Parenting Kids With ADHD When You Have ADHD
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- Опубліковано 9 січ 2024
- ADHD Dude provides parent training through the ADHD Dude Membership Site, in-person school-year programs, and summer camps. ADHD Dude is not gender-specific content.
𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 𝗗𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗥𝘆𝗮𝗻 𝗪𝗲𝘅𝗲𝗹𝗯𝗹𝗮𝘁𝘁, 𝗟𝗖𝗦𝗪, 𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗-𝗖𝗖𝗦𝗣
Ryan is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified School Social Worker, and father to a son with ADHD & learning differences. ADHD Dude is based in Tucson, Arizona.
𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 𝗗𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘆:
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Once I put up a quote in the kitchen to remind myself that I was a good mom during those difficult moments when I was setting boundaries with my son. One day when he was angry about something i wouldn't allow him to do and he took the quote and crumpled it up and threw it on the ground and said that he did it because it wasn't true because I wasn't a good mom I was a horrible mom. I knew he was just angry and it wasn't true, I know I am a great mom, but YIKES! That was rough. I think there's also an issue of sheer exhaustion about how much it takes to follow through with boundaries.
Absolutely, these kids can totally drain you! It’s exhausting.
I love that you did that. :)
I am late diagnosed ADHD mom. I found myself giving in too much, doing everything to keep my more struggling ADHD, Dyslexic, Dysgraphic, Dyscalculia child with very low processing speed happy. I was not consistent. I really feel I am doing my best but never feel my best is even anywhere close to where things needs to be. I want her to be happy, resilient etc. Only thing I have noticed is on ADHD meds I am firmer and stick better to boundaries. All I can say for those in this position that it’s hard. In our household, both parents ADHD. I just keep working at it with getting her therapy, me therapy and whatever else she needs. Again though, meds quite helpful.
I can’t tell how old your child is currently by reading your comment, but I sure do relate with a lot of what you wrote! I always feel like I give/gave in too much to my boys, in an effort to make up for what I felt was failure on my part (especially before I was diagnosed myself… also late at 36 years old) but I think parents are always so hard on themselves to begin with, then adding the complication of also having ADHD, trying to provide a stable/routine environment for our ADHD kids, it’s just overwhelming & exhausting at times. I don’t know you personally, but obviously you are here watching videos, learning, doing everything you can to sort out the “right” things to do for your child…. And that’s a heck of a lot more effort than 90% of other parents I know would be putting in! In the end, your child will feel safe and loved by your efforts & actions, and likely understood at least on some level… and I think that’s huge! My 2 “boys” are now 15 & 17 years old (😭! Went by fast!) and I’m blown away by how amazing & well adjusted they are, despite always feeling like I couldn’t “keep up” with all the other moms (I’ve also been a single mom since they were 2 &3) - I remember feeling like an alien in my own family at that age (teens), so in the very least I can say I’ve been able to help them find their way/place in the world, and they are going to be okay! My oldest is even on track to graduate high school early, which is truly incredible after years of struggling in elementary/most of middle school… I worried constantly that I wasn’t doing enough to help him, but here we are! Everything you’re doing for your kid makes a difference, even if you can’t see it right away ❤️✨sorry my reply got much longer than I intended !😅
I really needed to read your reply. Struggling so much right now in first grade. The thought of 11 more years of this daily stress with school is unbearable 😭
If you feel therapy has been helping her that's great. I just want to clarify that therapy is not an evidence-based treatment for kids with ADHD. The evidence-based treatment is Parent Training, in conjunction with medication management.
Thank you for calling out gentle parenting. I am so tired of mom peers criticizing my authoritative parenting of my ADHD kid when gentle parenting is not an effective option for him.
Trust me, this issue goes way beyond "gentle parenting", there's a great deal of teaching fragility, rather than resiliency in the neurodevelopmental differences parenting world. To your point though, my experience has been that those who subscribe to the various and loosely defined interpretations of gentle parenting see it as more of a religion than a parenting approach, thus why they become so defensive.
@@ADHDDudethis is so interesting - I’ve thought this also, about the “gentle parenting” folks being so rigid/religious in their views, and not being open to questions or input they perceive as critical in even the smallest way… there truly is SO much parenting advice floating around out here, which makes it real hard to navigate (especially when you also have ADHD & you’re just trying to make sure your kids will be able to function/flourish in the world the way it actually IS, not the way we wish it all could be) … I’m really impressed with your channel so far & look forward to finishing this video as well… if I can just keep myself from scrolling & reading all the comments! 😅 I do wish I’d discovered a lot of this (actually helpful) advice earlier in my patenting years, as my “boys” are now 15 & 17 & raising 2 ADHD kids as a single mom who also has ADHD has been… difficult 🙅🏼♀️
Glad you found it, thank you!
This was so helpful. She described the pain I feel whe😢n my child rejects me because I say No.
Thank you so, so much for this conversation and insight! I finally was diagnosed with ADHD three years ago in my early 40s.As a dad to a son and a daughter learning about ADHD, this video helped me in so many ways! First off, the feeling of rejection is so real and very, very deep. I feel like a failure. I am relatively new to your channel. Would it be possible to address how to deal with this rejection-methods, etc? I also keep asking myself "how can I help my children to work through these moments and improve their own methods for coping with these moments". If anyone has thoughts I am open and willing to learn! Thank you, again!
Welcome, I'm really happy you found the channel. here's another video from that same series: ua-cam.com/video/bkCRAxChDCw/v-deo.htmlsi=rlAMCcXk8RwwrsdH
It does get complicated having ADHD yourself and then trying to parent a child with it. Thank you for this video.
For RSD, yes I do actually feel pain in my chest and arms while crying hysterically. I am not surprised RSD physical pain shows on a brain scan!
The parents with ADHD are trying to do better for their kids than what they had! It’s genetic. My family was quite a trip. It sucks. 😢❤
We're all a work in progress. :)
I watched this and have a question for you. I love that someone has finally realized there is an emotional component to this, I am working through this and can honestly say, okay it is better for me to ask my kids to do stuff and become more independent. Where I have come to another roadblock is MY energy level to handle the fight and their energy levels to actually do things I am asking. I try to allow both my girls time when they get home to unwind and decompress from school, however it feels like just when they get the energy to argue with me on stuff, I’m tapped out and usually end up using what little energy I have left to just do stuff myself because that is how I keep myself from feeling like I’m failing everything. A little side note, I’m a single mom, my girls dad passed away 5 years ago, so I do most everything on my own. I’m a full time student, work on starting up a business and helping my kids do school which is no easy task. I have only 1 person as an actual support and often feel bad having to rely on that one person when I get in over my head, but I also refuse to give up on anything because I KNOW I can make it all work, I just need some suggestions on how to find the balance with the energy factor. My girls are 10 and 11, so old enough to have some sort of responsibility, I just often don’t have the energy to consistently push the issue. Thanks for any help you can give 😊
And that's totally understandable. ua-cam.com/video/VL6MsJXVYC4/v-deo.html
Ohh man, this makes so much sense. And is so helpful for me in moving forward on how I can support my adhd child. 💚
I'm so glad to hear that, thank you!
This is spot on! Thank you for sharing this video!
Thank you!
This made a lot of sense!
Glad to hear it!
I’m curious about the study dealing with rejection sensitivity & how it impacts the brain of those with ADHD - I know that a LOT of ADHD studies were done with kids (mostly boys), but always thought rejection sensitivity was something that kind of “formed” throughout life, as a complication or “side effect” of ADHD…is it actually then a symptom of the disorder itself? A common comorbidity? I’m sure the answer is nuanced/not so black & white, but I wonder whether this study she references was done on adults or kids (or both) 🧐🥸🤓
adults