anonymous hive".. Very apt and poetic!
I love how you give advice without talking down on people. It's very rare, actually.
Thanks! I dont even consider it advice. Just a retelling of what I saw and personally learned from it. If anyone else finds it useful, I am glad.
I don't think I have ever "picked up" a girl up ever. I just ended up having a conversation with a woman by chance, if that makes sense. Like one time, I bumped into a girl and my drink spilled onto her arm. I immediately apologised and wiped her arm as best as possible, with those white paper things that get server under some drinks/cocktails. The conversation went from there really. I think if you're going in with the intention of finding a special someone, it never works out.
Also, if you're really smashed, you probably aint as attractive as your brain is telling you! lol.
Love the stories mate. Some solid advice in there. I have dated quite a few girls weirdly via their gay friend who has fancied me, but found out Im straight and then you're chatting with the group.
Ive always loved watching guys trying it on with woman, especially when they are wrecked. They get shut down immediately.
BTW... I hate internet dating. What's your thoughts on it buddy? I always like to see the girl Im interested in, in person at a bar for example. I want to see how she carries herself when she's had a few drinks, as some women (and men) go psycho if you say the slightest thing wrong.
Totally agree. I am not a fan of internet dating. I heard to many horror stories from friends who got catfished..
@@thatgearguy I tried Tinder when It first came out, which is quite a shallow app really when you look at how it works. Back then it was totally free. I had three dates, rang all of them in advance of the date to get a taster of how the convo would go. Anyway, to cut to the chase, all three looked nothing like their photos. One of them I met in a pub, and I thought it was a totally different person. I thought it was out of order, uploading photos of yourself that are clearly 5+ years old, and your at least a few stone heavier. Mine were taken that week, when I setup the app. Let's just say, it was an awkward three dates, but because I'm a semi decent guy, I didn't just want to walk out the back door and leave them hanging. So I stayed a few hours with them, got a bit pissed (to take the edge off things), and simply kissed them on the cheek and said its been nice, and ill be in touch. I didn't of course, but I didn't want to ruin her and just say how it was, and upset her in a packed pub. That's just me, others said they would have bailed immediately lol.
*Wow, these stories really reveal a lot about the dynamics between men and women.*
I was a limo driver in LA and Hollywood for 7 years. I hated dealing with drunks. Some crazy bachelorette parties. I had a few opportunities but never crossed the line.
I’m older and no longer go clubbing, but go occasionally to a special event meant for us older folks. But bc I have the best intentions with women and not even expecting to pick one up. But what I never thought about is being a threat to women or that they seek that out to avoid. So now knowing that, I have to try even harder and be aware that women are worry about being threatened.
Also, meeting women is all changed now bc in my days going clubbing back in the 90s and 2000s, both men and women seemed to go clubbing to meet other ppl.
The story about the young girls and seeing them without make up and in a big house, is very much like what happened to ‘Spud’ in the film Trainspotting. He picks up a girl in a club and goes back to hers. In the morning he’s having a cup of tea with her mum and dad downstairs and she comes down in her school uniform.
It was Ewan McGregor's character, great scene. Spud was the one who crapped himself in the girls bed.
SPUD They're my sheets !
That happened to Renton, not Spud.
I'm about your age - I'm 45 - I agree that clubs were like social media/dating apps back when I was in my late teens. I met my first two proper girlfriends when I was 16/17 - they were 15/16. (Different time periods of course - I've never cheated!) We never had any serious relations, just talked lots about music - they were kind and intelligent young women. Later, met their parents and they were very trusting of us. We obviously talked about err... sex ... but were sensible enough to decide we were not really ready. In the '90s, this was just the way to meet people. I guess it is a bit different now. I went to clubs that played 'alternative' music - not sure if that plays into things.
You are a wise man, and you need to share your experiences. You are making the world a better place.
Thanks!!!
I spent 15 years in pubs, clubs and especially nightclubs and I can honestly say that there isn't any nightclubs without underage girls in there at some point. Just a word or warning and something to remember. Not much you can do to stop it as they usually have a slightly older sister and just use their i.d. If you do get yourself in trouble unfortunately the girls sister probably won't be willing to act as your witness. Again, just something to keep in mind. Keep up the good work... And get yourself down to London to be a guest on our show!
Best for men to generally avoid those place for this reason.
@@johnrockwell5834 Agreed. And as someone once told me, nothing good happens after midnight.
I can’t understand how someone could be prosecuted. If the girl is in an over 18 venue after producing ID what more can a guy do to verify she is not underage. What’s a guy actually suppose to do, call to police station with her just before sex?
@@MarkSmithbasic-ei3ue I always wondered that. If someone has obviously showed I.D pretending to be that person, then has presented themselves to the guy as someone 18 or over (i'm sure the question comes up with the girl at some point) and as long as their has been no coercion at all, then why is there no fraud or crime on their part? Surely theft of I.d and a fraud charge would be immediate? If you go into a bank with someone else's i.d, claim to be that person, and walk off with the money. It would be like letting them go but arresting the person at the counter. If someone has the legal response to that I would love to hear it as I feel as if I'm missing something???
Excellent advice/knowledge to give the younger men today. Fortunately, back in the day (the 70s, yikes!) when I was clubbing with my girlfriends, these terrible things weren't happening. We always stayed in a group and watched out for each other. We were out for a night of disco dancing the night away. Possibly some negative behaviors were happening, but luckily, we never experienced them. What a shame things have changed and become darker now. I hope the young men and ladies now will take your advice to heart and BE CAREFUL!
@gailhoffmann9498 Yep stay home watch soap operas, and knit. ☺️
part of the problem is that people go out alone and/or dont look out for each other repeatedly I hear stories of girls staggering out of a bar alone and thinking acar is their uber
Over 20 years ago I used to work some doors in Brighton. I meant one lovely little chezch girl who was into classic ballroom dancing in a really crappy nightclub and we ended up going out together for a while she was in England. I meant another girl from Germany who cared for adults with learning disabilities. I don't really think they knew what they were getting into going into the type of nightclubs I worked but they ended up being very nice girls. As for the rest of my clientele I wouldn't touch them with a barge pole , because they were exactly like those girls described in this vid. Predominantly single mothers out with their friends on their one rare night a month when they get somebody to look after the kids, and they just get absolutely plastered and emotional
Wow, excellent advice. Great video.
Always great content. So glad I found your channel
Glad you enjoy it!
Great advice! Back when I'd go to the club before getting married, I had learned not to put pressure on myself or my friends to get with someone. Don't be the guy pushing his friends to "go talk to that girl.. come on you p_.ssy", it just puts pressure on and dappens the fun.
Just like Gear Guy says, go on the dance floor, don't fixate on any girls who aren't already showing you a lot of welcome attention, but do put yourself in the general vicinity of some girls that you like the looks of. Have fun with your friends, dancing in a bit of a circle with your girl and guy friends helps get you comfortable on the dance floor. Be courteous with the people around you, be friendly; you'll have brief moments of interaction with the people around you but just be relaxed and a bit playful; if something happens that gives you a moment to make eye contact and share vibes or some words, just engage and disengage casually. If she likes you, you'll see her in your peripherals looking your way, or she will even dance closer to you. When you pick-up signals of interest from her, you can dance a bit closer to her and before you know it you're dancing together.
Girls can feel if you're desperate or creepy, so be neither of those. Put out good vibes, like you're fine hanging with yourself and got good vibes you'll even be a bit of a haven compared to the dudes lurking around. In fact, if there are a bunch of creeps around then if you're a good dude who's not overbearing on them with too much attention (like a dance neighbor at that point), but helping open space for them for their friends to have room to dance together and help put up a bit of a wall against the creepers, then you get appreciated and trusted for that reason.
Dancing is already miserable. Then on top of that the thought of noticing other guys literally blocking me out of their lady area is the stuff of nightmares. Knock yourself out, I'm going to stick to out in public occasionally coming up with ice breaker jokes and seeing if there's a vibe. But then maybe there people who can't vibe but can at least dance well.
Just came home after a laborious week.
Laydown on the bed picked up the iPad opened the UA-cam app and this was top of the suggestion list.
Just what I needed❤
Enjoy!
I used to work in a club. The girls used to jam glass bottles in the toilet and sink. Then turn taps on and flush toilet to cause flooding. They would get huge wads of toilet paper and jam that in sinks too. They would always be the most glamerous girls too.
At 45 I stopped going to clubs (better late than never). I had started when I was 29 or 30. My two friends I partied with passed away 6 months apart, so that got me thinking. I Had few good nights, but mostly "weird" altercations with people at clubs in my life. Alcohol and other "party favors" got me in bad situations. I'm 61 now and grateful I made it through with minor "cuts and bruises". Looking back, I wished I would have finished college and concentrated on my career.
Why men go to bars is beyond me.
I like to drink with friends at a bonfire, have a good talk, the music we actually like, and people we can trust.
Well they go to meet girls..
@thatgearguy with tinder and other dating apps, and the loneliness and societal ostracization we live in, women are really easy to get. 20 on POF is usually all it takes
It’s the v ah jye nah literally the only reason take 100% chance of that away and have every club scene a sausage festival and guys wouldn’t be returning other then blokes on blokes if you get what I’m placing on the gay bar
I started chatting with a girl. She always went out to bars and stuff. Like 4 - 5 times a week or more. I couldn't understand why. Then I asked her if guys used took hit on her. She said yes and they buy me drinks 😁. Think girls get much much more if club visit then guy's. And it's not strange
@@thatgearguyyou misspelled 'skanks'
Some years back I worked a short spell doing security(nights) at a resort hotel.The Head of Security,an ex copper,left me with this gem,"The nighttime can often bring out the worst of people or the worst behaviour in the best of people".
Hehehe! That last little insight made me chuckle. Have worked in clubs myself (also in Brighton) and you’re right about the toilets - filthy creatures!
Regarding the story of the underage girls in "The Club"...... OH DEAR for sure met "people" who've found themselves in that boat. Smashing vid, many thanks.
Thanks for your stories! I never knew going to clubs could be such a negative life altering situation. I'll take this all as a cautionary tale and stick to doing the hobbies I love, rather than going to these risky endeavors.
19:50 - Very interesting, thanks for advice about not using a Duty Solicitor. Maybe you could do a video about how to find/select a good solicitor, particularly how to go about this if you have been arrested?
Good idea as it is very important!
I like this advice, real life. Not overly red pill. Don't believe the hype.
“You buy em all a drink.” That’s probably $100 right there. Expensive to pick up really
Massad Ayoob nailed it like 40 years ago: "I can think of no better formula for trouble than a room full of people consuming alcohol."
The one exception being a DUI wet-lab 😄
Massad sounds like a right bore! Whoever he is! 🫣🥴🤒
@@paulmcallister8948 Alcohol is not fun. It is a tool for people lacking a personality or life to disassociate to cope with the pain and pretend their self-harm is fun.
true
@@paulmcallister8948self defense expert.
G'Day from Australia Im a coconut who started in clubs. But my school mate was a bouncer and I started as a glassie. Funny how no matter how far countries are apart. The same stuff happens, and all you have said is accurate. The club I was working in also had the chad bar-tender off in the back for quickies cause that bar closed first at 1am. I will say this though the relationship between the service staff and bouncers are paramount. I saw a guy trying to bottle 1 of our secies and I ripped it out of his hand as a glassie. And when he turned around and saw a 6foot 4 Fijian staring daggers he backed off real quick. One of the other secies saw it and thanked me afterwards. He told me how the floor staff are just as important to report what's happening on the floor out of the way of the security team. Good video mate.
As someone that tried clubbing 45 years ago, I can tell you it is >> WAY MORE EFFICIENT
Something to be aware of for the men who expect something in return for doing something nice for a woman (or "being a nice guy" in Internet parlance), such behaviour can be seen by the law as coercive control and can land you on the wrong end of a court appearance and potential jail time. At that point, your life is ruined and your public perception is trashed.
Still loving your vids. Married with 2 children but I know there's loads of guys out there needing this advice.
that was really good advice. you should do a collaboration with some dating coaches or at least give some feedback on some of their videos
I went to bars and clubs for 20 years. I had zero luck with any nice women. I never go out anymore. These places are only good for drinking. I can drink at home alone plus it's alot safer and cheaper.
Thanks! I wish I saw this 25 years ago! 😂
I wish I knew this 30 years ago!
Me too. Would have saved me a lot of wasted time and money.
Jesus. That story is horrible. Worst nightmare. I’m stick with my beautiful old lady thank you Very much.
Love your channel mate. Cheers.
Well, I actually did meet my wife at a small club, but we had already met before then and it just happened at a time where we were both at a more opportune time of our lives. Besides that, I have found clubs to be a waste of time. They are usually too loud to talk and I'm not into the macho showmanship nor do I have such great looks that girls fall all over me. If you want to meet girls, join a gym or two and go frequently then follow the advice you give. The key is knowing how much of the beyond friends part you add in your flirting. I'm a very nice guy, almost certainly too nice, and girls have just loved being my friend and I learned far too late that such ones need to be dropped. So anyone who relates to this needs to learn the essential skill of moving on and quickly in those circumstances. As for the crazy ones, let me just say as a pilot that far too many women have far more than carry-on baggage.
I was looking for the exception. Wife-material definitely counts 👍🏻
You got this right on, when I was in the club seen as a young man,I went their to dance have a couple of drinks and through a bit of time on the dancefloor met some amazing ladies over the weeks ,was able to get a few numbers and things progressed 👍
You do a great job of making a story interesting and outline the facts. The trouble I have with a small amount of your stories is the conclusion. Sometimes it is not clear and unfortunately it can look like you picked the wrong side. Other than that, loving the channel.
I just tell the stories mate. Its up to the listener to draw their own conclusion or pick a side. Nobody needs a sermon on ethics from me!
Solid storys who the best ladles man you seen over your door years ?
The guys who did the best were pretty feminine looking non threatening types.
People talk a lot of shit about Tinder (etc.), but this video helps highlight some of the upsides when it comes to more traditional avenues of picking-up women…
I keep hearing that about women's club toilets, but never in all my years saw it.
Nightclub? No thanks, not for this dude.
Jazz club? Now we’re talking.
Another great story. Yes, your right about the guys should just head in there have a great time and dance, thsts not threatening to the ladies, then you can talk to her friends " hey how do know each other" im heading for a dance, I'll see you on tbe floor latter. Now, ive been in this situation when ive just walked out from a bar and had the girl there. But that intuition of " she's gonna rob you' and i just walked back to my hotel
I gave up mostly on “clubs” But will do Latin social dances. I’ve had some girlfriends! Sometimes have to be pretty forward and invite myself back with them then sit back and watch and see if she’s enjoying my pursuit. If she seems excited I’ll try again another night but after that I’ll just leave it if she turns me down again. My character isn’t’t that of the lad type so i find i don’t really fit in with the club environment and as I’m on my own a lot it can be dangerous to be around drunken strangers as this channel demonstrates. I actually found that women were often responsible for most of the violence that goes on in clubs between men and the behaviour and appearance of many of them puts me off entering those places.
“Getting off with” Ha , not heard that since the mid 90’s !
Here in Essex most of the Nightclubs, Bars and pubs here have all closed down since my time back in the 90s/2000s (bloody 50 now!) Young people these days aren't as drink/drug focussed as my/our day, kinda a good thing really as I've got 3 kids myself 2 of which are daughters (ten times the worry with girls!) Plus I was VERY out of control on everything so hopefully they all go another direction to me.
Also, I'm glad to hear that the bloke who plead guilty to being falsely accused of sex with minors was able to fight and defend his life in prison. I would not be able to defend myself, if I were in that situation. I really admire people who can fight.
I have told heaps of young men, skip the gym and learn to dance, like salsa. It's a winner
Great films pal peace and love to all ❤
I drove taxi cabs picking up nightclub goers for 3 years around 2012-2015, I told them I have never been into the clubs, without fail all my customers told me "dont't bother, you ain't missing much"
The thing is, how are men and women actually suppose to get together? There was only one place for that, the night club. Now they seem to be getting less popular. I understand that people can meet up by chance, but that leaves out a lot of people who will never find a partner.
They’re not supposed to get together. The Establishment is pretty happy to only import ready-to-work immigrants and to completely stop local reproduction.
unfortunately, online only it seems
Especially when everyone's face is in their phones in public. No more catching a person's eye and smiling.
When you get to know the lady well enough for a invite over to your place a nice home cooked meal always helps to get some time for a chat to learn a bit more about each other 👍
Great as always :)
The horror stories I could share with underage girls and unprofessional SO's banging them could fill a book. Didn't matter that we laid down the law that you never banged a patron on the premise, they still did it - and yes the girls used to dress up, along with the alcohol, loud music and dim lights, was a bed of debauchery. Went through so many SO's and the occasional police action.
Times have definitely changed. But one thing remains, most girls that go out in groups are not there to get laid... sure there was the odd one that would bang anything with a pulse anywhere, but on the whole they were there to have a girls night. And totally agree about girls giving the sh*t tests and the humiliation. The amount of trouble that ensued because an immature drunken guy was cucked by the group of girls is unbelievable, we had designated SO's that were specifically working to cover this - they were sharp, could read the room, were charming and could diffuse any situation that arose... it stopped so many fights, and damage.
I've said before that female SO's were good for checking female toilets during the night, but we also found it hard to keep them as - yup - female toilets are a nightmare. But so saying, when we found a female SO that could handle all the literal crap, they were keepers and we did everything we could to ensure they were happy.
One thing was apparent though: we had ladies hours where the girls got drinks for cheaper, which of course brought them in, and in turn brought the guys. I can't state enough how bad some owners/landlords were in the clubs. Some of their policies that tied our hands and caused so much grief is a joke to the point where mass walk outs would occur, and/or total shut downs would happen.... I KNOW you understand, and maybe a video about that would be cool :)
Good point at the end. Management policies that were stupid/dangerous.. We had a lot of those!
What type of policies?
@@eznosnopes5276 Policies like "stop searching people it upsets the customers" and "leave those guys alone, they are friends of the club"..
@@thatgearguy thanks.
A story that can't be told enough met my wife walking home from a dance not in the place we went home and met up again.
I wish these stories would have been on "books on tape" 40 years ago it took me way too long to realize what is now obvious truth. As a truck driver i am amazed at the crap I put myself thru and somehow got out unscathed.
Very dangerous young ladies do exist. You'd never guess their age. If that security guy who did time and survived several attempts on his life should take the accusers to court. Their actions threatened his life, in all senses of the idea. Always beware the protoytype sport model, they don't handle well and are very unpredictable
This was covered in the film Trainspotting, where he discovers her true age and she tries to blackmail him by threating to report him to the police.
I use to work at a supermarket when I was in high school and I had to clean the public bathrooms. The women’s restroom was always nastier and filthier than the men’s. No joke. Not hating on the ladies but it’s true.
A close male family member met a girl in a club. Turned out to be a trainspotting scenario. He ended up in deep trouble. Be careful chaps.
The few things i miss from working the doors 😈😂, but the worst is drunk woman specially when you refuse to go with them
Mate! Your video worked! I danced with a woman at a bar this past Sunday evening!
Ok she was @ 80 years of age but it’s a start right?!
Your lucky she didnt trip over and break a hip. Hopefully no hips were broken later on either...
@@thatgearguy 😮
Remember, guys, it gets harder to climb out the window or down the drain pipe as you get older. 😂
Went to a lot of clubs in my teens and twenties. My main aim was to pull, it usually always ended in disaster and not pulling. Some nights you would be lucky but these encounters would be far and in-between.
It's not just club bathrooms that's disgusting. My buddy from high school had a job at Walmart back in the day, 30+ years ago. He was tasked with cleaning the bathrooms at night. He told me everything you described and more about the women's side. He said I just thought men were disgusting till I seen what women do.
yeah that spiking drinks culture is really crazy a girl sees you pull out a pill and she is all like aaaaa are you trying to put that in my drink and im like your drink ?!?! baby do you know how much this costs ?!?! get your own you leech
If I pull out a pill it is probably an aspirin for my achey back...
Without Quaaludes, bars and clubs ain’t no fun anymore! 😊
Damn, did those girls lay the complaint or did the parents? Pretty sociopathic of them to let that guy take the hit
Parents found out something had gone on through gossip. Girls played the innocent victim card.
@@thatgearguythat's disgusting, the fact that they get to do that when they knew what they were doing, and yet if they murdered someone together they would magically become full grown adults as far as the courts are concerned as they would then be charged as one.
You can't have it both ways.
In the U.S. we call it "slut defense" or "regret rape."
@@xpicklepiegotta love equality. Women get all the benefits without the negative while men get just about the opposite at this point.
Dude the majority of girls in their situation would do the same thing, it would be the minority who would actually admit to the truth and their own fault if they found themselves in such a scenario.
My proof? How many cases have you ever seen the girls admitted they lied about age prior to being exposed for lying about in the first place. They never say they in fact consented the man in the first place and the whole ordeal is in fact the woman’s own doing and the one who initiated the event to occur. I don’t know of any cases a girl has admitted to them being at fault without being exposed for lying some other way first. How many cases of old freak scum man grapes innocent angel girl victim have been found and put in jail though? I rest my case.
10:23 Young girls getting incredibly drunk and guys taking advantage of them was in the news recently down your way mate. A certain Boxer’s son, on the beach.
He was not convicted of doing anything wrong after the trial, but his behaviour was certainly questionable. She was drunk as hell and 16 years old.
23:20 oh I just caught up. You got to this towards the end. Sorry about that.
The parents.Deal with a mother who neglects her daughter first.
I think we're reaching the point with the law where if someone is under the influence, they can't legally consent. At that point the wisest course of action is to not get involved with anyone who is drunk.
Goodness mate great advice fascinating.
Glad you enjoyed it
Back in the early ‘80s I was in the advertising business, a well known face around my town, VIP car parking etc. and a regular at the American Diner bar.
One night after a lock-in, one of the young female bar staff had got very very drunk, and asked me for a lift home.
She was literally all over me and legless. I had to help her into her flat. She invited me in, and made me a coffee (with some help). She was a sweet girl, but not worldly wise.
She went upstairs and ran a bath! I drank my coffee and watched a video. When she reappeared in just her dressing gown, we sat and chatted for a while, then she fell asleep. So I put her in her bed and went home.
Next night, I was sat on my usual barstool at the beginning of happy hour, and I got a kiss on the back of my neck, and a whispered “Thank you”, as she turned up for her shift.
Later that night, two of her friends gave me a hug and thanked me for looking after her. They knew that there were plenty of guys that would take advantage of such a situation.
The word gets around when you treat people right. Any one of those girls knew that they could come to me if they were having a problem - of any kind. It happened. Conversations were had. People got dealt with. I miss those days.
Interestingly, the decent lads, from the manager to the waiters, also looked after me in various ways: a bar stool from the store on a busy night, a typewriter and a free coffee to type up an invoice!! Oh, and they insisted that I got the promotions contact. So I helped them raise £5,000 for a local charity. I never flashed money, and never tipped. But I did buy them drinks.
There were of course many discreet encounters. Some lasted longer than others. Some I miss very much.
The last time I went in a pub was at the start of the fearporn plandemic. It was a hideous experience: chairs piled up in front of the bar, nowhere to sit unless you were eating and had booked online, and those ridiculous outside arrangements. Ludicrous.
I’m having a situation at the moment (live your way BTW). Met a girl from a dating app, she is an angel at the moment but she has a violent, emotional ex who for whatever reason, is threatening me, despite not knowing me personally or anything about me.
We’ve been dating for a month, I’ve verified that she has told the truth on everything and that they’ve been split since May.
I have no interest in criminal convictions or being harmed / my property harmed so just wondering how I could navigate this without just walking.
@@tomthumb4383 The best way to navigate it IMO would be for her to have zero contact with him. Any time he becomes threatening, record it in a diary or on video/audio. Pass all this information to the Police. Otherwise it just becomes a Tit for Tat situation. If you go and hurt him he will retalliate, no doubt. Hopefully he will want to avoid a criminal record and will pick the route of least resistance - moving on to someone new..
@@thatgearguy We had an incident last weekend where he came by her place while I happened to be there, and seemed to want to actually smash a window. My instinct was it would be self defence to immediately let fly a flurry of punches but for other reasons we got the Police involved instead.
I’m not a small guy at 6’2” and have boxing and the gym experience etc, and I’m not ‘green’, but I don’t know how I’d fair in an actual nasty fight and I’ve been told that he isn’t averse to them.
Emotional men are dangerous but at the same time I don’t want him ruining the potential relationship.
My instinct is to try and make peace but I don’t know if he would be genuinely nasty or potentially ‘reachable’ in person.