This is such a great vid, thank you! And it feels like you're in a good place. Many people criticize self diagnosis, but I think it's often the only way bc it can be so complex, so on the inside, so unconcious, that no one but ourselves is able to recognise it. I don't even need the diagnosis. I just want the accurate help.
Excellent video, so relatable. Thank you so much. Could you please talk about the pressures of growing up with a narcissistic parent? Relatable. And what are the differences between autism and ADHD?
Chasing Psychological Traumatic Experiences mutations occur due to the Psychological Environment women choose to experience for decades and generations of women. So at least I lived in Isolated Solitude and Celibate for 33/44 years of my life experience. Enjoy your rewards
i am audhd and AFAB too and god the thing about just being really sensitive and dramatic really hits home. my sensory issues with food and clothes were just seen as a me thing and my emotional reactions were just me being a highly sensitive teenage girl. i think my adhd masked my autism and my autism masked my adhd to the point where i was just seen as a really really anxious quirky person
Omg the "quirky" thing. I always assumed it was MY fault I was alienated all the time. Because I did this or that or said the wrong things. Some people thought it was cute others completely made fun of it. Until I could take ownership about what was audhd, I was completely helpless and lost. Which is probably what sparked the depression feelings. If you feel totally numb inside because you don't dare yourself to feel in case it might be wrong or "too much" and no-one helps you regulate that stuff then no wonder it gets complicated. But my partner said the most beautiful thing a few weeks back "you're not complicated. In fact if people would try to understand they would realise its so much easier than they would've expected. You're simply complex. And that's not a bad thing".
Funny thing, I can relate very much, except I am a trans girl and was assigned male. I guess "brain sex" is a thing. 😂 Edit: didn't had the period thing, got called a gay drama queen xD Got called out gay for my behaviour a lot and never got it, because i mostly liked girls. I got it when i was diagnosed with both, started demasking and stopped gaslighting myself.
PTSD masked both ADHD and autism for me until I did EMDR for like 2 years. Then I got an ADHD diagnosis and an autism one a year later. Prior to my PTSD diagnosis, I had been misdiagnosed with bipolar and anxiety and I had paradoxical reactions to every medication I was prescribed.
Thank you for this comment. I grew up with a lot of narcissistic and religious abuse, and fit all the boxes of cptsd. As i’ve healed a lot of trauma the last few years I’m becoming more and more convinced that I’m AuDHD. I’m reluctant to seek diagnosis because (among many reasons) I have no idea where to find a professional that knows how to navigate all of it. It’s nice to hear that it’s possible.
Because I have the inattentive presentation of ADHD I’m the exact opposite; my Autism masked my ADHD traits and when I disclosed my ADHD diagnosis people were like “Nah, you’re not hyperactive. You’re smart! You always do what you’re told. Therefore you CAN’T have ADHD!” 😮💨Such is my life
This. It was scary how easy it was for even family to discard my adhd with "the autism fits you so much better!'. Okay?... but my entire life I felt excluded for my autism more than my adhd.
My autism also seems stronger than the adhd. It's like being very serious and a perfectionist with a crazy devil on the shoulder that never shuts up. I want to do things 100% but the devil takes over for the fast dopamine rush.
I’ve just recently (couple months ago) found out that i am audhd. And what’s the hardest for me is, recovering from all the trauma that comes with being a late diagnosed audhd person. Sure autism and adhd isn’t particularly easy to handle, but really it’s the trauma that comes with it. I haven’t felt great for a long time, but that gives me hope somehow. So, it’s not the autism and adhd that’s “so hard”. It’s more so recovering from trauma. I hope that helps someone who is also struggling rn.
Hayley, you make content creation look so effortless, but I know it’s anything but easy. You’ve been working tirelessly for years-over 400 videos-and it truly shows. The depth you reach while keeping things light is an art form. Every new video is a gem filled with humor and profound insights. Thank you for this new video exploring the links between your ADHD and autism-it really resonated with me. Love you, Sam.
The lots of shallow friendships things really hit me. About 12 months ago, I realised I had been left out of an old friend's wedding. They had come to mine, but I wasn't invited to theirs. I guess I wasn't really their friend I was recently diagnosed inattentive adhd (at 37 yo) and pretty sure I have autism too so they were masking each other. I still don't really understand myself and now we have two sons (both audhd), my wife (also late diagnosed audhd) and I are really trying to understand ourselves to help them understand themselves too. There's not enough time in the day.
The tragedy of living a life undiagnosed. Would it be fair to assume that you became depressed by not getting diagnosed earlier? That's what happened to me, at least. Im still in the middle of unraveling myself after a complete breakdown 1.5 years ago. Yay mental health!
Same! Depression and then Burnout. Everything fitted for the therapists because I struggle with insecurities, am a people pleaser, did not really had healthy boundaries and have family problems. ADHD never was an option for them. Maybe I will write a letter to all of them so they maybe maybe concider the diagnoses of other patients
@ItsDrMcQuack this is definately what happened to me. I experienced way more trauma in my childhood than I should've and some of it was definately due to the fact i couldn't take ownership and coudlnt understand why i reacted the way i did. I still have old feelings from my childhood resurface that are simply delayed emotions I couldn't handle alone as an eight year old. In my assessment I was first diagnosed with ptsd before we even discussed the idea of autism. It was also hidden because of my trauma. Now it is true that I have both, trauma and audhd but it could've been less if I had been treated with a little more respect and understanding. On the other hand, just because I had autism doesn't mean the trauma was any less. It just triggered feelings of hopelessness faster than with others. What's worse is that some family members suspected neurodivergence but didn't say anything. When I found that out it spiralled in a deep grieving process. I felt it was deliberately taken from me.
AFAB, never considered ADHD or autism until mid 30s. I was a gifted kid that definitely burned out at middle school and after college. Doing well in school was important to me and I was(am) such a perfectionist. I was always quiet, everyone else around me was loud. I was the good listener, maybe because I don’t always know what to say. The memory issues and executive dysfunction is so clear to me now looking back (hello doing big assignments at 3am so I still got good grades but struggled so hard). But autistic traits? No one would have seen that, it’s all internalized! And yeah, as a girl in the 90s with no obvious failures in school, I was so far from the ADHD/autism stereotypes. I could never put words to the overstimulation or meltdowns. It got labeled anxiety, depression, and hormones. Even a few years ago I saw a psychiatrist because I thought I was having panic attacks but what I described was clearly sensory overwhelm. Doc said “that’s a weird way to experience anxiety but we can look at medications.” Multiple psychologists and physicians through childhood and adulthood never once suggested ADHD or autism. I’ve had to seek out assessments on my own.
You describe my life, too. Except for the gender flip (and the part about working until 3 AM), I had pretty much the same experience. I went through years of therapy and nobody suspected ASD or ADHD. Twenty years later some acquaintances who clearly knew something about autism asked me some careful questions and pointed out the possiblity that I might be autistic. Of course I was in denial at first. No, I don't flap my hands when I'm happy or excited; I never have! It took another couple of years and some research into autism before I applied for assessment. And guess what! Thankfully, awareness spreads so that the younger generation has a better chance of being diagnosed early. Still, kids like us (who do well in school and don't fit any ADHD or ASD stereotypes) are probably the most likely to fall through the cracks.
Diagnosed ADHD at age 48, everyone was like yeah- we know. Now I’m 49 years old and still learning about how ADHD affected my life. Pretty much what you have described about your experience is what I experienced, except it was the 1980’s-1990’s when I was pre-teen and teenager. Being female gave me the ability to mask, unknown to me, when I was younger. Now, it’s not so easy and I’ve had to learn how to avoid melting down. Your videos have been wonderfully helpful. THANK YOU!
i just got dxd the other day. 54. It's no shock to me really but it gives me 'permission' to reframe all of my failures to succeed. Sacked numerous times, 8 attempts to pass my driving test, dumped as soon as the man seemed to get to know me, repeatedly. And in my current job, I've tried to go up a grade 5 times without success so far. I was going to try 8 times, but now I'm thinking, no, I'll let that go and enjoy the job security but focus on my house, art, exercise, health and trying to improve the bad relationships i have with my FOO
@@SusanaXpeace2u I am at the beginning of the journey of discovering my neorodivergent brain and every day at the moment seems to reveal something new to me about them. A few realisations came out of this video and your comment too hits home. I tried a number of times for promotion in a couple of jobs, but that never happened and also it took me 6 attempts to pass my driving test. I also remember sitting with someone at a volunteer role for somewhere I love, I took up and they told me the info but I couldn't repeat it after them - I listened and was interested but it took ages for the info to sink in. And more similar experiences come to mind as I type this. Phhhhewww, this is an emotional journey!
🤓❤️1.5x is the best! I like to unload the dishwasher from the bottom first, so the water left on the bottoms of my mugs and bowls doesn't spill onto the plates and utensils. 🤔
Well, you basically told my own story here. I was diagnosed with adhd 2 years ago (and everyone was always kinda clear I had it but no one ever considered helping me to get to the right doctor) after being in depression for many years. Turns out my undiagnosed and untreated adhd (and autism) caused all that depression and anxiety. After starting adhd meds my autism was getting more and more clear, because with me meds and coaching and all the tools i had for adhd, the mask was coming off. I am now 32 and in the process of getting diagnosed with autism. The masking happened in my childhood and teenage years just as you describe it for yourself, I didnt have to deal with the bad memory that much. It was quite the opposite: I just remembered everything. That kept my mind busy. I kept analysing the behavoir of others (that would be one of my special interests), but i did that only for me, like reading and being obsessed with cats and playing piano, all that didnt show at school. My special interests that were masked like your interest for musicals were History and Music, especially singing in choir, but that was seen as "her favorite subjects are history and music and she loves the school choir". No one knew that I read books about specific history topics (for example about the holocaust and nazi regime in germany when I was just 10 years old, in history class we would get to these topics at the age of 15/16) or analysed the different voice types in our choir because I was silent about it. My hyperactivity masked it all, I would interrupt, be loud, make noise (hiding my stimming with fidgeting like you did) and so nobody would think about it. The social problems were severe, I tried to force eye contact because I thought people would like me better, but couldnt read the clues in their movements or voice when things went bad. I never understood the b.tchfights and teenage dramas, could just not connect with their emotions. It kinda helped a lot that I lived in a little village, I had only a few options to take a bus after school, so there was no chance to get in touch with others after school that much. I was alone for many hours of the day, because my parents were working all day, my brother was out with friends. So that alone time helped me to decompress, I could read and play with our many cats or play the piano until late at night and there was no problem. My parents were used to me "being in my own world" the moment I came home from school, because the bullying was so bad. I only had 2 close friends, but couldnt see them often, sometimes they would stay the whole weekend and we would run in the fields and woods and play with the cats and make up stories until night came. Those days were my good ones, and I am glad my parents just let me be myself. Thanks for the video, I really enjoyed it and made some notes in my "adhd/autism" notebook, in which I collect all the information from different sources that I come across and that can help me understand myself better. It has been truly healing to find so many people that are similar to me. I dont feel alone anymore and hope you all keep up on your ways.
I am not diagnosed with anything yet but I'm pretty sure I have inattentive type ADHD and am Autistic and both of them masked eachother. I have lots of little systems to make sure I function like a normal person. I set alarms for everything, I habitstack and carry my fidget magnets everywhere. I cut tags out of every piece of clothing. The one time I went into a nightclub I started crying after 10 minutes because I was so overstimulated and had to be taken home. There are so many times I've been asked why I do things a particular way and my answer is always "If I don't do it this way I don't do it at all." As soon as puberty hit I had one friend at school. Everyone thought I was the quiet kid. Nobody considered that I was just overwhelmed. I have always been a rule follower. The only thing I got in trouble for at school was doodling in class, which helped me focus.
I appreciate the no music videos. If you ever felt up to making a video about how narcissistic parents affected your experience, I would appreciate that. I've heard plenty about it from therapists, but never specifically from someone who is AuDHD, which would probably be more helpful. My ADHD somewhat masked my autism as a kid. Honestly, my "parents" were too apathetic to have noticed anything going on with me unless it was problematic for them or could be used to blame me instead of their poor parenting. I was absolutely told that I was simply "too sensitive, overdramatic and difficult". As an adult, I think it was more the CPTSD that masked it and kept me from getting the help I needed. Thanks for being one of the first people to clue me in to what I was missing! Turns out that when I meet my sensory needs, respect how my brain works and find tools to help me, I'm not an emotional wreck all the time and things that were impossible for me are much easier! Given how many people are unable to access a diagnosis or support, I love the idea of focusing on the tools that can help instead of the label. There's no need to wait to find help for oneself. The tools do no harm and when they help, they can be life changing!
I'm not diagnosed, but I've been looking into all of this for about 4 years now. I am positive I have autism, social anxiety, alexithymia, and auditory processing disorder. I can see a possibility for adhd, but not sure about it. Every time I try to talk to a therapist (general, not audhd professional) or concerned acquaintance they always comment on my smile. As if having a smile on my face and having a pleasant demeanor means that I can't possibly have social problems, communication problems, hard time conveying my feelings (especially when I don't even know them until after the fact). Sometimes they'll agree with the social anxiety but have a hard time understanding how me being anxious in social situations could be related to autism. I'm also trying to find better, healthier work for myself and they keep bringing up options that are directly working with people that could potentially be confrontational. And when I express my concerns they say, "You've just got to push yourself out of your comfort zone. And after a while you'll get used to it and it won't be uncomfortable anymore." 🤨 I've been out of my comfort zone since I can remember and it's only made things worse. I am tired of it and finally trying to stand up for myself and live a better life. I also keep getting told "Well, you can do this when..." I've put off having time for myself till both kids were in school (and one was half day so it was only enough time for me to catch up on sleep), I've put off trying to find a day job till both kids were full day school, and now I'm being told to put off finding a job I can actually enjoy for one that fits their idea of what a job should be till my husband finishes school and has a better paying job so my income won't be as big of a deal. (My husband is on my side, this is other people that are helping us out right now.) My mental health can't take the strain anymore and I need people to stop telling me to do things that aren't good for me while also saying, "Make sure you make time for yourself. You need to do things you enjoy." 😭
I, too, can relate. Unfortunately many - no, most of us go through something like this. The struggle neurotypical people don't understand, the invalidation of our experiences, the gaslighting that results from that,... No wonder many of us get depressed on top of everything else. At least now that you know the reason, you can look for tools to ease the burden, seek out professionals who can actually help, and join a community that understands and can offer support and solidarity. I wish you the very best. You deserve to be happy, too!
I'm pretty sure I showed very obvious signs of autism. I'm 32 and my family still jovially remembers my quirks like having to step on specific tiles when I was 7, or I'd had to go back and cross the room again. And I kept complaining about being outcast and bullied at school. Or I'd walk and mutter loudly, telling stories to myself. Yet family never thought to take me a doctor, just shamed me and kept telling me to act normally (kinda like DIY ABA therapy)... was only ever taken to a speech therapist because I had trouble saying certain sounds. Only ever cared about fixing my behavior, not my brain. Now too overwhelmed with adult responsibilities, I've yet to find someone to officially diagnose and help me.
People like that may not be the friends you thought they were. It's fine to be surprised and puzzled by someone's late diagnosis, but it is so harmful to cast it into doubt. I met a group of wonderful people right around the time I got my AuDHD diagnoses, and it turns out every one of us is neurodivergent. I can wholeheartedly recommend seeking out ND people if you feel like it might be good to be around people who accept you more.
This is a really valuable video - first because sharing our REAL stories is powerful. I don't even fully get how and why, but I feel it every time. Second you bring up how ADHD and autism interact both with our family situation AND our real world situation - at school, socially, etc. We don't live in a vacuum. Changing around one or two ingredients in our surroundings has a big impact how our specific neuro-spicy selves both feel and show up in the world. I'm NOT hyper-active. I come from a highly neuro-divergent family and my earliest compensations come from dealing with elements in my family - both wonderful and problematic (I come from a classical music family - everyone uses it to regulate and it's an incredible resource to have been gifted, literally before I was even born). My sense is that as a younger person in school, I had trouble connecting with others a lot of the time (but not always) but I was also in a problematic school. I'm older so this was the late 60s and 70s (and not in the US) and a boring and frustrating experience. As an adult, I've gotten an ADHD diagnosis, but not one for ASD. But I'm relatively sure I have some degree of autism, and also that for most of my life I did ok using the two to balance one another. Throughout my 50s, though, I discovered that the secret ingredient to making this all work were hormones, and as they depleted, so did my strengths and ability to function in the old ways. Now I'm on a journey to discover new ways for me adapt to life, AND for my life to adapt to who I am now.
Yup. Me too. Hyperactive as a kid, very social, and high social and emotional intelligence. I thought I had anger issues😅 Turns out it was often the sensory input. I also learned to hide all my little quirks about rigidity, having things in a certain way, my system of rules, and attentiveness to details. I have a lot of it but in the areas that are hard to see from the outside. Again, unlike Sheldon, I wouldn't even have a favorite spot because if I did, I'd have to tell people to not sit on it or be frustrated. But I have very strict rules about matching accessories. See how well it masked?
Your content really makes me feel a sense of community when I otherwise feel pretty alone in my diagnoses since I don't feel comfortable to share them with most people in my life. I also grew up with the influence of a narcissistic parent and I feel like I struggle to understand/separate how that influenced me as a neurodivergent child vs. how a neurotypical child might have been affected. I also have special interests that really align with school/doing well in academics, which I think led to my missed/late diagnosis, and also led me to have a weird relationship with self worth, especially in the context of dealing with that narcissistic parent. I would be really interested in a video on any thoughts/insight you have as to how a narcissistic parent affected you when you were already struggling with undiagnosed ADHD and autism, if you feel comfortable sharing!
I started tutoring my dyslexic baby brother several years back, and it helped me realize how many techniques I’d come up with to work around my adhd and how that effectively masked my autism.
I can relate. SO MUCH. Me being male hasn't helped me getting diagnosed any earlier, though. I went through years of therapy for anxiety and depression before I started to suspect that I might be autistic. After I was denied my first ASD diagnosis, the next doctor I went to just looked at me and said: "No wonder. You mask too well and your ADHD coveres up the rest." "Wait, what ADHD?!" In hindsight, it makes perfect sense.
Oh for Ducks Sake! Your truth is my Truth. Thank you for being you and following your bliss! The shadow work csn be a killer but as long as you survive, you can find your truth, and shout it from the highest mountain Xxx Love and Blessings Always Sister 💚🪩💚 Disco/Dave
Too many things, same same same! If i have any paper in my hands, it's shredded in minutes, and my hand talking is so bad it's actually tiring... I relate so much to you, love you, thank you!❤😊
Good video as always Hayley. I'm also AudHD too, and I had issues in school. I was also very hyperactive as a child too and rambunctious too. I was diagnosed with Autism, but looking at it now, I also exhibited traits of adhd too! I also had very strong emotions for a man too and people always looked at me as an emotional guy, and that I don't act manly enough. Now it makes tons of sense. Thank you!
The combination of my autism and my anxiety MASSIVELY masked my ADHD to the point that while I was diagnosed with anxiety and autism as a young girl (even if no one told me I was dx autistic), I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until roughly a month ago at age 32... the irony here is that my ADHD is actually significantly more debilitating than both my autism and my anxiety!
Oh. My. Gosh. You just explained EVERYTHING that I have been dealing with for years! I give you an instant like and subscribe! I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 4 years old, but recently after doing a ton of research, I highly suspect that I have Autism as well. I think this video just confirmed my suspicion. Thank you for the very fun and informative video!
I find it so interesting that you so clearly separate Autism from ADHD. When I was diagnosed, I was told that these two things very often go hand-in-hand and it isn't uncommon from someone to be diagnosed with both. Great video! 💖
Thanks for sharing your experience. I relate so much to what you said about the ADHD masking Autism. I didn't have "tools" growing up, I did have some in school but not any specific plan at home or socially. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 7 years old and was then as a teenager I was seen for depression and mood swings. When I was in my 20s they started treating me for anxiety and later misdiagnosed me and medicated me for bipolar disorder. That lasted for over a decade of my life being improperly medicated and very unhappy and confused. It wasn't until 2018 that a therapist said I was not bipolar and that I had C-PTSD. Then just this year, 2024, I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD (combination type). I am still struggling and I do believe that I have C-PTSD (also confirmed). I struggle to separate what parts of me are Autistic and which parts are ADHD. Much of my life when I would get overstimulated and emotional my family would ask me, "did you take your medication?" And that was very hurtful. Having the proper tools and routines are so important for me and I think that treating people that are Autistic/AuDHD, etc, like they have a problem or are a problem that needs to be fixed is very damaging and in my case has had lifelong repercussions.
Thanks for speaking out on this topic, and expressing what you went through in a way that was personal but also understandable. My ADHD makes my autism, and I am also combo-type. I wasn't considered to be autistic until this year at 34 -- and I still don't have an official diagnosis, waiting for it. I personally only want the label so I have access to more health care support in my state! But as I learn more about autism, it explains why I only ate orange food when I was three, why eye contact scared the bejeesus out of me until I /forced/ myself into it and probably over compensate now. Among other things, of course. My ADHD is the big player, but I have a huge need to stim, and I've had the same primary method of stimming since I was a toddler, and never ever though of it as stimming... until that Autism suggestion. So again, thank you for making this video and your channel! I really enjoy your videos, and I'm really impressed by how you've managed to use your tools to progress to the life you want. Seriously, I look up to you!
People are so confident in their prejudices and ignorance. People also seem to be stuck in judging everything based on feelings instead of how it actually is.
Thanks to the algorithm of UA-cam for showing up this video to me. I had a VERY similar experience and sometimes I still doubt about my autism being real because of my ADHD traits masking some issues ):
I'm exactly like you and now I realized how my ADHD masks my autistic part even now. I felt just like you about studies and friendships and obsessions that no one could look and say: oh, that's uncommon. Well, good for us that now we have our diagnosis and can go on caring about ourselves the best we can. Thank you so much for your video (And sorry for my mistakes, I'm not a native speaker)
Thank you so much. I was crying by the end. Espicaly that - girl - periods- emotinal part. I was told low dose Prozac would fix me and then looked at like I was weird not describing my continued isues properly when it didn't work. Told I wasn't experancing what I was - that I'm better.
I can’t answer your question because I have inattentive type. But I *was* misdiagnosed. I was misdiagnosed as having atypical bipolar disorder. I think it was because my adhd was unmedicated (they knew I had adhd), my autism wasn’t diagnosed (I’m not male), and I had two significant trauma experiences as a child/teenager. I think it was primarily the cptsd that prompted my autism to look like bipolar. And on top of all that, my anxiety diagnoses were a very handy way for my doctors to explain things 😅 including a terminal disease that ended up barely being caught on time. I hear what you’re saying about labels, but not only has my autism diagnosis helped me understand and take care of myself (and love myself!) much better, but it has been extremely important in helping my doctors choose the correct medicine for me and correctly diagnose OTHER things. Labels might not be perceived by individuals as important, but they really are (even considering the inadequacy of language).
My mom thought I had ADHD when I was young but bc the teachers said I was smart and did my work I cldnt have it. In college one time I was doing a test and I just cldnt do it, I cldnt focus I was staring at the clock and at the end my teacher was like u might have ADHD. That made me go get checked out and I did a ton of research and really resonated with what I found. I went to the doc and told them and they just accepted it, no tests or anything. I was a little disappointed but I still did my best to learn about myself. Learning about ADHD brought up Autism as well so I started researching that and thought I may have that as well. I went to a psychiatrist a couple years later and when I told her I had ADHD and wld like to take a test for Autism she said, 'I dont think you have ADHD but Im not qualified to diagnose you with it.' I was like WTH?!?! It made me sooo upset that she said that and just brushed off my diagnosis when she doesnt even have the right!!!! Its hard going to see a doc after that but I self-diagnose as Audhd bc it makes it easier to work on myself
Would love if you would cover parent relationships and late diagnosis of ADHD, I also had a narcissistic and undiagnosed mom and it made getting an assessment/help really difficult at the time. Also totally understand if that’s a sensitive topic, but I think that sort of video would have helped past me a lot when I didn’t have any support at home. Thank you as always 🩵
i was just diagnosed lvl 2 autistic td!!! i been diagnosed adhd since 6, and omg YES it def masked my autism, literally proven by the amount of times i had issues none of my other adhd family members ever had but everyone still lumped it in w adhd. its insane lol, i feel like it shoulda been more obvious esp the way i dealt w trauma compared to my family that was abused w me lol, and i wasnt even diagnosed cptsd, just ptsd. anyways, 17 YEARS AND I FINALLY GOT DIAGNOSED AND HAVE MORE ACCESS TO RESOURCES ESP BEFORE GRADUATION!!! LETS FUCKING GOOOO!!!
Everything you explained almost is exactly what I go thru as a 24 year old woman. My memory is crazy! I can now recall almost my entire childhood form 3 or 4 years old down to specific details, but my short-term memory is non-existent. I never and still do not understand my own emotions, but from when I was a toddler til 13 I would beat up my little bit younger than me sister. Now it's just sleeping the day away when I am not at work. I am not diagnosed with any but depression and anxiety right now, but I am on a waiting list! I am very excited to finally have a label because I know I am not lazy!
Don't make the mistakes I made during my first ASD assessment. I went in unprepared. I didn't know my stims and couldn't name my special interests because to me, my behavior was totally normal. I mean, watching the same set of VHS over and over again until I can sing along all the songs is totally normal for a boy, right? Right? Suffice to say, I didn't get the result I was hoping for.
My mom used to complain a lot about my stimming behaviors like spinning or skin-picking and since my childhood i was very hyperactive and curious child who just can’t stop but lashing around but as i got older i tended to be more inattentive i was really struggling during my primary school days bc i was really disorganized and didn’t know the social negotiations and i hated school i was constantly sick and trying to find ways to skip school i got a lots of warrants from my teacher about the way i behave and how my reactions made them not want to be friends with me i was a pretty messy child but as i got older i became a perfectionist and “a good kid” that later led me to a burn out i was filled with hatred through the voices and ableism around me and i had a really bad time with my mental health during 11th class ‘till i got my diagnosis which turned to be audhd and that was the time when everything just clicked to me now i am more understanding towards myself even though i still struggle socially i try to be more understanding and if you’re someone who is going through this please know that you are seen and valuable ❤
i would really love to hear your thoughts on narcissistic parent(s) and how you are working on healing as an autistic adult! i resonate with your childhood a lot and i would be so appreciative of you leaning into that aspect 💛
Personal advice? Protect your piece. Don't give out any emotional information. If they think you have your stuff together that's all they need to know. Search for a different support system, I have a chosen family. For me no contact is no option because I would terribly miss my sisters and my family dog but low contact is how I stay sane. Only to MY conditions. It's important to know if you still live with them though or if you can afford a professional which was my only way through it.
The moment you talked about brushing your teeth, I remembered I didn't brushed mine and went to do just that. Lately I struggle to brush my teeth because I have dental health issues and it hurts to brush them, but if I don't it'll be worse. So yeah thanks for that. (Yes don't worry, I have an appointment with a dentist). Now more related to the video subject in general, I have a question for my fellow neurodivergent folks who have adhd and autism. I've been diagnosed with adhd some years ago, and the diagnosis helped a lot. It gave me access to medications, special therapies and so on. I have some suspicions I might have autism as well, but to be perfectly honest, I didn't dive into it because I'm tired. Tired of all the doctors appointments, of the money it cost, of everything. Don't get me wrong, it helps a great deal. But I have approximatively two to three appointments a week and sometimes I wish I could just forget about all of that. So my question is : Is having autism diagnosis worth it, on top of adhd diagnosis? Like, will it help me having professional care that I haven't gotten already with my adhd diag? Will it help me in any way other than "knowing myself better"? Very concretely, what are the pro of an autism diagnosis when you already have an adhd diag? Thanks in advance to all the people who will share their experience and answer my questions. 🙏
I feel that our experiences are a reflection of each other, except the being loud bit. I was very quiet at school, and loud at home. I do have severe anxiety, that's another difference. And also my family doesn't exactly understand or accept my ADHD diagnosis. I don't know if I have autism, but it's likely, considering all the information I have gathered. I didn't go to therapy until 2 years ago so had no idea of all these things. But the rest of what you say resonates so much with me.
I’d say Hailey when I hear you talk about your special interests being being good at school or doing well- I’d say for me this was true but I attributed it to coping with shame and anxiety that I wasn’t good enough at school -
My adhd more especially the inattentive type with a side of hyper when I was younger was more noticeable but now the autism is coming through a lot more
Hi Hayley! This is very relatable to me. As an autistic and ADHD woman who was just diagnosed w autism at 29 (diagnosed with ADHD at 12) I had many people in my life, and many misinformed mental health professionals ultimately refuse the idea that I could be autistic. I make eye contact (forced conscious behavior I have learned was necessary) I can speak “normally” (define normally????) and a whole other host of misinformed stereotypes. Thanks for sharing this.
“Suddenly Autistic” and “Suddenly School” are books I wrote 😊. I, Fischer Manuela, did everything on my own and was still awarded first place by Amazon in the “Biographies of People with Special Needs” category 🎉. Because of my works, a psychiatrist got her doctorate ❤. So there is a lot of useful information in it 😁. (I am from Austria)
I have a similar thing. My ADHD has been masked by bipolar disorder and emotionally instable personality disorder so it took a long while to untie all the knots. There's also the possibility that while that covered my ADHD, my ADHD in turn has been covering autism symptoms, but that's not yet fully explored.
I have inattentive adhd, only recently realised I’m autistic too. It makes so much sense because no one ever believes I have adhd when I tell them but the autism I think is a lot more noticeable even more now that I’m medicated. I’ve definitely been rejected way more for my autism, can’t believe it took me so long to figure out. I also used to be obsessed with musicals. I used to watch the same four or five musicals on repeat as a child & as a teenager was involved in musicals at school. I also used my special interest in music ti stimulate my brain to help me to study the subjects I disliked- which was most of them !!
13:06 OMG thank you. Literally any person over the age of 40 when i tell them that im autistic : ”its just those teenage years” AAAAAAEBRJRHDH makes me want to rip my head off
I struggled in school til around late middle school. Then around 6th-12th grade I was doing just fine as I had learned the basics of most subjects and could pass by being an active listener during lectures. Then Adult life hit me like a brick. At age 24 after waiting for like 1,5years for an assessment I got diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD and atypical/mild Autism. Looking back a lot of my life makes sense now.
Told by a psychologist that my anxiety was possibly rooted in adhd and autism fighting each other. So I sought out diagnosis and got told they were going to diagnose and treat my ADHD first and from my answers to the questions thus far sounded like adhd masking autism. This was ~4 years ago.
Hayley, not only do we share a birthday, but it is like we have had parallel lives. Some many of the things you described have been in my life all along, but got worse after I started an ADHD medication earlier this year so they were no longer being masked by those traits. Having PTSD on top of it all due to - like you said - a rough childhood makes it so much harder to untangle all the feelings. I also hate that women are shunned in the medical community when we struggle to explain what we are feeling, even worse is when it is a female physician doing the shunning. I am so glad my bestie is a hospitalist and I can ask her questions about general medical topics. If you don’t mind me asking are you ASD tier 1 or did you get a diagnosis before those changes?
After my ADHD diagnosis my mom told me “but you don’t move” lol. I have been educating her that my hyperactivity is talking fast, too much, my brain is constantly thinking and I constantly fidget 24/7. These symptoms are from childhood to now. I do believe my ADHD masked my Autism. As a kid my autism was “she is just shy” I really just didn’t know what to do with myself.
Hi, I'm a man diagnosed with ADHD since I was 7 years old, but I always had this feeling that autism was very similar... Lately, I've been struggling way more than before and have been looking at ASD-related videos to understand better the difference and try to see if I do have both or if it's only a hipocondric response to my experiences... The ASD diagnosis session costs $700, so I'm still waiting to really find out if it's all in my head or... We'll, it would still be in my head, I guess! 😂 Thank you for opening on such uncomfortable topics to help us understand and navigate our feelings and thoughts!!! Much love to all on their self-discovery journeys!!!
i think my daughters autism masks her adhd. my adhd has always been super obvious but i never got diagnosed. i may even have autism but it was masked like yours. your experience sounds exactly like mine. in my 30s now i actually plan to get my diagnosis
I was diagnosed at 19 with both Autism 1 and ADHD innatentive, going on 20. I’m also , female . I think I mask almost all the time . I usually even have , to fake what I feel , just for the sake of staying sane and so others don’t get mad or frustrated with me. I’m going to therapy , because it was basically and ultimatum . Also , I want my mom to stop pressuring me , and want her to stop worrying about me . Hopefully , she’ll realize someday , that I’m never gonna reach her expectations of me , no matter what.
I feel like I have the opposite experience (though at the moment, I am *technically* only diagnosed with ASD, I also feel like I relate way too much to people who either have both conditions or even just ADHD). I probably mostly present as inattentive (never was all that hyperactive as a kid, though idk if there are different presentations of "hyperactive"), and the social challenges with autism made me mostly seem shy and quiet around others, unless they asked the right questions. If you got me talking about the right subject, then I could definitely talk your ear off, lol. And since stimming is expected with autism, my fidgeting with stuff probably wasn't seen as strange. Sensory issues also lead to challenges focusing in noisy or crowded environments as well, so that might have been assumed to be the cause of inattentiveness for me. The thing is, my brain can often be insanely hyperactive and pushes me to be constantly occupied with something, which makes me lose interest if something isn't stimulating enough. This happens most often when either talking to someone for an extended period of time (assuming social anxiety isn't taking over), or when watching movies or TV shows. I can't just sit and watch a video without at least fidgeting with something, or I lose focus. I also need to listen to a podcast or audiobook before going to sleep, and I'll even start whatever I decided to listen to each night as I go to brush my teeth because I often have trouble maintaining focus just for that one routine. Something I find funny is that while a lot of people can have the reaction of "oh, you seem so normal" when I disclose my ASD/Aspergers diagnosis, I did have an ADHD coworker who, when I explained to them that I didn't like standing still and would wind up usually pacing back and forth while fidgeting near my checkstand if there were no customers in my line, they immediately asked if I had ADHD, and I had to go "um, well..."
I'm not diagnosed but I strongly suspect I have auDHD. As a teenager I had daily arguments with my mum that usually escalated into shouting matches, and I didn't learn how to build my own 'toolbox' until I was in my twenties and had moved out. Which was difficult in itself, I just trialled and errored so many things and I try to keep the ones that stick (and not forget them) whilst not worrying about any that didn't work. But I didn't consider myself neurodivergent back then, so that was a long and rocky road... But now at 34, I understand myself so much better and I've really made some great progress in recognising how to help myself. Now to sort out everything I've abandoned on the way, and I'll be good xD
I had the bad respond on both. diagnosed with adhd which took 28 years but just suspected to be autistic. I don't have a full diagnose, just a suspection. No one wanted/wants to believe any of my problems because I highly mask all of it in front of other people.
Oh god we are very similar people like 90% personality match. I have not been diagnosed yet but I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not just ADHD like two of my family members, but AUDHD
I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder after my first bipolar episode at around 32 years old. My father was bipolar so it was easy to get the diagnosis. At 34 years old, my next bipolar episode, I was followed by a phychiatrist who kept the bipolar disorder and added AD(H)D and anxiety disorder, but it didn't seem right to me after having lived with my AD(H)D bf since 7 years at that point. In the same time, I was followed by a (newly autism diagnosed) social worker for help finding a job, and she brought up the subject that I might be autistic. Soon after, I was undergoing the evaluation with a psychiatrist specialised in autism and she kept the bipolar disorder, and replaced ADHD and anxiety disorder with autism. When I talked to the previous psychiatrist of the developments in my life and how I was actually autistic her reply was "You can't be; you are able to have a reciprocal conversation." Such ignorance.
For me, im 44. I got diagnosed with ADHD/ADD at 3. in 1983. BUT my mom refused to allow me to know anything about it, She insisted that I was normal and I act like a normal child. No matter what. I am Super Hyperactive, unless i smoke weed which calms this way down, It also helps me focus, think and act like a normal human. If I dont, I cant sit down, i cant focus on anything, i cant play video games or watch tv, i couldnt do my school work, or actual work, and god help the one who interrupts me when i finally get going on that work lol as an adult, if im not smoknig, im usually up walking in circles cause i have no w here to go, but i cant stay here and do nothing. I talk to everyone, about anything that Im interested in, but i cant handle it very well when im not. and the more im in the conversation, the more excited i am, the more i will interrupt. Poor Memory on anything that wasnt a particular interest point, I couldnt remember anything else, Even sitting in school I could remember it till i got up to leave then my brain would flush everything, esp math or science related. and took me my whole life to get spelling,. i just couldnt remember the order of the letters... and I will fidget with everything, I wont even notice that im doing it, it just something people bring to my attention when they have had enough of my movements. BUT Now that im in my 40s, and learning more about me. Im discovering alot of the things people always chalked up to "This person is just being weird" Is on the Autistic scale. Im Also thinking i would have also been hit with this in the 80's had people been watching for it in girls at that time. Everything my mom wanted me to cut out, to act normal, was on the Autistic scale., My extreme food/clothing sensitives. not even to mention i cant even touch terracotta stuffs. makes my fingers just hurt. How my hyper active fidgeting, was really me stemming. my special interest that i would end up spending 16 yrs of my life doing, no one cared at all and they refused to let me talk about it, i got shut down every time i opened my mouth, cause the people around me didnt care. Social challenges i could never really understand what anyone was talking about and pretended alot, i am such an openly honest no filter, blunt person, that says exactly what shes thinking, and most people run from me, till this day, i have no irl friends, and can barely keep the online ones i have, im never on the same page as them and feel like they got some handbook i didnt get... i feel like an alien dropped off and sent to observe but never belong. the only friendships i had were people using me, I never even got invited to parties, so i never know how id act at one, i can tell you, at the gatherings i went to, i would talk to people till people disappeared and never came back... its strange how i can make eye contact, and the min i see in your eyes that youre done with me, i completely shut down and want to go home. So yeah, i was this over emotional person who reacts to everything I recently took an Autism Test and i scored very high and now looking back with this knowledge and seeing how with this my life makes sense, all these little things that everyone always complained about were on this list,
I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until this past year. And the symptoms I consider to be autism.The psychologist is telling me is only related to cps.DAnd the symptoms I consider to be autism. The psychologist is telling me is only related to CPTSD, But I can tell you right now, My complex post traumatic stress would not be as severe if I wasn't already autistic... I believe my autism masked my A d h d and that my a d h d masked my autism ADHD and that my ADHD masked my autism. I have always had Two parts of me battle each other... The Flexibility required adhd incapable of completing a daily journal side... With the severely needs and craves structure, echolalia and watching the same movie over and over.
Omg we're apparently so alike, so it's almost scary.😮 I recognize myself so well in almost everything you say here. We would definitely have had an interesting and exciting conversation if we had met. You can let me know if you take the trip to Norway once and need a like-minded guide. 😂 Come on and keep up the good work. 😊 BTW. First video I've ever commented on. 😉👏
I am AuDHD, but it is hard to tell if my ADHD masked my ASD or my ASD masked my ADHD because I was born in 1964. I was very fortunate that although they were never diagnosed, both of my parents were ND. My mom was ASD with times of mutism, and my Dad was AuDHD, and I mirrored him so much in my traits. Therefore I had one place in the world where I was normal. Here is the kicker, my sis was somehow born NT, she thrived in school, had lots of friends, she had all the normalness missing from the rest of us. That girl has spent her life trying to be weird enough to fit in. She has always been seriously jealous of me, which I couldn't understand till just recently after figuring this all out. Being normal, made her feel left out, and because I required much higher support from our parents it left her feeling like an outcast.
I relate to the narcissistic parent contributing to some of the stuff. I would have to write a book to express the details of my life that show the things you are saying. I stimmed all the time
Im autistic (diagnosed in my thirties) and while I do have some traits of inattentive ADHD it's not enough to warrant a clinical diagnosis. Sometimes I don't know if its ADHD or perpetual burnout from depression/anxiety stemming from my autism 🫠
i think a lot of it also came from like. extreme emotional reactions being seen as semi-normal in young children (tantrums) and also as a teenager (hormones). its often not until you're a grown adult that certain behaviors are deemed abnormal.
I think opposite for me. But both diagnoses figured by myself. First that I'm autistic at 42, one year later that I'm ADHDer. Second surprised me much cause was better hidden from the world. But my doc said 'yes, you are'. Now I'm trying to find my real me between both. 😂
I went in for an ADHD diagnosis (told my therapist i'm open to everything but suspect adhd and maybe autism). I got diagnosed with ASD lvl1 after 3 sessions, and an ADHD diagnosis is still uncertain (will get a final answer in one week!!), and evreyone has told me i am very adhd since i was 16, but not many have suspected ASD
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This is such a great vid, thank you! And it feels like you're in a good place.
Many people criticize self diagnosis, but I think it's often the only way bc it can be so complex, so on the inside, so unconcious, that no one but ourselves is able to recognise it. I don't even need the diagnosis. I just want the accurate help.
Excellent video, so relatable. Thank you so much.
Could you please talk about the pressures of growing up with a narcissistic parent? Relatable.
And what are the differences between autism and ADHD?
Chasing Psychological Traumatic Experiences mutations occur due to the Psychological Environment women choose to experience for decades and generations of women. So at least I lived in Isolated Solitude and Celibate for 33/44 years of my life experience. Enjoy your rewards
i am audhd and AFAB too and god the thing about just being really sensitive and dramatic really hits home. my sensory issues with food and clothes were just seen as a me thing and my emotional reactions were just me being a highly sensitive teenage girl. i think my adhd masked my autism and my autism masked my adhd to the point where i was just seen as a really really anxious quirky person
Omg the "quirky" thing. I always assumed it was MY fault I was alienated all the time. Because I did this or that or said the wrong things. Some people thought it was cute others completely made fun of it. Until I could take ownership about what was audhd, I was completely helpless and lost. Which is probably what sparked the depression feelings. If you feel totally numb inside because you don't dare yourself to feel in case it might be wrong or "too much" and no-one helps you regulate that stuff then no wonder it gets complicated. But my partner said the most beautiful thing a few weeks back "you're not complicated. In fact if people would try to understand they would realise its so much easier than they would've expected. You're simply complex. And that's not a bad thing".
Funny thing, I can relate very much, except I am a trans girl and was assigned male. I guess "brain sex" is a thing. 😂 Edit: didn't had the period thing, got called a gay drama queen xD Got called out gay for my behaviour a lot and never got it, because i mostly liked girls. I got it when i was diagnosed with both, started demasking and stopped gaslighting myself.
Same here I was told I was hormonal and had anger issues I needed to work on. (I was 14 😭 ffs)
The ADHD autism combo is… SOMETHING
Understatement of a lifetime…
@@LemnScks Yeah one minute I’m going out and next minute I’m wanting to retreat home 😂
Yes do you have fybromyalgia from it
Like a tornado trying to built walls around itself 😢it’s a struggle
@ fr
PTSD masked both ADHD and autism for me until I did EMDR for like 2 years. Then I got an ADHD diagnosis and an autism one a year later. Prior to my PTSD diagnosis, I had been misdiagnosed with bipolar and anxiety and I had paradoxical reactions to every medication I was prescribed.
i'm sorry you had to go trough that. sounds really rough
Thank you for this comment. I grew up with a lot of narcissistic and religious abuse, and fit all the boxes of cptsd. As i’ve healed a lot of trauma the last few years I’m becoming more and more convinced that I’m AuDHD. I’m reluctant to seek diagnosis because (among many reasons) I have no idea where to find a professional that knows how to navigate all of it. It’s nice to hear that it’s possible.
I have paradoxical reactions to medications as well and it is REALLY not fun.
I also have ptsd and cptsd and emdr absolutely didn’t work for me. Can I ask how many emdr sessions it took for you to stop fighting it?
Because I have the inattentive presentation of ADHD I’m the exact opposite; my Autism masked my ADHD traits and when I disclosed my ADHD diagnosis people were like “Nah, you’re not hyperactive. You’re smart! You always do what you’re told. Therefore you CAN’T have ADHD!” 😮💨Such is my life
This feels way too familiar to me
High five! Exactly my case.
This. It was scary how easy it was for even family to discard my adhd with "the autism fits you so much better!'. Okay?... but my entire life I felt excluded for my autism more than my adhd.
Same
My autism also seems stronger than the adhd. It's like being very serious and a perfectionist with a crazy devil on the shoulder that never shuts up. I want to do things 100% but the devil takes over for the fast dopamine rush.
I’ve just recently (couple months ago) found out that i am audhd. And what’s the hardest for me is, recovering from all the trauma that comes with being a late diagnosed audhd person. Sure autism and adhd isn’t particularly easy to handle, but really it’s the trauma that comes with it. I haven’t felt great for a long time, but that gives me hope somehow. So, it’s not the autism and adhd that’s “so hard”. It’s more so recovering from trauma. I hope that helps someone who is also struggling rn.
Hayley, you make content creation look so effortless, but I know it’s anything but easy. You’ve been working tirelessly for years-over 400 videos-and it truly shows. The depth you reach while keeping things light is an art form. Every new video is a gem filled with humor and profound insights. Thank you for this new video exploring the links between your ADHD and autism-it really resonated with me. Love you, Sam.
THIS IS SO FUCKING NICE I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!! THANK YOU 😭😭 oh my god this is beyond kind, you give me so much motivation THANK YOU
The lots of shallow friendships things really hit me. About 12 months ago, I realised I had been left out of an old friend's wedding. They had come to mine, but I wasn't invited to theirs. I guess I wasn't really their friend
I was recently diagnosed inattentive adhd (at 37 yo) and pretty sure I have autism too so they were masking each other. I still don't really understand myself and now we have two sons (both audhd), my wife (also late diagnosed audhd) and I are really trying to understand ourselves to help them understand themselves too. There's not enough time in the day.
I wasn’t diagnosed with adhd or autism until this year at 29. My depression masked both
The tragedy of living a life undiagnosed. Would it be fair to assume that you became depressed by not getting diagnosed earlier? That's what happened to me, at least. Im still in the middle of unraveling myself after a complete breakdown 1.5 years ago. Yay mental health!
Same! Depression and then Burnout. Everything fitted for the therapists because I struggle with insecurities, am a people pleaser, did not really had healthy boundaries and have family problems. ADHD never was an option for them.
Maybe I will write a letter to all of them so they maybe maybe concider the diagnoses of other patients
@ItsDrMcQuack this is definately what happened to me. I experienced way more trauma in my childhood than I should've and some of it was definately due to the fact i couldn't take ownership and coudlnt understand why i reacted the way i did. I still have old feelings from my childhood resurface that are simply delayed emotions I couldn't handle alone as an eight year old. In my assessment I was first diagnosed with ptsd before we even discussed the idea of autism. It was also hidden because of my trauma. Now it is true that I have both, trauma and audhd but it could've been less if I had been treated with a little more respect and understanding. On the other hand, just because I had autism doesn't mean the trauma was any less. It just triggered feelings of hopelessness faster than with others. What's worse is that some family members suspected neurodivergence but didn't say anything. When I found that out it spiralled in a deep grieving process. I felt it was deliberately taken from me.
The no music during the talkie part and then the music outro was *muuwahh* (chef’s kiss)
YAY! So glad to hear!
“You name it, I’ll forget it.” 😂😭
AFAB, never considered ADHD or autism until mid 30s. I was a gifted kid that definitely burned out at middle school and after college. Doing well in school was important to me and I was(am) such a perfectionist. I was always quiet, everyone else around me was loud. I was the good listener, maybe because I don’t always know what to say. The memory issues and executive dysfunction is so clear to me now looking back (hello doing big assignments at 3am so I still got good grades but struggled so hard). But autistic traits? No one would have seen that, it’s all internalized! And yeah, as a girl in the 90s with no obvious failures in school, I was so far from the ADHD/autism stereotypes.
I could never put words to the overstimulation or meltdowns. It got labeled anxiety, depression, and hormones. Even a few years ago I saw a psychiatrist because I thought I was having panic attacks but what I described was clearly sensory overwhelm. Doc said “that’s a weird way to experience anxiety but we can look at medications.” Multiple psychologists and physicians through childhood and adulthood never once suggested ADHD or autism. I’ve had to seek out assessments on my own.
You describe my life, too. Except for the gender flip (and the part about working until 3 AM), I had pretty much the same experience. I went through years of therapy and nobody suspected ASD or ADHD. Twenty years later some acquaintances who clearly knew something about autism asked me some careful questions and pointed out the possiblity that I might be autistic. Of course I was in denial at first. No, I don't flap my hands when I'm happy or excited; I never have! It took another couple of years and some research into autism before I applied for assessment. And guess what!
Thankfully, awareness spreads so that the younger generation has a better chance of being diagnosed early. Still, kids like us (who do well in school and don't fit any ADHD or ASD stereotypes) are probably the most likely to fall through the cracks.
Diagnosed ADHD at age 48, everyone was like yeah- we know. Now I’m 49 years old and still learning about how ADHD affected my life. Pretty much what you have described about your experience is what I experienced, except it was the 1980’s-1990’s when I was pre-teen and teenager. Being female gave me the ability to mask, unknown to me, when I was younger. Now, it’s not so easy and I’ve had to learn how to avoid melting down. Your videos have been wonderfully helpful. THANK YOU!
i just got dxd the other day. 54. It's no shock to me really but it gives me 'permission' to reframe all of my failures to succeed. Sacked numerous times, 8 attempts to pass my driving test, dumped as soon as the man seemed to get to know me, repeatedly. And in my current job, I've tried to go up a grade 5 times without success so far. I was going to try 8 times, but now I'm thinking, no, I'll let that go and enjoy the job security but focus on my house, art, exercise, health and trying to improve the bad relationships i have with my FOO
@@SusanaXpeace2u I am at the beginning of the journey of discovering my neorodivergent brain and every day at the moment seems to reveal something new to me about them. A few realisations came out of this video and your comment too hits home. I tried a number of times for promotion in a couple of jobs, but that never happened and also it took me 6 attempts to pass my driving test. I also remember sitting with someone at a volunteer role for somewhere I love, I took up and they told me the info but I couldn't repeat it after them - I listened and was interested but it took ages for the info to sink in. And more similar experiences come to mind as I type this. Phhhhewww, this is an emotional journey!
🤓❤️1.5x is the best! I like to unload the dishwasher from the bottom first, so the water left on the bottoms of my mugs and bowls doesn't spill onto the plates and utensils. 🤔
Well, you basically told my own story here. I was diagnosed with adhd 2 years ago (and everyone was always kinda clear I had it but no one ever considered helping me to get to the right doctor) after being in depression for many years. Turns out my undiagnosed and untreated adhd (and autism) caused all that depression and anxiety. After starting adhd meds my autism was getting more and more clear, because with me meds and coaching and all the tools i had for adhd, the mask was coming off. I am now 32 and in the process of getting diagnosed with autism.
The masking happened in my childhood and teenage years just as you describe it for yourself, I didnt have to deal with the bad memory that much. It was quite the opposite: I just remembered everything. That kept my mind busy. I kept analysing the behavoir of others (that would be one of my special interests), but i did that only for me, like reading and being obsessed with cats and playing piano, all that didnt show at school. My special interests that were masked like your interest for musicals were History and Music, especially singing in choir, but that was seen as "her favorite subjects are history and music and she loves the school choir". No one knew that I read books about specific history topics (for example about the holocaust and nazi regime in germany when I was just 10 years old, in history class we would get to these topics at the age of 15/16) or analysed the different voice types in our choir because I was silent about it. My hyperactivity masked it all, I would interrupt, be loud, make noise (hiding my stimming with fidgeting like you did) and so nobody would think about it.
The social problems were severe, I tried to force eye contact because I thought people would like me better, but couldnt read the clues in their movements or voice when things went bad. I never understood the b.tchfights and teenage dramas, could just not connect with their emotions.
It kinda helped a lot that I lived in a little village, I had only a few options to take a bus after school, so there was no chance to get in touch with others after school that much. I was alone for many hours of the day, because my parents were working all day, my brother was out with friends. So that alone time helped me to decompress, I could read and play with our many cats or play the piano until late at night and there was no problem. My parents were used to me "being in my own world" the moment I came home from school, because the bullying was so bad. I only had 2 close friends, but couldnt see them often, sometimes they would stay the whole weekend and we would run in the fields and woods and play with the cats and make up stories until night came. Those days were my good ones, and I am glad my parents just let me be myself.
Thanks for the video, I really enjoyed it and made some notes in my "adhd/autism" notebook, in which I collect all the information from different sources that I come across and that can help me understand myself better. It has been truly healing to find so many people that are similar to me. I dont feel alone anymore and hope you all keep up on your ways.
I am not diagnosed with anything yet but I'm pretty sure I have inattentive type ADHD and am Autistic and both of them masked eachother. I have lots of little systems to make sure I function like a normal person. I set alarms for everything, I habitstack and carry my fidget magnets everywhere. I cut tags out of every piece of clothing. The one time I went into a nightclub I started crying after 10 minutes because I was so overstimulated and had to be taken home. There are so many times I've been asked why I do things a particular way and my answer is always "If I don't do it this way I don't do it at all." As soon as puberty hit I had one friend at school. Everyone thought I was the quiet kid. Nobody considered that I was just overwhelmed. I have always been a rule follower. The only thing I got in trouble for at school was doodling in class, which helped me focus.
I appreciate the no music videos. If you ever felt up to making a video about how narcissistic parents affected your experience, I would appreciate that. I've heard plenty about it from therapists, but never specifically from someone who is AuDHD, which would probably be more helpful.
My ADHD somewhat masked my autism as a kid. Honestly, my "parents" were too apathetic to have noticed anything going on with me unless it was problematic for them or could be used to blame me instead of their poor parenting. I was absolutely told that I was simply "too sensitive, overdramatic and difficult". As an adult, I think it was more the CPTSD that masked it and kept me from getting the help I needed. Thanks for being one of the first people to clue me in to what I was missing! Turns out that when I meet my sensory needs, respect how my brain works and find tools to help me, I'm not an emotional wreck all the time and things that were impossible for me are much easier! Given how many people are unable to access a diagnosis or support, I love the idea of focusing on the tools that can help instead of the label. There's no need to wait to find help for oneself. The tools do no harm and when they help, they can be life changing!
i like no music!! also the intro of this video is healing me it’s so relatable :’)
Oh my god great feedback thank you!!
I'm not diagnosed, but I've been looking into all of this for about 4 years now. I am positive I have autism, social anxiety, alexithymia, and auditory processing disorder. I can see a possibility for adhd, but not sure about it. Every time I try to talk to a therapist (general, not audhd professional) or concerned acquaintance they always comment on my smile. As if having a smile on my face and having a pleasant demeanor means that I can't possibly have social problems, communication problems, hard time conveying my feelings (especially when I don't even know them until after the fact). Sometimes they'll agree with the social anxiety but have a hard time understanding how me being anxious in social situations could be related to autism.
I'm also trying to find better, healthier work for myself and they keep bringing up options that are directly working with people that could potentially be confrontational. And when I express my concerns they say, "You've just got to push yourself out of your comfort zone. And after a while you'll get used to it and it won't be uncomfortable anymore." 🤨 I've been out of my comfort zone since I can remember and it's only made things worse. I am tired of it and finally trying to stand up for myself and live a better life. I also keep getting told "Well, you can do this when..." I've put off having time for myself till both kids were in school (and one was half day so it was only enough time for me to catch up on sleep), I've put off trying to find a day job till both kids were full day school, and now I'm being told to put off finding a job I can actually enjoy for one that fits their idea of what a job should be till my husband finishes school and has a better paying job so my income won't be as big of a deal. (My husband is on my side, this is other people that are helping us out right now.) My mental health can't take the strain anymore and I need people to stop telling me to do things that aren't good for me while also saying, "Make sure you make time for yourself. You need to do things you enjoy." 😭
I can relate to this - I am sorry you have been facing this for the whole of your life. Sending solidarity! ❤
I, too, can relate. Unfortunately many - no, most of us go through something like this. The struggle neurotypical people don't understand, the invalidation of our experiences, the gaslighting that results from that,... No wonder many of us get depressed on top of everything else. At least now that you know the reason, you can look for tools to ease the burden, seek out professionals who can actually help, and join a community that understands and can offer support and solidarity.
I wish you the very best. You deserve to be happy, too!
I'm pretty sure I showed very obvious signs of autism. I'm 32 and my family still jovially remembers my quirks like having to step on specific tiles when I was 7, or I'd had to go back and cross the room again. And I kept complaining about being outcast and bullied at school. Or I'd walk and mutter loudly, telling stories to myself. Yet family never thought to take me a doctor, just shamed me and kept telling me to act normally (kinda like DIY ABA therapy)... was only ever taken to a speech therapist because I had trouble saying certain sounds. Only ever cared about fixing my behavior, not my brain. Now too overwhelmed with adult responsibilities, I've yet to find someone to officially diagnose and help me.
Thank you for validating my current experiences regarding my friends’ denial of my AuDHD (combo, like you, higher on the hyperactive side).
People like that may not be the friends you thought they were. It's fine to be surprised and puzzled by someone's late diagnosis, but it is so harmful to cast it into doubt.
I met a group of wonderful people right around the time I got my AuDHD diagnoses, and it turns out every one of us is neurodivergent. I can wholeheartedly recommend seeking out ND people if you feel like it might be good to be around people who accept you more.
This is a really valuable video - first because sharing our REAL stories is powerful. I don't even fully get how and why, but I feel it every time. Second you bring up how ADHD and autism interact both with our family situation AND our real world situation - at school, socially, etc. We don't live in a vacuum. Changing around one or two ingredients in our surroundings has a big impact how our specific neuro-spicy selves both feel and show up in the world.
I'm NOT hyper-active. I come from a highly neuro-divergent family and my earliest compensations come from dealing with elements in my family - both wonderful and problematic (I come from a classical music family - everyone uses it to regulate and it's an incredible resource to have been gifted, literally before I was even born). My sense is that as a younger person in school, I had trouble connecting with others a lot of the time (but not always) but I was also in a problematic school. I'm older so this was the late 60s and 70s (and not in the US) and a boring and frustrating experience.
As an adult, I've gotten an ADHD diagnosis, but not one for ASD. But I'm relatively sure I have some degree of autism, and also that for most of my life I did ok using the two to balance one another.
Throughout my 50s, though, I discovered that the secret ingredient to making this all work were hormones, and as they depleted, so did my strengths and ability to function in the old ways. Now I'm on a journey to discover new ways for me adapt to life, AND for my life to adapt to who I am now.
Have you tried hormone replacement therapy
@@cecilyerker Not in time. You have to start HRT within 10 years of starting into the process and I'm past that now. But thanks for the suggestion!!
Yup. Me too. Hyperactive as a kid, very social, and high social and emotional intelligence. I thought I had anger issues😅 Turns out it was often the sensory input. I also learned to hide all my little quirks about rigidity, having things in a certain way, my system of rules, and attentiveness to details. I have a lot of it but in the areas that are hard to see from the outside. Again, unlike Sheldon, I wouldn't even have a favorite spot because if I did, I'd have to tell people to not sit on it or be frustrated. But I have very strict rules about matching accessories. See how well it masked?
Your content really makes me feel a sense of community when I otherwise feel pretty alone in my diagnoses since I don't feel comfortable to share them with most people in my life.
I also grew up with the influence of a narcissistic parent and I feel like I struggle to understand/separate how that influenced me as a neurodivergent child vs. how a neurotypical child might have been affected. I also have special interests that really align with school/doing well in academics, which I think led to my missed/late diagnosis, and also led me to have a weird relationship with self worth, especially in the context of dealing with that narcissistic parent. I would be really interested in a video on any thoughts/insight you have as to how a narcissistic parent affected you when you were already struggling with undiagnosed ADHD and autism, if you feel comfortable sharing!
Both masked each other for me, I didn't present obviously as either, however the ADHD definitely won out in making my life super chaotic😭
Real 😭
the no music is perffff
GREAT TO KNOW!! 💛💛
I started tutoring my dyslexic baby brother several years back, and it helped me realize how many techniques I’d come up with to work around my adhd and how that effectively masked my autism.
I love the no music!! It’s very relieving.
I can relate. SO MUCH. Me being male hasn't helped me getting diagnosed any earlier, though. I went through years of therapy for anxiety and depression before I started to suspect that I might be autistic. After I was denied my first ASD diagnosis, the next doctor I went to just looked at me and said: "No wonder. You mask too well and your ADHD coveres up the rest." "Wait, what ADHD?!" In hindsight, it makes perfect sense.
Oh for Ducks Sake!
Your truth is my Truth.
Thank you for being you and following your bliss!
The shadow work csn be a killer but as long as you survive, you can find your truth, and shout it from the highest mountain Xxx
Love and Blessings Always Sister
💚🪩💚
Disco/Dave
You just described my entire childhood experience. This makes so much sense.
I'm the exact opposite: a man whose autism masked the ADHD
Same !!! But cannabis or being tired makes the ADHD rage up to the front 😂
That's better :-) but when BURNOUT a day keeps the autism away :-( crazy times ADHD takes over, no willpower.
Too many things, same same same!
If i have any paper in my hands, it's shredded in minutes, and my hand talking is so bad it's actually tiring...
I relate so much to you, love you, thank you!❤😊
Love that there is no Music!
Good video as always Hayley.
I'm also AudHD too, and I had issues in school.
I was also very hyperactive as a child too and rambunctious too. I was diagnosed with Autism, but looking at it now, I also exhibited traits of adhd too! I also had very strong emotions for a man too and people always looked at me as an emotional guy, and that I don't act manly enough. Now it makes tons of sense.
Thank you!
The combination of my autism and my anxiety MASSIVELY masked my ADHD to the point that while I was diagnosed with anxiety and autism as a young girl (even if no one told me I was dx autistic), I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until roughly a month ago at age 32... the irony here is that my ADHD is actually significantly more debilitating than both my autism and my anxiety!
Same, i’m not officially diagnosed, but i’ve come to feel the same way.
Oh. My. Gosh. You just explained EVERYTHING that I have been dealing with for years! I give you an instant like and subscribe! I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 4 years old, but recently after doing a ton of research, I highly suspect that I have Autism as well. I think this video just confirmed my suspicion. Thank you for the very fun and informative video!
I find it so interesting that you so clearly separate Autism from ADHD. When I was diagnosed, I was told that these two things very often go hand-in-hand and it isn't uncommon from someone to be diagnosed with both. Great video! 💖
Thanks for sharing your experience. I relate so much to what you said about the ADHD masking Autism. I didn't have "tools" growing up, I did have some in school but not any specific plan at home or socially. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 7 years old and was then as a teenager I was seen for depression and mood swings. When I was in my 20s they started treating me for anxiety and later misdiagnosed me and medicated me for bipolar disorder. That lasted for over a decade of my life being improperly medicated and very unhappy and confused. It wasn't until 2018 that a therapist said I was not bipolar and that I had C-PTSD. Then just this year, 2024, I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD (combination type). I am still struggling and I do believe that I have C-PTSD (also confirmed). I struggle to separate what parts of me are Autistic and which parts are ADHD. Much of my life when I would get overstimulated and emotional my family would ask me, "did you take your medication?" And that was very hurtful. Having the proper tools and routines are so important for me and I think that treating people that are Autistic/AuDHD, etc, like they have a problem or are a problem that needs to be fixed is very damaging and in my case has had lifelong repercussions.
So exited about this topic ! I’m very interested in getting tested
Thanks for speaking out on this topic, and expressing what you went through in a way that was personal but also understandable. My ADHD makes my autism, and I am also combo-type. I wasn't considered to be autistic until this year at 34 -- and I still don't have an official diagnosis, waiting for it. I personally only want the label so I have access to more health care support in my state! But as I learn more about autism, it explains why I only ate orange food when I was three, why eye contact scared the bejeesus out of me until I /forced/ myself into it and probably over compensate now. Among other things, of course. My ADHD is the big player, but I have a huge need to stim, and I've had the same primary method of stimming since I was a toddler, and never ever though of it as stimming... until that Autism suggestion.
So again, thank you for making this video and your channel! I really enjoy your videos, and I'm really impressed by how you've managed to use your tools to progress to the life you want. Seriously, I look up to you!
You have no idea how much this video helped me and made me feel less crazy. Thank you so much!
People are so confident in their prejudices and ignorance. People also seem to be stuck in judging everything based on feelings instead of how it actually is.
Thanks to the algorithm of UA-cam for showing up this video to me. I had a VERY similar experience and sometimes I still doubt about my autism being real because of my ADHD traits masking some issues ):
I'm exactly like you and now I realized how my ADHD masks my autistic part even now. I felt just like you about studies and friendships and obsessions that no one could look and say: oh, that's uncommon. Well, good for us that now we have our diagnosis and can go on caring about ourselves the best we can.
Thank you so much for your video
(And sorry for my mistakes, I'm not a native speaker)
Thank you so much. I was crying by the end. Espicaly that - girl - periods- emotinal part. I was told low dose Prozac would fix me and then looked at like I was weird not describing my continued isues properly when it didn't work. Told I wasn't experancing what I was - that I'm better.
I can’t answer your question because I have inattentive type. But I *was* misdiagnosed. I was misdiagnosed as having atypical bipolar disorder. I think it was because my adhd was unmedicated (they knew I had adhd), my autism wasn’t diagnosed (I’m not male), and I had two significant trauma experiences as a child/teenager. I think it was primarily the cptsd that prompted my autism to look like bipolar. And on top of all that, my anxiety diagnoses were a very handy way for my doctors to explain things 😅 including a terminal disease that ended up barely being caught on time. I hear what you’re saying about labels, but not only has my autism diagnosis helped me understand and take care of myself (and love myself!) much better, but it has been extremely important in helping my doctors choose the correct medicine for me and correctly diagnose OTHER things. Labels might not be perceived by individuals as important, but they really are (even considering the inadequacy of language).
My mom thought I had ADHD when I was young but bc the teachers said I was smart and did my work I cldnt have it. In college one time I was doing a test and I just cldnt do it, I cldnt focus I was staring at the clock and at the end my teacher was like u might have ADHD. That made me go get checked out and I did a ton of research and really resonated with what I found. I went to the doc and told them and they just accepted it, no tests or anything. I was a little disappointed but I still did my best to learn about myself. Learning about ADHD brought up Autism as well so I started researching that and thought I may have that as well. I went to a psychiatrist a couple years later and when I told her I had ADHD and wld like to take a test for Autism she said, 'I dont think you have ADHD but Im not qualified to diagnose you with it.' I was like WTH?!?! It made me sooo upset that she said that and just brushed off my diagnosis when she doesnt even have the right!!!! Its hard going to see a doc after that but I self-diagnose as Audhd bc it makes it easier to work on myself
Would love if you would cover parent relationships and late diagnosis of ADHD, I also had a narcissistic and undiagnosed mom and it made getting an assessment/help really difficult at the time. Also totally understand if that’s a sensitive topic, but I think that sort of video would have helped past me a lot when I didn’t have any support at home. Thank you as always 🩵
Loved this video ❤ Could you make one as well about how Autism can mask ADHD please? 🙂
i was just diagnosed lvl 2 autistic td!!! i been diagnosed adhd since 6, and omg YES it def masked my autism, literally proven by the amount of times i had issues none of my other adhd family members ever had but everyone still lumped it in w adhd. its insane lol, i feel like it shoulda been more obvious esp the way i dealt w trauma compared to my family that was abused w me lol, and i wasnt even diagnosed cptsd, just ptsd. anyways, 17 YEARS AND I FINALLY GOT DIAGNOSED AND HAVE MORE ACCESS TO RESOURCES ESP BEFORE GRADUATION!!! LETS FUCKING GOOOO!!!
Everything you explained almost is exactly what I go thru as a 24 year old woman. My memory is crazy! I can now recall almost my entire childhood form 3 or 4 years old down to specific details, but my short-term memory is non-existent. I never and still do not understand my own emotions, but from when I was a toddler til 13 I would beat up my little bit younger than me sister. Now it's just sleeping the day away when I am not at work. I am not diagnosed with any but depression and anxiety right now, but I am on a waiting list! I am very excited to finally have a label because I know I am not lazy!
Don't make the mistakes I made during my first ASD assessment. I went in unprepared. I didn't know my stims and couldn't name my special interests because to me, my behavior was totally normal. I mean, watching the same set of VHS over and over again until I can sing along all the songs is totally normal for a boy, right? Right? Suffice to say, I didn't get the result I was hoping for.
My mom used to complain a lot about my stimming behaviors like spinning or skin-picking and since my childhood i was very hyperactive and curious child who just can’t stop but lashing around but as i got older i tended to be more inattentive i was really struggling during my primary school days bc i was really disorganized and didn’t know the social negotiations and i hated school i was constantly sick and trying to find ways to skip school i got a lots of warrants from my teacher about the way i behave and how my reactions made them not want to be friends with me i was a pretty messy child but as i got older i became a perfectionist and “a good kid” that later led me to a burn out i was filled with hatred through the voices and ableism around me and i had a really bad time with my mental health during 11th class ‘till i got my diagnosis which turned to be audhd and that was the time when everything just clicked to me now i am more understanding towards myself even though i still struggle socially i try to be more understanding and if you’re someone who is going through this please know that you are seen and valuable ❤
i would really love to hear your thoughts on narcissistic parent(s) and how you are working on healing as an autistic adult! i resonate with your childhood a lot and i would be so appreciative of you leaning into that aspect 💛
Personal advice? Protect your piece. Don't give out any emotional information. If they think you have your stuff together that's all they need to know. Search for a different support system, I have a chosen family. For me no contact is no option because I would terribly miss my sisters and my family dog but low contact is how I stay sane. Only to MY conditions. It's important to know if you still live with them though or if you can afford a professional which was my only way through it.
The moment you talked about brushing your teeth, I remembered I didn't brushed mine and went to do just that. Lately I struggle to brush my teeth because I have dental health issues and it hurts to brush them, but if I don't it'll be worse. So yeah thanks for that. (Yes don't worry, I have an appointment with a dentist).
Now more related to the video subject in general, I have a question for my fellow neurodivergent folks who have adhd and autism. I've been diagnosed with adhd some years ago, and the diagnosis helped a lot. It gave me access to medications, special therapies and so on. I have some suspicions I might have autism as well, but to be perfectly honest, I didn't dive into it because I'm tired. Tired of all the doctors appointments, of the money it cost, of everything. Don't get me wrong, it helps a great deal. But I have approximatively two to three appointments a week and sometimes I wish I could just forget about all of that. So my question is : Is having autism diagnosis worth it, on top of adhd diagnosis?
Like, will it help me having professional care that I haven't gotten already with my adhd diag? Will it help me in any way other than "knowing myself better"? Very concretely, what are the pro of an autism diagnosis when you already have an adhd diag?
Thanks in advance to all the people who will share their experience and answer my questions. 🙏
I feel that our experiences are a reflection of each other, except the being loud bit. I was very quiet at school, and loud at home. I do have severe anxiety, that's another difference. And also my family doesn't exactly understand or accept my ADHD diagnosis. I don't know if I have autism, but it's likely, considering all the information I have gathered. I didn't go to therapy until 2 years ago so had no idea of all these things. But the rest of what you say resonates so much with me.
I’d say Hailey when I hear you talk about your special interests being being good at school or doing well- I’d say for me this was true but I attributed it to coping with shame and anxiety that I wasn’t good enough at school -
Cool video! Quite similar story here,keep up this channel vibrantly alive as it is. !! Cheers from France, Athena
Your videos are great! I find a lot of similarities in some of your stories to myself
My adhd more especially the inattentive type with a side of hyper when I was younger was more noticeable but now the autism is coming through a lot more
Hi Hayley! This is very relatable to me. As an autistic and ADHD woman who was just diagnosed w autism at 29 (diagnosed with ADHD at 12) I had many people in my life, and many misinformed mental health professionals ultimately refuse the idea that I could be autistic. I make eye contact (forced conscious behavior I have learned was necessary) I can speak “normally” (define normally????) and a whole other host of misinformed stereotypes. Thanks for sharing this.
“Suddenly Autistic” and “Suddenly School” are books I wrote 😊. I, Fischer Manuela, did everything on my own and was still awarded first place by Amazon in the “Biographies of People with Special Needs” category 🎉. Because of my works, a psychiatrist got her doctorate ❤. So there is a lot of useful information in it 😁. (I am from Austria)
I love that you have “autistic meltdown” scheduled for Sunday on your calendar 😆🫶
I have a similar thing. My ADHD has been masked by bipolar disorder and emotionally instable personality disorder so it took a long while to untie all the knots. There's also the possibility that while that covered my ADHD, my ADHD in turn has been covering autism symptoms, but that's not yet fully explored.
I have inattentive adhd, only recently realised I’m autistic too. It makes so much sense because no one ever believes I have adhd when I tell them but the autism I think is a lot more noticeable even more now that I’m medicated. I’ve definitely been rejected way more for my autism, can’t believe it took me so long to figure out. I also used to be obsessed with musicals. I used to watch the same four or five musicals on repeat as a child & as a teenager was involved in musicals at school. I also used my special interest in music ti stimulate my brain to help me to study the subjects I disliked- which was most of them !!
13:06 OMG thank you. Literally any person over the age of 40 when i tell them that im autistic : ”its just those teenage years” AAAAAAEBRJRHDH makes me want to rip my head off
I struggled in school til around late middle school. Then around 6th-12th grade I was doing just fine as I had learned the basics of most subjects and could pass by being an active listener during lectures. Then Adult life hit me like a brick. At age 24 after waiting for like 1,5years for an assessment I got diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD and atypical/mild Autism. Looking back a lot of my life makes sense now.
Told by a psychologist that my anxiety was possibly rooted in adhd and autism fighting each other. So I sought out diagnosis and got told they were going to diagnose and treat my ADHD first and from my answers to the questions thus far sounded like adhd masking autism. This was ~4 years ago.
i love the spirited away wallpaper :) THAT'S MY FAVORITE MOVIE!!!
Hayley, not only do we share a birthday, but it is like we have had parallel lives. Some many of the things you described have been in my life all along, but got worse after I started an ADHD medication earlier this year so they were no longer being masked by those traits. Having PTSD on top of it all due to - like you said - a rough childhood makes it so much harder to untangle all the feelings. I also hate that women are shunned in the medical community when we struggle to explain what we are feeling, even worse is when it is a female physician doing the shunning. I am so glad my bestie is a hospitalist and I can ask her questions about general medical topics. If you don’t mind me asking are you ASD tier 1 or did you get a diagnosis before those changes?
My special interest is psychology, compassion and finding deep connections 😅😅
So I have systems in place to "be a good friend" 😅
Hang in there
After my ADHD diagnosis my mom told me “but you don’t move” lol. I have been educating her that my hyperactivity is talking fast, too much, my brain is constantly thinking and I constantly fidget 24/7. These symptoms are from childhood to now. I do believe my ADHD masked my Autism. As a kid my autism was “she is just shy” I really just didn’t know what to do with myself.
Hi, I'm a man diagnosed with ADHD since I was 7 years old, but I always had this feeling that autism was very similar...
Lately, I've been struggling way more than before and have been looking at ASD-related videos to understand better the difference and try to see if I do have both or if it's only a hipocondric response to my experiences...
The ASD diagnosis session costs $700, so I'm still waiting to really find out if it's all in my head or... We'll, it would still be in my head, I guess! 😂
Thank you for opening on such uncomfortable topics to help us understand and navigate our feelings and thoughts!!!
Much love to all on their self-discovery journeys!!!
This is perfect timing, have just been debating if I have autism or not and honestly think I might..
Can you do a video on the tools for your alexithymia?
i think my daughters autism masks her adhd. my adhd has always been super obvious but i never got diagnosed. i may even have autism but it was masked like yours. your experience sounds exactly like mine. in my 30s now i actually plan to get my diagnosis
I was diagnosed at 19 with both Autism 1 and ADHD innatentive, going on 20. I’m also , female . I think I mask almost all the time . I usually even have , to fake what I feel , just for the sake of staying sane and so others don’t get mad or frustrated with me. I’m going to therapy , because it was basically and ultimatum . Also , I want my mom to stop pressuring me , and want her to stop worrying about me . Hopefully , she’ll realize someday , that I’m never gonna reach her expectations of me , no matter what.
I feel like I have the opposite experience (though at the moment, I am *technically* only diagnosed with ASD, I also feel like I relate way too much to people who either have both conditions or even just ADHD). I probably mostly present as inattentive (never was all that hyperactive as a kid, though idk if there are different presentations of "hyperactive"), and the social challenges with autism made me mostly seem shy and quiet around others, unless they asked the right questions. If you got me talking about the right subject, then I could definitely talk your ear off, lol. And since stimming is expected with autism, my fidgeting with stuff probably wasn't seen as strange. Sensory issues also lead to challenges focusing in noisy or crowded environments as well, so that might have been assumed to be the cause of inattentiveness for me. The thing is, my brain can often be insanely hyperactive and pushes me to be constantly occupied with something, which makes me lose interest if something isn't stimulating enough. This happens most often when either talking to someone for an extended period of time (assuming social anxiety isn't taking over), or when watching movies or TV shows. I can't just sit and watch a video without at least fidgeting with something, or I lose focus. I also need to listen to a podcast or audiobook before going to sleep, and I'll even start whatever I decided to listen to each night as I go to brush my teeth because I often have trouble maintaining focus just for that one routine.
Something I find funny is that while a lot of people can have the reaction of "oh, you seem so normal" when I disclose my ASD/Aspergers diagnosis, I did have an ADHD coworker who, when I explained to them that I didn't like standing still and would wind up usually pacing back and forth while fidgeting near my checkstand if there were no customers in my line, they immediately asked if I had ADHD, and I had to go "um, well..."
Of course I know him, he’s me
8:42
I JUST WENT THRU THIS, MULTIPLE TIMES OMG, I've been researching autism and auDHD for days now, my current hyperfixation, I feel I am auDHD.
I'm not diagnosed but I strongly suspect I have auDHD. As a teenager I had daily arguments with my mum that usually escalated into shouting matches, and I didn't learn how to build my own 'toolbox' until I was in my twenties and had moved out. Which was difficult in itself, I just trialled and errored so many things and I try to keep the ones that stick (and not forget them) whilst not worrying about any that didn't work. But I didn't consider myself neurodivergent back then, so that was a long and rocky road... But now at 34, I understand myself so much better and I've really made some great progress in recognising how to help myself. Now to sort out everything I've abandoned on the way, and I'll be good xD
I had the bad respond on both. diagnosed with adhd which took 28 years but just suspected to be autistic. I don't have a full diagnose, just a suspection. No one wanted/wants to believe any of my problems because I highly mask all of it in front of other people.
Oh god we are very similar people like 90% personality match. I have not been diagnosed yet but I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not just ADHD like two of my family members, but AUDHD
You're so sympathetic ❤
I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder after my first bipolar episode at around 32 years old. My father was bipolar so it was easy to get the diagnosis. At 34 years old, my next bipolar episode, I was followed by a phychiatrist who kept the bipolar disorder and added AD(H)D and anxiety disorder, but it didn't seem right to me after having lived with my AD(H)D bf since 7 years at that point. In the same time, I was followed by a (newly autism diagnosed) social worker for help finding a job, and she brought up the subject that I might be autistic. Soon after, I was undergoing the evaluation with a psychiatrist specialised in autism and she kept the bipolar disorder, and replaced ADHD and anxiety disorder with autism. When I talked to the previous psychiatrist of the developments in my life and how I was actually autistic her reply was "You can't be; you are able to have a reciprocal conversation." Such ignorance.
For me, im 44. I got diagnosed with ADHD/ADD at 3. in 1983. BUT my mom refused to allow me to know anything about it, She insisted that I was normal and I act like a normal child. No matter what. I am Super Hyperactive, unless i smoke weed which calms this way down, It also helps me focus, think and act like a normal human. If I dont, I cant sit down, i cant focus on anything, i cant play video games or watch tv, i couldnt do my school work, or actual work, and god help the one who interrupts me when i finally get going on that work lol as an adult, if im not smoknig, im usually up walking in circles cause i have no w here to go, but i cant stay here and do nothing. I talk to everyone, about anything that Im interested in, but i cant handle it very well when im not. and the more im in the conversation, the more excited i am, the more i will interrupt. Poor Memory on anything that wasnt a particular interest point, I couldnt remember anything else, Even sitting in school I could remember it till i got up to leave then my brain would flush everything, esp math or science related. and took me my whole life to get spelling,. i just couldnt remember the order of the letters... and I will fidget with everything, I wont even notice that im doing it, it just something people bring to my attention when they have had enough of my movements.
BUT Now that im in my 40s, and learning more about me. Im discovering alot of the things people always chalked up to "This person is just being weird" Is on the Autistic scale. Im Also thinking i would have also been hit with this in the 80's had people been watching for it in girls at that time. Everything my mom wanted me to cut out, to act normal, was on the Autistic scale., My extreme food/clothing sensitives. not even to mention i cant even touch terracotta stuffs. makes my fingers just hurt. How my hyper active fidgeting, was really me stemming. my special interest that i would end up spending 16 yrs of my life doing, no one cared at all and they refused to let me talk about it, i got shut down every time i opened my mouth, cause the people around me didnt care. Social challenges i could never really understand what anyone was talking about and pretended alot, i am such an openly honest no filter, blunt person, that says exactly what shes thinking, and most people run from me, till this day, i have no irl friends, and can barely keep the online ones i have, im never on the same page as them and feel like they got some handbook i didnt get... i feel like an alien dropped off and sent to observe but never belong. the only friendships i had were people using me, I never even got invited to parties, so i never know how id act at one, i can tell you, at the gatherings i went to, i would talk to people till people disappeared and never came back... its strange how i can make eye contact, and the min i see in your eyes that youre done with me, i completely shut down and want to go home.
So yeah, i was this over emotional person who reacts to everything I recently took an Autism Test and i scored very high and now looking back with this knowledge and seeing how with this my life makes sense, all these little things that everyone always complained about were on this list,
I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until this past year.
And the symptoms I consider to be autism.The psychologist is telling me is only related to cps.DAnd the symptoms I consider to be autism. The psychologist is telling me is only related to CPTSD,
But I can tell you right now, My complex post traumatic stress would not be as severe if I wasn't already autistic...
I believe my autism masked my A d h d and that my a d h d masked my autism ADHD and that my ADHD masked my autism.
I have always had Two parts of me battle each other...
The Flexibility required adhd incapable of completing a daily journal side... With the severely needs and craves structure, echolalia and watching the same movie over and over.
Lol I have never seen your channel before, and after your "I'll allow it" I hit subscribe lol
Omg we're apparently so alike, so it's almost scary.😮 I recognize myself so well in almost everything you say here. We would definitely have had an interesting and exciting conversation if we had met. You can let me know if you take the trip to Norway once and need a like-minded guide. 😂 Come on and keep up the good work. 😊 BTW. First video I've ever commented on. 😉👏
the teeth brushing thing!!
I am AuDHD, but it is hard to tell if my ADHD masked my ASD or my ASD masked my ADHD because I was born in 1964. I was very fortunate that although they were never diagnosed, both of my parents were ND. My mom was ASD with times of mutism, and my Dad was AuDHD, and I mirrored him so much in my traits. Therefore I had one place in the world where I was normal. Here is the kicker, my sis was somehow born NT, she thrived in school, had lots of friends, she had all the normalness missing from the rest of us. That girl has spent her life trying to be weird enough to fit in. She has always been seriously jealous of me, which I couldn't understand till just recently after figuring this all out. Being normal, made her feel left out, and because I required much higher support from our parents it left her feeling like an outcast.
"Are you on your period?" Ugh!!!
I relate to the narcissistic parent contributing to some of the stuff.
I would have to write a book to express the details of my life that show the things you are saying. I stimmed all the time
Im autistic (diagnosed in my thirties) and while I do have some traits of inattentive ADHD it's not enough to warrant a clinical diagnosis. Sometimes I don't know if its ADHD or perpetual burnout from depression/anxiety stemming from my autism 🫠
i think a lot of it also came from like. extreme emotional reactions being seen as semi-normal in young children (tantrums) and also as a teenager (hormones). its often not until you're a grown adult that certain behaviors are deemed abnormal.
I think opposite for me. But both diagnoses figured by myself. First that I'm autistic at 42, one year later that I'm ADHDer. Second surprised me much cause was better hidden from the world. But my doc said 'yes, you are'. Now I'm trying to find my real me between both. 😂
I related to everything so much!!! It's so sad how overlooked girls are :(
I went in for an ADHD diagnosis (told my therapist i'm open to everything but suspect adhd and maybe autism). I got diagnosed with ASD lvl1 after 3 sessions, and an ADHD diagnosis is still uncertain (will get a final answer in one week!!), and evreyone has told me i am very adhd since i was 16, but not many have suspected ASD
not a woman, but still had similiar issues with masking (am a half black person in a white country though...)
ADHD combined, languistic focused autism