Could you please make a video about how caregivers ‘move on’ after their family member moves into a nursing home? What can help them transition into another way of life, when the focus of their lives is no longer the center of their world? Thanks
You are lovely and have a caring nature. I am currently moving my mother in law from one memory care facility to another. I have been up every night until 2 am washing, sorting and labeling each and every item she owns. I have refreshed all used items for new ones, and completely furnished her room with fresh....everything. There's a lot of paperwork to complete, lists to make, and one has to be completely organized to meet every deadline. It's a great deal of work but making a smooth transition for someone you love is somehow very satisfying if you have the patience to do so.
I subscribed to your channel. Thanks. If you can share a video about preparing for all the paperwork, community fees, medical requirements to join a facility ( ex. a T.B. test, a must in California), plus finding a doctor, durable medical equipment if necessary and so on. It might help families who are unfamiliar with the process so they are aware of these important details. The first experience I had was so overwhelming, I wish I had had more guidance. I'm sure your videos will be most appreciated.
Thank you for this. My husband is nearing the time he moves to a nursing home & I lay awake nights thinking of how I'm going to manage to get things from home to his room when it's time, to set it up for him. We're always together. I know it will work somehow but I do worry. I want it to be the best for him.
Margo, making this transition can be difficult emotionally and I am sorry you are experiencing this. The fact that you are thinking about the transition and are trying to prepare and do what is best for him says a lot about how wonderfully you are caring for him.
Great information. Thank you. What if you have a younger male family member with dementia who had no intention of ever moving anywhere. He threatens to sue family and the doctors at the mention of the diagnosis of mid stage vascular dementia. Could it be dangerous to be open about the move?
Is your loved one with dementia able to move around independently? Being open about the move could place him at higher risk of leaving the home, running away, or acting out aggressively. Some caregivers I know in similar situations try to avoid talking about the diagnosis as much as possible if not absolutely necessary since the mention of it just gets their loved one upset. As far as suing, many providers and caregivers I know don't focus on these threats. So long as you have your documentation on his illness and are acting out of his best interests, then it is okay. You may also want to consider that your loved one have a medical and financial power of attorney, if he doesn't have that already. You can contact an elder care lawyer for specific legal questions about what you can do in this situation.
MsProfessorC your family definitely could benefit from some good legal advice. If that is not affordable, I suggest having your loved one tested by a doctor that specializes in the treatment of dementia. I would start by looking for Memory Care specialist or Neurologist that specializes in the treatment of dementia. They could be very instrumental in helping your family member get services and or placed into a skilled nursing facility if absolutely necessary. I hope this information is helpful.
my father has alzheimer and vascular dementia, he’s 6’4”, and gets very angry. he brought up moving to the VA, my mom uses me out of all the siblings, and my siblings use me too as the sage, the one they’re all asking…what do we do? I suggested calling his bluff to view the VA, which does not have a place for a couple, and the facility for just men is stark, horrible place to house our vets….the second choice was to be an independent living facility, with assisted living and memory care options. I had her tour the place, with me, I negotiated the financial details, they’re willing to put in a dishwasher, it was all set, he refused to go look and will not move. I suspect his frontal lobe is very affected since he sounds like a pre teen. He said he can live by himself, she forced him to marry him…sadly he adored my mother, but he sees her connected to the dr who diagnosed her, she took his life away. This is the 4th time I went through the motions of looking and planning a move…this all started in 2016. She would continue to say she wants him to be part of the decision, I understood she was continuing to see him as her husband. This last time which was this past weekend was as verbally violent, and then he becomes contrite, very childlike….she’s finally done as the caregiver. I told her she has to move without him and she was grateful to be given that permission. How do we do this. I assume we need an update assessment to his current stage, I know we’d have to hire 24 hour care, plus paying for her living at a facility will be outrageous. I guess we can price out how close in cost in home versus memory care, my mom’s lawyer in 2016 told us it’s way more expensive. At a facility he’d be given some care to work with him, in home care would just be housing him. We have a difficult situation to solve, but I know not uncommon.
How does one put LO in nursing home when they absolutely have no money and are absolutely not qualified for medicade? When I have asked social workers this, usually come up with no info.
Where can I find ratings on nursing homes I made the decision to place my husband to a nursing home at the advice of my doctor my health is being effected and his doctor. The very first day 3 hours after he was there he fell and hit his head got a huge goose egg as they called it and a tear on his hand the next day he had a black eye then there was 4 days of not answering or returning my calls as I can't get into the place due to covid. So I emailed, called a social worker the place called me today and said one reason they didn't call me back to set up zoom meetings is they didn't want to alarm me because his face looks bad both eyes are black in blue as well as his face so I'm waiting for the call to get zoom set up to see him its been a couple hours so hopefully soon im so worried and feel so bad for my LO
Marion Kirk: Please stay in close contact, with his doctor and the social worker if he is falling perhaps he needs to be in a place that can give more care? These falls are worrisome.
my loved one even after being in the home for almost 3 months now keeps saying the family "threw her away" she doesnt get the safety reasons etc and i doubt she'd understand if they were explained----again!!
My 94 year old mother has stage 5 Alzheimers and has lived on her own for 32 years. She was diagnosed in 2014 with MCI and has deteriorated over the years. Mother has carers twice a day every week and is under Adult Social Care Services. She has a cleaner, hairdresser and chiropodist as part of her care package. Mother is deaf and becoming increasingly incontinent but refuses to address any issues she has. Having been recently assessed, and with family concerns over her health and well being, we want mother to go into a Care Home. Mother abseloutely refuses to consider this option and is adamant that she can manage herself and her bungalow. The only way to get our stubborn, non compliant and increasingly difficult to mother in a Care Home is by Court Order. She will not even consider Respite Care to relieve my sister of the incumbrances she places upon her. We, her family are not prepared to go through this proceedure for the benefits of a 94 year old who will protest to the end of her days.
Could you please make a video about how caregivers ‘move on’ after their family member moves into a nursing home? What can help them transition into another way of life, when the focus of their lives is no longer the center of their world? Thanks
You are lovely and have a caring nature. I am currently moving my mother in law from one memory care facility to another. I have been up every night until 2 am washing, sorting and labeling each and every item she owns. I have refreshed all used items for new ones, and completely furnished her room with fresh....everything. There's a lot of paperwork to complete, lists to make, and one has to be completely organized to meet every deadline. It's a great deal of work but making a smooth transition for someone you love is somehow very satisfying if you have the patience to do so.
I subscribed to your channel. Thanks. If you can share a video about preparing for all the paperwork, community fees, medical requirements to join a facility ( ex. a T.B. test, a must in California), plus finding a doctor, durable medical equipment if necessary and so on. It might help families who are unfamiliar with the process so they are aware of these important details. The first experience I had was so overwhelming, I wish I had had more guidance. I'm sure your videos will be most appreciated.
Thank you for condensing the benefit of so much experience into specific videos for ones new to this part of life.
J Jeffries you are welcome! I’m glad the videos offer a little bit of help in an often difficult situation.
This is a Very useful video. My family has followed these suggestions and they are realistic and helpful Thanks!
I will have to do this in few days and I am absolutely heart broken....
My husband's on a waiting list. I understand & I'll pray!
It's overwhelming and stressful. Thanks for making this transactions easier. ❤
Good ideas. Will try many of them. Thanks.
Great video.
They are killing my dad at Hyde park nursing home. I want to take him out. Please advise.
Thank you for this. My husband is nearing the time he moves to a nursing home & I lay awake nights thinking of how I'm going to manage to get things from home to his room when it's time, to set it up for him. We're always together. I know it will work somehow but I do worry. I want it to be the best for him.
Margo, making this transition can be difficult emotionally and I am sorry you are experiencing this. The fact that you are thinking about the transition and are trying to prepare and do what is best for him says a lot about how wonderfully you are caring for him.
Great information. Thank you. What if you have a younger male family member with dementia who had no intention of ever moving anywhere. He threatens to sue family and the doctors at the mention of the diagnosis of mid stage vascular dementia. Could it be dangerous to be open about the move?
Is your loved one with dementia able to move around independently? Being open about the move could place him at higher risk of leaving the home, running away, or acting out aggressively. Some caregivers I know in similar situations try to avoid talking about the diagnosis as much as possible if not absolutely necessary since the mention of it just gets their loved one upset. As far as suing, many providers and caregivers I know don't focus on these threats. So long as you have your documentation on his illness and are acting out of his best interests, then it is okay. You may also want to consider that your loved one have a medical and financial power of attorney, if he doesn't have that already. You can contact an elder care lawyer for specific legal questions about what you can do in this situation.
MsProfessorC your family definitely could benefit from some good legal advice. If that is not affordable, I suggest having your loved one tested by a doctor that specializes in the treatment of dementia. I would start by looking for Memory Care specialist or Neurologist that specializes in the treatment of dementia. They could be very instrumental in helping your family member get services and or placed into a skilled nursing facility if absolutely necessary. I hope this information is helpful.
my father has alzheimer and vascular dementia, he’s 6’4”, and gets very angry. he brought up moving to the VA, my mom uses me out of all the siblings, and my siblings use me too as the sage, the one they’re all asking…what do we do? I suggested calling his bluff to view the VA, which does not have a place for a couple, and the facility for just men is stark, horrible place to house our vets….the second choice was to be an independent living facility, with assisted living and memory care options. I had her tour the place, with me, I negotiated the financial details, they’re willing to put in a dishwasher, it was all set, he refused to go look and will not move. I suspect his frontal lobe is very affected since he sounds like a pre teen.
He said he can live by himself, she forced him to marry him…sadly he adored my mother, but he sees her connected to the dr who diagnosed her, she took his life away.
This is the 4th time I went through the motions of looking and planning a move…this all started in 2016. She would continue to say she wants him to be part of the decision, I understood she was continuing to see him as her husband.
This last time which was this past weekend was as verbally violent, and then he becomes contrite, very childlike….she’s finally done as the caregiver. I told her she has to move without him and she was grateful to be given that permission.
How do we do this. I assume we need an update assessment to his current stage, I know we’d have to hire 24 hour care, plus paying for her living at a facility will be outrageous. I guess we can price out how close in cost in home versus memory care, my mom’s lawyer in 2016 told us it’s way more expensive. At a facility he’d be given some care to work with him, in home care would just be housing him.
We have a difficult situation to solve, but I know not uncommon.
How does one put LO in nursing home when they absolutely have no money and are absolutely not qualified for medicade? When I have asked social workers this, usually come up with no info.
baire702 see an elder care attorney
Baire702 How can they have "no money" and absolutely not qualify for medicaid?!?
Where can I find ratings on nursing homes I made the decision to place my husband to a nursing home at the advice of my doctor my health is being effected and his doctor. The very first day 3 hours after he was there he fell and hit his head got a huge goose egg as they called it and a tear on his hand the next day he had a black eye then there was 4 days of not answering or returning my calls as I can't get into the place due to covid. So I emailed, called a social worker the place called me today and said one reason they didn't call me back to set up zoom meetings is they didn't want to alarm me because his face looks bad both eyes are black in blue as well as his face so I'm waiting for the call to get zoom set up to see him its been a couple hours so hopefully soon im so worried and feel so bad for my LO
Marion Kirk: Please stay in close contact, with his doctor and the social worker if he is falling perhaps he needs to be in a place that can give more care? These falls are worrisome.
my loved one even after being in the home for almost 3 months now keeps saying the family "threw her away" she doesnt get the safety reasons etc and i doubt she'd understand if they were explained----again!!
Currently dealing with my loved one thinking we threw her away even though we visit several times a week.
well lets face it, you did
My 94 year old mother has stage 5 Alzheimers and has lived on her own for 32 years. She was diagnosed in 2014 with MCI and has deteriorated over the years. Mother has carers twice a day every week and is under Adult Social Care Services. She has a cleaner, hairdresser and chiropodist as part of her care package. Mother is deaf and becoming increasingly incontinent but refuses to address any issues she has. Having been recently assessed, and with family concerns over her health and well being, we want mother to go into a Care Home. Mother abseloutely refuses to consider this option and is adamant that she can manage herself and her bungalow. The only way to get our stubborn, non compliant and increasingly difficult to mother in a Care Home is by Court Order. She will not even consider Respite Care to relieve my sister of the incumbrances she places upon her. We, her family are not prepared to go through this proceedure for the benefits of a 94 year old who will protest to the end of her days.
cover the transition of the angry patient in denial, he won’t even look at the independent living facility.