I'm gonna try and point out some constructive criticism here: 0:25 Monika opens with "looks quite fancy", right after MC started the scene with "looks pretty fancy". The sameyness is a bit jarring, I'd either swap the words for one of them or have MC comment how he was just thinking the same thing, which could be kinda cute. 1:16 "some" and "some", I would just go with "the omelette sandwich" since it's on the menu, or "an omelette sandwich", unless they're supposed to be like sliders or something and you get multiple. If so, I'd specify that in the order. You also used "some" in the MC's order. All these "some" uses make the orders feel very loose. If there's a menu, the orders should be pretty specific. 2:33 "some of the other customers" and "some are waiting outside", it's too much "Some", change up the words a bit. 3:00 I would move this line before "I now understand why Sayori..." as it gives MC's understanding more prior knowledge. 3:20 The MC's last three dialogue boxes all ended with "...", I would certainly reduce that. Use ellipses sparingly, like I'd use it when he says "W-Well, if you say so..." but everything else could just be a sentence. 4:09 "the" should be "that" 4:46 the waitress just apologized for the wait. I would have Monika instead comment on that specifically, how the service is incredible, as there was no wait at all, or take this line out. As is, it conflicts with the previous text. 5:13 should be "how the food is" 5:37 "a lot more different" should be something else, like "quite different" A lot of dialogue boxes are very short, too. I feel like you could combine the "Ahaha!" and "I'm just kidding!" at 3:35. Nothing wrong with a few short text boxes, but you've got that big box there, use at least a line or two of it. Also, MC said "haha" too much, maybe throw in a "heh" instead at around 5:39 and combine the dialogue boxes. Adds a bit of teasing on MC's part, which seems to be what you're going for anyway. I can tell the tone of this scene is MC out of his comfort zone but trying his best, with Monika taking the lead, but that doesn't mean the MC has to trail off evwry time he speaks. Show his apprehension through internal monologues, it's a VN, use the tools the genre allows. Beautiful CG, but it needs some tighter writing. Ask yourself that if your editor asked you to cut 30% of the dialogue where you would make the cuts. If you can easily find some places that can be tightened up or reworded to be understood better, maybe make those changes. I would say compare the style and structure of this scene to the Natsuki/Yuri date scene from the base game, and shoot for that kind of content and length. This feels short and like nothing of substance really happened, like it could already be shortened to 2 minutes long without losing any important details or conversation. Sorry, I just love this character, and I had to throw my piece in. I might've missed a few things, as I'm on mobile, but hopefully I was able to help. I understand this is a fan project and not a full-fledged new IP or game, but if you wanted to make this as great as possible then hopefully my observations will help. Looking forward to a successful release.
VForceWave now this is constructive criticism! Not that "Oh your mod is shit because Monika would never do that" type of crap. This can actually be useful for improving!
Just gonna say this is a good day for a few days ago by the end of this tag has been a long time no see the attached file for bankruptcy attorney and a half day and age of five years in the 9 I have been a little bit about the position of my favorite things to be a 8lackula so in that case hi...
Just Monika guys, remember that this mod is not about your childhood friend Sayori, cute and adorable Natsuki or even tall with big rack Yuri. This mod is about Monika. Just Monika.
Wow, amazing mod! I can't wait for the finished product! I'm not really good at criticism, but maybe change both of them saying "Looks pretty fancy." and "Looks quite fancy" Great job, though!
XD Wow That cliffhanger though! I want to know if the salad is good! Anyways nice job with this whole thing, I can’t wait to see the full mod is action!
Yes, this progress is most acceptable. A subscription is needed in order to keep up to date on this extremely important project. My trust is with you, and I hope you will create an experience that *breathes in through nostrils* satisfies my needs.
"I'll have some omelette sandwiches..." Sandwiches... Multiple... Which means *Multiple* omelettes My god.... she's approaching Sayori levels of eating. Edit: ok, nvm. Thank god they're reasonably sized.
Actually, those other buildings were because the windows were reflecting the sky (Nothingness), so I had to place something there so that they didn't look weird lol
Holy heaven... Its amazing... I love how the dialogue shows their emotions, expressions.... Keep up the good work.... I know youll eventually make this mod a masterpiece....
Since the demo of the mod was just released, I just wanted to say that you've done an amazing job and I'm really happy with the current outcome. Keep up the good work can't wait for the full release!
This is really relaxing and you've done a particulary great job about the ambiance of the scene it looks like it could belong directly to the original game
Well, this is special. I must say that i have mixed feelins with DDLC mods. You know, because DDLC is not supposed to be a normal dating sim. However the original game made me feel empathy for the characters and I want to see them happy too. I guess I would like to see more mods using the horror aspect of the game instead of all of them being happy dating sims. (I hope that whatever TEAM SALVATO is working on gives me what I'm looking for.) Anyway, this looks amazing, and I appreciate all the hard work. I can't wait to see the final result.
There's actually a lot of mods using the horror aspect. If I remember correctly, there's actually a mod under development which shows you the story from Sayori's eyes. r/DDLCMods is a great place to find some of these.
It's kinda funny to be honest. The whole point of DDLC was to break free of the standard dating sim formula by introducing its use of the horror aspect. However, now people are trying to make it into a normal dating sim because they feel such empathy for the characters. It's kinda ironic when you look at it like that.
it actually is sad that no one will be similiar to the doki doki charackters but that's just because they are perfect and when it's one thing we know that humans aren't is being perfect
Didn't watch the video cuz I don't want to spoil the experience, but I just came to say that I'm excited for the release and keep up the great work! :)
Yea but it brings joy you know? If we just had this, yea, would've been pretty generic. But we have this after the hellhole that's the real Doki Doki. It makes seeing her like this wholesome. She deserves some happiness after we deleted her file you know ;-;
And why does she get to have omelette sandwiches while we're stuck with the salad option. This isn't fair. All crappy jokes aside though, this mod actually looks like it could fit into the game
It was kinda like a random choice that I put there. It's supposed to be a fancy Café, so if they had something like soda there i'd be a bit weird. Maybe i'll change it later, lol. This scene takes place during noon, also.
This is absolutely amazing, keep up the good work! if I were to make a few suggestions, I'd recommend cleaning up the dialogue a bit, it weirdly contradicts itself at times and is just a bit baffling, the art is absolutely shockingly good though, I'd go so far as to say better than the original in some aspects..
![Sheltered Reality (Porter Robinson and Madeon x DDLC) [Mashup] | Carsian](/img/n.gif)
3:00 I thought that already looked amazing....
And then I saw the particle effects.
Christ.
sonicfind did you just use the fan pack
Someone should put it in wallpaper engine on steam
YES INDEED
The lightsource to the upper right keeps dimming in and out like clouds passing under the sun too.
So you were staring at her for 14 seconds? I'm not blaming you
I'm gonna try and point out some constructive criticism here:
0:25 Monika opens with "looks quite fancy", right after MC started the scene with "looks pretty fancy". The sameyness is a bit jarring, I'd either swap the words for one of them or have MC comment how he was just thinking the same thing, which could be kinda cute.
1:16 "some" and "some", I would just go with "the omelette sandwich" since it's on the menu, or "an omelette sandwich", unless they're supposed to be like sliders or something and you get multiple. If so, I'd specify that in the order. You also used "some" in the MC's order. All these "some" uses make the orders feel very loose. If there's a menu, the orders should be pretty specific.
2:33 "some of the other customers" and "some are waiting outside", it's too much "Some", change up the words a bit.
3:00 I would move this line before "I now understand why Sayori..." as it gives MC's understanding more prior knowledge.
3:20 The MC's last three dialogue boxes all ended with "...", I would certainly reduce that. Use ellipses sparingly, like I'd use it when he says "W-Well, if you say so..." but everything else could just be a sentence.
4:09 "the" should be "that"
4:46 the waitress just apologized for the wait. I would have Monika instead comment on that specifically, how the service is incredible, as there was no wait at all, or take this line out. As is, it conflicts with the previous text.
5:13 should be "how the food is"
5:37 "a lot more different" should be something else, like "quite different"
A lot of dialogue boxes are very short, too. I feel like you could combine the "Ahaha!" and "I'm just kidding!" at 3:35. Nothing wrong with a few short text boxes, but you've got that big box there, use at least a line or two of it.
Also, MC said "haha" too much, maybe throw in a "heh" instead at around 5:39 and combine the dialogue boxes. Adds a bit of teasing on MC's part, which seems to be what you're going for anyway.
I can tell the tone of this scene is MC out of his comfort zone but trying his best, with Monika taking the lead, but that doesn't mean the MC has to trail off evwry time he speaks. Show his apprehension through internal monologues, it's a VN, use the tools the genre allows.
Beautiful CG, but it needs some tighter writing. Ask yourself that if your editor asked you to cut 30% of the dialogue where you would make the cuts. If you can easily find some places that can be tightened up or reworded to be understood better, maybe make those changes. I would say compare the style and structure of this scene to the Natsuki/Yuri date scene from the base game, and shoot for that kind of content and length. This feels short and like nothing of substance really happened, like it could already be shortened to 2 minutes long without losing any important details or conversation.
Sorry, I just love this character, and I had to throw my piece in. I might've missed a few things, as I'm on mobile, but hopefully I was able to help. I understand this is a fan project and not a full-fledged new IP or game, but if you wanted to make this as great as possible then hopefully my observations will help. Looking forward to a successful release.
VForceWave now this is constructive criticism! Not that "Oh your mod is shit because Monika would never do that" type of crap. This can actually be useful for improving!
VForceWave nice tips i agree
Woah, thanks for taking the time, dude!
0:25 A very very small thing would be Monika actually saying "Ahaha" instead of "Haha"
Just gonna say this is a good day for a few days ago by the end of this tag has been a long time no see the attached file for bankruptcy attorney and a half day and age of five years in the 9 I have been a little bit about the position of my favorite things to be a 8lackula so in that case hi...
You see those two green eyes?
*They're staring into your soul*
Helen Kenway Good
This is just...
*MONIKA*
You actually caught me by surprise, well done.
Yeah, that was just Monika.
*fucking monikammmmmmmmmmmmm*
Madison Green *My dad would beat the shit out of me if he finds me watching DDLC* .
serendipitous just monika
Just Monika guys, remember that this mod is not about your childhood friend Sayori, cute and adorable Natsuki or even tall with big rack Yuri. This mod is about Monika. Just Monika.
This. Was. Freaking. Beautiful.
Love
remember this is the monika we want, lets everyone be and things take their course
If it's available on the 14th, man what a birthday gift :') I can't wait! Seriously nice work!!
I can see how much love and effort has been put into this, it looks amazing! I love your work!
Paul Igoa *looks at profile picture* damnit.
2:47 PROTECC
Wow, amazing mod! I can't wait for the finished product! I'm not really good at criticism, but maybe change both of them saying "Looks pretty fancy." and "Looks quite fancy" Great job, though!
a demo is coming out in february and the full game in march.. just letting ya know
It seems that Monika's dream will come true.
and nice work :)
Dude
u
r
very
awesome
and
i
absolutely
love
it
i
cant
wait
for
the
release
XD Wow That cliffhanger though! I want to know if the salad is good!
Anyways nice job with this whole thing, I can’t wait to see the full mod is action!
And the full version being out March/April? (And a demo just 17 days away) that’s pretty crazy!
Yes, this progress is most acceptable. A subscription is needed in order to keep up to date on this extremely important project. My trust is with you, and I hope you will create an experience that *breathes in through nostrils* satisfies my needs.
Wow! Monika is more beautiful here ❤
Finally her special day happens.
You are extremely talented and I cannot wait to see and play through the full mod when it is completed. Keep up the amazing work.
"I'll have some omelette sandwiches..."
Sandwiches...
Multiple...
Which means *Multiple* omelettes
My god.... she's approaching Sayori levels of eating.
Edit: ok, nvm. Thank god they're reasonably sized.
S Y R U P S A N D W I C H E S
Eh? You meanie! :3
Lol Sayori is adorable. All of the Doki's are. ❤
Awesome! Nice work! Can't wait!!
This is amazing. I had a silly grin on my face the whole time.
I can't... *gallons of blood squirts out nose* I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE!!
2:52 This CG also looks so amazing, wow
And I just realized what those other buildings were for when you made the background XD
Actually, those other buildings were because the windows were reflecting the sky (Nothingness), so I had to place something there so that they didn't look weird lol
Aah, finally a less creepier version of Monika staring you at the class after she deleted everyone.
*Take my money*
Ah, this is an amazing mod, I love the art! The music is also great!
The 3 dislikes are Natsuki, Sayori, And Yuri Lmao
UNORIGINAL TRASH :')
Sayori so it was you
Dook larue well I would be lying if I said no. :/
Sayori booo go hang out somewhere else, sayori
Amirul Aliman no
I come back to watch this every day.
Yomo Kontabi OMG SAME
Wow! The art in this is absolutely beautiful! The detail in it is just-! Its all so pretty! The effects, the shading, everything!
Holy heaven... Its amazing... I love how the dialogue shows their emotions, expressions.... Keep up the good work.... I know youll eventually make this mod a masterpiece....
I thought player would say "uhhhh lemme get a... BONELESS PIZZA WITH 2 LITER OF COKE"
Female!ToyBonnie YT old meme but I like it
you’re mom same
you’re mom
Hi bepis boi
Haha
If the player pulled that shit Monika would immediately change her mind about him.
Since the demo of the mod was just released, I just wanted to say that you've done an amazing job and I'm really happy with the current outcome.
Keep up the good work can't wait for the full release!
Thank you so much for making these Monika route videos!
Plot Twist : the salad was drugged and the MC is now Monika's love slave.
Or yhaknow, it wasn't and it was just a cute date. Either or.
Nat55atata
Can’t wait to play this!
You’re doing really well!
THIS PERSON IS GOING PLACES!!!
YOoo THIS MOD LOOKS LEGIT!!! Can’t wait for this mod!! You earn yourself a subscriber 👍keep up the good work
Its always a little ironic to see Doki Doki become an actual visual novel dating game, but its cute nonetheless :)
well monika deserves that
Anthony Clark it is a dating sim. Well as the cover of it
They deserve to be happy. And we want a mod that do that. It's not entirely impossible because Renpy is a Visual novel engine.
Anthony Clark wait...does that mean we’ll get into ACTUAL DATING SIMS
Also Monika sipping the coffee is sooooo cuuuute
This is really relaxing and you've done a particulary great job about the ambiance of the scene it looks like it could belong directly to the original game
Looking good so far :)
Can't wait to see the demo or the full release!
this is incredible
thank you so much for the hard work and time you put in this
you inspired me so much!!
UGH! I Can't wait for February 14! This looks absolutely BEAUTIFUL!
To whom ever did the art for this.. well done, tis beautiful my friend
WOOOW... that looks AMAZING! Can't wait to play full version of this mode
It’s awesome to see the progress you’ve made on this amazing mod! Hope it gets done soon so I can play it haha!
Well, this is special. I must say that i have mixed feelins with DDLC mods. You know, because DDLC is not supposed to be a normal dating sim. However the original game made me feel empathy for the characters and I want to see them happy too. I guess I would like to see more mods using the horror aspect of the game instead of all of them being happy dating sims. (I hope that whatever TEAM SALVATO is working on gives me what I'm looking for.)
Anyway, this looks amazing, and I appreciate all the hard work. I can't wait to see the final result.
There's actually a lot of mods using the horror aspect.
If I remember correctly, there's actually a mod under development which shows you the story from Sayori's eyes. r/DDLCMods is a great place to find some of these.
Yeah... Not many, but it's better than nothing.
TsukiMaru Wow. Thank for the recommendation.
I really was wishing of it to be a dating sim in the first shot.
It's kinda funny to be honest. The whole point of DDLC was to break free of the standard dating sim formula by introducing its use of the horror aspect. However, now people are trying to make it into a normal dating sim because they feel such empathy for the characters. It's kinda ironic when you look at it like that.
AHH WHY DID IT HAVE TO END??! ;w; I AM SO HYPED FOR THIS TO BE FINISHED!
This is looking real good
Your art is amazing ! Keep up the good work and I can't wait for day 3 :)
This looks so awesome, especially the CG looked so original!!!
I absolutely love this, huge fan of Doki Doki Literature Club, and I can't wait for more updates! Keep up the amazing work!!!
This is super good, great job to whoever made it!
You're killing me. I want thisss 😭
Man it looks awesome!!
I just can't wait the release, I want to play it so bad.
Now I can get hapiness
Amazing! Can't wait the full version to be released!
Biju mike need to play this :0
Now out yet :/
waifu and loli destroyer ik
roxy shadowツ omg YES
That's what I thought when I clicked in this
DEFINITELY.....when its out
I DEFINITELY WANT TO PLAY THIS MOD!
this looks so fkin amazing bro, keep it up
Nice job! Keep up the amazing work!
Its amazing how much effort you're putting into this mod, dude! Keep up the great work, people like you are the ones that keep good games alive!
Wow this mod looks amazing great work so far!!! Cant wait to play it when it comes out :)
*Sees the thumbnail
Nah, ain't falling for that
2:51
*WHHOOOOOOHHOOOOAAAAAAA*
Oops:/
Optimus Prime I know, I didn’t believe it either!
The arts are amazing and beautiful 😍😍😍
omg thank you for making this
This looks great! Can't wait for the download!
Can't wait for it, CG is really beautiful, Monika looks like an angel who fell from the sky
You are my new favorite person on the internet.
This mod is lookin great so far! Can’t wait to see what’s next, Also that one dislike is yuri *-*
Monika i think i know who are you...
Looks great! Really can't wait for the full release!
3:34 Thank you Monika XD
I DONT HAVE ANY WORDS TO DESCRIBE THIS BEAUTIFUL MASTERPIECE...
Good to see this mod is making progress!
This mod is so well done. Im gonna download it as soon as it comes out
Awww, Monika has such beautiful, emerald green eyes..❤💕💕
I wanna download the mod!!!
Not out :/
Lmao dog.
CEASE BULLI
Derp 1224 I want to date her in real life
Dashwii waddub dawg :D
Looks good keep it up!
Amazing mod. Keep up the good work
Holy cow that's amazing! I cant wait to play it!!
That looks really awesome! I will try it out as soon as it will come uot!
I love the CG's parallel to the Just Monika CG
Monika is so adorable
I'M SO HYPED FOR THIS MOD!!!
*eats salad, no response & screen fades to black* did he just die
Gosh this is so gooood! Great job👏
Oh my god I cannot wait for this mod. I NEED IT NOW!
I want to date her in real life
Too bad it’s just a game and no one in the universe comes to close to being as similar to the Doki Doki characters
why is everyone so thirsty here
don't we all?
it actually is sad that no one will be similiar to the doki doki charackters but that's just because they are perfect and when it's one thing we know that humans aren't is being perfect
TestoTeo yeah. These are pipe dreams to be honest.
monika will finally get the route she always wanted keep up the good work
Didn't watch the video cuz I don't want to spoil the experience, but I just came to say that I'm excited for the release and keep up the great work! :)
Who ever made this mod is a light that guided us to this fourth wall breaking hell
Yay! Me and you FINALLY have some time together! ^^ Just you, and me! :3 AND ONLY ME!
JUST.
ME.
this is amazing , thanks for sharing.
this art looks amazing
one word is this mode: AMAZING
Idk why but watching this makes me happy
now it's just a regular dating sim...
Yea but it brings joy you know?
If we just had this, yea, would've been pretty generic.
But we have this after the hellhole that's the real Doki Doki.
It makes seeing her like this wholesome. She deserves some happiness after we deleted her file you know ;-;
I am incredibly excited for this
She's so pretty in that cg Keep up the good work!
Best Waifu ever made! Who is Pyra, Bulma... Just Monika!
So sweet
Soo excited for this mod! :)
look at this!! This is so well done! DEVELOPER Y U NO NOTICE??
Who the fuck has a burger and iced tea...
Who the fuck even has a burger for breakest at all.
And why does she get to have omelette sandwiches while we're stuck with the salad option. This isn't fair.
All crappy jokes aside though, this mod actually looks like it could fit into the game
It was kinda like a random choice that I put there. It's supposed to be a fancy Café, so if they had something like soda there i'd be a bit weird. Maybe i'll change it later, lol.
This scene takes place during noon, also.
Jorge Fley Ah. So it's in that middle ground where both lunch and breakfast are acceptable. Clever.
I actually did eat a burger for breakfast once. Was not dissapointed.
somerandomname I'M disappointed.
This is absolutely amazing, keep up the good work! if I were to make a few suggestions, I'd recommend cleaning up the dialogue a bit, it weirdly contradicts itself at times and is just a bit baffling, the art is absolutely shockingly good though, I'd go so far as to say better than the original in some aspects..