The friends comments made me think of a discussion I have some time ago "Friends are people that will help you up when you fall, after they have finished laughing."
Oh god. If there is one thing Danes hate, it is when you make a joke, and someone goes “well actually that is really inappropriate because, blah blah blah.” Yes. I know that. That is why I thought it was funny. We do have our limits though, cause like you said, we ain’t jerks. Even if they are different from person to person.
True I basically don't mind any sort of jokes no matter what. So if people respond like that then it's a sign it's not really someone I want to be around
Now I’ve only been in Copenhagen for a few weeks so I might still be a little bit naive but the whole thing that Danes have a reputation of being rude I don’t get . People have been genuinely super friendly & nice to me (so far ) If you’re in a store and they come up to you and start talking danish it fine letting them know you only speak English .they will gladly start chatting with you in English and you ALWAYS get “ have a good day “ . I really like the danish way of being upfront with you . You’ll know if a Dane likes you or not pretty much straight away. The whole none political correctness & dark humour is SO refreshing and if you can’t take a joke then maybe Denmark isn’t for you? Danes like their booze but as you mentioned many are swapping to alcohol free so you shouldn’t feel forced going out binge drinking every weekend.I think at the end of the day it’s what you make of it. Don’t try so hard be yourself and just go with the flow
We also wont look down on you if you dont wanna drink alcohol based beverages at all, if you prefer Soda/soft drinks thats alright too, everyones got their own prefered poison, and you are correct most of us wont pull up with political correctness and we do believe in the whole ''nothing is too holy, too dark, or too sacred to not be made fun of'' everything and everyone is game when it comes to making a joke. And yes most Danes will be quite straight with you if they dont like you or if you annoy them, some people do get quite the shock at first if they are not used to people being so direct with them.
We learn from little to be polite and smile and to be helpful but also to say thanks and please and have a good day, so most danes will actually do that and we speak english well and don't mind switching over it is often easier for us than broken danish especially if we are in a hurry. I think the rudeness comes into play because we can seem cold or fake when talking to strangers and also we are rather direct compared to many other countries so our answers are often short and to the point. That doesn't mean you can't find danes that mind talking for hours with strangers but usually a common ground makes it easier to talk to us. Also just so you know even danes have trouble becoming friends with other danes.
The "rudeness" is with people they know, not strangers. You're supposed to be polite to strangers. This is the point of what the guys said in the video. If people are only being polite with you and not making fun of you, then you don't really have any danish friends :)
That is SO true! Even as a teenager you dont just make everyday decisions, I remember as a high schooler making apointments with friends to hang out rather than just do it here and now.... Even though I was just a gamer, it needed to be planned xD
I am constantly amazed at how much you pick up on about danish culture and how generously and caring you are in your description of us Danes. You’re right. We really aren’t cold! We’re very nice! Most of the time! 🤩 And I laughed so hard at the list of topics you can safely talk to Danes about. That was freakin hilarious! Princess Mary and Remoulade 🤣
Hej Lea, thanks for watching and the sweet words. It means a lot! We roll our eyes every time we read about or hear someone saying that Danes are hard to become friends with - no one ever bothers to explain how much effort they make. It’s never easy in a new city or country or culture, but it’s always work and always rewarding 😃
Tyvärr dålig på engelska. Så skriver på svenska. Lika roligt för mig att se den här videon. Då den danska (och förmodligen även norska) är väldigt lik den svenska kulturen. Givetvis finns skillnader. Men det som tas upp här.Är brukligt även i Sverige.
@@carinagidlof5331 Carina, da jeg var 12-14 lærte vi svensk i skolen - og det var sjovt, for alene at udtale svensk var skægt. Men det var skønt - når vi blev hørt i svensk faldt alle andre OM af grin - men det hænger fast :-) - Den første svensktime skulle vi høre om "Spela kugler" - glemmer jeg aldrig selvom jeg er lidt ældre med mine 76 år - og siden har jeg elsket alle svenskere jeg har kendt.
If you want to be friends with a dane, you have to earn their respect, and prove to them that you are worthy of it. As you said, danes don't do superficial friendships, but friendships that can be compared to love relationships. Trust and honesty is everything.
It's historic. If you are rowing across the North Sea to raid an English monastery, you don't want to be with someone who's going to stop rowing half way there. LOL
I spoke on UA-cam with an american expat in DK, the person complained about not having any friends, so I took a leap and said I’ll be your friend and got referred to the persons facebook. From that point I was done with that person.
I sat up when you used the word 'acquaintances'. I am English and when I went to America I was taken aback by the amount of friends people had. It took me a while to realise that Americans are happy to call somebody a 'friend' if they just knew them. At home, I would only call somebody a friend if they were really a friend of mine. Otherwise, I would say 'I know him'. ie he's an 'acquaintance' but I don't know him well enough to call him a friend. Btw it's also part of British culture to make fun of people you like. We're very polite at first but when we start pulling your leg and making fun of you, you know you're a friend.
The greeting "How are you doing?" is also used in Denmark. It is just used differently than in the US. Here it is not something you use with coworkers on Tuesday morning, when you last saw them Monday afternoon. It's used when seeing friends and family, you haven't seen for weeks, months or maybe even years. It's a gateway for people to catch up on the time the have spent apart. In the US it is a very casual thing. It just means hello. Here in Denmark it does not mean that. I've watched 15-20 of your vids today. I'm glad you enjoy Denmark. I am from Jutland, and I waited and waited for you to mention Træls in your word video. I'm very happy you mentioned Træls, as it is by far my favorite word. It's the word I teach every foreigner I meet, and I use it DAILY! CPH has not yet learned the wonders of Træls, but as more and more from Jutland move there, they are starting to learn. Thanks for the lovely videos and for not being træls.
As a Dane i like when people send a message “I am on my way now” or something like that because it gives me a sense of when they will arrive. And about the dark humor, if we tell a joke about a topic where you are very sensitive it’s okay to say maybe “I know it’s not meant mean but maybe you could joke about something else” and we will respect that you say how you feel about it.
Hej Frida 😀that's actually great advice, sending a message when you're on the way saves everyone from the potential annoyance in the end. I think you're spot on about the dark humor too. If one of our Danish friends knew that something was a sensitive topic to us, or if we told them, it would never be touched on again unless in a serious and caring way. Thanks for watching and adding to the dialogue with some great additional points 🇩🇰😀
Really? Personally if someone Said that, the next time i Will find someone Else to talk to. It kills the moment. Its Easyer just laughing and inside Think “i didnt understand the joke” and ask about something Else. Personally i Think people saying “i Know its not meant bla Bla” is boring to talk to 👍🏻
All your points are true, and fun to watch from your point of view ─well done!😊 I think being to *more than one appointment* in one day can be a sign of F.O.M.O. (Fear Of Missing Out) for the guest, if he/she goes from one party to the other. That is not something I have ever encountered here in DK, so your observation is spot on. I don't think it would be rude to try to be at more than one place at once; I'd more feel sorry for the guest, who would only get a partial experience at each house.
I grew up and lived all of my life in DK (For context, I'm 26). Here's some thoughts on the points you made: - "Go Slow with the Friendships": Yeah, no, maybe. I think there's something to it, but I can't relate personally. People are different - I'm an extrovert, some are introverts. Some keep few close friends, others thrive better among a million strangers. I think, growing up, kids here are kind of expected to have a single best friend, but sometime during Efterskole I decided that this was a stupid concept for me, and I have gotten by with tonnes of normal friends/acquaintances since. - "Danes are Planners": True for me and everyone I know. - "Be prompt and Committed": Yes - but I thought about this and realized that there is a great shift in our culture as you get older. When I attended private parties in my teen years, and even into the early twenties, this was the total opposite experience. There were these unwritten rules that you should never show up on time - only weirdoes did that. It was a common sight to see only the few who weren't inclined to go party show up at the beginning of a party event. When I hosted parties, I kind of had to handle the awkward conversations with these people for the first half hour, before the rest dumped in half an hour later. Today, though, as I entered my mid-twenties, I can only agree. Be there on time, always. - "Home-invites are a Big Deal": I guess they are - I think it's hard to imagine it otherwise, having only lived here. You are very right about these things almost always being all-night affairs. And true, I have been scolded a few times, for making several appointments throughout an evening. - "Get Yourself Some Thick Skin": Very true. If you can joke around with someone, and they play along, they are much easier to be around. For this thing to work, however, it requires that everyone can both give and take. My experience is that one should be able to make fun of themself (to a certain degree), and the result is that people allow you to make fun of them. - "Non-PC Dark Humor": Yup, but again, I think the younger you go, the more ruthless they'll be. 'Dead baby-jokes' are a big thing for some reason. We've got nazi-jokes. Lots of bad stuff really :) They are horrible, but I think the absurdity is what some people find funny about it. I know I laughed a lot of times from the stupidest remarks. My Dad moved to Sweden many years ago, and through him I learned how this is a unique danish thing. I'm fond of it though, because I feel like it loosens up the atmosphere when people are not so uptight and too afraid of others' opinions to say something that's obviously funny in a given context. In regards to the politically offensive nature of our jokes, I think that it's hard to compare US and DK. I actually believe the average dane is way more progressive than the average US-citizen, but because of US-polarization some topics are harder to joke about overseas, whereas here, they are not as politically loaded. There are obvious exceptions of course, but generally, I think we can be less PC because we as a more PC-society is less divided. Maybe that makes no sense, I don't know, it did when I wrote it at this late hour. - "Alcohol at every Social Event": True. I'm a uni tutor at the coming semester, and we basically welcome the new students with a month of drinking. We have this saying that we teach them 'alcohol is an active choice to partake in', but I should be honest, it's not. It's an active choice not to partake in the drinking. We have a few non-alcoholic events planned, but most of them are centered around drinking. My experience is that a few of the new students will find this terrible. But, well, most will love it. - "Be Yourself": Amen to that.
I have one small addition - if you will. Food is culture - and particularly a huge part of danish culture, that we love to share. We enjoy sharing, showing and introducing people to the things we love - and we also love talking about food. For instance, just before Corona we had a discussion at the office about which cheap store bough cake was the superior one - which of course ended in a taste-off, where people brought their favorite to the mix and we settled it like men! .. meaning we ate cake and voted for it! But more than just sharing - (most of us) also love to talk about food. What we like, what we don't like, what we've tried, what we'd recommend - which places made it better. It's a fairly safe topic to talk about - and who knows, it might result in free cake, an invite to go out and eat or at the very least a recommendation where to find good stuff to try. All win! :)
Great addition! You’re so right, food and recommendations of things to try are an easy way to connect with locals. Danes are always super helpful with food and so open to sharing this part of culture. We love this trait! 🇩🇰😃
Tell me about it! In Denmark if you use the phrase: how are you doing? You are expecting an answer and you ask, because you want to know. My first encounter a US store in LA, a noce young lady smiling at me, asking how are you, resulted in me telling her about my trip, jetlag and my plans. She must have thought: omg Lady… go away, I have things to do 😂😂
On Bornholm where I live, you have a lot of fællesspisning, a weekly or monthly dinner with other people you don,t know -. Not much drinking involved but a lot of nice food, humor and kindness. A nice way to get new friends I think. You just join in, paying a small amout and have fun.
I love that you guys acknowledge the intimacy most Danes put in an invite into their home (I know Danes that are totally clueless to this 🤣). It's also a part of why it needs planning, because the guests will be the most important thing that whole evening/night. It takes a lot of energy to make such a hyggelig night happen and the intent is show you that you matter, that they're carving out a place in their busy schedule for you, quite possibly for a life time. I know that I personally is exhausted when our friends leave after such a dinner but I am also buzzing with positive energy and happiness because the people I am connected with matters soooo much to me. They are my world.
i have this saying in my friend group, that is if you fall down your aquaintences are the one helping you up and your true friends are the ones laughing in the background. then again your true friends are the ones that will sit just talking with you over the phone for 4 hours if you truly feel bad
the long winded road to friendship also has a dark side though. There are many lonely people in Denmark, who find it very difficult to bond friendships. Being lonely is a taboo in Denmark, so people wont admit to the loneliness, and therefore sort get stuck in it, while everyone around them have busy schedules.
I liked this, because it's true. I've lived abroad and people are much less lonely. Maybe they don't have great lifelong friends as the Danes, but they also have more people to do stuff with casually.
While that is absolutely true I will say that my experience with people in Denmark who are lonely is that they don't make much, if any, effort to engage with those around them or they are people who can't engage socially in the normal ways (handicapped people, anxiety/depression sufferers, etc). If you join any kind of clubs or leave your home for any social purposes other than work you can find friends in Denmark. It is definitely tough if you have anxiety or physically can't leave your home but outside that the fact is a lot of people don't make the effort to put themselves in situations where friendships can arise. As sad as it is when people are lonely we can't really fix it if they don't want to engage others socially. I have some family and acquaintances who definitely fall into the group which just don't want to make the effort.
I thought so too but there is actually no evidence there are more socially isolated people (people who only socialise outside the home once a month or less) or people who feel like they have no one to open to in Denmark than eg. Southern Europe. As for simply “feeling lonely” I’m not sure, but it’s not as grim as many make it out to be.
If you are invited for something at 10.00 you arrive and are ready at 09.55 .. I just think it is a sign of respect for other peoples time that you are not late and if you are late you need to let them know as soon as possible! .. Never thought this was a "Danish" thing .. Just thought it was normal :D
I use a little trick to stay in the comfy zone of drinking. When I empty a beer I actually always rinse the bottle/can with water. 1 it's not as sticky for the clean up. 2 the flies stay out of the kitchen. 3 when you return to the guests, no one knows your actually drinking a can of water, so it's kinda cheating, but not anyway. I drink with a frequency of 1 times 1, meaning 1 beer down = 1 can of water.. That way you can always keep a level head, and still be a part of the party..
You two seems like such sweet people ☺️ I love that you have made a whole channel about life in Denmark 💕 And it is really fun to watch as a dane! Your danish friends are lucky to have you in their life 🥰 Keep up the good work guys 💪
My father was Danish and he was very friendly and affable on the surface, but made actual friends very slowly. His cousin, however, had the cold aspect that most people ascribe to Danes and he didn’t know his neighbors whom he had lived near for years! My father had a private reputation in the neighborhood but approachable.
That’s super interesting, and very much what we find. Our Danish friends are loyal and care about us deeply, but it’s because of the time we took to build a friendship. Some people can be private, but it doesn’t take much to make a connection (when it isn’t forced) and from there it’s a bit of work - like any friendship.
As a Norwegian I get the "Don't ask "How are you doing?" unless you want an honest answer" thing. If a Scandinavian ask you this question, they are really curious about you and your life. They might notice or know that something has been going on, or that you have had changes in your life and want to hear about them. There have been many akward interactions at work between some of my coworkers and customers when we have meetings with English speaking foreigners, and they use "How are you doing?" as a greeting, and the Norwegian answers "Well, my ingrown tonail hurts badly and my mother passed away last night." 🙈🤣
I really like the part about the humor. Intent matters. And it is often used as social commentary. And not directed towards a specific person. The world is an unforgiving place, and humor is a good way you deal with it.
as someone who doesnt drink, it can really have a negative effect socially. not so much with adults but if youre in school it can definitely be quite sad sometimes. If youre a foreigner theyll probably actively try to include you but as a dane ive been excluded from many ''class'' parties, been called boring and so on just because i dont drink. After turning 18 My friends loved always having a designated driver though!
Sorry to hear that had a negative impact on you socially. At that age it was probably a lot tougher but it’s good to hear that your friends evolved on the issue as you got older and they matured. Thanks for adding this and for watching of course 😊🇩🇰
@@RobeTrotting Definitely sucked a lot as a young teen when only you, 1 of your friends and one guy wasnt invited but everyone else was. Definitely sometimes felt like an outcast in class but I still had great friends id hang out with a lot! they also found it odd when i wasnt invited but theyd still go because well they wanted to party. It kinda sucked they'd go without me but there was no real bad blood between my friend group (aside from typical teen issues occasionally). Wasnt only because of drinking, i was a nerd so by default not popular among everyone, but not drinking certainly hasnt helpted, just glad i was never bullied for it hahah but i have great non party animal friends now (along with my old friends ofc) that are into all the same things. Sometimes kids are just stupid! but its worth noting if you are young or are bringing kids! I always enjoy your videos! great perspectives.
Makes me sad to hear you were even excluded. It wasn't ever like that in the schools I went to. There'd be no discrimination, apart from when someone gave a round of shots... Of course. Most often the sober ones would be the ones taking over if stuff got a little too jolly, and attendees would be lining up to say thanks for the effort the day after... In that context, I'm really happy that non-alcoholic beers are getting so much better these days. I'm not into the sweetness of soda for more than a glass or two, sparkling water is still a tad too boring. But now I can just bring a 6 pack of my favourite 0% beer and still feel rather included despite the fact that I know I have to drive soon... Because I'd never do DUI.
@@BenjaminVestergaard glad it wasn’t like that everywhere!! But yeah drinking culture was very heavy at my school, from a way too young age too imo. But I suppose it’s pretty normal for Denmark. Once older and things were a bit better, in gym and with driving licence I was more than happy to take my drunk classmates home or wherever they needed to go! I hope they were appreciative but it felt quite nice to be needed/ trusted with that responsibility hahah. No DUI’s on my watch either!!
When I first started to communicate with Americans, I also found it strange that they asked how I was doing, but I've gotten used to it, and I actually think it's a nice way to meet people. But only if they actually answer, instead of just saying "good, wby?"
It has been great to find your channel on UA-cam! My husband and I have Danish friends living in Copenhagen that we see rarely (we live in the US) but have maintained contact over many years. Your videos have really helped us to better understand Danish culture! We love Denmark and can’t wait to return for a visit when it is possible. Thanks for the time you take to educate us, we are big fans!
I think most of what to said was spot on. I cannot really speak for other danes, but I like people who can just relax and be themselves. Dont try to be something else and take your time. Bluff, bluster and facades trends to be boring. But when people let go and just relax and talk about whatever they find interesting, you may find genuine connections.
I have never been to Denmark before. However though in Canada where I live, I have a Dane friend from Denmark. I love Danes, I want to make more Dane friends and i want to take a trip to Denmark someday.
So funny I just watched 3 items of you guys and not a single one dis like at all 3 of them....tumbs up. 3 hours later I'd noticed that youtube doesn't show dislikes any more. I'd heard about it but didn't realised it would start today.
The “how are you doing”-greeting thing! My family was recently deployed to a European NATO base for 5 years, with a lot of Americans and my kids went to the American school on base. It took me a good 2-3 years to learn not to answer “how are you doing” with an actual account of how I was doing at that particular time. I am so happy to hear you address this from the US point of view, because my accounts have definitely secured me a whole lot of bewildered (and slightly eye rolling) looks.
Thank you so much Peter, this is the best compliment and we really appreciate your kind words. Thanks for watching and taking the time to leave this comment 😃🇩🇰
Short note on Non-alcoholic beer: its becomming more and more commonly available, and some often drink those instead of softdrinks and not as a replacement for normal beer
That’s super nice to maintain such long friendships. It’s definitely not as common in the States and something we do love seeing in Denmark (even if it makes it a little harder to find new friends) 😃🇩🇰
Great video as always. For me, communication in friendships are important. If you want to join my event but also really want to join something else later, just let me know ahead of time. If I meet up with friends earlier in the day, we usually coordinate whether lunch/dinner is involved or not (so we can plan).
So true, and really great advice for anyone navigating new friendships in a new culture - the communication part is SOOOO super important with any kind of get-together.
Thanks for this great video. It seems that Danish culture is very similar to my Dutch one, especially about the having a thick skin and 'dark' humor. Many expats complaining about us BEING rude and cold, in stead of saying "strikes me as rude/cold" respectively, should ask themselves whether they have the correct mindset for living in a foreign country.
You are spot on with that last statement, you really have to be prepared for these cultural differences and being uncomfortable at times if you live abroad. Many people, especially Americans, struggle with the fact that it doesn’t come all at once and you have to put these pieces together over time instead of just having the new culture conform to you.
Im allways looking forward to your videos. Today i was home from work 18.00 and there was non! 🤷♀️😊 The easyiest way to befriend a dane is beeing totally honest and open, ppl will adore you 😁❣️
Aw thank you so much Miriam, and thanks for waiting. We’re in the States on summer holiday so the hotel WiFi was a little slower than we hoped for haha.
I am dying here. I can't breathe from laughing. You freaking nailed us.. BIGTIME. The only thing I don't agree upon 100% is the one about being invited to someones home. The thing about having to stay til, yea well, it's not uncommon that it will continue way past midnight. But you're not automatically expected to do so. As you said in the beginning about us as planners. You can plan that as well. Many of us, if we invite some for dinner. Then we will make clear if it's just dinner and coffee, or a whole evening/night thing. I love how you picked up on our humor. Especially the dark part of it. And yea. Daz is right too. When you just meet us we would almost never be rude. You gotta get in first. But that's where it begins. It's like, a friend will tell you, you look good. A REAL friend will tell you you're what the cat wouldn't even drag in and left outside, and it is love, not hate. To quote a famous danish comedian: "Tonen ka' lyde hård, men det er kærligt ment." - Anders (Anden) Matthesen It means something like: "The tone may be rough, but it's meant with love." and we actually mean it. It really is meant with love however odd that may seem. xD PS. The rest of the world must learn to eat licourice. And NOT the sweet swedish ones. But the really bitter danish ones. Rustent søm (rusty nail) is a winner. And if you wanna go all in you gotta find a real licourice root. Now that is real licourice. ;)
I really find it interesting about your stance on politics and Danes. When I was in the US I felt the same. Politics were no go. Maybe it just feels rude as an "outsider" to engage in political dickussions No matter the nationality.
One thing to remember is that Denmark is an old country with a long history. We have learned that as a small country we are dependent on each other so what from a US perspective might look socialistic would in the eye of Dane just be common sense. The healthcare system is one example. Right and left in Denmark do not discuss weather to rip the system apart and turn it into a system like in the US. What is a part of the discussion is what parts we need to improve without leawing anybody behind.
It's nice that you also give examples of how it is in the US. Even though I think of myself as a person who knows a bit about American culture some of it is new to me.
10:43 "Joke around with Princess Mary"?! Never would I joke with the royals. Never. (I still liked the video ;) Sweden however... Go nuts! A video on your thoughts on the royal family would be fun! It's quite the culture-shock, I would think. Watching the Queens new years speech, the palaces, guards, the concept of a royal family etc. An American view on that could be fun :)
My mother's family, four generations, back is Danish. I swear, the more I watch these videos, the more I believe Denmark is part of me, despite never going there or knowing anything about Denmark. These social norms are SO up my alley. Edit: Dark Humor? Bring it on.
Hey, I'm from Denmark and this video is not wrong. great video to learn how to Socialize with danish people. btw if you don't like drama and a little hard people, don't go to the city "Randers" in Denmark I would say they are a little too hyped ;D
@@RobeTrotting I can image it must take some practice to get used to LOL! I always aim to be 5 minutes early, and if I am 3 minutes late, that means that I am 8 minutes late. And the host/my friend must be worried.
At weddings, birthdays and big family parties, my husband and I always turn up 10-15 minutes early because we don’t want to be the last ones there. Added bonus: we stand in one spot and people arriving later than us will have to come to us to say hello/shake hands 😂
Well if ever on Fyn. You are very welcome at our little home in Haarby. We just need some notice ahead of time, so we can plan it. ;) We want people to feel welcome.
This is a great video, you really nailed it, I think if foreigners watched this and applied it, they could save themselves a lot of grief in danish society. As a half-dane, I know understand why I went wrong a lot in the past, because I didn't get some of these from my other culture. Planning and being punctual, yet being authentic and direct, it's quite contradictory in some ways and I think that might be what confuses foreigners. It's like, in social settings you would think Danes to be very casual and easy going, but when it comes to planning and being punctual, they do a complete 180. This can be difficult to grasp I think.
Hej Eric, you're so right and this is such a great comment that will help people. On the surface, a lot of things with Danish culture seem to be contradictory, but when you pick up on the unwritten nuances of the culture it just makes sense - but of course, that takes time and a lot of "trial and error" along the way 🇩🇰😀
If I invite ppl. to dinner, do the shopping, prepare the food and lay a nice table the least ppl. can do is be there on time! I cannot reheat the roast and the potatoes are cold, the salad is not as fresh as it should be etc.! I would feel hurt to my core if ppl. just thourght well I’ll just show up when it fits me, she can wait never mind the time, work, and money, I as host spent to make a nice evening!
Hej Morten, thank you so much! We were so excited when we crossed that milestone over the weekend. We’ll hopefully be able to plan some kind of celebration in the next month or so 😃😃😃
As a sort-of-expat (29 years in Sweden) I find most of Your observations eerily exact - but with the twist that You has a solution (mostly "roll with the blow"). I feel that You might have neglected that when You have a real friend in DK, they're all in! Move housing? OK, when do I come to do lifting? You feel down and need some talk? Cool, I'll arrange to come home later if possible, then we'll talk!
2 things, 1) if you say you are driving, pregnent or even got to get up early tomorror, alot of us danes will suprice you with a small stash of non alcoholic we have 'just in case' so we can be good hosts 😂 2) the visiting part is true but there is a twist. We don't mind short evening events, but we tend to set the frame ahead so here is a normaly accepted way: You get invitet and accept the invitation with the declairation that you have to leave early do to x. It shows that you want to and put in the efford, and might even get you a 2nd invitation before you get to the 1st one 🙂
If I go somewhere (like to my moms) I call and say I start driving now. Then she knows that I will be there in 45 minutes. And she and my dad moved to the other end of the country in 2015. My mom looked for places to go to do the things she likes. She found a group of ladies knitting and socializing once a week. She also found a group "Active Women" getting together for outings and discussions, classes and luncheons (not expensive ones). Once you talk to someone, ask where you go to find an association around something you like to do. Are there a football club (soccer), a tennis club, beer tasting or what ever. Asking for our help may be your way into our "inner circle" we LOVE to help.
This is great advice Helle, especially the part about asking for help - Danes are super helpful when you ask for it and it’s a great way to make connections 😃🇩🇰
The be yourself I never really thought of, but you are right. When I think about it, it's really is annoying when people pretend to be something that ain't. And in that context don't brag, it's fine if you have great success people will respect it. Just as long as you don't flash you wealth, better just be a generous without really showing. And as you said, don't be late. Really hate when people are showing up late, are you invited to 19:00 you show up at 19:00. +-5 minutes no more.
Great video :D i really like the part with weeknumbers... My partner is from Poland and she hates when ever i use weeknumbers for our common planning...
Instead of always writing "great video" I'll just do this now: 👏👏👏 once again you are so concise and funny. Derek: I might look like I'm used to rejection but I'm actually not 🤣🤣😍
Thanks for a Great Video like always. What I learned that I've never really considered before is our obsession with punctuality (I even do it myself subconsciously).
I found this fascinating. As an American who had European grandparents (Dutch on my mother’s side and Italian on dad’s side) I’ve always been interested in other cultures. This is probably a sweeping generalization but it seems like a lot of more the “northern” European countries have similar traits like directness and punctuality, whereas people from the countries that are farther south like Italy, Spain, and Portugal have more boisterous, slightly more “loud” personalities. They are also seen more social in general. I’m not sure which type of culture I’d prefer, but I’d probably prefer almost any European country over the United States currently. Denmark sounds lovely. Thanks for the perspective!
I saw that with my son. He has four + one, very, very close friends (one is a girl). They have known each other since kindergarten, gone to school and high school together, and still spend a lot of time together. Some times it is actually fun to see: The girl came over, they would sit down and do their homework together.... maybe speak a few sentences together. And that was that. Anyway: When an iternational colleague tried to join him, do stuff with him, his answer was short: I dont need new friends. To an outsider it may have sounded arrogant, but he was just being honest. He has the bestest friends he can get...and you just cant get new old friends.
Thank you for this awesome video´s of us Dane´s you have great topic of us, i realy like them, and they explain a lot i hope to all my USA and other countrys friends how we are in geranial.
I can definitely relate to most of these - although I will have to say, I have absolutely nada idea what week we're in - and idk anyone else who knows either, maybe except my boss? but he's like 65 years old... Otherwise it seems pretty decent overview :D
This depends very much on which line of work you are in and how casual it is. Most Danes take their summer holiday in week 31-33 and they know when that is...
Im korean, and in my opinion is, that it different being friends for the young generation than the adults, in Denmark, I think many danish collect people, few I know are fortunately different.
@Nia Toftager I think that is true to some extent in most countries. When you’re young, you’re less settled and shop around to figure out what kinds of friends you want. I had a hard time with that when I was younger. The fact that you notice it, that says a lot about you and how maybe you don’t want those superficial and temporary friendships. I hope there are many great and lasting friendships in your future! ❤️
@@leamichaelsen2437 you right, I dont have many friends, but those I Fortunately have, I had for many years, I have a son growing up here in Denmark, And I see how important it is for him, and those in his surroundings, to seek improvement for everything they do in each other. And the same goes for my daughter. I hope they learn the values in few but good friends, and not this endlessly seeking, for more or better or more interesting people.
i definitely agree, im 22 now but when i was younger it was almost a competition among the ''popular'' kids to see who had the most facebook friends. with party culture and changing schools often in the teen years its definitely more superficial. but i also feel like it naturaly changes as they get older and it will become mroe of closeknit groups.
Do not come over before its planned lol, cuz food, drinks and such needs to be ready xD my mom didnt invite people over unless the table was stacked lol xD
Tried to remember a Danish comedy that didn't involve drugs, violence, crime, sex and so on. couldn't remember a single one. Like, we have a kids movie (Danish rating: For kids aged 11 and up) where a girl is bullied until she commits suicide, an alcoholic sings a song about child prostitution and a teacher sneaks into a kids bedroom to leave a dead cat in his bed and write a death threat in blood on his wall.
But danish children entertainment has generally evolved into one big "Fuck you disney" and "fuck the fragility around children entertainment in the anglo-sphere" - like who don't take pride when we here that some danish childrens show, we didn't know of before, has caused an outrage in the US
Oh man the dark humor, and ribbing bit makes me so proud to be part of the kingdom. Something that I find fun, is how danes love to complain about the weather, sometimes no matter what it is.
It really is super. We always had that sense of humor, especially with our friends, so I think that’s why we felt so “at home” early in our time here. Your observation about the weather is SO true 😂 We point that out a bit in this video: ua-cam.com/video/8qJFY5zPbU8/v-deo.html It’s based on a real conversation we had with our friend where we said “it’s been really nice weather lately” and he immediately replied “it’s going to get a lot worse starting tomorrow” 😂 not even a moment to enjoy the present climate haha
The friends comments made me think of a discussion I have some time ago "Friends are people that will help you up when you fall, after they have finished laughing."
Oh god. If there is one thing Danes hate, it is when you make a joke, and someone goes “well actually that is really inappropriate because, blah blah blah.” Yes. I know that. That is why I thought it was funny. We do have our limits though, cause like you said, we ain’t jerks. Even if they are different from person to person.
Exactly, jokes among friends are different than joking with a new colleague or someone like that. You just have to roll with it 🇩🇰😃
True I basically don't mind any sort of jokes no matter what. So if people respond like that then it's a sign it's not really someone I want to be around
The further north you get, the darker the jokes get.
Oh yes! I hate that types of person too who explain how rude it is. Its supposed to be rude, not personally but that the rude stuff is funny 👍🏻
most times we make another rude joke about how rude you are and that sucks :)
Now I’ve only been in Copenhagen for a few weeks so I might still be a little bit naive but the whole thing that Danes have a reputation of being rude I don’t get . People have been genuinely super friendly & nice to me (so far ) If you’re in a store and they come up to you and start talking danish it fine letting them know you only speak English .they will gladly start chatting with you in English and you ALWAYS get “ have a good day “ . I really like the danish way of being upfront with you . You’ll know if a Dane likes you or not pretty much straight away. The whole none political correctness & dark humour is SO refreshing and if you can’t take a joke then maybe Denmark isn’t for you? Danes like their booze but as you mentioned many are swapping to alcohol free so you shouldn’t feel forced going out binge drinking every weekend.I think at the end of the day it’s what you make of it. Don’t try so hard be yourself and just go with the flow
We also wont look down on you if you dont wanna drink alcohol based beverages at all, if you prefer Soda/soft drinks thats alright too, everyones got their own prefered poison, and you are correct most of us wont pull up with political correctness and we do believe in the whole ''nothing is too holy, too dark, or too sacred to not be made fun of'' everything and everyone is game when it comes to making a joke. And yes most Danes will be quite straight with you if they dont like you or if you annoy them, some people do get quite the shock at first if they are not used to people being so direct with them.
We learn from little to be polite and smile and to be helpful but also to say thanks and please and have a good day, so most danes will actually do that and we speak english well and don't mind switching over it is often easier for us than broken danish especially if we are in a hurry. I think the rudeness comes into play because we can seem cold or fake when talking to strangers and also we are rather direct compared to many other countries so our answers are often short and to the point. That doesn't mean you can't find danes that mind talking for hours with strangers but usually a common ground makes it easier to talk to us. Also just so you know even danes have trouble becoming friends with other danes.
The "rudeness" is with people they know, not strangers. You're supposed to be polite to strangers. This is the point of what the guys said in the video. If people are only being polite with you and not making fun of you, then you don't really have any danish friends :)
Thank you for complimenting our people😀👍.
Some people consider directness as rudeness. They would say: oh, you have these rings under your eyes. Did not sleep well? Totally ok.
Holy shit, I am a Dane and the “Danes are planners” Is so fucking true
Same Im an dane too
Well all of Scandinavia is like that.
My brother and his wife is some bad Danes in this regard 😁
That is SO true! Even as a teenager you dont just make everyday decisions, I remember as a high schooler making apointments with friends to hang out rather than just do it here and now.... Even though I was just a gamer, it needed to be planned xD
And once the day comes you really dont want to and find an excuse to stay home xD
Our humor is a blend of "dark" and "love"...
If a Dane makes fun of you, that's a sign of acceptance...
Embrace it.
2 years later I find this video and channel as I overly prepare for my first trip to Europe.
I am constantly amazed at how much you pick up on about danish culture and how generously and caring you are in your description of us Danes. You’re right. We really aren’t cold! We’re very nice! Most of the time! 🤩 And I laughed so hard at the list of topics you can safely talk to Danes about. That was freakin hilarious! Princess Mary and Remoulade 🤣
Hej Lea, thanks for watching and the sweet words. It means a lot! We roll our eyes every time we read about or hear someone saying that Danes are hard to become friends with - no one ever bothers to explain how much effort they make. It’s never easy in a new city or country or culture, but it’s always work and always rewarding 😃
især remoulade!!!
they got the topic about the weather right. Danes loves to talk/complain about the weather
Tyvärr dålig på engelska. Så skriver på svenska. Lika roligt för mig att se den här videon. Då den danska (och förmodligen även norska) är väldigt lik den svenska kulturen. Givetvis finns skillnader. Men det som tas upp här.Är brukligt även i Sverige.
@@carinagidlof5331 Carina, da jeg var 12-14 lærte vi svensk i skolen - og det var sjovt, for alene at udtale svensk var skægt. Men det var skønt - når vi blev hørt i svensk faldt alle andre OM af grin - men det hænger fast :-) - Den første svensktime skulle vi høre om "Spela kugler" - glemmer jeg aldrig selvom jeg er lidt ældre med mine 76 år - og siden har jeg elsket alle svenskere jeg har kendt.
If you want to be friends with a dane, you have to earn their respect, and prove to them that you are worthy of it.
As you said, danes don't do superficial friendships, but friendships that can be compared to love relationships. Trust and honesty is everything.
Well stated! This is so true and a really nice way to go about building friendships (in our opinion) 😃🇩🇰
It's historic. If you are rowing across the North Sea to raid an English monastery, you don't want to be with someone who's going to stop rowing half way there. LOL
@@Smeme I don't know what that is and neither does Google it seems.
I spoke on UA-cam with an american expat in DK, the person complained about not having any friends, so I took a leap and said I’ll be your friend and got referred to the persons facebook.
From that point I was done with that person.
always remember a gift for the host first time u show up in there house
I sat up when you used the word 'acquaintances'. I am English and when I went to America I was taken aback by the amount of friends people had. It took me a while to realise that Americans are happy to call somebody a 'friend' if they just knew them. At home, I would only call somebody a friend if they were really a friend of mine. Otherwise, I would say 'I know him'. ie he's an 'acquaintance' but I don't know him well enough to call him a friend.
Btw it's also part of British culture to make fun of people you like. We're very polite at first but when we start pulling your leg and making fun of you, you know you're a friend.
The greeting "How are you doing?" is also used in Denmark. It is just used differently than in the US. Here it is not something you use with coworkers on Tuesday morning, when you last saw them Monday afternoon. It's used when seeing friends and family, you haven't seen for weeks, months or maybe even years. It's a gateway for people to catch up on the time the have spent apart. In the US it is a very casual thing. It just means hello. Here in Denmark it does not mean that.
I've watched 15-20 of your vids today. I'm glad you enjoy Denmark. I am from Jutland, and I waited and waited for you to mention Træls in your word video. I'm very happy you mentioned Træls, as it is by far my favorite word. It's the word I teach every foreigner I meet, and I use it DAILY! CPH has not yet learned the wonders of Træls, but as more and more from Jutland move there, they are starting to learn.
Thanks for the lovely videos and for not being træls.
As a Dane i like when people send a message “I am on my way now” or something like that because it gives me a sense of when they will arrive.
And about the dark humor, if we tell a joke about a topic where you are very sensitive it’s okay to say maybe “I know it’s not meant mean but maybe you could joke about something else” and we will respect that you say how you feel about it.
Hej Frida 😀that's actually great advice, sending a message when you're on the way saves everyone from the potential annoyance in the end. I think you're spot on about the dark humor too. If one of our Danish friends knew that something was a sensitive topic to us, or if we told them, it would never be touched on again unless in a serious and caring way. Thanks for watching and adding to the dialogue with some great additional points 🇩🇰😀
Really? Personally if someone Said that, the next time i Will find someone Else to talk to. It kills the moment. Its Easyer just laughing and inside Think “i didnt understand the joke” and ask about something Else. Personally i Think people saying “i Know its not meant bla Bla” is boring to talk to 👍🏻
@@Simpopcorn but if it’s one of my friends and I keep making jokes about a topic they are sensitive about and not just that they don’t get the joke…
All your points are true, and fun to watch from your point of view ─well done!😊
I think being to *more than one appointment* in one day can be a sign of F.O.M.O. (Fear Of Missing Out) for the guest, if he/she goes from one party to the other. That is not something I have ever encountered here in DK, so your observation is spot on. I don't think it would be rude to try to be at more than one place at once; I'd more feel sorry for the guest, who would only get a partial experience at each house.
I grew up and lived all of my life in DK (For context, I'm 26). Here's some thoughts on the points you made:
- "Go Slow with the Friendships":
Yeah, no, maybe. I think there's something to it, but I can't relate personally. People are different - I'm an extrovert, some are introverts. Some keep few close friends, others thrive better among a million strangers. I think, growing up, kids here are kind of expected to have a single best friend, but sometime during Efterskole I decided that this was a stupid concept for me, and I have gotten by with tonnes of normal friends/acquaintances since.
- "Danes are Planners":
True for me and everyone I know.
- "Be prompt and Committed":
Yes - but I thought about this and realized that there is a great shift in our culture as you get older. When I attended private parties in my teen years, and even into the early twenties, this was the total opposite experience. There were these unwritten rules that you should never show up on time - only weirdoes did that. It was a common sight to see only the few who weren't inclined to go party show up at the beginning of a party event. When I hosted parties, I kind of had to handle the awkward conversations with these people for the first half hour, before the rest dumped in half an hour later.
Today, though, as I entered my mid-twenties, I can only agree. Be there on time, always.
- "Home-invites are a Big Deal":
I guess they are - I think it's hard to imagine it otherwise, having only lived here. You are very right about these things almost always being all-night affairs. And true, I have been scolded a few times, for making several appointments throughout an evening.
- "Get Yourself Some Thick Skin":
Very true. If you can joke around with someone, and they play along, they are much easier to be around. For this thing to work, however, it requires that everyone can both give and take. My experience is that one should be able to make fun of themself (to a certain degree), and the result is that people allow you to make fun of them.
- "Non-PC Dark Humor":
Yup, but again, I think the younger you go, the more ruthless they'll be. 'Dead baby-jokes' are a big thing for some reason. We've got nazi-jokes. Lots of bad stuff really :)
They are horrible, but I think the absurdity is what some people find funny about it. I know I laughed a lot of times from the stupidest remarks.
My Dad moved to Sweden many years ago, and through him I learned how this is a unique danish thing. I'm fond of it though, because I feel like it loosens up the atmosphere when people are not so uptight and too afraid of others' opinions to say something that's obviously funny in a given context.
In regards to the politically offensive nature of our jokes, I think that it's hard to compare US and DK. I actually believe the average dane is way more progressive than the average US-citizen, but because of US-polarization some topics are harder to joke about overseas, whereas here, they are not as politically loaded. There are obvious exceptions of course, but generally, I think we can be less PC because we as a more PC-society is less divided. Maybe that makes no sense, I don't know, it did when I wrote it at this late hour.
- "Alcohol at every Social Event":
True. I'm a uni tutor at the coming semester, and we basically welcome the new students with a month of drinking. We have this saying that we teach them 'alcohol is an active choice to partake in', but I should be honest, it's not. It's an active choice not to partake in the drinking. We have a few non-alcoholic events planned, but most of them are centered around drinking.
My experience is that a few of the new students will find this terrible. But, well, most will love it.
- "Be Yourself":
Amen to that.
I have one small addition - if you will.
Food is culture - and particularly a huge part of danish culture, that we love to share.
We enjoy sharing, showing and introducing people to the things we love - and we also love talking about food.
For instance, just before Corona we had a discussion at the office about which cheap store bough cake was the superior one - which of course ended in a taste-off, where people brought their favorite to the mix and we settled it like men! .. meaning we ate cake and voted for it!
But more than just sharing - (most of us) also love to talk about food. What we like, what we don't like, what we've tried, what we'd recommend - which places made it better. It's a fairly safe topic to talk about - and who knows, it might result in free cake, an invite to go out and eat or at the very least a recommendation where to find good stuff to try. All win! :)
Great addition! You’re so right, food and recommendations of things to try are an easy way to connect with locals. Danes are always super helpful with food and so open to sharing this part of culture. We love this trait! 🇩🇰😃
Citronmåne er den bedste store bought cake af alle! ;)
@@RobeTrotting Oh absolutely! Have you guys found a food in Denmark, that you don't think you'll ever be able to live without? :)
Having lived in Denmark for 15 years- there are many things I like about Denmark, but the food isn't one of them....
You guys are a treasure!. Both us Danes and youtube are lucky to have you!
I'd buy you a beer any time!
Esben, thank you so much for the kind words - and we will gladly share a beer with you - hopefully, our paths will cross 🇩🇰😀
Knowing the part about: "How are you doing" could have saved me from a few embarrassing conversation with casiers in the US
Tell me about it! In Denmark if you use the phrase: how are you doing? You are expecting an answer and you ask, because you want to know. My first encounter a US store in LA, a noce young lady smiling at me, asking how are you, resulted in me telling her about my trip, jetlag and my plans. She must have thought: omg Lady… go away, I have things to do 😂😂
On Bornholm where I live, you have a lot of fællesspisning, a weekly or monthly dinner with other people you don,t know -. Not much drinking involved but a lot of nice food, humor and kindness. A nice way to get new friends I think. You just join in, paying a small amout and have fun.
True true! Og halløj fra en Bornholmer til en anden😁
Bornholm is its own culture :) I hope to visit more in the future.
This is so true.
I love that you guys acknowledge the intimacy most Danes put in an invite into their home (I know Danes that are totally clueless to this 🤣). It's also a part of why it needs planning, because the guests will be the most important thing that whole evening/night. It takes a lot of energy to make such a hyggelig night happen and the intent is show you that you matter, that they're carving out a place in their busy schedule for you, quite possibly for a life time. I know that I personally is exhausted when our friends leave after such a dinner but I am also buzzing with positive energy and happiness because the people I am connected with matters soooo much to me. They are my world.
i have this saying in my friend group, that is if you fall down your aquaintences are the one helping you up and your true friends are the ones laughing in the background. then again your true friends are the ones that will sit just talking with you over the phone for 4 hours if you truly feel bad
That’s the perfect description of friendship here and how we relate to most of our American friends. If we steal this, we’ll credit you haha 🇩🇰😃
the long winded road to friendship also has a dark side though. There are many lonely people in Denmark, who find it very difficult to bond friendships. Being lonely is a taboo in Denmark, so people wont admit to the loneliness, and therefore sort get stuck in it, while everyone around them have busy schedules.
I liked this, because it's true. I've lived abroad and people are much less lonely. Maybe they don't have great lifelong friends as the Danes, but they also have more people to do stuff with casually.
I feel like that should be addressed in some way. It is pretty concerning.
While that is absolutely true I will say that my experience with people in Denmark who are lonely is that they don't make much, if any, effort to engage with those around them or they are people who can't engage socially in the normal ways (handicapped people, anxiety/depression sufferers, etc).
If you join any kind of clubs or leave your home for any social purposes other than work you can find friends in Denmark. It is definitely tough if you have anxiety or physically can't leave your home but outside that the fact is a lot of people don't make the effort to put themselves in situations where friendships can arise.
As sad as it is when people are lonely we can't really fix it if they don't want to engage others socially. I have some family and acquaintances who definitely fall into the group which just don't want to make the effort.
I thought so too but there is actually no evidence there are more socially isolated people (people who only socialise outside the home once a month or less) or people who feel like they have no one to open to in Denmark than eg. Southern Europe. As for simply “feeling lonely” I’m not sure, but it’s not as grim as many make it out to be.
@@mollyeilenberger5318 I think it is because we talk about here, and make it open, so we notice it more. Which is a good thing, I think :)
Heeey, ten thousand subscribers. Congratulations 🥳👏🏻🎉
Thank you Christian! We’re super excited, and we want to plan something to celebrate when we get back from summer holiday 😃🇩🇰
If you are invited for something at 10.00 you arrive and are ready at 09.55 .. I just think it is a sign of respect for other peoples time that you are not late and if you are late you need to let them know as soon as possible! .. Never thought this was a "Danish" thing .. Just thought it was normal :D
I use a little trick to stay in the comfy zone of drinking.
When I empty a beer I actually always rinse the bottle/can with water. 1 it's not as sticky for the clean up. 2 the flies stay out of the kitchen. 3 when you return to the guests, no one knows your actually drinking a can of water, so it's kinda cheating, but not anyway.
I drink with a frequency of 1 times 1, meaning 1 beer down = 1 can of water.. That way you can always keep a level head, and still be a part of the party..
The list of “safe conversation topics” is HILARIOUS 😂👍🏼😂
All true though LOL
You two seems like such sweet people ☺️ I love that you have made a whole channel about life in Denmark 💕 And it is really fun to watch as a dane! Your danish friends are lucky to have you in their life 🥰 Keep up the good work guys 💪
My father was Danish and he was very friendly and affable on the surface, but made actual friends very slowly. His cousin, however, had the cold aspect that most people ascribe to Danes and he didn’t know his neighbors whom he had lived near for years! My father had a private reputation in the neighborhood but approachable.
That’s super interesting, and very much what we find. Our Danish friends are loyal and care about us deeply, but it’s because of the time we took to build a friendship. Some people can be private, but it doesn’t take much to make a connection (when it isn’t forced) and from there it’s a bit of work - like any friendship.
Many true things, but remember there is a big difference in culture between big towns and small villages, east en west. Even in this small country.
As a dane i must say, You guys are duing so well its amazing i love watching your videos, In this one you got all the things spot on.
As a Norwegian I get the "Don't ask "How are you doing?" unless you want an honest answer" thing. If a Scandinavian ask you this question, they are really curious about you and your life. They might notice or know that something has been going on, or that you have had changes in your life and want to hear about them. There have been many akward interactions at work between some of my coworkers and customers when we have meetings with English speaking foreigners, and they use "How are you doing?" as a greeting, and the Norwegian answers "Well, my ingrown tonail hurts badly and my mother passed away last night." 🙈🤣
I laughed out loud at "Sweden" being a safe conversation topic. I'm guessing that may not be true for us Swedes!? 😅
Hahaha it’s a good conversation starter 😂 no telling where it will go though.
Spot on 👏🏻🥳🥰 Hugs from a Dane 🇩🇰
I really like the part about the humor. Intent matters. And it is often used as social commentary. And not directed towards a specific person. The world is an unforgiving place, and humor is a good way you deal with it.
as someone who doesnt drink, it can really have a negative effect socially. not so much with adults but if youre in school it can definitely be quite sad sometimes. If youre a foreigner theyll probably actively try to include you but as a dane ive been excluded from many ''class'' parties, been called boring and so on just because i dont drink. After turning 18 My friends loved always having a designated driver though!
Sorry to hear that had a negative impact on you socially. At that age it was probably a lot tougher but it’s good to hear that your friends evolved on the issue as you got older and they matured. Thanks for adding this and for watching of course 😊🇩🇰
@@RobeTrotting Definitely sucked a lot as a young teen when only you, 1 of your friends and one guy wasnt invited but everyone else was. Definitely sometimes felt like an outcast in class but I still had great friends id hang out with a lot! they also found it odd when i wasnt invited but theyd still go because well they wanted to party. It kinda sucked they'd go without me but there was no real bad blood between my friend group (aside from typical teen issues occasionally). Wasnt only because of drinking, i was a nerd so by default not popular among everyone, but not drinking certainly hasnt helpted, just glad i was never bullied for it hahah but i have great non party animal friends now (along with my old friends ofc) that are into all the same things. Sometimes kids are just stupid! but its worth noting if you are young or are bringing kids! I always enjoy your videos! great perspectives.
Makes me sad to hear you were even excluded. It wasn't ever like that in the schools I went to.
There'd be no discrimination, apart from when someone gave a round of shots... Of course. Most often the sober ones would be the ones taking over if stuff got a little too jolly, and attendees would be lining up to say thanks for the effort the day after...
In that context, I'm really happy that non-alcoholic beers are getting so much better these days. I'm not into the sweetness of soda for more than a glass or two, sparkling water is still a tad too boring. But now I can just bring a 6 pack of my favourite 0% beer and still feel rather included despite the fact that I know I have to drive soon... Because I'd never do DUI.
@@BenjaminVestergaard glad it wasn’t like that everywhere!! But yeah drinking culture was very heavy at my school, from a way too young age too imo. But I suppose it’s pretty normal for Denmark.
Once older and things were a bit better, in gym and with driving licence I was more than happy to take my drunk classmates home or wherever they needed to go! I hope they were appreciative but it felt quite nice to be needed/ trusted with that responsibility hahah. No DUI’s on my watch either!!
bro dont mind them 16 year olds they just wanna party all the time.
When I first started to communicate with Americans, I also found it strange that they asked how I was doing, but I've gotten used to it, and I actually think it's a nice way to meet people. But only if they actually answer, instead of just saying "good, wby?"
As a Dane I relate to all of these points! Were well done😊🌈
It has been great to find your channel on UA-cam! My husband and I have Danish friends living in Copenhagen that we see rarely (we live in the US) but have maintained contact over many years. Your videos have really helped us to better understand Danish culture! We love Denmark and can’t wait to return for a visit when it is possible. Thanks for the time you take to educate us, we are big fans!
You guys get it. I hope you enjoy your stay here.
Thank you so much. We do love living here 😃🇩🇰
I love these kinds of videos from you guys. I truly admire your ability to put into words all the cultural phenomenons you observe ❤️
You earned a Danish like for that list of Topics :)
Hahaha mange tak 😃🇩🇰 that was fun to list out haha
I think most of what to said was spot on. I cannot really speak for other danes, but I like people who can just relax and be themselves. Dont try to be something else and take your time. Bluff, bluster and facades trends to be boring. But when people let go and just relax and talk about whatever they find interesting, you may find genuine connections.
I have never been to Denmark before. However though in Canada where I live, I have a Dane friend from Denmark. I love Danes, I want to make more Dane friends and i want to take a trip to Denmark someday.
Hey from Copenhagen Katarina! You should definitely visit, it’s so nice that you have a Danish friend. They are the most loyal friends you can have!
So funny I just watched 3 items of you guys and not a single one dis like at all 3 of them....tumbs up.
3 hours later I'd noticed that youtube doesn't show dislikes any more. I'd heard about it but didn't realised it would start today.
That’s so awesome to hear Rob, thank you so much for watching and letting us know. We’re super glad you found us 🇩🇰😊👍
Thank you for a funny and so true way to look at Danes on
Love the way u see things here 👍💪😃
Glad you enjoy! (And think we are funny and true!)
The “how are you doing”-greeting thing! My family was recently deployed to a European NATO base for 5 years, with a lot of Americans and my kids went to the American school on base. It took me a good 2-3 years to learn not to answer “how are you doing” with an actual account of how I was doing at that particular time. I am so happy to hear you address this from the US point of view, because my accounts have definitely secured me a whole lot of bewildered (and slightly eye rolling) looks.
You guys have a hyggelig shine to you👌. You could talk about dust particals and i would listen😅.
Thank you so much Peter, this is the best compliment and we really appreciate your kind words. Thanks for watching and taking the time to leave this comment 😃🇩🇰
@@RobeTrotting my pleasure 🙋🏽♂️❤️
haha this is awesome :D As a Dane, you guys nailed a lot of things. It's nice to see Danes from another perspective.
Spot on!
Short note on Non-alcoholic beer: its becomming more and more commonly available, and some often drink those instead of softdrinks and not as a replacement for normal beer
It’s a great way to enjoy a night sober but still feel like you’re a part of the friday bar or whatever gathering you attend! 😃🇩🇰
Congratz on the 10.000 Subs :)
I regularly meet up with 6 of my classmates from 1. grade (of 1974), and they are not even among my closest friends .. got those in 80's and later.
That’s super nice to maintain such long friendships. It’s definitely not as common in the States and something we do love seeing in Denmark (even if it makes it a little harder to find new friends) 😃🇩🇰
Great video as always. For me, communication in friendships are important. If you want to join my event but also really want to join something else later, just let me know ahead of time. If I meet up with friends earlier in the day, we usually coordinate whether lunch/dinner is involved or not (so we can plan).
So true, and really great advice for anyone navigating new friendships in a new culture - the communication part is SOOOO super important with any kind of get-together.
Thanks for this great video.
It seems that Danish culture is very similar to my Dutch one, especially about the having a thick skin and 'dark' humor. Many expats complaining about us BEING rude and cold, in stead of saying "strikes me as rude/cold" respectively, should ask themselves whether they have the correct mindset for living in a foreign country.
You are spot on with that last statement, you really have to be prepared for these cultural differences and being uncomfortable at times if you live abroad. Many people, especially Americans, struggle with the fact that it doesn’t come all at once and you have to put these pieces together over time instead of just having the new culture conform to you.
I live in Denmark 🇩🇰 and all what you say was correct.😃🤪👍
Im allways looking forward to your videos. Today i was home from work 18.00 and there was non! 🤷♀️😊
The easyiest way to befriend a dane is beeing totally honest and open, ppl will adore you 😁❣️
Aw thank you so much Miriam, and thanks for waiting. We’re in the States on summer holiday so the hotel WiFi was a little slower than we hoped for haha.
Have a Nice wacay. 🍉🌞🌈🏅
I am dying here. I can't breathe from laughing. You freaking nailed us.. BIGTIME. The only thing I don't agree upon 100% is the one about being invited to someones home. The thing about having to stay til, yea well, it's not uncommon that it will continue way past midnight. But you're not automatically expected to do so. As you said in the beginning about us as planners. You can plan that as well. Many of us, if we invite some for dinner. Then we will make clear if it's just dinner and coffee, or a whole evening/night thing.
I love how you picked up on our humor. Especially the dark part of it. And yea. Daz is right too. When you just meet us we would almost never be rude. You gotta get in first. But that's where it begins.
It's like, a friend will tell you, you look good. A REAL friend will tell you you're what the cat wouldn't even drag in and left outside, and it is love, not hate.
To quote a famous danish comedian: "Tonen ka' lyde hård, men det er kærligt ment." - Anders (Anden) Matthesen
It means something like: "The tone may be rough, but it's meant with love." and we actually mean it. It really is meant with love however odd that may seem. xD
PS. The rest of the world must learn to eat licourice. And NOT the sweet swedish ones. But the really bitter danish ones. Rustent søm (rusty nail) is a winner. And if you wanna go all in you gotta find a real licourice root. Now that is real licourice. ;)
You guys are very observant!! 👍
Thank you, and thanks for watching 😊
I really find it interesting about your stance on politics and Danes.
When I was in the US I felt the same. Politics were no go.
Maybe it just feels rude as an "outsider" to engage in political dickussions No matter the nationality.
One thing to remember is that Denmark is an old country with a long history. We have learned that as a small country we are dependent on each other so what from a US perspective might look socialistic would in the eye of Dane just be common sense. The healthcare system is one example. Right and left in Denmark do not discuss weather to rip the system apart and turn it into a system like in the US. What is a part of the discussion is what parts we need to improve without leawing anybody behind.
It's nice that you also give examples of how it is in the US. Even though I think of myself as a person who knows a bit about American culture some of it is new to me.
Yeah it’s funny how many little differences there are under the surface 😃🇩🇰🇺🇸
Love your sense of humor guys😄
Thank you so much 😀🇩🇰
i learn so much about myself from u guys hahah when u said we talk about the weather i have noticed we freaking always talk about the weather XD
so true
Thanks for watching 😃🇩🇰
4.30 Well a in case you was a little late, a short note why, can be handy when getting there and be true.
Haha, I can easily laugh at everything so dark humor works too XD
Agreed! 😂
We always had that dark sense of humor so we fit in pretty well when we first arrived and got to know some Danish friends.
10:43 "Joke around with Princess Mary"?!
Never would I joke with the royals. Never.
(I still liked the video ;)
Sweden however... Go nuts!
A video on your thoughts on the royal family would be fun! It's quite the culture-shock, I would think. Watching the Queens new years speech, the palaces, guards, the concept of a royal family etc. An American view on that could be fun :)
The royals are a perfect taget for jokes...
My mother's family, four generations, back is Danish. I swear, the more I watch these videos, the more I believe Denmark is part of me, despite never going there or knowing anything about Denmark. These social norms are SO up my alley.
Edit: Dark Humor? Bring it on.
Hey, I'm from Denmark and this video is not wrong. great video to learn how to Socialize with danish people. btw if you don't like drama and a little hard people, don't go to the city "Randers" in Denmark I would say they are a little too hyped ;D
Jeg har muligvis en god sponsorer til jer.
Really? That would be fantastic. Our email for sponsorship opportunities is martin@bentertained.dk 😊
If I'm invited to a friend to 18:00, and I arrive at 18:03, I of course apologize for being late.
We would probably do the same, we still struggle with our timeliness but it’s better than before we moved haha 😂
@@RobeTrotting I can image it must take some practice to get used to LOL!
I always aim to be 5 minutes early, and if I am 3 minutes late, that means that I am 8 minutes late. And the host/my friend must be worried.
At weddings, birthdays and big family parties, my husband and I always turn up 10-15 minutes early because we don’t want to be the last ones there. Added bonus: we stand in one spot and people arriving later than us will have to come to us to say hello/shake hands 😂
@@lisbethfrost5024 One of my favorite tactis for social mingling :D - however, being that early is near impossible wtih small kids now... :/
@@lisbethfrost5024 Walk around outside eh?
That`s alomost spot on :-) As a Dane
Well if ever on Fyn. You are very welcome at our little home in Haarby. We just need some notice ahead of time, so we can plan it. ;) We want people to feel welcome.
This is a great video, you really nailed it, I think if foreigners watched this and applied it, they could save themselves a lot of grief in danish society.
As a half-dane, I know understand why I went wrong a lot in the past, because I didn't get some of these from my other culture. Planning and being punctual, yet being authentic and direct, it's quite contradictory in some ways and I think that might be what confuses foreigners.
It's like, in social settings you would think Danes to be very casual and easy going, but when it comes to planning and being punctual, they do a complete 180. This can be difficult to grasp I think.
Hej Eric, you're so right and this is such a great comment that will help people. On the surface, a lot of things with Danish culture seem to be contradictory, but when you pick up on the unwritten nuances of the culture it just makes sense - but of course, that takes time and a lot of "trial and error" along the way 🇩🇰😀
If I invite ppl. to dinner, do the shopping, prepare the food and lay a nice table the least ppl. can do is be there on time!
I cannot reheat the roast and the potatoes are cold, the salad is not as fresh as it should be etc.! I would feel hurt to my core if ppl. just thourght well I’ll just show up when it fits me, she can wait never mind the time, work, and money, I as host spent to make a nice evening!
Hey congratulations 10.000 subscribers 😃
Hej Morten, thank you so much! We were so excited when we crossed that milestone over the weekend. We’ll hopefully be able to plan some kind of celebration in the next month or so 😃😃😃
After spending too long debating with my partner, we decided that you both looked great in "Work-Life Balance"-colors for shirts.
As a sort-of-expat (29 years in Sweden) I find most of Your observations eerily exact - but with the twist that You has a solution (mostly "roll with the blow").
I feel that You might have neglected that when You have a real friend in DK, they're all in! Move housing? OK, when do I come to do lifting?
You feel down and need some talk? Cool, I'll arrange to come home later if possible, then we'll talk!
I can't stand being late to anything. If anything I'm usually early and I'll just wait until it's time to go in.
2 things, 1) if you say you are driving, pregnent or even got to get up early tomorror, alot of us danes will suprice you with a small stash of non alcoholic we have 'just in case' so we can be good hosts 😂
2) the visiting part is true but there is a twist. We don't mind short evening events, but we tend to set the frame ahead so here is a normaly accepted way:
You get invitet and accept the invitation with the declairation that you have to leave early do to x.
It shows that you want to and put in the efford, and might even get you a 2nd invitation before you get to the 1st one 🙂
If I go somewhere (like to my moms) I call and say I start driving now. Then she knows that I will be there in 45 minutes. And she and my dad moved to the other end of the country in 2015. My mom looked for places to go to do the things she likes. She found a group of ladies knitting and socializing once a week. She also found a group "Active Women" getting together for outings and discussions, classes and luncheons (not expensive ones). Once you talk to someone, ask where you go to find an association around something you like to do. Are there a football club (soccer), a tennis club, beer tasting or what ever. Asking for our help may be your way into our "inner circle" we LOVE to help.
This is great advice Helle, especially the part about asking for help - Danes are super helpful when you ask for it and it’s a great way to make connections 😃🇩🇰
The be yourself I never really thought of, but you are right. When I think about it, it's really is annoying when people pretend to be something that ain't. And in that context don't brag, it's fine if you have great success people will respect it. Just as long as you don't flash you wealth, better just be a generous without really showing.
And as you said, don't be late. Really hate when people are showing up late, are you invited to 19:00 you show up at 19:00. +-5 minutes no more.
Love your perspective on things. Another great video. 🙂
Thank so much Sara and thanks for your support 😃🇩🇰
Great video :D i really like the part with weeknumbers... My partner is from Poland and she hates when ever i use weeknumbers for our common planning...
Your advice on Danish humor is excellent 😊 They key is to look at the intent, not the words themselves. The words can be pretty dark and gruesome.
So true! And the humor may still be hard in some cases but if a topic is off-limits, people will respect that.
Talking abot sweden, so true, is is very commen to hear a dane saying, ahh de fandens svenskere, witch is, ahh those fricking sweads.
😂 😂 😂 so true - it’s something most people will have an opinion of some sort on
Instead of always writing "great video" I'll just do this now: 👏👏👏 once again you are so concise and funny. Derek: I might look like I'm used to rejection but I'm actually not 🤣🤣😍
Thank you so much Anne and your kind words 🤣😃🇩🇰
Thanks for a Great Video like always. What I learned that I've never really considered before is our obsession with punctuality (I even do it myself subconsciously).
You two are right on the money ! Love each and every clip you make. Keep it coming. Knus
I found this fascinating. As an American who had European grandparents (Dutch on my mother’s side and Italian on dad’s side) I’ve always been interested in other cultures. This is probably a sweeping generalization but it seems like a lot of more the “northern” European countries have similar traits like directness and punctuality, whereas people from the countries that are farther south like Italy, Spain, and Portugal have more boisterous, slightly more “loud” personalities. They are also seen more social in general.
I’m not sure which type of culture I’d prefer, but I’d probably prefer almost any European country over the United States currently. Denmark sounds lovely. Thanks for the perspective!
That sentence above should read “They also seem” not “they are also seen.” This is what happens when I don’t have enough coffee haha
Very perceptive and wise video. Well done
I saw that with my son. He has four + one, very, very close friends (one is a girl). They have known each other since kindergarten, gone to school and high school together, and still spend a lot of time together. Some times it is actually fun to see: The girl came over, they would sit down and do their homework together.... maybe speak a few sentences together. And that was that.
Anyway: When an iternational colleague tried to join him, do stuff with him, his answer was short: I dont need new friends. To an outsider it may have sounded arrogant, but he was just being honest. He has the bestest friends he can get...and you just cant get new old friends.
Really good insights
About the "How are you" greeting: Try a more casual "What's up" (or "Hva' så?" in Danish)
Remoulade - LOL 😂😂😂
Thank you for this awesome video´s of us Dane´s you have great topic of us, i realy like them, and they explain a lot i hope to all my USA and other countrys friends how we are in geranial.
I can definitely relate to most of these - although I will have to say, I have absolutely nada idea what week we're in - and idk anyone else who knows either, maybe except my boss? but he's like 65 years old...
Otherwise it seems pretty decent overview :D
Up until now I've always felt I was the only person who didn't have any idea what week it was. (Fellow Dane)
@@AshesOfEther Aaaah nej nej - jeg har absolut ingen idé heller - ved ca. hvor vi er, men hvis du spørger mig, så får du et gæt ;)
This depends very much on which line of work you are in and how casual it is. Most Danes take their summer holiday in week 31-33 and they know when that is...
@@MrDslacker sounds quite contrary to what i have experienced as a fellow dane myself... maybe its something CPH people do then?
Im korean, and in my opinion is, that it different being friends for the young generation than the adults, in Denmark, I think many danish collect people, few I know are fortunately different.
Agree that there is a generational shift going on
@Nia Toftager I think that is true to some extent in most countries. When you’re young, you’re less settled and shop around to figure out what kinds of friends you want. I had a hard time with that when I was younger. The fact that you notice it, that says a lot about you and how maybe you don’t want those superficial and temporary friendships. I hope there are many great and lasting friendships in your future! ❤️
@@leamichaelsen2437 you right, I dont have many friends, but those I Fortunately have, I had for many years, I have a son growing up here in Denmark, And I see how important it is for him, and those in his surroundings, to seek improvement for everything they do in each other.
And the same goes for my daughter.
I hope they learn the values in few but good friends, and not this endlessly seeking, for more or better or more interesting people.
i definitely agree, im 22 now but when i was younger it was almost a competition among the ''popular'' kids to see who had the most facebook friends. with party culture and changing schools often in the teen years its definitely more superficial. but i also feel like it naturaly changes as they get older and it will become mroe of closeknit groups.
Could be fun with a video about unexpected ways danes/Denmark and Americans/USA are alike..
That’s a good idea, we have a video idea along those lines (with a slight twist) in the content calendar 😃
Do not come over before its planned lol, cuz food, drinks and such needs to be ready xD my mom didnt invite people over unless the table was stacked lol xD
Wonderful video!
Thank you Thomas, glad you enjoyed it and thanks for watching 😃🇩🇰
Tried to remember a Danish comedy that didn't involve drugs, violence, crime, sex and so on.
couldn't remember a single one.
Like, we have a kids movie (Danish rating: For kids aged 11 and up) where a girl is bullied until she commits suicide, an alcoholic sings a song about child prostitution and a teacher sneaks into a kids bedroom to leave a dead cat in his bed and write a death threat in blood on his wall.
Oh my! I didn’t realize Derek was being filmed all that time 😂
But danish children entertainment has generally evolved into one big "Fuck you disney" and "fuck the fragility around children entertainment in the anglo-sphere" - like who don't take pride when we here that some danish childrens show, we didn't know of before, has caused an outrage in the US
Oh man the dark humor, and ribbing bit makes me so proud to be part of the kingdom. Something that I find fun, is how danes love to complain about the weather, sometimes no matter what it is.
It really is super. We always had that sense of humor, especially with our friends, so I think that’s why we felt so “at home” early in our time here.
Your observation about the weather is SO true 😂 We point that out a bit in this video: ua-cam.com/video/8qJFY5zPbU8/v-deo.html
It’s based on a real conversation we had with our friend where we said “it’s been really nice weather lately” and he immediately replied “it’s going to get a lot worse starting tomorrow” 😂 not even a moment to enjoy the present climate haha