I got to say no AHs here. Riley is going through a lot right now so obviously she is not an AH. Her mom is trying to do what she feels is best for her daughter which is definitely understandable. But the dad is in a tough spot no matter what. To him it seems he is being pushed out of her recovery process/life. Also, that he probably feels like he failed to protect her (I am sure the mom felt the same why). Now with what she is asking it would feel and seem like Riley holds him responsible somehow. OP is trying to be supportive and understanding to everyone but she is putting the child first. This is just a dumpster fire of a situation all around
So a relative from the dads side did awful things to her It's perfectly natural for her to gravitate towards her mom who probably will never have visits from that side of the family. And given its dad's brother's son I can't imagine she would be very comfortable at a place where any relatives on the side of the cousin can show up at any time. Also given that the OP did tell her parents despite her not wanting to it might also make the place more inhospitable for her perception. The dad wanting to be with his daughter isn't wrong but he's an adult who's not even the direct victim and really needs to put her well being on top of everything first.
NTA. OP's husband is wrong. I feel one of the reasons he acts that way though is because he feels guilty that his daughter was SA'd, especially since it happened in their home, and now he takes the fact that Riley doesn't wanna spend time there personally (maybe he feels like he failed as a father) and feels attacked by Madeline (blame shifting).
To all the people saying op is yta, SHE'S NOT( a lot of repitition ahead) A guy brought up the point that she said" I leave the major parenting decisions to madeline and aiden" ,but this is a situation where there ISNT a parenting decision, it is a SA RECOVERY decision. Another person is bringing up the point that she isnt giving her husband time to process this because he feels that he failed as a father by not protecting his daughter The hard, raw truth is that, this is exactly what happened. I understand that he didnt mean to do this but he simply grounded her for failing an exam. We know this wasnt because it was boring but if your kid is in 6th grade doing 8th grade level work, boring isnt exactly a viable answer. What im trying to say is that NO one is at fault. There is no NTA or more importantly , OP isnt YTA. If anythinf people should be calling out the cousin that SA'ed her, but no, people are focused on if op should side with her husband or his exwife( SAME SIDE BTW). If an ELEVEN YEAR OLD was SA'D in their FATHER'S HOUSE by their UNCLE'S SON, i too, wouls not want to stay by his house OR around his family I was SA'd by a family member and that shit fucks you up...OP definitly isnt the asshole for siding with the ex-wife
YTA "I leave the major parenting decisions and tough love to Aiden and Madeline." Is that a lie since OP seems really involved in the end? Poor Riley but you cant just dismiss the worries of your husband.
Yes, yta. I feel sorry for Riley but op shows 0 empathy for her husband. He feels like he failed to protect his daughter and also rejected. Op has a heart of stone.
But she’s also NTA. The husband is absolutely right to feel how he feels but OP and the mom are right in this. Until they sell that house she likely shouldn’t be there and it won’t hurt for that time to have her stay with her mom and maybe instead dad can take her out more or such. Only as a temporary measure and they should be starting family therapy to transition through it (dad as well should begin therapy cause he will feel he is blamed). But kudos to step mom for knowing a shift in behavior like that has a cause
Why does his feelings matter in this situation? His priority should be whatever his daughter wants. Trying to add another court case to the one she may already have to be a part of if the cousin has to go to court and she has to testify but to get the courts innvolved because the daughter feels more comfortable at her moms place after being SA’d twice, once in his home, is essentially forcing her where her trauma was inflicted. She wants her mom not him at this moment she doesn’t feel safe there.
I got to say no AHs here. Riley is going through a lot right now so obviously she is not an AH. Her mom is trying to do what she feels is best for her daughter which is definitely understandable. But the dad is in a tough spot no matter what. To him it seems he is being pushed out of her recovery process/life. Also, that he probably feels like he failed to protect her (I am sure the mom felt the same why). Now with what she is asking it would feel and seem like Riley holds him responsible somehow. OP is trying to be supportive and understanding to everyone but she is putting the child first. This is just a dumpster fire of a situation all around
Poor poor Riley. I feel terrible for her
So a relative from the dads side did awful things to her It's perfectly natural for her to gravitate towards her mom who probably will never have visits from that side of the family. And given its dad's brother's son I can't imagine she would be very comfortable at a place where any relatives on the side of the cousin can show up at any time. Also given that the OP did tell her parents despite her not wanting to it might also make the place more inhospitable for her perception. The dad wanting to be with his daughter isn't wrong but he's an adult who's not even the direct victim and really needs to put her well being on top of everything first.
NTA. OP's husband is wrong. I feel one of the reasons he acts that way though is because he feels guilty that his daughter was SA'd, especially since it happened in their home, and now he takes the fact that Riley doesn't wanna spend time there personally (maybe he feels like he failed as a father) and feels attacked by Madeline (blame shifting).
To all the people saying op is yta, SHE'S NOT( a lot of repitition ahead)
A guy brought up the point that she said" I leave the major parenting decisions to madeline and aiden" ,but this is a situation where there ISNT a parenting decision, it is a SA RECOVERY decision.
Another person is bringing up the point that she isnt giving her husband time to process this because he feels that he failed as a father by not protecting his daughter
The hard, raw truth is that, this is exactly what happened. I understand that he didnt mean to do this but he simply grounded her for failing an exam. We know this wasnt because it was boring but if your kid is in 6th grade doing 8th grade level work, boring isnt exactly a viable answer.
What im trying to say is that NO one is at fault. There is no NTA or more importantly , OP isnt YTA. If anythinf people should be calling out the cousin that SA'ed her, but no, people are focused on if op should side with her husband or his exwife( SAME SIDE BTW).
If an ELEVEN YEAR OLD was SA'D in their FATHER'S HOUSE by their UNCLE'S SON, i too, wouls not want to stay by his house OR around his family
I was SA'd by a family member and that shit fucks you up...OP definitly isnt the asshole for siding with the ex-wife
YTA "I leave the major parenting decisions and tough love to Aiden and Madeline." Is that a lie since OP seems really involved in the end? Poor Riley but you cant just dismiss the worries of your husband.
Yes, yta. I feel sorry for Riley but op shows 0 empathy for her husband. He feels like he failed to protect his daughter and also rejected. Op has a heart of stone.
But she’s also NTA. The husband is absolutely right to feel how he feels but OP and the mom are right in this. Until they sell that house she likely shouldn’t be there and it won’t hurt for that time to have her stay with her mom and maybe instead dad can take her out more or such. Only as a temporary measure and they should be starting family therapy to transition through it (dad as well should begin therapy cause he will feel he is blamed). But kudos to step mom for knowing a shift in behavior like that has a cause
Why does his feelings matter in this situation? His priority should be whatever his daughter wants. Trying to add another court case to the one she may already have to be a part of if the cousin has to go to court and she has to testify but to get the courts innvolved because the daughter feels more comfortable at her moms place after being SA’d twice, once in his home, is essentially forcing her where her trauma was inflicted. She wants her mom not him at this moment she doesn’t feel safe there.