From my experience, people are super shallow on online dating and just because someone looks a certain way, that doesn’t mean that the person is good for you and online dating is all about looks.
Because Second-Wave Feminists brow-beat men for YEARS over being superficial and shallow, all-the-while claiming that they themselves weren't.....they were lying all along.
I actually got told that I should fix my pictures up a lot more. I was like so you want me to be dishonest huh? I was like you do realize you have to see me in person if we plan a date?
True. Call me shallow for liking the sound of those, but one guy promised to do things to me every day that he actually could not achieve at any time. That actually wouldn’t have necessarily been a dealbreaker for me except that it was so dishonest, upfront, that it turned me off.
I find I have no choice but to present myself honestly because faking an entire personality is just too exhausting to conceive. ...sounds good but I'm autistic..... so yay I guess.
Online dating is to interpersonal relationships, as fast food is to nutritious meals. Online dating subconsciously encourages us to devalue one another, thus making relationships more & more disposable with every single swipe.
VERY well said! I don't think people even know how to meet someone or date anymore because of online dating. What happened to the days when a person approached another in a public place to strike up a conversation? I prefer to meet someone that way, but It appears that online dating has become the default. And from my personal experience, the person sitting across from me has terrible social skills and can't carry a conversation. After many one and done dates, I tossed online dating out the window.
When I did online dating 1) when most men say they are separated meant the wife is in a different room 2) most expect sex on the first date 3) I posted a current photo of myself but most men did not. I agree online is contributing to the decline of western civilization.
@Jay Powell So you think you buy dinner to woman - she owes you something???!!! LOL I can even buy drinks, dinner for some friends while we are hanging out cause simply I enjoy their company. With such approach, better go to escort agency or find employment in porn industry (you will be even paid for sex without commitment).
I met my husband on World of Warcraft and moved to Israel to marry him. We have two kids together and a good life. Online dating is awesome when you meet through video games.
I met my fella on World of Warcraft and moved to the Netherlands to be with him. Been together nearly 10 years now. Might have been different if he played Alliance hahaha For the Horde !!!
I think meeting someone in WoW or wherever isn't really online dating. It's effectively meeting someone while engaging in a hobby activity; said hobby just happens to take place online.
It's most definitely online dating if you choose to date them online. I didn't meet my husband in person for at least two years prior to dating him online. It's literally online dating.
As I sit here anonymously online, I can say without a doubt that you are absolutely correct. As a people and a society, we need to interact more with others. Wishing you all the best in finding a special someone offline!
Even in real life dating sucks. It's bad everywhere. It's good in the beginning coz the person pretend but with time person gets tired of pretending and reality comes out.
@@crystalanamericaninsicily Well, there are some SIMPLE DIFFERENCES.. Besides NOT really knowing for sure who u are talking to online.. At a bar or club, what u see, is what u GET.. Sure, they could lie about where they live or work, but the whole 'Catfish' aspect is out the window.. Online, u can be whoever u want to be, as tall, as accomplished as u want everyone to think. NOT so easy to do that in person.. U have to impress with your character and REAL physical appearance, not a PROFILE..
@@goldenstate2192 Exactly. That's why you meet after 4 max 5 messages. If they don't seem like they presented themselves. Bye. Of course. You don't get into their car. Meet Public place. By the way... I met tons of Men at Parties who told me they were Entrepreneurs or lawyers and found out they lied. 🙄
100% my experience and view on online dating! And yes, the creep factor is HIGH! The dehumanizing (from both sides) is Real. I couldn't do it. Not for me. And thats okay.
@@crystalrichards779 I have to agree with you on that, no one deserves to be body shamed for any reason. He's probably jealous that he can't get what he wants.
@@naraendrareddy273Online dating is like life. If your Negative and present yourself in a low class way you'll meet only LOSERS. I don't Screw anyone darling! I am a Dating Coach that's why I am an expert and I've met only well educated and classy men Online..including my last Partner.
If I read “ Looking for my partner in crime” one more time I was ready to give up. Car selfies, gym selfies( they all love working out), long walks on the beach( when our state is nowhere near an ocean). And love sunrises and sunsets... don’t we all have that options? Just noooooooo.
It's all bullshit my friend. These people claim they love to travel, probably been 3-4 countries and make it look as though they've travelled the world. Many of the people who claim they are fitness fanatics probably also go the gym once a month. Just like social media, everyone is trying to look their best on a dating app and appear extremely high value. When in reality they live very normal lives just like the rest of us.
@@amygalvin1799 lol!.Yes the profile lines haha Or: -better than your ex (ok this one is perhaps not the worst of all) -positive vibes only -ONS and FWB -no strings attached
“I've come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to technologies: 1. Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works. 2. Anything that's invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it. 3. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things.” -- Douglas Adams
@amiiiu I’m gay and that’s my thought on it as well. We just going to keep coming up with more groups of people out of thin air that don’t have equal rights? Sounds brash but that’s what I thought when, out of nowhere, these other letters started showing up 😂.
I just think it’s entirely possible to find someone if people worry about themselves and their own interests, and then get out in communities of people that also like those same things.
These are wonderful videos Mayim, thank you! I never watched you on BBT but I've been devouring your channel recently; as a fellow Jew I love the way you so confidently blend your Judaism with hard-headed rationality. And I think you're spot on with this one -- there's some value in online dating to be sure, but my experiences with it have been similarly poor. For me the biggest thing is that a lot of the time we simply don't know what we want in a relationship, and the serendipity of a chance encounter with someone whom you might regard as incompatible on paper can be an amazing thing.
I tried online dating for over a year & had an awful time with it. The last guy has completely put me off dating! I deleted my account & will never use it again. I would rather meet someone in person at an event, a social situation, work or through a hobby. I completely agree with how you felt about it - 100% I’ve been single for over a year & never been happier!!
5 років тому+17
I love your honesty! I also agree on the shallowness of dating apps, and the need to go back to more "traditional" methods in the search for love.
My husband and I met online in a Gothic/Metal/Alternative-forum in 2009. The good thing about this was, that the possibility to have similar interests was higher than in general online dating platforms. We'll have our 10th anniversary in May and have been married singe Summer 2016 😊.
The way I see it, if you have to go online to meet someone, you weren't meant to meet them. Most of the relationships that succeed from online dating are just two people settling because they're lonely and desperate.
"Where are the men who like ... coffee late at night and talking Philosophy?" That's Me. And I do NOT do dating apps. Probably, because I'm the kind of person who likes coffee late at night and talking Philosophy. There is No dating app for (finding) us. And I agree with you: Tinder, &c. are definitely a strong harbinger of the tragic demise of human civilization. It's disgraceful ... a veritable abomination.
Thank you Mayim! I'm so burned out by the whole online dating scenerio. Finally letting go of the need to "search" for somebody; you've gotta just let life happen. If you put out a positive, happy vibe, people will be attracted to that. I truly believe that it happens when you least expect it 😀
Caroline m he got attested twice, two new kids and finally a really nice wife. We children are trying to show this third one a lot of love so she will stay.
Exactly - proves the point that online dating is for lazy people who don't invest in real relationships. He will keep going through the garbage because he is garbage, and that is what he attracts.
I live in Utah, I'm not Mormon, I don't drink, I don't go to bars. I did volunteer work for a long time, never met anyone. I ride my bike for exercise, I don't go to gyms. What the heck am I supposed to do? I online date. I absolutely do not respond to anybody with a picture with another woman in it. As a matter of fact, I don't ever respond to somebody I don't pick first.
I've tried online dating a number of times, and I generally only last about a week. This last time was the worst, as I got a few guys who sent lewd messages. I'm super shy so I don't know how I'm going to meet people, but online dating is not it. Ugh.
Yep, I usually put up 'sexy' photos of myself, get hundreds of messages a day, and STILL meet no one. The more messages i get, the worse it is. I get too busy/overwhelmed and end up answering no one. Even when i do meet somone in person (who I usually get along with) it never leads to a second date, because the 'concept' of the app (always getting distracted with new people) doesn't allow for it!
Same here. I never lasted longer than about 4-6 days on each site/app I tried. It’s impossible for me to have a real connection with anyone from OLD. It’s an unnatural and weird way to meet people. It’s gross how OLD is pushed on singles nowadays. Back in the day, it was discouraged. The best guy I’ve dated was a guy I met in real life through mutual friends.
@Johnny Bravo She has a PhD. on Neuroscience , earned her BS in neuroscience, she speaks more than 5 languages, wrote 2 books, she is a single mother of two, a well known actress, and so much more, and guess what? She is what you will never be, plus she makes more money than you, helps more people than you, you are nothing compared to her, so stfu
Although I've had bad experiences with online dating, I've had lots of bad experiences with meeting people in the real world too (harder to run away from the creeps when you are face-to-face!). The same goes for positive experiences - good experiences all around. I'm currently in a healthy long-term relationship with someone I met online. I've had other relationships with guys I met in person, but they weren't successful. Based off my own experiences and those of my friends, I think it comes down to your comfort level and your ability to navigate the online dating world and identify the people who looking for the same thing as you. Cuz there are people on online dating platforms who just haven't had that much luck meeting people in-person. I wouldn't rule out online dating so quickly, although I understand where Mayim is coming from.
You basically said what I couldn't express. All of my friends have been asking me to use dating apps, yet they found their partners in real life. So weird. I'd much prefer to meet my future partner in person.
I met my wife on eHarmony. This happened after many, many, many failed relationships. My wife and I have now been married for 8 years, together for 11 years and we love our daughter.
I used to be on eHarmony for a couple of years and was told by the company to give up and kill myself. They also told the other dating sites to deny me the right to meet women.
When I signed up for online dating, I really just wanted to try it out. Went for a couple dates, talked with some people, sent emails that got no replies. So I figured, hey, I tried it. The last email I sent was to a guy who I shared a hometown with. He wrote back and we had a great first date. I joked later that he'd drawn me in with Stargate, the tv show, and then I fell for him somewhere along the way 😍 We've been together 5 years and are expecting a baby in November. I get that it's a weird way to meet someone and I felt super odd doing it. Then I met that guy 🤓
Although online dating definitely did not work for me, I cannot agree it is contributing to the fall of western civilization. One of my best friends met her husband through online dating at they will be celebrating their 10 year wedding anniversary in a few months. I dont agree that the ways to meet people still exist in the way they always did. As the population has increased our interactions with strangers has decreased. Meeting people in bars, clubs or even at the gym is no less window shopping than online dating is. You can go out with someone you meet in these places and find that they presented themselves in a very different way to reality, just like a dating app. Getting to know a person first before deciding to date them is the ideal but realistically pool for that is very small, particularly in cities. For me my options were meet someone at school (I'm hetrosexual and I went to a girls school), meet someone at Church (I'm not religious so I dont attend), meet someone at the gym (not my thing so I dont go), meet someone doing hobbies (the only hobbies I do that involve interacting with people are definitely not with people that I would ever date), meet someone at work (this I have done on rare occasions that I met someone at work who was still single, who I liked and who liked me back - they didnt work out and it was very very very awkward afterwards), meet someone on public transport (if you've ever been to London you will understand strangers categorically do not talk to each other on public transport), meet someone through friends (the only friends of friends who are still single are still single for a reason). Thats it. Pool dried up. Online dating at least gives you the opportunity to connect with people you might like to meet that you wouldnt otherwise bump into because they are not within the pools in which you personally swim (for want of a better phrase). Yes there are some dating apps out there that are dodgy and I dont like them, but that doesnt mean the premise of them is wrong. I know many people who have had happy relationships through online dating and as I say one of my best friends is about to celebrate her 10 year wedding anniversary. I think that if dating apps and sites can assist in a few people connecting with someone who makes them happy then they are worthwhile. I didnt have a good experience myself with online dating but just because you didnt either doesnt mean they are wrong
Sarah Baker This is so well written...you did a great job explaining. I, also, wasn't very religious at the time (not at a church) and all but one of my hobbies/clubs I was active in were girl-based (not a lot of men in a sewing club, in other words). The one computer club I was in, the only guy who asked me out was my father's age, had kids my age, and was working at home because he wanted to hide his income from his ex-wife (not my type). The few friends I had didn't know any single men, and if they did, they were dating them. Dating at work is always, always a bad idea, I agree. My Story: Before the internet had dating apps, or really anything on it, there were "personal ads" that were published in the newspaper, right by the ads selling things. They were brief and hardly said anything "I am 5 ft. 4, brunette, like to see movies, walks in the moonlight, and eating out. Call me at XXX-XXXX" No pictures. That's how I met my husband of 29 years (answered his ad); I would never have met him in my every day life. Personal ads, online or not, DO expand your horizons on meeting new people you would never have met before. You just need to talk to them and weed out the ones that don't share your interests. Shared interests and character traits bond people together. Like you, I know a lot of couples who have gotten together online, and a few who have been happily married for years.
I've never tried online dating but my sister met her husband through an online social club. Not quite the same thing, but with many members who hoped to meet not only people for friendship, but also possibly a life partner. It's funny that she had tried online dating a few years before through a very reputable site and had no luck and when she joined the online social club (they'd meet in groups for outings, gatherings and often just coffee and a chat) as is often the case, when she wasn't really looking, that's when she met her husband. They're very happily married and he's a wonderful person.
I absolutely agree with you on this. But the choice of online dating service might also factor into this -- A decade ago, online dating was a whole different concept than today; nowadays there're apps for literally everything and people tend to just "swipe" a lot more often than they used to.
I met my partner of over two years online dating. We’re now saving for a mortgage and planning on getting married in the future. How is that a bad thing? I may comment something else once I’ve seen the video but I had a fully nerdy profile and everything 🤷🏼♀️
Your story isn’t a bad thing...but there are many not so great stories surrounding online dating that I think are more the norm. In my experience, anyway
TheLuellaNetwork agreed. I had my fair share of failed dates online, I was looking for someone real, but even people who I met in real life and not online were usually just as fake as the ones online 🤷🏼♀️
@@fairplayer7435 Its just my opinion its what I want. Other women out there can choose what kind of dating they want. And I am not against online dating apps I just dont use it
Mayim, you are absolutely correct!!! Also, another contributor to this shallowness of online dating is that the people that are on the online dating apps are now in this mental state that “I have to find someone no matter what”, therefore that leads to a lot of compromises, shallow relationships etc… In the end, it most likely increases superficial sex, and promiscuity… but not to deep, compassionate, affectionate relationships.
@Mayim Bialik All of your criticisms are correct. But you can also draw those same parallels with basically all of the other methods that people use to "Meet" new people/partners. To be totally honest, "Looking for someone" has NEVER worked for me, and I don't actually believe in it. (If it has worked for someone reading this, congratulations, I believe that is pure luck, and not an endorsement of the process) What worked for me was to "Stop looking", to become comfortable with myself, and to stop caring if I would ever "Find" someone. This allowed me to relax and be myself, which in turn allowed the people I was meeting to also relax and be themselves, because there were no "Expectations" involved. This allowed me to get to know people on a much deeper level, and allowed them to get to know me in turn. I believe this allowed me to "Find" someone who is truly compatible without ever really looking. I realize that this method is very scary, because there is always the possibility that you will never find someone, but being OK with that possibility actually makes you even more attractive than you already are.
Hmm, I dunno... I think this is a bit too negative.. too black and white. I feel like a lot of the negative things you mentioned are negative things of dating in general, not just online dating. And in my opinion online dating has one very important positive factor: distance. I spent quite some time on an online dating platform and I chatted with a lot of people. And oh boy am I glad I didn't meet those in person! There are so many creepy and disgusting humans out there - not only on online dating platforms - they are real people after all. And in cases like this (to be honest 95% of those I chatted with were scary) online dating provided safety. I could still talk to people, like in reallife, but I had safe and easy ways to leave the conversation without the risk of.. I dunno.. being drugged? beaten up? stalked and followed home? It's not like you have to meet up and have sex with people, just because youre dating online. People who do that would probably do the same without the online part. Anyway, online dating gave me a lot of safety when I needed it. And I would do it again, if I had to. But hopefully not - I met my soulmate on that platform about two years ago. ^^
Such a strong point! Yes, safety is so important and so often overlooked. I've met so many people online, so many stupid or creepy people and thank god I didn't have to meet them in person. Block+delete is not an option in real life.
I'm 56 yr old male... I started dating before the internet ever existed... and that was the best time for people... The Internet is NOT a good way to meet people. I don't care if you call it my opinion there are LOT of studies that have been done that show that humans have had much worst experiences and lack of relationships, marriage, etc.. since they started trying to meet people over the internet. In my day you met someone.. you talked.. you laughed.. you saw the look in their eye.. you met in public around lots of people.. you didn't worry about rape.. because you didn't go anywhere ALONE.. not at first.. not until you decided you wanted this person and wanted to be alone with them. Life was easier.. simpler.. and better when it came to dating. There were people that had 1 night stands... Creepers.. rapist.. jerks..and women that used men for free dinners.. gold diggers, etc.. ALL existed back then.. but they were no where near the problem they are today with the internet.. WHY? In my opinion it allows them to search out people to USE.
You make some very valid points here! I've always felt like online dating was very cold. Picking out a possible mate by merely looking at them or reading about some of their hobbies is just so limiting. I suppose people do that in person as well, but I've never been one to "judge" anyone else based on their looks. Let's face it, looking for a mate is awkward enough without adding the element of internet distance. IMO, you are much better off to GO TO where your interests are being performed, talked about, sold......as in a play or library (if you're interested in written art) or a hobby shop (if you're interested in graphic novels or various hobbies), or local sports games (if you're interested in physical games).....You get the idea - GO TO where your own interests are being done, LIVE. Then begin chatting with others that are there, since they obviously have the same interests as you. Even if the person you connect with isn't a "match", he/she may end up introducing you to someone that you really click with. My brother owned/operated a hobby shop many years ago. In his shop, he always kept a "latest & greatest" race track set up, where customers could bring their own cars to race on the track - and chat about cars & tracks, etc. More often than not, a large crowd would assemble around this race track, chatting away about racing - which often led to chatting about remote planes & trains and other various topics. Before he knew it, my brother ended up creating a club of hobbyists. This little club ended up meeting at various places in town & even had special "field trips" to a wide variety of activities. If you didn't like any particular topic they had lined up, you didn't HAVE to go, of course. But many couples were formed out of this little club, as they spent much time together enjoying a favorite "sport" - and over time, they got to know each other well. If you're interested in music, don't overlook your local piano broker or music shop. People interested in music are usually hanging around such places. If you're interests lie in animals, volunteer at a local animal shelter - you will find animal lovers there. If nothing else, you will meet people that have some shared interests with you. The internet can be useful to find where these places are in your neighborhood.
I personally don't think dating sites are great, but meeting someone online on a site where you have something in common (how i met my wife) is viable.
I just think online dating is just...lacking in being social physically, like meeting up and talking face to face. You can type anything you want that sounds heartfelt on a screen, but I think it means less when I cannot physically see someone speaking next to me. Sure, face time exists, but I'm old fashioned and would rather have a couple trustworthy people vouch for your personality and/or morals and overall behavior track record while I'm standing there. Online can work for some couples in some situations, but it won't ever be my go-to personally.
You hit the nail on the head about online dating. I had similar feelings. It felt like looking through a catalog of humans to pick your favorite. And also the way no one will commit to any one person, thinking when they get back home there might be an even better offer waiting online. It's basically a huge dead end. As a place to find a life partner, forget that. It seems to help some with quick hook ups. And that's all it seems to be good for.
Mayim could have had authored none of these book titles, had none of these degrees, never had made those tear jerker movies, the amazing show(s) and yet I would still feel joy when watching her speak. Her honesty and sincerity shine from within, like a light unto the nations. When she speaks her heart, words, and soul become coherent. She has little by little forged her beliefs and life toward an effort to understand the world we live in and more importantly to carry out the most noble of purposes that one can undertake, Tikkum Olam.
Mayim, you are a true gem. You are so smart and interesting. I'm the poet and the dreamer and enjoy documentaries but I'm not a guy. I'd still love to go out on a date with you! You're just lovely, wise and fun. I hope things get better for you ♥️
I actually met a few cool girls from online dating, I didn’t feel we were all that compatible but we keep in touch here and there. I met a few stuck up pretentious ones as well. From my experience, go out in the real world ladies and gentlemen. People treat it as if they’re going to hit the lottery and find “the one”. It can work but don’t have high expectations. Grow in your career, find new hobbies, travel, etc. Life’s too short to be communicating behind a screen ( as I type this behind a screen ) .
@An English Gent I think money and shops should be important, in the aspect that the person should be able to take care of themselves. I've met guys that are working, but end up having issues keeping a job. I want a partner, not to be someone's sugar momma. (I don't want a sugar daddy either.😣)
@@amiegamble1678 Similar experiences with online dating, many guys have been unemployed (very often living with parents despite of being in 30, even in 40s) or having issue with keeping a job and being constantly broken (even if he worked in IT). Actually it says a lot about their lack of responsibility and maturity in general. This is also big red flag for narcissistic personality.
It's so interesting what pictures of men you saw, where I live there is almost no pictures like that and about a million with dogs or holding a fish or something outdoors. It seems super dependent on where you are in the US
Online dating mostly relies on words and pictures. Since it's text based, it lacks knowing the person's body language, vocal tonality, mannerisms, etc. It lacks the spontaneity which is important in creating that romantic/sexual spark. A hit or miss. Nothing comes close to face to face communication.
I made my intentions clear online and said I was looking for something real. It took some time, a few bad dates but I found Mr right. Just like in real life there are a lot of sleazy guys just trying to get into your pants online. Just like real life you have to sift through a lot until you find someone amazing.
I tried online dating couple of times, mwt some nice guys, crazy guys,etc. Long story short i'm happy being single and its stress free. I'll just wait and prob miracle will happen.
No......I met my wife of 14 years from on line dating. Why? I tried to meet women many, many other venues: work, 3 female cousins looked for 5 years, church/temple, alumni, 5 different clubs, bars, single events. None of them worked. Then I hit on lunch date--that worked well because it was no hassle, it eliminated people I would not be interested in and it was free. Let's be honest: imagine you saw my post and I offered what you thought were things you were looking for--would you even consider dating Joe Shmo? Would you date a guy who made only $48,000 a year as a MSW in Child Protective Service, that lived in a condo with a dachshund named Stutz? No.....I don't think so.....and let's say you did call me and we talked about music (Mozart--my favorite), Martin Buber, Jacob Bronowski and Barbara Tuchman (my favorite writers) and Victoria, B.C. (my favorite city) would we have a meaningful discussion that was a shared experience....I just don't see that happening. Shop for humans? We as a species have always shopped for the best mate! On-line dating has just put a modern twist on it. Perhaps you should go to Yenta the matchmaker........Think of the on-line dating as a Yenta of the 21st Century. Oy!
I loved this video. I shared it in my Christian Gothic singles Facebook group. One of them actually told me who you are, well who you played on TV, and now I am even more intrigued to examine your channel. This video actually put me off of actively searching for a dating partner online. I think if I find someone online or off I hope he is at least a friend or best friend first.
Mayim I totally agree with you and don’t judge those that do online dating but it’s hard to see the personality from a profile and I always feel like I’m not good enough so I stopped. Since I found a partner the old fashion way.
Frances Bernard here. I agree. Most of all when a man online makes a one way decision for you that the online friendship is now a romance in a context where you would least expect it. When something like that happens, it is best to walk backwards slowly out of the situation.
I think this speaks to the modern world of online dating. I started online dating back in about 2004 - it was different, fewer people, more serious people etc. After time away and then back on and so forth- each time I came back to online dating it got worse and worse -- and yes, this swiping like Tinder and even Bumble has culminated in hopefully the worst of it all. I wish meeting people in person was easier-- unfortunately technology is stealing people from those casual possible meets.
My boyfriend and I met through a dating app. He absolutely hates social media, ironically enough. I think we both went in not people shopping but just as a let’s meet people and connect type of thing. He was only the second date I went on using the app, I was the first date for him. Both our profiles were just based on stuff we liked. Been together for a year and a half. I’m not saying online dating works for everyone but it really isn’t just a weird people shopping creepfest all the time either
I think being intentional when it comes to online dating is so important. I personally am a Christian so I swipe on guys who has the same morals/values. Making sure I question their faith lol
Here's my 2 cents...I live in the middle of nowhere a small.town that I just moved to. A town where everyone grew up together so its hard to meet people. I have made friends here and I love it however there are few single men. So I do online dating to in the simplest terms MEET people! I don't sleep with all these people I dont even mwet a second time. I dont talk to the type of men who put shirtless pics online. In conclusion I think in today's society online dating is a good thing for people like myself who have a hard time meetinf people because even the closest grocery store is a half an hour away. And what is the difference between meeting a new.person in a coffee shop or finding them online other than you can text more than one person at a time?
Heather Castor Yes! You never meet new people in a small town, so meeting people online is absolutely a valid option. I have never had much luck with dating apps myself, but if you can sort through all those options until you find someone worth your time then so be it; the end result is the same.
love this video! totally with you on where are the poets and the dreamers? where are REAL people? on dating apps, people are reduced to profiles and products! not my thing.
Ok wow I think you are so right. Once I filled out E-Harmony application / information but before I got to even talk to anyone I met my now husband. It is so uber hard to find a decent guy out there. Thanks Mayim. Great video, much enjoyed 👍😀
Ty Ty Ty for saying all this! I have felt this way for about 15 years now. I always felt judgmental & shallow when scrolling through an app but you nailed it when you called it shopping for humans! Like you I don’t judge others for using and/or finding success but it just doesn’t work for me. Thank you for putting this out there this way!
I just ran into your channel, i love it! I've already watched a few vids, I LOVE that you being a celeb, use your platform to communicate strong, useful, deep message that actually lead to insights, instead of more make up tutorials... Thanks for being refreshingly open, thoughtful and intelligent.
I usually find myself working on something while you talk, just to listen in passing to you. But towards the end of this video, I stopped journaling, and replayed what you said about men and women, because it caught me off guard. I agree 100% with what you said, we are very different creatures biologically, and of course we experience sex differently just like you said...but to hear it said so plainly and well, honestly and without judgement, was refreshing. I listened to the rest of your talk, then made some notes and quoted you in my notes. I may end up quoting you in a science class someday. I hope you find what you are looking for, and thanks for a thoughtful discussion. Oh...I would think most poets and artists, if they really are either one they are too busy for online dating...which I suspect you know now. (and as a practicing potter and painter, there just aren't enough hours in the day) I need to get one of your audio books to listen while I am working, though Neil Gaiman has several in the queue in front of you.
Shopping for humans is a spot-on assessment. In this consumer culture, humans are just another off-the-rack accessory that some people use to make their friend jealous and covetous. It is dehumanizing.
So I deleted my dating profiles and decided that I'm going to try and meet someone in real life. I would go to punk and metal shows to try and strike up a convo and found it pretty hard due to the fact when the bands were not playing, they would right away pull up their phones and shut everyone out. And when I try to talk to a girl in say, a book store or at a con or something, they become kinda skitish. I def watch my body language to not rub them the wrong way and just casually talk to them and interpret their body language. My theory is that it's the goddamn phone in general. The more you are on it, the more you become disconnected to one on one convos with people. It becomes alien. I can go on and on how we have reached the point on how damaging it is to own a smartphone but I wont get into it too much but, I'm pretty much convinced that we need to abandon smartphones (unless you use it work and such) and go back to old school flip phones. I mean, do we really need the internet in our pockets? Do we really need to check our fucking social media on our phones while in public??? Lol!
Internet dating is a waste of time and money. I was scammed hard by many sites. I'm a terribly old-fashioned man, and I prefer meeting people face-to-face instead of online. Ever since internet dating and social media came along, it has sucked the life out of me. I don't mean to sound negative on myself, but I'm doomed to be a loner...😢
I met my fiance online. Its views like this that make me feel ashamed for saying that, but I know I shouldn't feel ashamed. I have no means of going out and meeting people, and at the time he was in a different state than me. Without online ways of meeting people I wouldn't have the man who I plan on spending forever with. I wouldn't have my best friend. I wouldn't have a life. i thank social media for everyone I have in my life. I certainly thank it for helping me find my fiance. It may not be for you, but it certainly isn't something for people to feel shameful of, nor should it be discredited completely.
One of my best friends met her husband online and they are about to celebrate their 10 year anniversary. They were absolutely perfect for each other but quite simply could not ever have met were it not for online dating. It didnt work for me unfortunately but maybe that is because fate has different plans for me. But far from being a shameful thing I think online dating gives fate a helping hand if the person you were meant to be with is not someone you would come into contact with in the normal course of events. It is not shameful in the slightest. The happiness of the couples like you for whom it has worked discredits the discreditors (if that made sense)
I’m marrying the man I met on Tinder in September. We’ve been dating for over 2 years and it’s been amazing. But I know I got lucky because the online dating game can be hard.
I've avoided the apps for these reasons and more, but meeting potential partners IRL is just as complicated so I just avoid it all together and stay single haha. Wild that for something that nearly everybody is interested in is still so complicated. Look at other animals, they mate and it's so simple. We humans make everything so complicated. How have we not come up with a better way yet?
You found that online dating didn't work for you. That's fine. We are all different. But this video rubbed me up the wrong way. My chief objection is the concept that online dating means advertising and selling yourself. This is exactly how the great majority of attracting a mate works! People have 'shopped' for partners for countless generations, be it at the church social, at assemblies and balls, concerts, nightclubs, or at any number of other events. One of the major benefits of online dating is you can get to meet people you would not normally come across. This is especially good when a person is looking for someone who is not part of the majority.
It's probably also worth noting that women chose men much more than men chose women. It's not immediately obvious but it's baked into our culture; the man asks and the woman decides.
Matthew Stagg very true. Girls grow up being taught to be passive in dating, whole boys grow up with the pressure of getting laid and being competitive about finding a mate. I really wish the dynamic would change a little bit, or equalize. Let boys he wooed and girls make the first move! Sadly, its super ingrained in our culture though
Thanks for this video. Online dating is taking away my self esteem and killing my hopes of finding a honest and genuine guy. I’m quitting online dating for good.
I tried it too. You get people telling you online they are Christian only to meet them and find out they do not and have not ever belonged to any church. You get 20-year-old pictures and people saying they have their own home that really live for free in their mother's rental property. I've had a good date or two, but have never had a relationship work out. And I had to sift through a lot of rotten apples to find the one or two worth dating at all.
This video was really helpful and provided me with a lot of hope. What you said resonated so much and addressed so many topics that have proven really problematic for myself and many others. I would like to echo you: there are people out there looking for late-night coffee-talks, scotch on the rocks at a restaurant or sofa, philosophy and - ultimately - personal, emotional intimacy and a fulfilling life of mutual exploration in every sense of the word. Oh, and X-men (of course!!)! Thank you so much for your authenticity.
I have to agree with much of this... except that in he times of COVID most of the other possibilities for meeting people are now gone as we self isolate. That aside, as someone who used "personal ads" even back in the 1980's when they were in print and replies came by mail there is a distinct difference now and you nailed it. The "disposable society" aspect of it. "Back in the day" you'd read a "personal ad" in the newspaper, they seldom came with pictures so you read every word, tried to get a feel for the person who had written it, and if it appealed to you enough you'd pull out a pad of paper, take your time writing the best possible response, get an envelope, a stamp, a picture or two of yourself if they requested one, and mail it off. If you placed an ad, others were doing the same at their end and a week or to later you'd get a notice from the newspaper that you had responses which would either be mailed to you or you'd go pick your responses up... you were *invested* in it if you wrote a reply and so were those who took the time to write you. From there "voice personals" evolved but failed rather quickly because there was no visual aspect to it and you seldom knew "what you were getting" before you actually met the person on the phone. Then "online dating" began on computers... it took less time, was easier and was somewhat instant. People could post pictures which then were more "real" than these days, and because not many people used them, filters didn't exist and there still weren't a high volume of people doing it you still felt somewhat invested in those you replied to. Then downfall of online dating came when it moved to phones and went mainstream. Hundreds of people to choose from, ads became more picture oriented, you didn't need to write a great ad if you were "hot"... in fact to this day many females don't even bother creating an ad. Just post a few sexy pictures and guys will fill your inbox. It's all about volume, volume, volume... swipe left, next, swipe right, next, next, next, next... Now it's more about "curb appeal" and has become very one dimensional... Instead of taking 5 minutes to read an ad or 15 minutes to hand write a reply, we now make that decision to swipe right or left in less than 3 seconds, usually based on photoshopped pictures with more filters than a Keurig coffee machine or in some cases, pictures of people that they "borrowed" from the internet (and yes this has happened more than once to myself and others I know). With the convenience of dating apps we have become less invested in taking the time we used to or actually getting to know anybody. They're not perfect? Click. Block. Next. Go on a date and decide they're not the exact right person? Block them. Ghost them. No need to explain, no need to be considerate... why bother? It's not like you have to see them or talk to them again! You're already looking for the next one and if they don't work out, hey, there are hundreds or thousands more where those came from! :( The worst part is the more this happens, the more cynical everyone becomes and the worse the problem gets. :( Yes, I have still have ads on several dating apps, not because I want to, but because there seem to be very few other options to meet others now. As someone who has had great relationships that began online, it is sad to see how this has devolved into what it is today. Thanks for the great video and for verbalizing what many of us feel, Mayim! You nailed it.
I spent a lot of years in "online daiting" style yet I couldn't find the right guy. Now I'm dating a co-worker I met during the pandemic :O so crazy where love can appear!
TL;DR: there are many ways to do online dating and the way you are talking about I totally agree with, but that isn't the only way or reason people do online dating. I think online dating is a very personal thing. I get the fact that swiping is dehumanizing, but there are many other ways to do online dating. Also, some people are having too much troubles getting into contact with others and then online dating can be the way to go to keep it at safe distance until you are comfortable to actually meet somebody. I met my wife through online dating because I was too insecure to go up to a woman in a bar and swap numbers. The website I used was a page that was connecting people based on things you both like, distance, preferences, ... and then kept pictures blurred until you talked more. The more you talked and got to know each other, the more the picture got clear. This way online dating isn't about shopping for humans, dehumanizing, about the looks or about somebody you want to have sex with. You actually got to know each other before that could happen.
I don’t like dating apps like Tinder. Tinder is judging entirely on appearance. However, on a dating site where you can search for people, you can usually see the make-or-break compatibilities from the get go. Want children? You get to weed out the ones who don’t want children. Have a problem with drugs? You can weed people that do drugs, too. Want someone who will have a drink or two with you? You can find that. It’s very useful for these sorts of situations.
From my experience, people are super shallow on online dating and just because someone looks a certain way, that doesn’t mean that the person is good for you and online dating is all about looks.
"You are shopping for humans. You are seeing if you want to buy them or rent them."
swiping is dehumanizing
Yet, it is proof-positive that Modern American Women are shallow and superficial, despite all the Feminist rhetoric they spout......
Kidsinamerica Amen
Kidsinamerica why just women though and not people in general
Because Second-Wave Feminists brow-beat men for YEARS over being superficial and shallow, all-the-while claiming that they themselves weren't.....they were lying all along.
I have found that people don't present themselves honestly online. The whole thing is creepy to me.
people don´t present themselves honestly cos they dont know themselves
@@pirujaaguilar or because they know...
I actually got told that I should fix my pictures up a lot more. I was like so you want me to be dishonest huh? I was like you do realize you have to see me in person if we plan a date?
True. Call me shallow for liking the sound of those, but one guy promised to do things to me every day that he actually could not achieve at any time. That actually wouldn’t have necessarily been a dealbreaker for me except that it was so dishonest, upfront, that it turned me off.
I find I have no choice but to present myself honestly because faking an entire personality is just too exhausting to conceive.
...sounds good but I'm autistic..... so yay I guess.
Online dating is to interpersonal relationships, as fast food is to nutritious meals. Online dating subconsciously encourages us to devalue one another, thus making relationships more & more disposable with every single swipe.
VERY well said! I don't think people even know how to meet someone or date anymore because of online dating. What happened to the days when a person approached another in a public place to strike up a conversation? I prefer to meet someone that way, but It appears that online dating has become the default. And from my personal experience, the person sitting across from me has terrible social skills and can't carry a conversation. After many one and done dates, I tossed online dating out the window.
Exactly...it is mostly for free casual emotion less sex!
Very well put 😄
When I did online dating 1) when most men say they are separated meant the wife is in a different room 2) most expect sex on the first date 3) I posted a current photo of myself but most men did not. I agree online is contributing to the decline of western civilization.
@Jay Powell So you think you buy dinner to woman - she owes you something???!!! LOL I can even buy drinks, dinner for some friends while we are hanging out cause simply I enjoy their company. With such approach, better go to escort agency or find employment in porn industry (you will be even paid for sex without commitment).
Why everyone is saying western?:) not only... just in general around the whole world
@@eat_pray_love. inbuilt bigotry and elitism
I m single 😍😍❤❤🌷🌷
@@ImranKhan-tj3dr simp
I met my husband on World of Warcraft and moved to Israel to marry him. We have two kids together and a good life. Online dating is awesome when you meet through video games.
FoolyLiving FOR THE HORDE!!!!
My cousin met her bf on there!! He moved to Fl and its been 3yrs dating.
I met my fella on World of Warcraft and moved to the Netherlands to be with him. Been together nearly 10 years now. Might have been different if he played Alliance hahaha For the Horde !!!
I think meeting someone in WoW or wherever isn't really online dating. It's effectively meeting someone while engaging in a hobby activity; said hobby just happens to take place online.
It's most definitely online dating if you choose to date them online. I didn't meet my husband in person for at least two years prior to dating him online. It's literally online dating.
Online dating made me give up dating altogether, happy single now.
Yeah online dating doesn't work.
Enjoy your cats.
@@Kidsinamerica what's wrong with cats?
They don't taste like chicken?
paula g hi,firand,kol,mi,plz,XXX,keliay,7505563734,WhatsApp,n
As I sit here anonymously online, I can say without a doubt that you are absolutely correct. As a people and a society, we need to interact more with others. Wishing you all the best in finding a special someone offline!
I was on tinder in 2014 and it was depressing. Never again. Real life is much better.
👍
Even in real life dating sucks. It's bad everywhere. It's good in the beginning coz the person pretend but with time person gets tired of pretending and reality comes out.
Forealllk
@@jinalchheda7098 truth
Dating online brought me too much depression and anxiety im glad that your lifted me up to take this crap down
Yes me also.I just hope I can find someone in the neighborhood without the internet
I think online dating takes away the magic of falling in love with a person's character.
Why. What's the difference of meeting online and at a Bar or Party. There's feelings. You meet.
Best comment yet! U hit it right on the head..
Online Dating doesn't mean Dating ONLINE! You meet and talk share your lives. Instead of meeting in a club. You meet online. 😍
@@crystalanamericaninsicily Well, there are some SIMPLE DIFFERENCES.. Besides NOT really knowing for sure who u are talking to online.. At a bar or club, what u see, is what u GET.. Sure, they could lie about where they live or work, but the whole 'Catfish' aspect is out the window.. Online, u can be whoever u want to be, as tall, as accomplished as u want everyone to think. NOT so easy to do that in person.. U have to impress with your character and REAL physical appearance, not a PROFILE..
@@goldenstate2192 Exactly. That's why you meet after 4 max 5 messages. If they don't seem like they presented themselves. Bye. Of course. You don't get into their car. Meet Public place. By the way... I met tons of Men at Parties who told me they were Entrepreneurs or lawyers and found out they lied. 🙄
Moral of the story: Swiper no swiping!!!
ButterflyNerd007 😂😂😂
ButterflyNerd007 😂😂😂 this is hilarious
ButterflyNerd007 🦊🦊🦊
Hlo sweet
Oh maann!
100% my experience and view on online dating! And yes, the creep factor is HIGH! The dehumanizing (from both sides) is Real. I couldn't do it. Not for me. And thats okay.
Jennifer Tuatha LaFleur hi,7505563734,WhatsApp,n,plz,kol,mi,XXX,ka,liya
Johnny Bravo you’re an asshole with a crappy attitude.
@@crystalrichards779 I have to agree with you on that, no one deserves to be body shamed for any reason. He's probably jealous that he can't get what he wants.
💯 agreed
The first thing I did after I finished watching this video was deleting my Tinder account :)
Fantastic. You did a *GOOD* thing.
@MAGACOP Exactly, people don't think for themselves, they think based on others notions.
Noooo! Online dating is like off line dating. It's all about you!! If you present yourself. I'm the Queen of online dating. It works! Try Match.com
@@naraendrareddy273Online dating is like life. If your Negative and present yourself in a low class way you'll meet only LOSERS. I don't Screw anyone darling! I am a Dating Coach that's why I am an expert and I've met only well educated and classy men Online..including my last Partner.
@@naraendrareddy273 *Absolutely!* Online dating *DOESN'T* work for the *MAJORITY* of us. Men *want* to get laid. Women *wants* your money. *FACTS!*
If I read “ Looking for my partner in crime” one more time I was ready to give up. Car selfies, gym selfies( they all love working out), long walks on the beach( when our state is nowhere near an ocean). And love sunrises and sunsets... don’t we all have that options? Just noooooooo.
...and not looking for drama! Who’s actually looking for drama? 🙄And where are all these beaches?
LOL you're so right. Hilariously true
It's all bullshit my friend. These people claim they love to travel, probably been 3-4 countries and make it look as though they've travelled the world.
Many of the people who claim they are fitness fanatics probably also go the gym once a month. Just like social media, everyone is trying to look their best on a dating app and appear extremely high value. When in reality they live very normal lives just like the rest of us.
@@amygalvin1799 lol!.Yes the profile lines haha
Or:
-better than your ex (ok this one is perhaps not the worst of all)
-positive vibes only
-ONS and FWB
-no strings attached
I’m not sure online dating will contribute to the fall of western civilization but I’ve come to the conclusion that social media will (and is).
lpm82 the sheer irony on this post. I Love this post. Thank you!!
lpm82 Especially this ridiculous content.
the only way i figure it does is the deaths of people who answer an ad!! and don't be seen again!! are murdered or raped!! not worth the risk!!
“I've come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to technologies:
1. Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.
2. Anything that's invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.
3. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things.” -- Douglas Adams
Does UA-cam count as social media?
I think it’s really helpful for LGBTQIA+ people because it’s the easiest way we know who our options are.
Ari! You mean the people that she completely discarded the existence of in this video?
Lgbt ok, but what are these new letters? How many will be added? O.o
Bullocks! My experience and that of countless gays and aces is that online dating is a joke.
@amiiiu I’m gay and that’s my thought on it as well. We just going to keep coming up with more groups of people out of thin air that don’t have equal rights? Sounds brash but that’s what I thought when, out of nowhere, these other letters started showing up 😂.
I just think it’s entirely possible to find someone if people worry about themselves and their own interests, and then get out in communities of people that also like those same things.
These are wonderful videos Mayim, thank you! I never watched you on BBT but I've been devouring your channel recently; as a fellow Jew I love the way you so confidently blend your Judaism with hard-headed rationality. And I think you're spot on with this one -- there's some value in online dating to be sure, but my experiences with it have been similarly poor. For me the biggest thing is that a lot of the time we simply don't know what we want in a relationship, and the serendipity of a chance encounter with someone whom you might regard as incompatible on paper can be an amazing thing.
I tried online dating for over a year & had an awful time with it. The last guy has completely put me off dating! I deleted my account & will never use it again. I would rather meet someone in person at an event, a social situation, work or through a hobby. I completely agree with how you felt about it - 100% I’ve been single for over a year & never been happier!!
I love your honesty! I also agree on the shallowness of dating apps, and the need to go back to more "traditional" methods in the search for love.
Katia Muñoz hi,firand,XXX,kaliay,7505563734,WhatsApp,kol,mi,plz
But that completely discounts people with introversion, neurodivergents, disabilities, lgbtq, and so on. Real life dating is for perfect people
My husband and I met online in a Gothic/Metal/Alternative-forum in 2009. The good thing about this was, that the possibility to have similar interests was higher than in general online dating platforms.
We'll have our 10th anniversary in May and have been married singe Summer 2016 😊.
You were *VERY* lucky.
I met my fiancé on okcupid 4 years ago. We get married in just over 2 weeks.
I sometimes joke that I got him online and ordered him from amazon.
Katherine Duggan she's bejng very judgemental again
Met mine eight years ago on OkCupid. Married five in October.
Katherine Duggan Or were you trying to book a vacation, and he was the last resort? ;)
Katherine Duggan That's cute. :)
Very cute!
The way I see it, if you have to go online to meet someone, you weren't meant to meet them. Most of the relationships that succeed from online dating are just two people settling because they're lonely and desperate.
I actually agree to this, it turns out human beings are willing to A LOT, as long as they just don't end up single
THIS all day
"Where are the men who like ... coffee late at night and talking Philosophy?"
That's Me. And I do NOT do dating apps. Probably, because I'm the kind of person who likes coffee late at night and talking Philosophy. There is No dating app for (finding) us.
And I agree with you: Tinder, &c. are definitely a strong harbinger of the tragic demise of human civilization. It's disgraceful ... a veritable abomination.
@Daniele Good for You. Don't change!
Can I ask you out ?
@Aaa Israel Truly appreciated. You, too, are a rare and highly valued Real Person. Stay that way!
@@shradhasalvi1819 😎 Taken as a Genuine Compliment. Thank You So Much! You're Cool, too! ... Best, -TD
@Johnny Bravo Disliking you I realised you r the same guy I disliked before! Haha... awesome.
Thank you Mayim! I'm so burned out by the whole online dating scenerio. Finally letting go of the need to "search" for somebody; you've gotta just let life happen. If you put out a positive, happy vibe, people will be attracted to that. I truly believe that it happens when you least expect it 😀
As a user for 4 years n still remaining single, i agree with u a lot.
My dad met his last three wives online. Sigh.
Caras Life on the Farm lol I well believe it
Caroline m he got attested twice, two new kids and finally a really nice wife. We children are trying to show this third one a lot of love so she will stay.
Caras Life on the Farm her choice love X😫
Exactly - proves the point that online dating is for lazy people who don't invest in real relationships. He will keep going through the garbage because he is garbage, and that is what he attracts.
@@Fmblogger04 sad but true.
I live in Utah, I'm not Mormon, I don't drink, I don't go to bars. I did volunteer work for a long time, never met anyone. I ride my bike for exercise, I don't go to gyms. What the heck am I supposed to do? I online date. I absolutely do not respond to anybody with a picture with another woman in it. As a matter of fact, I don't ever respond to somebody I don't pick first.
I've tried online dating a number of times, and I generally only last about a week. This last time was the worst, as I got a few guys who sent lewd messages. I'm super shy so I don't know how I'm going to meet people, but online dating is not it. Ugh.
Yep, I usually put up 'sexy' photos of myself, get hundreds of messages a day, and STILL meet no one. The more messages i get, the worse it is. I get too busy/overwhelmed and end up answering no one. Even when i do meet somone in person (who I usually get along with) it never leads to a second date, because the 'concept' of the app (always getting distracted with new people) doesn't allow for it!
Same here. I never lasted longer than about 4-6 days on each site/app I tried. It’s impossible for me to have a real connection with anyone from OLD. It’s an unnatural and weird way to meet people. It’s gross how OLD is pushed on singles nowadays. Back in the day, it was discouraged. The best guy I’ve dated was a guy I met in real life through mutual friends.
100% agree. The main problem with online dating is that there's zero accountability. And it sucks.
Mayim you’re so amazing. Anyone would be so lucky to go on a date with you!!
Let's not hold our breath.
Let's not hold our breath
@Johnny Bravo asshole
@Johnny Bravo She has a PhD. on Neuroscience , earned her BS in neuroscience, she speaks more than 5 languages, wrote 2 books, she is a single mother of two, a well known actress, and so much more, and guess what? She is what you will never be, plus she makes more money than you, helps more people than you, you are nothing compared to her, so stfu
Although I've had bad experiences with online dating, I've had lots of bad experiences with meeting people in the real world too (harder to run away from the creeps when you are face-to-face!). The same goes for positive experiences - good experiences all around. I'm currently in a healthy long-term relationship with someone I met online. I've had other relationships with guys I met in person, but they weren't successful. Based off my own experiences and those of my friends, I think it comes down to your comfort level and your ability to navigate the online dating world and identify the people who looking for the same thing as you. Cuz there are people on online dating platforms who just haven't had that much luck meeting people in-person. I wouldn't rule out online dating so quickly, although I understand where Mayim is coming from.
This is such and awesome and accurate assessment of online dating. I love Mayim. She is always so real.
You basically said what I couldn't express. All of my friends have been asking me to use dating apps, yet they found their partners in real life. So weird. I'd much prefer to meet my future partner in person.
I met my wife on eHarmony. This happened after many, many, many failed relationships. My wife and I have now been married for 8 years, together for 11 years and we love our daughter.
I met my guy five years ago online dating we are older so maybe that’s why it worked.
I used to be on eHarmony for a couple of years and was told by the company to give up and kill myself. They also told the other dating sites to deny me the right to meet women.
When I signed up for online dating, I really just wanted to try it out. Went for a couple dates, talked with some people, sent emails that got no replies. So I figured, hey, I tried it. The last email I sent was to a guy who I shared a hometown with. He wrote back and we had a great first date. I joked later that he'd drawn me in with Stargate, the tv show, and then I fell for him somewhere along the way 😍 We've been together 5 years and are expecting a baby in November.
I get that it's a weird way to meet someone and I felt super odd doing it. Then I met that guy 🤓
I love stargate too! 🙃
Omg are u having the baby yet??? Can u pls tell me the story of the date and everything? 😍Would love to talk to you!
Congratulations
Amazon does have a great return policy also. Remind him of that when he gets mouthy. :-P
Always hope people make the right choice
Although online dating definitely did not work for me, I cannot agree it is contributing to the fall of western civilization. One of my best friends met her husband through online dating at they will be celebrating their 10 year wedding anniversary in a few months.
I dont agree that the ways to meet people still exist in the way they always did. As the population has increased our interactions with strangers has decreased. Meeting people in bars, clubs or even at the gym is no less window shopping than online dating is. You can go out with someone you meet in these places and find that they presented themselves in a very different way to reality, just like a dating app. Getting to know a person first before deciding to date them is the ideal but realistically pool for that is very small, particularly in cities. For me my options were meet someone at school (I'm hetrosexual and I went to a girls school), meet someone at Church (I'm not religious so I dont attend), meet someone at the gym (not my thing so I dont go), meet someone doing hobbies (the only hobbies I do that involve interacting with people are definitely not with people that I would ever date), meet someone at work (this I have done on rare occasions that I met someone at work who was still single, who I liked and who liked me back - they didnt work out and it was very very very awkward afterwards), meet someone on public transport (if you've ever been to London you will understand strangers categorically do not talk to each other on public transport), meet someone through friends (the only friends of friends who are still single are still single for a reason). Thats it. Pool dried up. Online dating at least gives you the opportunity to connect with people you might like to meet that you wouldnt otherwise bump into because they are not within the pools in which you personally swim (for want of a better phrase). Yes there are some dating apps out there that are dodgy and I dont like them, but that doesnt mean the premise of them is wrong. I know many people who have had happy relationships through online dating and as I say one of my best friends is about to celebrate her 10 year wedding anniversary. I think that if dating apps and sites can assist in a few people connecting with someone who makes them happy then they are worthwhile. I didnt have a good experience myself with online dating but just because you didnt either doesnt mean they are wrong
I met my wife at church, 35 years ago this year; our 33rd anniversary is coming up in October.
Sarah Baker This is so well written...you did a great job explaining. I, also, wasn't very religious at the time (not at a church) and all but one of my hobbies/clubs I was active in were girl-based (not a lot of men in a sewing club, in other words). The one computer club I was in, the only guy who asked me out was my father's age, had kids my age, and was working at home because he wanted to hide his income from his ex-wife (not my type). The few friends I had didn't know any single men, and if they did, they were dating them. Dating at work is always, always a bad idea, I agree. My Story: Before the internet had dating apps, or really anything on it, there were "personal ads" that were published in the newspaper, right by the ads selling things. They were brief and hardly said anything "I am 5 ft. 4, brunette, like to see movies, walks in the moonlight, and eating out. Call me at XXX-XXXX" No pictures. That's how I met my husband of 29 years (answered his ad); I would never have met him in my every day life. Personal ads, online or not, DO expand your horizons on meeting new people you would never have met before. You just need to talk to them and weed out the ones that don't share your interests. Shared interests and character traits bond people together. Like you, I know a lot of couples who have gotten together online, and a few who have been happily married for years.
Because a couple people met online doesn't mean that it can't happen but it also doesnt speak globally for everybody.
I've never tried online dating but my sister met her husband through an online social club. Not quite the same thing, but with many members who hoped to meet not only people for friendship, but also possibly a life partner. It's funny that she had tried online dating a few years before through a very reputable site and had no luck and when she joined the online social club (they'd meet in groups for outings, gatherings and often just coffee and a chat) as is often the case, when she wasn't really looking, that's when she met her husband. They're very happily married and he's a wonderful person.
I absolutely agree with you on this. But the choice of online dating service might also factor into this -- A decade ago, online dating was a whole different concept than today; nowadays there're apps for literally everything and people tend to just "swipe" a lot more often than they used to.
I met my partner of over two years online dating. We’re now saving for a mortgage and planning on getting married in the future. How is that a bad thing?
I may comment something else once I’ve seen the video but I had a fully nerdy profile and everything 🤷🏼♀️
Your story isn’t a bad thing...but there are many not so great stories surrounding online dating that I think are more the norm. In my experience, anyway
TheLuellaNetwork agreed. I had my fair share of failed dates online, I was looking for someone real, but even people who I met in real life and not online were usually just as fake as the ones online 🤷🏼♀️
Online dating is the exact same as lottery. You can find love that doesn’t mean everyone else will.
Agreed, I met my husband through a dating site and we have been together for 6 years now.
TheLuellaNetwork There are many not so great stories surrounding meeting people in other places, too.
I like dating the old way. I also like the idea of courting and everything
Feminism decided that is unacceptable for the modern empowered women. Good luck with the nostalgia.
The old way; you mean drunk at the local dive bar?
Same
@@psyclotronxx3083 no in my country its different only few people use dating apps
@@fairplayer7435 Its just my opinion its what I want. Other women out there can choose what kind of dating they want. And I am not against online dating apps I just dont use it
Mayim, you are absolutely correct!!!
Also, another contributor to this shallowness of online dating is that the people that are on the online dating apps are now in this mental state that “I have to find someone no matter what”, therefore that leads to a lot of compromises, shallow relationships etc… In the end, it most likely increases superficial sex, and promiscuity… but not to deep, compassionate, affectionate relationships.
@Mayim Bialik All of your criticisms are correct. But you can also draw those same parallels with basically all of the other methods that people use to "Meet" new people/partners. To be totally honest, "Looking for someone" has NEVER worked for me, and I don't actually believe in it. (If it has worked for someone reading this, congratulations, I believe that is pure luck, and not an endorsement of the process) What worked for me was to "Stop looking", to become comfortable with myself, and to stop caring if I would ever "Find" someone. This allowed me to relax and be myself, which in turn allowed the people I was meeting to also relax and be themselves, because there were no "Expectations" involved. This allowed me to get to know people on a much deeper level, and allowed them to get to know me in turn. I believe this allowed me to "Find" someone who is truly compatible without ever really looking. I realize that this method is very scary, because there is always the possibility that you will never find someone, but being OK with that possibility actually makes you even more attractive than you already are.
Robert Taylor I agree
This is also my experience.
I met my husband (online) after going on strike and swearing off dating, lol.
but didn't you meet Sheldon there?
true but Sheldon is just a character.
Yikes
Kelsey Taylor haha i know, I'm not being serious
Grace Rivera i think they were set up?
her character only did the online dating thing because her mother made her go on one date a year
Hmm, I dunno... I think this is a bit too negative.. too black and white.
I feel like a lot of the negative things you mentioned are negative things of dating in general, not just online dating.
And in my opinion online dating has one very important positive factor: distance.
I spent quite some time on an online dating platform and I chatted with a lot of people. And oh boy am I glad I didn't meet those in person! There are so many creepy and disgusting humans out there - not only on online dating platforms - they are real people after all. And in cases like this (to be honest 95% of those I chatted with were scary) online dating provided safety. I could still talk to people, like in reallife, but I had safe and easy ways to leave the conversation without the risk of.. I dunno.. being drugged? beaten up? stalked and followed home?
It's not like you have to meet up and have sex with people, just because youre dating online. People who do that would probably do the same without the online part.
Anyway, online dating gave me a lot of safety when I needed it. And I would do it again, if I had to.
But hopefully not - I met my soulmate on that platform about two years ago. ^^
probably a ghost good points
Such a strong point! Yes, safety is so important and so often overlooked. I've met so many people online, so many stupid or creepy people and thank god I didn't have to meet them in person. Block+delete is not an option in real life.
I'm 56 yr old male... I started dating before the internet ever existed... and that was the best time for people... The Internet is NOT a good way to meet people. I don't care if you call it my opinion there are LOT of studies that have been done that show that humans have had much worst experiences and lack of relationships, marriage, etc.. since they started trying to meet people over the internet. In my day you met someone.. you talked.. you laughed.. you saw the look in their eye.. you met in public around lots of people.. you didn't worry about rape.. because you didn't go anywhere ALONE.. not at first.. not until you decided you wanted this person and wanted to be alone with them. Life was easier.. simpler.. and better when it came to dating. There were people that had 1 night stands... Creepers.. rapist.. jerks..and women that used men for free dinners.. gold diggers, etc.. ALL existed back then.. but they were no where near the problem they are today with the internet.. WHY? In my opinion it allows them to search out people to USE.
Man I wish we were besties.
Just the right level of snark 😂
MissMandy789 hi,firand,XXX,keliay,kol,mi,plz,WhatsApp,7505563734
I think she would be a blast to hang out with.
You make some very valid points here! I've always felt like online dating was very cold. Picking out a possible mate by merely looking at them or reading about some of their hobbies is just so limiting. I suppose people do that in person as well, but I've never been one to "judge" anyone else based on their looks. Let's face it, looking for a mate is awkward enough without adding the element of internet distance.
IMO, you are much better off to GO TO where your interests are being performed, talked about, sold......as in a play or library (if you're interested in written art) or a hobby shop (if you're interested in graphic novels or various hobbies), or local sports games (if you're interested in physical games).....You get the idea - GO TO where your own interests are being done, LIVE. Then begin chatting with others that are there, since they obviously have the same interests as you. Even if the person you connect with isn't a "match", he/she may end up introducing you to someone that you really click with.
My brother owned/operated a hobby shop many years ago. In his shop, he always kept a "latest & greatest" race track set up, where customers could bring their own cars to race on the track - and chat about cars & tracks, etc. More often than not, a large crowd would assemble around this race track, chatting away about racing - which often led to chatting about remote planes & trains and other various topics. Before he knew it, my brother ended up creating a club of hobbyists. This little club ended up meeting at various places in town & even had special "field trips" to a wide variety of activities. If you didn't like any particular topic they had lined up, you didn't HAVE to go, of course. But many couples were formed out of this little club, as they spent much time together enjoying a favorite "sport" - and over time, they got to know each other well.
If you're interested in music, don't overlook your local piano broker or music shop. People interested in music are usually hanging around such places. If you're interests lie in animals, volunteer at a local animal shelter - you will find animal lovers there.
If nothing else, you will meet people that have some shared interests with you. The internet can be useful to find where these places are in your neighborhood.
I personally don't think dating sites are great, but meeting someone online on a site where you have something in common (how i met my wife) is viable.
I just think online dating is just...lacking in being social physically, like meeting up and talking face to face. You can type anything you want that sounds heartfelt on a screen, but I think it means less when I cannot physically see someone speaking next to me. Sure, face time exists, but I'm old fashioned and would rather have a couple trustworthy people vouch for your personality and/or morals and overall behavior track record while I'm standing there. Online can work for some couples in some situations, but it won't ever be my go-to personally.
I definitely agree that online dating encourages “grass is greener on the other side” thoughts
You hit the nail on the head about online dating. I had similar feelings. It felt like looking through a catalog of humans to pick your favorite. And also the way no one will commit to any one person, thinking when they get back home there might be an even better offer waiting online. It's basically a huge dead end. As a place to find a life partner, forget that. It seems to help some with quick hook ups. And that's all it seems to be good for.
Mayim could have had authored none of these book titles, had none of these degrees, never had made those tear jerker movies, the amazing show(s) and yet I would still feel joy when watching her speak. Her honesty and sincerity shine from within, like a light unto the nations. When she speaks her heart, words, and soul become coherent. She has little by little forged her beliefs and life toward an effort to understand the world we live in and more importantly to carry out the most noble of purposes that one can undertake, Tikkum Olam.
Mayim, you are a true gem. You are so smart and interesting. I'm the poet and the dreamer and enjoy documentaries but I'm not a guy. I'd still love to go out on a date with you! You're just lovely, wise and fun.
I hope things get better for you ♥️
I actually met a few cool girls from online dating, I didn’t feel we were all that compatible but we keep in touch here and there. I met a few stuck up pretentious ones as well. From my experience, go out in the real world ladies and gentlemen. People treat it as if they’re going to hit the lottery and find “the one”. It can work but don’t have high expectations. Grow in your career, find new hobbies, travel, etc. Life’s too short to be communicating behind a screen ( as I type this behind a screen ) .
@An English Gent I think money and shops should be important, in the aspect that the person should be able to take care of themselves. I've met guys that are working, but end up having issues keeping a job. I want a partner, not to be someone's sugar momma. (I don't want a sugar daddy either.😣)
@@amiegamble1678 Similar experiences with online dating, many guys have been unemployed (very often living with parents despite of being in 30, even in 40s) or having issue with keeping a job and being constantly broken (even if he worked in IT). Actually it says a lot about their lack of responsibility and maturity in general. This is also big red flag for narcissistic personality.
It's so interesting what pictures of men you saw, where I live there is almost no pictures like that and about a million with dogs or holding a fish or something outdoors. It seems super dependent on where you are in the US
That makes sense, remember she lives in the Los Angeles area; that place is basically vanity and shallowness made into a city.
Online dating mostly relies on words and pictures. Since it's text based, it lacks knowing the person's body language, vocal tonality, mannerisms, etc. It lacks the spontaneity which is important in creating that romantic/sexual spark.
A hit or miss. Nothing comes close to face to face communication.
I will never understand what drives anyone to look for love online... very strange concept. Thanks for this video and EMPHASIZING THAT ITS NOT HUMAN!!
I made my intentions clear online and said I was looking for something real. It took some time, a few bad dates but I found Mr right. Just like in real life there are a lot of sleazy guys just trying to get into your pants online. Just like real life you have to sift through a lot until you find someone amazing.
I tried online dating couple of times, mwt some nice guys, crazy guys,etc. Long story short i'm happy being single and its stress free. I'll just wait and prob miracle will happen.
No......I met my wife of 14 years from on line dating. Why? I tried to meet women many, many other venues: work, 3 female cousins looked for 5 years, church/temple, alumni, 5 different clubs, bars, single events. None of them worked. Then I hit on lunch date--that worked well because it was no hassle, it eliminated people I would not be interested in and it was free.
Let's be honest: imagine you saw my post and I offered what you thought were things you were looking for--would you even consider dating Joe Shmo? Would you date a guy who made only $48,000 a year as a MSW in Child Protective Service, that lived in a condo with a dachshund named Stutz? No.....I don't think so.....and let's say you did call me and we talked about music (Mozart--my favorite), Martin Buber, Jacob Bronowski and Barbara Tuchman (my favorite writers) and Victoria, B.C. (my favorite city) would we have a meaningful discussion that was a shared experience....I just don't see that happening.
Shop for humans? We as a species have always shopped for the best mate! On-line dating has just put a modern twist on it. Perhaps you should go to Yenta the matchmaker........Think of the on-line dating as a Yenta of the 21st Century. Oy!
@nmh ol Thank you!!!!!
So I just started listening to you and I want to say how I just love listening to how unapologetic you are.. love the vibes ❤
I loved this video. I shared it in my Christian Gothic singles Facebook group. One of them actually told me who you are, well who you played on TV, and now I am even more intrigued to examine your channel. This video actually put me off of actively searching for a dating partner online. I think if I find someone online or off I hope he is at least a friend or best friend first.
Mayim I totally agree with you and don’t judge those that do online dating but it’s hard to see the personality from a profile and I always feel like I’m not good enough so I stopped. Since I found a partner the old fashion way.
You hit it right on the head! Each point you made has been my experience too. Great video.
She is my favorite person on Big Bang Theory and she is my favorite actress in real life!!! Thank you for being awesome!
Frances Bernard here. I agree. Most of all when a man online makes a one way decision for you that the online friendship is now a romance in a context where you would least expect it. When something like that happens, it is best to walk backwards slowly out of the situation.
I think this speaks to the modern world of online dating. I started online dating back in about 2004 - it was different, fewer people, more serious people etc. After time away and then back on and so forth- each time I came back to online dating it got worse and worse -- and yes, this swiping like Tinder and even Bumble has culminated in hopefully the worst of it all. I wish meeting people in person was easier-- unfortunately technology is stealing people from those casual possible meets.
My boyfriend and I met through a dating app. He absolutely hates social media, ironically enough. I think we both went in not people shopping but just as a let’s meet people and connect type of thing. He was only the second date I went on using the app, I was the first date for him. Both our profiles were just based on stuff we liked. Been together for a year and a half. I’m not saying online dating works for everyone but it really isn’t just a weird people shopping creepfest all the time either
With my ex boyfriend (together for 7 years) was that same case!! He hates social media even... hahaha
I think being intentional when it comes to online dating is so important. I personally am a Christian so I swipe on guys who has the same morals/values. Making sure I question their faith lol
I always feel like Mayim's enthusiasm is completely genuine.
Here's my 2 cents...I live in the middle of nowhere a small.town that I just moved to. A town where everyone grew up together so its hard to meet people. I have made friends here and I love it however there are few single men. So I do online dating to in the simplest terms MEET people! I don't sleep with all these people I dont even mwet a second time. I dont talk to the type of men who put shirtless pics online. In conclusion I think in today's society online dating is a good thing for people like myself who have a hard time meetinf people because even the closest grocery store is a half an hour away. And what is the difference between meeting a new.person in a coffee shop or finding them online other than you can text more than one person at a time?
Heather Castor Yes! You never meet new people in a small town, so meeting people online is absolutely a valid option. I have never had much luck with dating apps myself, but if you can sort through all those options until you find someone worth your time then so be it; the end result is the same.
You don't meet them a second time...and you wonder why men present themselves online in a "curated" way.
Wow. Thank you for validating and voicing my thoughts EXACTLY! It IS REALLY dehumanizing according to me. Thank you but will rather stay single..
love this video! totally with you on where are the poets and the dreamers? where are REAL people? on dating apps, people are reduced to profiles and products! not my thing.
I agree totally! But where do you find the good guys, the poets and intellectuals, especially at 50?
I'm over here.
They have decided to be single and happy, Feminism has destroyed relationships, the good, honest, decent men want nothing to do with today’s women.
Someone once told me, "It's pathetic how people are relying on the internet to seek their soulmate."
Ok wow I think you are so right. Once I filled out E-Harmony application / information but before I got to even talk to anyone I met my now husband. It is so uber hard to find a decent guy out there. Thanks Mayim. Great video, much enjoyed 👍😀
Ty Ty Ty for saying all this! I have felt this way for about 15 years now. I always felt judgmental & shallow when scrolling through an app but you nailed it when you called it shopping for humans! Like you I don’t judge others for using and/or finding success but it just doesn’t work for me. Thank you for putting this out there this way!
I just ran into your channel, i love it! I've already watched a few vids, I LOVE that you being a celeb, use your platform to communicate strong, useful, deep message that actually lead to insights, instead of more make up tutorials... Thanks for being refreshingly open, thoughtful and intelligent.
I usually find myself working on something while you talk, just to listen in passing to you. But towards the end of this video, I stopped journaling, and replayed what you said about men and women, because it caught me off guard. I agree 100% with what you said, we are very different creatures biologically, and of course we experience sex differently just like you said...but to hear it said so plainly and well, honestly and without judgement, was refreshing. I listened to the rest of your talk, then made some notes and quoted you in my notes. I may end up quoting you in a science class someday. I hope you find what you are looking for, and thanks for a thoughtful discussion. Oh...I would think most poets and artists, if they really are either one they are too busy for online dating...which I suspect you know now. (and as a practicing potter and painter, there just aren't enough hours in the day) I need to get one of your audio books to listen while I am working, though Neil Gaiman has several in the queue in front of you.
You are a very cool sounding person. You do painting and pottery? Are you still single?
Mayim's a dream girl. She's been guiding us through life since Blossom.
Shopping for humans is a spot-on assessment. In this consumer culture, humans are just another off-the-rack accessory that some people use to make their friend jealous and covetous. It is dehumanizing.
So I deleted my dating profiles and decided that I'm going to try and meet someone in real life. I would go to punk and metal shows to try and strike up a convo and found it pretty hard due to the fact when the bands were not playing, they would right away pull up their phones and shut everyone out. And when I try to talk to a girl in say, a book store or at a con or something, they become kinda skitish. I def watch my body language to not rub them the wrong way and just casually talk to them and interpret their body language. My theory is that it's the goddamn phone in general. The more you are on it, the more you become disconnected to one on one convos with people. It becomes alien. I can go on and on how we have reached the point on how damaging it is to own a smartphone but I wont get into it too much but, I'm pretty much convinced that we need to abandon smartphones (unless you use it work and such) and go back to old school flip phones. I mean, do we really need the internet in our pockets? Do we really need to check our fucking social media on our phones while in public??? Lol!
Internet dating is a waste of time and money. I was scammed hard by many sites. I'm a terribly old-fashioned man, and I prefer meeting people face-to-face instead of online. Ever since internet dating and social media came along, it has sucked the life out of me. I don't mean to sound negative on myself, but I'm doomed to be a loner...😢
I met my fiance online. Its views like this that make me feel ashamed for saying that, but I know I shouldn't feel ashamed. I have no means of going out and meeting people, and at the time he was in a different state than me. Without online ways of meeting people I wouldn't have the man who I plan on spending forever with. I wouldn't have my best friend. I wouldn't have a life. i thank social media for everyone I have in my life. I certainly thank it for helping me find my fiance. It may not be for you, but it certainly isn't something for people to feel shameful of, nor should it be discredited completely.
One of my best friends met her husband online and they are about to celebrate their 10 year anniversary. They were absolutely perfect for each other but quite simply could not ever have met were it not for online dating. It didnt work for me unfortunately but maybe that is because fate has different plans for me. But far from being a shameful thing I think online dating gives fate a helping hand if the person you were meant to be with is not someone you would come into contact with in the normal course of events. It is not shameful in the slightest. The happiness of the couples like you for whom it has worked discredits the discreditors (if that made sense)
You should be ashamed of your, so called, writing.
Ingrid Dubbel exactly who should be ashamed for what? I cant see anything here for anyone to be ashamed of
I’m marrying the man I met on Tinder in September. We’ve been dating for over 2 years and it’s been amazing. But I know I got lucky because the online dating game can be hard.
Did she delete her Instagram account?
@AJ D yes, the more options you have, the less you pick or settle on anything. It's like that with anything. More options = more confusion
you are the small 1% I'd say
@@melvaughn29 This is celebrities and rock stars hardly make long last relationships.
@AJ D I don't understand this kinda for people as I hate dealing with it. Would be happy to get rid of straightaway.
"I make a weird amount of money "
Awww mannn I want that :(
I just thought, "What is a 'weird' amount??"
@@SilverFlame819 humble for "A lot" 😛
Me too😂
Mayim Bialik is an American actress and neuroscientist who has a net worth of $25 million dollars.
I was getting triggered that I almost shut the video, but realized it's because you are speaking the truth. Thank you.
I've avoided the apps for these reasons and more, but meeting potential partners IRL is just as complicated so I just avoid it all together and stay single haha. Wild that for something that nearly everybody is interested in is still so complicated. Look at other animals, they mate and it's so simple. We humans make everything so complicated. How have we not come up with a better way yet?
Take a break 🙂
Like someone on the internet once wrote: "dating sites are like prison christmas calenders"
The second chance thing is so true - makes people unforgiving of mistakes
You found that online dating didn't work for you. That's fine. We are all different. But this video rubbed me up the wrong way. My chief objection is the concept that online dating means advertising and selling yourself. This is exactly how the great majority of attracting a mate works! People have 'shopped' for partners for countless generations, be it at the church social, at assemblies and balls, concerts, nightclubs, or at any number of other events.
One of the major benefits of online dating is you can get to meet people you would not normally come across. This is especially good when a person is looking for someone who is not part of the majority.
Well said
It's probably also worth noting that women chose men much more than men chose women. It's not immediately obvious but it's baked into our culture; the man asks and the woman decides.
Matthew Stagg very true. Girls grow up being taught to be passive in dating, whole boys grow up with the pressure of getting laid and being competitive about finding a mate. I really wish the dynamic would change a little bit, or equalize. Let boys he wooed and girls make the first move! Sadly, its super ingrained in our culture though
Thanks for this video. Online dating is taking away my self esteem and killing my hopes of finding a honest and genuine guy. I’m quitting online dating for good.
I tried it too. You get people telling you online they are Christian only to meet them and find out they do not and have not ever belonged to any church. You get 20-year-old pictures and people saying they have their own home that really live for free in their mother's rental property. I've had a good date or two, but have never had a relationship work out. And I had to sift through a lot of rotten apples to find the one or two worth dating at all.
"Where are the poets and dreamers..."
You know what? You're right! Where are those guys? I wanna talk to those guys.
They sure as hell aren’t on dating sites. They don’t use them. Smart people probably stay off of them.
I didn't want to sound rude but this mostly sums it up: online dating usually is for the ones who have no better choice.
i agree with you mayim, online dating isnt for me either. i can also be found in coffee shops
You just described a libra- you can't be content when there are thousands of other possibilities. You have summed up my whole existence.
This video was really helpful and provided me with a lot of hope. What you said resonated so much and addressed so many topics that have proven really problematic for myself and many others. I would like to echo you: there are people out there looking for late-night coffee-talks, scotch on the rocks at a restaurant or sofa, philosophy and - ultimately - personal, emotional intimacy and a fulfilling life of mutual exploration in every sense of the word. Oh, and X-men (of course!!)! Thank you so much for your authenticity.
I have to agree with much of this... except that in he times of COVID most of the other possibilities for meeting people are now gone as we self isolate. That aside, as someone who used "personal ads" even back in the 1980's when they were in print and replies came by mail there is a distinct difference now and you nailed it. The "disposable society" aspect of it.
"Back in the day" you'd read a "personal ad" in the newspaper, they seldom came with pictures so you read every word, tried to get a feel for the person who had written it, and if it appealed to you enough you'd pull out a pad of paper, take your time writing the best possible response, get an envelope, a stamp, a picture or two of yourself if they requested one, and mail it off.
If you placed an ad, others were doing the same at their end and a week or to later you'd get a notice from the newspaper that you had responses which would either be mailed to you or you'd go pick your responses up... you were *invested* in it if you wrote a reply and so were those who took the time to write you.
From there "voice personals" evolved but failed rather quickly because there was no visual aspect to it and you seldom knew "what you were getting" before you actually met the person on the phone.
Then "online dating" began on computers... it took less time, was easier and was somewhat instant. People could post pictures which then were more "real" than these days, and because not many people used them, filters didn't exist and there still weren't a high volume of people doing it you still felt somewhat invested in those you replied to.
Then downfall of online dating came when it moved to phones and went mainstream. Hundreds of people to choose from, ads became more picture oriented, you didn't need to write a great ad if you were "hot"... in fact to this day many females don't even bother creating an ad. Just post a few sexy pictures and guys will fill your inbox. It's all about volume, volume, volume... swipe left, next, swipe right, next, next, next, next...
Now it's more about "curb appeal" and has become very one dimensional...
Instead of taking 5 minutes to read an ad or 15 minutes to hand write a reply, we now make that decision to swipe right or left in less than 3 seconds, usually based on photoshopped pictures with more filters than a Keurig coffee machine or in some cases, pictures of people that they "borrowed" from the internet (and yes this has happened more than once to myself and others I know).
With the convenience of dating apps we have become less invested in taking the time we used to or actually getting to know anybody.
They're not perfect? Click. Block. Next. Go on a date and decide they're not the exact right person? Block them. Ghost them.
No need to explain, no need to be considerate... why bother? It's not like you have to see them or talk to them again!
You're already looking for the next one and if they don't work out, hey, there are hundreds or thousands more where those came from! :(
The worst part is the more this happens, the more cynical everyone becomes and the worse the problem gets. :(
Yes, I have still have ads on several dating apps, not because I want to, but because there seem to be very few other options to meet others now.
As someone who has had great relationships that began online, it is sad to see how this has devolved into what it is today. Thanks for the great video and for verbalizing what many of us feel, Mayim! You nailed it.
I spent a lot of years in "online daiting" style yet I couldn't find the right guy. Now I'm dating a co-worker I met during the pandemic :O so crazy where love can appear!
Also... tinder isn't really a good online dating app. Its popular, but its mostly teens and young adults looking to hook up.
I agreed I was on tinder bad idea
Actually in person you are also shopping for people, a date is a way of selling each other
TL;DR: there are many ways to do online dating and the way you are talking about I totally agree with, but that isn't the only way or reason people do online dating.
I think online dating is a very personal thing. I get the fact that swiping is dehumanizing, but there are many other ways to do online dating. Also, some people are having too much troubles getting into contact with others and then online dating can be the way to go to keep it at safe distance until you are comfortable to actually meet somebody. I met my wife through online dating because I was too insecure to go up to a woman in a bar and swap numbers. The website I used was a page that was connecting people based on things you both like, distance, preferences, ... and then kept pictures blurred until you talked more. The more you talked and got to know each other, the more the picture got clear. This way online dating isn't about shopping for humans, dehumanizing, about the looks or about somebody you want to have sex with. You actually got to know each other before that could happen.
@Top Gadget Lover like i said, not for everybody
I don’t like dating apps like Tinder. Tinder is judging entirely on appearance. However, on a dating site where you can search for people, you can usually see the make-or-break compatibilities from the get go. Want children? You get to weed out the ones who don’t want children. Have a problem with drugs? You can weed people that do drugs, too. Want someone who will have a drink or two with you? You can find that. It’s very useful for these sorts of situations.